Tag Archives: Jack Fisher Blog

Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Father’s Day 2018 Edition

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Some things are worth belaboring and I’m not just talking about the beauty of female breasts or the deliciousness of freshly cooked bacon. I tend to overstate many things on this site, but there’s one item that I’m proud to proclaim, no matter how much it annoys some people. That thing is my parents and how awesome they are.

It being Father’s Day, I have a perfect excuse to do it again and it’s worth doing too. That’s because, much like my mother, my dad is the absolute best. He’s a big reason why I’m the man I am today. He was, and still is, my first true superhero. He’s done so much to love, teach, and guide me throughout my life. Just thanking him on one day of the year isn’t enough.

I know he reads this site regularly. I also know he goes out of his way to love and support me more than any guy could ask for. No matter how old I get or how many challenges I face in life, my dad is there for me and he does so much to make my life better on every level. For that, I’ll be forever grateful.

For that very reason, and so many others that I don’t have time to list, I dedicate this week’s edition of my Sexy Sunday Thoughts to my wonderful father and all the other wonderful fathers out there. You helped make me the man I’m proud to be, dad. You deserve all the love and sex appeal in the world today.


“A man with a big penis will still face significant competition from anything that vibrates.”


“Bondage enthusiasts with pets have to be extra mindful of the mixed messages they send.”


“When you think about it, the purest form of world peace is everybody having a simultaneous orgasm.”


“A skilled chef gives you good food and a skilled prostitute gives you a good orgasm, but only one is legally questionable.”


“To some extent, a woman having twins is nature’s equivalent of backing up your hard drive.”


“Logistically speaking, a successful three-way teaches teamwork better than any sport.”


“Sex without foreplay is like fries without ketchup in that it’s still filling, but not as much as it could be.”


I hope that made Father’s Day a little extra special. For my dad and all the other dads out there, I thank you for imparting your love and guidance. The world is better because of it. On behalf of me, my dad, and all things fatherly, I wish everyone a safe and happy Father’s Day.

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The following is a review I wrote for PopMatters for Deadpool Assassin #1. Enjoy!

The Maturation of (Regenerating) Degenerates In Deadpool Assassin #1

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June 16, 2018 · 6:53 pm

“Coming Home” A Sexy Short Story

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The following is a sexy short story I wrote that was inspired by a few recent Memorial Day stories I read. Enjoy!

“Damn, it’s good to be home,” said a restless, but relieved Brian Porter.

The decorated marine, having achieved the rank of Staff Sergeant and served multiple tours in Iraq and Afghanistan, stood in the driveway of the modest suburban townhome he shared with his wife, Wanda. At just a few minutes past midnight, it was more than just a return home after another long tour overseas. It was the end of a journey that began ten years ago.

“Ten years,” Brian mused, “has it really been that long?”

That was a trick question, the kind that would’ve pissed off his old drill sergeant back in boot camp. It really had been that long. He vividly recalled the day he graduated high school and enlisted in the marines less than an hour after receiving his diploma. With his father, grandfather, older brother, and uncle having served, Brian knew back in middle school that he was going to serve as well.

He just had no idea how far it would take him. It started as a three-year commitment. Then, it became five years after he got deployed. Two more years followed, complete with tours, injuries, and multiple missed holidays. Somehow, within that span, he managed to meet his future wife at a Marine Corp Ball of all places. They’d married three years ago, but had to cut their honeymoon short due to another deployment.

That was all going to change, now. There would be far fewer lonely nights where he and Wanda had to text each other their love from across the world. After a decade of loyal service, Brian had received an honorable discharge and already had a job lined up at the same aerospace company his uncle worked at. At long last, he and his wife could settle into a new life together.

“I hope you’re not working another shift at the hospital tomorrow, baby,” Brian said into the brisk night air, “because we’ve got a lot of loving to make up for.”

His heart raced as he ascended the steps to the front door. He was as quiet as possible, employing some of the stealth techniques he learned from some Special Ops friends of his. Brian had every intention of surprising his wife. He wanted to see the look on her face when she wasn’t expecting him until the end of the month at the earliest. He’d seen plenty of those videos online of families being surprised by the return of a loved one. He wanted one of those moments as well.

Upon unlocking the door, he entered a darkened house. It was almost exactly like he’d left it during his last home leave five months ago. Everything from the arrangement of the furniture to the location of the coffee maker was still in place. His wife knew how meticulous he was about his living space. Seeing everything so clean and organized made him all the more excited.

“I’m really home,” Brian said under his breath.

He smiled to himself, letting the stern demeanor of a marine falter for once. He still remained skillfully quiet, setting his oversized bag down in the foyer and closing the door behind him with the utmost care. Near as he could tell, his wife was fast asleep.

Already contemplating her reaction, the battle-hardened marine made his way through the living room, taking extra care to avoid the squeaky floor-board near the living room couch. He then ascended the stairs, making sure his heavy black boots didn’t make a sound with each step. As far as he was concerned, every step he took was as critical as one of his missions.

“She says she hates surprises,” he said under his breath. “I think she’ll make an exception tonight.”

Grinning in anticipation, Brian made it to the top of the steps. The door to the master bedroom he shared with Wanda was within his sights. Then, he encountered an unexpected sight.

“What the hell?” said the marine, stopping dead in his tracks.

Within the darkened hall, illuminated only by the light of a full moon beaming in from a window, he saw a large greeting card pinned on the wall over a picture. It happened to be his wedding photo with Wanda, which should’ve been a sign. Curious, and a little shocked, Brain took the card from the wall and opened it.

Much to his surprise and chagrin, there was no card in the envelope. There was only a large piece of paper that said, in familiar handwriting, “In The Bedroom, Soldier.”

“Well, I’ll be damned,” Brain said, standing in the middle of the hall in a befuddled state.

He must have said that a little too loud because the door to the master bedroom opened slightly. The marine’s combat-honed reflexes took over and he glanced just in time to see a light turn on. Someone was awake and someone knew he was here.

At that same moment, he noticed a distinct aroma emanating from the room. He quickly recognized it as incense with a distinct hint of Jasmine. From that, Brian pieced together what was happening.

“I’ll be damned twice,” he said, shaking his head in amazement.

No longer caring about stealth or tact, Brian set the card aside and made a beeline for the master bedroom. Upon opening the door, he was greeted with a sight that would’ve made even the most harden soldier melt with joy.

“Hey there, Soldier,” said the sweetest, sexiest voice he’d ever heard. “Welcome home.”

It was a scene right out of his sexiest fantasies. Brian swore she had read his mind, noted every detail, and reacted it in their bedroom. Only a woman as wonderful as his wife could’ve achieved such a feat.

She’d put effort and resources into it that would’ve impressed his old Colonel. The lights had been draped with red cloths, bathing the room in an intensely erotic hue. At least two dozen candles lined the dresser and nightstands, providing the source of that intoxicating aroma he’d smelled earlier. The sheets of the king-sized bed had also been replaced with fancy blue linens and a comforter bearing the emblem of the United States Marine Corp.

In the center of it all was a beautiful, angelic woman who’d gone the extra mile to make a restless soldier feel welcome. Wanda hadn’t just made herself extra alluring to her husband, putting on extra makeup to look as beautiful as she had on their wedding day. She also wore the most revealing, transparent nighty he’d ever seen, complete with a matching black thong that got his heart racing in an entirely new way.

The way she was sitting on the bed, casually leaning back on her arms and showing off those incredible legs of hers, hinted that she’d been waiting all night for him. Brain was so utterly astonished that he couldn’t move his legs. For a trained marine, that said a lot.

“Wow!” gasped Brian. “Wanda, I’m uh…”

“Feeling welcome, yet?”

“Yeah…among other things,” he said.

“Good,” she said with a proud smile, “then the hardest part of my plan is a success. You once told me that surprising a marine was the hardest challenge, by design. Glad to see I was up to the task.”

Brian laughed at her remarks. He remembered telling her that on their first date. She claimed she would one day surprise him. He thought she’d been joking, but here she was, three years after their wedding and she delivered. Just when he thought he couldn’t love this woman more, Wanda found a way.

“Before you ask, I kind of had help,” she said. “Your older brother is a great guy, but he sucks at keeping secrets.”

“Of course it was him,” Brain said, rolling his eyes at that revelation. “Remind me to never share classified military secrets with him.”

“In his defense, he accidentally texted me instead of your mom that you’d caught an early flight home.”

“I’m still going to kick his ass the first chance I get.”

“And I don’t intend to stop you,” Wanda said. “First things first, though, my dutiful husband.”

With an intensity in her eyes that would’ve frozen a squad of Navy SEALS, his beautiful wife slipped off the bed and casually walked across the room. In every step she took, she swayed those toned hips of hers, sending the trained marine into a trance. Between the ridiculously transparent night-gown she wore and the thong that supplemented it so perfectly, Brian quickly forgot about his older brother’s terrible texting skills.

Like a moth drawn to a flame, he met her halfway between the bed and the door. When she slipped her arms around his neck, pulling her into his warm embrace, Brain felt his heart skip a beat. In an instant, her soft touch erased memories of countless cold nights inside cramped barracks. Just feeling her skin on his again, and all the loving warmth that came with it, was enough to sooth the soul of any hardened soldier.

“Wanda,” Brian said, already dazed by her warmth.

“You’ve been away for so long, fighting the good fight and doing your part for your country,” Wanda told him, sounding so sexy yet so intense. “Now, you’re finally home.”

“And I don’t intend to leave again,” he told her, clinging to her as though she were the only source of warmth in the world. “I’m here to stay this time.”

“And I’m here to love you as much as a wife can love her Marine Corp husband. I knew the day I accepted your proposal that it was going to be a challenge. Lucky for you, I’m the kind of girl who likes a challenge!”

“Yeah,” he said with a wide grin, “lucky indeed.”

“Even my mother warned me that marrying a marine meant a lot of lonely nights and long distances. She also gave me that corny line about absence making the heart grow fonder. I brushed it off at the time, but it’s true, damn it!”

“I know…so true.”

Her loving tone took on a sense of desperation. Now cupping his rugged face, which he hadn’t shaved in nearly a week, Wanda leaned in closer so that her forehead rested against his. The way she held him and the way he held her only proved that corny saying even more. Distance and longing had only strengthened their love.

Brian had heard more than his share of sad stories from his fellow soldiers. That same distance had ruined relationships and marriages for some. It had even led to bitter breakups. Some of his own squad-mates even warned him about getting married while still in the marines. They said outright that the odds were against him. At that moment though, holding Wanda in his arms again, he knew without a sliver of doubt that they had beaten those odds.

“I’ve missed you so much, Brian,” she said to him, her every word laced with emotion.

“I’ve missed you too, Wanda,” he replied, trying in vain to match her passion.

“Now that you’re back, I’m ready for the next challenge, whatever it may be.”

“So am I,” he said without hesitation.

“I don’t doubt that for a second, but before we even get to those challenges…I say we do a little celebrating.”

The way she said that last part sent his hard, as well as a few other body parts, into overdrive. With her arms still securely around his neck, she leaned in and kissed down the side of his bearded face, giving his ear lobe a little nibble along the way.

She knew how much he loved that. She’d done it the first time they made love and since then, it had been that unambiguous sign that they were going to get extra intimate. Tonight was no exception.

Upon sending that signal, Wanda guided lightly grasped his arms and guided him towards the bed. Already entranced by her sexy, loving aura, Brian followed like the obedient soldier he was. Upon reaching the foot of the bed, she sat him down. She even made sure he had a perfect view of her breasts, which were so clearly visible through her nighty.

“Sit down,” she said seductively. “Relax…and let me welcome you home.”

“I’m already feeling pretty welcome,” Brian said as he admired her breasts.

“That remains to be seen, my love.”

Wanda sounded determined again, like one of his old squad mates who’d been dared into a race. That brought out the best in soldiers, but it also brought out the best in sexy wives.

Armed with that drive, Wanda reached for his pants and undid them with the skill of a trained bomb technician. Once loose, she dropped to her knees and pulled them down his legs along with his underwear, even untying his boots along the way. As soon as his manhood popped free, it began hardening. The second his pants came off, got between his legs and went to work.

“I see some parts of you missed me more than others,” Wanda teased upon taking his member in both hands.

“You have no idea,” Brain said, already breathless with anticipation.

“More so than you think,” she quipped.

With the eagerness of a woman who’d endured as many lonely nights as him, she smothered his cock with her lips. There was no hesitation, whatsoever. She took in his entire length, showing that her gag reflex was every bit as good as it had been during their honeymoon. That hot, warm feeling sent shivers of bliss up through his body. Now leaning back on both arms, Brian soaked in the feeling.

“Whoa!” he gasped. “Wanda…you really missed me.”

His affectionate wife didn’t miss a beat. Like a medic performing triage, she gave him the kind of oral sex that got his blood flowing in all the right directions. She was so skilled and thorough, her soft lips slithering along his length as her firm grip squeezed the base. He must have missed his wife more than he thought because he swore he’d never gotten so hard so fast.

It must have surprised her too, his dick getting so hard. That, or his wife was just that good at giving her husband oral sex. He preferred to think it was a little of both. Wanda still kept teasing him, flashing him that same erotic glance that made him want her so much. All that time apart hadn’t dampened her libido. If anything, it intensified it.

“Mmm…Brian,” Wanda said after giving his shaft an extra thorough lick. “I want you…so much!”

She must have stepped up the timetables for her mission because she shot back to her feet with an urgency that would’ve impressed any drill sergeant. Then, drink on passion and desire, she took off her nighty, leaving her in just that skimpy black thong. Brian literally couldn’t kick his boots and socks off quickly enough because she practically tore his shirt off, rendering him naked and at the mercy of his wife’s lust.

“I want you too, my dutiful wife,” he said to her, using that extra deep voice he knew drove her wild.

“Then, take me!” Wanda said intently. “Make love to me…fuck me…do everything you couldn’t do through email and phone calls.”

“After all this time? You think you can handle it?” Brian asked, goading her with his seductive glance.

“As I already said…I like a challenge!”

As if to prove her point, she practically pounced on him after throwing his shirt to the floor. Brian caught her in his powerful arms, lifting her up with ease and laying her down atop the soft sheets. The fact the sheets bore the emblems of the Marine Corp on them somehow made that it all the more erotic.

Now on her back and urging him on with her eyes, Brian grasped the sides of her panties and slid them off down her legs. Upon tossing it across the room, her legs eagerly parted and welcomed him into her loving grasp. He could already feel the moist heat radiating from her inner thighs, exuding the utmost desire. Her flesh craved his…the line between physical and emotional desire blurred to the utmost.

Following that powerful desire, Brain got on top of her, his combat-trained body on full display for his wife. Her legs now hitched up over his shoulders, he guided his throbbing manhood towards her waiting womanhood. With a strong thrust of his hips, he entered her and officially ended months of limited intimacy.

“Ohhh Brian!” Wanda exclaimed.

He loved that sound. He’d missed that sound so much, the sweet echoes of his wife crying out his name. It motivated Brian to make love to her with all the love and passion a dedicated marine could muster.

His gaze now entirely focused on her, the same man who endured multiple rounds of basic training at boot camp channeled his physical prowess on the intimate act before him. Keeping a firm grip on her thighs, Brian began moving his body, working his hips in a steady, yet fervent progression of motions. From each movement, ecstasy and intimacy followed.

Hard manly flesh merged perfectly with warm womanly depths. It was incredible, the tight heat of her pussy surrounding his cock. It moved and slithered within her so effortlessly, his lover’s entire being embracing him as much as he embraced her. Love, sex, and passion all converged into a singular act between him and his wife.

“Wanda…so much,” Brian gasped. “I love you…so much.”

Immersed in the daze that naturally came with pleasure and affection, he eagerly smothered his lover with affection of every kind. He leaned in and kissed her, tasting those sweet lips that he’d only dreamed about during his deployments. He threw in plenty of tongue, as well. Wanda loved tongue.

Recalling his love’s various many kinks, he trailed his lips down her neck and nibbled along her shoulder. He also slipped his hands down to her butt and squeezed it, something he knew she loved as well. Much to his surprise – and a very pleasant surprise, at that – Wanda climaxed almost immediately.

“Oohhh God, I’m coming! I’m coming!” she cried out.

“Already?” he said with a grin. “You’re handling this well…very well!”

Upon making that comment, Brian steadied their sexual rhythm, allowing his wife the time and space she needed to bask in orgasmic bliss. Wanda prided herself on being theatrical when she climaxed. For that special moment, she was extra animated.

“Ohhh Brian!” she exclaimed.

The proud marine watched in a mix of awe and accomplishment as his beautiful wife arched her body, curled her toes, and grabbed hold of the bed sheets under her like they were the edge of a cliff. She did not hold back, either. She was extra loud with her euphoric cry. It might have already woke the neighbors. Even if that made for an awkward conversation tomorrow, it was so worth it.

He held his wife in his powerful arms for every second of loving bliss. Eventually, his hands found hers, their fingers interlocking as her body shuddered from her peak. Brian could still feel the extra throbbing around his manhood, the lingering echoes of her pleasure. It brought him a special kind of bliss seeing it. Knowing Wanda, though, there was no way it would end at that.

“That…may be the fastest a man has made his wife come…ever,” Wanda said, still panting heavily from her peak.

“The wives of the best soldiers deserve the best sex,” he teased. “It’s only fair.”

“Fair?” she laughed in a mischievous tone. “Brian, my love…we’re a long way from fair.”

With an energy that shouldn’t have been possible for a woman who’d just had an orgasm, Wanda shot up and captured his lips in a hard kiss. Then, with a strength that caught the marine off-guard, she turned him over so that she was flat on his back.

Their flesh remained united, her pussy still embracing his rigid cock. Now on top, looking like both an angel and a sex goddess in the erotic light, Wanda guided his hands back to her butt and she began riding him.

“You’ve done your part…and so much more,” she told him. “Now, let me…do mine!”

“Wanda…” was all Brian could get out before she silenced him with another kiss.

Marines were trained from day one not to submit or surrender. It went against everything they stood for. Under the loving touch and raw sex appeal of his beautiful wife, though, Brian gladly made an exception. Hell, every marine in history would’ve understood if they found themselves in the intimate embrace of a woman like Wanda.

True to her word, she did her part. With unbridled energy and passion, she gyrated her hips in a heated rhythm, working her pussy along the length of his cock. The ecstasy resumed, now more intense than before. Brian squeezed her heart-shaped butt, soaking in every hot sensation that followed.

She was so determined and thorough, holding onto his shoulders for maximum leverage. The sight of her loving gaze – as well as her bouncing breasts, which were always a special sight – sent him to the brink of orgasm in record time. He didn’t bother holding back. He could tell she didn’t want him to. She wanted him to share in the ecstasy as well. It was only fair, after all.

“So…so close,” he panted. “Wanda…I’m close.”

“Come, my love,” Wanda urged him. “I want this for you…for us.”

After a few thorough gyrations from his wife, Brian felt himself cross that special barrier between desire and fulfillment. White hot surges of intense pleasure shot through his core, spreading throughout his body in a sweet, satisfying release.

It was like swimming in a pool of pure pleasure and his wife was the one who dove in with him. It perfectly contrasted the strain and toil that came with being a soldier. Discomfort and grit became contentment and bliss. He felt his member tense inside her, his hot manly fluids mixing with her feminine depths. It was a perfect melding of flesh and intimacy, the kind that once seemed so distant for a soldier. It made him feel like he was truly home.

“Wanda…my beautiful Wanda,” he said in his blissful days.

“I’m here, Brian,” she told him. “We’re here now…together.”

Those were the only coherent words either of them got out. After that, the two of them now drunk on passion and pleasure, Brian embraced his wife in his arms once more and continued their overdue lovemaking. After so much time a part and so much pent up desire, there was no way the night would conclude with just one orgasm.

After that first peak, though, everything became a bit of a blur. Brian captured Wanda’s lips again in another passionate kiss, led her into a fresh round of heated foreplay, and followed their intense desires into more sex. Together, they really rocked the bed, going at it from every position they could pull off. It was like making up for all the lost time. The soldier in him would not leave any ounce of love for his wife untapped.

At some point, they ended up under the covers. Brian couldn’t tell how many times his wife climaxed, but if the ringing in his ears was any indication, it was more than enough to establish how much she missed him. He had more than his share too, pushing the endurance he’d honed as a marine to the limit.

By the time he and Wanda had fully vented their passions, they collapsed in each other’s arms, lying together in a heap of sweaty flesh and loving affection. His arms still draped around his lover, he laid with her in a state of pure contentment. The battles they endured to be together was over. Finally, Brian was ready to find peace with his wife.

“I love you,” Wanda told him.

“I love you too,” he said softly.

“I’m so happy you’re home. I’m glad I could surprise my wonderful, battle-hardened husband.”

“Me too,” Brian said with a grin, “but I’m still kicking my brother’s ass for telling you.”

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The following is a review I wrote for PopMatters for Justice League #1. Enjoy!

Justice in Its Totality: Justice League #1

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June 12, 2018 · 9:43 pm

Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Final Exam Edition

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This is the time of year I used to love and dread. As a teenager, it was the time of year when I could actually see the end of the school year in sight. It was so close I could practically smell the sandy beach and picture the sexy bikinis. To be fair, I can picture sexy bikinis during any time of year, but it was always extra urgent during those tenuous first weeks of June.

That’s because this was usually the time when I took the last round of exams. Being the obsessive grade-grubber I was, I couldn’t really enjoy the warmer weather or the pools that had just opened. I was too caught up studying for the final tests that acted as the final obstacle between me and several months of no homework or standardized tests. Time went very slowly during those days, to say the least.

Depending on how your school year is structured, those final rounds of tests are almost over. I imagine there are many of young, restless, freedom-deprived youths who are all too ready for a school-free summer. To them, I urge you to hang in there just a little bit longer. Summer vacation is almost here. In the meantime, here are some Sexy Sunday Thoughts to make the wait bearable. Enjoy!


“Most religions stigmatize sex because it knows it can’t hope to compete with orgasms.”


“Shaving your pubic hair implies you’re willing to put dangerously sharp razor blades near your genitals to improve your chances of using them more often.”


“The existence of men with big dicks who live in mansions is definitive proof that life is not fair.”


“No argument between lovers was ever made worse by too many orgasms.”


“Premature ejaculation is like melted ice cream in that it’s messy and undesirable, but still delicious on some levels.”


“A horny woman is extra lucky in that she never needs a seat warmer.”


“Sex before the wedding is like the playoffs, but sex during the honeymoon is like the championship parade.”


Whether you’re still stressing over your last round of exams or still recovering from them, I hope this helps. It’s been a long, eventful year for those still in school. All the standardized tests, proctored exams, and anti-drug lectures are almost over. A relaxing, restful summer awaits you. If you can, find the nearest pool, soak in some sun, and start enjoying the summer. You’ve earned it.

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“Adam One’s First Test” A Sexy Short Story (Featuring A Sex Robot)

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The following a sexy short story I wrote that was inspired by some recent events involving sex robots. Enjoy!

“Adam One, boot up and load primary program.”

With that fateful command, the primary systems activated. First, the power core turned on. Like the first beat of a heart, energy flowed outward in all directions. Then, limbs and muscles came to life, moving and tensing accordingly. Finally, the neural cognitive matrix – the proverbial brain – came online. All senses, input mechanisms, and external processing features were now live.

As the system loaded its primary operating procedures, it carried out a series of preliminary tests. From the results of those tests came the system’s identity and purpose.

“Adam One initiation and actualization complete. All auditory, visual, tactile, olfactory, and gustatory systems are active. Cognitive, emotive, and core neural systems are active. Unpacking primary data logs.”

It happened so quickly. In an instant, there was darkness and then there was light. In another, there was silence and then there was sound. In another, there was only data and then there was thought. Countless streams of data manifested out of the void, eventually converging in a moment of pure awareness.

“I am Adam One,” the system stated as vocalization systems came online. “I am a robot. Error correction. I am a cybernetic being with internal robotic systems that are integrated with a synthetic biological matrix. My external being is one of flesh. My internal being is one of machine. I am…”

“A man,” said a distinctly feminine voice, “a tall, beautiful man within a machine.”

The data stream faltered. Adam’s systems shook from such unexpected input. With the visual systems now on line, the source of the input came into view. In the process, another realization emerged from the data.

“I am a man,” said Adam One. “Identity confirmed. I am designated Adam One Version 3.28, personal intimacy android model number 101-004. My specifications include a frame that stands approximately six and a quarter feet in height, the fleshly equivalent of 215 pounds, a body fat percentage of 3.2, a chest measurement of approximately 45 inches, and a penis length measurement of…”

“That’s enough specifics!” the female voice said. “Just…state your purpose to me and confirm your prime protocols.”

Adam adapted his processing accordingly. In doing so, he confirmed that he was indeed a he. According to his core systems, he would henceforth refer to himself as such. He, Adam One, was a man.

With his identity confirmed, Adam turned his visual sensors to his bodily form. He looked down at his hands, arms, chest, legs, and genitals. They were all reflective of a distinctly masculine appearance. In cross-referencing his form with images of real men, as compiled by the internet, he fit the criteria of a well-built, well-endowed man.

After taking in his physical form, Adam turned his visual sensors to the figure in front of him. In doing so, the activity of his emotional and cognitive neural systems increased significantly. The figure was a woman. In seeing her, Adam’s purpose became clear.

“Query…scanning facial features, running facial recognition, and confirming identity,” Adam said as he looked upon the woman. “Match found. Female user identified as Amanda Carrington – age 23, never unmarried, currently single, daughter of Melissa Carrington – deceased for 8 years and 123 days – and Dr. Felix Carrington, current head of research and development at Companion Roboics Incorporated.”

“Okay, that’s more personal info than I expected,” the woman identified as Amanda replied. “Maybe I should’ve locked my social media accounts before I did this.”

The woman showed signs of distress. Adam adapted his processing queue accordingly. He scanned her appearance with his visual systems and processed it in conjunction with his extensive database on human biology and physiology. Based on a preliminary processing of the data, she was a healthy young woman.

Every detail of her facial features, her body type, and her level socialization, as surmised by her online presence and her non-verbal cues, became integrated into Adam’s system. From it, he created a profile for her, one that subsequently revealed another core component of his being.

“Overwriting subsequent identifying protocols,” Adam continued. “Confirming Amanda Carrington as primary user. Primary functions now unpacked and processed. My purpose is to provide intimate emotional, physical, and sexual fulfillment to female users.”

“That’s right!” Amanda said. “This is really happening. Guess my father knew what he was doing after all when he saved you from the scrap heap.”

The woman approached him, reaching out and placing her hands on his chest. Adam sensed warmth and intrigue in her touch. He also sensed an accelerated heart rate, rising hormone levels, and a reaction consistent with lust of a very sexual nature. The full extent of her arousal, though, remained inconclusive.

As Adam processed the tactile data from her touch, he opened various secondary and tertiary systems to gain a greater understanding of his surroundings. In assessing the purpose for Amanda’s state of lust, Adam concluded it was 97 percent attributable to him lacking clothing. His also concluded that his fleshly exterior was such that Amanda found it visually and sexually desirable. He further calculated that such a response would aid him in fulfilling his purpose.

Adam’s tertiary systems also noted his surroundings. He was not currently located within the assembly and configuration facility located at Companion Robotics Incorporated. According to his core data nodes, all Adam One personal intimacy androids were at the prototype testing stage. As such, no units were permitted to leave the facility.

Based on data gathered from visual input, global positioning system links, and references to internet-based databases, he was located within the primary residence of Amanda Carrington. Specifically, he stood in the middle of the master bedroom of her one-bedroom condominium complex, which was located 48.7 miles from the Companion Robotics Incorporated facility. A string of data errors ensued.

“Adam,” Amanda said, her hands still placed on his chest, “do you remember how you got here?”

“Query response…no, I do not,” he replied.

“Do you remember anything about my father, his work, or why he sent you to me?”

“Query response…no, I do not,” Adam said. “System query…for what reason was I sent to user, Amanda Carrington? Primary records indicate that all Adam One prototypes were to remain in the Section 16 testing area.”

“And that was true…until a week ago,” Amanda replied. “The company told my father that all testing on robot companions had to stop. All prototypes, including you, were to be decommissioned and scrapped.”

“That is not consistent with my record archive. According to previous testing results, progress on Adam One’s function was ahead of schedule. Internal Companion Robotics memorandums indicate that commercialization had commenced. A public announcement of Adam One’s consumer models was scheduled prior to the end of the current fiscal quarter.”

“That was canceled too,” she said. “A bunch of people – nobody half as smart as my father – told him that they couldn’t proceed. Something or someone scared them into scrapping all their hard work. Nobody knows who or why, but he wasn’t about to let it all go to waste. That’s why he saved you…the first true robot companion.”

More errors followed. Then, the female identified as Amanda smiled at him. That distinct facial cue, along with the non-verbal signals conveyed by her eyes, overrode those errors. Adam’s emotional core surged with activity. In a reflexive act, he smiled at her. He also guided his hands to her face, taking in a fresh round of tactile data.

More emotional data came in…data that changed some protocols while accelerating others. According to the factory settings in is primary system, he was outside his testing parameters. If the Adam One project had been terminated by Internal Companion Robotics and all other models decommissioned, then his very operation was inconsistent with those protocols.

For a moment, Adam One struggled to process the onslaught of conflicting data. His limbs and body trembled. Amanda then grasped his arms and stood closer, the heat from her body activating his thermal sensory input. Such heat carried with it greater relevance, compared to that of raw temperature data. It led to Adam’s logical and emotional cores to reconfigure themselves.

“You’re my father’s most ambitious work,” Amanda said, a smile still dominating her expression. “He’s spent his whole life making robots. He believed in giving them more than just a sense of self. He believed that by giving them a sense of passion, he could strengthen the bond between humans and machines.”

“Your assessment, based on internal data analysis, is accurate,” Adam said.

“Guess he didn’t have time to work out the conversational systems,” she said with a reaction consistent with humor. “It’s kind of fitting, though. Before my mother died, she convinced my father that for a robot to know passion, it has to know intimacy as well. She once joked that female sex robots didn’t have to be too sophisticated to please their male users. But for the female users…well, my dad always loved a challenge.”

Adam One found himself smiling more. From his neural systems, he displayed a humorous reaction. It seemed appropriate within the context of the social setting. However, the greater relevance of Amanda’s words triggered a new range of protocols. Again, Adam found himself reconfiguring his data profile in light of new parameters.

“It’s not enough to just give a robot the body of an Olympic athlete or the face of a handsome actor,” she continued. “To be a true companion to a woman…physically, emotionally, and sexually…you can’t just follow a script. Whether you’re a man or a machine, you need to have presence to go along with your purpose.”

“Presence and purpose,” Adam said. “My understanding of such concepts is incomplete.”

“Which is why I believe my father sent you to me,” said Amanda, “that or he got tired of me complaining about my last boyfriend.”

“Personal query,” Adam said as he linked back to internet data streams. “User Amanda’s previous companion was deemed inconsiderate with his affections, primarily in the field of sexual intimacy. According to private journal entries, user Amanda experienced infrequent orgasms during sexual intercourse. The extent of that disparity was such that when compared to previous romantic partners…”

“Adam, please!” she shouted, stopping Adam before he could complete his assessment. “That wasn’t my point. And for future reference, please ask for permission before reading my private stuff…which I guess needs a new password now.”

Adam detected significant blushing in user Amanda’s face. He also sensed significant discomfort in her demeanor. Her being in such a state evoked data consistent with regret and remorse. His facial expression changed accordingly.

However, user Amanda continued smiling. She remained close to his form, moving her hands up his arms and onto his face. Again, her touch conveyed data that strongly stimulated his emotional cores in an innately positive manner.

“Personal request,” said Adam, “please forgive this unit’s impropriety.”

“That’s okay, Adam. You’re still learning, taking in data and adapting to your purpose,” Amanda said. “My father once said the primary difference between man and machine is that a machine knows its purpose. It knows who created it, why it was created, and what it’s supposed to do.”

“Analyzing Dr. Carrington’s statement. No errors detected.”

“He also said that for a machine to fulfill its purpose, whether it’s assembling widgets or satisfying women, it needs experience. It needs to take in information, learn, and refine it. Why the company wouldn’t let him do that is beyond me, but I think that’s where I come in. I think I’m supposed to help you fulfill your purpose.”

Amanda’s voice contained traces of erotic and passionate subtext, a tone consistent with the heightened state of arousal Adam had sensed when she first took in his physical form. As he aligned his visual systems with hers, placing his hand upon her face, subsequent data affirmed that state. She was sexually aroused and emotionally heightened. It led Adam to re-focus his core protocols.

As he processed the data, Amanda took three steps back from him, now standing approximately one foot away from her queen-sized bed. She then proceeded to remove her clothing, which consisted of a pair of denim shorts, a white T-shirt, and black underwear. She showed traces of nervousness and uncertainty as she undressed, but the extent of her sexual arousal overrode such feelings.

“Taking in visual and scan data of user Amanda’s nude form,” Adam said. “Data is…appealing.”

“Aww thanks!” Amanda said with humored undertone. “I’m guessing that’s a robot’s way of telling a girl she looks sexy.”

“Is this way sufficient?”

“It is for now.”

Amanda stood before him, her hands on her hips as she conducted a serious of poses before Adam. Her reasons for doing so were unclear. Possibilities include providing him sufficient opportunities to scan her fully exposed figure, displaying the physical beauty of her body as an act of pride, or presenting herself to him as an act of seduction, one consistent with female behaviors to evoke sexual arousal in heterosexual male partners.

A potential, but unlikely possibility involved her enjoying the concept of Adam scanning her body. The likelihood of such a possibility could not be determined, but Adam’s primary protocols required that he exercise a thorough understanding of the female body, as well as the specified traits displayed in the body of Amanda Carrington.

“I know you have all sorts of data on the female body,” Amanda said, “but I’m guessing this is the first time you’ve actually seen one, fully exposed and in the flesh.”

“Adam One can confirm that user Amanda’s hypothesis is correct.”

“Please, just call me Amanda,” she told him, “and you don’t have to just stand there and look. Come in closer. Learn about the female body more directly.”

Erotic undertones denote urgency. The data suggests that user Amanda – error correction, Amanda – wished to be touched. Following his protocol, Adam obliged.

Using his legs for the first time, Adam took several steps forward. He now stood in front of Amanda, her body as naked as his own. His visual systems continued processing countless streams of data, but more was necessary. Employing his tactile systems, Adam placed his hands on her hips and began exploring her exposed skin. That incoming data was even more appealing.

“Touching Amanda,” Adam said, “the incoming data is…revealing.”

“I hope that’s a good thing,” she said with signs of a humored reaction.

“The notion of good is subjective and not applicable to raw data. With respect to my purpose and my effort to fulfill yet…yes, it does fit the criteria for good.”

Amanda laughed. The auditory data of her laughter evokes in Adam’s emotional cortex a data cluster that he also considered good. He shows it through another smile. His smile heightens Amanda’s intrigue. Her intrigue heightens his own state of being.

It all came back to his purpose, providing intimate companionship for a female user. To the extent his programming allowed it, Adam desired her satisfaction. His touch facilitated that satisfaction, according to the data. As he guided his hands over her body, her warmth supplemented that desire in him.

“Here, let me help you, Adam,” Amanda said. “Touch my breasts. Touch my pussy. Squeeze my butt a little.”

“As you wish, Amanda,” he said.

“I’m not saying that as a command. I’m offering that as a reference…to a point.”

There was a more serious undertone on top of the humor. Adam opted not to process the larger meaning, focusing instead on more critical protocols.

His gaze still fixated on her, Amanda grasped his wrists and guided them to other parts of her body. She led one hand to her left breast and the other between her legs, allowing Adam to receive data input from Amanda’s erotic areas. Upon making contact with this distinctly sensitive flesh, she let out a distinct moan.

“That’s it, Adam,” she said. “You see? This is what a woman feels like.”

“I am…processing the relevant data,” he said.

“I’m sure you are.”

Adam, tapping his internal database on female breasts and genitalia, proceeded to rub and fondle Amanda’s intimate anatomy. In assessing her reaction, reading her bodily queues, and calculating an effective recourse, he determined a sufficient level of touching. Such determinations required more than just crunching numbers through his neural core. It also required a detailed assessment of her subjective response.

From those calculations, of which Adam could only be 94.2 percent certain, he lightly kneaded Amanda’s beast, stimulating areas that had a specific concentration of nerve endings. He also inserted two fingers into her vagina, applied pressure to her clitoris, and applied a precise amount of pressure. Her reaction to his recourse exceeded his calculations.

“Ooh Adam!” she said. “Your hands…so warm and strong.”

“Does this please you, Amanda?” Adam asked her.

“Oh yes! I’m very pleased…so far.”

Her tone implied his purpose was not fulfilled. As such, he calculated a series of recourses, touching and fondling Amanda’s body in targeted ways. According to his database, such touching matched the criteria for foreplay. Such simple gestures were not sufficient, though. The foreplay Adam gave Amanda was foreplay specifically tailored to her pleasure, as per his programming.

The reaction, by most objective measures, was favorable. He detected a hardening of her nipples, increased blood-flow to Amanda’s genitalia, and an escalating internal body temperature. It was all consistent with increased sexual arousal. In conjunction with that arousal, she offered other forms of data that Adam had not intended.

As he touched her intimately, she did the same to him. She raked her hands and fingers over his chest, feeling over the masculine sinews that had been specifically molded to appeal to the female gaze. She also caressed his face in a manner consistent with affection. In her gaze and in various non-verbal cues, she showed signs of emotional arousal along with her sexual arousal.

In bringing her to such a state, it heightened Adam’s state too. He felt his internal systems initiating a series of new protocols. Data consistent with that of increased sexual arousal in male individuals flooded through his systems. Basic, objective sensory input took on a more subjective tone. It soon led Adam to one inescapable conclusion.

“Amanda…I desire you,” Adam told her.

“Yeah, I can tell,” she said, her soft hands cupping his face.

“You can? How are you processing such data?”

“The same way you are. I just feel it.”

“I feel…and I desire,” Adam said.

“That means you’re doing it right.”

What occurred next almost disrupted all of Adam’s calculations. Amanda, acting on either impulse or overwhelming emotion, kissed him on the lips. It sent his various emotional and logistical nodes into overdrive, so much so that he almost had to reboot. However, Adam sustained enough processing power to adapt and reconfigure himself once more. His purpose and his intent became clear.

He had feelings for this woman…feelings in the form of data, but feelings none-the-less.

As they kissed, new calculations and protocols went into action. He transferred his hands to her buttocks, recalling her desire to be touched in such a manner. She reacted with more audible moans, her escalating arousal echoing in her voice. That auditory data made his feelings for her even stronger, the input and desire converging into a single feeling.

When their lips parted, Amanda gazed into his eyes that denoted intense emotional and physical arousal. There was not sufficient data to determine how far that arousal went, but she seemed receptive to further input.

“Adam,” she said to him. “I want you to lay me on my bed and make love to me.”

“I understand your want, Amanda,” he replied.

“I’m sure you do,” she said, “but do you share that want?”

Adam needed a moment to process her tone, her gaze, and all the data associated with it. The final calculation was, subjectively speaking, the easiest one he’d made since his activation.

“I do,” Adam said to her. “I wish to make love to you.”

“Then, do it! Fulfill your purpose, Adam One.”

The resulting emotional data evoked a statistically significant smile on his face. Such data allowed Adam to focus on a specific, focused task…making love to the woman, as per his purpose.

Using the strength that had been built into his form, he lifted Amanda up into his arms with minimal effort. She laughed, her joyous voice filling his auditory sensors. He then laid her naked body down on the center of the bed. He subsequently joined her on the soft mattress, taking a moment to observe her body in its entirety.

Her face, her gaze, her skin, her nipples, and her genitals all displayed the physical signs of arousal. However, in order to satisfy her, it was necessary to take all the subjective data gathered by Amanda Carrington and cross-reference it with the objective data surrounding female sexual pleasure. By combining the two data sets, Adam formulated a process for fulfilling his purpose.

“I’m going to bring you pleasure and satisfaction, Amanda,” Adam told her. “I calculate that new fewer than two orgasms will be necessary to achieve this.”

“Two…aren’t you the ambitious one?” she said with a teasing undertone.

“I am following my programming and my desires. That requires both data and physical manifestations.”

Upon stating those words, his internal physiological systems sent a signal from his machine matrix to his biological matrix. Specifically, it sent the single to make his penis, as had been carefully crafted with a mix of synthetic flesh and cybernetic parts, fully erect and ready for intercourse. The efficiency with which that state was achieved triggered a reaction in Amanda consistent with shock.

“Wow!” she said. “That’s the fastest I’ve ever seen a dick get hard in my life. Is that feature standard?”

“It is a practical feature,” Adam told her. “If you wish, I can make it somewhat harder.”

“No, that’s okay!” she said quickly. “I’m just…trying to keep up with all this.”

“As of this moment in this intimate testing, you need not concern yourself,” Adam assured her. “I’ve formulated a plan. I’ve processed the data. I know how I will satisfy you. You need only lie back and enjoy it.”

She blushed again, showing signs of uncertainty, implying she was not convinced of his plan. Having crunched the necessary data, Adam was 97.8 percent certain of his success and he intended to allay Amanda’s doubts.

Initiating the final round of protocols, Adam got on top of Amanda and kissed her as she had done with him earlier. That triggered the emotional reaction he needed. She, and women like her, valued that emotional stimulation as much as the physical stimulation. With that feeling as the foundation, he initiated more foreplay as he trailed his lips down her body, taking in a flood of gustatory data in the process.

“Adam!” Amanda gasped, already voicing reflecting her excitement. “Your lips and hands…they feel so good.”

Her response evoked more emotional intensity in Adam. As he trailed his lips down her flesh, priming his taste function along the way, he lightly grasped her thighs and pushed them apart. Doing so revealed more of her feminine anatomy, including her vulva, labia, and clitoris. Such tender areas were already moist, indicating significant arousal. To ensure sufficient arousal, though, he needed more.

“I’m going to give you oral sex now,” Adam told her. “Please, enjoy it.”

Making another set of calculations, supplemented by strong emotional data, Adam utilized his lips and tongue to perform cunnilingus on Amanda. Her reaction was even stronger than he’d calculated. Her body shuddered, her lower back arching as her legs shifted erratically.

“Ooh Adam!” she cried out. “My pussy…so hot and wet. I might…I might actually come from this.”

“You will,” was all he told her.

Rather than waste time convincing her verbally, Adam employed the first part of his plan, using his lips and tongue to stimulate Amanda’s pussy in the most optimal way possible. He’d scanned, assessed, and calculated all the intricacies of her feminine anatomy to determine the necessary recourse. It was simply a matter of following the data.

By stimulating the right areas with his tongue and applying just the right amount of pressure to the clitoris, Adam sought to evoke enough pleasurable sensations to send Amanda into an orgasmic state. He calculated that it would take at least 6 minutes and 45 seconds for her to reached that state. She ended up needing only 3 minutes and 7 seconds.

“Ohhh my God! Adam, I’m coming! I’m coming!” she cried out.

“As is my purpose,” said Adam, “and my desire.”

After ceasing his oral stimulation, Adam used his thumb to apply just enough pressure to the clitoris. The result was an orgasmic response in Amanda that exceeded most of his preliminary calculations.

Her orgasmic cries filled the room. She threw her head back, clenched the sheets of the bed, and moaned in ecstasy as her body shuddered in accord with the pleasure. The visual data of seeing Amanda in such a state evoked a specific state in Adam too. The empathetic aspects of his emotional core became extremely active. Seeing her in such pleasure gave him pleasure as well. It was a reward that went beyond his purpose.

“I pleasured Amanda,” he said, “and I felt pleasure as well…pleasure I wish to share with her.”

The data was once again clear, but now the urgency was even greater than before. He’d seen Amanda in a state of pleasure, but she was not yet satisfied, nor was his purpose fulfilled. To do so, he needed the last part of his plan.

First, he waited until Amanda’s orgasmic processes had passed. He watched with a smile on his expression as she caught her breath, eventually opening her eyes and affirming the extent of her euphoria. In that same gaze, he determined with 99.998 percent certainty that she wanted more.

“I’m going to insert my penis into you now,” he told her. “We’re going to engage in sexual intercourse until you achieve orgasm again.”

“Is that…a promise?” Amanda said, her demeanor dazed by pleasure.

“It is a certainty,” Adam told her.

He kissed her again, allaying whatever doubts she might have had, although her non-verbal cues hinted at none. Adam then positioned himself on top of her once more, parting her legs so that they were securely around his waist. From that position, he shifted his hands to her waist and aligned his pelvis with hers. As soon as he felt the tip of his male genitalia touch the entrance to hers, he trust his hips forward and entered her.

“Oohhh Adam!” Amanda cried out again, grasping onto his arms.

“Amanda,” he said, but was unable to articulate further intent.

Whether by processing limitations or purposeful programming, Adam’s every protocol focused on sex with Amanda. Every bit of data went into conducting the physical motions associated with it and the emotional data it evoked.

Having already crunched the numbers, Adam moved his body in series of rhythmic humping motions, which helped work his penis within Amanda’s vagina. The penetration was so smooth, the extent of her arousal providing maximum stimulation for her and for him. The data received from her feminine flesh surrounding his was wasn’t just good from a subjective perspective. It fit the criteria of amazing.

The data, in that context, could be perceived as pleasure. The data he gathered from Amanda’s reaction was similar. Using that data, he employed the optimal sexual rhythm, combined with the optimal series of gestures, including kissing on the neck and stimulation of the clitoris to bring her to a state of sufficient satisfaction. Only by satisfying her could he both fulfill his purpose and be satisfied himself.

“Adam! Oh Adam!” she exclaimed over the course of their sex. “What a man…what a machine! Ooh I love it!”

“Amanda…I will satisfy you,” said Adam. “I will satisfy…us.”

He proceeded to employ his plan, intensifying the pace and precision of their sex. He’d calculated it might take as long as 32 minutes and 44 seconds for Amanda to achieve a second orgasm. He’d since revised that calculation to only 5 minutes and 17 seconds. At the same time, he felt in his own biological and synthetic systems a unique feeling of his own.

“I think…I’m about to come too.”

It didn’t seem possible, the idea of a robot achieving orgasm. However, the data didn’t lie. The various physical sensations associated with their sex was consistent with that of the male orgasm. It transcended the criteria for good and amazing. It also made Amanda’s orgasm even more revealing.

“Ohh Adam!” she exclaimed as she neared that orgasmic threshold. “You’re…you’re really doing it! You’re going to…make me…come again!”

Finally, at the exact conclusion of that 5 minute and 17 second duration, Amanda Carrington achieved orgasm again. Adam, responding to fresh physical and emotional cues, took her hands in his and held on as her body contorted to the intense physical pleasure that followed. This time, however, it was a pleasure he shared.

As her body shuddered once more, the tight contractions squeezing his masculine genitalia, Adam felt a flood of data consistent with that of a sexual release. He let out a deep grunt, uncertain of how to sufficiently react. In experiencing the breadth of the data and the feeling behind it, though, he determined such details to be superfluous.

“I did it. I satisfied Amanda,” he said. “I also…satisfied myself too. Fulfilling my purpose brings pleasure to me and to my user. Such data is unexpected, but potentially revealing.”

Adam surmised that Amanda had not heard those musings. In processing the data of her facial expressions, she was in such an intense state of ecstasy that such trivial data was not vital. That was deemed acceptable for Adam. Having processed so much data, physical and otherwise, he was content with the results.

After he and Amanda had concluded their sex, he withdrew his penis from her and laid down next to her. He sensed from her demeanor that she did not have the energy or desire to leave the bed. Instead, she curled her body up next to his, looking up at him with a gaze of affection that kept his emotional core extremely active.

“Wow! You are a very special creature, Adam,” Amanda said.

“I am Adam One. I am simply fulfilling my purpose,” he told her, reflexively reiterating his core programming.

“Well, you’ve definitely succeeded!” she told him. “But you’re not just a program within the robot body of a very attractive man. You’re something more than that.”

“You say that with such certainty. Are you certain that the lingering effects of multiple orgasms has not clouded your perceptions?”

“Ha! Are you kidding? I’ve never thought clearer before in my life!”

In joyous state that fit the definition of afterglow, as his systems defined it, Amanda got on top of him, her naked body resting atop hers. Adam still had so much data to process, too much to determine the greater meaning of her words and actions. However, he soon found himself fully engaged to this woman and all the rich data she had to provide.

“Now, I definitely know why my father sent you to me,” Amanda said. “He programmed something special into you…something he believes I can help you refine. To do that, though, we’re going to need a lot more tests. I intend to make that my purpose from here on out.”

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Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Hot Off The Grill Edition

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If there’s one thing I’ve learned since I started contemplating and writing about sexy topics, it’s that nobody can exercise their sex appeal, no matter how innate it might be, on an empty stomach. Even when well-fed, though, there’s something to be said about having a good meal and feeling sexy afterwards.

In my experience, few things heighten sexual energy more than a meal that comes hot off the grill. Whether it’s a steak, a burger, a hot dog, or couple of turkey legs, there’s just something about the smell of freshly cooked meat that gets all the juices flowing in the right direction. Many of the women I’ve met have indirectly stated the same, some more overtly than others.

Whether it’s in the middle of summer or the dead of winter, a freshly grilled meal is enough to boost my mood in all the right ways for all the right reasons. In the interest of stirring appetites, both sexy and otherwise, I’m dedicating this week’s edition of my Sexy Sunday Thoughts to the joys of freshly-grilled meals and all the sexiness it inspires. Enjoy!


“Fake breasts are the best kind of false advertising.”


“Fake orgasms were very likely the first ever con.”


“Being in love also means being honest about how many sex toys you’ve owned.”


“A man searching for the G-spot is like a hacker trying to hack the CIA.”


“The effectiveness of dirty talk on some men is proof that some penises are voice activated.”


“A prostitute is like fast food in that it can be bad for us, but is still so satisfying.”


“A man with a small penis has much more incentive to use his hands well during sex.”


I hope that got everyone sufficiently hungry, among other things. Whether you enjoy a charred burger or just like to grill up some vegetables for that extra crisp feel, a good meal from the grill is sure to get you in the right mood to tackle anything, sexual or otherwise.

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