Tag Archives: humor

Sexy Sunday Thoughts: St. Patrick’s Day (Hangover) Edition


Top of the morning to ye, my sexy readers. If that comes off as too cheerful, then that means I didn’t get drunk enough on St. Patrick’s day to regret it this morning. In my book, that counts as a win. I’m sure there are others who weren’t so lucky. I know because I’m friends with some of them.

Whether or not you celebrate St. Patrick’s Day in any capacity, it’s still an excuse to go out with your friend, have a few drinks, and just enjoy a random holiday. It doesn’t have to have serious cultural meaning or ethnic connotations. It just has to be a good reason to celebrate and enjoy the company of others. The fact that alcohol faciliates this process is just a nice bonus.

In general, I don’t need many excuses to enjoy a good beer with friends and family. That rarely stops me from embracing the chance. It’s one of the few times where I don’t mind empty excuses. If it means coming together, getting drunk, and sharing a good time, I’m all for it. Sure, it tends to make for nasty hangovers later on, but that’s the price you pay for good times.

This being the day after St. Patrick’s Day, I’m sure there are plenty of pounding headaches and dry-heaves to go around. To those people, I have nothing but sympathy and compassion. I’ve been in that position. I know how it feels. That’s why I’m dedicating this week’s edition of Sexy Sunday Thoughts to the recovery process.

“Sex and personality disorders are like fireworks and gunpowder in that they have a great potential for spectacle.”

Image result for crazy woman

“Good girls don’t go bad without a good reason and sex is a good reason with bad side-effects.”

Image result for naughty school girl

“When you think about it, orgies are ideal for those who are horny and have ADHD.”

Image result for woman with ADHD

“A quickie is a pop quiz that can be difficult to pass, but ensures future tests are graded on a curve.”

Image result for sexy teacher

“The fact that sex sells and is illegal to buy sends many mixed messages.”

Image result for sex sells

“A man with a big dick and a woman with big tits can only generate so much sympathy from others.”

Related image

“Knowledge is power, but knowledge of female anatomy is inherently more useful.”

Image result for sexy couple

I hope this helps everyone sleep off their hangover. It probably won’t make your vomit less green, but at the very least, it’ll be a minor distraction from the headache. Every holiday that builds itself around the joys of drinking is going to come at a price. Considering the fun alcohol inspires, sexy or otherwise, I say that price is worth it.

Leave a comment

Filed under Sexy Sunday Thoughts

Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Fluffy Bath Robe Edition

Image result for woman in bathrobe

I have a handful of simple, less elaborate pleasures that put a smile on my face, no matter what kind of day I’m having. These pleasures aren’t anything like the passionate, sexy love stories I enjoy telling. They’re smaller and more personal, often involving something basic and somewhat mundane.

Of the many simpler pleasures I enjoy throughout my life, one of the most underrated is the feeling of wearing a nice, fluffy bath robe. I know that sounds cheesy. It may not even sound particularly manly. I don’t care because I enjoy it that much. There’s just something about the way the soft fabric touches my naked skin that puts me in a good mood.

Now, I’m not talking about the kind of cheap bath robes that are basically glorified towels. I’m talking about the extra soft, premium quality robes that make your skin feel like it’s being surrounded by the fur of kittens and puppies. Spend enough time surrounded by something like that, and it’s impossible to be in a bad mood for too long.

My extra-soft, extra-fluffy bath robe is one of my favorite pieces of clothing. Even though I’m quite fond of being naked, I’m just as fond of lounging around in my bath robe. It also makes answering the door a lot less awkward.

In celebration of that special feeling of a nice bathrobe, I hereby dedicate this week’s edition of my Sexy Sunday Thoughts to this simple pleasure. If you have one of those robes, I hope you’re either wearing it or take a moment to put one on. I contend it’s a feeling worth sharing and celebrating.

“Those who don’t learn how to cook will find out the hard way that few people gets horny on an empty stomach.”

Image result for beautiful woman eating

“You can’t claim your relationship is that serious until you feel comfortable pooping with the bathroom door open.”

“Do the various shapes of female sex toys prove our ignorance of female anatomy or just reflect the sheer breadth of female pleasure?”

Image result for woman collection of sex toys

“A man with an attractive secretary sends the same message as a woman with a fancy lace underwear.”

Image result for attractive secretary

“A couple that spends more money on their honeymoon than their wedding shows their willing to invest in each other’s sex lives.”

Image result for couple in Tahiti

“Sex appeal is like quantum mechanics in that few understand it and too much observation obscures the conclusions.”

Image result for sexy woman scientist

“When you think about it, matching tattoos are the romantic equivalent of a bar code.”

Image result for couples with matching tattoos

To all those lucky enough to have a soft, fluffy bath robe, I hope these sexy musings helped enhance the comfort. To those who don’t own one, I hope this at least offers some insight into such an underrated pleasure. These little things may not amount to much, especially compared to the sexy experiences I write about in my novels. They’re still uniquely satisfying in their own right.

Leave a comment

Filed under Sexy Sunday Thoughts

Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Strong Coffee Edition

Beautiful Woman with cup of Coffee

I don’t consider myself a die-hard coffee enthusiast, but I’d be lying if I said I don’t often depend on this holiest of beans to get me through my day. In fact, there are many moments in my novels and my sexy short stories that I owe to having a good coffee buzz either early in the morning or late into a sleepless night.

There are even times a simple cup of coffee just isn’t enough. Every now and then, I eagerly splurge on an over-caffinated espresso or an extra-suggary frappachino. I know it’s bad for me. I know it’s way more buzz than I need. I don’t care, though. It’s a delicious way to get my ass in gear to write more sexy stories.

I know I’m not the only one who has a special love/dependence on coffee. There are probably a few people out there who are more passionate about it than I’ll ever be. Given that there are only so many hours in the day and our bodies are painfully limited when it comes to maximizing that time, coffee is a critical component to all our endeavors, sexy or otherwise.

For this week’s edition of Sexy Sunday Thoughts, I’d like to dedicate the sexy sentiment to this wonderful elixir of modern life. Whether it’s just a small mug of black coffee or a foam-centric novelty, I gladly praise coffee and all its wondrous forms. Yes, that even includes decaf.

“A bitter ex and a horny ex aren’t always mutually exclusive.”

Related image

“Promoting abstinence until marriage is kind of like promoting student loan debt, but hiding the interest rate.”

Image result for student loan debt

“Are couples who regularly kiss with their tongues, but refuse to share a toothbrush total hypocrites?”

Image result for couple brushing teeth together

“Does every wedding anniversary also double as a celebration for avoiding divorce?”

Image result for wedding anniversary

“You can learn more about a man from his bachelor party than his honeymoon.”

Image result for men at bachelor party

“Only getting a goodbye hug from a date is like only getting nominated for an Oscar.”

Image result for Oscar nomination

“If falling in love is the ultimate drug, then it’s one of the few that can and should be taken with alcohol.”

Image result for couple drinking alcohol

While I doubt this will give anyone the same buzz as a well-caffinated espresso, I sincerely hope it helps everyone feel more alert. There are many ways to energize yourself in the morning. Sometimes, an overpriced latte is worth it. Other times, it’s more efficient to just channel a little sex appeal. The only difference is that one is packed with sugar and calories while the other just makes your pants a little tighter.

Leave a comment

Filed under Sexy Sunday Thoughts

Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Slushy Roads Edition


There are people who love winter snow. I used to be one of them and I don’t deny there’s an inherent beauty in seeing a winter wonderland unfold outside your door, preferably from a heated room with a warm cup of cocoa. Even though I still plan to retire to a tropical climate after I sell enough sexy novels, I still appreciate winter scenery and fully understand those who love it.

However, I’ve yet to meet someone who sees any beauty in the slushy mess that covers the streets when the snow stops being pretty and the rain starts mixing with the ice. There isn’t much beauty or sex appeal to that stuff. Even I’m reluctant to try and craft something from it and I wrote a sexy short story about being snowed in.

Slush and wet roads aren’t very sexy, especially when warmer weather and the prospect of not having to wear layers outside is so close. There’s only so much an aspiring erotica/romance writer can do to inject sex appeal into a situation, but I’m still going to try.

That’s why I’m dedicating this week’s edition of my Sexy Sunday Thoughts to shared misery we all feel when we see more slush than winter wonderland. We’re not quite through winter yet, but it’s going to get drearier before it gets sexier. It’s always worth the wait, though, and these sexy thoughts should help make it more bearable.

“When you think about it, a slap on the ass is an impromptu test of the durability of your humping muscles.”

Image result for slap on the butt

“The noises people make during sex says a lot about their enthusiasm and experience, as well as the lack thereof.”

Image result for woman orgasm

“Virgin women are the physical embodiment of a new car smell while virgin men are the embodiment of a failed TV pilot.”

Image result for loser virgin man

“Texting during sex is like juggling during heart surgery. It’s a significant detriment to the process.”

Image result for texting during sex

“A morning blowjob from your lover is like a fresh cup of coffee, but a quickie in the shower is like an overpriced latte with extra foam.”

Related image

“Does the fact we make so many divine references during orgasm mean sex counts as a form of praying?”

Image result for sexy nun

“The inherent health benefits of orgasms make sex the nutritional equivalent of free vitamins.”

Image result for female orgasm

These sexy musings won’t wash away the slush or make the winter end any sooner, but I hope it makes the prospect of spring and summer that much more enticing. Slush is ugly. Pouring rain that doesn’t involve a wet T-shirt contest in Cancun is miserable. The most we can do is let nature take its course and find a way to be sexy along the way.

Leave a comment

Filed under Sexy Sunday Thoughts

Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Valentine’s Day Recovery Edition


By now, I hope everyone has had enough time to recover from Valentine’s Day. Whether it’s from reminders of how much being lonely sucks or serious rug burns from excessive lovemaking, I hope everyone has healed up. If Hallmark wants more of our money, they’ll just have to wait until Mother’s Day.

I like to think I’ve gotten better at handling Valentine’s Day alone. Thanks largely to the loving support of my friends and family, especially my awesome mother, I don’t get as miserable or depressed as I used to. Don’t get me wrong. I still want to find love one day. Until that day comes, though, I’m content knowing that I can handle being single.

In the meantime, there are still plenty of other meaningful ways to celebrate love. As an aspiring erotica/romance writer, I certainly intend to do my part. I’ve got plenty of sexy stories to tell, both with the upcoming release of “Rescued Hearts” and my sexy short stories.

That said, I totally understand if certain people are just plain burned out on love and romance right now. To those people, I say take all the time you need. Let this week’s edition of Sexy Sunday Thoughts get you back into a less Hallmark-driven mindset. Enjoy!

“There’s no polite way to ask a friend for money for the same reason there’s no polite way to ask a lover for anal.”

“A lover’s willingness to be intimate with their partner is directly proportional to their willingness to mix their laundry.”

“Sometimes using a vibrator during sex is akin to using cheat code. Other times, it’s more like having extra tools to make the job easier.”

“Pulling a muscle during sex is like getting a flat tire. You can still move forward, but you’re risking more damage by doing so.”

“A person who invents a better smartphone will never create as much joy as someone who invents better lube.”

“When you think about it, an orgy is just the sexual equivalent of binge-watching.”

“For some people, talking dirty during sex is the difference between a T-bone steak and an under-cooked hot dog.”

For those of us who are still single, take comfort. You’ve survived another Valentine’s Day. For those who are in relationships, take comfort as well. You also survived another Valentine’s Day. It can be an arduous effort for both, but it’s one that’s worth enduring. We all need to make time for love. If that means enriching executives at Hallmark once a year, so be it.

Leave a comment

Filed under Sexy Sunday Thoughts

Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Tropical Longing Edition


It’s early February and in addition to me lamenting another Valentine’s Day spent alone, this is also the time of year when I sincerely wish I lived in a more tropical climate. I actually have a few friends and relatives who live in Florida and never have to wear more than a light sweatshirt when they go outside. They just love rubbing that in my face every chance they get.

While that sort of sentiment is annoying, it still inspires me to long for warmer, sexier climate. It also inspires me to start planning my vacations for the spring and summer. I made a big deal out of the wonderful time I had at the beach last year. I intend to risk more sun burn and do it again.

Unfortunately, I still have to make it through a few more weeks of winter. If the forecast from this year’s Groundhog Day is any indication, then it’s going to be a longer wait than usual. That’s just going to give my friends and relatives more reasons to rub their tropical lifestyle in my face.

I can’t do much about the weather, but I can make the wait easier. In my experience, few things warm the body and soul up better than some sexy musings. That’s why I’m dedicating this week’s edition of my Sexy Sunday Thoughts to all those longing for time in a tropical climate. Trust me, you’re not alone in this sentiment.

“Men can never compete sexually with experienced lesbians because fingers and tongues don’t get flaccid.”

“A man has no idea how much he hates his own gender until he has a hot daughter.”

“Being able to cook doesn’t inherently make a person sexier, but great sex rarely occur on an empty stomach.”

“Sharing is caring, but humping is more rewarding.”

“The dedication of a lover is directly proportional to how willing they are to be in the same room when you’re throwing up.”

“Having a toned ass is like having a powerful engine. You rarely need that kind of power, but you like to know you can use it at some point.”

“Is it possible that some sluts are just being extra thorough in vetting their options?”

These sorts of sexy sentiments may not deliver the same feeling we get when we lay on a tropical beach under the warm mid-day sun, but I hope it reminds us why those feelings are so special. I’m already done with cold weather. I still hope to spend time in a tropical setting at some point this year. I encourage everyone else to do so and enjoy all the sexy thoughts that come with it.

Leave a comment

Filed under Sexy Sunday Thoughts

Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Super Bowl LII Edition

The wait is finally over. Today is the day. Super Bowl LII, also known as beer and buffalo wing appreciation day, has finally arrived. It’s the New England Patriots and the Philadelphia Eagles. If you’re a football fan, you don’t need much to get excited about today.

I’m not going to lie. Neither team playing is my favorite team. In fact, I actively rooted against these teams at multiple points during the regular season and the playoffs. It’s not just because I didn’t pick either team to make it this far. I have my own team loyalties that I take almost as seriously as my sexy stories. This Super Bowl doesn’t change that.

Never-the-less, I’m still a big football fan. I love watching football and I love watching big games with high stakes. You can’t get much bigger than the Super Bowl. Between the stakes, the commercials, and the halftime show, it’s a wonderful spectacle that I enjoy every year. Plus, I can never have too many excuses to drink beer and eat buffalo wings.

Whether you’re a Patriots fan, an Eagles fan, or despise both teams, the Super Bowl is the alpha and omega of all things football. I intend to enjoy it. I also have some Sexy Sunday Thoughts that I hope will make the wait easier between now and the opening kickoff.

“Exercises that mimic humping send mixed signals, but health benefits go beyond muscle tone.”

“The fact that celibacy is treated as a virtue while anorexia is treated as a disease highlights the breadth of our sexual hang-ups.”

“Does the pain of childbirth and the pleasure of orgasms require that all women be masochistic on some levels?”

“It’s physically impossible to tell a tragic story that ends in two people giving each other oral sex.”

“Too many sitcoms give the impression that our neighbors are hot, single, and eager to bone.”

“Afterglow is the sexual equivalent of a post-credits scene for a movie in that it can preview a sequel or add something extra to the experience.”

“If sex is like chocolate, then foreplay is like the hot melted fudge.”

I hope this gets everyone excited for the big game, among other things. Regardless of who wins, the Super Bowl is a major cultural event. Even if you just watch it for the commercials , it’s an event worth appreciating. It’s the culmination of America’s favorite sport. Let’s enjoy it for what it is and spend every other day of the year angrily envying Tom Brady.

1 Comment

Filed under Sexy Sunday Thoughts