Tag Archives: sexy comedy

Jack Fisher’s Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Barry White Edition

Some kinds of sex appeal are timeless. Certain people, trends, and cultural phenomena will always give our collective libido a special spark. Everyone has their own idea of what turns them on and gets them going. It’s not always a kink. It’s just a little inspiration that makes us think, feel, and explore those sexy feelings.

In terms of timeless sex appeal, Barry White is in a class all his own.

I know most young people today don’t know much about him, let alone appreciate him. He even somewhat predates my generation. However, there’s a very good chance that you’ve met someone who was conceived because their parents listened to Barry White’s music. If you ever hear a deep, sensual, manly voice singing soul music, chances are it came from or was inspired by Barry White.

The man isn’t just a musical icon. This man’s voice and the music he made with it turned sex appeal into a vivid, audible form. The end result was so sexy that some actually attribute Barry White to a small baby boom in the mid-1970s. His sex appeal was just that strong. I honestly can’t think of anyone in the music world today who comes close.

Whether you know his music intimately or only know him as that deep-voiced soul guy who once guest starred on the Simpsons, his music is worth appreciating. If you get a chance, check out some of his songs. Just be sure your pants are loose and your panties are clean. As a tribute to the late maestro of soul, here are some Sexy Sunday Thoughts to help complement Barry White’s sexy deep voice. Enjoy!


“Men who love eating pussy rarely stay single for long.”


“Necessity may be the mother of all invention, but loneliness is the mother of all sex toys.”


“True love is never having to explain the contents of your porno stash.”


“We’d probably have flying cars and jet packs if more beautiful women were attracted to scientists and engineers.”


“There should be a lot more trophies for those who give great oral sex.”


“Cutting the foreplay out of sex is like forgetting the frosting on a cake.”


“A cup of coffee and a blowjob will wake a man up, albeit through different methods.”

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Jack Fisher’s Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Fancy Whiskey Edition

I haven’t always been a huge drinker. In fact, I didn’t come to appreciate alcohol until later in life. It’s like a lot of other acquired tastes. You don’t understand the appeal until you reach a certain stage in your life. Now, I enjoy a good cold beer on a hot summer day as much as anyone. However, when it comes to more potent forms of alcohol, I’m more selective.

I’ve tried various types of more refined, high-grade alcohol over the years. Most were forgettable. A few were downright disgusting. In the end, the hard liquor that won my heart was whiskey. There’s just something about the way it tastes and the way it feels as it goes down your throat that is just pure nirvana.

Now, I don’t consider myself a whiskey connoisseur. However, I feel like I’ve refined my taste enough to know good whiskey from bad whiskey. There is a difference. I question the honesty and sanity of anyone who says otherwise. Cheap whiskey will still get you drunk, but it won’t be an enjoyable process.

I’m not one to grossly overpay for a bottle, but there are a few occasions where splurging is worth it. If you want a quick guide, check this one out from Mens Journal. If you’ve got the money, try some of these unique spirits. Your inner Ron Swanson will thank you. Think of him and the special taste that comes with fancy whiskey as you enjoy these Sexy Sunday Thoughts. Enjoy!


“In terms of your love life, good oral sex is an integral part of your diet.”


“The first person to develop a clown fetish must have had a kinky sense of humor.”

 


“Whoever said that laughter was the best medicine probably wasn’t having enough orgasms.”


“Learning from mistakes will make you a better lover, but it can also reveal unexpected kinks.”


“Making someone else’s bed always carries the risk of touching their sexual fluids.”


“Children are basically living orgasms.”


“Logistically speaking, really horny supermodels have a much easier time staying in shape.”


Everybody has different tastes. When it comes to alcohol, there are many different ways to enjoy it. Whiskey is just my preferred path. There’s a time for the traditional stuff you find on sale at a liquor store, but there’s also a time for the good stuff. Those times are rare and fleeting, but a nice glass of whiskey only makes them more special.

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Jack Fisher’s Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Sexy Barbecue Edition

A close relative of mine once said that every romantic evening begins with a delicious meal. The nature of that meal varied, but when it was the middle of summer, good barbecue often set the mood. I trust that relative’s advice. I won’t get into specifics. I’ll just say that the success they had in their personal life did plenty to prove that point.

Some foods work better during certain times of the year. I know it’s mostly a psychological quirk, but a good meal involves more than just taste. Like eggnog during the holidays, barbecue during the summer just feels right. Whether it’s burgers on the grill or my dad’s famous flank steaks, it just makes summer feel complete.

It also helps that, unlike other traditional summer activities, a global pandemic can’t cancel the joys of barbecue. You just need a grill, a heat source, and some meat. If you need to wear a mask, you can. It doesn’t make the food taste any less delicious when it’s done cooking. If I can do it in my kitchen with a grill pan, then anyone can enjoy its succulent fruits.

It helps even more when you can find someone special to share these meaty meals with. Good food inspires quality loving on all levels. That’s another lesson my relatives have impressed upon me. A good summer barbecue can make everyone feel fulfilled, among other things. In that spirit, here are some Sexy Sunday Thoughts to help work up an appetite. Enjoy!


“You know you’ve become a powerful man when sex is offered rather than requested.”


“The intensity of orgasms is only matched by the desire to achieve them.”


“When you think about it, sex in front of a mirror is the most primitive form of interactive porn.”


“Women either grossly underestimate or exceedingly overstate how much porn is on their lover’s computer.”


“We’ll never truly know the identity of the greatest faker of orgasms.”


“If love is a battlefield, then ex-lovers are the double agents.”


“When our toilet is clogged, we all have a plumber fetish on some levels.”


This summer has been a bummer in so many ways. I freely admit that. That’s exactly why we need to cling to the things that 2020 hasn’t ruined for us. We don’t have movies, baseball, water parks, or restaurants this summer, but we still have barbecue. If ever there was a year when we deserved some extra sauce on our ribs, it’s this one.

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Jack Fisher’s Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Heat Wave (And No Pool) Edition

As I write these words, it’s over 93 degrees out and it’s not even noon. It’s also the third day and a row we’ve had that kind of heat. In my book, that qualifies as a full-blown heat wave. That, in and of itself, isn’t too shocking. It’s July. It’s the middle of summer. It’s going to get hot out. Most people in my area expected that.

However, most people didn’t expect to endure a heat wave in the middle of a goddamn pandemic. That does change things considerably in terms of how we handle it.

In the past, a heat wave was no big deal. It was just a valid reason for me to grab a stack of comics, put on my swim trunks, and hang out by the pool for an afternoon. If the pool was too crowded, I sometimes caught up with some friends, went to a movie, and ate ice cream while watching the latest summer blockbuster. Those were good times. They made you forget about the heat.

Now, very little of that is an option. Every pool in my area is either closed or operating at a limited capacity. Every movie theater is still closed. Most of the restaurants I go to are either closed, only doing delivery, or operating at partial capacity. I’m not saying there are no ways of beating the heat, but it is a lot harder now.

It’s just one of the many things that the pandemic has killed. At the very least, nobody has a right to judge you for walking around your home in your underwear or naked. If ever there was a time to give someone a pass, it’s now. Beating the heat is harder in 2020, but here are some Sexy Sunday Thoughts to help inspire that effort. Enjoy!


“High risks for high rewards tend to inspire the kinkiest kinks.”


“Thrill sex is basically a pop quiz for your genitals.”


“Unattractive people who aren’t rich, but still get laid are more talented than any professional athlete.”


“Any technology that makes sex safer is going to make couples kinkier by default.”


“The fact that idiots often have kids is proof that our genitals are more cunning than our brains.”


“A couple that regularly works on their oral sex skills is a couple who truly love each other.”


“Not wearing a mask during a pandemic is like wearing a mini-skirt without panties.”


Heat waves are a pain to deal with, even when you have air conditioning. There are still ways to manage. I’ve grown fond of getting a cooler full of beer, sitting out on my porch, and reading comics on my iPad. I encourage everyone to get just as creative. This heat wave will pace. This pandemic will pass. When it does, it helps us appreciate the simpler things in life that much more.

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Jack Fisher’s Sexy Sunday Thoughts: (The Day After) 4th Of July 2020 Edition

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I know it’s a day late, but I’ll say it anyway.

Happy Birthday, America!

As I write this, I’m still digesting large amounts of burgers, hot dogs, and beer. I feel like I did my patriotic duty, celebrating my country in my own special way. Granted, there were no big gatherings or fireworks this year and for obvious reasons. That didn’t keep me from celebrating, nor should it prevent anyone else from doing the same.

Whether it’s just some barbecue or re-watching some of your favorite patriotic movies, everyone celebrates their country in their own special way. Now, I understand that celebrating this country hasn’t been easy this year. I’m not ignorant of the news or America’s less-than-flattering history. I freely admit that America has its flaws.

However, there’s a time to focus on those flaws and there’s a time to focus on the ideals that we strive for. The 4th of July is the latter. I’m a firm believer in those ideals. Life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness isn’t just a good bumper sticker. It’s a guiding principle for a free country. I believe in pursuing those principles. I believe they’re worth fighting for and striving for.

Yes, we still have a long way to go in living up to those ideals, but that’s what makes the 4th of July great. It allows us to celebrate how far we’ve come. Make no mistake. We have made progress. It’s never as much as we wish, but progress is still progress. It’s worth celebrating and I hope everyone had a chance to do so. Hopefully, these Sexy Sunday Thoughts can put you in a patriotic mood. Enjoy!


“Whoever said that ignorance was bliss probably had a very unsatisfied lover.”


“Drunk sex is never as fun as drunk foreplay.”


“Horniness is nature’s less threatening way of motivating lazy people.”


“When you think about it, faking orgasms is one of the oldest forms of fake news.”


“Friends with benefits can become very complicated when one friend has a weird kink.”


“There’s a non-zero chance you’ve sat in the back seat of the car where you were conceived.”


“As a general rule, you should put as much effort into hiding your sex toys as you do your porn stash.”


This year has been a big test for America and the world, as a whole. There’s no denying that. When we look back on these trying times, we’ll see our strengths as well as our weaknesses. Hopefully, we’ll learn from them. They’ll become hard lessons on the path of pursuing those American ideals. Having lived through them, we’ll all be stronger and better as a result.

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Jack Fisher’s Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Lovable Losers Edition

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Everybody loves a winner. Everyone loves being a winner. That’s a fact of life. People are always going to be more inclined to cheer for the team that wins the championship. Their feats are more impressive. It’s easy for them to show their worth. Being a winner proves that by default. They don’t need much luck when it comes to attracting the sexier kind of attention.

At the same time, there’s room for the losers. Depending on how they conduct themselves, they can be lovable and attractive in their own unique way. It’s not just because we have a tendency to root for the underdog. A lovable loser is someone who really strives to push themselves, but just can’t get around a particular barrier or obstacle.

People have limits. Sometimes, it’s a product of talent. Sometimes, it’s an matter of circumstances. Whatever the reason, a loser can be lovable when they put up a fight. Even if they can’t come out on top, they can still say they gave it their all. Cowards are rarely attractive, but someone who loses after fighting with all their heart will still be respectable.

Losing is one of those things that really reveals who someone is. A good loser will learn from their mistakes and work to get better. A bad loser will whine about it and blame others. In terms of finding someone worth loving, the former has more to offer than the latter. To all those who lose, yet still learn, these Sexy Sunday Thoughts are for them. Enjoy!


“Learning to make your lover orgasm is the only gift that literally keeps on giving.”


“If you can’t trust someone with your Wi-Fi password, then you can’t trust them to touch your genitals.”


“Finding the right lover requires a willingness to embarrass yourself in the name of romance.”


“For those with a good sense of humor, laughter is both the best medicine and the best aphrodisiac.”


“Whoever deemed patience a virtue probably had a frustrating sex life.”


“Money can’t buy love, but it enables us to be horny in luxury.”


“Statistically speaking, you’re likely to find someone who appreciates oral sex at a dentist’s office.”


Champions will make the case that winning is everything. At a certain level, that’s true. At others, it’s just the primary goal. Many will try. Only a few will win. Most of us will lose in any endeavor we take on. It’s just a matter of how we navigate it and how we learn from it. That ultimately reveals the kind of person we are and, when handled honorably, it can attract others for all the right reasons.

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Jack Fisher’s Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Father’s Day 2020 Edition

father-dad-parent

I’ve said it before. I’ll keep saying it whenever I get the opportunity. This just happens to be a better opportunity than most. It’s Father’s Day again. That means I can once again stand atop the highest mountain and proclaim to the world one simple truth.

My dad is awesome!

I say that knowing he’ll probably read this at some point. I genuinely hope he reads it today. Yes, I know the subject matter of my Sexy Sunday Thoughts can be quite seamy. I don’t care. I’m still going to use this as an opportunity to remind the world that my dad is the absolute best. There are many ways he’s earned that right. I’ve shared a few, but there are too many for me to put into words.

On Father’s Day, I just try to remind him of how great he is. I am the man I am because of him. He taught me, guided me, and loved me as much as any father could. I didn’t always make it easy for him. Looking back, I realize that I was a difficult child at times. I tested my father on numerous occasions, but he always passed with flying colors.

He was patient, understanding, strong, caring, compassionate, kind, and a whole host of other words that aren’t in a thesaurus. As a kid, you don’t always appreciate it. As an adult, you just love him even more. Dad, whenever you do get around to reading this, know that you really are that awesome. These Father’s Day edition of my Sexy Sunday Thoughts are for you. Enjoy!


“Most romantic gestures function as an indirect effort to give someone an orgasm.”


“You can’t be be kinky without a certain mix of bravery and imagination.”


“Pity sex is the only reason cowards haven’t gone extinct.”


“When you think about it, marriage only exists as an institution because we don’t trust people with their own genitals.”


“Awkward boners take on a very different meaning in nudist colonies.”


“A handsome man will never get laid as often as a trashy woman.”


“Is a threeway with identical twins still a threeway?”


To all the other awesome fathers out there, of which there are many, I hope you use this day to celebrate. You’ve earned it. Your kids might not always understand you and you might not always understand them. Even so, a father’s love is special and worthy of celebrating.

Happy Father’s Day!

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Jack Fisher’s Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Secret Freak Edition

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What’s the difference between sweet talking and flirting? It’s a question I wish I’d asked as a teenager because knowing the difference really would’ve helped. Flirting is somewhat impersonal. It’s basically someone advertising their desire for a companion. You can use the same words, tone, and demeanor on multiple people and it will still make sense.

Sweet talking is different. Sweet talk is more intimate and personal. It’s the kind of thing you do with someone when you know what gets their heart beating faster. It’s not something you can just do with anyone. You have to know the person on some level. You have to have that shared desire forge a more intimate connection.

It not quite as intimate as physical intimacy, but it’s pretty damn close. It often acts as a catalyst to that level of intimacy. It’s not just what you say to someone. It’s how you say it. With the right tone and demeanor, it can turn a romantic situation into something very seamy. Whenever I’m writing novels or sexy short stories, it’s one of the best parts to explore.

Sweet talk is something that’s unique to every couple. There’s no wrong way to do it. Just find the right words and tone that works with your lover. From there, let the sexy romantic moments unfold. Here are a fresh crop of my Sexy Sunday Thoughts to help further that effort. Enjoy!


“A rich man can buy love, but a man who loves giving oral sex is more likely to earn it for free.”


“We’re more likely to make peace with or be enslaved by an alien species that we can have sex with.”


“On some levels, being really attracted to someone makes us act like a stripper.”


“Afterglow is nature’s way of tipping our species for surviving.”


“Fairy tale romances are the hardcore porn of love stories.”


“There are many stories about love at first sight, but not nearly enough about love at first orgasm.”


“Someone who is really turned on by obedience should probably be vetted before owning a pet.”


We’re all turned on by different things. We all have romantic senses that are triggered by different words. Part of the fun of connecting with people is learning those quirks. When we find someone who can sweet talk us into something sexy, it’s a beautiful thing. If you’re lucky enough to have someone, embrace it. If you don’t, then that special someone is worth finding.

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Jack Fisher’s Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Secret Freak Edition

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It’s an old cliché, but it’s not entirely wrong. There are people in this world who are sweet, shy, and timid in public. In private, though, they are full-blown sex freaks. There’s a good chance you’ve encountered one in your life and not realized their freaky side. Some people just prefer to keep that side of themselves behind closed doors and there’s nothing wrong with that.

I’ve known a few people like that. I knew a girl in college who was very sweet and soft-spoken in most public settings, but once you got her in a private setting, she had the kind of dirty mouth that would make a sailor blush. When she got excited, she got extra vulgar. It really turned her on. She might not have been fun to hang out with in public, but in private she was her own party.

That girl knew how to balance it out. Some, unfortunately, aren’t quite as adept. There’s a fine line between being a freak in private and being so repressed that you just go crazy once you’re behind closed doors. That’s not healthy. That can be mentally taxing on someone and their partner.

I’m of the opinion that we all need balance. Some just prefer a broad range of balance. Being a freak in private and shy in public is just one way to go about it. As long as you have someone to be a freak with, then I say embrace it. Have fun with it. Hell, get creative with it. I hope these Sexy Sunday Thoughts inspire just that.


“A man with a small penis will always be more motivated when it comes to giving oral sex.”


“Romance is basically a means of preheating your lover’s genitals.”


“Depending on the situation, sleeping with your teacher can count as both extra credit and detention.”


“For those who love peace and quiet, afterglow can be as satisfying as an orgasm.”


“Finding your lover’s G-spot is the sexual equivalent of computer hacking.”


“Money will increase your chances of getting laid, but power skews the odds entirely.”


“People fear what they don’t understand, but are often turned on by the possibilities.”


We all have a public persona and a private persona to some extent. For some, there’s little variation. For others, it’s downright extreme. The secret freaks of this world understand that better than most. If they’re lucky, they’ll find someone as freaky as them. That’s a beautiful foundation for romance if ever there was one.

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Jack Fisher’s Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Muscular Manly Arms Edition

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When a man wants to flaunt how strong he is, he usually starts with his arms. It’s not the greatest source of strength or sex appeal, but it is one of the most prominent, especially for men. Regardless of how you feel about gender politics, one of the most defining traits a man can display is his muscles. The muscles in his arms just happen to be most prominent.

It’s often a gauge of how strong you are, how hard you’ve worked out, and how well you’ve been taking care of yourself. I know because I used that gauge when I started working out. After getting a healthy cardio going, I managed to lose some belly fat and assorted pudge. In doing so, however, I realized just how ropy my arms were.

That’s when the heavy lifting began. I’m not going to lie. My arms were pretty weak when I started. I could barely handle more than 15-pound dumb bells. Over time, that changed. As I got stronger, my arms got bigger. As my arms got bigger, I could lift heavier weights. Eventually, they got to a size where I could actually show them off. As vain as that sounds, it felt pretty good.

Strong arms go beyond aesthetics. When you embrace your lover, showing a little strength conveys powerful sex appeal. When someone is in a pair of powerful arms, they feel safe and loved. It’s one of the sexiest feelings you can share. It’s certainly worthy of some Sexy Sunday Thoughts. Enjoy!


“Logically speaking, a control freak is least likely to suffer from premature ejaculation.”


“A part of finding love is finding someone you’re comfortable being horny around.”


“If you can effectively lick a popsicle, then you can give a man oral sex.”


“Some forms of BDSM are just extreme forms of enforcing manners.”


“Hand-jobs are the cheap breakfast burritos of sex.”


“There’s a good chance you’ve encountered someone in the past week just after they finished masturbating.”


“If the pursuit of hot sex were a game, then thoughtful gifts are akin to cheat codes.”


Now that summer is upon us, now is a good time to flaunt those muscular arms if you have them. If you don’t, it’s not too late to start working on them. There are many kinds of strength that add to your sex appeal. A pair of strong, muscular arms is just one of the most obvious.

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