Tag Archives: sexy

Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Gift Wrapping Edition

This may make me a bit of an anomaly among straight men, but I love shopping, especially around the holidays. In fact, it’s one of my favorite parts of the holidays. It’s right up there with whiskey-laced eggnog and beautiful women dressed in sexy elf costumes.

I don’t care if that makes me weird. Compared to other traits that have made me stand out, this one doesn’t bother me in the slightest. If anything, I celebrate my love of shopping around the holidays. I’m the kind of guy who proudly wears his ugliest Christmas sweater to the mall and smiles at anyone who looks at me strangely. My holiday spirit is just that strong.

It’s because of that holiday spirit that I’m often the first among my friends and family to finish his Christmas shopping. Most of the time, I’m done before the first day of December. This year is no exception. As I type this, I’m proud to say that I’m officially done and all my presents are wrapped. If that makes me even weirder in the eyes of the world, so be it.

I make no apologies for my love of the holidays and my fondness for getting my Christmas shopping done early. That’s not to disparage those who procrastinate, buying and wrapping their gifts on Christmas Eve. This is just how I’m wired during the holidays.

Regardless of how you go about shopping or gift wrapping, this week’s edition of Sexy Sunday Thoughts is dedicated to that spirit that drives us to shop in the name of the holidays. Whether you love it or enjoy dry humping Ebeneezer Scrooge, I hope this boosts that spirit in some meaningful way.


“Historically speaking, oral sex is the only universally accepted currency.” 


“The fact that men can sense on a biological level when a woman is menstruating is inherently more impressive than women noticing a man’s awkward boner.”


“Sex is supposed to bring a couple closer together, marriage is supposed to make it legally binding, and divorce is the penalty for not reading the fine print.”


“When you think about it, a multi-orgasmic woman is the perfect embodiment of persistence.”


“Having sex with an ex-lover is kind of like confronting an old bully, but with more rug burns.”


“Making love and rough sex aren’t mutually exclusive, but one is an inherently greater risk to bedroom furniture.”


“Boner pills and lube are like cheat codes in that they will cause the game to crash when utilized to excess.”


To those who will likely wait until the last moment to finish your Christmas shopping and wrap your presents, I hope this encourages you to be a bit more proactive for the holidays this year, among other things. To those like me who have already finished and are just enjoying the glut of Christmas specials on TV, I hope this makes the eggnog taste that much sweeter.

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Sex Advice From Porn Stars (And Why We Should Listen)

There are certain people who just love giving advice, but overestimate the quality of that advice. Usually, their heart is in the right place. They genuinely believe they have something to offer and are willing to share it. Sincere or not, though, their advice doesn’t always line up with their expertise.

When it comes to advice about something as expansive as sex, everyone likes to think they have a unique skill to offer. Ask anyone who isn’t a priest, mullah, or monk and they’ll claim to have the secret to a satisfying sex life, especially after a few beers. More often than not, those secrets are just a bland mixture of common sense and basic anatomy.

For the more advanced stuff, you need to find people who really do have expertise. When you want to learn more about building houses, you go to an architect. When you want to know about finances, you talk to a licensed accountant. Following that same logic, if you want advanced advice on sex, then you should consult a porn star.

No, that’s not the basis of a dirty joke or a kinky anecdote. I’m as serious as a rug burn on a newlywed’s honeymoon. A satisfying sex life is a major ingredient to a satisfying life, in general. It’s also the kind of advice that’s more than a little awkward to get from your parents or family members. As such, porn stars are uniquely qualified to help.

Granted, porno sex and actual sex are as different as drag racing and your typical morning commute. Sure, porn can be a great way to spice things up, as can reading sexy novels. It shouldn’t be your sexual baseline any more than Ron Jeremy should be the baseline for penis size.

Even if porn is essentially a Photoshopped version of sex, those involve have more experience with sex than 99 percent of us ever will. You don’t have that much experience without gaining some level of expertise. That’s why I’ve compiled a few tips from famous porn stars, courtesy of the fine folks at Women’s Health Magazine and Maxim.

Beyond the advice, I’d also like to highlight its merits. Porn stars may engage in the kind of sex that most people without fake tits or a nine-inch cock can only dream of, but experience is experience. That’s why their advice should carry more weight than most.


Porn Star Sex Tip #1: Alternate Between Foreplay And Intercourse

This one comes courtesy of Jessica Drake, a veteran porn star that most men will claim not to know, but are definitely aware of. It’s also my favorite sex tip ever and one I try to employ in my sexy novels at every turn.

I’ve already made my love of foreplay known, but it’s one of those things that’s worth belaboring. Using it in conjunction with all the juicier bits of sex makes for a potent combination. With it, the physical act of sex gains a whole new dimension.

It becomes intense, emotional, and even a little exhausting. A porn star knows all those things in their work, but it works just as well for ordinary people. A little sex here, followed by some foreplay, followed by some more sex, and followed by even more foreplay doesn’t just mix it up. It turns up the heat, the energy, and everything else that goes into sex.

If you only follow one tip from one porn star, make it this one. You and your lover will be glad you did.


Porn Star Sex Tip #2: Talk Dirty

This is another one of those tips that uniquely appeals to aspiring erotica/romance writers. I kind of have to have my characters talk dirty in order to set the tone, build the passion, and create drama.

Porn stars have to use it too. It’s how they keep a scene hot and sexy to improve the overall experience. Again, this comes from Jessica Drake, who is known to have as dirty a mouth as any porn star can claim. However, that kind of talk isn’t relegated to porn stars and erotica/romance writers.

A big part of great sex involves communication. Talking dirty, while not the most refined form of conversation, helps convey your desires. Sure, it can get vulgar and crude at times, but that kind of rhetoric is uniquely appropriate for the bedroom. Also, crude and vulgar also tends to be blunt and easy to understand. It might just be the easiest way for lovers to communicate their desires so it makes sense to use it.


Porn Star Tip #3: Listen To EVERYTHING

This tip is deceptively simple, but exceedingly important. It comes from a male porn star named Ryan Driller. You might not recognize the name, but if you’ve been on the internet for more than a year, you’ve probably seen his face or his penis. The man has acted in both straight and gay porn so he knows how to tend both sides of the field.

Unlike dirty talk, though, this kind of listening involves more than just getting the right moans out of your partner. When Ryan Driller says listen to everything, he means everything. That means listening to your partner’s breathing, their heartbeat, and the way they react to every move you make.

Even with dirty talk, some people are going to struggle to convey their wants and needs in the bedroom. Sometimes, you have to be the one who listens to those subtle queues and make the most of them. Sure, it’s more work, but the end result is a more satisfied partner who think you can read their mind. Is there any other kind of work that’s more worth it?


Porn Star Tip #4: Make Your Lover Feel Desired

This is one of those sex tips that should be common sense, but is easy to forget in the heat of the moment. It’s also another one of those tips that takes center stage in erotica/romance novels like mine. However, in the real world, that sentiment becomes an afterthought all too often.

This tip comes from Veronica Vain, who doesn’t have the same pedigree as Jessica Drake, but still has enough experience to know the value of desire. Porn stars may make their living having crazy kinky sex with people they don’t have any emotional connection with, but they still have feelings. They still share in basic concepts of desire.

Making your partner feel desired is another one of those things that takes work. Again, it’s the kind of work that’s worth doing. It gives depth and meaning behind the basic mechanics of sex. Put in that work and those actions become more than basic. The more desired your partner feels, the more they’ll desire you. Everybody wins and has orgasms. That’s as big a win-win as you’ll ever get.


Porn Star Tip #5: Pay Attention To Your Needs

This is one more tip from Jessica Drake. Like I said, she has a lot of experience. As such, she has a lot of intimate wisdom to share. This is also a tip that most other porn stars tend to give, on and off the camera. Porn stars don’t always get to prioritize their needs any more than a baker prioritizes theirs when they’re making a cream pie. Actually, that might not be the best terminology for this discussion.

Whatever the case, the nature of a porn star’s work means they know the value of their needs better than most. They also know that taking care of those needs can add to the spectacle, as many porn scenes and sexy novels. This is one of those tips that works as well in real life, as well as porn and novels.

Sure, it’s important to put in the work, as I’ve stated with other tips. However, that doesn’t mean doing all the work. Sex is supposed to be mutual. Sex that involves one person doing everything while the other just lays there is barely a step above masturbation.

Meeting your needs is an important part of sex, although it’s not the only part. However, taking care of them helps ensure that everything else after that is just a bonus. When used in conjunction with the other tips, it can make for one hell of a bonus.

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Filed under Marriage and Relationships, polyamory, sex in media, sexuality

Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Holiday Shopping Edition

By now, everyone should be done digesting their Thanksgiving dinner, as well as any leftovers. If not, those leftovers have probably gone bad and I wouldn’t advise trying to digest them at this point. That holiday is over now. It’s time to move onto the next big event. This one doesn’t just involve gut-busting food or eggnog spiced with whiskey. This one involves decorations, lights, and shopping.

That’s right. Christmas is upon us. Kids wait eagerly for this month every year. Adults wait for it too, if only to see the holiday specials they loved as kids. I admit it. I still watch those specials. I still love them. However, what I love more about this time of year is the shopping.

Yes, I’m a man. Yes, I love shopping. No, I’m not going to apologize for it. That should explain why I love Christmas more than most. Ask anyone who has known me for more than a year and they’ll tell you the same thing. I love Christmas and I love shopping for presents.

That may not be very sexy, even for an aspiring erotica/romance writer. Then again, I did write a holiday-themed sexy novel called “Holiday Heat” so I think I deserve an exception. I still stand by it, though. Shopping during the holidays is one of my favorite activities that I can’t legally do naked.

I don’t know how many feel the same, especially among my male audience. However large or small it is, I’m still dedicating this week’s edition of Sexy Sunday Thoughts to holiday shopping. Your wallet may hate you, but other parts of your body will thank you later.


“Who among us hasn’t accidentally dripped melted chocolate on a beautiful woman’s cleavage, just to watch her lick it up?”


“Time moves so slow watching your lover strip, frustratingly fast once they get in bed, and not slow enough when the afterglow settles in.”


“No epic romance begins with a poop joke, but many endure because of them.”


“A sexy accent is a good substitute for men too cheap to buy cologne.”


“Assuming someone is good at oral sex is as foolish as assuming a plumber is good at brain surgery.”


“True love is a man who doesn’t lose his erection when his lover accidentally farts.”


“It takes balls to get the love of your life, but it also takes a willingness to let someone else hold them an uncomfortably strong grip.”


Whether you love or hate holiday shopping, this is the time to get started. This is the time to be proactive and finish it off quickly. I made sure mine was done before the end of November. Now, I can just sit back, sip some eggnog, and enjoy Christmas specials for the rest of December. It’s a damn good feeling and I hope others get to enjoy it as well.

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What Our Sexual Fantasies Say About Us

Before I start another discussion on something sexy, kinky, or whatever other words you want to describe the novels I write, I have a quick thought experiment I’d like to pitch. It involves your sexual fantasies. Compared to some of the other thought experiments I’ve entertained, it’s probably the easiest one I’ve ever posed.

I want you to imagine your favorite sexual fantasy. It doesn’t have to be a dream you once had. It doesn’t have to involve some decadent wedding reception that involves tequila, blackouts, and awkward conversations the next morning. It just has to be something you find very hot. Make it that one fantasy to which your mind drifts when you’re trying to get in the mood.

If you’re still with me and/or have clean underwear handy, then hold onto that fantasy. Having shared one of my own, I know the power of those lurid, yet intimate thoughts. Now, with those thoughts at the forefront of your mind, I want you to contemplate what that fantasy reveals about you.

I’m not trying to offer therapy here. I’m not trying to be too Freudian either. I’m just trying to get everyone to scrutinize something that they probably avoid scrutinizing for all the wrong reasons. I understand that overthinking your sexual thoughts, or any sexual feelings in general, can be uncomfortable. I also think it’s something we need to do more often to mitigate some of that discomfort.

Let’s face it. Talking about sex is hard enough. Thinking about it can be just as hard and not just because it means having to change your underwear or, as I’ve experienced, hiding an awkward boner. If we’re to make sense of this important facet of our lives, then we have to give a little extra thought to those fantasies we entertain.

I bring it up because those fantasies do reveal something about ourselves. Granted, it doesn’t reveal everything or even half of who we are, sexually and otherwise. It is an important component, though. After reading a few articles from Bustle and the Daily Mail, I think it’s worth exploring.

With those fantasies I asked you to entertain, here’s some possible, potentially kinky interpretations of those fantasies that you might find revealing. You may be surprised by what you learn about yourself and your desires.


Sexy Insight #1: Being Dominant (Also) Means Being Laid Back

I know it sounds counter-intuitive, wanting to be a dominant lover and being laid back. Those sound like incompatible traits, like being an Amish hacker. Now, that’s not to say that domination fantasies don’t have some basis in loving control and setting the tone with your lover, whether it’s with positions, whips, or bondage. However, there are more subtle implications at work.

Think about it. To be laid back is to minimize effort and maximize results. Being dominant accomplishes that. When you’re dominant, you don’t have to put the extra energy into setting the tone. That energy comes to you. That’s a major reason why the fantasy appeals to people with laid back personalities.

It seems like an inversion of personalities, being laid back in every other realm except the bedroom. Personally, I think it makes a kinky bit of sense. To be a sloth in everything else, but to be a total boss in the bedroom offers a strange, yet sexy balance to it all. I think that’s both sexy and healthy.


Sexy Insight #2: Being Submissive (Also) Means Having Control Issues

While we’re on the subject of inverted personality types in the bedroom, the same logic applies to those who have fantasies about submission. Again, there are some personality types that just enjoy surrendering control to their lover and trusting them to please them, as only they can. That’s a simple, inherently sexy fantasy that most people can get, so much so that it becomes a best selling novel.

Dig a little deeper and you’ll also find some kinky quirks behind the basics. To be sexually submissive is to surrender control and, believe it or not, some domineering individuals find that uniquely arousing. Think of the most uptight, control freak you can think of. Imagine how stressful that must be, clinging to that control and exercising it every day.

In that context, it’s not too hard to imagine them fantasizing about giving it all over to someone. It’s freeing in a strange sort of way, giving over that kind of control to someone and then having them use it to pleasure you. For once, you don’t have to control everything. It’s a paradox, of sorts, but one that can lead to orgasms. For that reasons, these fantasies can be extra potent and extra revealing.


Sexy Insight #3: Forbidden People Mean (Intensely) Greater Desire

This one really shouldn’t surprise anyone. I’ve talked about the forbidden fruit factor of sex before. It’s part of the reason that Catholic school girls are such a kinky trope. It’s also why they tend to enter our sexier fantasies more often than most will dare admit. I’m not just referring to super sexy celebrities either.

A forbidden person, be it someone who is married or someone who is a friend of a friend, often carries with them this aura that sets them apart. They may not look like John Cena after a cage match, but there’s an obstacle to being with them that no other person has. Us being such a competitive species, a fantasy with a forbidden person carries more weight.

To want to be with that forbidden person requires extra desire. Just having that desire reveals that your breadth for sexuality is greater than you think. Keep that in mind the next time you see your best friend’s sibling/friend/co-worker. That might be your body’s way of telling you that your capacity for desire is much greater than you think.


Sexy Insight #4: Sex With A Stranger Is (Extra) Physical

This is a pretty basic fantasy, as well as a popular premise for under-budget porno films. To be fair, it’s a pretty simple premise in the real world too. A couple of attractive strangers meet, they agree that they’re really horny, and then they have sex. On the surface, that’s not much of a fantasy. Dig a little deeper, though, and you’ll see there’s much more to it.

Hooking up with a stranger is basic in another important way. It’s all about the physical act of sex. Sure, that kind of sex is taboo, but taboos have a knack for gaining a sexual component. By making the intimacy purely physical, it circumvents any emotional entanglements and/or personal ties. In that sense, it’s kind of liberating.

By focusing only on the physical, it all becomes about you and getting that toe-curling pleasure you seek. It’s your chance to be a little selfish while minimizing the entanglements. In that sense, it’s one of those fantasies that’s more pragmatic than most. At a time when Disney movies have convinced us that every interaction between potential lovers has to be emotional, this sort of fantasy can be pretty intense.


Sexy Insight #5: Watching Others Also Means Grading Yourself

There’s nothing inherently subtle about voyeurism. It’s another one of those taboos that isn’t always very kinky, but still has this strange appeal. Even at an age when there’s an unlimited amount of free porn on the internet, there’s still something extra fanciful about watching another couple go at it, even if it doesn’t involve a significant other.

Beyond the appeal of a life sex show, though, it can offer other insights. Unlike the porn on your computer screen, the sex you see in real life isn’t made to be shot on a camera or viewed from a certain angle. There’s a special realness to it and sometimes, that kind of realness can make for a potent fantasy. It’s another paradox, but one that has become even more powerful in the digital age.

Part of that power involves just seeing how other people go at it, compared to you. How do you even know you’re that good at sex if you don’t see other people do it in a non-pornographic setting? Typically, we gauge our abilities by comparing ourselves to others. We do that in everything from video game leader-boards to Yelp reviews. Why should sex be any different?

It may come back to the taboo factor and our inability to break them. Whatever the case, it’s still one of those self-serving fantasies that most won’t readily admit, but enjoy entertaining none-the-less. However, if you’re serious about improving your love-making skills, then it’s hard to call that entirely selfish.


Sexy Insight #6: Spanking Blurs Pain And Pleasure (Among Other Things)

This is probably one of the most basic forms of kink. It was a popular sexy fantasy long before “50 Shades Of Grey” made it mainstream. It might not be as taboo to admit you enjoy being spanked these days, but it’s still a potent fantasy in its own right.

The psychology of spanking may be different for kids, but for adults, it offers a unique experience that blurs the line between pleasure and pain. Blurring that line is a big part of what makes this fantasy so endearing. It reflects that innate desire for excitement and arousal, which is actually hard-wired into us to some extent.

Pain and pleasure reflects opposite extremes of a broad spectrum of novel experiences. Spanking and sex are simple, basic ways to achieve those extremes at the same time. By doing so, the experience becomes a potent mix of both. Just wanting that chaotic blend of experiences says a lot about someone’s hunger for other experiences.

Sure, there’s also a punishment component. That’s kind of the initial intent of spanking. Mixing sex with atonement, thereby alleviating guilt, can be pretty potent as well, not to mention pragmatic. However, it’s the bigger picture of experiences that make that fantasy so profound.


Do you still have that fantasy in your mind? Has it since taken on a whole new dimension? I hope it has and I hope it gives some greater insight into your own personal proclivities. Maybe it’ll help your sex life. Maybe it’ll help you better understand your own nature. Whatever the case, I hope I’ve given you reason to think extra hard about your sexy thoughts.

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The Sexiest Dream I’ve Ever Had (That I’m Willing To Share)

Strap yourselves and loosen your panties because I’m going to get personal on this blog again. I don’t do it too often, but when I do, I try to make it memorable. I’ve talked about my fondness of sleeping naked and the most awkward boner I’ve ever gotten. I’ve even recounted the hottest teacher I ever had a crush on. I’m not afraid to get personal is what I’m saying.

This time, I want to get personal in a different way. I don’t just want to share past experiences or explore those sexy/awkward moments that we’ve all had in some form or another, regardless of gender or setting. I want to talk about the fantasies we have in our quiet moments.

Specifically, I want to talk about dreams, primarily the sexy variety. It’s one thing to just see a someone walking down the street and imagine what they look like naked. A dream is more vivid. It’s something that manifests from the deepest parts of your psyche. We don’t fully understand them, but most people recognize their power. Not every dream is sexy, but those that are go beyond simple fantasy.

I’ve certainly had my share of sexy dreams. I’m not afraid to admit that. Granted, I save most of those details for my novels, but there are a select few that I don’t mind sharing. One, in particular, has always stood out to me.

It’s not one that involves a childhood crush, of which I’ve had more than one. It’s not one that involves a celebrity, pop star, or cartoon character who may or may not look like Wonder Woman. When you’re young, horny, and hormonal, those kinds of dreams are a dime a dozen. What this one lacks in media inspiration it makes up for in raw imagery, which is a big reason why it’s so memorable.

Rather than just list the details and the note the sensations, I’ll try to narrate it as though it were a scene from my novels. If you don’t have a dry pair of panties nearby, now would be a good time to get some.


It’s so sunny and hot, a perfect day at the beach. I don’t know how, but I find myself on a secluded tropical island. It has the feel of an expensive resort, one remote and overpriced, but worth every penny. I don’t see the hotel or the beach chairs, but I don’t mind. I’m too busy admiring the pristine, white sand and the beautiful blue waves.

The air is so clean and crisp, mixed with a gentle breeze that warms my body while still sending chills down my spine somehow. It’s at this point I realize I’m naked. If I had trunks on, I’ve since ditched them. I don’t care though. I just love the feeling of hot, tropical air over my body.

For a moment, I stand just a few feet away from the crashing waves, feeling the hot sand between my toes and taking in the peaceful noises. Then, as I gaze out into the sparkling ocean, I see two beautiful female figures emerge from the water. I don’t recognize them, but they recognize me.

One has bright, platinum blond hair that seems to shine with the radiance of the sun. She’s wearing a white bikini, which barely contains her ample breasts and heart-shaped ass. It looks like she’d rather not wear it, but tolerates because it augments her every curve.

The other, who stands next to her, has silky auburn hair that looks like it had been polished by an angel. It illuminates a figure that is every bit as beautiful. She bears a more athletic frame, one that her black bikini reveals much of. She too looks inclined to remove it too, but keeps it on, if only to entice me.

Everything about these two women radiates with perfect femininity. Everything about them leaves me in perfect awe. I watch as they laugh and splash each other. They carry on like a couple of old friends who have known each other since childhood. They keep looking at me, as though they know me. I feel like I know them, but I can’t seem to put a name on them.

I can only smile, to which they respond. I swear their smile makes the sea sparkle around them. They both make their way towards me, as though I’d been waiting for them. My heart races and the air seems to grow hotter.

When they arrive, they laugh as they eagerly embrace me. Immediately, I feel their warm flesh on mine. It’s ecstasy. It’s like smothering my skin with pure, unfiltered ecstasy. I want nothing more than to stay in their embrace for all eternity.

My smile grows as they take turns kissing me. I kiss them too, tasting the sweetness of their lips. It’s like the first bite of my favorite treat, so full of life and passion. They laugh and I laugh. They then whisper something into my ear. I can’t make out the words. I can barely make out my own heartbeat. I only make out three words.

“Let’s make love.”

The next thing I know, the two beautiful women shed their bikinis, throwing them out into the ocean, as though they’ve no intention of ever wearing them again. I see with utter astonishment their exposed breasts and curvy hips. They’re so beautiful. Every female feature shines with perfection, as though polished by divine forces.

Freed from their clothing, they embrace me again. I embrace them, as well. We laugh and kiss, the echoes of the crashing waves mixing with every sensation. At some point, I notice the sun starting to set over the ocean. Did that much time really pass? How long have we been out here?

I don’t know. I don’t care. Time has no more meaning to me. All that means anything anymore is this moment with these two beautiful women. Together, we lay down on the sand. We kiss and touch some more. Soon, the air is so hot and the sensations are so strong that I can’t stand it. I want what they want. That’s all I want. I’m ready and so are they.

Then, just as we’re about to make love, I wake up. I rise up in my bed, short of breath and feeling hot all over, but I swear I can still taste their lips and hear the crashing waves of the ocean.


I’ll give everyone a moment to catch their breath and change their underwear. Take all the time you need. I totally understand.

I don’t know exactly when I first had this dream. I do remember it happening in the summer after just having return from a vacation to the beach. I was a teenager and had already realized how much I love beautiful women in bikinis. Given how vocal I’ve been about my love for the beach, I’m sure that surprises no one.

It’s one of the few dreams that I vividly remember. It’s also one of the few dreams I’ve had on multiple occasions. It doesn’t happen often, but when it does, I sleep extra well for reasons I hope are obvious. I consider it a beautiful, sexy fantasy that helped inspire me to write erotica/romance novels.

I think most people have these kinds of special dreams at some point in their lives. They may not inspire you to write sexy novels, but they still inspire you. That’s what makes them special.

That’s the sexiest dream I’m willing to share for now. I have others, but I’ll hold off on sharing them until I feel the time is right. Until then, I’d like to encourage others to take the time to share their sexy dreams as well. Either post them in the comments or just share them with close friends or family, assuming it’s not too awkward.

Even if it is, though, these sexy dreams are powerful insights into the things that drive our desires. They’re like messages from our psyche and even if they would make a lousy novel, we would be wise to listen. Besides, some dreams are just too sexy to keep to ourselves.

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Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Leftover Turkey Edition

I don’t know about everyone else, but I’m still stuffed from my Thanksgiving meal. Even though I make a concerted effort to be healthy, I tend to throw all that health-conscious discipline out for the holidays. Between turkey, sweet potatoes, pumpkin pie, cheesecake, and early Christmas cookies, I think an exception is plenty warranted.

I make no bones about it. I love Thanksgiving. Sure, it’s not the sexiest holiday, if only because you spend most of it with family. It doesn’t have to be, though. When a holiday is built around food, family, and football, it has everything it needs to be special in its own right.

Even after Thanksgiving is over, it still finds a way to keep giving in the form of leftovers. When prepared right, they can make Thanksgiving meals feel even bigger. For those ditching the food coma for Black Friday shopping, you kind of need the extra calories. You’ll get plenty of that with leftover turkey sandwiches.

Since I’m still digesting large parts of my holiday dinner and enjoying a fair amount of leftovers, I’m dedicating these Sexy Sunday Thoughts to all those delicious leftovers that’ll keep our holidays spirits strong until Christmas, among other things.


“What’s more disturbing? The way people use anal beads or the idea that inspired their creation?”


“The measure of a man should NOT just be measured by the company he keeps, but by the amount of lovers he can satisfy.”


“A massage is like icing. It’s not necessary to make something great, but most people prefer a generous amount of it to enhance the experience.”  


“A man does not know true conflict until he has accidentally ingested both laxatives and boner pills.”


“Premature ejaculation is God’s way of letting a man know that he’s probably better off just cuddling.”


“When you think about it, panties are like fancy wrapping paper for a man’s favorite gift.”


“A one night stand is not all that different from a trial period for a porn site.”


I hope everyone makes good use of their leftovers, if they have any. In my experience, very little gets done, sexy or otherwise, on an empty stomach. That’s what makes Thanksgiving so great. Even if being stuffed doesn’t feel very sexy, filling one important survival need goes a long way towards helping with filling other, sexier needs.

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Sex Cults: The Kinky (And Often Dark) Side Of Religion

Certain things don’t go well together, but still find a way to be potent, albeit for all the wrong reasons. I’m not just talking about people who dip their french fries in mayonnaise or banana peppers on pizza either. Certain combinations are just uniquely powerful and not always for the right reasons.

That brings me to religion, a topic I try to avoid like a rash on my scrotum. While I have written about religion and how it affects our sex lives before, I generally don’t like to bring it up on this blog. In my experience, few things kill the mood quicker than discussions about religion. It might as well be the antithesis of every Barry White.

I also feel compelled to point out that I have some deeply religious friends and family members. While I may not share their theology, I go out of my way to respect their beliefs. I don’t try to debate them or de-convert them. They have every right to believe what they believe with all their hearts and souls.

With those disclaimers out of the way, let’s talk about sex cults. I hope I have your attention now because this is one of those potent combinations I mentioned. More often than not, religion and sex are constantly at odds. For some, achieving orgasm and achieving spiritual enlightenment are the same thing. One just requires fewer tissues.

There seems to be a never-ending battle to temper, mitigate, or manage certain sexual desires in the name of religious zeal, often resulting in major taboos. That’s understandable in that sexuality is one of the things that influences the lives of every person on this planet, regardless of language, location, race, or attitude. It’s like a giant mountain. It can’t be circumvented. It can only be navigated.

Sex cults, on the other hand, do more than just navigate. They don’t just try to manage the sexual proclivities of its adherents either. In essence, they attempt to channel sexuality into forging stronger, more faithful adherents. Since people have sexuality hardwired into them at birth, you could argue they work smarter rather than harder.

In theory, this doesn’t have to be a bad thing. Not every sex cult needs to micromanage how its adherents use their genitals. Some are outright gleeful about sex. However, there are many that take it to unhealthy and unsexy extremes, which undermines the mood for everyone except the cult leader.

Speaking of which, one of the most common themes in a sex cult revolves around the leader, specifically with respect to how their genitals are somehow more holy than everyone else’s. This is how men like David Koresh and Warren Jeffs manage to convince dozens of pious women to do their religious duty, which requires them to make their bodies accessible to the cult leader in whatever holy or unholy way he sees fit.

That’s not to say there haven’t been female cult leaders. There have and yes, they can be every bit as perverse as the men. At the core of any sex cult, manipulation of sexuality is usually a secondary goal, at least officially. No successful religion, or any organized social movement, succeeds by being that transparent from the beginning.

Most cult leaders, male or female, won’t say outright that the entire basis of their cult is built around exploiting our most basic desires. They may not even believe it themselves. In fact, I would argue that most people, aside from admitted frauds, that they sincerely believe that they’re not just exploiting peoples’ spiritual sensibilities so they can more easily get sex from adherents.

In their own minds, those in a sex cult may be convinced that what they’re doing is spiritual and holy. Even if it is something as basic as an orgasm, they’ve ascribed some sort of spiritual significance to it. As an erotica/romance writer, I can kind of understand that.

There’s power in that kind of feeling, especially in cultures where it’s so easy to induce shame in others for simply having sexual feelings. I’ve mentioned before how sexual repression can really mess with someone’s psyche and not just with respect to their sex life. Building a cult around this powerful feeling that so few of us can escape isn’t just cunning. It’s distressingly practical.

There are a whole lot of factors that go into creating a cult, but most of them come back to control. Most religion, especially the successful and sincere ones, only go so far with control. When properly done, it can actually be beneficial to society. Cults, especially those of the sexual variety, take it ten steps further.

A sex cult won’t just try to control the when, how, and why you have sex. It won’t just try control how you feel about sex. It will actively shape, re-shape, and warp, if necessary, your entire perceptions about sex, intimacy, and everything in between. Again, it won’t do this directly. It’ll usually hide behind a vast excuse bank of morality, piety, and peer pressure.

More often than not, a sex cult will make you depend on the cult to get the release that your caveman brain still craves. I’m not just talking about the orgasm either. A sex cult will also try to provide the sense of intimacy, love, and community that most people get without sacrificing an animal or a piece of your penis.

It’s usually at that point where it’s hard to tell the difference between piety and subversion. Once people get locked into a cult that gives them a strict, but clear structure for how they get their sex, and all the sweet extras that come with it, they’re effectively locked in. Some may argue that they’re trapped, but I don’t suspect that most adherents will see it that way.

In addition to being very horny, we humans are a very social species. We form groups, tribes, and fan clubs with the same ease that a lion mauls a wounded zebra. Whether it’s a religion, erotica/romance novels, or Taylor Swift music, we’ll form a group about it and pursue it with religious fervor. In that sense, a sex cult isn’t doing anything magical. It’s just taking our own biology and pushing it to an extreme.

Now, I don’t bring up sex cults to warn people about them. I’m also not trying to point out the signs that the charismatic preacher who claims salvation comes through his penis might be a cult leader. Like I said before, most religion is fairly harmless and even beneficial to society. Sex cults, like any other cult, just hijacks a basic, yet powerful part of our being and exploits it.

It’s nefarious, but also fascinating. I built the entire premise of one of my novels around it, namely “The Final Communion.” In that novel, a young woman named Grace Maria Goodwin navigates a sex-fueled ritual that her deeply-religious community uses to control its adherents. Many of the themes I incorporated into this story come from my fascination with sex cults.

I’ve thought, at times, about expanding on novels like “The Final Communion.” I might not be able to develop a full-fledged sequel for Grace’s story, but I think there are untapped stories surrounding sex cults that are either too controversial or too distressing to contemplate.

It’s because they’re distressing, though, that we shouldn’t ignore it. So long as sex is such a powerful driving force in our lives, cults and even organized religion will continue to use it to exploit people. Religion, in and of itself, isn’t a bad thing, but when it starts to undermine our sex lives, then we should be concerned.

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