Tag Archives: sexy humor

Jack Fisher’s Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Buffalo Wing Sauce Edition

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I consider myself a fairly passionate person, by nature. A big part of what we do and why we do it is driven by passion. I just consider the passion that fuels me to be extra potent. It shows in the way I talk about comic books, gender politics, and beautiful women in bikinis.

I’ve shared many of my passions on this website, but there’s on in particular I don’t think I’ve emphasized enough. That’s my passion for all things flavored with buffalo wing sauce. I get it. That sounds like an odd thing for anyone who lives outside of Buffalo to be passionate about, but it’s no joke to me.

I truly love all things flavored with buffalo wing sauce and I’m not just referring to chicken wings. I put it on my pizza, my eggs, my vegetables, my burgers, my steaks, and pretty much anything else I can put sauce on. If I found a woman who enjoyed having buffalo wing sauce licked off her boobs, I would probably fall in love with her on the spot.

This being football season, which is associated with a sizable increase in consumption of all things buffalo flavored, my passion for this wondrous condiment has never been greater. That’s why I proudly dedicate this week’s edition of my Sexy Sunday Thoughts to buffalo wing sauce. If it makes you both horny and hungry, I’ll have done my job.


“It’s only when you appreciate how closely smell is linked to memory that you understand why some men love sniffing women’s panties.”


“When you think about it, the line between foreplay and tickling has to be blurred for either to work.”


“Morning sex will either make you tired or wake you up, which makes it inherently more useful than coffee.”


“Wanting a lover who can be everything to you is like wanting everything they do to give you an orgasm.”


“The fact that making love makes both happiness and life means its the most basic form of multi-tasking.”


“The power of love can only ever be a mitigating factor when negotiating the prospects of anal sex.”


“Given the similar consistency between mayonnaise and semen, you can’t help but wonder if the person who created it had some weird kinks.”


I hope that helped everybody work up an appetite, among other things. Between the weather getting colder and the start of football season, my stomach is ready and eager to ingest all things coated in buffalo wing sauce. If my genitals wish to join the party, then that’s just a nice bonus.

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Jack Fisher’s Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Sexy Dancing Edition

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I’m not a dancer. Anyone who has ever seen me at a wedding or a night club knows that. It’s not that I have anything against it. It’s just not something I care to do, mostly because I end up making a fool of myself and not in a cute way.

Don’t get me wrong. I can kind of dance. I say kind of because doing so usually requires a few beers and a shot of whiskey. Even with the aid of alcohol, though, I’m not one for technique or style. I just move in whatever way doesn’t look too ridiculous. As long as nobody thinks I’m having a seizure, I feel like I’ve done my part.

While I may be terrible at dancing, I still have a strong appreciation for those with genuine skill and passion. I especially appreciate those who put a little sex appeal into their dancing. I’m not just referring to strippers, either. Some people treat dancing like foreplay. It’s intimate, sensual, and provocative. For romance-lover like me, I can’t help but appreciate that.

I’ve seen men and women pull it off in ways I never could. I may never have that kind of skill, but those who do make the world an inherently sexier place. As such, I’m dedicating this week’s edition of my Sexy Sunday Thoughts to those people. If you’re one of them, I sincerely thank you.


“With enough imagination, bravery, and pain tolerance, anything can be a sex toy.”


“Boredom is the primary catalyst for 95 percent of all newly-discovered kinks.”


“The fact that it takes genuine effort to make a back massage non-sexual shows how horny we are.”

 


 

“A quickie is like a shot of tequila, but a night of passionate lovemaking is like an open bar in Las Vegas.”


“The idea that sharing is caring feels like a metaphor for how men use their boners.”


“In the spirit of political correctness, every sex club should be classified as orgasm enthusiast gatherings.”


“It says a lot that anything we describe as orgasmic is usually messy to some extent.”


I hope this gives all those sexy dancers out there a little extra inspiration the next time their favorite song starts playing. Whether it’s at a club or in a bedroom, don’t be afraid to flaunt those sexy dancing skills. The world needs a little sexiness these days. Not everyone is good at it, but that doesn’t mean you can’t appreciate it.

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Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Labor Day 2018 Edition

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It’s Labor Day weekend and once again, we all find ourselves asking the same question. What the hell is Labor Day and why the hell is it a holiday? There’s probably a legitimate story behind it, but I doubt most people will care because it means a day off work and a chance to sleep in on a Monday.

I’m somewhat lucky, I guess. When I was growing up, my family made it a point to have a big Labor Day cookout to cap off the summer. My family never passed up a chance to throw a party and have a get-together. Sometimes, the 4th of July just wasn’t enough. I remember those cookouts fondly, but they were somewhat tainted by the fact that I had to go to school the next day.

As I’ve gotten older, though, I’ve come to appreciate Labor Day for what it is. We all work so hard just to survive in this crazy world. We all need to take a step back and relax every once in a while. Work is all well and good, but we need balance. I often feel as though Americans are way behind in that respect, compared to those in Europe.

That being said, I urge everyone to make the most of this day. Holiday or not, it’s a day to enjoy the last bit of summer before cold weather sweeps in and Christmas lights go up. That’s why I dedicate this week’s edition of Sexy Sunday Thoughts to Labor Day and sleeping in on a Monday. Enjoy!


“When you think about it, foreplay and negotiating aren’t really THAT different in terms of navigating sex.”


“The difference between having an eccentric quirk and a sexy kink is the amount of lube required.”


“Enjoying cream in your coffee is like enjoying extra tongue with oral sex.”


“An orgy is basically the Netflix of sex.”


“Bad sex can taint love, but good love can repair bad sex.”


“Nipples are nature’s way of keeping some sensitive parts of the body above the waist.”


“The first three-way was contemplated by a either a really horny man or a very tired woman.”


I hope that helps make everyone’s long weekend feel that much more complete. Whether you intend to have a cookout, like my parents, or just not get out of your underwear all day, I hope you find a way to enjoy Labor Day. For some of us, though, the work never ends and that’s especially true of telling sexy stories and sharing sexy thoughts.

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Jack Fisher’s Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Beach Wedding Edition

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When I was a kid, I didn’t care for weddings. To me, they were just large family gatherings with strange food, itchy clothes, and no playground. While I appreciated big parties and celebrating love, I just didn’t enjoy them for what they were. As I got older, though, my attitude changed.

As I write this, I am still bathing in the afterglow of the first beach wedding I ever attended. A very old friend of mine who has known me since I was three-years-old got married in a beautiful ceremony that left few dry eyes and not just because of the ocean air. It was definitely more memorable than any of the weddings I attended as a kid.

Out of respect for my friend’s privacy, I won’t go into too many details. I’ll just say that when it comes to forging a joyous occasion on the beach in the middle of summer, my family really goes all out. It was so much fun on top of being sweet, sincere, and memorable. It’s the kind of wedding that would make even the most hardened of souls feel the power of love.

Rather than randomly quote songs by Huey Lewis and the News, I’m just going to dedicate this week’s edition of Jack Fisher’s Sexy Sunday Thoughts to weddings and those lucky enough to celebrate them on the beach. If you love weddings and you love the beach, I can safely say that it’s a potent and underrated combination.


“You don’t need motivation to want sex, but you do need effort to make love.”


“A lousy blowjob is always better than an awkward kiss.”


“Being attracted to someone will always have a basis in wanting to see them naked.”


“Is treating women like sex objects really worse than treating men like bank accounts?”


“Romance requires finance, but the market for passion is always volatile.”


“Gamers would be the ultimate studs if women had cheat codes.”


“The first fake orgasm likely inspired the first professional actress.”


To my friends, family, and everyone who shared in the momentous beach-front ceremony, I sincerely thank you for making the event so memorable. To my friend and their lucky new spouse, I wish you nothing but happiness, love, sexiness, and everything in between.

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Jack Fisher’s Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Staycation 2018 Edition

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This is the time of year where most people either take their vacation or envy those who are able to take vacations in the first place. I’ve been on both ends before. After I got out of college, I had about as much vacation time as I did gold-encrusted toilet seats. I truly envied those who talked glowingly about the places they went.

That’s typical for a lot of young people. You get out of college, you start working, and you’ve got precious little time to take off. Add paying off student loan debt to the mix and vacations are a low priority, to say the least. Sure, you’ll still get a day off here and there, but you won’t have the money or the means to go anywhere exotic, expensive, or clothing optional.

For the first two years after college, I didn’t go anywhere special when I got time off. Instead, I became the master of the staycation. I even came to embrace it. I found that I could still feel plenty refreshed by just hanging out at home, sleeping in, and lounging around with no lengthy to-do list. While I still prefer a trip to the beach or a few nights in Las Vegas, I can still make the most of a standard staycation.

It’s becoming more common and necessary among young people, resorting to staycations rather than going exotic places with what little time and money they have. It can be limiting, but still plenty rewarding. I know plenty of people who are basically stuck taking staycations this summer. This edition of my Sexy Sunday Thoughts is for those people and everyone who appreciates their place in our lives.


“Logistically speaking, a skilled porn star and a devout spouse require many similar abilities.”


“Drunk driving can accidentally take a life, but drunk sex can accidentally make one.”


“For someone with a food fetish, a late-night snack counts as foreplay.”


“Good sex can make up for a bad date, but it rarely works in reverse.”


“Some women want a handsome prince, but too many men just want a sexy maid.”


“An attentive lover puts as much care into personal hygiene as they do their oral sex abilities.”


“Pregnancy tests inspire more prayers than any holy site ever will.”


Whether you’re enjoying an extended staycation or lounging by a beach in Cancun, I hope everybody reading this finds some time to get away from it all. We all need a chance to step back, relax, and unwind. You don’t have to travel to the French Riviera. You can just travel to your couch and still end up just as refreshed. A sexy vacation to a beach full of supermodels is nice. A few days on the couch can be nice as well.

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Jack Fisher’s Sexy Sunday Thoughts: 2018 NFL Preseason Edition

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It’s almost here! Six months after an epic Super Bowl showdown, which went onto inspire a sexy short story, a new football season is almost upon us. Sure, it’s only the preseason, but any lifelong football fan will tell you that it’s better than nothing after a dozens of boring Sundays.

I’ve made my love of football known before. I’ll do plenty to reaffirm that love in the coming weeks. I know the NFL has been in the news for all the wrong reasons over the past couple years, but that doesn’t make me miss it any less. I’m eager to start building my Sundays around how much football I can watch and how much cold beer I can drink.

Most football fans tend to roll their eyes at the pre-season. I admit it’s basically the diet soda of football. It’s still football, though. It has a purpose, as well. It helps set the stage for the coming season, revealing which teams lack depth and which teams will be behind the curve when the season starts. It’s exciting and it beats the hell out of watching golf.

Meaningless games or not, I’m ready for some football. The preseason is just an appetizer and I’ve got plenty of room for the main course. With that, I dedicate this week’s edition of my Sexy Sunday Thoughts to the beginning of the 2018 NFL Preseason. Enjoy!


“Make-up sex is like having your favorite TV show renewed after a lousy season.”


“Saying someone has lost their virginity on prom night is like saying they accidentally drank a glass of water when they were thirsty.”


“Porn isn’t inherently harmful, but the stress of hiding your collection sure is.”


“A man’s love for a woman is directly proportional to his ability to identify her tits in a topless bar.”


“Giving good oral sex is like giving a rousing speech in that it’s measured by how loud the audience gets.”


“A quickie in the morning is like Chinese take-out for dinner in that it usually leaves you hungry for more later on.”


“A couple’s overall horniness is directly proportional to their willingness to make love atop dirty sheets.”


These are exciting times for sports fans. The baseball season is heating up. Football season is almost here. With each passing day, we have more and more excuses to eat Buffalo Wings for a snack. Football isn’t back quite, but it’s close and like my sexy musings, preseason should help tide us over for now.

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Jack Fisher’s Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Dog Days Of Summer Edition

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It’s the first Sunday of August and that usually means we’ve officially entered the dog days of summer. We’ve all heard that expression at some point and not just from baseball fans. It usually signifies the point in the year in which the summer heat starts to burn and no amount of cold lemonade can stop it.

Now, I love summer as much as the next person who enjoys pool parties and beach trips. I love the hottest days of summer more than the coldest days of winter. At the same time, though, there’s a point where even I find the heat unbearable. Between sunburns, humidity, and hungry mosquitoes, even I can’t overlook the flaws.

As I write this, I’m nursing more than my share of sunburns and mosquito bites. I’ve also seen more than a few days where the temperature got into the triple digits and even my love of sleeping naked only goes so far. August tends to bring out the best and worst parts of summer and as much as I strive to stay positive, I can’t overlook how much my sun burns hurt.

I’m still not eager for winter to get here and hinder my ability to lounge around naked, but I’m not going to hide from the difficulties. As such, I dedicate this week’s edition of my Sexy Sunday Thoughts to the dog days of summer and how we cope with them. Enjoy!


“Tough love and rough sex aren’t the same thing, but they use similar methods.”


“Anyone with a spanking fetish who is still insulted by a slap in the face is sending mixed messages.”


“Is there any feasible way to tell someone you think of them while you masturbate and present it as a compliment?”


“The fact that men are repulsed by the workings of female genitalia, but still want to put their dick in it says a lot about the power of their sex drive.”


“Marriage is like paying for a reserved parking spot with a piece of your heart, a part of your soul, and significant legal liabilities.”


“True love is being able to fart in the same bed with someone.”


“Talking to your lover about what you want in bed is like giving them a guide, but just telling them what to do is like giving them homework.”


I hope this provides enough distraction from the humidity, among other things. We’re in the middle of summer and probably have a few more heat waves to endure. That means more sun burns and bug bites lie ahead of us. As frustrating as they can be, I’ll take that over shoveling a foot of snow off my driveway any day of the week.

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