Daily Sexy Musing: Beautiful Proposals

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In every great love story, real and fictional, a marriage proposal is often the apex of the romance. Some treat it like the final play of the Super Bowl. Others treat it like the victory parade for those who win the Super Bowl. Either way can work. There’s a reason people make a big deal of it and it’s a damn good reason.

Even if you have a very cynical view of marriage, there’s no denying the romantic power of the proposal. It’s the basis of many movies, novels, and TV shows. While some are more memorable than others, they all attempt to capture the power of this moment. In real life, people go to great lengths to make their proposal special. When done right, it’s a perfect manifestation of everything that’s great about love.

I don’t just bring this up become I’m a romance fan and an aspiring erotica/romance writer. Recently, I got some big news from a close family member of mine. Out of respect for my family, who I know reads this site from time to time, I won’t provide names or details. I’ll just say that my family now has a wedding to plan and it’s all thanks to a beautiful proposal.

Chances are I’ll be writing a lot about weddings and marriage proposals in the coming months. Given that this is a big family event, I’ll likely play a major role in making this wedding special for the bride, the groom, and both families. I’m still processing the news, but I’m also very much inspired.

It’s more than enough for a Daily Sexy Musing, but rest assured, this won’t be the only wedding-related content I make. For now, consider this an appetizer. Also, to the close family member who may be reading this, congratulations! I promise to make the big day as awesome as possible.

It starts with a thought.

In you, I see the one I love. I wake up by your side in the morning and come home to you in the evening. You are in my thoughts and dreams throughout the day. My world is tied to yours. Every vision of the future involves us together. The very concept of love begins and ends with you.

Then, it becomes an idea.

I see myself tying my life to yours. An intimate bond is not enough. We kiss, we embrace, and we make love as much as any two people can. However, these are all acts that any couple can do. What we have is special. It deserves to be special. To make it special, I seek a special affirmation.

Finally, it becomes a realization.

The recourse becomes so obvious. I love you and you love me. Our paths crossed and our lives became indelibly entwined. Chance and circumstance may have brought us together, but powerful passions formed unique bonds. I don’t just want to be your lover. A love like ours warrants something greater.

In a moment, forever etched in memory, I get down on one knee.

In a moment, born of longing, I proclaim to you the breadth of my live.

In a moment, built on a love unique to us, I ask to be with you until my dying breath.

Time stops as our hearts align. Every thought, notion, and feeling converges in a singular choice. I see tears from in your eyes. Joy and elation manifest before us both.

You say yes.

I take your hand.

We hold one another as our love takes on its ultimate form.

Our journey as lovers is complete.

Our journey as married spouses begins.

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Jack Fisher’s Predictions/Picks For The 2019 NFL Season

NFL Combine Football

It’s that wonderful, exciting, beer-soaked time of year again. A new NFL season is upon us. Football fans, like myself, have followed news, leaks, and rumors from the start of free agency to the NFL draft to the preseason. It’s all been building towards this.

We’ve all been anxiously waiting to see if our team has done enough to become a contender. There have been all sorts of bold predictions, rampant speculation, heavy hype, and even a little doom-saying. Some major stories about certain players have already thrown things into chaos. More chaos is sure to come as the season progresses. That’s part of what makes the NFL one of the best spectacles in all of sports.

Last year, I made my share of predictions. Again, I was dead wrong. I grossly overestimated how the Pittsburgh Steelers would navigate the chaos that is Le’Veon Bell and how much Kirk Cousins would underachieve after signing his historic free agency contract. This year, I’m sure I’ll make predictions that are every bit as off.

That’s another part of what makes the NFL season such entertaining. It really is unpredictable. You never know what team will go from worst to first. You never know what team will collapse. You never know when a bullshit call by the refs will cost a team a trip to the Super Bowl. You really can’t know until the games are played and it all starts tonight with the kickoff of the 2019 NFL season.

I don’t know about the rest of you, but I am ready for some football! Just as I’ve done the previous two years, I’m going to make my picks and predictions for division winners and Super Bowl contenders this season. Most of them will likely be wrong, but that’s exactly why I’ll be locked in to watch for the next several months. It’s sure to be a wild ride.


AFC East

Once again, the AFC east is the most lopsided division in the NFL. You don’t need to be a psychic to know how this one will play out. For the past two decades, the New England Patriots have dominated this division as though it were a bunch of tune-up games. I don’t see that changing this season.

The fact remains that Tom Brady has six Super Bowl rings. The New England Patriots have won this division almost every year since 2001. The only time they lost it in 2008 was when Brady was out with a knee injury. Unless he’s injured or retires, he and the Patriots will breeze through the Jets, Bills, and Dolphins.

All three of those teams are in a rebuilding phase. The only team that stands a sliver of a chance is the Jets, who have put together a decent team with Sam Darnold as their quarterback. However, neither he nor anyone else in that division is close to dethroning the Patriots. Until Brady and Belichick retire, that will not change.

Winner: New England Patriots


AFC North

Unlike the AFC East, this division has become less and less predictable with each passing season. Not long ago, the Pittsburgh Steelers were the most loaded team in the division. Their presence in the playoffs was almost a given. It was just a matter of them not underachieving at the worst possible time, which tended to happen.

Now, even with Ben Roethlisberger still playing at a high level, the Steelers have been losing ground to the Baltimore Ravens and the emerging Cleveland Browns. Last year, the Ravens really surprised everyone with how Lamar Jackson fared against top defenses. While I suspect opposing defenses will catch up with him, the team around him has what it takes to keep the Ravens competitive.

While I know the Browns have become a hot pick this season, thanks largely to some big time trades, they haven’t proved they’re capable of taking that next step. At the very least, they’ll keep the Steelers and the Ravens from running away with the division. They may even get into the playoffs as a wild card team. For now, though, I think the Ravens have the most balanced team and they’ll repeat this year.

Winner: Baltimore Ravens


AFC South

A few weeks ago, I thought I had a pretty good idea of how this division was going to play out. Then, Andrew Luck retired in the middle of the preseason at age 29. While I can’t necessarily blame him, given all the injuries he endured, his retirement caught the Indianapolis Colts off-guard and the entire AFC South, for that matter.

This division has become a lot more competitive in recent years. Both the Houston Texans and the Jacksonville Jaguars made sure that Luck’s run with the Colts was painful. His absence can only help them. While Colts do have some play-makers outside of Luck, I don’t see them as being enough to compete this year.

Instead, I think this division might end up being the most dramatic, thanks to the arrival of Nick Foles in Jacksonville. While the Texans have big names like J. J. Watt, the Jaguars have a more complete team, overall. Poor quarterback play by Blake Bortles was the only reason they came up short last year and Nick Foles is a huge upgrade over Bortles.

Let’s not forget that Foles has one thing that no other quarterback in the AFC South has, including Andrew Luck, and that’s a Super Bowl ring. This is the guy who beat Tom Brady in a shootout. He brought Philadelphia a championship. I think he’ll get the Jaguars into the playoffs and he may even do some damage.

Winner: Jacksonville Jaguars


AFC West

Last year might have marked the beginning of a new era in the AFC. The season that Patrick Mahomes had last year was nothing short of gaudy. He established the Kansas City Chiefs as an offensive powerhouse and took his team to within a few minutes of the Super Bowl. He even managed to do this during a season when Phillip Rivers had one of his best years with the Los Angeles Chargers.

I see no reason why Mahomes and the Chiefs can’t be contenders again in 2019. However, I’ve been watching football long enough to know that any team can get hot one year and fall flat the next. While I don’t see the Chiefs collapsing, I also can’t see them being as dominant as they were last year.

At the same time, I don’t see any other team in their division elevating their game enough to challenge the Chiefs. The Broncos might give them some issues with Joe Flacco, a former Super Bowl MVP, as their quarterback, but I have a feeling that Mahomes will come back down to Earth this season.

That said, I think the Chiefs have enough firepower and depth to repeat. The Raiders, Broncos, and Chargers will keep it closer this year, but not enough to get past Kansas City.

Winner: Kansas City Chiefs


NFC East

This is one of those divisions that I find frustrating because no team ever seems to sustain their success, once they get it. There hasn’t been a team to repeat as division champs since the early 2000s and I don’t see that changing this year. Between contract disputes with the Dallas Cowboys and the Philadelphia Eagles losing their former Super Bowl MVP to free agency, I’m genuinely perplexed by the NFC East this year.

That said, this division did get somewhat simpler over the offseason. Eli Manning, despite his two Super Bowl rings, keeps showing his age. The Washington Redskins lost the quarterback who was supposed to keep the team stable for the next several seasons. As a result, the NFC East is basically a two-horse race, but both horses have some open wounds.

The Eagles and the Cowboys have playoff-caliber teams. The Cowboys have been more stable, but they haven’t done much in the playoffs. They also let the drama with Ezekiel Elliot get way out of hand. I can see both teams going back to the playoffs this year, but I think the Eagles have more going for them.

Winner: Philadelphia Eagles


NFC North

This is another confusing division, but for much better reasons. This division has steadily gotten more competitive over the past several years. It was once dominated by the Green Bay Packers and their all-pro quarterback/State Farm spokesman, Aaron Rogers. For the past couple years, however, the Packers underachieved while the Chicago Bears, Minnesota Vikings, and Detroit Lions only got better.

This year could be one of the most competitive to date, for this division. You could make an argument for all four teams winning the division. You could even make an argument for them being contenders in the NFC Championship game. They all have quarterbacks that can play at a pro-bowl level and defenses that can make a difference in any given game.

I’m tempted to go with the only quarterback who has won a Super Bowl. However, with a new coach taking over and no play-makers on defense, I can’t pick the Packers to do much this year. I’m also tempted to pick the Vikings again, but until Kirk Cousins stops choking in big games, I’m going to have to go with the growing success of Chicago. They may not compete for a Super Bowl, but they will start to establish themselves this year.

Winner: Chicago Bears


NFC South

Let me make one thing clear before I break down this division. The New Orleans Saints were robbed last year. They should’ve been the team playing the Patriots in Super Bowl LIII. That bullshit no-call in the 2018 NFC Championship Game was one of the worst calls in NFL history.

That said, I think the New Orleans Saints are going to make up for that gaff this year. Drew Brees is a Hall of Fame quarterback. That much is beyond dispute. He’s got a great team around him, but the Saints have suffered two heartbreaking playoff losses in two years. At some point, that starts to wear on a team. Just ask the Buffalo Bills.

I also think the Saints benefited from a weak division in 2018, which was marred by injuries and a version of Cam Newton that was not at full strength. They won’t have those benefits in 2019. They’ll still be the team to beat. They’ll still probably make the playoffs, but I think the Falcons did enough in the offseason to bolster their team.

I know the Falcons may not have gotten over their epic collapse in Super Bowl LI, but they still have an elite quarterback in Matt Ryan and play-makers on offense that are finally healthy. That will be what tips the balance in their favor.

Winner: Atlanta Falcons


NFC West

Let me make another thing clear before I break down this division, as well. The Los Angeles Rams did not deserve to be in Super Bowl LIII, but they are still a team that can contend for a Super Bowl in 2019. They have a defense littered with Pro Bowlers and depth. They have an offense that is more balanced than almost any other team in the NFL. They can get back to the Super Bowl and they can win it.

It helps that their division is relatively weak. Other than the Seattle Seahawks, they really don’t have much in terms of obstacles. The San Francisco 49ers have a quarterback coming off a major knee injury and the Arizona Cardinals have a new coach and a new quarterback who haven’t yet learned how to win in the NFL. Their path to Super Bowl LIV is easier than most.

I admit I was among those who were very skeptical of the Rams. I thought they were just overachieving for a year or so. However, they’ve convinced me that they have what it takes to compete at a high level consistently. Their team, as well as their baby-faced coach, are young and hungry. I think they’ll take the division again. I just don’t think they can keep relying on the refs to hand them the game.

Winner: Los Angeles Rams


Super Bowl LIV Prediction

This year might be one of the least predictable years for the NFL in the past decade. We’re going into a season that has has no overly dominant team. There are a few with weak schedules and weak divisions, but that will only get you into the playoffs. It won’t carry you to a Super Bowl.

Given these uncertainties, I still have a gut feeling as to who will make it to the big game on February 2, 2020 in Miami. My gut feeling is usually wrong when it comes to sports, but right now, it’s telling me that the two teams that will face off on that day will be the Atlanta Falcons and the Kansas City Chiefs.

These are two teams with immense talent at the quarterback position. Both Matt Ryan and Patrick Mahomes are among the NFL’s elite in terms of stats and leadership. They also have defensive talent on each team that can give them an edge once they get into the playoffs.

It’ll be a close game. One is an up-and-coming star. The other is a veteran hungry to avenge a previous Super Bowl loss. It could easily become an offensive shootout. In that battle, I think the Atlanta Falcons will make just enough plays to get the victory and become Super Bowl champs in 2019.

Super Bowl LIV Final Score: Atlanta Falcons 35, Kansas City Chiefs 31


As I’ve noted before, I tend to be very wrong about predictions this early in the season. Pretty much everyone is wrong at this point. That’s what makes this time of year so exciting. With kickoff slated for later tonight, I am ready! The path to Super Bowl LIV begins now.

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Jack Fisher’s Weekly Quick Pick Comic: House of X #4

In life, there are usually a handful of moments when you can say that you’ve had your finest hour. Whether it’s winning a championship, finding the love of your life, or winning a buffalo wing eating contest, those moments are special. They reveal just how good and capable you can be. For the X-Men, “House of X #4” is that moment.

Writer Jonathan Hickman and artist Pepe Larraz have been redefining, revamping, and at times revolutionizing who the X-Men are and what they stand for. As a lifelong X-Men fan who will find any excuse to write about them, I could fill a pool with the tears of joy I’ve shed while reading this series. With “House of X #4,” however, those tears are mixed with a host of other feelings besides joy.

Since it began, House of X has put the X-Men and the entire mutant population in a bold new situation. They’re no longer hiding in fancy mansions, isolated islands, space stations, or hellish dimensions. Hickman has gone heavy on the world-building, turning the living island of Krakoa into a vast, expansive sanctuary for mutants. The results have been both functional and awe-inspiring.

However, building a new world for the mutants of the Marvel universe is just part of the story. Protecting their future and preventing their extinction at the hands of Nimrod and the Sentinels are a much larger part. That part of the story is what culminates in “House of X #4.”

It’s not overly elaborate. Hickman doesn’t try to reinvent the nuts and bolts of how the X-Men go about saving the day and their species. He simply raises the stakes while Larraz makes it a visual spectacle. It effectively builds on what was set up through the events of Powers of X and the many lives of Moira MacTaggart.

For once, the X-Men aren’t on the defensive. They’re not the ones caught off-guard by an army of Sentinels or some new mutant-killing menace. They know what’s coming. They know that Mother Mold will give rise to Nimrod and Nimrod will be the end of mutants, humans, and everything in between. Now, they’re in a position to stop it.

They don’t send the B-team for this mission, either. They throw the X-Men’s heaviest hitters with Cyclops, Wolverine, Jean Grey, Mystique, Arcangel, and Nightcrawler. They even add in some lesser-known, but still-effective names like Husk and Monet. Their mission is simple, but the logistics are not. It’s an opportunity for the X-Men to be at their best and they take full advantage of it.

The struggle is intense. The battle is dramatic. Larraz’s artwork is simply stunning every step of the way. There’s never a sense that this is a mission from which the X-Men will escape intact, unscarred, and completely triumphant. This isn’t a Saturday morning cartoon or a movie where the good guys have to win outright. This is a battle for the present and future of the X-Men. Battles like that will come at a cost.

There’s definitely a sense that this mission is a suicide mission. There’s no teasing this mission will require heavy sacrifices. That sort of thing has been par for the course with X-Men comics for years, now. After they killed Wolverine for a while, the death of any character become much more trivial.

Making anything count in any comic these days is a challenge. Fans who have been reading the books for more than a few years know that nobody stays dead, nothing remains stable, and Deadpool never shuts up. The key is giving the conflicts weight and substance. In that, Hickman definitely succeeds in “House of X #4.”

The previous issues help establish why the X-Men need to take down Mother Mold. They also establish what happens if they don’t. The past, present, and future are all at stake at the same time and for once, it’s not because someone is abusing a time machine. For any superhero comic, especially an X-Men comic, that’s nothing short of revolutionary.

It all comes down to this single mission. Cyclops takes lead. Wolverine does something incredibly badass. Nightcrawler is astonishingly charming. Jean Grey has a flare for the dramatics. Even Monet gets a chance to cut loose. It’s a dire sequence of events, but one that has depth and meaning.

If someone ever wants to show who the X-Men are and why they’ve resonated so much since the Kennedy Administration, they would be wise to cite “House of X #4.” It doesn’t just depict heroes saving the day. It shows what the X-Men are willing to fight for and sacrifice for the sake of their future.

It’s not just about defeating the villains and winning the day. There are many personal moments in this battle that show the strengths and bonds of each character. Some shine more than others, but they never stray far from what makes them great. The stakes are high, but the characters stay consistent.

At their core, the X-Men are mutants and mutants are human. They’re not these larger-than-life icons in the mold of Superman, Captain America, or Spider-Man. They’re real people who didn’t get their powers by choice or circumstance. They were born that way. They can’t escape who and what they are. They don’t want to, either. They want a future for their kind and those who hate them.

They fight for that future in “House of X #4.” They know what will happen if they lose. There’s no ambiguity in what they do or why they do it. This is just X-Men being the kinds of heroes they need to be when everything is at stake. The story isn’t over, so their finest hour may still be ahead of them. However, the astonishing events of “House of X #4” are going to be very hard to top.

 

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Six Reasons Why Hank Hill Would Be The Perfect Pimp

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Some people have a calling in life and they go to great lengths to pursue it. Not everyone has the opportunity or resources, but those who do show a genuine passion for their calling. Their talents, skills, and work ethic reveal themselves and it nicely reflects the kind of person they are.

For Hank Hill of “King of the Hill,” selling propane and propane accessories is definitely his calling. He pursues it with a passion that few can match, regardless of whether they exist in the real world or animated shows from the early 2000s. It’s a big part of his character and I’ve highlighted on multiple occasions how it reflects concepts ranging from noble masculinity to a good work ethic.

Hank is a rare breed among fictional characters. He doesn’t spend all 13 seasons of his show endlessly driving to achieve his dream job. He already has his dream job. He loves what he does and he dedicates himself to doing well. It’s part of what makes him a respectable, engaging character.

While I don’t deny Hank Hill’s passion for propane and propane accessories, I would also make the argument that the same skills with which he does that job so well also makes him perfectly suited for another job, namely that of a pimp. As it just so happens, it’s a job he briefly did in Season 5, Episode 13, “Ho Yeah!

Granted, he did that job unknowingly, as Hank can be laughably oblivious at times, but that one episode has always been a personal favorite of mine. In watching it multiple times, it convinced me of something. Hank Hill, armed with the same skills that help him sell propane and propane accessories, would make the perfect pimp.

I know the popular image of pimps is mixed, at best. Some that has more to do with the illegality of prostitution, which I’ve talked about before, but it’s the world’s oldest profession for a reason. Where there are prostitutes, there are also people who manage them. Call them what you want. Pimp just happens to be the most comprehensive in a modern context.

Setting aside the legality of prostitution and the less-than-respectable behavior associated with pimps, I contend that Hank would be able to navigate the world of prostitution and pimping better than almost anyone, fictional or otherwise. He would set a gold standard in how to succeed in this lurid industry in all the right ways for all the right reasons.

What follows are six reasons that I believe prove that Hank Hill would make the perfect pimp. Having seen every episode of “King of the Hill” and researched the sex industry, I’ll try to make my points as effectively as possible. In the spirit of Hank’s dedication to getting the job done, I can do no less.


Reason #1: He Makes Customer Satisfaction A Top Priority

In the context of prostitution, customer satisfaction may seem like an afterthought and for good reason. It’s a service that involves providing intimacy and pleasure to a client in one of the most basic ways possible. Aside from connecting prostitutes with clients, how can a pimp affect this?

This is where Hank’s unceasing dedication to customer service comes in. Throughout many episodes in “King of the Hill,” he puts satisfying the customer first. His approach is simple. If the customer is satisfied, then both the products and the business take care of themselves.

This is wonderfully demonstrated in Season 7, Episode 16, “The Miseducation of Bobby Hill” in which Hank’s customer-oriented sales tactics win out over the less scrupulous approach that Bobby tried. As is often the case, Hank emphasizes doing things the right way and not in the way that’s most expedient.

As a pimp, Hank would definitely emphasis this for those working for him. Just as he tried to do with Bobby, he would preach customer satisfaction over money or expediency. He would tell them not to do the bare minimum. He believes in making sure customers are fully satisfied with their service and then some.

That kind of satisfaction breeds customer loyalty. In any industry, including prostitution, a loyal customer base goes a long way towards success. It’s why companies like Apple can get away with charging extra for their products. They’ve earned their consumer’s loyalty. For Hank, that loyalty is often more valuable than money.


Reason #2: He Commands Loyalty For The Right Reasons

This builds directly off the first reason, but it goes beyond just satisfying the customer. For Hank Hill, loyal customers aren’t just an important component of sales. Loyalty from co-workers and superiors is every bit as important. That loyalty isn’t given to him, either. He earns it, even when the people he works with don’t make it easy for him.

A prostitute working for Hank Hill wouldn’t be expected to give their loyalty by default. He would earn that loyalty by demonstrating how hard he’s willing to work. He would set an example for those around him. That means showing up on time, responding to calls or complaints, and resolving conflicts quickly and effectively.

While the propane industry is very different from the sex industry, I would argue the value of loyalty is much greater in prostitution. One of the key responsibilities of a pimp or manager is to ensure that those around them feel safe, secured, and valued. At no point in any episode of “King of the Hill” does he ever see his fellow employees as cogs in a machine.

He calls people by their first name. He treats them with the same respect that he seeks. For prostitutes, who are more likely to deal with difficult customers than propane salesmen, this kind of dedication is invaluable. They would feel safe and comfortable going to Hank with their issues and feel confident that he could resolve them.

If satisfying the customer is the top priority, then earning the loyalty of employees is a close second. Hank dedicates himself to both. It helped Strickland Propane succeed over the course of 13 seasons. It would serve him well as a pimp.


Reason #3: He Sets High Standards For Employees, Products, And Services

You could accuse Hank Hill a lot of things. He can be uptight, dense, and exceedingly set in his ways. He’ll even get upset when his favorite mower is revamped. However, nobody will ever accuse him of having low standards.

When it comes to his job, Hank sets the bar high for everything. Whether it’s the quality of the grill or the safety of a propane tank, he will never settle for anything sub-standard. Maintaining that quality for both products and services are critical in every industry. Prostitution is no exception.

Hank would not be the kind of pimp who encourages his prostitutes to do the bare minimum. Anyone could get a customer off. He would set his sights higher for both his customers and his prostitutes. He would expect them to go the extra mile with respect to serving the customer and presenting themselves as a competent employee.

He wouldn’t just bark orders, though. In multiple episodes, Hank is shown doing everything from polishing propane tanks to arranging the grills. For his prostitutes, he would make sure that their clothes, their makeup, and whatever accessories they might use are of the highest quality. He would not settle for trashy or dirty. That would be like selling a rusty propane tank.

I imagine some of the prostitutes would be annoyed by such standards, but those who take it seriously would reap the benefits. Those who don’t abide by those standards would either be let go or would never work with him in the first place. Hank is not one to just tell people the right way to do things. He lets the results speak for themselves and most of the time, they prove him right.


Reason #4: He Dedicated Himself To His Work And Maintains A Working Knowledge Of Everything It Involves

To succeed in any industry, it helps to have in-depth knowledge of it. When it comes to propane, you won’t find many people who are as knowledgeable or informed as Hank Hill. He knows propane and propane accessories. It’s not just facts and details, either. His face lights up whenever people talk about it. When something happens in the propane world, he knows about it.

That kind of dedication is just as important in sex work. Most people know how sex works in the same way they know how a grill works. However, only someone as knowledgeable as Hank understands the nuts and bolts to it all. Imagine if someone had the same working knowledge of sex work as Hank does with propane. That kind of expertise would go a long way.

As a pimp truly dedicated to his craft, Hank would understand the workings of successful sex work the same way he does with grills. He would know the difference between an effective tool and a trendy gimmick. For the prostitutes and the clients they serve, it would maintain those high standards he sets.

Beyond just knowing his trade, Hank would go out of his way to educate others. In the show, he never misses an opportunity to tell someone about propane. As a pimp, he would never hesitate to tell an aspiring prostitute how to do their job well. Like any profession, people may think they know what it entails, but someone like Hank would be able to help them see the forest from the trees.


Reason #5: He Treats His Employees Fairly And Goes Out Of His Way To Support Them

Throughout the course of “King of the Hill,” the employees of Strickland Propane rarely change. While most of them are background characters, some distinguish themselves more than others. Some episodes focus entirely on Hank helping them deal with their issues, even when it doesn’t involve their work.

That’s because, as I noted earlier, Hank doesn’t see his employees as cogs in a machine. He treats them like human beings. If they have an issue, he’ll help them as best he can. He’s always honest, transparent, and genuine with them.

Those practices are even more effective as a pimp. Prostitution is an intimate business, in more ways than one. They’re selling more than just a product. They’re selling an experience. Having someone like Hank, who supports them and treats them fairly, would go a long way towards helping them deliver that experience.

Beyond just being there for them, Hank is also someone who understands that work life is work life and personal life is none of his business. He’s not the kind of person who micromanages his employees when they’re off the clock. In fact, he sets clear and unambiguous boundaries about what constitutes work and what constitutes personal affairs.

In an industry where pimps have been known to micromanage prostitutes to an egregious extent, Hank Hill would offer the perfect balance. He would give prostitutes an ability to separate their life as a sex worker from the personal life they’re trying to build. For those looking for a job and not wanting it to define them, this would set Hank apart from other pimps in the best possible way.


Reason #6: He’s Willing To Kick An Ass When It Needs To Be Kicked

I don’t think I need to make an elaborate argument for this reason. Hank Hill’s ability and willingness to kick ass is well documented throughout the show. Generally, he avoids confrontations, but he will kick an ass when it needs to be kicked. He even proved that in “Ho Yeah!” when he took on another pimp who dared to challenge him. Needlessly to say, Hank won.

As dedicated as Hank is to serving customers and helping employees, he has a limit to how much bullshit he’ll endure. If someone dares cross a certain threshold, he won’t hesitate to respond. If someone disrespects one of his prostitutes or even his loyal customers, he won’t hold back. He’ll kick all the asses that need kicking.

For his prostitutes, it only deepens that loyalty he so values. Even other clients could appreciate that. Hank Hill may be uptight and uncompromising, but he doesn’t give a pass to people who cross lines that shouldn’t be crossed. He will kick ass and he’ll make sure he kicks the right ones.


There are probably many other reasons why Hank Hill would make a great pimp. If you have a few I didn’t mention, please share them in the comments. Hank is a great character and “King of the Hill” did plenty to show why he’s so compelling.

Even though his pimping potential may never be realized, but even Tammi, the secret prostitute at the center of the “Ho Yeah!” episode, told him outright that he would be a great pimp. I just don’t think she realized how right she was.

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“Summer’s End” A Sexy Short Story (For Labor Day 2019)

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The following is a sexy short story to help celebrate Labor Day 2019. I know I wrote a sexy short story for Labor Day last year. I thought it turned out well, so I wrote another one. I hope this helps everyone cap off their summer in the best possible way. Enjoy!

“To another great summer!”

“Here, here!”

That was the toast that Calvin Price’s father gave an hour ago. It capped off his family’s annual Labor Day barbecue, much to the praise of their relatives, neighbors, and friends. Many of them were still outside in the backyard of his suburban house, drinking whatever beer remained in the several coolers his Uncle Ronnie brought. He could still hear them laughing and chatting from his bedroom window.

In every previous year, Calvin – or Cal, as most people called him – would’ve been down there with them. He’d been at every one of these Labor Day parties since he was a kid. His father, a successful financial consultant and prominent community leader had been throwing them since before he and his two younger sisters were born. They acted as a definitive transition point, ending summer and everything with it.

That used to not bother Cal. He enjoyed a good barbecue as much as anyone. However, a lot had changed this past summer. A lot was going to change over the next nine months as he entered his senior year of high school. Looking out into yard from his bedroom, he contemplated the breadth of those changes.

“My last summer before my last year of high school,” Cal said to himself as he leaned next to the window. “Is it supposed to feel this daunting?”

That sounded like a loaded question. The last year of high school was supposed to be daunting. More than one relative had already asked him about college, careers, and all sorts of topics that reminded him he wasn’t a kid anymore.

He usually smiled and gave them a generic answer about focusing on the upcoming school year. What he said didn’t match up with how he felt. If anything, the end of the summer left Cal feeling something other than the pressures of another year in high school.

“Burned out already, Cal?” came an unexpected, but welcome voice. “If so, then I fear for your attendance record this year.”

“Hey Briana,” Cal replied with a humored grin. “I take it you got tired of my Aunt Grace’s scrutiny.”

“What makes you say that? I just love spending hours with your bitterly divorced Aunt,” she replied with scathing sarcasm. “What girlfriend wouldn’t enjoy her endless scrutiny?”

“She’s just being protective. I am her favorite nephew, after all.”

“That’s just because she doesn’t have kids of her own to baby. I swear she thinks I’m just with you because my dad partnered with yours last year.”

“Well, that is how we met,” Cal reminded her. “I guess she just doesn’t believe people can form healthy relationships from random circumstances.”

“For a woman who met her ex-husband in traffic court, that’s just hypocritical.”

They both laughed and it felt good. Cal needed something to take his mind off the end of the summer. Brianna Westly had a knack for doing that. It was one of the many reasons they got together several months back.

If anything, this past summer had been defined by his first girlfriend. While Cal had pursued cute girls before, Brianna was the first girl he formally dated. She came into his life unexpectedly. Her father moved into the area earlier that spring as part of a deal with his father’s company. They first met at a formal meet-and-greet that he didn’t even want to go to. From there, sparks flew, phone numbers were exchanged, and things got serious.

His mother and friends thought it was just some summer fling. It certainly had all the qualities of one. They met suddenly and progressed quickly, so much so that they snuck out a few nights to hang out at strip mall several blocks away. They’d even been intimate a few times. While she wasn’t his first sexual experience, she was his most meaningful.

Now, on the eve of Labor Day, a burning question remained. Would that meaning go beyond summer?

“You’ve got that brooding look again,” Brianna said, taking on a serious demeanor as she approached him.

“I hate that you know me that well already,” Cal said with a half-grin.

“What can I say? You’re that transparent,” she said as she leaned on the wall next to him.

“Then, I’ll skip the part where I lie to you about everything being okay,” he told her, “because honestly, this year’s Labor Day party feels different. And it’s not just because school is starting and I already miss sleeping in on weekdays.”

“So what is it? Does it have to do with us?”

Cal shifted awkwardly. He wasn’t ready to have this conversation, but Brianna wasn’t the kind of girl who brushed things off. That just wasn’t her style. It might have been for the best, given the situation.

“It partly involves us,” Cal conceded.

“How big a part?” she asked curiously.

“Bigger than I can put into words, but not enough to cover the full story,” he answered. “All my life, Labor Day was just the day I capped off my summer, prepared for school, and daydreamed about next summer. It was bittersweet, but in a good way.”

“It probably helps that your dad throws awesome Labor Day parties,” she pointed out.

“It certainly doesn’t hurt, that’s for sure. But this year, it’s not just the end of summer. It feels like the end of something more. I’ve been doing things a certain way all my life. And it’s worked, for the most part. But next summer, I can’t do things the same way. I have to figure out a new way.”

“It’s daunting, I know. I imagine everyone in our class feels like that today.”

“That’s just it. How I feel about school, this summer, and next summer is so different,” Cal said in a more serious tone, “and you’re a big reason why, Brie.”

He reached over and slipped his arm around her waist. He invited her to get closer and share his intimate warmth. She accepted without hesitation.

Being so close to her reminded him just how different this past summer had been. He’d never had a serious girlfriend before. Much of their relationship had been formed by the events of the past few months. It completely changed how he saw the events that awaited.

“Remember when we first went out? And your sister just rolled her eyes when I picked you up?” he asked. “I believe her exact words were stupid puppy love.”

“It was actually bullshit puppy love, but close enough,” Brianna replied.

“That’s what a lot of people thought. They saw us and they still saw a couple of teenagers who didn’t know what the hell they were doing. Maybe we didn’t at first, but then…”

His words trailed off. As the memories of the past summer played out, he deepened his embrace with her. He recalled their first date, their first kiss, the first time they had sex, and even that embarrassing time his mother caught them fooling around in his dad’s shed. Altogether, those moment came to define his summer. Holding her in his arms, Cal entertained ideas on how it might define his life beyond that.

Brianna must have been entertaining similar ideas. She affectionately wrapped her arm around his neck and caressed his unshaven face, gazing into his eyes with affection that did not match that of an immature teenager. It was a look he’d seen a lot more frequently as the summer neared its end. Now, it had even greater meaning.

“And now, here we are,” Brianna said, putting into words what he could not, “still together and sharing more than just fond summer memories.”

“That’s what makes Labor Day feel so different this time around,” he continued. “I’ve got something from summer other than good memories. I’ve got something…someone that I want to take with me into whatever comes next. And with this being our last year in high school, a lot is coming.”

“That’s for sure,” she said. “The fact you want me along for that ride says a lot about us.”

“It says even more about what you mean to me.”

Still standing so close, the warmth of their bodies mixing despite the summer heat, he caressed her face with both hands. As he looked into her eyes, he tried to convey just how much she meant to him. Cal wasn’t good with words. It was one of the reasons he hadn’t had a serious girlfriend before Brianna.

She was a special girl. She could sense what he was trying to say, even when he couldn’t say it. She must have sensed quite a bit because he could feel her trembling in his arms.

“Damn it, Cal. Why do you have to do this when I still smell like barbecue sauce and brussels sprouts?” Brianna asked, her voice cracking under the emotions.

“It’s your fault for cutting in line to get my mom’s burgers,” he teased curtly.

“Guess it’s also my fault I fell for a guy like you…a guy I just thought would show me the ropes in this town. Now, I can’t imagine getting through the next nine months without you.”

“You won’t have to,” said Cal strongly. “Everyone else keeps calling us a summer fling. But we know it’s more than that. I want to make it more than that.”

“So do I, but we picked a hell of a time to get serious,” she added. “High school, college applications, fall sports, our dads working together…we’re basically jumping over this cliff together and hoping we don’t land on jagged rocks.”

“I’m willing to take that leap. I’m even willing to bet we can land on those rocks and come out stronger. You’ve made this past summer so special for me, Brie. Now, on the day our summer ends, I’d like to make every other season just as special.”

It marked the first time that Cal had ever articulated a complicated feeling in just a handful of words. It was both fitting and cathartic, telling Brianna the depths of his feelings for her. It had been a laborious struggle, but with it being Labor Day, his timing couldn’t have been better.

“Oh Cal,” Brianna said with that beaming smile of hers, “that’s the sweetest, most heartfelt thing I’ve ever heard.”

“Thanks,” he said, blushing somewhat under her gaze. “I’m honestly surprised I managed to say it.”

“It’s a good thing you did,” she said, “because now, I can tell you how I feel about this past summer too…and how I feel about everything else moving forward.”

She made her point, as only she could. In the light of the setting sun on Labor Day, she kissed him. It was no ordinary kiss, though. Through her lips, warmth, and touch, she told him everything she needed to say.

That was another thing about Brianna that Cal had come to love. She could convey so much with so little. Sometimes, she didn’t even need words. Her actions conveyed the necessary meaning. With her, there was no ambiguity.

She loved him.

She loved him every bit as much as he loved her.

This past summer might have brought them together, but on the eve of Labor Day, they saw just how far they’d come. Moreover, there was still time to do more.

“Brianna…the door,” Cal gasped as the kiss intensified.

Their lips parted briefly and she cast him a knowing smile. They’d shared enough tender moments in his bedroom to know when their passions escalated beyond a certain point. That often meant taking a few precautions to preserve the moment.

Without saying a word, Cal broke the embrace and closed his bedroom door. He quickly took her in his arms again and resumed their heated kissing. He also grew bolder with his touching, trailing his hand down her waist, hips, and thighs. She returned the favor, feeling around his arms and reaching up his shirt. With each intimate touch, affection turned to desire. Before long, he began guiding her to the bed.

“Cal,” she gasped in between their heated gestures, “your parents and mine…they’re right outside.”

“So long as there’s beer in those coolers, they’ve no reason to come back in,” Cal told her.

“It’s not just that. If this is the end of our summer…the end of the summer that brought us together…then I want it to be special.”

“In other words, you don’t want interruptions.”

“Not for this. Definitely not for this.”

She kissed him again. They’d reached the bed. By now, his pants felt uncomfortably tight. He also noticed Brianna rubbing her thighs together. She felt it too. The desire had escalated beyond that special barrier. To fully express their love, they needed more than simple kissing.

“The sun is still out. My dad hasn’t turned down the music. We’ve got time,” Cal said with a confidence he knew turned her on.

“You sure it’s enough?” she asked curtly.

“This is the official end of our summer,” he said. “Don’t you want to end it with a bang?”

“Of course, I do…in more ways than one.”

“Then, we’ve all the incentive we need to make sure it’s enough.”

He made it sound like he wasn’t the least bit worried about someone barging in, just as they were in the middle of getting intimate. In the back of his mind, it was a concern. His parents had rules about him and Brianna being behind closed doors for extended periods. However, there was a time and place to break those rules. This was definitely one of them.

“That might be the sexiest logic I’ve ever heard,” she said to him while pressing her thigh up against his groin.

“I had no idea that turns you on,” said Cal in his manliest tone.

“Make sense of it later. Right now, let’s get out of these itchy clothes!”

They smiled and laughed playfully as the passion resumed. Together, they climbed up onto the bed, kissing and pawing one another, building arousal and loosening clothes. Their love was real, but he and Brianna were still a couple of horny teenagers.

Once on the bed, clothes started coming off quickly. His shirt was the first to go. Brianna’s tank top, sandals, and shorts followed suit. In just her bra and panties, she practically tackled him to the bed so she could get his jeans and boxers off. By the time she tossed them across his room, he already had a semi-hard cock. As she so often did in their intimate moments, Brianna made it a point to maximize his arousal.

“Lie back,” she told him. “Let me add to the incentive.”

“Incentive…right,” Cal said, already breathless.

Trusting her and her motivations, he laid down atop the comforter and let his lover work her sensual magic. She looked like an angel in the late afternoon twilight, hovering over him and tempting him with her loving gaze. She kept that gaze squarely on him as she trailed her lips down his neck, chest, and abdomen. Along the way, she grabbed hold of his growing cock and stroked it.

He tensed under her firm, yet loving grip. She knew how to get his blood flowing in all the right directions. As Brianna stoked the flames of his arousal, she removed her bra, revealing her perfectly round breasts. She used both them and her lips to step up the passion.

“Cal…my sweet, caring boyfriend,” Brianna said through seductive purrs. “You’ve given me so much. I want to return the favor.”

She did plenty to deliver. With the utmost care and sensuality, she licked and suckled his hardened cock. She wasn’t hard or sloppy. She never made oral sex look dirty or lurid. She approached it like any other loving gesture. It was part of what made their love lives special.

“Oh Brainna…so much,” Cal gasped. “You give me…so much too.”

With each subtle act, she heightened his desire. She even used her breasts as well, sliding it between her fleshy mounds to really maximize the arousal. It worked perfectly. Cal grunted and panted in accord with her gestures, reaching over and lightly running his fingers through her hair. Her eyes never diverted from his every step of the way.

They hadn’t been together for very long, but he and Brianna learned quickly how to set the mood for sex. She knew what got him going. He knew what turned her on. He had every intention of maximizing his intimate knowledge. For his lover, she deserved nothing less.

“I’m ready,” he told her.

“Mmm…so am I,” she said.

With more motivation than most teen lovers, Cal drew his love back up into his arms so that she was on top of him. From there, he rolled her over so that she was the one on her back. He then removed her panties and tossed them across the room, rendering her as naked as him.

Now hovering over her, her naked body glowing in the warm twilight, Cal looked at her with love and awe. If it hadn’t set in earlier, then it certainly set in now. He loved this woman. He loved her and he was going to make love to her.

“Cal…I want you. I want this,” Brianna said to him.

“I want it too,” he said to her, already breathing heavily.

“Then, please…take me.”

Rather than waste time putting his emotions into words, Cal let his actions once again do the talking. He followed the intense love and lust between them. She eagerly welcomed him into her intimate embrace, wrapping her legs around his waist while holding onto his shoulders. Their naked skin now touching, he aligned his hips with hers, the tip of his manhood rubbing against her moist folds.

With their eyes locked and so many wordless sentiments flowing between them, he thrust forward and entered her. As soon as he felt her hot, womanly depths embrace his masculine flesh, a more profound act unfolded.

“Cal…ohhh Cal!” Brianna gasped.

“Brianna…my sweet Brianna,” he replied.

The connection was complete.

The flow of passion commenced.

He and Brianna began making love.

He began working his body along hers, digging his knees and feet into the bed to help set that perfect sensual rhythm. It wasn’t too rough or too fast. He and Brianna weren’t that kind of couple. They learned quickly that they preferred a gentler, steadier form of sex. It was quality over quantity, making each thrust, touch, and gasp count. It gave harmony and spectacle to their love. For a moment like this, there was no need to push their bodies or their hearts.

As they settled into that balanced pace, they shared soft kisses and loving gestures. Brianna playfully tickled his shoulder while nibbling on his lower lip. She knew he liked that. He squeezed her butt and caressed her face. He knew she loved that too. They went the extra mile in making their sex special, giving every blissful sensation greater meaning.

That involved more than just standard missionary style sex. Brianna usually let him set the tone, trusting him to get those sensual feelings going. Then, she stepped in and shared in the effort. They mixed things up, orienting and arranging their bodies in various intimate configurations.

For a while, she was on top, working her hips and riding him like a sex goddess from Heaven. After that, he laid her on her side, making love to her at a different angle that helped her show off her flexibility. They made the most of his undersized bed, moving and working their naked bodies in an intimate heat. It was as though they were capturing that last bit of summer heat. Based on the sweat they’d worked up, it was safe to say they succeeded.

“We’re doing it. We’re really…really doing it,” Cal said in the heat of the moment.

His impassioned words went beyond the sex. He and Brianna weren’t just making love. They were completing a journey that started at the beginning of the summer came into focus. While another one awaited them, it was a journey worth celebrating.

“Cal…I’m close,” Brianna said as the heat and the passion prepared to culminate. “I’m really…really close.”

“So am I,” he said, his voice laced with masculine grit.

“Let’s share this…together.”

“Together.”

As he and Brianna neared their final peak, they found themselves in the center of his bed. They were each in an upright position, their naked skin glowing under the light of the setting sun. She clung to his neck while rocking her hips with his, her throbbing womanhood slithering along his manly length. He clung to her hips, bracing himself for that coming release. He could tell she was close too.

The way her expression shifted and her body trembled made it clear. She was about to come. They were going to take a dip in that special ocean of ecstasy and they were going to dive in together. It was a challenge, coordinating their bodies and passions in just the right way. For a couple horny teenagers, it was next to impossible. For him and Brianna, it came together perfectly.

“Oohhh Cal!”

“Brianna!”

In a moment that felt like the ultimate Labor Day celebration, they both climaxed. It was almost simultaneous. His dick throbbed and his lower body trembled under the weight of his release. Brianna dug her nails into his neck, arched her back, and curled her toes as she got hers.

A wave of ecstasy washed over them.

A culmination of passions came pouring out.

Together, they lingered in that moment, holding and caressing one another. He didn’t say a word and neither did she. Their eyes and gasps told the entire story of their blossoming love. What began as a summer romance had become so much more. While Labor Day meant their summer vacation was over, their love was just beginning.

Once the orgasmic fervor passed, their flesh parted and they fell back onto the bed together. Cal kept her in his arms while she curled up next to him, resting her head on his chest. As they panted heavily, their bodies trembling within their intimate embrace, he gazed into her eyes. In a moment that was an entire summer in the making, he made his feelings for known.

“I love you,” he told her.

“I love you too,” Brianna replied, casting him another beaming smile.

“This…was a summer to remember.”

“That, it was. And we capped it off with a hell of a Labor Day!”

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Jack Fisher’s Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Labor Day 2019 Edition

sexy woman in work overalls with a wrench

Some holidays are cherished solely because they mean getting a day off work or school. There’s no elaborate decorations, gift exchanges, or social rituals. It’s just a day in which society collectively decides is a holiday. There’s nothing wrong with that. I’m all for having an extra day off work or school, but sometimes it undercuts the greater intent behind a holiday.

For many people, Labor Day is just some arbitrary holiday. However, it does have a noteworthy history here in the United States. As a kid, I certainly didn’t appreciate it. To me, Labor Day was just the day before I had to go back to school. Then, I became an adult and learned why this day became a holiday in the first place. In that sense, I’ve come to appreciate it more.

People work hard. Whether it’s to improve their lives or keep society going, we all have to do our part to keep this wondrous civilization going. Like all things, there’s a spectrum. It is possible to work too hard and miss out on life. It’s just as possible to work too little and not appreciate what we’ve collectively built as a species. A holiday like Labor Day helps put that into perspective.

It’s not just a day off. It’s a recognition of how far we’ve come, both as a civilization and as a society that values workers. At a time when wealth inequality is expanding all over the world, it’s an important lesson to learn. For that reason, I proudly dedicate this edition of my Sexy Sunday Thoughts to the spirit of Labor Day 2019 and all those who work hard to keep this world going. Enjoy!


“From an evolutionary standpoint, oral sex can’t be enjoyable beyond a certain point.”


“Time may heal all wounds and laughter may be the best medicine, but great sex will make you feel the healthiest.”


“The first love poem was probably an elaborate form of flirting that worked exceedingly well.”


“On some levels, dating is investing in a stock in which dividends are paid out in orgasms.”


“Boring sex is like cheap candy in that, even at its lowest quality, it’s still appealing.”


“When it comes to seeking love, your brain is basically the lawyer mediating your heart and genitals.”


“Being a fool for love is not the same as being an idiot trying to get laid.”


Once again, in the spirit of Labor Day, I hope everyone takes a moment to appreciate and respect the role of workers in our society. Without that labor, we literally would not have a society to function. In that sense, we’ve all earned a day off. To those who still have to work today, I sincerely thank you. Hopefully, we all get a chance to enjoy the fruits of our labor. As workers, we’ve earned it.

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Quick Announcement: Sexy Short Stories Plans

I know Saturday is usually when I post a sexy short story. I pride myself on being consistent with updates on this site and believe me, I’ve been working on those stories. I have plenty more to tell and I fully intend to share them.

This past week, however, a few things came up that kept me from finishing a story on time. One of those things actually involves another sexy short story that I’ve been writing for Labor Day. I know I already have a Labor Day themed story, but I wanted to write another. I thought I would finish it and have plenty of time to complete another one that I’ve been working on for over a week. Then, life happened and I couldn’t.

Rest assured, I will finish. I will keep posting these sexy short stories and sharing them. I apologize that I was unable to finish one for today. I hope to make up for it with the upcoming Labor Day story. I also hope the other story I’ve been working on is worth the wait.

Thanks for your understanding and your patience. Good things are worth waiting for. Sexy things are even more worth it. I hope to continually prove that with each story I write.

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Daily Sexy Musing: Romantic Systems

Happy couple

When it comes to love, having a system rarely evokes romantic connotations. If you heard a couple claim they had their relationship down to a system, you might think that sounds boring. You would imagine their relationship being defined by routine and regiments. On the surface, that doesn’t sound very sexy.

However, systems aren’t the same as routines. Systems have a different definition and it’s not restricted to technical support manuals or math problems. It is possible to build a relationship around a particular system. I would even argue that relationships with those systems are among the most functional relationships you can get.

I know this because I know couples who have honed their relationship into a well-oiled machine. They know how to relate to one another. They know how to resolve conflicts and share their lives. It even extends to their sex life. They’ll be the first to tell you that having a robust system in bed goes a long way towards a satisfying love life.

Every couple is different. Every couple will create their own system. Those who put in the time and effort can make one that works. It’s not easy. It’s not even possible for some couples, but when it works, it’s a beautiful thing and it’s worth celebrating. Consider this Daily Sexy Musing as a small part of that wonderful system. Enjoy!

I know the time.

I know the place.

I know your method.

I know your body and you know mine.

Our love is a work of art, encased within a scientific miracle. Like a well-oiled engine with unlimited fuel or a sculpture polished to perfection, we’ve done all the work. We’ve made all the tweaks. You know what I want and I know what you want. Together, we the tools and the scheme to make our love work.

What began with a spark has become a steady flame. Through time and toil, learning and listening, we worked together to make this love more than a fleeting passion. It wasn’t easy, nor should it have been. A love like this needs more than just old memories feeding new ones. It needs a method fueled by desire, sparked by longing.

We put in the effort.

We made the adjustments.

We exercised patience.

The results are as beautiful as they are satisfying.

Together, we make it work through the toughest of times. Then, when the times are good, we make them even better. It’s not just a process that we’ve mastered. It’s a foundation that we can build upon. Our love gave us the fire, but our system gave us the forge.

With it, a simple date can be a romantic moment.

With it, a quiet night can be a treasured memory.

With it, a normal day can evoke extraordinary feelings.

With you, I am greater than whole. To me, you are the great beyond brought within my reach. I can feel you without a touch and you know my love without words. There’s no doubt, dread, or uncertainty. In each other, there is trust.

Our love is an ongoing process.

Our love is a wondrous system.

More than anything else. Our love works.

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Daily Sexy Musing: Romantic Sparks

ff84b2007f4720b519e65f31020af95a

As an admitted romantic, I find it fascinating how people describe love. Beyond the sexier descriptions, there’s a lengthy list of metaphors and colloquialisms we use for various stages of love. Whether it’s the first time we lay eyes on someone we love or the way we feel on our 50th wedding anniversary, there’s a metaphor for everything.

One of my personal favorites involves love being a fury of sparks. You’ve probably heard it from more than one couple. Two people start hanging out. It’s not always love at first sight, but then chemistry emerges. They start enjoying each other’s company. The next thing they know, sparks fly and things get more intimate.

I like this description because I think it nicely mirrors the overall process of romance. It doesn’t happen all at once, but it’s not a slow burn, either. Every flame, be it a candle or a raging wildfire, starts with a spark. Not every spark turns into a healthy flame, but every flame needs that spark to get going. Love works in a similar way.

The sparks are the foundation. They’re the catalyst that ignites the chemistry. It’s what turns an otherwise platonic connection into something deeper. It often starts small, but it grows into something much bigger. That growth is where all the larger complexities of romance occur, but it starts with those sparks.

I’ve experienced it before with the relationships I’ve had. I’m sure many others have felt it, as well. It’s exciting and thrilling. It gets your heart, your thoughts, and other parts of your body racing. This Daily Sexy Musing is not going to match it, but I hope it gives everyone an appreciation for those simple sparks on which all great romances are built. Enjoy!

In a sea of figures, faces, and bodies, I feel lost. Everyone is so different, but so similar. Nothing they do seems to stand out. I walk by them and they walk by me, as though we’re just shadows cast by trees and hills. There’s no connection or bond. I’m totally adrift in a sea of people.

Then, our paths cross and I am no longer lost.

We know each other, but there’s nothing mundane about our connection. In a crowd, I can find you. In you, I don’t just see a face, a body, and a collection of mannerisms. I know your kinks, quirks, and secrets. You know mine, just as well. We don’t know them all, but we’re very curious.

From that curiosity comes new energy.

From that energy comes new intrigue.

From that intrigue comes new feelings.

At the center of those feelings is a fury of sparks that shoot out in all directions.

It’s there whenever I’m around you. The air gets a little hotter, the sun shines a little brighter, and every word we say gains greater meaning. Like a magnetic force or the pull of gravity, we’re drawn together. The closer we get, the more intense the sparks.

With them, our passions ignite.

With them, our souls connect.

With them, our lives entwine.

It starts small, but blossoms beautifully. Like fuel for an engine, our love is its own wondrous flame.

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Five Terrible Life Lessons I Learned From Sitcoms

featuuuure

As a kid, I loved cartoons and comics. I think I’ve made my love of superhero comics abundantly clear on multiple occasions. However, I had other guilty pleasures as a kid that weren’t as common. Among those pleasures were sitcoms.

I’m not just referring to the popular or iconic ones, either. There was a time in my life where I would literally watch any sitcom that happened to be on TV at the moment. It didn’t matter if the premise was stupid. I still watched and I still enjoyed it. I certainly have my favorites. “Married With Children” and “Malcom in the Middle” are near the top of that list.

A big part of that love came from how I consumed them. My awesome mother also enjoyed sitcoms. I often watched them with her. She even let me watch sitcoms with themes that weren’t exactly kid friendly. That didn’t stop us from laughing hysterically at episodes of “Seinfeld” together. Those were good times.

As fun as they were, I also feel like I gleaned some less-than-helpful lessons from those shows. Unlike cartoons or kids shows, sitcoms involve real people who deal with real situations. I wasn’t the smartest kid, but I knew a show that involved superheroes, killer robots, and talking turtles was wholly unrealistic. Most kids with functional brains know that.

Sitcoms were a bit trickier. When the people are real and the scenarios look real, your inexperienced can’t always make sense of it. Even as an adult, the message of a sitcom can become muddled, even if it’s not based on a ridiculous premise.

Since I probably watched more sitcoms as a kid than most people did as an adult, I think I’ve been exposed to those misguided messages more than most. As a result, I learned plenty of terrible life lessons that did not help when reality hit me with a few gut punches.

I’m not saying that sitcoms were the reasons for my problems, growing up. I don’t blame the sitcoms themselves. I think that, in terms of the bigger picture, the themes of these shows tend to get complicated when it clashes with reality. In the same way fairy tales and porn create unrealistic expectations of romance and sex, sitcoms present false assumptions for making sense of the world.

What follows are five of those terrible lessons that I surmised from my excessive sitcom assumption. If you have other lessons you’d like to add, please share them in the comments. Some sitcoms tell better lessons than others, but these are some of the worst.


Terrible Lesson #1: All Great Romances Begin As Friendships

This lesson preyed off my inherent love of romance. While superhero comics offered plenty in terms of in-depth romance and melodrama, sitcoms were a bit more limited, thanks to their half-hour format. It was a tough, but not insurmountable limitation. Unfortunately, a great many sitcoms relied heavily on flawed, incomplete concepts of romance.

The most common involved romances that begin as friendships. Shows like “Friends” built almost every meaningful romance around this concept. While it wasn’t the only sitcom that did this, it’s by far the worst offender in sending the message that an epic romance starts with a great friendship.

While that makes for good TV, it’s a very flawed approach in the real world. I’m not saying that being friends with someone can’t lead to meaningful romance. It definitely can. However, shows like “Friends” give the impression that this is the only romance that has true depth. Every other romance is just flat and uninspiring, by comparison.

In the real world, seeking friendship is a good thing, but using that as a pre-cursor to romance can come off as deceitful. Sometimes, a person wants a friend more than a love interest and if that’s the only reason you’re friends with them, then that just comes off as insincere and a little creepy.

That’s not to say that sitcoms don’t contain meaningful romance lessons. This just isn’t one of them.


Terrible Lesson #2: Everyone Always Has Ulterior Motives

Chief among the hallmarks of sitcoms are the conflicting motivations of the characters involved. Whether it’s Charlie Harper trying to hook up with a new woman in “Two and a Half Men” or Kelly Bundy trying to win a modeling gig in “Married With Children,” those motivations are rarely that complicated. The only conflict arises when they encounter others whose interests aren’t in line with theirs.

In a half-hour sitcom, there’s little room for characters whose agenda has nothing to do with that of the main characters. Unlike real life, everyone around these characters is either looking to help or thwart their efforts. There’s rarely anyone who just wants to live their life and doesn’t care if someone like Kelly Bundy gets a modeling gig for a pest control company.

While that makes logistical sense within the context of a sitcom, it has some nasty implications for the real world. It further fosters a mentality that anyone who isn’t helping you is actively opposing you. That us versus them mentality already brings out the worst in people, both in the real and fictional world.

At least in the fictional world, that mentality is somewhat justified. It often is the case that the people around you, including close friends and family, have ulterior motives. In many sitcoms, close family members are the ones who screw you over the worst. It’s not a healthy approach to dealing with the world. If you can’t trust your family, then who can you trust?


Terrible Lesson #3: Every Authority Figure Conspires Against You

When it comes to villains or antagonists, there isn’t much room for nuance in sitcoms. You’re not going to find a Walter White within those constraints. Most of the time, the bad guys in a story are painfully obvious. That, in and of itself, isn’t too big a problem. Villains don’t have to be complex to work, even in a sitcom.

However, if a sitcom does have a villain of any kind, it’s almost guaranteed to be an authority figure. They can be a parent, a teacher, or an older sibling. If they have even a shred of authority, no matter how arbitrary, you can assume they’re going to oppose the protagonists in some form or another.

Whether it’s Red Foreman clamping down on the pot smoking in “That 70s Show” or Lois being a tyrannical mom in “Malcom in the Middle,” the authority figures are always the problem. There’s really not much to their villainy. They exist solely to prevent the main characters from having fun and achieving their goals.

Now, I’m not going to claim authority figures can’t be corrupt. There are real cases of authority figures acting like real villains. There are also cases in which authority figures do genuine good. Whether it’s the leader of a country or the chief of a police unit, it is possible for someone to wield authority over others and not be an asshole.

If your understanding of authority comes solely from sitcoms, then that’s like claiming pigs can do algebra. It’s not just that power corrupts. In sitcoms, any kind of power corrupts and it does so completely. It’s as simplistic as it is absurd. In reality, there are authority figures worthy of respect and sitcoms seem to go out of their way to avoid that point.


Terrible Lesson #4: There’s Never A Reason For Someone Being A Bully

In the same way sitcoms present a simplistic view of authority and villains, they take an equally bland approach when it comes to villains. For the most part, bullies in sitcoms aren’t characters. They might as well be robots programmed to insult, denigrate, or annoy the main characters at every turn. There’s no deeper motivation beyond that. They’re just mean, unrepentant assholes.

Characters like Libby Chessler in “Sabrina The Teenage Witch” and Harley Keener in “Boy Meets World” don’t exist to give depth to a sitcom. As bullies, they’re function is to present obstacles and setbacks for others. Giving them a reason for being a bully, be it a personality disorder or past trauma, would hinder their ability to achieve that function.

While this makes sense in the context of plotting a sitcom, it grossly simplifies the concept of bullying. When it happens in the real world, it’s nothing like what we see in a sitcom. I know this because I dealt with bullies in my childhood. It did not play out like any sitcom I ever saw.

Bullies aren’t robots fueled by the whimpering cries of their victims. They are human beings too and while few will sympathize with them, few people are born bullies. They may not even see themselves as one. There are some deeper complexities to the mental makeup of a bully and sitcoms pretend those complexities don’t against.

Granted, it’s difficult for a half-hour TV show to explore and flesh out the personality of a bully. It’s considerably easier to make them an unlikable asshole who helps glorify the main characters. As a result, it’s easy to see bullies as blunt instruments rather than people you need to deal with in your day-to-day life. In such a complicated world full of complicated people, it’s bound to cause problems beyond losing lunch money.


Terrible Lesson #5: Hard Work Is For Suckers

Let’s not lie to ourselves. Growing up, we tend not to appreciate hard work. Most of us go out of our way to avoid it or when we can’t, we take the path of least resistance. Many sitcoms reflect this sentiment. They certainly aren’t the reason why people avoid hard work. That inclination existed long before sitcoms, but they do take it to extremes that can be both hilarious and asinine.

In the world of sitcoms, hard work is tantamount to waterboarding. From Lucy standing on an assembly line in “I Love Lucy” to the over-the-top slacker behavior that plays out in “Workaholics,” hard work is only a step down from bullies. It’s something every major character either avoids or gets crushed by.

Sitcoms build entire plots around characters looking for a way to get out of hard work. Francis in “Malcom in the Middle” is the personification of this struggle. He once spent an entire episode willingly distracting himself from an overdue history assignment. While characters like him often pay a price for their slacking, it’s rarely a worse alternative than hard work.

In the world of sitcoms, you only work hard if you have your dream job. Since most people don’t get their dream job, hard work is basically tantamount to defeat. That’s the main take-away from sitcoms. Anyone with just a small amount of life experience knows how flawed that is.

Even when I was working a part-time job in high school, I learned the value of hard work very quickly. It’s a means to an end. It’s something that, when done right, gives you a sense of accomplishment. While we all can’t approach it with the same passion as Hank Hill, it does have value and sitcoms would have you believe that value doesn’t exist.


I still enjoy sitcoms. I still watch them regularly when there aren’t superhero movies or TV shows to see. While they can be funny and entertaining, they can also present a very flawed concept of life, people, and how to handle it. There are a lot of bad lessons to be learned from even great sitcoms, but if they make us a laugh, then I say that’s a price worth paying.

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