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Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Pumpkin Spice Edition

I have a confession to make. I worry that it may make some think less of me and for a man who often talks about sex robots and sleeping naked, that’s saying something. However, for the sake of entertaining my readers and being wholly transparent, I’ll make it anyways.

I love pumpkin spice lattes.

There, I said it. The secret is out. I, Jack Fisher, love pumpkin spice and all the seasonal delights that comes with it. Call it a quirk. Call it shameless adherence to marketing trends. I don’t care. I know it has become cool in recent years to make fun of them, but that doesn’t make them any less delicious.

It’s the middle of October. There are a lot of pumpkin-themed gimmicks going around. Sure, some of it is bland marketing, but why is that a bad thing? If it looks festive, smells good, and tastes good, why not enjoy it? I certainly do. As I write this, I have a pumpkin spice latte right in front of me and I will not apologize for it.

Whether you love them or hate them, pumpkin spice is here to help us usher in the fall. It’ll likely remain until we’re too bloated from Thanksgiving dinner to care. Until that time, though, I’ll be enjoying them as much as I can. As such, I dedicate this week’s edition of “Sexy Sunday Thoughts” to all things pumpkin spice. I hope it’s equally delicious.


“The sexually repressed who love to slut shame others are the radical vegans of sex.”


“A man who goes shopping with his wife to buy something other than sexy lingerie isn’t whipped. He’s in love.”


“If women graded men’s performance during sex, then a lot more would be inclined to study in anticipation of exams and pop quizzes.”


“Celibacy isn’t the same as anorexia in that it won’t kill you, but you’ll be less inclined to care that you’re dying.”


“Sex within a successful marriage is like re-watching your favorite movie. Sex within an unsuccessful marriage is like only eating leftovers.”


“The extent of someone’s horniness is directly proportional to their willingness to use their tongue.”


“When you think about it, doing something with your lover that kills the mood is the same as doing something with your computer that causes the screen to freeze.”


While I don’t doubt I’ll keep getting crap for my love of all things pumpkin spice, I still intend to enjoy it as much as I can. Like Christmas turkey, 4th of July barbecue, or bikinis in summer, it’s a seasonal treat worth appreciating. Like finding a wad of cash in your jacket or getting an extra lap dance, who doesn’t enjoy a rare treat?

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Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Cosplayer Edition

Greetings and excelsior, as Stan “The Man” Lee would say. That feels like the best possible way I can cap off a week that involved a trip to New York Comic Con 2017. If it sounds like I’m still bathing in afterglow, like a Disney princess on her honeymoon, I’m not apologizing. That’s how it feels to visit New York Comic Con.

The sights, the sounds, and the experience are special to the hearts of every comic book fan, pop culture vulture, and people who just need an excuse to dress up in sexy costumes. It’s like a party where you know other people share your interests and you don’t have to be shy talking about them. I won’t say it’s the most satisfying experience I’ve ever had, but it’s definitely in the top 10.

Naturally, I saw some amazing sights, many of them sexy to no end. I will cherish these sights and memories for years to come, or at least until I go back next year. In the meantime, I’m dedicating this week’s edition of Sexy Sunday Thoughts to the wonders I experienced at the New York Comic Con.

Also, if you’re one of the sexy cosplayers who helped make the whole show a spectacle, I’d like to especially thank you. You make the world a better, sexier place.


“A honeymoon is basically a state/church-sanctioned vacation where you’re allowed to have sex without getting shamed for it.”


“Morning wood would be much more useful for women if semen had the same nutritional value as a latte.”


“The fact that women take pride in being able to give birth while men take pride in being able to pee while standing up is proof that there will always be gender inequality.”


“Seeing is believing works well with basic logic, but has a mixed track record when it comes to fake tits.”


“People who name their own genitals may be insecure, but those who let others name their genitals have to have a lot of confidence.”


“The idea of faking it until you make it may work with success, but not for orgasms.”


“Other than children, the greatest gift a wife can give her husband is permission to watch porn without stigma.”


Once again, I thank New York Comic Con and all the amazing cosplayers who make it awesome. Whether you’re elaborate, sexy, or creative with your costume, you show your passion in ways that any comic book fan or aspiring erotica/romance writer can appreciate. I look forward to sharing that passion at many future comic cons.

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Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Labor Day Edition

Summer is just about over. Just typing that sentence out makes me sad. That means I’ll be putting away my speedo, my muscle shirts, and my flip-flops soon. In my part of the country, the cold weather tends to come fast and lingers like an itchy asshole. I’m not looking forward to that, to say the least.

In a sense, Labor Day is our last chance to really enjoy the warm weather, the beaches, and the bikinis one last time. Unless you live in a tropical climate, and I envy those who do, it’s a sight you’ll have to cherish until 2018. Having enjoyed my fair share of trips to the beach while sleeping naked in the muggy heat every night, I like to think this summer has been a success.

I’m still going to enjoy what’s left of it during Labor Day. I’ll drink a few extra cold beers. I’ll lounge around in swim trunks and flip flops. I’ll see if I can spot any more bikinis before they disappear for the rest of the year. I encourage everyone to do the same.

To aid in this effort, I dedicate this week of Sexy Sunday Thoughts to the last days of summer. I hope everyone has a safe and sexy Labor Day. Enjoy it and get ready for a long, less sexy winter.


“Dancing may not count as outright foreplay, but in many cases, it still helps us exercise our humping skills.”


“No matter how smart you are, you’re always prone to stupidity when you’re really horny.”


“The fact that women are concerned with styling their hair while men are obsessed with NOT losing it makes hair, in general, is a perfect metaphor for modern romance.”


“Is a man who uses a dildo to please his lover compensating for something or just well-equipped?”


“In a sense, an elaborate wedding is two families paying exorbitant, up-front fees to permit two people to see each other naked on a regular basis.” 


“Sexiness takes work, sex appeal takes talent, and sex skills take practice. It’s just the last step that’s hardest to set up.”


“If actions speak louder than words, then a lover who just wants to talk about sex is sending mixed messages.”


The summer is just about over. Before long, you’ll be shoveling snow, shopping for Halloween candy, and putting up Christmas decorations, possibly within the same week. That’s all the more reason to cherish this Labor Day holiday to enjoy what’s left of summer.

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Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Sunburn Recovery Edition

When I wrote my regular entry of Sexy Sunday Thoughts last week, I did so while watching the sun rise over the beach. As soon as I was finished, I put on my swim trunks, lathered up with enough sunscreen for a trip to Venus, and spent the rest of the day at the beach. It was as fun and sexy as it sounds.

That was last week, though. This week is a bit different. By that, I mean I’m not looking at the sun rising over the beach in a pristine display of nature’s beauty. I’m back home, hunched over a desk, and stuck looking at overly sexy bikini ads as the closest I’ll get to seeing real bikinis until next summer.

On top of that, I’m dealing with a nasty sunburn. Yes, I know I just said I lathered up with enough sunscreen to make me smell like a coconut factory. No, it didn’t work completely. Sure, I managed to avoid getting the more sensitive parts of my body burned. I’ll let you use your sexy imagination to see what I mean. Some parts, however, did not escape the sun’s wrath.

For the past few days, I’ve been treating those burns with whatever remedy I can find at a drug store. It can only do so much, though. In my experience, a little sexy musings help aid in the process. So with that in mind, I dedicate this week’s edition of Sexy Sunday Thoughts to those recovering from sun burn. Hang in there, folks. The sun can burn your skin, but it cannot snuff your sexiness.


“As the prevalence of self-driving cars increases, so too will the number of children conceived in them.”


“It’s easy to confuse true love and great sex, but even easier to not give a damn on most days.”


“The sound women make when they orgasm is akin music whereas the sound men make is akin to getting a tooth pulled.”


“The association between cigarettes and sex is hypocritical when you consider that nobody finds coughing that very sexy.”


“When you think about it, there aren’t a whole lot of steps between being a hugger and being a slut.”


“Having too many horny men in a particular area is likely to result in crimes, but having too many women is likely to result in a party.”


“The popularity of sex toys has given men too many reasons to be suspicious of anything a woman owns that vibrates.”


I hope those sexy thoughts aid in the healing process for whatever sunburns anyone incurred by laying out by the pool, lounging on the beach, or just generally doing something outside that allowed them to omit some clothing. I know it burns. I know it doesn’t look that sexy. That said, I’d still say it was worth it.

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Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Vacation Edition

What’s the best way to make a vacation sexier? That’s a trick question. Just being on vacation, especially one that allows you to spend less time paying bills and more time naked, is inherently sexy. When clothing, work, and so much else is optional, you’re bound to feel more energy, especially the sexy kind.

I know this because, as I type these sexy words, I’m looking out at a beautiful beach. That’s right. I’m on vacation. I’m literally sitting on a balcony from a hotel, watching the sun rise over the ocean. It’s as relaxing as it sounds and then some.

For the next several days, my sole concern involves lounging on the beach, hanging out at beach bars, and admiring beautiful women in bikinis. I have every intention of enjoying it to the utmost. It might very well be my last vacation of the summer before changes in weather makes extended periods of nudity more difficult.

Vacation or not, my mind never stops thinking sexy things. If anything, being at a beach in the hottest days of summer only makes those thoughts sexier. As such, I’ll try to incorporate every last bit of that sexiness into this week’s edition of “Sexy Sunday Thoughts.” Enjoy!


“If variety truly is the spice of life, then a man’s porn collection is the perfect embodiment of that concept.”


“When you think about it, a female version of James Bond is a stereotypical porn star.”


“Getting sex advice from your parents is like getting vegan recipes from a cannibal.”


“There are very few ways to ruin a blowjob, but a great many ways to screw up the process of requesting one.”


“It’s usually a bad sign when your lover says they want great sex, but isn’t too eager to practice.”


“If the key to a man’s heart was really through his stomach, then wouldn’t the sexiest women in the world all be professional chefs?”


“The average orgasm for a man lasts 7 seconds. The average orgasm for a woman lasts 20. THAT’S why there will never be true gender equality.”


“When you think about it, a fetish is just a type of sex with a really passionate fanbase.”


Even if you’re stuck working, I hope these lurid musings help tide you over until your next vacation, whenever it may be. I know it’s not the same as a tropical getaway, but sometimes you got to take what you can get. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a beautiful beach to enjoy and some beautiful women in bikinis to admire.

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Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Melting Ice Cream Edition

There are many ways to deal with the heat during the hottest days of summer. Unlike the dead of winter, there’s only so much clothing you can physically and legally take off. While I still prefer the kind of weather that accommodates bikinis more than heavy coats, I don’t deny that staying cool can be a challenge.

Even for those who are lucky enough to have an air conditioner that doesn’t crap out at least twice a year will often find themselves in a situation where they’ll have to beat the heat. Between wearing less clothing and shoving ice down your pants, there are plenty of methods and I’m sure everyone has their own trick.

One method, in particular, is quite effective in the best possible way. It doesn’t require ice in your pants or any major threats to your sperm count. It just involves eating ice cream. For once, I don’t think I need to make an elaborate argument utilizing caveman logic or excuse banking. I think anyone who has had any amount of experience with ice cream understands why it’s the most delicious way to stay cool during a heat wave.

As such, I’ll skip the part where I go on a long, elaborate rant about why ice cream is right up there with boobs, comic books, and orgasms. Instead, I’ll just give everyone a second to get whatever flavor of ice cream they have in their freezer so they can stay cool while reading this week’s edition of Sexy Sunday Thoughts.


“If a man goes down on his lover regularly, they can never claim that he doesn’t put in the effort.”


“Having a big dick won’t always get a man laid, but it will start the conversation.”


“The closer a tattoo is to one’s genitalia, the more willing that person is to do something crazy/kinky with said genitalia.”


“Men learn about female anatomy from rap music, sex from porn, and romance from bad movies, yet women still wonder why they’re so immature.” 


“The fact that women love confidence, but hate douche-bags sends all sorts of mixed messages.”


“There’s a distressingly high probably that a future war will begin because someone’s efforts to get laid go horribly wrong.”


“At some point in a relationship, buying a gift for a lover is akin to a tax increase on sex.”


I hope this help cool everyone off and/or makes them horny for ice cream. Either is fine and just as enjoyable. These are usually the hottest days of the summer. I’m not saying the desire for ice cream is directly linked to the horniness. I’m just saying it’s an underrated combination.

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Sexy Sunday Thoughts: The Heat Wave Edition

I usually avoid talking about the weather because, more often than not, it’s the topic of last resort. However, sometimes it’s worth talking about. It wasn’t that long ago when I was snowed in for a couple days. Now, it’s hotter than a camel’s nut sack and there are only so many clothes I can legally take off.

As I type these words, everywhere within a 100-mile radius of my home is in the middle of a heat wave. I’m pretty sure I could fry an egg and cook bacon on the hood of a car. At this point in the summer, most people should be used to this kind of heat. There’s just no adjusting to the feeling of walking into an oven, just to get the damn mail.

That said, I still prefer sweating my ass off, as opposed to freezing my balls off. I like not having to dress in layers every time I go outside so I won’t complain about the heat too much. If nothing else, the heat allows me to be naked more often and that can only help the progress on my sexy novels.

Wherever you may be this summer, I hope you have a way to stay cool while still staying sexy. It is possible to strike a balance. I hope this week’s edition of “Sexy Sunday Thoughts” can help in that effort.


“I shudder when I imagine what was going through the mind of the person who invented the butt plug.”


“We’re rapidly approaching a place in our culture where liking a sexy picture of someone counts as foreplay.”


“Women don’t know the power of oral sex until they ask a favor of a man who just received it.”


“The desire to have sex in the backseat of a car often involves overestimating one’s flexibility.”


“Seeking advice from a celibate priest on your sex life is like asking a cow for advice on cooking steaks.”

“If our genitals had lawyers, then divorce proceedings would be a lot more complicated, but way sexier.”


“If a woman offers a man oral sex before a kiss, then people think she’s a prostitute. If a man offers a woman oral sex before a kiss, then people think he’s just being extra considerate.”


As we endure more heat waves, I encourage everyone to stay cool in any way, except in their pants. Some parts of your body are worth keeping warm, no matter the season. Heat waves may come in go. Certain kinds of heat will find a way to keep burning. Trust me. You’ll take comfort in that once the winter rolls in.

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