Tag Archives: Jack Fisher

Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Tropical Edition

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If you’re reading this on a tablet computer while sitting on a beach or by a pool, then congratulations. You’re winning summer. Yes, it is possible to win at summer. It’s not that hard either, although some people still find a way to lose. A lot of those people tend to lose every other season as well so it’s not that much of a stretch.

I get it, though. Sometimes on a hot summer day, it’s tempting to just want to stay inside where the need for sunscreen is low and the air conditioner keeps you from sweating. I’ve given into that temptation plenty of times, especially in my youth when I didn’t care much for staying in shape. I’ve since learned the value of going out into the heat, sweating a little, and soaking in the summer.

I’ve often told friends and family that if I ever make enough money with my novels, then I’ll retire to a tropical climate where I have a chance to see beautiful women in bikinis all year round. However, until I reach that goal, I’ll have to settle for summer. It’s not the same as a tropical paradise, but I’ll gladly take it.

For this week’s edition of my Sexy Sunday Thoughts, I’d like to dedicate this small contribution of sex appeal to all those tropical beaches where the champions of summer dwell. I hope to join those ranks one day. Until then, here are some lurid thoughts that should keep the heat flowing, no matter the season.


“Misshapen breasts on a woman aren’t nearly as detrimental as a misshapen penis on a man. How is that fair?”


“Waiting until your wedding night to have sex is like waiting until you’re in the NBA to shoot your first free throw.”


“The presence of a genital piercing may or may not be correlated with significant boredom in their past sex life.”


“Technically speaking, the ultimate form of thrill sex is doing it in a police station that’s on fire.”


“Sex and desert are the only two occasions in which it’s socially acceptable to drool.”


“Your average stress levels are directly related to how concerned you are about someone seeing your browser history.”


“Sex is one of the few activities where being overly prepared can end up being counterproductive.”


Once again, if you can spend any part of the next few weeks on a beach, sipping margaritas, and wearing as little clothing as legally possible, do it. That’s one of the great joys of summer. Between heat, cool drinks, and legally permissible half-nudity, what more could you want?

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Sexy Sunday Thoughts: All-Star Break Edition

This time of year is great for those who enjoy hot weather, beaches, and bikinis. For sports fans, though, it’s somewhat bittersweet because there’s not a lot going on. Other than Major League Baseball, there’s not much going on. Unless you can somehow watch golf while sober and awake, you won’t find much worth watching.

I consider myself a marginal sports fan. I love football, as I’ve mentioned before, and I’ll occasionally watch hockey and basketball. However, I don’t wake up every day eager to watch two hours of SportsCenter and play fantasy leagues. I try to save most of my passion for erotica/romance, comic books, and writing sexy novels.

That said, I do have a soft spot for baseball. It has a sentimental value to me because that’s the sport I watched most with my dad growing up. On a hot summer day, few things relax me more than a cold beer and a baseball game. To me, I couldn’t be more content in that moment without a naked bikini model on my lap.

As it just so happens, this past week had the MLB annual All-Star game, which the American League won 2-1 in a thrilling game that went into extra innings. At a time of year where most sports fans are dangerously close to sports withdraw, it’s a great reprieve.

As such, I dedicate this week’s edition of Sexy Sunday Thoughts to baseball fans and sports fans in general. I hope it makes the All-Star break that much easier to endure. I also hope it can tide people over until the NFL season starts.


“In certain divorce proceedings, irreconcilable differences is just code for two people developing different levels of horniness.”


“Isn’t it ironic that some of the people who complain about others not thinking things through wouldn’t be alive if their parents hadn’t acted the same way?”


“Horniness plus romance equals passion. Horniness plus opportunity equals lust. Horniness plus ambition minus patience equals hilarity and/or disgust.”


“Practically speaking, a beautiful woman on a beach full of straight men has no excuse for being sunburned on her back.”


“For now, exotic accents are the closest thing we have to female Viagra.”


“No civilization has ever failed because its population was too sexually satisfied. Conversely, no civilization has ever succeeded for very long when it’s population is too sexually frustrated.”


“Internet porn has given an entire generation of people the impression that sex involves a lot more seething and hissing than it should.”


I hope that makes your next trip to the ball park a little more enjoyable. If nothing else, it’ll give you something think about other than the inflated price of a hot dog. I know sports typically appeal to men, but true sex appeal knows no gender. Whether it’s a ball park or a brothel, it unites us all.

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Final Edits of “Rescued Hearts” And Promo Art!

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I’ve got another quick, but pivotal update on the status of “Rescued Hearts.” A couple days ago, I received what will likely be the final round of edits. They weren’t quite as extensive as the first round that I got, but I’m hoping these act as the final layer of polish on what I hope to be a sexy, romantic novel that’ll entertain and titillate for all the right reasons.

While these edits were less extensive, there were a few interesting lessons to glean from the process. Some of those lessons were a byproduct of my writing style and I’m not just referring to the sexy scenes.

When I’m writing something I know will be edited multiple times, either by myself or someone else, I have a fairly specific approach. I tend to be more detailed and specific, sometimes to the point of being purposefully wordy. I know that would upset nearly every English teacher I’ve ever had, but there’s a reason behind it.

I learned early on in my writing career that it’s easier and more efficient to write some bloat into a piece and then trim it later on. Think of it like throwing a huge lob of clay onto a table, but then taking the time to shape and polish it. In my case, though, that clay consists of a sexy story.

During the editing process, it’s mostly a matter of trimming some of that bloat and being more concise in certain areas. That’s especially important for the sexy scenes. In my experience, people don’t want to know the exact location of every strand of pubic hair. The same goes for romance. Not every beat of sweat needs a backstory.

That doesn’t mean I don’t end up having to do major revisions. During the editing process for “Passion Relapse,” I ended up having to rewrite the entire ending. I didn’t have to do that with “Rescued Hearts,” but there have been times when I’ve tried to keep some of the bloat I’ve written.

I won’t get into specifics since I don’t want to get into sexy spoiler territory. However, I’ve learned from these final round of edits that there are certain points in the story where you can stop emphasizing certain details. You’ve already gotten the point across. You don’t need to repeat yourself, but I often do anyway. That’s a tough lesson that I’m still trying to learn.

I hope to make use of those lessons with future novels. For now, “Rescued Hearts” is on track for its October 28th release date later this year. In preparation for that date, my publisher, Totally Entwined Group, sent me some sexy promo art. I intend to use this art every chance I get on this blog so expect to see plenty of it. Here’s a quick teaser that should get your blood flowing in all the right directions.

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Hope that gets everyone a little more excited for October 28th. I also hope “Rescued Hearts” ends up being another step in my efforts to become a successful erotica/romance writer. I want to keep improving with every novel. I want my writing to get better, sexier, and more polished with every novel.

While I am going to put plenty of effort into promoting “Rescued Hearts,” I’m already hard at work on my next novel. I’ve got plenty more sexy ideas beyond that as well. I don’t know which of these ideas will work or whether any of them will make me more successful, but I’m eager to try as many of them as I can. If I can do that and add more sex appeal to my writing, then I’ll consider my efforts a success.

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Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Summer Sweat Edition

As a man who enjoys working out and all things sexy, I love to sweat. Sure, I get all smelly and sticky. Sure, I usually jump in the shower the first chance I get. That said, I love the feeling that comes with it. I love that sense that I’m pushing myself, becoming stronger and sexier. The fact that activities like sex are known to work up a sweat is the happiest of coincidences.

As a man, I feel most sexy when I’m sweating. That’s part of why I love summer so much. It gives me ample times to sweat, wear less clothing, and show off my masculine sex appeal. I know that sounds vain, but I think we all need to embrace our sexiness from time to time. It’s good for our bodies, minds, souls, and everything in between.

We’re entering the hottest parts of summer. These are the days where just going out to get the mail will work up a sweat. For a guy like me, who enjoys feeling sexy, it’s a wonderful time of year. As an erotica/romance writer, it really helps get me in the right mindset.

For this week’s edition of Sexy Sunday Thoughts, I hope to help others get into that same sexy mindset. If it’s going to be this hot out and if we’re going to sweat that much, we might as well feel sexy while doing it.


“Patience is a virtue, except when it comes to achieving orgasm.”


“Teaching a man to fish is all well and good, but he’ll make a lot more friends by teaching him how to give good oral sex.”


“Statistically speaking, there’s a chance you’ve used a public restroom that someone has had sex in.” 


“The difference between a fling and a one-night stand is the same as the difference between a boxing match and a bar fight.”


“Men would be a lot more open to talking about their feelings if women were more open to listening while giving hand-jobs.”

 


“That idea that seeing is believing becomes much more obscure when applied to push-up bras and breast implants.”


“Men know they can’t compete with a woman’s vibrator, but take comfort in the knowledge that a vibrator has no living will or insurance plan.”


Did that cool you down in the right ways and warm you up in the sexy ways? I hope so. I enjoy exercising talents other than that of an aspiring erotica/romance writer. If I can give people something funny and sexy to enjoy on a weekly basis, then I know I’m contributing something meaningful.

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A Piece Of Furniture (Specifically) Designed For Sex?

Every so often, in between writing sexy novels and sharing sexy thoughts, I come up with ideas that I’m not sure what to do with. I don’t know whether or not I can turn them into novels. I can’t really relate them to more serious issues, like religious extremism or sex robots. However, they’re ideas I just can’t seem to forget or throw away.

This is is one of those ideas that just kind of came to me when I was taking a shower. Now, I don’t deny that a lot of great ideas come to me in the shower. I’m naked, dripping wet, and feeling sexy as hell. That usually does wonders for my mind. This, however, kind of came from nowhere and it’s best summed up in one question.

Is there a piece of furniture specifically designed for sex and if so, what would it look like?

This isn’t an exercise in caveman logic or some kinky thought experiment. This is an honest question about the fundamentals of sex. When it comes to kinky ideas, be it sexy role playing or sexy Halloween costumes, we humans can be astonishingly creative. Just look up something called “Furries” and be prepared to clear your browser history.

When it comes to simple pragmatics, though, we kind of have a blind spot. We tend to give so much thought to the kink that we overlook the basics. Now, I’m not saying that’s wrong or misguided in any way. It’s because people give so much thought to kinky stuff that I have a potential audience for my novels. In this case, though, I think we can stand to be a little practical.

When most people think about the furniture people have sex on, they usually think of a bed. That’s the most basic and common site for sexy time, be it romance or a one-night stand. It more than does the job, but let’s not miss the trees from the forest here. A bed, as a piece of furniture, wasn’t designed specifically for sex. It was designed for sleeping. I’ll give everyone a moment to stop rolling their eyes.

Think about the rest of the common furniture we use. From recliners to coffee tables, they’re all designed with a specific purpose in mind. Granted, that doesn’t stop people from having sex on them. The basic rule of thumb is that if it’s physically possible for two people to have sex on a piece of furniture, they have or they will at some point. That’s just the power and breadth of human ingenuity/horniness.

That leads me to wonder, though. Has a piece of furniture ever been designed specifically for the purpose of sex? If not, what sort of features would that piece of furniture have? It’s one of those overly-obvious ideas that has exceedingly sexy implications.

Now, I get that there are some kinds of furniture with distinctly sexy twists. I also get there are some beds that accommodate sex more than others. However, for this kind of furniture, I’m talking about something that is designed specifically to maximize sex.

Since I’m not an artist or an engineer, I can’t provide detailed schematics. If I could, then I’d have patented this sexy idea long ago and sold it on “Shark Tank.” I’m not saying the idea would’ve made me a millionaire. I’m just saying it would’ve raised a few eyebrows for all the right reasons.

That said, I can imagine a few important features for a piece of furniture like that. It’s one instance where being an erotica/romance writer gives me an edge, of sorts. My novels are filled with situations about people finding creative ways to have sexy, make love, and everything in between. I’ve already thought this partially through without knowing it.

With that in mind, here are few of the key features of this sexy piece of furniture that I think should be included. I admit the need for such features varies between couples. Everyone makes love in their own unique way. Ideally, this piece of furniture will help maximize every one of those ways so here we go.

  • It is about the size of a small sofa with dimensions specifically designed to accommodate and support two people

  • It has a slight incline, which ensures maximum leverage and visibility between partners

  • It doesn’t have a handrail or anything on the sides, but there are strategically-located gripping areas so that partners can maintain a certain level of balance during sex

  • The surface must be smooth and soft, ensuring that naked or partially-clothed bodies can move effortlessly along its surface without uncomfortable chafing

  • The base must be wide and sturdy in order to accommodate high amounts of physical exertion

  • The surface must be easy to clean and/or replace in order to minimize the stains caused by various sexual fluids

  • The entire unit must be light and easy to move from room to room

  • The unit must also be customizable for people of different body shapes, preferences, and physical capabilities

I know some of these details are either common sense or overly general. That’s the point, though. The furniture I’m describing here is all about pragmatics. It’s designed specifically for sex, lovemaking, and everything in between. It’s meant to accommodate one-night stands, quickies, and intimate lovemaking that goes on for hours. It’s not something you fall asleep on. It’s something you have sex on.

I imagine this description conjures all sorts of different images in peoples’ minds. I don’t claim that my ideas of sexy furniture are the same as anyone else’s. I also don’t claim that I would use this piece of furniture the same way as someone else. The key here is both pragmatics and flexibility. Put them together and you’ve got something that makes a great thing even better.

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Again, this is just my overly-kinky idea. I’m sure plenty of other people who are much smarter and more capable than I am have other concepts for sexy furniture. If so, please share those ideas with me. I’d love to turn this into a sexy debate, of sorts. What exactly would the perfect piece of sex-enhancing furniture look like? It’s hard to say, but it’s fun to think about.

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Happy (Sexy) 4th of July!

It’s America’s birthday, people. That means this is a day to step back, eat something grilled, drink something alcoholic, and reflect on all things American. Bald eagles, apple pies, and Jennifer Lawrence’s ass should be on your mind today. So please enjoy it for America!

Now, I understand there’s a segment of the population that hasn’t been feeling very patriotic lately. I also understand that there’s a segment that might be feeling too patriotic. Whichever side you fall on, you’re still American. Let’s at least try to put that crap aside for one day and appreciate all things American. If you can’t do that, then just you’re just being difficult.

So on behalf of myself and all those who enjoy sexy summer patriotism, Happy 4th of July!

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Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Summer Solstice Edition

Personally, I love this time of year. The days are long, the nights are cool, and the pants are optional, if not outright discouraged. Summer is a great time for all things sexy and I’m not just talking about its greater potential for nudity. I’ve often found that I do better work when I’m sweating rather than shivering. As a man, I think that’s healthier and not just for my balls.

While summer might never be as special to me as it is to all the school children who love not having to spent half their day at a glorified test-preparation prison, it’s still a great time of year. I find myself more relaxed, more upbeat, and more able to craft sexy stories. Again, I’m not sure if that’s because of the greater opportunities for nudity, but I’m not ruling it out.

These are still the early days of summer. We haven’t yet gotten sick of sweating our asses off every time we walk outside for more than two minutes. That will happen eventually. For some, it happens faster than others. I imagine those people are skiers. For me, though, I’m ready and eager to sweat this summer.

With that image and smell in mind, I dedicate this week’s entry of Sexy Sunday Thoughts to the long, hot days that school children and nudists alike love. Those are two categories of people that usually don’t agree on much, nor can they for legal reasons. In this case, though, an exception is totally warranted.


“Nothing becomes a fetish until it becomes the an effective way to get an orgasm.”

I don’t claim to know everything about every fetish. I also don’t claim that I’ve no kinky proclivities of my own. Anyone who has read my novels probably suspects I have some unique, but fairly standard tastes. I have a feeling those tastes will evolve as I write more novels and get more of them published.

That said, I don’t doubt the power of some peoples’ fetishes. I also don’t doubt there’s a point where it becomes more than just a kinky interest. As soon as that interest manifests in orgasmic ways, we can be fairly certain that a fetish has been born. It can be beautiful, disturbing, and messy all at the same time.


“Those who are the most sexually uptight probably have the most disturbing masturbation habits.”

There’s no getting around it. Sexual repression has some pretty damaging effects on people. You can only repress your biological urges so much before they start screwing with your brain. For those who are really dedicated to their repression, I shudder to think about how they deal with it in their private moments. It probably makes for some disturbing and messy moments that are best left private.


“Whenever you shake someone’s hand, there’s a 50/50 chance that you’re touching the same hand they masturbate with.” 

This is something that has always struck me about handshakes. Whether you’re a man or a woman, chances are the person you shake hands with masturbates regularly. Chances are they either use their hand or have used it at some point. That means you’ve got a 50/50 shot at touching the hand they use to touch themselves. Remember that next time you greet someone.


“A man’s willingness to love a woman is directly proportional to his willingness to humiliate himself.”

It’s an inescapable reality and a scientific fact. Men are more prone to take idiotic risks and do idiotic things for idiotic reasons. I’ve talked about the dangers of idiots before, but I’ll always have some sympathy for men who take stupid risks in the name of love. Some risks are just inherently worth it.

That’s not to say there aren’t lines that shouldn’t be crossed. It’s just striking sometimes how willing some men are to walk those lines and not even check to see if their shoes are tied. Again though, for the sake of love, I’d argue it’s worth it.


“If actions speak louder than words, then foreplay is a goddamn rock concert.”

Even though I operate primarily in a world of words with my novels, I strongly believe in the power of actions. I don’t deny that they send more messages than ten novels, a digital map, and blood hound. When it comes to certain actions, though, they can speak even louder. That’s where foreplay comes in.

It’s an important lesson espoused by the X-men, no less. It sends a powerful message that’s as loud as any rock concert or stadium. It conveys love, lust, affection, pleasure, joy, and everything else associated with rainbows and unicorns. In terms of action, foreplay might as well be a sonic boom, an explosion, and a shockwave all rolled into one.


“A person is only as kinky as their browser history.” 

You can learn a lot about a person just by talking to them, holding them, and having sex with them. Even if that person is open and honest, chances are they’ll reveal plenty about themselves, if not more than you ask.

That said, you can’t say you truly know a person’s most intimate proclivities until you’ve seen their browser history. It’s only after seeing what kind of porn, erotica, and blogs they’ve been reading that you know just what kind of person you’re dealing with. If that person happens to have this blog in their history, then all I can say is you’re welcome.


“The fact that people with satisfying sex live longer is proof that horniness is more powerful than death.”

While we’re not entirely sure of the mechanisms, it’s fairly clear that people who have great sex lives tend to live longer. Hell, if nothing else, a great sex life makes you want to live longer. That alone should count for something.

There are probably many factors involved in how great sex effects longevity. I’m sure there are all sorts of scientific, biological, and physiological forces in play. Since I’m not smart enough to understand any of that, I’m just going to assume that the human capacity for horniness is stronger than death.


If you haven’t taken the opportunity to bask in the summer heat, sweat a little, and get naked for a while, I strongly encourage it. Summer is one of those seasons that goes by fast. You don’t realize how much you’ll miss it until you start having to dress in layers again. Enjoy it while it lasts and be extra sexy in the process. You’ll be glad you did by the time snow starts falling again.

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