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Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Father’s Day 2018 Edition

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Some things are worth belaboring and I’m not just talking about the beauty of female breasts or the deliciousness of freshly cooked bacon. I tend to overstate many things on this site, but there’s one item that I’m proud to proclaim, no matter how much it annoys some people. That thing is my parents and how awesome they are.

It being Father’s Day, I have a perfect excuse to do it again and it’s worth doing too. That’s because, much like my mother, my dad is the absolute best. He’s a big reason why I’m the man I am today. He was, and still is, my first true superhero. He’s done so much to love, teach, and guide me throughout my life. Just thanking him on one day of the year isn’t enough.

I know he reads this site regularly. I also know he goes out of his way to love and support me more than any guy could ask for. No matter how old I get or how many challenges I face in life, my dad is there for me and he does so much to make my life better on every level. For that, I’ll be forever grateful.

For that very reason, and so many others that I don’t have time to list, I dedicate this week’s edition of my Sexy Sunday Thoughts to my wonderful father and all the other wonderful fathers out there. You helped make me the man I’m proud to be, dad. You deserve all the love and sex appeal in the world today.


“A man with a big penis will still face significant competition from anything that vibrates.”


“Bondage enthusiasts with pets have to be extra mindful of the mixed messages they send.”


“When you think about it, the purest form of world peace is everybody having a simultaneous orgasm.”


“A skilled chef gives you good food and a skilled prostitute gives you a good orgasm, but only one is legally questionable.”


“To some extent, a woman having twins is nature’s equivalent of backing up your hard drive.”


“Logistically speaking, a successful three-way teaches teamwork better than any sport.”


“Sex without foreplay is like fries without ketchup in that it’s still filling, but not as much as it could be.”


I hope that made Father’s Day a little extra special. For my dad and all the other dads out there, I thank you for imparting your love and guidance. The world is better because of it. On behalf of me, my dad, and all things fatherly, I wish everyone a safe and happy Father’s Day.

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Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Final Exam Edition

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This is the time of year I used to love and dread. As a teenager, it was the time of year when I could actually see the end of the school year in sight. It was so close I could practically smell the sandy beach and picture the sexy bikinis. To be fair, I can picture sexy bikinis during any time of year, but it was always extra urgent during those tenuous first weeks of June.

That’s because this was usually the time when I took the last round of exams. Being the obsessive grade-grubber I was, I couldn’t really enjoy the warmer weather or the pools that had just opened. I was too caught up studying for the final tests that acted as the final obstacle between me and several months of no homework or standardized tests. Time went very slowly during those days, to say the least.

Depending on how your school year is structured, those final rounds of tests are almost over. I imagine there are many of young, restless, freedom-deprived youths who are all too ready for a school-free summer. To them, I urge you to hang in there just a little bit longer. Summer vacation is almost here. In the meantime, here are some Sexy Sunday Thoughts to make the wait bearable. Enjoy!


“Most religions stigmatize sex because it knows it can’t hope to compete with orgasms.”


“Shaving your pubic hair implies you’re willing to put dangerously sharp razor blades near your genitals to improve your chances of using them more often.”


“The existence of men with big dicks who live in mansions is definitive proof that life is not fair.”


“No argument between lovers was ever made worse by too many orgasms.”


“Premature ejaculation is like melted ice cream in that it’s messy and undesirable, but still delicious on some levels.”


“A horny woman is extra lucky in that she never needs a seat warmer.”


“Sex before the wedding is like the playoffs, but sex during the honeymoon is like the championship parade.”


Whether you’re still stressing over your last round of exams or still recovering from them, I hope this helps. It’s been a long, eventful year for those still in school. All the standardized tests, proctored exams, and anti-drug lectures are almost over. A relaxing, restful summer awaits you. If you can, find the nearest pool, soak in some sun, and start enjoying the summer. You’ve earned it.

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Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Hot Off The Grill Edition

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If there’s one thing I’ve learned since I started contemplating and writing about sexy topics, it’s that nobody can exercise their sex appeal, no matter how innate it might be, on an empty stomach. Even when well-fed, though, there’s something to be said about having a good meal and feeling sexy afterwards.

In my experience, few things heighten sexual energy more than a meal that comes hot off the grill. Whether it’s a steak, a burger, a hot dog, or couple of turkey legs, there’s just something about the smell of freshly cooked meat that gets all the juices flowing in the right direction. Many of the women I’ve met have indirectly stated the same, some more overtly than others.

Whether it’s in the middle of summer or the dead of winter, a freshly grilled meal is enough to boost my mood in all the right ways for all the right reasons. In the interest of stirring appetites, both sexy and otherwise, I’m dedicating this week’s edition of my Sexy Sunday Thoughts to the joys of freshly-grilled meals and all the sexiness it inspires. Enjoy!


“Fake breasts are the best kind of false advertising.”


“Fake orgasms were very likely the first ever con.”


“Being in love also means being honest about how many sex toys you’ve owned.”


“A man searching for the G-spot is like a hacker trying to hack the CIA.”


“The effectiveness of dirty talk on some men is proof that some penises are voice activated.”


“A prostitute is like fast food in that it can be bad for us, but is still so satisfying.”


“A man with a small penis has much more incentive to use his hands well during sex.”


I hope that got everyone sufficiently hungry, among other things. Whether you enjoy a charred burger or just like to grill up some vegetables for that extra crisp feel, a good meal from the grill is sure to get you in the right mood to tackle anything, sexual or otherwise.

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Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Mother’s Day 2018 Edition

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It’s that time of year again. Hallmark loves it. The flower business loves it. You should love it too because it involves celebrating mothers, the most important women in our lives, by default. Appreciating them should involve more than just cards, chocolates, and flowers.

That can be challenging for someone like me because I happen to have an incredibly awesome mother who sets the bar insanely high. I consider myself incredibly lucky to have such an amazing woman to call my mom. She has done more than just teach me how to live, love, and thrive in this world. She has helped me appreciate the love of family, women, and everything in between.

Every Mother’s Day, I do what I can to let my mother know how much I love her. A big part of who I am comes right from my mother and I can’t thank her enough for that. As I’ve gotten older, she hasn’t asked for quite as much. I still like to deliver in my own special way.

To those of you lucky enough to still have your mother in your life, I encourage you to show that appreciation as well. To all the other hard-working, hard-loving mothers out there, this week’s edition of my Sexy Sunday Thoughts is for you. Enjoy and Happy Mother’s Day!


“Someone who claims to be bi-curious is just someone who is more flexible with their horniness.”


“Practically speaking, women who’ve given birth are MUCH more motivated to make sex worthwhile.”


“When you think about it, step-parents are the romantic and sexual equivalent of pinch hitters.”


“A woman flashing her tits makes men and babies excited for distinct, yet similar reasons.”


“A romance that endures is a romance that has meaningful discussions on the usage of nipple clamps.”


“Faith can move mountains, but orgasms keep people motivated.”


“A successful three-way has a lot in common with skilled juggling.”


Once again, to all the mothers out there and the children they bore, Happy Mother’s Day. These wonderful women helped make us and raise us. They help us learn to love and understand why it’s special. To my own mother, especially, thank you for making my world and the world around me more loving.

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Sexy Sunday Thoughts: (Belated) Cinco De Mayo Edition

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Greetings, and a very happy belated El Cinco de Mayo to all. I know I’m a day late, but I’ve always been one to enjoy the afterglow of a holiday, among other things. I find those are actually the most relaxing moments of an event. Celebrating takes all sorts of time, energy, and planning. When you get to the afterglow, though, you can just chill.

I admit I don’t celebrate El Cinco de Mayo. However, I grew up in a pretty diverse area that had a sizable Hispanic population. Without going into too much detail about my neighbors, I’ll just say those people know how to throw a party and cook amazing food. Even though I was pretty shy as a kid, I always appreciated a joyous occasion and great food.

Tacos, burritos, and pretty much anything else you can dip in hot sauce is already a sizable part of my diet. A day of celebration that involves feasts and festivities is certainly welcome. I don’t speak Spanish very well, but I know the language of great food and sexy musings.

As such, I’m happy to dedicate this week’s edition of my Sexy Sunday Thoughts to those basking in the afterglow of another great holiday. By now, I imagine many are tired and still digesting their spicy feasts. A little sexy spirit helps to maximize that glow. Enjoy!


“At some point, we all need to acknowledge that smelling women’s panties is more desperation than fetish.”


“The worst blowjob a man can get is still better than the best shoulder rub he’s ever gotten.”


“Is it possible that we’re only attracted to chiseled abs because we’re more certain that person won’t eat our leftovers?”


“The line between wrestling and sex is like the line between a snack and a meal in that one can easily morph into the other.”


“If a man’s penis were replaced with a woman’s vibrator, then batteries would become the world’s most valuable resource.”


“Someone who has great sex on the day they die can objectively say didn’t die in vain.”


“When you think about it, the most basic form of romantic love stems from a sincere desire to give someone else an orgasm.”


I hope that gets everyone in the mood for a nice Sunday siesta, among other things. This is the time of year when the weather is warm enough to minimize the amount of clothing you need to wear around the house. As someone with a noted fondness for sleeping naked, it’s a wonderful time of year and having an excuse to eat more burritos certainly doesn’t hurt.

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Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Infinity War Edition

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I hope it goes without saying to my fellow comic book fans, but this has been one of the biggest weekend in the history of the superhero genre. After over a decade of built-up and hype, “Avengers: Infinity War” has come out. It might very well be the biggest cinematic event since “Star Wars,” “Titanic,” or the first time someone saw female nipples on a movie screen.

There’s no way to overstate it. “Avengers: Infinity War” is a game-changing moment for a genre and an industry. Beyond simply giving Disney and Marvel a fresh pool of money to swim in, it promises to raise the bar for just how epic a superhero movie can be and just how impactful superheroes are on popular culture.

I still intend to craft my full review of the movie. I imagine there are plenty of people out there still in line, trying to get tickets for this monumental convergence of cinematic spectacle. I urge every one of those people to hang in there. I assure you the wait is worth it.

To make that weight slightly more bearable, I dedicate this week’s edition of my Sexy Sunday Thoughts to all those celebrating release of “Avengers: Infinity War.” We’ve waited a long time for a moment like this. Let’s celebrate it as best we can and for me, that means a little sex appeal.


“You can accurately judge the experience and skill of a lover by how well they touch nipples.”


“Is it possible that leather is only associated with kink because it’s easier to wipe away embarrassing stains?”


“Whoever invented the UV lamp probably made a LOT of unexpected enemies.”


“Technically speaking, an orgy is a conspiracy of orgasms.”


“Laughing during sex is only slightly less awkward than throwing up during desert.”


“Sex can be given, love has be earned, and anal must be negotiated.”


“Using a vibrator during sex is the intimate equivalent of a spoiler.”


These sexy thoughts might not have the power of the Infinity Gauntlet or the menacing presence of Thanos. If nothing else, I hope they get peoples’ hearts racing for reasons other than those evoked by the movie. For superhero fans, comic fans, and fans of all things epic, “Avengers: Infinity War” is a historic achievement. The way I see it, some sexy musings can be part of the celebration.

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Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Tax Day Recovery Edition

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Let’s face it. Nobody likes paying taxes. It ranks near the top of any list for things that no one, not even an aspiring erotica/romance writer, can make sexy. This past week, most of us had to experience the less-than-pleasant feeling of filling out various forms and compiling various documents about our financial situation for the sole benefit of our IRS masters.

I would call that an act of financial BDSM, but that would be an insult to those who enjoy BDSM. There aren’t nearly as many people who enjoy paying taxes other than the accountants of rich people who get to charge excessive fees for dealing with all the paperwork. It’s one of those unpleasant, intimate transactions that nobody really enjoys.

That said, it’s over now for the most part. Tax season has come and gone. I’m all paid up. That means I’ve been screwed as much as I need to be screwed, at least financially, for the rest of the year. I hope everyone reading this got through it with minimal discomfort. Barring any audits, we’re good until next spring.

For that very reason, I’m dedicating this week’s edition of Sexy Sunday Thoughts to the conclusion of tax season. I understand that it’s not a sexy topic. I understand there are those still getting screwed as I write this. Regardless of your financial situation, it’s the price we all pay for a civilized society. It’s my hope that these sexy musings will help ease the recovery process.


“The music we make love to might not always set the mood, but it can definitely establish a rhythm.”


“The bulge of a man’s wallet will always be more attractive than a bulge in his pants.”


“Giving a massage after sex is akin to a sale’s tax, but receiving one is akin to a tax refund.”


“In a sense, a man giving his lover oral sex is paving the way for his future children.”


“A night of playful kink is the relationship equivalent of a dozen date nights.”


“Being frugal is only sexy when you’re still willing to spend extra on premium lube.”


“Good oral sex skills go a long way towards compensating for poor cooking skills.”


Tax season may be over, but the pain for some will surely linger for a bit longer. If you’re unlucky enough to get audited, then the experience is about to get even less sexy. For everyone else, take comfort in the knowledge that we need only get screwed like this once a year. That leaves a full calender’s worth of days to screw in the ways we enjoy.

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