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Jack Fisher’s Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Cherry Blossoms Edition

Spring is upon us and, even with a pandemic still raging, it brings welcome relief. For me, that sentiment is mixed. I certainly embrace warmer weather, as well as less precipitation that requires shoveling. I just don’t enjoy the allergy onslaught that comes with it. It’s why I don’t need a calendar to know it’s spring. My allergies do plenty to let me know.

It’s why I have a hard time enjoying the simple spectacle of blooming flowers. While most see their emerging presence as a thing of beauty, I see them as a potential precursor to more sinus congestion. I still make an effort to admire them, but that admiration has to be tempered.

However, I do make an exception for certain flowers. Cherry blossoms are at the top of that list. Some of that is due to where I live. I’m less than an hour away from Washington DC, which is known for beautiful cherry blossoms, as well as corrupt politicians. If you can ignore the politics, though, the cherry blossoms are a sight to behold.

They also hold a personal value to me. Years ago, my now ex-girlfriend came for a visit from college during Spring Break. As part of a day out, we traveled to DC where we got to see the cherry blossoms in full bloom. It was beautiful, as well as romantic. She certainly appreciated the spectacle and so did I. Even my allergies couldn’t stop me from enjoying it.

It was a great moment for us both. I bet if I asked her now, she would agree that was one of the best memories we shared together during our relationship. Even if you don’t live near DC, cherry blossoms are a beautiful manifestation of the best parts of spring. Their vibrant colors offer both a sign of the seasons and a uniquely romantic ambience.

As the weather gets warmer, more opportunities like that will emerge. If you’re with someone special, it’s a great way to get out of the house and enjoy the spirit of spring. Here are some Sexy Sunday Thoughts to further liven your spirits. Enjoy!

“If every cop was also a stripper, then getting pulled over would be a lot less stressful.”

“At some point in your life, there’s a good chance you’ve called or texted someone while they were masturbating.”

“Only those who sell sex toys can claim they’re selling happiness.”

“When you’re really prude, everything seems kinky. But if everything is kinky, then can anyone really be a pervert?”

“A major part of loving someone is trusting them to be alone and horny for extended periods.”

“Horny men are more likely to challenges whereas horny women are more likely to have options.”

“It’s difficult to have a successful relationship without an orgasm quota.”

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Jack Fisher’s Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Easter 2021 Edition

Let’s be honest. Last year had one of the worst Easter holiday weekends since the days of Jesus himself. It hardly counted as a holiday. Even if you only know Easter as that holiday that involves plastic eggs and ham dinners, it was a holiday to forget.

At this time last year, the pandemic was escalating with each passing day and since viruses don’t take holidays, it got much worse in the coming weeks. It wasn’t just bad. It was downright scary. We didn’t know just how bad this pandemic was going to get. We didn’t know how many people would end up sick or dead because of it.

You can’t really celebrate anything in that kind of situation. I think Jesus would understand that too.

My family still made an effort to have an Easter dinner last year. It was better than nothing, but the pandemic kept everyone from getting into the spirit. Easter is usually one of those holidays that my family uses as an excuse to just get together and hang out. I always enjoyed that. A day with family, sharing a good meal and catching up, is a holiday well spent.

Last year robbed us of that. This year, things aren’t entirely back to normal. Only a few relatives have been vaccinated and plenty are still not able to travel. However, it’s a lot less scary this time. The pandemic is still raging, but we’re closer to the end than we are the beginning. That alone is reason to celebrate.

With that in mind, I encourage everyone out there to make the most of this Easter Sunday. Even if it’s not a big holiday in your book, try doing something to make it special. Even if it’s as simple as making hardboiled eggs, do something to help make up for all the festivities we lost last year. Here are some Sexy Sunday Thoughts to help get you in the Easter spirit. Enjoy!

“There’s a good chance that at some point in your life, you’ve talked to your parents shortly after they did something kinky.”

“You can’t outlaw prostitution without criminalizing orgasms to some extent.”

“True charisma is measured by an ability to make people horny without touching them.”

“A skilled tongue can do far more than make up for a small penis.”

“Does having sex with identical twins truly count as a three-way?”

“In many respects, a skilled dominatrix is better at enforcing rules than cops.”

“Things that make certain people feel horny are sure to make other people feel scared.”

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Jack Fisher’s Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Cartoon Romance Edition

Cartoons are not just for kids and haven’t been for decades. That shouldn’t need belaboring in this day and age. With shows like “Rick and Morty” and “Bojack Horseman,” it’s safe to say the debate is over. Anyone who still thinks cartoons are for children are either willful idiots or just cantankerous trolls.

I’m lucky in many respects because I grew up at a time when cartoons were mostly for kids. Then, in my teen years, they started maturing before my eyes. From “The Simpsons” to “Bevis and Butthead” to “King of the Hill” to “Avatar: The Last Airbender,” I watched as this rich and colorful medium matured.

A big part of that maturity came from how these shows depicted romance. Being a long-time romance fan, I noticed this more than most. For years, romance in cartoons was restricted to Bugs Bunny occasionally kissing Elmer Fudd. There was little in terms of refined relationships, like the ones we see in movies, TV, or books. That has since changed.

Shows like “Futurama” and “The Dragon Prince” have really raised the bar for how romance can unfold in a cartoon. Some animated romances are genuinely beautiful. They have the same dynamics as their non-animated counterparts. It’s a big reason why the “Futurama” finale brought many fans to tears. It was just that beautiful.

Granted, good cartoon romances are still few and far between, but that only makes the ones that work more endearing. As the medium continues to evolve, I hope we get more romances like that. There will always be a place for Looney Toons style slap-stick, but cartoons need not be defined by that. They can be romantic for all the right reasons.

To celebrate all things animated and romantic, here are some Sexy Sunday Thoughts. Enjoy!

“Being sexy while refusing to give oral sex is like being a drag racer who refuses to exceed the speed limit.”

“Like it or not, perverse thoughts are a pre-cursor to our very existence.”

“Is a push-up bra really that different from a cod piece?”

“Teenagers today will never appreciate the amount of work, tact, and cunning it took to both find and hide a porn stash before the internet.”

“There should be no shame in being seduced by someone who is exceptionally good at it.”

“A man cannot condemn homosexuality without indirectly insulting his own genitals.”

“Boring sex can only ever be a luxury in the grand scheme of things.”

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Jack Fisher’s Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Spring 2021 Edition

This past winter sucked and for once, it had nothing to do with the weather. I don’t think I need to remind everyone of why it sucked. I think I’ve belabored that enough these past few months. There’s a good chance things will continue to suck for the same reason in the coming months. They just won’t suck nearly as much.

That’s because, as of yesterday, spring has arrived. It’s official now. We made it through one of the worst winters most of us will ever experience. Now, we have warmer weather and a less apocalyptic outlook before us. I, for one, am elated. I usually don’t celebrate the arrival of spring this much, mostly because of my allergies, but I’ll make an exception this year.

I want to believe things will be better this time. Hopefully, pools and water parks will open, movie theaters will have blockbuster movies to release, and we’ll be able to travel without fear or lockdown restrictions. Moreover, we’ll be able to do all of this without dressing in layers. I cannot overstate how appealing that all sounds right now.

I’m trying to be optimistic. I really am. My spirit is still far from intact. They’ve been crushed several times too many over the past year. I want to make the effort and I hope the arrival of spring will help. Nobody knows how much worse or better it’ll get. All we can do is move forward.

To help my broken spirits, as well as many others, here are some Sexy Sunday Thoughts to get everyone in the spirit of spring. Things may suck, but at least they’ll suck with better weather. Enjoy!

“We will never know the identities of couples who are most skilled at thrill sex.”

“A man with six-pack abs will always work harder to maintain his sex appeal than a woman with big tits.”

“If nice guys only finished last in bed, then they’re more likely to be ahead when it comes to finding love.”

“Is it ironic or appropriate that idiots who find love rely mostly on dumb luck?”

“The term, gross incompetence, was probably coined after a failed sex act.”

“A quickie is the espresso shot of sex while tender lovemaking is a perfect latte.”

“Logistically speaking, you’re better off sleeping with someone ugly because they have more incentive to put in the extra effort.”

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Jack Fisher’s Sexy Sunday Thoughts: St. Patrick’s Day 2021 Edition

I know it’s a bit premature to talk about St. Patrick’s Day. I also know there has never been a year in which an exception is more warranted. Let’s not lie to ourselves. Around this time last year, the world was just starting to fall apart as a global pandemic started raging. Everything after that was basically an extended nightmare.

It was right around St. Patrick’s Day that many parts of the world went into lockdown. That was around the time movie theaters closed, major events got cancelled, and everyone had to get used to regularly wearing a mask. It was a dark time and if you had St. Patrick’s Day plans, you had to cancel them. Even if you tried to celebrate on your own, the news was just too dire.

It’s been a year since then and while things are still bad, we’re tantalizingly close to the end of this pandemic. With three vaccines now in our arsenal and vaccination efforts underway, we have a valid reason to celebrate. Even if you don’t care for St. Patrick’s Day or the history behind it, this is the perfect time to make an exception.

Whether it involves having a drink or watching college basketball, I encourage everyone to do something extra this year. Get together with family. Go out if you can, but continue to wear a mask and wash your hands. Use this holiday as a prelude to better times. I know they can’t some soon enough, but they’ll be here eventually.

I don’t know how I’ll spend my St. Patrick’s Day. I just know I’m going to try and do something festive and fun. Here are some Sexy Sunday Thoughts to help get you into the St. Patrick’s Day spirit. We need to start having good times again. Let this St. Patrick’s Day be the first.

“Confidence won’t make you better in bed, but it can fool others into thinking you are.”

“A woman’s love for her man is directly proportional to her willingness to wear uncomfortable lingerie.”

“Do we really want to know what inspired the inventor of the butt plug?”

“Dance like no one is watching and make love like you’re being filmed.”

“When it comes to making love, searching for your lover’s G-spot is every bit as important as finding their G-spot.”

“Learning things the hard way is still enjoyable when it comes to oral sex.”

“Pillow talk is the primary commercial sponsor for all lovemaking.”

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Jack Fisher’s Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Hard Running Edition

There was a time in my life when I hated running. I’ve made no secret of that. Around that same time, I was not into fitness, exercise, or anything of the sort. Gym was one of my least favorite classes and I saw running as nothing more than extended pain endurance. Needless to say, that had a huge impact on my overall health and body image.

As I got older, I came to appreciate exercise. A big part of that process was learning to appreciate running. I admit, it was still a chore at first. I still disliked the strain and soreness that came with it. That didn’t stop me from pushing myself. Even though it was painful at times, I got better at it. In time, I came to really enjoy it. It’s at a point where I actually enjoy running.

However, through this process, I learned there’s a big difference between running hard and a simple jog. There’s certainly a place for a light jog every now and then. That can be plenty enjoyable and beneficial, in its own right. Hard running is different. Hard running will test your body and your mind, but in the best possible way.

It also has a unique sex appeal to it. There’s no way around that. You’re sweaty, you’re breathing hard, and you’re grunting constantly. I don’t think I need to explain why that has some sordid parallels. Whether you’re a man, woman, or something in between, it’s a sign of strength and endurance. That comes in handy in any sexy situation.

With the weather getting warmer and the world emerging from a global pandemic, the time is right for everyone to start planning for a time when you can show off your sex appeal. We’ve all been pent up and anxious for so long. It’s time to start pushing ourselves and a little hard running will help get our bodies back to form.

Here are some Sexy Sunday Thoughts to get you motivated, among other things. Enjoy!

“If you’re not willing to share a bathroom with someone, then should you really share your genitals with them?”

“Sleeping with a douchebag can be as risky as receiving oral sex from a cannibal.”

“It’s usually safe to assume that someone with a good imagination masturbates more frequently than most.”

“Someone with significant credit card debt is going be more prone to getting involved in S&M, by default.”

“Sleeping with someone who failed sex ed counts as thrill sex on some levels.”

“An important part of finding love is realizing what weird someone does to make you horny.”

“Polyamory only works when everyone involved freely admits just how horny they are.”

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Jack Fisher’s Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Sweetheart Edition

What makes someone a college, high school, or overall sweetheart?

That’s one of those questions that has multiple answers. I’d even argue it has more right answers than wrong answers. We all have that special someone that we hold in high regard. We think of them and our hearts and minds just feel like they’ve been dipped in chocolate. It’s a sweet, sentimental feeling, in more ways than one.

I say that as someone who did have a college sweetheart. I was too miserable and socially inept to find someone in high school, but I was lucky enough to connect with a very special girl while I was in college. While our relationship didn’t ultimately work out, I still see what we shared as a positive overall experience. I certainly hope she feels the same.

That’s the great thing about having a sweetheart. Even if they become an ex-love at some point, you still appreciate the depths of what you shared You still enjoy the memories you forged together. Some are even lucky enough to marry their sweethearts. I consider those connections to be extra special.

Whatever you call them, they often form an important aspect of our romantic outlook. What we share with our sweethearts helps shape our understanding of romance, intimacy, and everything in between. It often happens in our youth, but it can happen at any point in your life. You don’t always know it at the time, but it becomes beautifully obvious with the benefit of hindsight.

Whether it’s a fond memory or someone you’re still with to this day, take this as an opportunity to appreciate those sweethearts in your life, whatever form they take. Here are some Sexy Sunday Thoughts to assist. Enjoy!

“If finding true love is like trying to win the lottery, then your genitals are your good luck charm.”

“Sending a married man to a strip club is like sending a pervert to a panty factory.”

“Isn’t it ironic that the sexiness of an underwear is directly proportional to how much it makes others want to see you take it off?”

“There’s a non-zero chance you or a sibling was conceived during a kinky sex act.”

“There’s a big difference between someone who gets laid often and someone with low standards.”

“It’s very telling that those who want to punish are people that even sluts wouldn’t sleep with.”

“It takes a certain level of humility for someone to readily use sex toys to please their lovers.”

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Jack Fisher’s Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Chick Flick Edition

I know Valentine’s Day is over. I also know it was one of those days where some men were willing to tolerate watching romance movies/chick flicks in order to get romantic with their special someone. I have no issue with that. Whatever anyone can do to make things romantic with their lover, I’m generally for.

For me, however, chick flicks aren’t just for Valentine’s Day. Cheesy romance stories aren’t just for getting a prospective lover’s attention. I’ve already said it before, but I’ll say it again and without shame.

I love chick flicks.

I love romance movies, in general.

I’m also a straight man who loves football, comics, and video games. I understand that’s a strange combination. I also don’t deny that there were times when I was genuinely embarrassed by my love of romance. I feel like there’s still a taboo for straight men who enjoy romance, but it has gotten better in recent years. I hope things continue to improve.

The idea of enjoying a good chick flick when it’s not Valentine’s Day is part of that improvement. I encourage anyone, regardless of gender or preferences, to explore the genre. Search Netflix, Hulu, or whatever streaming service you happen to have for a quality romance movie. You might be surprised by how much you enjoy them.

Not every romance movie will have the same effect. In fact, I would argue that romance movies are notoriously hit or miss with much more misses than most. However, when they do hit, they hit you in a way that gives you that warm and fuzzy feeling in the best possible way. No matter your gender, it’s a great feeling.

Valentine’s Day may be over, but quality romance can and should be enjoyed all year round. Here are some Sexy Sunday Thoughts to help inspire your inner romantic. Enjoy!

“Kids who don’t learn to share grow into adults who skip foreplay.”

“Loneliness is basically depression combined with anti-horniness.”

“A love song is basically poetry that’s trying to get laid.”

“No man ever learns how to politely ask for a blowjob and too few even try to learn.”

“Sophistication is just a fancy way of telling someone you can afford to pay for their kinks.”

“If it gets you laid somehow, then you can’t call it a waste of time.”

“If kids are the future, then does that make orgasms the prologue?”

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Jack Fisher’s Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Valentine’s Day 2021 Edition

Sometimes, the calendar doesn’t always work out favorably. When Christmas is on a Tuesday and Halloween is on a Monday, it really hinders your ability to make the most of it. Every now and then, by either math or fluke, the calendar works out just perfectly. I’d say a year in which Valentine’s Day falls on a Sunday is as good a timing as you can hope for.

I say that as someone who hasn’t always enjoyed Valentine’s Day. Yes, I love romance and I’m not ashamed of that, but Valentine’s Day is hard to celebrate when you’re single. Now, I have a better excuse than usual for being single this time. We’re still in the midst of a pandemic. It’s not exactly easy to get out there and date when we’ve been in quarantine for months on end.

Valid or not, it’s still an excuse and they don’t make Valentine’s Day feel less lonely. At the same time, it gives those lucky enough to have that special someone make the most of this day. It’s Valentine’s Day and it’s Sunday. You’ve got an entire day to celebrate your romance. Take full advantage of that.

Even if you can’t go out as much as usual, find a way to be romantic. Make a nice dinner for one another. Watch a movie that gets your shared passions going in all the right ways. Share an activity, even the non-sexy type, that you enjoy doing together. Every couple is different. Use this day to celebrate that. Love is a beautiful thing and it is worth celebrating.

To those lucky couples, I wish you a happy Valentine’s Day. To those who are still single like me, I say hang in there. Love is worth being patient for. To help bolster your Valentine’s Day spirit, here are some of special Sexy Sunday Thoughts. Enjoy!

“There’s a good chance you’ve walked by someone who has pictured you naked.”

“To some extent, being really horny is like being hypnotized by your genitals.”

“A kink that leaves no scars or marks is barely a kink.”

“If pity sex weren’t a think, cowards would’ve gone extinct by now.”

“A true friend is someone you don’t mind telling about your porno stash.”

“Fear will keep you in line, but horniness will keep you motivated.”

“Making love without setting the mood is like eating a gourmet meal over the kitchen sink.”

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Jack Fisher’s Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Super Bowl LV Edition

It’s finally here!

The holiest of holy days for football fans has arrived!

Super Bowl LV is set to kick off in Tampa on this most glorious of annual sporting events. As a lifelong football fan, this is a day that’s near and dear to my heart. I don’t always care who’s playing. I just want to see a damn good game while eating chicken wings and drinking beer.

I’ve been eating light and working out more in preparation for this, as always. This is also one of those Super Bowls where you don’t really need to do much to hype it up. All the tag lines are there.

It’s Tampa Bay vs. Kansas City.

It’s Tom Brady versus Patrick Mahomes.

It’s the greatest quarterback of all time versus someone who could end up becoming the greatest.

I don’t doubt for a second that this is the match-up that the NFL marketing department hoped for when the playoff started. Even if you’re not a fan of either teams, you can’t deny the weight of this match-up. These are two great teams led by two of the best quarterbacks of our generation. I’m ready for this. My heart, body, and liver is just so ready.

I don’t think I need to say much more to excite my fellow football fans. For the rest of the day, it’s all about counting down the seconds to kick-off. In a year where every week was in doubt due to the pandemic, the fact we made it to the Super Bowl is a hell of an achievement. If the game is as great as advertised, then I’ll take that as a sign that better days are coming.

We’re almost home, fellow football fans. As we wait for kickoff, here are some Sexy Sunday Thoughts to help pass the time. Enjoy!

“You know you watch a lot of porn when you can tell whether or not someone has bleached their anus.”

“A threesome can only go really wrong or really right.”

“Evolution ensures that not too many people can have a pathetic loser fetish.”

“Innovation is the mother of all invention, but it’s the cool aunt of sex toys.”

“People who take themselves too seriously are a lot less likely to be adventurous in bed.”

“The best hand job will never measure up to an average blow job.”

“A love/hate relationship will leave you as conflicted as a virgin porn star.”

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