Tag Archives: raunchy comedy

Jack Fisher’s Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Hot Aliens Edition

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If aliens ever do land on Earth, our reaction will be highly contingent on how sexually attractive we find them. It’s an inescapable fact of our dirty collective imaginations. We judge someone by how sexually attractive we find them. If a race of aliens looked like Brad Pitt and Jennifer Lawrence, we would approach them differently compared to the little green men of old.

I don’t deny there are some alien women in fiction that I find very attractive. Gamora from “Guardians of the Galaxy,” Liara from “Mass Effect,” and Starfire from DC Comics are just some of the alien women I find sexy. While I understand that’s very unlikely that actual aliens would look anything like women, men, or humans in general, it’s still a popular trope for a reason.

Aliens can be scary, as many movies and TV shows have shown us. They can also have a sexy side. After all, all life needs to survive and reproduce in order to evolve, including aliens. They would have to have some level of sex appeal in order to get that far, even if it takes a form most humans wouldn’t understand.

Regardless of how real aliens might look, there will always be a place in the world of fantasy and sci-fi for sexy aliens. As someone who loves comics, sci-fi, and all things sexy, those kinds of aliens have a special place in my heart. For that reason, and plenty others, I dedicate this edition of my Sexy Sunday Thoughts to the sexy aliens out there, wherever they may be.


“The quality of the sex we have is directly proportional to the necessary effort to get the stains out of our bed sheets.”


“You know you have sex appeal when you can make dirty sweatpants look sexy.”


“Weddings are the only occasions where people encourage close family members to have sex.”


“True love is never hesitating to touch your lover’s dirty underwear.”


“When you think about it, every romantic gesture is directly linked to facilitating an orgasm.”


“As a general rule, if it can be used as a lubricant, it probably has been used in a sex act.”


“Strippers and prostitutes are the only ones who know the actual market value of their bodies.”


We may never know whether we’re truly alone in the universe. Even if we do meet real aliens one day, it’s unlikely they’ll take a form we find inherently sexy. It’s still a fun idea to imagine, a race of aliens that are both extremely advanced and extremely sexy. Fantasy or not, it’s the kind of idea that makes gazing up at the stars that much more awe-inspiring.

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Jack Fisher’s Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Competitive Love Edition

Couple jogging in nature

Some people are just competitive, by nature. They’ll turn anything into a contest, be it a sales competition, a video game, or the act of making love to their lover. It can be beneficial. Competition, after all, is wired into our collective psyche. It’s part of what has made humans such a successful species. As such, it helps make us great lovers.

I’ve known people who actively channel their competitive nature into their love lives. They often end up with spouses or partners who are just as competitive as they are, looking for ways to push each other and themselves. I knew one couple in college that tried to compete with another on how long they could spend a day naked together. I’m not sure who won, but I don’t get the sense that anybody lost.

It can get needlessly elaborate and downright exhausting. It can also help keep things interesting in a relationship. I’m not an overly competitive person, but I do like to push myself every now and then. When I do find that special someone, I hope they’ll have a similar competitive drive. When done right, competition can bring out the best in people. When done right to our love lives, it can get pretty damn sexy.

That’s not to say there aren’t risks. Like anything, it is possible to go too far. That’s not the kind of competition I’m referring to. For this week’s Sexy Sunday Thoughts, my focus is on the kind of competitive spirit that pushes lovers in all the right ways for all the right reasons.


“We consider nudity obscene, but trust a few thin layers of fabric to guard that obscenity.”


“The first person to shave off their pubic hair must have been equally brave and foolish.”

 


“The best drugs either facilitate the process of getting sex or mimic the feelings associated with having sex.”


“True cunning is seducing someone who thinks they’re the one doing the seducing.”


“Men who are good with power tools have no excuses when it comes to effectively using a vibrator with their lover.”


“A dirty thought is often a precursor to a loving gesture.”


“These days, a lack of debt carries its own brand of sex appeal.”


Hopefully, that got some of the competitive juices flowing, among other things. The NFL season may be over and the middle of winter makes it tough to do much competing. That just means couples have to get more creative and creativity is often the best catalyst for an exciting love life.

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Jack Fisher’s Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Super Bowl LIII Edition

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It’s finally here. That most holiest of days for football fans is upon us. Super Bowl LIII has arrived. Whether you’re a football fan, a sports fan, or just someone notices there are a lot of reruns on today, you feel its impact. It is, by sheer numbers, the most watched event on television and this year looks to raise the bar once again.

Now, I’m not particularly passionate about either team. Neither one of these teams were my pick to make it to the Super Bowl when the season started. I’m also among the many who were hoping to see anyone other than the New England Patriots playing for yet another title. I even feel like this game is already tainted because of a bullshit call that robbed the New Orleans Saints of a critical victory.

Regardless of my personal feelings, it’s a football game and the biggest game of the year, at that. That means I’m going to stock up on beer, buffalo wings, whiskey, chips, dip, and everything else that’s going to make me feel 20 pounds heavier tomorrow. Regardless of who hoists the Lombardi Trophy, I’m going to enjoy myself and so will many others.

Football may not inspire sexy thoughts in everyone. I’m sure there are plenty who are annoyed by how much coverage the Super Bowl gets every year. That said, I’m also sure those same people would admit that Tom Brady is one sexy piece of man meat. I’m a straight man and even I don’t deny that. His sex appeal alone is enough to inspire this week’s Sexy Sunday Thoughts. Enjoy!


“What does it say about us that we shake hands with the one someone is most likely to use to masturbate?”


“We send mixed messages when we label sex as an adult subject and those who enjoy it too much as immature.”


“Orgasms are nature’s way of telling people that propagating a species can be fun.”


“The best sex often starts with something you shouldn’t do, becomes something you want to do, and ends as something you wish you’d done sooner.”


“The taboo of every sexual kink is directly proportional to the amount of lube it requires.”


“When it comes to sports, the will the win and the will to get laid aren’t always mutually exclusive.”


“Practically speaking, sex is the part of romantic chemistry that is most likely to make a literal and figurative mess.”


I hope that helped everyone work up an appetite, among other things, for the big game. I’m sure it’ll have many twists and turns. I’m also sure it’ll be full of controversy, regardless of who wins. Whatever the case, it’s the last football game of the season and it’s worth enjoying. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got some extra-spicy wings to cook and a lot of beer to drink.

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Jack Fisher’s Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Soft Blanket On Cold Days Edition

blanket

This is the time of year where a nice, warm blanket really shows its value. For someone like me, who enjoys sleeping naked, it’s hard to overstate that value. As I write this, my part of the world is going through the coldest parts of winter. It’s so cold outside that I wouldn’t be shocked if a penguin walked by at some point. That makes every blanket I own more important.

There’s also an inherently sexy side of soft blankets. Most people these days would rather not make love or get frisky atop a bare mattress, especially in the middle of winter. They’d rather be surrounded by warm, fuzzy blankets that keep them warm so that they can keep the mood sexy. It’s a critical, but underappreciated piece of love, sex, and everything in between.

For this week’s edition of my Sexy Sunday Thoughts, I’d like to take a moment to acknowledge and cherish the warmth that these thick, cozy blankets give us. Even if you’re in a tropical climate, there’s just something intimate about covering yourself and your lover within one. It’s one of the simplest tools with which to create a sexy moment. During this time of year, those moments are extra special.


“To some extent, flirting is advertising the use of your genitals.”


“Angry sex is like extra-spicy food in that it can be an unpleasant feeling that’s still somehow satisfying.”


“Wet dreams are like movie trailers for your genitals.”


“The difference between odor and musk is in the inherent sex appeal of the activity that causes it.”


“For some, slut shaming is just jealousy for someone else having more skill and experience.”


“Is it just a coincidence that our most embarrassing and satisfying involve nudity?”


“Quality romance is simply porn with better acting and more plot.”


I hope everyone now has a new appreciation for the soft, warm blankets they may own. I also hope everyone now has more incentive to curl up with their lover inside one, creating the warmth they’ll need to endure the rest of the winter season. I can’t guarantee a soft blanket will always make for a sexy moment. It’ll just make pursuing one a lot easier.

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Jack Fisher’s Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Anniversary Celebration Edition

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People have mixed feelings about anniversaries. Whether they’re celebrating a wedding, a first kiss, or the first time two people willingly got naked together, it evokes different emotions for many people. As a romantic, I have a strong appreciation for them, but I can also understand why some roll their eyes at the concept.

Some people genuinely love celebrating anniversaries. It’s not just an excuse to have sex on a bed of rose petals. It marks an important milestone for a relationship. Some lovers really value those milestones and they should. Quality relationships take a lot of hard work and that work ought to be celebrated.

At the same time, anniversaries can be an unnecessary burden on an otherwise functioning relationship. People can see an anniversary as nothing more than an arbitrary date that doesn’t reflect the true strength of a relationship. I know couples who just don’t think they’re worth celebrating and they’re still as happy as ever.

I’m of the opinion that anniversaries are worth celebrating, if only because love and all its sexy connotations are worth celebrating. This week’s edition of my Sexy Sunday Thoughts is an ode to the inherent value that anniversaries harbor. Regardless of whether you think they’re meaningful, they’re the landmarks of a relationship and I say they’re worth cherishing.


“Mini-skirts and crotch-less panties implies that some people are too lazy to get undressed before sex.”


“Opening your heart will strengthen bonds, but opening your legs will expand opportunities.”


“A man is only as strong as his ability to shield his balls.”


“Good lovers see afterglow as a victory celebration, but great lovers see it as halftime show.”


“There are few ailments whose symptoms cannot be tempered with a good orgasm.”


“A good singer faces higher standards when it comes to the noises they make during sex.”


“It’s very likely that an orgy was the first act of teamwork.”


I hope this gives you a better appreciation of the romantic potential of anniversaries. There are a lot of things that go into a successful relationship and there are plenty of other forces working against it. An anniversary is a nice way of appreciating how well a couple has done. If nothing else, it’s a good excuse for extra sexy time and we can never have too many of those.

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Jack Fisher’s Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Fancy Dinner Edition

Couple for romantic Dinner or lunch in a gourmet restaurant drin

I’m not a fan of overpriced food, but I’ve learned from experience that you get what you pay for. Like many, I survived college on cheap food that ruined my pallet for years. I’ve also made the mistake of buying cheap ingredients for meals I thought I could turn into something better. Even though I’m a good cook, trust me when I say you can taste the difference.

A fancy meal may seem like an overpriced luxury, even for frugal couples, but make no mistake. It’s value that goes beyond overpriced appetizers. It’s not just part of a typical date with someone you’re trying to impress. I believe a fancy meal, be it breakfast, lunch, or dinner, is like an investment into your romance. It shows what you’re willing to put into it and not just in terms of dollar value.

Even if the meal is nothing more than fancy presentations by people with fake accents, it’s the sentiment that really counts. A fancy dinner, complete with undersized appetizers and rose-colored candles, show that you’re willing to put something extra into a relationship. It’s not just that you love someone. You’re willing to make it a spectacle.

I’m a fan of spectacles, sexy or otherwise. A fancy meal is just one way of going about it and it just happens to be the most delicious. Coming from a family of skilled cooks, I can appreciate these meals more than most. That’s why I dedicate this week’s edition of my Sexy Sunday Thoughts to the fancy dinners that fill our stomachs and inspire our passions. Bon appétit!


“Both literal and figurative flexibility can improve anyone’s sex life.”


“Hate sex is the ghost pepper of sex.”


“Romantic vacations are just more elaborate versions of thrill sex.”


“Appetizers are like foreplay for your stomach.”


“Every great kink starts with a dirty mind and an awkward boner.”


“When you think about it, orgasms were the first bonuses.”


“The ultimate thrill seeker is one who is willing to receive oral sex from a cannibal.”


I hope that helps make everyone’s next meal feel a bit fancier, among other things. Like most things sexy, there’s a time and a place for it. I encourage every couple to make the effort. Every now and then, we should make the effort to wine and dine our lovers to make them feel special. Whether you’re rich or poor on paper, a fancy dinner can help you and your lover feel like royalty.

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Jack Fisher’s Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Roaring Fire Edition

couple spend romantic evening by th fireplace

The holidays are over, but winter is just getting started and it always feels frustratingly long. Unless you’re lucky enough to live in a tropical climate, we’ve got several months of cold temperatures and crappy weather to look forward to. I’m already dreading it. As a romantic and someone who just enjoys being naked, I’ve found that winter cold tends to limit the potential for sexy situations.

If you have a fireplace, though, you have an advantage. There’s a reason why more than one song has referenced making love down by the fire. It doesn’t take much imagination, dirty or otherwise, to see the appeal. It’s both sexy and romantic, cuddling up with your lover under the light and warmth of a roaring fire in the fireplace.

I’ve already written one sexy short story about it. There’s a good chance I’ll write others like it in the future. It also helps that my current place actually has a gas fireplace that I regularly use. If I ever have company of a sexy kind, I certainly hope to use it. During this time of year, you have to use what you can to keep things sexy.

Whether you have a fireplace or not, the inherent sexiness is hard to deny. That’s why I’m dedicating this week’s edition of Sexy Sunday Thoughts to roaring fireplaces and the sex appeal they bring during this most unsexy of seasons. If you have one like I do, I hope you get a chance to use it this winter.


“Whoever invented lubricant has probably brought more joy to the world than they’ll ever realize.”


“The success of any party is predicated on how well it facilitates the process of getting drunk and/or laid.”


“Good things are worth waiting for, but foreplay makes even the wait a lot more enjoyable.”


“In certain circumstances, people who are horny can do just as much property damage as people who are horny.”


“Good sex takes practice, but convincing others to practice with you takes talent.”


“Logistically speaking, many lives are lost in the front seats of cars whereas many lives are created in the back seats.”


“A gift itself won’t get you laid, but the thought that goes into it might.”


These next couple months are going to be long and cold. For those who don’t like being cooped up indoors, it’s going to be a challenge. Sometimes, that means finding sexy scenarios wherever and whenever you can. I’m not saying having a fireplace is the best scenario for lovers during these cold winter months. I’m just saying it’s hard to beat.

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