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May 16, 2016 · 5:56 pm

Daily Sexy Musing: Learning About You

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There are a great many ways to be intimate with someone. Not all of them involve nudity and rubbing body parts together. While that can be fun, as I’ve explored in both novels and sexy short stories, there’s something to be said about the intimacy we feel when we learn about someone.

I know this because I met my first girlfriend online. While we had plenty of face-to-face moments together, some of our most intimate experiences occurred while we were learning about one another. Sharing your hopes, dreams, and sorrows with someone requires some level of intimacy. When done right, it can feel every bit as powerful as a kiss.

Some people may scoff at the idea of sharing intimacy through a computer screen. While I understand that sentiment to some extent, I also think they’re understating the kind of connection people can forge, just by learning about each other. It doesn’t matter whether it’s at a coffee shop or over a cell phone. That kind of exchange can create some powerful bonds.

Like it or not, more and more people are finding their significant other over the internet. That figure is sure to grow as our connection to technology deepens. Regardless of the medium, learning about someone is a powerful act of intimacy. It helps forge the foundation on which other intimate acts are built. This Daily Sexy Musing is a celebration of that process, if only because it can be done fully clothed.

Who are you?

Who do you aspire to be?

What makes you so enchanting?

Why am I drawn to you?

Why are you drawn to me?

I’ve so many questions and a burning need for answers. Just seeing you sparked my curiosity, but talking to you has enriched my soul. I’ve yet to kiss, touch, or fantasize about you. My heart may influence me, but it’s curiosity that drives me.

Every word you say brings more revelation. With each insight comes more questions. I respond in kind, not seeking to fall in love or pursue my lust. In due time, those feelings soon find their way into each exchange. At first, they’re a distraction. Soon, they become a potent fuel to a growing fire.

I want to know you.

I want you to know me.

The more I know, the more I want to know.

The more you know, the more I can prove I’m worth loving.

There’s a blossoming passion between us. Through each intimate exchange, we become more than just two people talking. In you, I don’t just see a pretty face with a lot to say. I see a complete person, from the deepest scars on your psyche to the purest parts of your soul. Our strengths, our flaws, our goals, and our dreams lie bare and exposed.

Where some pull back, we venture further into one another. My world links with yours, feelings and sentiments entwined for the first time. It’s scary, but exciting. Even when the talking stops, the exchange continues. New questions emerge, but the answers become secondary. Just seeking them fuels that fiery passion.

By learning about you, I know what I feel.

By learning about me, you know what I see.

By learning about each other, we dare ask the intimate questions.

By learning about each other, we boldly seek intimate answers.

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Addiction, Religion, And The Striking Similarities

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Battling addiction is a serious issue. Even if you haven’t struggled with it at some point in your life, there’s a good chance that you know someone who has. I’ve known more than a few. I’ve seen how damaging it can be to people and their families.

That makes the process for treating addiction just as critical. Unlike the flu or a nasty headache, it’s not as easy as simply getting a prescription and taking a few pills. Oftentimes, there are powerful psychological factors at work to go along with the equally-powerful biological factors. Finding an effective treatment is exceedingly difficult, especially in the midst of a deadly opioid crisis.

One of the greatest challenges for finding such treatments is ensuring that someone doesn’t just exchange one bad addiction for another. Even if some addictions aren’t as damaging as another, going from heroin to methadone is only a marginal improvement for many. There is, however, one secondary addiction that adds even more complications to the mix and it’s not a pill or a substance. It’s religion.

As always, I’m going to try and be careful with my words here. I know discussions involving religion tend to bring out a lot of high emotions. I’m also aware that whenever I discuss religion, I don’t portray it in a positive light. I make it a point to disclose that religion can be a positive force for many people and I have many devoutly religious people in my family who I love dearly.

That disclaimer aside, the forces surrounding organized religion are powerful and they can be misused. The history of such misuse is well-documented. It’s impact on treating addiction is less known, but does manifest. There have been more than a few celebrities who have become religious after a battle with addiction. Some are genuinely better because of it. However, that does raise a few questions.

Did their religion actually help them overcome their addiction?

Did their religion help them address the underlying factors behind their addiction?

Did their religion just become a replacement for whatever they’d been addicted to?

These questions may come off as cynical, but they have serious implications. Religion is a powerful force on some people. Whether you’re a true believer or an ardent atheist, it’s hard to deny the impact of such a force. Religious experiences have been documented to have measurable effects on the human brain. Some of those effects are comparable to addictive drugs.

That’s not to say that going to church and going to a heroin dealer are the same thing. Addiction is complex and so is brain function. At the same time, the human brain is prone to plenty of flaws. It can be easily tricked and people can even trick themselves. When it comes to addictions, you can’t expect your brain the know the difference between heroin and a religious experience.

There is even some research that demonstrates this to some extent. For people who once built their lives around their addiction, religion is a pretty effective replacement. It demands a great deal of money, time, and energy. It surrounds you with people who reinforce and reaffirm your beliefs and behavior. It can even give some people a very specific high.

That high just becomes the new addiction. That intense feeling that religion gives people suddenly becomes the feeling that addicts are so driven to pursue. It may not feel the same as an addict’s previous addiction, which is why they may not see it as such. That doesn’t matter, though. What matters is that it fills the proverbial void that the previous addiction once filled.

That’s why it shouldn’t be too surprising to find out that some famous addiction treatment programs have deeply religious roots. It also shouldn’t be that surprising when those who find religion after dealing with addiction tend to be quite passionate about their faith, compared to those who found religion through a different path.

Even if these programs help people, it still doesn’t answer the relevant questions surrounding their addiction. Exchanging one disease for another doesn’t constitute a cure, but people make an exception for religion. The idea of someone being addicted to a religion isn’t as easy to imagine as someone being addicted to cigarettes, gambling, or porn. To them, a religious addict is just someone who goes to church more often.

Some see that as a good thing. Compared to robbing gas stations for drug money, it is an improvement. However, it still leaves the underlying cause of the addiction untreated. Whatever is making someone an addict is still present. While I don’t doubt religious organizations are happy to accept their adherence, it doesn’t fundamentally change an addict’s condition.

That can be damaging and dangerous to people who are already vulnerable. In the worst case scenario, finding religion can only create the illusion that the addict has been cured. Society didn’t approve of them being a junkie on the street, but it does approve of them being a devout religious zealot who rails against the evils of their former vice.

That sends the message that society is selective when it comes to treating addicts. As long as their addiction is productive for society, in that it benefits established institutions, it’ll treat that as a cure. It doesn’t matter if it never helps someone get to the root of their problems. As long as it makes them productive, that’s good enough.

Again, I’m not claiming that most religious organizations actively exploit people struggling with addiction. Some definitely do and a few are quite famous for it. However, it’s somewhat telling that we ascribe finding religion to overcoming an addiction when, on many levels, it’s just exchanging one source of addictive behavior for another.

At its best, religion inspires people to do great things for all the right reasons. At its worst, it can exploit someone to such an extent that it can make people who are genuinely sick feel like they’re healed. Addiction, like many other disease, is something that can only get worse if left untreated.

Whether it’s religion or crack, the brain of an addict will do what it takes to sustain its addictive state. There are effective, legitimate treatments for addiction that actually attempt to confront the source of the issues within an addict. Many aren’t as easy or overwhelming as finding religion, but they make a concerted effort at treating the addict rather than simply guiding them to a more socially-acceptable addiction.

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Final “Dark Phoenix” Trailer Is Threatening (In A Good Way)

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These are wonderful, exciting times for fans of superhero movies, unless you’re a Hellboy fan. “Avengers Endgame” is poised to break all sorts of box office record. The Disney/Fox merger is complete. On top of all that, “Dark Phoenix” is still set to come out on June 7, 2019.

While some have opinions on this film that are petty and unwarranted, I’m still very excited and not just because Sophie Turner is flexing some cosmic sex appeal. This movie is poised to be the last of the X-Men movies that began way back in 2000. While I can understand why some are eager to jump ahead to the X-Men joining the MCU, lets’ not forget that there would be no MCU without the first “X-Men” movie.

It was X-Men that helped usher in this golden era of superhero movies. Now, both “Dark Phoenix” and “Avengers Endgame” promise to usher in a new era. As such, the final trailer for “Dark Phoenix” dropped today and it promises closure, along with cosmic threats.

Sophie Turner has never looked more menacing as Jean Grey.

Tye Sheridan has never looked more determined as Scott Summers.

Between them and the wondrous dynamic between James McAvoy and Michael Fassbender, this movie has everything necessary to cap off this era of X-Men movies in all the right ways.

I know “Avengers Endgame” will break most of the records and make more headlines. However, I believe “Dark Phoenix” will ultimately have a greater impact when all is said and done.

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Jack Fisher’s Weekly Quick Pick Comic: Uncanny X-Men #16

Every Wednesday, this crazy world of ours gets a little less intolerable thanks to a fresh batch of comics. At a time when most of our heroes are in movies and too many villains run free in the real world, we need a little something to remind us of all things good, upstanding, and awesome. As such, I make it a point to select one comic from this batch that’s a better reminder than most.

While the world of superhero comics goes through cycles of hope and despair as often as the Hulk goes through cheap pants, the state of affairs for the X-Men have been more dire than usual. Since the reality-warping events of “Uncanny X-Men #10,” the state of mutant affairs in the Marvel universe hasn’t just been tenuous. Mutants are essentially fighting for the right to be more than an afterthought.

As much of the mutant population is exploring the dystopian utopia that is “Age of X-Man,” the remaining X-Men have been trying to find their place in a world that seems all too happy to be rid of mutants. It has not been an easy endeavor, but “Uncanny X-Men #16” reminds us why it’s worth doing.

The X-Men have been beaten, demoralized, wounded, and marginalized. They’ve had to battle old enemies, attack old allies, and even clash with close family. To say they’re at a low point would be like saying John Wick likes his dog. This is one of the most dire situations the X-Men have ever had to endure, including everything ever written by Chuck Austin.

Despite all that, “Uncanny X-Men #16” finds a way to bring out the best in the X-Men’s most ardent champions.

If you’re a Cyclops fan, you’ll find something to love about this issue. If you’re a Wolverine fan, you’ll find something to love about it too. Hell, if you’re a fan of mutant ninjas fighting alongside magic-wielding Russian teenagers, you’ll find something love about it. That last one is not a metaphor, by the way.

Uncanny X-Men #16” continues a story that has wounded the X-Men in so many ways. A lot of it is mental. Some of it is physical, as Cyclops’ lingering head injury shows. Even as the X-Men fight on, this issue finally shows all the struggle getting to the team. It’s not the first time these characters have expressed doubts, but in the context of the story, it does something important with respect to the past, present, and future of the X-Men.

Everyone on Cyclops’ team knows that mutants are in an existential crisis. They know their numbers are dwindling and that humanity is doing everything possible to make them an afterthought. How does anyone even go about being X-Men in a world like that? Thus far, that has been an unanswered question.

Cyclops and Wolverine tried to answer it by creating a new team out of what remained of the mutant population. They’re actually setting aside their differences and attempting to keep the spirit of the X-Men going. Keep in mind, these are two people who don’t like each other. One of them kept trying to sleep with the other’s wife and the other has shot him through a wall on more than one occasion.

Just putting the team together and fighting what’s left of the X-Men battles has been a struggle over the past several issues. However, “Uncanny X-Men #16” dares to step back and question what they’re fighting for and why they’re even fighting.

Writer, Matthew Rosenberg, explores some overdue discussion among the team. He also puts Cyclops in a unique position that somehow makes him more awesome. For much of his history, as well as his ill-fated roles in the movies, Cyclops has always been the uptight leader who barks orders and expects others to follow them. While we’ve seen hints of that Cyclops here and there, he finds himself in a more uncertain position.

Cyclops no longer trusts himself to be the leader he once was. Even his own brother, Havok, isn’t sold on his leadership at times. While it’s hard to be much of a leader when your entire species is on the brink of extinction, the criticisms aren’t without merit.

Essentially, Cyclops gives the X-Men a chance to show that they can be X-Men without him barking orders. He goes so far as to temper his own leadership in order to give the X-Men a chance to prove their causes is bigger than one person. I won’t say it’s Cyclops’ greatest tactical decision, but the results speak for themselves.

The criticisms and difficult discussions are relevant, giving “Uncanny X-Men #16” much more depth than a typical X-Men comic. It still has plenty of standard superhero action that artist, Salvador Larroca, renders beautifully with his skills. It’s not the flashiest battle, but it has a few twists and complications that require more than just better leadership.

Some of the choices made over the course of the story are questionable. Many of the wounds they’ve suffered haven’t entirely healed. These X-Men are still a far cry from the X-Men that hang out in mansions, fly around in high-speed jets, and fight killer robots. They’re not just struggling to find their place in a world where mutants are almost extinct. They’re trying to find a better way to do what they’ve always done.

The events of “Uncanny X-Men #16” prove that the X-Men still have plenty to offer. They’re still in a tenuous state, but they’re still intact. They’re still finding their way. They’re still learning overdue lessons that bring out the best in each character while not overlooking the worst.

These are exciting times for the X-Men and not just because the movie rights have returned to Marvel. Rosenberg and Larroca have broken the X-Men down in their darkest hour. Now, it feels like they’re becoming the superheroes they have to be. There’s bound to be setbacks, mistakes, and tragedies. However, that’s often when heroes like the X-Men are at their best.

 

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Daily Sexy Musing: First Time Frisking

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The first time you do anything, you can’t expect to be good at it. No matter how talented you are, it’s still going to be as awkward as it is exciting. The same applies to all things sexy. In fact, I would argue that the awkwardness and excitement is magnified tenfold. That’s part of what makes those first frisky moments we share so memorable.

I certainly remember the first time I got frisky with a significant other. She and I were restless, alone, and watching reruns of old X-Men cartoons. It also happened to be the holidays so we were really in the spirit, so to speak. I don’t remember the exact moment when our hands slipped under our shirts, but it was a fun moment for all the right reasons.

It can certainly get more intense than that. From the first time you share a kiss with your lover to the first time you see each other naked, those moments are going to stand out, regardless of whether you break up or go onto get married. Even if it’s a less-than-pleasant experience, it’ll resonate on so many levels. It’s part of what makes intimacy so powerful.

This Daily Sexy Musing is my attempt to take those powerful moments and put them into a larger context. It’s not just about that epic first kiss. It’s not just about that first time two peoples’ genitals interact. There are many other passions at work and they’re definitely worth exploring.

I’ve thought about it.

I’ve dreamed about it.

I’ve hoped, wondered, and pined about it.

Finally, I can stop imagining.

We’ve followed our passions thus far. From the first gaze we exchanged to the last embrace we shared, we’ve already beaten the odds. I’ve proven myself as worthy of your affection. You’ve proven to me that these feelings are real.

I want you.

You want me.

Together, we want whatever our passions incur.

It’s no longer enough to just share words and gestures. I’ve caressed your face and tasted your lips. You’ve held my hand and felt my warmth. Now, I seek something more intimate. Being around you makes my heart race and my clothes itchy. To know you and love you, we must take another critical step.

We find a private area. Every possible distraction is removed or muted. As the moment builds, my knees grow week and my skin becomes hot. I know what I desire, but I’m nervous to embrace it. I can feel you trembling with the same anxiety, knowing that this will be our first time. After, there can never be another.

For the briefest of instants, I question whether we’re ready. My body restrains my heart, reminding me of just how big a moment this is. I understand the weight of the feeling, but I do not pull back. In your eyes, I see another eager soul yearning to capture this moment.

Finally, we shed our clothes.

Finally, we touch once-forbidding parts of flesh.

Finally, we get our first taste of one another’s love.

Reservation turns to exhilaration. Our hearts race together, but not out of dread or fear. For the first time, we feel one another in a deeply intimate way. There are no more barriers to our passions. For the first time, we unleash the breadth of our passions.

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Legalizing Vs. Decriminalizing Prostitution: Knowing The Difference And Why It Matters

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Anyone who has dealt with lawyers for more than five minutes will likely tell you that the words you use in legal issues really matter. In fact, even punctuation matters. There has been more than one case in which the placement of a comma has made a difference measured in millions of dollars. When it comes to issues like prostitution, the stakes are even higher with respect to word choice.

For better or for worse, but mostly for worse, the debate surrounding prostitution has been derailed by poor word choice. That’s because when most people discuss prostitution these days, it gets caught up in rhetoric surrounding human trafficking, sexual slavery, and exploitation. No matter where you are on the political spectrum, there’s no way to get around such ugly verbiage.

That’s a big problem too because, as I’ve noted before, sex work and human trafficking aren’t the same thing. That’s not just me saying that. This is what actual data says. According to research conducted by the International Labour Organization, only 22 percent of human trafficking victims are forced into sex work. The vast majority of victims end up in other forms of forced labor.

Despite this, it hasn’t stopped anti-prostitution advocates from citing human trafficking as a reason for keeping prostitution illegal. However, as a few notable cases have revealed, broad scale prohibition of prostitution doesn’t work. That’s why a number of western countries have attempted other legal models to deal with the issue, the most popular being the Nordic Model.

Under this model, sex work isn’t entirely legalized. It’s legal to sell sexual services, but it isn’t legal to buy it. It’s basically akin to legalizing hot dog stands, but not the consumption of hot dogs. It may sound absurd, but the intention is to attack the demand surrounding prostitution, punishing the people who patronize an exploitative industry.

While that sounds noble on paper, the results don’t line up with the goals. There’s no evidence that this model makes people less inclined to want sex from a prostitute. There’s also no evidence that it has improved the lives of sex workers. Even so, whenever prostitution comes up, any discussion of legalization is bound to draw ire from anyone who isn’t an ardent libertarian.

Liberals see prostitution as exploitation of women, minorities, and the poor.

Conservatives see prostitution as immoral, dirty, and sinful.

Feminists see prostitution as a product of oppressive, patriarchal traditions.

With such powerful opposition in mind, it might help to take a step back and understand the actual substance surrounding legal sex work. When most people think about legalized prostitution, they probably imagine scenes like the legal brothels that operate in Nevada or the Red Light Districts that operate in parts of Europe. However, that’s only a small part of a much larger story.

That’s because legalized prostitution is not the same as decriminalized prostitution. Make no mistake. The difference is subtle, but has huge implications and you don’t have to be a sex worker, a police officer, or a lawyer to appreciate them.

By and large, the presence of red light districts are a byproduct of legalization. That’s because under a legalization model, the government and local authorities regulate the practice. This is how it works in countries like Germany and the Netherlands. Like the Nordic Model, the intentions are good and it even sounds good on paper.

The government license sex workers, thus providing them with a legal paper-trail. They can also include things like mandatory health screenings, adherence to specific labor laws, and access to public services and benefits. Again, that sounds good and it has plenty of benefits, especially when compared to the inherent dangers of street prostitution.

The drawback is that government regulation of prostitution has the same issues associated with government regulation, in general. It effectively requires that the lives of sex workers be micromanaged to a degree that those who work in fast food or coal mines don’t experience. Those who don’t abide by those regulations are as worse off as they were under illegal prostitution.

In essence, legal prostitution improves things for sex workers who are able to comply with the various regulations. Given how many sex workers come from poor or marginalized backgrounds, this ensures that not everyone enjoys the benefits of legal protections. It essentially creates two tiers of prostitution in which one is still very vulnerable to exploitation and the government gets to decide who is in that tier.

Regardless of how much you trust the government to decide who in the sex trade to protect, the legal shortcomings are inherent. This is where decriminalized prostitution sets itself apart. In this model, the government doesn’t exactly legalize prostitution as much as it removes the criminal penalties associated with its activities.

It’s a small, but critical distinction in that the government and the authorities don’t play favorites with who they prosecute and who they ignore. They still have to enforce laws surrounding violence and coercion. That means human trafficking is still illegal. You can’t force someone to become a sex worker any more than you can force them to work in a copper mine. Essentially, it treats sex work as actual work.

While I’m sure that offends the sensibilities of many people on various parts of the political spectrum, it does frame sex work in an important context. In almost every form of labor, there’s room for exploitation. Workers can be underpaid and subject to deplorable conditions. Shady business practices can ensure that only a select few see the benefits. Decriminalization makes no special exceptions for sex work.

The same laws that attempt to combat those practices in other businesses are simply applied to sex work. Even in the United States, if prostitution were decriminalized tomorrow, human trafficking and forced labor would still be illegal. It would just be treated the same as those who employ trafficked labor to work in agriculture or factories.

To some extent, this makes sex work less taboo from a legal standpoint. When you make special classifications for specific behaviors, it sends the message that there’s something that sets it apart from other similar activities. In societies where sexual activity is subject to all sorts of taboos outside prostitution, it can effectively reinforce many of those taboos.

It’s for that reason, among many others, that more human rights organizations now favor decriminalizing prostitution over legalization or the Nordic Model. Among those organizations include the likes of Amnesty International, who issued their official position back in 2016 wherein they stated the following:

It recommends the decriminalization of consensual sex work, including those laws that prohibit associated activities – such as bans on buying, solicitation and general organization of sex work. This is based on evidence that these laws often make sex workers less safe and provide impunity for abusers with sex workers often too scared of being penalized to report crime to the police. Laws on sex work should focus on protecting people from exploitation and abuse, rather than trying to ban all sex work and penalize sex workers.

At the moment, the only country that has embraced decriminalization is New Zealand. While it’s not perfect, the research on the effectiveness of policies show promise. It’s also the policy that many sex workers themselves advocate.

It’s still not a perfect policy, but that makes it all the more important to understand the differences between what’s being done now and what could be done in the future. Prostitution is called the world’s oldest profession for a reason. Human beings are sexual creatures. They are wired to seek sex. There will always be those who seek it and those willing to provide it for a price.

Laws can change, but no amount of legal distinctions and enforcement are going to change human nature. The emergence of sex robots and sex doll brothels promise to further complicate the issue. There’s no one perfect way to handle an issue as sensitive as prostitution, but there are plenty of ways to make it worse.

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Filed under gender issues, political correctness, prostitution, sex in society, sexuality

Jack Fisher’s Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Sexy Joggers Edition

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It wasn’t that long ago that I hated running. Back in high school, it was my least favorite activity in gym and that includes getting hit in the face with a kickball. It didn’t help that I wasn’t very athletic and dealt with mild asthma for a good chunk of my youth. I just had way too many excuses to hate it and I made the most of them.

Then, I actually got serious about my health. As I’ve noted before, I effectively body shamed myself into adopting a healthier lifestyle and in doing so, I developed a genuine fondness for jogging. One of the most relaxing parts of my day is when I go for a nice, long jog around the trails located around my neighborhood. I’ve come up with more than a few sexy stories during such jogs.

I’m also not afraid to go on these runs without my shirt on. I used to be self-conscious about that, but years of consistent exercise has made it so I actually look good without a shirt on. It actually encourages me to keep running and keep pushing myself. Along the way, I’ve met many other avid runners who have a similar mentality. The fact it makes you feel sexy too is also a nice bonus.

Part of being sexy is being able to exert yourself. Jogging and exercise shows just how much you’re willing to exert. Doing it without a shirt or in a sexy sports bra is a nice way of showing just how worth it jogging can be when done right. This week’s Sexy Sunday Thoughts is both an ode and a celebration of the sex appeal that jogging has given me and so many others. Enjoy!


“When you think about it, the gap between wrestling and foreplay is incredibly narrow.”


“When men find female genitalia obscene, yet still seek to insert theirs into it, they’re sending mixed messages.”


“When an orgasm is the goal, the individual wins, but when it’s the bonus, then the entire species wins.”


“Believing in someone else’s ability to satisfy you was probably the first true leap of faith.”


“A friend with benefits is like alcohol minus the hangovers.”


“If it can be used as lubricant, then it can be (and probably has been) used for sex at some point.”


“To some extent, porn stars are superheroes to our genitals in that they inspire them to do more than they otherwise would have.”


I understand that jogging or other kinds of strenuous exercise aren’t going to have much appeal to certain people. I respect that. I was once like that. However, I also don’t deny that looking and feeling sexy requires work. If you’re willing to put in that work, then the benefits will show. Jogging is among the simplest kinds of work. After all, what’s more sexy than building up sweat, grit, and endurance?

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