“Wonder Woman 1984” Trailer Is Here (And It’s Wonderful)!

We live in a strange, yet wonderful era when it comes to movie trailers. It’s strange in that sometimes, the trailers are basically the movie. It tells you pretty much everything and if you go to see the movie, you don’t get much more than you got out of the trailer. That’s basically how I felt about “Suicide Squad.”

That’s a downside. The upside, however, more than makes up for it. When done right, a great movie trailer can take your excitement for a movie and turn it up to 11. You might have been excited about a movie already. In the internet era, that’s easier than ever. Then, the trailer comes along and suddenly, you feel like there’s liquid awesome flowing into your veins. It’s a great feeling.

That brings me to “Wonder Woman 1984.” It’s the sequel to the first movie that was groundbreaking in so many ways. I did plenty to praise it when it came out. I even made a wish list on what I wanted to see in the sequel. I didn’t know how much I would actually get when more details came out.

Now, those details are here! The first trailer of “Wonder Woman 1984” has officially dropped. All I can say is, it’s a wonder to behold and if you haven’t seen it, do yourself a favor and watch it at least 10 times, like I did.

Sure, other movies can promise a lot, but can they promise a female warrior demigod swinging from bolts of lightning from a magic lasso? I didn’t think so.

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Jack Fisher’s Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Romantic (And Sexy) Manners Edition

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When it comes to sex appeal, manners rarely rank near the top. In fact, they tend to lag behind the the inherent appeal of bad boys, deviants, and other traits every metal band in the 1980s took to an extreme. While there will always be certain women who are attracted to bad boys and men who are attracted to bad girls, there’s still a unique appeal to good old fashioned manners.

I had to amazing parents and several siblings who instilled in me a strong appreciation of manners. I’ve noted before how they taught me the importance of little things like holding the door for a woman. I like to think I’ve taken those lessons to heart and not just with respect to holding the door. When I’m in the presence of a lady, I raise the bar for my mannerisms.

While every situation is different and every woman responds to behaviors differently, I’ve learned over the years that everyone wants to feel valued. Everyone wants to feel appreciated, as well. Manners help us convey that message. They help us communicate that we value them as people. We want them to feel happy, comfortable, and safe in our presence.

It doesn’t always have to include sex appeal, but it certainly can serve as a foundation. It’s true. Manners can be sexy. I saw this first hand while I was dating my ex-girlfriend. When I did something as simple as pull out a chair for her, she responded favorably. It meant a lot to her and she returned the favor in other ways, some of which were very sexy.

Manners may never be as sexy as the bad boys and bad girls of this world, but they’ll always have an appeal on some level. That appeal is worth acknowledging and celebrating. I hope this edition of my Sexy Sunday Thoughts helps contribute to that effort. Enjoy!


“Honesty won’t get you laid, but it will limit the damage to your ego, genitals, and bank account in the long run.”


“Practically speaking, it’s impossible to give a man a blowjob without him noticing.”


“Giving someone oral sex won’t win an argument, but it will make compromise a lot easier.”


“The fact that some people can have sex while sleepwalking proves that we’re horny even when we’re unconscious.”


“On some levels, we want our lover’s to be good listeners so we don’t have to overtly tell them our kinks.”


“Breasts don’t directly cause sexy thoughts, but they do plenty to inspire them.”


“To some extent, being a workaholic is just an unsexy version of S&M.”


Good manners aren’t that difficult to exercise. For the most part, they’re just a byproduct of common sense and basic human decency. Simple or not, they go a long way towards showing someone we care about them. It may not get them overly excited, but it will send a powerful message about the breadth of your passion.

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“Decorating Love” A Sexy Short Story (About Christmas Decorations)

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The following is a sexy short story about love and decorating a Christmas tree. The holidays are upon us and this part of it is near and dear to my heart. Since I was a kid, I’ve loved putting up Christmas decorations and decorating Christmas trees. As an adult, I’m often the first one to put his up and if I ever meet that special someone, I hope share my love of this festive activity with her.

Until then, enjoy this sexy short story inspired by one of my favorite holiday activities. Enjoy!

“Perfect! It’s finally perfect,” said a beaming Christopher Krane.

“Are you absolutely sure this time? Because you said that twice before and the sun has set since then,” said Karen with a bemused grin.

“I’m sure this time. I’m completely, totally sure!”

Karen shook her head and rolled her eyes, but couldn’t stop smiling. No matter how many times she saw it, he never failed to amaze her. There were people who just enjoyed the holidays and there were people who went the extra mile. Then, there was her husband, Chris. He was in a class all his own.

Around the same time every year, her high school sweetheart turned transformed into a different person. It started just a few days after Halloween. When most people were still eating candy and planning their Thanksgiving travel plans, Chris was breaking out the Christmas decorations and plotting how to turn their modest suburban house into a holiday haven. Many teased him for putting his decorations up so early. A few, including some of their neighbors, were annoyed by it.

That never dissuaded him. If anything, it encouraged him. Chris was rarely content with just putting up a few lights. He had to make it a work of art. He turned a bare, artificial 9-foot tree into a dazzling spectacle of multi-colored lights, a diverse array of ornaments, and a silver star that his grandmother gave him when he was a kid. He also strung up lights along the walls, put custom-made wreaths on the doors, and swapped out pictures for various holiday displays.

It usually took up half a weekend. Before they got married, Karen used to reserve that weekend for errands or a spa trip or a day with friends. However, shortly after they got engaged, Chris’ grandmother took her aside and told her how important it was to embrace her son’s holiday spirit.

“It means a lot to him, Karen,” she’d told him, “and it’ll mean even more for you to become part of it.”

His grandmother died just a year after their wedding. Before then, she’d told Karen how she and his grandfather made Christmas such a spectacle for their grandchildren. Growing up, Chris’ parents worked all the time and rarely had the resources to make Christmas special. His grandparents took it upon themselves to pick up the slack and, much to his parents’ chagrin, they overcompensated.

It left an indelible mark on Chris, more so than his two younger sisters. He made it clear while they were dating that if he had the means, then he would do Christmas in a way that would make his grandparents proud. He even joked that he would overdo it. When he achieved those means by co-founding a biotech business with his college buddies, Karen realized that he hadn’t been joking.

“I’d say you’ve outdone yourself this year, but I know that would just jinx it for next year,” Karen teased as she watched her husband marvel at their work.

“You know me, Karen. I like to raise the bar,” Chris said proudly.

“There’s raising the bar and then there’s you on the holidays. That’s not a fair comparison.”

“You almost sound worried.”

“I’m not worried. I just like to remind you that it’s okay to be content with your work. You achieve so much throughout the year. Don’t just reserve that sentiment for the holidays.”

“I try not to,” he said, “and I think I’m getting better at it. That’s still not going to stop me from appreciating this time of year more than most.”

He kept on smiling like a kid on Christmas Eve as he took several steps back to get a full view of his work. Now standing beside her, he slipped his arm around her waist and pulled her in close as he gazed upon the festive display before them.

Jinx or not, her husband had once again created a dazzling holiday spectacle. The tree was fully lit, fully decorated, and radiating with Christmas spirit in all directions. The entirety of their living room had been rearranged to make room for the tree, so much so that Chris moved some of their furniture down to the basement. That included a few lamps, which meant their primary source of light during the day had to be the Christmas tree. She doubted that was an accident.

As difficult as it was to keep up with her husband’s Christmas spirit, Karen still found herself enjoying the moment with her husband. It was hard not to feel an impact from such spirit. While admiring the tree, she took his hand in hers and leaned on his shoulder.

“I would never try to stop you from celebrating the holidays, as only you can,” Karen told him.

“To be fair, my family did warn you before we got married,” Chris joked. “If you’re going to be in my family, then you’re going to have to go the extra mile during the holidays.”

“Trust me. I knew that came with the territory before we walked down the aisle,” she said. “What I didn’t know was how it would affect my own feelings towards the holidays.”

“What do you mean?” he asked her.

Karen’s demeanor shifted. As much as she enjoyed her husband’s festive spirit, it contrasted heavily with how she’d handled the holidays in the past. Being with Chris had changed a lot of things in her life. She just didn’t expect her perceptions of the holidays to change so significantly.

“You’ve met my parents. You know my family’s attitudes towards holidays, parties, and anything that’s needlessly elaborate,” said Karen.

“I haven’t forgotten,” Chris said. “I believe one of your father’s biggest rules was that if it cost more than a nice steak dinner, then it’s too much.”

“In his defense, he spent the first 10 years of my childhood fixing a bankrupt company that my uncle ruined,” she said. “He prided himself on doing more with less. That extended to the holidays. The man wouldn’t even let us get a tree until the week before Christmas, just to save money on the electric bill.”

“That’s just cruel,” he said.

“It was also a habit he tried to impart on me and my sisters. Given my taste for premium dresses, I don’t think it took. It still showed in other ways, though. Even before we got together, I saw the holidays as more a formality than a celebration. I knew you loved to take is seriously, but even after I could afford to be less stingy, I didn’t get into the spirit. Hell, I used my Christmas bonus from the travel agency on a new toaster oven.”

“Guess your spirit needed an extra spark,” Chris said.

“More like several,” said Karen, “and you gave me more than that.”

She drew him into a deeper embrace, turning him away from the dazzling Christmas tree that now dominated their living room and towards her. He quickly gave her his full attention, snaking his arms around her waist and gazing into her eyes with a love befitting of any holiday.

“I needed to start seeing things as something worthy of extra effort. I needed to stop looking at everything as a measure of cost and resources,” she went on. “It’s okay to go over the top. It’s even okay to go overboard. You just have to make sure it’s worth all that effort.”

“Well, I’d say the holidays are definingly worthy,” Chris said.

“I wasn’t just talking about the holidays, Chris.”

Her voice echoed with heavy emotions. Her embrace deepened as well. Under the glow of their oversized Christmas tree, the same love that brought them together shined brighter than ever. It seemed so fitting. It also reminded Karen of how much effort she’d put into her life with Chris.

Now, standing in his arms within a nice home laden with holiday decorations, she could say it with certainty. Their love had been worth the effort.

“I see,” he said, his smile now beaming with a different kind of spirit. “To be fair, I always sensed a brighter spirit within you, Karen. It was one of the many reasons I fell in love with you.”

“You helped draw that spirit out, Chris,” Karen said. “For that, I’ll always be thankful.”

“So will I,” he told her, “but if you really want to thank me, you’ll join me in celebrating the next part of my elaborate holiday effort.”

“Which part? You have so many,” she teased.

“I think you know which one I’m talking about,” he said in a deeper, manlier tone. “It just happens to be the one we can only do together.”

As if to leave no room for ambiguity, he reached into his pocket and used his phone to turn on their gas fireplace across the room. Having also decorated the fireplace with stockings and a garland, its crackling embers glowed with a more festive hue. It signaled that he was ready for one of their favorite holiday traditions, which often occurred weeks before the holidays even arrived.

Karen got the message. Without saying a word, she followed her husband to the area just in front of the fireplace where he had laid a Christmas-themed rug atop the plush carpet. The heat from the fireplace was already making her clothes feel uncomfortably itchy. Again, that was likely by design.

“Oh…that one,” Karen said playfully, pretending it was a revelation.

“I know we usually wait until the Sunday night after I’ve put everything up,” Chris said, “but if you’re already feeling the holiday spirit…”

He let his words trail off, but it didn’t take a Christmas miracle to seal Karen’s choice. Once again, her husband’s uncanny holiday spirit had inspired her in unexpected ways.

“I’m feeling quite spirited already,” she told him, “too spirited for these clothes.”

“I can help with that. Some gifts, after all, are worth unwrapping early.”

She laughed, but Chris remained dead serious as he kissed her under the many holiday lights, feeling her up with those strong hands of his. The same hands that helped decorate the house with so much holiday cheer were now on her body. The prospect of feeling those hands on her naked skin turned Karen on in just the right ways.

That prospect became very real, very quickly. As her husband tenderly kissed her lips, he went to work undressing her. He started with her pants, undoing the zipper and pushing them down to the floor, revealing the simple black panties she’d worn all day. Had she known her husband’s Christmas spirit would turn her on, she’d have worn something sexier.

Chris didn’t seem to mind. It didn’t slow him down, either. Just as she kicked off her pants, he removed her sweatshirt and bra, leaving her almost naked, except for her panties. Almost immediately, Chris shifted those skilled hands of his to her breasts, giving them a nice squeeze to get her passions and her juices flowing.

As much as Karen enjoyed that feeling, she hadn’t forgotten how overdressed she was. With the heat radiating from the fireplace, she imagined that sweater he was wearing felt very hot.

“I’m already feeling the spirit,” she said seductively. “It makes me want to unwrap a gift of my own.”

“Well, since you’ve been such a good girl…”

Again, his words trailed off, leaving her to fill in the blanks. She answered with another kiss before undressing him as well.

Karen was more urgent in getting her lover’s clothes off. Whether due to the holiday spirit or just having such a wonderful husband, she craved his intimate touch. Just as he’d done with her, she started with his pants, removing them along with his underwear. Before he could even kick them off, he pulled off the sweater and T-shirt he had on underneath, rendering him fully nude. In the festive light of the fireplace and the Christmas tree, her love’s naked body glowed with a special radiance.

“A good girl can still have naughty thoughts, right?” Karen said seductively as she pawed his chest and fondled his penis.

“I don’t know. I don’t think Santa Claus has a policy on that,” Chris said, reacting favorably to her touch, “but I do know his policy with respect to those who satisfy their lovers.”

“Do you, now?”

“Want me to prove it?”

“I admit, I’m curious!”

They shared some naughty laughter before coming together in a semi-naked embrace. She kept pawing his chest while rubbing her thigh up against his crotch, causing his penis to stiffen. He returned the favor by fondling her breast and squeezing her butt, something he knew got her wet. In the same way he knew how to decorate a Christmas tree, Chris new how to get her in the mood.

Utilizing those skills to the utmost, he took her in his arms and laid her down on the rug just in front of the fireplace. He was gentle and careful, not unlike he was on their honeymoon when he carried her into their hotel suite. Once she was on her back, he hovered over top of her, kissing and caressing her body with loving reverence. No matter what form their intimacy took, Chris never failed to make her feel love. Like everything else he did on the holidays, he made sure he put in the extra effort.

“Lie back. Relax,” he told her. “I’m going to make you feel nice and naughty!”

“Mmm…sounds challenging,” Karen said coyly.

“You know me. When it comes to the holiday, I love going the extra mile!”

He continued his festive efforts, kissing her again and showering her with loving touch. Karen let out joyous gasps, the warm tingles of his gestures adding to her arousal. Like adding logs to a fire, Chris intensified that feeling bit by bit.

He steadily worked his way down her body, trailing his lips down her neck, shoulders, and chest. He continued giving special attention to her breasts, kneading her fleshy mounds with both hands and giving her nipples a light pinch. That sent chills down her spin, which contrasted perfectly with the heat from the fireplace. It also intensified the heat between her legs, which made her panties more of a burden.

Chris must have sensed it. With his face buried between her breasts, he slipped his hands down to her panties.

“Just one last present to unwrap,” he told her.

“Please…unwrap it,” Karen told him.

Already breathing heavily, she elevated her hips so that he could get them off. As soon as Chris discarded them, he shifted his attention away from her breasts and towards her inner thighs. Now lying completely naked under her lover’s impassioned gaze, she welcomed the next part of their little tradition.

Moving with more urgency, he trailed his lips down her torso, over her naval, and eventually arrived at her inner thighs. Once there, she eagerly spread her legs so that he could get a good whiff of her hot arousal.

“Wow! I can already sense your holiday spirit,” Chris teased as he inhaled her feminine scent.

“What can I say? You turn me on. The passion you put into the holidays…the passion you put into loving me…it just makes me so hot!”

“And you know me. I like my holiday treats nice and hot.”

Looking up from between her inner thighs, he cast her a seductive glance. It was hardly necessary at this stage of arousal, but it reaffirmed his commitment to going overboard on the holidays. True to that commitment, he turned his focus back on her womanhood. Then, with a passion every bit as intense as his holiday spirit, he began giving her oral sex.

He approached eating her out with the same attention to detail that he did when decorating the house. He used both hands, exercising focused care in stimulating her folds. He probed her depths with his tongue and fingers, making sure to hit all the right spots to evoke all the right sensations.

In short order, those hot sensations coursed through her body like ripples of pure bliss. Karen let out sharp moans, bending her legs back more so that her lover could probe deeper. She also began arching her back and fondling her breasts, a common reflex for whenever her husband got her extra excited with the prospect of intimate lovemaking.

“Ooh Chris!” Karen moaned out. “That’s it! Enjoy your treat!”

Chris replied only with a deep moan, but never lost focus. He continued eating her out, building the extent of her arousal to the utmost. Karen knew how he liked to prepare her. He got her close to orgasm before uniting their flesh. During the holidays, he was much more thorough with his preparations.

Whether it involved decorating a Christmas tree or giving her oral sex, Chris went the extra mile and then some. The results were as enjoyable as they were festive. They also set the stage for the next part of their holiday intimacy.

“Karen, my beautiful wife,” Chris said, looking up from her inner thighs once more.

“Yes, my wonderful husband?” Karen said, already dazed from his sensual efforts.

“Are you ready to make love…down by the fire…under the light of our Christmas tree?”

“Yes!” she said without hesitation. “I’m ready for your holiday loving. I’m so…so ready.”

She was short of breath, but full of spirit. That gave Chris all the assurance he needed that she was prepared for the holiday loving that they’d come to love.

Having ensured her arousal, he got back on top of her. In doing so, he revealed that he had a raging boner. Eating her out always seemed to turn him on. That, and the holidays seemed to turn him on more than most. It made for a potent combination, allowing him to align their bodies in preparation for that final festive union.

“Chris…my Christmas stud,” Karen said to him. “Take me!”

He willingly followed her into that sexual daze. As she caressed his face and gazed lovingly into his eyes, her holiday-loving lover unleashed the full force of his loving passion onto her.

He started with a loving kiss to her neck. From there, he grabbed hold of her thighs, held her legs apart, and thrust his hips forward, driving his erect manhood into her. Like a culmination of shared Christmas spirit, their flesh united, her inner folds eagerly embracing his rigid length. Through that intimate union, a flood of wonderous pleasures ensued.

“Karen…my Christmas angel,” Chris whispered into her ears.

“Yes! Yes, Chris! Ohhh yes!” Karen joyously exclaimed.

Their love, combined with a little holiday spirit, took over from there. Chris set the sensual tone, working his body with hers, their naked flesh rocking and undulating in a steady rhythm. That rhythm quickly intensified as the desire escalated.

From such desire, chaotic gestures followed. Karen wildly roamed her hands over her lover’s back, leaving a few light scratch-marks along the way. Her lover didn’t seem to mind. If anything, it inspired him to rock her world harder with more fervent thrusts. Along the way, he hungrily kissed around her lips and neck, even nibbling on her ear lobe, which he knew drove her wild. He also kept using those skilled hands of his, squeezing her hips and feeling up her feminine curves. Even during heated lovemaking, he caressed her body with such reference.

It was a beautiful manifestation of their love amidst such festive surroundings. Grunts and gasps filled the living room as their skin seamlessly meshed through every motion. The heat from the fireplace and the lights from the many Christmas decorations bathed their naked bodies in a unique glow. Despite the bitter cold weather outside, they worked up a good sweat. Something about that made their sex even more special.

“Perfect,” Karen gasped, mirroring her husband’s words from earlier. “It really is…so perfect.”

There was no other word to describe it. Making love to her husband while surrounded by such a holiday spectacle felt so appropriate. After spending much of her life keeping holiday festivities to a minimum, it was a major change, but one she gladly embraced.

Sharing in her husband’s holiday enthusiasm, she played a more active role in their sex. Their passionate moments often began simply, usually involving basic oral followed by basic missionary. It rarely stayed that way. She’d learned early in her relationship with Chris that keeping things basic rarely sufficed.

Once he got the rhythm going, Karen helped balance out the erotic effort. They alternated positions with her getting on top, riding him cowgirl for a while before getting on her hands and knees so that he could take her from behind. She dared to be playful with him and he knew how to keep up with her. In the same way he loved drawing out the holidays, Chris loved drawing out their lovemaking. Like waiting until Christmas morning to open presents, it built anticipation and excitement.

His approach made the gift of orgasmic ecstasy even more meaningful. After following her through a variety of intimate positions, Chris had her on the brink. He must have planned it out as effectively as he planned decorations because he had her in the perfect position. While lying on her side, facing the tree he’d just finished decorating, he spooned her from behind. He angled her body just right, allowing him to thrust into her from behind. It also allowed him to reach around and fondle her clit with one hand, guiding her towards her release.

“Chris…I’m close. I’m really…really close!” she panted while gazing up at the dazzling Christmas tree.

“I am too,” Chris whispered into her ear. “Enjoy the feeling and the sights…while we come together!”

As their naked bodies moved with more urgency, she took his hand in hers and interlaced their fingers. Together, they held on for their coming peak. With so much festive ambiance around them, it promised to usher in the holiday season in the best possible way.

“Oohhh Chris!”

“Oh Karen!”

Their euphoric moans rang out like an erotic holiday spectacle. It signaled the unraveling of a wondrous gift and, true to the season, they shared it eagerly.

Karen felt it first. A hot, orgasmic release washed over her. Intense throbbing muscles in her lower body coincided with waves of raw pleasure. Chris soon joined her, the extra tightness in her womanly depths sending him over the edge. He squeezed her hand harder and let out a deep grunt as he released his manly load inside her, their sex coming together in a potent mixture within her. She could feel the breadth of his ecstasy in his touch, their bodies perfectly synchronized to their release.

As he bathed in the orgasmic afterglow with her, their bodies parted and she turned over to face him. Now lying side by side, still naked and surrounded in a perfectly decorated living room, the power of the holiday season really sank in. Karen hadn’t appreciated it while growing up, but she definitely appreciated it now.

Thanks to the dedicated love and uncanny Christmas spirit of a very special man, she understood the true magic of the season.

“I love you, Chris,” Karen told him.

“I love you too, Karen,” her love replied.

“I know it’s early. I know you’ve got all these amazing holiday plans,” she went on, “but rest assured, you’ve already given me the greatest gift.”

“Good to know,” Chris said with another one of those beaming grins, “but don’t think for a second I’m done making the holidays special. There’s plenty more to celebrate. And it’s going to be special. That, I promise you!”

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How I Would Propose To The Love Of My Life

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We all like to think we know exactly what we’ll say to the love of our life when we first meet them. We also like to think we’ll know exactly what we’ll say when we propose, along with where and how we’ll go about it. Whether you’re a romantic or not, we all entertain those perfect moments, even if the prospect of realizing them seems so distant.

Being a self-proclaimed romantic who writes erotica romance novels and sexy short stories, I suspect I contemplate those moments more than most. I know it’s somewhat taboo for straight men to admit they think about such things, let alone act on them, but I believe men are more romantically inclined than most people think. There are plenty real-life stories of heartfelt romantic gestures that prove that.

I sincerely hope that one day, I’ll find someone with which I can share such gestures. As corny as it may sound, I believe in love. I watch it in my favorite movies and read about it in my favorite comics. I also see it in real life with friends and family members who have met the love of their lives. The way they describe their love is greater than anything I could ever put into a story.

Even if that kind of love is the exception rather than the norm, it’s still something I want to pursue. I don’t know when or if I’ll ever achieve it, but I intend to leave my heart open and ready for when it comes. Should that love come along, I’ve already contemplated how I would go about proposing to her. Since it involves the holidays, I thought this would be a great time to share this sentiment.

Before I do, just know that this is going to be cheesy. It’s going to be dramatic and full of romantic fluff, inspired by someone who watched more romance movies than any straight man will admit to seeing. I don’t care either way. This is how I would go about forging the perfect moment to propose to the love of my life.

The setting begins under the guise of a trip. I tell my love that I’d like to go to the annual Christmas tree lighting at Rockefeller Center in New York City. I intend to purchase two VIP access tickets and reserve a hotel suite in the heart of the city. If she agrees, I then organize the next part of the spectacle.

I initially present it as a romantic getaway to get us in the holiday spirit. Perhaps it’s not even the first time we’ve made the trip. The idea is to make sure she doesn’t suspect anything out of the ordinary. Before we even fly out to New York, however, I secretly coordinate with the necessary personnel to ensure there’s a private area for us to share at some point during our visit.

While this area is prepared, we make the trip. We enjoy the sights and spectacles of New York, taking in the holiday festivities. I make sure we’ve got the best seats we can get for the lighting. We cheer with the crowds as the ceremony unfolds. Afterwards, we take advantage of the VIP tickets I bought to take a private tour of Rockefeller Center.

We proceed with the tour like any ordinary couple. Then, once we get to the tree, the rest of the VIPs disperse, as I’ve secretly organized with the tour guide. From there, I guide my love to a private area in front of the tree. Then, while looking up at its beautiful lights and marvelous decorations, I take her hand and tell her how much she means to me.

I try my best to put into words the breadth of my love for her. When words finally fail me, I get down on one knee, present her with a velvet box containing a beautiful diamond ring, and ask her to merry me. When she joyously accepts, I make it a point to memorize every aspect of her reaction.

From there, I place the ring on her finger. We kiss under the light of the tree and seal our love in a way that makes every holiday even more special.

I know it’s cheesy as hell. It might not even be that practical, given how crowded it gets at Rockefeller Center during the Christmas Tree lighting. I’d have to sell a lot of novels to make something like this happen, but if I really do meet a woman that I love with all my heart, then that’s a price I’m willing to pay.

That kind of love is worth it. On top of that, it would make the holidays even more memorable than they already are. In terms of romantic moments, I can’t think of anything more fitting. I just hope I have a chance to share it with that special someone.

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Torn Between Childhood And Adulthood: The Journey Of Bobby Hill

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The greatness of a TV show is often measured in how endearing the characters are. Whether it has dramatic themes like “Mad Men” and “Breaking Bad” or over-the-top comedy like “It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia,” TV shows thrive and fail by the strength of their characters.

A show like “King of the Hill” is a good example of this and not just because it has plenty of great characters. The personalities and stories of characters like Hank Hill, Boomhauer, and Luanne are all endearing in their own unique way. I’ve even gone out of my way to praise Hank Hill on multiple occasions for his work ethic and his unique approach to masculinity.

However, “King of the Hill” is unique in the sheer range of characters it offers, with respect to likability. Characters like Bill Dautrieve and Khan Souphanousinphone have definite flaws, but do plenty to warrant respect. Peggy Hill is a textbook narcissist, but still does plenty to balance it out. Dale Gribble is a paranoid idiot, but he’s still a loyal friend and just fun to be around.

There are also a few characters who are just assholes most of the time. While the show goes out of its way to balance everyone to some extent, there’s only so much you can do with characters like Cotton Hill and Buck Strickland. I could say a lot about those two, in terms of how they impact the themes of the show, but I’d like to focus on a character who has confounded me over the years.

Confounded, yet entertained.

Of all the colorful characters that make “King of the Hill” one of my favorite shows of all time, Bobby Hill is the one I’m most conflicted about. I’ve always had mixed feelings about him. I can watch one episode where I have no sympathy for him, but in the very next, he’ll come off as one of the most respectable characters in Arlen.

Some of that might have to do with me, as a viewer. When I started watching this show, I was younger and had a lot more in common with Bobby. We were both overwhelmed by the prospect of growing up. We often felt beleaguered by school, adults, and puberty. I related to him a lot more than I did with the adults in the show.

Then, as I re-watched those same episodes as an adult, I saw Bobby in a different light. I had a hard time sympathizing with his struggles in certain episodes. At times, he came off as some immature kid trying desperately to avoid responsibility and hard work. In one episode, he became a full-fledged panhandler.

At the same time, Bobby had moments where he genuinely shined. While I would argue that the series finale was his finest hour and the culmination of his growth, he also had other moments in which he stepped up to do something awesome. He was, in my opinion, the most confounding characters in the entire show.

Now, after having watched and re-watched every episode of “King of the Hill,” while also having the benefit of my own personal growth, I feel like I can appreciate Bobby’s character in a new way. In terms of the bigger picture, Bobby Hill represents an important theme in the show. Specifically, his story revolves around someone torn between adulthood and childhood.

While “King of the Hill” has many themes, Bobby’s were often tied to his youth and that youth was often the catalyst for his misadventures. When the show begins, he’s 11-year-old. By the time it ends, he’s 13-years-old. These are some formative years in a boy’s life and the show takes full advantage of that.

In the first several seasons, Bobby definitely carries himself as a kid. His behavior is distinctly childlike, from using his dad’s golf clubs to hit dog shit to taking part in a camping trip in which he accidentally kills an endangered animal. Then, over the course of the show, his stories evolve. He starts getting interested in girls and sees the effects of puberty on his best friend. At times, he’s more than a little overwhelmed.

In some cases, he wants to be an adult. He even enjoys the maturity and status that comes with it. In others, he actively avoids it, clinging to his childhood and the carefree innocence that it entails. Granted, there are times when he just wants to be lazy. At one point, he states outright that he prefers taking baths because he doesn’t like standing for so long.

However, there are plenty of other instances in which he sees the rigors of adulthood and doesn’t find it the least bit appealing. It doesn’t help that he’s had some very unpleasant experiences with the adult world, which includes one in which he ran out onto a racetrack because of an asshole boss. After an experience like that, who wouldn’t long for the more sheltered life of childhood?

To some extent, it’s not entirely Bobby’s fault that the adult world is so overwhelming. His laziness doesn’t help, but there are times when Hank’s uptight parenting skills actively contribute to the problem. The only reason he had that aforementioned job at a racetrack was because Hank tried to teach him a lesson about hard work and it taught him the wrong lesson, entirely.

On top of that, Peggy often babies him in ways that reinforce how much easier and carefree it is to be a child. Whether it’s cutting his hair or giving him one of Hank’s old trophies, she often makes childhood feel a lot easier and safer, albeit indirectly. Bobby gets so many mixed messages throughout the show that it’s easy to see why he’s often so conflicted.

Like most themes in “King of the Hill,” the nature of the conflicts fluctuate. There is a sense of progression for certain characters, but there’s also a general consistency over the course of the show. Joseph and Luanne are very different by the final season when compared to the first season, but Bobby’s journey is left somewhat ambiguous.

By the end of the show, he finds a skill and a passion that he wants to pursue. In the same way Hank has a passion for propane and propane accessories, Bobby discovers a passion for grading the quality of steaks. It’s a passion that requires both hard work and a level of maturity the likes of which he hasn’t pursued before. It also makes for a powerful moment when he and his dad finally get to share in a mutual interest.

At the same time, he still carries himself like a kid. Even within that final episode, he gets overwhelmed by the pressure placed on him by other adults. While he managed to overcome the pressure, there’s still a sense that he’s not entirely ready for the adult world. At the very least, he’s not quite as reluctant to pursue it.

Bobby Hill’s journey, struggling between childhood and adulthood, is just one among many compelling plots in “King of the Hill.” His journey has many setbacks and absurdities, but it still feels real and relatable. For an animated show that includes eccentric characters in fictitious settings, it’s quite an achievement.

Hank Hill often says his boy ain’t right. On some levels, that might be true. In the grand scheme of things, however, the show demonstrated that Bobby Hill was as right as he needed to be when struggling between childhood and adulthood.

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Jack Fisher’s Weekly Quick Pick Comic: Dr. Doom #3

Death has always been a running joke of sorts in superhero comics. Characters die all the time, but rarely stay dead. That includes important, iconic characters whose deaths resonate beyond the pages of comics. Sometimes, these deaths are incredibly dramatic, showing just how great these characters can be when everything is on the line. Regardless of how heroic their deaths might be, however, it rarely sticks.

That’s why it’s often more interesting when major villains die. While they rarely stay dead as well, their postmortem journey is often more arduous. If ever there was a villain who constantly skews the concept of death, it’s Victor Von Doom. If anyone needs proof, then look no further than “Dr. Doom #3.”

While he has “died” before, he rarely stays dead. It’s not just because every one of his “deaths” can be attributed to a Doombot, either. This is a man who has been a God and won battles against Marvel’s version of the devil. To him, death is more an inconvenience than a permanent end. It’s just a lot more inconvenient than usual in “Dr. Doom #3.”

These are not good times for Victor Von Doom. The Fantastic Four are back. His brief stint as the new Iron Man ended before he had a chance to show up Tony Stark. He has also been deposed from Latveria, exiled from the country, and thrown into a world with a target on his back for every superhero and SHIELD agent. It is the most vulnerable Doom has been since he was stranded butt naked on Counter Earth.

In short, he’s vulnerable, pissed off, and under constant attack. It’s precisely the situation that brings out the best and worst in Dr. Doom. While the events of “Dr. Doom #2” ended with him “dying” at the hands of Taskmaster, death only gives him a chance to remind everyone why no afterlife can hold him.

It also gives him a chance at another rematch with Mephisto, also known as Marvel’s devil and the one responsible for breaking up Spider-Man and Mary Jane’s marriage. It’s not the first time they’ve clashed, but to date, Dr. Doom has a winning record against Mephisto. That’s something Mephisto is eager to change in his own hellish way.

It makes for a battle full of hellfire. Artist Salvador Larroca brings beautiful depictions of the hellscape that is Mephisto’s domain and writer Christopher Cantwell captures their less-than-heavenly egos every step of the way.

Mephisto tries to torment Doom with what he has sacrificed in the past to achieve his goals. Doom tries torment Mephisto by reminding him that he has beaten damnation before and only got stronger because of it. Neither one of them comes off as heroic, but that’s exactly what makes Doom’s defiance of death’s grip so unique.

Dr. Doom is not the kind of man who makes heroic sacrifices, but he’s also not a man who does what he does for no reason. As I’ve noted before and as other comics have highlighted, Doom doesn’t terrorize innocent people, heroes, and even other villains for no reason. He does what he does because he truly believes that the only future in which people are free from want and suffering is a future in which he rules.

It’s a sentiment that the late Stan Lee himself echoed. The first two issues of this series effectively double down on this vision, but “Dr. Doom #3” presents it with a major challenge. There are obstacles in his way aside from the Fantastic Four and the Avengers. Death and damnation only compound those obstacles, but as is often the case, Doom raises to the challenge.

There are times when Mephisto tries to poke at Dr. Doom’s very few, but very real vulnerabilities. He tempts him with challenges and deals that test even his unshakable will. Cantwell never lets Doom come off as pure evil or pure ego, but he never comes off as a hero, either.

Heroes don’t beat death, Hell, and the Devil like this. At the same time, villains don’t prevail in ways that makes us want to cheer them on. That’s what Dr. Doom does in “Dr. Doom #3” and he’s somehow more menacing because of it.

There are only a handful of characters in comics that can truly die and stay dead, even if some of them do find roles in alternate universes. There are also certain characters who can die in any number of ways, but will never stay dead for long. Dr. Doom is definitely on that list, if not at the very top.

Dr. Doom #3” might very well be Doom’s darkest hour in the sense that his destiny to rule the world in a Utopian future seemed most distant. He has been dethroned, killed off, and sent to Hell to be tormented by a devil with plenty of motivation to see him suffer. For once, Doom has to beat the odds when they’re not stacked in his favor.

It’s a test of his will and resolve, but one we expect him to pass because he’s Dr. Doom. This is what he does. It doesn’t matter how many times every hero, villain, angel, or demon takes him down. Doom always finds a way to claw his way back. It’s not always easy to root for Dr. Doom, but when he’s beating the devil himself, it’s hard not to cheer him on.

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Jack Fisher’s Guide To (Awesome) Gift Giving

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It’s official now. Thanksgiving is over. The leftovers are mostly gone. That means for the next few weeks, the holiday spirit will revolve entirely around Christmas and Christmas-like festivities. There’s no more complaining about seeing holiday decorations too early. At this point, the time is right to get into the swing of things.

Whether you celebrate it or not, there’s no avoiding it. The season is upon us. We see it in commercials, holiday specials, holiday-themed food, and holiday music. By now, we’ve all probably heard Mariah Carey’s “All I Want For Christmas Is You” at least a dozen times on the radio.

Without a doubt, Christmas is my favorite time of year. It always has been. As a kid, my family always did so many wonderful things around Christmas. Some of my fondest childhood memories took place around Christmas. As an adult, I found entirely new ways to make it memorable. I’ve every intention of keeping that tradition, especially once I find the love of my life.

Chief among those traditions is my approach to gift giving. Talk to anyone in my family and they’ll tell you the same thing. When it comes to giving Christmas gifts, I go above and beyond. I’m not the kind of guy who will be cheap or thoughtless. I’m also not the kind of guy who puts in minimal effort, stuffing cheap crap into bags and slapping tags on it. I am willing to put extra time and money into holiday gift giving.

It doesn’t matter if I’m buying for my parents, my siblings, my friends, or my nieces and nephews, who are all still kids. I make it a point to give them gifts that are special, memorable, and meaningful. From what I get into how I wrap them, I make sure every gift I give on the holidays conveys a sense of love and sincerity.

For that reason, and in hopes of inspiring others to go the extra mile this Christmas, I’d like to share my unofficial guide, of sorts, to gift giving on the holidays. It’s not a science, but it’s not some wild crap shoot either. You can give awesome gifts without being rich, psychic, or possessed by the spirit of Santa Claus.

These are simple tips and tricks that I’ve learned from years of successful gift giving. I sincerely hope they help enhance your holiday experience, both with respect to giving gifts and inspiring the right spirit for this time of year.


Tip #1: Be Proactive And Listen Along The Way

This may seem too obvious, but I’ll say it anyways. When it comes to Christmas shopping, you don’t want to procrastinate. I know that’s easier said than done. I know there’s a reason why people feel inclined to procrastinate. Given everything that goes on during the holidays, people have even more excuses.

However, this is one effort for which you really want to be proactive. That means planning or at least contemplating your gift giving schedule around Halloween. It may sound too early, but trust me. It pays off.

This past year, I began browsing Amazon, Ebay, and all the usual retail outlets around mid-October, putting together lists of potential gifts for loved ones. I didn’t buy anything at that point. The idea wasn’t to buy it all at once. That’s actually not a good strategy. The best recourse, in my experience, is to have a long list of possible gifts. It’s just a matter of selecting the right gift for the right person.

You won’t always know that in mid-October. You might not even know that until mid-December. That’s where the listening part comes in. As early as Labor Day, start listening to your friends and family. Get a sense for what they want or need. You don’t have to be obvious. A little tact goes a long way.

Then, once Thanksgiving comes around and every major outlet starts throwing big sales, you already have a list of gifts to work with. Take advantage of those sales and you’ll even save money in the process. There is literally no downside to being proactive during the holidays, which is why it’s probably the most important tip I can give for the holidays.


Tip #2: Be Transparent With Loved Ones For Their Gifts (And Yours)

This tactic is a bit more subtle, but it pays off in the grand scheme of things. Sometimes, in order to glean what your loved ones want for Christmas, you have to start by letting them know what you want. Most of my friends and relatives agree. I’m very easy to shop for on the holidays.

That’s not just because I maintain an Amazon Wish List and that most of my requests involve comics, video games, and accessories that rarely cost more than $50. I’m hope and honest about what I want them to get me. I’ll go so far as to text them multiple links to items I want. When you’re that easy to shop for, people are more willing to return the favor.

This has helped a great deal with loved ones who rarely give me any clues about what to get them. Some are just difficult to shop for because they claim to not want anything. Some are genuinely sincere about that. However, they know I’m still getting them something. It can either be just some random thing I guess on or something they can help make meaningful.

Sometimes, it takes a few years to get that sort of rapport with a loved one, but it’s worth doing. Trust me. When you find that right gift for that someone and see their reaction, it makes the holidays that much more special.


Tip #3: Find Meaningful Gifts (Which Need Not Be Expensive)

This is another tip that seems logical, but is easier said than done. That whole notion that it’s the thought that counts isn’t completely wrong, but it still has some merit. Meaningful gifts are the best kind of gifts to get someone. It can have both sentimental and material value. If you really care about someone, you want this gift to send a message. Giving it meaning always helps.

Years ago, a friend of mine got his girlfriend an iPod mini. It was simple. It didn’t seem that meaningful at first. Then, I found out he engraved a quote from his girlfriend’s mother on the back. That quote made that gift more meaningful than anything else he could’ve given her. Needless to say, that was a memorable Christmas and my friend is still with that same woman.

Giving a gift greater meaning also doesn’t mean buying something expensive. Some of the most meaningful gifts I’ve ever given cost less than $20, but they were extremely personal and they sent a message to the person I gave it to. They got that message loud and clear. Our Christmas was better because of it. You can put a price on a lot of things during the holidays, but you can’t put a dollar value on genuine sentiment.


Tip #4: Know When (And How) A Gift Card Is Appropriate

This is a somewhat controversial topic among gift-giving circles. There’s this notion that if you really care about someone, you never give them a gift card. Gift cards are great for birthdays or for people you can’t always see very often, but there’s a taboo with respect to giving them as a Christmas gift. I don’t entirely agree with that.

In general, I don’t give gift cards. I treat it as a last resort, but it’s still an option. I just try to make it more than just a socking stuffer. You can give greater meaning to a gift card. One year, I included a gift card with a Christmas card that has a poem I wrote in it. That poem helped give greater value to the gift card. It made the gesture personal. It showed that I cared and it got the point across.

In the right circumstances, gift cards can totally work. When someone can’t be there for the holidays or is still new to the family, as is often the case with in laws and extended family, a gift card can go a long way towards establishing a rapport. I find that it’s a useful starting point with someone, but it shouldn’t be the endpoint.

Personally, I hope the taboo surrounding gift cards fades in the coming years. With more and more shopping being done online, I think gift cards are a lot more practical today than they were when I was a kid. The rules surrounding them may change, but for now, a gift card should remain a last resort when shopping for a loved one.


Tip #5: Make A List (And Check It More Than Twice)

That old adage about Santa having a list and checking it twice isn’t just a memorable song lyric. It’s a very practical tool for keeping track of your holiday gift giving. I maintain a list on my phone that has everyone I buy a gift for, as well as some ideas on what to get them. I constantly update that list over the course of the year and I let people know when they’re on it.

When the time comes to start buying, I use that list to track what I buy, who I buy it for, and how they react to it. This list, which can get a little bloated at times, acts as both a reference and a guide onto how I perform every Christmas. Given the size of my family and the amount of gifts I buy, it helps to keep track of who gets what. It also helps to identify a certain trend in terms of what certain loved ones like.

Over the years, those trends have helped me refine my gift giving skills for certain people. I learn their tastes. I learn what makes a gift meaningful to them. Most importantly, I keep track of it. Don’t expect to remember all these little quirks over the course of a year.

Keep a list. Check it constantly, especially around mid-November. It’ll ensure you know what to look for and who to get it for when the time comes. It also acts as a way of noting ideas that come to you for certain people. On more than one occasion, I’ll randomly see something online or in a store that I know someone would love for Christmas. I make a note of it and it pays off in the long run.


I hope this helps everyone in their gift giving efforts this season. As I write this, I’m proud to say my shopping is done. I have my presents ready and wrapped for my loved ones. I look forward to seeing their reactions on Christmas morning. I hope everyone else can enjoy a similar holiday experience.

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Filed under human nature, Jack Fisher's Insights, Marriage and Relationships

Why We Should Stop Bleeping, Blurring, And Censoring

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Over the course of history, certain tools, traditions, and words have become obsolete. It’s just part of the ever-changing nature of society. It’s why we don’t use VCRs or cassette tapes anymore. It’s also why we don’t use words like jargogle, corrade, and kench. Those are all real words that used to be common in the English language. Now, they’re relics of history.

Given the chaotic, yet evolving nature of language, why do we still censor certain words in the media? I don’t ask that question as someone who thinks Big Bird should start dropping F-bombs on Sesame Street. I’m genuinely curious as to how we can still justify bleeping certain words when they’re said on TV or over the radio.

I know the history of censorship in mass media in the United States. I know there are laws like the Communications Decency Act and famous Supreme Court cases like FCC v. Pacifica Foundation. Many of these laws have a basis in protecting the eyes and ears of children from hearing or seeing something objectionable.

At a time when the media had only a handful of accessible channels, the might have made sense to some extent. I say might because I certainly don’t agree with bleeping or blurring anything. Hiding something, be it profanity or female nipples, doesn’t make it less real. If anything, it gives it a greater allure, but that’s beside the point.

We live in different times now. That FCC v. Pacifica Foundation decision was rendered in 1978, a time before the internet, smartphones, and comments sections. Today, anyone with a cell phone and an internet connection can look up any amount of obscene, indecent, profane content, plenty of which is accessible to children for free and without a credit card number.

Kids know what these words are. Chances are, they know what female nipples look like too. However, TV shows and radio stations still blur and bleep these things as though they’re as damaging as a pack of cigarettes. I know the law is often slow to catch up to trends in technology, but at this point, bleeping or blurring anything is more a joke than a legal mandate.

That’s easy for me to say as a legal adult with no kids, but I haven’t forgotten what it was like to be a kid. I remember hearing these dirty words and seeing these dirty images. I knew what they meant. My parents didn’t hide that from me. They didn’t like me saying those words or talking about those topics all the time, but they told me the truth and I understood it.

Kids may be impressionable, but they’re not stupid. Most kids are smart enough to understand that words carry certain meaning and the human body is composed of many parts, some more visually appealing than others. Censoring it doesn’t change that. If anything, it sends the message that everyone thinks they’re too stupid or weak to handle these concepts.

Aside from insulting kids as a whole, it also operates under the assumption that just hearing certain words or seeing certain images somehow damage them, as though human beings are ever that simplistic. While there is some research on this topic, the conclusions are fairly limited. The only common thread seems to be that, when it comes to dirty words, context matters.

There are times when we, as human beings, need to verbalize our emotions. When we’re angry, in pain, or upset, we’re going to want to communicate that. Profanity is just a byproduct of that. I know that when I stub my toe, I don’t stop to censor myself. I drop as much F-bombs as I have to and the world remains intact, even when there are children nearby.

That doesn’t mean I want kids to cuss like me all the time. Again, there is a context. There’s a time and a place for that sort of language. That’s an important lesson to teach someone at any age. That way, they’ll know not to sound like an asshole at a job interview or while on a date. Bleeping words doesn’t teach that lesson. It just gives these words more power than they deserve.

Standards are always changing. There was a time when Clark Gable saying “damn” in “Gone With The Wind” was considered shocking. When I was a kid, I certainly got plenty of scorn when I said words like that, even while not in public. However, hearing them on TV and movies didn’t change my understanding of these words. It just sounded stupid.

This used to be considered mature.

These days, it’s not uncommon to hear someone say “damn” in a TV show or song. It doesn’t get bleeped or censored. More and more, words like “shit” aren’t being bleeped either. Rick Sanchez says it at least once an episode on “Rick and Morty.” There was even an episode of “South Park” that made saying “shit” on a TV show a big deal.

In terms of knowing when something has become obsolete to the point of absurdity, that’s as clear a sign as any. The same goes for blurring certain body parts. The widespread availability and accessibility of internet porn has removed all sense of mystery from the imagery of breasts, butts, and genitalia. Kids today no longer need to find someone’s porn stash to see these parts in all their glory. They just need an internet connection.

Now, that’s not to say I’m okay with every prime-time network show depicting the same level of profanity, sex, and violence as an episode of “Game of Thrones.” Like anything, there can be too much of it and if overdone, even the most obscene or indecent concepts lose all meaning and are devoid of impact.

There are also some people who are genuinely uncomfortable using certain words and seeing certain images. That’s perfectly fine. That’s their choice. Since there are plenty of options in terms of channels, websites, and radio stations, they don’t have to listen to or see this kind of content. Even if they do, the world doesn’t end because they’re temporarily distressed.

When the late, great George Carlin famously listed the infamous seven dirty words that became the basis of a Supreme Court case, there was a context and a situation at the time that made this kind of censorship seem reasonable. That context and those times are long gone. Carlin himself understood that. When it came to deconstructing the absurdities of language, he said it best when he made this observation.

These words have no power. We give them this power by refusing to be free and easy with them. We give them great power over us. They really, in themselves, have no power. It’s the thrust of the sentence that makes them either good or bad.

 

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Jack Fisher’s Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Holiday Shopping 2019 Edition

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It’s official. The holidays are here! That means the people who have been whining about seeing Christmas decorations since October can finally stop whining. There’s no more leftover turkey or Halloween candy. For the next few weeks, it’s all about getting ready for Christmas and all the festive joys that entails.

For me, one of those joys involves holiday shopping. Yes, I know that’s strange to hear from a straight guy who writes sexy short stories about sex robots. No, I don’t care. I love shopping, in general. I attribute that mostly to my awesome mother, who just loved taking me to malls when I was a baby. I like to think that left an indelible mark that is at its best during the holidays.

That’s because when it comes to holiday shopping and buying presents for loved ones, I do not take it lightly. I’m not cheap and I make a concerted effort to get a gift that’s meaningful. That means no gift cards or last-minute panic buys. When someone opens a gift I bought them, I want their face to light up like a dozen Christmas trees. Seeing that joy and sharing it with loved ones is part of why I love the holidays.

It all starts with the shopping. I know the malls are crowded, the parking is a mess, and the commercials are cheesy. I don’t care. I love every second of it and I intend to enjoy it until Christmas Eve. As of now, most of my shopping is done. I still have a few more gifts to buy and I intend to make them count.

Say what you will about my opinions on politics, religion, and sex robots. Just never doubt my Christmas spirit. I hope these Sexy Sunday Thoughts make that point. Enjoy!


“The ability of a man to masturbate to the same porn star is indicative of how loyal he’ll be in a relationship.”


“Technically, family reunion are celebrations of successful orgasms.”


“A happy spouse, a loyal spouse, and a horny spouse are difficult traits to juggle.”


“When you think about it, simultaneous orgasm was the first manifestation of socialism.”


“A relationship based on make-up sex is the romantic equivalent of a stock market bubble.”


“Someone with a foot fetish probably has mixed feelings about dirty socks.”


“Take a moment to appreciate how creative and horny the inventor of certain sex toys must have been.”


I hope that helped get everyone into the holiday shopping spirit. Whether you do it online or brave the crowded malls, I encourage everyone to put a little extra effort into getting gifts for your loved ones. They don’t have to be expensive. They just have to be meaningful and sincere. That, more than anything, is what makes the holiday spirit so special.

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“The Perfect Deal” A Sexy Short Story (About Holiday Shopping)

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The following is a sexy short story about Black Friday shopping, finding the perfect gift for a loved one, and getting a great deal on that gift. These are all festive topics that I’ve channeled into a sexy story. I hope you enjoy it and I hope it gets you in the holiday spirit. As always, I welcome comments and feedback.

“When it came to making a deal, everyone had a line they refused to cross. Those who drew that line too carefully were often the first to get ripped off.”

That was the first sales lesson that Stacy Stamper’s father had taught her as a little girl. Being the son of a traveling salesman and the cofounder of successful marketing company, her father treated sales with a passion that few could match. He said he’d planned on passing down his valuable knowledge to his kids one day. As it just so happened, Stacy was the oldest of the three and often the first to be in a position to use that knowledge.

However, sometimes being the first meant crossing a few lines she hadn’t expected.

“Out here,” said the deep, excited voice of Marvin “Max” Dresden. “Nobody comes into these parts at this hour, especially on Black Friday.”

“It’ll do,” said Stacy. “Just remember I know which parts of this store are being monitored by cameras. So if you’re hoping to record our little exchange, stop hoping.”

“Believe me, I’m looking to record anything. My girlfriend already busts my balls whenever she finds porn on my computer. I’m not looking egg her on…at least until the lease on our apartment is up and we can break up properly.”

“I’m glad your motivations are so simple,” she told him, “but that doesn’t make you any less a sleaze bag.”

“Speak for yourself, Stacy. You’re the one whoring yourself for a fancy pair of cufflinks.”

She scolded the tall, well-dressed man before her, but stopped short of arguing his rhetoric. He might have been a shallow, obnoxious frat boy who never worked a job his well-connected parents didn’t get him, but he had something she wanted and getting it required some ambitious negotiating. In the process, Stacy found out she was prepared to cross certain lines to complete the deal of a lifetime.

Doing so meant meeting up with Max Dresden at four in the morning at the high end West Hills Mall on Black Friday – the unofficial holiday of big deals, which seemed so fitting. While most of the heavy shopping traffic gathered around the north mezzanine, Max had her meet him at a utility entrance on the west end. From there, he led her to an area just outside the staff lounge where they could finalize their lurid deal.

“Call it whatever you want, Max,” she told him. “We agreed on the terms. And I have your girlfriend’s number and your mother’s personal email address as leverage, just in case you’re thinking about changing them.”

“Don’t remind me,” he said, rolling his eyes. “I’m still trying to figure out how you got that from me.”

“You don’t need to know that anymore than I need to know how you ended up with a pair of rare cufflinks. We both want this deal to go smoothly so let’s focus on that.”

Max bit his tongue. He might not have been too bright, but he understood incentives and leverage. That was all she needed him to understand for the sake of the deal.

Officially, Stacy was skipping a post-Thanksgiving breakfast with her family to get a head start on her Christmas shopping. Being the only one of her siblings who was out of high school, had a car, and enough disposable income to spend, nobody gave it much thought. Her father was even proud to see her going the extra mile to secure a good deal.

He might not have been that thrilled about how far she was willing to go to get the perfect Christmas present, but so long as the deal went through, her father never had to know the truth.

“For you, Dad…it’s worth it,” Stacy said under her breath.

At the heart of the deal was a pair of rare cufflinks, specifically the kind her grandfather wore during his days as a traveling salesman. After her grandfather passed away, and was subsequently buried with his cherished cufflinks, her father had tried to purchase a pair for himself. Unfortunately, the European jeweler who made them went out of business years ago and he could never find them.

It had been a point of frustration for years. Her father had been successful at so many things, but not finding a pair of those cufflinks really bothered him.

Stacy believed that getting him those cufflinks would be the greatest holiday gift she could give him. She’d been looking for a pair for the past three years, even as she built a business of her own. Finding them had only gotten more difficult over the years. Then, she found out through a friend of a friend that Max Dresden had a connection. That created an opportunity for a deal.

It was a simple deal and one she was uniquely qualified to make, despite having a limited budget and little time. It helped that Max was a simple man with basic needs, shallow tastes, and poor negotiating skills. If all went well, then they would both get something they wanted from the deal.

“So where are they?” Stacy asked.

“Right here, just like you asked,” Max said, tapping the pocket of his coat.

“Show me,” she said. “Keep in mind, my uncle is a jeweler. He taught me how to spot fakes.”

“Then, I guess it’s a good thing these are the real deal. That way, only one of us wasted our time.”

With a smug smirk, he reached into his coat pocket and pulled out a small velvet case. He held it up closely so that she could see when he opened it. Sure enough, the cufflinks were in there and they were the real deal.

Stacy had to temper her reaction. She’d seen plenty of pictures of the cufflinks. She’d even held the ones her grandfather had shortly before he died. When she reached out and felt the ones before her, it was like reconnecting with a part of her family’s past. She could only imagine how her father would react when he saw them.

“Wow!” Stacy said under her breath. “This is it. These are the cufflinks my father could never find.”

“Too bad his did dad wasn’t friends with some European art guy,” said Max, rolling his eyes. “I still don’t get why he gave me these things in the first place. It’s not like I enjoy wearing fancy suits as much as him.”

Stacy withheld her bemusement. It didn’t seem fair that someone like Max had a pair of rare cufflinks. He clearly didn’t appreciate them.

He didn’t appreciate a lot of things, it seemed. He was a spoiled rich kid who only worked menial jobs because his parents demanded it. A friend of hers even said that the only reason Max was working on Black Friday was because he dented the new Cadillac his father bought him for his senior year at college. It hardly seemed like a fair deal according to her business savvy, but that was Max’s problem. She had more pressing issues.

“Okay. They’re real. You’ve done your part, Max,” Stacy said.

“Does that mean you’re going to do yours?” he asked in a lecherous tone.

“Of course,” she said bluntly. “I organized this deal. I agreed to it. And if there’s one lesson my father and grandfather belabored over all others, it’s this…we honor our deals.”

True to her word – and much to Max’s excitement, as well – Stacy went about upholding her end.

She started by taking off her coat, revealing the somewhat undersized halter top that she only usually wore in the summer. Its small size ensured it showed a good part of her cleavage, of which she had plenty. It also revealed that she hadn’t worn a bra, which Max clearly noticed.

“No bra and no shirt,” he said. “I remember that part of the negotiation.”

“Of course, you do,” Stacy replied.

Without hesitation, she removed her shirt, rendering her naked from the waste up. The sight of her exposed breasts in the soft lighting of the break room earned her a larger smile from max. His excitement growing, he reached out to touch them. Stacy willingly let him. That was another part of the deal she remembered.

“Nice!” he said. “Those pics you sent didn’t do your tits justice. And here I was thinking you Photoshopped them.”

“Like I said, I honor my deals. That means I don’t deceive.”

Staying true to her word, Stacy let Max enjoy her breasts while she unzipped the back of her skirt and let it fall to the floor. That left her in only a black thong, which happened to be the same one she’d worn in the other sexy pictures she’d sent him while arranging their deal.

To ensure Max was sufficiently motivated, she had to offer more than a few gropes and some sexy imagery. He had to feel like he was getting more than what he got from his girlfriend or his porn stash. Given his reaction to feeling her breasts and seeing her exposed body, he had the face of a man who though he’d hit the jackpot.

“Damn! You look good naked too,” Max said. “Why isn’t a hottie like you in college?”

“Because some of us have goals that don’t involve getting a college degree on our rich daddy’s dime,” Stacy said, “but try not to think about that for the next few minutes. As of right now, I’m not just some girl looking to get her father the best Christmas gift ever. I’m just a hot young woman who’s willing to fuck you in a mall break room at four in the morning.”

Max replied with another lecherous grin. He was already so immersed in her breasts that she doubted the other particulars of the deal had crossed his mind. That was fine with her. It just made holding up her end that much easier.

After letting Max have fun with her breasts for a bit, she proceeded with the next step. She dropped to her knees, looking up at him with seductive eyes, pretending as though she were someone who did this kind of thing for free on Black Friday. While he looked back in anticipation, she undid his pants and pulled them down his waist. Touching her breasts had already gotten his blood flowing in the right directions. He already had a semi-hard boner dangling in front of her, which she saw as just another part of the deal.

“I see part of you is already in the holiday spirit,” Stacy said.

“Oh yes. I’m feeling very spirited!” Max chuckled.

Already sounding like the immature frat guy he was on non-holidays, Stacy channeled her own unique spirit for the moment. She narrowed her gaze on his dick, reached out with both hands, and went to work getting him ready for the final transaction.

She started by jerking him off a bit, getting him even harder and evoking a light gasp. Then, she used her breasts to tit-fuck him, placing his cock between her fleshy mounds and pressing them together around his growing member. Max responded with another blissful gasp. His legs growing weak, he leaned back against a nearby wall and gave her more room to work.

“Yeah! Use those tits! Work that cock!” he said.

Stacy didn’t need the extra motivation, but she used it anyway. She worked his cock between her breasts more vigorously, getting him harder by the second. Once she felt that he was near full arousal, she pulled back and took the next proverbial plunge.

“That got the holiday spirit flowing. This should make it stronger!” Stacy said intently.

She flashed him another sexy look, licking her lips and showing off the cherry-flavored lipstick that he’d requested in the negotiation. Then, still as motivated as ever to complete the deal, Stacy took his cock into her mouth and began sucking him off.

“Oohhh fuck!” Max gasped with delight. “Just when I’d forgotten how great blowjobs feel!”

That sounded like a brief slight as his girlfriend, which Stacy doubted he loved to any great extent. If she hadn’t been giving him blowjobs, then chances they were both looking for a reason to break up.

Not being in a relationship herself gave Stacy an advantage. She didn’t have to hold back while sucking Max off. She could be as dirty and sloppy as she wanted. She hadn’t had much of a sex life for the past several months, but she remembered how much her ex-boyfriend enjoyed blowjobs. She hadn’t forgotten how to make them good, either.

She channeled every ounce of oral sex experience since high school. Max told her not to half-ass it during the negotiations and she promised she wouldn’t. True to her word, Stacy licked along his shaft, twirled her tongue around the head, and made plenty of gargling noises. If Max watched as much porn as he claimed, he probably got off on those noises. In a vacant break room, every noise seemed to reverberate.

The results delivered exactly what she’d promised. It got Max fully aroused and fully erect. Stacy expected it to take longer, given the early morning hour and Max’s tendency to overstate his manliness. She didn’t complain, though. It just meant the next part would be that much easier.

“I remember you saying you didn’t want to pop off too soon,” she said while still stroking his cock. “You wanted to wait until you were fucking me.”

“You’re…a good listener, Stacy,” said Max, already breathless.

“I’m also a woman of my word,” Stacy told him, “and I intend to belabor that.”

As Max leaned back against the wall, Stacy kept stroking his dick to keep it hard. While in her grasp, she tactfully retrieved a condom from her purse, opened the package, and put it on his dick. Having had plenty of practice with her previous boyfriend, Max barely seemed to notice.

Once he was ready, she made some final preparations for herself. She rose up from the floor, slipped out of her panties, and stood before the horny frat boy fully naked. She let him take in the sight briefly before turning around, shaking her butt, and casting him another seductive glance.

“What are you waiting for, Max?” she asked him. “Come get the pussy I so willingly offered you in our deal.”

“God, I love the holidays,” he said with a goofy grin.

From there, Stacy let Max take care of business. He threw off his coat and stepped out of his pants, which had been around his ankles. He then grabbed her by the hips, bent her over a nearby table, and positioned himself behind her. He wasn’t rough, but he wasn’t overly tender, either. That didn’t bother Stacy. As long as they both got what they wanted, she didn’t mind his crude approach.

There was no teasing or technique to what happened next. As soon as Max aligned his rock-hard dick with her pussy, he thrust it right into her waiting folds. As his hard length penetrated her womanly depths, he let out a deep grunt that filled the room.

“Oohhh yeah! That pussy…so nice and tight!” Max grunted.

Stacy remained silent, holding onto the table and letting the horny frat boy do what he needed to do. All she had to do at that point was relax, close her eyes, and let basic sexuality do to the rest.

Max kept it fairly simple. After getting a feel for her pussy, he began rocking his hips back and forth, working his cock within her depths. He didn’t go too quickly. He try to overdo it or anything. He clearly wanted to enjoy it, as any horny young man would.

She even made an effort to enjoy it as well. She might not have been overly aroused or all that attracted to Max, but she knew how to get into a sexual mindset. She knew how to enjoy sex, even when it wasn’t that intimate. She’d even worked in a little lube before meeting up with Max earlier, just to make this part of the deal both easier and more enjoyable.

It was another one of her father’s useful deal-making tips. When both sides got to enjoy themselves, both come out feeling like they got more than they asked for. It also made them less inclined to screw each other over. Max might have been a shallow, immature college guy, but he had simple tastes and simpler needs.

“Simple needs…easy deals,” Stacy found herself saying under her breath at one point.

That ensured he didn’t drag the sex out for too long. He didn’t mix it up much, either. As he humped her from behind, he just occasionally squeezed her butt. A few times, he leaned over and fondled her swaying breasts as well. Stacy even threw in a few moans, which weren’t at all faked. Max might have been crude with his approach to sex, but at least knew how to touch a woman. That counted as a bonus in her book.

After a solid round of hard humping, Stacy sensed Max pick the pace up. She sensed he was close. He was just about ready to complete the deal, among other things.

“Fuck! Ohhh fuck! Ohhh man, I’m gonna pop off!” he gasped.

“Do it, Max. Enjoy it!” Stacy said.

He clearly didn’t need the added encouragement, but it kept him nicely motivated as he pushed himself over the edge.

He was a bit louder than she expected, letting out this heavy grunt as he hit his climax. He firmly grasped both sides of her hips, pushed his cock deeper into her pussy, and leaned back slightly as he got his release. She could even feel his member throbbing inside her in accord with his pleasure. She actually enjoyed that feeling, having not forgotten how much she missed regular sex. This might not have been the kind of sex that gave her multiple orgasms, but it still satisfied her in other ways.

“That should do it,” Stacy said. “That completes the deal!”

“Complete…right,” Max said breathlessly, sounding too content to care.

He lingered for a few moments, taking in every last ounce of pleasure from his orgasm. When he finally withdrew, he had to lean on a nearby chair for support. Stacy, showing that she still cared more than most savvy businesswomen, offered him a playful gesture. She even removed the condom for him and threw it in the nearby trash can.

“You got what you wanted, Max. And I got what I wanted,” she said proudly. “That’s the essence of the perfect deal.”

Without even putting her clothes back on, she reached into his discarded coat and retrieved the box with the cufflinks. She even opened it and held them in her hands again, reaffirming they were very real. Knowing now that they were hers and would be the best Christmas gift she ever got for her father, Stacy smiled as though she were the one who’d just had a good orgasm.

“I’d say it’s been a pleasure doing business with you, but…that might be too accurate,” Max said with an amused laugh.

“When it comes to great deals on Black Friday, there’s no such thing,” Stacy said, laughing as well as she gathered her clothes.

“It’s funny. When you first came to me, I just thought you were just some trashy girl in need of a bigger shopping budget…no offense,” he added.

“None taken,” she said, rolling her eyes.

“But this shit really matters to you,” he said in a more serious tone. “You really are a woman of your word. And you’re willing to do whatever to get the job done…including the sexy stuff. I may be a spoiled rich kid, but I totally respect that.”

Stacy cast him another amused grin, but still laughed with him. Max might have been a bit of a meathead, but he was honest and genuine. That counted for something in her book, just as much as upholding a deal meant a lot for her. Regardless of her willingness to employ sex as a negotiating tool, Stacy saw herself as a businesswoman above all else. She found deals. She made them. Most importantly, she honored them.

When it came to getting the best possible deal on this fateful Black Friday, she could safely say she’d come out satisfied.

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