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Jack Fisher’s Sexy Sunday Thoughts: St. Patrick’s Day 2019 Edition

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I’ve never made a big deal of St. Patrick’s Day. That’s not to say I have anything against it. Until I reached legal drinking age, I was totally neutral on it. As far as I know, my family tree does not have any significant Irish heritage. Very few friends or relatives ever made a big deal of it. For them, it was just another excuse to drink and throw a party.

In terms of holidays, it’s as basic as you can get. If there’s a party to be thrown and general merriment to be had, then that’s all the merit you really need. I’ve never needed too many excuses to enjoy a cold beer or hang out at a bar. St. Patrick’s Day just means more people at the bar and more green attire.

I know there are people who take St. Patrick’s Day much more seriously. Between the parades people throw in major cities and the green colored beer, some people take the celebration to a whole new level. Honestly, I completely respect that. Even before I was a drinker, I always respected those who took an excuse to have a party and run with it.

To all those who take full advantage of the festivities of St. Patrick’s Day, I hope you all enjoy yourselves. I’ll certainly be celebrating in my own way. I hope this batch of my Sexy Sunday Thoughts helps get everyone into the spirit. Enjoy!


“Logistically speaking, it doesn’t take too many tweaks to turn a romance movie into a porno.”


“Foreplay is like layers of frosting in that it’s difficult to overdo it and there are many forms it can take.”


“Good sex requires at least as much imagination as it does endurance.”


“A sizable chunk of human endeavors has a basis in men trying to get laid.”


“Making out is to sex what diet soda is to soft drinks.”


“The act of falling in love always involves some sort of reaction by our genitals.”


“When you think about it, fantasy is the oldest, most basic form of porn.”


Once again, I wish everyone a safe, happy, and sexy St. Patrick’s Day. Whether you take it seriously or not, it’s still a holiday and a reason to celebrate. Embrace that spirit and every sip of beer, whiskey, or vodka will taste that much sweeter.

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Jack Fisher’s Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Sexy Texts Edition

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It wasn’t that long ago that the idea of sending sexy texts seemed as appealing as sending a sexy telegram. Those not born after the year 2000 have no idea what it was once like, trying to convey sexiness through words alone. The closest most of us ever came was passing dirty notes during class, but that always carried the risk of the wrong person seeing it. I know more than one person who made that mistake.

While sending sexually explicit texts has become more mainstream, so much so that it has set off a moral panic in some parts, the concept is still the same as it always was. People get horny. People seek love. Not everyone is good at face-to-face communication. They can’t talk their way into love or sex like James Bond. Sometimes, it helps to have a filter of sorts and I’m not just talking about auto-correct.

As someone who has above-average writing skills and below-average conversational skills, I can appreciate using text messages to convey sexy sentiments. It helps when you have a chance to read over your words, contemplate better ways of saying it, and presenting them in a way that feels coherent and genuine. I know this works because every major relationship I’ve been in started with text messaging.

However you feel about the impact of text messaging and sexting, there’s no denying that it’s a powerful communication tool. For this week’s edition of my Sexy Sunday Thoughts, I’d like to emphasize the benefits of sexy texting. As someone who has forged actual relationships from it, I feel it’s worth celebrating.


“Tell big lies to get laid is directly correlated to saying weird shit during sex.”


“Telling someone to listen to their heart often means encouraging them to do whatever gets the blood flowing to their genitals.”


“What does it say about our culture when we’re shocked when someone refuses sex and aghast when someone offers it?”


“Sluts are like prostitutes who offer a free trial period.”


“Romance movies treat stalking the same way porn treats spanking.”


“Cooking a good meal for your lover counts as foreplay if they’re hungry.”


“Alcohol won’t make you horny, but it does make you more honest about it.”


Whether we like it or not, texting is going to play a major part in how people express their sexy side. Even if it didn’t exist, people will still long for an intimate connection. While there are costs to consider, there are plenty of rewards, as well. Any tool that can help us forge those connections can only help us in all our romantic and sexual pursuits.

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Jack Fisher’s Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Sexy Games Edition

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When most people think of games, they probably don’t think of something overtly sexual. They usually think of something simple like a card game, a video game, a board game, or something of that nature. These days, when someone asks if you want to play a game, it’s usually in a casual, non-sexy sort of context.

Like many activities, though, it can take on a very sexual connotation. You actually don’t need to do much to make a certain game sexy. If you’re playing a card game, you can just turn it into strip poker. If you’re playing a board game, make the loser have to strip. If you’re playing a Street Fighter or Super Smash Brothers tournament, make the loser of every match take something off.

Yes, I understand a lot of the sexiness comes from stripping. I’m not saying that’s the only way to make a game sexy. It’s just the easiest. You can easily mix it up in other ways. I won’t get into details. I just encourage everyone to exercise the dirtiest, naughtiest parts of your imagination. You’ll come up with something eventually. As long as it involves lots of nudity and basic sex acts, you’ll find a way to make it sexy.

The world is a stressful, chaotic place. We all need to unwind. Games, be they sexy or unsexy, are a great way to relax. When you make them sexy, though, they become more than just a tool of relaxation. They become a fun, novel way of sharing intimacy. That’s exactly what this week’s edition of my Sexy Sunday Thoughts celebrates. I hope it inspires plenty of sexy gaming of all kinds. Enjoy!


“What exactly was the first person who shaved their pubic hair thinking?”


“Morning wood is nature’s way of letting men know the best way to start their day.”


“The truth will set you free, but lying will get you laid more often.”


“No matter how wealthy you are, you’ll never feel as rich as those who experience multiple orgasms.”


“Is it ironic that the sexiest clothes are the ones that make other people want to take them off?”


“When you think about it, marriage is just the bureaucracy for permitting state-approved orgasms.”


“The integrity of a man is directly proportional to how honest he is about the size of his penis.”


As I said before, there are many games that lovers can play to spice things up. You don’t even have to venture into the kinkier parts of the internet to find them. There’s a time to be serious with your relationship and there’s a time to have fun. No matter your age, sexuality, or kink, a good relationship is one that leaves plenty of room for fun. Games, especially the sexy kind, can only help.

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Jack Fisher’s Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Fine Wine Edition

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I admit that I’m not much of a wine drinker. I’ve always been more fond of beer and whiskey. That’s just my personal taste. That said, I still appreciate the value of a nice glass of wine. In terms of consuming alcohol, it’s seen as the most dignified way to get drunk. However, sharing a glass of fine wine isn’t all about getting drunk.

I know this because there are a number of people in my family who are big fans of fine wine. They travel to wineries every chance they get. They have a knowledge and collection of wine that’s right up there with my dedication to superhero comics. For them, sharing a glass of wine can be friendly and social. It can also be romantic and sensual.

As such, I have a keen appreciation for the intimate undertones that a fine glass of wine can conjure. It’s not just about loosening lips, clothing, and everything in between. It’s about sharing something valuable with someone. It helps show that you’re willing to go the extra mile to get into their heart, as well as their pants.

While I may never enjoy wine as much as I enjoy beer, I can always enjoy that special mood that comes with sharing a fine glass of wine. It’s more than enough to inspire an entry of my Sexy Sunday Thoughts and, unlike some imported bottles, this won’t cost you nearly as much. Enjoy!


“To those with a great sense of humor, a joke can count as foreplay.”


“The invention of underwear ensured that women will never know how many awkward boners they’ve caused.”


“When you think about it, foreplay was the first act of true teamwork.”


“A sizable chunk of the economy is dedicated to making people horny in some form or another.”


“A penis is like a car in that it takes some skill to use it and only a little stupidity to wreck it.”


“On some levels, an anniversary is nostalgia for the first orgasms you shared with your lover.”


“A major aspect of maturity is just being more tactful when you’re feeling horny.”


I hope that brought out the inner connoisseur in everyone. Whether you like to make things fancy or keep things simple, there’s something special about sharing a nice glass of wine with your lover and letting your inhibitions melt away. It’s an aspect of romance and sex appeal that feels refined, yet fun. It’s a potent combination that any couple can enjoy.

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Jack Fisher’s Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Hot Aliens Edition

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If aliens ever do land on Earth, our reaction will be highly contingent on how sexually attractive we find them. It’s an inescapable fact of our dirty collective imaginations. We judge someone by how sexually attractive we find them. If a race of aliens looked like Brad Pitt and Jennifer Lawrence, we would approach them differently compared to the little green men of old.

I don’t deny there are some alien women in fiction that I find very attractive. Gamora from “Guardians of the Galaxy,” Liara from “Mass Effect,” and Starfire from DC Comics are just some of the alien women I find sexy. While I understand that’s very unlikely that actual aliens would look anything like women, men, or humans in general, it’s still a popular trope for a reason.

Aliens can be scary, as many movies and TV shows have shown us. They can also have a sexy side. After all, all life needs to survive and reproduce in order to evolve, including aliens. They would have to have some level of sex appeal in order to get that far, even if it takes a form most humans wouldn’t understand.

Regardless of how real aliens might look, there will always be a place in the world of fantasy and sci-fi for sexy aliens. As someone who loves comics, sci-fi, and all things sexy, those kinds of aliens have a special place in my heart. For that reason, and plenty others, I dedicate this edition of my Sexy Sunday Thoughts to the sexy aliens out there, wherever they may be.


“The quality of the sex we have is directly proportional to the necessary effort to get the stains out of our bed sheets.”


“You know you have sex appeal when you can make dirty sweatpants look sexy.”


“Weddings are the only occasions where people encourage close family members to have sex.”


“True love is never hesitating to touch your lover’s dirty underwear.”


“When you think about it, every romantic gesture is directly linked to facilitating an orgasm.”


“As a general rule, if it can be used as a lubricant, it probably has been used in a sex act.”


“Strippers and prostitutes are the only ones who know the actual market value of their bodies.”


We may never know whether we’re truly alone in the universe. Even if we do meet real aliens one day, it’s unlikely they’ll take a form we find inherently sexy. It’s still a fun idea to imagine, a race of aliens that are both extremely advanced and extremely sexy. Fantasy or not, it’s the kind of idea that makes gazing up at the stars that much more awe-inspiring.

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Jack Fisher’s Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Competitive Love Edition

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Some people are just competitive, by nature. They’ll turn anything into a contest, be it a sales competition, a video game, or the act of making love to their lover. It can be beneficial. Competition, after all, is wired into our collective psyche. It’s part of what has made humans such a successful species. As such, it helps make us great lovers.

I’ve known people who actively channel their competitive nature into their love lives. They often end up with spouses or partners who are just as competitive as they are, looking for ways to push each other and themselves. I knew one couple in college that tried to compete with another on how long they could spend a day naked together. I’m not sure who won, but I don’t get the sense that anybody lost.

It can get needlessly elaborate and downright exhausting. It can also help keep things interesting in a relationship. I’m not an overly competitive person, but I do like to push myself every now and then. When I do find that special someone, I hope they’ll have a similar competitive drive. When done right, competition can bring out the best in people. When done right to our love lives, it can get pretty damn sexy.

That’s not to say there aren’t risks. Like anything, it is possible to go too far. That’s not the kind of competition I’m referring to. For this week’s Sexy Sunday Thoughts, my focus is on the kind of competitive spirit that pushes lovers in all the right ways for all the right reasons.


“We consider nudity obscene, but trust a few thin layers of fabric to guard that obscenity.”


“The first person to shave off their pubic hair must have been equally brave and foolish.”

 


“The best drugs either facilitate the process of getting sex or mimic the feelings associated with having sex.”


“True cunning is seducing someone who thinks they’re the one doing the seducing.”


“Men who are good with power tools have no excuses when it comes to effectively using a vibrator with their lover.”


“A dirty thought is often a precursor to a loving gesture.”


“These days, a lack of debt carries its own brand of sex appeal.”


Hopefully, that got some of the competitive juices flowing, among other things. The NFL season may be over and the middle of winter makes it tough to do much competing. That just means couples have to get more creative and creativity is often the best catalyst for an exciting love life.

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Jack Fisher’s Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Super Bowl LIII Edition

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It’s finally here. That most holiest of days for football fans is upon us. Super Bowl LIII has arrived. Whether you’re a football fan, a sports fan, or just someone notices there are a lot of reruns on today, you feel its impact. It is, by sheer numbers, the most watched event on television and this year looks to raise the bar once again.

Now, I’m not particularly passionate about either team. Neither one of these teams were my pick to make it to the Super Bowl when the season started. I’m also among the many who were hoping to see anyone other than the New England Patriots playing for yet another title. I even feel like this game is already tainted because of a bullshit call that robbed the New Orleans Saints of a critical victory.

Regardless of my personal feelings, it’s a football game and the biggest game of the year, at that. That means I’m going to stock up on beer, buffalo wings, whiskey, chips, dip, and everything else that’s going to make me feel 20 pounds heavier tomorrow. Regardless of who hoists the Lombardi Trophy, I’m going to enjoy myself and so will many others.

Football may not inspire sexy thoughts in everyone. I’m sure there are plenty who are annoyed by how much coverage the Super Bowl gets every year. That said, I’m also sure those same people would admit that Tom Brady is one sexy piece of man meat. I’m a straight man and even I don’t deny that. His sex appeal alone is enough to inspire this week’s Sexy Sunday Thoughts. Enjoy!


“What does it say about us that we shake hands with the one someone is most likely to use to masturbate?”


“We send mixed messages when we label sex as an adult subject and those who enjoy it too much as immature.”


“Orgasms are nature’s way of telling people that propagating a species can be fun.”


“The best sex often starts with something you shouldn’t do, becomes something you want to do, and ends as something you wish you’d done sooner.”


“The taboo of every sexual kink is directly proportional to the amount of lube it requires.”


“When it comes to sports, the will the win and the will to get laid aren’t always mutually exclusive.”


“Practically speaking, sex is the part of romantic chemistry that is most likely to make a literal and figurative mess.”


I hope that helped everyone work up an appetite, among other things, for the big game. I’m sure it’ll have many twists and turns. I’m also sure it’ll be full of controversy, regardless of who wins. Whatever the case, it’s the last football game of the season and it’s worth enjoying. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got some extra-spicy wings to cook and a lot of beer to drink.

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