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Jack Fisher’s Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Memorial Day 2020 Edition


Global pandemics have a way of tempering any celebration for any occasion. That’s understandable. This year has limited our collective ability to celebrate anything, be it Mother’s Day, St. Patrick’s Day, or even a simple Saturday. However, for certain occasions, we should still make the effort. We may not be able to celebrate, but we can still acknowledge the importance of day.

Memorial Day definitely qualifies, in that respect. There may not be a lot of parades, cookouts, or pool parties going on this year, but those are only secondary. In terms of worthy things to celebrate, our nation’s veterans deserve to be at the top of that list. They’re the ones who willingly go on the front lines, put themselves at risk, and protect those who cannot protect themselves.

In a world where we need our heroes now more than ever, this Memorial Day is more important than most. The world is in crisis and that crisis is affecting them in uniquely difficult ways. There are opportunities to acknowledge the sacrifice and contributions they’ve made. Some are more elaborate than others, but you can get involved.

If you cannot participate in a parade or volunteer, consider donating to a veteran’s charity. If you have veterans in your family, give them a call. Give some of your time and your love for them. They’ve earned the respect and admiration of their country. They’ve also earned this Memorial Day edition of my Sexy Sunday Thoughts. Enjoy!

“Being a perfectionist means having even fewer excuses to skip foreplay.”

“Practically speaking, a narcissist and a stalker should be the perfect couple.”

“Men will look at ugly breasts longer than women will look at beautiful penises.”

“How much can you really trust a sexually repressed person with a cucumber?”

“Asking why women sleep with rock stars is like asking why people deep fry twinkies.”

“Trying to fix a doomed relationship is like trying to watch porn with a slow internet connection.”

“A serial monogamist is just a slut that can’t multitask.”

To all the veterans out there, from those who retired from service to those serving in the field, I salute you. Thank you for your service and your sacrifice, especially during times like this. We appreciate all that you do. You are the real heroes in a world that desperately needs them.

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Jack Fisher’s Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Premium Coffee Edition


First, I want to say on record that I am not a coffee snob. I’m not one of those people who stands in line at a coffee shop and spends a full five minutes giving a barista intricate details on how to brew my order. Those people are right up there with the assholes who text, drive, and give you the finger for honking your horn.

That said, I love coffee as more than a morning pick-me-up. I can also tell the difference between the dirt-cheap brew you get at a gas station and the kind you pay double for at a specialty shop. I’ll still drink the cheap stuff if I just need to perk myself up in the morning, but that premium blend is something I value.

The difference between cheap coffee and premium coffee is similar to the difference between a quickie in a broom closet and an entire afternoon of passionate lovemaking. Both feel great. Both are inherently desirable. There’s a time and a place for both. One is just inherently more satisfying than the other.

That’s how I feel about good, premium coffee. I’d estimate that around 75 percent of my best writing occurs while I have a cup of premium coffee in reach. It’s not just a necessary stimulant for the modern world. It’s nourishment for the mind, body, and soul. A good cup of coffee helped inspire these Sexy Sunday Thoughts. I hope they, along with your next brew, can inspire something just as awesome. Enjoy!

“If a picture is worth 1,000 words, then porn is basically a haiku.”

“Being single and ready to mingle is like being a bounty hunter for orgasms.”

“If someone is stupid, but still gets laid, can they really be stupid?”

“Every successful prostitute starts as an opportunistic slut.”

“Is a best friend you don’t have sex with really your best friend?”

“Patience is both a virtue and a critical component of effective foreplay.”

“Technically, having sex with a germophobe is a form of safe sex.”

Not everyone needs fancy, premium coffee every morning to get themselves going. Like impassioned lovemaking, it’s something that you want to save for the right moments. That way, you can literally taste the joy that it brings. It’s both refreshing and uniquely sexy. What more could you want in a well-caffeinated drink?

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Jack Fisher’s Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Mother’s Day 2020 Edition


I know I say this every year and I’ve every intention of saying it for as long as I can.

My mom is the absolute best!

I’ll say it as many times as I have to and for whatever reason comes to mind. Mother’s Day just gives me more reasons than most. It’s yet another opportunity to appreciate the wonderful woman I’m lucky enough to call mom and I make it a point to take advantage of those. She deserves all the love a mother can get and then some. Today is just a large part of that effort.

I know how lucky I am to have an awesome mom. There are many other moms out there who deserve plenty of praise. They birth us, they love us, and they raise us. Their love is the foundation for which we understand and appreciate love. From the day we’re born to the day we die, the love of a mother is part of who we are.

It would be easy to call Mother’s Day just another Hallmark Holiday. It doesn’t matter if it is. Moms are still worth celebrating and cherishing. Whether it’s as simple as a card or an elaborate brunch, complete with male strippers, today is a day in which we show our appreciation. I certainly plan on doing my part for my mother. Hopefully, these Sexy Sunday Thoughts will inspire you to do yours. Enjoy!

“If necessity is the mother of all invention, then horniness is the negligent father of kink.”

“There’s at least one person turned on by the things you find disgusting.”

“By default, necrophiliacs will always have the fewest sexual harassment complaints.”

“Falling in love requires us to follow our hearts, but selectively listen to our genitals.”

“Talent makes some people a good lover, but practicing foreplay will make anyone a capable lover.”

“An expensive wedding ring is basically an overpriced no trespassing sign for your genitals.”

“Hiding an awkward boner is a skill no man wants to learn the hard way.”

I’ll say it again, just to belabor it.

My mom is the best!

To her and all the wonderful mothers out there, Happy Mother’s Day. Thank you for birthing us, loving us, and nurturing us through this chaotic world. After a year like this, that love has never been more precious. Today, you deserve to be celebrated and pampered. Enjoy it! You’ve earned it.

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Jack Fisher’s Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Heroic Health Care Workers Edition


The world a swirling shit storm. There’s just no other way to say it. We’re in the midst a global pandemic. Society as we knew it has shut down. The economy has fallen apart. Life has become a painfully mundane waiting game. There’s a storm raging, but most of us can’t do anything to make it go away faster.

As bad as it is, there are heroes in this world. As I write this, and as you read this, they are working tirelessly to confront this pandemic and care for its victims. They’re the doctors, nurses, scientists, and various health care workers who are on the front lines, literally and figuratively. The superheroes in comics and movies may do amazing things, but what these people are doing in the real world is beyond extraordinary.

There’s not much I can say that hasn’t already been said. These people are more than heroes. Many of them are going into a situation they know puts them at risk. They’re dealing with people who are sick, dying, and vulnerable. Most of us can barely handle being stuck at home, let alone confronting life and death situations every day.

There’s a lot we can do to show our appreciation to the health care workers navigating this crisis. There are places to donate. That always helps. If you happen to know someone in that field, see if there’s something extra you can do. That helps too. For now, the best I can offer is a special brand of my Sexy Sunday Thoughts. It’s not much, but it’s how I like to show my appreciation.

“For a dirty mind the line between disgust and intrigue is often blurred.”

“Trust is the invisible lubricant that makes sexy kinks possible.”

“Morning wood was the first true pop-up ad.”

“True love is only as true as a couples’ worst kept secret.”

“Feelings evoked by foreplay are the exact opposite of those evoked by traffic jams.”

“Love doesn’t make you foolish, but it forces you to compromise with many foolish impulses.”

“You’re only as kinky as your gag reflex allows.”

To all the health care workers out there, from the surgeons to the nurses to the receptionist, you are a special kind of sexy. Thank you for everything that you do. Thank you for being there on the front lines to save lives, as only you can. That kind of sexiness knows no equal.

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Jack Fisher’s Sexy Sunday Thoughts: NFL Draft 2020 Edition


For football fans, the NFL Draft is the annual celebration of hope for the teams that earned a high draft pick. By that, I mean they were terrible the previous year and are badly in need of some fresh talent. The NFL Draft gives them that opportunity. Sometimes, one pick can be the difference between another losing season and a slew of championship. Just ask the New England Patriots.

This year, however, the NFL Draft is set to have a different impact. Usually, the draft is mostly just a glorified news feed, detailing the picks for various teams. Only major football fans tune in or pay attention. That’s often because this is usually the time baseball, basketball, and hockey are playing relevant games.

These are not usual times, unfortunately. Thanks to a global pandemic, we are in the midst of the greatest dearth of sports in decades.

Despite this crisis, the NFL has made clear they are going forward with the draft. Granted, it won’t be the same massive party that they had last year in Nashville. It’s going to happen primarily in a TV studio with many players streaming their reaction from various locations. It’s not going to have much fanfare, but it’s the first major sporting event we’ve had in over a month.

As a lifelong football fan, I’ve always been fond of the draft. This year, I’m just happy to see anything sports related that isn’t a replay of some old game. The NFL Draft is a celebrated event because it brings hope to millions of fans. Hope is something we need a lot more of right now. These Sexy Sunday Thoughts are my way of supplementing it. Enjoy!

“Porn stars are business savvy in that they’ve monetized their genitals.”

“The difference between being adventures and kinky in the bedroom is in which body parts you’re willing to strain.”

“Sleeping with an asshole is an indirect form of masochism.”

“Building love on a foundation of lies is like having sex on a bed of broken glass.”

“Women should be inherently skeptical of a man who can’t hide his porn stash very well.”

“Someone who works hard and plays hard knows how to make love just hard enough.”

“Loneliness is your genitals reminding you that you’re not getting laid.”

I miss sports. I cannot overstate that enough. As much as I love the NFL Draft, I wish there was more to follow at the moment. Since that’s not likely to change anytime soon, I’ll be sure to watch this years draft with a bit more scrutiny than I have before. It’s not much, but during a crisis, I’ll gladly take it.

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Jack Fisher’s Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Sexy Running Edition


I didn’t used to enjoy exercise. At one point, my least favorite activity in school was running and given how miserable I was at school for most of my life, that’s saying something. Then, as I got older and more health conscious, running became an integral part of my life. I’m at a point now where it feels weird when I don’t run in some form.

Whether it’s on a treadmill or on the trails throughout my neighborhood, I love to run. It’s not just good for my health. It gets my heart racing, my brain going, and my juices flowing. Yes, I understand that has some sexual connotations. Did you honestly expect anything less from me?

It’s only natural. Running makes me all hot and sweaty. There are times when I come in from a run and I’m just dripping with sweat. I may not smell great, but I feel downright sexy. After burning all those calories, it’s like I just made love to my muscles. It’s a great feeling and with the weather finally warming up, I can run without a shirt on to show off that sexiness. Again, you expect anything less from me?

I hope that when I meet the love of my life, she’ll go running with me. One day, I hope we can go on a long run together, get back, shed our sexy clothes, and share a nice shower together. I hope I find that woman one day. Until then, here are some Sexy Sunday Thoughts to help inspire all those other runners out there. Enjoy!

“The joy your child gives their parents is the echo of the orgasm that made them.”

“Learning about romance through chick flicks is as unhealthy as learning about sex through porn.”

“Trying to be monogamous with a slut is like trying to interrogate a pathological liar.”

“Friends with benefits are the take-home tests of relationships.”

“Imagine how much trust and/or bravery someone must have to allow a cannibal to give them oral sex.”

“Can you honestly believe someone who says they accidentally watched porn?”

“True love is never having to explain why you have so much lube in your dresser drawer.”

The spring and summer are the best seasons for running. The days are long, the heat rolls in, and the sweat feels earned. I try to take full advantage of it and any trail nearby. I encourage everyone else to give it a try. If a guy like me can grow to love running, then anyone can. That, I’m sure of.

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Jack Fisher’s Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Easter 2020 Edition


Today is Easter Sunday. However, I imagine a lot of people either didn’t know, forgot about it, or just don’t have the energy to care. I completely understand. Even as someone who has a special appreciation of Easter, I know that nobody is in a very celebratory mood right now. When there’s a global pandemic ravaging the world, you just can’t get into the spirit of any holiday.

It’s so bad right now that you can’t even get together for a nice Easter dinner. At best, you can video chat with them while you’re eating leftovers. It’s not the same, but I would argue it’s better than nothing. I would also argue that Easter is still worth celebrating. It may not be the flashiest holiday, but it has its place.

It also helps that Easter has some sexy origins. Before it became entwined with Christian traditions, it was associated with pagan fertility rituals. Like it or not, you can’t have fertility without a little sex appeal. As someone who appreciates both sex appeal and warmer spring weather, I’m all for celebrating that sort of thing.

Perhaps this is one Easter in which those lucky enough to be quarantined with their lovers can tap into that sexy past. You’re already stuck at home. You can’t have a family gathering. Why not use it as a chance to share a little sexy time? Here are some Sexy Sunday Thoughts to get you in that sexy Easter spirit. Enjoy!

“Finding pubic hair in your food is disgusting, but the story of how it got there can be fascinating.” 

“Catching your parents having sex is only as embarrassing as the kinks they’re exercising at the time.”

“Puberty is cruel to teenagers in that it makes them feel ugly and horny at the same time.”

“A stripper’s permanence is directly proportional to how it effects an audience’s genitals.”

“For a man, having a large penis is like having a great credit score.”

“Working hard will help you get laid, but working smart will help you find the love of your life.”

“Behind every romantic gesture are some incredibly lurid thoughts.”

This year has already cost us a great many things, from major sports to holidays. It’s already a lost year, due to the pandemic. Chances are this will be the most forgettable Easter we’ll have. However, if you have to chance to use the isolation as a means of sharing some sexy time, then it can still be memorable for a much better reason.

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