Tag Archives: raunchy comedy

Jack Fisher’s Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Father’s Day 2021 Edition

Being a parent is hard. I think most people can agree on that. I’m not a parent yet. One day, I hope I can be when I meet the right woman. In the meantime, I see what parents deal with. I’ve seen how difficult it can be to talk to a child, keep up with a child, and protect them in a world that just seems to get crazier with each passing day.

That just makes me appreciate my own parents even more. Honestly, I still don’t know how they managed, but I’m grateful they did. I always make it a point to celebrate how awesome my mother is on Mother’s Day. I try to make the same effort every Father’s Day, as well. It’s a day where I’ll make this same statement and belabor it to death.

My dad is awesome.

My dad is the absolute best.

My dad was, and still is, my first superhero.

I know that makes me very lucky. I know plenty of people who do not have a good relationship with their father. It affects them in profound ways. Having an awesome father like mine also has a profound impact, but in the best possible way.

For every hard lesson I’ve learned and every challenge I’ve overcome, I can trace the strength I needed back to my dad. He taught me how to work hard, do the right thing, and carry myself as good, decent man. For that, I will be forever grateful. To all the other awesome fathers out there, I hope you get to do something special for Father’s Day.

To all those grateful sons out there, like myself, make the extra effort for your dad. They’ve earned it. To that end, here are some Sexy Sunday Thoughts to help celebrate the awesome dads out there. After all, without sexy thoughts, we wouldn’t be here. Enjoy!

“Making love to a song runs the risk of getting horny every time you hear that song.”

Sensual Couple Making Love On Stock Footage Video (100% Royalty-free)  1041547480 | Shutterstock

“Inviting a necrophiliac to a funeral is risk to all those involved, including the corpse.”

Corpse Bride | Corpse bride costume, Halloween costumes makeup, Corpse bride

“You can tell how conflicted someone is about their sexuality by how cautiously they eat a hot dog.”

Hungry Woman Eating Hot Dog Enjoying The Taste Indoors With Sun Shining A  Close Up Shot On Red by revleha on Envato Elements

“Pity sex is a major reason why losers and whiners haven’t gone extinct.”

10 Reasons Why Nerdy Guys Make Better Boyfriends - 29Secrets

“Practically speaking, broken condoms have the opposite effect of faulty seatbelts.”

A woman holding a condom - ABC News (Australian Broadcasting Corporation)

“You don’t drive drunk for the same reason you don’t play truth or dare while you’re horny.”

85+ Sexy Truth Or Dares For Couples and Free Printable Bedroom Game | Love  Hope Adventure

“Making love when you’re not in the mood isn’t that different from eating a slice of cake when you’re not hungry.”

157 Cake Eating Sexy Woman Photos - Free & Royalty-Free Stock Photos from  Dreamstime

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Jack Fisher’s Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Sexy Lifeguard Edition

Summer is finally here and unlike last year, we may actually get to enjoy it. I certainly have no intentions of taking it for granted this year. That means traveling, going out, and spending plenty of time at the beach or by the pool. However, a good chunk of those summer activities require the services of lifeguards.

Now, I don’t think I need to explain to anyone who was a teenager in the 90s why life guards have sex appeal. An entire generation grew up on watching “Baywatch.” Between Pamela Anderson’s breasts and David Hasselhoff’s chest hair, they know and appreciate the sex appeal.

Even generations before that had shows like “Charlie’s Angels.” While it wasn’t a show about lifeguards, the concept and the aesthetics are similar. You know what I mean by that. Don’t pretend otherwise.

However, lifeguards need extra appreciation this year and not just because last year was such a wash. As I write this, there is a nationwide lifeguard shortage. The pools and beaches are open. They want to open, but they lack the necessary lifeguard staff to stay open. It’s frustrating, but that just makes the inherent sex appeal of lifeguards even more prominent.

I know people who are lifeguards. I have family members who were lifeguards at one point in their lives. It’s a serious job that sometimes requires people to confront serious situations, all while wearing a swimsuit. That takes skill, focus, and a willingness to over-apply sunblock. They are the arbiters of summer fun and for that, they deserve our respect and our admiration.

Hopefully, the shortage this summer helps us appreciate the role of lifeguard even more. I also hope it encourages others to train for the job. It may require a few classes, but you get to wear a sexy swimsuit all day. I say that’s more than worth it. To those who seek and embrace this inherently sexy job, here are some Sexy Sunday Thoughts in your honor. Enjoy!

“Having a thing for women’s panties is like licking soup cans when you’re hungry.”

Buy Sexy Women Panties Underwear Cotton Plus Size Briefs Striped Women's  Underpants Soft Lingerie 1 Pc at affordable prices, price 2 USD — 📦free  shipping, ⭐real reviews with photos — Joom

“Outside a brothel, there’s no appropriate place to find a used condom.”

Vietnam police seize 345,000 used condoms that were sold as new - CNN

“In a traffic jam, the odds are good you’ve passed by someone getting oral sex while driving.”

Premium Photo | A young woman is indignant sitting in the car during a traffic  jam.

“Prostitution is one of the few professions that thrives in any economy.”

Kiev Prostitutes photos | IMAGO

“Chest hair on men is only as sexy as their personal hygiene allows.”

How to Trim Chest Hair | Men's Grooming Tips

“To some extent, a marriage proposal is telling someone that you love them so much that you’re willing to risk an ugly divorce.”

Marriage Proposal Ideas

“A slut becoming a prostitute is a classic example of someone playing to their strengths.”

Czech Republic: “For many prostitutes, social stigma is a bigger threat  than a slap in the face” – Kafkadesk

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Jack Fisher’s Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Sexy Flexibility Edition

Being flexible in a relationship, romantic or otherwise, is generally a good thing. Being physically flexible can be useful too, but not nearly on the same scale. However, that scale changes considerably during sexy situations.

You don’t have to have too dirty a mind to know what I’m referring to. Regardless of your gender, you’ve probably thought about it any time you see someone bend their bodies in awkward ways. While it’s certainly an impressive feat, it’s how we put those skills into practice where things get really fun.

When I was in high school, I knew this girl who loved to show off how flexible she was. She could easily do a split like it was nothing. She could also lift her let up and put her foot behind her head while standing. She loved showing this off in gym class. She also got plenty of intrigued looks by boys. I suspect that’s why she did it.

I won’t speculate too much into the graphic possibilities. I’ll save that for my novels and my sexy short stories. I’ll just say that those who can be both mentally and physically flexible have an edge when it comes to their love life. If you have a dirty mind, you know why. If not, here are some Sexy Sunday Thoughts to get it going. Enjoy!

“The only line between BDSM and being a disciplinarian is the general horniness of those involved.”

Real Estate Broker Quits Her Job To Become A £500-Per-Hour Dominatrix -  LADbible

“Shaking someone’s hand implies you’re comfortable with how recently they’ve masturbated.”

Why do we shake hands in the first place? | wtsp.com

“In a world full of perverts, aren’t prudes technically the kinkiest?”

527 Fake Friends Background Stock Photos, Pictures & Royalty-Free Images

“The depth of a couples’ love is directly proportional to their willingness to fart in front of one another.”

Hilarious 'Happy Couple' Instagram Account Exposes Those Frauds Who Pretend  To Have The Perfect Life On Social Media - BroBible

“Practically speaking, the internet has rendered streaking obsolete.”

Streaking is outlawed in some parts of Australia, so here are 6 of the best

“When a man is horny, his dick is the most liberal part of his body in that it does not discriminate.”

Sexy couple laying on bed – Stockphoto

“Statistically, it’s very likely that man with a large penis will fall in love with a masochist.”

beautiful sexy couple. gorgeous blond woman and handsome man | Laura Kaye

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Jack Fisher’s Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Memorial Day 2021 Edition

Around this time last year, we were heading into some of the worst parts of a global pandemic that had shut down entire countries. We were just starting to accept that things were not going back to normal anytime soon. The usual activities we’d come to love and take for granted just weren’t possible anymore. It was scary and depressing, indeed.

Memorial Day really hammered that home for me, personally. That’s because, for many years now, Memorial Day was when I scheduled my first vacation. That vacation usually involved spending time with my dad, who is a veteran. We go to the beach, we hang out, and we just partake in the traditional Memorial Day festivities that we’ve come to know and love.

We couldn’t do that last year. I couldn’t even see my dad for months on end. It was jarring and heartbreaking, to say the least.

This year, things are different. The pandemic isn’t completely over, but the end is so tantalizingly close. Pools are scheduled to open. Traditional Memorial Day events are still on and haven’t been cancelled. This gives me hope that this summer will be different. It also gives me hope that I can hang out with my dad again and honor this holiday, as we always have.

Even if you are not a veteran, this is holiday is more than just another day off. It doesn’t just mark the start of the summer, either. It’s a day in which we honor those who served their country, especially those who paid they ultimate price. I have people in my family who have served and fought in major wars. This is a day where I honor them and many others like them.

As part of that celebration, I dedicate this edition of my Sexy Sunday Thoughts to all the veterans out there and those looking to celebrate a proper Memorial Day. After last year, we all need it. Enjoy!

“If trust is key, then those skilled in BDSM are basically locksmiths.”

The Ultimate Beginner's Guide to BDSM! | Couples Candy

“Power corrupts, but it also makes it easier to get laid, so it balances out.”

Sacha Baron Cohen Stars in 'The Dictator' - The New York Times

“In many respects, being blindfolded during sex is the ultimate test for your imagination.”

Blindfold Sex: 14 Sensual Ways to Use Blindfolds in Bed

“For men, being able to sustain an erection in front of someone they find ugly is a legitimate talent.”

Masterminds Photo Shoot Couple - Awkward Engagement Photos Funny

“History is written by both the winners and, by default, those who managed to get laid more effectively.”

Raquel Welch: 'I never wanted to wear fur bikini in One Million Years BC'

“A drinking contest has no real winners, but an orgy has no real losers.”

Hellfestcult on Twitter: "Sexy party ! Girls-Girls-Girls ! #klub  @Hellfest_cult… "

“Is it possible to have an ugly fetish without being a hypocrite?”

Sexy Zombie Girl with Fetish Gas Mask | 8th Annual Toronto Z… | Flickr

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Jack Fisher’s Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Sexy Creativity Edition

For much of my life, I’ve always been a creative person. All the sexy short stories and erotica romance novels I’ve written should be proof enough of that. Even before I developed a taste for romance, I had an active imagination. Growing up with cartoons and comics definitely nurtured that. While the nature of that creativity has evolved over the years, I still value it greatly.

I’ve also learned that it has sex appeal. If you need proof, then look no further than rock stars and the groupies that love them.

Now, that’s a very particular kind of creativity, but it still counts. It’s one thing to just look good on stage while playing a guitar or a set of drums. It’s quite another to put together a string of notes and lyrics that sound awesome. It’s just as challenging to create a beautiful piece of art, be it a picture, a movie, or a story. The ability to meet that challenge says a lot about someone.

It’s not just that they’re creative. They’re willing to put in the effort and the passion to make it real. It took months of writing, revising, and editing to write just one of my novels. For some, it takes even longer. If they’re still willing to put in the work, then that’s the mark of a genuinely creative person.

That will give them sex appeal. If you’re willing to put that much work into a piece of art, then just imagine what they can do in the bedroom. I’ll leave those with dirty imaginations to fill in those blanks. Here are some Sexy Sunday Thoughts to help in that effort. I hope they’re sufficiently creative. Enjoy!

“Even the most wholesome family must start with a raunchy act.”

Why This Wholesome Family TV Show Appeals to Audiences of All Ages

“We’re only weird until we find someone who shares our kinks.”

4 Dating Sites for Kinky Couples | Hookup Land

“To some extent, civilized society requires that we hide how horny we are most of the time.”

Why Do Guys Press Their Boners Against You? (27+ Embarrassing Secrets) -  Her Norm

“The line between great passion and the simple desire to get laid will always be blurred.”

Why Do Guys Get Boners While They Are Sleeping? - Male UltraCore Blog

“A slow learner will need a patient lover, by default.”

Couple In Bed Pictures | Download Free Images on Unsplash

“Like it or not, revenge sex will always be more satisfying than make-up sex.”

Revenge' sex a real phenomenon - Lifestyle News

“What you yell during sex reveals a lot about your priorities.”

More than 75% of Irish women enjoying mind-blowing multiple orgasms - Irish  Mirror Online

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Jack Fisher’s Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Gym Rat Edition

I love going to the gym. I love working up a sweat, grunting through sets, and pushing my body to be better and stronger. I say all that after having made very clear that I was not at all like that for a good chunk of my life. I know I belabor that a lot, but it’s still worth saying. If a guy like me can learn to love going to the gym, then anyone can. Of that, I am certain.

However, I still wouldn’t go so far as to call myself a full-blown gym rat. I know people who definitely qualify. I am not at their level. I go to the gym at least three times a week, usually for an hour or so at a time. I know people who go every day and for hours at a time. Trust me. It shows and not just in terms of their muscle mass.

For a gym rat, going to the gym isn’t just about staying in shape. Working out is a passion and an understandable one. You work hard, you push your body, you feel the burn, and you get a good rush from it when you do it right. You don’t need to have too dirty a mind to see how that can have some sexier connotations.

It’s not just men, either. I know a few women who are just as fond of the gym and would definitely identify as gym rats. Their workouts tend to be different, but they’re just as passionate. It also shows in how they carry themselves, both in terms of their effort and their sex appeal.

That shouldn’t surprise anyone. Working out and exercising helps make you healthier, fitter, and sexier. Most people understand and appreciate that. Gym rats just take it to another level. Most of us will never be on that level, but you have to respect the passion they put into it, as well as the results they get from all that hard work.

To all the passionate gym rats out there, keep sweating, grunting, and pushing. Here are some Sexy Sunday Thoughts to get your heart pumping, among other things. Enjoy!

“The existence of the orgasm gap between men and women is definitive proof that psychics don’t exist.”

5 Ultimate Tips To Orgasm - Achieving The Big O | Vibease

“An accident during sex can either be horrific or revealing or both.”

8 Dos and Don'ts of biting during sex | TheHealthSite.com

“It’s very likely we’re all underestimating how many people have tried anal sex in some form or another.”

A Man Whispering Something Sweet Stock Footage Video (100% Royalty-free)  1045879036 | Shutterstock

“We’ll never know the biggest pervert for the same reason we’ll never know the greatest spy.”

Sexy New Skyfall Pics - E! Online

“Our taboos towards sex ensure we’ll always be suspicious of women with vibrating back massagers.”

How the Hitachi Magic Wand Helped Me Define Queer Sex for Myself | SELF

“Those who struggle to improvise are destined to struggle in spicing up their sex lives.”

10 ways to spice up your sex life | Gentleman's Journal

“Having a boring sex life is like having a car that can never go above the speed limit. It’ll get you where you need to go, but you’ll rarely get excited along the way.”

Unmarried Couples on Motorcycles: What Are Your Rights?

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Jack Fisher’s Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Mother’s Day 2021 Edition

Today is a special day for those as lucky as I am. That’s because today is Mother’s Day and, as it just so happens, I have the greatest mom any guy could ask for. I’ve shared stories about her before. Trust me, they’re just a small sample of my mom’s greatness.

The older I get, the more I come to appreciate her and everything she did for me. I don’t deny I made it difficult for her, at times. While I don’t think I was ever too big a handful, there were times when I’m sure I stressed my mother out more than I intended. That never stopped her from loving me and showing compassion, understanding, and patience.

I am a better man because of my mother. That, I can say with complete certainty. With each passing year, I realize more and more just how much she did for me. I also realize how right she was on so many occasions, even though it took me way too long to realize it. Mom, if you’re reading this, I apologize for that.

Having a mom like mine is great. It makes Mother’s Day that much more special. At the same time, I also realize it can be bittersweet for some. I know people who did not have a great relationship with their mother. I even know a few who sadly lost their mother at a young age. To them, I hope you find some solace in this day, as well. To my own wonderful mother, who gave me life, raised me right, and changed my diapers, I love you with all my heart. I also know I would not exist without sexy thoughts. So, in the spirit of Mother’s Day and all the wonderful mothers out there, please accept these Sexy Sunday Thoughts as my thanks for all the awesome mothering you do. Enjoy!

“A lazy lover has no right to complain when their partner buys a sex doll.”

Married man reveals he has sex with a doll four times a week and takes her  on dinner dates… and his wife doesn't mind

“Going on a date with a prostitute is like going to a movie after reading the spoilers.”

“You know you have sex appeal when you can wear pajamas to a grocery store and still get hit on.”

Wearing pyjamas in public causes stir in communities | Sunshine Coast Daily

“Cybersex is just fantasy role playing combined with real masturbation.”

Having Cybersex For A Year Liberated Me From My Boring Marriage | YourTango

“Sexual innuendo is just a polite way of indicating how horny we are.”

Facts About Flirting That Single — and Married — People Should Know

“Boredom and curiosity have created more kinks than porn ever will.”

Improve Your Sexual Performance With These Ideas | My Site

“If someone is not willing to do a striptease for you, then can you honestly say they’re in love with you?”

Confessions of a male stripper in Toronto

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Jack Fisher’s Sexy Sunday Thoughts: NFL Draft 2021 Edition

Football fans are a special breed of fan. I can say this because I’ve been a football fan all my life. I also come from a long line of passionate football fans that include my dad, my grandfather, my uncle, and my siblings. For us, watching football on Sundays during the fall isn’t just something we do on the weekends. It’s a genuine passion.

There are those who just watch football because it’s something to watch on the weekend and there isn’t much else happening on a Sunday afternoon. That’s perfectly fine. Then, there are the fans who keep following the game closely, even after the end of the Super Bowl. Those fans often start paying attention to the NFL Draft before the confetti stops falling.

I am that kind of fan. As such, the NFL Draft is an exciting time.

Yes, it’s mostly just people in suits announcing the new players they’ve selected from college. There’s no football actually being played and no choices they make actually guarantee any improvement for any team. Just look up Ryan Leaf for proof of that.

It doesn’t matter. It’s still exciting. For passionate football fans like me, these past few days have gotten me more hyped for the upcoming season. That’s the biggest selling point of the draft. It gives fans of every team hope that their team will improve and compete for a Super Bowl. There can only ever be one champion, but the draft makes us all feel just a bit closer to that goal.

It may not be the sexiest event in all of sports, but for football fans, it’s a step closer to more football. For us, you can’t get much sexier. In celebration of the 2021 NFL Draft, here are some Sexy Sunday Thoughts to help add to the hype. Enjoy!

“When you think about it, rebound sex can be both an anti-depressant and a victory lap.”

People Who Have Had Rebound Sex Tell Us Why It Is Awesome

“A janitor who can still get laid is more impressive than anything celebrities do.”

“Staying married to the same person for a lifetime requires that two people channel both their passions and their horniness.”

Should You Have Sex With a Friend? An Expert Weighs in.

“Couples who make out in public are either very much in love or very poor at impulse control.”

Young Asian Caucasian Couple Kissing Stock Footage Video (100%  Royalty-free) 1040623718 | Shutterstock

“To some extent, foreplay is a form of reconnaissance.”

The best foreplay tips to try tonight | Her World Singapore

“Genital piercings are humanity’s way of complicating evolution.”

Are you allowed to visibly wear piercings in school? - Quora

“The fact that a woman can sell her used panties and a man cannot do the same with his jock strap implies that we’ll never have true gender equality.”

How women are making money… selling their dirty PANTS online | SHEmazing!

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Jack Fisher’s Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Deep Sexy Voice Edition

There are many ways to set a sexy mood. Regardless of gender, orientation, or kinks, the goal is the same. You seek to create an environment where you and your lover are feeling extra-frisky. Not everyone goes about it the same way, but the results are a big reason why many of us exist.

Of all the ways to set that special mood, talking in a deep, sexy voice has a uniquely profound impact. There’s a reason why Barry White is both a musical icon and a sex symbol. That deep, masculine voice just triggers something in us that makes us want to get intimate. It’s a beautiful thing.

There’s even a very real chance that someone reading this is alive because their parents listened to Barry White, but I’ll try not to belabor that. I’ll just let countless lurid imaginations fill in the blanks.

However, you don’t need to have the musical talents of Barry White to channel the sex appeal of a deep voice. You don’t even have to be a particular gender. You just have to be willing to get close, say the right things, and say them in a way that’s deep, affectionate, and intimate. Put that all together and let your lover react. The results can be both beautiful and sexy as hell.

If you don’t believe me, try it the next time you’re with your lover. Talk dirty in an extra deep tone. See how they respond. If they respond favorably, then you’re welcome. You now have a new tool in your intimate arsenal. If you still need more convincing, here are some Sexy Sunday Thoughts that I hop inspire you. Enjoy!

“Is it ironic that something as inherently delicious as chocolate sauce has probably been used in kinky sex acts that would make most people sick?”

“Telling someone what turns you on is like telling someone your weakness and giving them an instruction manual on how to exploit it.”

“Would you take marital advice from someone who claims they’ve never cussed during sex?”

“You can’t be an overly honest person and still be good at kinky role playing.”

“Like it or not, the presence of a dirty imagination ensures there will always be free porn.”

“It’s exceedingly difficult to be a bad listener and a skilled lover.”

“If sex were a video game, then the afterglow would be the bonus level.”

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Jack Fisher’s Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Sexy Yardwork Edition

Growing up, I hated yardwork. My parents know this all too well. I’m sure they haven’t forgotten how much I complained about it, as a kid. As I got older, I didn’t grow to like it. However, I did come to respect and understand it a lot more. I even saw some hints of sex appeal behind it.

Let’s face it. There wouldn’t be so many pornos involving gardeners and pool cleaners if there wasn’t some amount of sex appeal at work.

Regardless of how you feel about that kind of porn scenario, the appeal is worth breaking down. We are getting into the middle of spring right now. The weather is warming up. The trees and flowers are blooming. Most people who have gardens or lawns are starting to tend to them. If you want your home to look good, you have to put in the work.

That’s where I think the bulk of the sex appeal comes from. Yardwork is an extension of maintaining the home you’ve built. By putting work into your living space, you show a number of key traits. Most notably, you demonstrate that you’re willing to work hard in hot, muggy weather and you value adding beauty to the world.

Those are all traits that are attractive in many respects. You’re out in the sun, working hard, getting your hands dirty, and building up a sweat. There are people who find that attractive. The sweaty musk alone is enough for some people.

Now that I own a place of my own, I certainly appreciate the work that goes into it. I hope to one day find someone who sees the sex appeal in that work, as well. In the meantime, here are some Sexy Sunday Thoughts for all those who value yardwork, as well as those who find it sexy. Enjoy!

“Beautiful women will never truly know, or be comfortable with, how many awkward boners they’ve caused.”

“Any man who gets remarried after an ugly divorce is a masochist by default.”

“Behind every awkward teenager is a bitter realization of how hard it is to get laid.”

“If real psychics existed, then most of them would die of nausea for being able to read peoples’ most depraved thoughts.”

“Is it really fair that a woman’s feet tend to have more sex appeal than a man’s balls?”

“By definition, you can’t be a slut with high standards.”

“Dick jokes will always be funnier than vagina jokes because dicks can literally be in funnier situations.”

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