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Jack Fisher’s Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Anniversary Celebration Edition

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People have mixed feelings about anniversaries. Whether they’re celebrating a wedding, a first kiss, or the first time two people willingly got naked together, it evokes different emotions for many people. As a romantic, I have a strong appreciation for them, but I can also understand why some roll their eyes at the concept.

Some people genuinely love celebrating anniversaries. It’s not just an excuse to have sex on a bed of rose petals. It marks an important milestone for a relationship. Some lovers really value those milestones and they should. Quality relationships take a lot of hard work and that work ought to be celebrated.

At the same time, anniversaries can be an unnecessary burden on an otherwise functioning relationship. People can see an anniversary as nothing more than an arbitrary date that doesn’t reflect the true strength of a relationship. I know couples who just don’t think they’re worth celebrating and they’re still as happy as ever.

I’m of the opinion that anniversaries are worth celebrating, if only because love and all its sexy connotations are worth celebrating. This week’s edition of my Sexy Sunday Thoughts is an ode to the inherent value that anniversaries harbor. Regardless of whether you think they’re meaningful, they’re the landmarks of a relationship and I say they’re worth cherishing.


“Mini-skirts and crotch-less panties implies that some people are too lazy to get undressed before sex.”


“Opening your heart will strengthen bonds, but opening your legs will expand opportunities.”


“A man is only as strong as his ability to shield his balls.”


“Good lovers see afterglow as a victory celebration, but great lovers see it as halftime show.”


“There are few ailments whose symptoms cannot be tempered with a good orgasm.”


“A good singer faces higher standards when it comes to the noises they make during sex.”


“It’s very likely that an orgy was the first act of teamwork.”


I hope this gives you a better appreciation of the romantic potential of anniversaries. There are a lot of things that go into a successful relationship and there are plenty of other forces working against it. An anniversary is a nice way of appreciating how well a couple has done. If nothing else, it’s a good excuse for extra sexy time and we can never have too many of those.

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Jack Fisher’s Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Fancy Dinner Edition

Couple for romantic Dinner or lunch in a gourmet restaurant drin

I’m not a fan of overpriced food, but I’ve learned from experience that you get what you pay for. Like many, I survived college on cheap food that ruined my pallet for years. I’ve also made the mistake of buying cheap ingredients for meals I thought I could turn into something better. Even though I’m a good cook, trust me when I say you can taste the difference.

A fancy meal may seem like an overpriced luxury, even for frugal couples, but make no mistake. It’s value that goes beyond overpriced appetizers. It’s not just part of a typical date with someone you’re trying to impress. I believe a fancy meal, be it breakfast, lunch, or dinner, is like an investment into your romance. It shows what you’re willing to put into it and not just in terms of dollar value.

Even if the meal is nothing more than fancy presentations by people with fake accents, it’s the sentiment that really counts. A fancy dinner, complete with undersized appetizers and rose-colored candles, show that you’re willing to put something extra into a relationship. It’s not just that you love someone. You’re willing to make it a spectacle.

I’m a fan of spectacles, sexy or otherwise. A fancy meal is just one way of going about it and it just happens to be the most delicious. Coming from a family of skilled cooks, I can appreciate these meals more than most. That’s why I dedicate this week’s edition of my Sexy Sunday Thoughts to the fancy dinners that fill our stomachs and inspire our passions. Bon appétit!


“Both literal and figurative flexibility can improve anyone’s sex life.”


“Hate sex is the ghost pepper of sex.”


“Romantic vacations are just more elaborate versions of thrill sex.”


“Appetizers are like foreplay for your stomach.”


“Every great kink starts with a dirty mind and an awkward boner.”


“When you think about it, orgasms were the first bonuses.”


“The ultimate thrill seeker is one who is willing to receive oral sex from a cannibal.”


I hope that helps make everyone’s next meal feel a bit fancier, among other things. Like most things sexy, there’s a time and a place for it. I encourage every couple to make the effort. Every now and then, we should make the effort to wine and dine our lovers to make them feel special. Whether you’re rich or poor on paper, a fancy dinner can help you and your lover feel like royalty.

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Jack Fisher’s Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Roaring Fire Edition

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The holidays are over, but winter is just getting started and it always feels frustratingly long. Unless you’re lucky enough to live in a tropical climate, we’ve got several months of cold temperatures and crappy weather to look forward to. I’m already dreading it. As a romantic and someone who just enjoys being naked, I’ve found that winter cold tends to limit the potential for sexy situations.

If you have a fireplace, though, you have an advantage. There’s a reason why more than one song has referenced making love down by the fire. It doesn’t take much imagination, dirty or otherwise, to see the appeal. It’s both sexy and romantic, cuddling up with your lover under the light and warmth of a roaring fire in the fireplace.

I’ve already written one sexy short story about it. There’s a good chance I’ll write others like it in the future. It also helps that my current place actually has a gas fireplace that I regularly use. If I ever have company of a sexy kind, I certainly hope to use it. During this time of year, you have to use what you can to keep things sexy.

Whether you have a fireplace or not, the inherent sexiness is hard to deny. That’s why I’m dedicating this week’s edition of Sexy Sunday Thoughts to roaring fireplaces and the sex appeal they bring during this most unsexy of seasons. If you have one like I do, I hope you get a chance to use it this winter.


“Whoever invented lubricant has probably brought more joy to the world than they’ll ever realize.”


“The success of any party is predicated on how well it facilitates the process of getting drunk and/or laid.”


“Good things are worth waiting for, but foreplay makes even the wait a lot more enjoyable.”


“In certain circumstances, people who are horny can do just as much property damage as people who are horny.”


“Good sex takes practice, but convincing others to practice with you takes talent.”


“Logistically speaking, many lives are lost in the front seats of cars whereas many lives are created in the back seats.”


“A gift itself won’t get you laid, but the thought that goes into it might.”


These next couple months are going to be long and cold. For those who don’t like being cooped up indoors, it’s going to be a challenge. Sometimes, that means finding sexy scenarios wherever and whenever you can. I’m not saying having a fireplace is the best scenario for lovers during these cold winter months. I’m just saying it’s hard to beat.

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Jack Fisher’s Sexy Sunday Thoughts: New Years 2019 Edition

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Christmas has come and gone. That means we’re almost done with 2018. For me, this year can’t end soon enough. It has been a pretty rough year for me. I’ve shared some of the reasons for that. This past summer, someone very close to me passed away and dealing with it was a lot more difficult than I can put into words.

There were other issues that came up that I’d rather not discuss, but I’m very eager to put them behind me. I’ve had my share of difficult years in the past. While 2018 won’t go down as one of the worst, it’s definitely one of those years that I’d rather not repeat. There were some bright spots, like a glut of awesome superhero movies, but there were many other moments I’d rather forget.

I certainly hope this year was better for everyone else than it was for me. Even if it wasn’t, that’s all the more reason to embrace the arrival of 2019. I’ve always been someone who looks forward rather than dwell on the past and not just because I’m excited about the development of sex robots. I strongly believe that moving forward is the best way to frame the past in a better light.

Since this is the last batch of Sexy Sunday Thoughts for 2018, I’d like to take a moment to thank everyone who has been following this website and my various works. I intend to produce plenty more sexy content in 2019. For now, here’s one last gasp of sexiness to cap off this year. Enjoy!


“Orgasms are the only universally accepted gifts for any and all occasions.”


“A honeymoon is just a vacation built around a greater likelihood of getting laid.”


“Spending a bachelor party at a strip club is like starting a diet at a candy factory.”


“If food and sex are basic needs, then cooking is at least as important as foreplay.”


“To some extent, we value our health because it affords us the ability to make love.”


“When you think about it, making prostitution illegal is just an elaborate way to discourage shortcuts.”


“Like it or not, babies and orgasms will always be indirectly linked to some extent.”


I hope that got everyone excited about 2019, among other things. I don’t know about you, but I’m eager to close out 2018 as quickly as possible and move forward. I’m ready to start making 2019 the greatest and sexiest year to date. Whether you feel the same or not, I wish everyone a very Happy New Year.

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Jack Fisher’s Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Christmas 2018 Edition

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It’s almost here! Christmas is just a few days away. I guess today is technically Christmas Eve Eve, but I’ve never been one for technicalities. I don’t need many reasons to enjoy the holidays and celebrate the season. While I’m not a big fan of the religious aspect of the holidays, I still love celebrating the season.

As a kid, Christmas was my favorite holiday for any number of reasons. I was a kid. I enjoyed getting new toys and eating lots of holiday-themed treats. It was just so appealing on so many levels. As I’ve gotten older, though, I like to think I’ve come to appreciate Christmas in a different way. It’s not just about getting new toys anymore. It has gained a far deeper meaning.

Whether you’re religious or not, it’s something we can all appreciate. For just one day out of the year, we take some time away from all that crap that divides and make a concerted effort to come together. It’s a beautiful thing in an otherwise flawed world and I love celebrating it in every possible way. Whether it’s giving gifts or cooking special treats, I’m proud of how I embrace the spirit of the season.

Since Christmas doesn’t fall on a Sunday this year, I’m using today to celebrate Christmas in 2018 with my Sexy Sunday Thoughts. It’s been a long, trying year for many people, some more so than others. Let’s take a moment to appreciate how far we’ve come and just appreciate the sexy spirit of the holidays.


“A rough day at the office means something very distinct for anyone who works at a brothel.”


“Is it really a coincidence that most men like food that is hot and moist?”


“Virginity is one of the only aspects of life in which complete inexperience is valued.”


“A penis is the only body part that gets bigger without exercise.”


“All love has a basis in wanting to swap body fluids of some kind.”


“Masturbation is not that different from studying for an exam.”


“Great sex is the only drug that’s addictive for the right reasons.”


I hope that got everyone into the Christmas spirit, among other things. Once again, I wish everybody safe, happy, and sexy holiday. Whether you’re exchanging presents with family, getting drunk off eggnog, or just sleeping because the neighbor’s kids won’t shut up, I hope you find some way to make your holiday special. In the spirit of peace, love, and all things sexy, Merry Christmas!

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Why “Bad Santa” Is The Greatest Modern Christmas Movie

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This is the time of year where you can’t go more than a half-hour without seeing a Christmas movie on TV. We’re basically in the heart of the holiday season. People have finally stopped complaining about Christmas decorations going up too early or getting a head start on their shopping. It’s not just fast-approaching anymore. The holidays are here.

Now, I love the holidays as much as anyone. As such, I have a strong appreciation for Christmas movies. I often go through stretches in December where I’ll watch at least part of a Christmas movie every day. It’s a beautiful thing that gets me in the spirit and gives me an excuse to drink eggnog spiked with whiskey.

I have a long list of personal favorites. I’m also among those who argue vehemently that “Die Hard” qualifies as a Christmas movie. Despite what Bruce Willis himself says, this movie will always be part of my holiday viewing schedule. I could write multiple articles to justify that position, but that’s not my intent here.

In recent years, I’ve found myself immersed in another argument surrounding a unique kind of Christmas movie. That movie is a lesser-known, but underrated gem called “Bad Santa.” If you’ve seen it, then you probably understand why it inspires such colorful discussions during the holidays. If you haven’t, then I urge you to check it out, but do not watch it with your children.

Make no mistake. “Bad Santa” is to Christmas movies what the McRib is to fast food fans. It’s one of those rare movies that doesn’t just go in the opposite direction of every classic trope associated with a particular genre. It gives those themes the finger, kicks it in the balls, and throws up on them for good measure.

This movie has no holiday miracles. There’s no magic at work. There’s no heartwarming moments that reaffirm the spirit of the season. This movie is weapons grade cynicism for all things Christmas and it goes about it in a way that’s vulgar, crude, disgusting, and hilarious.

The story is not for the faint of heart. It follows Willie Soke, a degenerate, misanthropic, womanizing, alcoholic who makes his living cracking safes with his dwarf partner-in-crime, Marcus Skidmore. Their tactics are the antithesis of the holiday spirit. Willie works as a mall Santa while Marcus works as an elf. They work at malls during the holidays and then rob them on Christmas Eve.

If you expect the movie to be a feel-good holiday story about a criminal redeeming himself during Christmas, then prepare to be disappointed. Willie is not that kind of character and “Bad Santa” does not tell that kind of story. While Willie does undergo some growth, he’s still an asshole by the time the credits roll.

The story doesn’t try to redeem Willie. It doesn’t even try to put him on the path to becoming a better person. All the Christmas miracles in world can’t do that for someone like him. However, his story does bring something uniquely festive to the table. The way things play out for Willie and those around him convey a powerful message that resonates with the holiday season in its own perverse way.

Some go so far as to argue that “Bad Santa” is an anti-Christmas movie. I can understand that sentiment to some extent. However, I would argue that “Bad Santa” is one of those movies that has become more relevant with time. I would even argue that, in the context of the modern spirit of Christmas, “Bad Santa” is the greatest modern Christmas movie.

Now, I know that won’t sit well with those who still love “It’s A Wonderful Life” or “How The Grinch Stole Christmas.” I don’t deny that those are great Christmas movies that deserve to be classics. I’m not arguing that “Bad Santa” is better than those movies or deserves to be in the same category. I simply believe that “Bad Santa” is the greatest Christmas movie for the current times in which we live and these are my reasons why.


Reason #1: It Reflects The Real (And Increasingly Jaded) World

Let’s face it. These are not the upbeat, idealistic times of yesteryear. People no longer trust in their government. People keep seeing once-beloved celebrities self-destruct. In general, people just aren’t confident about the future anymore. As a society, we’re becoming more and more jaded. That’s exactly the kind of sentiment that “Bad Santa” appeals to.

This movie is a world where assholes keep being assholes. Bad things happen to good people and good things happen to bad people. That may not be a great basis for a Christmas movie, but it perfectly represents the real world, now more than ever. In this day and age, we see famous and powerful people get away with awful things time and again. There’s no miracle that comes around to right all the wrongs.

In “Bad Santa,” this harsh view of the world isn’t avoided. For the entire movie, Willie essentially channels the defeatist attitude of Al Bundy. His life sucks. He hates himself. He barely even flinches when he’s staring down the barrel of a gun at one point. Beyond the self-loathing, though, he finds a way to provide real insights into the holidays.

Do we really need all the crap we ask for on Christmas? Do we really need magic, miracles, or some grand spectacle to appreciate it? Willie’s entire persona is an indictment of those who rely too much on magical thinking during the holidays. In the real world, that doesn’t get anyone anything other than a gut punch and a kick in the ass.


Reason #2: It Relies On Choices Rather Than Miracles

As deplorable a human being as Willie Soke is, he does have one defining trait that makes him somewhat sympathetic. He doesn’t make excuses. He doesn’t blame the world or everyone else for his lousy lot in life. He’s very much a product of his choices. He chooses to drink, spit, swear, and piss himself while wearing a Santa suit. There’s no extenuating circumstances. These are his choices.

Granted, they’re deplorable choices from someone inclined to self-destruction, but he makes them freely and doesn’t hide from the consequences. These same choices are what makes his relationship to the dense, but lovable kid in the movie, Therman, so meaningful. Willie has no reason to care or help this kid in any capacity and the kid is in no position to stop him.

In the end, though, Willie doesn’t need a miracle or some visit from Christmas spirits to make his choices. Therman’s influence on him, while ridiculous and downright pathetic at times, is sufficient for him to make the choices that make the story work. While they don’t necessarily redeem Willie for all his misdeeds, it does show that even a drunk like him can do the right thing without a miracle.

That, in and of itself, is a testament to the spirit of Christmas. When someone like Willie Soke can actually choose to do something good for a gullible kid, then that offers hope to any jaded soul on the holidays.


Reason #3: It Highlights Small (But Meaningful) Gestures

Many of the most memorable Christmas movies often have these big, elaborate gestures that attempt to make our hearts gush with holiday cheer. Whether it’s embracing loved ones at the end of “It’s A Wonderful Life” or reuniting with family in “Home Alone,” it feels like a Christmas movie has to go overboard with holiday sentiment.

Bad Santa” takes the exact opposite approach, but somehow finds a way to make those gestures more meaningful. The movie doesn’t take place in the North Pole or some fanciful holiday setting. It takes place in Phoenix, Arizona where it doesn’t snow and heavy coats are useless. It effectively removes the ambiance of the holidays beyond the tacky decorations that people put up.

That works perfectly for “Bad Santa” because it ensures any gesture carries more weight. Whether it’s Willie trying to get Thurman his Christmas present or Willie putting back together the Advent Calendar, these small moments feel bigger in a setting devoid of traditional holiday magic.

There’s no sweeping change that turns Phoenix into some sort of Christmas haven. The world of “Bad Santa” never tries to be anything other than a world of shallow holiday imagery because that’s all it needs. Anything more than that is just fantasy and there’s only so much fantasy you can muster in a story that follows a misanthropic drunk.


Reason #4: It Offers Perspective Rather Than Hope

Another major trait of classic Christmas movies is the hope they inspire. When you get to the end of a Christmas movie, you’re supposed to feel a sense of hope. There’s this sense that the story has somehow rekindled someone’s holiday spirit. While there will always be a place for that kind of hope in a fantasy world, “Bad Santa” offers something different, but valuable.

More than anything else, “Bad Santa” conveys a sense of perspective about the holidays. It’s not this wonderful, heartfelt occasion for everybody. There are a lot of miserable, self-loathing drunks like Willie Soke out there who don’t want or need hope. They’d rather have something that’ll make life suck a little less.

That’s the best Willie can strive for in “Bad Santa” and that’s exactly what he does. Being around Therman doesn’t make him a beacon of Christmas spirit. It just makes his miserable life slightly less miserable and he’s grateful for that. As a result, he makes an effort to help the kid have a good Christmas.

Sure, his efforts result in him getting roughed up and shot, but that’s perfectly appropriate for the tone of the story. In the real world, noble efforts like that aren’t always rewarded. Sometimes, they end up pretty messy, which Willie finds out the hard way on more than one occasion. It’s not the most uplifting message, but it’s the most honest.

Perspective today is more precious than it has ever been before. In the era of fake news and alternative facts, it’s hard to maintain a firm grasp on reality. Christmas movies tend to obscure reality for something more cheerful, but “Bad Santa” for something more real and that’s what makes it so effective as a story.


Reason #5: It Finds Humor In Bad Situations

To this point, if I’ve given the impression that “Bad Santa” is one depressing slog of a movie, I apologize. Yes, it can be depressing and bleak, but it’s also obscenely funny. There are dark moments in this movie that involve depression, alcoholism, and even attempted suicide. However, many of these moments are perfectly balanced with moments of raw hilarity.

Whether it’s Willie beating the snot out of a bunch of bullies or Marcus berating Gin with a masterful string of profanity, this movie invests heavily on humor. Granted, it’s a very adult form of humor, but it works perfectly within the context of the story. From the very beginning, Willie and his supporting cast are in all sorts of awful situations. Injecting humor into the mix helps balance it out.

It helps create a particular tone for a movie that goes out of its way to spit on so many holiday traditions. Things are ugly for these characters. They’re miserable excuses for human beings, but they often find themselves in funny situations that they make more hilarious with their reactions. No matter how bad it gets, they find a way to make their devolving situations entertaining.

In an era were awful situations unfold in real time because of social media, it’s important to find humor wherever you can. There’s only so much we can do to change a situation. Willie makes that clear from the very beginning of “Bad Santa.” Sometimes, all you can do is just laugh at the absurdities and that’s exactly what this movie does.


I won’t claim that “Bad Santa” is the new standard for Christmas movies. I doubt it’s going to start the kinds of trends we’ve seen in other genres. However, the story it told and the dark humor it utilized struck a chord when it first came out. As the years have gone by, it keeps finding new ways to resonate with an emerging audience.

There will always be a place for “Home Alone” and the Grinch. However, I think for the current generation and all the others who have watched this world embrace new levels of absurdities, “Bad Santa” deserves a special place in our holiday traditions.

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Jack Fisher’s Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Peppermint Candy Edition

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We’re in the heart of the holiday season now. This is the time when people generally stop whining about seeing Christmas displays in shopping malls and just start enjoying the ambiance. Every year, it seems to get a little longer for that whining to die down, but when it does, the spirit of the season really sets in.

Part of that spirit involves the various candy and treats that coincide with the holidays. Coming from a family of talented chefs, I’ve always had a soft spot certain treats. In the same way pumpkin spice lets me know that fall has arrived, the abundance of peppermint flavored candy and treats help affirm that the holidays are truly here.

Now, I don’t consider myself that big a peppermint fan. I still enjoy it and will occasionally indulge in some peppermint candy, but I won’t say it’s my favorite. It’s one of those truly seasonal tastes that just doesn’t fit with other times of year. I still appreciate it for what it is and the season it represents.

With the spirit of the season in full swing and plenty of festive treats to choose from, I gladly single out peppermint for this week’s edition of my Sexy Sunday Thoughts. That extra fresh taste in your mouth goes a long way towards becoming more kissable and more eager to kiss, in general. For an erotica/romance fan, you can’t get much more festive than that. Enjoy!


“When you think about it, there isn’t that much difference between making your lover climax and hacking a computer.”


“Sometimes, you fall in love with a person, but other times, you fall in love with their financial situation.”


“Kids with active imaginations are more likely to become adults with elaborate kinks.”


“The lipstick industry probably owes a good chunk of its sales to oral sex.”


“Depression is one of the few feelings that can be both the cause of and reason for a lack of sex.”


“Fantasizing about your lover is like giving them a cameo in your wet dreams.”


“To some extent, puberty is your sex appeal under construction.”


I hope that puts everyone in the mood to take advantage of the glut of holiday candy we’ll be seeing for the next couple weeks, among other things. Even if you’re not a fan of peppermint, it’s still an excuse to eat more candy and in my experience, nobody can get into a sexy mood on an empty stomach. Uniquely flavored candy just makes that mood more festive.

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