Tag Archives: sexy humor

Jack Fisher’s Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Men’s Fashion Edition

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Growing up, I didn’t care much for fancy suits. In fact, I often avoided wearing them whenever I had to go to some fancy occasion like a wedding or party. In time, however, I came to appreciate the finer points of men’s fashion. As an adult, I’ve even had fun with refining my wardrobe and ensuring I look like the kind of man who takes care of himself.

It may be superficial, but there’s a logical purpose to it. How you dress affects how others see you. You send a message about yourself when you show up to an event in a clean suit that you’ve taken the time to wash, press, and accessorize. It further shows that you’re willing to put resources into your image.

That matters to people and I’m not just referring to women. The way you dress and groom yourself conveys just how eager you are to embrace this crazy world we live in. Show others that you’re willing to put in the work and they’ll be more likely to share in the rewards. I can personally attest to how much this affects the way you feel, especially around those of the opposite sex.

I personally own multiple suits and a set of ties that I probably overpaid for. I also make it a point to overdress for informal occasions, if only to stand out in the right ways. If that makes me weird, so be it. That’s why I’m dedicating my Sexy Sunday Thoughts this week to men’s fashion and those who put in the effort. It doesn’t always show, but it sends the right message about the kind of man you are. Enjoy!


“Logistically speaking, unattractive men are more likely to fuck better because they have more incentives to make it count.”


“Sweat during sex is like grease on pizza in that it’s an unavoidable, yet delicious byproduct of something great.”


“When you think about it, big tits are the only pop-up ads that men don’t mind seeing.”


“A woman’s flexibility during sex is directly linked to her lover’s ability to help her exercise it.”


“The female capacity for multiple orgasms ensures that lesbians will always have the edge in terms of sexual stamina.”


“In principle, an orgy in which everyone is satisfied is the truest manifestation of democracy.”


“Seeing a sex therapist is a lot like getting tech support for your genitals.”


I hope that got everyone feeling as bold on this beautiful Sunday morning as I do when I put on a freshly-pressed suit. It’s a special feeling, one that men and women alike can appreciate. No matter what day it is or what occasion you face, looking sharp and well-groomed will make it better. Few men can ever be like James Bond, but at the very least, you can look at fancy as him.

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Jack Fisher’s Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Functioning Air Conditioner Edition

3a43a5ad804242152de7fd160d7e19d4-sexy-men-hot-menHowever, there are times when summer isn’t quite as relaxing. I learned that the hard way a couple years ago when my air conditioner broke just in time for the first heat wave of the year. It wasn’t a simple mechanical problem either. The whole system flat out died on me and had to be replaced. It wasn’t just insanely costly. It ensured I was stuck in a hot, muggy house for nearly an entire week.

It’s not a very pleasant memory, to say the least. Air conditioning is one of those wondrous modern amenities that we all take for granted. Even in the biggest heat waves, we can find relief in our air conditioned homes or cars. For most of human history, we didn’t have that luxury. When it got hot out, you just endured it. I like to think that the invention if air conditioning made it possible to really enjoy summer for all its worth.

To honor this modern wonder, as well as those whose job it is to keep these inventions going, I hereby dedicate this week’s edition of my Sexy Sunday Thoughts to the joys of having functional air conditioning. If you’re unlucky enough not to have one, I hope these sensual musings give you some comfort as you endure overpriced repairs. Enjoy!


“It’s ironic that pulling out requires self-control while not pulling out incurs danger, both of which are traits women find sexy.”


“The potential discomfort of anal sex gains a very different context for any woman who has given birth.”


“The difference between a tender kiss and foreplay is akin to the difference between a sip of whine and a shot of bourbon.”


“There’s no polite way to ask a woman whether she’s horny, but there are countless possible ways to tell when a man is horny.”


“When you think about it, allowing your lover to shave your pubic hair is one of the greatest acts of trust.”


“Sweet talk may get your lover out of their clothes, but dirty talk will keep them in your bed.”


“A couple watching porn together can either be an act of romance or an act of research.”


To all those lucky enough to have a functioning air conditioner this time of year, I urge you to counter your blessings and offer sympathy to anyone who isn’t so lucky. Also, take the time to thank the brave men and women who repair those units during this time of year. They, along with the bartenders serving margaritas on the beach, are the real heroes of summer.

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Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Cold Lemonade Edition

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This is the time of year when every day becomes inherently better if you have a glass of ice cold lemonade within reaching distance. Between heat waves, humidity, and sun burns, a glass of cold lemonade goes a long way towards making summer feel complete. Like snow on Christmas morning, it just feels right. If you can throw in a little vodka, then that’s just icing on the cake.

Since I was a kid, I felt as though no summer was complete without a cold glass of lemonade. It was something I actually picked up from my father. He worked outdoors a lot and whenever he came in, all sweaty and dirty, the first thing he did was get himself a glass of lemonade. Even when we went out to eat, that was his drink of choice on hot days. It always seemed to boost his mood so naturally, I picked up on it.

As I write this, I’ve got cold glass of lemonade right next to me. It’s sweet, it’s cold, and it makes my weekend feel that much more complete. Sure, a morning cup of coffee may wake you up, but a cold glass of lemonade will put a smile on your face. You don’t have to be sitting on a beach or by a pool to enjoy it, but it certainly helps.

I know I sound way too enthusiastic about a simple drink that kids like to sell for quarters on a curb, but I stand by my love of lemonade in the summer every bit as much as I stand by my love of sleeping naked. That’s why I’m dedicating this week’s edition of my Sexy Sunday Thoughts to that special feeling that comes with every cold glass of lemonade on a hot summer day. Enjoy!


“Good manners and good oral sex have a lot in common when you think about it.”


“Technically, watching porn is the only spectator sport where the audience can also score.”


“Awkward boners are like annoying pop-up ads and tight briefs are like ad blockers.”


“The first step to falling in love is wanting to see someone have and orgasm and the last step is convincing them to let you regularly give them one.”


“Babies are precious because they’re the only tangible proof that you’ve had sex.”


“Any toy can be a sex toy with the right application of lube, kink, and pain tolerance.”


“Misery loves company, but only confidence can organize a three-way.”


I hope you enjoyed that, even if you had no cold lemonade nearby. The hottest days of summer are still ahead of us. It’s going to get hot, sweaty, and sticky. There will be times where you can’t legally ditch the clothes to cool off. In my experience, a cold glass of lemonade is the next best thing.

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Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Margarita Edition

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I was never too big a fan of margaritas. With all due respect to Jimmy Buffet and those who live by his music, I just never saw much appeal. If I’m in the need for something tasty and alcoholic, I just grab a cold beer or a glass of whiskey with some ice. That said, whenever a heat wave hits my area, I appreciate margaritas a lot more.

It’s mid-June now. This is the time of year when heat waves hit every other week, it seems. It’s going to get hot. It’s going to get muggy. Even if you don’t enjoy spending time outdoors and have top notch air conditioning, that heat will find you. You’re going to seek out a nice, refreshing drink at some point. You’re also going to feel the urge to get hammered as well.

A good margarita does both. That’s why it’s the perfect drink for a tropical vacation. It works just as well when you’re at home trying to stay cool and not overwork your air conditioning. Every now and then, I’ll adjust my thermostat so I can lounge around naked and still enjoy a good beverage that will help relax me. It’s part of why I love summer.

In the spirit of the summer heat and the drinks that help us cool off, I’m dedicating this week’s edition of my Sexy Sunday Thoughts to all things cold, frosty, and alcoholic. There are a lot of great ways to endure the heat in the summer, but only a handful will get you drunk. Enjoy!


“Women love the strong, silent types because it means more silence after great sex and more strength for carrying bags.”


“For men and gay women, alike, breasts are the original stress balls.”


“Even the most well-endowed man in the world will never measure up against someone with penis-shaped fingers.”


“Masturbating before a date is like taking a bath before going to the pool.”


“A blind date is like strip poker with people who dress in layers.”


“The fact that women’s perfume costs more than men’s deodorant says a lot about how we prioritize our scents.”


“A man dating multiple women takes a lot energy, but a woman dating multiple men simply requires endurance.”


I hope that helps make everybody’s cold, refreshing, alcohol-laden drinks taste that much better. This is the time of year when we don’t need as many excuses to enjoy something frosty and intoxicating. When the sun is blazing, the air is humid, and the days are long, enjoying a beverage that both cools you down and gets you drunk is just an efficient way to enjoy summer.

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Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Father’s Day 2018 Edition

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Some things are worth belaboring and I’m not just talking about the beauty of female breasts or the deliciousness of freshly cooked bacon. I tend to overstate many things on this site, but there’s one item that I’m proud to proclaim, no matter how much it annoys some people. That thing is my parents and how awesome they are.

It being Father’s Day, I have a perfect excuse to do it again and it’s worth doing too. That’s because, much like my mother, my dad is the absolute best. He’s a big reason why I’m the man I am today. He was, and still is, my first true superhero. He’s done so much to love, teach, and guide me throughout my life. Just thanking him on one day of the year isn’t enough.

I know he reads this site regularly. I also know he goes out of his way to love and support me more than any guy could ask for. No matter how old I get or how many challenges I face in life, my dad is there for me and he does so much to make my life better on every level. For that, I’ll be forever grateful.

For that very reason, and so many others that I don’t have time to list, I dedicate this week’s edition of my Sexy Sunday Thoughts to my wonderful father and all the other wonderful fathers out there. You helped make me the man I’m proud to be, dad. You deserve all the love and sex appeal in the world today.


“A man with a big penis will still face significant competition from anything that vibrates.”


“Bondage enthusiasts with pets have to be extra mindful of the mixed messages they send.”


“When you think about it, the purest form of world peace is everybody having a simultaneous orgasm.”


“A skilled chef gives you good food and a skilled prostitute gives you a good orgasm, but only one is legally questionable.”


“To some extent, a woman having twins is nature’s equivalent of backing up your hard drive.”


“Logistically speaking, a successful three-way teaches teamwork better than any sport.”


“Sex without foreplay is like fries without ketchup in that it’s still filling, but not as much as it could be.”


I hope that made Father’s Day a little extra special. For my dad and all the other dads out there, I thank you for imparting your love and guidance. The world is better because of it. On behalf of me, my dad, and all things fatherly, I wish everyone a safe and happy Father’s Day.

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Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Final Exam Edition

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This is the time of year I used to love and dread. As a teenager, it was the time of year when I could actually see the end of the school year in sight. It was so close I could practically smell the sandy beach and picture the sexy bikinis. To be fair, I can picture sexy bikinis during any time of year, but it was always extra urgent during those tenuous first weeks of June.

That’s because this was usually the time when I took the last round of exams. Being the obsessive grade-grubber I was, I couldn’t really enjoy the warmer weather or the pools that had just opened. I was too caught up studying for the final tests that acted as the final obstacle between me and several months of no homework or standardized tests. Time went very slowly during those days, to say the least.

Depending on how your school year is structured, those final rounds of tests are almost over. I imagine there are many of young, restless, freedom-deprived youths who are all too ready for a school-free summer. To them, I urge you to hang in there just a little bit longer. Summer vacation is almost here. In the meantime, here are some Sexy Sunday Thoughts to make the wait bearable. Enjoy!


“Most religions stigmatize sex because it knows it can’t hope to compete with orgasms.”


“Shaving your pubic hair implies you’re willing to put dangerously sharp razor blades near your genitals to improve your chances of using them more often.”


“The existence of men with big dicks who live in mansions is definitive proof that life is not fair.”


“No argument between lovers was ever made worse by too many orgasms.”


“Premature ejaculation is like melted ice cream in that it’s messy and undesirable, but still delicious on some levels.”


“A horny woman is extra lucky in that she never needs a seat warmer.”


“Sex before the wedding is like the playoffs, but sex during the honeymoon is like the championship parade.”


Whether you’re still stressing over your last round of exams or still recovering from them, I hope this helps. It’s been a long, eventful year for those still in school. All the standardized tests, proctored exams, and anti-drug lectures are almost over. A relaxing, restful summer awaits you. If you can, find the nearest pool, soak in some sun, and start enjoying the summer. You’ve earned it.

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Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Hot Off The Grill Edition

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If there’s one thing I’ve learned since I started contemplating and writing about sexy topics, it’s that nobody can exercise their sex appeal, no matter how innate it might be, on an empty stomach. Even when well-fed, though, there’s something to be said about having a good meal and feeling sexy afterwards.

In my experience, few things heighten sexual energy more than a meal that comes hot off the grill. Whether it’s a steak, a burger, a hot dog, or couple of turkey legs, there’s just something about the smell of freshly cooked meat that gets all the juices flowing in the right direction. Many of the women I’ve met have indirectly stated the same, some more overtly than others.

Whether it’s in the middle of summer or the dead of winter, a freshly grilled meal is enough to boost my mood in all the right ways for all the right reasons. In the interest of stirring appetites, both sexy and otherwise, I’m dedicating this week’s edition of my Sexy Sunday Thoughts to the joys of freshly-grilled meals and all the sexiness it inspires. Enjoy!


“Fake breasts are the best kind of false advertising.”


“Fake orgasms were very likely the first ever con.”


“Being in love also means being honest about how many sex toys you’ve owned.”


“A man searching for the G-spot is like a hacker trying to hack the CIA.”


“The effectiveness of dirty talk on some men is proof that some penises are voice activated.”


“A prostitute is like fast food in that it can be bad for us, but is still so satisfying.”


“A man with a small penis has much more incentive to use his hands well during sex.”


I hope that got everyone sufficiently hungry, among other things. Whether you enjoy a charred burger or just like to grill up some vegetables for that extra crisp feel, a good meal from the grill is sure to get you in the right mood to tackle anything, sexual or otherwise.

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