Tag Archives: intimacy

Daily Sexy Musing: Lying In Bed Together

preview20image20590x3322025

There’s this popular, but not entirely flawed notion that sexy moments have to involve heavy exertion. If you’re not putting in effort, working up a sweat, or pushing yourself alongside your lover, then the sexiness of the moment is limited. Given the content of the novels and sexy short stories I’ve written, I can totally appreciate that sentiment.

However, not every sexy moment has to be a test of endurance. It is possible to create an intensely intimate moment just by lying in bed with someone. It doesn’t have to involve a kinky sex act. It doesn’t even have to involve heavy petting or an extensive journey into one another’s anatomy. Sometimes, just lying next to someone is all the intimacy you need.

I can personally attest to this. When I was with my ex-girlfriend, some of the most passionate moments we shared involved just lying together in bed, on a couch, or even on the floor. Whether we were resting or watching a movie together, the feeling of just feeling the warmth of someone else’s body was special to us.

There’s a time and a place for elaborate, intense, and energetic forms of intimacy. The same applies to the simple act of lying in bed with your lover. I feel like that experience deserves more appreciation than it gets. This Daily Sexy Musing is my way of showing just how great that experience can be. Enjoy!

The air is still.

The room is silent.

The world around us is an afterthought.

Right now, we’re just two lovers in bed, resting and relaxing in each other’s warmth.

On this same bed, we’ve shared many moments of heated passion. There have been times when the room shakes, our bodies tremble, and the echo with our voices reverberate from the walls. There are many acts we’ve shared, evoking grunts and sweats that test our resolve. Those are all cherished memories, but so are moments like this.

There’s no need for intense effort.

There’s no need for elaborate gestures.

Just lying next to you, your body within close reach, is sufficient.

The lives we live and share are so tiring. Every day of every week brings new challenges. Somewhere along the line, we must find time to celebrate our love. Just being nearby isn’t enough. Even being close only goes so far. There’s a need for intimacy, connection, and the warm sensations that come with loving touch.

There are many ways to meet those needs. Good lovers find creative ways, but great lovers know the tricks of the trade. They know the simple gestures that convey that loving touch. They can create an act of intimacy with little spectacle, yet immense passion. It requires a great deal of work, but incurs great rewards in the long run.

From romantic pursuit to loving bliss.

From heated moments to peaceful nights.

From epic journeys to ultimate goals.

Lying in bed next to you, exchanging a light touch and a simple gesture, I know how far our love has come. I see in you the lover I worked so hard to pursue and the lover who so gladly shares their life with mine.

We can make love when we want to.

We can seek love when we need to.

For now, we’re content to just lie together and enjoy the love we have.

Leave a comment

Filed under Daily Sexy Musings

Why More Men Are Confiding In Sex Workers

australia_prostitution

Where do you turn to when you need to confide in someone? Who can you trust to listen to your problems, not judge you, and show you basic human decency? Some people are lucky enough to have one or more person they can turn to during difficult times.

For me, it’s my parents. Both my mother and my father have always been there for me, no matter what I’m going through. I can tell them anything and I know they’ll listen. They won’t judge me. They won’t tell me to just suck it up. They’ve helped me through some pretty difficult times and I love them deeply for that.

Some people aren’t as lucky. They don’t have close friends or family members they feel they can turn to. This is especially true for those with poor social skills or severe social anxieties. These issues affect everyone, regardless of race, gender, or sexual orientation. However, in recent years, the impact on men has been more pronounced.

As a result, some of those men have been turning to an unexpected source when they need to confide in someone. It’s not friends, family members, or licensed therapists. It’s sex workers. While there are plenty of ugly politics surrounding sex work, some of which I’ve discussed, this unusual phenomenon makes sense, albeit for tragic reasons.

Rather than speculate on those reasons, I’ll let Nicole Emma share the distressing details from her recent Ted Talk. While I strongly recommend everyone to listen to the full lecture, this one anecdote she shared nicely sums up the issue.

“Yesterday, a miracle happened. Since my wife passed, I’ve been very lonely. I haven’t so much as been hugged in over two years. I’m not handsome. I’m not rich. I don’t know how to talk to women, but you held me. You rubbed my back. You listened to me vent about my grief. This might just be a job for you, but today you saved my life.”

Think about this aside from the fact that a man hired a sex worker. This man was lonely, having lost his wife and not experienced much physical intimacy since then. He’s not some charismatic character from a beer commercial. He’s just an ordinary man with the same basic needs as everyone else. He felt like he couldn’t meet those needs so he turned to a sex worker.

Why he felt this way is difficult to surmise, but as a man, I can make a few educated guesses. Like it or not, there’s a stigma associated with men who share their insecurities. I learned that first-hand last year when I dealt with the death of someone very close to me. Even though I was comfortable confiding in my parents, I still felt inclined to hold back.

I know I’m not the only man who has felt this and there are people far smarter than me who have studied this. There are many factors behind this taboo. Some will blame “toxic masculinity,” a flawed concept at best. Others will attribute it to certain expectations about men that we simply don’t scrutinize as much as we should.

Regardless of the cause, the issue comes back to having few outlets for their feelings. Not everyone can afford a therapist and some are even reluctant to share these sentiments online. Given the prevalence of trolling these days, I can’t say I blame them. In that context, a sex worker is in a perfect position to help these men.

Yes, I’m aware that may be a poor choice of words.

Logistically, it provides them with something clear and transparent. The man knows what the woman wants. The woman knows what the man wants. The price is clear and predetermined. There’s no uncertainty or mixed messages.

Beyond the logistics, the exchange fulfills some of basic of needs. There’s actual, physical intimacy. There’s no screen between the man and the sex worker. There’s real human contact and that, in and of itself, provides significant health benefits. Add the inherent health benefits of orgasms and the impact of a sex worker can be more therapeutic than any therapist.

Even without the sex, a sex worker offers the man something that’s difficult to find, even in today’s hyper-connected world. For once, they’re with someone who will listen to them in a way that’s objective, unbiased, and free of judgment. A sex worker may see them as a client, but part of their work involves providing intimacy. Oftentimes, the line between physical and emotional intimacy isn’t clear.

Ms. Emma, having been a sex worker for years, understood that and, based on her personal testimony, she did her job very well. That man she referenced benefited from having that kind of intimacy. Unlike a therapist or a counselor, she didn’t treat him as someone who was sick or in need of medication. She just treated him as a lonely man who needed some intimacy.

I think many men can empathize with that situation. I doubt don’t that women can empathize with it as well. Sometimes, you don’t want therapy and you don’t want the complexities of other social interactions. You just want someone who provides a service that allows you to feel some basic level of emotional and physical intimacy.

Regardless of how you feel about the legality of prostitution or the men who hire sex workers, there’s no denying that this sort of intimacy is a fundamental need. We’ve seen what happens when people don’t get it. In recent years, we’ve seen it get downright ugly and hateful.

People need emotional and physical outlets, regardless of gender. The fact that sex workers are the primary outlet for some men is emblematic of a much larger problem. Beyond the taboos, stigmas, and misguided gender politics, we’re still human. We all still seek intimate connections. Without it, people will suffer and ignoring that suffering will only make it worse.

Leave a comment

Filed under Current Events, gender issues, human nature, men's issues, political correctness, prostitution, psychology, romance, sex in society, sexuality, women's issues

Daily Sexy Musing: Comfy Couch Loving

1

When it comes to furniture and sex, beds get all the glory while couches get all the unsexy stains. In the realm of romantic domains, couches barely register. They rank somewhere between the back seat of a car and a really sturdy dinner table. As a romance fan and someone who has enjoyed more than one couch-centered make-out session with a girlfriend, I don’t think that’s fair.

Now, there’s a valid reason for that. A couch is comfortable and can accommodate plenty of sexy activities, but it’s still limited in a lot of ways. It’s a simple, practical piece of furniture. There’s only so much you can do to it to improve its romantic potential. It is possible, though. It just takes more imagination.

In the right circumstances, an ordinary couch can be the sexiest piece of furniture you can have. It starts off as just a place to relaxed. Once you’re relaxed, you get cozy. Once you get cozy, you become more receptive to sexier ideas. If you and your lover are on the same page, then it doesn’t take much to make that couch the site of something beautiful.

I explore a lot of ideas in my Daily Sexy Musings. I don’t give much attention to furniture, but I think it’s worth pondering every now and then. After all, without quality furniture, we couldn’t do much with our sexy ideas. I hope this inspires others to contemplate how they use their couches as well. Enjoy!

It’s been a long day. We come home tired, but restless. It’s too early to go to bed, but too late to go out and do something. Without a plan or guidance, we make our way to the couch. If we’re too drained for adventure, then we might as well relax.

I sit next to you.

You sit next to me.

Naturally, we gravitate towards one another.

We turn on the TV and settle in. The stress and rigors of the day start to fade. Our shared frustrations become a distant memory. Together, we leave those minor obstacles behind. However, neither one of us has the energy to take on bigger challenges.

That doesn’t matter, though. We have just enough to make the most of our time together. While the bedroom seems like a distant journey, the couch we’re sitting on is more than sufficient. It supports us both, giving us comfort and leverage. That’s all it takes to turn an act of relaxation into one of passion.

As I lean on you, our skin touches.

As our skin touches, our desires escalate.

As our desires grow, our love takes hold.

Without an elaborate setting or fancy fixtures, we act as though we’re in the most romantic locale in the world. There’s no king-sized bed or array of flowers. There’s just a cozy little couch that’s just big enough to hold two lovers.

That’s all it takes.

That’s all we need.

That’s all that matters.

Our couch supports us even as we discard our clothes. The springs strain as we exert what little energy we have with one another. It still holds up, cradling our bodies and our passions. We don’t need an entire world on which to express our love. A good, comfortable couch will do.

Leave a comment

Filed under Daily Sexy Musings

Daily Sexy Musing: Birthday Sex

tmp-1c8fe44b-61e1-4a23-b934-9863a005cdb8

As we get older, birthdays tend to lose their spectacle. At some point, we’re no longer excited about the prospects of cake, presents, and silly hats. We’re just content to have a day to ourselves and an excuse to drink heavily. However, there is one aspect about birthdays that has overtly sexual connotations and it’s not just about lovers being more willing to wear kinky underwear.

To some, it’s running joke. At some point in a long-term relationship, you can only expect those sexy moments on your birthday and your anniversary. More often than not, it’s your birthday that’s more fun because you’re in a better position to set the mood. That works great if you’ve got a kinky mind, but not so much if that’s the only love-making you can look forward to.

As a romantic and a fan of all things sexy, I believe that sexy potential of birthdays is grossly undervalued. It shouldn’t be among the handful of days when you can assume some extra intimacy with your lover. It should be one of those occasions where you let your mind run a little wild and take your lover along for the ride.

To some extent, birthdays are already sexy. It marks a day that wouldn’t have been possible if someone hadn’t gotten laid. It’s worth celebrating, no matter how old you are. Our lives literally began with a sexy moment. Why not use the anniversary of your birth to add to it? Today is not my birthday, but I hope this Daily Sexy Musing gets adults and their lovers excited about celebrating again. Enjoy!

On this day, years ago, an act of love began my life.

On this day, here and now, I continue that life in my own special way.

It has been a life of many upheavals. However, the obstacles became opportunities and losses became lessons. At every turn, I learned and grew, becoming who I am and striving to be greater. Now, with another milestone met, I strive in a very special way.

What is a life well lived if not shared?

What is a life continued if not celebrated?

With you, I seek to share in the moment. This uniquely personal occasion, another year of life well-lived, I need no treats or presents. I seek only the most intimate kind of gift. From you, I seek something special that can neither be purchased nor packaged.

It’s a day like no other, your own personal holiday mixed with memories and reflections. You have a chance to look back and look forward, remembering what you’ve gained and mourning what you’ve lost. It’s also something more precious, a reason to go the extra mile and achieve something greater. With you, I don’t just seek it. I make it gift, both given and received.

The day is mine.

The moment is ours.

The party begins.

You offer yourself to me, perfectly wrapped and presented with glee. I unwrap it eagerly, the energy of youth flowing through me once more. No longer a child, but not constrained by age, I dare to play in life’s orchard. You are my playmate, a joy worth celebrating and a treat worth sharing.

Our love is a constant gift, but on this day, we celebrate in a way unique to this occasion. It is another year for me, but another blessing for us.

I am here.

We are together.

On this day, my birthday, we cherish the greatest gift we’ll ever have.

Leave a comment

Filed under Daily Sexy Musings

Daily Sexy Musing: Public Displays Of Affection

239449-1600x1030-lovers-compatibility

When you’re lonely, seeing a happy couple sharing a loving gesture can feel like a punch in the gut. I remember that feeling well. I’ve gone through stretches where I felt so miserable and alone that the sight of playful hand-holding was enough to make me cringe. Even as a romance fan, such a sight was distressing for me.

However, as I’ve gotten older and more mature, I’ve come to appreciate public displays of affection. Even when I feel lonely, seeing two people freely express their love for all to see is kind of refreshing. Given the current state of the world, I take comfort in seeing real love manifest before me.

I know public displays of affection are taboo for many people and cultures, but that only makes it more alluring in some ways. Couples who show their love in public directly counter the notion that the world has to be this cold, hostile place. Even if you share Rick Sanchez’s opinion on love, there’s something to be said about giving a loving middle finger to a world that seems determined to undermine it.

Whether it makes you sick or warms your heart, public displays of affection is a subtle, but powerful way in which we demonstrate love for one another. It’s not the most lurid act a couple could do, but it’s often a catalyst. This Daily Sexy Musing is my personal case for the inherent value of these affections. Even if they remind you how lonely you feel, they can also remind you of why love is worth pursuing.

It’s sunny, warm, and clear.

Broad daylight illuminates everything in all directions.

There are many potential eyes on us.

None of that matters. It doesn’t bother us in the slightest. We still make our way through this public domain, vulnerable and exposed for all to see. There’s no hiding from scrutiny. With only a glance, anyone can cast judgement. It still doesn’t matter. If anything, we welcome that judgement.

I hold your hand.

I kiss your lips.

I embrace you intimately.

I make my love for you clear for all to see.

To some, it’s immature. Other’s find it offensive, two people expressing for all a feeling that they deem private. It’s like we gave them a peak into our bedroom, showing to them what we show to each other when we embrace our passions. We offer only a glimpse of the most tempered manifestation of our love. For some, it’s still too much.

What does that say about the breadth of our love? It’s so intense that even the slightest display is too much for the rest of the world. It shows that our love cannot be contained. Some feelings cannot and should not be sheltered within cold walls. Love seeks the light. Passion always boils to the surface.

We make our love known.

We convey our feelings freely and openly.

We tell the world how much we love each other.

Under clear skies and beaming sunlight, we share ourselves with a world full of repression and judgement. We feel every harsh gaze and bemused scorn. We even sense the indifference of many, as though our love is just a brief gust on a calm day. It still doesn’t matter. We still show off our love for all to see. In the end, our hearts will be the ultimate judge.

Leave a comment

Filed under Daily Sexy Musings

Daily Sexy Musing: Workplace Romance

killer-office-otufit

We’re often told that a couple that plays together stays together. There’s even some evidence that there’s truth to it. Most don’t argue with that sentiment and, being a romantic, I certainly wouldn’t. However, I think it’s just as true that a couple who works together can be just as strong.

By working together, I don’t mean sharing household chores. I’m referring to people who meet in their professional lives. That happens more often than most people realize. Even in an era where everyone is more vigilant about workplace harassment, it’s still a common source for romantic entanglements.

Logistically, it makes sense. If you’re around someone for long stretches of time, working together and achieving things, that’s going to create some level of bond. Under the right conditions, this bond can evolve and become something more intimate. It’s taboo in some places, but that only makes the romantic potential even more potent.

The workplace isn’t usually someone’s first choice in which to forge a meaningful romance, but it’s hardly the last. I have relatives and close friends who met their spouse at work. This Daily Sexy Musing as a testament to the special kind of romance that can emerge through working relationships. Working together is already pretty intimate. Adding romance just incorporates some sexier elements.

Each and every day, our paths cross and our goals align. We push, support, and aid one another in a shared vision. Everything is so formal and every task is full of rigor. These are challenges that we cannot confront alone. We need help. We need each other.

Our sweat is shared.

Our lives are entwined.

Our worlds are linked.

Our efforts are united.

Already, I feel a bond. I trust in you and you trust in me. In the beginning, there were limits. Like impenetrable walls, it only went so far. We didn’t dare look beyond. The thought, alone, seemed outrageous. It would only complicate something that was working so well.

Then, I dared to think.

From that thought, I felt something for you.

From that feeling, the walls crumbled.

Suddenly, you’re not just an ally who aids my efforts. I want to be with you outside the hours in which we work. I crave a situation that isn’t bound by punch cards and pay periods. We do such great work together. What else can we do together?

Such a question is difficult to ask, but one that deserves an answer. Doing so invites complications, conflicts, and challenges. I don’t care, though. If anything, I welcome them. You and I have already taken the first step. Why not take more?

As we work, we learn together.

As we toil, we struggle together.

As we achieve, we succeed together.

What happens when we embrace? What might we create if we turn our work into passion and our passion into something greater? Not knowing is painful. Not even trying is agony.

Together, we can do the work.

Together, we can achieve so much more.

Leave a comment

Filed under Daily Sexy Musings

What I Wish I Learned In Sex Ed

sexeducation2

I like to think I had a good education in sex growing up. I grew up in an area that heavily promoted comprehensive sex education and did not solely rely on telling horny teenagers to abstain. On top of that, my parents were very upfront and transparent on sexual issues. They did not lie to me and they did not avoid the issue whenever I asked them questions.

In that sense, I consider myself luckier than most. I’ve heard way too many horror stories about kids getting a form of sex education that’s downright damaging. At the same time, there are some things I wish my teachers and parents had taught me. I feel like it would’ve saved me a lot of stress, confusion, and uncertainty later on in life.

While some things can only be learned through experience, I think in matters of sexuality, insight goes a long way. It’s one of the few acts we’re biologically wired to seek. Even if we find something out on our own, we’re not always going to understand it and that often means making flawed assumptions. That can make things awkward, to say the least.

What follows is a list of minor, but relevant aspects about sex that I wish I’d learned more about growing up. Some of these issues are things my teachers probably couldn’t have mentioned in a health class without getting into trouble with parents, but that’s exactly why they’re worth putting out there. I think these are conversations worth having with young people, especially as we enter a new sexual landscape.


Number 1: What Orgasms Are And How They Differ With Gender

Looking back on my experience with sex education, this feels like the biggest oversight. I learned about male and female anatomy. I learned about pregnancy, contraception, and diseases. I even learned a little about healthy relationship skills. At no point in any of these discussions did orgasms come up.

While I knew what they were, no teacher ever said that word or even hinted that they were a normal part of sex. They either avoided the issue or pretended it didn’t exist. They described sexual function the same way my biology teacher described how animals digest food. This led me to wonder that adults were hiding something from me and my peers.

Later on, as I learned more about sex outside of school, it gave the impression that adults just didn’t want to tell young people about things that felt good. Never mind that orgasms have a lot of health benefits and are a great way for a couple to bond. Not even mentioning them just sent too many mixed messages that only get more mixed over time.


Number 2: Feeling Horny Is Natural (And Not An Affliction)

This was especially common in middle school. Granted, most teachers said that thinking about sex is natural. However, actually wanting it might as well have been the same as wanting to steal a car. In any case where someone might have wanted sex outside of marriage, it was framed as something deviant and wrong.

Again, this was not a religious school. This was a secular public school in a community that was not overly-religious. Even so, every health teacher gave the impression that being horny was no different than having a violent impulse to choke kittens. I’m thankful my parents did plenty to counter that, but it did leave me feeling more stressed than I already was as a teenager.


Number 3: The Sex You See In Porn Isn’t “Real” Sex

Most reasonable adults understand that the sex they see in porn isn’t supposed to mirror actual sex. That kind of sex is designed to be shot, edited, and exaggerated for erotic effects. The problem is that too many reasonable adults, some of which teach health classes to teenagers, assume that only adults are watching porn.

I knew what porn was when I was a teenager. I knew how to access it. Everyone in my class knew as well and anyone who claimed they didn’t were liars. While there were discussions about sex in the media, it never got beyond things like body image and peer pressure. They never actually explained to uninformed teenagers that porn is not a good representation of what sex is.

For men who think they’re supposed to hump for 40 minutes straight and women who think they have to hiss every half-second, it’s an important tidbit that’s worth sharing. It also doesn’t help that porn does a terrible job of depicting romance. Just a simple explanation at how exaggerated it was would’ve gone a long way towards developing a healthy understanding of what non-pornographic sex was.


Number 4: Not Having Sex Isn’t The End Of The World

This issue is similar to the issues associated with the DARE program that tried to convince teenagers to not do drugs. That program not only doesn’t work. It gave me and my peers a very flawed image of drugs for years to come. The way my health teachers talked about sex wasn’t much different.

Beyond skipping the joys of orgasms, they often described sex as this scourge that was spreading disease and misery to countless teenagers. If you weren’t doing it, then something must be wrong with you. At the time, I already had severe self-esteem issues that were compounded by a terrible acne problem that made me feel ugly and unloved.

While no teacher ever said that people who don’t have sex are somehow flawed. They only ever framed people who didn’t have sex as safer and less likely to get diseases. That’s not the same as saying it’s okay, it’s not the end of the world, and it’s actually pretty common. That revelation may not seem like much now, but at the time, it would’ve made a world of difference.


Number 5: Sex Can Be Emotional, Intimate, And Fun

This is a bit more personal for me because I was a closeted romance fan. I’d been a romance fan before I was a teenager and once sex entered the picture, I knew there was a link. My health teachers just did a terrible job of explaining it. They talked about sex as though it was just a formality, like a wedding or a tax refund. Romance and intimacy never entered the picture.

Sex was either just a small part of human reproduction or this dangerous thrill sport on par with juggling chainsaws while wrestling a hungry grizzly. There was no emphasis on intimacy, romance, or just the fun of it all. Couples do have sex for fun. There’s nothing wrong with that. My own parents even told me that. My health teachers, on the other hand, gave the impression they were completely unrelated.


Number 6: Some People Are Just Wired Differently For Sex

This may have been a product of my own teenage angst more than anything else. The way my teachers talked about sex made it seem as though everyone had this scary creature lurking inside them and a good chunk of our lives are spent keeping it at bay. Everyone had to do their part to tame their sexual demons. There was no way around it.

However, that’s not how peoples’ sex drives work. Some people just aren’t that sexual. They don’t get as horny as the average people. When they do, the things that satisfy them are wildly different than the things that satisfy others. Some people have elaborate kinks. Some are happy with a quickie in the shower twice a year.

This idea that everyone has their own sexual makeup wasn’t even hinted at. It made it seem as though everyone in the world, myself included, had the same sexual proclivities. Even though we can’t agree on gods, the afterlife, or pizza toppings, we’re all somehow in agreement on this. I know it sounds like common sense to an adult. To a teenager, it framed the world in a strange, overwhelming way that I could’ve done without.


Number 7: Not Every Woman Goes Crazy On Their Period

I know people don’t like talking about women’s bodies, especially when it comes to that time of month. They’ve been taboo for centuries and for a long list of frustrating reasons. When young men learn about what women go through during pregnancy and menstruation, though, they get the impression that their hormones turn them into meth addicts in withdraw.

Having grown up in a house with multiple women, sharing a bathroom, and just being around a lot of women in general, I know that most women don’t radically change when they’re on their period. Some do have issues. Most are understandable, treatable, and not a reason to fear an entire gender.

In the sex ed I got, I had multiple male teachers joke about how glad they were to not have to deal with periods. These teachers were married, by the way. It made me wonder whether they knew when to leave town or sleep in the basement during certain times of month. It also made me wonder if the women in my family were different because they didn’t seem to go crazy every month.

There’s certainly room to talk about women’s issues during sex ed, even among teenage boys. However, a little perspective would’ve gone a long way. It made being around girls more awkward than it already was. I was a teenager. There’s only so much awkwardness I could handle and I handled it poorly. I’m not saying better sex ed would’ve fixed everything, but it sure would’ve helped.

Leave a comment

Filed under gender issues, Jack Fisher's Insights, men's issues, sex in media, sex in society, sexuality, women's issues