Tag Archives: sexy jokes

Jack Fisher’s Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Flashy Car Edition

Some people are shamelessly shallow. They don’t try to hide it. They don’t care when they get scolded or criticized for it. To them, style will always supersede substance. That’s how they conduct themselves and that’s how they go about attracting others, be it romantically or professionally.

Most of us probably know someone like that. They can be annoying at times, but we can at least appreciate when they’re transparent about it. That kind of honesty can be refreshing.

One of the shallowest ways people show off is with flashy cars. However, I’m not just talking about the kinds of fancy cars that rich people buy to show off. There are people who put time, energy, money, and resources into turning an ordinary car into this massive statement about who they are and who they’re hoping to attract.

Now, I’ve never been a car guy. I don’t entirely get the appeal of elaborately decorating or modifying a car. However, I totally respect the people who turn their cars into a work of art. I also understand how that can have a certain sex appeal.

Cars are big, loud, powerful machines. They convey something about us, whether we intend it or not. For those who use flashy cars, be they supped up hot rods or tripped out luxury vehicles, to attract certain people, it can be effective. It’s even logical in some respects. If they can handle a fancy car, then they should be able to handle a lover.

Again, I’m not a car guy. I don’t claim to know the intricacies of what makes a car flashy. I just know it takes skill and passion, which I can always respect. In celebration of those passions, here are some Sexy Sunday Thoughts to the flashy car lovers and the people who are drawn to them. Enjoy!


“To some extent, foreplay is a teaser trailer for your genitals.”

10 Foreplay Tips That Will Make Her Climax BEFORE Sex - Mimicnews

“Good lovers learn from their mistakes, but that’s extra challenging when you’re with a masochist.”

Bondage Sexy Woman - boldpleasures

“Being charming is like having a boob job on your personality.”

10 Most Popular Reasons Why Women Get Breast Implants

“Innuendo is just a subtle way of letting everyone around you know how horny you are.”

Stryx | 6 Flirting Tips for Guys | How to Flirt as a Man

“Beauty may be in the eye of the beholder, but sex appeal is heavily influenced by our genitals.”

Facts About Flirting That Single — and Married — People Should Know

“Making someone horny by accident is the only accident we don’t mind cleaning up.”

How Guys Flirt: 15 Subtle Things Guys Do to Impress a Girl

“Laughing during sex can either be really good or really embarrassing.”

Happy Couple Laughing in Bed Stock Footage Video (100% Royalty-free)  14799685 | Shutterstock

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Jack Fisher’s Sexy Sunday Thoughts: NFL Kickoff 2021 Edition

It’s finally here! For sports fans and lifelong football fans like myself, today is one of the holiest of holy days. It’s the day for which we clear our calendar, complete every chore, and purge ourselves of all distraction. That’s because today is the first Sunday of the NFL season. Just typing that put a big smile on my face.

I’m not gonna lie. I am as giddy as a schoolgirl on crack in a pony factory.

I’ve made no secret of my love of football. I’ve also shared how I go about enjoying football every Sunday. From noon until midnight, I basically camp out in front of my TV, armed with a six pack of beer and a large pizza. Then, thanks to NFL Redzone, I basically spend the whole day consuming every game and moment.

I cannot overstate the amount of joy this brings me every Sunday. It may not be the sexiest way to spend a Sunday. Then again, that could change one day when I meet my future wife. I sincerely hope she loves football as much as I do. If I can find a woman to spend all Sunday watching football with, then I’ll know I’ve found the love of my life.

For now, I’m more than happy to enjoy and indulge in my love of football for this Sunday and for the next 18 Sundays until the Super Bowl. To all my fellow football fans, the wait is over. We are ready for some football! Not that we need any more excitement, but here are some Sexy Sunday Thoughts to celebrate this most glorious of Sunday. Enjoy!


“Lying and cheating will never stop, so long as it allows assholes to get laid.”

Beirut Love Life: The ABCs of Body Language - BNL

“Confusing love and lust is often what differentiates a romance story with a porno.”

10 Reasons Why You Should Wait Longer To Have Sex

“Role playing is karaoke for your genitals.”

Pin on Sexy role play

“No matter how liberal you are, you’ll never be as egalitarian as a bisexual.”

Attitude.co.uk

“You can’t be happy with a boring love life for the same reason you can’t be satisfied with a subtle orgasm.”

Happy National Orgasm Day! July 31st celebrates sex but survey shows most  women fake it - Mirror Online

“Can you ever truly be honest with your lover without sharing your porn stash?”

Daily Freier Forced to Retract Satirical Article About Guy Who Tries to  Sell His Porn Collection on Secret Tel Aviv …..After Guy Tries to Sell His  Porn Collection on Secret Tel Aviv |

“There’s a non-zero chance you’ve touched something that has been in someone else’s ass at some point in your life without realizing it.”

Best sex toys: 18 to buy now for the ultimate orgasms

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Jack Fisher’s Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Labor Day 2021 Edition

Tomorrow is Labor Day. For most of us, it’s just another government holiday that gives us a day off. That’s all well and good. We should always embrace extra days off work. Many of us are already overworked, whether we have full-time jobs or go to school. Even if you love your work, it’s good for our bodies and minds to step back and relax every now and then.

This year, however, I think Labor Day should carry an even deeper meaning. I know last year was crazy in how the COVID-19 pandemic affected our jobs, our lives, and everything in between. However, nobody was hit harder than health care workers.

As someone who has close relatives that are also front-line health care workers, I can attest to the accumulated strain that their job has endured the past two years. It’s hard to overstate just how difficult their jobs have been during this pandemic. It’s also hard to overstate just how much harder they’ve had to work in order to save as many lives as they can.

If ever you needed an example of what it means to work hard against impossible forces, look no further than the nurses, doctors, and paramedics still doing their job. More recently, many have worked themselves to a breaking point. Those same overworked people probably aren’t going to get tomorrow off.

For that reason, and so many others, keep them in your thoughts today and tomorrow as we celebrate Labor Day. There’s no way to know how many lives these people have saved because of their ability and willingness to work hard. They are the real heroes of the past two years and they deserve more than just a single day off.

In honor of those hard workers who have helped us endure this pandemic, I offer these Sexy Sunday Thoughts in celebration. It’s not much, but I hope it gives everyone a new appreciation for Labor Day. Enjoy!


“Dumb people exist because two other dumb people made dumb, impulsive decisions.”

14 Dumb Fights Couples Have That Only Make Them Love Each Other More |  Relationship Rules

“Having a subscription to a nudie magazine is like having a land line.”

Playboy's Interviews Were Models of the Art Form - Truthdig

“Pragmatically speaking, gay couples have fewer excuses for an orgasm gap.”

Be Heard! Participate in an Important LGBT Survey

“Is it physically possible to properly program a sex robot while you’re not horny?”

Please Don't Objectify Sex Robots

“It’s probably not a coincidence that those with mental health issues often have unsatisfying sex lives.”

Sexually Unsatisfied? It's Time to Talk

“Like it or not, your parents are probably kinkier than you think.”

Banana is most common safe word used by kinky couples during  sadomasochistic sex

“Can you ever trust a pervert with access to a hidden camera?”

Foot lose: Idiot perv's shoe-mounted upskirt vid camera explodes • The  Register

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Jack Fisher’s Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Sexy Whispering Edition

There are many ways to be sexy. Not all of them work for every couple or individual. If there’s one thing I’ve learned by writing sexy short stories and sexy novels, it’s that everyone finds sex appeal in different things. We all have our own tastes and proclivities. As long as we explore and express them in a healthy way, it can be a beautiful thing.

Then, there are certain acts that come pretty damn close to having universal sex appeal. It spans time periods, nations, trends, cultures, and porno genres. For reasons we don’t always understand, they just do something for us in a way that gets the blood flowing in all the right directions.

I believe that sexy whispering is among those few acts. It’s subtle. It’s not something you usually see out in the open, but it definitely happens and it definitely has an effect. I remember one time when my ex-girlfriend and I were sitting on the couch watching a movie. Then, she leaned in and whispered something very sensual into my ear.

I’d rather not repeat what it was. I’ll just say that my heart skipped a beat and other parts of my body went on high alert. I’ll just leave it at that.

It’s one of those few things a couple can do in public and not get fined, scorned, or arrested. Just lean in, whisper something sexy into their ear, and let their dirty minds do the rest. When done right, it can be very potent. If you know your lover well enough, you know just what to say to get them going. That can have so many uses in so many sexy situations.

If you’re already with someone, you probably already know this. If you’re not, then trust me. This is a good tidbit to keep in mind. If you need some ideas on what to whisper, here are some Sexy Sunday Thoughts to help out. Enjoy!


“Being too horny on your honeymoon is like being too hungry at a buffet.”

Sandals® Resorts: A Romantic, All-Inclusive Luxury Retreatfor the Mind,  Body, and Spirit - Travel CourierTravel Courier

“How much can you really trust someone who doesn’t cuss during sex?”

518 Goodnight Kiss And Couple Stock Photos, Pictures & Royalty-Free Images  - iStock

“Porn gives the impression that a lot of people prefer to keep their shoes on during sex.”

4,976 BEST Take Off Shoes IMAGES, STOCK PHOTOS & VECTORS | Adobe Stock

“Parents of teenage boys will always be reluctant to touch their unwashed socks.”

Some wonderful suggestions on how to get a teenager to pick up his dirty  socks - Liberty on the Lighter Side

“The next time you think your job sucks, remember that there are people tasked with cleaning up after an orgy.”

▷ Richelle Ryan in Fucking The Janitor (Photo 5) | Brazzers

“Willingly paying for porn is a true measure of integrity.”

Why Do Men Watch Porn? The Answer May Not Be What You Think

“Asking for a three-way is a tacit admission that you need backup to get the job done.”

The Bachelor' loves 2 women. Can it happen to anyone?

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Jack Fisher’s Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Bar Hopping Edition

I’m a simple man. I enjoy a cold beer, a ball game, and sweet loving from a caring lover. That’s usually enough to leave me content and happy on any given day. However, there are times when you want to get out there, be social, and maybe connect with someone who could be that caring lover we all seek. If not, you can still enjoy a cold beer.

That’s where bar hopping comes in. It’s one of those games we adults play that really has no losers if you do it right. I wasn’t a big drinker for the first part of my adult life, but as I’ve gotten older, I’ve come to appreciate the simple pleasures of bouncing from bar to bar, sharing drinks and meeting new people. If some of those people happen to be beautiful women, then that’s just a nice bonus.

It’s not something you can do all the time. Personally, I’ve always enjoyed bar hopping on vacations or during the summer when it’s a bit easier to go out. You don’t have to go to every bar on the block. You just have to be willing to get out there, have a few drinks, and dare to make a fool of yourself with others.

It’s a beautiful thing. You won’t always get laid, but every now and then, you might. Even if you don’t, you can still have fun. A few good drinks and some good friends will go a long way towards making everything in your life more awesome. You never know. You may meet the love of your life while bar hopping.

I still hold out hope that I’ll meet that special someone. Maybe I’ll meet her while bar hopping. In that spirit, here are some Sexy Sunday Thoughts to inspire your next round of bar hopping. Enjoy!


“As kids, we’ll never know or be comfortable with the number of rooms our parents have had sex in.”

What to Do When Your Kid Walks in on You Having Sex (Which Will Happen)

“Porn has made things very awkward for attractive plumbers, teachers, and pool cleaners.”

Hot For Teacher” - Burma: It Can't Wait with Tila Tequila on Vimeo

“Kids with active imaginations naturally grow up into adults with elaborate sexual fantasies.”

The Top 9 Sexual Fantasies for Men | Everyday Health

“We’ll never truly know how many awkward boners have been successfully hidden.”

Recounting An Awkward (Yet Hilarious) Boner | Jack Fisher's Official  Publishing Blog

“A quickie during a commercial break is the most practical kind of quickie.”

Foreplay Moves Women Love | POPSUGAR Love & Sex

“There are few tasks that men have done that haven’t been attempted while getting a blowjob.”

THE TRUTH ABOUT MULTITASKING. | EveryEvery

“Men who have seen more than one porno have no right to judge a woman who owns more than one vibrator.”

Vibrators for Older Women: How to Buy the Right One - Senior Planet

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Jack Fisher’s Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Sexy Spandex Edition

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Let me make one thing clear. I am not a fashion expert. I’m as qualified to judge fashion as I am to do brain surgery. So, please don’t take what I’m about to say as some sort of informed opinion on fashion. This is just me, a guy who writes sexy short stories and sexy novels, commenting on certain attire that he finds sexy.

While it’s easy to see why lingerie and thong underwear has sex appeal, it’s a bit less obvious to see the appeal of something like spandex. Being a fan of superheroes, who regularly run around in spandex or spandex-like attire, I see it easier than most. However, I think even non-superhero fans can see an underlying sex appeal to spandex.

It’s not just shiny and tight fitting. It’s a unique material in that it can take many forms, with respect to attire. Not all of them are overtly sexual, but those that are definitely stand out. Having gone to many comic book conventions and seen many dedicated cos-players, I can safely confirm the breadth of spandex’s sex appeal.

Now, as a material, it’s not known for being easy to work with. In fact, you’ll need more time, money, and energy to work spandex into something sexy when compared to other forms of attire. However, the results will stand out. This is a kind of sex appeal that’s not easily matched or mirrored. Again, I can say that with confidence, given how many comic conventions I’ve been to.

Whether you go to those conventions or not, I say spandex is one of those things whose sex appeal is worth celebrating. It’s distinct, it’s flexible, and it can take many sexy forms. For everyone who appreciate its appeal, here are some Sexy Sunday Thoughts to help inspire some sexy ideas. Enjoy!


“A good negotiator will have a better chance at getting laid by default.”

Negotiation Skills: Become a Better Negotiator Today

“Alimony is basically the overdraft fee that comes along with heartbreak.”

Who Qualifies for Alimony These Days? | HowStuffWorks

“On some levels, isn’t an orgy just a conspiracy to get more orgasms?”

Four in 10 Americans say they've never had a true orgasm

“You cannot champion the golden rule and refuse to give oral sex without being a hypocrite.”

ASMR Popsicle 🍡 Soft Eating Licking Sounds 🍡 [No Talking] - YouTube

“Few have the ability to organize a three-way and even fewer appreciate the responsibilities of ensuring everyone involved is satisfied.”

FMX Presents The Threeway Weekend This Weekend

“No teenager will ever admit to their parents how horny they are most of the time.”

My teenage son can't talk to girls | Family | The Guardian

“Expecting good sex without being in shape is like expecting good grades without studying.”

cute couple workouts cheap online

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Jack Fisher’s Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Summer Tan 2021 Edition

We’re in the heart of what many call the dog days of summer. The days are long and hot. The pools and beaches are open. You can generally get away with only wearing shorts and flip-flops when you go outside. These are good times indeed. Even if you’re not on a summer break, there’s a lot to appreciate.

This is also the time of year when it’s easiest to work on your sexy summer tan. After last year, with so many lockdowns, I think that sex appeal has only increased. A nice tan has always had unique beauty to it. There’s a reason why tanning salons exist and why people will lay out in the sun for hours on end, making sure it’s as even as possible.

I say that as someone who envies people who can get such a tan. I’ve tried to get a tan before, but my complexion makes that very difficult. In short, I don’t tan. I burn. When I got to the beach or pool, I smother my body in sunscreen and even when I’m out for hours on end, I’ll end up with a burn rather than a tan.

I’ve only managed a tan a few times before in my life, but I can attest to the added sex appeal. Years ago, it helped cover my acne problem. These days, I just think it just shows I enjoy being shirtless in public. I’m going to try and get a decent tan before this summer is over. I encourage others to do the same, even if they can’t make it to the beach.

Yes, you’ll still risk getting sunburned, but that’s the price we pay for extra sex appeal. I’d say that’s a risk worth taking. To help inspire that risk, here are some Sexy Sunday Thoughts to get you in the sexy tanning spirit. Enjoy!


“There’s no such thing as a free lunch, but free orgasms are even rarer.”

I woke up to an orgasm every day for a week

“It takes a special level of mutual understanding and horniness for a couple to watch porn together.”

Does Watching Porn with a Partner Help the Relationship in the Long-Run?

“Chances are you’ve used a public restroom that someone has had sex in.”

Casual Sex in a Public Bathroom – Possible, but Be Careful | Lucky

“Give a woman one orgasm and she’ll appreciate you, but give her multiple orgasms and she’ll worship you.”

11 Facts About the Female Orgasm | POPSUGAR Fitness

“It’s telling that those who do the most slut-shaming aren’t the ones getting frequently laid.”

What makes a slut? The only rule, it seems, is being female | Jessica  Valenti | The Guardian

“There comes a point in every parent’s life when they just have to accept that their son has seen a fair amount of porn.”

Teenagers are spending more time hacking computers than having sex, study  reveals - Mirror Online

“Fake orgasms were the earliest forms of fake news.”

Almost Half Of Brits Fake An Orgasm Because They're Self-Conscious Of Their  Sex Face - LADbible

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Jack Fisher’s Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Sexy Firefighters Edition

I’m a straight man. I don’t claim to understand the intricacies and complexities of what women find sexy. I’m not a mind-reader and I’m certainly no expert. I just write sexy stories and novels.

When it comes to why so many women find firefighters sexy, however, I get it. I get it as well as any straight man could. There’s a reason why firefighters are popular costumes among male strippers. There’s a reason why there’s a yearly calendar featuring sexy male fire fighters showing off the bodies they use to save lives.

It’s a perfectly valid reason, at that. I know firefighters. I see what they have to go through, working hard to stay in shape and training harder to deal with life-threatening situations. You have to have a certain level of toughness, grit, and dedication to do that job. You have to basically be a real-life hero, willing to put your life on the line to save others.

I don’t care who you are. That’s sexy as hell to anyone.

On top of that, firefighters in certain parts of America have had it a lot harder lately. This year has had a noticeable uptick in major fires throughout the country. They’ve had to work their share of overtime and endure harsher conditions than usual. For that, they deserve our respect as much as our lust.

If you feel compelled to do more than just thirst over firefighters, consider donating to a charity to help those who have paid the ultimate price to keep us safe. After that, check out these Sexy Sunday Thoughts to help fuel that proverbial thirst for these brave souls. Enjoy!


“Going to a church to get laid is like going to a brewery to get sober.”

Sexy nun in a cassock puts on stockings with lace, vicious desires. Corrupt  sister in the monastery, sinful religious people, attractive sinner — one,  holy - Stock Photo | #343643810

“If searching for love is like playing the stock market, then brothels constitute insider trading.”

Brothel or bust: Hard times at Nevada's bordellos

“Anyone who sleeps with their boss to get ahead is basically saying their resume is lacking.”

181 Boss Seducing His Employee Stock Photos, Pictures & Royalty-Free Images  - iStock

“An ugly man seducing a beautiful woman will never be as impressive as an ugly woman seducing a handsome man.”

Why Do Sexy Women Date Fat Guys?. Have you ever seen a Fat guy on a cover…  | by Sugardaddie.com | Medium

“Loving someone often requires a willingness to give them extra orgasms.”

How to Achieve a G-Spot Orgasm: A Couple's Sexy Guide to Ecstasy

“A quickie is basically the fast food of sex.”

Woman Eating Fast Food.slim Girl Stock Footage Video (100% Royalty-free)  9299963 | Shutterstock

“If scientists and engineers had the same sex appeal as rock stars, then we would have jet packs and flying cars by the end of the week.”

Kari Byron signed MYTHBUSTERS sexy scientist photo — Autographs Depot

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Jack Fisher’s Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Fitness Cheat Day Edition

In general, I try to eat healthy. For most of the week, I will be careful and mindful of my diet. That usually means a healthy serving of eggs, wheat bread, rice, chicken, and other lean meats. Compared to how I ate in my 20s, that’s a huge shift. I’ve noted before that I did not have good health habits for a good chunk of my life. Eventually, I made a concerted effort to change that by regularly going to the gym and eating better.

That being said, you can still get away with a treat here and there. Even some of the biggest fitness junkies in the world have what they call a cheat day. The Rock particularly is legendary for his cheat days. Now, it is possible to overdo it. I know because I have overdone it and paid the price. However, there is one special kind of diet cheat I will never give up on.

For my cheat day, I always go with the simple greasy joy of pizza. For me, a weekend is just not complete without a good pizza. If I have someone to share it with, that’s even better. For the most part, though, I treat a good pizza like a massage for my soul at the end of a long week. It may not be good for you, but it’s a damn good feeling.

With football season coming in just a couple months, my weekend pizza is bound to get more meaningful soon enough. I usually coincide my cheat days with big football games because it just makes it all the more delicious. Even if you’re health conscious or a fitness junkie, I encourage you to take a cheat day and make pizza a part of that day.

I’ve loved pizza since I was a kid. I love it even more as an adult. When I eventually meet the love of my life, I hope to share a delicious pizza with them at least once week. Until then, I’ll continue to enjoy it as much as possible. I hope others can do the same today or whenever their cheat day might be.

Now, in the spirit of cheat days, here are some Sexy Sunday Thoughts to rouse your appetite, your spirit, your loins, and everything in between. Enjoy!


“If foreplay is boring, then you’re doing it wrong.”

The best foreplay tips to try tonight | Her World Singapore

“To some extent, heartbreak is our brain’s revenge for listening to our genitals.”

Heartbreak: The Science Behind the Pain and How to Deal

“There’s a very good chance that you’ve almost walked in on two people having sex and not realized it.”

Mom Walks In On Son Having Sex With Her Brother's Wife: REDDIT

“A willingness to use sex toys while making love is the ultimate test of humility.”

Couple Friendly Sex Toys — life-remembrane.eu

“Trying to get pity sex is like trying to lose weight by crying every time you eat junk food.”

Woman Eating Fast Food.slim Girl Stock Footage Video (100% Royalty-free)  9299963 | Shutterstock

“Just imagine how confused and overwhelmed the first woman to use a vibrator must have been.”

How to use a vibrator for pleasure, alone or with a partner | Woman & Home

“No woman will ever understand what goes into maintaining an erection for extended periods.”

Want to hide unwanted erection? We tell you five ways - Times of India

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Jack Fisher’s Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Summer Blockbuster Edition

Last year was the worst of all worst-case scenario for movie theaters. I even wrote about it a few times, speculating and even lamenting on the future of movie theaters and the movie industry, in general. There’s just no getting around it. Last year was the worst year ever for the movie industry. It was also a very jarring year in that we could not enjoy a typical summer blockbuster.

For me, that was both heartbreaking and deeply distressing. Even before the rise of the superhero movies that I’ve come to love, summer blockbusters were an integral part of what made summer great. I still have fond memories of going to the movies on a Saturday with my family and seeing whatever mindless spectacle that a studio spent way too much on.

They weren’t always deep or mind-blowing. They were just fun. That’s what a summer blockbuster is supposed to be. It’s big, flashy, cinematic fun for anyone willing to overpay for popcorn and candy. Even though I’ve come to enjoy watching new movies at home via HBO Max, I’m still very willing to spend my money at a movie theater.

After last year, I’ve only come to appreciate summer blockbusters even more. The release of “Black Widow” is as clear a sign as any that summer blockbusters are back. This time, I’m going to enjoy them even more than usual and I encourage everyone who enjoys a regular trip to the movies to do the same.

Now that the proverbial floodgates are opened, the time is right to celebrate the return of the summer blockbuster. To contribute to that celebration, here are some Sexy Sunday Thoughts. They may not inspire you to go to a movie theater, but I hope they still inspire you in other ways. Enjoy!


“What is a kink if not an individual’s shortcut to a good orgasm?”

OmgYes Website Will Show You How to Make Her Orgasm ​ | Men's Health

“You know you’re in love when your lips have willingly touched every inch of someone else’s body.”

20 Types Of Kisses + The Meaning Behind Each

“The quality of a school’s sex ed classes are often inversely proportional to the number of pregnant teenagers.”


“The popularity of incest porn is proof that some people should never be allowed to time travel.”

How are Jon Snow and Daenerys Targaryen related? Why the Game of Thrones  romance is (just a little bit) awkward

“Parents who refuse to talk to their children about sex are dooming them to a very awkward experience on their wedding night.”

Saving Sex for Marriage: What to Expect on Your Wedding Night

“Great sex can hide major flaws in a relationship, but it can also motivate two people into navigating those flaws.”

Wedding night blunders! 10 brides confess | Her World Singapore

“Good ideas can get you laid once, but great ideas can get you laid regularly.”

6 Foods for First Night to Get Passionate and Keep the Fire Burning

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