Bachelor Parties, Masculinity, And A (Much Needed) Feel Good Story

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There’s a lot of bad, depressing news in the world. There are just as many depressing trends in terms of politics, society, and the very world we live on. It’s an unfortunate fact of life. We live in an imperfect world and, thanks largely to our own refined survival instinct, we pay more attention to the bad news instead of the good news, which is there.

Every once in a while, though, some news emerges that strikes all the right chords, evokes all the right feelings, and reminds us that humanity can still be pretty darn awesome. I’d like to share one of those stories that I believe is just that awesome.

It involves masculinity, bachelor parties, and a happy accident turned into something incredible. It’s one of those stories that we need right now. In case you haven’t been watching certain commercials and the visceral reaction to such commercials, the state of masculinity has been precarious, to say the least. While I’ve made my opinions on the subject known, I don’t deny the debate is ongoing and exceedingly frustrating.

Then, a man named William Novak came along and showed just how amazing men could be when given the opportunity. The story, which went viral for all the right reasons, started with a wedding, a bachelor party, and an email typo. Not even three “Hangover” movies could’ve created a perfect storm like this.

Angelo Onello was getting married. His brother, Devin, was responsible for sending out the invites to the bachelor party. By complete accident, he misspelled an email address and sent a message to William Novak in Phoenix, Arizona, who was not the same Bill Novak that he’d intended to invite.

Now, most people probably would’ve just deleted the email or let the sender know that it was a mistake. William Novak of Phoenix, Arizona is not most people. He’s a cut above the rest. Instead of just deleting the email, he replied and said he’d love to attend. He would help Angelo, a total stranger, have the best bachelor party he could possibly have.

Let that sink in, for a moment. Novak doesn’t know this man. He doesn’t even live in the same time zone. Angelo lives across the country and the bachelor party was in Vermont. That’s a hell of a trip, just to help out a total stranger. Most people will make excuses to avoid any drive more than an hour for a blood relative.

Again, Novak isn’t most people. He’s more awesome than that and people respond to awesome. To pay for the long trip, he actually started a GoFundMe page. He was only trying to raise about $1,000. He ended up raising over $5,000. When someone announces they’re going to go out of their way for a total stranger like that, it’s hard not to support them.

By all accounts, the trip and the bachelor party that ensued was a success. Mr. Novak helped a total stranger enjoy himself. He also showed that when given an opportunity, men will go out of their way for one another and for all the right reasons. Mr. Novak’s story resonated so much that even late night talk show hosts like Seth Meyers took some time to tell this amazing story.

It’s a story that deserves to be told. It’s a story that shows that men can do amazing things for no other reason than because it’s amazing. You don’t have to look too far to see heart-warming stories about people helping strangers. This one is just one of those stories that came along at just the right time.

Men, women, and everyone in between can appreciate the gesture that someone like Mr. Novak demonstrated. He’s not just a decent husband and father. He’s the kind of guy who will help another guy have a memorable bachelor party. Regardless of where you stand on gender politics, that’s the kind of masculinity that’s worth celebrating.

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What I Wish I Learned In Sex Ed

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I like to think I had a good education in sex growing up. I grew up in an area that heavily promoted comprehensive sex education and did not solely rely on telling horny teenagers to abstain. On top of that, my parents were very upfront and transparent on sexual issues. They did not lie to me and they did not avoid the issue whenever I asked them questions.

In that sense, I consider myself luckier than most. I’ve heard way too many horror stories about kids getting a form of sex education that’s downright damaging. At the same time, there are some things I wish my teachers and parents had taught me. I feel like it would’ve saved me a lot of stress, confusion, and uncertainty later on in life.

While some things can only be learned through experience, I think in matters of sexuality, insight goes a long way. It’s one of the few acts we’re biologically wired to seek. Even if we find something out on our own, we’re not always going to understand it and that often means making flawed assumptions. That can make things awkward, to say the least.

What follows is a list of minor, but relevant aspects about sex that I wish I’d learned more about growing up. Some of these issues are things my teachers probably couldn’t have mentioned in a health class without getting into trouble with parents, but that’s exactly why they’re worth putting out there. I think these are conversations worth having with young people, especially as we enter a new sexual landscape.


Number 1: What Orgasms Are And How They Differ With Gender

Looking back on my experience with sex education, this feels like the biggest oversight. I learned about male and female anatomy. I learned about pregnancy, contraception, and diseases. I even learned a little about healthy relationship skills. At no point in any of these discussions did orgasms come up.

While I knew what they were, no teacher ever said that word or even hinted that they were a normal part of sex. They either avoided the issue or pretended it didn’t exist. They described sexual function the same way my biology teacher described how animals digest food. This led me to wonder that adults were hiding something from me and my peers.

Later on, as I learned more about sex outside of school, it gave the impression that adults just didn’t want to tell young people about things that felt good. Never mind that orgasms have a lot of health benefits and are a great way for a couple to bond. Not even mentioning them just sent too many mixed messages that only get more mixed over time.


Number 2: Feeling Horny Is Natural (And Not An Affliction)

This was especially common in middle school. Granted, most teachers said that thinking about sex is natural. However, actually wanting it might as well have been the same as wanting to steal a car. In any case where someone might have wanted sex outside of marriage, it was framed as something deviant and wrong.

Again, this was not a religious school. This was a secular public school in a community that was not overly-religious. Even so, every health teacher gave the impression that being horny was no different than having a violent impulse to choke kittens. I’m thankful my parents did plenty to counter that, but it did leave me feeling more stressed than I already was as a teenager.


Number 3: The Sex You See In Porn Isn’t “Real” Sex

Most reasonable adults understand that the sex they see in porn isn’t supposed to mirror actual sex. That kind of sex is designed to be shot, edited, and exaggerated for erotic effects. The problem is that too many reasonable adults, some of which teach health classes to teenagers, assume that only adults are watching porn.

I knew what porn was when I was a teenager. I knew how to access it. Everyone in my class knew as well and anyone who claimed they didn’t were liars. While there were discussions about sex in the media, it never got beyond things like body image and peer pressure. They never actually explained to uninformed teenagers that porn is not a good representation of what sex is.

For men who think they’re supposed to hump for 40 minutes straight and women who think they have to hiss every half-second, it’s an important tidbit that’s worth sharing. It also doesn’t help that porn does a terrible job of depicting romance. Just a simple explanation at how exaggerated it was would’ve gone a long way towards developing a healthy understanding of what non-pornographic sex was.


Number 4: Not Having Sex Isn’t The End Of The World

This issue is similar to the issues associated with the DARE program that tried to convince teenagers to not do drugs. That program not only doesn’t work. It gave me and my peers a very flawed image of drugs for years to come. The way my health teachers talked about sex wasn’t much different.

Beyond skipping the joys of orgasms, they often described sex as this scourge that was spreading disease and misery to countless teenagers. If you weren’t doing it, then something must be wrong with you. At the time, I already had severe self-esteem issues that were compounded by a terrible acne problem that made me feel ugly and unloved.

While no teacher ever said that people who don’t have sex are somehow flawed. They only ever framed people who didn’t have sex as safer and less likely to get diseases. That’s not the same as saying it’s okay, it’s not the end of the world, and it’s actually pretty common. That revelation may not seem like much now, but at the time, it would’ve made a world of difference.


Number 5: Sex Can Be Emotional, Intimate, And Fun

This is a bit more personal for me because I was a closeted romance fan. I’d been a romance fan before I was a teenager and once sex entered the picture, I knew there was a link. My health teachers just did a terrible job of explaining it. They talked about sex as though it was just a formality, like a wedding or a tax refund. Romance and intimacy never entered the picture.

Sex was either just a small part of human reproduction or this dangerous thrill sport on par with juggling chainsaws while wrestling a hungry grizzly. There was no emphasis on intimacy, romance, or just the fun of it all. Couples do have sex for fun. There’s nothing wrong with that. My own parents even told me that. My health teachers, on the other hand, gave the impression they were completely unrelated.


Number 6: Some People Are Just Wired Differently For Sex

This may have been a product of my own teenage angst more than anything else. The way my teachers talked about sex made it seem as though everyone had this scary creature lurking inside them and a good chunk of our lives are spent keeping it at bay. Everyone had to do their part to tame their sexual demons. There was no way around it.

However, that’s not how peoples’ sex drives work. Some people just aren’t that sexual. They don’t get as horny as the average people. When they do, the things that satisfy them are wildly different than the things that satisfy others. Some people have elaborate kinks. Some are happy with a quickie in the shower twice a year.

This idea that everyone has their own sexual makeup wasn’t even hinted at. It made it seem as though everyone in the world, myself included, had the same sexual proclivities. Even though we can’t agree on gods, the afterlife, or pizza toppings, we’re all somehow in agreement on this. I know it sounds like common sense to an adult. To a teenager, it framed the world in a strange, overwhelming way that I could’ve done without.


Number 7: Not Every Woman Goes Crazy On Their Period

I know people don’t like talking about women’s bodies, especially when it comes to that time of month. They’ve been taboo for centuries and for a long list of frustrating reasons. When young men learn about what women go through during pregnancy and menstruation, though, they get the impression that their hormones turn them into meth addicts in withdraw.

Having grown up in a house with multiple women, sharing a bathroom, and just being around a lot of women in general, I know that most women don’t radically change when they’re on their period. Some do have issues. Most are understandable, treatable, and not a reason to fear an entire gender.

In the sex ed I got, I had multiple male teachers joke about how glad they were to not have to deal with periods. These teachers were married, by the way. It made me wonder whether they knew when to leave town or sleep in the basement during certain times of month. It also made me wonder if the women in my family were different because they didn’t seem to go crazy every month.

There’s certainly room to talk about women’s issues during sex ed, even among teenage boys. However, a little perspective would’ve gone a long way. It made being around girls more awkward than it already was. I was a teenager. There’s only so much awkwardness I could handle and I handled it poorly. I’m not saying better sex ed would’ve fixed everything, but it sure would’ve helped.

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Filed under gender issues, Jack Fisher's Insights, men's issues, sex in media, sex in society, sexuality, women's issues

Daily Sexy Musing: Discovering Your First Kink

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Nobody is born knowing what turns them on. Like any other passion, it’s something you learn through experience, exploration, and even just random chance. Sometimes, it takes an encounter with someone with exceptionally different tastes to find out you like dressing up as a cat and being spanked with a tennis racket. Sometimes, all it takes is a few stray thoughts that evoke powerful feelings.

No matter how you discover it, the moment you do is one that carries special meaning. You suddenly know something about yourself that sets you apart. You understand your sexuality in a whole new way. It can be scary and even a little distressing, especially if you’re in an environment where personal freedom is limited. That only makes it more impactful.

I believe that everyone has a kinky side. Some are kinkier than others and not everyone gets a chance to act on it. That’s also why I feel those first revealing moments are so profound. They can have a huge effect on our sex lives, our love lives, and our identity. This Daily Sexy Musing is both a celebration and an exploration of these moments. However and whenever they happen, I hope everyone has a chance to embrace them.

It started from a whim, one born from the deepest depths of my being.

I don’t know where it came from or what inspired it. In an instant, it enters my mind and unleashes a torrent of feelings. At first, it’s pure shock. My mind and body are overwhelmed. Every sense is sharpened to the utmost, like a car in overdrive or a rocket that just ignited. It’s so intense.

I feel it.

I like it.

I want more of it.

My next breath feels like my first. It’s like I’ve been reborn, a new self forged from unconnected parts. Who I am, who I’ve been, and who I think I’m going suddenly shatters. The pieces are intact, but they’re mine to re-assemble. I don’t know where they all go. I just know that there’s something new within the mix.

The experience leaves an indelible mark. I try to process it, but my mind can only do so much. My heart keeps racing and my body aches in the best possible way. I feel so alive and in the moment. It’s like I’ve only lived life small slivers. This is my first full bite.

The world stops spinning.

The nerves in my body stop burning.

The thoughts in my brain stop racing.

More moments pass and things start to make sense. My new self connects with my old self. It starts to sink in. What I now know cannot be unlearned. Everything that happened before cannot mean what it once did. A new world opens before me, complete with challenges, risks, and opportunities. Part of me wants to pull back, but too many forces draw me forward.

This is no fluke.

This side of me is present.

This thing that now dominates my world digs itself into my soul.

This is my kink.

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Jack Fisher’s Weekly Quick Pick Comic: Uncanny X-Men Annual #1

Every Wednesday, a new crop of comics enters this world and makes it just a little more awesome. Being a lover of comics in addition to a lover of love, I try to select one comic from this fresh batch that I feel offers the most awesome for just a few bucks. At a time when the economy is always on a verge of tanking, it’s hard to find a better value.

This week’s pick was an easy one with “Uncanny X-men Annual #1” and not just because I’m hopelessly bias towards the X-men, in general. This issue marks a critical development in the overall landscape of the X-men and the Marvel Universe, as a whole. As the beautiful cover art by Salvador Larroca indicates, it’s all about Cyclops.

That may not seem like a big deal for those who don’t regularly follow the X-men comics, but trust me when I say that this is a huge development. That’s because for the past three years, Cyclops has been dead in the X-men comics. In an event aptly called “Death of X,” Scott Summers met an inglorious end at the hands of the Terrigen Mists, the alien gas cloud that gives the Inhumans their powers.

His death had a major impact on the overall landscape of the X-men and very little of it was good. In the same way that the Avengers aren’t the same without Captain America and the Justice League isn’t the same without Superman, the X-men just aren’t the X-men without Cyclops. He’s literally been with the X-men since the beginning and there’s just something missing when he’s not there.

Writer, Ed Brisson, makes it a point to highlight this throughout the issue. Aside from just telling the story of how Cyclops came back from the dead, he takes some time to demonstrate why he’s the leader of the X-men. He even puts him in a position to show why he’s a hero and why other heroes follow him.

Without spoiling too much, the story builds beautifully off the events of both “Death of X” and “Extermination,” which is another brilliant X-men story by Mr. Brisson that I highly recommend. It even references moments from “Phoenix Resurrection,” another story I’ve given high praise. The connections and details in this comic fit beautifully. It shows that there was a lot of effort and thought put into this story.

As someone who has read more comics than most will ever admit to reading, I can safely say I know when a writer isn’t trying very hard. For the past couple years, a new crop of writers that include the likes of Mr. Brisson show that there’s a new round of passion surrounding the X-books and it clearly shows in “Uncanny X-men Annual #1.”

Beyond making appropriate connections to recent continuity, the story checks all the right boxes in terms of telling a quality X-men story. It even checks some extra boxes in terms of showing a character at his best when they sorely need it.

Cyclops is one of those characters who always seems to generate heated debates among X-men fans. He’s also someone a long list of talented Marvel writers have mishandled over the years. The fact he’s part of the worst love triangle of all time is proof of that. This issue cuts through those complications and just gets to the core of what makes Cyclops great.

This issue is one of those comics that will definitely have a ripple effect for future X-men comics. Any time a major character comes back from the dead, which happens a lot in X-men comics, it’s a big deal. It often marks a turning point for the course of the story and lays the groundwork for the future of the series.

By the time you finish “Uncanny X-men Annual #1,” you really feel as though you’ve just witnessed one of those turning points. On top of that, there’s a sense that this character who has been so maligned over the years for all the wrong reasons is back to his old self. If that doesn’t get your inner X-men fan excited, then you’re just being difficult.

For Cyclops fans, X-men fans, and Marvel fans in general, “Uncanny X-men Annual #1” is one of those rare books that actually gets you excited about the future. At a time when you can’t go more than a day without something terrible trending on social media, that’s worth the price of a comic book.

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Creationism, Religion, And Mafia Morality

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Anyone who has seen at least one movie about the mafia has a good idea for how they do business. They take the whole “might makes right” approach to its logical conclusion. Being in the right means being strong. Being strong means being able to dictate what is right. It’s circular reasoning, but that’s how the mob justifies its activities, from loan sharking to protection rackets.

The setup is simple. You find someone who is inherently weaker, tell them what will happen to them if they don’t pay them, and let fear of death or bodily harm do the rest. The weak usually pay up, whether it’s money, respect, silence, or a combination of the three. The foolish will try to resist and often face serious consequences.

Most reasonable people find this kind of morality deplorable. However, this kind of morality is often employed by another organization that is not only legal. It doesn’t even have to pay taxes in many countries. That powerful entity is organized religion it can take mafia morality to a far greater extreme.

Before I go any further, I want to make clear that I’m not claiming that religion is worse than the mafia. Most religious people are kind, decent people who would never dream of employing this kind of morality. Only a subset of exceedingly dogmatic adherents resort to such extreme and I’m not just talking about the Spanish Inquisition.

These people aren’t pages in history or fodder for a Monty Python sketch. They’re real, they run official ministries, and even manage to obtain tax incentives for major projects. Their brand of religion isn’t just conservative. It’s unapologetically strict. They don’t just garner theological insight from holy texts. They take it as literally as the evening news.

That includes stories like Genesis, despite considerable evidence that it was derived from earlier flood-based stories from ancient Mesopotamia. They read that the god of the bible created the world in six days and they interpret that as six 24-hour days. There’s no room for metaphor or translation errors. This is infallible truth and any effort to contest that is met with the fiercest resistance.

While this kind of dogmatic adherence manifests in many ways, including justifications for slavery and anti-gay discrimination, one of the most overt manifestations occurs in the form of creationists. Now, as much as I respect the faith that many place in their particular religion, I’ve always had a hard time respecting creationists.

They’ve always struck me as a form of Christianity that’s as misguided as it is absurd. It’s not just that they believe the bible literally. They go so far as to say that everything science has concluded about life, evolution, cosmology, and physics is wrong. Some go so far as to claim that it’s an anti-Christian conspiracy on the level of the Illuminati and shape-shifting lizards.

If that was the extent of their faith, then I wouldn’t have a problem with it. Plenty of non-religious people believe in absurd conspiracy theories. However, creationism is especially pernicious in that a key factor in that dogma has a basis in mafia morality. It’s rarely stated overtly, but when it does show, it brings out the worst in its adherents.

Most recently, it reared its head in a surprisingly overt way during a debate between Aron Ra, the director of the Texas state chapter of American Atheists and a popular YouTube personality, and Kent Hovind, a well-known creationist evangelical who has made a career out of debating opponents.

This is the least absurd photo of Mr. Hovind I could find.

While I have my opinions about Mr. Hovind, who I feel has a serious credibility problem in terms of credentials, his methods for contesting evolution leave a lot to be desired. If you got more than a B-minus in a high school science class at a legitimate public school, even in America, you’re capable of seeing through his poorly-rendered ideas.

However, there are times when he, and other creationists like him, skip the part where they pretend to understand the science they deny and resort to the kind of mafia morality that they feel vindicates their beliefs. In essence, they threaten their opponent on behalf of their deity that believing in science will lead them to an afterlife full of eternal torture and suffering.

Never mind the inherent Problem of Hell that many religious and non-religious people have debated for centuries. By their logic, not believing in the holy texts of their religion is an outright affront to their deity and, for the same reason you don’t want to offend a powerful mafia boss, you don’t want to offend an all-powerful being.

Most creationists are subtle about this, but in his debate with Aron Ra, Mr. Hovind basically resorted to this tactic at the end of the nearly two-hour debate. These were his exact words:

“I would like to remind you guys, you’re gonna die one day and you’re gonna be dead for a long time. I hope you can take what you believe to the grave. You’re happy with it?”

While he doesn’t say outright that his deity is going to punish non-believers like Aron Ra for all eternity, the subtext is there. While non-believers may not be at all concerned with what happens after they die, it’s a genuine concern for someone like Mr. Hovind. He truly believes that his God is the kind of deity that would severely punish people for not believing in a specific translation of a holy text.

Ignoring for a moment the absurdities inherent in that attitude, take a moment to appreciate the kind of world Mr. Hovind and others like him believe. In their world, there’s an all-powerful, all-knowing being that wants human beings to think a certain way and accept certain concepts. Even if there’s evidence to the contrary, they must believe it. If they don’t, they’re punished with the full wrath of an all-powerful being.

That’s not just a scary thought, even for a devout believer. It’s the ultimate extreme of mafia morality. No matter how much evidence there is for evolution or how many errors in the bible are documented, the sheer might of an all-powerful deity trumps all of it. No matter what every tool of science or sense of the mind says, deviating in the slightest means punishment in the utmost.

While I’ve noted in the past how eternal punishment and eternal bliss tend to lose meaning in the long run, I suspect it’s a significant concern for creationists like Mr. Hovind. I even have some sympathy for them, if it is the case they genuinely fear the eternal torture referenced in their theology. It may be the case that they’re just charlatans or trolls and they wouldn’t be the first who used religion to aid their efforts.

Even if the Kent Hovinds of the world are just trying to get out of paying taxes, and failing to do so at times, the extreme mafia morality of their theology still has a major impact on adherents and religion. It’s worth noting that Mr. Hovind’s brand of creationism is on the decline among Christians. His kind is an extreme version of a faith that most people don’t accept.

It’s still a dangerous and distressing concept to espouse, that an all-powerful deity would punish reasonable people for accepting what evidence and reason tell them. That’s a tactic that ruthless mob bosses utilize, much to their detriment. Unlike the mafia, though, all-powerful deities don’t risk anything by being so ruthless and those caught in their path are bound to suffer.

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On Martin Luther King Jr. Day And Escaping Hate

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To everyone out there who values peace, justice, and equality, I wish you a happy Martin Luther King Jr. Day. To some, this is just a day where kids get an extra day off school. To others, it’s a reminder of just how far we’ve come in the struggle against racism, injustice, and bigotry. Even though it seems like we’re stagnating at times, we’re still world’s better than we were in the days of Dr. King.

It’s hard to for young people today to understand just how entrenched racial attitudes were 60 years ago. For generations, inequality and bigotry wasn’t an aberration. It was the norm. Fighting that was like fighting the tides for a lot of people, but unlike the tides, hearts and minds can change.

That’s something Martin Luther King Jr. believed in. He dedicated his life to confronting hate and pursuing justice for everyone, regardless of race. His legacy lives on today for minorities of all kinds, from the LGBT community to immigrants. It may seem like an uphill battle at times and even after Dr. King’s death, there are still plenty of bigoted attitudes in the world today. Some people cling to those attitudes more than most.

However, it is possible for someone to let go of their hatred. It’s not easy, but it does happen. In the spirit of this day that I’m sure brings out a lot of conflicting passions in today’s society, I’d like to share one of my favorite Ted Talks.

This one is from Christian Picciolini, a former Neo-Nazi and white supremacist who managed to leave his hateful past behind. His story is one that’s especially relevant on a day like today because it doesn’t just reveal how people end up in hate groups. It shows just how difficult it is to get out. It can be done, though, and Mr. Picciolini’s story is one worth telling.

Whatever your politics, prejudices, and attitudes, we are all still human. We all inhabit this planet together. We all want a better future for ourselves and our loved ones. Ultimately, we can achieve much more by working together than by hating one another. That’s what Dr. King fought for and his legacy is worth celebrating, now more than ever.

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Jack Fisher’s Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Anniversary Celebration Edition

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People have mixed feelings about anniversaries. Whether they’re celebrating a wedding, a first kiss, or the first time two people willingly got naked together, it evokes different emotions for many people. As a romantic, I have a strong appreciation for them, but I can also understand why some roll their eyes at the concept.

Some people genuinely love celebrating anniversaries. It’s not just an excuse to have sex on a bed of rose petals. It marks an important milestone for a relationship. Some lovers really value those milestones and they should. Quality relationships take a lot of hard work and that work ought to be celebrated.

At the same time, anniversaries can be an unnecessary burden on an otherwise functioning relationship. People can see an anniversary as nothing more than an arbitrary date that doesn’t reflect the true strength of a relationship. I know couples who just don’t think they’re worth celebrating and they’re still as happy as ever.

I’m of the opinion that anniversaries are worth celebrating, if only because love and all its sexy connotations are worth celebrating. This week’s edition of my Sexy Sunday Thoughts is an ode to the inherent value that anniversaries harbor. Regardless of whether you think they’re meaningful, they’re the landmarks of a relationship and I say they’re worth cherishing.


“Mini-skirts and crotch-less panties implies that some people are too lazy to get undressed before sex.”


“Opening your heart will strengthen bonds, but opening your legs will expand opportunities.”


“A man is only as strong as his ability to shield his balls.”


“Good lovers see afterglow as a victory celebration, but great lovers see it as halftime show.”


“There are few ailments whose symptoms cannot be tempered with a good orgasm.”


“A good singer faces higher standards when it comes to the noises they make during sex.”


“It’s very likely that an orgy was the first act of teamwork.”


I hope this gives you a better appreciation of the romantic potential of anniversaries. There are a lot of things that go into a successful relationship and there are plenty of other forces working against it. An anniversary is a nice way of appreciating how well a couple has done. If nothing else, it’s a good excuse for extra sexy time and we can never have too many of those.

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“Bending Over Becky” A Sexy Short Story

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The following is a sexy short story that was inspired by one of my old college roommates. He had a girlfriend for the entire time we shared a dorm and they had a very overt sex life, to say the least. Enjoy!

Some couples treated sex like an elaborate spectacle. It couldn’t just happen on a whim. They needed to set a certain mood, creating just the right environment for a sensual, satisfying experience. Becky Raven didn’t understand those couples and that was not the kind of sex life she had with her long-time boyfriend, Richard Wyatt.

“Bend over.”

That was all he said to her one muggy Saturday afternoon after walking into the home office of the townhouse they shared. He didn’t offer any details. He didn’t ask whether she was in the mood because he didn’t need to. Richard knew the dynamics/quirks of their sex life as well as her. After all the years they’d been together, they were past the point of words.

Not saying a word, Becky stopped what she’d been doing on her laptop and rose up from her chair. Richards, looking more stressed than usual, stormed over like a man on a mission. Having just gotten home from some unexpected overtime at the office, he had more energy than usual and Becky knew how he wanted to spend it.

Already feeling his lustful gaze on him, Beck leaned over her desk and kicked the chair aside. As soon as her lover arrived, he didn’t waste any time and grabbed the hem of her pants.

“Get these off,” Richard said intently.

Not waiting for a response, he pulled them down to her ankles, along with her underwear. Then, with her pants and panties down at her ankles, he dropped to his knees and started eating her pussy out.

“Ooh Richard!” she gasped. “Rough day at the office?”

He didn’t answer. She doubted he’d heard her. Richard wasn’t easily distracted, especially when he got horny. He also loved giving her oral sex. He once claimed pussy was both his favorite desert and his favorite appetizer. On top of that, he knew how to hit all those sensitive spots in her depths. That kind of insight that could turn a lazy afternoon into a full-blown fuck fest.

Richard must have been hornier than usual, putting extra urgency into his oral sex. While on his knees, he used both hands to push Becky’s folds apart, allowing him to probe deep with his tongue and hit all the right areas. That got all the right juices flowing. Becky, now holding onto the side of the desk, could only moan blissfully as a steady stream of sensual sensations coursed through her body.

“Ohhh!” she moaned. “It must have been a really rough day.”

Richard remained focused on his oral teasing, letting out deep grunts as he gorged on her folds. Becky also sensed him undo his belt buckle and unzip his pants. With one hand still caressing her pussy, he began stroking his cock. It must have already been half-erect when he entered the room because he got fully aroused pretty quickly.

Either something went really wrong at the office or something went really right. He worked in the sales department of an investment firm, which often required people to be intense and energetic. As it just so happened, that was also what got Richard really aroused. It meant that having a functioning sex life with him required that they skip a few steps.

“If it was that bad…just do it, Richard,” she said. “You clearly need it more than I do.”

Her lover definitely heard that. After giving her pussy one last thorough lick, he rose up from the floor, kicked off the khakis he’d worn to the office, and positioned himself behind her. She felt the tip of his rigid dick rub up against her wet entrance. He ached for her sex and the release it offered. With a firm thrust of the hips, he entered her.

“Oh yeah!” Richard moaned. “I need this…so much.”

His member now deep within her folds, he grabbed hold of her waist and began pumping his cock inside her. He didn’t take it slow or steady, either. He went right for the rough stuff. There was no sweet, tender lovemaking. There was just fucking…raw, unfiltered sex.

“Oh fuck! Ooh fuck!” Becky moaned out. “That’s it, love! Fuck me as hard as necessary!”

She clung harder to the desk, bending over more so that her breasts pressed up against her closed laptop. Richard took her vulgar urgings to heart. That was another kink about their sex life. She loved to talk dirty. She was downright crude, at times, even when they made love. Some men found that disorienting. Richard just thought it was hot.

It showed in how he fucked her. He did it harder and faster, rocking the desk and knocking over some files in the process. He also did it rougher, grabbing her hair and pulling her head back, another unique kink that heightened their sex. That feeling of hard, manly flesh thrusting in and out of her pussy sent surges of sensations up through her body. Having been lazily reading emails just moments ago, it was quite a change.

That confluence of quirks, on top of whatever sparked his need, helped Richard get to his peak in short order. He wasn’t too quick. Even when he was really horny, he always made an effort to share the joys of sex with Becky. He still made it to that special domain where the feeling morphed from a blissful heat to a raging wildfire of ecstasy.

“I’m coming, Becky! I’m going to…come!” Richard said with a deep grunt.

Becky just held onto the desk, spreading her legs a little wider so that he could get in extra deep when he got his release. His thrusting slowed and his member throbbed inside her in accord with the pleasure. Hot streams of manly juices shot up into her depths, creating a hot, intimate feeling. It contrasted greatly with the hardcore fucking she’d just experienced, but that only made it more satisfying, creating a sense of balance.

Now short of breath and awash in pleasure, Richard withdrew his cock from her and fell back into the office chair she’d been sitting in before he arrived. Still bent over the desk, Becky had to catch her breath too. When she turned to face her lover, though, she smiled.

“Feel better now?” she asked him.

“Yeah…much better,” Richard said with a grin.

“I bet. Since you usually don’t fuck me that hard without a reason, I won’t ask for details. I’ll just assume your brain, your nerves, and your dick were in agreement, for once.”

“Thanks,” he said. “You’re a damn good girlfriend, Becky.”

“You’re damn right!” she said proudly. “I’d tell you not to forget it, but I’d rather remind you.”

She trusted her lover to fill in the sub-text. He knew as well as she did what had to happen next. As Richard sat lazily in the chair, she stepped out of her pants and took off the light cotton shirt she’d been wearing. Since she hadn’t been wearing a bra, it rendered her fully naked, a sight her lover always appreciated. She let him admire her exposed body in the afternoon son for a brief second. Then, she approached him with a crude request of her own.

“Sit back,” she said, mirroring the same tone he’d used with her.

He did so without hesitation. Still breathing heavily, she climbed onto his lap and kissed him hungrily. As their lips and tongues twirled together, she undid his tie and unbuttoned his shirt. He’d probably worked up a sweat by fucking her and it was probably really itchy.

After getting it off, she tossed the rest of his clothes aside and slipped off the chair. She then dropped to her knees, just as he had done earlier, and focused her attention on his still-throbbing manhood. It had somewhat softened after his climax, but Becky knew her lover’s anatomy as well as he knew hers. One good orgasm after a stressful day wasn’t enough to get the job done.

With that in mind, she grabbed the base of his dick with one hand and began giving him oral sex. A fresh round of sharp grunts followed.

“Damn!” Richard moaned. “This my kind of reminder.”

Becky responded only with a hungry moan, one that let him know that she was still horny. She still wanted a release of her own. It was one of the official rules of their sex lives. If one of them came in needing a good fucking, then they could get it. However, every time one of them got off, they had to give the other a chance to match them.

Sometimes, that wasn’t possible. If the rate at which Richard got hard again was any indication, Becky doubted that would be an issue. Driven by her own burning need, she sucked his member hard, sliding her lips and tongue along the length of his shaft. Just as he knew the intricacies of her pussy, she knew the subtleties of his dick. She knew how to blow him in just the right way to get him hard again.

Most men couldn’t get hard for hours after blowing their load. Others took even longer. Richard was a special kind of man in a great many ways. His ability to keep fucking her after coming was just one of them.

“You ready?” she asked after giving his dick an extra thorough lick.

“I’m ready,” Richard said.

No further assurance was necessary. With his manhood now erect, Becky rose back to her feet, turned around, and positioned herself over him so that her pelvis was aligned with his. She made sure he had a good view of her butt, a sight he always appreciated. She then lowered herself back onto his dick, his manly flesh penetrating her depths once more.

“Bend me over again,” Becky told him. “Fuck me until I come!”

Richard gladly obliged, grabbing hold of her butt and resuming the hard fucking they’d shared moments ago. He showed off his arm strength, guiding her hips up and down so that the folds of her pussy slithered perfectly along his dick. Becky even showed off her flexibility, bending over far enough that she could watch the spectacle from behind. Having not been able to see much when he bent her over the first time, she sought to take in the sights.

“Ohhh yeah! Fuck me! Fuck yeah!” she moaned, her love of dirty talk showing. “Harder! Do it harder!”

Richard replied with more determined grunts, squeezing her butt harder and stepping up the pace. The flimsy office chair could barely hold together, testing her orgasmic efficiency as much as her flexibility. Thankfully, Becky didn’t need to damage any furniture to achieve her goal.

As her inner muscles throbbed with increasing intensity, she felt her orgasm coming up fast. Richard certainly did his part, rubbing her butt just like she licked. He even reached around and fondled her clit, applying just the right amount of pressure to accelerate the orgasmic process. When it hit, it came at her like tsunami.

“Oohhh I’m coming, Richard! I’m coming!” she cried out.

Just as she crossed that fine line between exertion and ecstasy, her love grabbed her hair again and pulled her head back. It was just in time too because it allowed her to proclaim her ecstasy to the heavens.

She made it a point to be extra loud as she soaked in the euphoria. White hot surges of pleasure coursed through her system, filling her with the kind of raw bliss that could only come with her and Richard’s unique brand of sex. Some might call it kinky. Some might call it rough. That didn’t make it any less intimate.

After the ecstasy passed, Becky let out a content sigh and rose up off her lover’s cock. She then casually sat with him in the chair, their naked bodies glistening in the afternoon son. They were silent for a while, not needing to say much. It might have been the most meaningful trait of their relationship. They didn’t need to sweet talk each other to affirm their love. They already knew how much they loved each other. As a bonus, it allowed them to be more efficient with their sex lives.

“Guess we both needed that,” Richard said.

“Guess so,” Becky said coyly.

“I’m so lucky…having such an awesome girlfriend,” he went on, “one who doesn’t mind me bending her over on a whim.”

“And I’m just as lucky to have a boyfriend who knows how to fuck me right!”

“I’m glad you appreciate it as much as I do,” he said, “because after the day I’ve had, you might want to stay naked for the rest of the day.”

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Gender, Psychopaths, And The (Revealing) Differences

female-psychopath

Psychopaths are akin to the nastiest side-effects of the human condition. They are, by their nature, an extreme manifestation of certain traits that often run counter to humanity’s best strengths. A big part of our success, as a species, is our ability to coordinate, cooperate, and empathize with one another in ways that balance selflessness with survival. Psychopaths completely throw off this balance.

Between popular misconceptions and a glut of TV shows and movies that glorify psychopaths, most people don’t know the specifics of these twisted minds. In a medical context, psychopathy isn’t considered a mental illness like schizophrenia or OCD. It’s a personality disorder in which individuals exhibit a set of common traits such as:

Having little to no empathy, conscious, or capacity for guilt

Poor impulse control and reckless disregard for the consequences of their actions

A low threshold for boredom coupled with a high capacity for stimulation

Little respect for authority and a predilection for controlling others

Excessively high self-esteem and strong inclination towards selfish behavior

Basically, these are traits consistent with every classic supervillain ever made. Look at all the defining traits for a character like Lex Luthor. That’s the essence of a psychopath. It’s not just that they’re more selfish and less likely to regret bad behavior. They take their selfishness to an extreme and regret doesn’t even enter the equation. Guilt, for a psychopath, may as well be an alien concept.

Naturally, that kind of deviant behavior ensures that psychopaths are highly represented in prison. While they’re not always violent, they tend to be cold and calculating in their actions, not caring for mortality, law, or social norms. From an evolutionary standpoint, this makes them useful as ancient blood-thirsty warriors and modern dictators. In ordinary society, though, they can be dangerous.

However, and this is where discussions generally get heated, that danger manifests differently when gender enters the equation. While men, women, and everything in between are equally prone to becoming psychopaths, an emerging body of research is showing that the effect is not entirely equal.

One recent study revealed that while female psychopaths share most of the same traits as their male counterparts, those traits vary in a few key ways. They’re just as inclined to selfishness, manipulation, and deviance. They just go about it differently. You could even argue they’re more cunning in their approach.

That same study also showed that female psychopathy is frequently attributed to mental illness or other disorders, such as borderline personality disorder. While there often is overlap, it’s actually somewhat convenient from the perspective of a psychopath. It allows them to cloak their psychopathic behavior as an illness that warrants sympathy.

That approach does plenty to serve the interest of the psychopath because sympathy is an easy emotion to manipulate. Others don’t see them as selfish, callous, or reckless. They see them as victims. That means they need treatment, attention, and care, which can both stroke their ego and serve their interests. It’s working smarter and not harder.

While it’s difficult to know for sure whether someone has a legitimate issue with mental illness, the fact people are more prone to attribute psychopathic behavior with illness in women reveals something critical about our approach to gender. We’re perfectly fine labeling a man a psychopath if he fits the criteria, but we’re more inclined to make excuses for women.

Some of that, in my opinion, has more to do with popular culture than gender politics. When most people think of a psychopath, the first image that comes to mind isn’t some devious woman who emotionally manipulates everyone around her to get what she wants. They tend to conjure images of villains like Lex Luthor and serial killers like Ted Bundy.

That’s not to say there aren’t plenty of female psychopaths in popular culture. From the Wicked Witch of the West to Regina George in “Mean Girls,” most people can think of at least one female psychopath in fiction. Some can even identify a few notable female psychopaths from history. However, the fact they’re not the first image that comes to mind when we think of psychopaths is telling.

On some levels, we don’t want to believe that women can be as psychotic as men. Historically, society has been less inclined to attribute heinous crimes to women. More recently, especially with the anti-harassment movement, there’s an even greater tendency to give women the benefit of the doubt, even when there are documented cases of deceit.

Another major difference manifests in the preferred tactics that psychopaths utilize. One study by the International Journal of Women’s Health concluded that female psychopaths are more included to use flirting and sexuality to manipulate others into serving their selfish ends. While I doubt that’ll surprise anyone familiar with the traits of a psychopath, it further plays into a distinct gender-driven narrative.

Some of that is due to logistics. Male psychopaths tend to bully others more directly because of basic strength differences. A female psychopath is less capable of imposing their will on someone physically, but emotions can be every bit as powerful as muscles. When sex enters the equation, the incentives get even stronger.

These methods can be both effective and devious, but they serve the same goal. It helps the psychopath get what they want, be it attention, money, power, or just a good thrill. Psychopaths have a low threshold for boredom and a high threshold for satisfaction so they need to use whatever tactics work best for them. Women just work with different tools.

The end results for male and female psychopaths is just as striking. While all psychopaths care little for law or morality, female psychopaths are less inclined to commit homicide. They’re also less likely to end up in prison, but that may just be a byproduct of having different tactics that make killing less appealing to a psychopath’s interests.

Now, and I wish I didn’t have to make this disclaimer, none of this is to imply that female psychopaths are worse than male psychopaths. At the end of the day, the damage done by psychopathic behavior is gender neutral. Using, abusing, and manipulating people for selfish ends is deplorable, regardless of what body parts someone has or doesn’t have.

There’s still something to be said about how psychopaths conduct themselves and how we react to their behavior. In some ways, we may be doing female psychopaths a favor by approaching them differently than their male counterparts. Psychopaths don’t need much incentive to take advantage of other peoples’ more considerate tendencies. Our attitudes towards gender are only making their job easier.

Like it or not, psychopaths are part of our society. Some of them even wield a distressing amount of power and influence. This is one domain in which we have to be brutally honest and exceedingly fair in how we deal with psychopaths of any gender because they most definitely won’t.

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Daily Sexy Musing: Practice Makes Sexy

the-upside-winter-2014

We’ve heard it from every coach, teacher, and parental figure all our lives. Practice makes perfect. If we want to get good at something, we need to practice. There’s a popular notion that it takes 10,000 hours of practice to get really good at something. While there’s reason to believe that’s a gross oversimplification, it still emphasizes the value of practice.

We encourage practice to anyone who seeks to master a skill. When it comes to sex and love-making, though, we’re a lot more tepid. Some of that is due to long-standing taboos about sex. Some of it is also due to potential health risks. Then again, you could say the same about practicing other skills like juggling, driving, or contact sports. Whatever the case, we do a lot of special pleading when it comes to sex.

I think that’s both a disservice and a missed opportunity. We’re expected to practice for every other skill, but when it comes to one of the most intimate acts two people can experience, we’re supposed to just know. That’s a problem and a likely contributor to the ongoing orgasm gap and the decline in sexual satisfaction.

We clearly want our lovers to be good at sex, but we get anxious whenever we contemplate them practicing too much. I believe that should change. For the sake of our collective love lives, we should embrace and encourage practice the same way we do with every other skill. The following Daily Sexy Musing is my attempt to sweeten the idea. Hopefully, it inspires and encourages many amateur lovers out there.

I’m ready, my lovely coach.

I’m rested, energized, and ready to show you what I’ve got.

It’s not the night of a big game. There isn’t even a game scheduled. This is just us, taking the time to hone our skills. I want to be better. I know you want it too. We can only do that with practice, albeit a very intimate kind of practice.

It’s not enough to just be decent at making love to you. It’s not even enough to be consistently competent. I seek to master such a powerful skill. I don’t just want to make the team. I want to win the championship and make your hall of fame. I want to raise the bar for loving you. I want it so high that others tremble at the thought of attempting.

To do that, we must practice our lovemaking.

By practicing, we get better at it.

By getting better at it, we enjoy it more.

By enjoying it more, we want to do it more.

By wanting to do it more, we want to keep getting better.

It’s the ultimate cycle, one in which practice need not make perfect. It need only fuel the passion that’s already there. Like any skill, it helps us channel what we already feel. It emboldens us to strive for something greater. Anyone can simply take their clothes off and entwine their bodies. It takes a special kind of skill to entwine body, heart, and soul.

Such skill requires great practice. It means listening and learning, pushing ourselves and trying new things. At times, there will be failures and setbacks. That’s okay, though. Amateurs may get discouraged, but masters learn and work harder. With time and dedication, we gain greater mastery.

There are many skills one can learn.

There are many ways to master such skill.

When it comes to making the best possible love to you, no other skill is worth greater mastery.

When it comes to mastering the skill of lovemaking, no other skill is warrants more practice.

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