Tag Archives: sexy humor

Jack Fisher’s Sexy Sunday Thoughts: “Deadpool 2” Edition

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Greetings, fellow lovers of Deadpool, tacos, and poop jokes. Once again, we find ourselves in uniquely prosperous times. Just a few weeks ago, the world became inherently more awesome with the debut of “Avengers: Infinity War.” That movie was an epic cinematic marvel that I went out of my way to praise. This week, another marvel of a more vulgar sort has arrived.

That’s right. The wait is over! “Deadpool 2” has arrived. Get a clean pair of panties and leave your tender sensibilities at the door because the Merc with the Mouth is back, once again through the lovable spirit that is Ryan Reynolds. He’s back with his R-rated antics and the world is better because of it.

I’ve praised “Deadpool” since the earliest days of this site. This movie has left me with plenty more things to praise. Some will make you sick to your stomach. Some will make you laugh hysterically. Some will even make you horny. When a former sexiest man alive and ex-husband of Scarlett Johanssen is involved, how could it not?

The “Deadpool 2” is another one of those rare pieces of media that makes the world an objectively better place. Like cat videos and babies with dogs, it brings a special kind of joy to our lives, along with some sex appeal. In that R-rated spirit, I dedicate this week’s edition of my Sexy Sunday Thoughts to “Deadpool 2” and all the vulgar spectacle it embodies.


“If intelligent design were real, then wouldn’t every man’s penis vibrate during sex?”


“True love is having someone who’s willing to unclog your toilet for free.”


“Drunk sex and drunk texting can be equally damaging to a relationship.”


“The foundation of any successful relationship is less about avoiding screw ups and more about not getting caught.”


“A wedding reception is just an opportunity for relatives to celebrate that two people they know are going to have sex.”


“It’s very likely that the invention of acting coincided with the first instance of role playing during sex.”


“Groupies are the sexual equivalent of unpaid interns.”


I hope these sexy musings embody the fourth-wall breaking effort that would make Deadpool proud and/or horny. I like to think he has a greater appreciation than most for the dirty, kinky musings that cross our minds in a given day. For those still buzzing from the move or are still in line to see it, I hope this supplements the experience. If it requires a clean pair of panties or underwear, then all I can say is you’re welcome.

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Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Mother’s Day 2018 Edition

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It’s that time of year again. Hallmark loves it. The flower business loves it. You should love it too because it involves celebrating mothers, the most important women in our lives, by default. Appreciating them should involve more than just cards, chocolates, and flowers.

That can be challenging for someone like me because I happen to have an incredibly awesome mother who sets the bar insanely high. I consider myself incredibly lucky to have such an amazing woman to call my mom. She has done more than just teach me how to live, love, and thrive in this world. She has helped me appreciate the love of family, women, and everything in between.

Every Mother’s Day, I do what I can to let my mother know how much I love her. A big part of who I am comes right from my mother and I can’t thank her enough for that. As I’ve gotten older, she hasn’t asked for quite as much. I still like to deliver in my own special way.

To those of you lucky enough to still have your mother in your life, I encourage you to show that appreciation as well. To all the other hard-working, hard-loving mothers out there, this week’s edition of my Sexy Sunday Thoughts is for you. Enjoy and Happy Mother’s Day!


“Someone who claims to be bi-curious is just someone who is more flexible with their horniness.”


“Practically speaking, women who’ve given birth are MUCH more motivated to make sex worthwhile.”


“When you think about it, step-parents are the romantic and sexual equivalent of pinch hitters.”


“A woman flashing her tits makes men and babies excited for distinct, yet similar reasons.”


“A romance that endures is a romance that has meaningful discussions on the usage of nipple clamps.”


“Faith can move mountains, but orgasms keep people motivated.”


“A successful three-way has a lot in common with skilled juggling.”


Once again, to all the mothers out there and the children they bore, Happy Mother’s Day. These wonderful women helped make us and raise us. They help us learn to love and understand why it’s special. To my own mother, especially, thank you for making my world and the world around me more loving.

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Sexy Sunday Thoughts: (Belated) Cinco De Mayo Edition

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Greetings, and a very happy belated El Cinco de Mayo to all. I know I’m a day late, but I’ve always been one to enjoy the afterglow of a holiday, among other things. I find those are actually the most relaxing moments of an event. Celebrating takes all sorts of time, energy, and planning. When you get to the afterglow, though, you can just chill.

I admit I don’t celebrate El Cinco de Mayo. However, I grew up in a pretty diverse area that had a sizable Hispanic population. Without going into too much detail about my neighbors, I’ll just say those people know how to throw a party and cook amazing food. Even though I was pretty shy as a kid, I always appreciated a joyous occasion and great food.

Tacos, burritos, and pretty much anything else you can dip in hot sauce is already a sizable part of my diet. A day of celebration that involves feasts and festivities is certainly welcome. I don’t speak Spanish very well, but I know the language of great food and sexy musings.

As such, I’m happy to dedicate this week’s edition of my Sexy Sunday Thoughts to those basking in the afterglow of another great holiday. By now, I imagine many are tired and still digesting their spicy feasts. A little sexy spirit helps to maximize that glow. Enjoy!


“At some point, we all need to acknowledge that smelling women’s panties is more desperation than fetish.”


“The worst blowjob a man can get is still better than the best shoulder rub he’s ever gotten.”


“Is it possible that we’re only attracted to chiseled abs because we’re more certain that person won’t eat our leftovers?”


“The line between wrestling and sex is like the line between a snack and a meal in that one can easily morph into the other.”


“If a man’s penis were replaced with a woman’s vibrator, then batteries would become the world’s most valuable resource.”


“Someone who has great sex on the day they die can objectively say didn’t die in vain.”


“When you think about it, the most basic form of romantic love stems from a sincere desire to give someone else an orgasm.”


I hope that gets everyone in the mood for a nice Sunday siesta, among other things. This is the time of year when the weather is warm enough to minimize the amount of clothing you need to wear around the house. As someone with a noted fondness for sleeping naked, it’s a wonderful time of year and having an excuse to eat more burritos certainly doesn’t hurt.

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Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Infinity War Edition

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I hope it goes without saying to my fellow comic book fans, but this has been one of the biggest weekend in the history of the superhero genre. After over a decade of built-up and hype, “Avengers: Infinity War” has come out. It might very well be the biggest cinematic event since “Star Wars,” “Titanic,” or the first time someone saw female nipples on a movie screen.

There’s no way to overstate it. “Avengers: Infinity War” is a game-changing moment for a genre and an industry. Beyond simply giving Disney and Marvel a fresh pool of money to swim in, it promises to raise the bar for just how epic a superhero movie can be and just how impactful superheroes are on popular culture.

I still intend to craft my full review of the movie. I imagine there are plenty of people out there still in line, trying to get tickets for this monumental convergence of cinematic spectacle. I urge every one of those people to hang in there. I assure you the wait is worth it.

To make that weight slightly more bearable, I dedicate this week’s edition of my Sexy Sunday Thoughts to all those celebrating release of “Avengers: Infinity War.” We’ve waited a long time for a moment like this. Let’s celebrate it as best we can and for me, that means a little sex appeal.


“You can accurately judge the experience and skill of a lover by how well they touch nipples.”


“Is it possible that leather is only associated with kink because it’s easier to wipe away embarrassing stains?”


“Whoever invented the UV lamp probably made a LOT of unexpected enemies.”


“Technically speaking, an orgy is a conspiracy of orgasms.”


“Laughing during sex is only slightly less awkward than throwing up during desert.”


“Sex can be given, love has be earned, and anal must be negotiated.”


“Using a vibrator during sex is the intimate equivalent of a spoiler.”


These sexy thoughts might not have the power of the Infinity Gauntlet or the menacing presence of Thanos. If nothing else, I hope they get peoples’ hearts racing for reasons other than those evoked by the movie. For superhero fans, comic fans, and fans of all things epic, “Avengers: Infinity War” is a historic achievement. The way I see it, some sexy musings can be part of the celebration.

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Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Allergy Relief Edition

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This time of year brings out mixed emotions for people like me. On one hand, I’m glad winter is finally over and warmer weather awaits us. On the other, that warmer weather does not bode well for people like me who suffer from allergies. For my sinuses, this time of year is akin to the first day of high school on top of a dentist appointment.

I don’t deny that Spring is great in terms of scenery and smells, but it’s hard to enjoy when you’re dealing with sinus infections, itchy eyes, and coughing that sounds like you’re being strangled by fairies. I’ve lost count of all the medications, sprays, and special air filters I’ve used over the years. It’s a battle I know I can’t entirely win and just have to wait out.

There’s nothing sexy about allergies. That’s why I’m not looking forward to how the next several weeks will affect my sinuses. I know I’ve got a few sleepless nights and miserable days ahead of me, at least until the air clears and my nose adjusts. Until then, the best I can do is medicate myself like I always have and distract myself with all things sexy.

Knowing that there are plenty more allergy-sufferers out there, I dedicate this week’s edition of Sexy Sunday Thoughts to those who look at the blooming trees with a mix of dread and admiration. These next few weeks will be difficult, but with beach weather almost upon us, they’re worth enduring.


“No good deed goes unpunished, but no quality blowjob goes unacknowledged.”

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“Using a vibrator during sex is like fudge on ice cream. It’s not necessary, but it definitely helps.”

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“When you think about it, no quality sex toy should need an instruction manual.”

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“Ice and nipples are the sexual equivalent of chocolate and mint.”

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“The dedication of a lover is directly proportional to the percentage of their lover’s body that their tongue has touched.”

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“No relationship has ever suffered from an eagerness to share oral sex techniques.”

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“Good sex is like hitting a home run, but making love is more akin to a grand slam.”

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I hope this helps other allergy-sufferers like me prepare for the coming assault on our sinuses, among other things. Like awkward boners and wet panties, allergies are just a fact of life. You deal with them however you can and make the most of it. I’m still glad the weather is warming up, but there are still a few lingering obstacles before I can start enjoying pools, beaches, and bikinis.

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Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Spring Break Edition

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There was a time when the idea of spring break was genuinely exciting. As a kid, it’s a week off school that doesn’t involve holiday shopping or visiting relatives. As a college student, it took on a more mature, far sexier undertone. Spring break is to college students what Mardi Gras is to any woman who needs an excuse to flash her tits. It’s a unique party with plenty of sexy potential.

As an aspiring erotica/romance writer, I can fully appreciate that spirit, even though I’m not in college anymore. Even when I was, I didn’t get a chance to fly down to Cancun or hit up Daytona Beach for some badly-needed festivities. I was content to just sleep in for a few days and hang out with friends who didn’t mind that I enjoy sleeping naked.

More than anything else, spring break was a sign that the days of shoveling snow were over and summer vacations were in sight. Even after you’re done with school, the idea that warmer weather, crowded beaches, and skimpy bikinis are right around the corner is a great feeling. That’s why I’m dedicating this week’s Sexy Sunday Thoughts to the spirit of spring break and all the sexy undertones it stands for. Enjoy!


“When you think about it, foreplay is like a safety drill to ensure that participants are prepared.”

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“The fact that a woman who gives birth once still wants to have sex again is a testament to the female libido.”

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“There’s no wrong way to incorporate chocolate and massage oil into sex.”

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“When you think about it, a three-way is the movie equivalent of a crossover event.”

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“Very few adult toys could be used as kids toys, but a disturbing number of kids toys can still be used as adult toys.”

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“One could argue that the closing the orgasm gap is more important than closing the wage gap and men might be more eager to help in that effort.”

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“A one night stand is like putting on a cheap pair of socks, but making love to your lover is like putting on your favorite pair of jeans.”

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I hope this gets everybody in the spring break spirit, even if you’re not in school, aren’t on a break, and still have to get up at the crack of dawn tomorrow. We all miss the regular vacations we got in school. That doesn’t mean we have to completely forget the sexy sentiment behind those vacations. If nothing else, it’s an excuse to put on your swim suit again after a long, cold winter.

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Sexy Sunday Thoughts: St. Patrick’s Day (Hangover) Edition

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Top of the morning to ye, my sexy readers. If that comes off as too cheerful, then that means I didn’t get drunk enough on St. Patrick’s day to regret it this morning. In my book, that counts as a win. I’m sure there are others who weren’t so lucky. I know because I’m friends with some of them.

Whether or not you celebrate St. Patrick’s Day in any capacity, it’s still an excuse to go out with your friend, have a few drinks, and just enjoy a random holiday. It doesn’t have to have serious cultural meaning or ethnic connotations. It just has to be a good reason to celebrate and enjoy the company of others. The fact that alcohol faciliates this process is just a nice bonus.

In general, I don’t need many excuses to enjoy a good beer with friends and family. That rarely stops me from embracing the chance. It’s one of the few times where I don’t mind empty excuses. If it means coming together, getting drunk, and sharing a good time, I’m all for it. Sure, it tends to make for nasty hangovers later on, but that’s the price you pay for good times.

This being the day after St. Patrick’s Day, I’m sure there are plenty of pounding headaches and dry-heaves to go around. To those people, I have nothing but sympathy and compassion. I’ve been in that position. I know how it feels. That’s why I’m dedicating this week’s edition of Sexy Sunday Thoughts to the recovery process.


“Sex and personality disorders are like fireworks and gunpowder in that they have a great potential for spectacle.”

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“Good girls don’t go bad without a good reason and sex is a good reason with bad side-effects.”

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“When you think about it, orgies are ideal for those who are horny and have ADHD.”

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“A quickie is a pop quiz that can be difficult to pass, but ensures future tests are graded on a curve.”

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“The fact that sex sells and is illegal to buy sends many mixed messages.”

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“A man with a big dick and a woman with big tits can only generate so much sympathy from others.”

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“Knowledge is power, but knowledge of female anatomy is inherently more useful.”

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I hope this helps everyone sleep off their hangover. It probably won’t make your vomit less green, but at the very least, it’ll be a minor distraction from the headache. Every holiday that builds itself around the joys of drinking is going to come at a price. Considering the fun alcohol inspires, sexy or otherwise, I say that price is worth it.

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