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Jack Fisher’s Sexy Sunday Thoughts: 2018 NFL Preseason Edition


It’s almost here! Six months after an epic Super Bowl showdown, which went onto inspire a sexy short story, a new football season is almost upon us. Sure, it’s only the preseason, but any lifelong football fan will tell you that it’s better than nothing after a dozens of boring Sundays.

I’ve made my love of football known before. I’ll do plenty to reaffirm that love in the coming weeks. I know the NFL has been in the news for all the wrong reasons over the past couple years, but that doesn’t make me miss it any less. I’m eager to start building my Sundays around how much football I can watch and how much cold beer I can drink.

Most football fans tend to roll their eyes at the pre-season. I admit it’s basically the diet soda of football. It’s still football, though. It has a purpose, as well. It helps set the stage for the coming season, revealing which teams lack depth and which teams will be behind the curve when the season starts. It’s exciting and it beats the hell out of watching golf.

Meaningless games or not, I’m ready for some football. The preseason is just an appetizer and I’ve got plenty of room for the main course. With that, I dedicate this week’s edition of my Sexy Sunday Thoughts to the beginning of the 2018 NFL Preseason. Enjoy!

“Make-up sex is like having your favorite TV show renewed after a lousy season.”

“Saying someone has lost their virginity on prom night is like saying they accidentally drank a glass of water when they were thirsty.”

“Porn isn’t inherently harmful, but the stress of hiding your collection sure is.”

“A man’s love for a woman is directly proportional to his ability to identify her tits in a topless bar.”

“Giving good oral sex is like giving a rousing speech in that it’s measured by how loud the audience gets.”

“A quickie in the morning is like Chinese take-out for dinner in that it usually leaves you hungry for more later on.”

“A couple’s overall horniness is directly proportional to their willingness to make love atop dirty sheets.”

These are exciting times for sports fans. The baseball season is heating up. Football season is almost here. With each passing day, we have more and more excuses to eat Buffalo Wings for a snack. Football isn’t back quite, but it’s close and like my sexy musings, preseason should help tide us over for now.

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Jack Fisher’s Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Dog Days Of Summer Edition


It’s the first Sunday of August and that usually means we’ve officially entered the dog days of summer. We’ve all heard that expression at some point and not just from baseball fans. It usually signifies the point in the year in which the summer heat starts to burn and no amount of cold lemonade can stop it.

Now, I love summer as much as the next person who enjoys pool parties and beach trips. I love the hottest days of summer more than the coldest days of winter. At the same time, though, there’s a point where even I find the heat unbearable. Between sunburns, humidity, and hungry mosquitoes, even I can’t overlook the flaws.

As I write this, I’m nursing more than my share of sunburns and mosquito bites. I’ve also seen more than a few days where the temperature got into the triple digits and even my love of sleeping naked only goes so far. August tends to bring out the best and worst parts of summer and as much as I strive to stay positive, I can’t overlook how much my sun burns hurt.

I’m still not eager for winter to get here and hinder my ability to lounge around naked, but I’m not going to hide from the difficulties. As such, I dedicate this week’s edition of my Sexy Sunday Thoughts to the dog days of summer and how we cope with them. Enjoy!

“Tough love and rough sex aren’t the same thing, but they use similar methods.”

“Anyone with a spanking fetish who is still insulted by a slap in the face is sending mixed messages.”

“Is there any feasible way to tell someone you think of them while you masturbate and present it as a compliment?”

“The fact that men are repulsed by the workings of female genitalia, but still want to put their dick in it says a lot about the power of their sex drive.”

“Marriage is like paying for a reserved parking spot with a piece of your heart, a part of your soul, and significant legal liabilities.”

“True love is being able to fart in the same bed with someone.”

“Talking to your lover about what you want in bed is like giving them a guide, but just telling them what to do is like giving them homework.”

I hope this provides enough distraction from the humidity, among other things. We’re in the middle of summer and probably have a few more heat waves to endure. That means more sun burns and bug bites lie ahead of us. As frustrating as they can be, I’ll take that over shoveling a foot of snow off my driveway any day of the week.

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Jack Fisher’s Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Pool Party Edition


Who doesn’t enjoy a good pool party in the middle of summer? Seriously, you’d have to be an inherently miserable person or a vampire to not find some joy in it. As a kid, they were often the best part of my summer. Even as an adult, they still rank right up there, albeit behind bikinis and topless sunbathers.

A pool party is like anti-school. It’s a manifestation of the best parts of a particular time of year. School make take up a good chunk of that year, but that makes events like pool parties even more special. They’re a celebration of a wonderful time of year when you can sleep in on weekdays, not have to worry about homework, and take mid-day naps by the pool.

I grew up in a neighborhood where there was at least one pool party a month in the summer. I currently live in a community where we had one just yesterday. You’re never too old to enjoy it. That’s why I dedicate this week’s edition of Sexy Sunday Thoughts to pool parties and all the summer joy they bring.

“Situation and circumstance determine whether being naked makes for a terrible nightmare or a sexy fantasy.”

“Fake tits won’t make up for a fake personality, but they will offer a welcome distraction.”

“Strippers are the first (and still best) manifestation of interactive porn.”

“Softcore porn is like pizza without toppings in that it’s still good, but not as much as it could be.”

“Seeing is believing, but when it comes to fake tits, feeling is certainty.”

“Telling your lover about your fantasies is akin to giving them a how-to guide to your orgasm.”

“Your doctor and your lover both know your body intimately, but your lover will always offer an affordable co-pay.”

For the record, a good chunk of these thoughts came to me while I was lounging by the pool. I like to think that these are the musings inspired by the best parts of summer. Whether they take place by the pool or in an air conditioned room, they reflect a great time of year. Between sexy swimsuits and having another excuse to sleep naked, what’s not to love?

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Jack Fisher’s Sexy Sunday Thoughts: San Diego Comic Con 2018 Edition


Another year has come and so too has San Diego Comic Con. For die-hard comic book fans like me, it’s like Christmas with sexier costumes. Between the news about my favorite comics, fresh movie trailers, and the greatest cos-players in the world, it’s basically my Woodstock. While I’ve made numerous trips to the New York Comic Con, one of the items on my bucket list is to go to San Diego one year.

I wasn’t able to make it out this time. I’m hoping that when I become a best-selling writer, I’ll have the money, time, and resources to make the trip. I’ll even try to make an elaborate costume, whether it’s one of the X-men or Wonder Woman. I don’t know when that moment will come, but for now I’m content to just follow the big news, admire the cos-players, and discuss the best and sexiest moments.

The middle of summer is awesome enough between hot weather, trips to the beach, and valid reasons for sleeping naked. Adding San Diego Comic Con to the mix is just an extra thick layer of frosting on top. I can think of no better summer event for which to dedicate my Sexy Sunday Thoughts. Whether you’re lucky enough to be in San Diego or just like browsing the internet while dressed as a superhero, this is for you. Enjoy!

“There’s no right way to finding out you enjoy having your nipples pinched.”

“A G-spot only exists for those determined to find it and willing to share the journey.”

“Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar, but a cucumbers tends to have some pretty specific implications.”

“You can’t say you’re in love without knowing the distinct scent of your lover’s genitals.”

“To argue with someone after great sex is akin to sleeping after a long nap.”

“Children are a joy because they’re the literal manifestation of orgasms.”

“Yelling the name of a deity during sex is the only prayer all faiths share.”

To those who got to addend the San Diego Comic Con this year, I envy you and I hope you had an excellent time. I hope to join you one year. Until then, keep making those costumes as sexy and awesome as possible. For events like this, you guys are the real heroes.

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Jack Fisher’s Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Men’s Fashion Edition


Growing up, I didn’t care much for fancy suits. In fact, I often avoided wearing them whenever I had to go to some fancy occasion like a wedding or party. In time, however, I came to appreciate the finer points of men’s fashion. As an adult, I’ve even had fun with refining my wardrobe and ensuring I look like the kind of man who takes care of himself.

It may be superficial, but there’s a logical purpose to it. How you dress affects how others see you. You send a message about yourself when you show up to an event in a clean suit that you’ve taken the time to wash, press, and accessorize. It further shows that you’re willing to put resources into your image.

That matters to people and I’m not just referring to women. The way you dress and groom yourself conveys just how eager you are to embrace this crazy world we live in. Show others that you’re willing to put in the work and they’ll be more likely to share in the rewards. I can personally attest to how much this affects the way you feel, especially around those of the opposite sex.

I personally own multiple suits and a set of ties that I probably overpaid for. I also make it a point to overdress for informal occasions, if only to stand out in the right ways. If that makes me weird, so be it. That’s why I’m dedicating my Sexy Sunday Thoughts this week to men’s fashion and those who put in the effort. It doesn’t always show, but it sends the right message about the kind of man you are. Enjoy!

“Logistically speaking, unattractive men are more likely to fuck better because they have more incentives to make it count.”

“Sweat during sex is like grease on pizza in that it’s an unavoidable, yet delicious byproduct of something great.”

“When you think about it, big tits are the only pop-up ads that men don’t mind seeing.”

“A woman’s flexibility during sex is directly linked to her lover’s ability to help her exercise it.”

“The female capacity for multiple orgasms ensures that lesbians will always have the edge in terms of sexual stamina.”

“In principle, an orgy in which everyone is satisfied is the truest manifestation of democracy.”

“Seeing a sex therapist is a lot like getting tech support for your genitals.”

I hope that got everyone feeling as bold on this beautiful Sunday morning as I do when I put on a freshly-pressed suit. It’s a special feeling, one that men and women alike can appreciate. No matter what day it is or what occasion you face, looking sharp and well-groomed will make it better. Few men can ever be like James Bond, but at the very least, you can look at fancy as him.

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Jack Fisher’s Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Functioning Air Conditioner Edition

3a43a5ad804242152de7fd160d7e19d4-sexy-men-hot-menHowever, there are times when summer isn’t quite as relaxing. I learned that the hard way a couple years ago when my air conditioner broke just in time for the first heat wave of the year. It wasn’t a simple mechanical problem either. The whole system flat out died on me and had to be replaced. It wasn’t just insanely costly. It ensured I was stuck in a hot, muggy house for nearly an entire week.

It’s not a very pleasant memory, to say the least. Air conditioning is one of those wondrous modern amenities that we all take for granted. Even in the biggest heat waves, we can find relief in our air conditioned homes or cars. For most of human history, we didn’t have that luxury. When it got hot out, you just endured it. I like to think that the invention if air conditioning made it possible to really enjoy summer for all its worth.

To honor this modern wonder, as well as those whose job it is to keep these inventions going, I hereby dedicate this week’s edition of my Sexy Sunday Thoughts to the joys of having functional air conditioning. If you’re unlucky enough not to have one, I hope these sensual musings give you some comfort as you endure overpriced repairs. Enjoy!

“It’s ironic that pulling out requires self-control while not pulling out incurs danger, both of which are traits women find sexy.”

“The potential discomfort of anal sex gains a very different context for any woman who has given birth.”

“The difference between a tender kiss and foreplay is akin to the difference between a sip of whine and a shot of bourbon.”

“There’s no polite way to ask a woman whether she’s horny, but there are countless possible ways to tell when a man is horny.”

“When you think about it, allowing your lover to shave your pubic hair is one of the greatest acts of trust.”

“Sweet talk may get your lover out of their clothes, but dirty talk will keep them in your bed.”

“A couple watching porn together can either be an act of romance or an act of research.”

To all those lucky enough to have a functioning air conditioner this time of year, I urge you to counter your blessings and offer sympathy to anyone who isn’t so lucky. Also, take the time to thank the brave men and women who repair those units during this time of year. They, along with the bartenders serving margaritas on the beach, are the real heroes of summer.

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Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Cold Lemonade Edition


This is the time of year when every day becomes inherently better if you have a glass of ice cold lemonade within reaching distance. Between heat waves, humidity, and sun burns, a glass of cold lemonade goes a long way towards making summer feel complete. Like snow on Christmas morning, it just feels right. If you can throw in a little vodka, then that’s just icing on the cake.

Since I was a kid, I felt as though no summer was complete without a cold glass of lemonade. It was something I actually picked up from my father. He worked outdoors a lot and whenever he came in, all sweaty and dirty, the first thing he did was get himself a glass of lemonade. Even when we went out to eat, that was his drink of choice on hot days. It always seemed to boost his mood so naturally, I picked up on it.

As I write this, I’ve got cold glass of lemonade right next to me. It’s sweet, it’s cold, and it makes my weekend feel that much more complete. Sure, a morning cup of coffee may wake you up, but a cold glass of lemonade will put a smile on your face. You don’t have to be sitting on a beach or by a pool to enjoy it, but it certainly helps.

I know I sound way too enthusiastic about a simple drink that kids like to sell for quarters on a curb, but I stand by my love of lemonade in the summer every bit as much as I stand by my love of sleeping naked. That’s why I’m dedicating this week’s edition of my Sexy Sunday Thoughts to that special feeling that comes with every cold glass of lemonade on a hot summer day. Enjoy!

“Good manners and good oral sex have a lot in common when you think about it.”

“Technically, watching porn is the only spectator sport where the audience can also score.”

“Awkward boners are like annoying pop-up ads and tight briefs are like ad blockers.”

“The first step to falling in love is wanting to see someone have and orgasm and the last step is convincing them to let you regularly give them one.”

“Babies are precious because they’re the only tangible proof that you’ve had sex.”

“Any toy can be a sex toy with the right application of lube, kink, and pain tolerance.”

“Misery loves company, but only confidence can organize a three-way.”

I hope you enjoyed that, even if you had no cold lemonade nearby. The hottest days of summer are still ahead of us. It’s going to get hot, sweaty, and sticky. There will be times where you can’t legally ditch the clothes to cool off. In my experience, a cold glass of lemonade is the next best thing.

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