Tag Archives: sexy humor

Jack Fisher’s Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Funny Girl Edition

I love to laugh.

I enjoy being around other people who love to laugh.

Personally, I think having a good sense of humor makes someone more attractive, regardless of gender. Making someone laugh is almost as impactful as making them feel loved. However, it often seems like men are expected to be funny whereas a woman being funny is seen as an anomaly.

I honestly don’t understand that. I’ve been around men and women with a lousy sense of humor. I’ve also been around women who are legitimately funny. The girl I dated in college was one of them. She had a dirty mouth and a dirty sense of humor that I appreciated. It also helped she balanced that out with a sweeter, kinder side that I found genuinely attractive.

Over the years, I’ve made other women who funny in their own right. They have wit, charm, and a quirky mind that makes them downright endearing. I know there are those who claim women can never be as funny as men, but I don’t buy that for a second. I think, given all the successful female comedians over the years, that notion needs to die.

I don’t know when or where I’ll meet my future wife. I don’t know what she’ll look like, either. However, I’m fairly confident that she’ll have a good sense of humor. I look forward to laughing with her one day. In the meantime, here are some Sexy Sunday Thoughts to honor all the women out there who make the world a funnier place. Enjoy!

“Making fun of a couple who are too affectionate is like slut shaming a famous porn star.”

“To convince someone that marriage is a sacred institution, you also have to convince them that threesomes are sacrilege.”

“The hornier you are, the less you care about where someone else’s lips have been.”

“Even the most sexually repressed people can’t escape the fact that they’re the result of someone else’s orgasm.”

“Sometimes, having a good relationship depends on how eager you are to give oral sex.”

“One does not simply ask politely for a three-way.”

“When you’re sexually repressed, what you see as porn becomes very skewed.”

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Jack Fisher’s Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Scented Candle Edition

When it comes to romance, setting the mood is critical. That’s not just true for cheesy romance movies or novels. It’s every bit as critical in real life. Without the right mood, it’s harder to make a romantic moment all that sexy. It’s not impossible, but it is just harder.

That’s where scented candles come into the mix. Now, I’m not talking about aromatherapy here. That stuff is mostly a scam. You don’t need to overspend on fancy candles imported from Milan. With the right setup, even the cheap stuff you buy at Walmart can work. You just have to be creative, as well as romantic.

The scented parts are also important. If your lover doesn’t like the smell of peppermint, pumpkin, or ginseng, don’t get candles that smell like that. Those will kill the mood, even if the visuals are perfect. Try and find what kind of scents put your lover at ease. What do they find relaxing, pleasant, or soothing? Trust me, if it’s a scent, there’s likely a candle for it.

It may seem cheesy, but when the moment is right, you’ll know the difference. Whether you’re in a new relationship or you’ve been married for four decades, this is the sort of thing that shows you’ve got a romantic side. It shows you care about making the extra effort. That, in and of itself, can be a powerful romantic gesture.

It’s a new year and it’s the middle of winter. A lot of us are still stuck inside. If that’s going to be the case, let’s find a way to be romantic. Some scented candles will go a long way towards that end. As you contemplate your setup, here are some Sexy Sunday Thoughts to inspire you. Enjoy!

“A friend who gets you laid is a true friend, indeed.”

“A man’s will-power is directly proportional to his ability to refuse a blowjob.”

“To some extent, a thong is just a poor censor bar for your butt and genitals.”

“It’s always easier to negotiate with someone who’s very horny.”

“A dirty mind knows not to question someone who owns multiple dog leashes and no dog.”

“A man is only secure in his relationship if he accepts that his girlfriend’s dildo will always be bigger than his penis.”

“Insecurity is never sexy and overcompensating for insecurity is pathetic, but it can still get you laid.”

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Jack Fisher’s Sexy Sunday Thoughts: New Years (And Fuck 2020) 2021 Edition

We did it.

It’s over.

We made it through 2020 and 2021 is finally here. Let’s all take a step back, take a deep breath, and share in a collective orgasmic relief. It doesn’t matter how much strange noise you make. It doesn’t matter if the neighbors give you strange looks. It’s worth it because 2020 is over.

Last year sucked an entire multiverse of dicks. Let’s not forget that. In a single year, so many things we loved and cherished were disrupted, destroyed, or undermined. Our souls and spirits were crushed at multiple turns, especially if you were a health care worker, a doctor, or a New York Jets fan.

Despite all that, we made it through. We survived one of the worst years we’ve had in generations. Now, 2021 is here and we can start building towards something better. We already have the tools, thanks to the same doctors and front line health care workers who suffered the worst of 2020. We just need to put in the work to make use of them.

It won’t be easy, but the bar for improvement is so low at this point. Why not shoot for something greater? There’s a good chance the first part of this year will still suck, just because 2020 left that big an impact. However, we still have the opportunity to guide it in the right direction.

By this time next year, we will be in a better place. I believe that. I hope others believe it too. I know we’re all still wounded from last year, but I’m ready to put in the work. Here are some of my Sexy Sunday Thoughts to help those ready to share in that effort. Enjoy!

“These days, telling someone how fast their internet connection is should count as flirting.”

“A man’s mood is closely linked to the kind of porn he watches.”

“Buying sex just takes money, but getting free sex takes talent, skill, and charisma.”

“Any woman who willingly has sex after having given birth has to be a masochist on some level.”

“Contrary to what football fans say, a dick-measuring contest is the only true game of inches.”

“With the right looks, you can be an untalented stripper and still be successful.”

“Anyone who thinks they need blowjob lessons is overthinking blowjobs, in general.”

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Jack Fisher’s Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Happy Holidays 2020 Edition

I hope everyone had a wonderful, festive Christmas this year. Relatively speaking, that is.

I know that’s a given after a year like 2020. What constitutes a good day, a good month, or a good holiday, in general, is bound to be horribly skewed. There’s just no way around it. That’s what happens when you endure a once-in-a-century pandemic that ruins everything from movies to sports to the simple act of going to a restaurant.

Even so, we should not let that undermine our holiday spirit. We cannot let something that awful keep us from sharing in the joys of the season. I like to think we’re stronger than that. I know that’s easy to say as someone who isn’t sick and who’s family members aren’t sick. That’s exactly why it needs to be said.

There are a lot of families this year whose holiday plans were mired by complications, disruptions, and tragedy. Mine certainly were different. The large family gatherings and the extensive traveling that I usually do on the holidays just couldn’t happen. That didn’t stop us from sharing in the spirit. We just had to share it through Zoom and video chats. It wasn’t the same, but it was better than nothing.

I hope everyone found a way to share in the spirit of Christmas. I hope everyone still finds the energy and strength to enjoy New Years, as well. Better days are coming. Even though we had to temper our celebrations this year, the holidays should give us hope for the future.

I’ll certainly try my best to mend my broken spirit after this year. I doubt it’ll be easy, but I’ll make the effort. As part of that effort, here are some Sexy Sunday Thoughts to help keep the holiday spirit alive for the rest of the season. Enjoy!

“If love is divine, then orgasms are miracles.”

“Touch someone’s heart and a shortcut to their genitals will appear.”

“A penis is like a bee bee gun in that it takes effort to make it work, but someone with skill makes every shot count.”

“Leaving your door unlocked is less dangerous than leaving your porn stash unhidden.”

“It’s good to open your heart to others, but it’s wise to be selective when opening your legs.”

“When you think about it, thrill sex could only be so thrilling in the days before cameras.”

“Like it or not, every social situation has a non-zero chance of someone making you horny.”

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Jack Fisher’s Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Gift Wrapping 2020 Edition

Christmas is almost here. Whether you’re a little kid or a full-grown adult, it’s approaching fast and we should prepare accordingly. Now, I’ve made no secret of my passion for the holidays. I had my tree up the day after Halloween. I also had my Christmas shopping done by Thanksgiving. It’s not just about being proactive. I just love embracing the holidays sooner than most.

For some, wrapping gifts is just part of the holiday process. Some even see it as tedious and laborious, especially if your gifts don’t easily fit into boxes. However, I honestly love wrapping gifts. I don’t know if I’m just weird or if that’s just an extension of my love for the holidays. I genuinely enjoy wrapping presents.

One of my favorite personal traditions involves putting on a Christmas movie, laying all my wrapping gear in the middle of my living room, and just proceed with wrapping every gift I can. It’s just one of those things that fills me with a special kind of joy.

I also believe that your willingness to wrap a gift helps make it more personal. It shows the people you love that you really put time and effort into getting this gift for them. That sends a message that’s every bit as meaningful as the gift itself.

I know not everyone feels this way about gift wrapping. At the same time, I think it plays a major role in the holiday aesthetics. You have Christmas trees, lights, decorations, and holiday specials. You also have wrapped Christmas gifts. Together, it’s just a perfect picture of the holidays and it’s worth celebrating.

Here are some of my Sexy Sunday Thoughts to help contribute to that celebration. Enjoy!

“Being in love and horny at the same time is a potent combination.”

“Like it or not, anything that gives men erections is going to be scrutinized, commodified, or celebrated.”

“Every time you open a door, there’s a non-zero chance you’ll walk in on someone having sex.”

“Depending on the situation, being a sexy virgin is either an accomplishment or a tragedy.”

“Porn is basically candy for our genitals.”

“Urging women to not be sluts requires that you convince them to have fewer orgasms.”

“You’re either homophobic or horny if you’re extra careful when sucking on a popsicle.”

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Jack Fisher’s Sexy Sunday Thoughts: True Bravado Edition

What’s the difference between confidence and bravado? They’re often used interchangeably, but they don’t mean exactly the same thing. One has a certain connotation. The other is a more general term.

There’s nothing too special about having confidence. Most people with even a shred of self-esteem have some amount of confidence. Even if you’re a depressed cynic on the level of Daria Morgandorffer, you have to have some confidence that your heart will continue to beat and the world will continue to spin.

Bravado is something more distinct. It’s a special kind of confidence in the same way diamonds are special kind of carbon. Having bravado is the kind of thing that separates an average man from James Bond. It’s not enough to just be confident in yourself. You also have to have actual ability.

Some people think they have that kind of ability. Most of the time, that’s just false bravado. That’s less James Bond and more the villains he defeats. True bravado is a potent mix of both confidence and ability. If you do what you do with both confidence and skill, then that’s one of the most attractive qualities you can have.

Whether you’re a man, woman, or something in between, bravado can help you stand out for all the right reasons. It can make you unique, attractive, and more interesting than anyone else. It’s not easy to gain, but that’s exactly what makes it so valuable. Please take those lessons to heart as you enjoy another entry of my Sexy Sunday Thoughts. Enjoy!

“Technically, romantic tension can’t function without some degree of horniness.”

“You can only be so romantic when you’re really horny.”

“How much do you trust someone who says they’ve never watched porn?”

“If a crazy stunt gets you laid, does it still count as crazy?”

“Pursuing love means finding someone willing to regularly get naked with you.”

“A whore is just a slut with better business savvy.”

“Great love stories often come from those who are lonely, horny, or both.”

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Jack Fisher’s Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Peppermint Flavor Edition

We can finally say it without people whining about the timing of it all. The holidays are upon us. That magical period between Thanksgiving and Christmas is here. It’s as official as we can get without Santa Claus himself hitting us upside the head with his sleigh. As someone who loves the holidays and regularly puts his decorations up before everyone else, I welcome it.

Along with the many festive themes that manifest during this time of year, there’s also a distinct flavor that often coincides with the holidays. That flavor is peppermint. What pumpkin spice is to Fall and Halloween, peppermint is to the holidays. While it may not be overhyped and overly marketed as pumpkin spice, it still gives us that distinct taste of the holidays.

Personally, I still like pumpkin spice more than peppermint. If given the choice, I’d still get a pumpkin spice latte over a peppermint latte. However, in the name of the holiday spirit, I’ll gladly have as many peppermint lattes as necessary to further this wondrous celebration.

It also helps that the scent is uniquely festive. I remember years ago when my ex-girlfriend bought a peppermint candle on one of our Black Friday shopping excursions. It ended up setting a mood that was as romantic as it was sexy. I encourage every couple out there to try the same. Even if you don’t like peppermint lattes or candy, peppermint candles should put you in a jolly and sexy mood.

In that spirit, I’m dedicating this week’s Sexy Sunday Thoughts to all things peppermint flavored. May the taste and the ambience help get us all in the mood for all the right reasons. Enjoy!

“Telling a horny man to not stick his dick in crazy will always come off as a dare.”

“A rock star cheating on their lover is like a billionaire buying a lottery ticket.”

“Being lucky in love means nothing if you’re unwilling to find their G-spot.”

“The price of a lap dance is definitive proof that talk is cheap.”

“Being able to get laid while you still live with your parents should count as an accomplishment.”

“Whoever claimed laugher was the best medicine probably didn’t have a lot of orgasms.”

“Making yourself more attractive often goes hand-in-hand with making yourself less boring.”

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Jack Fisher’s Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Thanksgiving 2020 Edition

The holidays are truly upon us now. We can all stop complaining about malls and stores putting their decorations up too damn early. It’s officially not early anymore. We’re in the heart of the season. It often starts just before Thanksgiving, but now we’re past the before part.

Let’s not overlook the big, ugly turkey in the room, though. This past Thanksgiving, and the holidays in general, are bound to be different this year. You just can’t have normal Thanksgiving festivities during a once-in-a-century global pandemic. It’s both irresponsible and dangerous. That’s why we have to adapt, but doing so doesn’t mean abandoning the holiday spirit.

This past Thanksgiving was very different for me and my family. I’m used to big family gatherings, long tables of tightly packed family members gorging on food, and lots of friendly hugging. That sort of deal just isn’t conducive to things like social distancing. I understand that. I don’t like it, but I understand it.

Were it not for video chatting and Zoom, I might not have seen my family at all this year. For that, I’m thankful. If nothing else, it encourages me to make Thanksgiving extra awesome next year. I encourage others to do the same if we’ve done enough to end this pandemic. With two vaccines in the works, that’s no longer too big an if.

In the meantime, it’s still a great time to get into the holiday spirit. This past Thanksgiving may have been different, but it’s still a reason to celebrate and appreciate what we have, as well as what we’ve overcome. Here are some Sexy Sunday Thoughts to help you feel thankful, among other things. Enjoy!

“A tactful nymphomaniac is not that different from a functional alcoholic.”

“Men can’t help but be conflicted when a woman recognizes a famous porn star.”

“To some extent, drama is the foreplay before foreplay.”

“The human race would literally not exist without motherfuckers and yet we use that as an insult.”

“Find a lover who will protect you the same way a pervert protects their hard drive.”

“Like it or not, hot moms are likely to raise the most awkward teenagers.”

“Hate sex leaves your body and mind conflicted, even when you do it right.”

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Jack Fisher’s Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Late Bloomer Edition

Growing up, you probably knew someone who didn’t really come into their own, physically or mentally, until much later in life. It’s hard to notice at the time. More often than not, we don’t identify someone as a late bloomer until years later. By then, the memories of who they were before they bloomed have seriously clashed with who we see before us. 

I certainly knew some late bloomers. Back in middle school, I knew this girl in the eighth grade who dressed like a tomboy most of the time and rarely stood out. You wouldn’t mistake her for a boy, but she wasn’t the kind of girl who turned heads. I didn’t get the sense she wanted to. 

That changed considerably in the span of two years. By then, she’d developed considerably and yes, I mean that in the exact way you’re thinking. She still dressed like a tomboy, but didn’t exactly hide that she had above-average breasts. She also got taller and developed a more feminine frame. Needless to say, she got more attention than I think she wanted. 

She was a classic late bloomer. Some take even longer. I know people who didn’t really bloom until their late 20s, usually because they decided to get in shape or get healthier. The transformations can be quite remarkable, as can the attention they get from those who knew them before they bloomed. 

Like an exotic flower, it’s a beautiful thing. Whether it’s by nature or effort, I think late bloomers reflect a unique sex appeal that’s worth celebrating. Keep that in mind when you see someone coming of age. Here are some Sexy Sunday Thoughts to help in that effort. Take care!

“Phone sex is just an elaborate effort to talk someone into having an orgasm.”

“It’s objectively impossible to be more egotistical than a masturbating narcissist.”

“Depending on the circumstances, being easily distracted can be an advantage and disadvantage during heated lovemaking.”

“There’s no non-sexual way to tell a woman her panties look good on her.”

“Being really charming is for men what breast implants are for women.”

“You’re bound to have mixed feelings if you shake hands with a scientist who studies orgasms.”

“Men who routinely have sex with crazy women are more daring than skydivers and test pilots combined.”

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Jack Fisher’s Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Movember 2020 Edition

It’s been a long year. I don’t think that’s a controversial statement at this point. A year as objectively awful as 2020 has a tendency to drag. It’s still not over, so there’s a distinct possibility that it could get even worse. As scary as that prospect sounds, there are still some things we should still embrace, despite the all-around horrors of 2020.

The fact that we made it to November is an accomplishment in and of itself. Given the events of all the previous months, anything involving health definitely deserves greater emphasis. As it just so happens, the annual Movember events that help raise awareness of men’s health is perfectly in line with that effort.

I know men’s health issues tend to get less attention than others. That doesn’t make them any less important. Men are people too. Men also suffer serious health issues that disproportionately impact them, such as prostate cancer. The Movember foundation helps raise money and awareness for these issues.

In addition to donating money, men also participate by growing a mustache or facial hair. I’ve shared my own personal story with that effort and I can attest to the manliness this brings out in others. I can also attest that there’s some serious sex appeal to manly facial hair. The sexiness of Ron Swanson is proof enough of that.

So, in the spirit of Movember, I dedicate these Sexy Sunday Thoughts to the cause of men’s health. Once you’ve enjoyed the overall sexiness, please consider donating to the Movember foundation. Men’s health, and health in general, has never been more important. It won’t undo how bad this year has been, but it will help set up a better future for men and boys alike.

“An unzipped fly in a man sends a very different message than a short skirt on a woman.”

“Makeup sex was likely the first attempt at conflict resolution.”

“A woman with a backup vibrator knows the benefits and value of being proactive.”

“A date without romance is just a conspiracy to get laid.”

“On some levels, the nature of orgasms make hate sex inherently hypocritical.”

“Taking your date to church is like wearing a bikini in a nudist colony.”

“A tease is just someone who is willing to lie to your face and your genitals.”

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