Tag Archives: sexy

November 29, 2017 · 6:10 am

What Our Sexual Fantasies Say About Us

Before I start another discussion on something sexy, kinky, or whatever other words you want to describe the novels I write, I have a quick thought experiment I’d like to pitch. It involves your sexual fantasies. Compared to some of the other thought experiments I’ve entertained, it’s probably the easiest one I’ve ever posed.

I want you to imagine your favorite sexual fantasy. It doesn’t have to be a dream you once had. It doesn’t have to involve some decadent wedding reception that involves tequila, blackouts, and awkward conversations the next morning. It just has to be something you find very hot. Make it that one fantasy to which your mind drifts when you’re trying to get in the mood.

If you’re still with me and/or have clean underwear handy, then hold onto that fantasy. Having shared one of my own, I know the power of those lurid, yet intimate thoughts. Now, with those thoughts at the forefront of your mind, I want you to contemplate what that fantasy reveals about you.

I’m not trying to offer therapy here. I’m not trying to be too Freudian either. I’m just trying to get everyone to scrutinize something that they probably avoid scrutinizing for all the wrong reasons. I understand that overthinking your sexual thoughts, or any sexual feelings in general, can be uncomfortable. I also think it’s something we need to do more often to mitigate some of that discomfort.

Let’s face it. Talking about sex is hard enough. Thinking about it can be just as hard and not just because it means having to change your underwear or, as I’ve experienced, hiding an awkward boner. If we’re to make sense of this important facet of our lives, then we have to give a little extra thought to those fantasies we entertain.

I bring it up because those fantasies do reveal something about ourselves. Granted, it doesn’t reveal everything or even half of who we are, sexually and otherwise. It is an important component, though. After reading a few articles from Bustle and the Daily Mail, I think it’s worth exploring.

With those fantasies I asked you to entertain, here’s some possible, potentially kinky interpretations of those fantasies that you might find revealing. You may be surprised by what you learn about yourself and your desires.

Sexy Insight #1: Being Dominant (Also) Means Being Laid Back

I know it sounds counter-intuitive, wanting to be a dominant lover and being laid back. Those sound like incompatible traits, like being an Amish hacker. Now, that’s not to say that domination fantasies don’t have some basis in loving control and setting the tone with your lover, whether it’s with positions, whips, or bondage. However, there are more subtle implications at work.

Think about it. To be laid back is to minimize effort and maximize results. Being dominant accomplishes that. When you’re dominant, you don’t have to put the extra energy into setting the tone. That energy comes to you. That’s a major reason why the fantasy appeals to people with laid back personalities.

It seems like an inversion of personalities, being laid back in every other realm except the bedroom. Personally, I think it makes a kinky bit of sense. To be a sloth in everything else, but to be a total boss in the bedroom offers a strange, yet sexy balance to it all. I think that’s both sexy and healthy.

Sexy Insight #2: Being Submissive (Also) Means Having Control Issues

While we’re on the subject of inverted personality types in the bedroom, the same logic applies to those who have fantasies about submission. Again, there are some personality types that just enjoy surrendering control to their lover and trusting them to please them, as only they can. That’s a simple, inherently sexy fantasy that most people can get, so much so that it becomes a best selling novel.

Dig a little deeper and you’ll also find some kinky quirks behind the basics. To be sexually submissive is to surrender control and, believe it or not, some domineering individuals find that uniquely arousing. Think of the most uptight, control freak you can think of. Imagine how stressful that must be, clinging to that control and exercising it every day.

In that context, it’s not too hard to imagine them fantasizing about giving it all over to someone. It’s freeing in a strange sort of way, giving over that kind of control to someone and then having them use it to pleasure you. For once, you don’t have to control everything. It’s a paradox, of sorts, but one that can lead to orgasms. For that reasons, these fantasies can be extra potent and extra revealing.

Sexy Insight #3: Forbidden People Mean (Intensely) Greater Desire

This one really shouldn’t surprise anyone. I’ve talked about the forbidden fruit factor of sex before. It’s part of the reason that Catholic school girls are such a kinky trope. It’s also why they tend to enter our sexier fantasies more often than most will dare admit. I’m not just referring to super sexy celebrities either.

A forbidden person, be it someone who is married or someone who is a friend of a friend, often carries with them this aura that sets them apart. They may not look like John Cena after a cage match, but there’s an obstacle to being with them that no other person has. Us being such a competitive species, a fantasy with a forbidden person carries more weight.

To want to be with that forbidden person requires extra desire. Just having that desire reveals that your breadth for sexuality is greater than you think. Keep that in mind the next time you see your best friend’s sibling/friend/co-worker. That might be your body’s way of telling you that your capacity for desire is much greater than you think.

Sexy Insight #4: Sex With A Stranger Is (Extra) Physical

This is a pretty basic fantasy, as well as a popular premise for under-budget porno films. To be fair, it’s a pretty simple premise in the real world too. A couple of attractive strangers meet, they agree that they’re really horny, and then they have sex. On the surface, that’s not much of a fantasy. Dig a little deeper, though, and you’ll see there’s much more to it.

Hooking up with a stranger is basic in another important way. It’s all about the physical act of sex. Sure, that kind of sex is taboo, but taboos have a knack for gaining a sexual component. By making the intimacy purely physical, it circumvents any emotional entanglements and/or personal ties. In that sense, it’s kind of liberating.

By focusing only on the physical, it all becomes about you and getting that toe-curling pleasure you seek. It’s your chance to be a little selfish while minimizing the entanglements. In that sense, it’s one of those fantasies that’s more pragmatic than most. At a time when Disney movies have convinced us that every interaction between potential lovers has to be emotional, this sort of fantasy can be pretty intense.

Sexy Insight #5: Watching Others Also Means Grading Yourself

There’s nothing inherently subtle about voyeurism. It’s another one of those taboos that isn’t always very kinky, but still has this strange appeal. Even at an age when there’s an unlimited amount of free porn on the internet, there’s still something extra fanciful about watching another couple go at it, even if it doesn’t involve a significant other.

Beyond the appeal of a life sex show, though, it can offer other insights. Unlike the porn on your computer screen, the sex you see in real life isn’t made to be shot on a camera or viewed from a certain angle. There’s a special realness to it and sometimes, that kind of realness can make for a potent fantasy. It’s another paradox, but one that has become even more powerful in the digital age.

Part of that power involves just seeing how other people go at it, compared to you. How do you even know you’re that good at sex if you don’t see other people do it in a non-pornographic setting? Typically, we gauge our abilities by comparing ourselves to others. We do that in everything from video game leader-boards to Yelp reviews. Why should sex be any different?

It may come back to the taboo factor and our inability to break them. Whatever the case, it’s still one of those self-serving fantasies that most won’t readily admit, but enjoy entertaining none-the-less. However, if you’re serious about improving your love-making skills, then it’s hard to call that entirely selfish.

Sexy Insight #6: Spanking Blurs Pain And Pleasure (Among Other Things)

This is probably one of the most basic forms of kink. It was a popular sexy fantasy long before “50 Shades Of Grey” made it mainstream. It might not be as taboo to admit you enjoy being spanked these days, but it’s still a potent fantasy in its own right.

The psychology of spanking may be different for kids, but for adults, it offers a unique experience that blurs the line between pleasure and pain. Blurring that line is a big part of what makes this fantasy so endearing. It reflects that innate desire for excitement and arousal, which is actually hard-wired into us to some extent.

Pain and pleasure reflects opposite extremes of a broad spectrum of novel experiences. Spanking and sex are simple, basic ways to achieve those extremes at the same time. By doing so, the experience becomes a potent mix of both. Just wanting that chaotic blend of experiences says a lot about someone’s hunger for other experiences.

Sure, there’s also a punishment component. That’s kind of the initial intent of spanking. Mixing sex with atonement, thereby alleviating guilt, can be pretty potent as well, not to mention pragmatic. However, it’s the bigger picture of experiences that make that fantasy so profound.

Do you still have that fantasy in your mind? Has it since taken on a whole new dimension? I hope it has and I hope it gives some greater insight into your own personal proclivities. Maybe it’ll help your sex life. Maybe it’ll help you better understand your own nature. Whatever the case, I hope I’ve given you reason to think extra hard about your sexy thoughts.

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November 28, 2017 · 5:53 am

The Sexiest Dream I’ve Ever Had (That I’m Willing To Share)

Strap yourselves and loosen your panties because I’m going to get personal on this blog again. I don’t do it too often, but when I do, I try to make it memorable. I’ve talked about my fondness of sleeping naked and the most awkward boner I’ve ever gotten. I’ve even recounted the hottest teacher I ever had a crush on. I’m not afraid to get personal is what I’m saying.

This time, I want to get personal in a different way. I don’t just want to share past experiences or explore those sexy/awkward moments that we’ve all had in some form or another, regardless of gender or setting. I want to talk about the fantasies we have in our quiet moments.

Specifically, I want to talk about dreams, primarily the sexy variety. It’s one thing to just see a someone walking down the street and imagine what they look like naked. A dream is more vivid. It’s something that manifests from the deepest parts of your psyche. We don’t fully understand them, but most people recognize their power. Not every dream is sexy, but those that are go beyond simple fantasy.

I’ve certainly had my share of sexy dreams. I’m not afraid to admit that. Granted, I save most of those details for my novels, but there are a select few that I don’t mind sharing. One, in particular, has always stood out to me.

It’s not one that involves a childhood crush, of which I’ve had more than one. It’s not one that involves a celebrity, pop star, or cartoon character who may or may not look like Wonder Woman. When you’re young, horny, and hormonal, those kinds of dreams are a dime a dozen. What this one lacks in media inspiration it makes up for in raw imagery, which is a big reason why it’s so memorable.

Rather than just list the details and the note the sensations, I’ll try to narrate it as though it were a scene from my novels. If you don’t have a dry pair of panties nearby, now would be a good time to get some.

It’s so sunny and hot, a perfect day at the beach. I don’t know how, but I find myself on a secluded tropical island. It has the feel of an expensive resort, one remote and overpriced, but worth every penny. I don’t see the hotel or the beach chairs, but I don’t mind. I’m too busy admiring the pristine, white sand and the beautiful blue waves.

The air is so clean and crisp, mixed with a gentle breeze that warms my body while still sending chills down my spine somehow. It’s at this point I realize I’m naked. If I had trunks on, I’ve since ditched them. I don’t care though. I just love the feeling of hot, tropical air over my body.

For a moment, I stand just a few feet away from the crashing waves, feeling the hot sand between my toes and taking in the peaceful noises. Then, as I gaze out into the sparkling ocean, I see two beautiful female figures emerge from the water. I don’t recognize them, but they recognize me.

One has bright, platinum blond hair that seems to shine with the radiance of the sun. She’s wearing a white bikini, which barely contains her ample breasts and heart-shaped ass. It looks like she’d rather not wear it, but tolerates because it augments her every curve.

The other, who stands next to her, has silky auburn hair that looks like it had been polished by an angel. It illuminates a figure that is every bit as beautiful. She bears a more athletic frame, one that her black bikini reveals much of. She too looks inclined to remove it too, but keeps it on, if only to entice me.

Everything about these two women radiates with perfect femininity. Everything about them leaves me in perfect awe. I watch as they laugh and splash each other. They carry on like a couple of old friends who have known each other since childhood. They keep looking at me, as though they know me. I feel like I know them, but I can’t seem to put a name on them.

I can only smile, to which they respond. I swear their smile makes the sea sparkle around them. They both make their way towards me, as though I’d been waiting for them. My heart races and the air seems to grow hotter.

When they arrive, they laugh as they eagerly embrace me. Immediately, I feel their warm flesh on mine. It’s ecstasy. It’s like smothering my skin with pure, unfiltered ecstasy. I want nothing more than to stay in their embrace for all eternity.

My smile grows as they take turns kissing me. I kiss them too, tasting the sweetness of their lips. It’s like the first bite of my favorite treat, so full of life and passion. They laugh and I laugh. They then whisper something into my ear. I can’t make out the words. I can barely make out my own heartbeat. I only make out three words.

“Let’s make love.”

The next thing I know, the two beautiful women shed their bikinis, throwing them out into the ocean, as though they’ve no intention of ever wearing them again. I see with utter astonishment their exposed breasts and curvy hips. They’re so beautiful. Every female feature shines with perfection, as though polished by divine forces.

Freed from their clothing, they embrace me again. I embrace them, as well. We laugh and kiss, the echoes of the crashing waves mixing with every sensation. At some point, I notice the sun starting to set over the ocean. Did that much time really pass? How long have we been out here?

I don’t know. I don’t care. Time has no more meaning to me. All that means anything anymore is this moment with these two beautiful women. Together, we lay down on the sand. We kiss and touch some more. Soon, the air is so hot and the sensations are so strong that I can’t stand it. I want what they want. That’s all I want. I’m ready and so are they.

Then, just as we’re about to make love, I wake up. I rise up in my bed, short of breath and feeling hot all over, but I swear I can still taste their lips and hear the crashing waves of the ocean.

I’ll give everyone a moment to catch their breath and change their underwear. Take all the time you need. I totally understand.

I don’t know exactly when I first had this dream. I do remember it happening in the summer after just having return from a vacation to the beach. I was a teenager and had already realized how much I love beautiful women in bikinis. Given how vocal I’ve been about my love for the beach, I’m sure that surprises no one.

It’s one of the few dreams that I vividly remember. It’s also one of the few dreams I’ve had on multiple occasions. It doesn’t happen often, but when it does, I sleep extra well for reasons I hope are obvious. I consider it a beautiful, sexy fantasy that helped inspire me to write erotica/romance novels.

I think most people have these kinds of special dreams at some point in their lives. They may not inspire you to write sexy novels, but they still inspire you. That’s what makes them special.

That’s the sexiest dream I’m willing to share for now. I have others, but I’ll hold off on sharing them until I feel the time is right. Until then, I’d like to encourage others to take the time to share their sexy dreams as well. Either post them in the comments or just share them with close friends or family, assuming it’s not too awkward.

Even if it is, though, these sexy dreams are powerful insights into the things that drive our desires. They’re like messages from our psyche and even if they would make a lousy novel, we would be wise to listen. Besides, some dreams are just too sexy to keep to ourselves.

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November 26, 2017 · 7:26 am

Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Leftover Turkey Edition

I don’t know about everyone else, but I’m still stuffed from my Thanksgiving meal. Even though I make a concerted effort to be healthy, I tend to throw all that health-conscious discipline out for the holidays. Between turkey, sweet potatoes, pumpkin pie, cheesecake, and early Christmas cookies, I think an exception is plenty warranted.

I make no bones about it. I love Thanksgiving. Sure, it’s not the sexiest holiday, if only because you spend most of it with family. It doesn’t have to be, though. When a holiday is built around food, family, and football, it has everything it needs to be special in its own right.

Even after Thanksgiving is over, it still finds a way to keep giving in the form of leftovers. When prepared right, they can make Thanksgiving meals feel even bigger. For those ditching the food coma for Black Friday shopping, you kind of need the extra calories. You’ll get plenty of that with leftover turkey sandwiches.

Since I’m still digesting large parts of my holiday dinner and enjoying a fair amount of leftovers, I’m dedicating these Sexy Sunday Thoughts to all those delicious leftovers that’ll keep our holidays spirits strong until Christmas, among other things.

“What’s more disturbing? The way people use anal beads or the idea that inspired their creation?”

“The measure of a man should NOT just be measured by the company he keeps, but by the amount of lovers he can satisfy.”

“A massage is like icing. It’s not necessary to make something great, but most people prefer a generous amount of it to enhance the experience.”  

“A man does not know true conflict until he has accidentally ingested both laxatives and boner pills.”

“Premature ejaculation is God’s way of letting a man know that he’s probably better off just cuddling.”

“When you think about it, panties are like fancy wrapping paper for a man’s favorite gift.”

“A one night stand is not all that different from a trial period for a porn site.”

I hope everyone makes good use of their leftovers, if they have any. In my experience, very little gets done, sexy or otherwise, on an empty stomach. That’s what makes Thanksgiving so great. Even if being stuffed doesn’t feel very sexy, filling one important survival need goes a long way towards helping with filling other, sexier needs.

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November 22, 2017 · 5:06 am

Sex Cults: The Kinky (And Often Dark) Side Of Religion

Certain things don’t go well together, but still find a way to be potent, albeit for all the wrong reasons. I’m not just talking about people who dip their french fries in mayonnaise or banana peppers on pizza either. Certain combinations are just uniquely powerful and not always for the right reasons.

That brings me to religion, a topic I try to avoid like a rash on my scrotum. While I have written about religion and how it affects our sex lives before, I generally don’t like to bring it up on this blog. In my experience, few things kill the mood quicker than discussions about religion. It might as well be the antithesis of every Barry White.

I also feel compelled to point out that I have some deeply religious friends and family members. While I may not share their theology, I go out of my way to respect their beliefs. I don’t try to debate them or de-convert them. They have every right to believe what they believe with all their hearts and souls.

With those disclaimers out of the way, let’s talk about sex cults. I hope I have your attention now because this is one of those potent combinations I mentioned. More often than not, religion and sex are constantly at odds. For some, achieving orgasm and achieving spiritual enlightenment are the same thing. One just requires fewer tissues.

There seems to be a never-ending battle to temper, mitigate, or manage certain sexual desires in the name of religious zeal, often resulting in major taboos. That’s understandable in that sexuality is one of the things that influences the lives of every person on this planet, regardless of language, location, race, or attitude. It’s like a giant mountain. It can’t be circumvented. It can only be navigated.

Sex cults, on the other hand, do more than just navigate. They don’t just try to manage the sexual proclivities of its adherents either. In essence, they attempt to channel sexuality into forging stronger, more faithful adherents. Since people have sexuality hardwired into them at birth, you could argue they work smarter rather than harder.

In theory, this doesn’t have to be a bad thing. Not every sex cult needs to micromanage how its adherents use their genitals. Some are outright gleeful about sex. However, there are many that take it to unhealthy and unsexy extremes, which undermines the mood for everyone except the cult leader.

Speaking of which, one of the most common themes in a sex cult revolves around the leader, specifically with respect to how their genitals are somehow more holy than everyone else’s. This is how men like David Koresh and Warren Jeffs manage to convince dozens of pious women to do their religious duty, which requires them to make their bodies accessible to the cult leader in whatever holy or unholy way he sees fit.

That’s not to say there haven’t been female cult leaders. There have and yes, they can be every bit as perverse as the men. At the core of any sex cult, manipulation of sexuality is usually a secondary goal, at least officially. No successful religion, or any organized social movement, succeeds by being that transparent from the beginning.

Most cult leaders, male or female, won’t say outright that the entire basis of their cult is built around exploiting our most basic desires. They may not even believe it themselves. In fact, I would argue that most people, aside from admitted frauds, that they sincerely believe that they’re not just exploiting peoples’ spiritual sensibilities so they can more easily get sex from adherents.

In their own minds, those in a sex cult may be convinced that what they’re doing is spiritual and holy. Even if it is something as basic as an orgasm, they’ve ascribed some sort of spiritual significance to it. As an erotica/romance writer, I can kind of understand that.

There’s power in that kind of feeling, especially in cultures where it’s so easy to induce shame in others for simply having sexual feelings. I’ve mentioned before how sexual repression can really mess with someone’s psyche and not just with respect to their sex life. Building a cult around this powerful feeling that so few of us can escape isn’t just cunning. It’s distressingly practical.

There are a whole lot of factors that go into creating a cult, but most of them come back to control. Most religion, especially the successful and sincere ones, only go so far with control. When properly done, it can actually be beneficial to society. Cults, especially those of the sexual variety, take it ten steps further.

A sex cult won’t just try to control the when, how, and why you have sex. It won’t just try control how you feel about sex. It will actively shape, re-shape, and warp, if necessary, your entire perceptions about sex, intimacy, and everything in between. Again, it won’t do this directly. It’ll usually hide behind a vast excuse bank of morality, piety, and peer pressure.

More often than not, a sex cult will make you depend on the cult to get the release that your caveman brain still craves. I’m not just talking about the orgasm either. A sex cult will also try to provide the sense of intimacy, love, and community that most people get without sacrificing an animal or a piece of your penis.

It’s usually at that point where it’s hard to tell the difference between piety and subversion. Once people get locked into a cult that gives them a strict, but clear structure for how they get their sex, and all the sweet extras that come with it, they’re effectively locked in. Some may argue that they’re trapped, but I don’t suspect that most adherents will see it that way.

In addition to being very horny, we humans are a very social species. We form groups, tribes, and fan clubs with the same ease that a lion mauls a wounded zebra. Whether it’s a religion, erotica/romance novels, or Taylor Swift music, we’ll form a group about it and pursue it with religious fervor. In that sense, a sex cult isn’t doing anything magical. It’s just taking our own biology and pushing it to an extreme.

Now, I don’t bring up sex cults to warn people about them. I’m also not trying to point out the signs that the charismatic preacher who claims salvation comes through his penis might be a cult leader. Like I said before, most religion is fairly harmless and even beneficial to society. Sex cults, like any other cult, just hijacks a basic, yet powerful part of our being and exploits it.

It’s nefarious, but also fascinating. I built the entire premise of one of my novels around it, namely “The Final Communion.” In that novel, a young woman named Grace Maria Goodwin navigates a sex-fueled ritual that her deeply-religious community uses to control its adherents. Many of the themes I incorporated into this story come from my fascination with sex cults.

I’ve thought, at times, about expanding on novels like “The Final Communion.” I might not be able to develop a full-fledged sequel for Grace’s story, but I think there are untapped stories surrounding sex cults that are either too controversial or too distressing to contemplate.

It’s because they’re distressing, though, that we shouldn’t ignore it. So long as sex is such a powerful driving force in our lives, cults and even organized religion will continue to use it to exploit people. Religion, in and of itself, isn’t a bad thing, but when it starts to undermine our sex lives, then we should be concerned.

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November 21, 2017 · 5:52 am

Why Stupid Love Is Honest Love (According To Batman)

Whenever someone says love is stupid, they’re usually getting over having their heart broken or upset that other people aren’t lining up to fuck them. It’s a cynical, jaded position on one of the most fundamental and powerful emotions there is in the human experience. As an aspiring erotica/romance writer, I’m often reminded of its power.

Sometimes, though, you need other kinds of reminders to appreciate the breadth of love. In a sense, it is stupid, but not in the way ex-lovers, recent divorcees, and Evanescence fans often claim. It is an inherently irrational, exceedingly overwhelming emotion that drives us to do some pretty crazy things. However, that’s exactly what makes it beautiful.

That beauty isn’t easy to see. Sometimes, it manifests in subtle ways. Other times, though, it’s front and center in a Batman comic. No, that’s not some colorful aside. I’m dead serious. The stupidity of love has actually manifested itself in a Batman comic and it’s beautiful to a level that only Batman can achieve.

This beauty was on full display in Batman #35, which picks right up from the huge development that occurred a few issues back when Catwoman accepted Batman’s marriage proposal. It has little to do with wedding plans, overpriced engagement rings, or how good Catwoman looks in skin-tight outfits. It actually goes out of the way to highlight the stupidity of love and all its uncanny beauty.

The context of the issue is secondary. If you really want to know the particulars, I highly recommend you read Batman #35 to get the full context of the situation. With respect to the topic at hand, namely the stupidity of love, all you need to know is that Catwoman has a chance to confront one of Batman’s other famous flames, Talia Al Ghul.

That’s a big deal for anyone who dares to get involved with Batman’s personal life. Talia Al Ghul isn’t just someone that both Batman and Bruce Wayne were fond of seeing naked. She’s also the mother of Damien Wayne, but not in the classic sense. He wasn’t conceived in the classic, fun sort of way.

The creation of Damien Wayne, much like Baman’s relationship with Talia, was largely a byproduct of a cold, unfeeling agenda. It had a specific purpose, a defined goal, and very little passion involved. It’s even less sexy than it sounds. It’s basically the antithesis of the stupidity of love.

That’s very much who Talia Al Ghul is. Sure, she looks almost as good as Catwoman in skin-tight outfits, but she’s not much of a romantic. She’s a cold, calculating bitch who sees love as an asset at best and an inconvenience at worst. She’s also the one Catwoman has to deal with in Batman #35 and not just because she’s marrying her baby daddy.

The clash between these two women may not be as sexy as nude oil wrestling at the Playboy mansion. It may not even be as epic as a battle between Superman and Doomsday. However, the way this fight plays out perfectly highlights both the stupidity and the beauty of love. Catwoman herself articulates it perfectly.

It’s not just that loving Batman carries with it a lot of baggage. It’s not just that being involved with the goddamn Batman is overwhelming and not just because he tends to attract homicidal clowns. To love someone like Batman is not to ignore the sheer stupidity of being involved with him in the first place. It’s to embrace it.

It’s a message that fans of romance and aspiring erotica/romance writer alike can get behind. Instead of scrutinizing or overthinking why someone loves another person, you just focus on the love itself. Sure, it’s stupid in the sense that it ignores the logistics. Sometimes, though, that’s the key to making love work.

When you’re in love with a complex person with loads of baggage, like Batman, there’s a lot to think about and scrutinize. It’s one of the many reasons that Batman has had such a colorful history with women. Between being a costumed crime fighter and a billionaire playboy, he’s a complicated man with a lot of moving parts.

It’s because of those complications that many of those women who may genuinely love him find plenty of reasons to walk away. Talia Al Ghul is a perfect example of this because she approaches her love with Batman in a way that’s cold and calculated.

To love him, in her mind, isn’t to embrace his baggage. It’s to re-shape and re-mold it into something she sees as greater. What she tries to do with Batman is very similar to what many people try to do with their lovers in the sense that they try to change and mold them into the person they want them to be, even if it means undermining the person they are.

That’s not just a losing battle that only leads to greater heartache. It goes against the very principles of love. You don’t love someone for who you want them to be. You love them for who they are.

Talia Al Ghul wants Batman to be a certain way for her. She feels she knows what’s best for him, their future, and their family. She’s also willing to lie, cheat, and manipulate him into achieving those goals. She may leave his balls intact, but she’ll make sure his soul is hers to guide. Even Regina George isn’t quite that ambitious.

Catwoman does the exact opposite. She doesn’t try to change Batman into some ideal version of a man that she has in her head. She loves him for who he is and doesn’t want to mold him into something else. On paper, that’s still kind of stupid in the sense that it basically permits him to keep doing the crazy things he does. However, it’s probably the most sincere and honest love anyone can offer.

That does more than contrast Catwoman’s love for Batman from that of Talia Al Ghul. It shows how genuine love compares to the shallow brand of love that comes with caveats. Some people build their relationships around an agenda, much like Talia Al Ghul. They see it as a means to an end. Love, in that context, is indistinguishable from a mortgage application.

Loving someone honestly means loving their flaws as much as their strengths. Catwoman doesn’t overlook or deny those flaws in Batman. Batman himself doesn’t try to hide them either. That honesty, making themselves so vulnerable to one another, is stupid from a purely logistical point of view.

However, that’s exactly what makes their love so sincere. Even if you’re not a comic book fan or a fan of beautiful women in skin-tight outfits, it’s still a love that’s worth celebrating.

 

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November 19, 2017 · 8:03 am

Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Thanksgiving Appetizer Edition

It’s almost here. Another holiday involving food is less than a week away. By now, I’m sure most have already finished up their Halloween candy and/or thrown away what kids and pets refuse to eat. Now, just as you’ve re-adjusted to not having so much sugar in your diet, you face another holiday that requires a major spike in calories.

While your waist line may hate you, your stomach says otherwise. In the same way your genitals cloud your opinion whenever you’re in the presence of your lover, the prospect of so much delicious food is sure to cloud your judgment. It’s okay, though. This is a holiday and one that we get to share with friends and family.

Personally, I love Thanksgiving. I’m lucky enough to have a family that goes all out. We get together, we watch football, we drink, we laugh, and we just have a damn good time. It’s a wonderful experience and one that brings out my holiday spirit for all the right reasons.

As I write this, I’m tempering my caloric intake in anticipation of Thanksgiving. That means I’ll be working up a hell of an appetite over the next few days. I encourage everyone to do the same. For this week’s edition of Sexy Sunday Thoughts, I hope to stimulate that appetite, among other things.

“Making life decisions while you’re horny is like shopping on an empty stomach. Your judgment is sure to be skewed.”

“When you think about it, coffee is Viagra for our brains.”

“The line between making love and fucking defined by onset of leg cramps.”

“How we fall in love doesn’t matter as much as where, except when cemeteries are involved.”

“There’s a lot to know about sex. However, if you need more than a dictionary to know about love, then you may have issues.”

“Is having a sex doll that looks like your lover an act of cheating or an elaborate compliment?”

“If sex had homework, then would porn count as a study aid?”

I hope that helped everyone work up an appetite, among other things. Thanksgiving is a wonderful time of year. It has food, family, and football. What more could you want without involving naked oil wrestling? You may argue it still doesn’t have much sex appeal. I would argue that no sex appeal ever manifested on an empty stomach.

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November 15, 2017 · 5:39 am

The Future Of Beauty (In A World Where People Don’t Need To Exercise)

When I write one of my sexy novel, I work hard on it. I really put my heart and soul into it. There are other feelings I put into it, but those are only part of a much greater effort that doesn’t always manifest in my pants.

The work we put into something is what gives it meaning to us. Even the laziest slob will concede to that. If my novels just magically conjured themselves while I was asleep, that would be wonderfully convenient. However, I don’t think I would be as passionate about them if I didn’t actually put the work into making them.

I think the same concept applies to exercise and how we go about making ourselves beautiful. Throughout human history, there have been all sorts of elaborate, albeit bizarre rituals surrounding beauty and fitness. When I work out, whether it’s for my health or to look good at the beach, the effort I put into it helps add to the fulfillment I feel when I look in the mirror.

Take that work out of the equation and what does that change? That’s not a rhetorical question. That’s a serious inquiry because if we didn’t have to work so hard to get fit and beautiful, then are we going to approach fitness and beauty the same way? I believe we haven’t asked that question enough, but the answer is already out there.

When I mentioned recent research that promises drugs that allow users to enjoy the fruits of exercise without actually doing anything, I’m sure there were plenty of out-of-shape couch potatoes out there who got excited. I certainly wouldn’t blame them. The idea that we can all look like we spend two hours a day in the gym is pretty enticing.

Thin man flexing muscles in front of mirror reflecting figure of body builder : Stock Photo

However, that means that fit, toned body we all crave now would be much easier to get. You don’t really work for it. You just take a pill, sit back, and let science and biology do the rest. That kind of effort isn’t going to inspire much pride. Hell, that kind of effort is barely on par with brushing your teeth every day.

If that’s all it takes to look fit and slim in the future, then is being fit and slim really going to be considered beautiful? Standards of beauty have changed a lot over the course of history. Beauty is usually meant to confer a sense of health, strength, and vitality. It’s also a way for some people to set themselves apart in an exceptional way.

In a world where being fit is so common, would it really be considered that beautiful in a larger context? If everyone is beautiful, then is anyone truly beautiful? Doesn’t beauty require a certain variation that is difficult for most people to attain?

It’s akin to the inherent contradiction in thinking everyone is special. If you go by the dictionary definition of the word, the entire concept falls apart if you approach it that way. When everyone is unique in the same way, then they cease to be unique.

That raises another question that’s much harder to answer. In a world where everyone is fit and doesn’t need to exercise to incur its benefits, what will be considered beautiful? What will be considered sexy? As an aspiring erotica/romance writer, these kinds of questions are very serious.

Naturally, a world full of fit people with stronger bodies is going to be inherently sexier. Beauty standards aside, there’s a lot to be gained by having a society full of healthy individuals. Obesity has already been linked to sexual dysfunction. Increased exercise has also been linked to a higher sex drive. Regardless of whether or not that exercise comes in pill form, it’s going to affect our collective sex lives.

That means the concept of what is sexually attractive will gain even greater importance. If everyone around you looks like an extra in a softcore porn movie, then how do you decide which one you want to hook up with? Could this create a paradox of choice situation where find ourselves unable to determine who rouses our loins?

It’s impossible to know since we don’t live in that world. However, unlike our beauty-minded ancestors, other aspects of future technology will impact this effort. Tools like CRISPR and smart blood will allow people to modify and enhance their bodies in ways no amount of exercise ever could.

However, those advances are still a way off. Before we advance to that point, people may have to improvise. It may require that people develop more unique fetishes, of sorts, which I’ve speculated on before. If you think the stuff in “50 Shades Of Grey” or furry conventions are kinky, then you might have to hold your jaw up in the future.

Beyond the fetishes, the fashion industry will likely become an ongoing LSD trip in its effort to accommodate the inherent need to stand out in a world where everyone is fit. That’s because just being healthy won’t be enough. Like being a nice guy or not being a sleazy Hollywood mogul, that just won’t be enough to attract prospective lovers.

There’s only so much an aspiring erotica/romance writer can imagine. Even my kinky mind has its limits. Major technological advances, from antibiotics to contraception, have already had enormous impacts on our sex lives and how we go about forging romantic bonds. More advances are on the horizon. Some will hit harder than others.

That means there’s also a chance that there will be major drawbacks in a world where the benefits of exercise comes in pill form. Even if people are healthier and hornier, there may be large segments of society not equipped to handle that. It was a burning question in my book, “Skin Deep,” that did not get a complete answer. We probably won’t be able to answer that question until the technology arrives.

Whatever the case, for better or for worse, I will do my part to adapt my sexy stories accordingly. A world full of fit, healthy people is sure to change a great deal with respect to how we think of beauty, how we go about finding lovers, and how we make love.

However, our collective libido is nothing if not adaptive. It’s a big reason why the human race is the dominant species on this planet. That, in and of itself, is a thing of beauty whose form will continue to evolve in sexier ways than we can possibly imagine.

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November 14, 2017 · 5:55 am

Making Exercise Obsolete (While Still Looking Sexy)

About nine years ago, I finally came to the realization that I was not as healthy, attractive, or fit as I wanted to be. I was weak, undersized, unassuming, and got winded just by walking around the block a few times. I had next to no sex appeal and hesitated to remove my shirt at the beach. Sadly, it wasn’t until five years ago that I got serious about getting healthy.

Why did it take so long for me to get my act together? It’s simple. That kind of health and sex appeal takes work. It takes a lot of work. To look like I do now, I go running for at least a half hour, six times a week. I go to the gym and lift weights at least twice a week. I also try to limit my sugar intake and drink plenty of water.

While the results have done wonders for my confidence and my sex appeal, it still took a lot of work. Most people, especially those who were die-hard couch potatoes like I was, are reluctant to do that kind of work. It’s strenuous, inconvenient, and downright uncomfortable at times. Go try running four miles in 102 degree weather to see why. Yes, I’ve done that. No, it’s not the most pleasant feeling in the world.

It’s a big reason why most diet and weight loss efforts fail. It’s also why most people tend to break their New Years Resolution to get healthy. Given the extent of the obesity epidemic, it shouldn’t take that much to motivate people into being healthier. However, the work it takes to get that kind of sex appeal is pretty significant, especially when you lack the genetics of a supermodel.

This is now the part where I get peoples’ hopes up about a sexier future, but have to temper them because we’re not quite there yet. However, in reflecting on how hard I worked to reach my current level of health and sex appeal, I think this is something that should give hope those who have given up at becoming sexy something.

For years, diet companies and bad infomercials have been looking for that magic diet pill. You’ve probably heard and/or fantasized about it to some extent. It’s that special pill that you take one a day, change nothing about your lifestyle, and still lose weight. It’s magic because, by and large, that’s literally what such a pill requires in order to work.

Many people claim to have discovered it. Dr. Oz has discovered it no fewer than 16 times. The fact that obesity is still a problem and people still need to exercise in order to lose weight and gain sex appeal shows just how bogus these products are. If you’re depressed now, please bear with me because there is some good news here.

That magic pill that Dr. Oz keeps failing to find might actually be possible, minus the magic. According to research conducted at Leiden University, in the Netherlands, it is possible for a pill that will not only help them lose weight, but mimic the effects of exercise. It basically means that you can get the equivalent of a two-hour workout and never leave your couch. It’s a lazy person’s ultimate dream.

How is that possible, though? How can it not rely on magic? Well, if you’ve been reading this blog for any amount of time, you already know how much I belabor the inherent flaws in the human body. The human body, despite its beauty and sexiness, is kind of crude. It can easily be tricked, hacked, and hijacked like an old computer running Windows 95.

According to the research, the miracle drug involved, unoriginally called GW501516, basically tricks the body into doing the same thing it does when you actually exercise. As it turns out, there are all sorts of basic, but varied process that happen when you work out. Your heart rate goes up, your metabolism spikes, and your body basically stresses itself into burning energy, becoming fitter and sexier in the process.

Those same processes are, like I said, fairly crude. Exercise is just the reaction your body has. If a pill can induce that same reaction, then your body won’t know the difference. It doesn’t have to do the same workout as Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson. It just has to react as though it did.

If it sounds like cheating, that’s because it is, from a biological perspective. Unlike professional athletes and certain World of Warcraft players, the only consequence is washboard abs, toned arms, and legs that can kick a soccer ball across the field. Biology is pretty lousy at punishing cheaters, especially when it helps them look sexier and survive.

Now, if you’re wondering why this miracle drug isn’t already making billions turning everyone into fitness models, there’s a damn good reason. The drug, in its current state, has some nasty side-effects, one of which is cancer. No matter how much you want those washboard abs, cancer isn’t worth paying that kind of price.

However, the fact that pill worked is a proof of concept. Finding ways to mitigate those side-effects, or remove them entirely, is simply a matter of refinement, research, and testing. Given that the weight loss market it worth $66 billion, rest assured there are plenty of incentives to get this drug right.

It’s promising, but still a ways off, as many of the other advancements I’ve mentioned tend to be. However, unlike major breakthroughs such as smart blood, this one is probably closer than most. Given the incentives and the scale of the obesity epidemic, it’s only a matter of time before someone turns this into a true magic bullet for obesity.

It also means that, when that time comes, it’ll be possible for more people to get in shape, get sexier, and stay that way without maintaining a ridiculous workout routine. I’m not going to lie. If I could just take a pill instead of running 15 miles a week, I’d do it in a heartbeat. Who among us wouldn’t?

It might very well make the very concept of exercise obsolete. Who would want to go to the gym or run every day if they didn’t have to? While that may upset gym owners, I think a fitter, healthier, sexier population is a price worth paying.

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November 12, 2017 · 8:59 am

Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Girls In Flannel Edition

There are certain types of attire that have a seasonal kind of sexiness. No, I’m not just talking about sexy Halloween costumes or sexy Santa costumes, which do exist. During certain times of the year, certain fashion just takes on a unique kind of sex appeal.

In the summer, it’s easy for anything to look sexy. It’s hot out. You can’t really wear much without it becoming an issue. That’s why the bikini works so well and is widely accepted as the pinnacle of summer sex appeal. In a season like fall, which tends to get cold and rainy in my area, it’s a bit more challenging.

That’s where flannel comes in. Yes, I realize flannel is not exactly the first choice of sexy attire for most people. Hell, most associate it with grunge rock of the early 1990s. However, I believe that flannel has an understated sex appeal that is unique to fall. Take that same person who looked so good in a bikini, put them in a little flannel, and you’ll see what I mean.

I don’t expect to convince all my audience, but I hope I’ve given some sexy minds out there some food for thought. In that sense, consider this week’s edition of my Sexy Sunday Thoughts to be a desert, of sorts. Fall is here. We can’t do anything about it. As such, we must adapt our sex appeal accordingly.

“All work and no play is also a perfect description for boring sex.”

“A nice ass and a round ass aren’t mutually exclusive, but inherently complementary.”

“The sexual potential of any body part is directly proportional to its ability to be licked.”

“Rug burns and scratch marks are the battle scars of great sex.”

“The G-spot is to sex what god mode is to a video game.”

“Is asking someone for nudes really THAT different than asking someone for a resume?”

“When you think about it, the ultimate act of trust would be two hungry cannibals giving each other oral sex.”

The weather is getting colder. The days are getting shorter. Lounging around in your underwear without putting excess strain on your furnace is going to be a challenge for the next few months. That doesn’t mean we can’t find ways to dress and feel sexy around the house. In my efforts to become an erotica/romance writer, I’ve learned that people will always find a way to be sexy, regardless of the season.

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November 11, 2017 · 8:30 am

Cheap Sex, Sexual Revolutions, And Why It’s A GOOD Thing

When something is cheap, you tend to get what you pay for. I learned that the hard way when I tried to spend as little money as possible on a trip to Florida. I ended up staying in an awful hotel with dirty sheets, piss-poor room service, and towels that felt like sandpaper. I definitely paid for not wanting to pay too much.

In any functional economy, that’s how it’s supposed to work. If you’re not willing to put effort and resources into a product, then you’re not going to get much out of it. It’s the cornerstone of how western society has prospered, according to Adam Smith. With sex, however, you can’t always apply the same rules.

Granted, I’ve often tied certain sexual attitudes to economic factors. I still stand by some of those comparisons, but I don’t deny some special circumstances, with respect to sex. Unlike the stock market, new smartphones, or junk bonds, sex isn’t a product, nor is it a simple service.

We’re not hard-wired to want to buy the new iPhone X, even if some people feel otherwise. We are, however, hard-wired to seek sex. It’s one of the most basic drives any animal can have, including humans. Unlike other markets, we can’t just opt out or cash in our investment, so to speak. Even those who try to avoid it, the desire is still there. In some cases, avoiding it can have a high cost as well.

I bring this up because current sexual trends have certain people who care a lot about how much sex other people are having seem to be taking our society into uncharted territory. Even though sexual activity among younger people is down, there’s a growing sentiment that the sex people are having is cheap, dispassionate, and empty.

Now, I’m certainly not the one saying this. As a man who writes erotica/romance novels, I always put a special premium on all thing sexy. That may make me an anomaly, but others interpret our sexual trends differently.

That brings me to the article that inspired this post. According to Ian Snively of the Daily Signal, our society is being undermined by the notion of cheap sex. While I certainly don’t agree, this is the argument he makes.

He says people’s dependence on “cheap sex” has a lot to do with the influences of the “sex market.” Specifically, the products and media that promote sex don’t cater to women’s best interests.

“The mating market no longer seems to favor women’s interests like it once did,” said Regnerus. “It favors men’s interests, which is why so many women find dating in their 20s and early 30s so frustrating.”

Regnerus thinks that because women generally want a long-term commitment in a relationship, their interests make selling sex more difficult. Instead, the sex market plays into the interests of men, who generally prefer less commitment.

“If you asked men and you asked women, ‘What is your ideal relationship?’” he said, “more men than women will say, ‘Oh, I would love something short-term, where I can just go over, and replace whenever I feel like it.’”

And because the market has exposed society to “cheap sex” for so long, Regnerus thinks people have a hard time getting out of that mindset.

“People have been so trained into cheap sex, that they don’t know how to get out of this pattern that’s been bothering them,” he said.

Now, I’m going to resist the urge to go on a long-winded tirade about how this man interprets our current sexual climate. In many ways, he’s not much different from any priest, mullah, monk, or rabbi who claims that too many people aren’t having monogamous, missionary-style sex for the sole purpose of producing new adherents/tax payers/workers/etc.

The one aspect in which he’s all too similar to these age-old, anti-sex sentiments is how he makes the broad assumption of what women want in a long-term commitment and what men want, conversely. The idea that all women want the same thing and men always want something inherently different is, to be honest, both insulting and misguided.

Mr. Snively doesn’t entertain the possibility that maybe some women might want a casual relationship wherein the sole purpose to have regular, recreational sex for the sole purpose of enjoying the toe-curling pleasure it brings them. At the same time, he doesn’t entertain the possibility that men actually want love and commitment.

He’s basically assuming that every gender stereotype that every teen movie ever made is correct. Never mind the fact that movies have a horrible track record when it comes to reflecting reality, especially with firearms. The man here is building his entire understanding about “cheap sex” around assumptions that anyone with even a little non-Hollywood life experience knows are flawed, at best.

Mr. Snively calls these trends in cheap sex a new sexual revolution. Having already written about the prospects of future sexual revolutions, I can say his standards for revolutions are laughably low. In addition, just researching sexual revolutions reveals that there’s nothing revolutionary about cheap sex.

No matter what religion, government, culture, or peer pressure tries to do, horny men and horny women, alike, will seek outlets. Some will be legitimate. Some will be illicit. In any case, the culture and attitudes will ascribe a cost to getting that outlet.

If the cost is high and sex is expensive, then not everyone can afford it. Sure, the rich and the powerful will have their mistresses, concubines, and side-lovers. The not-so-rich, however, will have a problem. They will have an unmet need that their biology won’t allow them to ignore completely. Like famine, you can only do so much to ignore how hungry you are.

It’s for this reason that others have argued that societies full of sexually-deprived people will be an unstable one. When the cost of sex is that high and your biology won’t let you forget you have this unmet need, you’ll do anything to meet that need, no matter how irrational or horrific it might be.

That’s cost of expensive sex. Flip the scrip, make sex cheaper, and suddenly, there’s a different dynamic at work. In a world of cheaper sex, it’s easier to meet those needs. With the rise of dating apps like Tinder and eHarmony, it’s easier today to seek both cheap sex and deeper relationships. Individuals have options to pursue, depending on what they seek and why.

Mr. Snively sees this as revolutionary. It’s really not and I’m not just talking about the old hippie concept of free love. There have been numerous cultures where sex was even cheaper than it is today. Those cultures functioned and faltered in their own unique way. The cheapness of sex was not seen as all that groundbreaking.

That’s not to say that cheap sex came without a cost. It certainly did. Cheap sex does have consequences that include increased transmission of diseases, unwanted pregnancies, and unstable family structures. However, I would argue that those costs are far less than the alternative.

I’ve mentioned before how fascist regimes need to control sexuality to some extent. Therein lies the key, though. It takes an extremely authoritarian government to impart the kind of force necessary to counter something as powerful as the human sex drive. Pretty much every government/church that has tried that in the past has failed in the long run.

In a sense, the cost of trying to make sex more expensive is actually far higher than making it cheap. It requires a lot of power, suppression, and micromanaging to manage, let alone contain the sex drives of every person in a society. That kind of effort requires a level of cost and resources that no government can hope to manage, especially in the long run.

That’s why I believe Mr. Snively is wrong. Cheap sex is not that revolutionary. In addition, cheap sex is actually far better for a free and open society than the alternative. In that sense, it should be celebrated and I intend to use my sexy novels to contribute to that effort.

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