Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Labor Day Edition

Summer is just about over. Just typing that sentence out makes me sad. That means I’ll be putting away my speedo, my muscle shirts, and my flip-flops soon. In my part of the country, the cold weather tends to come fast and lingers like an itchy asshole. I’m not looking forward to that, to say the least.

In a sense, Labor Day is our last chance to really enjoy the warm weather, the beaches, and the bikinis one last time. Unless you live in a tropical climate, and I envy those who do, it’s a sight you’ll have to cherish until 2018. Having enjoyed my fair share of trips to the beach while sleeping naked in the muggy heat every night, I like to think this summer has been a success.

I’m still going to enjoy what’s left of it during Labor Day. I’ll drink a few extra cold beers. I’ll lounge around in swim trunks and flip flops. I’ll see if I can spot any more bikinis before they disappear for the rest of the year. I encourage everyone to do the same.

To aid in this effort, I dedicate this week of Sexy Sunday Thoughts to the last days of summer. I hope everyone has a safe and sexy Labor Day. Enjoy it and get ready for a long, less sexy winter.


“Dancing may not count as outright foreplay, but in many cases, it still helps us exercise our humping skills.”


“No matter how smart you are, you’re always prone to stupidity when you’re really horny.”


“The fact that women are concerned with styling their hair while men are obsessed with NOT losing it makes hair, in general, is a perfect metaphor for modern romance.”


“Is a man who uses a dildo to please his lover compensating for something or just well-equipped?”


“In a sense, an elaborate wedding is two families paying exorbitant, up-front fees to permit two people to see each other naked on a regular basis.” 


“Sexiness takes work, sex appeal takes talent, and sex skills take practice. It’s just the last step that’s hardest to set up.”


“If actions speak louder than words, then a lover who just wants to talk about sex is sending mixed messages.”


The summer is just about over. Before long, you’ll be shoveling snow, shopping for Halloween candy, and putting up Christmas decorations, possibly within the same week. That’s all the more reason to cherish this Labor Day holiday to enjoy what’s left of summer.

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(Yet) Another Milestone!

It’s been yet another record month for me and this blog. I know I’ve been saying that fairly regularly lately, but it’s worth belaboring. This blog is growing. My footprint on the vast, endless abyss of cat videos, porn, and message boards is growing. It’s not growing by a lot, but it’s still growing so I’ll take it.

Last month, this blog topped 1,800 views. That’s a full 200 more than the previous month. Based on the raw numbers, my posts about love lessons from X-men comics, advances in tit technology, and some celebrity crap really attracted some buzz. I hope to keep growing it in the months to come.

I always want this blog to grow. I want awareness of my work to grow, both for my novels and for my own growing skill. Now that I’m accepting donations and tips on this site, I hope I can turn it into a career. I understand that’s not going to happen overnight, but I’m willing to put in the work.

So to all those who regularly read this blog and enjoy my writing, I sincerely appreciate it. I hope that support continues and grows.

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Now Taking Donations For My Work

In case some of you haven’t noticed, in which case maybe it’s my fault for being too subtle, I made a little addition to this blog. It now has a special donation page that you can use to support it by contributing however much you can spare. It’s my first real attempt to get some money out of this blog, other than selling my novels.

I’m not going to be coy about it. I’m not going to be some shady televangelist either and claim that donating to this blog will solve any of your problems. I’m basically a guy on the street, playing an instrument, hoping to earn a few bucks with his skill. This blog is that instrument.

I’ve been working on it for over a year. In that time, I’ve talked about everything from sex robots to sex-positive superheroes to Wonder Woman’s BDSM history to virtue signaling to advances in contraception to smart sex toys to caveman logic. I try to offer a diverse, interesting, and sexy range of topics that go beyond my novels. I want this blog to be a hub for a unique world that you can’t experience anywhere else.

I’ve long thought about monetizing my site. Since I began putting effort into this blog, I’ve seen traffic steadily grow. I’m averaging over 1,000 views a month. I know that’s not a lot in an internet full of cat videos, porn, and laughing babies. It’s a start, though. I want to do what I can to expand my little sliver of the internet. If that sliver can help me sell more novels and make a few extra bucks, then I’ll consider that a success.

Now, I thought about upgrading my WordPress account to allow ads for this site. I am willing to do that at some point. However, before I resort to blanketing this site with ads, which I know many users find annoying, I want to try something simpler. Donations is as simple as it gets.

Just click on the Donations page at the top of the site or click on the PayPal icon on the front page and that will take you to a PayPal site where you can donate. I accept any amount other than a dollar. I’m not asking for someone to pay my mortgage off or something. I’m just asking for whatever change you can spare. Any amount helps keep this blog free of ads and focused on sexier topics.

So please, if you can, take some time to donate to this blog and support my efforts to make a living talking about fun, sexy topics while writing hot, sexy novels. The more resources I have, the more time and energy I can dedicate to these efforts. Call it a donation. Call it a tip. Call it pity for someone trying to make a living talking about sexy issues. It doesn’t matter. Any reason or excuse for donating is okay with me.

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Thank you and I promise not to beg for donations too much. I hope as traffic for this site grows, new opportunities will emerge. Like I said, I want to make a living with this, writing sexy stories and talking about sexy issues. I’m willing to put in the work to achieve this, but I need support from others to make it a reality. So please donate what you can and help me make this world better, sexier, and everything in between.

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The (Possible) Secrets Of Generation Z (And Why We’ll Be Appalled By Them)

Every time I write a post that requires me to speculate, I always write a disclaimer at some point that makes clear I am not some psychic soothsayer who can see the future in any meaningful capacity. If I were, then the last PowerBall jackpot would’ve had a very different outcome.

Nobody knows the future. Nobody can possibly know, given how erratic we are as a species and a society. Seriously, who the hell could’ve predicted that fidget spinners would be a thing?

That said, I do think it’s a necessary mental exercise, of sorts, to speculate on certain elements of the future. By that, I don’t mean next week’s lotto numbers or who will win in Fantasy Football. I’m talking more in terms of the bigger picture.

I’ve speculated before on many elements of the future, from the prospects of a second sexual revolution to the sex lives of enhanced humans. In each of these speculations, I freely admit that I could be dead wrong and this will be no different because I’m about to speculate about a topic that’s much more immediate.

It doesn’t involve technology, brain implants, or whatever crazy venture that Elon Musk and Richard Branson are cooking up. It has to do with the next generation that will follow those constantly-texting, selfie-taking, latte-loving millennials that everyone loves whining about these days.

It will happen. It has already started happening. Millennials may be having less sex, but they’re still having sex. That means babies are being born. That means there will be another generation of people after the millennials start getting old, whiny, and cantankerous.

At the moment, this generation doesn’t have much of an identity. It barely has a name. Some call it Generation Z or the Cloud Generation. Since they’re so young and they haven’t been around long enough to do anything to earn them a more creative nickname, I’ll just go with calling them Generation Z.

It’s hard to know much about them, right now. Nobody even knows what sort of age range they belong in, but for the moment, Generation Z is primarily defined as the cohort of people born after 2001. They are basically the generation that has never been influenced by the 90s, dial-up internet, or the pre-terrorism days when you could still carry bottles of shampoo on a airplane.

They are also a generation born into a world where social media has matured, internet access is a necessity and not a luxury, and talking to devices that talk back is considered normal. They have some very unusual factors guiding them, many of which previous generations created and none of which they had any say in shaping.

It’s hard to know much about what defines this new generation, if only because they’re still teenagers who haven’t entered the workforce or started voting yet. That will change in the next few years. It won’t be long before the generation that those overly-connected, over-caffeinated millennial hipsters spawned starts to mature.

That still begs many questions to marketing departments, fashion magazines, and older people looking for a new batch of youth to whine about. What kind of people will Generation Z be? What sort of attitudes, tendencies, and mentalities will they embrace? Who will their leaders, heroes, and icons be?

These questions are still impossible to answer, but Generation Z is growing. I’ve already got a number of nephews and cousins, some of which are still in diapers, who will be part of this generation. I’m sure many reading this blog have family members who will be part of that generation as well.

Every generation has their share of challenges and quirks. Since I fall squarely in the age-range of the millennial crowd, I have some insight into those issues. That’s why I felt at least partially qualified when I wrote my article on the dark secrets of the millennial mind. I’m far less qualified to know the secrets of Generation Z, but I’m still going to try.

Make no mistake. Generation Z will have certain quirks that will annoy the hell out of millennials. They’ll probably end up annoying baby boomers and those of Generation X even more. I’m sure once they get old enough to start making a scene, there will be even more jokes about them than there are about millennials.

Until then, we can only speculate on the kinds of secrets that will shape Generation Z and all whining other generations will do about them. I’m not looking forward to so much whining, but I will still attempt to find a context for it.

With all that in mind, what follows is a list of the potential dark secrets that Generation Z will possess and how those secrets will annoy older people to no end. Again, I am woefully unqualified to make predictions about the future and there’s a very high chance that what I write will be dead wrong. Please keep that in mind before you start lamenting about the attitudes of your future children.


Potential Secret #1: They Will Be The Most Nihilistic Generation Of All Time

Every generations is, to some extent, a reaction of the previous generation and those that came before it. If one generation is upbeat, then the other is cynical. If one is uptight, then the other is rebellious. It’s not quite a cycle because the extent is always changing, but the dynamics are fairly common.

It’s because of those dynamics that Generation Z will very likely be the ultimate personification of nihilism. I’m not just talking the Friedrich Nietzsche style, existence-has-no-meaning type of mentality that inspired every goth band ever made. Generation Z will likely embrace a more passive form of nihilism.

Think about the outrage that previous generations have voiced on any number of issues. Baby Boomers voiced a lot of outrage about the Vietnam War. Generation X voiced outrage about outdated, corrupt traditions. Millennials voiced outrage about fake news, quasi-fascists, and poor wi-fi. Generation Z will be influenced by all of this and will respond with a resounding “meh.”

Here’s a scenario that should illustrate that sentiment.

Baby Boomers: “You kids are a bunch of self-entitled, narcissistic deviants who have no idea how good you have it! You ought to be ashamed!”

Millennials: “You kids are destroying the world! You’re empowering racists, fascists, sexists, homophobes with your actions and inactions! You ought to be ashamed!”

Generation Z: “Yeah, so what? In the long run, it really doesn’t matter.”

That’s the main crux of any debate for Generation Z. They’re born into a world where the sheer volume of media, information, and access is so big, so vast, and so overwhelming that they feel like tiny specks of sand within a digital ocean. Their perspective is one of inherent smallness.

Nothing they say will ever be loud enough for most people to hear. Nothing they do will be significant enough to stand out. Between that information and being the kids of highly-educated millennials, they will see just how small and pointless they are in a world so big and complex.

By the time Generation Z comes of age, there could be nearly 8 billion people on this planet, many with access to the same internet, social media feeds, and every kind of news source, fake or otherwise. They will feel so small in such a large global community that the passions of the millennials will feel pointless.

This will be what really frustrates other generations, especially the millennials. Generation Z will be born into the world of fake news and alternative facts, so much so that the meaning behind news, events, and controversies will be muted.

Generation Z will see beloved celebrities fall, corrupt politicians ascend, and cherished institutions crumble and just shrug their shoulders. They won’t be sad or depressed about it, though. They just won’t waste their energy on it because they see it as pointless in the grand scheme of things.


Potential Secret #2: They Will Be More Conservative (But Not In The Way You Think)

In the same way every generation seems to react to one another in terms of trends, political persuasions often adapt in accord with those trends. By that, I don’t mean they go from one extreme to another. The Baby Boomers were far more liberal than their predecessors, but compared to Generation X and millennials, they’re fairly conservative on a lot of issues.

At the moment, the majority of millennials identify as liberal, at least in the current context of the term. These attitudes will likely shape and influence the politics of Generation Z. They’re being born into a world where the idea of having a black man or a reality TV show host as president is not considered outrageous. As such, they’re going to be pretty numb to political extremes.

It’s for that reason that Generation Z will probably be a bit more conservative than their millennial parents or Generation X grandparents, but they’ll still disagree a great deal with Baby Boomers.

That’s because their kind of conservatism won’t be built on the overtly-religious, pro-business, let’s-trust-the-greedy-folks-running-the-free-market-to-sort-it-out ideology. It’ll be built more on the notion that all the liberal activism that millennials and the Generation X crowd took part in didn’t amount to much, especially compared to the Baby Boomers.

Generation Z will live in a world where they can watch old videos of presidential debates, TV pundits, and college protests and see just how much and how little they accomplished. Sure, they’ll probably be accepting of minorities and relatively lenient on social issues, but it’ll take a lot to get the Generation Z crowd to shake up the political and social norms of their time.

Part of this will likely be due to their inherent nihilism. Another part of this will be having seen their parents call everything a racist, sexist, anti-gay, anti-trans, fascist agenda. Once everything becomes an agenda, it just becomes more trouble than it’s worth and Generation Z won’t bother with that kind of activism. They’ll be too content and/or numb to profane politicians or ridiculous traditions.


Potential Secret #3: They Will Be Obsessed With Purpose Rather Than Passion

This may seem inconsistent with the overall sense of nihilism that I mentioned earlier, but it’s actually the other side of the same coin that may very well define Generation Z. This is the side that every marketing department, mass media company, and aspiring erotica/romance writers need to consider if they’re to appeal to this generation.

Whereas Baby Boomers were driven by rebellion and millennials were driven by passion, the Generation Z crowd will focus on finding something that gives them a sense of purpose. Things like passion, duty, or responsibility will be secondary at best. Those in Generation Z will be striving and struggling for purpose.

Some of that has less to do with nihilism and more to do with trends in the economy. With each passing year, more of our economy and daily lives is being automated. I’ve even talked about the possibilities before, but it’ll be more than a possibility for Generation Z. They’ll be living in it.

By the time my cousins and nephews are legal adults, they’ll be surrounded by virtual assistants who will shop for them and self-driving cars who will drive for them. They may not even live in a world where actual humans check out their groceries anymore.

So much will be automated and/or facilitated for them that they won’t have to toil anywhere nearly as much as previous generations. Working in a factory, a construction site, or even an art studio will be exceedingly rare for the folks of Generation Z. With so many tasks done for them and so little need to toil, what will they do with themselves?

It’s hard to know the specifics. Again, who the hell could’ve predicted the rise of fidget spinners? However, I suspect that those in Generation Z will dedicate most of their time and energy into finding that purpose, whatever it might be. Chances are, it’ll be something that makes millennials and Baby Boomers roll their eyes.

I imagine the lives of Generation Z will be filled with any number of absurd ideas of personal meaning. It may be a weird job, a strange hobby, or an odd new way of doing business. In any case, it won’t matter how absurd it is. So long as it gives them meaning, Generation Z will embrace it to the utmost.


Potential Secret #4: They Will Have No Concept Of Privacy (And Won’t Care)

This probably doesn’t count as much of a secret. We’re already seeing privacy, as we once knew it, erode with each passing year. Millennials took the technology that Generation X helped create and used it to tell the world damn near everything about them. Privacy, for them, might as well be a steam-powered train.

Those within Generation Z will likely continue this trend. It’s a trend that began long before their parents. When trends have roots that deep, they tend to continue. They don’t always manifest in the same way, though. With Generation Z, the lack of privacy will likely take on a distinct twist, compared to their parents.

As transparent as many are in the internet age, both Generation X and millennials still choose their words carefully. They helped create the climate of political correctness that is so easy to despise for its absurdities. Today, voicing any opinion, even if it occurred in private, can become a huge spectacle that costs people their livelihoods, their reputations, and in some cases their lives.

Generation Z will grow up in a world where that climate has caused too many people too much stress. Between that, and living in a world that’s so vast and overwhelming, they’ll probably be even more likely to share every little detail about their lives on the internet. Moreover, they won’t care how offensive or wrong it is to their parents or grandparents.

It’s probably going to appall the millennial generation the most. They’ll be the ones crying, “It’s [insert current year here]! How can you possibly still hold these opinions?” Those of Generation Z will just shrug their shoulders and say, “So what? What does it matter?”

I shudder to think just how detailed they’ll be when it comes to sharing their lives. I’m all for pretty girls sharing pictures of them in a bikini or parents showing adorable pictures of their babies. I’d rather not see more graphic pictures that include the contents of poopy diapers.


Potential Secret #5: They Will Be Emotionally Numbed (To A Point)

In a sense, millennials and the Generation X crowd will be the mad scientists that create the perfect monsters in Generation Z. They’re both defined by varying extremes of being overly passionate about too many things and not being passionate about damn near everything. Basically, they’ll be the children of Kurt Cobain and Taylor Swift.

As a result of those extremes, Generation Z will probably be the most emotionally numb generation to date, at least publicly. That’s not to say they’ll be a bunch of manikins with a pulse. They will still feel emotion. They won’t be entirely Vulcan in their mentality. They’ll just be more channeled with their emotions.

By that, I mean Generation Z will see their emotions as a precious resource that should be reserved for people and things that matter. They’ll have seen their parents get so emotional about all sorts of trivial crap, from who dies in “Game of Thrones” to what sort of political statements that Beyoncé made. They’ll notice how stressful and pointless that was and adapt accordingly.

That probably means that Generation Z will be very hard to market to, in terms of creating a consumer base. Remember, this is a generation that emphasizes purpose, but it doesn’t matter how absurd or inane that purpose is. It’s not enough to just evoke emotional responses with Generation Z. It has to be tied to a purpose.

Everything else outside that purpose, though, isn’t going to jar them in the slightest. They’ll already be living in a world where every emotionally-charged story and image is online, accessible, and blared to everyone with an internet connection. They’ll be fairly numb to the big stuff. They’ll reserve those emotions for the small stuff, the trees within the forest, that really gives their lives meaning.


I hope I haven’t scared everyone over the age of 30 too much. Again, and I’m sorry to belabor this, but these are just speculations on my part. I have no idea what sort of people Generation Z will spawn. Five years from now, this list may be obsolete and I’ll look like an idiot for writing something so wrong.

If you think I’m dead wrong and feel like you have something else to add to this list, please let me know in the comments. I’ll be happy to revise it, especially if it means looking less stupid down the line.

Wrong or not, this new generation is coming. We’re all going to have to live with them and find ways to appeal to them. That includes aspiring erotica/romance writers. So if you start noticing a shift in tone to my sexy novels, as if I’m trying to appeal to a new crowd, you’ll know why.

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The (Dark) Secrets Of The Millennial Mind

In recent years, it’s become a popular past-time to hate millennials and anything associated with them. Browse any non-pornographic part of the web for more than five minutes and you’re bound to find some angry anti-millennial rant about how their hashtags, safe spaces, and compulsive need to take selfies is ruining the planet.

I tend to roll my eyes at those articles, just as I tend to roll my eyes at any rant that bashes a particular generation. I’ve read enough random crap and talked to enough bitter old people to know that every generation bashes the other to some extent.

The World War II generation whined about all the hippie types in the Baby Boomer generation. Those same Baby Boomers whined about the brooding, selfish, cynical, I-don’t-care-and-I-don’t-need-anybody attitudes of Generation X. In many respects, the millennials are just next in line. It was bound to happen because it’ll always happen, for as long as old people complain about young people.

Never mind the fact that the millennial generation is the most education generation of all time. Never mind the fact that the millennial generation is the most diverse generation of all time and are coming into a world with the lowest crime rates in modern history. Let’s also not forget that, unlike any other generation before it, millennials are the first generation to have unlimited, near-universal access to information.

No matter what type of world the millennials inherit, or what sort of advantages they have, older generations will find a reason to complain about them. It’s not so much that young people actively rebel against old people, as we see in one too many teen movies. It’s more the fact that they’re young and old people are older. I know that sounds inane, but that’s usually the heart of the issue.

Young people don’t have the same life experiences as old people. They can’t understand their perspectives because they haven’t lived them. Their world, and how they see it, is just so different and that frustrates older people because they can’t relate to it. Some will try, but successes will be limited, at best. As such, every generation is going to seem strange, deviant, and/or frustrating to one another.

I’ve certainly experienced this myself, at times. I think everyone has to some degree. They’re young, they talk to an older person, and that older person tells them all about how much better their generation was. They overcame so much more and did it without the aid of smartphones. Somehow, that makes them inherently better and then they wonder why young people tune them out.

In general, I try not to have those kinds of arguments because they’re pointless. As someone who falls in age range of a millennial, I know there’s nothing I can say or do to convince an older person that my generation is as good or better than theirs. That’s not not an argument anyone can win. It’s also pointless, in the grand scheme of things.

However, I do feel as though the millennial-bashing has gotten out of hand in recent years. It’s not so much that older people are complaining about millennials constantly texting on their phones. It’s more a matter of them conducting themselves in such a strange, erratic way that neither Baby Boomers or Generation X can make sense of.

Anyone who has worked with millennials knows this first-hand. This new crop of young adults are incessantly needy, easily offended, and overly emotional about trivial issues. They are the kinds of people that John Lennon, Kurt Cobain, and Madonna would’ve made fun of at every turn.

Now, I’m not going to try and dispel every myth and stereotype of the millennial crowd. Again, that’s not an argument anyone can win. Since I am a millennial, though, and I’ve worked with many my age, I feel like I can offer some context to the general weirdness of my kind.

I have to warn you, though, that context has some dark undertones. Even other millennials don’t always understand it. In a sense, there are some distressingly subversive forces that inspired many of those annoying stereotypes that other generations despise. Some of them have a basis in events that took place long before their time. Some have a basis in simple human nature.

Whatever the case, the mind of a millennial isn’t all hash-tags and cat videos. It’s actually governed by some pretty dark forces that older generations don’t even try to understand. While I doubt this will earn millennials sympathy from Baby Boomers or the Generation X crowd, I hope it provides some critical insight.

With all that said, here are five dark secrets of the millennial generation. These aren’t necessarily guarded secrets, but they are very much a factor in how they see the world. If you know or work with millennials, I sincerely hope this fosters a greater understanding.


Secret #1: We Are Paralyzed With Uncertainty

This is the first and most critical secret that every generation, including millennials themselves, need to acknowledge. It will help make sense of so many of the weird, annoying things they do, albeit for less-than-flattering reasons.

If you’re wondering why uncertainty is such a big deal to us, then stop for a moment and think about how much or how little you knew about the world in your youth. Before the age of computers and smart phones, your world was small. Everything you knew and needed to know could fit in your street, your city block, or your farm. The only uncertainty you dealt with was what you would have for dinner.

For millennials, the world is much bigger and much more accessible. They are connected, plugged in, and in tuned with mind-bogglingly huge amounts of information, from news to personal insights. On top of that, and this is worth repeating, they are the most educated generation of all time.

While that’s great for trivia games, it does have a major side-effect. As a result of so much education, millennials are basically walking examples of a Socratic Paradox. The more they know, the more they realize they don’t know. It’s a byproduct of learning more than what your limited brain can handle.

I’ve felt this first-hand. Just getting into something like superhero comics is daunting when you start to learn how vast and convoluted their history is. That’s just comics, though. Apply this to the world, as a whole, and millennials are utterly paralyzed by knowing so much and realizing how much more they need to know.

That’s why it’s not uncommon to hear millennials constantly asking for clarification, certainty, or reassurance. They think they know, but they don’t know for sure. With so much information, as well as growing trends in “alternative facts,” it’s almost impossible to be totally certain of all the information at a millennial’s disposal.

Keep that in mind next time a young person is constantly checking their phone. It’s not that they’re detached or inconsiderate. They’re just plagued by uncertainty of not knowing what’s going on, what’s happening with their friends, and how everyone is reacting to them. All that uncertainty kind of requires them to be plugged in all the time and it can be exceedingly stressful, among other things.


Secret #2: We Have (Extreme) Trust Issues

This feeds directly off the crippling uncertainty that millennials deal with. It’s not just a by-product. It’s an inescapable obstacle that comes with being educated, informed, and connected.

Millennials have serious trust issues. I’m not talking about the kind of paranoid, conspiracy theory, the-CIA-put-a-chip-in-my-brain type trust issues either. The extreme trust issues that millennials have is more subtle and, in many ways, a side-effect of trends that began in previous generations.

It was the Baby Boomers and Generation X that began rebelling against authority. They were the ones that started youth protests, giving the finger to authority, and brooding with unending cynicism. They helped exposed leaders and icons as hypocrites, crooks, and frauds.

They exposed multiple presidents as liars. They exposed celebrities as monsters. They exposed the corruption of once-cherished institutions. While all that might have been important with respect to pursuing justice, it also created a world where millennials cannot or are very reluctant to trust anyone.

Thanks to all the information at a millennial’s disposal, they can find out that great figures of history were also racist slave-owners. They can find out that beloved scientists and inventors were bullies. They can find out that the celebrities they love are real assholes. In essence, they can’t trust anyone to be true or genuine.

You want to know why superhero movies have become so huge with millennials? Well, that’s because they have no real-life heroes anymore. They’ve all been destroyed or discredited. They’re basically stuck with fictional heroes. That’s all they have left.

Beyond a lack of heroes and leaders who aren’t total frauds, millennials are so flooded with information that they have a hard time trusting the source. Everything seems biased. Everyone has an agenda. There’s fake news everywhere and nobody seems to know what the hell is going on, which I’ve noted out before.

So when you’re dealing with a millennial and they seem detached, that’s part of the reason. It’s also why they seem misinformed and misguided. They don’t know what or who to trust because every generation before them has given them way too many reasons not to. Add unlimited access to abundant information, fake and real, and how can anyone expect them to trust anything?


Secret #3: We Are Drowning In Debt (That We Can’t Escape)

This is one of those quirky issues that does get reported fairly regularly, but not everyone truly grasps the implications. It’s an undeniable fact that millennials are the most indebted generation of all time. A lot of that has to do with the growth of student loan debt, which recently surpassed credit card debt. There are all sorts of factors that led to this growth, but I want to focus on the effects for this.

Now I’ve seen some Baby Boomers and Generation X people roll their eyes at this issue, claiming that young people are stupid for taking out so much debt, just to get a useless college degree in underwater basket weaving. When most millennials hear that, though, assume they’re gritting their teeth to hold back their blinding rage.

That’s because a huge consortium of parents, guidance counselors, and raunchy movies have glorified college as this important next step that ever young person needs to take after high school. If you don’t take it, then something must be wrong with you. You must be stupid, lazy, or unambitious.

Since so many young people now feel inclined to go to college, that drives up demand. When anything is in that much demand, it gets more expensive. That’s just basic economics.

As a result, millennials have no choice but to take out student loans to go to college, just like the older people said they should. Then, those same people give them crap for taking out so many loans in the first place.

Beyond the frustration, those debt loads can be downright debilitating. When I was in college, I had a friend who had around $120,000 in student loan debt. In years past, that wasn’t a student loan. That was a goddamn mortgage. That means there are entire generations of people coming out of college who basically have to pay the price of a house without being able to live in it.

On top of that, millennials still get crap for having to live with their parents. They are in multiple no-win situations, both in terms of stigma and their overall futures. Unlike most other forms of debt, student loans cannot be discharged in bankruptcy. A millennial is stuck with it, no matter what they do.

If that weren’t enough, and it’s already too much, the job prospects for anyone without a college degree are abysmal. If you don’t have a college degree, then your ability to get a job that keeps you out of poverty is very low. Sure, you can point out that Steve Jobs and Bill Gates didn’t go to college all you want, but they never had to pay off a goddamn mortgage before they were 25.


Secret #4: We Have No Margin For Error (Or Offense)

A lot has been made about how easily offended millennials are. That’s how the term, snowflake, actually became an insult. Now, I don’t deny that young people take political correctness way too far. I’ve even talked about it a few times on my blog. However, like most things, there is a context and it’s kind of dark.

A big part of the millennial desire to not offend anybody comes from the self-esteem movement that began before they left the womb. An entire generation has been conditioned to have a bloated sense of confidence in a world where they can’t trust anyone, are constantly uncertain about everything, and have huge debts to pay. Naturally, that’s going to cause some inner conflict.

It’s not just that millennials hate bullies, racists, sexists, and bigots. For one, millennials are a far more diverse cohort than their predecessors, thanks largely to the efforts of previous generations. They have to be a bit more sensitive and understanding to others who are different because there are so many different perspectives to consider now. Millennials have to temper their sensibilities in order to get along.

Beyond that, and this is where it gets dark, the consequences of screwing up are enormous. Entire lives have been ruined by one off-hand tweet. A single off-hand comment has ruined reputations. In a generation that’s plugged in and connected all the time, nothing you say or do goes without scrutiny. You can’t have any private sentiments. If you do and they’re somewhat problematic, then you’re in trouble.

It’s another reason why millennials are so obsessed with their online life and how people perceive them. They live in a world where one text, one tweet, or one offensive image that they shared on social media can destroy their reputation, their friends, and their livelihood.

People get fired for offending others. Peoples’ lives are ruined, both financially and socially. When you’re young and you have a massive amount of student debt to pay off, you have to walk on egg-shells every day because if you mess up, there’s little recourse. Once something happens and it’s documented on the internet, it’s there forever.

Millennials didn’t create the world that made such hypersensitivity necessary. They also didn’t create the technology that they obsess over either. They were just born into a perfect storm, of sorts. If they dare rock the boat in any direction, then they’re tossed overboard without a life preserver.

Remember this next time a millennial obsesses over offending or not offending someone. It’s not just out of hypersensitivity. It’s basic survival. Older generations who have already carved a place for themselves can afford to be offended, literally in some cases. Millennials don’t have that luxury.


Secret #5: We (Have To) Rely On Our Passion

With every new generation comes new circumstances and with those circumstances comes a need to adapt. The Baby Boomers had to adapt to the generation that won Wolrd War II. Generation X had to adapt to the generation that protested Vietnam. The way they adapted shaped a great deal of their culture and identity. With millennials, it’s no different.

With the other secrets, I’ve described a pretty rough set of circumstances for millennials to adapt to. They’re uncertain, can’t trust anyone, drowning in debt, and living in constant terror of offending someone in a way that will ruin their lives. How can anyone adapt to that?

Well, human beings are nothing if not adaptable. It’s one of our most defining traits. With millennials, the options are limited, but they’ve made the most of them by becoming a very impassioned, very vocal generation. Whereas the Baby Boomers had their rebellious streak and Generation X had their cynicism, millennials have their passions to guide them.

By that, I mean the millennial crowd will put a lot of passion into whatever they do, be it protesting pronouns or posting videos of their cat. Due to debt, uncertainty, and trust issues, there are a lot of boxes they need to check before they commit to something. That’s part of why millennials aren’t getting married and why they’re having less sex. They can’t afford to be too casual, literally in some cases. There needs to be passion.

That’s why millennials will make a big deal about making whatever job or hobby they enjoy having some sort of passionate undertone. It’s how they can fill the many gaps left by so much uncertainty and such limited trust. It’s also how they can justify working a job that they know probably won’t help them pay off that massive debt they have. Without that passion, why would they bother?

The most tragic part of that element is that having such passion is really the only option millennials have in some cases. It’s a big part of why they’ll make such a big deal about certain issues that seem trivial to older generations. The older crowd has options. Millennials don’t.

Having passion, and a lot of it, is a big part of how they drive themselves. Sure, they can get annoying about it. I’ve lost track of how many overly passionate arguments about Wonder Woman’s costume I’ve heard on comic book message boards. When that’s all you really have, though, then that’s what’ll drive you.


While I doubt this will make millennials seem less annoying to older generations, I hope it provides some insight into what makes this generation tick. I don’t claim for a second that these insights are definitive. Millennials, like every generation that came before it, are a diverse group of people full of many variations, some more annoying than others.

However, this is their situation. This is how the world is shaping them. It’s a never-ending struggle, one that’s sure to plague the next generation just as much. I’m sure millennials will find an entirely different set of excuses to whine about that generation. I don’t doubt those excuses will be every bit as petty. I just hope I can sell enough of my novels by then to not care.

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Please Donate To Harvey Relief Efforts

By now, I think most everyone with an internet connection in North America has heard about the situation in Texas. It’s not pretty, to say the least. Hurricane Harvey morphed from a simple tropical storm into a Category 4 Hurricane in the span of two days before hitting Texas with the worst storm in over a decade.

The destruction, devastation, and human toll has been escalating ever since. People have died. Homes have been destroyed. Certain parts of that area may never recover. It is the worst storm to hit the United States since Hurricane Katrina.

For once, we need to set aside agenda, politics, and dirty jokes. This is a serious situation involving real people enduring real hardship. Please, if you can’t be there to help directly, consider donating to the ongoing relief effort. Any amount helps. The wonderful people at the Red Cross are already on the ground, doing what they do best. Support them and all those like them as they help a devastated community.

Red Cross: Hurricane Harvey Relief Donations

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My Plans For Finding Love (Through EHarmony)

I actually had another topic I wanted to discuss today, but something came up that I felt was worth talking about. I’m sorry to say it has nothing to do with sex robots, bionic penises, or romance lessons from superhero comics. Don’t worry. I’ll find plenty of reasons to talk about those topics again. This is more personal.

A while back, I bemoaned my luck with online dating, citing that demographics alone are working against me. At the moment, online dating is great if you’re a marginally attractive young woman. The massive disparity between men and women on most sites ensures they can sign up in the morning and have a date before sundown. Men are just that lonely/horny.

For me, though, despite being a fairly attractive young man with no debt, good health, and a sexy mind, the odds and the demographics just aren’t in my favor. I did try online dating last year, namely through Match.com. I even got a paid subscription, which wasn’t cheap. It turns out I would’ve been better off throwing that money at squirrels. At least that would’ve gotten a cheap laugh.

The most I got out of online dating was a lot of spam, namely from a bunch of women asking me to pay for their porno cam. Apparently, there are still some men on this planet who just aren’t content with all the free porn that’s all over the web and still insist on paying for cam girls. It was frustrating because every time I saw a profile that seemed to match, it turns out it was just another goddamn spammer.

If I sound bitter, then please forgive me. Being single at my age does worry me, as I’ve contemplated before. Then, a few days ago, I had a chat with some close family members. They always remind me how much they love me and how much they want me to find love. So, despite my bitterness, they convinced me to give online dating another try.

I’m still hesitant, but what I’m doing now clearly isn’t working. My family keeps pointing out that actually getting out there and finding someone just isn’t what it used to be. I need to do something different and, bitterness aside, a lot of people are finding their spouses online these days. I’d like to join that statistic.

I’m hoping for the best, but bracing for the worst, namely a lot more porno spam. However, I certainly won’t be trying Match.com again. Since I’m not an attractive woman, I’m pretty sure that site just isn’t going to work for me. Instead, I’m going to give Eharmony a shot.

Now, I’ve seen all those goofy Eharmony commercials like everyone, complete with that annoying music. I also don’t think for a second that those people claiming to have met their spouses are real. I’m almost certain they’re paid actors, as is the case with any commercial. However, Eharmony does have a better reputation than most dating sites, at least in terms of intent.

That’s still a relative concept, with respect to dating sites. Given how hard it is to pin down just how effective these sites are, I don’t think there’s a whole lot of difference between Eharmony and Tinder, in terms of reputation. However, Eharmony states outright that it wants to help people find serious love. At this point in my life, I want that as much as any single guy in his 30s.

I imagine it’ll be a challenge. I also imagine there are a lot of factors working against me, as is often the case with any service that makes bold claims, like being able to find your spouse. That said, when it comes to finding love, the erotica/romance writer in me is always willing to make that gamble.

If I do this, though, I want to maximize my chances for success. Moreover, I’d like to document that success on this blog, if possible. I’ll document the failure too, but success is a lot sexier so I’d much rather talk about that.

So, with that in mind, I want to formulate a plan. I’m still working on the particulars of that plan. My family is already helping me, as they do with many things. However, I’d like to open this up to anyone who reads this blog and has experience with online dating. I’m very open to suggestions. What I did with Match.com simply didn’t work. I’d like to avoid that with Eharmony.

So please, if you’re a regular reader of this blog or just stumbled across it because you’re looking for a site that talks a lot about superhero comics and sex robots, I’d like to hear from you. How should I go about this? What can I do to maximize my chances of finding the kind of love I write about in my novels? Let me know in the comments. Again, I’m open to suggestions.

Who knows? If this plays out right, it may find its way into one of my future novels. Sure, that may be hoping for too much, but some things are worth that extra hope. Love is definitely one of them.

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When Sex Toys Get Smart (And How We Can Learn From Them)

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Ever since our phones and computers got smart enough to talk to us, it seems as though every gadget, appliance, and widget we can possibly overpay for is getting smarter as well. Our cars are almost smart enough to drive themselves. Our ovens are getting smart enough to do most of the cooking for us. There’s even a smart fork that senses how fast you’re eating and tries to get you to slow down.

We can argue endlessly on whether or not so many smart gadgets are more trouble than they’re worth. I’m sure there are a significant number of people, young and old alike, who roll their eyes at the idea of making too many gadgets too smart. We shouldn’t be making Skynet’s job that easy in the first place.

Even those anti-gadget people, though, would have to admit they’re a little bit intrigued by the prospect of smarter sex toys. If nothing else, I’m sure the idea has crossed their perverse minds in some form or another, hopefully in a private setting where they can let their imagination get a little kinky.

Well, they don’t need to rely wholly on their kinky imagination because smart sex toys are already here. It’s true. Thanks to sexy new companies like Loiness, you can buy a colorful, phallic-shaped vibrator that can work with your smartphone to know how to pleasure you.

I’m not talking about a simple timer or different settings either. This thing actually gathers data every time you use it, creates a sexual profile for you, and extrapolates the optimum way to bring you to orgasm. Admit it. Reading over that last sentence got you more than a little excited.

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It’s as exciting as it is arousing, our sex toys learning how to pleasure us in the best way possible. It’s one of the most critical steps we can along the path that will inevitably lead to fully-functional sex robots. Those robots are going to need data on how to pleasure us. These sex toys will help them and give us more orgasms in the process. I can’t think of a better win-win that doesn’t involve melted chocolate.

Before sex robots can come, which I know is a lurid choice of words, we need to get comfortable with the idea of a machine giving us an orgasm. There’s only so much sexual interest we can gain from watching sexy female robots in movies like “Terminator 3” or “Ex Machina.” At some point, the idea has to be more than a novelty for tech-savvy nymphomaniacs. It has to be just another tool for sexual satisfaction.

We’re still not there quite yet, but these smart sex toys will help us and not just when it comes to orgasms. By being smart about how we like to pleasure ourselves, it’ll also help us be smarter on how we go about it. When it comes to having a satisfying sex life, few things are as critical.

You could make the argument, and I have on this blog, that all satisfying sex starts in the brain. Our genitals are close accomplices, but the brain is always the mastermind when it comes to making it the trip to O-Town. That brain, however, has many inherent obstacles and I’m not just talking about the struggle to keep picturing Hugh Jackman naked.

As much progress as we’ve made in our culture, we’re still somewhat uptight when it comes to talking about, or even thinking about, our sex life. When I was in high school, I got a pretty comprehensive education on the mechanics of sex and why certain priests, mullahs, and republicans didn’t want us having a lot of sex. At no point, however, did I ever learn about male and female orgasms. That wasn’t even hinted at.

Just knowing what sex is won’t equip anyone in forging a satisfying sex life. That’s one part of sex education where people just expect teenagers to wing it. That can be dangerous, leading to some people to become laughably misinformed about sex. Then, we’re surprised when we learn about things like the orgasm gap or that around 15 percent of women never experience orgasm during sex.

As an erotica/romance writer and a fan of both genders sharing in the pleasure, I find that situation untenable. It shows just how much we’ve failed to inform each other or ourselves about what gets us all hot and bothered in the best possible way. We’re not going to learn that from a teacher, a religious figure, or even our parents, who would rather clean a toilet with their tongues than talk to their kids about sex.

That’s where these smart sex toys can really show their value. A smart sex toy won’t get awkward or coy when talking about orgasms, discharges, and the various fluids involved with sex. A smart sex toy won’t censor certain parts of the process out of embarrassment. A smart sex toy will actually try to teach you and guide you in your effort to have the best orgasm possible.

In a sense, a smart sex toy is establishing the gold standard by which to gauge a satisfying sexual experience. It effectively does the work you once needed a dedicated, ambitious, overly-patient partner to help you discover. Smart sex toys will do that work for them, making things easier for yourself and your partner. Again, that’s as big a win-win as you’ll get without bacon flavored lube being involved.

It could even help prepare young people for sex more effectively than just giving them diagrams of genitals in health class. Most teenagers aren’t going to talk about how they like to stimulate their genitals in the presence of an adult, especially a parent or teacher. They will talk to a smart sex toy, though. They already talk to their phones these days. Talking to a sex toy wouldn’t be that great a leap.

A smart sex toy won’t judge, laugh, or belittle them. It’ll just gather data for the sole purpose of giving them a better orgasm. Imagine every virgin, male or female, being that equipped on their first time. They know what makes them come. They know how to go about it. How many awkward prom nights could be spared by this technology? In that sense, the work companies like Lioness are doing couldn’t be more vital.

Smart sex toys, if used responsibly, will do wonders for our collective sex lives. If knowledge is power and power is sex, then smart sex toys will make us all more inherently powerful. Given the many health benefits of orgasms, that power is invaluable.

If you’re interested/horny to explore smart sex toys, please consider products like the Lioness, the Lovelife Krush, the VaGenie, and the Afterglow. The future will surely bring us more and better smart sex toys. If something really groundbreaking and sexy comes along, expect me to write about it.

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A Better Male Feminist: Ron Swanson

When it comes to icons and heroes, it says a lot about society when most these days are fictional characters. We’ve become a very cynical bunch, never putting too much stock into real people. It’s often only a matter of time before they tweet something stupid or are discovered to be card-carrying asshole.

In some ways, it’s a sign of the times. We are an exceedingly jaded bunch, born from a generation of burned-out hippies. We also live in a world where we have no concept of privacy and no ability to give anyone who holds problematic opinions a pass. For anyone who becomes an icon, it’s usually only a matter of time before they say or do something to ruin their iconic status.

Recently, Joss Whedon added his name to that bloated list of fallen icons. Up until a few weeks ago, he wasn’t just a successful director and alpha dog of geek culture. He was held up, by many, as a feminist icon. He was the gold standard that feminists referred to when asked to reference how a male feminist should conduct themselves.

Now, like so many other icons whose hypocrisy was exposed, Joss Whedon’s once impeccable feminist credentials have been shattered. While I’ve argued that his hypocrisy isn’t quite on the same level as other less reputable celebrities, it’s still a mortal blow, of sorts, to his status as an icon. He may still be a celebrity and a successful director, but he cannot be a feminist icon anymore.

I think that’s more than tragic. As an unapologetic fan of superhero comics, I know the value of having an iconic hero who embodies the values of a particular idea. While I’ve taken issue with certain brands of feminism, I do think there are still important women’s issues that deserve attention. Those kinds of struggles need icons and heroes.

So, in lieu of Joss Whedon’s shortcomings in this area, I’d like to offer an alternative to those seeking a new feminist hero who can raise the bar for everyone in terms of true gender equality. That hero is already an icon to many and one whose feminist credentials are a lot more pragmatic than Whedon’s ever were.

He’s a man, but he’s a man who earns the respect of men, women, and everything in between. He’s also a fictional character, but one who managed to carve a special place in popular culture for all the right reasons. Ladies, gentlemen, and those of unspecified gender, I give you the ultimate feminist hero, Ron Swanson.

To those who haven’t watched every episode of “Parks and Recreation,” bear with me. I have a feeling that those already familiar with the unstoppable force of American manliness that is Ron Swanson don’t need much convincing. They already know damn well why this man deserves to be an icon to men and woman alike.

For the sake of those who haven’t seen the show, and I weep for those people, allow me to explain. Ron Swanson isn’t just a man of many talents, from wood-working to cutting wasteful government spending. He’s a man of principle. Throughout every season of the show, he makes those principles clear and doesn’t give a wet fart about whose feelings or faces are hurt in the process.

Those are ideals that plenty of men can respect. However, it’s how he conducts himself around women that sets him apart even more. The fact he can do so with a perfectly groomed mustache is just an awesome bonus.

One of Ron Swanson’s most defining traits is that he deals with everyone the same way and sees them on a similar level, as individuals. Specifically, he sees most people as morons who annoy him and are too lazy/stupid/weak to solve their own problems. Yes, that’s a somewhat cynical view of people in general, but that’s just it. It’s how he views people.

Ron Swanson is nothing if not even-handed in dealing with men and women alike. Throughout the show, he holds both genders to the same standard. If you annoy him, as most people do, he won’t give you special treatment on the basis of what body parts you may or may not have. Annoyance is annoyance, no matter where it comes from.

That is, in essence, what traditional feminism has been about, treating both genders fairly and holding them to a similar standard. Ron Swanson does that better than anyone. Moreover, he doesn’t need to be constantly reminded. That’s just how he rolls. He doesn’t need any rigorous feminist training.

He also trusts women to be as capable as men in whatever tasks he gives them. While he’s the director of the Pawnee Park’s Department, he delegates most of the tasks to his deputy, Leslie Knope. However, he doesn’t do that because he has to. He does it because he trusts her to do the job and because Leslie wants that job.

His relationship with Leslie Knope shows that Ron is capable of working with women, trusting them, and acknowledging their value in a professional, non-romantic sort of way.

He has a similar relationship with his assistant, the crass and crude April Ludgate. Again, Ron doesn’t give her the job because she’s a woman. He gives her the job because he knows she’ll do it effectively. He also doesn’t try to make her conform to any particular standard for an assistant, gender or otherwise. He lets her be herself. Can you think of fairer, more pro-feminist way to deal with a female employee? I think not.

Beyond his working relationships, Ron shows he’s also capable of having deeper relationships with other women. Not all of them are healthy, though. He’s been divorced twice, both to women named Tammy. However, it’s these unhealthy relationships that really help solidify Ron’s status as a true feminist hero for men and women alike.

In a sense, Ron’s ex-wives are the very antithesis of feminism. In fact, they’re perfect feminist villains. Tammy One, as Ron calls her, is a joyless, ball-busting tyrant who has the warmth and comfort of a venomous snake. She exists to control everyone around her, especially Ron. She doesn’t accept anyone for who they are. She tries to mold them into whoever she wants them to be. Men and women alike are right to fear her.

On top of that, she works for the IRS. I honestly can’t think of a way to make anyone, man or woman, more terrifying. The fact that Ron survived a marriage with her should immediately give him credibility with any feminist looking to avoid the label of a man-hater.

Then, there’s Tammy Two, as Ron calls her, and while not quite as terrifying, she’s every bit as devious. What she lacks in Tammy One’s callousness, she more than makes up for with weaponized sex appeal. I’m not talking about the cute, lovable kind of sex appeal either. I’m talking about the kind that attempts to strangle a man with brute vaginal strength.

Like Tammy One, Tammy Two attempts to use sex to bend men and everyone around her to her will. Throughout the show, she makes multiple attempts to seduce Ron back into her grasp and almost succeeds a number of times. Despite her supernatural ability to manipulate men with her vagina, Ron is able to resist and break her hold.

On one level, that’s a perfect demonstration of a woman who uses sexuality for manipulation, something feminists and men’s rights activists alike complain about. On another, it also demonstrates that some men cannot be bought with sex, no matter how wild and amazing it might be. Ron is one of those men and he’s a better man because of it.

Despite his experiences with his ex-wives, Ron Swanson still treats women fairly. He’s even a romantic, of sorts, and not just towards bacon. In the later seasons of the show, he meets a woman named Diane Lewis and she’s everything the Tammys aren’t.

She accepts him for who he is, doesn’t want him to change, and eventually marries him. Ron treats her the same. Theirs is a true relationship of equals, a kind that feminists can respect and admire alongside that of Cyclops and Jean Grey. For a man to have endured two failed marriages to two monstrous women, yet still love a better woman for all the right reasons, is as heroic a story as any, especially within a feminist context.

Between the way Ron works with women, the way he loves them, and the way he deals with them, he demonstrates a far more refined approach to feminism than Joss Whedon ever did. He didn’t need to create female heroes. He didn’t need to make multi-billion dollar movies or iconic TV shows. He just had to show that it’s possible to deal with women in a fair, equal, and respectful way.

The fact that Ron does all of that without being the kind of whiney beta-male that makes every male feminist sound like they have a deflated scrotum. Ron is, by every measure, as alpha as it gets when it comes to men. He’s strong, he’s tough, he’s stern, and he has one of the manliest mustaches of all time. No one in their right mind would doubt this man’s masculine credentials.

On top of that, he’s not the kind overly-muscled, John Rambo kind of alpha male with woefully impractical muscles and ridiculous skills that nobody without Arnold Schwarzenegger’s body-building routine can hope to match. Ron Swanson has the build and physique of an actual man. He does set the bar too high or inspire body image issues, except when it comes to manly facial hair.

By nearly every measure, Ron Swanson is the kind of man that should earn him a place in the feminist hall of fame. He is everything men respect and women admire. He should be the icon and hero that feminists refer to.

I’m not saying he’s without flaws. I’m not saying there aren’t other men, real and fictional, who deserve a similar status. I’m just saying that Ron Swanson is the kind if icon that feminists can rally around. Granted, Ron doesn’t care much for rallies, icons, heroes, or annoying people in general, but that’s what makes him Ron fucking Swanson.

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Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Humidity Edition

I love summer. I think I’ve made that abundantly clear in articulating my fondness for the beach and women in bikinis. In fact, if I sell enough sexy novels, I intend to retire to a tropical climate where I can enjoy summer-like weather, beaches, and bikinis all year-round.

That said, I understand that summer isn’t without its downside. Beyond the sexy beaches and the sexy women that make them great, summer can get pretty uncomfortable, especially when you have lousy air conditioning and excessive anti-nudity laws. In many cases, it’s not the heat that causes the discomfort. It’s the humidity that comes with it.

It doesn’t just make us feel hot and sweaty. It doesn’t even make us sweat in a sexy sort of way. That’s both tragic and frustrating. Sweat without sexiness is like french fries without ketchup. It’s just bland and uninspiring.

As I write this, my hometown is in the middle of both a heat wave, coupled with excessive humidity. Just going for a walk means smelling like a gym bag in just a few minutes. It’s not a pleasant feeling, but one that’s easily countered. I’m hoping that this week’s version of Sexy Sunday Thoughts can help in that effort by adding some badly-needed sex appeal along with that sweat.


“No matter how great the sex is, sore nipples will never be as worth it as a sore vagina.”


“You know you’re in an unhealthy relationship when training a dog and training your spouse is distressingly similar.”


“Does a certified gynecologist watching hardcore porn qualify as mixing work with pleasure?”


“Certain foods will NEVER be sexy and most of those foods involve beans.”


“Is a thrill-seeker who uses condoms a hypocrite, by default?”


“Masturbation is something you don’t WANT to learn the hard way, but doing so will give you an unspoken edge.”


“Is it possible that streaking started as a way to cool off during the summer that got out of hand?”


We’ve still got a few weeks left of the sweaty, sticky, unsexy kind of heat. It won’t be long before we’re all whining about having to wear layers just to go out and get the mail. While I know the humidity and heat is not exactly comfortable for most people, that discomfort pales in comparison to frostbite and shriveled genitals.

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