Tag Archives: romantic

Daily Sexy Musing: Hard Working Men

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Talking about gender-specific issues can be touchy these days. I know this because I’ve done that on more than one occasion. While there are some undeniably difficult subjects within those issues, there are also some aspects that are undeniably fun. As it just so happens, many of those details happen to be of the sexy kind.

There are a lot of gender-specific traits that have incredible sex appeal. I don’t think I need to go into detail about why men find female breasts sexy or why women find Channing Tatum’s abs sexy. That kind of appeal speaks for itself. For the appeal that comes from men doing hard work, it’s a bit subtler, but every bit as powerful.

I know this because I’ve felt it. I’ve had days where I’ve labored away for hours on end, working up a sweat and straining muscles that I don’t normally strain. Going all the way back to high school, those days were rarely easy. However, those were often the same days at which I felt truly sexy, as a man.

It’s one thing to just work through general drudgery. There’s nothing too sexy about that. When you work hard and achieve something you’re genuinely proud of, though, it’s like slaying a dragon and winning the Super Bowl. For a man, it highlights the best aspects of masculinity. Some misguided people call it toxic. Most see it for what it is and a good chunk of it is sexy.

A hard-working man, straining his body and pushing his limits, is in the upper echelons of male sex appeal. As a man, I can attest how great it feels to achieve that level of manliness. I feel like a Daily Sexy Musing for it is overdue, but that’s okay because some sexy is always worth celebrating.

I grunt.

I strain.

I sweat.

I lift.

I push.

With every ounce of effort, I channel the power in every muscle. I endure the hot sun, the muggy air, and the dirty ground. There’s work to be done and I have the strength to do it. Through grit and grime, I don’t avoid it. I embrace it. I am a man and this is my finest hour.

The task is daunting. Every breath I take is labored and short. There’s pain in my body that’s impossible to ignore. Even so, I forge ahead. At first, the strain is distress. A part of me looks for any excuse to stop. Another urges me forward, turning pain into strength and strength into stamina. The more I hurt, the harder I work.

There’s a job to be done.

There’s a goal to be reached.

There’s a challenge to overcome.

I do not waiver, letting every beat of sweat pour down my body. I can feel the eyes of others on me, watching as I turn my manly strength into something real and tangible. I sense the growing awe in their eyes. Respect and admiration comes easy when you’re strength is there for all to see.

I want them to see it.

I want them to know it.

I want them to respect it.

My hands get dirtier. The scrapes and scars accumulate. Pain and discomfort keep trying to dissuade me. At every turn, they fail. I am a man, working hard and earning his lot. Whether in gold or respect, I know my value. Now, I have proven it.

I am at my strongest.

I am at my greatest.

I am at my most fit.

In the presence of such a man, what will we do? What more can we achieve?

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Daily Sexy Musing: Learning About You

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There are a great many ways to be intimate with someone. Not all of them involve nudity and rubbing body parts together. While that can be fun, as I’ve explored in both novels and sexy short stories, there’s something to be said about the intimacy we feel when we learn about someone.

I know this because I met my first girlfriend online. While we had plenty of face-to-face moments together, some of our most intimate experiences occurred while we were learning about one another. Sharing your hopes, dreams, and sorrows with someone requires some level of intimacy. When done right, it can feel every bit as powerful as a kiss.

Some people may scoff at the idea of sharing intimacy through a computer screen. While I understand that sentiment to some extent, I also think they’re understating the kind of connection people can forge, just by learning about each other. It doesn’t matter whether it’s at a coffee shop or over a cell phone. That kind of exchange can create some powerful bonds.

Like it or not, more and more people are finding their significant other over the internet. That figure is sure to grow as our connection to technology deepens. Regardless of the medium, learning about someone is a powerful act of intimacy. It helps forge the foundation on which other intimate acts are built. This Daily Sexy Musing is a celebration of that process, if only because it can be done fully clothed.

Who are you?

Who do you aspire to be?

What makes you so enchanting?

Why am I drawn to you?

Why are you drawn to me?

I’ve so many questions and a burning need for answers. Just seeing you sparked my curiosity, but talking to you has enriched my soul. I’ve yet to kiss, touch, or fantasize about you. My heart may influence me, but it’s curiosity that drives me.

Every word you say brings more revelation. With each insight comes more questions. I respond in kind, not seeking to fall in love or pursue my lust. In due time, those feelings soon find their way into each exchange. At first, they’re a distraction. Soon, they become a potent fuel to a growing fire.

I want to know you.

I want you to know me.

The more I know, the more I want to know.

The more you know, the more I can prove I’m worth loving.

There’s a blossoming passion between us. Through each intimate exchange, we become more than just two people talking. In you, I don’t just see a pretty face with a lot to say. I see a complete person, from the deepest scars on your psyche to the purest parts of your soul. Our strengths, our flaws, our goals, and our dreams lie bare and exposed.

Where some pull back, we venture further into one another. My world links with yours, feelings and sentiments entwined for the first time. It’s scary, but exciting. Even when the talking stops, the exchange continues. New questions emerge, but the answers become secondary. Just seeking them fuels that fiery passion.

By learning about you, I know what I feel.

By learning about me, you know what I see.

By learning about each other, we dare ask the intimate questions.

By learning about each other, we boldly seek intimate answers.

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Daily Sexy Musing: First Time Frisking

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The first time you do anything, you can’t expect to be good at it. No matter how talented you are, it’s still going to be as awkward as it is exciting. The same applies to all things sexy. In fact, I would argue that the awkwardness and excitement is magnified tenfold. That’s part of what makes those first frisky moments we share so memorable.

I certainly remember the first time I got frisky with a significant other. She and I were restless, alone, and watching reruns of old X-Men cartoons. It also happened to be the holidays so we were really in the spirit, so to speak. I don’t remember the exact moment when our hands slipped under our shirts, but it was a fun moment for all the right reasons.

It can certainly get more intense than that. From the first time you share a kiss with your lover to the first time you see each other naked, those moments are going to stand out, regardless of whether you break up or go onto get married. Even if it’s a less-than-pleasant experience, it’ll resonate on so many levels. It’s part of what makes intimacy so powerful.

This Daily Sexy Musing is my attempt to take those powerful moments and put them into a larger context. It’s not just about that epic first kiss. It’s not just about that first time two peoples’ genitals interact. There are many other passions at work and they’re definitely worth exploring.

I’ve thought about it.

I’ve dreamed about it.

I’ve hoped, wondered, and pined about it.

Finally, I can stop imagining.

We’ve followed our passions thus far. From the first gaze we exchanged to the last embrace we shared, we’ve already beaten the odds. I’ve proven myself as worthy of your affection. You’ve proven to me that these feelings are real.

I want you.

You want me.

Together, we want whatever our passions incur.

It’s no longer enough to just share words and gestures. I’ve caressed your face and tasted your lips. You’ve held my hand and felt my warmth. Now, I seek something more intimate. Being around you makes my heart race and my clothes itchy. To know you and love you, we must take another critical step.

We find a private area. Every possible distraction is removed or muted. As the moment builds, my knees grow week and my skin becomes hot. I know what I desire, but I’m nervous to embrace it. I can feel you trembling with the same anxiety, knowing that this will be our first time. After, there can never be another.

For the briefest of instants, I question whether we’re ready. My body restrains my heart, reminding me of just how big a moment this is. I understand the weight of the feeling, but I do not pull back. In your eyes, I see another eager soul yearning to capture this moment.

Finally, we shed our clothes.

Finally, we touch once-forbidding parts of flesh.

Finally, we get our first taste of one another’s love.

Reservation turns to exhilaration. Our hearts race together, but not out of dread or fear. For the first time, we feel one another in a deeply intimate way. There are no more barriers to our passions. For the first time, we unleash the breadth of our passions.

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Daily Sexy Musing: On Weddings

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I’ve always been a romantic at heart, but I haven’t always enjoyed weddings or the activities surrounding them. I know that sounds like a contradiction, but there is a context behind it. As a kid, I was not a fan of big parties that didn’t involve ball pits or arcade games. When it was just adults hanging out and drinking, I didn’t see much appeal. Weddings were just part of that.

As I got older, I came to appreciate them more and more. It’s not just because I could legally drink, either. I became more willing to put myself out there and even make a fool of myself in front of friends and family. I also learned to share in the sentiment that came with celebrating love. I was already a romantic. Wedding just helped formalize it.

I write this after having attended a joyous and successful wedding involving one of my aunts. After sharing this momentous occasion with her, my love of romance is more affirmed than ever. Weddings aren’t just expensive parties involving expensive dresses that will only ever be worn once. They reflect the time, energy, and commitment we make in celebrating love.

While marriage wasn’t always romantic, the institution has evolved in a way that makes love the primary catalyst and I think it’s a beautiful thing. It’s worth celebrating and a wedding certainly achieves that. The one I just attended was a great example of how much fun that celebration could be.

Sitcoms and dark humor may still denigrate marriage and for understandable reasons, but I believe the good far outweighs the bad. This Daily Sexy Musing highlights and embraces the good. When done right, a wedding can be the epitome of love and all the sexiness it entails. Enjoy!

The music starts playing.

The bride starts walking.

The groom awaits her arrival.

The world watches as love is affirmed.

It’s a powerful moment, defining the evolution of an intimate bond. What began as attraction became infatuation. From that infatuation came an intimate connection, one that had to be nurtured and fueled. Passion was the first ingredient, but many others soon entered the mix. Now, the final product is ready.

Together, they stand at the altar.

Together, they proclaim he breadth of their love.

Together, they entwined their lives.

Words are exchanged and tears are shed. Friends, family, and loved ones of all kinds join in the moment. Regardless of place or circumstance, the language of love is universal. Not everyone appreciates its power, but none deny its impact. It drives us in so many endeavors. Only a select few make it to the ultimate goal.

In each other, they saw potential. A world of many passionate souls means a life of many pitfalls. We pine and agonize over the love we seek, taking chances and breaking hearts along the way. To find one another, turning possibilities into passions, is a struggle with many pains. However, the struggle is finally at an end.

Today, one journey has ended and another has begun. One set of promises has been kept. Another set have been made. In one moment, two wayward spirits are drawn together to forge a lasting link. Lives once adrift become united in their pursuits. Beyond the good times and through the bad, they take that special step.

The vows are exchanged.

The bond is sealed.

The kiss unfolds.

The union is complete.

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Daily Sexy Musing: On Love and Baseball

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Baseball is often seen as a guy thing. Demographically speaking, it is for the most part. In terms of sex appeal, it’s hardly the first sport that comes to mind. The men aren’t walking around with their shirts off in skin-tight uniforms. There aren’t any scantily clad cheerleaders. That’s to say nothing about the quirky mascots that some teams have.

Those issues aside, I think baseball can be sexy in certain situations. It’s not just some sport guys watch while chugging beer on the couch. It can be like a day at the park, but with bigger crowds and more hot dogs. Having been to my share of baseball games, both as a kid and as an adult, I can attest that there’s a unique social value to the experience.

A ball game is an event and any event can be intimate with the right mentality. A woman, in that instance, doesn’t have to be a hardcore baseball fan. She just has to be happy spending a day with her lover and the guy has be willing to the experience with her. Excitement, no matter where it comes from, is a catalyst for greater passion and baseball can certainly provide that.

With the 2019 baseball season upon us, there are plenty of opportunities to share these experiences for the rest of the summer. Whether it’s at a game or at home, I encourage every couple with at least one sports fan to try it. Hopefully, this baseball-inspired version of my Daily Sexy Musing can inspire you.

The first pitch is thrown.

The first batter swings.

The ballpark erupts.

The game has begun.

Spring has arrived and we’re finally free. Heavy coats and multiple layers are gone. Today, we don more comfortable attire and venture into a warmer, more inviting sun. We are far from alone. Everywhere look, the ballpark is full of those who shared our sentiment.

Sitting side-by-side, we cheer and we laugh. With a cold beer in one hand and a hot dog in the other, we dare to cut loose and celebrate a day away from common drudgery. We’re surrounded by fun, games, and food. Our anxieties melt away. All that matters now is each other and whoever stands at home plate.

Every hit brings excitement.

Every play brings drama.

Every run brings exhilaration.

The rules are simple, but the ultimate goal is not. Through nine innings and twenty-seven outs, both sides have a chance to prove themselves. Only one can come out victorious. There are no ties or draws. One must win and one must lose.

In you, I already feel like I’ve won. Just being there, at the game, with you is a victory of hearts and minds. You show you’re willing to share an experience. I show that I want you to be in that experience. No matter who wins or loses, our love is still stronger. We make each other fee like all stars.

Sometimes, we’ll swing at a bad pitch.

Sometimes, we’ll fail to make a play.

Sometimes, we’ll get a call that goes against us.

Sometimes, we’ll leave runners stranded.

Sometimes, we’ll be outscored.

In the end, every hit counts and every pitch matters. How we play helps determine who we are. With you, on a sunny day at the ballpark, I feel like I’ve already won the World Series. Today, we hit for the cycle. Tonight, we intend to hit a home run.

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Daily Sexy Musing: Drunk Love

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When it comes to matters of love and sex, alcohol has a mixed reputation. On one hand, it lowers our inhibitions and makes us more willing to pursue feelings that we wouldn’t have pursued. On the other, it can really hinder the actual mechanics of intimacy. Anyone who has tried to kiss someone while drunk knows that all too well.

In college, I saw many cases of alcohol both helping and hindering various acts of romance. I’ve watched a couple do shots and have the best time together at a club. I’ve also seen people do just as many shots and fall over one another in a very unromantic way. It’s a mixed bag, but like any tool, it depends on how it’s used.

As someone who didn’t start drinking until much later in life, I can appreciate how alcohol helps us navigate the various social processes that often come with romance. It doesn’t just loosen inhibitions. It frees our words, so to speak. It allows us to be more upfront than we otherwise would and I think that valuable in any romantic pursuit, especially those with poor social skills.

Others may have had bad experiences with alcohol and not just in terms of their love lives. I understand that and this Daily Sexy Musing may not work for them. For those who have found a way to incorporate the effects of alcohol into a healthy, sexy relationship, I think we’ll be on the same page. Like anything, you can overdo it. When you strike a healthy balance, though, the benefits are as remarkable as they are sexy.

A can of beer.

A glass of wine.

A shot of whiskey.

A bottle of vodka.

Whatever form it takes, we gleefully imbibe. That hot, burning sensations in our throats warns us what we’re in for. Nerves will be dampened and inhibitions will be lost. We take on those risks in hopes of reaping greater rewards. There may be pain and discomfort later, but with every drink, we embrace the here and now.

I feel my tongue loosen.

I feel your body open.

I feel our souls reveal themselves as the effects take hold.

We laugh, cheer, and dance. Everything starts to spin. It’s no longer possible to scrutinize every passing moment. For once, rules and propriety cannot keep us bound. I won’t apologize for feeling good, nor will I hesitate to share that experience with others. When others scorn, I just take another drink.

Every sip is an affront to a world intent on containing our passions. A lurid smile and playful grasp spits on the foundations of civilization. Rather than build and toil, we cheer and celebrate. We step away from our duties, defy our overlords, and live life on our terms. A drink may start as an excuse, but it soon becomes a catalyst.

The price we pay later goes up, but the feelings we embrace in the moment gain value. Through slurred speech and blissful daze, we are free and unbound. Everything becomes possible. Everyone becomes a new connection. For once, the life we live is our own.

With every drink, we turn restraint and to revelry.

With every drink, we turn deviance into decadence.

With every drink, we turn distress into catharsis.

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How To Make A Man Feel Loved

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People seek out love. Whether you’re a man, woman, transgender, or just anyone with human emotions, we have an inherent drive to connect with one another. Whether it’s emotional or physical, we are wired to desire such intimate connections. It’s an integral part of being human.

I suspect most reasonable people would agree with that sentiment. Humans are social creatures. Both science and general experience make that abundantly clear. The disagreements tend to occur on the nature, process, and exercise of those intimate bonds. What some think of as love may come off as obsession to someone else. I’ve tried to be mindful of that difference, both within real and fictional romance.

Things only get trickier when you apply gender differences to the concept of seeking love. In a perfect world, there would be no differences, but we don’t live in that world. In today’s complicated web of social norms, traditions, gender politics, stereotypes, and taboos, how you go about pursuing love and feeling loved varies considerably by gender.

Now, I can’t speak to how women or those who identify as transgender approach that process. I am a heterosexual man. I can only speak to my own experiences, some of which I’ve shared in the past. I certainly can’t claim to speak for all men, either. Everyone is different, complete with their own romantic quirks and kinks.

However, in contemplating various gender issues and social taboos, I feel like there’s a growing disconnect surrounding the idea of masculinity, being in love, and what it means to feel loved. Some of that has to do with the current state of identity politics and loaded terms like “toxic masculinity,” a concept I’ve done plenty to criticize before. Other issues, I believe, run much deeper.

For me, being the self-admitted romantic I am, it comes back to what it means to feel loved. People can argue what love is until the end of time. I’ll leave those discussions to smarter, more capable individuals with a better understanding of philosophy. Instead, I want to focus on what it means for men, in general, to feel loved.

As a man with a modest amount of romantic experience, I think men are held to a very different standard. Some of it isn’t fair, but women and transgender individuals can probably make that same claim. With men, I believe those standards are rarely scrutinized and easily misconstrued.

To understand how, you need only refer to Chris Rock’s

2018 Netflix special, “Tamborine.” In it, he made this memorable observation about men and how they are loved.

“Only women, children, and dogs are loved unconditionally. Men are loved under the condition that they provide something.”

In addition to being both hilarious and insightful, this sentiment reflects the unique challenges that men face when it comes to love. It’s not always overt and oftentimes, it’s inadvertent. Some of these issues are just woven into social norms that go back to certain pre-modern traditions about family structure.

Whatever their source, society never stops evolving. How people interact and relate to one another will keep adapting to changing circumstances and make no mistake, those circumstances will change rapidly in the coming years. That’s going to impact how men, women, and everyone in between relates to one another and not always for the better.

With that in mind, I’d like to start a discussion on what men seek in pursuing love and how to go about making men feel loved. I know the media, popular culture, and even a recent movie centered around men’s thoughts have given us many impressions. In the interest of streamlining the discussion, I’d like to offer a brief list of insights and approaches for making a man feel loved.

Again, this list is hardly definitive. I’m just one heterosexual man. I’m sure there are plenty of other men out there with different experiences who can offer far greater insights. If you’d like to share those insights, please post them in the comments. For now, here are just a few small ways to help a man feel loved and inspire him to love others.


Make His Efforts And Contributions Feel Valued (And Not Just Expected)

This one is subtle, but powerful. Watch any sitcom, from “Married With Children” to “Leave It To Beaver,” and the man of the family is usually the sole provider. Regardless of how you feel about this family structure, be it a hallmark of tradition or a byproduct of a patriarchal conspiracy, the sentiment comes off as more of an assumption rather than a contribution.

Even if a man works his ass off every day, whether it’s digging ditches or selling women’s shoes like Al Bundy, that work isn’t always valued. It’s just expected. It’s just what a man is supposed to do. Him wanting any other kind of affirmation is just seen as excessive or a byproduct of a fragile male ego. However, such assumptions only breed resentment.

In almost any other situation, we seek and hope for acknowledgement of our sacrifices. We want our labor, be it physical or emotional, to feel valued. It’s part of being a social species and is not contingent on gender. A man isn’t going to feel loved if what he contributes is always taken for granted.

It doesn’t have to be glowing praise. It just has to be an acknowledgement of his efforts. That makes him feel good about the contributions he makes and will only make him work harder at returning the favor, which is good for any healthy love.


Treat Him As A Partner And Not An Asset

This idea manifests in many ways, the most obvious being instances of women seeking men for the sole purpose of gaining access to their money and resources. This sort of thing isn’t new. That kind of power dynamic goes back to ancient times when wealthy kings saw women as assets just as much as they saw his wealth as an asset.

We don’t live in ancient times anymore. While we still have rich men using their wealth to hook up with beautiful women, this issue often arises among those who are not rich. Relationships may start out as loving and intimate, but can descend into a bland business partnership where the man is nothing more than a buffer against poverty.

It’s true that a man can bring things like money, resources, and the siring children to a relationship. However, that can’t be the only things of value. If men are reduced to just the things they do, then they’re not going to feel loved. They’re going to feel like a tool, one who can be easily replaced by anyone of greater means.

That’s often why men get concerned, jealous, or even paranoid when their lover treats them more like a tradeable asset rather than an equal partner. Even those who champion equality often fall into a trap that focuses only on the tangible components of that relationship. Since love is inherently intangible, it can leave things feeling unbalanced.


Don’t Treat His Interests And Hobbies As Stupid Or Juvenile

When it comes to men’s interests, there’s often a sense that they’re always immature or crude. Sports, video games, and comic books are seen as something for children. Mature men are expected to outgrow them and embrace other interests more befitting of adults. However, it’s often the case that those interests align with those favored by women.

People have all sorts of hobbies, be it watching football, building birdhouses, or trash talking one another while playing video games. While some are healthier than others, denigrating them just sends the message that you want men to build their interests around you. It’s akin to wanting them to want to do the dishes rather than just doing the dishes. One requires courtesy. The other requires the thought police.

All good relationships require some level of sacrifice, but when one side is expected to sacrifice something they love and cherish, it gives the impression that they’re not loved for who they are. They’re only loved for what someone else wants them to be. It also implies that the only way for men to love someone is for them to make their significant other the center of their world.

That may count as romance in a fairy tale, but in the real world, that’s dangerously close to obsession. Most men seeking love aren’t looking for that kind of relationship. They’re seeking someone who will love them for who they are, which includes their hobbies.

That doesn’t mean you have to share in those hobbies. If you do, that’s a nice bonus. That shouldn’t be a deal-breaker, though. A man who can keep loving the things he loves and share some of that love with someone else is going to make him that much more appreciative.


Don’t Assume He Can/Should Fix Everything

When your car breaks down, you take it to a mechanic. When your toilet backs up, you call a plumber. Most people don’t give that a second thought. The fact that many mechanics and plumbers are men is beside the point, although I’m sure that colors our perceptions about what people who fix things look like.

In any relationship, things are going to break. That’s just life. However, when the burden of fixing everything falls on the man, it creates another imbalance that can compound a bad situation.

Regardless of whether you think men are more inclined to fix things, just assuming that they can further reduces a relationship to roles. If you’re the man, you fix things. It’s not always appliances, either. If someone is upset, the man is supposed to fix it. If something goes wrong, the man is supposed to resolve it.

If a good relationship is supposed to be a partnership, then this dynamic is hardly equal. One side can’t be solely responsible for resolving every problem, be it a faulty garbage disposal or serious intimacy issues. Being in love and making your partner feel loved goes both ways. Expecting only one side to get their hands dirty and make the sacrifices isn’t going to leave someone feeling appreciated, let alone loved.


Make Your Love Feel Like A Choice Rather Than A Favor

I’ve heard more than one women, and even a few men, tell their partners they’re lucky to have them. It’s not always in a condescending sort of way, but by definition, it kind of is. It sends the message that the love they’re sharing isn’t really a matter of choice. It’s just a favor they’re giving to someone, one that can be revoked at any time.

That kind of a relationship is many things, but it is not very loving. Men jump through a lot of hoops to be with someone. I know women have challenges as well, but in the current gender climate, men are still the ones who do most of the pursuing and women are the ones making the choices. Just look at the gender disparity on dating sites for proof of that.

As a result, a relationship will feel more like a privilege than a genuine, emotional connection. It creates this dynamic where a man feels like he has to navigate a constantly-shifting set of expectations, just to keep the relationship going. The woman is the one who sets those expectations and can determine at any moment that he has failed and the relationship is over.

Again, I’m not claiming that this is how most women approach a relationship. By and large, the love they feel is real. However, a good chunk of that love is contingent on the men treating that love as a favor that is granted rather than something that’s genuine and sincere. As Chris Rock said, it’s a conditional kind of love and that love will limit any relationship in the long run.


I hope this list helps further the discussion surrounding men, love, and relationships. If you feel like I missed something or need to expand on a particular concept, please let me know in the comments. For everyone out there lucky enough to be in relationships, I hope this gives you something to think about and provides tools with which you can use to make one another feel truly loved.

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