Tag Archives: mental health

May 3, 2024 · 5:27 am

Why Time Seems To Go Faster As You Get Older

When I was a kid, the school year always seemed to go on forever. I know it was nine months out of the year and that was a sizable chunk of any given year. But looking back on it, I swear every day felt longer, every week felt like a month, and every month felt like a year. Even as I got older, time seemed to drag and at times, it was agonizing.

These days, the flow of time feels different and not just because of the events of the COVID-19 pandemic. Granted, that did mess up everyone’s sense of time. But even before that, I noticed how the days, months, and years seem to go by differently. And the older I get, the more I feel it. I’m also not the only one.

A lot of friends and relatives I talk to will say the same thing. They swear that 2023 just started a few weeks ago. They remember the ball dropping on New Years Eve. They remember making New Years resolutions, capping off the holidays, and making plans for the new year.

The next thing they know, Halloween is over and the holidays are just around the corner. You start to wonder where the hell the rest of the year went. You wonder why and how it went by so quickly. I’ve certainly wondered that from time to time. But since the end of the pandemic, I feel like my perspectives on how the years go by has struck a unique balance.

And I count that as an accomplishment because for a good chunk of my youth, that balance was lacking and not just because of how much I struggled in high school. College was eventful, but it felt like it ended too quickly for me because I was often anxious about what I would do when I got out. Even when I started working and exploring new creative outlets, I didn’t have much certainty with respect to how I would build a life for myself.

That took a while to figure out. I also made a few mistakes along the way, as most people do when they’re young and uncertain. But once I created a more stable life for myself, finding some decent jobs and moving into my own place, that’s when I really noticed my perceptions of time change.

Unlike being in school, my life was a lot less structured and regimented. There was less obsession over navigating classes, classmates, and assignments and more focus on just getting better at whatever job I happened to have. For someone like me, I tend to thrive more when things are streamlined and I know what I need to do over the course of a given day, week, or month. That allows me to plan accordingly and get things down to a system.

Once I found that, life in general just seemed to run smoother. It also helped that I wasn’t an awkward teenager trying to handle acne, puberty, and poor social skills anymore. Life experience and maturity helped me better navigate my life on a day-to-day basis.

Plus, making my own money, being able to spend it however I wanted, and living on my own schedule was a lot more fulfilling. I was no longer constantly checking the clock, agonizing over when my next assignment or obligation was.

Yes, I had that with my job, but that always felt less stressful than school because it was more limited. There was less emphasis on following strict schedules and getting grades. What mattered more was the end results and once I knew how to do that, there was less stress and anxiety.

Now, it was more a matter of how to enjoy my personal time when I wasn’t working. Having more of that, as well as enough money to make the most of it, really benefited me in terms of mental health. But it also made that time feel more fleeting and precious. When you’re doing your own thing and enjoying it every step of the way, it seems to end sooner. That’s often how I feel every time my trip to New York Comic Con ends.

I suspect that feeling will continue to evolve as I get older. There is some real science behind why time seems to move faster as you get older. Much of it has to do with how getting older makes each experience a smaller and smaller chunk of your lived experience. I think there is some merit to that and my older friends can often attest to it.

But beyond the science, I think this feeling is best summed up by a friend of mine who retired recently. He once told me that “The days are long, but the years feel short.” And I think that holds true, regardless of how old you are.

Every day is going to go by at its own pace, regardless of whether you’re working, going to school, or just enjoying a lazy Saturday afternoon. But as you make it through each day, they add up fast. Eventually, they’ll all feel like a blur as you make it through another year. At times, it feels like those days were wasted. But I would encourage others to avoid that feeling.

Because I believe that no day is truly wasted unless you go out of your way to do so. If you’re just lounging about, but enjoying it every step of the way, then that’s not a wasted day. But if you’re just lounging about and ignoring things you know you have to do, then that is a waste and it will impact the days that follow.

In the end, it’s a balancing act. If you find yourself in a situation that works for you, then it will feel like the years will start to fly by. But that’s not necessarily a bad thing. It means that you’re not in a situation agonizing over what the next day will bring or what you’ll have to do in the weeks to come.

Perception or not, the world will keep spinning and time will keep passing us by. But if you’ve built a good life for yourself and those around you, you’ll find that the days and years were well-spent, regardless of how brief they seemed.

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March 8, 2024 · 5:32 am

Narcassists Are More Likely To Become CEO (And Why That’s Concerning)

A while back, a close relative of mine retired after a long, fruitful career that spanned nearly 40 years. They probably could’ve retired much sooner, but they were among the fortunate few who actually enjoyed their job for the most part. It had its ups, downs, and everything in between. But overall, it was a good career that most would be lucky to enjoy.

Over the course of that lengthy career, they worked under multiple CEOs. This was a fairly well-regarded organization, too. So, the CEOs were not part of some succession plan or a proud family business. This was the kind of company that followed a fairly traditional corporate structure and kept things impersonal as much as possible when it came to executive decisions.

However, in talking about how much the job had changed over the years and how much the industry had evolved in that time, this same person revealed something I found both striking, yet unsurprising.

Every single CEO they worked under qualified, by their definition, as a narcissist.

Now, for most people who have worked similar jobs, this probably isn’t surprising. There’s this prevailing sentiment that anyone who becomes CEO has to be a narcissist to some extent in order to get to that level. It even makes a perverse bit of sense. By their own nature, a narcissist seeks control, status, power, and aggrandizement. And the position of CEO offers all of that in spades.

But even if it makes sense for narcissists to become CEOs and we consider it normal, for the most part, that still warrants concern. There are times when our concept of normal has some major problems and we shouldn’t be afraid to confront it. This is definitely one of those situations.

For the relative who told me this, they had quite a few interesting stories to tell regarding the narcissism of CEOs. But they did make one important distinction. Even though these individuals were overtly narcissistic, they were not outright psychopaths. While most psychopaths are narcissistic, not every narcissist is a psychopath.

Narcissists can and do have some sense of moral responsibility.

Narcissist can and do experience empathy on some levels.

Narcissists can even be good CEOs, for the most part.

However, we shouldn’t let that override the legitimate concerns we should have when dealing with narcissists. There’s a reason why so many super-villains in pop culture tend to be inherently narcissistic.

Among the key traits of narcissists is a sense of arrogance, self-entitlement, vanity, and a greater capacity to exploit others for selfish means. These are traits we rarely want in people we deal with on a day-to-day basis. But in the role of CEO, they can give someone an advantage.

It means they won’t hesitate to make decisions that cause harm, distress, or ruin to others. It also means they’ll cross lines most people won’t in order to increase profits, further an organization, or undermine the competition. They can and will do things that’ll seriously hurt those working for them, yet still sleep comfortably in their fancy beds without a shred of guilt.

Maybe these sorts of tactics do help certain companies and organizations thrive. Many of the most successful companies in the world were founded or run effectively by narcissists who did things that, in hindsight, were deplorable by most measures. But we give them a pass because that made them and their company a great success.

It’s a not-so-hidden blind spot that we, the public, tend to overlook. And as I’ve gotten older and had my own experiences with narcissists, I feel like that sort of mentality is detrimental in the grand scheme of things.

One story that did stand out from my relative was how one particularly narcissistic CEO lamented how they might not have enough money to retire. Granted, this CEO was making well above six figures and he was complaining directly to someone who made a fraction of this. The idea that their bloated salary was not enough to retire on just seemed outrageous for someone just trying their best to pay their rent or mortgage on time.

It perfectly reflects how narcissists lack empathy and aren’t the least bit concerned with how people less fortunate or affluent get by. It would be one thing if this were just someone who had been born rich. But remember, this is a CEO. Unlike those rich from inheritance, their decisions impact entire organizations. Those organizations are full of hard-working people who may or may not be in a position to retire, no matter how hard they work.

That kind of disconnect between those making executive decisions and those actually doing the work isn’t just illogical. It’s damaging to the long-term health of any organization and society. Because if the CEOs of the organizations we rely on to keep our economy growing are too narcissistic, then what incentive do they have to do right by the society at large?

If the choices is between making the right choice for the most amount of people or more money and power for them personally, a narcissist won’t make the right choice.

If the choice is between sacrificing for the good of others or exploiting others for their own personal benefit, a narcissist will choose to benefit themselves 99 times out of 100.

Unlike most people with a more balanced perspective, narcissists need to be coaxed into doing the right thing. And even when they do, they’ll often do it begrudgingly. Those who are smart on top of being narcissists might be able to come to that conclusion if the long-term benefits are there. But for the most part, you can usually expect a narcissist to made decisions that benefit them over everyone else.

In addition to the anecdotes of my retired relatives, there’s real science to indicate that a disproportional number of CEOs are indeed narcissists. And those narcissists working within those titles will continue to do whatever they think they can get away with, so long as they continue to benefit. You really don’t have to look far to see how much harm decisions from narcissistic CEOs can incur.

Having to work for a narcissist CEO is always challenging, but it can be done. Most people who have worked a steady job can attest to that. But it’s still worth asking ourselves if this situation is tenable in the long run. Because if we continue rewarding narcissists with lucrative jobs like CEO, then we’re just creating a world that’ll enable more narcissists.

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May 8, 2023 · 6:25 am

What Is An Appropriate Age For A Kid To Have A Smartphone?

When I was a kid, the most advanced device I could put in my pocket was a Gameboy. It didn’t do much other than play games. And while I did sometimes annoy my friends and family by playing it too much or taking it everywhere, having one really wasn’t too controversial. Once I was in middle school, I didn’t have too many restrictions, other than simply needing money for games and batteries.

Today, smartphones are much more powerful than a Gameboy by several orders a magnitude. It’s not just about what they can do. Even with a poor internet connection, a smartphone can give anyone of any age access to countless forms of information, media, and entertainment.

Some of it is good. A lot of it is bad.

Some of it is critical information for most people to know. A lot of it is misinformation or propaganda that can destroy someone’s life.

In the wrong hands of even a capable adult, a smartphone can ruin your life. Just ask anyone who has ever sent out an ill-advised tweet. Things only get more complicated when it comes to young children or teenagers using smart devices. And those complications are going to intensify in the coming years.

I know this and sense this because over the past several years, quite a few friends and family members have started having kids. At the moment, they’re all under the age of eight. They’re all growing up with loving, caring parents who genuinely want what’s best for them. They have all the support and encouragement they could need from their family and extended family. I try my best to be part of that support.

However, these kids have been born into a world that I never could’ve imagined as a child. They came into a world in which the internet is everywhere, smartphones are everywhere, and social media has a huge effect on everyone’s life, even if they’re not on it. The world is always changing, but this is a different kind of change.

And these kids definitely sense it too. A while back, I was hanging out with one of my nephews during a family gathering at my parents’ house. While we were hanging out in the living room, my mother brought out an old photo album. And my nephew, even with severely restricted exposure to screens and smart devices, kept trying to tap on the pictures to make them play. He basically thought they were like the photos on his dad’s iPhone, which played videos when you tapped on them.

It was funny to some extent, but it was also revealing. It shows that, even at a young age, these kids are picking up on what these devices can do. And as they get older, they’re certain to become a big part of their lives.

Their parents certainly understand that. Even before they were born, I heard them say outright that they’re going to work hard to restrict the use and exposure of smart devices to their children. That included phones and tablets, including those that didn’t connect to the internet. They’re serious about that effort. On more than one occasion, they’ve asked me to keep my phone in my pocket so that the kids don’t see it. I always try to respect that. I understand completely where they’re coming from.

That’s not to say they hide these devices from them completely. Their parents do allow their kids to play very specific kid-friendly games on their devices, but usually for a very limited amount of time and often as a reward for good behavior. They’ll also let them watch movies on a tablet if they’re good or if they’re on a long drive. The key is to find a healthy balance that doesn’t expose the kids to the objectively toxic parts of the internet and electronic media.

For now, I think what they’re parents are doing is working. However, at some point, they won’t be able to completely control their child’s access to technology, the internet, etc. I know this because when I was a kid, we found a way to access forbidden media, be it games like Mortal Kombat or shows like South Park. It doesn’t matter how strict a parent is. Kids will find a way. Even if they fail, they’re already aware that these devices exist and they’re aware of what they can do. The question is how do we, as parents and a society, manage it appropriately?

This is something I honestly don’t know how to assess. I am not a parent yet. I might be one day and even then, I might not know when and how to appropriately expose my children to smartphones and the internet. I don’t doubt they’ll be curious. I also don’t doubt these devices will be part of their lives. As they get older, they’ll want more access. At some point, they’ll even want a smart device of their own.

For parents of young kids, that’s a scary prospect. I’m not a parent yet and I find that scary, too. I’ve seen some of the uglier parts of the internet. I shudder to think of the impact they would have on any child. But scary or not, it raises a relevant question.

At what age do we let kids have their own smartphone?

I ask this question knowing that the answer will likely vary from child to child. There will always be some children who are more responsible than others. When I was in grade school, I knew a kid who couldn’t be trusted with paintbrushes because he kept trying to paint things on other kids’ faces. I even knew this one kid who couldn’t be trusted with markers because he would sniff or try to lick the tip.

Those are not the kinds of kids you can trust with a smartphone or any device connected to the internet, for that matter. But even well-behaved kids might be harmed by smartphones at a certain age and through no fault of their own. There are applications, games, and sites that are specifically designed to get everyone, kids included, addicted to their content. There are multiple studies that have noted detrimental effects to kids and young adults who use apps like TikTok, Instagram, and FaceBook.

At the same time, there are tangible benefits that can be gained from smartphones. There are also programs that can help kids learn other languages, improve critical thinking skills, and even develop forms of emotional intelligence. Depriving kids and even teenagers access to such functions could be just as detrimental.

It’s a tough balancing act. You can never completely eliminate the drawbacks and gain only the benefits, nor can you truly know how a child or teenager is going to use their smart device. Some will use it to better themselves. Some will be ruined or destroyed by it. There’s just no way to know for sure.

The best any parent can do is to just teach their child to be smart, responsible, understanding, and careful. That’s not easy. Very few things about parenting are. I’ve noticed that from just watching my siblings and friends. I’m sure I’ll learn it first-hand if I ever have kids of my own.

Like it or not, smartphones are a critical tool for kids, teenagers, and adults alike. Like any tool, there’s a right way and a wrong way to use it. And like any action or choice, there are risks and rewards to weight. We can never know for sure how they’ll help or hurt us. Parents can and should do whatever they can to help their kids get the most out of these tools, even if it means restricting their use.

To help hammer this point home, I’ll share one last anecdote. When I was in school, all cell phones were banned. At the time, they didn’t connect to the internet or have cameras. But the school had a clear policy that no student could posses them. Then, there was an incident near my neighborhood that involved an active shooter. It made the local news and, as a result, parents of students began frantically calling students on the cell phones they weren’t allowed to have.

Some students managed to hide their phones enough in order to answer. But those who didn’t ended up causing serious concern from their parents. I remember several basically leaving work in the middle of the day to get to the school in order to check on their kid. Nobody was hurt, but I can’t imagine how stressful that must have been.

As a result of this incident, the school changed its cell phone policy. That might have made sense in wake of that incident. And I know there are far issues to consider with modern smartphones. But I think it helps illustrate how crude, simplistic approaches to this issue can only go so far. We can’t ban these devices, nor can we uncreate them or the world they’ve fostered. It’s up to us to guide the next generation as best we can into an increasingly complicated world.

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January 7, 2023 · 9:16 am

A Few Simple Ways To Help Make 2023 Better

With every new year comes new challenges and opportunities. And once the New Year holiday celebrations are over, a lot of people like to be extra ambitions. They’ll make bold resolutions like getting into shape, quitting smoking, saving more money, or working on their relationships.

These are all good, admirable goals to seek. If these are among your resolutions, then more power to you. I certainly encourage anyone making a sincere effort to improve their lives.

However, it’s also common to let your bolder resolutions obscure the smaller goals that are also worth pursuing. I can attest that I am guilty of this, as well. For much of my life, I’ve let bigger goals get in the way of smaller, more achievable endeavors. And even if I make progress on those bigger goals, it still feels like I miss some opportunities along the way.

In that spirit, I’d like to share a few little things that you can do to help make 2023 a good year for you. I’ve talked before about bold resolutions and I still encourage everyone to make them. But rather than repeat myself or share random anecdotes, I want to offer something small, but tangible that you can do to improve yourself and your life. I won’t charge for them. I won’t even ask for tips or donations. This is all freely given from me to you.

Tip #1: Go to sleep an hour earlier for one week and see how an extra hour of sleep improves your mood, health, and overall well-being.

Tip #2: Just go for a walk around your neighborhood, but make sure you walk down paths and streets you’ve never gone down before. Get out of your comfort zone to see what’s out there.

Tip #3: Do one act of random, unprovoked kindness every week for a random stranger. It doesn’t matter what it is. It can be as simple as anonymously donating to charity. A simple act of altruism is good for you.

Tip #4: Schedule a small chunk of time out of every day for a week for yourself. It can be as brief as an hour. Just use that time to stop, catch your breath, and decompress from all your daily stresses.

Tip #5: Make one minor change to your routine for a few days and see how much or how little that improves things.

Tip #6: Don’t follow any major news for a full 24 hours.

Tip #7: Learn to cook something new that you’ve never cooked before and share it with others.

These are just a few tips I felt are worth sharing. I tried to make them specific, but generalized enough that most people can incorporate it into their lives. You can try one or all of them. I simply encourage you to use the new year to try something different in your life.

We all have things we can improve upon and we should never stop trying to improve. There’s always a place for large improvements, but don’t negate the little things. You’ll find that, over time and beyond any new year, they accumulate. And when they do, you’ll appreciate just how much they’ve helped you.

I hope everyone has a safe, happy, and productive 2023.

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December 16, 2021 · 5:45 am

How I Choose To Unplug (And Why I Recommend It For Others)

Workout of the Week: Cross-Training Trail Run | Be Well Philly

I love technology.

I love my smartphone.

I love this age of gadgets, gizmos, and gimmicks that we live in right now.

I don’t care that it’s a byproduct of a quasi-capitalist system that isn’t perfect or that it can come off as shallow at times. It’s still fun and it makes our lives easier, richer, and more convenient. For that, I am grateful. The tech industry is still full of assholes, but the products do a lot of good.

I know there are people who claim the world was better off before the age of the internet, social media, and TV. I don’t believe them for a second. I’m willing to bet that if those same people had to suddenly live without all the modern conveniences we have, they’d go crazy with boredom and drudgery.

All that being said, there are times when it helps to just completely unplug for a while. By that, I don’t just mean turning off your smartphone and lying on the couch. That’s not really unplugging. You’re still within easy reach of it all and can reconnect on a whim.

By unplugging, I mean actually going outside without your phone, your watch, or any gadgets of any kind. It’s just you, the outdoors, and nothing else. To some, I’m sure that sounds scary. Some people are a lot more attached to their gadgets than others. For most, though, I think there’s a genuine benefit to just stepping away from the gadgets and being alone with your thoughts for a while.

I learned that years ago when I was in college. I didn’t have a smartphone back then, but I was almost always connected to something, whether it was my computer, my TV, or my iPod. Some of that was out of necessity. I couldn’t really do much work without any of those tools. However, by my sophomore year, I quickly learned that being connected all the time can really compound everyday stresses.

I found ways to deal with it. Most of them didn’t work that well, but they did get me through some tough times. It wasn’t until I started working out that I realized the true benefits of unplugging for brief periods. This is also where I really came to appreciate being alone with my thoughts for a while.

When I first started working out, I would go to a gym. That was fine in the beginning. I just brought my iPod and later my iPhone, loaded with music, and let that play during my workout. Then, I quickly realized that running on a treadmill was kind of boring and not very good for my joints. That’s when I started running around some local trails.

This is where I found the best place to unplug while also getting a better workout. At first, I tried to bring my phone with me so I could listen to music. That was nice and all, but I found it had an odd effect. By listening to music, I became a bit too concerned about how long I was running. Even if I didn’t check the time, my brain could figure it out by just how long each song was.

I just couldn’t stop myself from overthinking. That’s a problem I’ve had for much of my life. In order to get around that, I actually had to leave my phone, my watch, and all my gadgets behind. So, for my next run, the only things I brought with me were my wallet and keys.

Almost immediately, I felt a difference and it was a positive difference.

Running along these local trails, with no music and no watch or smartphone to check, became incredibly therapeutic. Nobody could call me to interrupt. Nothing could prompt me to just stop, take out my phone, and check something. It was just me, nature, and my thoughts as I ran about these local trails. I also found that the more I did it, the more I got out of it.

By disconnecting, I could just let my thoughts catch up with everything I had been dealing with. I could step back, give myself a chance to process everything, and get myself in a better place.

On top of that, this also gave me a chance to entertain new ideas for sexy short stories, sexy novels, and YouTube videos. I think it’s fair to say that I wouldn’t have produced nearly as much content, including the sexy kind, if I didn’t take this time to disconnect and be alone with my thoughts.

It’s now a big part of my routine. I go running almost every day and I make it a point to use that opportunity to disconnect. It’s a time and experience that I’ve come to value a great deal. It keeps me focused, centered, and inspired to keep being more awesome.

Now, I won’t claim that what works for me will work for everyone. Every person is wired different. Some need to disconnect more than others. Some don’t really need to disconnect much at all. However, I highly recommend everyone trying it at some point.

It doesn’t matter what form it takes.

You can go for a walk, sit on our back porch, or just turn off all the lights in your bedroom.

Go some place where you can disconnect from tech, gadgets, and distractions of all kinds. Be alone with your thoughts for a while. Let them catch up with everything you happen to be dealing with, whatever it might be. I believe that’ll be good for you and your mental state.

Again, I love technology and gadgets as much as the next guy. However, getting away from it every once in a while can have many benefits. You won’t know just how far those benefits go until you try.

If you have a different way of going about it, please share it in the comments. I’d love to hear the input of others on this.

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August 27, 2021 · 9:22 am

Contemplating The Lies, Sincerity, And Dishonesty Of Public Figures

53,509 Lying On Back Stock Photos, Pictures & Royalty-Free Images - iStock

When you lie down in bed at night, alone in the dark with your thoughts, I believe that’s when you’re most honest with yourself. Whether you sleep alone or with a lover, this is one of those few times when we can allow our minds to wander freely. Sometimes, we find ourselves thinking things that make us uncomfortable. While it may be distressing, I would argue that’s healthy.

I freely admit that I find myself contemplating a lot of strange things when I lay down to go to sleep at night. I doubt I’m alone. I would question the honesty of anyone who claims their private thoughts perfectly match those they contemplate in public.

With this in mind, I’d like to pose a relevant question. I wouldn’t go so far as to call it a thought experiment because this is one of those questions that may have a definitive answer. Granted, it’s an answer we’ll probably never know for sure. However, I still feel it’s worth asking for the sake of the bigger picture.

It has to do with public figures. By that, I don’t just mean major celebrities like movie stars, musicians, and what not. I’m also referring to well-known politicians, political commentators, and even popular social media figures on sites like YouTube and Tik-Tok. To all of them, I pose this question.

When these people lie in bed at night, do they genuinely believe the things they do, espouse, or support?

I think the answer to that question, even if we cannot know it, is incredibly revealing.

Let’s face it. These are all people who have a very public persona. Most people who know who they are know them only through that persona. Whether they’re a politician known for saying dumb things, a celebrity with a nasty reputation, or religious preachers with controversial views on certain subjects, they have a public face and a public personality.

It’s also incredibly common for people to not be honest with themselves. Most of us have done that at some point in our lives to varying degrees. We carry ourselves as someone we’re not. We convey feelings, ideas, and emotions that are not entirely in line with our true selves. Why we do this varies, but it can be incredibly damaging if taken too far.

For certain public figures, though, there are many additional layers of complications. For some people, especially politicians, shock jocks, and social media personalities, they have to present a certain version of themselves to the public. That version is almost always carefully crafted and refined. It rarely reflects a completely honest version of that person.

On top of that, this version of themselves is presented as a means to obtain money, power, influence, attention, and everything that comes with that. They say and do whatever reaffirms or builds upon that persona. If it gets any level of attention, be it positive or negative, it gets reinforced.

It can quickly become a cycle, but one that’s reinforced with money, power, and influence. At that point, a public figure doesn’t just have an incentive to keep up this persona. They have incentives to double down and take it to new levels. Even if it makes them infamous and hated, they still get enough out of it to justify the effort, no matter how dishonest it might be.

With those incentives in mind, I often find myself wondering how much or how little certain public figures are aware of them. Perhaps when they lay in bed at night and are alone with their thoughts, they acknowledge that hard truth to themselves, but wouldn’t dare acknowledge it to anyone else.

Think about someone like Bernie Madoff. Before he got caught in his infamous Ponzi scheme, he knew what he was doing. He knew he was a fraud. How much or how little did he realize that when he was in bed at night before he got caught?

Think about some of the most radical, right-wing or left-wing politicians you know. Think about some of the craziest beliefs they espouse. When they lay down at night, do they realize how crazy they are? Do they even truly believe what they say? Do they just say what they need to in order to keep their persona going?

Think about some of the radical religious preachers who bilk money from the faithful. Do they truly believe the terrible things they espouse? Do they really believe that they are somehow more holy than everyone else? When they lay in bed at night, do they realize that what they’re doing is antithetical to their religion? Is it possible that some don’t even believe and are simply doing what they do because it earns them money and influence?

We’ll probably never know the answer. Regardless of how you feel about these public figures, especially the ones most decent people find deplorable, the question is still relevant. It should also inform our perspective about certain public figures. If someone has a powerful incentive to keep being who they are in public, then expect them to keep doing what they’re doing. The only time they may acknowledge it is when they lay in bed at night.

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June 29, 2021 · 5:40 am

When (And Why) NOT To Be An Optimist

In general, I’m a pretty optimistic person. I have an overall positive outlook on life and the future. I’d even go so far as to say I’m excited about what the future will bring. My posts about sex robots should be proof enough of that.

However, I wasn’t always optimistic. In fact, anyone who knew me in high school or middle school probably saw me as the antithesis of optimism. I was always so dire and bleak with my outlook. I rarely had anything good or positive to say. I put myself down all the time and tried to bring the rest of the world with it.

It was not a healthy mindset, to say the least. I’m very glad I got out of it.

At the same time, it has given me some perspective. Having been on both extremes, I know what fuels that kind of thinking. I know and understand, to some extent, what leads someone to have that mindset.

Overall, I feel like having a positive outlook is more beneficial. That’s to be expected. When you’re more hopeful and optimistic, it tends to bleed into other aspects of your life. Optimism tends to attract optimistic people and those people are generally good for you. I certainly wouldn’t have the friends I have now if I’d remained so negative.

At the same time, there is a limit to optimism. There does come a point where being optimistic can be damaging, in the long run. I’m not talking about the kind of optimism that’s outright delusional, either. I’m more referring to the kind of mindset that makes someone too oblivious to the world.

I think that’s something people do struggle with. That might be a hard thing to say in wake of a global pandemic, but even before that dampened everyone’s spirits, it was easy to get caught up in that mindset. It often goes like this.

If everything seems to be going well, then why bother changing anything?

If things stop going well, then you try to get back to that particular mentality.

If what you do doesn’t work, then you double down and try even harder.

What made you happy and hopeful worked before. Why wouldn’t it work again?

This is a mindset I can attest to. When I was in college, my overall outlook improved. I got a lot less negative about the world. I got better at making friends. I even dared to be hopeful about the future.

Then, I faced some challenges. It was often small or minor. A girl I liked didn’t like me back. A class I took didn’t go well. My favorite team starts losing or I get into a fight with my roommate. It was very stressful, but I thought just maintaining a positive outlook would help work things out.

It didn’t. I won’t say it didn’t help at all. It just didn’t help as much as I’d hoped.

The same thing happened when I got anxious about my health and body image. As I’ve noted before, I did not have good health habits in my youth. I didn’t start regularly going to the gym until I was almost 30. Before then, I thought I just needed to rebuild my confidence and remain hopeful. I now know that was incredibly short-sighted.

Just having the right mindset is barely the first step. At some point, I had to make a more concerted effort. I had to work, grind, and struggle to get to where I wanted to go. If I had just stayed entirely within this positive mindset, I probably wouldn’t have gotten to where I am now, health wise. In that sense, being too positive worked against me.

This is the trap of overly positive thinking. Sometimes, if you’re too positive, you’re less inclined to put in the extra effort and make a meaningful change. Whether it’s about your health, your social life, or your politics, too much positive thinking can become an excuse to not change or do anything different.

That’s rarely healthy. That’s also why a little regular introspection can be a good thing. It’s something that’s encouraged by professionals who are far smarter than me on matters of psychology. If you need further details, check out this piece I found from Psychology Today.

Psychology Today: Positive Thinking Isn’t Always the Best Way to Go

When we suffer pain, rejection, disappointment, loss, disease, or another catastrophe, happy talk, whistling in the dark, or putting on a happy face do not work. Every cloud does not have a silver lining nor is there a pot of gold at the end of every rainbow.

Because the world is filled with all sorts of unhappy events, from not getting that dream job to losing a best friend to cancer, thinking only positive thoughts is delusional. Trying to maintain a happy face while tragedy engulfs us is unnatural, akin to trying to laugh when our hearts are breaking. Like Pagliacci, the clown who was intent upon making others laugh while tears streamed down his cheeks, we shortchange ourselves when we fail to deal with negative events and emotions.

I’ll sum this up by offering one last bit of insight.

Life isn’t easy, but it’s worth the effort. Things do generally get better and assuming the worst tends to be a self-fulfilling prophecy. However, just being positive is never enough. At some point, you have to make the effort. It’s often strenuous and frustrating, but it’s wroth doing.

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May 21, 2021 · 5:41 am

Suicides (Surprisingly) Went Down During 2020: Possible Reasons And Insights

Every now and then, I go out of my way to highlight good or uplifting news. From brave priests who do defy the Vatican to wholesome comic strips involving Mr. Rogers, I try to use these stories to lift everyone’s spirits during difficult times.

Let’s face it. We’ve had a lot of that lately. Last year gave us plenty of difficulties, to say the least. It certainly doesn’t help that good stories rarely make the news, mostly because it doesn’t garner ratings or shock value. I tried to do my part, but I admit it wasn’t easy.

I managed to find some silver linings, by they hardly made up for all the soul-crushing hardship that year wrought. My spirit is still not fully intact after being so broken by last year.

Even so, I still want to make that effort to highlight good news, especially when it’s unexpected or surprising. One such story involves the less-than-uplifting topic of suicide, something that is both emotionally charged and incredibly devastating for a great many people and their families.

If ever there was a year during which people could be forgiven for thinking such morbid thoughts, it’s 2020. If a story came out that indicated suicides went up during 2020 as the pandemic raged, then I doubt anyone would be surprised. It probably wouldn’t even be news.

However, according to a story from CBS, that’s not what happened. In fact, the opposite occurred. Against all dire assumptions and understandable cynicism, the number of suicides in the US declined significantly during 2020. I’ll give everyone a minute to wrap their heads around that.

CBS News: U.S. suicides dropped last year, defying pandemic expectations

The number of U.S. suicides fell nearly 6% last year amid the coronavirus pandemic — the largest annual decline in at least four decades, according to preliminary government data.

Death certificates are still coming in and the count could rise. But officials expect a substantial decline will endure, despite worries that COVID-19 could lead to more suicides.

It is hard to say exactly why suicide deaths dropped so much, but one factor may be a phenomenon seen in the early stages of wars and national disasters, some experts suggested.

“There’s a heroism phase in every disaster period, where we’re banding together and expressing lots of messages of support that we’re in this together,” said Dr. Christine Moutier, chief medical officer of the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. “You saw that, at least in the early months of the pandemic.”

An increase in the availability of telehealth services and other efforts to turn around the nation’s suicide problem may have also contributed, she said.

I want to make one thing clear again before proceeding. Suicide is a serious issue that affects a lot of people. If at all you’re struggling with suicidal thoughts, please consider calling a help line or reaching out to someone. There are people out there who will listen.

Having said that, I also want to note that this news genuinely surprised me. Even as someone who tries to have more faith in humanity than most, this is pretty much the opposite of what I would’ve assumed and in the best possible way.

During a crisis, people tend to panic. We all saw that last year. Anyone who fought someone for access to toilet paper remembers that. When people panic, they get stressed out. When they get stressed, they tend to get depressed. How else are you supposed to feel when you see the death toll climbing every day?

Despite all that, fewer people fell beyond that darkest of dark points. More chose to endure. That bold part is something I highlighted because that is a real effect. Whenever a disaster strikes, people tend to come together. Things like political divisions, racial strife, and what not tend to fall to the wayside when we’re all at the mercy of something we can’t control.

It’s one of humanity’s greatest strengths. Our tribalism may divide us a lot during times of peace, but when the going gets tough, we come together for the sake of survival. That’s powerful sentiment and one that can bring out the best in people. During a global pandemic, we all have to come together to some extent to make it through.

In addition, some cite the rise of telemedicine and the ability to treat people with mental illness remotely as a contributing factor. I certainly think that played a part, but I suspect that the shared struggle and solidarity that often comes during a disaster was a larger factor.

That same shared sense of community and commonality directly counter some of the most powerful risk factors for suicide. Those who make that dire choice often feel alone and isolated. They feel they lack that core sense of community that’s so critical to any social species.

The fact it was strong enough to reduce suicide during a once-in-a-century pandemic is both revealing and encouraging. It shows that this shared sense of community has tangible benefits to large swaths of people. It also hints that the world we had prior to the pandemic wasn’t given enough people this sense of connection.

You can blame that on any number of things, from smartphones to outrage culture to politics. I certainly have my theories, but I’m not smart enough or informed enough to make them credible. I highlight this story because I think it offers and important perspective.

When things get really bad, people will come together. It’s only when they get bad enough that we realize how much more we can do as a community than we can as individuals. We shouldn’t forget that. Even after this pandemic is over and things revert to some semblance of normalcy, we can’t forget that we’re a social species.

We need each other.

We need friends, family, and neighbors. It doesn’t just make us all stronger during a crisis. It’s an integral part of being human.

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March 11, 2021 · 5:45 am

I Paid Off My Student Loans, But I Still Support Student Loan Forgiveness

After I graduated high school, I was a mess. I was not yet equipped to charge into the adult world and start a career. I didn’t even know what the hell I wanted to do with my life. I didn’t know where to begin.

That’s why I went to college. I didn’t go there thinking I would find all the answers, but it felt like the best decision for me at the time. In hindsight, that feeling was spot on. I really blossomed in college. I learned more my first year than I did in my past four years of high school. It’s there where I made new connections, developed my sub-par social skills, and started building my future.

For me, college was incredibly beneficial. At the same time, it was expensive. Even though my parents had saved up some money, I still had to take out loans in order to attend. I also had to work a summer job in order to help pay for it. Even after I graduated, I still had a sizable debt to pay off. I won’t say how large it was. I’ll just say I had to live at home for a while.

Eventually, I worked long enough and hard enough to pay it all off. Around 80 percent of my paycheck went just to paying down that debt. I didn’t have much money for anything else, but I sacrificed and my parents helped me every step of the way. By the time I moved out of my parent’s house, I was completely debt free.

I understand that makes me more than an exception to the ongoing student loan debt crisis. Some might say it makes me a freak, paying off my entire student debt before I was 26. I don’t deny my situation was unique and not everyone could’ve done what I did.

I personally know some people who attended college for the same years as I did, but graduated with way more debt. One girl in particular had over $100,000 in debt by the time she graduated, but it wasn’t because she was irresponsible. Unlike me, she had no major parental support. She was also going to med school, which is very expensive.

That kind of debt isn’t just big. It’s crippling. I can seriously impact your mental well-being. That’s not a trivial amount for college. That’s a goddamn mortgage for some people.

On top of that, we expect these kids to just start their lives and become productive members of society when they graduate? We expect them to do what their parents did, getting married and having kids despite the limitations of this debt and the cost of living going up?

Regardless of your politics or party affiliations, I ask you honestly. Is that reasonable?

I say it isn’t. In lieu of recent economic trends, I’d say it’s downright absurd. If that weren’t bad enough, there are still a bunch of older, less indebted people whining about how young people are too lazy and entitled. That is not a healthy dynamic.

That’s why I am totally in favor of large-scale student debt forgiveness.

I know that’s a politically charged statement these days. The idea of the government just canceling or forgiving a certain amount of student loan debt has become a legitimate political issue in recent years. Chances are, it will get worse.

Even with the recent global pandemic, the debt levels are increasing. As of this writing, the average loan debt per student is $37,500. That’s more than what I had and that’s from someone who had support from his family. I can’t even imagine how much harder it would be for those who come from poverty.

It’s not like canceling the debt would be that difficult. It might even be possible to do so by executive order. With a stroke of a pen, this financial burden could be lifted for millions of students.

Now, some might say that’s not fair to those who worked hard and paid off their debt. To that, I call bullshit. We’re not talking about forgiving the debt incurred from people who bought too many Beanie Babies in the late 90s. We’re talking about an entire generation who is trying to better themselves by going to college and getting an education.

Why not support them?

Why not make it just a little bit easier for them?

Would there still be a cost and consequence to canceling so much debt? Yes, of course it would. There’s always a larger impact to consider. I still believe the benefits outweigh the cost.

If ever there was a time to give a large swath of indebted students relief, it’s this. We’re coming out of the worst pandemic in over a century. We’re dealing with record levels of income inequality and a job market that is becoming increasingly limited. Doing nothing in a situation like this can be just as damaging as doing something wrong. I’m not a student anymore and I have no student loan debt, but I remember how relieved I was the day I paid it off. If we can share that feeling with millions of students in need of help, I say it’s worth doing.

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October 29, 2020 · 5:52 am

A Personal Story (And Perspective) On Daylight Savings Day

It’s that time of year again, at least if you’re in these countries. Daylight Savings day is upon us. It’s not a holiday, nor a means for major celebration. It just means that this weekend, we can all look forward to an extra hour of sleep.

Honestly, after the year we’ve all endured, an extra hour of sleep is literally the least we can hope for. I’ll gladly take it.

Now, I don’t have an opinion on daylight savings, why it’s observed, or whether we should continue observing it. That sort of contention is just not worth my time or anyone else’s. Instead, I’d like to take a moment in these last few days before we fall back to share another personal story.

It involves high school, but I promise it’s not nearly as awkward or angst-ridden as some of the others I’ve shared. This story is more an observation than a personal account and one I think is more relevant. Say what you will about teenagers and young people in this current environment. They do have issues and they’re worth highlighting.

To appreciate this story, I need to offer a little context. While I was in high school, the last week of October was uniquely difficult. It wasn’t just because the weather was getting colder, mid-terms had just wrapped up, and the holidays were still too far off to warrant excitement. Much of the difficulty, in this case, had to do with sleep.

It wasn’t so much about getting enough of it, which is a challenge in its own right, as it was about waking up. I lived in a school district where high school classes started at 7:20 a.m. If you weren’t in your first period class by that time, you were late and you could get in trouble. That might not have been an issue if you lived nearby. Unfortunately, I wasn’t that lucky.

My family lived on the boundaries of the school district. That meant I had to take the bus to school, which wasn’t too big a deal. However, in order to get to school on time, the bus had to pick me and my classmates at 6:30 a.m. to make it on time.

Now, I know some people are already rolling their eyes. We had to be at the bus stop by 6:30 in the morning. Why is that such a big deal? There are people with jobs that require they wake up even earlier.

To those people, I have a simple message.

First off, we don’t get paid to go to high school. We’re forced to, by law. Second, we were teenagers. We’re not exactly used to night shifts at the salt mines. We’re still going through puberty, trying to transition into adulthood, and dealing with plenty of awkward feelings along the way. Have some goddamn sympathy.

With that in mind, take a moment to appreciate what it’s like the week before we fall back with daylight savings. You wake up at 6:00 a.m. and it’s still nearly pitch black outside. You can still see stars in the sky. You can barely see any hint of the sun.

If you’re a functional adult who is used to early mornings, it’s no big deal. If you’re a teenager who’s several steps away from being that functional, the world is basically asking us why the hell we aren’t still sleeping. Our collective response is the same. We have no choice. This is what we have to do, by law, to get to school on time.

Make no mistake. Waking up this early and standing outside when it’s still dark out is jarring to a teenager’s mind and body. The last week of October was just the most pronounced. During the first weeks of school, you could at least depend on the sun coming up, which helped wake you up. By this time, however, you had no such benefit. It was still dark out and it stayed dark until you got to school.

This is where my story comes into play. It’s not just one particular incident on one particular day, either. For the entirety of my high school career, this sort of thing played out every year on the last week of October. If I were to catch up with my old classmates, they’d probably share the same sentiment.

It went like this.

We wake up at 5:30 a.m. to get ready for school. It’s pitch black out.

We take a shower, eat some breakfast, and gather our things. It’s still pitch black out.

We go out to the bus stop at about 6:25 a.m. It’s still pitch black out.

The bus arrives, we get on, and we settle in for the ride. It’s still pitch black out.

For the entire trip, we’re all only half-awake. Nobody talks. Nobody socializes. We just sit there, try to keep our eyes open, and get whatever sliver of rest we can before we arrive. Most of the time, the sun is just barely starting to rise when we get to school.

I know it’s not the most harrowing story about high school, but it does stand out and it wouldn’t be at all possible without daylight savings. It’s because of that time shift that it’s still so dark out in the morning on that final week leading up to it. An adult may see that as a trivial detail, but from the perspective of tired teenage minds, I assure you it isn’t.

I try to forget a lot of things from that time in my life. I’ll never forget those early morning bus rides on the last week of October. They always had this strange, ominous feel to them. Setting aside the ambience, the impact it had on me and the rest of my classmates was distinct.

Being out at that bus stop when it was still so dark and riding to school before the sun came up just put everyone in a drowsy, lethargic mood. Riding to school in that environment wasn’t just quiet. It was dead silent at time.

Nobody said a word.

Nobody talked, socialized, or screwed around.

It was just too dark and we were all too tired. You think packing a bunch of teenagers in a bus is bound to create something rowdy and decadent? Well, when it’s that dark out and that early in the morning, you don’t have to worry. When you’re still tired, you’re not going to have the energy.

Now, that did change to an extent the following week. Once we set the clocks back, there’s usually daylight outside when we go to the bus stop. That does make a difference. In fact, it makes a big difference. There’s even some science behind it.

I was still a miserable high school student, but at least it easier to stay awake when the sun was out. I also noticed that once we had some sunlight, people talked and socialized more on the bus. It was just less depressing overall. Being less tired will have that effect.

In hindsight, I’m amazed that we all functioned as well as we did in those conditions. The science is also catching up to the sentiment. More and more people are uncovering the negative effects of having high school start so early. Teenagers may be immature and dumb at times, but they’re still human. If they don’t get enough sleep, they’re not going to function well.

A lack of sleep has all sorts of negative impacts. Add the rigors of adolescence to the mix and you’re just going to make both much worse. It’s something I find myself contemplating every year in the days leading up to daylight savings.

We have a lot of problems in this world and teenagers have a lot to deal with. Nobody can do much of anything if they’re too tired or sleep deprived.

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