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Daily Sexy Musing: Friends And Benefits

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I’ve always found the concept of friends with benefits to be a complicated way of confronting a simple situation. People get horny. Not everyone has romantic chemistry, but they still have sexual chemistry. Even as a romance fan, I don’t deny that. For some, it is possible to want to have sex with someone, but not be in love with them.

Sex and intimacy are basic human needs. I feel like friends with benefits is a byproduct of a modern world where people are free to be individuals, but aren’t always equipped to navigate the emotional landscape around them. Our culture places a high value on true love and monogamy, but is less inclined these to get in the way of people pursuing other sexual arrangements.

In some cases, it triggers a moral panic that terrifies parents and frustrates teachers. In others, it inspires a couple of sub-par romantic movies. This erratic approach to the concept of friends with benefits makes it difficult to explore. It can ruin friendships forever or blossom into a romance that lasts a lifetime. The outcome varies wildly from couple to couple.

Erratic or not, there’s still a unique sex appeal that emerges through friends with benefits. Even if you subtract the romance, it still has more depth than a one-night stand or a drunken hook-up. I believe that depth can have greater meaning beyond the sex itself. This Daily Sexy Musing is my way of delving into that meaning. Enjoy!

You are my friend.

You are my lover.

You aren’t my soul mate.

You aren’t my true love.

Even so, I come to you when I need an intimate embrace. You are there for me, just as I am there for you. There’s no elaborate display or romantic gesture. There’s just two people, coming together and seeking relief. It’s a beautiful thing, but only to a point. There is purpose, but with limited potential.

There’s a time for friends and there’s a time for love. With us, we can only have one, but not the other. A friend will listen and console you. There is love, but not the kind that fosters romance. To be with someone is not the same as just being around them. I can’t be with you, but I can be there for you.

Being there means giving a part of ourselves.

Being there means offering comfort.

Being there means being close without being in love.

It’s in those moments when a friend can offer more without being a lover. They can touch you, hold you, and caress you until that primal need is filled. It’s so simple and basic, intimate touch coupled with a sweet release. It gives us moments of bliss mixed with moments of contentment. We may not have love, but we still have each other.

For now, that’s all we need. It’s the most we can offer. It doesn’t fulfill every desire, but it’s enough to keep our hearts intact. We can still find love, even if it’s not with each other. That time will come. We’ll both be ready for it. Until then, this will do.

We are still friends.

We are still lovers.

We cherish the benefits.

We cherish each other.

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Daily Sexy Musing: On Beautiful Butts

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The human body is sexy. Most people don’t deny that. To some extent, it has to be sexy. How else could the human race become the most dominant species on this planet? It’s not enough to be cunning, coordinated, and adaptable to all sorts of changing conditions. We need to be sexy so we can propagate and thrive.

While everyone has their own particular tastes and kinks to what they find sexy, some parts of the human body contain an almost universal sex appeal. Chief among those parts is the human buttocks. Now, I’m not going to break out into song and sing an elaborate ode to sexy butts everywhere. I’ll leave that to the likes of Nicki Minaj and Sir Mix-A-Lot. I still want to celebrate that unique sexiness.

Unlike female breasts, a sexy butt is gender neutral. We all have one and while the nature of the sex appeal differs with gender, the sexy logistics are the same. A nice butt in a woman accentuates feminine sex appeal. A nice butt in a man complements masculine prowess. When properly applied, it can bring out all sorts of sexiness among lovers.

Whether it’s for a one night stand or between spouses who’ve been married for several decades, a simple glimpse at a strong butt can lead to something sexy. It’s part of why I’m so descriptive in my novels and sexy short stories. This Daily Sexy Musing is just my way of acknowledging the power that a sexy butt can exude. Enjoy!

You bend over.

I lean in.

That’s all it takes.

Whether by accident or intent, you show off what gets my heart racing and my loins going. Suddenly, everything else around me is muted. I don’t notice where we are, what we’re doing, or why we’re doing it. My sole focus is on you and your amazing butt.

It begins as something primal. I notice one of your features that I like. It appeals to the animal within, but it acts as the first step to something deeper. In a great butt, I don’t just see a potential lover. I see someone who takes care of themselves. In you, I envision us caring for each other and not just intimately.

So round and firm, it exudes a sexy strength.

So smooth and sensual, it conveys a sexy aura.

So beautiful and grand, it evokes a great passion.

Excited, I lean in as well. I whisper into your ear and offer my loving touch. You respond in kind. Whether your actions were on purpose no longer matters. You sent a message. I received it. Now, we act on it.

You guide my hands to your butt.

I guide yours to mine.

Together, we caress and fondle.

The worlds around us becomes an afterthought. What begins as simple allure transforms into full-blown desire. Like beacons of passion, your butt summons me. Without hesitation, I answer the call. From there, we follow it together.

From a simple motion, our bodies draw us together.

From a primal lust, we respond with targeted touching.

From a greater feeling, we forge a heated love.

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Daily Sexy Musing: Birthday Sex

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As we get older, birthdays tend to lose their spectacle. At some point, we’re no longer excited about the prospects of cake, presents, and silly hats. We’re just content to have a day to ourselves and an excuse to drink heavily. However, there is one aspect about birthdays that has overtly sexual connotations and it’s not just about lovers being more willing to wear kinky underwear.

To some, it’s running joke. At some point in a long-term relationship, you can only expect those sexy moments on your birthday and your anniversary. More often than not, it’s your birthday that’s more fun because you’re in a better position to set the mood. That works great if you’ve got a kinky mind, but not so much if that’s the only love-making you can look forward to.

As a romantic and a fan of all things sexy, I believe that sexy potential of birthdays is grossly undervalued. It shouldn’t be among the handful of days when you can assume some extra intimacy with your lover. It should be one of those occasions where you let your mind run a little wild and take your lover along for the ride.

To some extent, birthdays are already sexy. It marks a day that wouldn’t have been possible if someone hadn’t gotten laid. It’s worth celebrating, no matter how old you are. Our lives literally began with a sexy moment. Why not use the anniversary of your birth to add to it? Today is not my birthday, but I hope this Daily Sexy Musing gets adults and their lovers excited about celebrating again. Enjoy!

On this day, years ago, an act of love began my life.

On this day, here and now, I continue that life in my own special way.

It has been a life of many upheavals. However, the obstacles became opportunities and losses became lessons. At every turn, I learned and grew, becoming who I am and striving to be greater. Now, with another milestone met, I strive in a very special way.

What is a life well lived if not shared?

What is a life continued if not celebrated?

With you, I seek to share in the moment. This uniquely personal occasion, another year of life well-lived, I need no treats or presents. I seek only the most intimate kind of gift. From you, I seek something special that can neither be purchased nor packaged.

It’s a day like no other, your own personal holiday mixed with memories and reflections. You have a chance to look back and look forward, remembering what you’ve gained and mourning what you’ve lost. It’s also something more precious, a reason to go the extra mile and achieve something greater. With you, I don’t just seek it. I make it gift, both given and received.

The day is mine.

The moment is ours.

The party begins.

You offer yourself to me, perfectly wrapped and presented with glee. I unwrap it eagerly, the energy of youth flowing through me once more. No longer a child, but not constrained by age, I dare to play in life’s orchard. You are my playmate, a joy worth celebrating and a treat worth sharing.

Our love is a constant gift, but on this day, we celebrate in a way unique to this occasion. It is another year for me, but another blessing for us.

I am here.

We are together.

On this day, my birthday, we cherish the greatest gift we’ll ever have.

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Daily Sexy Musing: Discovering Your First Kink

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Nobody is born knowing what turns them on. Like any other passion, it’s something you learn through experience, exploration, and even just random chance. Sometimes, it takes an encounter with someone with exceptionally different tastes to find out you like dressing up as a cat and being spanked with a tennis racket. Sometimes, all it takes is a few stray thoughts that evoke powerful feelings.

No matter how you discover it, the moment you do is one that carries special meaning. You suddenly know something about yourself that sets you apart. You understand your sexuality in a whole new way. It can be scary and even a little distressing, especially if you’re in an environment where personal freedom is limited. That only makes it more impactful.

I believe that everyone has a kinky side. Some are kinkier than others and not everyone gets a chance to act on it. That’s also why I feel those first revealing moments are so profound. They can have a huge effect on our sex lives, our love lives, and our identity. This Daily Sexy Musing is both a celebration and an exploration of these moments. However and whenever they happen, I hope everyone has a chance to embrace them.

It started from a whim, one born from the deepest depths of my being.

I don’t know where it came from or what inspired it. In an instant, it enters my mind and unleashes a torrent of feelings. At first, it’s pure shock. My mind and body are overwhelmed. Every sense is sharpened to the utmost, like a car in overdrive or a rocket that just ignited. It’s so intense.

I feel it.

I like it.

I want more of it.

My next breath feels like my first. It’s like I’ve been reborn, a new self forged from unconnected parts. Who I am, who I’ve been, and who I think I’m going suddenly shatters. The pieces are intact, but they’re mine to re-assemble. I don’t know where they all go. I just know that there’s something new within the mix.

The experience leaves an indelible mark. I try to process it, but my mind can only do so much. My heart keeps racing and my body aches in the best possible way. I feel so alive and in the moment. It’s like I’ve only lived life small slivers. This is my first full bite.

The world stops spinning.

The nerves in my body stop burning.

The thoughts in my brain stop racing.

More moments pass and things start to make sense. My new self connects with my old self. It starts to sink in. What I now know cannot be unlearned. Everything that happened before cannot mean what it once did. A new world opens before me, complete with challenges, risks, and opportunities. Part of me wants to pull back, but too many forces draw me forward.

This is no fluke.

This side of me is present.

This thing that now dominates my world digs itself into my soul.

This is my kink.

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What Our Sexual Fantasies Say About Us

Before I start another discussion on something sexy, kinky, or whatever other words you want to describe the novels I write, I have a quick thought experiment I’d like to pitch. It involves your sexual fantasies. Compared to some of the other thought experiments I’ve entertained, it’s probably the easiest one I’ve ever posed.

I want you to imagine your favorite sexual fantasy. It doesn’t have to be a dream you once had. It doesn’t have to involve some decadent wedding reception that involves tequila, blackouts, and awkward conversations the next morning. It just has to be something you find very hot. Make it that one fantasy to which your mind drifts when you’re trying to get in the mood.

If you’re still with me and/or have clean underwear handy, then hold onto that fantasy. Having shared one of my own, I know the power of those lurid, yet intimate thoughts. Now, with those thoughts at the forefront of your mind, I want you to contemplate what that fantasy reveals about you.

I’m not trying to offer therapy here. I’m not trying to be too Freudian either. I’m just trying to get everyone to scrutinize something that they probably avoid scrutinizing for all the wrong reasons. I understand that overthinking your sexual thoughts, or any sexual feelings in general, can be uncomfortable. I also think it’s something we need to do more often to mitigate some of that discomfort.

Let’s face it. Talking about sex is hard enough. Thinking about it can be just as hard and not just because it means having to change your underwear or, as I’ve experienced, hiding an awkward boner. If we’re to make sense of this important facet of our lives, then we have to give a little extra thought to those fantasies we entertain.

I bring it up because those fantasies do reveal something about ourselves. Granted, it doesn’t reveal everything or even half of who we are, sexually and otherwise. It is an important component, though. After reading a few articles from Bustle and the Daily Mail, I think it’s worth exploring.

With those fantasies I asked you to entertain, here’s some possible, potentially kinky interpretations of those fantasies that you might find revealing. You may be surprised by what you learn about yourself and your desires.


Sexy Insight #1: Being Dominant (Also) Means Being Laid Back

I know it sounds counter-intuitive, wanting to be a dominant lover and being laid back. Those sound like incompatible traits, like being an Amish hacker. Now, that’s not to say that domination fantasies don’t have some basis in loving control and setting the tone with your lover, whether it’s with positions, whips, or bondage. However, there are more subtle implications at work.

Think about it. To be laid back is to minimize effort and maximize results. Being dominant accomplishes that. When you’re dominant, you don’t have to put the extra energy into setting the tone. That energy comes to you. That’s a major reason why the fantasy appeals to people with laid back personalities.

It seems like an inversion of personalities, being laid back in every other realm except the bedroom. Personally, I think it makes a kinky bit of sense. To be a sloth in everything else, but to be a total boss in the bedroom offers a strange, yet sexy balance to it all. I think that’s both sexy and healthy.


Sexy Insight #2: Being Submissive (Also) Means Having Control Issues

While we’re on the subject of inverted personality types in the bedroom, the same logic applies to those who have fantasies about submission. Again, there are some personality types that just enjoy surrendering control to their lover and trusting them to please them, as only they can. That’s a simple, inherently sexy fantasy that most people can get, so much so that it becomes a best selling novel.

Dig a little deeper and you’ll also find some kinky quirks behind the basics. To be sexually submissive is to surrender control and, believe it or not, some domineering individuals find that uniquely arousing. Think of the most uptight, control freak you can think of. Imagine how stressful that must be, clinging to that control and exercising it every day.

In that context, it’s not too hard to imagine them fantasizing about giving it all over to someone. It’s freeing in a strange sort of way, giving over that kind of control to someone and then having them use it to pleasure you. For once, you don’t have to control everything. It’s a paradox, of sorts, but one that can lead to orgasms. For that reasons, these fantasies can be extra potent and extra revealing.


Sexy Insight #3: Forbidden People Mean (Intensely) Greater Desire

This one really shouldn’t surprise anyone. I’ve talked about the forbidden fruit factor of sex before. It’s part of the reason that Catholic school girls are such a kinky trope. It’s also why they tend to enter our sexier fantasies more often than most will dare admit. I’m not just referring to super sexy celebrities either.

A forbidden person, be it someone who is married or someone who is a friend of a friend, often carries with them this aura that sets them apart. They may not look like John Cena after a cage match, but there’s an obstacle to being with them that no other person has. Us being such a competitive species, a fantasy with a forbidden person carries more weight.

To want to be with that forbidden person requires extra desire. Just having that desire reveals that your breadth for sexuality is greater than you think. Keep that in mind the next time you see your best friend’s sibling/friend/co-worker. That might be your body’s way of telling you that your capacity for desire is much greater than you think.


Sexy Insight #4: Sex With A Stranger Is (Extra) Physical

This is a pretty basic fantasy, as well as a popular premise for under-budget porno films. To be fair, it’s a pretty simple premise in the real world too. A couple of attractive strangers meet, they agree that they’re really horny, and then they have sex. On the surface, that’s not much of a fantasy. Dig a little deeper, though, and you’ll see there’s much more to it.

Hooking up with a stranger is basic in another important way. It’s all about the physical act of sex. Sure, that kind of sex is taboo, but taboos have a knack for gaining a sexual component. By making the intimacy purely physical, it circumvents any emotional entanglements and/or personal ties. In that sense, it’s kind of liberating.

By focusing only on the physical, it all becomes about you and getting that toe-curling pleasure you seek. It’s your chance to be a little selfish while minimizing the entanglements. In that sense, it’s one of those fantasies that’s more pragmatic than most. At a time when Disney movies have convinced us that every interaction between potential lovers has to be emotional, this sort of fantasy can be pretty intense.


Sexy Insight #5: Watching Others Also Means Grading Yourself

There’s nothing inherently subtle about voyeurism. It’s another one of those taboos that isn’t always very kinky, but still has this strange appeal. Even at an age when there’s an unlimited amount of free porn on the internet, there’s still something extra fanciful about watching another couple go at it, even if it doesn’t involve a significant other.

Beyond the appeal of a life sex show, though, it can offer other insights. Unlike the porn on your computer screen, the sex you see in real life isn’t made to be shot on a camera or viewed from a certain angle. There’s a special realness to it and sometimes, that kind of realness can make for a potent fantasy. It’s another paradox, but one that has become even more powerful in the digital age.

Part of that power involves just seeing how other people go at it, compared to you. How do you even know you’re that good at sex if you don’t see other people do it in a non-pornographic setting? Typically, we gauge our abilities by comparing ourselves to others. We do that in everything from video game leader-boards to Yelp reviews. Why should sex be any different?

It may come back to the taboo factor and our inability to break them. Whatever the case, it’s still one of those self-serving fantasies that most won’t readily admit, but enjoy entertaining none-the-less. However, if you’re serious about improving your love-making skills, then it’s hard to call that entirely selfish.


Sexy Insight #6: Spanking Blurs Pain And Pleasure (Among Other Things)

This is probably one of the most basic forms of kink. It was a popular sexy fantasy long before “50 Shades Of Grey” made it mainstream. It might not be as taboo to admit you enjoy being spanked these days, but it’s still a potent fantasy in its own right.

The psychology of spanking may be different for kids, but for adults, it offers a unique experience that blurs the line between pleasure and pain. Blurring that line is a big part of what makes this fantasy so endearing. It reflects that innate desire for excitement and arousal, which is actually hard-wired into us to some extent.

Pain and pleasure reflects opposite extremes of a broad spectrum of novel experiences. Spanking and sex are simple, basic ways to achieve those extremes at the same time. By doing so, the experience becomes a potent mix of both. Just wanting that chaotic blend of experiences says a lot about someone’s hunger for other experiences.

Sure, there’s also a punishment component. That’s kind of the initial intent of spanking. Mixing sex with atonement, thereby alleviating guilt, can be pretty potent as well, not to mention pragmatic. However, it’s the bigger picture of experiences that make that fantasy so profound.


Do you still have that fantasy in your mind? Has it since taken on a whole new dimension? I hope it has and I hope it gives some greater insight into your own personal proclivities. Maybe it’ll help your sex life. Maybe it’ll help you better understand your own nature. Whatever the case, I hope I’ve given you reason to think extra hard about your sexy thoughts.

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