Tag Archives: Sexy Sunday Thoughts

Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Tropical Edition

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If you’re reading this on a tablet computer while sitting on a beach or by a pool, then congratulations. You’re winning summer. Yes, it is possible to win at summer. It’s not that hard either, although some people still find a way to lose. A lot of those people tend to lose every other season as well so it’s not that much of a stretch.

I get it, though. Sometimes on a hot summer day, it’s tempting to just want to stay inside where the need for sunscreen is low and the air conditioner keeps you from sweating. I’ve given into that temptation plenty of times, especially in my youth when I didn’t care much for staying in shape. I’ve since learned the value of going out into the heat, sweating a little, and soaking in the summer.

I’ve often told friends and family that if I ever make enough money with my novels, then I’ll retire to a tropical climate where I have a chance to see beautiful women in bikinis all year round. However, until I reach that goal, I’ll have to settle for summer. It’s not the same as a tropical paradise, but I’ll gladly take it.

For this week’s edition of my Sexy Sunday Thoughts, I’d like to dedicate this small contribution of sex appeal to all those tropical beaches where the champions of summer dwell. I hope to join those ranks one day. Until then, here are some lurid thoughts that should keep the heat flowing, no matter the season.


“Misshapen breasts on a woman aren’t nearly as detrimental as a misshapen penis on a man. How is that fair?”


“Waiting until your wedding night to have sex is like waiting until you’re in the NBA to shoot your first free throw.”


“The presence of a genital piercing may or may not be correlated with significant boredom in their past sex life.”


“Technically speaking, the ultimate form of thrill sex is doing it in a police station that’s on fire.”


“Sex and desert are the only two occasions in which it’s socially acceptable to drool.”


“Your average stress levels are directly related to how concerned you are about someone seeing your browser history.”


“Sex is one of the few activities where being overly prepared can end up being counterproductive.”


Once again, if you can spend any part of the next few weeks on a beach, sipping margaritas, and wearing as little clothing as legally possible, do it. That’s one of the great joys of summer. Between heat, cool drinks, and legally permissible half-nudity, what more could you want?

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Sexy Sunday Thoughts: All-Star Break Edition

This time of year is great for those who enjoy hot weather, beaches, and bikinis. For sports fans, though, it’s somewhat bittersweet because there’s not a lot going on. Other than Major League Baseball, there’s not much going on. Unless you can somehow watch golf while sober and awake, you won’t find much worth watching.

I consider myself a marginal sports fan. I love football, as I’ve mentioned before, and I’ll occasionally watch hockey and basketball. However, I don’t wake up every day eager to watch two hours of SportsCenter and play fantasy leagues. I try to save most of my passion for erotica/romance, comic books, and writing sexy novels.

That said, I do have a soft spot for baseball. It has a sentimental value to me because that’s the sport I watched most with my dad growing up. On a hot summer day, few things relax me more than a cold beer and a baseball game. To me, I couldn’t be more content in that moment without a naked bikini model on my lap.

As it just so happens, this past week had the MLB annual All-Star game, which the American League won 2-1 in a thrilling game that went into extra innings. At a time of year where most sports fans are dangerously close to sports withdraw, it’s a great reprieve.

As such, I dedicate this week’s edition of Sexy Sunday Thoughts to baseball fans and sports fans in general. I hope it makes the All-Star break that much easier to endure. I also hope it can tide people over until the NFL season starts.


“In certain divorce proceedings, irreconcilable differences is just code for two people developing different levels of horniness.”


“Isn’t it ironic that some of the people who complain about others not thinking things through wouldn’t be alive if their parents hadn’t acted the same way?”


“Horniness plus romance equals passion. Horniness plus opportunity equals lust. Horniness plus ambition minus patience equals hilarity and/or disgust.”


“Practically speaking, a beautiful woman on a beach full of straight men has no excuse for being sunburned on her back.”


“For now, exotic accents are the closest thing we have to female Viagra.”


“No civilization has ever failed because its population was too sexually satisfied. Conversely, no civilization has ever succeeded for very long when it’s population is too sexually frustrated.”


“Internet porn has given an entire generation of people the impression that sex involves a lot more seething and hissing than it should.”


I hope that makes your next trip to the ball park a little more enjoyable. If nothing else, it’ll give you something think about other than the inflated price of a hot dog. I know sports typically appeal to men, but true sex appeal knows no gender. Whether it’s a ball park or a brothel, it unites us all.

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Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Summer Sweat Edition

As a man who enjoys working out and all things sexy, I love to sweat. Sure, I get all smelly and sticky. Sure, I usually jump in the shower the first chance I get. That said, I love the feeling that comes with it. I love that sense that I’m pushing myself, becoming stronger and sexier. The fact that activities like sex are known to work up a sweat is the happiest of coincidences.

As a man, I feel most sexy when I’m sweating. That’s part of why I love summer so much. It gives me ample times to sweat, wear less clothing, and show off my masculine sex appeal. I know that sounds vain, but I think we all need to embrace our sexiness from time to time. It’s good for our bodies, minds, souls, and everything in between.

We’re entering the hottest parts of summer. These are the days where just going out to get the mail will work up a sweat. For a guy like me, who enjoys feeling sexy, it’s a wonderful time of year. As an erotica/romance writer, it really helps get me in the right mindset.

For this week’s edition of Sexy Sunday Thoughts, I hope to help others get into that same sexy mindset. If it’s going to be this hot out and if we’re going to sweat that much, we might as well feel sexy while doing it.


“Patience is a virtue, except when it comes to achieving orgasm.”


“Teaching a man to fish is all well and good, but he’ll make a lot more friends by teaching him how to give good oral sex.”


“Statistically speaking, there’s a chance you’ve used a public restroom that someone has had sex in.” 


“The difference between a fling and a one-night stand is the same as the difference between a boxing match and a bar fight.”


“Men would be a lot more open to talking about their feelings if women were more open to listening while giving hand-jobs.”

 


“That idea that seeing is believing becomes much more obscure when applied to push-up bras and breast implants.”


“Men know they can’t compete with a woman’s vibrator, but take comfort in the knowledge that a vibrator has no living will or insurance plan.”


Did that cool you down in the right ways and warm you up in the sexy ways? I hope so. I enjoy exercising talents other than that of an aspiring erotica/romance writer. If I can give people something funny and sexy to enjoy on a weekly basis, then I know I’m contributing something meaningful.

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Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Summer Solstice Edition

Personally, I love this time of year. The days are long, the nights are cool, and the pants are optional, if not outright discouraged. Summer is a great time for all things sexy and I’m not just talking about its greater potential for nudity. I’ve often found that I do better work when I’m sweating rather than shivering. As a man, I think that’s healthier and not just for my balls.

While summer might never be as special to me as it is to all the school children who love not having to spent half their day at a glorified test-preparation prison, it’s still a great time of year. I find myself more relaxed, more upbeat, and more able to craft sexy stories. Again, I’m not sure if that’s because of the greater opportunities for nudity, but I’m not ruling it out.

These are still the early days of summer. We haven’t yet gotten sick of sweating our asses off every time we walk outside for more than two minutes. That will happen eventually. For some, it happens faster than others. I imagine those people are skiers. For me, though, I’m ready and eager to sweat this summer.

With that image and smell in mind, I dedicate this week’s entry of Sexy Sunday Thoughts to the long, hot days that school children and nudists alike love. Those are two categories of people that usually don’t agree on much, nor can they for legal reasons. In this case, though, an exception is totally warranted.


“Nothing becomes a fetish until it becomes the an effective way to get an orgasm.”

I don’t claim to know everything about every fetish. I also don’t claim that I’ve no kinky proclivities of my own. Anyone who has read my novels probably suspects I have some unique, but fairly standard tastes. I have a feeling those tastes will evolve as I write more novels and get more of them published.

That said, I don’t doubt the power of some peoples’ fetishes. I also don’t doubt there’s a point where it becomes more than just a kinky interest. As soon as that interest manifests in orgasmic ways, we can be fairly certain that a fetish has been born. It can be beautiful, disturbing, and messy all at the same time.


“Those who are the most sexually uptight probably have the most disturbing masturbation habits.”

There’s no getting around it. Sexual repression has some pretty damaging effects on people. You can only repress your biological urges so much before they start screwing with your brain. For those who are really dedicated to their repression, I shudder to think about how they deal with it in their private moments. It probably makes for some disturbing and messy moments that are best left private.


“Whenever you shake someone’s hand, there’s a 50/50 chance that you’re touching the same hand they masturbate with.” 

This is something that has always struck me about handshakes. Whether you’re a man or a woman, chances are the person you shake hands with masturbates regularly. Chances are they either use their hand or have used it at some point. That means you’ve got a 50/50 shot at touching the hand they use to touch themselves. Remember that next time you greet someone.


“A man’s willingness to love a woman is directly proportional to his willingness to humiliate himself.”

It’s an inescapable reality and a scientific fact. Men are more prone to take idiotic risks and do idiotic things for idiotic reasons. I’ve talked about the dangers of idiots before, but I’ll always have some sympathy for men who take stupid risks in the name of love. Some risks are just inherently worth it.

That’s not to say there aren’t lines that shouldn’t be crossed. It’s just striking sometimes how willing some men are to walk those lines and not even check to see if their shoes are tied. Again though, for the sake of love, I’d argue it’s worth it.


“If actions speak louder than words, then foreplay is a goddamn rock concert.”

Even though I operate primarily in a world of words with my novels, I strongly believe in the power of actions. I don’t deny that they send more messages than ten novels, a digital map, and blood hound. When it comes to certain actions, though, they can speak even louder. That’s where foreplay comes in.

It’s an important lesson espoused by the X-men, no less. It sends a powerful message that’s as loud as any rock concert or stadium. It conveys love, lust, affection, pleasure, joy, and everything else associated with rainbows and unicorns. In terms of action, foreplay might as well be a sonic boom, an explosion, and a shockwave all rolled into one.


“A person is only as kinky as their browser history.” 

You can learn a lot about a person just by talking to them, holding them, and having sex with them. Even if that person is open and honest, chances are they’ll reveal plenty about themselves, if not more than you ask.

That said, you can’t say you truly know a person’s most intimate proclivities until you’ve seen their browser history. It’s only after seeing what kind of porn, erotica, and blogs they’ve been reading that you know just what kind of person you’re dealing with. If that person happens to have this blog in their history, then all I can say is you’re welcome.


“The fact that people with satisfying sex live longer is proof that horniness is more powerful than death.”

While we’re not entirely sure of the mechanisms, it’s fairly clear that people who have great sex lives tend to live longer. Hell, if nothing else, a great sex life makes you want to live longer. That alone should count for something.

There are probably many factors involved in how great sex effects longevity. I’m sure there are all sorts of scientific, biological, and physiological forces in play. Since I’m not smart enough to understand any of that, I’m just going to assume that the human capacity for horniness is stronger than death.


If you haven’t taken the opportunity to bask in the summer heat, sweat a little, and get naked for a while, I strongly encourage it. Summer is one of those seasons that goes by fast. You don’t realize how much you’ll miss it until you start having to dress in layers again. Enjoy it while it lasts and be extra sexy in the process. You’ll be glad you did by the time snow starts falling again.

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Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Heat Wave Edition

Summer is here and as much as I enjoy the beaches and bikinis, it does have its share of issues. I don’t know about the rest of the country, but my particular area is in the middle of its first real heat wave. It’s hotter than a camel’s nut sack. After a long, cold winter, it’s pretty jarring.

In the winter, it’s at least possible to do something sexy to stay warm. I’m pretty sure there are a significant number of babies conceived by couples just trying to save money on their heating bill in winter. That’s not to say heat keeps people from getting frisky. If anything, it makes ditching clothes that much easier. In the winter, though, there’s more of an economic incentive and we all know how powerful those can be.

Staying cool in a heat wave can be a challenge, especially if you live in a place where the air conditioning is average on a good day. Even someone who loves nudity as much as I do can only do so much. That said, it still beats having to dress in layers just to get groceries.

I’m sure there are others out there who cope with heat waves in their own special way. I’m also sure some of those ways are far more effective than anything I can possibly do. I’m not saying this week’s edition of Sexy Sunday Thoughts will help. It certainly can’t hurt, though.


“Nudity only becomes gratuitous when it becomes and impromptu anatomy lesson.”

I’ll say it again and I’ll keep saying it whenever I get a chance on this blog. I love being naked. I think it’s one of life’s most underrated pleasures. As much as I love it, though, I understand it can get gratuitous at times.

The bar varies from person to person, but most people generally agree that nudity stops being fun when it becomes too little about sex appeal and too much about anatomy. I’ve seen this happen in everything from romance novels to porn. I don’t deny the beauty of the human body. That beauty just gets undermined after a certain level of scrutiny.


“Giving oral sex to a woman is akin to tuning a radio. Giving oral sex to a man is akin to playing his favorite song on a loop.”

While on the subject of anatomy, there’s an unmistakable difference when it comes to giving oral sex to different genders. I’m sure the bisexual crowd can attest that male and female body parts work differently. Some need more tuning than others.

I’m not among those who think giving oral sex to a woman needs to be on par with rocket science. I’ve already talked about the orgasm gap and why it may be more in our heads than we think. I’m just saying that when it comes to men, being able to work a radio makes you overqualified to give them good oral sex.


“Body piercing is only as sexy as the injuries on certain body parts they’re sure to incur.”

I’m all for people having the freedom to modify their bodies as they see fit. Like Mystique from the X-men, I find that kind of flexibility both beautiful and distinct. However, there are some distinctly unflattering implications of certain piercings. Like tattoos, sugary soda, and vampire movies, it is possible to overdo them.

With piercings, though, the consequences of overdoing them are much worse. Again I’m not saying people shouldn’t do it or be chastised for wanting to. I’m just saying that it’s a gamble for a very limited payoff.


“Heavy petting doesn’t become foreplay until you know you’ll have to wash your hands later.”

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This is a debate that often happens among horny teenagers who are still trying to figure out whether or not they got laid. The term “heavy petting” gets thrown around a lot in those debates. Personally, I never understood what that implied. As an aspiring erotica/romance, I think I’ve developed a greater understanding of the lines between petting and foreplay.

It’s a simple rule-of-thumb. Kissing and making out will get your blood flowing, but it won’t leave any lasting effects other than having to unwrinkled your clothes. When it comes to heavy petting, it usually requires at least one person to wash their hands and their clothes the next day. I’ll leave it to your dirty imagination to surmise what that implies.


“To some, candles are a great way to set a romantic mood. To other, they’re just a fire hazard.”

Candles can be romantic as hell. There’s no denying that. I certainly think candles can bring some romantic ambience into any room. It’s not for everyone though. For some people, candles do nothing to set the mood. They’re just fire hazards or messy accessories. I won’t speculate on the kind of person who finds candles that unromantic, but I imagine they’re the same people who think Hugh Jackman is overrated.


“Great sex is often measured by the amount of your lover’s body you’re willing to lick.”

This is something else that I’ve learned as an aspiring erotica/romance writer who regularly writes about insanely sexy moments depicting sexy activities that will sets panties on fire. When sex is that good and you’re that in love with someone, you really don’t care where they put their tongue or how you use yours.


“When it comes to being weird or eccentric, being great at sex gives you a lot more flexibility.”

There are a lot of eccentric, quirky, annoying human beings out there. The fact we tolerate them, even making a celebrities out of a few, shows us the breadth of that tolerance.

Some people, though, require even more. In my experience, we’ll much more willing to grit our teeth and endure if that person is great at sex. It doesn’t matter if they’re a man, woman, or something in between. If we know they can hump like a jackrabbit on crack, we’ll give them more passes than they deserve. If they’re that good, they’ve earned as such.


Does this make you feel hotter or cooler? During a major heat wave, I’m not sure which is preferable. Whatever the case, I hope this kind of heat doesn’t derail anyone’s summer. I know the sweat and humidity sucks, but heavy coats and long underwear sucks even more. If you’re going to sweat, though, the most you can do is make sure you’re sweating for all the right reasons.

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Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Poolside Edition

It’s summer time and you know what that means. The days are hot, the beaches are open, and the bikinis are out in force. It’s a beautiful time of year, especially for those like myself who appreciate nudity and various excuses for nudity. It’s not always full-nudity, but we’ll take what we can get. After being cooped up all winter, it’s hard to be that petty.

I’m already enjoying the feeling I get when I walk around the house naked. Even just wearing a pair of boxers feels extra special on some levels. Sure, the heat means more sweat, more humidity, and more body odor. However, if handled correctly, it just makes me feel that much sexier.

This time of year marks the first juicy bite of the savory steak that is summer. Some of us are still getting used to the idea that we don’t need to bring a sweatshirt with us wherever we go, just in case it gets cold. This is the time of year where you can get away with under-dressing. Sure, you have to be mindful of your local indecency laws, but it beats the hell out of wearing layers every day.

I am so ready to embrace summer that I’m sweating sunscreen. I’m sure many others tired of long underwear, heavy coats, and no bikinis are just as eager. For that reason, I dedicate this week’s edition of Sexy Sunday Thoughts to the arrival of summer and all the sexiness it brings.


“Necessity may be the mother of invention, but horniness is its first cousin.”

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I don’t deny the influence of need, profit, curiosity, and laziness in the process of invention. I’m sure those factors were behind a great many advances, be they the light bulb or spray cheese in a can. I’m just saying that horniness is one of those understated influences. What else explains the creation of vibrators and bacon flavored lube?


“When you think about it, a bar of soap is the most intimate, non-sexual item that we own.”

There are all sorts of household items that we use in intimate ways. Be they vibrators, bottles of hand lotion, or socks, we have a uniquely close attachment to these products. Not all of it is sexual, though. Sometimes, a product is intimate just because it regularly touches our genitals.

In that sense, a bar of soap is the most intimate product we own. That bar of soap doesn’t just touch our genitals. It touches almost every inch of our naked bodies. It makes our skin feel clean and smooth. I could go on, but I’d rather not think such lurid thoughts when I’m around a bar of soap. I need to save those lurid thoughts for my novels.


“For rock stars and celebrities, groupies are like candy and every day is Halloween.”

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Rock stars having sex with legions of beautiful women is nothing new, but it does offer a uniquely sexy narrative. Most men go their whole lives spending countless time and energy just trying to get one woman to have sex with them. Rock stars have the opposite problem. It’s like picking a flavor of ice cream for them. The only problem is having enough of an appetite.


“If a house has a woman living in it and a shower with a detachable shower head, it’s generally safe to assume that shower head has been used for masturbation at one point.”

I think most people understand that when they enter a man’s house and see a bottle of lotion, they assume that lotion has been used for masturbation or something sexual. Not as many people understand the appeal of a detachable shower head with women.

It’s not just one of a billion crude jokes from an episode of “Two Broke Girls.” Women get horny too. This is a scientific fact that too many people deny. They don’t always use the same tools as men. I’m not saying vibrators and dildos don’t have their place, but I think a shower head is an underrated piece of sexual hardware.


“Going to a strip club and window shopping are disturbingly similar experiences for some people.”

I love strip clubs as much as the next man. Since I’ve been of legal age, I’ve been to more than my share. I’m a healthy young man. I enjoy looking at beautiful women getting naked on stage, dancing to music. I’m not going to apologize for that. It’s a spectacle and we humans love spectacles.

For some people, though, strip clubs and shopping are a bit too intertwined. I’ve seen men at strip clubs look at women the same way they look at a new Ferrari. I’m not saying it’s wrong. I’m just saying that some men blur the line more than others.


“Variety is the spice of life, but we’re expected to forget that on our wedding day.”

We’re all told that variety and novelty are good things. We should seek new experiences and enjoy the variety of wonders that life has to offer. Most people agree with that. It may very well have helped us thrive as a species. There are even parts of it that are hardwired into our genetics.

For that very reason, it’s somewhat telling that we expect people to turn all that off on their wedding day. When you get married, you’re supposed to stop seeking novelty, settle down, and become a responsible, tax-paying family that will birth the next generation of tax-paying workers. Is it any wonder why the divorce rate is so high?


“There’s no right way to make love, but there are too many wrong ways, some of which leave awkward scars.”

Being an erotica/romance writer, part of the fun is finding all sorts of wonderfully sexy ways to have couples make love. It pushes both your imagination and libido in all the right ways. So long as the love is genuine, lovemaking can take many forms.

Conversely, it can also fail spectacularly in ways that don’t make it into erotica/romance novels. It doesn’t take much to ruin the moment or kill the mood. Whether it’s an ill-timed spank or irresponsible dirty talk, it can really undermine a romance. It can also leave scars, emotionally and physically. It’s debatable which of the two are more embarrassing, though.


That’s it for now. Until next Sunday, get out there and enjoy the summer heat. Hang out by the pool, take in the sight of bikinis, and appreciate nature’s most clothing-optional season. Whether you’re working on a tan or reading a sexy novel, there’s a lot to enjoy. Just stay cool and stay sexy while doing it.

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Sexy Sunday Thoughts: End Of School Edition

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For kids across America, this is probably the best time of the year that doesn’t involve gifts, candy, or goofy costumes. It’s the end of the school year and the start of summer vacation. For most kids who’ve come to loathe homework, exams, and waking up at the crack of dawn, that couldn’t be a better feeling without including a free massage.

The end of the school year is a magical time for many. It’s a brief taste of freedom, absent the rigors of school or the toil of a job. As an adult, I don’t envy how kids have to deal with schooling that primarily teaches them how to pass a test and how live on a diet of frozen pizza. However, I do envy the brief bit of freedom they enjoy over the summer.

As I’ve gotten older, I look back on those summer vacations fondly. I may have gone out of my way to be miserable, especially in my teenage years, but even I could appreciate how great those summer vacations were. Between warm weather, the beach, and being able to sleep in, it really was a great time.

So for all those kids out there settling in for the summer, I dedicate this week’s entry of Sexy Sunday Thoughts to the end of the soul-crushing headache that was the school year. Granted, my blog isn’t aimed at kids and talks about many distinctly adult issues. In an era of unlimited internet porn and Fox News, though, I’m going to assume they’ve already seen much worse.


“If a piece of furniture can support the wait of at least one human body, then someone has or will try to have sex on it at some point.”

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This is more a warning than a comment. Whenever you visit someone’s house, however fancy or modest it might be, it’s generally safe to assume that a lot of furniture has been used for sex at some point. The criteria isn’t that strict. If said furniture can support a certain amount of weight or even provide some level of stability, then it has been used for sex or at least has the potential to be. That’s just a fact of life.


“There are so many incentives to be good at sex that anyone who it takes more effort to be bad at it over a long period of time.”

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Sex is supposed to be like pizza. Even when it’s bad, it’s still pretty damn good. Given all the benefits and incentives for having great sex, from intimacy to more intense orgasms, there aren’t a lot of excuses that people can make for being bad at it.

Now I understand that there are those who have limited sexual experience or have some kind of sexual hangup that undermines the mood. That’s a legitimate issue that some people have to deal with. Absent those issues though, sex is one of those skills that’s easy and fun to practice so unless you actively try, it’s hard to stay bad at it.


“When sitting on a crowded bus or train, it’s generally safe to assume that at least one person really wishes they could safely masturbate in public.”

 

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I’ve used public transportation before. Most people have at some point in their lives. You tend to encounter some strange people every now and then. Some are far stranger than others. Some are strange, but not enough to notice.

That’s why news stories about people caught masturbating on buses should come as no surprise. While most people are able to restrain themselves, it’s usually safe to assume that at least one person would do it if they could. Remember that next time you’re on a crowded bus or train. It’s only the laws and social norms of civilization that keeps that person from masturbating on the spot.


“A male speedo will never be as sexy as a female thong, but it will always have the potential to be.”

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Maybe it’s just an American thing, one derived from our sexually mute Puritan ancestors, but men wearing speedos is kind of taboo. We’ll cheer and hoot at women who put on a thong and proudly show off their feminine beauty on the beach. When a man tries to do the same, though, it doesn’t quite elicit the same reaction.

That said, I believe the male speedo is a highly underrated piece of sexual hardware. I’ve tried one on before. I think it makes me look good. I think it makes me look sexy. I strongly encourage more men to try it. Men may never be able to inspire the same sexiness as female thongs, but I think it’s still worth exploring.


“Whenever we buy something, we prefer to see pictures of what we’re buying. However, whenever we ask for nudes from a prospective lover, that somehow makes us assholes.”

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These days, men who ask women to send nudes are looked upon with scorn and shame. We tend to put these men on the same level as those who throw rocks at kittens just for kicks. Never mind the fact that wanting to see naked women is right up there with wanting a hot cup of cocoa on a cold winter day, but think about it from a pragmatic point of view.

In many other endeavors, whether it’s buying a car or some clothes, we like to see pictures. We like to see every detail about what we’re hoping to buy. When you think about it, asking for nudes is no different than asking for tech specs on a new laptop. Is that really so wrong?


“Being a slut and being friendly aren’t the same thing, but it’s kind of telling that it’s impossible to be one without the other.”

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People throw the word “slut” around more liberally than ketchup at a hot dog stand. To some people, a slut is someone who will fuck anyone who looks at them cross-eyed. For others, a slut is someone who shows any desire to wear a mini-skirt out in public. It’s a broad, irrational spectrum.

However you define a slut, they do need one particular trait to fit the label. They need to be friendly, open, and affectionate. These are all positive traits that we associate with fun, happy people. The fact that a slut can’t be a slut without these traits, to some extent, says a lot about the mixed feelings we have about sluts.


“Horny men have shaped the course of history because religion, government, and civilization dedicates a significant amount of resources protecting and/or regulating how they interact with women.”

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It’s a poorly kept secret. Throughout history, there have been a lot of horny men, some more ambitious than others. Many societies realize, often the hard way, that a society full of horny men is not a stable one. If you don’t give men an outlet for their horniness, then they’re going to go a little nuts.

It may not paint men in too noble a light, but it doesn’t negate the implications. Horny men have shaped the course of history in terms of culture, religion, and government. You might not be proud of it, but how many other forces can claim that kind of influence?


“From a biological perspective, most forms of dancing are just an elaborate way of tricking the body into thinking it’s having some kind of sex or is about to have sex.”

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Absent significant alcohol intake, I’m not much of a dancer. I do get the appeal, though. It’s a fun, energetic, liberating feeling that takes people into a different state of mind. In that sense, the similarities to sex are uncanny. It’s enough to make you wonder whether our bodies know the difference between dancing and sex. Based on the merits of “twerking,” I think it has a right to be confused.


I’ll say it one more time because I remember how great it felt back in the day. School’s out and summer vacation is here! To all the kids out there, enjoy it while you can’t. To all the parents who have to deal with those kids, let them enjoy it. It’ll give them something nice to look back on when they start paying taxes and working for a living.

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