Category Archives: Sexy Sunday Thoughts

Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Memorial Day 2017 Edition

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This weekend marks a bittersweet, but important holiday to all those who love and sacrifice for their country. Tomorrow is Memorial Day. It’s a time when we all take a moment to appreciate the men and women who serve in our armed forces. For some, it’s a solemn reminder of those we’ve lost. For others, it’s a time to celebrate what we’ve preserved.

It’s no small thing to serve your country. We live in a dangerous, chaotic world and I’m not just talking about snakes swimming up through toilet bowls. While the world, as we know it, has gotten better over the past century, there’s still danger out there. It still takes guts, heart, and spirit to put on a uniform and put your life on the line for a country that doesn’t always appreciate it.

Having had many of my own family members serve in the armed forces, Memorial Day has a special place for me. I’m sure many other families feel the same way and share the same sentiment. So on behalf of my family and all those who enjoy the freedom of having a blog that talks regularly about sex robots, I give my praise and thanks all those who served.

There’s only so much an aspiring erotica/romance writer can do to thank the brave soldiers who served their country so honorably. At the very least, I can dedicate this entry of my Sexy Sunday Thoughts to them and hope a little crude humor helps honor the freedom they fought for.


“Male nipples are only as useless as their willingness to experiment with them.”

Biologically speaking, male nipples are useless. They serve no major bodily function for men. They’re just holdovers from our development process in the womb. Most men go their whole lives without really doing much with their nipples.

That said, the absence of a biological function doesn’t mean nipples can’t have a function at all. It just takes a little imagination. I’m not just talking about using nipples during sexy time, which is a thing men can do if they so dare. I’m just saying a little imagination and exploration wouldn’t hurt for this often-neglected body part.


“Since we protest, kiss, and lick with our mouths, does that mean oral sex is a form of free speech?”

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The mouth is a beautiful thing with underrated, yet vital sex appeal. The way we use our mouths to convey ideas is what helps build nations, cultures, and monuments. In the modern era, the speech we create with our mouths is considered an important right for those living in free societies. As such, doesn’t it logically follow that free speech and oral sex aren’t mutually exclusive? I’m just putting that idea out there.


“Acne, arrogance, and stupidity are nature’s way of ensuring horny teenagers don’t have too much sex.”

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Being a teenager sucks. Between school, hormones, and awkward boners, it’s a tough time that we all have to endure. It doesn’t help that teenagers are exceedingly horny. Put any group of teenagers in a confined space for a certain amount of time and they’ll find a find a weird way to express their horniness.

In that sense, I think the acne, immaturity, and stupidity that comes with being a teenager is nature’s way of balancing things out. Who really needs abstinence only education other than guilt-seeking Catholics anyway? The acne, body odor, and impaired brain function are enough to keep most youth in their pants.


“Is hooking up with a friend’s ex the romantic equivalent of insider trading?”

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For the most part, hooking up with a friend’s ex-lover that you’ve come to know is considered a dick move. Insider trading, which is akin to cheating on a horse race by placing a bet after it’s over, is also a dick move. Both involve using inside knowledge that others don’t have to get something you want. I’m not saying they’re the same. I’m just saying the similarities are uncanny.


“No drug can be considered a wonder drug if it causes sexual dysfunction.”

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Every year, there’s some new wonder drug that hits the market. The drug seems to do everything. It alleviates pain, cures a headache, or makes you confident enough to tell your boss to piss off. These drugs are hailed as miracles of science and cash cows to pharmaceutical companies.

However, it doesn’t matter if a drug cures cancer, makes you skinny, and gives you perfect bowl movements. If it causes sexual dysfunction of any kind for men or women, it can’t be a wonder drug. What’s the point of being so healthy when it leaves you so lonely on the weekends?


“When you think about it, prostitutes and plumbers have eerily similar jobs.”

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There are a lot of jobs you can compare to prostitution. Some of them are more of a stretch than others. I would argue that it’s not too much of a stretch for a politician, but more of one for a professional athlete. With plumbers, though, I don’t think you need much imagination and I’m not just talking about exposed butt cracks.

Think about it. We pay plumbers to fix or help us use equipment that handles a basic biological function. They often charge a lot for their services and they’re often exposed to some of our most private activities. It may not be as sexy as a nurse or a mechanic, but the parallels are there.


“A birthday, in a literal sense, is also as a celebration that two people got laid.”

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I love celebrating birthdays. Who doesn’t? Surviving a year on this crazy planet is a big deal. Let’s not overlook the secondary implications though. The only reason we have a birthday to begin with is because two people got laid and the product of that beautiful activity created us. I say that’s worth a second celebration.


“At some point, a relationship therapist is bound to become a sex coach.”

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I believe therapy is a good thing for those who need it. There are people in this world who need professional help to deal with certain issues, be they psychological or emotional. For relationship therapists, though, I think there’s a certain inevitability to the process.

If people are going to talk about relationships, then most of the time, they’re going to talk about their sex lives. If there are issues in a relationship, then chances are their sex lives are impacted. Fixing that relationship sometimes means fixing their sex life. What else is someone who aids in another’s sex life if not a sex coach? I think if that were an official title, a lot more people would study mental health.


Once again, to all those brave men and women in uniform, happy Memorial Day! Thank you for your service and sacrifice. It’s through your dedication that we live in a country where a guy like me can sell sexy romance novels. For that, veterans of every generation will always have a uniquely special appeal, sexy and otherwise.

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Sexy Sunday Thoughts: The Final Exam Edition

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For millions of kids, teenagers, and underpaid teacher, this is a magical time of year. This is when the end of the school year is finally in sight. It’s no longer some distant dream or tempting thought, not unlike that of prisoners counting down the days of their sentence. Then, just when it feels like you’ll never escape, you see the light at the end of the tunnel and it’s getting so close.

It’s a wonderful, albeit agonizing feeling for some. I’ve made clear before that I despised high school. I was miserable, unhealthy, unattractive, and had the social skills of a lobotomized squirrel. I did get good grades, but that was hollow consolation at best. Had it not been for the hot teacher I had my sophomore year, I’d have done everything I could to just forget it.

I know, and sincerely hope, that my high school experience wasn’t typical. I hope it’s gotten better since I was in school. Even if school isn’t making kids too miserable right now, I’m sure some of them are still eager to get it over with and enjoy their summer. I can’t make time go faster, but I can make it feel less agonizing with a light application of crude, sexy humor.

That’s why I’m dedicating this week’s Sexy Sunday Thoughts to all those eager students and teachers who can’t start their summer vacation soon enough. To those desperately watching the clock every day, I say hang in there. It’s almost over. Let these sexy jokes help tide you over until then.


“Isn’t it somewhat hypocritical that we call our genitals junk, but spend an inordinate amount of time cleaning and caring for it?”

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We call our genitals a lot of crazy things. Some are cute. Some are funny. Some make no goddamn sense. I’d use a lot of words to describe my penis and how I feel about it. Junk isn’t one of them.

I don’t know where this came from. I don’t know why it’s funny. Maybe it’s just the erotica/romance writer in me, but the way we treat our genitals is serious. If we treat them like junk, our weekend isn’t just ruined. Our entire species is in danger. Think about that next time you call your nether regions junk.


“When you think about it, bondage has unique appeal to those who lazy and unmotivated.”

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I’m sure there are all sorts of complex, psychological underpinnings behind bondage and BDSM. I’ve even talked about a few of them. Sometimes, though, there doesn’t need to be some complex mental gymnastics to explain why some enjoy it. Sometimes, something as simple as laziness can fill in the blanks.

Think about it. If you’re on the receiving end of bondage, you don’t have to do anything. You can’t. You just have to stay tied up while your partner does all the work. For those who sucked at gym class, I can see how that would appeal to certain people.


“When you think about it, those who use elaborate costumes to get in the mood are just taking the scenic route to O-Town.”

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I’m often astonished by the time and effort some people put into their cos-play costumes for comic book conventions. I’m just as astonished/aroused by the time and effort some people put into their kinky sex costumes. Just go to any gay pride parade and marvel at the intricacies of their attire.

Some would argue that such effort into such a basic act is a waste. I disagree. In the same way we sometimes take the scenic route to the same destination, it’s just one of the many ways to enjoy the process of sex and not just the outcome. As an aspiring erotica/romance writer, that sort of thing brings tears of joy to my eyes.


“There are certain beautiful women who look at hot gay guys and see it as a challenge.”

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Back in the late 90s, Ricky Martin was the hottest piece of man meat on the planet. I would see grown women pick up a magazine with his image on the cover and go into a semi-orgasmic frenzy. It was a strange, but interesting time, at least in the sense when magazines were still relevant.

When he turned out to be gay, that disappointed a lot of women. Some of them, however, weren’t dissuaded. Some of them actually said out loud, in public, and in a sober state of mind that they could change that and not in the “Pray Away the Gay” sort of way either.

I don’t know if it’s ego or frustration, but those women kind of scared me. They thought they could mentally coerce a man into wanting to have sex with her. As a man, I know that if someone needs convincing to get horny around someone, then it’s just not meant to be.


“Some people are willing to accept alternative facts, but would probably draw the line at alternative orgasms.”

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A lot of people roll their eyes at “alternative facts,” but will make every excuse to use them when it suits their agenda. I generally don’t argue with these people. They’re not going to be convinced otherwise. I just smile to myself and imagine what would happen if they used that same approach to their sex lives. I’m pretty sure their excuses would fail them.


“When someone spits on us, it’s disgusting. When we willingly lick the spit out of their mouths during a kiss, it’s romantic.”

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This is another one of those odd quirks in our social behavior. When you hate someone, you spit on them to demonstrate your hatred. It’s widely accepted as one of the most hateful things you can do to a person or group.

Conversely, if you’re with someone you love, one way you express that love is to rub your lips and tongues together. You’re practically slurping up their spit. That’s love while the other is hate. Does anyone else see an inherent disconnect there?


“A woman who says she likes exotic accents is just saying politely that all the men from her hometown are assholes.”

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I don’t deny it. Accents are sexy. Few things soak a woman’s panties than a foreign man with an exotic accent. Why else would so many women still want to have sex with Sean Connery?

I get it. Exotic things can be sexy. At the same time, however, I also think a woman who really loves exotic accents is saying something about the men from her hometown, albeit indirectly. If she has to look to another country to find a man to make her horny, then I think that says more about the men she’s known than it does her.


I hope that put a smile on your face or a awkward boner in your pants. Either way, you’re welcome. Again, I know it’s not going those last few days of school any less painful. That pain will pass though. If I can survive with my sanity somewhat intact, then anyone can.

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Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Mother’s Day Edition

Today is a very special day. Today, we give thanks to the wonderful women who enjoyed having sex enough that they lovingly conceived us in their wombs. Yes, it’s Mother’s Day. Then again, anyone who willingly carries another human in their bodies for nine months deserves way more than just a card and breakfast in bed.

No matter how you spin it, moms are a big part of our lives. Why else would MILF porn be so popular? Moms give birth to us. Moms nurture us. Moms willingly let us suckle on their nipples and receive nourishment. They are the only ones who can actually make tits more amazing than they already are. That’s an accomplishment.

I love my mom. I try to make that love and appreciation clear every time I see her. She’s been a wonderful influence on me my whole life. Considering that I was miserable, self-loathing little shit at times, I can’t help but marvel at the breadth of such love. She really is that amazing. No offense to Gal Gadot, but she is the real Wonder Woman of my life.

She knows what I do. She’s been very encouraging since I began writing all those years ago. She, my father, and my family have given me more support than I ever could’ve hoped for as I pursue my dream of being an erotica/romance writer. So to my mom and all the other wonderful moms out there, I thank you.

As such, I’m proud to dedicate this week’s edition of Sexy Sunday Thoughts to my mom and all the other moms out there. Thank you for giving us life. Thank you for having the sex that conceived us. We hope that was an especially satisfying experience, just as I hope these crude comments are especially funny.


“The sight of boobs makes boys hungry as babies. The sight of boobs makes men act stupid as adults. Does that count as irony?”

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I’m not sure if this counts as irony or a paradox. Maybe it’s a fluke of biology or part of some deep-seated psychological imprint that develops in the minds of men. Maybe it’s just our caveman brain’s inability to differentiate between hunger and horniness, which I’ve talked about before.

Whatever the case, the results are the same. Boobs make baby boys hungry. Boobs make grown men act stupid. When I was in New York City last year, I walked past a number of topless women in Times Square. I could feel my brain power temper so that it could process the beauty of expose breasts. Ironic or not, men think boobs are awesome at any age is what I’m saying.


“Those who say sex is an itch that needs to be scratched has clearly never had a nasty mosquito bite on their balls.”

I’d rather not go into too much detail about this. There’s a reason I know what it feels like to have a mosquito bite on unusual parts of my body. I do not want to tell that story. I’ll just say that those who make light of a mere itch are woefully misinformed about how sensitive certain parts of their body really are.


“Massages can be equally sexy for both genders, but they’re always more messy for one gender in particular.”

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Who doesn’t love a good sensual massage? It’s one of the few sexy acts that can be both deeply romantic and overtly pornographic. It has everything you need for sex appeal. There’s intimate touching, relaxing sensations, and plenty of potential for romantic affection.

If done right, a massage can be an orgasmic experience and then some. That said, it can get messy, especially if you’re very generous with the massage oil. It also tends to get messy for one particular gender, namely the one that requires tissues and baby wipes. It’s just basic biology.

Ask anyone who’s had to clean up that mess though. They’ll say it’s worth it.


“A man can’t say he’s in love with a woman until he willingly buys her tampons. A woman can’t say she’s in love with a man until she willingly fixes a toilet he clogged.”

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There are many ways to test just how in love you are with your partner. Having similar tastes in movies, food, and underwear certainly help, but true intimacy can sometimes manifest in less obvious ways.

The way I see it, if you’re willing to accept the less flattering traits of someone, then your love definitely has some meat to it. A man who buys feminine hygine products and a woman who deals with a man’s bathroom habits can rightly claim they’ve achieved a level of intimacy that goes beyond rubbing body parts together.


“A true test of trust is letting someone else shave your pubic hair.”

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Think about it. Shaving your nether regions is a dangerous and risky endeavor. One wrong move and your weekend is ruined, among other things. It’s hard enough to trust your own hands to tend to your most sensitive body parts. Trusting someone else to do it takes something special. It’s actually kind of romantic when you think about it.


“When a woman flashes her tits outside a strip club, is it undermining the efforts of hard-working strippers or does it count as free advertising?”

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This kind of confuses me. When I was in Las Vegas, there was a topless woman giving out flyers for a strip club. She had great tits herself so it seemed kind of redundant. Why advertise for something in a way that gives the customer what they want from the outset?

Then again, maybe it was a free sample of sorts. Maybe that woman understood that when a man sees one pair of tits, he wants to see more. In that sense, her ploy was pretty brilliant.


“Would prostitution be less taboo if they were reclassified as sexual trainers?”

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There are all sorts of taboos surrounding prostitution. When you’re the world’s oldest profession, the simple law of averages ensure it’s bound to happen. I get why women wouldn’t want their lovers to see prostitutes. It works the other way too. I’m sure men don’t want their girlfriends drooling over male strippers.

So rather than make this another source of conflict, why not turn it into something productive? Why not reclassify prostitutes, male and female alike, as trainers with which we refine our sex skills? The prostitutes get money. Ordinary people are trained by professionals to make love to our partners more effectively. Everybody wins.


Once again, thanks to all the moms out there for being the wonderful women they are. If you can, do something special for the woman that bore you. She’s more than earned it.

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Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Cinco De Mayo Edition

Break out the maracas and pour yourself a glass of tequila because it’s that time of year again. No, I’m not talking about a politically incorrect Halloween party that is sure garner unwarranted controversy, as Hillary Duff found out last year. I’m talking about Cinco de Mayo, the Mexican equivalent to the 4th of July.

Yes, I understand it was two days ago. Yes, I understand some are still sleeping off a tequila hangover. No, I do not care. It’s a holiday that involves drinking, celebrating, and beautiful women dressing up. That’s all I need to know.

I understand we live in sensitive times. This is a period in our history where any discussion about any culture that wasn’t prominently represented in 1950s sitcoms tends to generate the kind angry vitriol usually reserved for the comments section of Justin Bieber music videos. I’ve no desire to turn this blog into that kind of digital waste dump.

Mexico has been in the news a lot over the past couple years, albeit for some less-than-flattering reasons. It’s likely to be an ongoing shouting match for the next four years and beyond. Until Elon Musk gives all our brains a badly-needed update, we’re kind of stuck with this sort of insipid hatred.

For now, though, I want to set that all aside and just celebrate one of Mexico’s major holidays with another entry of my Sexy Sunday Thoughts. Even if you don’t care for another country’s holidays, at least appreciate the sexy thoughts they inspire. Those thoughts transcend cultures for all the right reasons.


“If eating, sleeping, and sex are basic needs, then do wet dreams count as multitasking?”

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Let’s face it. We all have busy, hectic lives. Even our most basic needs will sometimes slip our minds. There’s a lot to worry about, but when it comes to basic needs, I think our bodies intrinsically try to compensate however it can. A wet dream may lead to messy sheets and an awkward conversation, but it ties into two basic needs. In that sense, I think it’s a uniquely efficient function of the human body.


“Isn’t it ironic that men will put on fancy suits and women will put on expensive dresses just to entice someone else into take it off for them?”

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I love wearing fancy suits as much as the next guy. When I put on a suit and tie, I feel like I just got a kiss from Jennifer Lawrence. They can be expensive as hell and a pain to keep clean, but that’s the price of looking good, I suppose. For women who invest a lot of money into a dress, I imagine the sentiment is similar.

Even so, there is something to be said about the unstated goals of looking good. Wearing fancy clothes and looking good is one of the many ways we let others know we take care of ourselves. It’s also one of the many ways we let others know that we’re interested in boning. So when part of that process involves getting our clothes off, I think that says something about the subtle undertones of fashion.


“The cleanest pair of male underwear will never be as sexy as a dirty pair of women’s panties.”

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This may or may not be a double standard of sorts. There aren’t a lot of male attire, aside from maybe a fat wallet, that has the same innate sex appeal as a woman’s panties. Why else would there be vending machines in Japan that dispense used panties? Why else would women be able to sell their panties on Ebay?

Now I love panties as much as the next heterosexual male. They’re just one of the many beautiful garments that exemplify the female form. I don’t know the psychological mechanisms behind their beauty, but I know that there’s just no way that male underwear, or male garments of any kind, can ever compete.


“When you consider the fact that we’re all naked underneath our clothes, public nudity laws are both unenforceable and redundant.”

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This is a sentiment I often find myself contemplating whenever I see someone freak out over public nudity or something on TV that was just too damn sexy. From Janet Jackson’s nipple to pretty much anything Pamela Anderson has worn, there are some people who just get so uncomfortable at the thought that someone out there is naked.

At the end of the day, we’re all still naked underneath our clothes. I’ve made my sentiments towards nudity clear so I don’t think it should surprise anyone that I have such a cynical view of anti-nudity laws.


“The day someone declared sex to be immoral is the same day someone else found a loophole.”

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This is just human nature. Tell someone they can’t have something they really want and they’ll find a way to get it. Some will bend the rules more than others. Some will flat out ignore them. When it comes to sex, one of the most basic drives in nature, the incentives for finding a loophole couldn’t be greater.

It shows in the way some people try to get around a society’s prudish norms. Abstinence only education may do everything it can to scare the shit out of teenagers who are already horny as hell, but their response is to just delay it a bit longer or try anal sex. Put in all the rules you want. When someone is that horny, they’ll find and/or make a loophole.


“Beautiful women and attractive men have many advantages in life, but under the influence of sufficient alcohol, we’re all equally sexy.”

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This is just a basic function of alcohol. We’ve all heard about the “beer goggles” effect. There is even some science behind it. I think it’s nature’s way of bridging the divide between kings and peasants.

No matter how rich and sophisticated you are, alcohol will make you and everyone around you as unrestrained and immature as a 13-year-old boy who just discovered internet porn. Honestly, I kind of take comfort in that. It shows that we’re all more equal than we think.


“Anyone who says talk is cheap probably never called a sex hotline.”

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I feel old in that I remember the days when sex hotlines was the closest you could come to hearing sexy women talk in sexy ways. Maybe cam girls are the modern equivalent. Whatever the case, they function they function the same way. They charge you money to hear beautiful women talk dirty. That’s right. You’re paying for words and if your credit card statement tends to get awkward, then chances are it won’t feel that cheap.


” Ice cream is great. Orgasms are great. So would ice cream that gives you orgasms be even greater or redundant?”

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This is more a philosophical question than a curiosity. I love ice cream. A lot of people love ice cream. For some, ice cream is right up there with orgasms. For a select few, a tub of ice cream is on the same level as an orgasm. So what would happen if you combined the two? Would it be redundant or would it double the fun? It’s hard to say, but it’s fun and sexy to contemplate.


Thank you and muchas gracias to all of Mexico and all those who appreciate any holiday that gives us an excuse to drink, dance, and wear sexy outfits. At a time when we have way too many excuses to hate each other, we need as many of those days we can get.

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Sexy Sunday Thoughts: NFL Draft Edition

It’s a very special Sunday for football fans, like me. For non-football fans, it’s a case study in just how unhealthy our love of sports can be. That’s because this special Sunday has no games, no hitting, and no sexy cheerleaders on the sidelines. It’s the NFL Draft. It’s a huge spectacle for football fans, but it’s not nearly as exciting as it sounds.

The NFL Draft is basically just an event where NFL teams pick from a crop of promising college athletes who they think can graduate from being an unpaid amateur to being a grossly overpaid professional. Some can make this transition, but most don’t. That’s why those that do are a special breed. A few can even help their team become a contender, unless you’re the Cleveland Browns.

Some think it’s inane. Some think it’s a spectacle that doesn’t deserve to be a spectacle. I totally get those criticisms, but since I’m a huge football fan, I don’t give a shit. I love all things about football. While I do take issue with how college players are treated, possibly due to our sexual attitudes, I’ll gladly celebrate this inane sports gimmick.

For others who aren’t that insanely dedicated to sports, don’t worry. I haven’t forgotten about you. In between listening to the entire city of Philadelphia boo Roger Goodell, I still have plenty of sexy thoughts that I’d love to share. As much as I love football, it just can’t turn off a sexy mind.

So while your football-loving buddies are pretending they know better than any NFL general manager, enjoy this latest edition of my “Sexy Sunday Thoughts.” It may not be the same spectacle as the NFL Draft, but it should make you laugh and get you a little horny in the process. That’ll make anyone feel like a first round pick.


“The only difference between a passionate hobby and a fetish is the extent to which it facilitates orgasms.”

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We all have hobbies. I certainly do, as my love of comic books regularly demonstrates. We can be pretty damn passionate about our hobbies. Just go to any comic book convention and look at the costumes people wear. That’s a special kind of dedication.

However, a fetish can push things beyond dedication. When our passions lead to arousal and that arousal leads to orgasms, then it can get a little kinky to say the least. No matter how much you love your hobby, orgasms add an extra bit of incentive. That’s why the leap from a hobby to a fetish isn’t as big as you think.


“Are we depraved because we’re horny or are we horny because we’re depraved? It’s an important question because one requires a padded cell and the other requires a prostitute.”

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This is the sexual equivalent of a chicken-and-egg scenario. There are some pretty crazy people in this world, some of which are in major positions of power. They can develop some pretty depraved tendencies, but I often wonder how depraved they would be if they just got laid more often.

We all do dumb things when we’re horny. In any situation with any given tool, our horniness will screw us up. Now that’s not to say there are people whose depravity goes beyond being horny, but it is an interesting idea to contemplate, just how much that horniness plays a role.


“It says a lot about the times when any kid with an internet connection can view a billion pairs of female breasts, but they still need to be 17 to see breasts in a movie.”

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Let’s face it. The MPAA is completely obsolete. Maybe it had a place 30 years ago when they could put security guards in front of theaters, keeping children from the utter horror that is exposed female breasts. Today, however, it’s a joke. Any kid with an internet connection can see breasts of every shape and size. They shouldn’t have to wait until they’re 17 to see a R-rated movie.


“There’s a fine line between flirtation and harassment. One may get you laid. One may get you fired. The fact we risk it shows just how horny we are at heart.”

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This is another testament to our collective horniness. Now there’s no question that harassment is a major issue. It’s also a crime. Men who harass women and women who harass men can do real harm. The problem is that some people have a hard time understanding the difference between harassment and flirtation.

Not knowing that difference can be huge. It can mean the difference between finding a lover and ending up in a courtroom, explaining why you put pictures of your ass as someone’s screen saver. Despite all this, we still risk it. We really are just that horny.


“A one night stand is like fast food. A relationship is like a steady meal. A passionate romance is like an unlimited supply of chocolate fudge.”

There are many variations of sexual intimacy. Sometimes we just need to scratch that proverbial itch. Sometimes we just want someone to hold when we’re alone and horny. Then, there are those times when we find someone we love with true passion. Those times are like chocolate fudge. It can make any moment of any day a treat.


“If women spent a day as men, they’d have a new appreciation for how horny they are. If men spent a day as women, they wouldn’t learn a damn thing because they’d be too busy playing with their breasts.”

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I’m sorry, ladies, but this is another one of those inescapable double standards that I’ve talked about before. I believe that women would learn a lot about men if they spent a single day as one. They may gain a new appreciation for why we do the crazy things we do.

Unfortunately, that doesn’t go both ways. If men spent a day as a woman, they would learn next to nothing. How could they? With a pair of breasts always in reach, they would be too distracted.


“Until we can send orgasms through our phones, sexting is just a lazy attempt at amateur porn.”

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Now I understand that sexting is a growing phenomena that makes parents recoil in horror. They still can’t wrap their heads around precious baby being sexual in any capacity. However, I think the appeal is overrated. In an era of internet porn and Carl’s Junior ads, it doesn’t exactly have much impact. Now if there was a way to send someone an orgasm over the phone, then that would have an impact, among other things.


“Peacocks and strippers have a lot in common when you think about it.”

I say this not just because I once met a stripper named Peacock. Strippers get up on a stage and put on elaborate shows to entice potential mates/clients/credit card numbers. Peacocks to the same with their elaborate feather displays. It’s all a spectacle that’s done with boning in mind, either directly or indirectly. Some may call it shallow. I think it’s a beautiful demonstration of just how sexy the animal kingdom can be.


That’s it for now. It’s been an eventful weekend for the NFL, but for an aspiring erotica/romance writer, my sexy mind is always on the clock. Between thoughts like this and novels like “Passion Relapse,” I hope to keep supplying everyone with first round sexiness.

Plus, my mind isn’t governed by Roger Goodell. That has to count for something, right?

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Neuralink: How A Brain Enhancement Will Make Us Smarter (And More Romantic)

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It’s a sad/annoying fact of life. Most of us don’t have photographic memories. Unfortunately, most of our public schools and every major testing system they use works under the assumption that we are capable of retaining vast amounts of semi-trivial information and spitting it out on demand. Then, the people who run these schools are shocked when students complain.

Think back to the class you hated most in school. How much memorization did that class require? Unless you have a really good, semi-photographic memory, chances are you were expected to be half-machine to succeed. You had to spend no less than two hours of your day with flash cards, forcing your brain remember things it doesn’t want to remember. In the grand scheme of things, how productive was that time?

For me, the class I hated most was my Spanish class. I had one of those teachers that basically expected us to memorize a Spanish dictionary. Unless you actually grew up in Spain, it was about as pleasant as getting a rectal exam with boxing glove. Needless to say, I don’t speak a lick of Spanish anymore.

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Now I do have a fairly good memory. Ask me anything about a particular comic book character and chances are, I’ll tell you everything about that character, who they’ve hooked up with, and how many times they’ve been killed off and brought back to life. Ask me to translate a paragraph in Spanish on the spot and you’re bound to be disappointed.

This spotty memory that plagues high school students, adults, and people who just can’t keep track of their keys is an unavoidable part of modern life. It can even hinder our love lives. How many men have been denied some tender lovemaking because they forgot their lover’s anniversary, birthday, or favorite pizza topping? It’s downright tragic.

These limitations aren’t just the byproduct of stupidity. There’s a very good reason why we all don’t have photographic memories. There was no evolutionary need for them until very recently. Our bodies and brains evolved to prioritize survival, reproduction, social cohesion, and spacial awareness. The fact there are over 7 billion of us on this planet now shows that those priorities were not misplaced.

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However, the world is getting more complicated. Society is becoming more complex than our caveman brains can make sense of. That’s why we have entire populations that are still woefully uneducated, which effectively guarantees that they will be left behind and impoverished.

It’s a sad situation because education is difficult when you’re dealing with caveman brains. It takes considerable resources to teach people and those resources are often finite, even in the era of the internet. Even resources like Khan Academy can only go so far.

So how do we fix this situation? A society that has a large population of impoverished, uneducated people is not a stable one, as the 2016 Presidential Election proved. Well, a solution is already in the works and it has even larger implications for our personal lives.

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Enter Neuralink again. Yes, I know I dedicated an entire article explaining why it’s the most important venture in the history of the human race. However, there’s no way I could explore the implications in just a single post. There are so many aspects about this venture with amazing possibilities that I need multiple posts to do it justice.

In case you’ve forgotten, which is entirely appropriate given the context of this post, Neuralink is a new company by tech mogul/Tony Stark wannabe, Elon Musk. The goal of the company is to create a line of neural implants that will go directly into peoples’ brains and fix or enhance their function. It’s a market that doesn’t exist yet, but one that is as untapped as a diamond mine on Mars.

Neural implants are not entirely new, but much like the electric car before Musk, they’re not well-developed. At the moment, most of the research is going into creating implants for people whose brain has suffered damage from an injury or stroke.

That’s an entirely noble use of technology, but let’s face it. We humans, especially billionaire businessmen like Musk, aren’t satisfied with just healing the sick. We also want to enhance the healthy. That’s where the potential of neural implants gets really exciting and even a little sexy.

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Think back to that class you hated so much in high school. Now imagine, if you can, that you just got the latest implant from Neuralink. The implant basically acts as an upgrade to your memory, taking it from caveman mode to one that’s actually useful in the 21st century.

That doesn’t just mean you now have a photographic memory. It also means that your brain can make connections and process concepts faster. It’s one thing to just spit out a Spanish translation of a passage from Shakespeare. To actually comprehend it and be able to analyze it faster is where the real benefits set in.

Suddenly, you don’t need expensive schooling or teachers with PHDs from Ivy League schools to effectively learn a concept. You can read a certain book or watch a few videos from Khan Academy and just like that, you know it. You can learn six grade levels worth of math in just under a year. Sure, you’ll probably be an annoying smart-ass, but you’ll have a wholly valid reason.

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Economically speaking, it would be a diamond mine on top a gold mine on top an oil well. Even if the neural implant costs around $10,000, that’s still less than it cost to educate one American student for a single year. Just like that, education doesn’t just get cheaper. It becomes as easy and efficient as watching a few YouTube videos, something our current generation already is very good at.

With Neuralink, education becomes so much easier and so much more efficient because now it doesn’t have to circumvent our exceedingly flawed caveman brains that only want to survive, reproduce, and avoid hungry bears. Beyond the education, there’s also an even greater implications.

Just being able to memorize facts, equations, and Taylor Swift songs is all well and good, but there are other forms of intelligence that a neural implant could affect. Our brains are also the mechanism through which we process emotions. That’s a skill that schools struggle to teach even more than calculus. Emotional intelligence is a thing and it plays a huge role in how we get along as a society.

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Think back to a time when someone had an emotional breakdown in a very public place. If you’ve been around teenagers in any capacity, chances are you’ve seen more than one. What you saw was a clunky human brain that struggled to process a vast array of emotions. With a neural implant, those kinds of breakdowns become less likely.

So what happens when you combine emotional intelligence with a robust education? That’s where the erotica/romance writer in me gets really excited because that’s a perfect foundation on which to build love. That’s not some coy way to add sex appeal to this exciting technology. That’s a real impact and one with plenty of inherent sex appeal.

According to research by Pew, couples who are both college educated are much more likely to have strong, lasting marriages. That should surprise no one. When you’re smart and educated, you’re better-able to forge a lasting, loving partnership with someone. Being uneducated means more chances for stupidity and stupidity tends to kill romance faster than a clogged toilet.

Now, imagine further enhancing that education and that ability to process emotions. Put it in the brains of two people seeking love, lust, and everything in between. How much depth and passion would emerge in such a romance? What kind of sex life would a couple like that have when they know both the breadth of their emotions and the intricate workings of each others’ anatomy?

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Imagine a society that has these kinds of brains fueling this kind of romance. How much sexier would that society be? In that sense, Elon Musk will have ushered in a new era of love and passion, while probably making himself a few more billions. It’s a promising, romantic, inherently sexy future to contemplate.

I do hope I live long enough to see it manifest. I also hope to craft a few sexy novels along the way. Hopefully, Musk reads one of them and gets a few other sexy ideas. I say that any future that involves enhancing our ability to love one another and make love is one that’s worth pursuing.

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Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Stoner’s Edition

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I don’t consider myself a stoner, but I know a few people who are and they are some of the nicest, most relaxed people I know. Compared to some of the drunks I’ve known, I’d much rather spend an afternoon with them. That tends to say more about the people than the drug itself.

I know that this past week was a big deal for the stoner crowd. This past week was 4/20, the closest thing stoners have to a holiday. It’s only fair. Alcohol has St. Patrick’s Day and Mardi Gras. Why can’t marijuana have a holiday to call their own?

Now I know there are a lot of controversial opinions about weed. I know it’s still an illegal substance in most states and countries. Sure, that’s changing for a few and that change is way overdue, but it has a long way to go. As a lover of freedom and the right to indulge one’s preferred vices in a responsible manner, I hope stoners reach their goals.

Until then, I can only offer my support and my weekly entry of Sexy Sunday Thoughts. Between releasing my first published novel and an unofficial holiday for an entire subculture, it’s been a busy week. I can think of no better way to cap it off than with some crude, sexy humor. Enjoy!


“Someone who’s developing a spanking fetish must get very confused when they’re being punished.”

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I sometimes wonder about those who develop certain fetishes. It’s one of those things that just can’t happen overnight. It’s got to be a process to some extent. So those in the midst of that process who have a spanking fetish must get very conflicted when a parent, nun, or prostitute tries to punish them. It may or may not have the desired effect.

That doesn’t mean the process has to be difficult though. If a punishment ends up making you horny and those doing the punishing don’t realize that, then you win in the end.


“Objectively, men with big dicks and women with big tits struggle the most under public nudity laws.”

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I get that public nudity laws exist for a reason. Even though I enjoy nudity more than most, I still feel like certain people struggle with it. If you have a really big dick or a pair of awesome tits, I imagine public nudity laws are very stressful. You have an innate desire to show of your endowments, but the law says you can’t. It’s a constant struggle. In that sense, the well-endowed men and women of this world deserve our sympathy.


“Being sexy will only get you noticed. Having sex appeal will actually motivate someone to get you in their bed.”

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Make no mistake. There is a difference between sexy and sex appeal. It’s usually subtle. It usually determines whether a stripper gets an extra tip or whether a man gets that cute cocktail waitress’ phone number.

In essence, being sexy is just like being a flashy sign along a busy highway. Having sex appeal is like having a map that shows all the shortcuts to help you get from that initial encounter to someone else’s bed. It’s a powerful tool so you know the difference.


“Guns take lives. Genitals help create life. For some reason, though, it’s controversial to teach kids how to use them both safely.”

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This is an odd paradox of sorts. There are all sorts of programs for gun safety aimed at kids. The NRA even uses cartoon characters to teach it. Parents who own guns are more than happy to teach their kids all about safe and responsible use. It’s rarely controversial.

For genitals, though, parents recoil in horror. Never mind the fact that the proper use of genitals is the very reason children exist in the first place. The fact that abstinence only education is so prevalent shows an odd disconnect from those who want to teach children safe and responsible behavior.


“The fact that a women can make any part of their body sexier, but a man can never make his balls sexier says a lot more about female sexuality than most are willing to admit.”

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It’s amazing how women can take any body part, from head to toe, and find a way to make it sexier. Whether it involves painting toe nails or piercing labias, women get astonishingly creative when it comes to making parts of their body more attractive.

It says something about men that there are only a handful of body parts they can make sexier. Most of those require more work than painting toe nails. On top of that, men have certain body parts, like their balls, can never be attractive. Either our imaginations are just that limited or women are just that beautiful.


“Are bisexuals more sexually flexible or are they just plain greedy?”

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I’ve often wondered about this. From a pure numbers standpoint, bisexuals have a huge advantage. They can get frisky with 100 percent of the planet while those of a heterosexual persuasion are stuck with only half at most. That’s a hell of a disparity.

Does that mean that bisexuals are just that flexible? Is it possible that they’re just greedier and they’re playing a numbers game? We can’t know for sure, but I often find myself envying bisexuals. They know that when it comes to getting laid, the math is on their side.


“The fact that sex toys exist proves that our brains can be horny and rational to some extent.”

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Many say that we cannot be rational when we’re horny. I’ve even echoed that claim here on this blog. However, that’s not to say that it’s impossible to some degree. The creation of sex toys still requires a certain amount of rationality and logic.

Sure, we’re still prone to making stupid decisions when we’re really horny, but we can also be pretty damn motivated as well. Sometimes motivation can lead to beautiful creations. Excuse me. I just teared up a little.


“Lust is the meat on the bone. Romance is the sauce we use to cook it. Divorce is the food poisoning we get when neither is done right.”

Love and lust are a potent combination. That’s something I try to demonstrate in my books, especially “Passion Relapse.” It can create a perfect storm of passion and ecstasy the likes of which make life worth living. It truly is a beautiful thing.

Divorce, on the other hand, makes life about as pleasant as explosive diarrhea. It is the ultimate gut punch, both to our hearts and to our wallets. Like the difference between chocolate and food poisoning, it can take something beautiful and turn it into an agony that only a robust toilet is equipped to handle.


To stoners and non-stoners alike, I thank you for this momentous week. If you haven’t already, please take the time to check out “Passion Relapse.” Regardless of how high you are, it should put you in just the right mood to cap off your week.

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