It’s almost that time again. For kids who have been languishing in school or adults who have been cooped up indoors, the wait is almost over. Summer is almost here and that means the beaches are almost open. Just writing that puts a smile on my face and a tear of joy in my eye.
I doubt it’ll shock anyone that I love summer and I love the beach. What’s not to love? I’m a man who enjoys sleeping naked and appreciates nudity in general. Many swimsuits these days are basically akin to underwear anyways so being at the beach means you’re basically halfway there. It’s the closest you can come to enjoying nudity without breaking any indecent exposure laws.
Beyond the bikinis, as though an aspiring erotica/romance writer needs any more reasons, the beach has pretty much everything. The weather is warm, the food is good, and beach bars are always a fun place to hang out. There’s music, body surfing, and a general fuck-work-let’s-just-relax type attitude. No matter who you are, you’ll find something to enjoy at the beach.
I say this with an even bigger smile because in a couple days, I’m taking my first major vacation of 2017. With the arrival of the Memorial Day holiday, most of the pools and beaches all over the country will be open. For me, that’s basically my cue to get the hell out of my fancy suits, put on some swim trunks, and get to the beach. After being snowed in one time too many, I’m ready for some warmer, clothing-optional weather.
As such, I’m making the necessary preparations for my first beach trip of the year. For me, that doesn’t just mean stocking up on sun screen and washing my beach towels. It also means working out a little harder, getting into just the right shape for the summer. That way when I take my shirt off, I can be proud of what I’m showing the world.
Now, I don’t consider myself a real fitness junkie. I’m no body builder and I’m certainly no Olympian athlete. In fact, not long ago, I was about as health conscious as Homer Simpson on a donut bender. It wasn’t until about five years ago when I started shaming myself into being healthier.
Surprisingly enough, I learned that I really enjoyed working out. For some reason, getting all hot, sweaty, and sexy can be very rewarding for a man. Who knew? It may seem so obvious now, but I really had to push myself to reshape my body and adopt a healthier lifestyle.
I started small, going to some crappy gym that cost way too much, at least once a week. It wasn’t much, but it got me started. It triggered in me an unexpected feeling. I felt good about myself. I felt confident in my body and my abilities. It wasn’t much, but it was enough to begin a new process.
Fast forward a few years and I’m now a member of a much nicer gym. I go twice a week, doing a mix of weight training and cardio. I’m also an avid runner. I run at least 15 miles a week around my neighborhood. It doesn’t matter of it’s boiling hot outside or bone-chilling cold. I still do it and I still love it.
It was hard, stressful, and downright agonizing at times. I’d spent most of my life as the kid who dreaded gym class more than calculus. That’s not an easy mentality to escape, but I did it. I did it and I’m a better man because of it and not just because I look better in a speedo.
Now, I know it’s become politically incorrect these days to show off your beach body and preach the value of exercise. For some people, it’s a downright affront to their right to look the way they want, no matter how unhealthy it might be. I’m not here to start another debate on that issue. That’s one of those arguments that can never be won.
Instead, I’d like to just appreciate the joys of going to the beach and looking good while doing it. Summer is here and no matter what your political affiliation or predilection for outrage, a trip to the beach is something we can all enjoy.
So for those looking to hit the beach at any point this summer, I’d like to offer a few tips on getting that beach body you want. Please note, however, that I am an aspiring erotica/romance writer and not a fitness guru. I’m no more certified to give health advice than I am to fix a rocket. However, I can speak from experience though and, as my visible abs can attest, that experience does give me some insight.
Now, I get there are some out there who don’t care to get a “beach body” of any kind. They’d rather stay in whatever shape they’re in right now. That’s perfectly fine. You’re free to do that. For those who aren’t content with their current body shape, though, I’d like to help. I want to help everybody be and feel as sexy as possible. So here are my top tips for obtaining a beach body for the summer.
Tip #1: Look At Your Current Fitness Routine And Add ONE More Workout
It’s a common misconception that in order to get into great shape, you need to train like an Olympian and hire Brad Pitt’s personal trainer. That’s simply not the case. The human body is stubborn, but not that stubborn.
If you’re at all health conscious and you have a workout, then you’ve already completed the most important step. There are a lot of people out there who can’t even get that far. I know because, until a few years ago, I was one of them.
Having a regular workout is a great way to establish a base fitness level of sorts. If that workout helps maintain the body shape you want, then keep at it. If being cooped up all winter has made it harder to maintain that level, then add at least one additional workout on top of it. That’ll strain your body in just the right way.
By straining your body in that right way, you’ll get it burning some extra fat and building some extra muscle. Whether you wear a speedo or a bikini, every bit of sexiness counts, especially at the beach.
Tip #2: Tweak Your Diet For A Week To Emphasize Eggs, Chicken, And Fish
Working out is hard enough. Even hardcore fitness junkies will tell you that sticking to a diet is even harder. Let’s face it. We live in a world full of delicious, unhealthy food. You can’t go 100 feet in this world without running into a fast food restaurant, an ice cream shop, or something that reminds you how much you love chocolate.
It’s hard resisting all that sugary food. Contrary to what some gurus may tell you, you don’t have to abandon it completely. Even the muscle-bound Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson doesn’t do that. In fact, he’s famous for his so-called “cheat days” where he gorges on those delicious, sugary foods and does it with a charisma that only he can match.
Keep that in mind as you tweak your diet in preparation for the beach. That doesn’t mean eating only cardboard and kale, though. For building muscle and burning fat, your primary sources of nourishment should come from protein-rich sources like eggs, chicken, and fish.
If possible, throw in some brown rice and use whole-grain bread as well. This will put your body into a fat-burning, calorie shredding mode. It’ll help build muscle and reduce fat deposits.
Also, if you’re going to drink anything, drink water or calorie-free soda. Stay away from energy drinks or fruit juice. If you need energy, just simple black coffee will do the trick.
Tip #3: Spend An Extra Half-Hour Out In The Sun Before You Hit The Beach
This isn’t so much a fitness tip as it is a tip to make your beach experience less painful. Now if you’re not the kind of person who gets sunburned easily, you can skip this. For others who are of a very pale complexion and burn easily, like me, skip this at your own peril.
There are two kinds of people in my family, those who tan without even trying and those who burn. I’m the latter. When you’re pale, it doesn’t take much for the sun to scorch your skin like burnt toast. Sometimes, applying sunscreen only goes so far. One year, I slathered myself in sunscreen, but still got burned on the tops of my feet where the lotion washed off. That was not a pleasant feeling.
Beyond sunscreen, just spending some extra time out in the sun, getting a base tan of sorts, will go a long way towards easing any burns. You don’t have to spend hours on end outside. Just spend a half-hour at most, getting some rays to add some color. Trust me. Nothing is more painful and less sexy than a full-body sunburn.
Tip #4: Get Extra Sleep In The Days Before You Go To The Beach
There’s so much to do and see at the beach. Between the bikinis and the beach bars, there just aren’t enough hours in the day to enjoy it all. What’s the point of going to the beach if you’re too tired or stressed to enjoy it?
This is where sleep comes in. It doesn’t just rejuvenate your mind and give you awkward boners in the morning. It’s very important to your health. A lack of sleep can negatively impact your weight and your overall fitness. That’s why waiting until you’re at the beach to catch up on sleep will cost you half your vacation.
To ensure you have the energy and vitality to enjoy the beach, try getting some extra sleep in the days leading up to your trip. This won’t just help with whatever fitness routine you’re doing. It’ll ensure you have the time and energy to maximize your beach-going experience. That means less time sleeping and more time soaking in the sun, drinking lemonade, and admiring the bikinis.
At the risk of overwhelming people on a topic that should be inherently relaxing, I’ll stop the list here. If you have your own system for enjoying the beach and it works for you, then don’t let me stop you. Go for it! Do what you know works for you. These are just tips for those looking for other ways to maximize their beach-going experience.
I’m already in the process of preparing. I’m already looking forward to that moment when I step on the beach, take off my shirt, and strut my manly stuff. If anyone out there can think of a better way to begin summer, I’d love to hear it.