Tag Archives: Jack Fisher

Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Memorial Day 2017 Edition

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This weekend marks a bittersweet, but important holiday to all those who love and sacrifice for their country. Tomorrow is Memorial Day. It’s a time when we all take a moment to appreciate the men and women who serve in our armed forces. For some, it’s a solemn reminder of those we’ve lost. For others, it’s a time to celebrate what we’ve preserved.

It’s no small thing to serve your country. We live in a dangerous, chaotic world and I’m not just talking about snakes swimming up through toilet bowls. While the world, as we know it, has gotten better over the past century, there’s still danger out there. It still takes guts, heart, and spirit to put on a uniform and put your life on the line for a country that doesn’t always appreciate it.

Having had many of my own family members serve in the armed forces, Memorial Day has a special place for me. I’m sure many other families feel the same way and share the same sentiment. So on behalf of my family and all those who enjoy the freedom of having a blog that talks regularly about sex robots, I give my praise and thanks all those who served.

There’s only so much an aspiring erotica/romance writer can do to thank the brave soldiers who served their country so honorably. At the very least, I can dedicate this entry of my Sexy Sunday Thoughts to them and hope a little crude humor helps honor the freedom they fought for.


“Male nipples are only as useless as their willingness to experiment with them.”

Biologically speaking, male nipples are useless. They serve no major bodily function for men. They’re just holdovers from our development process in the womb. Most men go their whole lives without really doing much with their nipples.

That said, the absence of a biological function doesn’t mean nipples can’t have a function at all. It just takes a little imagination. I’m not just talking about using nipples during sexy time, which is a thing men can do if they so dare. I’m just saying a little imagination and exploration wouldn’t hurt for this often-neglected body part.


“Since we protest, kiss, and lick with our mouths, does that mean oral sex is a form of free speech?”

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The mouth is a beautiful thing with underrated, yet vital sex appeal. The way we use our mouths to convey ideas is what helps build nations, cultures, and monuments. In the modern era, the speech we create with our mouths is considered an important right for those living in free societies. As such, doesn’t it logically follow that free speech and oral sex aren’t mutually exclusive? I’m just putting that idea out there.


“Acne, arrogance, and stupidity are nature’s way of ensuring horny teenagers don’t have too much sex.”

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Being a teenager sucks. Between school, hormones, and awkward boners, it’s a tough time that we all have to endure. It doesn’t help that teenagers are exceedingly horny. Put any group of teenagers in a confined space for a certain amount of time and they’ll find a find a weird way to express their horniness.

In that sense, I think the acne, immaturity, and stupidity that comes with being a teenager is nature’s way of balancing things out. Who really needs abstinence only education other than guilt-seeking Catholics anyway? The acne, body odor, and impaired brain function are enough to keep most youth in their pants.


“Is hooking up with a friend’s ex the romantic equivalent of insider trading?”

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For the most part, hooking up with a friend’s ex-lover that you’ve come to know is considered a dick move. Insider trading, which is akin to cheating on a horse race by placing a bet after it’s over, is also a dick move. Both involve using inside knowledge that others don’t have to get something you want. I’m not saying they’re the same. I’m just saying the similarities are uncanny.


“No drug can be considered a wonder drug if it causes sexual dysfunction.”

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Every year, there’s some new wonder drug that hits the market. The drug seems to do everything. It alleviates pain, cures a headache, or makes you confident enough to tell your boss to piss off. These drugs are hailed as miracles of science and cash cows to pharmaceutical companies.

However, it doesn’t matter if a drug cures cancer, makes you skinny, and gives you perfect bowl movements. If it causes sexual dysfunction of any kind for men or women, it can’t be a wonder drug. What’s the point of being so healthy when it leaves you so lonely on the weekends?


“When you think about it, prostitutes and plumbers have eerily similar jobs.”

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There are a lot of jobs you can compare to prostitution. Some of them are more of a stretch than others. I would argue that it’s not too much of a stretch for a politician, but more of one for a professional athlete. With plumbers, though, I don’t think you need much imagination and I’m not just talking about exposed butt cracks.

Think about it. We pay plumbers to fix or help us use equipment that handles a basic biological function. They often charge a lot for their services and they’re often exposed to some of our most private activities. It may not be as sexy as a nurse or a mechanic, but the parallels are there.


“A birthday, in a literal sense, is also as a celebration that two people got laid.”

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I love celebrating birthdays. Who doesn’t? Surviving a year on this crazy planet is a big deal. Let’s not overlook the secondary implications though. The only reason we have a birthday to begin with is because two people got laid and the product of that beautiful activity created us. I say that’s worth a second celebration.


“At some point, a relationship therapist is bound to become a sex coach.”

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I believe therapy is a good thing for those who need it. There are people in this world who need professional help to deal with certain issues, be they psychological or emotional. For relationship therapists, though, I think there’s a certain inevitability to the process.

If people are going to talk about relationships, then most of the time, they’re going to talk about their sex lives. If there are issues in a relationship, then chances are their sex lives are impacted. Fixing that relationship sometimes means fixing their sex life. What else is someone who aids in another’s sex life if not a sex coach? I think if that were an official title, a lot more people would study mental health.


Once again, to all those brave men and women in uniform, happy Memorial Day! Thank you for your service and sacrifice. It’s through your dedication that we live in a country where a guy like me can sell sexy romance novels. For that, veterans of every generation will always have a uniquely special appeal, sexy and otherwise.

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First Day At The Beach (And It Feels So Good)

Good morning from my first day of my beach vacation! If it sounds like I’m more relaxed and more content than usual, it’s because I woke up to a beautiful view this morning. As I type this sentence, I am looking out at a beautiful ocean on a pristine beach that is just about to open to the masses. It’s every bit as wonderful as it sounds.

I’m done following tips for getting into a beach body. I’m done just waiting anxiously for that memorable first feeling you get when you dip your toes in the ocean, see a sexy bikini, or take your first Jell-O shot at a beach bar. I’m here now. I’m ready to enjoy myself. After achieving such a huge milestone last month with the release of, “Passion Relapse,” I am ready for a break.

If this vacation goes well, I’ll come back feeling refreshed and full of new sexy thoughts to share. I’m looking forward to it and I hope everyone else finds a way to enjoy themselves as well as summer officially begins.

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Sexy Sunday Thoughts: The Final Exam Edition

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For millions of kids, teenagers, and underpaid teacher, this is a magical time of year. This is when the end of the school year is finally in sight. It’s no longer some distant dream or tempting thought, not unlike that of prisoners counting down the days of their sentence. Then, just when it feels like you’ll never escape, you see the light at the end of the tunnel and it’s getting so close.

It’s a wonderful, albeit agonizing feeling for some. I’ve made clear before that I despised high school. I was miserable, unhealthy, unattractive, and had the social skills of a lobotomized squirrel. I did get good grades, but that was hollow consolation at best. Had it not been for the hot teacher I had my sophomore year, I’d have done everything I could to just forget it.

I know, and sincerely hope, that my high school experience wasn’t typical. I hope it’s gotten better since I was in school. Even if school isn’t making kids too miserable right now, I’m sure some of them are still eager to get it over with and enjoy their summer. I can’t make time go faster, but I can make it feel less agonizing with a light application of crude, sexy humor.

That’s why I’m dedicating this week’s Sexy Sunday Thoughts to all those eager students and teachers who can’t start their summer vacation soon enough. To those desperately watching the clock every day, I say hang in there. It’s almost over. Let these sexy jokes help tide you over until then.


“Isn’t it somewhat hypocritical that we call our genitals junk, but spend an inordinate amount of time cleaning and caring for it?”

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We call our genitals a lot of crazy things. Some are cute. Some are funny. Some make no goddamn sense. I’d use a lot of words to describe my penis and how I feel about it. Junk isn’t one of them.

I don’t know where this came from. I don’t know why it’s funny. Maybe it’s just the erotica/romance writer in me, but the way we treat our genitals is serious. If we treat them like junk, our weekend isn’t just ruined. Our entire species is in danger. Think about that next time you call your nether regions junk.


“When you think about it, bondage has unique appeal to those who lazy and unmotivated.”

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I’m sure there are all sorts of complex, psychological underpinnings behind bondage and BDSM. I’ve even talked about a few of them. Sometimes, though, there doesn’t need to be some complex mental gymnastics to explain why some enjoy it. Sometimes, something as simple as laziness can fill in the blanks.

Think about it. If you’re on the receiving end of bondage, you don’t have to do anything. You can’t. You just have to stay tied up while your partner does all the work. For those who sucked at gym class, I can see how that would appeal to certain people.


“When you think about it, those who use elaborate costumes to get in the mood are just taking the scenic route to O-Town.”

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I’m often astonished by the time and effort some people put into their cos-play costumes for comic book conventions. I’m just as astonished/aroused by the time and effort some people put into their kinky sex costumes. Just go to any gay pride parade and marvel at the intricacies of their attire.

Some would argue that such effort into such a basic act is a waste. I disagree. In the same way we sometimes take the scenic route to the same destination, it’s just one of the many ways to enjoy the process of sex and not just the outcome. As an aspiring erotica/romance writer, that sort of thing brings tears of joy to my eyes.


“There are certain beautiful women who look at hot gay guys and see it as a challenge.”

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Back in the late 90s, Ricky Martin was the hottest piece of man meat on the planet. I would see grown women pick up a magazine with his image on the cover and go into a semi-orgasmic frenzy. It was a strange, but interesting time, at least in the sense when magazines were still relevant.

When he turned out to be gay, that disappointed a lot of women. Some of them, however, weren’t dissuaded. Some of them actually said out loud, in public, and in a sober state of mind that they could change that and not in the “Pray Away the Gay” sort of way either.

I don’t know if it’s ego or frustration, but those women kind of scared me. They thought they could mentally coerce a man into wanting to have sex with her. As a man, I know that if someone needs convincing to get horny around someone, then it’s just not meant to be.


“Some people are willing to accept alternative facts, but would probably draw the line at alternative orgasms.”

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A lot of people roll their eyes at “alternative facts,” but will make every excuse to use them when it suits their agenda. I generally don’t argue with these people. They’re not going to be convinced otherwise. I just smile to myself and imagine what would happen if they used that same approach to their sex lives. I’m pretty sure their excuses would fail them.


“When someone spits on us, it’s disgusting. When we willingly lick the spit out of their mouths during a kiss, it’s romantic.”

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This is another one of those odd quirks in our social behavior. When you hate someone, you spit on them to demonstrate your hatred. It’s widely accepted as one of the most hateful things you can do to a person or group.

Conversely, if you’re with someone you love, one way you express that love is to rub your lips and tongues together. You’re practically slurping up their spit. That’s love while the other is hate. Does anyone else see an inherent disconnect there?


“A woman who says she likes exotic accents is just saying politely that all the men from her hometown are assholes.”

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I don’t deny it. Accents are sexy. Few things soak a woman’s panties than a foreign man with an exotic accent. Why else would so many women still want to have sex with Sean Connery?

I get it. Exotic things can be sexy. At the same time, however, I also think a woman who really loves exotic accents is saying something about the men from her hometown, albeit indirectly. If she has to look to another country to find a man to make her horny, then I think that says more about the men she’s known than it does her.


I hope that put a smile on your face or a awkward boner in your pants. Either way, you’re welcome. Again, I know it’s not going those last few days of school any less painful. That pain will pass though. If I can survive with my sanity somewhat intact, then anyone can.

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Plans For Future Novels (And Beyond)

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It’s been a month since I released my first published novel, “Passion Relapse,” with Totally Entwined Group. It’s still an exciting milestone in my ongoing efforts to become a successful erotica/romance writer. At some point, I’d like to remove the “aspiring” moniker to that title. I know I have a long way to go, but I want to keep taking steps.

Now I’m still going to promote the hell out of “Passion Relapse.” Expect me to fit that into future blog posts in any way I can, whether the topic involves sex robots, superhero comics, virtue signaling, or sleeping naked. I’ll keep finding ways to promote my book and my brand.

On top of that, I want to announce that I’m already working with Totally Entwined Group to publish a second book. I’ve also just started writing a third one. On top of that, I’m still doing regular blog posts. So I’ll be keeping myself pretty busy, but when you’re work involves telling sexy stories and talking about sexy topics, it really doesn’t feel like work.

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With respect to details about my next book, I can’t reveal much because I just submitted the manuscript to Totally Entwined Group a few days ago. I don’t even know if they’ll accept it. They may find something about it that just doesn’t fit with their catalog at the moment. I probably won’t know for sure until my editor reviews it and makes the decision.

In the event it’s not accepted, that’s okay. I’ll see that as a setback, but not a defeat. That’s because that when I send query letters to other publishers, I can now say that I’ve been published before.

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One of the most frustrating parts of the dozens of query letters I’ve sent over the years was that I had to reveal that I’ve never been published before. Most publishers and agents request that you answer that question in your letter. If you’ve been published before, then that gives you an edge. I know “Passion Relapse” is my only published book, thus far, but it’s still better than zero.

That said, I do have high hopes for this second book. I think it fits with the themes and brand of Totally Entwined Group. Those who enjoyed “Passion Relapse” will definitely enjoy this book. Again, I don’t want to reveal too much since it’s being reviewed, but here’s a quick teaser.

Have you ever been trapped? Has your life ever been stuck on a dark path from which you cannot escape? Well, a beautiful young woman from a dying town was on such a path. Her life seemed set. She’d long since stopped trying to avoid it. Then, one fateful night, someone came to her in her time of greatest need. That someone became her angel, saving her from a cruel fate. Now determined to escape the path that had trapped her, she seeks to forge a new life, one that she hopes will lead her back into the arms of her angel.

It’s a story that’ll cater to many sexy tastes. It has love, lust, drama, action, heart, and everything in between. While it won’t be quite as long as “Passion Relapse,” it will be just as sexy and heartfelt.

I’ll be working closely with my editor on bringing this book to the market as soon as possible, assuming they accept it. I’ll post regular updates on this process. I don’t know if it’ll happen by the end of this year, but I’ll work to get it out there for fans of sexy stories as soon as possible.

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In the meantime, I just started my next novel. I can’t even tease this one because I haven’t even finished the first chapter. I will tease one part about it, though. The story within and the themes of that story were largely inspired by some of the topics I’ve discussed on this blog. When you read it, you’ll know which topics I’m referring to. You might even know the specific posts.

Beyond that, though, I have plenty of ideas. However, I’m not going to make concrete plans until after I finish this book and get a sense of where I’m at with Totally Entwined Group. I don’t want to get too ahead of myself and jump the gun. There are some very dirty jokes I could make with that last sentence, but I’ll hold off.

There are a lot of sexy stories I want to tell. I’m hoping one of those stories is sexy enough to make me a truly successful erotica/romance writer. It may take a while, but much like true love or great sex, it’s worth working towards.

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Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Mother’s Day Edition

Today is a very special day. Today, we give thanks to the wonderful women who enjoyed having sex enough that they lovingly conceived us in their wombs. Yes, it’s Mother’s Day. Then again, anyone who willingly carries another human in their bodies for nine months deserves way more than just a card and breakfast in bed.

No matter how you spin it, moms are a big part of our lives. Why else would MILF porn be so popular? Moms give birth to us. Moms nurture us. Moms willingly let us suckle on their nipples and receive nourishment. They are the only ones who can actually make tits more amazing than they already are. That’s an accomplishment.

I love my mom. I try to make that love and appreciation clear every time I see her. She’s been a wonderful influence on me my whole life. Considering that I was miserable, self-loathing little shit at times, I can’t help but marvel at the breadth of such love. She really is that amazing. No offense to Gal Gadot, but she is the real Wonder Woman of my life.

She knows what I do. She’s been very encouraging since I began writing all those years ago. She, my father, and my family have given me more support than I ever could’ve hoped for as I pursue my dream of being an erotica/romance writer. So to my mom and all the other wonderful moms out there, I thank you.

As such, I’m proud to dedicate this week’s edition of Sexy Sunday Thoughts to my mom and all the other moms out there. Thank you for giving us life. Thank you for having the sex that conceived us. We hope that was an especially satisfying experience, just as I hope these crude comments are especially funny.


“The sight of boobs makes boys hungry as babies. The sight of boobs makes men act stupid as adults. Does that count as irony?”

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I’m not sure if this counts as irony or a paradox. Maybe it’s a fluke of biology or part of some deep-seated psychological imprint that develops in the minds of men. Maybe it’s just our caveman brain’s inability to differentiate between hunger and horniness, which I’ve talked about before.

Whatever the case, the results are the same. Boobs make baby boys hungry. Boobs make grown men act stupid. When I was in New York City last year, I walked past a number of topless women in Times Square. I could feel my brain power temper so that it could process the beauty of expose breasts. Ironic or not, men think boobs are awesome at any age is what I’m saying.


“Those who say sex is an itch that needs to be scratched has clearly never had a nasty mosquito bite on their balls.”

I’d rather not go into too much detail about this. There’s a reason I know what it feels like to have a mosquito bite on unusual parts of my body. I do not want to tell that story. I’ll just say that those who make light of a mere itch are woefully misinformed about how sensitive certain parts of their body really are.


“Massages can be equally sexy for both genders, but they’re always more messy for one gender in particular.”

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Who doesn’t love a good sensual massage? It’s one of the few sexy acts that can be both deeply romantic and overtly pornographic. It has everything you need for sex appeal. There’s intimate touching, relaxing sensations, and plenty of potential for romantic affection.

If done right, a massage can be an orgasmic experience and then some. That said, it can get messy, especially if you’re very generous with the massage oil. It also tends to get messy for one particular gender, namely the one that requires tissues and baby wipes. It’s just basic biology.

Ask anyone who’s had to clean up that mess though. They’ll say it’s worth it.


“A man can’t say he’s in love with a woman until he willingly buys her tampons. A woman can’t say she’s in love with a man until she willingly fixes a toilet he clogged.”

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There are many ways to test just how in love you are with your partner. Having similar tastes in movies, food, and underwear certainly help, but true intimacy can sometimes manifest in less obvious ways.

The way I see it, if you’re willing to accept the less flattering traits of someone, then your love definitely has some meat to it. A man who buys feminine hygine products and a woman who deals with a man’s bathroom habits can rightly claim they’ve achieved a level of intimacy that goes beyond rubbing body parts together.


“A true test of trust is letting someone else shave your pubic hair.”

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Think about it. Shaving your nether regions is a dangerous and risky endeavor. One wrong move and your weekend is ruined, among other things. It’s hard enough to trust your own hands to tend to your most sensitive body parts. Trusting someone else to do it takes something special. It’s actually kind of romantic when you think about it.


“When a woman flashes her tits outside a strip club, is it undermining the efforts of hard-working strippers or does it count as free advertising?”

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This kind of confuses me. When I was in Las Vegas, there was a topless woman giving out flyers for a strip club. She had great tits herself so it seemed kind of redundant. Why advertise for something in a way that gives the customer what they want from the outset?

Then again, maybe it was a free sample of sorts. Maybe that woman understood that when a man sees one pair of tits, he wants to see more. In that sense, her ploy was pretty brilliant.


“Would prostitution be less taboo if they were reclassified as sexual trainers?”

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There are all sorts of taboos surrounding prostitution. When you’re the world’s oldest profession, the simple law of averages ensure it’s bound to happen. I get why women wouldn’t want their lovers to see prostitutes. It works the other way too. I’m sure men don’t want their girlfriends drooling over male strippers.

So rather than make this another source of conflict, why not turn it into something productive? Why not reclassify prostitutes, male and female alike, as trainers with which we refine our sex skills? The prostitutes get money. Ordinary people are trained by professionals to make love to our partners more effectively. Everybody wins.


Once again, thanks to all the moms out there for being the wonderful women they are. If you can, do something special for the woman that bore you. She’s more than earned it.

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Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Cinco De Mayo Edition

Break out the maracas and pour yourself a glass of tequila because it’s that time of year again. No, I’m not talking about a politically incorrect Halloween party that is sure garner unwarranted controversy, as Hillary Duff found out last year. I’m talking about Cinco de Mayo, the Mexican equivalent to the 4th of July.

Yes, I understand it was two days ago. Yes, I understand some are still sleeping off a tequila hangover. No, I do not care. It’s a holiday that involves drinking, celebrating, and beautiful women dressing up. That’s all I need to know.

I understand we live in sensitive times. This is a period in our history where any discussion about any culture that wasn’t prominently represented in 1950s sitcoms tends to generate the kind angry vitriol usually reserved for the comments section of Justin Bieber music videos. I’ve no desire to turn this blog into that kind of digital waste dump.

Mexico has been in the news a lot over the past couple years, albeit for some less-than-flattering reasons. It’s likely to be an ongoing shouting match for the next four years and beyond. Until Elon Musk gives all our brains a badly-needed update, we’re kind of stuck with this sort of insipid hatred.

For now, though, I want to set that all aside and just celebrate one of Mexico’s major holidays with another entry of my Sexy Sunday Thoughts. Even if you don’t care for another country’s holidays, at least appreciate the sexy thoughts they inspire. Those thoughts transcend cultures for all the right reasons.


“If eating, sleeping, and sex are basic needs, then do wet dreams count as multitasking?”

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Let’s face it. We all have busy, hectic lives. Even our most basic needs will sometimes slip our minds. There’s a lot to worry about, but when it comes to basic needs, I think our bodies intrinsically try to compensate however it can. A wet dream may lead to messy sheets and an awkward conversation, but it ties into two basic needs. In that sense, I think it’s a uniquely efficient function of the human body.


“Isn’t it ironic that men will put on fancy suits and women will put on expensive dresses just to entice someone else into take it off for them?”

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I love wearing fancy suits as much as the next guy. When I put on a suit and tie, I feel like I just got a kiss from Jennifer Lawrence. They can be expensive as hell and a pain to keep clean, but that’s the price of looking good, I suppose. For women who invest a lot of money into a dress, I imagine the sentiment is similar.

Even so, there is something to be said about the unstated goals of looking good. Wearing fancy clothes and looking good is one of the many ways we let others know we take care of ourselves. It’s also one of the many ways we let others know that we’re interested in boning. So when part of that process involves getting our clothes off, I think that says something about the subtle undertones of fashion.


“The cleanest pair of male underwear will never be as sexy as a dirty pair of women’s panties.”

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This may or may not be a double standard of sorts. There aren’t a lot of male attire, aside from maybe a fat wallet, that has the same innate sex appeal as a woman’s panties. Why else would there be vending machines in Japan that dispense used panties? Why else would women be able to sell their panties on Ebay?

Now I love panties as much as the next heterosexual male. They’re just one of the many beautiful garments that exemplify the female form. I don’t know the psychological mechanisms behind their beauty, but I know that there’s just no way that male underwear, or male garments of any kind, can ever compete.


“When you consider the fact that we’re all naked underneath our clothes, public nudity laws are both unenforceable and redundant.”

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This is a sentiment I often find myself contemplating whenever I see someone freak out over public nudity or something on TV that was just too damn sexy. From Janet Jackson’s nipple to pretty much anything Pamela Anderson has worn, there are some people who just get so uncomfortable at the thought that someone out there is naked.

At the end of the day, we’re all still naked underneath our clothes. I’ve made my sentiments towards nudity clear so I don’t think it should surprise anyone that I have such a cynical view of anti-nudity laws.


“The day someone declared sex to be immoral is the same day someone else found a loophole.”

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This is just human nature. Tell someone they can’t have something they really want and they’ll find a way to get it. Some will bend the rules more than others. Some will flat out ignore them. When it comes to sex, one of the most basic drives in nature, the incentives for finding a loophole couldn’t be greater.

It shows in the way some people try to get around a society’s prudish norms. Abstinence only education may do everything it can to scare the shit out of teenagers who are already horny as hell, but their response is to just delay it a bit longer or try anal sex. Put in all the rules you want. When someone is that horny, they’ll find and/or make a loophole.


“Beautiful women and attractive men have many advantages in life, but under the influence of sufficient alcohol, we’re all equally sexy.”

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This is just a basic function of alcohol. We’ve all heard about the “beer goggles” effect. There is even some science behind it. I think it’s nature’s way of bridging the divide between kings and peasants.

No matter how rich and sophisticated you are, alcohol will make you and everyone around you as unrestrained and immature as a 13-year-old boy who just discovered internet porn. Honestly, I kind of take comfort in that. It shows that we’re all more equal than we think.


“Anyone who says talk is cheap probably never called a sex hotline.”

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I feel old in that I remember the days when sex hotlines was the closest you could come to hearing sexy women talk in sexy ways. Maybe cam girls are the modern equivalent. Whatever the case, they function they function the same way. They charge you money to hear beautiful women talk dirty. That’s right. You’re paying for words and if your credit card statement tends to get awkward, then chances are it won’t feel that cheap.


” Ice cream is great. Orgasms are great. So would ice cream that gives you orgasms be even greater or redundant?”

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This is more a philosophical question than a curiosity. I love ice cream. A lot of people love ice cream. For some, ice cream is right up there with orgasms. For a select few, a tub of ice cream is on the same level as an orgasm. So what would happen if you combined the two? Would it be redundant or would it double the fun? It’s hard to say, but it’s fun and sexy to contemplate.


Thank you and muchas gracias to all of Mexico and all those who appreciate any holiday that gives us an excuse to drink, dance, and wear sexy outfits. At a time when we have way too many excuses to hate each other, we need as many of those days we can get.

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Sexy Sunday Thoughts: NFL Draft Edition

It’s a very special Sunday for football fans, like me. For non-football fans, it’s a case study in just how unhealthy our love of sports can be. That’s because this special Sunday has no games, no hitting, and no sexy cheerleaders on the sidelines. It’s the NFL Draft. It’s a huge spectacle for football fans, but it’s not nearly as exciting as it sounds.

The NFL Draft is basically just an event where NFL teams pick from a crop of promising college athletes who they think can graduate from being an unpaid amateur to being a grossly overpaid professional. Some can make this transition, but most don’t. That’s why those that do are a special breed. A few can even help their team become a contender, unless you’re the Cleveland Browns.

Some think it’s inane. Some think it’s a spectacle that doesn’t deserve to be a spectacle. I totally get those criticisms, but since I’m a huge football fan, I don’t give a shit. I love all things about football. While I do take issue with how college players are treated, possibly due to our sexual attitudes, I’ll gladly celebrate this inane sports gimmick.

For others who aren’t that insanely dedicated to sports, don’t worry. I haven’t forgotten about you. In between listening to the entire city of Philadelphia boo Roger Goodell, I still have plenty of sexy thoughts that I’d love to share. As much as I love football, it just can’t turn off a sexy mind.

So while your football-loving buddies are pretending they know better than any NFL general manager, enjoy this latest edition of my “Sexy Sunday Thoughts.” It may not be the same spectacle as the NFL Draft, but it should make you laugh and get you a little horny in the process. That’ll make anyone feel like a first round pick.


“The only difference between a passionate hobby and a fetish is the extent to which it facilitates orgasms.”

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We all have hobbies. I certainly do, as my love of comic books regularly demonstrates. We can be pretty damn passionate about our hobbies. Just go to any comic book convention and look at the costumes people wear. That’s a special kind of dedication.

However, a fetish can push things beyond dedication. When our passions lead to arousal and that arousal leads to orgasms, then it can get a little kinky to say the least. No matter how much you love your hobby, orgasms add an extra bit of incentive. That’s why the leap from a hobby to a fetish isn’t as big as you think.


“Are we depraved because we’re horny or are we horny because we’re depraved? It’s an important question because one requires a padded cell and the other requires a prostitute.”

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This is the sexual equivalent of a chicken-and-egg scenario. There are some pretty crazy people in this world, some of which are in major positions of power. They can develop some pretty depraved tendencies, but I often wonder how depraved they would be if they just got laid more often.

We all do dumb things when we’re horny. In any situation with any given tool, our horniness will screw us up. Now that’s not to say there are people whose depravity goes beyond being horny, but it is an interesting idea to contemplate, just how much that horniness plays a role.


“It says a lot about the times when any kid with an internet connection can view a billion pairs of female breasts, but they still need to be 17 to see breasts in a movie.”

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Let’s face it. The MPAA is completely obsolete. Maybe it had a place 30 years ago when they could put security guards in front of theaters, keeping children from the utter horror that is exposed female breasts. Today, however, it’s a joke. Any kid with an internet connection can see breasts of every shape and size. They shouldn’t have to wait until they’re 17 to see a R-rated movie.


“There’s a fine line between flirtation and harassment. One may get you laid. One may get you fired. The fact we risk it shows just how horny we are at heart.”

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This is another testament to our collective horniness. Now there’s no question that harassment is a major issue. It’s also a crime. Men who harass women and women who harass men can do real harm. The problem is that some people have a hard time understanding the difference between harassment and flirtation.

Not knowing that difference can be huge. It can mean the difference between finding a lover and ending up in a courtroom, explaining why you put pictures of your ass as someone’s screen saver. Despite all this, we still risk it. We really are just that horny.


“A one night stand is like fast food. A relationship is like a steady meal. A passionate romance is like an unlimited supply of chocolate fudge.”

There are many variations of sexual intimacy. Sometimes we just need to scratch that proverbial itch. Sometimes we just want someone to hold when we’re alone and horny. Then, there are those times when we find someone we love with true passion. Those times are like chocolate fudge. It can make any moment of any day a treat.


“If women spent a day as men, they’d have a new appreciation for how horny they are. If men spent a day as women, they wouldn’t learn a damn thing because they’d be too busy playing with their breasts.”

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I’m sorry, ladies, but this is another one of those inescapable double standards that I’ve talked about before. I believe that women would learn a lot about men if they spent a single day as one. They may gain a new appreciation for why we do the crazy things we do.

Unfortunately, that doesn’t go both ways. If men spent a day as a woman, they would learn next to nothing. How could they? With a pair of breasts always in reach, they would be too distracted.


“Until we can send orgasms through our phones, sexting is just a lazy attempt at amateur porn.”

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Now I understand that sexting is a growing phenomena that makes parents recoil in horror. They still can’t wrap their heads around precious baby being sexual in any capacity. However, I think the appeal is overrated. In an era of internet porn and Carl’s Junior ads, it doesn’t exactly have much impact. Now if there was a way to send someone an orgasm over the phone, then that would have an impact, among other things.


“Peacocks and strippers have a lot in common when you think about it.”

I say this not just because I once met a stripper named Peacock. Strippers get up on a stage and put on elaborate shows to entice potential mates/clients/credit card numbers. Peacocks to the same with their elaborate feather displays. It’s all a spectacle that’s done with boning in mind, either directly or indirectly. Some may call it shallow. I think it’s a beautiful demonstration of just how sexy the animal kingdom can be.


That’s it for now. It’s been an eventful weekend for the NFL, but for an aspiring erotica/romance writer, my sexy mind is always on the clock. Between thoughts like this and novels like “Passion Relapse,” I hope to keep supplying everyone with first round sexiness.

Plus, my mind isn’t governed by Roger Goodell. That has to count for something, right?

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