Tag Archives: sex jokes

Jack Fisher’s Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Anniversary Celebration Edition

691446-33931-l-67123pynega3

People have mixed feelings about anniversaries. Whether they’re celebrating a wedding, a first kiss, or the first time two people willingly got naked together, it evokes different emotions for many people. As a romantic, I have a strong appreciation for them, but I can also understand why some roll their eyes at the concept.

Some people genuinely love celebrating anniversaries. It’s not just an excuse to have sex on a bed of rose petals. It marks an important milestone for a relationship. Some lovers really value those milestones and they should. Quality relationships take a lot of hard work and that work ought to be celebrated.

At the same time, anniversaries can be an unnecessary burden on an otherwise functioning relationship. People can see an anniversary as nothing more than an arbitrary date that doesn’t reflect the true strength of a relationship. I know couples who just don’t think they’re worth celebrating and they’re still as happy as ever.

I’m of the opinion that anniversaries are worth celebrating, if only because love and all its sexy connotations are worth celebrating. This week’s edition of my Sexy Sunday Thoughts is an ode to the inherent value that anniversaries harbor. Regardless of whether you think they’re meaningful, they’re the landmarks of a relationship and I say they’re worth cherishing.


“Mini-skirts and crotch-less panties implies that some people are too lazy to get undressed before sex.”


“Opening your heart will strengthen bonds, but opening your legs will expand opportunities.”


“A man is only as strong as his ability to shield his balls.”


“Good lovers see afterglow as a victory celebration, but great lovers see it as halftime show.”


“There are few ailments whose symptoms cannot be tempered with a good orgasm.”


“A good singer faces higher standards when it comes to the noises they make during sex.”


“It’s very likely that an orgy was the first act of teamwork.”


I hope this gives you a better appreciation of the romantic potential of anniversaries. There are a lot of things that go into a successful relationship and there are plenty of other forces working against it. An anniversary is a nice way of appreciating how well a couple has done. If nothing else, it’s a good excuse for extra sexy time and we can never have too many of those.

Leave a comment

Filed under Sexy Sunday Thoughts

Jack Fisher’s Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Fancy Dinner Edition

Couple for romantic Dinner or lunch in a gourmet restaurant drin

I’m not a fan of overpriced food, but I’ve learned from experience that you get what you pay for. Like many, I survived college on cheap food that ruined my pallet for years. I’ve also made the mistake of buying cheap ingredients for meals I thought I could turn into something better. Even though I’m a good cook, trust me when I say you can taste the difference.

A fancy meal may seem like an overpriced luxury, even for frugal couples, but make no mistake. It’s value that goes beyond overpriced appetizers. It’s not just part of a typical date with someone you’re trying to impress. I believe a fancy meal, be it breakfast, lunch, or dinner, is like an investment into your romance. It shows what you’re willing to put into it and not just in terms of dollar value.

Even if the meal is nothing more than fancy presentations by people with fake accents, it’s the sentiment that really counts. A fancy dinner, complete with undersized appetizers and rose-colored candles, show that you’re willing to put something extra into a relationship. It’s not just that you love someone. You’re willing to make it a spectacle.

I’m a fan of spectacles, sexy or otherwise. A fancy meal is just one way of going about it and it just happens to be the most delicious. Coming from a family of skilled cooks, I can appreciate these meals more than most. That’s why I dedicate this week’s edition of my Sexy Sunday Thoughts to the fancy dinners that fill our stomachs and inspire our passions. Bon appétit!


“Both literal and figurative flexibility can improve anyone’s sex life.”


“Hate sex is the ghost pepper of sex.”


“Romantic vacations are just more elaborate versions of thrill sex.”


“Appetizers are like foreplay for your stomach.”


“Every great kink starts with a dirty mind and an awkward boner.”


“When you think about it, orgasms were the first bonuses.”


“The ultimate thrill seeker is one who is willing to receive oral sex from a cannibal.”


I hope that helps make everyone’s next meal feel a bit fancier, among other things. Like most things sexy, there’s a time and a place for it. I encourage every couple to make the effort. Every now and then, we should make the effort to wine and dine our lovers to make them feel special. Whether you’re rich or poor on paper, a fancy dinner can help you and your lover feel like royalty.

Leave a comment

Filed under Sexy Sunday Thoughts

Jack Fisher’s Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Roaring Fire Edition

couple spend romantic evening by th fireplace

The holidays are over, but winter is just getting started and it always feels frustratingly long. Unless you’re lucky enough to live in a tropical climate, we’ve got several months of cold temperatures and crappy weather to look forward to. I’m already dreading it. As a romantic and someone who just enjoys being naked, I’ve found that winter cold tends to limit the potential for sexy situations.

If you have a fireplace, though, you have an advantage. There’s a reason why more than one song has referenced making love down by the fire. It doesn’t take much imagination, dirty or otherwise, to see the appeal. It’s both sexy and romantic, cuddling up with your lover under the light and warmth of a roaring fire in the fireplace.

I’ve already written one sexy short story about it. There’s a good chance I’ll write others like it in the future. It also helps that my current place actually has a gas fireplace that I regularly use. If I ever have company of a sexy kind, I certainly hope to use it. During this time of year, you have to use what you can to keep things sexy.

Whether you have a fireplace or not, the inherent sexiness is hard to deny. That’s why I’m dedicating this week’s edition of Sexy Sunday Thoughts to roaring fireplaces and the sex appeal they bring during this most unsexy of seasons. If you have one like I do, I hope you get a chance to use it this winter.


“Whoever invented lubricant has probably brought more joy to the world than they’ll ever realize.”


“The success of any party is predicated on how well it facilitates the process of getting drunk and/or laid.”


“Good things are worth waiting for, but foreplay makes even the wait a lot more enjoyable.”


“In certain circumstances, people who are horny can do just as much property damage as people who are horny.”


“Good sex takes practice, but convincing others to practice with you takes talent.”


“Logistically speaking, many lives are lost in the front seats of cars whereas many lives are created in the back seats.”


“A gift itself won’t get you laid, but the thought that goes into it might.”


These next couple months are going to be long and cold. For those who don’t like being cooped up indoors, it’s going to be a challenge. Sometimes, that means finding sexy scenarios wherever and whenever you can. I’m not saying having a fireplace is the best scenario for lovers during these cold winter months. I’m just saying it’s hard to beat.

Leave a comment

Filed under Sexy Sunday Thoughts

Jack Fisher’s Sexy Sunday Thoughts: New Years 2019 Edition

madison-murray-hollywood-tuna-sexy-new-years-123113-6

Christmas has come and gone. That means we’re almost done with 2018. For me, this year can’t end soon enough. It has been a pretty rough year for me. I’ve shared some of the reasons for that. This past summer, someone very close to me passed away and dealing with it was a lot more difficult than I can put into words.

There were other issues that came up that I’d rather not discuss, but I’m very eager to put them behind me. I’ve had my share of difficult years in the past. While 2018 won’t go down as one of the worst, it’s definitely one of those years that I’d rather not repeat. There were some bright spots, like a glut of awesome superhero movies, but there were many other moments I’d rather forget.

I certainly hope this year was better for everyone else than it was for me. Even if it wasn’t, that’s all the more reason to embrace the arrival of 2019. I’ve always been someone who looks forward rather than dwell on the past and not just because I’m excited about the development of sex robots. I strongly believe that moving forward is the best way to frame the past in a better light.

Since this is the last batch of Sexy Sunday Thoughts for 2018, I’d like to take a moment to thank everyone who has been following this website and my various works. I intend to produce plenty more sexy content in 2019. For now, here’s one last gasp of sexiness to cap off this year. Enjoy!


“Orgasms are the only universally accepted gifts for any and all occasions.”


“A honeymoon is just a vacation built around a greater likelihood of getting laid.”


“Spending a bachelor party at a strip club is like starting a diet at a candy factory.”


“If food and sex are basic needs, then cooking is at least as important as foreplay.”


“To some extent, we value our health because it affords us the ability to make love.”


“When you think about it, making prostitution illegal is just an elaborate way to discourage shortcuts.”


“Like it or not, babies and orgasms will always be indirectly linked to some extent.”


I hope that got everyone excited about 2019, among other things. I don’t know about you, but I’m eager to close out 2018 as quickly as possible and move forward. I’m ready to start making 2019 the greatest and sexiest year to date. Whether you feel the same or not, I wish everyone a very Happy New Year.

Leave a comment

Filed under Sexy Sunday Thoughts

Jack Fisher’s Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Christmas 2018 Edition

12-days-sexy-christmas

It’s almost here! Christmas is just a few days away. I guess today is technically Christmas Eve Eve, but I’ve never been one for technicalities. I don’t need many reasons to enjoy the holidays and celebrate the season. While I’m not a big fan of the religious aspect of the holidays, I still love celebrating the season.

As a kid, Christmas was my favorite holiday for any number of reasons. I was a kid. I enjoyed getting new toys and eating lots of holiday-themed treats. It was just so appealing on so many levels. As I’ve gotten older, though, I like to think I’ve come to appreciate Christmas in a different way. It’s not just about getting new toys anymore. It has gained a far deeper meaning.

Whether you’re religious or not, it’s something we can all appreciate. For just one day out of the year, we take some time away from all that crap that divides and make a concerted effort to come together. It’s a beautiful thing in an otherwise flawed world and I love celebrating it in every possible way. Whether it’s giving gifts or cooking special treats, I’m proud of how I embrace the spirit of the season.

Since Christmas doesn’t fall on a Sunday this year, I’m using today to celebrate Christmas in 2018 with my Sexy Sunday Thoughts. It’s been a long, trying year for many people, some more so than others. Let’s take a moment to appreciate how far we’ve come and just appreciate the sexy spirit of the holidays.


“A rough day at the office means something very distinct for anyone who works at a brothel.”


“Is it really a coincidence that most men like food that is hot and moist?”


“Virginity is one of the only aspects of life in which complete inexperience is valued.”


“A penis is the only body part that gets bigger without exercise.”


“All love has a basis in wanting to swap body fluids of some kind.”


“Masturbation is not that different from studying for an exam.”


“Great sex is the only drug that’s addictive for the right reasons.”


I hope that got everyone into the Christmas spirit, among other things. Once again, I wish everybody safe, happy, and sexy holiday. Whether you’re exchanging presents with family, getting drunk off eggnog, or just sleeping because the neighbor’s kids won’t shut up, I hope you find some way to make your holiday special. In the spirit of peace, love, and all things sexy, Merry Christmas!

Leave a comment

Filed under Sexy Sunday Thoughts

Jack Fisher’s Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Peppermint Candy Edition

christmas-dresses-wallpapers

We’re in the heart of the holiday season now. This is the time when people generally stop whining about seeing Christmas displays in shopping malls and just start enjoying the ambiance. Every year, it seems to get a little longer for that whining to die down, but when it does, the spirit of the season really sets in.

Part of that spirit involves the various candy and treats that coincide with the holidays. Coming from a family of talented chefs, I’ve always had a soft spot certain treats. In the same way pumpkin spice lets me know that fall has arrived, the abundance of peppermint flavored candy and treats help affirm that the holidays are truly here.

Now, I don’t consider myself that big a peppermint fan. I still enjoy it and will occasionally indulge in some peppermint candy, but I won’t say it’s my favorite. It’s one of those truly seasonal tastes that just doesn’t fit with other times of year. I still appreciate it for what it is and the season it represents.

With the spirit of the season in full swing and plenty of festive treats to choose from, I gladly single out peppermint for this week’s edition of my Sexy Sunday Thoughts. That extra fresh taste in your mouth goes a long way towards becoming more kissable and more eager to kiss, in general. For an erotica/romance fan, you can’t get much more festive than that. Enjoy!


“When you think about it, there isn’t that much difference between making your lover climax and hacking a computer.”


“Sometimes, you fall in love with a person, but other times, you fall in love with their financial situation.”


“Kids with active imaginations are more likely to become adults with elaborate kinks.”


“The lipstick industry probably owes a good chunk of its sales to oral sex.”


“Depression is one of the few feelings that can be both the cause of and reason for a lack of sex.”


“Fantasizing about your lover is like giving them a cameo in your wet dreams.”


“To some extent, puberty is your sex appeal under construction.”


I hope that puts everyone in the mood to take advantage of the glut of holiday candy we’ll be seeing for the next couple weeks, among other things. Even if you’re not a fan of peppermint, it’s still an excuse to eat more candy and in my experience, nobody can get into a sexy mood on an empty stomach. Uniquely flavored candy just makes that mood more festive.

Leave a comment

Filed under Sexy Sunday Thoughts

Jack Fisher’s Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Sexy Moaning Edition

moaning-woman

It’s unavoidable. When you’re sharing a passionate moment, you’re going to moan at some point. It’s like a reflex. Your body is doing something awesome and your mind is telling you it’s awesome. You’re going to try and vocalize that somehow. A good, sexy moan achieves all that and then some.

Moaning is one of those acts that has a mixed reputation and not in a good way. Most of the time, you don’t moan for a good reason. Sometimes, it’s out of distress. Sometimes, it’s out of discomfort. It’s not one of those things that has inherently sexy connotations. Like true love or the sound of an alarm clock, though, you know it when you hear it.

Many of my novels and sexy short stories often highlight the moaning often associated with intimate moments. Plenty of other erotica/romance media, from movies to porn, do the same. In the right circumstances, a moan can be the perfect manifestation of sexiness and passion. It’s difficult to achieve, but it’s certainly worth pursuing.

This week’s edition of my Sexy Sunday Thoughts is dedicated to that pursuit and the extra-sexy results they achieve. Some may not be in the mood for that kind of moaning this early on a Sunday. At the very least, I hope it gives you an appreciation for it. Enjoy!


“When you think about it, a brothel is essentially an orgasm clinic.”


“The most awkward part of puberty is suddenly wanting to see other people naked.”


“The size of the dildo someone uses says a lot about their standards for a good time.”


“Pity sex is like a penny in that it has actual value, but it’s generally not the currency most prefer.”


“A couple’s first kiss counts as their act of foreplay in that it shows how willing they are to touch body parts.”


“How loud we are during sex often determines how sore we are the next day.”


“Going to a strip club on a date invites serious conflict between one’s heart and genitals.”


I’m not going to assume any of that got people moaning for all the right reasons. At the very least, I hope it got certain people in the kind of mood that makes it a pleasant byproduct. Intimacy and romance manifest in all kinds of ways. Some are cruder than others and moaning certainly qualifies. That doesn’t make it any less sexy.

1 Comment

Filed under Sexy Sunday Thoughts