Tag Archives: sex humor

Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Cosplayer Edition

Greetings and excelsior, as Stan “The Man” Lee would say. That feels like the best possible way I can cap off a week that involved a trip to New York Comic Con 2017. If it sounds like I’m still bathing in afterglow, like a Disney princess on her honeymoon, I’m not apologizing. That’s how it feels to visit New York Comic Con.

The sights, the sounds, and the experience are special to the hearts of every comic book fan, pop culture vulture, and people who just need an excuse to dress up in sexy costumes. It’s like a party where you know other people share your interests and you don’t have to be shy talking about them. I won’t say it’s the most satisfying experience I’ve ever had, but it’s definitely in the top 10.

Naturally, I saw some amazing sights, many of them sexy to no end. I will cherish these sights and memories for years to come, or at least until I go back next year. In the meantime, I’m dedicating this week’s edition of Sexy Sunday Thoughts to the wonders I experienced at the New York Comic Con.

Also, if you’re one of the sexy cosplayers who helped make the whole show a spectacle, I’d like to especially thank you. You make the world a better, sexier place.


“A honeymoon is basically a state/church-sanctioned vacation where you’re allowed to have sex without getting shamed for it.”


“Morning wood would be much more useful for women if semen had the same nutritional value as a latte.”


“The fact that women take pride in being able to give birth while men take pride in being able to pee while standing up is proof that there will always be gender inequality.”


“Seeing is believing works well with basic logic, but has a mixed track record when it comes to fake tits.”


“People who name their own genitals may be insecure, but those who let others name their genitals have to have a lot of confidence.”


“The idea of faking it until you make it may work with success, but not for orgasms.”


“Other than children, the greatest gift a wife can give her husband is permission to watch porn without stigma.”


Once again, I thank New York Comic Con and all the amazing cosplayers who make it awesome. Whether you’re elaborate, sexy, or creative with your costume, you show your passion in ways that any comic book fan or aspiring erotica/romance writer can appreciate. I look forward to sharing that passion at many future comic cons.

Leave a comment

Filed under Sexy Sunday Thoughts

Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Date Night Edition

In general, having great sex and maintaining a strong romance are similar in that there’s no one right way to do it. What works for one person or might not work for another. What’s quirky for one couple might be mundane for another. Love is a diverse, erratic, and beautiful thing. Like flowers in a garden, it blooms in many ways.

That said, there are some methods that have been scientifically proven, to some extent, to keep those sexy passions burning. Sure, lovers may get used to each other after a while, so much so that they know their favorite brand of toilet paper and what color dildo they prefer, but there are plenty of ways to keep things interesting. You just have to use your kinky imagination and a little basic brain hacking.

That’s where regular date nights come in. According to actual research, having regular date nights where a couple sets aside all distractions and focuses on getting frisky improves their chances at forging a lasting romance. It makes sense. By regularly putting some passionate effort into one another, you’re bound to keep things heated.

That’s why I highly recommend date nights for aspiring lovers, such as those I write about in my novels. While you and your lover are making those sexy plans, here are some Sexy Sunday Thoughts to set the mood.


“Begging for oral sex versus begging to give oral sex creates create wildly different situations for each gender.” 


“Relationship advice is like the stock market in that nobody can predict how it will pan out, only a few strike it rich, and major crashes cause major panic.” 


“At strip clubs or brothels, there’s really no such thing as an awkward boner.”


“If a relationship expert is single, does that inherently make them an hypocrite?”


“What does it say about us when so many people find a woman’s feet sexy, but nobody finds a man’s balls sexy?”


“Makeup sex is like soggy pizza. It’s not great, it’s not entirely satisfying, and we may think less of ourselves for enjoying it, but it’s still palatable and it gets the job done.”


“Pity sex is like the Pumpkin Latte of sex in that it’s okay to have every once in a while, but not on a regular basis.”


For all you spouses, lovers, or friends-with-benefits out there, I hope this helps get you in the mood for date night, whenever it might be. Being in love doesn’t mean you stop trying. You still have to put in the effort to make that love fruitful. Given how that effort can result in some quality sexy time, I honestly can’t think of anything more worthwhile.

Leave a comment

Filed under Sexy Sunday Thoughts

Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Foliage Edition

Well, according to the calendar, fall is officially here. That’s right. It’s time to put the bikinis away, break out the heavy coats, and envy all the lucky assholes who live in a tropical climate for the next eight months. It’s going to be a long winter is what I’m saying.

As much as I’ve expressed my fondness for all things summer, I don’t deny that fall has its appeals. In addition to football being back, it’s also cooler without being too cold. You can get away with wearing shorts and not sweating so much that you smell like a wet dog. For a guy who loves to sweat for all the right reasons, that’s important to me.

Then, there’s the foliage. I don’t care what those lucky assholes in tropical climates say. Fall foliage is a sight to behold. I happen to live in an area where the changing leaves is pretty damn beautiful. I’d even go so far as to say it’s sexy. All that extra color, combined with a greater need to stay warm, creates all sorts of sexy situations.

It’s not the same as bikinis and speedos, but it’s still a unique brand of sexy. That’s why I’m going to get the ball rolling on fall by dedicating this week’s edition of Sexy Sunday Thoughts to the changing leaves. Sure, we have to rake them later, but let’s enjoy the spectacle while we can. It’s a special kind of sexy so let’s make the most of it.


“Given men’s natural love of breasts, aren’t push-up bras redundant?”


“Is it possible that babies conceived in winter were also part of an effort by couples to save money on their heating bill?”


“Sex is the only activity in which women don’t mind procrastination.”


“Is it possible that the first nipple piercing was a product of someone not wanting to admit how clumsy they are when drunk?”


“Are crazy people really better in bed? Or are sane people just too unwilling to make the extra effort?”


“When you think about it, the afterglow after sex is like a reverse hangover.”


“The amount of a woman’s body that a man’s lips have touched is one of the best measurements of his commitment.”


I hope that got everyone’s blood flowing, if only to give them the strength they’ll need to rake up the leaves. Summer may be officially over, but there’s a way to be sexy in every season. Granted, some seasons are more challenging than others, especially those not conducive to thong underwear, but I’m up for that challenge and I intend to deliver.

1 Comment

Filed under Sexy Sunday Thoughts

Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Disaster Relief Edition

It has been a rough couple of weeks for millions of people along the Gulf Coast. First, Hurricane Harvey devastated east Texas. Then, a week later, Hurricane Irma basically delivered an uppercut to the entire state of Florida. The toll, both human and otherwise, has been devastating.

As bad as these storms have been, these sorts of disasters often bring out the best in humanity. They rarely get reported because for some reason, the media thinks we only enjoy hearing about how dire things are. They do happen though and they’re worth acknowledging.

Over the course of the next several weeks, the cleanup effort will begin. Stories of the devastation will dominate, but other stories of heroism and sacrifice will emerge. Those are the stories that should embolden us all. We may be a cynical bunch, but when the chips are down, we humans reveal just how awesome we can be.

With that in mind, I’m dedicating this week’s edition of Sexy Sunday Thoughts to all those who dare to be better in times of disaster. It doesn’t matter who you are or where you come from. Helping others in their time of need will always be sexy as hell.


“Considering what most people do with their hands, men should be much more eager to shake hands with women than men.” 


“What exactly did the first guy who got a boner while being spanked do to deserve it in the first place and did he keep doing it afterwards?”


“If a nymphomaniac worked as a prostitute, how would they even know they’re a nymphomaniac?”


“The true experts in stain removal are those who do a porn star’s laundry.”


“You never realize how much you care about the hair on your ass until you try to put on a thong.”


“The fact that a teenager’s brain is underdeveloped while their genitals are overdeveloped is proof that a species CAN survive on stupidity.”


“Parents who catch their kids having sex is traumatic. Kids who catch their parents having sex is traumatic. Does the fact they’re both alive because of sex make that ironic?” 


To all those who have been affected by these historic storms, continue to be strong. Your strength will make you sexy again and that sexiness will carry you through any storm. For everyone whose who seeks to aid those affected by these storms, please donate to ongoing relief efforts in Texas and Florida. Disasters are always devastating, but they bring out the best in us all.

Leave a comment

Filed under Sexy Sunday Thoughts

Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Labor Day Edition

Summer is just about over. Just typing that sentence out makes me sad. That means I’ll be putting away my speedo, my muscle shirts, and my flip-flops soon. In my part of the country, the cold weather tends to come fast and lingers like an itchy asshole. I’m not looking forward to that, to say the least.

In a sense, Labor Day is our last chance to really enjoy the warm weather, the beaches, and the bikinis one last time. Unless you live in a tropical climate, and I envy those who do, it’s a sight you’ll have to cherish until 2018. Having enjoyed my fair share of trips to the beach while sleeping naked in the muggy heat every night, I like to think this summer has been a success.

I’m still going to enjoy what’s left of it during Labor Day. I’ll drink a few extra cold beers. I’ll lounge around in swim trunks and flip flops. I’ll see if I can spot any more bikinis before they disappear for the rest of the year. I encourage everyone to do the same.

To aid in this effort, I dedicate this week of Sexy Sunday Thoughts to the last days of summer. I hope everyone has a safe and sexy Labor Day. Enjoy it and get ready for a long, less sexy winter.


“Dancing may not count as outright foreplay, but in many cases, it still helps us exercise our humping skills.”


“No matter how smart you are, you’re always prone to stupidity when you’re really horny.”


“The fact that women are concerned with styling their hair while men are obsessed with NOT losing it makes hair, in general, is a perfect metaphor for modern romance.”


“Is a man who uses a dildo to please his lover compensating for something or just well-equipped?”


“In a sense, an elaborate wedding is two families paying exorbitant, up-front fees to permit two people to see each other naked on a regular basis.” 


“Sexiness takes work, sex appeal takes talent, and sex skills take practice. It’s just the last step that’s hardest to set up.”


“If actions speak louder than words, then a lover who just wants to talk about sex is sending mixed messages.”


The summer is just about over. Before long, you’ll be shoveling snow, shopping for Halloween candy, and putting up Christmas decorations, possibly within the same week. That’s all the more reason to cherish this Labor Day holiday to enjoy what’s left of summer.

Leave a comment

Filed under Sexy Sunday Thoughts

Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Vacation Edition

What’s the best way to make a vacation sexier? That’s a trick question. Just being on vacation, especially one that allows you to spend less time paying bills and more time naked, is inherently sexy. When clothing, work, and so much else is optional, you’re bound to feel more energy, especially the sexy kind.

I know this because, as I type these sexy words, I’m looking out at a beautiful beach. That’s right. I’m on vacation. I’m literally sitting on a balcony from a hotel, watching the sun rise over the ocean. It’s as relaxing as it sounds and then some.

For the next several days, my sole concern involves lounging on the beach, hanging out at beach bars, and admiring beautiful women in bikinis. I have every intention of enjoying it to the utmost. It might very well be my last vacation of the summer before changes in weather makes extended periods of nudity more difficult.

Vacation or not, my mind never stops thinking sexy things. If anything, being at a beach in the hottest days of summer only makes those thoughts sexier. As such, I’ll try to incorporate every last bit of that sexiness into this week’s edition of “Sexy Sunday Thoughts.” Enjoy!


“If variety truly is the spice of life, then a man’s porn collection is the perfect embodiment of that concept.”


“When you think about it, a female version of James Bond is a stereotypical porn star.”


“Getting sex advice from your parents is like getting vegan recipes from a cannibal.”


“There are very few ways to ruin a blowjob, but a great many ways to screw up the process of requesting one.”


“It’s usually a bad sign when your lover says they want great sex, but isn’t too eager to practice.”


“If the key to a man’s heart was really through his stomach, then wouldn’t the sexiest women in the world all be professional chefs?”


“The average orgasm for a man lasts 7 seconds. The average orgasm for a woman lasts 20. THAT’S why there will never be true gender equality.”


“When you think about it, a fetish is just a type of sex with a really passionate fanbase.”


Even if you’re stuck working, I hope these lurid musings help tide you over until your next vacation, whenever it may be. I know it’s not the same as a tropical getaway, but sometimes you got to take what you can get. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a beautiful beach to enjoy and some beautiful women in bikinis to admire.

1 Comment

Filed under Sexy Sunday Thoughts

Sexy Sunday Thoughts: The Heat Wave Edition

I usually avoid talking about the weather because, more often than not, it’s the topic of last resort. However, sometimes it’s worth talking about. It wasn’t that long ago when I was snowed in for a couple days. Now, it’s hotter than a camel’s nut sack and there are only so many clothes I can legally take off.

As I type these words, everywhere within a 100-mile radius of my home is in the middle of a heat wave. I’m pretty sure I could fry an egg and cook bacon on the hood of a car. At this point in the summer, most people should be used to this kind of heat. There’s just no adjusting to the feeling of walking into an oven, just to get the damn mail.

That said, I still prefer sweating my ass off, as opposed to freezing my balls off. I like not having to dress in layers every time I go outside so I won’t complain about the heat too much. If nothing else, the heat allows me to be naked more often and that can only help the progress on my sexy novels.

Wherever you may be this summer, I hope you have a way to stay cool while still staying sexy. It is possible to strike a balance. I hope this week’s edition of “Sexy Sunday Thoughts” can help in that effort.


“I shudder when I imagine what was going through the mind of the person who invented the butt plug.”


“We’re rapidly approaching a place in our culture where liking a sexy picture of someone counts as foreplay.”


“Women don’t know the power of oral sex until they ask a favor of a man who just received it.”


“The desire to have sex in the backseat of a car often involves overestimating one’s flexibility.”


“Seeking advice from a celibate priest on your sex life is like asking a cow for advice on cooking steaks.”

“If our genitals had lawyers, then divorce proceedings would be a lot more complicated, but way sexier.”


“If a woman offers a man oral sex before a kiss, then people think she’s a prostitute. If a man offers a woman oral sex before a kiss, then people think he’s just being extra considerate.”


As we endure more heat waves, I encourage everyone to stay cool in any way, except in their pants. Some parts of your body are worth keeping warm, no matter the season. Heat waves may come in go. Certain kinds of heat will find a way to keep burning. Trust me. You’ll take comfort in that once the winter rolls in.

Leave a comment

Filed under Sexy Sunday Thoughts