Tag Archives: gym

November 29, 2022 · 5:23 am

Some Post-Thanksgiving Workout Tips (And Tweaks To My Current Routine)

I had an awesome Thanksgiving last week. I really did enjoy spending time with my family, enjoying a hardy feast, and watching plenty of football, both NFL and NCAA.

Unfortunately, those good times do come at a price. I consumed more calories in the span of three days than I usually do over the course of a week. To be fair, that’s common for a lot of people, even those who are very health conscious. For the sake of the Thanksgiving spirit and family, we set aside our diets and just let ourselves gorge for a few days.

Personally, I think I overdid it. Anyone who was with me on Thanksgiving can attest that I ate more than my share of the turkey and deserts. It was a festive environment and we all savored every bite. For that, I have no regrets.

But that does mean the last few days have been particularly arduous when it comes to my exercise routine. I’ve noted before that I go to the gym quite frequently. I actually go more frequently now than I did before the COVID-19 pandemic. I rarely skip workouts, even around holidays. But even when I don’t skip a trip to the gym, I definitely feel it when I eat a lot of calories.

I suspect I’m not the only one dealing with that. I also suspect more than a few people are trying to get back into a healthy routine after all the family, feasts, and desserts. If you are, then I hope you find this helpful because I’d like to share a few tips on post-Thanksgiving workouts. I’m sharing it because there is a right and wrong way to do it. I know because the day after Thanksgiving, I’m pretty sure I did it the wrong way and was very sore for a while because of it.

You don’t need to go through that pain, nor should you.

Also, I always feel inclined to note that I am not a personal trainer. I would never claim to be an expert at exercise, health, or getting into shape. I’m just sharing my experience and strategies in hopes that others will find it useful. I’m not even charging anyone for it. This is completely free advice.

The first tip I’d like to give is that, if you had a regular routine before Thanksgiving, do not try and go straight back to it the day after you’ve consumed so many calories. Your body just went through an abnormal experience that is holiday festivities. You can’t expect it to quickly re-adjust as though it never happened.

You will hurt yourself. I know because I badly strained my quad, chest, and abdominal muscles. It hurt more than I care to admit.

The second tip I’d like to offer is that, when it comes to consume lots of calories, cardio should be a greater priority over weight training. Even if you’re primarily focused on building muscle mass, it’s necessary to do extra cardio after consuming excess calories. That means a bit more time running outdoors, running on a treadmill, or using an exercise bike or elliptical. I’ve done a little of everything in that regard. And even just doing an extra 10 to 15 minutes of cardio makes a huge difference.

It’s primarily a matter of physics. You eat a lot of calories. You need to burn them off. Cardio, in addition to helping with blood flow and heart health, burns more calories than lifting weights. Eating all that turkey just means having to burn extra.

The third and final tip I’d like to offer has to do with how you go about weight training. Depending on your goals, you either try to do a few reps with heavy weights, usually 5 rep sets of 5, or lots of reps with lighter weights. For the most part, I’ve favored doing fewer reps with heavy weights. That’s fairly common for men looking to add muscle mass, whereas the higher reps with lower weights are common for women looking to slim down.

I had to change that recently to ensure I don’t strain my body more than I should. So, in the interest of burning off my holiday calories, I’ve started doing more reps per set with fewer sets. This way, I can emphasize good form and work to strain the muscles more concisely rather than using brute strength with lower reps. I’ve already found this to be quite effective in that I get a good burn going, but with less painful strain.

To illustrate, this is the current workout I’m using for most of my gym trips:

Start off with 35 minutes of cardio, either on an elliptical or running outside.

Do 100 weighted ab crunches (basically a crunch with a free weight on your chest).

Then, I do a the following weight training routine.

Do 3 sets of 20 reps of a butterfly curls (machine or free weights).

Do 3 sets of 20 reps of reverse butterfly curls.

Do 3 sets of 20 reps of bicep curls.

Do 3 sets of 20 reps for tricep extensions.

Do 3 sets of 20 reps of shoulder press.

Do 3 sets of 20 reps of lat pull downs.

Do 3 sets of 20 reps for leg press.

Do 3 sets of 20 reps for leg extensions.

Do 2 sets of 20 reps of pull-ups.

In general, this routine takes me about an hour and 15 minutes. I’ve been doing it for a few days now and I’m already feeling much better in terms of energy, mood, and fitness. I still do my other routine of doing 5 sets of 5 reps with more weight. But I’m thinking of maybe alternating the days when I do that in order to get the most benefits out of my workout.

One general rule of exercise is that if your body gets too used to one particular thing, it ceases to be as effective. That’s why it’s important to mix things up. It keeps the workout interesting and it helps get you better results in the long run.

Chances are I’ll probably tweak this workout as time goes on. If I uncover other useful tips, I’ll be sure to share them and they’ll continue to be free.

We all need to take time to enjoy the holidays with our families and get off our diet for a while. And if the price for doing so is more time at the gym to stay strong, healthy, and sexy, I say that’s a price worth paying.

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November 2, 2022 · 6:27 am

My Post-Pandemic Workout Routine (And How It Came About)

The COVID-19 pandemic changed a lot of things for a lot of people. I think that qualifies as a gross understatement. I know I’ve talked about it, lamented on it, and repeatedly insulted those who refuse to get vaccinated (which I refuse to apologize for).

Believe me, I’m sick of talking about it, too.

There are so many terrible aspects to this pandemic and it will have plenty of terrible side-effects that’ll last long after it becomes a distant memory and/or an inconvenience nuisance. It has certainly changed major aspects of my life. It has also affected so many of my friends and family, both directly and indirectly.

But rather than dwell on the drama and hardship of those stories, I’d like to share one positive effect that has persisted since the pandemic began. It has to do with how I work out and stay in shape. I’ve noted before that getting into shape was quite a journey for me, personally. I also can’t overstate how poor my health habits were for my teen years and most of my 20s. I say that because if a guy like me can get into shape, then I’m confident anyone can do the same.

For years now, I’ve been working out on a regular basis. The structure and regiment of that workout has varied over that time. It used to be that I only went to the gym once a week, but I did a half-hour run every at least three times a week.

Then, once I got better at that, I started running six days a week while going to the gym at least twice.

Then, as I continued to improve, I started going to the gym three times a week while running a half-hour to 45 minutes six times a week.

Up until the pandemic hit, that was my main regiment. And I think it worked well for me. I probably would’ve continue that routine had nothing really disrupted anything.

Then, the pandemic came along and everything got disrupted, including my workout. But because this disease was so scary and everyone became so paranoid about their health, I suddenly had even more incentive to stay in shape. Moreover, I felt motivated to push myself even more.

That ended up being a real challenge because in March 2020, the gym I always went to closed. Even the secondary gym I frequented closed. For a while, I didn’t have anywhere to work out. All I could do was go running around my neighborhood, do body weight exercises in my living room, and use some old free weights I still had lying around.

It was better than nothing, but it wasn’t ideal. I also didn’t get the same feeling I usually got when I finished my workout at the gym. That told me it just wasn’t enough.

Finally, when the gym did open on a limited basis, I was determined to catch up. So, I decided to overcompensate by going even more often than I went before the pandemic. I committed to going to the gym at least six times a week for at least an hour at each visit. I thought if I could do that for a month or so, I would be back on track.

But after that month passed, I just kept doing it. Once I got into a rhythm, I didn’t feel inclined at all to stop. Going six days a week with one rest day in the middle of the week felt great. I even felt better results. It showed in how some of my shirts started feeling tighter and how some relatives began commenting on my appearance.

It’s a good feeling. I feel stronger, healthier, and more energetic than I have at any point in my adult life. I also credit this workout routine with helping me navigate COVID-19. A great many friends and relatives have tested positive and have gotten sick. I’ve even been in close proximity to them while they were positive.

But despite that, I always tested negative. I’ve never shown any symptoms. I’m nearly certain I’ve been exposed multiple times. But I’ve never gotten sick. I think my workout regiment is as much to thank as the vaccine I took.

So, in addition to sharing my experience, I’d also like to share my routine with everyone. Please note I’m not a personal trainer or fitness guru. This is just what I do and it works for me. If you can do the same or better, then more power to you.

Pre-Workout: Stretch my arms and do lunges to stretch my quads and calves. Then, drink a cup of black coffee or an 8 ounce bottle of water.

Workout Phase 1: Do 30 minutes of cardio by either going 30 minutes on an elliptical or by running at least 30 minutes outdoors.

Workout Phase 2: Do another 30 minutes of circuit training that include the following

  • Five sets of bicep curls (5 to 8 reps a set)
  • Five sets of tricep extensions (5 to 8 reps a set)
  • Five sets of butterfly chest press (8-12 reps a set)
  • Five sets of reverse butterfly chest press (8-12 reps a set)
  • Five sets of shoulder press (8-12 reps a set)
  • Five sets of lat pulldowns (8-12 reps a set)
  • Two sets of 10 to 20 pull-ups
  • Two sets of 10 to 20 dips
  • Walk around the block (about a half-mile) to cool down

Post-workout: Drink one protein shake and another 8 ounces of water

This is my current routine. There’s a chance it might change and evolve as my health continues to evolve. I don’t deny it’s a little intense. More than one person has commented that it’s quite strenuous. I know it’s not for everyone, but it’s something I had to work towards. It took me years to get to this level where I feel comfortable and not totally drained after exercising. But again, if I can do it, then anyone can do it.

The health benefits are remarkable. In wake of a global pandemic, we all have more reasons than ever to take our health seriously. Just taking the right medicine is only part of the process. Working on your body, your mind, and everything in between is a much bigger part of that process. And I encourage everyone to begin that process if you haven’t already.

You’ll feel better.

You’ll feel stronger.

You’ll even feel sexier, but that’s just a nice bonus.

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April 19, 2021 · 5:56 am

My (Unprofessional) Opinion On The Peloton

I’ve said it before. I was not in good shape for a good chunk of my life. It’s still worth belaboring. It’s hard to overstate how poor my exercise habits were for most of my early adult life. If I hadn’t gotten serious about my health, I might have done some real damage.

That’s why I encourage everyone to make the same effort. Try to get in shape. Try to fit a good workout into your daily or weekly routine. Try to tweak your diet so that it’s healthier. It doesn’t pay off immediately, but you certainly appreciate the results in the long run.

When I say that, I also usually encourage people to avoid fitness and diet fads. A good rule of thumb is that, if you saw it on an infomercial, chances are it’s a gimmick or a scam. There’s just no way around it. At some point, you have to exercise and eat better. It’s just basic physics with respect to body mass, calories, and exertion.

However, there are some fitness trends that can help. When I started working out, everyone was calling Crossfit the greatest revolution in all of fitness. I admit I was tempted to try it. Then, like many others, I saw that it shared a few too many traits with a cult and backed off.

This brings me to the latest fitness craze, the Peloton. Chances are if you know someone who has one, they’ve talked about it. They may even treat it like one of their most prized possessions. It’s not quite on the same level as Crossfit, but its popularity is still worth noting.

Now, before I give my opinion on this latest fitness trend, I need to reiterate that I’m not a personal trainer. I’m not a professional in any way. There are people way more qualitied to give you a more informed opinion about the Peloton and any other fitness routine. This is just me, a guy who stumbled his way to better fitness, offering my perspective.

At its core, the Peloton is an exercise bike with a screen. I know its ardent fans will passionately argue otherwise, but logistically speaking, that’s what it is. It’s an exercise bike. You can find them at almost any gym. I’ve used them before. I still use ellipticals regularly because they’re better for my joints.

What sets Peloton apart is the social aspect of it. When you use it, you don’t just use an exercise bike. You link into a social network, of sorts, that offers a professional level spin class to its users. That social component isn’t just a supplemental feature, either. It’s actually one of the most important components of Peloton.

That screen it includes isn’t just a fancy tablet. It links you to other users and attempts to recreate the experience of being in an actual spin class. That experience does add to the cost, considerably. However, it’s also here where I think Peloton shows its value.

For some people, they don’t need much motivation to work out. They’re able to push themselves to do it. For a while, I certainly needed that motivation to get me out of the house and into a gym. Eventually, it got to a point where I was self-motivated. I don’t need people yelling at me to encourage me to keep pushing myself.

That’s just me, though. Some people are just wired differently. They need that yelling. They need that added bit of competitive drive. That pushes them to push themselves more than they would have on their own. That’s what Peloton can offer without having to hire a personal trainer.

It offers the added incentive of peer pressure, solidarity, and social support. Being the very social species we are, that’s powerful. We may think we’ve done enough exercise for the day, but hearing someone yell at us to do a little more can keep us going. Sometimes, that’s the difference between falling short of your fitness goals and raising the bar.

In that respect, I think Peloton is better than most fitness fads. It takes a familiar exercise machine that people have used for years and adds a social component. It offers something other than just another fancy device. It gets people involved in a community without them having to leave their homes.

Given the situation with the pandemic, I think that component is even more valuable. I still think Peloton, as a whole, is grossly overpriced. However, if you’re someone who struggles to stay motivated to get into shape, it might be worth the investment. Your health is one of the few investments in which you’ll feel the benefits in ways that go beyond your body. It’s not easy and, as Peloton’s price shows, it’s rarely cheap. However, it’s still worth doing and if Peloton helps you, then I say go for it.

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July 23, 2020 · 5:55 am

Going Back To The Gym: Relief And Realizations

I missed going to the gym.

Those are words my teenage self never thought I’d say, write, or think. That makes them all the more satisfying to say in the past tense.

This global pandemic has ruined a lot of things and disrupted a lot of lives. It’s also not done. It’s definitely going to get worse before it gets better. Many of us are already feeling nostalgic for a time when we didn’t have to wear masks, could go to a movie theater, and went out to eat on a whim. That was only four months ago. Let that sink in.

Coincidentally, that was also the last time I went to the gym before this week. Back in early March, I was told by the gym manager, who knows me very well after going twice a week for nearly a decade, that the gym was closing indefinitely. I thought it was only temporary. I’d hoped to be back in a few weeks. Weeks turned to months. We all know what happened during that time.

I was starting to lose hope. I still made an effort to stay in shape. If anything, I became more motivated. Being healthy during a pandemic is an objectively good idea. However, that wasn’t easy without the gym.

I don’t have a lot of exercise equipment of my own. My exercise routine was restricted to doing push-ups, sit-ups, and squats before running along the local trails. That definitely helped, but it wasn’t the same. Plus, I was at the mercy of the weather. If it was cold or rainy out, then I couldn’t do much.

It wasn’t the same and I felt it. I lost some muscle mass and gained some weight. It was frustrating, but that was the situation I had to deal with.

Finally, that changed this past week. I finally got word that my gym was re-opening, albeit to a limited extent. We can only go for hour-long chunks at a time and the capacity is severely restricted, but I can work within those constraints. After these past four months, I’m willing to jump through some extra hoops.

When I made it back, it wasn’t just a relief. It was cathartic. I almost forgot how satisfying it was to make it through a nice, rigorous workout. I also forgot how nice it was to have the luxury of doing something other than running in the blazing summer heat for cardio. I’ll never take that for granted again.

I also realized that I am definitely behind the curve. I still remember where I was, in terms of how many reps and sets I could do at a certain weight. When I tried to go back to where I was four months ago, my body did not cooperate. I had to turn the weight down to get through my sets. It was humbling. It also revealed that my efforts to duplicate the results of a gym were only partially successful, at best.

I know it sounds like I’m making a big deal about this, being able to go to a gym again. Believe me, if my younger self was reading this, he would’ve believed an impostor wrote this. However, the act of regaining part of my old routine, as trivial as it might be in the grand scheme of things, was nothing short of therapeutic.

The world is still in an awful, chaotic state. We’re nowhere close to being back to “normal,” as though that’s possible anymore. However, the fact that I can go back to the gym gives me hope that the effort, struggle, and persistence will pay off in the long run. We can’t regain the lives we lost, but we can push forward.

That will inspire me with future workouts. I hope it inspires others, especially those still living in a state of lock-down. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. It is worth enduring. Just hang in there. Like a good workout, this kind of strain will only make you stronger in the long run.

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January 25, 2020 · 8:15 am

Recounting An Awkward (Yet Hilarious) Boner

awkward

For men, awkward boners are kind of like pranks that go horribly wrong. They’re either funny in hindsight or so embarrassing that you’d do anything to forget them. Get any man talking about the awkward boners he’s had in his life and chances are there will be a little of both. Most will be reluctant to share the really embarrassing ones, but they’ll gladly share the ones they know will get a good laugh.

In that spirit, I’d like to share another personal story about an awkward boner I had in a public place that was embarrassing, but hilarious in the grand scheme of things. It won’t be the first story I’ve shared involving an awkward boner. If people enjoy hearing these kinds of awkward, yet revealing stories, it might not be the last.

However, the previous story I shared was very different. That incident was mostly embarrassing because I was a teenager at the time and it took place at school, a place where things get awkward enough. This one is different. This one occurred while I was a mature adult who had largely survived the chaos of puberty, high school, and acne. In some respects, that’s part of what makes it hilarious.

To set the stage for this awkward exchange between me and my genitals, I need to establish a little context. This incident took place about five years ago. Around that time, I was trying to get into shape for the first time in my life. I’d just started running regularly. I’d also started going to the gym on a routine basis. I was past the point where I was figuring out what to do. At this point, I had developed a regular routine.

A big part of that routine involved spending at least a half-hour on a treadmill, burning off whatever excess calories I’d consumed. I even came to enjoy that part of my workout because it was a chance for me to put on my headphones, listen to music, and lose myself for a while. Sometimes, I would also listen to audiobooks. It helped get me thinking and sweating at the same time.

That part of my routine is how this incident took shape. Most of the audiobooks I’d listened to ranged in genre from mystery novels to political topics to romance. On one particular day, I decided to listen to a new romance audiobook. It was billed as a sexier, seamier love story. I’d listened to those stories before, but not while exercising. I didn’t think it would be a big deal.

In hindsight, I probably should’ve known better. On this day, which happened to be a chilly Saturday morning in the middle of winter, I arrived at the gym in my gym clothes. I had my audiobook loaded up. It was fairly crowded, so I found an unused treadmill and started my routine. I also began playing the audiobook.

The first 10 minutes went by without incident. I had already worked up a good sweat. Things were going well. Then, the plot of the audiobook took a very sensual turn. I knew when I bought the book that there would be graphic parts. I didn’t expect for them to happen that soon, but it happened.

I’m listening to these very graphic, very sexy depictions being read by an alluring female voice. Naturally, my body reacts. It doesn’t matter that I’m jogging. If anything, that accelerates the process. My heart is pumping and my blood is flowing. This just got it flowing in a specific direction. On top of that, I wore loose gym shorts that day. That meant my body had plenty of room to work with.

What unfolded next was an exercise in tact. I know almost immediately that this isn’t going to be one of those incidents that I can shake off by thinking about football. The dam has already burst. There’s going to be some spillover. All I can do is wait it out.

Keep in mind, this is a crowded gym on a Saturday morning. It’s full of people, young and old. Some of them brought their kids to use the indoor pool. If I were to walk around with a fully-pitched tent in my pants, it’s going to get noticed. Granted, some might just stare for a moment and look away. It’s still not a glance I wanted to attract.

I have to wait this out, hoping that it passes before anyone notices. That’s not easy because, as most men will tell you, jogging with a boner is more than a little awkward. It’s like trying to tap dance while juggling flaming torches. It sends all sorts of mixed messages to your body.

At this point, the best I can do is stop the audiobook and switch to music. I also slow the treadmill down so that’s just a brisk walk. I also tactically adjust my shorts to ensure the tent in my pants isn’t too noticeable. From there, it’s just a matter of my body catching up to my thoughts.

I’m still mortified, but I’m also laughing to myself. I’m still new to this gym and regular workouts. I imagine I’d make quite an impression if people noticed me getting erections while working out. They might find it funny. They might even be curious as to what the hell I was listening to.

Eventually, it passes. My heart is still pumping, but the blood flow finally shifts. I don’t even stop my workout. I continue my routine and go about the rest of my workout, as though it didn’t happen. To my knowledge, nobody noticed that I’d spent a good five minutes on a treadmill with a raging erection. I was relieved, but I remembered leaving the gym laughing hysterically at myself.

As awkward as it was, I don’t see that incident in a negative light. This wasn’t at a time in my life when my hormones were raging and my body was betraying me at every turn. I was a healthy adult who had since developed healthier attitudes. If anything, getting an erection in the middle of a gym showed just how healthy I was at that point.

I still go to the gym regularly. I’ve grown fond of it in the years since that incident. I just know what not to listen to when I’m working out. There’s a time and a place for listening to sexy audiobooks. A crowded gym on a Saturday morning isn’t one of them. It’s a lesson I had to learn the hard way, but in hindsight, it’s a hilarious lesson that I doubt I’ll ever forget.

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January 3, 2020 · 7:47 am

A Bit Of (Obvious) Advice To Those Trying To Get In Shape In 2020

I know it’s just a few days into 2020. I also know that this is the time most people try to uphold their New Years Resolution to get in shape and get healthier. I completely respect that resolution. In fact, I encourage and applaud it. I’ve made a concerted effort to get into shape. I can personally attest that it’s worth it.

However, I noticed something when I went to the gym yesterday that’s worth noting.

As always, it was crowded a few days after New Years. I expected that. I try to plan around it. While I still applaud people for making the effort, I question their approach.

To illustrate, here’s what happened. I saw someone sitting at a weight bench doing butterfly curls, but stopping for a few minutes after every set to check their phone. I don’t know if they were discussing something urgent. For all I know, this person was a doctor trying to communicate life-saving medical advice.

Even if that were the case, it’s not the kind of thing that’ll help you get into shape. If your workout is easy enough for you to text in between sets, then it’s too easy. You’re not pushing yourself. You’re not burning calories. You’re not building muscle. You’re barely getting your heart rate up.

I also saw other people just sitting on the weight machines, doing a set every several minutes or so, but still focused more on the TV that was hanging from the wall than actually pushing themselves. Again, if you’re able to focus on a TV show in between sets, then your workout is too easy.

I know you shouldn’t push yourself too hard, especially if you’re new to working out. I made that mistake more than once when I started working out. I injured my foot and my back the first week I went to the gym. I also learned quickly that if your workout isn’t intense enough, then you’re not going to get much benefit from it.

Like it or not, you’re going to have to strain yourself. You’re going to have to grunt, groan, and sweat to actually make a difference, both for your health and for your appearance. You can’t do that and stay engaged with your phone or the TV.

I feel like in the age of the internet where a simple Google search will show you everything you need to know about getting a good workout, nobody has excuses. If it helps, just check out this video for simple workout tips and let that be your guide.

If your focus is on losing weight and shedding fat, check out this video. It offers a nice tutorial on how to make a trip to the gym successful.

Again, and this is probably the simplest advice I can give, if your workout isn’t intense enough to keep you from texting someone, then it’s not intense enough.

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November 14, 2017 · 5:55 am

Making Exercise Obsolete (While Still Looking Sexy)

About nine years ago, I finally came to the realization that I was not as healthy, attractive, or fit as I wanted to be. I was weak, undersized, unassuming, and got winded just by walking around the block a few times. I had next to no sex appeal and hesitated to remove my shirt at the beach. Sadly, it wasn’t until five years ago that I got serious about getting healthy.

Why did it take so long for me to get my act together? It’s simple. That kind of health and sex appeal takes work. It takes a lot of work. To look like I do now, I go running for at least a half hour, six times a week. I go to the gym and lift weights at least twice a week. I also try to limit my sugar intake and drink plenty of water.

While the results have done wonders for my confidence and my sex appeal, it still took a lot of work. Most people, especially those who were die-hard couch potatoes like I was, are reluctant to do that kind of work. It’s strenuous, inconvenient, and downright uncomfortable at times. Go try running four miles in 102 degree weather to see why. Yes, I’ve done that. No, it’s not the most pleasant feeling in the world.

It’s a big reason why most diet and weight loss efforts fail. It’s also why most people tend to break their New Years Resolution to get healthy. Given the extent of the obesity epidemic, it shouldn’t take that much to motivate people into being healthier. However, the work it takes to get that kind of sex appeal is pretty significant, especially when you lack the genetics of a supermodel.

This is now the part where I get peoples’ hopes up about a sexier future, but have to temper them because we’re not quite there yet. However, in reflecting on how hard I worked to reach my current level of health and sex appeal, I think this is something that should give hope those who have given up at becoming sexy something.

For years, diet companies and bad infomercials have been looking for that magic diet pill. You’ve probably heard and/or fantasized about it to some extent. It’s that special pill that you take one a day, change nothing about your lifestyle, and still lose weight. It’s magic because, by and large, that’s literally what such a pill requires in order to work.

Many people claim to have discovered it. Dr. Oz has discovered it no fewer than 16 times. The fact that obesity is still a problem and people still need to exercise in order to lose weight and gain sex appeal shows just how bogus these products are. If you’re depressed now, please bear with me because there is some good news here.

That magic pill that Dr. Oz keeps failing to find might actually be possible, minus the magic. According to research conducted at Leiden University, in the Netherlands, it is possible for a pill that will not only help them lose weight, but mimic the effects of exercise. It basically means that you can get the equivalent of a two-hour workout and never leave your couch. It’s a lazy person’s ultimate dream.

How is that possible, though? How can it not rely on magic? Well, if you’ve been reading this blog for any amount of time, you already know how much I belabor the inherent flaws in the human body. The human body, despite its beauty and sexiness, is kind of crude. It can easily be tricked, hacked, and hijacked like an old computer running Windows 95.

According to the research, the miracle drug involved, unoriginally called GW501516, basically tricks the body into doing the same thing it does when you actually exercise. As it turns out, there are all sorts of basic, but varied process that happen when you work out. Your heart rate goes up, your metabolism spikes, and your body basically stresses itself into burning energy, becoming fitter and sexier in the process.

Those same processes are, like I said, fairly crude. Exercise is just the reaction your body has. If a pill can induce that same reaction, then your body won’t know the difference. It doesn’t have to do the same workout as Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson. It just has to react as though it did.

If it sounds like cheating, that’s because it is, from a biological perspective. Unlike professional athletes and certain World of Warcraft players, the only consequence is washboard abs, toned arms, and legs that can kick a soccer ball across the field. Biology is pretty lousy at punishing cheaters, especially when it helps them look sexier and survive.

Now, if you’re wondering why this miracle drug isn’t already making billions turning everyone into fitness models, there’s a damn good reason. The drug, in its current state, has some nasty side-effects, one of which is cancer. No matter how much you want those washboard abs, cancer isn’t worth paying that kind of price.

However, the fact that pill worked is a proof of concept. Finding ways to mitigate those side-effects, or remove them entirely, is simply a matter of refinement, research, and testing. Given that the weight loss market it worth $66 billion, rest assured there are plenty of incentives to get this drug right.

It’s promising, but still a ways off, as many of the other advancements I’ve mentioned tend to be. However, unlike major breakthroughs such as smart blood, this one is probably closer than most. Given the incentives and the scale of the obesity epidemic, it’s only a matter of time before someone turns this into a true magic bullet for obesity.

It also means that, when that time comes, it’ll be possible for more people to get in shape, get sexier, and stay that way without maintaining a ridiculous workout routine. I’m not going to lie. If I could just take a pill instead of running 15 miles a week, I’d do it in a heartbeat. Who among us wouldn’t?

It might very well make the very concept of exercise obsolete. Who would want to go to the gym or run every day if they didn’t have to? While that may upset gym owners, I think a fitter, healthier, sexier population is a price worth paying.

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May 25, 2017 · 6:54 am

Jack Fisher’s Beach Body Tips

It’s almost that time again. For kids who have been languishing in school or adults who have been cooped up indoors, the wait is almost over. Summer is almost here and that means the beaches are almost open. Just writing that puts a smile on my face and a tear of joy in my eye.

I doubt it’ll shock anyone that I love summer and I love the beach. What’s not to love? I’m a man who enjoys sleeping naked and appreciates nudity in general. Many swimsuits these days are basically akin to underwear anyways so being at the beach means you’re basically halfway there. It’s the closest you can come to enjoying nudity without breaking any indecent exposure laws.

Beyond the bikinis, as though an aspiring erotica/romance writer needs any more reasons, the beach has pretty much everything. The weather is warm, the food is good, and beach bars are always a fun place to hang out. There’s music, body surfing, and a general fuck-work-let’s-just-relax type attitude. No matter who you are, you’ll find something to enjoy at the beach.

I say this with an even bigger smile because in a couple days, I’m taking my first major vacation of 2017. With the arrival of the Memorial Day holiday, most of the pools and beaches all over the country will be open. For me, that’s basically my cue to get the hell out of my fancy suits, put on some swim trunks, and get to the beach. After being snowed in one time too many, I’m ready for some warmer, clothing-optional weather.

As such, I’m making the necessary preparations for my first beach trip of the year. For me, that doesn’t just mean stocking up on sun screen and washing my beach towels. It also means working out a little harder, getting into just the right shape for the summer. That way when I take my shirt off, I can be proud of what I’m showing the world.

Now, I don’t consider myself a real fitness junkie. I’m no body builder and I’m certainly no Olympian athlete. In fact, not long ago, I was about as health conscious as Homer Simpson on a donut bender. It wasn’t until about five years ago when I started shaming myself into being healthier.

Surprisingly enough, I learned that I really enjoyed working out. For some reason, getting all hot, sweaty, and sexy can be very rewarding for a man. Who knew? It may seem so obvious now, but I really had to push myself to reshape my body and adopt a healthier lifestyle.

I started small, going to some crappy gym that cost way too much, at least once a week. It wasn’t much, but it got me started. It triggered in me an unexpected feeling. I felt good about myself. I felt confident in my body and my abilities. It wasn’t much, but it was enough to begin a new process.

Fast forward a few years and I’m now a member of a much nicer gym. I go twice a week, doing a mix of weight training and cardio. I’m also an avid runner. I run at least 15 miles a week around my neighborhood. It doesn’t matter of it’s boiling hot outside or bone-chilling cold. I still do it and I still love it.

It was hard, stressful, and downright agonizing at times. I’d spent most of my life as the kid who dreaded gym class more than calculus. That’s not an easy mentality to escape, but I did it. I did it and I’m a better man because of it and not just because I look better in a speedo.

Now, I know it’s become politically incorrect these days to show off your beach body and preach the value of exercise. For some people, it’s a downright affront to their right to look the way they want, no matter how unhealthy it might be. I’m not here to start another debate on that issue. That’s one of those arguments that can never be won.

Instead, I’d like to just appreciate the joys of going to the beach and looking good while doing it. Summer is here and no matter what your political affiliation or predilection for outrage, a trip to the beach is something we can all enjoy.

So for those looking to hit the beach at any point this summer, I’d like to offer a few tips on getting that beach body you want. Please note, however, that I am an aspiring erotica/romance writer and not a fitness guru. I’m no more certified to give health advice than I am to fix a rocket. However, I can speak from experience though and, as my visible abs can attest, that experience does give me some insight.

Now, I get there are some out there who don’t care to get a “beach body” of any kind. They’d rather stay in whatever shape they’re in right now. That’s perfectly fine. You’re free to do that. For those who aren’t content with their current body shape, though, I’d like to help. I want to help everybody be and feel as sexy as possible. So here are my top tips for obtaining a beach body for the summer.

Tip #1: Look At Your Current Fitness Routine And Add ONE More Workout

It’s a common misconception that in order to get into great shape, you need to train like an Olympian and hire Brad Pitt’s personal trainer. That’s simply not the case. The human body is stubborn, but not that stubborn.

If you’re at all health conscious and you have a workout, then you’ve already completed the most important step. There are a lot of people out there who can’t even get that far. I know because, until a few years ago, I was one of them.

Having a regular workout is a great way to establish a base fitness level of sorts. If that workout helps maintain the body shape you want, then keep at it. If being cooped up all winter has made it harder to maintain that level, then add at least one additional workout on top of it. That’ll strain your body in just the right way.

By straining your body in that right way, you’ll get it burning some extra fat and building some extra muscle. Whether you wear a speedo or a bikini, every bit of sexiness counts, especially at the beach.

Tip #2: Tweak Your Diet For A Week To Emphasize Eggs, Chicken, And Fish

Working out is hard enough. Even hardcore fitness junkies will tell you that sticking to a diet is even harder. Let’s face it. We live in a world full of delicious, unhealthy food. You can’t go 100 feet in this world without running into a fast food restaurant, an ice cream shop, or something that reminds you how much you love chocolate.

It’s hard resisting all that sugary food. Contrary to what some gurus may tell you, you don’t have to abandon it completely. Even the muscle-bound Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson doesn’t do that. In fact, he’s famous for his so-called “cheat days” where he gorges on those delicious, sugary foods and does it with a charisma that only he can match.

Keep that in mind as you tweak your diet in preparation for the beach. That doesn’t mean eating only cardboard and kale, though. For building muscle and burning fat, your primary sources of nourishment should come from protein-rich sources like eggs, chicken, and fish.

If possible, throw in some brown rice and use whole-grain bread as well. This will put your body into a fat-burning, calorie shredding mode. It’ll help build muscle and reduce fat deposits.

Also, if you’re going to drink anything, drink water or calorie-free soda. Stay away from energy drinks or fruit juice. If you need energy, just simple black coffee will do the trick.

Tip #3: Spend An Extra Half-Hour Out In The Sun Before You Hit The Beach

This isn’t so much a fitness tip as it is a tip to make your beach experience less painful. Now if you’re not the kind of person who gets sunburned easily, you can skip this. For others who are of a very pale complexion and burn easily, like me, skip this at your own peril.

There are two kinds of people in my family, those who tan without even trying and those who burn. I’m the latter. When you’re pale, it doesn’t take much for the sun to scorch your skin like burnt toast. Sometimes, applying sunscreen only goes so far. One year, I slathered myself in sunscreen, but still got burned on the tops of my feet where the lotion washed off. That was not a pleasant feeling.

Beyond sunscreen, just spending some extra time out in the sun, getting a base tan of sorts, will go a long way towards easing any burns. You don’t have to spend hours on end outside. Just spend a half-hour at most, getting some rays to add some color. Trust me. Nothing is more painful and less sexy than a full-body sunburn.

Tip #4: Get Extra Sleep In The Days Before You Go To The Beach

There’s so much to do and see at the beach. Between the bikinis and the beach bars, there just aren’t enough hours in the day to enjoy it all. What’s the point of going to the beach if you’re too tired or stressed to enjoy it?

This is where sleep comes in. It doesn’t just rejuvenate your mind and give you awkward boners in the morning. It’s very important to your health. A lack of sleep can negatively impact your weight and your overall fitness. That’s why waiting until you’re at the beach to catch up on sleep will cost you half your vacation.

To ensure you have the energy and vitality to enjoy the beach, try getting some extra sleep in the days leading up to your trip. This won’t just help with whatever fitness routine you’re doing. It’ll ensure you have the time and energy to maximize your beach-going experience. That means less time sleeping and more time soaking in the sun, drinking lemonade, and admiring the bikinis.

At the risk of overwhelming people on a topic that should be inherently relaxing, I’ll stop the list here. If you have your own system for enjoying the beach and it works for you, then don’t let me stop you. Go for it! Do what you know works for you. These are just tips for those looking for other ways to maximize their beach-going experience.

I’m already in the process of preparing. I’m already looking forward to that moment when I step on the beach, take off my shirt, and strut my manly stuff. If anyone out there can think of a better way to begin summer, I’d love to hear it.

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