Milestones, Publishing Plans, And Gratitude

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It’s been a while since I’ve talked about my ongoing efforts to further my career as an aspiring erotica/romance writer. It’s also been a while since I talked about the traffic volumes of this website. To be fair, recent events involving superhero movies, sex robots, and news involving frustrating social trends have given me plenty to write about. Even with those distractions, I know I’m due for an update of sorts.

First and foremost, I want to make clear that I’m still working hard at breaking into the world of publishing. While “Passion Relapse” and “Rescued Hearts” marked my first novels that were officially published, thanks to Totally Entwined Group, I had hoped they would be a stepping stone. That hasn’t quite worked out.

For the past few months, I’ve been shopping multiple manuscripts that I’ve been sitting on for a while now. However, much to my dismay, none have been accepted for publication. While Totally Entwined Group has been wonderfully helpful every step of the way, they’ve chosen to go in a different direction and I’m almost back at square one.

I say almost because, as I write this, I’ve got another novel that has been in publishing limbo for over a year now. That novel, “Embers of Eros,” was accepted a while back by a small publisher for consideration. I got news just a few weeks ago that the publisher is shutting down and I’ll be getting the full rights to the novel back.

This novel was already professionally edited and even had cover art made for it. I’m hoping that will make it a more appealing offer for publishers or literary agents. I’m still working on the details since there is some paperwork involved, but I still hope to get that book published at some point.

While the news surrounding my novels hasn’t been that promising, things are going much better with my Sexy Short Stories. I began doing these late last year as an experiment in providing more diverse content on this site. The results exceeded my expectations.

The traffic generated by these stories has been growing steadily with each story. This past month, they’ve helped this site set yet another traffic milestone. According to my WordPress stats, this site generated over 22,000 views for June 2018. Some of my most heavily-trafficked pages included short stories like “The New Neighbor” and “The Camping Trip.”

To date, I’ve written 13 of these stories and I’ve plans to write many more. I’m not yet decided on the release schedule for them. I’m contemplating whether I should set a day aside for them like I do with my Sexy Sunday Thoughts. I’ve also thought about having a regular release schedule, such as releasing them on a bi-weekly basis.

These are all tentative plans, but with the way traffic has grown this past month, I really want to further those plans as much as possible. If anyone out there who has been regularly following this site has any preferences, comments, or suggestions, please let me know in the comments. I’m happy to listen to feedback of all kinds.

I still want to publish sexy novels. I still want to tell sexy stories and, hopefully, make a living from it. Things are a bit in flux now, but I’m going to keep at it. I have plenty of sexy ideas to share and I look forward to doing so.

In the meantime, I want to thank everyone who has helped this site grow so much in recent months. From the bottom of my heart, I really appreciate it. I hope to keep this site growing as much as possible. If that means stepping up my efforts in telling even sexier stories, then so be it.

 

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“The Limo Ride” A Sexy Short Story

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The following is a sexy short story that I wrote that involves Las Vegas, limosuines, and a high-end escorts. It wouldn’t be the first story of nature that I wrote, but this one is a bit shorter and sweeter. Enjoy!

“Over here, Mr. Riverston!”

Joe Riley Riverston, a guy most people couldn’t pick out of a crowd if their life depended on it, heard that voice and was taken aback. He’d just arrived on an early-morning flight to Las Vegas, working on potent combination of minimum sleep and excess adrenaline. He’d planned to pick up his bags and call a cab to the convention center. Then, a tall limousine driver in a neatly-pressed suit called his name out.

“Uh…are you talking to me?” Joe asked, not sure of how many Riverstons there were in Las Vegas.

“Joseph Riley Riverston,” the man said in an overly formal tone, “current department head of product development at Silver Heights Software Corporation’s central campus in Denver, Colorado. Also recently promoted to VP of product launch and marking, if I recall.”

“Okay, that level of detail is only somewhat disturbing,” he said sheepishly.

“May I take your response as confirmation that you are, indeed, the Joseph Riley Riverston I just described?” he asked.

“Yeah, that’s me. I just don’t remember requesting a limo or telling anyone about my recent promotion.”

“That’s because your business associate and brother-in-law, Richard Oak, solicited my services. He also requested that I relay the following message…this is me helping you, Joe. Shut up and go with it.”

Joe, still stressed out and sleep-deprived, shook his head and sighed. That sounded exactly like something Rich would say to him. Hiring a limo without telling him and giving the driver way too many details also sounded completely in character. His brother-in-law was good at a lot of things, especially as head of the marketing department of Silver Heights. Being subtle, though, was not one of them.

The driver, who came off as so polite and professional, just smiled as he held up the sign with his name on it. Joe would’ve loved to castigate his brother-in-law for butting into his professional life again, but it was too early in the morning to get upset. He was also working against the clock.

“All right, then,” Joe said. “I guess you’re my ride to the convention center.”

“And intend to make it a pleasant one, sir,” the polite driver said as he took Joe’s heavy bags. “Mr. Oak was quite insistent that your trip be extra comfortable.”

“I’m sure he was. By chance, did he also tell you how much I hate him butting into my life? Especially my job?”

“That matter did not come up, sir. I’m simply providing the service he paid me to provide.”

Joe rolled his eyes. The driver was too nice a guy to understand why he wouldn’t be as excited about a limo ride in Las Vegas as most. He also doubted that Rich told him that this trip was supposed to be someone else’s job.

It happened so quickly and Joe was still struggling to process everything. Less than a week ago, Silver Heights’ former VP of product launch and marketing was scheduled to fly to Vegas and announce the launch of their latest product. Then, in a sudden shift that caught everyone off guard, she resigned. She didn’t even give a two-week notice.

She didn’t give a reason, but according to rumors, one of Silver Heights’ competitors poached her from their ranks. Rich even told him that they paid her an extra fat bonus to quit in a way that would really throw them off. The amount of profanity that echoed from the executive suites left his ears ringing for days on end.

Joe didn’t think he’d end up getting that job, but since he led the team that developed it, he basically got shoved into the role. That didn’t exactly inspire confidence throughout the company. It certainly didn’t help that Rich was his brother-in-law, having married his older sister several years ago. It didn’t just send a message of blind nepotism. It implied that he wasn’t qualified for the job.

He understood that sentiment and didn’t necessarily disagree with it, at least in full. He still took the job, believing he could pull it off in the long run. He just didn’t expect the stakes to be so high so soon, having to fly to Las Vegas and launch a product that was critical to the company’s success.

“You always loved jumping into a challenge, Rich,” Joe said under his breath, “and you just love having me jump with you. That may work for skiing, but what makes you think it’ll work here?”

Joe kept asking himself that question as he followed the driver out the main doors of the airport and towards the limousine parked along the curb. It was one of many that had lined the road in the early morning hours of Las Vegas. He’d been to Vegas before. It was a 24/7 city where everything had to run at full capacity all the time. It was not exactly consistent with his meticulous, organized style.

“I checked the traffic and the schedule for you, sir,” said the driver as he loaded Joe’s luggage into the trunk. “The early morning rush-hour has already set in and there’s significant activity downtown, due to the ongoing Desert Drive Festival. I estimate it’ll take approximately 50 to 55 minutes to reach the convention center.”

“Too short for a quick nap,” Joe said, “but not nearly long enough for me to get mentally prepared. Figures.”

“I was also informed of the limited timeframe with which you are working, Mr. Riverston,” said the driver, “which is why Rich also paid for some additional luxury that he hopes will prepare you.”

“I’m almost afraid to ask, but what kind of luxury are we talking about here?”

“I apologize, but it is not my place to say. Please enter the vehicle and you shall see for yourself.”

That came off as somewhat ominous, but Joe was in too much of a hurry to make much of it. He assumed that whatever Rich planned for him would give him more reasons to bust his balls when he got back to Denver.

Trying to focus on the task before him, Joe followed the driver to the passenger’s door of the limousine. Still professional in his demeanor and poise, he opened the door. Joe, not giving it much thought, entered in hopes of stretching his tense limbs. That was when he encountered his second major surprise of the morning.

“Good morning, Mr. Riverston,” said a very feminine, distinctly seductive voice. “Your associate, Richard Oak, sends his regards and his appreciation.”

“Whoa,” he said distantly. “Rich, you crazy son-of-a-bitch.”

For a good several seconds – which might have been the most awkward several seconds of his life, thus far – Joe sat in the plush leather seat with his mouth hanging open. Sitting across from him, wearing the kind of attire that seemed out of place for the early morning hours, was a beautiful woman who looked like she’d come from one of Las Vegas’ fanciest strip clubs.

She was like a monument to the city, having bleach blond hair, flawless skin complemented by fancy makeup, a perfectly curvy frame, and breasts that were about as natural as his watch. She also wore a tight-fitting red dress, the kind that looked like it cost a small mortgage payment and rode halfway up her thighs. Everything about her exuded beauty, elegance, and sex appeal. Now, she was his company during his ride to the convention center.

“My name is Cindy,” she greeted, sounding almost as formal as the driver. “I’ll be keeping you company between now and your arrival at the convention center.”

“That’s…very kind of you, ma’am,” said Joe, trying his best not to sound foolish.

“It’s not just kindness, I assure you. I’ve been tasked with preparing you for your speech at the launch ceremony, which – if Mr. Oak’s message is accurate – will commence in less than two hours.”

“He’s right, for once,” he said with an awkward grin, “but just how are you going to prepare me?”

“Settle in, get comfortable, and I’ll show you.”

There was no ambiguity in her tone. It was so overtly sensual that Joe felt the air in the spacious limousine get warmer in an instant. Still in a state of shock, he turned towards back towards the driver, but he’d already shut the door and made his way to the driver’s seat. As soon as he entered and strapped himself in, he pushed a button to raise the window that separated the front seat from the back area.

“I’ll give you and Ms. Cincy some privacy, sir,” the driver said.

“Much appreciated,” Cindy replied. “We’ll be needing it.”

Joe felt his heart jump and his face blush at those words. The implications, along with the way she said them, had so many connotations. At the very least, though, he wasn’t that tired anymore.

As he sat in his seat, trying to process the situation, Cindy got up for a moment and retrieved some drinks. She even leaned over in a way that gave him a perfect view of her ample cleavage, something Joe doubted was an accident. He continued staring, taking in her voluptuous curves as she poured a cocktail in the complementary drink dispenser. The view of her heart-shaped butt was enough to wake any straight man, regardless of the early morning hour.

“I know you must be tense,” Cindy said. “I certainly would if I were in your position.”

“I can only partially believe that,” Joe said under his breath.

“You fly in at the crack of dawn, tasked with doing a job that you didn’t think you’d have to do, and are still expected to do it well.”

“Just out of curiosity, just how much did Rich tell you about my predicament?”

“Enough for me to understand why you’re so tense and why you need specialized care.”

She was so overt with her tone, as though she wasn’t even trying to hide it. For a moment, Joe cursed his brother-in-law again for doing something so outrageous. At the same time, though, he wanted to thank him with all his heart.

Rich knew as well as the rest of his family that he was single. He’d actually been engaged at one point a few years back, but his former fiancé broke it off after too many disputes about their work habits. She thought he worked too much and he thought she didn’t work hard enough. It was a dispute they never resolved, but as time went on, Joe suspected she might have been right to some extent.

After completing the cocktails, Cindy handed him one and sat down next to him. She sat extra close too, so much so that he could smell her perfume, which exuded every kind of sexiness imaginable. Joe almost dropped the cocktail, his hands trembling as he felt her body so close to his.

“Relax, Mr. Riverston,” she said to him. “It’s a light martini, I promise. It’s not going to get you hammered before your big moment.”

“That’s not what worries me,” Joe said.

“Well, I’m here to limit those worries so take a deep breath. Relax. This may very well be the most enjoyable commute you’ve ever had.”

She made it sound so tantalizing. Joe ended up sipping his drink, gulping it down quicker than usual. Even if it wouldn’t get him drunk, he needed something to settle his nerves.

Cindy remained much more relaxed, casually leaning on him as the limousine started moving. It was slow going, just getting out of the airport. They were heading right into the morning rush-hour. Usually, that was the most frustrating part of Joe’s morning. Today, though, felt different.

“A lot of powerful, confident men come through this town,” Cindy said after finishing half of her drink. “I’ve met plenty of them. Seen quite a few of them naked too. In my line of work, you tend to pick up on things along the way…things like whose power is weak and whose confidence is false.”

“Sounds like an interesting kind of work,” Joe commented with an awkward grin.

“It is, for the most part,” she said, “although, it gets downright inane when that false power and phony confidence falter. It tends to separate the men who are genuine from those who are frauds.”

“Oh? Just out of curiosity, what kind of man am I?”

The beautiful woman laughed and smiled, her expression lighting up the limo like the Las Vegas strip. Setting aside her drink, she proceeded to climb onto his lap, snaking her arms around his neck and draping her shapely lags over his thighs. The way they rubbed against him got his blood flowing in directions that he wasn’t used to at this early morning hour.

“Even without knowing your story or why you’re here in Sin City, I’ve got a knack for seeing men for who they really are,” she told him, “and you, Joe Riverston…you’re no fraud.”

“That’s…a relief,” he said, swallowing nervously.

“And it makes my job that much easier,” she said. “I’ve found that when it comes to providing therapeutic company to men, the genuine ones are much easier to work with than the frauds…easier and rewarding.”

Cindy whispered that into his ear as though it were the greatest turn-on in the world. There was no way a woman so beautiful could be that aroused by a man who’d been shoved into a position of power at his job. Even if she were some sort of escort or showgirl, that couldn’t possibly appeal to her. Could it?

Joe wasn’t sure what to think anymore. He ended up gulping down the rest of his drink before locking his eyes on Cindy, not even noticing whether the limo was moving.

“Genuine men don’t always have confidence, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t capable,” she went on. “Some lack the opportunity. Some lack the grit. Some just lack the drive.”

“Well, I’ve got the opportunity part down,” Joe said. “To be honest, it kind of found me and I almost didn’t accept it.”

“And yet, you did,” she pointed out. “You’re here in Las Vegas, you’ve got a chance to do something special with your career, and you wouldn’t have gotten that opportunity if you hadn’t worked for it.”

“Which is ironic,” he said, “because a lot of people say I work too hard.”

“And that’s perfectly respectable, so long as you find a way to balance it out. That’s why places like Las Vegas exist and why women like me have a job.”

That sounded so logical and insightful, something Joe hadn’t expected from an escort/prostitute, if that was what she truly was. The way she rubbed her thigh against his groin, though, causing more blood to flow to his lower body, made him reconsider his expectations.

Whatever her job, she took it very seriously. With a determined glint in her eye, she shifted her body so that she straddled his lap, both knees resting at his side while she held onto his shoulders. Those big, surgically-enhanced breasts of hers were in his face again. It helped him forget his anxiety about the upcoming conference, but supplemented a different kind of tension that was growing by the second.

“If you’re up for it, I’d like to be the one who gives you that balance,” Cindy said. “You’ve worked so hard for everything you’ve had. You should enjoy the fruits of your labor.”

“I…I want to,” Joe found himself saying, “but is that something I should do mere hours before a big conference?”

“I’d argue that’s the best possible time. It’s only when we balance work and play that we can appreciate both. For a genuine man like you, Joe Riverston, I believe it’ll give you the confidence and strength you desire.”

Being the analytical person he was, Joe questioned that approach. However, he promptly ceased such doubts when Cindy pulled him into a deep kiss. As soon as he tasted those sweet, succulent lips of hers, a wave of relaxation and calmness overcame him. All that stress and restlessness he felt earlier just melted away like ice in the desert.

As he settled into that mood, Cindy lightly grasped his wrists and guided them around her waist. Her womanly curves felt so good to touch, as though doing so shielded him from doubts and distractions. As she wrestled her lips with his, she felt him unbuttoning his blue dress shirt. Since he’d been feeling hot anyways – and not just due to the desert heat, for that matter – he didn’t mind in the slightest.

“There’s a strong, confident man in you, Joe,” Cindy said upon placing her hands on his chest. “I can feel it.”

“Yeah…feel it,” he said in his deepening daze.

After removing his shirt completely, Cindy affectionately kissed down his face and neck, slipping off his lap in the process and dropping to her knees. Inch by inch, she tasted his flesh. It felt good, like the touch of an angel healing his distressed state. Eventually, her lips passed by his abdomen and reached the hem of his pants. In short order, showing the skill of a true professional, she undid them with ease and pulled them down to his ankles, boxers and all.

As soon as his dick popped out, it was already semi-hard. Between the stunning presence of this woman and her talented touch, he’d already gotten more aroused than he’d ever been before nine in the morning. She didn’t waste time making use of it either, grasping the base of his member with both hands and sensually trailing her tongue over the tip.

“Oh Cindy,” Joe said, now leaning back further on the plush leather seat.

“You see? Your confidence is already growing!” she teased. “Here, let me help it grow a little more.”

Joe offered no resistance. What she was doing was clearly working, so to speak. He already felt more confident, as most straight men would in the presence of a beautiful woman.

He felt even more when she took the full length of his growing member into her mouth, those sweet red lips of hers making contact with his manly flesh. He let out a deep moan of contentment, a feeling he thought impossible after he boarded his plane several hours ago. Closing his eyes and resting his head on the back of the seat, he took in the breadth of the feeling as this beautiful woman gave him oral sex.

“Oh my God!” he moaned. “Cindy…that feels so good.”

“Mmm…feeling more confident, Mr. Riverston?” she purred while stroking his cock.

“Hell yeah!” Joe said without hesitation.

With focused intent, like a professional showing off their skill to rank amateurs, Cindy sucked his dick. Up and down, her lips slid along his length while her tongue slithered around his hardened flesh. That hot, warm feeling that followed send shivers of pleasure coursing through his body, the kind that did much more than relief anxiety.

It also had the effect of getting him fully erect with an efficacy that made Joe rethink his understanding of general male biology. Even his ex-fiancé hadn’t been that effective, even at their most passionate. Then again, she hadn’t been a professional like Cindy.

Flushed with contentment and bliss, Joe opened his eyes and admired the beautiful woman’s work. He softly ran his fingers through her platinum blond hair, enjoying the silky smooth feel. He also noticed pulling down the top part of her dress, exposing those large breasts of hers. After giving his manhood a few thorough licks, she mashed his cock between them, creating that extra tight feeling that sent him to a new level of desire.

“What do you say, Mr. Riverston? Feeling more ready for your presentation?” Cindy asked with a lurid undertone.

“I’m definitely feeling more energized. That’s for sure,” Joe replied with a goofy grin.

“Then, there’s still room for improvement. Lucky for you, I have other skills to help with that.”

Joe didn’t dare speculate on the nature of those skills. He didn’t have to because Cindy showed him.

Like skilled performer putting on a show, she pulled back briefly – while the limousine was still in motion, no less – and turned around. As Joe admired that ample buttocks of hers, she reached behind and zipped her dress. Then, with the grace of an angel and the sex appeal nothing short of divine, she slid it off. In doing so, she rendered herself completely naked.

“My God…Cindy,” Joe gasped.

“Oops! I forgot to wear panties this morning,” she said playfully. “Oh well, it happens.”

Joe would’ve laughed hysterically if he hadn’t been so in awe of the sight before him. Cindy, a woman with a voluptuous body right out of a dirty magazine, was completely naked. She even bent over, as if to give him a better view of her butt. She then turned around, giving him an eyeful of her big breasts and cleanly-shaven pussy. She gazed at him like a woman on a mission, one that involved her being naked and him having a raging boner.

“I’m going to ride your cock now,” Cindy told him. “Then, when you get ready to come, I want you to shoot it on my tits. Understand?”

“I understand,” Joe instinctively said, too dazed to give it a second thought.

“Good! If that doesn’t give you sufficient confidence, then nothing will.”

He had no idea what kind of logic she was using. He was beyond caring, though. He was going to have sex with this woman. That was the only thing on his mind now.

Remaining in his seat, he watched as Cindy crawled back over to him like the perfect embodiment of female sex appeal. Upon reaching him, she reached for something under the seat. It was a condom. She and the driver must have prepared ahead of time. Being a meticulous, organized person by nature, he could respect that.

In short order, she opened the package and put it on over his throbbing cock. Then, she rose up, crawled onto his lap again so that she straddled his waist, and aligned the wet opening of her pussy with the tip of his dick. Joe, lost in her seductive gaze, could only grab onto those toned hips of hers and hold on. With burning anticipation, he braced himself as she lowered her hips, guiding his dick up into her pussy.

“Ooh Cindy!” Joe gasped. “It’s so hot and tight!”

“And you’re so hard and strong,” the beautiful woman purred, now cupping his face with her hands. “Hard, strong, and powerful…and don’t you forget it!”

A part of Joe sensed what she was doing, using sex to make him feel stronger and more powerful than he would have otherwise. Rich must have thought it would help him take on a job he didn’t think he could do. At that moment, though, he didn’t care for the reason. Joe just embraced the power and strength that came with fucking this beautiful woman.

Like a skilled dancer carrying out a routine, Cindy skillfully worked her hips, riding his cock with a focused intensity. There was nothing crude or callous about it. She wasn’t just some whore riding a dick, trying to get a client off. She put actual work into it, another trait that a hard-working man like him could admire. Hard work had always paid off for him, but it had never paid off like this.

“Strong…powerful…so good! Strong…powerful…so good!” Cindy repeated, chanting it like a mantra.

“Oh Cindy!” was all Joe could get out.

Even as the limousine stopped and started, navigating the rush-hour traffic, neither he nor Cindy lost focus. They kept their sex going, establishing a steady, but thorough rhythm. There was no hurry, but there was still a sense of urgency, as though they both sought to maximize their work to get the best possible results. For the work he had ahead of him, Joe couldn’t think of anything more fitting.

As Cindy put in the effort, Joe sought to do his part as well. He showed off his own strength, slipping his hands to her butt and using his arms to guide her gyrations. She really seemed to enjoy that, grinning and purring at his displays of strength. He also elevated his hips slightly, allowing her to ride him at an angle. It helped her really work her pussy along the full length of his cock, ensuring a perfect melding of his flesh with hers.

At one point, he kissed her and she eagerly kissed back. Showing a sense of power and initiative seemed to encourage her, another lesson of sorts in strength and confidence. Together, the mutual motions of their naked bodies fully complemented one another, making for an extra hot, extra empowering feeling.

It was so powerful that Joe didn’t want it to end too quickly. He exercised more restraint than most men would during sex with such a beautiful woman, holding back his release in an attempt to maximize the pleasure. Cindy rewarded that approach with more intense motions, planting both feet on the seat and really working her hips hard, the wet smacking sounds of their flesh echoing throughout the care.

Eventually, though, Joe’s capacity for restraint reached its limit. His body craved its release. Seeing Cindy’s big tits bounce in accord with each motion made him want desperately to spray his cum onto them. He was almost ready and so was Cindy.

“Cindy, I…I’m close! I’m getting…really close,” he grunted.

“Mmm…yeah, I can feel it,” she purred. “My pussy loves strong, powerful cocks. I’m so hot right now. I’m ready to feel your cum on my tits!”

With reflexes and cunning that would’ve put any professional to shame, Cindy rose up off his cock and dropped to her knees again. Then, in a swift motion, she removed the condom and guided his throbbing cock between her tits. The feeling of those fleshy mounds around his member sent him past that special threshold from which there was no return.

“Oohhh I’m coming!” Joe exclaimed.

“Yes! Give it to me!” Cindy urged.

At that fateful moment, a surge of white-hot ecstasy erupted from his core. Joe, now clinging to her shoulders, let out a deep moan as he achieved his release. His cock throbbed hard in between her breasts before shooting out a thick stream of fluid that splattered onto her tits and face. It was an even bigger load than he’d expected, possibly the biggest he’d released in his adult life. It might have also been the most satisfying.

Even as Joe immersed himself in the ecstasy, Cindy kept putting in the work, pressing her breasts together and sliding his cock between them to extract every drop. She didn’t seem to mind how much of it ended up on her face. She even licked some of it up, as though it were her favorite treat.

She left no part of the job unfinished when it came to bringing him to ecstasy. It felt like a mix of sex appeal and professional courtesy. It proved quite potent. Even after the orgasmic sensations subsided, Joe felt immensely satisfied.

“Wow!” Joe said breathlessly. “Cindy, I feel…”

“Happy? Content? Confident? Strong?” she offered as she extracted the last drop of cum from his dick.

“All of the above,” he said with a grin.

“Then, it’s official. You’re ready for the conference!”

His grin grew wider as the realization sank in. Looking out the window briefly, seeing the big buildings and opulent resorts of the Las Vegas strip pass by, he felt so ready to face what lay before him. Whether it was the afterglow of having sex with a beautiful woman or some deeper lesson that Cindy taught him, he was ready for a new set of challenges.

Confident in his newfound strength, he turned his attention back to Cindy, who had sense separated from his cock and began wiping the cum off her breasts with a nearby napkin. She was still naked and she still looked so damn good in the early morning hours of a busy day. As he admired her, Joe decided that the time had come to mix things up with his overly-organized approach to work. It had worked so well thus far. He might as well see how far he could take it.

“From the looks of it, we’ve still got time before we arrive at the convention center,” Joe commented.

“Yeah, I’d say we got a good fifteen minutes or so,” Cindy said with a content sigh. “That’s plenty of time to get dressed and have another drink, if you want.”

“Actually, I’m wondering if that’s enough time for me to eat your pussy out until you come as well. You did say I’m a genuine man. Well, let me prove it to you.”

Now, it was Cindy’s turn to smile and laugh in amazement. He doubted she expected such courtesy. She said it herself. She dealt with plenty of men who were phony and frauds. Joe refused to be one of them.

“So confident and driven,” Cindy said. “I love it! I can’t say it’ll help you with your presentation. But if you’re that determined to be that good a man, then I sure won’t stop you.”

“Good!” Joe said confidently. “Because if I’m going to get the job done while he was in Las Vegas, I might as well start with satisfying a beautiful woman!”

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The following is a review I wrote for PopMatters for Ms. Marvel #31. Enjoy!

Milestones, Achievements, and Slumber Parties: Ms. Marvel #31

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June 28, 2018 · 5:40 pm

Is The Human Race Ready For Contact With Alien Life?

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In general, I tend to have a high opinion of the human race. I believe that, in general, people are inherently good and will do the right thing in the long run, even if it requires mistakes and missteps along the way. Some of my personal experiences have fed this belief, as well as stories of incredible acts of compassion.

I say that as a preface because my faith in humanity does have limits. There are certain issues where those limits become a critical factor in answering major questions about where we are, as a species, and where we’re heading. I’ve tried answering some of those questions before, such as humanity’s readiness for advanced artificial intelligence. Now, I want to try to answer another where I feel humanity’s limits are a real issue.

It has to do with whether or not humans are alone in the universe. It’s probably one of the most fundamental questions our species has ever asked, inspiring heated debates, famous equations, and Hollywood blockbusters. I’ve certainly asked that question a time or two when looking up at the stars. I imagine there are few people who haven’t.

At the moment, the sheer size of the universe and the ever-growing number of planets we keep finding, the raw numbers make it almost certain that there’s other life outside our planet. It may even be within our own solar system. Just finding some microbes on one of Jupiter’s moons would be pretty profound, but I doubt it would bring that much change to the human race. Some might just brush it off or call it fake news.

It’s the act of discovering intelligent extraterrestrial life that has far greater implications for humanity. I would even argue that those implications could determine whether the human race will survive beyond the destruction of Earth, which is inevitable. Even advanced artificial intelligence wouldn’t compare because at least humans would create that. An intelligent alien civilization would be much less predictable.

In confronting this existential issue, I don’t believe movies or TV shows have come close to getting it right. “Contact” made a commendable effort, but never gave more than a half-answer. Movies like “Independence Day” and “Close Encounters of the Third Kind” were overly simplistic in their approach. That’s to be expected because, logistically speaking, there’s no way to fit all the implications into a single two-hour movie.

I believe that to answer the question of humanity’s readiness to confront an extraterrestrial species is multi-faceted. There are plenty of factors to consider, but before I get too bogged down by the particulars, I want to offer my personal opinion on the issue. Then, I hope to demonstrate why I have this opinion.

No, the human race is NOT ready for contact with intelligent extraterrestrial aliens, but we’re getting there.

I know that isn’t a straightforward answer. It may sound like I’m trying to stand on both sides of the fence, but like I said, the question is inherently complex. As such, it’s hard to offer a simple answer.

Part of the complexity comes from circumstances. In an instance where scientists on Earth identify an advanced alien species, possibly by detecting an alien mega structure like a Dyson Sphere around a distant star, I think the human race could handle that, for the most part.

Such a discovery would be, by far, the greatest ever made in the history of humanity. It would be the story of the millennium and confirm, once and for all, the answer to one of the most fundamental questions our species has ever asked. Getting an answer to that question would change how we see ourselves in the universe, but the extent of the impact would be limited.

Sure, it might cause some disruptions with respect to major religions, although some denominations already preparing for that. It might also cause some ripples in the social fabric of society. If we know there are alien civilizations in the universe that are more advanced than us, then suddenly we have fewer excuses to impose petty divisions within our own species.

There would be upheaval. There would be tension, as well. I still believe that society would adapt in that scenario. Once the shock wears off, we may very well go back to how we were before. Future generations would just shrug off the notion that advanced aliens exist and focus primarily on the issues directly affecting them on Earth.

There’s another instance, however, that has far more profound implications, as well as greater danger. In that scenario, the advanced alien civilization contacts us directly. Moreover, it effectively announces that it’s coming to meet us and there’s nothing we can do to stop it.

In that scenario, I don’t think the current order will remain intact. If we found out tomorrow that intelligent aliens exist and they’re on their way to greet us, I believe that society, as we know it, will fall apart under the weight of fear, uncertainty, and outright dread.

My reasons for believing this have less to do with my faith in humanity and more to do with my understanding of basic human psychology. It’s proven science that the human psyche is adverse to uncertainty. From a purely survival standpoint, that makes sense. Not knowing whether there’s a hungry lion hiding in the bushes is detrimental to our survival. We have a legitimate evolutionary reason for avoiding such situations.

An advanced alien civilization isn’t just a possible threat. It’s the ultimate uncertainty. Even if those aliens are peace-loving hippies who want nothing more than to create a utopian world for every species they encounter, we won’t know for certain. Even if they try to articulate their peaceful intentions, we may not believe them because assuming wrong would be more dire than any hungry lion.

If an alien civilization is advanced enough to both contact us and traverse interstellar space, then it’s highly likely that we wouldn’t stand a chance at stopping them. Despite what “Independence Day” might have you believe, there’s just no way we would be able to counter technology that could carry another species across the stars.

On top of that, we wouldn’t even know if these aliens were biological creatures, like us. More than a few scientists have speculated that it’s the natural path of all advanced life that it transcend its biology to become machines in part or entirely, which makes sense for any species that wants to survive in the vacuum of space. I would agree that any initial encounter humans have with advanced aliens will come in the form of a probe.

Even if that probe is no bigger than a basketball, its arrival on Earth would trigger so much panic that our society, economy, and political institutions wouldn’t survive in their current form. That’s not to say civilization would completely collapse. Some areas might descend into anarchy, but most wealthy countries would remain intact.

However, I believe they’ll remain intact through strict martial law. I also believe that, in the face of incoming aliens, there would be a huge scramble among nations to put together some sort of defense plan. Anyone remotely experienced with science or engineering would suddenly become incredibly valuable for their skills and likely be required to work on this issue.

No matter what recourse humanity takes, though, I don’t think it’ll matter once intelligent aliens arrive. The worst case scenario is that people are so afraid that a few become too trigger happy and attempt to attack. In that case, if the advanced aliens are the vindictive type, they would probably wipe humanity out with the same ease that we would use to step on an ant.

While I don’t think that scenario is that likely, I can certainly see fear dominating the discourse. It would probably extend beyond the initial contact. Even if  the aliens present themselves as friendly visitors, I imagine there will still be plenty of paranoia that it could all be a trick. Given how eager some people are to embrace conspiracy theories, I think this will cause plenty of problem, even in the best case scenario.

There’s still a chance that the human race could adapt to this encounter and be stronger because of it. However, if I had to bet money on the ultimate outcome, I wouldn’t wager much on that outcome. I think, at the moment, it’s more likely that fear and uncertainty will lead to the kind of irrational behavior that would prevent humanity from benefiting from an encounter with intelligent aliens.

As it stands, humans can’t even prevent conflict when encountering one another, especially if they look and act differently. I can’t imagine it would be much better if we encountered a species that was so different that we just had no way of relating to them. At least with minorities here on Earth, we share the same basic human template. For all we know, aliens will look, think, and feel things that are beyond our abilities.

Now, I know that scenario sounds bleak, especially for someone who claims to have more faith in humanity than most. However, there’s one last caveat that further complicates the issue and it has to do with the last part of my answer.

When I stated that the human race is not ready to encounter an advanced alien species, I mean that within a specific context. In the same way I don’t believe humanity is ready for advanced AI at the moment, I don’t think the collective psyche of the human race is to a point where we can accept the idea of confronting an intelligent alien civilization.

That, I do think we’re more ready today than we were 30 years ago. Humanity has made remarkable progress with respect to technology, society, and general welfare. Being more connected through media, the internet, and globalization has helped us better see ourselves as one species, at least to the extent our inherent tribalism will allow.

I believe that in the coming decades, especially as we augment our brains and our bodies, we’ll be more prepared to encounter an extraterrestrial intelligence. I’m not sure we’ll ever be completely ready, but I do think we’ll get to a point where we, as a society, will be able to handle it.

Whether or not that point comes within my lifetime or that of the kids being born today is hard to say, but given enough time and continued progress, I believe we’ll get there. For now, though, the prospect of encountering an intelligent alien civilization would incur some pretty detrimental effects on our species and our world. Even if aliens come in peace, we just not be ready to accept it.

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Heroes, Villains, And The Forgotten (But Relevant) Message Of “Megamind”

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Every now and then, a movie comes along that was unremarkable in its time, but gained greater meaning years later. It’s one of those unspoken challenges of movie making that doesn’t involve dealing with difficult actors. Sometimes, a movie is either ahead of its time or too late to make much of an impact. Like cooking the perfect steak or good fart joke, timing is everything.

That brings me to “Megamind,” a very well-done, but often overlooked animated movie from Dreamworks. Since it’s not Pixar and doesn’t involve “Shrek,” it had a lot working against it before it came out. However, it also had plenty more going for it and not just in terms of quality 3D animation at a time when “Avatar” finally made that gimmick viable.

The movie boasted an amazing voice cast that included Brad Pitt, Will Ferrell, Jonah Hill, Tina Fey, and David Cross. It also did plenty to leverage that star power. Will Ferrell even famously dressed up as the titular character at the San Diego Comic Con to promote the movie. I’m not saying that, alone, would’ve made that movie a success, but Will Ferrell is one of those rare talents who can make anything more appealing.

You can’t argue with THAT kind of appeal.

In addition, the movie told a compelling story in a way that was concise, enjoyable, and appealing for adults and children alike. It showed in the favorable reviews it received from critics and the high scores it earned from audiences. Unfortunately, it didn’t quite show in the box office totals. The movie did well, but it fell short of the high bar that both Pixar and “Shrek” have set for animated features.

The reason for the movie’s shortcomings are numerous and varied. It came out in 2010, just in time for titles like “Toy Story 3,” “How To Train Your Dragon,” and “Tangled” to steal the show. It also came out at a time when superhero movies were just starting to ascend. “Iron Man” had just come out and the scars from “X-men Origins: Wolverine” were finally starting to heal.

However, “Megamind” really jumped the gun in terms of timing. We were still a few years before “The Avengers” cemented superhero movies as ultimate box office gold encased in vibranium. As a result, the remarkable concept that “Megamind” introduced went forgotten, but I believe it’s worth remembering.

The plot of “Megamind” is simple on paper, but complex in its implications. It tells the story of a self-proclaimed super-villain named Megamind, who was voiced by Will Ferrell. His persona is essentially a comedic parody of every super-villain trope that ever existed. He’s a mad genius bent on conquest and domination, but is constantly thwarted by an overly-powerful, overly-handsome hero.

That hero, appropriately voiced by Brad Pitt, is Metro Man. Like Megamind, he’s also a parody of every superhero trope. He’s part Superman and part Captain America, grossly overpowered and so morally pure that it’s laughable. As such, the movie never attempts to frame Metro Man’s heroism or Megamind’s villainy in a serious sort of way.

That approach is key because the way the story plays out essentially flips the script on the standard narrative surrounding superheroes, super-villains, and what motivates both of them. It conveys a message that didn’t really have much impact in 2010, but if it came out just five years later, its themes would’ve been much more relevant.

At its core, “Megamind” asks what would happen if an over-the-top villain like Megamind actually defeated an over-the-top hero like Metro Man. How would he react? How would the society around them react? These are questions that often have simple answers in other superhero movies. “Megamind” dares to add an extra layer of complexity.

Early on in the movie, Megamind achieves what Lex Luthor, Dr. Doom, and every other mustache-twirling villain failed to achieve. He defeats his heroic nemesis. He takes over the city he seeks to rule. There is no longer anyone or anything to stand in his way. He is, for all intents and purposes, the most powerful being in Metro City.

That’s not the end of the story, though. That’s just the beginning. Shortly after this achievement, which caught Megamind himself by surprise, he has an existential crisis of sorts. Suddenly, there are no more plots left to hatch. There are no more battles left to fight. He has everything he ever wanted, but it still leaves him feeling empty inside.

It leads him on a path that reveals some unexpected insights into the whole hero/villain dynamic. At first, Megamind doesn’t know how to handle his new situation. It’s so unfamiliar and so jarring that it causes serious distress. Even for a super-genius, sudden change and unfamiliarity can be very difficult to handle.

Megamind’s first instinct, which is usually the same instinct most ordinary people act on in such distressed states, is to return to something familiar. He attempts to recreate the status quo as he knew it, which led him to create a new hero in Titan, who is voiced by Jonah Hill. He says outright that without a hero to fight, he has no purpose. Since he happens to be a super-genius, he just decides to create one.

In doing so, he learns as well as everyone else in Metro City that creating a hero is not as easy as just giving someone heroic abilities. On top of that, he also learns that it’s not always possible to go back to that comfortable status quo. In fact, attempting to do so could only make things worse.

Without giving away the entire movie, which I encourage everyone to see, “Megamind” presents some pretty insights into what it means to be a hero and a villain. At a time when more complex villains like Walter White and Erik Killmonger are gaining greater appeal, I believe these insights are more critical now than they were in 2010.

A great deal of what drove Megamind early on was his assumption that he’s the villain and Metro Man is the hero. As such, they’re destined to fight each other with the hero always triumphing. He never stops to question that assumption, nor does he contemplate his goals for after he succeeds. It’s not until he actually succeeds that he realizes how flawed those assumptions were.

Metro Man realizes that even sooner. In one of the main twists of the story, “Megamind” shows that even idealized heroes aren’t immune to this inescapable dynamic. Like Megamind, Metro Man does what he does because he assumes that’s his role. He doesn’t question it until it becomes untenable.

By breaking that classic hero/villain dynamic, both Metro Man and Megamind reveal that the nature of the struggle between a superhero and a super-villain is often incomplete. They may think they know what they want. Heroes want to save the day. Villains want to conquer and rule. Beyond that, though, there’s no other vision. It’s just an endlessly repeating cycle that eventually goes nowhere in the long run.

In a sense, the entire story of “Megamind” is a reflection of the paradox of superheroes. Heroes may save the day and defeat the villains at every turn, but they never go beyond that struggle. They never attempt to change the conditions that allow the villains to instigate conflict, nor do they do anything to prevent new villains from emerging. They save the world, but don’t do anything to change it.

This shortcoming is a big part of “Megamind” from the beginning. No matter how many times Metro Man defeated Megamind, he always ended up back in jail. From there, he always escaped. He never changed or reconsidered his actions until he actually succeeded. To some extent, Metro Man does exactly what keeps Spider-Man and Batman from effectively achieving their heroic goals.

Ultimately, the resolution that “Megamind” offers in the end is something that undercuts the hero/villain dynamic completely. In the end, both Megamind and Metro Man stop making assumptions about their roles and actually make choices of their own, for once. In Megamind’s case, his choice conveys something that no other superhero movie has dared to attempt.

He takes the same traits and abilities that make him a villain and uses them to become a hero. More importantly, though, he doesn’t do so because of a role based on an assumption. He does it because that’s what he chooses. When finally given a choice to do something with his abilities, he chooses to do good. That’s not just uplifting, even for an animated movie. It speaks heavily to the forces that shape our identity.

In the context of modern superhero movies, “Megamind” both parodies and subverts the foundation of the genre. It doesn’t just ask the question as to what would happen if a villain actually beat the hero. It asks whether those who identify as villains are capable of doing heroic things, if given a choice.

Even with more complex villains like Walter White, most superhero movies and superhero media, in general, still follow the same dynamic that trapped Megamind. They have a villain, put them in a particular role, and keep them in that role by locking them into a cycle.

For some inherently villainous individuals, like Lex Luthor, that cycle isn’t necessary. For others, though, it poses interesting questions that rarely get answered. The villains have their roles. The heroes have theirs. The story plays out and the heroes triumph, but does that have to be the end of the story?

Megamind” dared to expand on that story and while it may have been ahead of its time, those themes are still relevant. As superhero movies continue to set new box office records, they will likely become even more relevant and “Megamind” will get the appreciation it was just too premature to achieve.

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Filed under Comic Books, Jack Fisher, Superheroes, movies, philosophy, psychology, superhero movies

How Captain Marvel Can Be The Future Of The MCU (And How It Can Go Horribly Wrong)

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When a team is on an epic winning streak, it creates the perception that they have some supernatural ability to defy the law of averages and bend reality to their will. It happened to the 2007 New England Patriots. It happened to the 2016 Golden State Warriors. They had this aura of invincibility that made it seem as though they could never lose.

That made their eventual loss, both in championship games no less, that much more painful. However, I would argue that the winning aura of those teams pales in comparison to that of the Marvel Cinematic Universe. If the MCU were a sports team, it would include the likes of Michael Jordan, Tom Brady, LeBron James, Wayne Gretzky, Tiger Woods, and Muhammad Ali in their primes and on crack.

To say that Marvel’s movie franchises are on a winning streak would be like saying a hungry lion has a slight edge over a wounded squirrel. The Marvel Cinematic Universe hasn’t just made superhero movies the gold standard of the box office by raking in $16.8 billion worldwide to date. It has set the bar so high that even close rivals have essentially given up.

Disney, Marvel Studios, and Kevin Feige are riding higher than anyone thought possible, especially for those who still have nightmares about “Batman and Robin.” With both “Black Panther” and “Avengers: Infinity War” breaking a fresh round of records this year, it seems as though that winning streak is only accelerating.

I say all this not just to belabor how much the MCU has accomplished over the past ten years. I say it as a fan who loves Marvel comics and wants to see it keep winning. However, even with “Avengers 4” set to come out next year and make another couple billion, I believe this streak of superhero movie excellence is vulnerable.

It’s no secret that “Avengers 4” will likely mark the end of an era. Kevin Feige has gone on record as saying that this movie will act as an endgame, of sorts. While makes clear that the MCU will continue, with movies planned out until 2025, he also indicates that there will be major upheavals.

That’s somewhat necessary because with the conclusion of “Avengers 4,” many of the contracts for MCU stalwarts like Robert Downy Jr., Chris Evans, and Chris Hemsworth are set to expire. While it’s possible that some may find a way to keep going, others like Chris Evans have made clear that their time in the MCU is almost over.

That means for the MCU to continue its winning streak, it needs to move forward with new characters, new actors, and new ideas. It has to find a way to keep this world moving forward, potentially without the likes of Captain America, Iron Man, and Thor. That’s a huge challenge, even for a franchise on an unprecedented winning streak, and the comics have already failed to fill those voids.

That’s where Carol “Captain Marvel” Danvers comes in. If you saw the post-credits scene for “Avengers: Infinity War,” you know why she’s about to become very relevant to the MCU. I’ve talked about her before and established how things could easily go wrong with her upcoming movie. I imagine I’ll have a lot more to talk about in the coming months.

I don’t think it’s unreasonable to say that Carol Danvers and her upcoming movie, which is slated for release in March 2018, is the most important movie in the history of the genre. I believe this movie may very well determine whether the winning streak of the Marvel Cinematic Universe continues or finally falters.

I say that as someone who loves Carol Danvers as Captain Marvel. Back in 2012, Kelly Sue DeConnick effectively reinvented the character in a way that convinced me that she deserves a prominent role in any Marvel universe. In my opinion, she’s essentially Marvel’s version Wonder Woman.

Her movie has so much going for it. “Wonder Woman” established that female superhero movies could be a hit at the box office and garner critical acclaim, despite the scars left by “Catwoman.” On some levels, “Captain Marvel” is facing a lot less pressure and it has the momentum of “Avengers: Infinity War” behind it.

However, the stakes are actually higher for this movie compared to everything “Wonder Woman” faced. Recently, Kevin Feige stated that Carol Danvers will be the new face of the MCU. From a purely logistical standpoint, that makes sense. The MCU needs a new unifying force if Chris Evans’ Captain America is to make his final stand in “Avengers 4.”

I believe Carol can pull it off, as well. She has taken on more leadership roles in the comics and has become a central member of the Avengers’ main team. Combine that with Brie Larson’s charisma and Carol Danvers has all the tools she needs to keep the MCU’s winning streak going.

I believe she can do this simply by being the kind of character that Kelly Sue DeConnick molded six years ago. That version of Carol Danvers emerged from years of being a secondary character in Ms. Marvel who rarely got a chance to achieve the same recognition as her peers. She’s a classic case of a character who elevated themselves by embracing a new identity, a new purpose, and greater ambition.

DeConnick established Carol as someone who achieves so much in one field, but dares to seek greater challenges beyond. She contributed to the Avengers for years, but never pursued a greater vision until she became Captain Marvel. That idea of someone looking to the stars, seeking to achieve more, and pursuing it with unmatched drive is what will help her succeed in ways on par with Wonder Woman.

At the same time, though, there are potential risks and Captain Marvel may be more vulnerable to them than Wonder Woman. While Kelly Sue DeConnick did a lot to reinvent Carol Danvers for a new era, she has faltered somewhat. Recent events in the comics have put her heroic merits into question for all the wrong reasons. Some of Brie Larson’s politically-charged rhetoric hasn’t helped either.

To some extent, Carol’s reputation has faltered because in elevating her status in the comics, she has been hit with the dreaded Galbrush Paradox. The quirks that DeConnick introduced, such as Carol being a Star Wars fan and having a love interest in James Rhodes, have eroded in recent years. In addition, even her artistic depictions have devolved by reducing her feminine features for no apparent reason.

In wake of the vitriol that Star Wars received for its portrayal of female characters, I worry that “Captain Marvel” runs the risk of inviting a similar backlash. If Carol Danvers is not sufficiently compelling, she runs the risk of getting hit with the Mary Sue label that has plagued Rey since “Star Wars: The Force Awakens.”

The worse case scenario, in my opinion, involves turning Carol Danvers into a Captain America or Iron Man stand-in. In the absence of these iconic characters, and their top name actors, Feige and those at Marvel Studios may be tempted to make her too much like them. That would be a huge mistake, especially for an organization on such a huge winning streak.

Carol Danvers is not Steve Rogers, nor is she Tony Stark. She’s not just a woman who takes on a man’s role either. She’s still a woman and, especially under DeConnick, her womanly traits were on display alongside her more badass features. It’s not groundbreaking because Wonder Woman struck just the right balance, having her fight alongside men while still acting like a woman.

In the best case scenario, Carol Danvers follows Wonder Woman’s example and establishes herself as someone worthy of carrying the MCU forward. Unlike Rey, she’s a character with plenty of compelling lore to work with. The key is finding the right blend that’ll help her fit into the Marvel Cinematic Universe.

At this point, without a trailer and only a few teases to go on, it could go either way for “Captain Marvel.” It could be the next in a long line of successes or it could be the MCU’s first failure. To date, Kevin Feige and those at Marvel Studios have shown time and again that they know what they’re doing.

Hell, they took an obscure series involving a talking raccoon and made it a global brand. Until they show they’re capable of screwing up, I’ll continue to give them the benefit of the doubt. At the same time, though, I think it’s worth bracing for that inevitable setback. All winning streaks come to an end. I just hope “Captain Marvel” isn’t the one that ends it.

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Filed under Comic Books, Jack Fisher, Superheroes, media issues, movies, superhero movies

Five Things I Want From The “Daria” Reboot

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Last year, I wrote an article about how the classic 90s MTV show, “Daria,” is more relevant today than it was back when it debuted in 1997. That special brand of misanthropic monotone conveyed a harsh, uncompromising honesty of the world in a way that felt both genuine and endearing.

Well, it appears I’m not the only one who felt that way because according to The Hollywood Reporter, the newly-minted MTV Studios is looking to reboot the show as part of a push to reinvigorate the MTV brand that seemed to fade along with the appeal of boy bands. While I’m skeptical that MTV can ever become relevant again, I couldn’t be more thrilled at the prospect of Daria returning to TV.

I think I speak for many who watched that show back in the late 90s when I say that this world needs her. Specifically, it needs her critical insights into a world awash in fake news, alternative facts, and political correctness. There’s an entire generation emerging whose reality is shaped by their news feed on social media. It feels as though no one is even capable of seeking the truth anymore.

Daria doesn’t just tell the truth like she sees it. She says it in a way that is apolitical, unbiased, and relatable. She doesn’t criticize. She doesn’t have an agenda, either. She sees something she thinks is a farce and she points it out. At a time when every character needs to be an icon for something or someone, that’s nothing short of refreshing. For a character from the late 90s, that says a lot about our current state of affairs.

There’s a lot more I could say about “Daria,” both as a character and as a TV show. For now, I want to create a wish list, of sorts, for what I’d like to see in a “Daria” reboot. I know that’s a bit premature since MTV Studios is in the very early stages of making this happen, but I think the prospect of more “Daria” at this particular point in our history is exciting.

I know excitement is the last trait anyone would associate with Daria Morgendorffer, but I’m willing channel my inner Quinn to entertain the possibilities. What follows are five things I want from a new “Daria” show. I know any rebooted show is subject to reinvention, sometimes for the worse, but I believe if the new “Daria” delivers on these critical elements, it’ll be a success. It might even get Daria herself to crack a smile.


Wish #1: Build Daria’s Agenda Around Exposing Other Agendas

Let’s face it. Today, everyone seems to have an agenda and social media has given people a platform to pursue that agenda, even when they’re dangerous, damaging, and downright hurtful. In the late 90s, media outlets like MTV got a lot of flak for pushing bloated consumerism around bubblegum pop music and reality shows. Today, social media has created countless outlets for countless agendas of varying absurdity.

Daria Morgendorffer can set herself apart in this chaotic landscape by building her agenda around exposing other agendas. She could see right-wing talking points as just excuses to pay fewer taxes and be a dick to poor people. She could see left-wing talking points as utopian fantasies mixed with a pathological need to be outraged over something. With Daria, no agenda is safe.

In any show that would have her take part in the current climate, it needs to give her opportunities to see all this social masquerading for what it really is. As I’ve noted before, people have a frustrating tendency to believe they’re the hero of their own story. In Daria’s world, there are no heroes. There are no villains. There are just people.

That’s a harsh reality, but one Daria refuses to ignore. Her reminding people of that reality in any show would be both refreshing and cathartic, especially to anyone who is sick of people building their agendas around professional trolling.


Wish #2: Continue Daria’s (Unique) Growth From The Show

Throughout five memorable seasons and two made-for-TV movies, Daria’s character remained remarkably consistent. However, she did undergo her share of growth during that time. It was subtle, much more so than that of characters like Jane, Quinn, Helen, and Tom. However, that’s exactly what made it meaningful.

At the beginning of the show, Daria is already her anti-social, misanthropic self. She’s a teenager and a high school student, though. Teenagers go through changes. Even Daria isn’t immune to that. She developed her first crush, had her first serious boyfriend, and even improved her relationship with Quinn, a character who might have been the least likable person on the show.

The show ended with Daria graduating high school and going to college, culminating in one of the most memorable graduation speeches ever made. However, college is rarely the endpoint for anyone who survived high school, even someone as jaded as Daria. Any new show that expands her story should also follow that evolution.

Whether it takes place in college or shortly after, Daria always expressed a desire to get out of Lawndale and do something with her life that she wouldn’t hate. That’s a process a lot of people go through, but few could endure it with the same attitude or crass as Daria. That’s exactly why that story is worth telling.


Wish #3: Keep Her Apolitical And Unbiased

No matter how much she grew over the course of the show or what she encountered, Daria Morgendorffer may very well be the only character in the show, or in real life, who can call themselves truly unbiased. She doesn’t have a political affiliation. She doesn’t identify with one group or the other. She’s just Daria. Her opinions and leanings are her own.

That’s an important facet to preserve in any new “Daria” show. That may prove challenging, though. If you go by current stereotypes, Daria’s age and education levels put her in line with the kind of left-leaning archetypes that Fox News whines about every half-second. However, in terms of her overall worldview, Daria would be just as cynical about the MSNBC crowd.

The core of Daria’s politics is that all politics are stupid. Politics is just one big exercise in people gathering around others who think like they do so that they can rely on someone else to do the thinking for them. That is not Daria’s style. She believes in thinking for herself. Anything beyond that is a waste of time.

Moreover, her worldview is as simple as it is plain. The real world doesn’t care about your beliefs, your principles, or how hard you fight for them. The real world is harsh and whining about it doesn’t change anything. That would put her at odds with liberals, conservatives, and everyone in between. The idea of her getting into debates with some of the politically-minded trolls in the world would certainly be worth watching.


Wish #4: Give Her Supporting Cast A Chance To Support Her

Like any great character, animated or otherwise, a big part of what made “Daria” such a great show was its diverse cast of colorful characters. From her annoying younger sister to her uptight mother to her charismatic classmates, Daria was surrounded by a lot of memorable individuals who helped highlight just what a unique persona she was.

Daria’s closest relationships were with her friend, Jane Lane, and her family that could never understand her. To maximize the strength of her persona, those relationships should definitely be part of a new show. There can also be room for new relationships that put her in entirely new situations.

That may already be in the works. Within the announcement surrounding the possible reboot of the show, there’s a mention of giving Jodie Landon a significant role in the show. That has a lot of potential because Jodie was a great character who didn’t get a chance to develop until the last two seasons of the show. A new show could give both her and Daria new opportunities in a world full of new controversies.

Within the existing cast, there’s also potential for Daria to forge connections with characters other than Jane. There’s also potential to form new romantic entanglements. She does have the capacity for affection, despite what her demeanor may imply. In an age where romantic entanglements are fraught with complications, that could bring out the best in her and the worst in everyone else.


Wish #5: Put Her In The Middle Of Controversial Issues (And Let Her Work Her Magic)

The original “Daria” was a great show in that it didn’t take sides in a controversy or preach to the audience. In fact, those kinds of public service announcements would’ve been antithetical to Daria’s persona. She doesn’t think that it’s the job of other people, be they animated or otherwise, to tell you how to feel about an issue. That’s something you’re supposed to figure out for yourself.

At the same time, however, I felt as though “Daria” avoided too many major issues that could’ve helped make the show even more relevant. While it lightly touched on issues of teen sex and out-of-control consumerism, it didn’t get too deep into the kinds of topics that inspire hashtags and hate mail.

I think that worked well for “Daria” in the late 90s. I don’t think it’ll work as well in today’s hyper-political climate where a new outrage is just a click away. A new “Daria” show won’t succeed if it avoids hot-button issues like the anti-harassment movement, gender inequality, and an emerging generation that may end up being the most nihilistic of all time.

I’m not saying the show has to be built around those kinds of serious topics every other episode. Shows like “South Park” already do that. The biggest appeal to this show would be Daria offering her misanthropic take on those issues to help expose them for what they are.

I believe that there’s definitely a market for that kind of nuance in our current political climate. I also think there’s a growing need for a voice who can sift through the endless shit storms that get kicked up every day for one reason or another. Whether it’s something the President tweets or some dumb comment a celebrity makes, we all need a harsh, but sincere voice to speak the honest truth.


Daria can be that voice. I would still argue we need that voice now more than we did in the late 90s and early 2000s. I hope that this show, assuming it gets made, provides that voice. “Daria” was ahead of its time, as a how and as a character. It’s time we finally catch up with one another.

Daria” was a great show in that it didn’t take sides in a controversy or preach to the audience. In fact, those kinds of public service announcements would’ve been antithetical to Daria’s persona. She doesn’t think that it’s the job of other people, be they animated or otherwise, to tell you how to feel about an issue. That’s something you’re supposed to figure out for yourself.

At the same time, however, I felt as though

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Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Margarita Edition

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I was never too big a fan of margaritas. With all due respect to Jimmy Buffet and those who live by his music, I just never saw much appeal. If I’m in the need for something tasty and alcoholic, I just grab a cold beer or a glass of whiskey with some ice. That said, whenever a heat wave hits my area, I appreciate margaritas a lot more.

It’s mid-June now. This is the time of year when heat waves hit every other week, it seems. It’s going to get hot. It’s going to get muggy. Even if you don’t enjoy spending time outdoors and have top notch air conditioning, that heat will find you. You’re going to seek out a nice, refreshing drink at some point. You’re also going to feel the urge to get hammered as well.

A good margarita does both. That’s why it’s the perfect drink for a tropical vacation. It works just as well when you’re at home trying to stay cool and not overwork your air conditioning. Every now and then, I’ll adjust my thermostat so I can lounge around naked and still enjoy a good beverage that will help relax me. It’s part of why I love summer.

In the spirit of the summer heat and the drinks that help us cool off, I’m dedicating this week’s edition of my Sexy Sunday Thoughts to all things cold, frosty, and alcoholic. There are a lot of great ways to endure the heat in the summer, but only a handful will get you drunk. Enjoy!


“Women love the strong, silent types because it means more silence after great sex and more strength for carrying bags.”


“For men and gay women, alike, breasts are the original stress balls.”


“Even the most well-endowed man in the world will never measure up against someone with penis-shaped fingers.”


“Masturbating before a date is like taking a bath before going to the pool.”


“A blind date is like strip poker with people who dress in layers.”


“The fact that women’s perfume costs more than men’s deodorant says a lot about how we prioritize our scents.”


“A man dating multiple women takes a lot energy, but a woman dating multiple men simply requires endurance.”


I hope that helps make everybody’s cold, refreshing, alcohol-laden drinks taste that much better. This is the time of year when we don’t need as many excuses to enjoy something frosty and intoxicating. When the sun is blazing, the air is humid, and the days are long, enjoying a beverage that both cools you down and gets you drunk is just an efficient way to enjoy summer.

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The Unofficial Platform Of The Nihilist Party

What follows is a little exercise I found myself doing after hearing too many political debates on TV and reading too many rants on social media. Debating/whining about politics seems to be our new favorite pastime in the age of social media and cable news. Personally, I find it frustrating and unproductive.

It’s for that reason that I’m going to attempt to flip the script on the endless barrage of outrage-inducing diatribes. Instead of attempting to inject a new political context into a discussion, I’m going to just hit the whole concept upside the head with a baseball bat of pure nihilism. I’ve enjoyed talking about it in the past, thanks largely to my love of “Rick and Morty,” and I’d like to channel it into something new.

In the spirit of those equally annoyed by political mud-slinging, who just happen to have an extra-healthy appreciation of nihilism, I hereby present the unofficial platform of the Nihilist Party. I know it’s not  real political party. In fact, nihilism being a political party would be paradoxical, given its philosophical underpinnings.

Now, I understand the inherent absurdity of such a concept. I also don’t deny that my expertise in nihilism and other such philosophies are limited, at best. There’s only so much you can learn by binge-watching “Rick and Morty” and “Bojack Horseman.” I still feel like that’s enough with which to craft a new political party. It’s not like other parties set the bar that high to begin with.

With those disclaimers out of the way, I hereby present what I believe is the unofficial platform for the Nihilism Party. If you want to imagine it being recited in the voice of Rick Sanchez, then by all means. I’m not expecting it to win your vote in the next election. It really doesn’t matter, which is kind of the point.


Preamble

We, the random clumps of matter drifting aimlessly throughout a meaningless universe, hereby decree in the name of a wholly arbitrary set of empty standards, set forth the following principles that we feel adequately create the illusion that how we govern our purposeless society matters. We believe all political ideologies are equally vapid and all forms of government inherently flawed, albeit to varying degrees. As such, we neither seek to pretend ours is superior, nor do we claim we can fix the flaws others ignore.


Statement of Principles

We acknowledge that any functional society, be it free or tyrannical, is finite in nature and subject to inescapable entropy over time. In the long run, no society or its various achievements can hope to outlive the inevitable destruction of our planet and the heat death of the universe. To pretend otherwise is an exercise in futility and ultimately counterproductive.

With these harsh truths in mind, the Nihilist Party seeks only to forge a temporary medium of comfort for those who insist on living in functioning society within a infinitesimal speck in the universe for an inherently finite period of time. Whether or not the individuals in that society accept those harsh truths is irrelevant. The Nihilism Party’s primary goal is to maintain whatever functional order is necessary to keep others content as they wait for their eventual annihilation into nothingness.

In accord with that goal, as meaningless as it may be, the following articles reflect the wholly arbitrary articles of the Nihilist Party. Please note that these principles are necessarily vague in order to embody the empty nature of all political underpinnings. Any effort to inject specifics for a pointless society within a pointless world would be contrary to the principles of the Nihilism Party.


Article 1: Nihilist Rights

  • Since all rights are just legal constructs disguised as inalienable assets, we neither support nor discourage efforts by a significant group of people to randomly denote what constitutes a legal right, provided that group does not impose it others in a manner that would make their meaningless lives uncomfortable.
  • The tendency for individuals to form complex social bonds, as determined by the biological programming of their flesh, is neither the concern of the Nihilism Party, nor is it their responsibility to manage beyond ensuring the nature of these arbitrary bonds aren’t impeding the desire of others to pursue their own false meaning.
  • Since government is nothing more than a temporary construct attempting to manage an inherently chaotic world in an ongoing act of never-ending futility, the scope and reach of such government will be limited to simply ensuring that citizens residing within whatever invisible borders are in place can willfully and peaceful pursue a life of empty meaning on their own terms.

Article 2: Nihilist Economic Policies

  • To the extent that everything of value is based on people just believing it has value, the Nihilist Party remains ambivalent to whatever kind of currency people want to use, be it slabs of metal, pieces of paper with famous dead people on them, or bits of digital code.
  • While the the Nihilist Party does not ascribe or inflate the value of one economic transaction over the other, those built on fraud, lies, and deception hinder peoples’ ability to seek whatever false meaning they pursue and therefore, in the name of preserving meaninglessness for all, favors efforts to limit such behavior to the greatest extent possible.
  • Truth and ethics are ultimately pointless in the long term, but in the short term, it creates favorable conditions for contentment among people and since that’s the most any sentient life from can hope for, the Nihilist Party supports policies that preserve both in economic activity.
  • Since all economic trends are finite, fleeting, and prone to both inflated and deflated value, the Nihilist Party favors playing no favorites in any industry and strongly opposes any efforts to support one form of economic activity over the other.
  • In the interest of ensuring all economic activity is on an equally meaningless playing field, each transaction and industry will be subject to the same arbitrary fees and rules as any others, but the Nihilist Party favors limiting the fees and rules to an extent that ensures equally worthless pursuits of worth.

Article 3: Nihilist Justice

  • The Nihilist Party’s default position on justice is that no one individual, group, majority, or minority is worthy of greater or lesser justice than anyone else and efforts to the contrary are ultimately a waste.
  • Seeing as how justice is a product of flawed, situational perspectives within a given time and place that is ultimately pointless, traditional notions of what is just in one situation cannot and should not apply to another, seeing as how every moment is fleeting.
  • While a meaningless life incurs little meaning in the long run, the needless infliction of suffering and loss is seen as incompatible with the Nihilist Party’s belief that all deserve some modicum of contentment while they await their eventual death and seeks to limit any disruptions to that contentment to the greatest extent possible.
  • The Nihilism Party does not endorse special treatment for anyone who prioritizes their contentment over another and only favors treating measurable, tangible harms as actual wrongdoings, as those are the only harms that carry any weight in a meaningless universe.

Article 4: Nihilist Government Structure

  • The Nihilism Party believes that governments, like the failed economies and fallen empires before it, are simply finite manifestations of spontaneous order among sentient beings and can neither be trusted nor empowered to do more than simply preserve meaningless contentment among its citizens.
  • To the extent that meaningless contentment requires the absence of petty wars and violent conflict, the Nihilism Party favors the maintenance of whatever defense forces are necessary to protect the population within its arbitrary borders from such conflicts, but opposes instigating conflicts for vapid notions of empire and legacy that are ultimately pointless at the heat death of the universe.
  • For those seeking to attain positions of authority within a government, the Nihilist Party supports those who seek to persuade a large enough group of citizens of their worth, but also favors measures that permit the easy removal of such individuals in the name of preserving the arbitrary nature of authority, in general.
  • Since people inevitably die, laws inevitably change, and legal traditions are rendered null over significant spans of time, the Nihilist Party remains ambivalent to the structure and makeup of a government, provided it preserves the party’s policy of maintaining equal contentment for those who seek to forge meaning in a meaningless universe.

Article 5: Nihilist Omission Provision

  • The absence, oversight, or omission of any policy or position in this platform is not to be construed as tacit or indirect statement of support or opposition, seeing as the Nihilism Party holds a position of strict ambivalence in the interest of maintaining the equal meaninglessness of all endeavors, past and present.

There you have it. That is my version of the a platform for the Nihilist Party. Please note that I do not pretend to speak for all nihilists, nor do I claim to be an expert in the subject. This is just a fun little exercise in mixing politics, nihilism, and the absurdity of both.

If you feel like there’s something worth adding to this platform, then please let me know in the comments. For those who are just as frustrated with politics and debates as I am, I hope this offers a nice reprieve, a good laugh, or a potent mixture of both.

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How To Denigrate Multiple Iconic Romances In A Single Comic

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I love romance. I also love comics. I’ve made my fondness clear for both on numerous occasions. When they’re combined, I’m twice as thrilled. It has proven to be a very potent combination before. Like real life, comic book romance isn’t always done right, but when it works, it’s a beautiful thing.

That’s what I had hoped to see with the release of X-men Gold #30, which was billed as the overdue wedding between Kitty Pryde and Colossus. They’re one of the X-men’s most prominent romances, having a history that spans decades and includes death, resurrection, and being trapped in a giant bullet. I swear I’m not making that last part up.

Earlier this year, I detailed why the Kitty/Colossus romance was so special in annuls of X-men lore. It’s one of those romances that isn’t assumed like Superman and Lois Lane. They have to actually work to make their relationship strong, which makes it feel more real than most superhero couples.

It’s why I had such high hopes for X-men Gold #30. It promised to reward these characters for their love and the work they put into it. Being the romance fans I am, I’m a strong believer in having that kind of effort pay off for a couple.

Sadly, and this was spoiled before the comic even came out, that’s not how things played out for Kitty and Colossus. I don’t mind spoiling it, either. Kitty and Colossus don’t get married. Kitty, for reasons that are more asinine than I can put into words, gets cold feet at the last possible second and calls it off.

She doesn’t even wait until she and Colossus are alone so she doesn’t create this mass spectacle that is sure to humiliate and hurt someone she loves in a very public way. She actually gets to the point where Colossus is about to put the ring on her finger and that’s where she stops it. Short of punching his jaw after being told he can kiss the bride, it’s one of the worst things she could’ve done to this man.

On top of that, Kitty was the one who proposed to him. This isn’t a case where a man pressures a woman into marrying someone or a woman feels pressure from her family and peers. The idea, request, and desire to get married came from Kitty and her being the one to call it off like that, after her friends and family did so much to help her, just makes her look more callous than an entire army of Lex Luthors.

I wish I could provide some context to her decision. I really do. I just can’t find a believable way to make her decision anything other than an act of heartlessness, cruelty, and cowardice. There were no hints, whatsoever, in the events that led up to the wedding that would imply Kitty was having second thoughts. In fact, the events of X-men Gold #29 doubled down on her love for this man.

Then, in just one scene that played out early in X-men Gold #30, it all comes apart thanks to a short, unspectacular conversation with Colossus’ sister, Illyana “Magik” Rasputin. It’s not dramatic. It’s not that revealing, either. Again, I don’t mind spoiling it.

Magik just reminds Kitty that she and Colossus had to overcome a lot in order to get to this point. She also throws in that, if they were meant to be, it would’ve happened already. Bear in mind, Magik is considered one of Kitty Pryde’s closest friends on top of being Colossus’ sister. Even if that remark could be attributed to her alcohol intake, it’s still a terrible thing to say to someone who is about to get married.

It’s one of those comments that shouldn’t have derailed a couple that has worked so hard to be together, but it did. Seriously, that’s all it took to convince Kitty that she had to stop the wedding, in the middle of the ceremony, and in front of all her friends and family. Considering she’s supposed to be a leader of the X-men and one of the toughest female X-men of all time, it’s pretty pathetic.

Her decision and terrible timing, alone, could’ve made X-men Gold #30 one of the least romantic stories in the history of the comics. I still wouldn’t have put it on par with some very disturbing romantic sub-plots that played out in some Spider-Man comics. If breaking off a wedding was all this comic did, I would still appreciate it for how it imparted so much heartbreak into a story.

However, it gets even worse than that. It wasn’t enough for X-men Gold #30 to undermine one of the X-men’s most likable romances. It actually succeeded in denigrating the entire concept of romance in superhero comics. I know that sounds like an exaggeration on my part, but I’m dead serious.

Yes, Kitty and Colossus don’t get married in this issue. However, a marriage does occur and it is between another iconic X-men couple that I’m actually really fond of. The lucky couple here is Rogue and Gambit. If you watched the old X-men 90s animated series, you understand why that’s a big deal.

Now, I could write several articles on the quirks of the Rogue/Gambit relationship. It’s another one of those romances that has become iconic in its own right. I would even go so far as to put it slightly above the Kitty/Colossus relationship, if only because both characters have had to deal with some pretty unique obstacles, the least of which involves Mystique being Rogue’s adopted mother.

In the context of X-men Gold #30, though, those various quirks don’t really play into the moment. They haven’t even played into any of the events throughout X-men Gold that led up to this wedding. In fact, they only recently rekindled their relationship in a mini-series called “Rogue and Gambit” by Kelly Thompson, which I highly recommend.

Even with that development, though, them getting married at this point would’ve been rushed, forced, and downright inappropriate, given what just happened to Kitty and Colossus. It would’ve given the impression that someone had to get married in this comic. It didn’t matter who, why, or for what reason. It just had to happen to salvage the issue.

To hell with crafting a story that documents the emotional journey two characters make to get to that point. Never mind the fact that other iconic couples have gone on that journey and made for some of the most memorable moments in the history of comics. Just having Rogue and Gambit randomly decide, on the spot, to get married should carry the same weight. If I could write that with more sarcasm, I could.

Again, I want to make clear that I like the Rogue/Gambit relationship. I’m glad their romance is evolving, once more, especially after some of the other characters they’ve been stuck with. The way it was handled, though, and at Kitty and Colossus’ expense, no less, was just downright demeaning to the very concept of meaningful romance.

It sends the message that romance is as interchangeable as a box of frozen burritos. If one doesn’t heat up right, then another one works just as well. It’s not like they’re unique, having unique emotional dynamics and personal journeys specific to multiple characters. One is no more special or meaningful than the other. Again, if I could write that with more sarcasm, I would.

What happened to Kitty and Colossus in X-men Gold #30 was tragic, but it didn’t undercut romance in superhero comics, as a whole. As soon as Rogue and Gambit were randomly thrust into the moment, doing on a whim what took other couples so much time and effort, the whole issue undercut any deeper meaning that both romances had going for them.

Great romance, especially those that go onto become iconic, can’t be the kind of exchangeable gimmicks that can be sold as easily as plastic cups at Costco. Great romance is like the cookies you bake with your grandmother from scratch. There’s work, patience, and a deeper personal touch to the effort.

I get the appeal of throwing in a major twist. Comics, movies, and everything associated with M. Knight Shyamalan have been doing that for years. That appeal isn’t there in X-men Gold #30 because it comes at the cost of treating romance with the same recklessness as super-villains treat their henchmen.

On it’s own, I thought X-men Gold #30 was just really disappointing for how it handled Kitty and Colossus. However, it’s the precedent and the implications that leave me concerned for the future of romance in comics, particularly Marvel. If this is how love is treated, as something easily cut and pasted into a plot, then I worry for other comic book couples that may face similar denigration.

Here’s to hoping that the upcoming wedding between Batman and Catwoman sets a better precedent.

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Filed under Comic Books, Jack Fisher, Superheroes, Love Or Obsession, Marriage and Relationships, romance, X-men