April 10, 2019 · 6:10 am

Jack Fisher’s Weekly Quick Pick Comic: X-23 #11

Every week, a new crop of comics enters this world to make the world a better place and/or help tide fans over until the release of “Avengers Endgame.” Whether you’re a fan of superheroes, melodrama, or just pretty artwork from artists not afraid to draw gaudy costumes, there’s something for everyone.

Every Wednesday, I take it upon myself to select one comic that I feel offers something extra beyond the price tag. Historically, few characters offer a wider range of appeals than Laura “X-23” Kinney.

Some know her as the daughter of Wolverine. Some know her as the breakout star of the “Logan” movie who helped make Dafne Keen a star. Regardless of how you know her or the medium in which she comes, she often brings a diverse story of violence, brutality, melodrama, and heartbreak. This week’s pick, “X-23 #11,” delivers on all of this, and then some.

Since writer Mariko Tamaki took over the series, Laura has gotten back to basics in terms of her mission. While she served admirably as Wolverine for a while, her priorities often change when she finds out some mad scientist wannabe is trying to make living weapons again. Considering how often this results in a blood bath, such efforts should count as an elaborate suicide attempt.

It’s a bigger deal to Laura than most. Like Logan, these programs have brought her nothing but pain. Unlike Logan, though, she doesn’t have the benefit of having holes in her memory. She remembers all the horrible crap that these programs did to her, which included the murder of her mother. She has more incentive than most to take these programs down as quickly and brutally as her father would have.

This is the primary goal in “X-23 #11,” but there’s a lot more at work than just someone with adamantium claws tearing through a weapons facility. In X-men comics, that’s basically a typical Monday. What makes this typical part of Laura’s mission harder than usual is the growing divide between her and her clone sister, Gabby “Honey Badger” Kinney.

That divide began several issues earlier. Like a pissed off Wolverine chasing the last can of beer, things have been getting anxious between the two. Since her debut in All-New Wolverine, Gabby has been a wonderful ray of sunshine mixed with omega-level cuteness for Laura. I’ve documented the breadth of that cuteness before, but it has never worked against Laura until now.

Laura knows it’s happening. She even senses that there’s some simmering resentment in Gabby, so much so that it affects her tastes in music. This isn’t just sisters bickering over what to binge-watch on a Friday night, though. “X-23 #11” establishes a fundemental divide between Laura and Gabby that may very well send the two sisters in a very different direction.

Tamaki has been setting up that divergence for several issues, but now there’s no putting it off any longer. It started with a debate over what to do when a shady company called Harvest made an army of X-23 clones that had been augmented/hijacked by cybernetics. While it made for some pretty brutal battles, it also highlighted the difference in Laura’s approach to dealing with other living weapons compared to Gabby’s.

Gabby, being the glowing ball of lovable cuteness that she is, wants to save these weapons. She sees them like other sisters. Even when it they come off as brain dead, like the cyborg X-23 army they battled, her first instinct is to save them and not destroy them. Laura, having seen too many clones cause too much suffering, favors a more direct solution that involves adamantium claws.

What makes the drama in those issues, as well as “X-23 #11,” so compelling is that it’s easy to see both points of view. Gabby knows that she wouldn’t even be alive if Laura hadn’t shown compassion when dealing with the clones that these living weapons programs produce. She also wasn’t subject to the same tragedies as Laura so she still has that wide-eyed optimism about helping other clones.

Laura, being older and a lot more damaged from her experiences, knows that the real world tends to crush optimism the same way Logan crushes beer cans. She has suffered and lost a great deal in dealing with these living weapon programs. She understands that not every clone can be saved. She knew that was the case with the cyborg clones that she and Gabby battled, but also knew Gabby was not going to agree with her.

Now, as the aftermath of that conflict sets in through “X-23 #11,” they both face some difficult, heart-breaking choices. For once, few of those choices can be made while stabbing heavily armed henchmen. There is some of that in this story and Diego Olortegui’s artwork does plenty to make that a visual spectacle. However, it’s the family drama that really sets this issue apart.

If you’ve been following the evolution of Laura and Gabby’s relationship since her debut, then the events of “X-23 #11” are genuinely heartbreaking. These two have steadily become a real family in their brief time together. Now, they’re being torn apart by bitter disagreements and painful choices.

Both Laura and Gabby experience the heartache. Even if you haven’t been following their respective stories, it’s easy to appreciate the bitter divide between two sisters. It happens in the real world and without mutant powers. Sometimes, things between siblings go bad and they drift apart. Seeing that happen with Laura and Gabby is nothing short of tragic.

It’s bittersweet, but it also helps set the stage for the future of both characters. “X-23 #11” is one of those comics that doesn’t avoid a difficult moment between two characters who no longer see eye-to-eye on an important issue. Even within family, these moments happen. This one was inevitable, but Tamaki and Olortegui made sure this one hit hard in all the right ways.

With Logan back from the dead, it promises a very divided Wolverine family, to say the least. For a family that has been subject to cloning experiments, constant torture, and even a trip to Hell, it’s a tough situation, but one that tends to make them all more badass in the long run.

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April 9, 2019 · 5:58 am

Daily Sexy Musing: On Love and Baseball

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Baseball is often seen as a guy thing. Demographically speaking, it is for the most part. In terms of sex appeal, it’s hardly the first sport that comes to mind. The men aren’t walking around with their shirts off in skin-tight uniforms. There aren’t any scantily clad cheerleaders. That’s to say nothing about the quirky mascots that some teams have.

Those issues aside, I think baseball can be sexy in certain situations. It’s not just some sport guys watch while chugging beer on the couch. It can be like a day at the park, but with bigger crowds and more hot dogs. Having been to my share of baseball games, both as a kid and as an adult, I can attest that there’s a unique social value to the experience.

A ball game is an event and any event can be intimate with the right mentality. A woman, in that instance, doesn’t have to be a hardcore baseball fan. She just has to be happy spending a day with her lover and the guy has be willing to the experience with her. Excitement, no matter where it comes from, is a catalyst for greater passion and baseball can certainly provide that.

With the 2019 baseball season upon us, there are plenty of opportunities to share these experiences for the rest of the summer. Whether it’s at a game or at home, I encourage every couple with at least one sports fan to try it. Hopefully, this baseball-inspired version of my Daily Sexy Musing can inspire you.

The first pitch is thrown.

The first batter swings.

The ballpark erupts.

The game has begun.

Spring has arrived and we’re finally free. Heavy coats and multiple layers are gone. Today, we don more comfortable attire and venture into a warmer, more inviting sun. We are far from alone. Everywhere look, the ballpark is full of those who shared our sentiment.

Sitting side-by-side, we cheer and we laugh. With a cold beer in one hand and a hot dog in the other, we dare to cut loose and celebrate a day away from common drudgery. We’re surrounded by fun, games, and food. Our anxieties melt away. All that matters now is each other and whoever stands at home plate.

Every hit brings excitement.

Every play brings drama.

Every run brings exhilaration.

The rules are simple, but the ultimate goal is not. Through nine innings and twenty-seven outs, both sides have a chance to prove themselves. Only one can come out victorious. There are no ties or draws. One must win and one must lose.

In you, I already feel like I’ve won. Just being there, at the game, with you is a victory of hearts and minds. You show you’re willing to share an experience. I show that I want you to be in that experience. No matter who wins or loses, our love is still stronger. We make each other fee like all stars.

Sometimes, we’ll swing at a bad pitch.

Sometimes, we’ll fail to make a play.

Sometimes, we’ll get a call that goes against us.

Sometimes, we’ll leave runners stranded.

Sometimes, we’ll be outscored.

In the end, every hit counts and every pitch matters. How we play helps determine who we are. With you, on a sunny day at the ballpark, I feel like I’ve already won the World Series. Today, we hit for the cycle. Tonight, we intend to hit a home run.

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April 8, 2019 · 6:00 am

Shazam! Review: A Simple Formula For Maximum Fun

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When a particular genre becomes over-saturated and overdone, it’s tempting to try and reinvent the concept in hopes of striking a new chord. It’s especially tempting when so many others have risen the bar to such an insane extent that success can only be measured in billions instead of millions.

It would’ve been easy for a movie like “Shazam” to give into such temptation. With the recent success of “Aquaman” and “Avengers Endgame” set to break all sorts of box office records, it seems like this movie has to do something extreme, just to stand out. How else would it succeed in such a crowded market in a golden age of superhero movies?

That was my greatest concern before I saw “Shazam.” As much as I loved the trailer, I was worried that this movie would try so hard to stand out that it would overlook the part of actually being a fun cinematic experience. That sort of oversight has been plaguing the DC Extended Universe since “Man of Steel.”

This picture sums up the issues nicely.

Well, having seen the movie, I’m happy to say that none of those concerns were founded. In fact, I’m elated to report that “Shazam” is another big win for DC Comics and superhero movies, as a whole. However, it didn’t win because it reinvented the genre or did something radically different. It won because it followed the basic formula for quality superhero movies and had fun along the way.

It helps that the core appeal of Shazam, as a character and superhero, is that it approaches heroics with a childlike playfulness. Billy Batson, the alter ego of the titular hero, is not some jaded adult like Batman. He’s not even a boy scout idealist like Superman. He’s just a kid and one who got dealt a bad hand, for that matter. Being both an orphan and a troublemaker, he sees the adult world through very different eyes.

That’s a novel perspective, to some extent. Every other superhero movie, even going back to the era of Richard Donner’s “Superman,” has framed the idea through an adult lens. It always starts out as something simple. An individual gets superpowers, they start carrying out simple acts of heroism, and those acts eventually get complicated, as often happens with adult issues.

With a character like Billy, things never get that complicated. Again, he’s a kid. Even in his heroic form, he sees conflict with a childlike simplicity and “Shazam” captures that simplicity perfectly. The movie doesn’t deviate much from the details and themes of the source material. Concepts like the Rock of Eternity and the Seven Enemies of Man are present and accurately portrayed.

Such details may not matter to those unfamiliar with the comics, but such accuracy is largely a bonus. What really makes this movie work is how it follows Billy’s journey and not just the one he undergoes as a hero. His evolution when he’s not a magically-endowed superhero is arguably the most meaningful aspect of the story.

When we first meet Billy, it’s hard to discern whether he has the spirit of a hero. He’s no upstanding boy scout. In fact, he’s very much a troublemaker who’s willing to thumb his nose at police, break the rules when it benefits him, and run away from anyone who tries to help him. However, he never comes close to crossing that might send him down a darker path.

It’s that trait that sets him apart from his villainous counterpart, Dr. Sivana. While he’s no Thanos, he demonstrates that he’s a lot like Billy in a few key aspects. He’s given a chance to become a hero, but is unable to refuse the temptation that often comes with immense power. That failure haunts him and pushes him down a darker path.

For a time, it seems as though Billy could walk a similar path. When he first gets his powers, he reacts in ways that most would expect of a 14-year-old boy. He tries to buy beer. He tries to make money. He even ventures into a strip club. It’s hilarious and cute, but it also establishes the perfect tone for a movie that avoids complicating the standard superhero narrative.

Within that narrative, there’s a hero who makes choices and learns from his mistakes. There’s also a villain who makes choices and refuses to learn from them. When they eventually clash, it’s a flashy spectacle with simple, understandable stakes. It’s no Battle of Wakanda, but it doesn’t have to be.

The look of someone who DIDN’T get to work with Josh Brolin.

From the moment he first gets his powers to the final showdown with Dr. Sivana, Billy develops into his own hero, but never loses his childlike mentality. He’s not forced to grow up too fast, nor does he have to abandon the civilian life he’s trying to establish. Whereas being Bruce Wayne is often an inconvenience for Batman, being Billy Batson is necessary for Shazam.

This shows in the seamless characterization provided by Asher Angel, who plays young Billy, and Zachary Levi, who plays Shazam. At no point does either manifestation feel like a different character. They both wield the same childlike charisma as they navigate their superhero journey. The same lovability that made Levi so great in shows like “Chuck” help him and Angel bring out the best in Billy Batson.

When the movie begins, it’s not clear that Billy has what it takes to be a competent hero. Trying to determine his worth is like trying to determine if some random 14-year-old will one day play in the NFL. The odds are against them, but the potential is still there. By the time the credits roll, the message is clear. Billy has the spirit that Shazam was looking for and you can’t help but root for him.

At its core, “Shazam” checks all the right boxes for the classic hero’s journey. Billy Batson is perfectly poised to take that journey and not just because he’s one of many orphans who become superheroes. The movie doesn’t try to subvert these tried and true tropes. If anything, it embraces them and dares to have a little fun along the way.

It’s easy to share in that fun. The humor is exactly what you would expect of a movie that involves 14-year-olds getting superpowers. It’s serious when it needs to be, but never too serious. Given the grim and gritty settings of other DC Extended Universe movies, it’s a breath of fresh air that the superhero genre badly needed.

It’s not without its flaws. Some details of Billy’s life are underdeveloped and glossed over. There were also inconsistencies with Dr. Sivana as well, but none were egregious to the point where they derailed the movie. It simply stuck to a simple formula, mixed in a few twists along the way, and made the most of what it had to work with.

If I had to score “Shazam,” I would give it an 8 out of 10. It didn’t reinvent superhero movies or raise the bar. It was simply a fun, entertaining movie that gave a character with little star power a chance to shine. It even managed to accomplish all this without trying too hard to make him like Batman. For a DC Comics movie, that alone is a major accomplishment.

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April 7, 2019 · 12:03 am

Jack Fisher’s Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Fresh Flowers Edition

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I know giving roses to a lover is cliché. Even as a self-professed romantic, I often roll my eyes at the idea. I feel like it’s one of those gestures that has become less valuable over the years. These days, just bringing someone flowers feels like the bare minimum. There are far more elaborate things you can do to show your lover how you feel.

That said, I think there’s still a place for such a simple romantic gesture. During this time of year, roses are a great way to mitigate the lingering smell of rock salt and dead grass. Even as a man, I can definitely appreciate that sort of shift. It’s a nice way of getting into the spirit of spring. It also helps create a more inviting world for lovers who have been cooped up all winter.

There’s also something to be said about being around pleasant smells. I’m not going to lie. I’m a man and I sweat a lot. I know the musk of a sweaty man has some form of sex appeal, but there are limits. I tend to exceed those limits whenever I work out so something like fresh roses really helps balance things out. Cliché or not, it has value.

Now that spring is here and flowers are starting to bloom, the time is right to appreciate the value of fresh roses even more. Even if you don’t appreciate the gesture, trust me when I say your lover will appreciate the scent. This round of my Sexy Sunday Thoughts is my way of appreciating it as well. Enjoy!

“A dentist is the only profession that makes people hesitant to receive oral sex.”

“Porn has given a generation of aspiring delivery boys unrealistic expectations about their job.”

“If sex is a sin, then shouldn’t people be yelling out to the devil during orgasm?”

“It’s because of our aversion to nudity that we’ve come up with so many erotic gestures that don’t involve our genitals.”

“To some extent, falling in love with someone means wanting them to have more orgasms.”

“In a healthy relationship, masturbation is treated like a regular tune-up to a fancy car.”

“Talking dirty is like an erotic massage for your ears.”

Fresh flowers only come around once a year during spring. However, we can all appreciate the sweet scent they bring every day of every year. Life is tough and rigorous. We’re all going to work up a sweet, both of the sexy and non-sexy kind. Adding some fresh flowers and roses to the mix helps make the ambiance extra romantic in its own special way.

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April 6, 2019 · 10:18 am

“Sisterly Support” A Sexy Short Story

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The following is a sexy short story I wrote about sisters who support each other in the sexiest way possible. Enjoy!

“How long is this going to take, Jan?” asked a restless Brittney Lawton.

“Why? Did you actually have plans for tonight?” replied her bemused older sister, Janet.

“Watching movies and eating leftover Thai food counts as plans.”

“In that case, this may take longer than I thought.”

Brittney groaned to herself as her older sister led her up the stairs of the quaint, suburban house she shared with her husband, Kyle. She wasn’t in the mood for another one of her half-hearted efforts to boost her spirits. She’d had enough of those over the past seven months. While her Janet’s heart was always in the right place, she had no idea what she was going through.

“Seriously, Jan,” she groaned, “I don’t have the energy for this tonight. I get that me living here is a pain in the ass, but let’s not make this harder than it already is.”

“I’ve been watching you loft about this place for months, looking miserable and depressed at every turn,” Janet said, stopping just at the top of the stairs. “Trust me. It can’t get much harder.”

“Famous last words,” Brittney muttered.

“I’m serious! I can’t stand to see you like this anymore. Believe it or not, I actually care when my little sister is suffering. I’ve been on the front lines since we were kids. I was there when you got stood up by your prom date. I was there when you and Craig broke up. I could only do so much back then. I can do a lot more now, so that’s what I’m doing.”

Brittney wanted to shove her sister away, but couldn’t bring herself to be that callous. Misery aside, Janet had always been there for her, helping her through tough times in whatever way she could. However, that help wasn’t always very effective.

Regardless of Janet’s sentiments, even she couldn’t deny that they were very different people. They were so different, in fact, that most never would’ve guessed they were related. Janet was an outgoing, free-spirited woman who dyed her hair, had tattoos, and put herself out there more than most women dared. Brittney had always been more reserved. She freely admitted that she was detail-oriented, uptight, and very regimented in her behavior. It was part of what made her a successful analyst at the bank she worked at.

Unfortunately, those traits hadn’t served her well in her personal life. If anything, they had been the primary reason why her previous relationship – which also happened to be the most serious – blew up in her face, resulting in her having to move in with her older sister. In hindsight, she had no excuse for putting herself in such a bad position. She’d been so thorough in handling her previous relationship, right up until the point where it ended. Her ending up on her sister’s couch felt like a total failure on every level, as a person.

Conversely, her sister found success, despite being less motivated and driven. She had had a decent job as an art instructor and part-time tattoo artist. She had a good home in a neighborhood much better than the one they’d come from. She’d even found love, marrying someone she’d known since high school. It didn’t seem fair, her rowdy older sister doing so much better in life.

“Brittney,” Janet said, letting go of her hand and cupping her face with annoying sincerity, “I really am worried about you. So is Mom. She’s very close to staging an intervention.”

“Why?” Brittney scoffed. “Because I’m still recovering from fucking things up with my ex?”

“You call this recovery?” her older sister scoffed. “Listen to me, Little Sis…what happened with you two wasn’t a simple fuck-up. It was so flawed from the get-go that you were basically setting yourself up for disaster.”

“Thanks. That’s helps a lot,” Brittney said dryly.

“Come on! Don’t be like that. You know as well as everyone else with functioning eyes that you and Craig weren’t working. You were just so goddamn controlling. You scheduled all the dates. You assigned all the chores. You even designated specific times for when you had sex, for crying out loud!”

“You’re acting like I was the bitch. Need I remind you of the other women he saw behind my back? One of which was a goddamn dog walker?”

“That was a dick move. Nobody contests that. Demanding that you move out when you guys broke up…that was also a dick move in the highest order.”

“Even if it was his place, which he only had because his uncle gave it to him,” Brittney muttered, not ignoring the context.

“At the same time, you were the one who demanded that they get counseling. You were the one who said if you were going to get married, have a family, and all that crap, you had to do things your way. In the grand scheme of things…can you blame him for ending it like he did?”

“You’re really taking his side?” Brittney scoffed. “So much for being my supportive older sister.”

“Hey! It’s because I’m your older sister that I can tell you the cold, hard truth. The fact that you’re sleeping on my couch, rent-free, should show you just how much I care.”

Brittney hated how their conversations played out. When it came to her personal life, Janet never held back. She’d been critical of her approach to relationships since they were teenagers. For the longest time, she couldn’t claim she had been the most responsible sister.

Being such a free spirit, Janet had a number of boyfriends, going back to middle school. She lost her virginity the first chance she got and showed little restraint in terms of pushing her sexual boundaries. At one point, she even claimed she slept with another woman, just to see what it felt like. Most of her friends didn’t believe her, but Brittney knew the truth.

She shouldn’t have had so much success, both in terms of a satisfying sex life and finding love. Janet kept things traditional, having had only two major relationships in her life with Craig being the most serious. She had every intention of developing that relationship into something more serious. Then, it all fell apart and now her own sister was telling her she bore much of the blame.

“Brit,” Janet continued, “let’s stop beating around the bush. That relationship stopped working as soon as you began treating it like just another task…one no different from preparing an audit for the bank.”

“That’s not true,” Brittney said, her voice becoming strained. “I…I really loved him.”

“I believe you. I also believe that your approach to love…well, it has a few flaws.”

“Says the woman who dated two guys at once during her junior year,” she scoffed.

“And the woman who ultimately met the love of her life, married him, and still has a fulfilling sex life.”

Brittney groaned and diverted her gaze. She wanted to turn around and run back to the living room, but her older sister kept her close, still gazing at her with that sisterly affection. It was hard to escape, but discussing her sex life was every bit as difficult

“Are you really going to bring that up again?”

“Why shouldn’t I? Craig said outright that you treated sex like a chore, one no more fulfilling than completing someone’s loan application. The fact you didn’t argue that is pretty telling.”

“It’s more complicated than that,” Brittney argued, now blushing as her sister got more and more personal.

“Is it really?” Janet questioned. “If you’re that dismissive of the most basic – not to mention the most fun – part of a relationship, then how could you be surprised when Craig’s eyes started to wander? It’s not like he was looking to hurt you. He just wanted some goddamn passion.”

“I can’t believe it. You really are taking his side!”

“I’m only pointing out what you keep avoiding…what you’ve been avoiding for years.”

Janet’s voice got more serious. Still cupping her face, she locked eyes with her and gave her that same harsh look that Brittney used to give her whenever she mismanaged her personal life. It was so strange, being on the other side of that issue. At the same time, it was somewhat unavoidable. Janet never hid from harsh truths whereas Brittney tried to work around them. For once, she had to face one of her greatest failings.

“Brittney,” she continued, using that same voice mom often used when she needed her attention. “it’s okay to be reserved. It’s okay to be disciplined. But for crying out loud, to be this uptight when it comes to passion…it’s not healthy.”

“If I say you’re right, will you let this go?” Brittney said, already feeling the emotional strain.

“Not when there’s something I can do to help,” Janet said strongly. “Even after you and Craig broke up…after you moved in, moped around for months on end, and struggled to rebuild your life…you’re still this pent up ball of emotional frustration. Before you can begin to more forward with your life, you need to let it out. You need to unleash some of that passion.”

“And you think you can help me do that?” Brittney asked skeptically.

“I know I can,” her sister replied with utmost certainty.

As annoyed as Brittney was with her sister’s efforts, a part of her was genuinely curious. Like it or not, she was right about one thing. What she’d been doing, both during and after her relationship with Craig, wasn’t working. She had been downright inept when it came to managing her emotions.

That had to change. Brittney couldn’t stand to be so miserable. After months of self-pity, she had to do something, even if that meant going against her rigid ways.

“Fine,” Brittney said in defeat. “If it’ll shut you up and get you off my back, I’ll hear you out.”

“Great!” Janet said with unusual eagerness. “But you’ll have to do more than just listen for what Kyle and I have planned.”

“You and Kyle? He’s actually helping you with this?” said Brittney with a raised eyebrow.

“Oh he’s doing much more than that. Follow me and you’ll see for yourself.”

Now, Brittney was even more curious. Janet rarely got her husband involved in sisterly affairs. Like Janet, Kyle was very free-spirited and open. Their mother once described him as a hippie with better hygiene and bigger muscles. Brittney was among those who thought he would just be another one of Janet’s casual flings. Then, they got married and many relatives still hadn’t wrapped their heads around it.

Brittney didn’t bother trying to make sense of it. She just followed her older sister to the end of the upstairs hallway, which led directly to the master bedroom that she shared with her husband. Brittney usually avoided it, not one to get too intimately involved with her older sister’s private affairs. It had been a long time since Janet invited her to participate in them.

Near as Brittney could tell, something was already going on inside the room. She saw a strange light coming from under the door. She also heard music, specifically the weird new age type music that her Janet had always enjoyed. Before she opened the door, though, she stopped and locked eyes with her again.

“Now, before we go in, there’s something you need to promise me,” Janet said, speaking in that serious tone again.

“Just tell me it doesn’t involve calling mom,” Brittney said dryly.

“It doesn’t. In fact, I want what we’re about to do to be just between us. No other soul needs to know about it.”

“Fine, I’ll keep it a secret,” she said, rolling her eyes. “I’ll never tell anyone you dragged me into this.”

“That’s not the promise I want you to make. What I want from you is this…give whatever Kyle and I have planned for you a chance. Don’t just go through the motions and pretend to go along. I need you to both do this and put some real effort into it.”

“Sure, I think I can do that,” Brittney said, already eager to get it over with.

Janet didn’t seem convinced. She grabbed her by the shoulders, gave her that stoic look again, and got more serious than should’ve been possible for her free-spirited older sister.

“Be serious, Brit! Promise me you’ll try this and see it through,” Janet said strongly.

“Okay! Okay, Jan,” Brittney said in a more serious tone. “I promise.”

“Say it again.

“I promise I’ll try whatever crazy shit you and Kyle have planned for me.”

“And?” her older sister added.

“And I’ll take it seriously,” Brittney said, rolling her eyes again.

“I’m glad you said that out loud,” Janet said with a strange grin, “because I have a feeling you’ll need a moment to appreciate this.”

Before Brittney could ask more questions and second-guess what she’d just promised, Janet opened the door and revealed a sight that caused her to freeze where she stood. Suddenly, she understood why her sister made her make such a promise.

“Uh…the fuck?” Brittney said.

“Take all the time you need, little sister,” Janet said in a humored tone.

It was a scene right out of a bad porn movie. Janet and Kyle had turned their master bedroom – which she’d been in earlier that morning – into some sort of kinky sex dungeon.

The windows had been blacked out with curtains. The lamps had been covered with red blankets to bathe the room in a reddish, distinctly erotic hue. Most notably, though, the bed had been turned into some sort of S&M setup. The sheets and comforter had been removed. There were ropes attached to shackles on the head and foot of the bed. However, lying in the middle of it all was the most erotic sight of all.

Kyle, the man who had somehow captured the heart of her promiscuous, free-spirited sister, was fully nude with his wrists and ankles bound by the ropes. The only thing he had on was some sort of strange-looking cock-ring around his penis. It couldn’t have been very comfortable, but he looked surprisingly relaxed. Chancers were it wasn’t the first time he’d been tied up in bed.

Just seeing him naked, including that generous endowment between his legs that Janet often bragged about, was enough to make Brittney blush bright red. Kyle laughed at her reaction, almost seeming casual as she stood there in shock.

“Wow! You actually convinced her to go through with it,” Kyle said. “Guess I owe you a dinner and a hot oil massage, Jan.”

“You can make it up to me later, babe. For now, our sole focus is my hapless little sister,” said Janet.

While Brittney struggled to process the sight before her, Janet entered the room and casually stripped out of the T-shirt and sweatpants she’d been wearing, only to reveal that she had on a pair of crotch-less red panties with a matching garter. She didn’t even bother with a bra, making it very clear just how much she had planned everything out.

It was a lot of sexual imagery, more than she’d ever fit into a single room. It was overwhelming. Her heart raced, her legs went weak, and parts of her body felt hotter than usual. Some of that had to be a reflex. Kyle was, after all, a very attractive man, thanks largely to his work as a Yoga instructor and personal trainer. However, some aspects of her reaction felt like something more…like something she hadn’t let out.

“Well, are you just going to stand there and gawk? Or are you going to come in and join us?” Kyle asked, as though it were a typical formal request.

“She’ll join us soon, babe. She did make me a promise, after all,” said Janet.

Brittney was already questioning how quickly she’d made that promise, but it was too late to take it back. Still in an awkward daze, her mostly-naked sister took her hand and led her into the room, closing the door behind them. She then led her over to the foot of the bed where she had a perfect view of her sister’s naked, bound husband.

“What we have here is a simple setup with a simple premise,” Janet said.

“Really? You call this simple?” said Brittney, unable to take her eyes off Kyle’s male anatomy.

“It’s as simple as we could make it without overwhelming you, little sister.”

“It’s a little too late for that.”

“Let me break it down for you,” Janet went on, leaning in a little closer. “You’ve got a lot of pent up feelings…emotions, passions, and reservations that you never let out when you were with Craig. Even after you broke up, you still haven’t let them out. Have you even masturbated since you moved in?”

“That…is way too personal,” said Brittney.

“Says the woman staring directly at my husband’s junk.”

“God, I wish I could faint right now.”

“It’s okay. I don’t mind you staring,” said Kyle with a casual shrug.

Brittney tried to look away, but Janet didn’t let her. She stood right behind her, placed both hands on her shoulders, and kept her looking forward at the naked man before her. A part of her already knew where she was going with her kinky ploy. Brittney would’ve been mortified had certain parts of her body not proven Janet right.

It was true. She hadn’t dealt with her pent up frustrations since moving in, including those relating to sex. While she didn’t consider herself as sexual as her older sister, she was certainly no prude. She had plenty of desires and she even used to explore them in her youth. Much of that stopped once she got into a relationship with Craig. Now, it seemed to be catching up with her.

“Here’s what I want you to try,” Janet said, almost sounding seductive as she spoke into her ear, “join me and Kyle for some sexy time. He’s already agreed to play the part of a willing submissive.”

“And trust me, it’s not the first time. I’m very good at making myself available to beautiful, horny women,” Kyle said teasingly.

“Don’t let his boasting go to your head…not yet, anyways,” Janet continued. “More specifically, I want you – my uptight, heart-broken little sister – to have your wicked way with my husband in any way you see fit.”

“Any way?” Brittney said, still having a hard time believing what she’d just heard.

“Do whatever it takes. Fuck him. Suck him. Take it up the ass. Do whatever you need to do with him. I’ll even help. Most importantly – and this is where it may get tricky for you – I want you to be completely, utterly satisfied by the end.”

Brittney gazed over the bound man before her, his masculine features triggering reactions in her mind and body that she hadn’t felt in months. She then looked over towards her sister, who still had that seductive, yet serious glint in her eyes. It soon became clear that it was not some elaborate fantasy. It was very real and it was intended to help her.

The idea of having sex with her sister’s husband – even if he was a very attractive man, who was bound in a bed and free to her every lurid whim – still took a moment to sink in. She’d heard a few friends and relatives joke about how Janet and Kyle had an open relationship. Her uncle even claimed they’d had a three-way at Janet’s last birthday. Brittney thought it had just been a joke. Now, she had confirmation that her older sister was just that adventurous.

Both she and Kyle seemed so willing and eager. Certain parts of Brittney’s body were just as eager. She remained somewhat hesitant. Then, she recalled the promise she’d made her older sister.

“Remember…you promised,” Janet reminded her.

“I did, didn’t I?” Brittney muttered.

“So you’re going to give it a try?” said Kyle. “Because whether it’s you, your sister, or both, I’m game!”

“Of course you are,” said Janet with a humored grin, “but make no mistake, little sister. This is about helping you. You’ve still got a lot of problems when it comes to managing emotions, desires, and everything in between. Why not make it just a little bit easier by addressing the sexy parts first?”

It almost made too much sense, starting with one item on her list of many problems and working from there. Even from her overly-uptight perspective, it had merit. That, or she just hadn’t had sex in a very long time and needed some kind of outlet. Whatever the case, she had made her promise and her choice.

“Okay,” Brittney said with a sigh, turning her gaze back towards Kyle. “If you really think this will help…”

“We know it will,” said Janet confidently. “Now get the hell out of those itchy clothes and have a taste of my hubby’s luscious cock!”

Her older sister didn’t let her second-guess her decision. She began undressing her, helping her remove the shorts and tank top she’d been wearing when she planned on spending the night on the couch. Brittney hadn’t even been wearing a bra, leaving her in just a pair of panties after her shorts came off. Instinctively, she covered her breasts with her arms, as though she hadn’t left her modesty at the bedroom door.

“Hey, don’t be shy,” said Janet, gently pulling her arms away from her chest. “You’ve got great tits. Don’t be afraid to show them off.”

“It’s amazing how often you say what I’m thinking, Jan,” said Kyle, his gaze quickly narrowing on her breasts.

“We’re sisters and the women in our family are proud of our tits. Some just need a little more coaxing than others.”

Brittney still blushed under the gaze of her sister’s husband, but found herself smiling somewhat. Being overtly sexual didn’t come easy for her, but it helped that she had the same quality genetics as her sister. Those genetics included well-developed breasts that had attracted plenty of men. Kyle was just the most overt.

“Speaking of coaxing, ditch the panties,” Janet said. “This is our room and we don’t permit sexual reservations.”

“So I’ve noticed,” Brittney said, her hands shaking as she grasped the sides of her panties.

“You’re a beautiful, sexy woman, Brittney,” Kyle added. “Don’t be afraid to embrace that. Hell, have fun with it!”

“Easier said than done,” Brittney retorted.

“Is it really?” Janet questioned.

She opened her mouth to contest her sister’s point, but came up with nothing. She might have been too aroused or exposed to think of something. It was too late to pull back, though. Taking their words and her promise seriously, she slipped out of her panties. She even wiggled her hips a bit, showing more sexiness in that one motion than she had in nearly a year.

“Nice,” Kyle said as his gaze narrowed on her lower body, “a cute, well-groomed pussy. You two really are sisters.”

“Don’t push it, Kyle. You’re the submissive, remember?” Janet reminded him. “That means you are at the utter mercy of me and my desperately horny little sister.”

“Hey! I’m not that desperate,” argued Brittney, even as she kept blushing.

“Prove it,” Janet dared her. “Join me on the bed, taste my husband’s cock, and say with a straight face you don’t want it.”

She hated it when her sister dared her. It always brought out her more competitive side. In the past, it often led to fights, but that was not the most likely recourse for once.

Now fully naked, feeling more exposed than she’d ever been since her breakup with Craig, Brittney found herself eyeing Kyle’s cock again. She even saw it twitch somewhat, the sight of two naked women having a clear effect. Her lack of sexual activity and pent up desires started boiling to the surface. For once, her overly-analytical mind took a back seat to her most basic instincts.

“God, I wish you hadn’t dared me,” said Brittney, her voice already dripping with lust.

“I’m already glad she did,” said Kyle.

“Hey! Shut up while my sister and I gorge on your dick,” Janet said with the authority of a dominatrix.

That silenced Kyle in an instant. Jan had already crawled onto the king-sized bed, kneeling at her husband’s side, giving his cock a few good strokes. She patted the other side of the bed, welcoming her sister to join them. Brittney accepted that invitation, following desires she once tried so hard to ignore.

Once on the bed, she got to feel a real penis in her hands for the first time in almost a year. It might not have been the most erotic act she could’ve done, but it reminded Brittney that she was still a healthy, heterosexual woman and Kyle was an attractive, well-endowed man. After a brief exploration of his male anatomy, the young woman soon found herself wanting more.

“Go on,” Janet encouraged, “taste it.”

“You’re really asking me…your sister…to suck your husband’s cock,” Brittney said, if only to put that concept into words.

“I have a wonderful, sexy husband that I love with all my heart. Why wouldn’t I share his delicious cock with my desperately-horny sister?”

Kyle didn’t say a word, but he had the biggest grin on his face. Brittney, still struggling to wrap her head around her sister’s sexual proclivities, chose not to argue with such flawless logic. Instead, she followed her growing sexual hunger, licking her lips and tasting the juice piece of manly flesh before her.

“Ooh damn!” Kyle gasped. “She is horny, that’s for sure.”

“But is she desperate?” Janet asked. “I wonder…”

As Brittney began licking along the length of Kyle’s cock, Janet moved in and joined her, showing off her own oral sex skills. She actually took in most of his length, shooting her that daring glance that always awoke Brittney’s more competitive side. She had to know that was only going to motivate her even more. Not one to let her older sister upstage her, Brittney rose to the occasion.

“Oh, it’s on, bitch!” Brittney said.

That did not sound like the reserved young woman still recovering from a break-up. That sounded like a woman with a sexy side that she hadn’t let out in far too long. It was overwhelming, her heart and mind racing in ways she hadn’t experienced in years. She still didn’t avoid it. If anything, it felt almost overdue.

Like any sibling rivalry, Brittney channeled her own oral sex skills, grabbing the base of Kyle’s cock and pulling it towards her so that she could take in the extent of his length. She then made it a point to suck harder, using more tongue to trigger more arousal. She even cast her sister a similar look, letting her know that she did have a sexy side, even if she didn’t express it as often.

“Ohhh yeah! It’s definitely on!” said Kyle, who was the only clear winner.

Back and forth, it went…her and Janet taking turns sucking his dick. Janet kept egging her on, upping her game as she sucked and stroked her husband’s cock. At one point, she began fondling her pussy to build her own arousal. Brittney matched her every step of the way, if only to prove that she could.

Such competitive cock-sucking ensured Kyle got fully erect fairly quickly. After it seemed like they’d reached a stalemate, Janet locked eyes with her again and made her next dare.

“I can already see it in you,” Janet said, “all the shit you’ve been holding back…it’s starting to come out.”

“Maybe it is,” Brittney said. “What are you going to do about it?”

“I’m not going to do anything. You’re going to show me you can let it out.”

“And how do you propose I do that?” Brittney asked intently.

“Simple…ride my husband’s cock. Ride it until you have a good, hard orgasm. I’ll also turn on the cock ring, just to see if you can handle it.”

She was goading her, more so than most older sisters. She wasn’t just daring her to fuck her husband. She was daring her to show that she could be the same sexy, free-spirited woman, if only in bed.

It was a different kind of dare, but one with a larger purpose. Brittney’s sex life had been many things, but kinky wasn’t one of them. She thought that she and Craig didn’t need it. Regular, basic sex should’ve been enough. She’d thought that was enough for her, especially compared to her older sister. Craig’s wandering eye proved her wrong.

Now, she had a chance to prove herself right or wrong. Was she the kind of woman who needed something extra in her sex life? Could she be as fun and adventurous as her older sister? There was only one way to find out and she might not ever get another chance.

“I can handle it. You’ll see…provided Kyle can handle me,” said Brittney, feeling a bit more comfortable with her overtly sexual tone.

“I can handle your sister, Brit. I can definitely handle you,” Kyle boasted.

“We’ll see about that!”

Brittney, showing more kink and playfulness than she ever had in an intimate setting, practically shoved her older sister aside and mounted Kyle like an animal in heat. Now straddling his pelvis, her knees planted firmly at his side, she aligned his erect cock with her wet opening. The grin on his face never waned, watching her as she hovered over him with domineering lust. With her older sister watching on, she finally unleashed her pent up desires and plunged her hips downward to initiate their sex.

“Ooh fuck, she’s tight!” Kyle grunted.

“Well, it has been a while,” Janet commented, almost sounding impressed.

“Shut up!” Brittney barked. “Shut up and watch me fuck!”

That effectively silenced them both. Brittney had never spoken with such authority outside her job at the bank. She’d never been that assertive with Craig, but now she wished she had because it felt right. It also felt hotter and more pleasurable than anything she’d anticipated.

The feeling of his long, throbbing member deep inside her folds quickly flooded her body with intense sensations. For once, she didn’t bother being overly careful. As soon as her inner muscles surrounded his length, she began riding his cock, cowgirl style. She did it with a vigor that put all those pornos her sister once showed her to shame, gyrating her hips and rocking the bed in the process.

“Whoa! That’s…pretty fucking hot,” Janet commented, remaining off to the side, still fondling herself.

“Yes! Oohh yes! So…so hot!” Brittney panted.

She rode Kyle’s dick harder and faster than she had ever ridden anyone, letting out the frustration along with the desire. The presence of the cock ring added further stimulation, sending Brittney into a daze that might as well have been an out-of-body experience.

She was really doing it. She was having sex with her sister’s husband and enjoying it. She wasn’t just having sex because it was part of a relationship. She wasn’t doing it because it was part of their regiment. She was doing it because she wanted it. She wanted it and it felt amazing. There was nothing else to it. There didn’t need to be anything else to it.

In that spirit, Brittney embraced a part of herself that she didn’t know was there. As she bounced and rocked her naked body atop the handsome man under her, she fondled her bouncing breasts, moaned loudly, and spat a string of crude sexual profanities that would’ve made a horny teenager blush. It all came pouring out, so much desire and lust. It wasn’t just pleasurable. It was cathartic.

“Yes! Oh yes! Ohhh fucking yes!” Brittney cried out. “I’m…I’m going to come! I…I want to come!”

“Already?” Janet remarked.

“Yes, damn it! Oohhh yes!”

It caught Brittney by surprise too, albeit in the best possible way. It might have been the added effects of the vibrating cock ring, but she was beyond caring. She was going to have a powerful, overdue orgasm and with her sister’s husband, no less. Everything about it sounded so crazy, yet so right.

When the feeling hit, she arched her back at an extreme angle and cried out to the heavens in a blissful proclamation. Her toes curled, her skin burned, and her body shuddered under the weight of rippling pleasure. She couldn’t remember ever being so vocal during any other sex act at any other point in her life. It wasn’t just a sign of how much she’d needed a good fuck. It confirmed that she did, indeed, have a touch of her sister’s spirit.

“Okay, I’ll say it,” Janet said after the erotic theatrics had settled. “I’m impressed!”

“Speak…for yourself,” said Kyle breathlessly.

“I have a better idea,” said Brittney, still on an orgasmic high. “Let’s keep this going. Let’s make this a family affair. Two sisters…one handsome guy…in bed, fucking in all the ways we want and need.”

Now, it was Janet and Kyle’s turn to be shocked. Brittney might as well have been an entirely new person, one who sexual kinks were on par with their own. To show that she was serious, Brittney rose up off Kyle’s still-erect cock and untied him. Then, while he shook off the ropes, she grabbed her older sister, kissed her hard on the lips in ways that no sisters ever dared, and gave her butt a hard smack.

“Now, it’s your turn to keep up, big sis!” Brittney said with the same competitive gaze she’d given earlier.

“Oh, it’s on!” said Janet without hesitation. “It is fucking on!”

What unfolded next was a very different, very kinky kind of sibling rivalry. With Kyle watching on, Brittney pulled her sister into a make-out session that involved plenty of tongue, a few light spankings, and a mashing of beasts. It didn’t take long for the very aroused man to abandon his submissive role and pull them into a naked embrace.

From there, a chaotic convergence of naked flesh evolved into a full-fledged three-way. Had Brittney not initiative it, she never would’ve believed that she’d been the one to start it. It was definitely happening, though, and her sister kept up with her every step of the way. Clearly, it wasn’t her first three-way, but involving a sibling definitely added to it.

“You’re good at this, Brit,” Janet said at one point.

“Speak for yourself, Jan,” Brittney replied.

There was little coordination, but it wasn’t necessary for them to enjoy themselves. It started with Janet getting her taste of cock, getting on all fours while Kyle fucked her from behind. Brittney stayed involved, getting behind him and pawing his chest from behind. After her older sister climaxed, she practically pushed her away and took her place, getting her own taste of doggy-style sex as well. Janet helped mix things up, pushing her into an upright position so that they could all share a three-way kiss. Hands, lips, and various other body parts roamed. It all made for a steady succession of grunts, gasps, and moans.

They rolled around on the kind-sized bed together, going at it in as many ways as their lust would allow. Brittney got to set the tone for the most part, if only because it was her first. She had a lot more desires to vent. Kyle and Janet gave her every possible opportunity. It led to multiple orgasms, as well as plenty of intimate gestures, making for a perfect mix of lust and affection.

Towards the end, just as her body and desires reached their limit, Brittney found herself on her back in the center of the bed. Her older sister was on top of her, their breasts rubbing together as Kyle hovered over their naked bodies, thrusting his still rigid cock into her pussy. He was just about at his limit too. Both he and Janet seemed to be holding out for her one last time.

“One more,” Brittney said breathlessly. “Just…one more!”

“Together, little sister!” Janet said.

As one last peak approached, Brittney grabbed her sister’s hands, inter-locking their fingers. Kyle quickly joined them, delivering the last few thrusts before he finally got his overdue release, as well. The final peak was a perfect convergence of euphoric cries. Instead of chaos, there was only a blissful harmony to go with the wondrous shared release.

As the warmth of the pleasure consumed them, Brittney found herself lying in between Kyle and Janet. Now covered in a light layer of sweat, her naked skin glowing with a radiance she hadn’t experienced in a long time, a feeling of contentment came over her that didn’t feel like traditional afterglow.

“Hey Janet,” Brittney said, her voice still dazed from post-coital bliss.

“Yes, little sister?” Janet said with a content purr.

“Thank you,” she said, “both you and Kyle…thank you for doing this.”

“It was our pleasure…literally,” said Kyle.

“That, it was,” Janet teased

“I mean it. I admit, I’ve had problems in the past with expressing myself. I spent so much time managing it that I forgot how to enjoy it. And no matter how well you manage it, once you stop enjoying it…well, we just found out what happens.”

“Yeah, we did,” her older sister laughed.

Both she and Kyle leaned in and gave her an affectionate kiss. Brittney blushed again, but not out of embarrassment or modesty. It was amazing to think that she’d been so dense, thinking she could be so restrained and expect everything to work itself out. Sometimes, it was okay to just let go and enjoy the feelings she worked so hard to manage. Nobody else, other than her free-spirited sister, could’ve helped her realize that.

As different as she and Janet were, they still shared a common bond. Whatever the future held for both of them, Brittney was determined to both remember and embrace it. At some point, she was also going to have to make it up to her and Kyle.

That didn’t concern her, though. She already had a few kinky ideas on how to return the favor.

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April 5, 2019 · 5:56 am

Beth And Jerry: The Ultimate Anti-Romance Love Story

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When it comes to telling a good love story, there are many ways to go about it. I’ve certainly learned that from the novels and short stories I’ve written. The nature of romance is constantly evolving. What constitutes quality romance today might seem strange or downright flawed by the standards of the past.

There are many examples of quality, well-developed romances in popular culture today, as well as a few that are downright toxic. However, there’s one particular love story that seems to break all the rules, yet still functions in its own eccentric way. Fittingly enough, that utterly unromantic love story plays out in “Rick and Morty,” a show often defined by its various eccentricities.

I know it’s been a while since I’ve talked about “Rick and Morty.” Like so many others, I’ve been anxiously awaiting news about the fourth season. Ever since the show was renewed for 70 episodes, details have been scares. There have been some occasional teases, but nothing of substance as of yet.

While waiting for those details, I think it’s worth revisiting an issue that has been evolving and devolving since the very first episode. That issue is the less-than-ideal relationship between Beth and Jerry Smith, the parents of Morty and his sister, Summer. Like everything else in the world of “Rick and Morty,” the relationship of Morty’s parents is subject to many issues, flaws, and mishaps.

In essence, the relationship between Jerry and Beth is the antithesis of romantic love. This isn’t a case of two people falling in love and facing challenges when kids enter the picture. It’s not even a case of two people not being in love initially, but falling in love over time as they raise a family. In fact, the most defining aspect of Beth and Jerry’s love story is the complete absence of traditional romance.

That lack of romance doesn’t just stem from the show’s over-arching themes surrounding nihilism and meaning. By nearly every measure, Beth and Jerry aren’t the least bit compatible. Beth, like her eccentric father, is a very smart and capable, as shown in more than one episode. She’s a skilled horse surgeon and can hold her own when wielding advanced sci-fi weapons.

In contrast, Jerry is a case study in mediocrity. He’s not a complete idiot, but he certainly walks a fine line between laughably inept and downright pathetic. He’s unemployed for a good chunk of the first three seasons and is so oblivious that he doesn’t even realize when he’s in a poorly-rendered simulation. At times, he can be a lovable loser, but most of the times, he’s just a loser.

How he and Beth ended up together is neither romantic, nor glamorous. It’s established in Season 1 that Jerry got Beth pregnant on their prom night in high school. The reason they stayed together was for the sake of their child, which isn’t saying much because they almost got an abortion. The only reason they didn’t was because they blew a tire on the way to the clinic.

That may sound dark, but it’s perfectly in line with how “Rick and Morty” handles serious issues like teen pregnancy and abortion. It doesn’t attempt to romanticize the situation, nor does it send the message that having the child and getting married was in any way rewarded. Their always at odds and arguing about everything. There’s rarely a sense that their marriage is loving, stable, or anything romantic.

At one point in Season 3, Rick calls Jerry out on how he ended up with Beth. Despite what he claims, it wasn’t an act of romance that brought him and Beth together. It was little more than pity.

Jerry, being so inept at everything, has little more going for him than pity. It’s the only real skill he has, but it was enough to get him an ill-fated prom date with Beth. Rick sums it up nicely in one of his many memorable speeches.

You act like prey but you’re a predator. You use pity to lure in your victims. It’s how you survive. I survive because I know everything, that snake survives because children wander off, and you survive because people think, “Oh, this poor piece of shit, he never gets a break. I can’t stand the deafening silent wails of his wilting soul. I guess I’ll hire him or marry him.”

This moment is revealing in that it reinforces how little romance was involved in the development of Beth and Jerry’s relationship. Their entire lives together are built around Beth feeling sorry for Jerry. Then, once she got pregnant and failed to get an abortion, circumstances did the rest.

It’s not romantic. It’s not tragic, either. They just ended up in a lousy situation and made the most of it. That’s not a love story. That’s basic survival for anyone who isn’t a super-genius with access to a portal gun.

That’s not to say there aren’t some moments of sincerity. Jerry, being the least capable member of the family, tends to remember fondly the early days of their relationship. He’s the only one who sees the relationship in a romantic context. The only time anyone else sees it, Beth included, is when they’re facing a crisis, be it an identity crisis or the end of the world.

When it comes to the day-to-day logistics of the relationship, it’s never that functional. Jerry can’t hold down a job or handle himself whenever he gets caught up in Rick and Morty’s adventures. Beth drowns herself in bottles of wine and episodes of “The Bachelor.” Even when they try to do something romantic, like a Titanic-themed get-away, it often fails spectacularly.

This dysfunction eventually culminates in the first episode of Season 3, “The Rickshank Redemption.” Jerry, in a rare moment of assertiveness, tells Beth that she has to choose between him or her father. In his unintelligent mind, he believes the romance they have will win out. He ends up being wrong. Beth chooses her father and Jerry gets kicked out of the house.

In most shows, that would be the end of a relationship that’s so inherently flawed. However, “Rick and Morty” isn’t most shows and not just because it has characters like Mr. Poopybutthole. In this world of infinite realities and bird people, even love stories devoid of romance find a way to gain meaning in a show steeped in nihilistic undertones.

That meaning emerges at the end of Season 3 in “The Rickchurian Mortydate” in which Beth has a chance to make another choice. This time, she’s at odds with her father, who had revealed some harsh truths about who she was as a kid and what it means to be smart. Unlike before, she chooses Jerry over Rick and he gets to move back in.

This, through the twisted logic of “Rick and Morty,” affirms Beth and Jerry as a genuine love story, but one that is still devoid of romance. Beth didn’t choose Jerry out of love. She chose him because she that’s what she wanted. That’s all there is to it. In a show where Rick once described love as “a chemical reaction that compels animals to breed,” that might be the greatest act of love anyone can offer.

It also mirrors the inherent value of having a choice. Episodes like “Pickle Rick” and “The Ricks Must Be Crazy” all emphasize the importance of choice, especially for those of near infinite capabilities. Both Rick and Beth are endowed and burdened with intelligence, abilities, and options. Their choices are, ultimately, the only actions that truly matter in a meaningless universe.

In the case of Beth and Jerry, the choice doesn’t have to involve romance. In fact, romance would only complicate things. Just choosing to be together, despite all the flaws in their relationship, is the only thing they need to make their love work. They’re together because they want to be together. That’s all there is to it and that’s all they need.

In that sense, Beth and Jerry’s story still qualifies as a love story, despite the utter lack of romance. It’s hard to say where their relationship will go in the coming seasons of “Rick and Morty.” Maybe it will develop some amount of romance. Maybe it’ll only become more flawed and less romantic, as the series progresses.

Whatever ends up happening, it still doesn’t matter, as is often the case in “Rick and Morty.” As long as Beth chooses Jerry and Jerry chooses Beth, their story will still be a love story in its own unique way. Regardless of whether love is real or just a chemical reaction in their brains, it’s still their choice and that’s as meaningful as love can get in a meaningless universe.

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April 4, 2019 · 6:09 am

Daily Sexy Musing: Drunk Love

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When it comes to matters of love and sex, alcohol has a mixed reputation. On one hand, it lowers our inhibitions and makes us more willing to pursue feelings that we wouldn’t have pursued. On the other, it can really hinder the actual mechanics of intimacy. Anyone who has tried to kiss someone while drunk knows that all too well.

In college, I saw many cases of alcohol both helping and hindering various acts of romance. I’ve watched a couple do shots and have the best time together at a club. I’ve also seen people do just as many shots and fall over one another in a very unromantic way. It’s a mixed bag, but like any tool, it depends on how it’s used.

As someone who didn’t start drinking until much later in life, I can appreciate how alcohol helps us navigate the various social processes that often come with romance. It doesn’t just loosen inhibitions. It frees our words, so to speak. It allows us to be more upfront than we otherwise would and I think that valuable in any romantic pursuit, especially those with poor social skills.

Others may have had bad experiences with alcohol and not just in terms of their love lives. I understand that and this Daily Sexy Musing may not work for them. For those who have found a way to incorporate the effects of alcohol into a healthy, sexy relationship, I think we’ll be on the same page. Like anything, you can overdo it. When you strike a healthy balance, though, the benefits are as remarkable as they are sexy.

A can of beer.

A glass of wine.

A shot of whiskey.

A bottle of vodka.

Whatever form it takes, we gleefully imbibe. That hot, burning sensations in our throats warns us what we’re in for. Nerves will be dampened and inhibitions will be lost. We take on those risks in hopes of reaping greater rewards. There may be pain and discomfort later, but with every drink, we embrace the here and now.

I feel my tongue loosen.

I feel your body open.

I feel our souls reveal themselves as the effects take hold.

We laugh, cheer, and dance. Everything starts to spin. It’s no longer possible to scrutinize every passing moment. For once, rules and propriety cannot keep us bound. I won’t apologize for feeling good, nor will I hesitate to share that experience with others. When others scorn, I just take another drink.

Every sip is an affront to a world intent on containing our passions. A lurid smile and playful grasp spits on the foundations of civilization. Rather than build and toil, we cheer and celebrate. We step away from our duties, defy our overlords, and live life on our terms. A drink may start as an excuse, but it soon becomes a catalyst.

The price we pay later goes up, but the feelings we embrace in the moment gain value. Through slurred speech and blissful daze, we are free and unbound. Everything becomes possible. Everyone becomes a new connection. For once, the life we live is our own.

With every drink, we turn restraint and to revelry.

With every drink, we turn deviance into decadence.

With every drink, we turn distress into catharsis.

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April 3, 2019 · 6:14 am

Jack Fisher’s Weekly Quick Pick Comic: War Of The Realms #1

Every week, the world is in desperate need of something to make it just a little more fun. As such, every Wednesday brings us a fresh batch of comics that achieves just that and then some. With the anticipation of “Avengers Endgame” at unprecedented levels, we all need something to tide us over until we cram into theaters and send piles of money to our Disney overlords.

Thankfully, a comic like “War of the Realms #1” does plenty to scratch that superhero itch and it doesn’t require anyone to deal with crashing websites. While the big gathering in the Marvel Cinematic Universe is taking shape, these kinds of gatherings seem to occur every other Tuesday in the comics. Some are more awesome than others and the one that unfolds in “War of the Realms #1” definitely qualifies.

You don’t have to have followed to recent comics to appreciate it, although it certainly helps. The world of Marvel comics is always in flux with respect to the threats the heroes face and the situations in which they find themselves. “War of the Realms #1” is a confluence of compounding factors that started in Thor’s world of gods and mythical monsters. Now, it has erupted to a level that even comic book gods can appreciate.

If you thought Asgard was in a rough place after “Thor Ragnarok,” then you’ll be unpleasantly shocked at how much worse it can get in the comics. However, it’s not solely because of giant fiery monsters set to 70s rock music. It’s largely because Odin, in stark contrast to the charm exuded by Anthony Hopkins, is a divine prick in the comics.

It’s because of him that Asgard is in ruins, much of his fellow gods have abandoned him, and the realms are ripe for invasion. Despite being the All-Father of gods, he’s powerless to stop it and the heroes of Earth/Midgard are the ones who have to fight it. Prick or not, it still makes for a hell of a spectacle that brings out the best in Russell Dauterman’s artwork.

The mystical machinations of the war aren’t overly complex, nor do they need to be. Asgard isn’t a shining bastion of order and stability anymore. That means Frost Giants, Dark Elves, and Trolls are free to organize and invade other realms. Leading the pack is Malekith the Accursed and if you thought he was a push-over in “Thor: The Dark World,” this comic should help shatter that notion.

Far from being the bland throw-away villain in the movie, Malekith is a forced to be reckoned with in “War of the Realms #1.” He has united gods, monsters, and entire races into one massive army right out of J. R. R. Tolkein’s worst nightmare. Now, he leads them into a full-scale invasion of Midgard and the battle that ensues is as epic as anyone could hope for.

It’s not just Avengers who rush to the front lines. We see the likes of Spider-Man, Wolverine, Daredevil, and the Punisher join the chaos. This is not just a battle for the Avengers. This is something that will bring in players from all ends of the Marvel Universe.

Even with the recent Disney/Fox merger closing, this isn’t something we’re going to see in the Marvel Cinematic Universe anytime soon. “War of the Realms #1” offers a taste of just how much bigger the world of Marvel can be when all its iconic characters occupy the same world. Even for those who can barely contain their excitement over “Avengers Endgame,” this comic should give those same fans plenty of possibilities to contemplate.

The underlying plot to “War of the Realms #1” may be basic, but Jason Aaron, who has been the architect of both Thor and the Avengers for years, finds plenty of ways to bring depth to such a colorful clash. He even finds a way to squeeze in a joke about colonoscopies and kidney stones. I promise I’m not making that up.

Much like the movies, there bits of humor that keep things from getting too dire. However, “War of the Realms #1” never feels like a joke or an excuse to see Thor beat up frost giants. Jason Aaron has shown, throughout his run, that he can incorporate layers into mystical, hammer-wielding spectacles. Those layers are definitely there and poised to affect the battle.

How that battle plays out is just starting to unfold. Even though this comic is padded with extra pages to go along with the inflated price, it’s very much a prelude to a much larger conflict. That conflict already has Spider-Man making dirty jokes and Loki getting eaten by a frost giant. If you can’t find entertainment in that, then you’re just being difficult.

Beyond the entertainment value, “War of the Realms #1” offers the kind of high-stakes superhero crossover story that movie fans have only recently come to appreciate while comic fans have been enjoying it for years. While Malekith the Accursed will never be on the same level as Josh Brolin’s Thanos, there’s something to be said about a character who can wage a cosmic war on the entire Marvel Universe.

Whatever your feelings about Malekith, Odin, or Spider-Man’s brand toilet humor, “War of the Realms #1” has plenty to enjoy while also setting up a much larger conflict. It’s a story that gives the superheroes we love a chance to unite, kick ass, and break stuff. It’s stories like that which remind comic fans why New Comic Book Day is truly the best day of the week.

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April 2, 2019 · 6:09 am

“The Perfect Anniversary Present” A Sexy Short Story

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The following is a sexy short story that was inspired by a couple I know who recently celebrated their wedding anniversary. I won’t go so far as to say this is based on a true story, but it certainly was inspired by one. If you’re married or have a lover you want to surprise on your anniversary, feel free to use this idea. Enjoy!

“Come on, Tim! How much longer are you going to make me wait?” complained an impatient, but excited Amber Deegan.

“Just hang in there, babe. I promise this is worth waiting for!” said Tim Deegan, her playful, but cunning husband.

Amber didn’t know what to expect. It was their first wedding anniversary, an event she’d intended to celebrate. However, she had a feeling Tim wouldn’t be content with a romantic dinner, a quiet night, and some tender lovemaking. That just wasn’t the kind of man he was, nor was it the kind of man she’d married.

Just a few minutes ago, they’d finished a big meal in which Amber recreated the first meal they’d shared on their first date, which consisted of burgers and nachos drenched with her family’s spicy salsa. Tim, not content with candles and classical music, set up a miniature disco ball and played the fast-paced dance music they’d heard when they first met at her best friend’s birthday party. It was not a typical anniversary dinner and it got even less typical when it ended.

Almost immediately after they finished their meal, Tim turned the music off and got dead serious. He claimed he had the perfect anniversary present for her, but it required that she wear a blindfold and follow him. It wasn’t the weirdest request Tim had made. It wasn’t even the only one involving a blindfold, having not forgotten the antics they enjoyed on their honeymoon.

That didn’t make Amber any less curious. She even felt a little anxious, knowing her husband had a knack for elaborate schemes. She didn’t mind, though. If anything, she found that kind of uncertainty a turn-on. It was a big part of why her relationship with Tim was so strong. He always found ways to keep things exciting, even after four years together, one of which they’d spent married.

“This past year has been the happiest year of my life, Amber,” he told her as he carefully led her forward. “I know I’ve said that a lot this past week, but I mean it. Marrying you, building a life together, and sharing so many wonderful moments together…I could try putting it into words until our next anniversary and that still wouldn’t be enough.”

“Aww! That’s so lovingly sweet,” Amber said as she followed closely, “and you say you’re so bad with words.”

“It’s true. It’s not just because I flunked English in high school, either. I’ve always been the kind of guy who prefers letting his actions do the talking. It’s part of what makes me so good at building things and working in art studios. It’s also why I thought I’d never get married.”

“You really think a guy who’s both physical and artistic wouldn’t attract any women?” Amber teased.

“Not the kind who’d fall in love with me, let alone marry me. Then, you came along. You saw who I was, how I was, and what I am…and you just accepted all of it. You gave me a chance to show you how much I can love someone.”

“And you showed me plenty,” she said. “That’s exactly why I married you.”

“And now, I want to show you how grateful I am. I want you to see, clear as day, how much our love means me to me.”

His words were cryptic, but his voice was as heart-felt as it had been on their wedding day. It got Amber’s heart racing, along with her passions. Tim might not have been skilled with turning feelings into words, but the man had a knack for conveying his love to her. It left her all the more anxious to see what kind of surprise he had in store for her.

She kept following him, not once touching the blindfold he’d put over her eyes. Knowing the layout of their house as well as him, she sensed they were in their second-floor master bedroom. She even suspected that Tim had led her in circles a few times in an attempt to throw her off. She still went along with it. Her husband wasn’t big on subtlety, but he always rewarded her patience and trust.

“Stand here,” Tim said, finally stopping her.

“Is the blindfold really necessary?” Amber said. “I can tell we’re in our bedroom.”

“Trust me. It’s necessary,” he told her. “I want the moment to be just right. It’s the only way I’ll ever make clear how much I love you and how happy I am to call you my wife.”

“You almost make it sound like a life-or-death situation,” she pointed out.

“When it comes to showing my love for my wife, it’s pretty damn close,” he replied, “which is why I need you to trust me because the next part…it’s going to get intense.”

He still sounded very serious, but he also sounded distinctly seductive. He had that deep, masculine undertone he often used when trying to get her in a sexy mood. Other women thought it was juvenile, including her sister and mother. She thought it was hot and on their anniversary, it did plenty to set the mood.

Her anticipation growing by the second, Amber stood firmly in place, still sensing the carpet of their bedroom under her feet and her husband’s powerful hands on her shoulders. Even through the blindfold, she felt his penetrating gaze. It got her heart racing and her passions heightened, wanting more than anything to feel whatever intensity Tim had planned.

“Okay, Tim,” Amber said, matching his voice with some seduction of her own. “I trust you completely. Tell me what to do next.”

“Good, because the next part is critical,” he said.

As he uttered those words, she felt his hands shift from her shoulders to her waist. There, he lightly grasped the hem of her shirt.

“Take your clothes off,” Tim said.

“My clothes?” she said, a mix of surprise and intrigue. “You mean down to my underwear? Or everything?”

“Everything,” he affirmed, “and keep the blindfold on.”

His voice left no room for ambiguity. He wanted her naked and not just because he liked staring at her tits and butt. His reasons remained unclear, but Amber hadn’t forgotten what she just promised.

“Okay. Everything, it is,” Amber said coyly, “but if I find out there’s a video camera in front of me, you’re a dead man.”

“Don’t worry. It’s just us,” Tim told her. “If it makes you feel better, I’m taking my clothes off too.”

“Is that part of your elaborate plan?”

“You want me to tell you know? Or do you want to get naked and find out?”

“Tough choice,” she teased. “Well, these clothes were getting itchy anyways!”

With almost casual glee, Amber stripped out of her shirt, jeans, and underwear. Tim still helped her get her shirt off over the blindfold, but she did the rest, slipping out of her pants and unclasping her bra.

As she kicked off her clothes, she sensed Tim do the same, hearing as he undid his belt buckle and slid off his shirt. There was something inherently sexy about not being able to see him undress, but know he was standing there, naked as he’d been on their honeymoon. She even got a little turned on, knowing his eyes were drifting up and down her naked body. She could already feel his gaze on her breasts. She could even hear his breath getting more labored as he took in her beauty.

“God, you look good naked,” he told her.

“Your way with words continues to astonish,” Amber joked with folded arms. “Now, tell me what’s next so I actually enjoy being naked with my husband.”

He laughed and pulled her into a light embrace. In the process, he revealed that he was fully naked too. She could feel his exposed chest pressing against hers. She also felt a partially-erect penis press up against her thigh. That somewhat surprised her. Naked or not, him getting aroused so quickly meant something had gotten him very excited.

Whatever it was, Tim clearly wanted her. One way or another, they were going to make love that night. It was only a matter of what form it would take.

“To the bed,” he whispered into her ear, giving her butt a playful squeeze in the process.

“Lead the way, dear husband of mine,” Amber said curtly.

Still in his arms, her love guided her across the room. It couldn’t have been far, given the size of their room, but it might as well have been a journey to the other side of the world.

With every step, he affectionately caressed her naked body. He kissed down her neck, nibbling her ear in that special way that always got her blood flowing to all the right body parts. He also trailed his hands up her hips, tickling and tantalizing her feminine curves, sending shivers up her body. After only a few steps, those shivers morphed into full-fledged arousal.

“Just a little bit closer,” Tim whispered, just as he slipped his fingers between her legs. “We’re almost there.”

“Ooh, Tim!” Amber cooed. “You’re not making this easy for me.”

“And for good reason…one that’ll make sense very soon.”

By the time they finally reached the bed, her husband’s skilled touching had left her feeling very moist between her legs. Tim had grown quite skilled at making her horny in the time they’d been together, but he was really going the extra mile. The way his fingers grazed over her outer folds, paying close attention to her more sensitive areas, made clear that he needed her horny for what he had planned.

“Get on,” he told her intently.

Already short of breath and very much aroused, Amber followed her husband’s urgings and crawled up onto the bed. Tim did so as well, his hands never leaving her naked body. With the blindfold still on, he guided her to towards the center of the bed and laid her down atop what she surmised to be a fresh pillow. In fact, the sheets under her felt brand new and very expensive.

“If I didn’t know any better, I’d say we’re in the same bed I woke up in this morning,” Amber pointed out, “but something feels different.”

“That’s because it is,” he said, still speaking in his extra-manly voice. “You’re about to find out just how different, but only when the moment is perfect.”

“And when might that be? This blindfold is getting annoying.”

“We’re almost there. Trust me, you’ll know when the moment is perfect and why.”

Still trusting her husband implicitly, Amber waited with baited breath as she lay naked atop her bed, soft linens under her and her equally-naked husband on top of her. As she waited, he kissed and caressed her again.

He trailed one hand up her hips and fondled her breast with the other, giving it a light squeeze to send more intimate shivers coursing up through her body. He lovingly twirled his tongue with hers every step of the way, as if to mimic the same deep kiss they’d shared on their wedding day. It got her heart racing while sending her lady parts into overdrive. The line between loving the man on top of her and wanting to fuck him senseless completely disappeared.

“Spread your legs,” he whispered. “It won’t be much longer.”

“Damn, I don’t know how much more I can take!” Amber gasped.

Like a reflex, her legs parted and Tim got into position between them. She soon felt the tip of his erect penis rub up against her folds. He was almost as aroused as her. Hatching elaborate schemes with her had always been a turn-on, but whatever he’d done had really raised the bar.

Her patience almost at her limit, Amber felt her husband grab her thighs, lay on top of her, and thrust his member into her womanhood. The feeling of smooth, sensual penetration quickly filled her body. As she gasped at the sudden surge of sensations, Tim buried his face in her neck and whispered once more.

“Now…take it off,” he said.

Amber couldn’t remove the blindfold fast enough. As soon as it was off, she saw something that left her utterly astonished in the best possible way.

“Oh my God!” she exclaimed. “Tim…you wonderfully devious man!”

“Happy anniversary, my love.”

It was a sight to behold in the best possible way. On the ceiling just above their bed, which had been blank and featureless that morning, a mirror had been installed. It was not a small mirror, either. It was big enough to show the entire king-sized bed and at that very moment, their naked bodies were on full display in the reflection.

“Wow!” Amber said in daze of amazement. “It’s us…in bed…making love.”

As she gazed at the reflection, Tim went to work establishing a heated sexual rhythm. Grunting with unfretted manliness, he dug his knees and feet into the bed as he worked his body against hers. Manly sinews grinded against feminine curves, her breasts pressing up against his chest in a perfect mesh of flesh. With every movement, his rigid manhood sensually slithered within her wet folds, stimulating all the right nerves and filling her with the bliss of shared passion.

It was one thing to feel those wondrous pleasures that came from making love to her husband, but it was quite another to see it play out in front of her in real time. Their reflection on the mirror was the ultimate porno with them as the stars, turning an intimate feeling into an intensely erotic spectacle.

Amber’s gaze remained fixated on that spectacle, watching as her husband thrust and humped with affectionate delight. Along with the visuals, she felt the steady stream of ecstasy that came with good sex and a caring lover. There was something strange, yet stimulating about watching it unfold before her eyes. Like a fantasy manifesting, it added something special to their lovemaking…something that translated into a special brand of bliss.

“Mmm…Tim!” Amber moaned. “Oh…oohhh yes! Like that…do it like that!”

“Oohhh Amber!” Tim grunted through his hungry humping. “You like…what you see?”

“Yes! Fuck yes, I love it!” she said without hesitation.

There was literally no denying. She could see it right there in the mirror, the way her expression beamed with joy. Tim seemed intent on intensifying the spectacle. His face still buried in her neck, he kissed up the side of her face as he worked his hips harder, vigorously pumping his manhood into her depths.

Amber got into the act as well, raking her nails over his lover’s back and spreading her legs wider, showing off her uncanny flexibility. It played out in every lurid detail in the mirror. She watched their naked bodies rock together in an intimate heat, the bed moving with it. She’d expected to make love to her husband on their first anniversary at some point. Being able to actually see it and commit it to memory made it even more memorable.

“It’s so beautiful,” Amber mused in the heat of passion, “Me…my husband…making love…so beautiful.”

She kept watching and Tim kept the show going, maintaining a steady pace to really draw it out. He employed many of those special tricks he often used to bring her to orgasm, like nibbling on her ear and squeezing her butt. Even during one of his elaborate schemes, Tim made the extra effort to please her. That didn’t just make him a great husband. It made her a very lucky, very grateful woman.

Those tactics weren’t necessary to get her to the brink. She was already very close, ready to have the best orgasm she’d had since her honeymoon. He held back for her, but she didn’t. It was going to happen. She was going to have an orgasm and she was going to watch it unfold before her eyes.

“Ohhh I’m coming, my love! I…I’m coming!” Amber panted.

“That’s it! Watch yourself come!” Tim urged.

He delivered a few more targeted thrusts, penetrating deep to hit those extra sensitive nerves that only a dedicated husband could reach. It did the trick. She climaxed under her husband and the ceiling mirror captured every intricate detail.

Like wave crashing over her, a flood of ecstasy washed over her body. Keeping her eyes open was a challenge, but she made sure they never closed for long. She wanted to see the culmination of their lovemaking. What she saw was a unique kind of beauty.

Her body arched, her nails dug into her lover’s shoulders, and her toes curled as she contorted to the feeling. However, it was the look on her face that stood out the most. The beaming expression of orgasmic delight was there for her to see. She thought the photos of her wedding day showed a very happy woman. The face of a woman making love to her husband definitely raised the bar.

It felt like the longest orgasm she’d ever had. That, or seeing herself climax just made it seem longer. Whatever the case, she soaked in every last drop of ecstasy. Tim even ceased his movements, letting her take in the sight. After it passed, she finally diverted her gaze from the mirror and looked into the eyes of her wonderful husband.

“I love you, Tim,” she told him.

“I love you too, my beautiful wife,” Tim replied, “and for once, you can see how much I love you.”

“Yes…I can,” Amber said with a humored grin. “For our first anniversary, it’s the perfect present…one I’ll have a hard time returning.”

“I’m sure you’ll think of something.”

“What makes you say I haven’t?”

Now, it was Tim’s turn to be surprised. Amber flashed him another seductive glance. She was still swimming in a sea of orgasmic delight, but she wasn’t done celebrating their first anniversary. She also hadn’t forgotten that Tim was still hard and hadn’t climaxed yet. Being the loving wife she was, she had every intention of rectifying that.

“It’s time for you to trust me, this time,” she told him. “Think you can do that?”

“Of course, I can,” Tim said with his typical confidence.

“Good! Then, lie down on your back and enjoy the show. I’m going to ride your dick so good you’ll want to marry me all over again!”

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April 1, 2019 · 9:04 am

How To Make A Man Feel Loved

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People seek out love. Whether you’re a man, woman, transgender, or just anyone with human emotions, we have an inherent drive to connect with one another. Whether it’s emotional or physical, we are wired to desire such intimate connections. It’s an integral part of being human.

I suspect most reasonable people would agree with that sentiment. Humans are social creatures. Both science and general experience make that abundantly clear. The disagreements tend to occur on the nature, process, and exercise of those intimate bonds. What some think of as love may come off as obsession to someone else. I’ve tried to be mindful of that difference, both within real and fictional romance.

Things only get trickier when you apply gender differences to the concept of seeking love. In a perfect world, there would be no differences, but we don’t live in that world. In today’s complicated web of social norms, traditions, gender politics, stereotypes, and taboos, how you go about pursuing love and feeling loved varies considerably by gender.

Now, I can’t speak to how women or those who identify as transgender approach that process. I am a heterosexual man. I can only speak to my own experiences, some of which I’ve shared in the past. I certainly can’t claim to speak for all men, either. Everyone is different, complete with their own romantic quirks and kinks.

However, in contemplating various gender issues and social taboos, I feel like there’s a growing disconnect surrounding the idea of masculinity, being in love, and what it means to feel loved. Some of that has to do with the current state of identity politics and loaded terms like “toxic masculinity,” a concept I’ve done plenty to criticize before. Other issues, I believe, run much deeper.

For me, being the self-admitted romantic I am, it comes back to what it means to feel loved. People can argue what love is until the end of time. I’ll leave those discussions to smarter, more capable individuals with a better understanding of philosophy. Instead, I want to focus on what it means for men, in general, to feel loved.

As a man with a modest amount of romantic experience, I think men are held to a very different standard. Some of it isn’t fair, but women and transgender individuals can probably make that same claim. With men, I believe those standards are rarely scrutinized and easily misconstrued.

To understand how, you need only refer to Chris Rock’s

2018 Netflix special, “Tamborine.” In it, he made this memorable observation about men and how they are loved.

“Only women, children, and dogs are loved unconditionally. Men are loved under the condition that they provide something.”

In addition to being both hilarious and insightful, this sentiment reflects the unique challenges that men face when it comes to love. It’s not always overt and oftentimes, it’s inadvertent. Some of these issues are just woven into social norms that go back to certain pre-modern traditions about family structure.

Whatever their source, society never stops evolving. How people interact and relate to one another will keep adapting to changing circumstances and make no mistake, those circumstances will change rapidly in the coming years. That’s going to impact how men, women, and everyone in between relates to one another and not always for the better.

With that in mind, I’d like to start a discussion on what men seek in pursuing love and how to go about making men feel loved. I know the media, popular culture, and even a recent movie centered around men’s thoughts have given us many impressions. In the interest of streamlining the discussion, I’d like to offer a brief list of insights and approaches for making a man feel loved.

Again, this list is hardly definitive. I’m just one heterosexual man. I’m sure there are plenty of other men out there with different experiences who can offer far greater insights. If you’d like to share those insights, please post them in the comments. For now, here are just a few small ways to help a man feel loved and inspire him to love others.

Make His Efforts And Contributions Feel Valued (And Not Just Expected)

This one is subtle, but powerful. Watch any sitcom, from “Married With Children” to “Leave It To Beaver,” and the man of the family is usually the sole provider. Regardless of how you feel about this family structure, be it a hallmark of tradition or a byproduct of a patriarchal conspiracy, the sentiment comes off as more of an assumption rather than a contribution.

Even if a man works his ass off every day, whether it’s digging ditches or selling women’s shoes like Al Bundy, that work isn’t always valued. It’s just expected. It’s just what a man is supposed to do. Him wanting any other kind of affirmation is just seen as excessive or a byproduct of a fragile male ego. However, such assumptions only breed resentment.

In almost any other situation, we seek and hope for acknowledgement of our sacrifices. We want our labor, be it physical or emotional, to feel valued. It’s part of being a social species and is not contingent on gender. A man isn’t going to feel loved if what he contributes is always taken for granted.

It doesn’t have to be glowing praise. It just has to be an acknowledgement of his efforts. That makes him feel good about the contributions he makes and will only make him work harder at returning the favor, which is good for any healthy love.

Treat Him As A Partner And Not An Asset

This idea manifests in many ways, the most obvious being instances of women seeking men for the sole purpose of gaining access to their money and resources. This sort of thing isn’t new. That kind of power dynamic goes back to ancient times when wealthy kings saw women as assets just as much as they saw his wealth as an asset.

We don’t live in ancient times anymore. While we still have rich men using their wealth to hook up with beautiful women, this issue often arises among those who are not rich. Relationships may start out as loving and intimate, but can descend into a bland business partnership where the man is nothing more than a buffer against poverty.

It’s true that a man can bring things like money, resources, and the siring children to a relationship. However, that can’t be the only things of value. If men are reduced to just the things they do, then they’re not going to feel loved. They’re going to feel like a tool, one who can be easily replaced by anyone of greater means.

That’s often why men get concerned, jealous, or even paranoid when their lover treats them more like a tradeable asset rather than an equal partner. Even those who champion equality often fall into a trap that focuses only on the tangible components of that relationship. Since love is inherently intangible, it can leave things feeling unbalanced.

Don’t Treat His Interests And Hobbies As Stupid Or Juvenile

When it comes to men’s interests, there’s often a sense that they’re always immature or crude. Sports, video games, and comic books are seen as something for children. Mature men are expected to outgrow them and embrace other interests more befitting of adults. However, it’s often the case that those interests align with those favored by women.

People have all sorts of hobbies, be it watching football, building birdhouses, or trash talking one another while playing video games. While some are healthier than others, denigrating them just sends the message that you want men to build their interests around you. It’s akin to wanting them to want to do the dishes rather than just doing the dishes. One requires courtesy. The other requires the thought police.

All good relationships require some level of sacrifice, but when one side is expected to sacrifice something they love and cherish, it gives the impression that they’re not loved for who they are. They’re only loved for what someone else wants them to be. It also implies that the only way for men to love someone is for them to make their significant other the center of their world.

That may count as romance in a fairy tale, but in the real world, that’s dangerously close to obsession. Most men seeking love aren’t looking for that kind of relationship. They’re seeking someone who will love them for who they are, which includes their hobbies.

That doesn’t mean you have to share in those hobbies. If you do, that’s a nice bonus. That shouldn’t be a deal-breaker, though. A man who can keep loving the things he loves and share some of that love with someone else is going to make him that much more appreciative.

Don’t Assume He Can/Should Fix Everything

When your car breaks down, you take it to a mechanic. When your toilet backs up, you call a plumber. Most people don’t give that a second thought. The fact that many mechanics and plumbers are men is beside the point, although I’m sure that colors our perceptions about what people who fix things look like.

In any relationship, things are going to break. That’s just life. However, when the burden of fixing everything falls on the man, it creates another imbalance that can compound a bad situation.

Regardless of whether you think men are more inclined to fix things, just assuming that they can further reduces a relationship to roles. If you’re the man, you fix things. It’s not always appliances, either. If someone is upset, the man is supposed to fix it. If something goes wrong, the man is supposed to resolve it.

If a good relationship is supposed to be a partnership, then this dynamic is hardly equal. One side can’t be solely responsible for resolving every problem, be it a faulty garbage disposal or serious intimacy issues. Being in love and making your partner feel loved goes both ways. Expecting only one side to get their hands dirty and make the sacrifices isn’t going to leave someone feeling appreciated, let alone loved.

Make Your Love Feel Like A Choice Rather Than A Favor

I’ve heard more than one women, and even a few men, tell their partners they’re lucky to have them. It’s not always in a condescending sort of way, but by definition, it kind of is. It sends the message that the love they’re sharing isn’t really a matter of choice. It’s just a favor they’re giving to someone, one that can be revoked at any time.

That kind of a relationship is many things, but it is not very loving. Men jump through a lot of hoops to be with someone. I know women have challenges as well, but in the current gender climate, men are still the ones who do most of the pursuing and women are the ones making the choices. Just look at the gender disparity on dating sites for proof of that.

As a result, a relationship will feel more like a privilege than a genuine, emotional connection. It creates this dynamic where a man feels like he has to navigate a constantly-shifting set of expectations, just to keep the relationship going. The woman is the one who sets those expectations and can determine at any moment that he has failed and the relationship is over.

Again, I’m not claiming that this is how most women approach a relationship. By and large, the love they feel is real. However, a good chunk of that love is contingent on the men treating that love as a favor that is granted rather than something that’s genuine and sincere. As Chris Rock said, it’s a conditional kind of love and that love will limit any relationship in the long run.

I hope this list helps further the discussion surrounding men, love, and relationships. If you feel like I missed something or need to expand on a particular concept, please let me know in the comments. For everyone out there lucky enough to be in relationships, I hope this gives you something to think about and provides tools with which you can use to make one another feel truly loved.

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