Tag Archives: sexy

Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Pumpkin Spice Edition

I have a confession to make. I worry that it may make some think less of me and for a man who often talks about sex robots and sleeping naked, that’s saying something. However, for the sake of entertaining my readers and being wholly transparent, I’ll make it anyways.

I love pumpkin spice lattes.

There, I said it. The secret is out. I, Jack Fisher, love pumpkin spice and all the seasonal delights that comes with it. Call it a quirk. Call it shameless adherence to marketing trends. I don’t care. I know it has become cool in recent years to make fun of them, but that doesn’t make them any less delicious.

It’s the middle of October. There are a lot of pumpkin-themed gimmicks going around. Sure, some of it is bland marketing, but why is that a bad thing? If it looks festive, smells good, and tastes good, why not enjoy it? I certainly do. As I write this, I have a pumpkin spice latte right in front of me and I will not apologize for it.

Whether you love them or hate them, pumpkin spice is here to help us usher in the fall. It’ll likely remain until we’re too bloated from Thanksgiving dinner to care. Until that time, though, I’ll be enjoying them as much as I can. As such, I dedicate this week’s edition of “Sexy Sunday Thoughts” to all things pumpkin spice. I hope it’s equally delicious.


“The sexually repressed who love to slut shame others are the radical vegans of sex.”


“A man who goes shopping with his wife to buy something other than sexy lingerie isn’t whipped. He’s in love.”


“If women graded men’s performance during sex, then a lot more would be inclined to study in anticipation of exams and pop quizzes.”


“Celibacy isn’t the same as anorexia in that it won’t kill you, but you’ll be less inclined to care that you’re dying.”


“Sex within a successful marriage is like re-watching your favorite movie. Sex within an unsuccessful marriage is like only eating leftovers.”


“The extent of someone’s horniness is directly proportional to their willingness to use their tongue.”


“When you think about it, doing something with your lover that kills the mood is the same as doing something with your computer that causes the screen to freeze.”


While I don’t doubt I’ll keep getting crap for my love of all things pumpkin spice, I still intend to enjoy it as much as I can. Like Christmas turkey, 4th of July barbecue, or bikinis in summer, it’s a seasonal treat worth appreciating. Like finding a wad of cash in your jacket or getting an extra lap dance, who doesn’t enjoy a rare treat?

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How To Flirt Better (According To Science)

Whether you’re a man, woman, or something in between, you’ve probably done your share of flirting. Like learning to walk, ride a bike, or get out of jury duty, it’s one of those things you instinctively do once you become an adult. Compared to riding a bike, though, flirting can be much more dangerous/frustrating/hilarious.

As someone who spent most of his life hindered by crippling social awkwardness, I’ve often been frustrated by the act of flirting, mostly because I was so bad at it. Then, as someone who aspired to be an erotica/romance writer and tell sexy stories, I gained a greater understanding of it and why I was so bad at it in the first place.

When you think about it, learning to flirt is part of our evolutionary destiny. Surviving childhood is a hard enough challenge, but those that do now have to deal with their next major biological imperative, which is reproduction. Part of that process involves finding someone who wants to have sex with you. For some, surviving a bear attack is less daunting than that process.

It certainly has been for me, at times. I am by no means an expert on flirting or one of those self-proclaimed pick-up artists. I’m just someone whose social skills are behind the curve, but is working to improve them, often through telling sexy stories. I’m not saying I’m on my way to becoming the next Hugh Hefner, but I’m making an effort to show that I have something to offer to the opposite sex.

Being the romantic I am, I believe everybody has something to offer, although not everyone is good at conveying it. That’s why, as a service and an effort to help those avoid my hapless social life, here are some flirting tips that have some science to back them.

Most of these tips were compiled on an article from Bustle. I’m not saying the science is perfect, but it passes the Simpson Filter and the various forms of caveman logic that I’ve discussed. There may be other tricks I don’t know about. There are probably men who are much better at employing these skills than me or most people. At the very least, they can serve as a guide for those seeking love, sex, or both.


Flirting Tip #1: Pay Attention (And Draw Attention)

This one is basic common sense, but there are some caveats to keep in mind. Yes, attention is the first and, arguably, the most critical step of any flirtation. There’s a reason it’s value is growing in the current economy.  However, when it comes to flirting, attention is only one side of the coin.

Beyond just making eye-contact with the person you’re flirting with, you need to keep drawing their attention as well. It can’t just be because you’re the one talking. Drawing attention means giving the other person a reason to pay attention to you. It doesn’t have to be a huge reason. You don’t have to slay a dragon or fight Floyd Mayweather. You just need to prove that you’re interesting.

That might be easier for some more than others. If you’re a boring person, then that’s a challenge. If you’ve got something in your life that is strange, unusual, or intriguing, then you’ve got an advantage and you shouldn’t be afraid to use it.


Flirting Tip #2: Smile, Be Open, And Welcome Someone In

This is also common sense, but it’s also one of those things people of both genders only do halfway. Smiling is regularly cited as one of the best flirting tactics of all time, but it’s only part of a much larger process and too many people don’t bother finishing that process.

You can’t just stop at smiling. You have to be open and willing to let someone into your world. I know that sound dirty, but it’s not limited to a sexual sort of way. If someone is open to being with you, then you need to show that you’re open as well. Smiling is a great way to signal that you’re open for business and not just in your pants, but it shouldn’t be the only way.

Let someone know you want to be loved. Let them know you want to take a chance on them too. If that person is open to being loved, then there’s a good chance they’ll act on it. If they don’t, then don’t waste your smile on them.


Flirting Tip #3: Give Compliments (But Not Just On Beauty)

This is something that a lot of people screw up, myself included. Giving compliments is great, but there’s a right way and a wrong way to do it. I’m sorry to admit that for much of my early life, I did things the wrong way. I gave girls compliments, but they were very shallow. I said they looked nice or sexy. They would often smile back, but not much else and I could hardly blame them.

I learned later in life that if you’re going to compliment a woman, her looks shouldn’t be the first thing you compliment. It doesn’t matter if she has tits like Pamela Anderson or an ass like Jennifer Lopez. It also doesn’t matter if a man has the face of Hugh Jackman and the abs of Channing Tatum. Those people get compliments all the time on their looks. To really stand out, you need to compliment something else.

Sometimes it involves a book they’re reading, a sport they’re playing, or TV show they’re watching. Every person has their quirks. When you compliment those, you compliment someone on a deeper level. That’ll get their attention. From there, you can get to work on heating up their loins.


Flirting Tip #4: Make Someone Laugh And Relax

Laughter isn’t just the best medicine. It’s also a great way to bond once you’ve gotten past the point of getting each other’s attention. In a sense, getting attention is the easy part. Holding it with someone is the real challenge. That’s where jokes come in.

Making someone laugh makes you more likable. Being likable means they want to be around you more. Being around you more will let them know whether you’re worth loving. The more you make them laugh, the more you tip those odds in your favor.

It can’t just be crude dick jokes either. Those only go so far. Even in high school, that stuff isn’t enough to get you a date. Making someone laugh isn’t just about entertaining them. It’s about making them feel relaxed. By being relaxed, they’ll be more comfortable around you. By being comfortable, they’re more willing to take their clothes off. It’s logic at its most simple.


Flirting Tip #5: Be Poised, Be Confident, And Lie To Yourself (But No One Else)

Poise often goes hand-in-hand with confidence, but they don’t always have have to be mutually exclusive. Confidence is critical in any successful flirtation. Contrary to what every teen movie ever said, being pitiful is never attractive. Most people don’t fall in love or have sex out of pity.

That’s why being confident is so important. That’s also why sometimes you have to lie to yourself about your confidence level. It may sound crude, but it is one of those things that you can fake until you make. In fact, you can use caveman logic to your advantage. Your brain doesn’t know the difference between fake confidence and real confidence so take advantage of that bug.

In doing so, however, you have to be careful not to give a false impression to the person your flirting with. If you lie to them about the kind of person you are, then that means either becoming that person or having to keep lying. In the end, that’s more stress than it’s worth. It’s also a dick move and most people don’t appreciate that kind of flirting.


Flirting Tip #6: Invite Soft Touching (To A Point)

Being a natural hugger, I can attest to the power of touch. There is some science behind it as well. Even light touching is enough to send the sexy parts of someone’s brain into overdrive. It’s another instance where you can get caveman logic to work in your favor.

Now, this can be risky because touching someone when they don’t want it can get you into all sorts of trouble, especially these days. It’s more so for men, but it’s also something women struggle with as well. It’s not always easy to discern a loving touch from the kind of touch that Ted Bundy might give. That’s why it’s best to keep things soft and subtle.

If at any point, the touching gets heated, then by all means, go for it. Let that touching take you and your prospective lover across the rainbow bridge into paradise. However, you have to make damn sure you don’t jump the gun. You’ll save yourself and your lover more awkward moments than they care to deal with.


Again, I would like to re-emphasize that I am not a dating expert, nor am I a professional pick-up artist. If I were, I’d be charging a lot more for these tips and be a lot less honest about it. The fact that I’ve inconvenienced myself, a major indicator I’ve noted before, to the point where I would write out these tips and give them for free should be proof enough of my sincerity.

Even if I’m not an expert, I dedicate a lot of time and energy into writing sexy stories and crafting sexy scenarios to entertain and arouse. Issues like flirting are things I have to research, explore, and learn about to make my writing as sexy as possible. If it can help other people in the real world get lucky in love or sex, then that’s just a nice bonus.

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Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Cosplayer Edition

Greetings and excelsior, as Stan “The Man” Lee would say. That feels like the best possible way I can cap off a week that involved a trip to New York Comic Con 2017. If it sounds like I’m still bathing in afterglow, like a Disney princess on her honeymoon, I’m not apologizing. That’s how it feels to visit New York Comic Con.

The sights, the sounds, and the experience are special to the hearts of every comic book fan, pop culture vulture, and people who just need an excuse to dress up in sexy costumes. It’s like a party where you know other people share your interests and you don’t have to be shy talking about them. I won’t say it’s the most satisfying experience I’ve ever had, but it’s definitely in the top 10.

Naturally, I saw some amazing sights, many of them sexy to no end. I will cherish these sights and memories for years to come, or at least until I go back next year. In the meantime, I’m dedicating this week’s edition of Sexy Sunday Thoughts to the wonders I experienced at the New York Comic Con.

Also, if you’re one of the sexy cosplayers who helped make the whole show a spectacle, I’d like to especially thank you. You make the world a better, sexier place.


“A honeymoon is basically a state/church-sanctioned vacation where you’re allowed to have sex without getting shamed for it.”


“Morning wood would be much more useful for women if semen had the same nutritional value as a latte.”


“The fact that women take pride in being able to give birth while men take pride in being able to pee while standing up is proof that there will always be gender inequality.”


“Seeing is believing works well with basic logic, but has a mixed track record when it comes to fake tits.”


“People who name their own genitals may be insecure, but those who let others name their genitals have to have a lot of confidence.”


“The idea of faking it until you make it may work with success, but not for orgasms.”


“Other than children, the greatest gift a wife can give her husband is permission to watch porn without stigma.”


Once again, I thank New York Comic Con and all the amazing cosplayers who make it awesome. Whether you’re elaborate, sexy, or creative with your costume, you show your passion in ways that any comic book fan or aspiring erotica/romance writer can appreciate. I look forward to sharing that passion at many future comic cons.

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Another Sexy College Story (Kind Of In The Way You Think)

By now, I imagine most college freshmen are settling into their new life of exams, late-night studying, and awful cafeteria food. I understand it’s a transition. It takes some getting used to, living on your own for the first time and having to be responsible for your own laundry. It can be jarring at first, but you come to appreciate it quickly.

College is a strange, but amazing experience. It’s like the last rest stop on the road to adulthood and you’re not entirely sure if your bladder is up to task. However, once you go through and do your business, you’re off on your own and ready to be an adult. It’s scare, but you really come to appreciate being able to buy beer without a fake ID.

Compared to the prison sentence/nightmare that was high school, college was breath of fresh air and a mouth full of chocolate fudge. I learned more in those four years than I did the last ten of public school. I actually got to forge my own path, make my own decisions, and carry myself like an adult and not some brooding teenager. It might have been the best therapy I could’ve gotten at that point in my life.

As part of that process, college had its share of sexy experiences for me, but not entirely in the way you think. There were a number of events in college that really made clear to me that I was an adult now and being horny wasn’t something my health teachers would treat like a goddamn chronic illness.

I’ve already shared one of those sexy college experiences on this blog. To date, that still ranks as one of the sexiest. It involved a party, a lot of drinking, and a couple showing off their sex appeal in front of a cheering crowd that I was proud to be part of. You can’t get much more college than that without a John Belushi look-a-like crashing the party.

While that night might have been one of the most memorable experiences I had in college, it definitely wasn’t the only one. Since the last one I shared went over so well with readers, I’d like to share another. This one isn’t quite the spectacle, but it’s still sexy in a more direct sort of way. It doesn’t involve a party or anything. However, it definitely helped inspire the young erotica/romance writer in me.

This particular incident happened in my sophomore year of college. It also happened to be the first year I stayed in a co-ed dorm. It was an upgrade compared to my freshmen year when I stayed in an all-male dorm. Believe it or not, when you put a bunch of young, hormonal men in a confined building who have never been without parental supervision before, it tends to get messy.

Living in a co-ed dorm did help balance things out, somewhat. There weren’t as many fire drills at two in the morning and not as much of the building smelled like sweaty socks. Don’t get the wrong idea, though. Contrary to what “Animal House” rip-offs would have you believe, it’s not as sexy as it sounds.

You learn quickly that putting young men and women in a confined building who aren’t used to being on their own can be just as messy, but with a few twists. When the sexes mix, it changes the dynamics and not always for the better.

It’s not just that young, hormonal men do stupid things when in the presence of women they’re trying to sleep with. Sometimes, the presence of both genders just means both have more chances to do all the crazy stuff they hesitated to do when they were still living at home. This story is a nice reflection of that.

Unlike my previous story, this one doesn’t take place at night or during the weekend. This takes place in the middle of the day, on a weekday, and right around mid-terms no less. It’s a stressful time, to say the least. There aren’t as many parties going on and some of the dorms, mine included, mandate certain “quiet hours” so residents can study.

In terms of timing, it may very well be the least sexy time of year. My roommate, who had a girlfriend, seemed to understand that. I remember him being a lot less energetic during that time, even when his girlfriend was around. However, other couples on my floor didn’t get the memo.

One of those couples, fittingly enough, lived right next door to me. Now, I knew my neighbors pretty well. I often went over there and watched TV with them when my roommate needed some “alone time” with his girlfriend, of which I totally respected. On this day, though, it wasn’t my roommate who was the issue.

It starts at around two in the afternoon. I’m in my dorm, my roommate is in class, and I’ve got my last mid-term of the week in about an hour-and-a-half. Naturally, I’m eager to get it over with and take a breath. Then, just as I’m trying to study, I hear something in the dorm next to mine.

It’s moaning. Namely, it’s the very sexual kind of moaning.

At first, I thought my neighbor accidentally left his speakers on while watching porn. It was kind of an unofficial rule. If you’re going to watch porn, you wear headphones. It’s just common courtesy. Then, as I listen closer, I realize this is not coming from a speaker.

I soon recognize one of the moans as belonging to my neighbor, the same guy who was nice enough to let me watch TV with him and his friends every weekend. I don’t recognize the girl, but I do recognize real, sexy moaning. It doesn’t take a porno connoisseur to know the difference.

Needless to say, I’m a little taken aback here, but I’m also very much intrigued. Remember, these are midterms. These might be the most stressful parts of the semester for some people and yet here’s my neighbor, dealing with it by having sex with his girlfriend. I’m not saying it’s a bad way to deal with stress. I’m just saying it’s a bit surprising, given the circumstance.

I quickly find myself listening a little closer. At one point, I think I stood close to the wall, right next to my closet, to make sure my ears aren’t playing tricks on me. I determine my senses were in perfect working order. This was really happening. A couple was having sex just a few feet from me, separated only by a cinder-block wall.

They weren’t very tactful either. I heard a bed rocking. I heard gasping, grunting, and moaning. It didn’t sound like a gentle, romantic kind of sex. This was the rough stuff and they seemed to really like it. I know because the girl was pretty vocal. I heard a few things from her that would probably get her fined by the FCC, but I doubt she minded.

It created this powerful scene in my head. I could vividly picture my neighbor and his girlfriend in the bed, going at it and loving every second of it. It might not have been romantic, given the setting, but they still made it sweet in their own special way. I like to think it helped lay the foundation for my future efforts as an erotica/romance writer.

I don’t remember exactly how long it lasted. I just know that the moaning and grunting stopped. Maybe they still went at it for a bit longer, but it was hard to hear at that point. That didn’t stop me from listening a bit longer, trying to pick up on the details. Eventually, though, it got quiet again and I surmised they had finished.

All this happened and I still had a mid-term in less than two hours. I’m not going to lie, that was quite a distraction, but one I didn’t mind. If anything, I found it to be kind of refreshing, given how stressful everything had been all week. I remember eventually going to my class, taking my mid-term, and not feeling as overwhelmed as usual. I guess my neighbor and his girlfriend deserve some of the credit for that.

I saw my neighbor again a few times after that. I didn’t mention what had happened that day. Neither he nor his girlfriend brought it up either. Every time I looked at them, though, I couldn’t help but laugh a little. During a stressful time in college, in a less-than-romantic moment, these two found a way to get sexy and intimate. For an erotica/romance writer, that’s nothing short of inspirational.

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Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Date Night Edition

In general, having great sex and maintaining a strong romance are similar in that there’s no one right way to do it. What works for one person or might not work for another. What’s quirky for one couple might be mundane for another. Love is a diverse, erratic, and beautiful thing. Like flowers in a garden, it blooms in many ways.

That said, there are some methods that have been scientifically proven, to some extent, to keep those sexy passions burning. Sure, lovers may get used to each other after a while, so much so that they know their favorite brand of toilet paper and what color dildo they prefer, but there are plenty of ways to keep things interesting. You just have to use your kinky imagination and a little basic brain hacking.

That’s where regular date nights come in. According to actual research, having regular date nights where a couple sets aside all distractions and focuses on getting frisky improves their chances at forging a lasting romance. It makes sense. By regularly putting some passionate effort into one another, you’re bound to keep things heated.

That’s why I highly recommend date nights for aspiring lovers, such as those I write about in my novels. While you and your lover are making those sexy plans, here are some Sexy Sunday Thoughts to set the mood.


“Begging for oral sex versus begging to give oral sex creates create wildly different situations for each gender.” 


“Relationship advice is like the stock market in that nobody can predict how it will pan out, only a few strike it rich, and major crashes cause major panic.” 


“At strip clubs or brothels, there’s really no such thing as an awkward boner.”


“If a relationship expert is single, does that inherently make them an hypocrite?”


“What does it say about us when so many people find a woman’s feet sexy, but nobody finds a man’s balls sexy?”


“Makeup sex is like soggy pizza. It’s not great, it’s not entirely satisfying, and we may think less of ourselves for enjoying it, but it’s still palatable and it gets the job done.”


“Pity sex is like the Pumpkin Latte of sex in that it’s okay to have every once in a while, but not on a regular basis.”


For all you spouses, lovers, or friends-with-benefits out there, I hope this helps get you in the mood for date night, whenever it might be. Being in love doesn’t mean you stop trying. You still have to put in the effort to make that love fruitful. Given how that effort can result in some quality sexy time, I honestly can’t think of anything more worthwhile.

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Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Foliage Edition

Well, according to the calendar, fall is officially here. That’s right. It’s time to put the bikinis away, break out the heavy coats, and envy all the lucky assholes who live in a tropical climate for the next eight months. It’s going to be a long winter is what I’m saying.

As much as I’ve expressed my fondness for all things summer, I don’t deny that fall has its appeals. In addition to football being back, it’s also cooler without being too cold. You can get away with wearing shorts and not sweating so much that you smell like a wet dog. For a guy who loves to sweat for all the right reasons, that’s important to me.

Then, there’s the foliage. I don’t care what those lucky assholes in tropical climates say. Fall foliage is a sight to behold. I happen to live in an area where the changing leaves is pretty damn beautiful. I’d even go so far as to say it’s sexy. All that extra color, combined with a greater need to stay warm, creates all sorts of sexy situations.

It’s not the same as bikinis and speedos, but it’s still a unique brand of sexy. That’s why I’m going to get the ball rolling on fall by dedicating this week’s edition of Sexy Sunday Thoughts to the changing leaves. Sure, we have to rake them later, but let’s enjoy the spectacle while we can. It’s a special kind of sexy so let’s make the most of it.


“Given men’s natural love of breasts, aren’t push-up bras redundant?”


“Is it possible that babies conceived in winter were also part of an effort by couples to save money on their heating bill?”


“Sex is the only activity in which women don’t mind procrastination.”


“Is it possible that the first nipple piercing was a product of someone not wanting to admit how clumsy they are when drunk?”


“Are crazy people really better in bed? Or are sane people just too unwilling to make the extra effort?”


“When you think about it, the afterglow after sex is like a reverse hangover.”


“The amount of a woman’s body that a man’s lips have touched is one of the best measurements of his commitment.”


I hope that got everyone’s blood flowing, if only to give them the strength they’ll need to rake up the leaves. Summer may be officially over, but there’s a way to be sexy in every season. Granted, some seasons are more challenging than others, especially those not conducive to thong underwear, but I’m up for that challenge and I intend to deliver.

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Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Disaster Relief Edition

It has been a rough couple of weeks for millions of people along the Gulf Coast. First, Hurricane Harvey devastated east Texas. Then, a week later, Hurricane Irma basically delivered an uppercut to the entire state of Florida. The toll, both human and otherwise, has been devastating.

As bad as these storms have been, these sorts of disasters often bring out the best in humanity. They rarely get reported because for some reason, the media thinks we only enjoy hearing about how dire things are. They do happen though and they’re worth acknowledging.

Over the course of the next several weeks, the cleanup effort will begin. Stories of the devastation will dominate, but other stories of heroism and sacrifice will emerge. Those are the stories that should embolden us all. We may be a cynical bunch, but when the chips are down, we humans reveal just how awesome we can be.

With that in mind, I’m dedicating this week’s edition of Sexy Sunday Thoughts to all those who dare to be better in times of disaster. It doesn’t matter who you are or where you come from. Helping others in their time of need will always be sexy as hell.


“Considering what most people do with their hands, men should be much more eager to shake hands with women than men.” 


“What exactly did the first guy who got a boner while being spanked do to deserve it in the first place and did he keep doing it afterwards?”


“If a nymphomaniac worked as a prostitute, how would they even know they’re a nymphomaniac?”


“The true experts in stain removal are those who do a porn star’s laundry.”


“You never realize how much you care about the hair on your ass until you try to put on a thong.”


“The fact that a teenager’s brain is underdeveloped while their genitals are overdeveloped is proof that a species CAN survive on stupidity.”


“Parents who catch their kids having sex is traumatic. Kids who catch their parents having sex is traumatic. Does the fact they’re both alive because of sex make that ironic?” 


To all those who have been affected by these historic storms, continue to be strong. Your strength will make you sexy again and that sexiness will carry you through any storm. For everyone whose who seeks to aid those affected by these storms, please donate to ongoing relief efforts in Texas and Florida. Disasters are always devastating, but they bring out the best in us all.

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