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Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Final Exam Edition

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This is the time of year I used to love and dread. As a teenager, it was the time of year when I could actually see the end of the school year in sight. It was so close I could practically smell the sandy beach and picture the sexy bikinis. To be fair, I can picture sexy bikinis during any time of year, but it was always extra urgent during those tenuous first weeks of June.

That’s because this was usually the time when I took the last round of exams. Being the obsessive grade-grubber I was, I couldn’t really enjoy the warmer weather or the pools that had just opened. I was too caught up studying for the final tests that acted as the final obstacle between me and several months of no homework or standardized tests. Time went very slowly during those days, to say the least.

Depending on how your school year is structured, those final rounds of tests are almost over. I imagine there are many of young, restless, freedom-deprived youths who are all too ready for a school-free summer. To them, I urge you to hang in there just a little bit longer. Summer vacation is almost here. In the meantime, here are some Sexy Sunday Thoughts to make the wait bearable. Enjoy!


“Most religions stigmatize sex because it knows it can’t hope to compete with orgasms.”


“Shaving your pubic hair implies you’re willing to put dangerously sharp razor blades near your genitals to improve your chances of using them more often.”


“The existence of men with big dicks who live in mansions is definitive proof that life is not fair.”


“No argument between lovers was ever made worse by too many orgasms.”


“Premature ejaculation is like melted ice cream in that it’s messy and undesirable, but still delicious on some levels.”


“A horny woman is extra lucky in that she never needs a seat warmer.”


“Sex before the wedding is like the playoffs, but sex during the honeymoon is like the championship parade.”


Whether you’re still stressing over your last round of exams or still recovering from them, I hope this helps. It’s been a long, eventful year for those still in school. All the standardized tests, proctored exams, and anti-drug lectures are almost over. A relaxing, restful summer awaits you. If you can, find the nearest pool, soak in some sun, and start enjoying the summer. You’ve earned it.

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Jack Fisher’s Sexy Sunday Thoughts: “Deadpool 2” Edition

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Greetings, fellow lovers of Deadpool, tacos, and poop jokes. Once again, we find ourselves in uniquely prosperous times. Just a few weeks ago, the world became inherently more awesome with the debut of “Avengers: Infinity War.” That movie was an epic cinematic marvel that I went out of my way to praise. This week, another marvel of a more vulgar sort has arrived.

That’s right. The wait is over! “Deadpool 2” has arrived. Get a clean pair of panties and leave your tender sensibilities at the door because the Merc with the Mouth is back, once again through the lovable spirit that is Ryan Reynolds. He’s back with his R-rated antics and the world is better because of it.

I’ve praised “Deadpool” since the earliest days of this site. This movie has left me with plenty more things to praise. Some will make you sick to your stomach. Some will make you laugh hysterically. Some will even make you horny. When a former sexiest man alive and ex-husband of Scarlett Johanssen is involved, how could it not?

The “Deadpool 2” is another one of those rare pieces of media that makes the world an objectively better place. Like cat videos and babies with dogs, it brings a special kind of joy to our lives, along with some sex appeal. In that R-rated spirit, I dedicate this week’s edition of my Sexy Sunday Thoughts to “Deadpool 2” and all the vulgar spectacle it embodies.


“If intelligent design were real, then wouldn’t every man’s penis vibrate during sex?”


“True love is having someone who’s willing to unclog your toilet for free.”


“Drunk sex and drunk texting can be equally damaging to a relationship.”


“The foundation of any successful relationship is less about avoiding screw ups and more about not getting caught.”


“A wedding reception is just an opportunity for relatives to celebrate that two people they know are going to have sex.”


“It’s very likely that the invention of acting coincided with the first instance of role playing during sex.”


“Groupies are the sexual equivalent of unpaid interns.”


I hope these sexy musings embody the fourth-wall breaking effort that would make Deadpool proud and/or horny. I like to think he has a greater appreciation than most for the dirty, kinky musings that cross our minds in a given day. For those still buzzing from the move or are still in line to see it, I hope this supplements the experience. If it requires a clean pair of panties or underwear, then all I can say is you’re welcome.

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Sexy Sunday Thoughts: (Belated) Cinco De Mayo Edition

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Greetings, and a very happy belated El Cinco de Mayo to all. I know I’m a day late, but I’ve always been one to enjoy the afterglow of a holiday, among other things. I find those are actually the most relaxing moments of an event. Celebrating takes all sorts of time, energy, and planning. When you get to the afterglow, though, you can just chill.

I admit I don’t celebrate El Cinco de Mayo. However, I grew up in a pretty diverse area that had a sizable Hispanic population. Without going into too much detail about my neighbors, I’ll just say those people know how to throw a party and cook amazing food. Even though I was pretty shy as a kid, I always appreciated a joyous occasion and great food.

Tacos, burritos, and pretty much anything else you can dip in hot sauce is already a sizable part of my diet. A day of celebration that involves feasts and festivities is certainly welcome. I don’t speak Spanish very well, but I know the language of great food and sexy musings.

As such, I’m happy to dedicate this week’s edition of my Sexy Sunday Thoughts to those basking in the afterglow of another great holiday. By now, I imagine many are tired and still digesting their spicy feasts. A little sexy spirit helps to maximize that glow. Enjoy!


“At some point, we all need to acknowledge that smelling women’s panties is more desperation than fetish.”


“The worst blowjob a man can get is still better than the best shoulder rub he’s ever gotten.”


“Is it possible that we’re only attracted to chiseled abs because we’re more certain that person won’t eat our leftovers?”


“The line between wrestling and sex is like the line between a snack and a meal in that one can easily morph into the other.”


“If a man’s penis were replaced with a woman’s vibrator, then batteries would become the world’s most valuable resource.”


“Someone who has great sex on the day they die can objectively say didn’t die in vain.”


“When you think about it, the most basic form of romantic love stems from a sincere desire to give someone else an orgasm.”


I hope that gets everyone in the mood for a nice Sunday siesta, among other things. This is the time of year when the weather is warm enough to minimize the amount of clothing you need to wear around the house. As someone with a noted fondness for sleeping naked, it’s a wonderful time of year and having an excuse to eat more burritos certainly doesn’t hurt.

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Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Gardening Edition

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Growing up, I hated doing yard-work. Unfortunately for me, my parents loved to garden and this was the time of year when they really liked to get their hands dirty. At first, I didn’t understand it. Then, when I had a chance to taste some of the fresh produce my parents grew, I totally understood.

I’m no vegan, nor am I the kind of guy who insists that all his food be produced by a local farm, but there’s something to be said about a freshly grown piece of food. It’s not always that it tastes better than what you buy at the grocery store. It’s the fact that you put in the work to make it and you get to enjoy it. There’s an inherent reward in that.

Gardening may seem like dirty yard work, but I believe there’s something sexy about it. It’s taking natural products and using natural process to grow them using basic reproductive means. It doesn’t take much to discern the sexual connotations from that. This being the ideal part of spring to get to work on your garden, I think those sexy connotations are a bit more obvious.

For that reason, I dedicate this week’s edition of my Sexy Sunday Thoughts to gardening. Regardless of whether you live on a farm or just have a few potted plants on your balcony, I hope this gets you excited about getting your hands dirty, among other things.


“A piece of furniture is only as durable as the variety of kinky sex acts it can accommodate.”

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“Cuddling after sex is like sprinkles on ice cream. It’s not entirely necessary, but makes for a better treat overall.”

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“Learning about sex from your parents is like them reading the instruction manual they used to make you.”

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“Sex is one of the few behaviors that can be a symptom of and a treatment for a disease.”

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“The fact that porn stars probably use baby wipes more than babies says a lot about the process of making porn.”

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“When you think about it, a cramp is the sexual equivalent of a hangnail.”

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“Morning wood is nature’s way of encouraging a man to be proactive with his day.”

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Regardless of how you feel about gardening or yardwork in general, it’s hard to deny that there are some sexual components to the process. We’re still connected to many of those natural forces in the grand scheme of things. I think, as an aspiring erotica/romance writer and a fan of all things sexy, that’s something worth celebrating.

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Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Allergy Relief Edition

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This time of year brings out mixed emotions for people like me. On one hand, I’m glad winter is finally over and warmer weather awaits us. On the other, that warmer weather does not bode well for people like me who suffer from allergies. For my sinuses, this time of year is akin to the first day of high school on top of a dentist appointment.

I don’t deny that Spring is great in terms of scenery and smells, but it’s hard to enjoy when you’re dealing with sinus infections, itchy eyes, and coughing that sounds like you’re being strangled by fairies. I’ve lost count of all the medications, sprays, and special air filters I’ve used over the years. It’s a battle I know I can’t entirely win and just have to wait out.

There’s nothing sexy about allergies. That’s why I’m not looking forward to how the next several weeks will affect my sinuses. I know I’ve got a few sleepless nights and miserable days ahead of me, at least until the air clears and my nose adjusts. Until then, the best I can do is medicate myself like I always have and distract myself with all things sexy.

Knowing that there are plenty more allergy-sufferers out there, I dedicate this week’s edition of Sexy Sunday Thoughts to those who look at the blooming trees with a mix of dread and admiration. These next few weeks will be difficult, but with beach weather almost upon us, they’re worth enduring.


“No good deed goes unpunished, but no quality blowjob goes unacknowledged.”

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“Using a vibrator during sex is like fudge on ice cream. It’s not necessary, but it definitely helps.”

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“When you think about it, no quality sex toy should need an instruction manual.”

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“Ice and nipples are the sexual equivalent of chocolate and mint.”

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“The dedication of a lover is directly proportional to the percentage of their lover’s body that their tongue has touched.”

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“No relationship has ever suffered from an eagerness to share oral sex techniques.”

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“Good sex is like hitting a home run, but making love is more akin to a grand slam.”

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I hope this helps other allergy-sufferers like me prepare for the coming assault on our sinuses, among other things. Like awkward boners and wet panties, allergies are just a fact of life. You deal with them however you can and make the most of it. I’m still glad the weather is warming up, but there are still a few lingering obstacles before I can start enjoying pools, beaches, and bikinis.

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Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Easter 2018 Edition

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Easter is a strange, but intriguing holiday. Growing up, I honestly didn’t know what it was about. To me, it was just another reason to gather at my grandmother’s house and enjoy some of her legendary cooking. That was pretty much the only reason I looked forward to it. All the religious connotations and chocolate eggs were secondary.

I don’t deny that Easter is still a major holiday for some. Most still don’t understand why a holiday associated with the resurrection of Jesus is also associated with rabbits, but I don’t think they mind, even if it has some sexy connotations. I’m not going to bemoan it. I have too many fond memories of family gatherings and amazing deserts to care.

Whatever the case, Easter is still a holiday and one that’s worth appreciating. Whether you celebrate by going to church or gorging on marshmallow peeps, you have a reason to do a little something special. Take advantage of it in whatever way works for you. Let this week’s special Easter edition of my “Sexy Sunday Thoughts” get you into the spirit. Enjoy!


“A sex ed class is the only place where an awkward boner can actually be a teachable moment.”

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“A man’s comfort with his masculinity is directly proportional to his willingness to wear a speedo.”

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“People can only be so honest when they’re in the presence of someone they want to fuck.”

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“A single blowjob is more welcoming than a million handshakes.”

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“When you think about it, one of the most risky kinks is being a prostitute with a cop fetish.”

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“Even the greatest romances require that two people be really horny at some point.”

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“Your closest friends are the ones who know how many sex toys you own.”

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Whether you take Easter seriously or just use it as an excuse to cook ham for dinner, I hope you enjoy this most quirky of holidays. It may not involve elaborate decorations or a week off from school, but it’s a good excuse to get together with family, enjoy warmer weather, and eat candy. In the crazy world we live in, we can never have too many of those.

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Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Spring Break Edition

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There was a time when the idea of spring break was genuinely exciting. As a kid, it’s a week off school that doesn’t involve holiday shopping or visiting relatives. As a college student, it took on a more mature, far sexier undertone. Spring break is to college students what Mardi Gras is to any woman who needs an excuse to flash her tits. It’s a unique party with plenty of sexy potential.

As an aspiring erotica/romance writer, I can fully appreciate that spirit, even though I’m not in college anymore. Even when I was, I didn’t get a chance to fly down to Cancun or hit up Daytona Beach for some badly-needed festivities. I was content to just sleep in for a few days and hang out with friends who didn’t mind that I enjoy sleeping naked.

More than anything else, spring break was a sign that the days of shoveling snow were over and summer vacations were in sight. Even after you’re done with school, the idea that warmer weather, crowded beaches, and skimpy bikinis are right around the corner is a great feeling. That’s why I’m dedicating this week’s Sexy Sunday Thoughts to the spirit of spring break and all the sexy undertones it stands for. Enjoy!


“When you think about it, foreplay is like a safety drill to ensure that participants are prepared.”

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“The fact that a woman who gives birth once still wants to have sex again is a testament to the female libido.”

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“There’s no wrong way to incorporate chocolate and massage oil into sex.”

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“When you think about it, a three-way is the movie equivalent of a crossover event.”

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“Very few adult toys could be used as kids toys, but a disturbing number of kids toys can still be used as adult toys.”

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“One could argue that the closing the orgasm gap is more important than closing the wage gap and men might be more eager to help in that effort.”

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“A one night stand is like putting on a cheap pair of socks, but making love to your lover is like putting on your favorite pair of jeans.”

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I hope this gets everybody in the spring break spirit, even if you’re not in school, aren’t on a break, and still have to get up at the crack of dawn tomorrow. We all miss the regular vacations we got in school. That doesn’t mean we have to completely forget the sexy sentiment behind those vacations. If nothing else, it’s an excuse to put on your swim suit again after a long, cold winter.

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