Tag Archives: sex

February 9, 2018 · 5:46 am

Natural Contraceptive App Blamed For Unplanned Pregnancies (As Expected)

There’s no question that advances in contraception have had a profound impact on our society. Some applaud it. Some resent it. Either way, there’s no uninventing it. Contraception, be it male or female, is a big part of our society and further advances promise to have an even bigger impact.

I’ve talked about the future of contraception before, as well as the potential impacts of those advances. There are a lot of things in development, as I write this, that men and women alike should get excited about. Between better IUDs and more birth control options for men, we’re quickly entering an age where we have unprecedented control over our fertility.

It’s for that very reason that it’s necessary to take a step back and remind ourselves of the existing flaws we have with the current state of contraception. There’s a reason why those advances I mentioned are in development to begin with. What we have now is pretty good, relative to older, more archaic forms of birth control. However, there are a few shortcomings that tend to lead to dramatic, albeit predictable failures.

One of those shortcomings/failures made the news recently and left several dozen women very disappointed, to say the least. According to a story from TheVerge, a recently-developed contraceptive app called Natural Cycles is being blamed for 37 unwanted pregnancies. Anyone who knows anything about pregnancy, female biology, and nature in general probably isn’t surprised.

That’s because the app in question basically made something like this inevitable. According to the article, the Natural Cycles app is supposed to help women who rely on more natural family planning methods. In terms of the actual process, these are the basics:

The app uses an algorithm and measures factors like temperature to determine the period when a woman may be fertile. It’s a popular alternative to hormonal contraceptives like the pill because it lacks side effects.

It’s pretty basic, but the principle makes sense on paper and isn’t based on radically new ideas. The concept of a woman tracking her fertility to determine the times of month when she’s most likely to conceive a child is fairly well-known. It’s most commonly called the “Rhythm Method” and according to the Mayo Clinic, it takes a lot of preparation.

To use this method, a woman needs actively track her menstrual cycle, accurately determine the parts of that cycle where she’s most fertile, and plan her sexual activity around those time-frames. It takes a great deal of physical awareness, as well as a certain measure of discipline, which some people are better at than others.

The Natural Cycles app is supposed to supplement those principles by aiding in that tracking process. It even tries to provide the woman with more data so that she has a better understanding of her body while tracking her cycle. In theory, having perfect knowledge of her biology will ensure a woman knows when she is or isn’t fertile.

It’s that exact theory, however, that makes this news about a surge in unplanned pregnancies so unsurprising. There’s a good reason why this sort of approach to contraception is rarely practiced by anyone other than committed couples and is often discouraged as a general form of contraception.

As with so many other theories, the actual practice of the method doesn’t always work in the real world. That’s because the real world is a lot more chaotic, varied, and unpredictable than concepts on a piece of paper. That applies even more to human biology, male and female.

Now, the appeal of natural family planning like the one Natural Cycles promotes is undeniable. You don’t need to take a pill. You don’t need to have something inserted into your body. Plus, it gives you a chance to really know and understand the workings of your body. For both sexual health and general health, that’s has many benefits.

Unfortunately, the human body is not known for being that transparent. It does not come equipped with a USB port or a wireless interface that provides us with accurate, real-time data about our insides, although that’s one advancement science is working on. Absent that data, natural family planning, even with the aid of Natural Cycles, is going to be either incomplete or flawed.

I don’t doubt that the use of Natural Cycles helps in the process, but there’s a good reason why the same Mayo Clinic that so thoroughly lays out the process of natural family planning also identifies it as one of the least reliable forms of contraception. This is what they had to say about the risks associated with this method.

Using the rhythm method as a form of birth control doesn’t pose any direct risks. However, it’s considered one of the least effective forms of birth control. How well the rhythm method works varies between couples. In general, as many as 24 out of 100 women who use natural family planning for birth control become pregnant the first year. Also, the rhythm method doesn’t protect you from sexually transmitted infections.

Given this information, the fact that some of those using the Natural Cycles app ended up pregnant should surprise no one. The shortcomings of natural family planning are well known and, for the moment, no app is capable of circumventing those shortcomings.

It’s not just that even the most basic activities of the human body are so difficult to quantify and track. Doing so and trying to plan around it assumes all those involved behave with perfect discipline. While I still believe that most human beings are inherently good at heart, I don’t doubt that human beings can also be erratic, irrational, and just plain stupid at times.

There will be moments when a woman misjudges or mistimes her fertility over the course of her cycle. There will also be moments when the passions between a woman and her lover will override whatever discipline they had promised to exercise during that time of the month. Even when people aren’t stupid, they can be overwhelmed by a moment.

That’s the ultimate flaw of natural planning and apps like Natural Cycles. It’s not just prone to human error. It relies on the absence of human error in order to work perfectly. That’s not just flaw. Those are unreasonable expectations that no population of healthy human beings can hope to meet.

It’s sad that several dozen women had to learn this the hard way, even if the outcome was fairly predictable. If nothing else, it should remind us just how much work we need to do on improving contraception, women’s health, and our overall understanding of our biology.

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Tagged as alternative medicine, biology, birth control, birth control app, birth control pill, contraception, female contraception, female sexuality, future of contraception, health, medicine, natural birth control, Natural Cycles, sex, sexual health, sexuality, unplanned pregnancy, women's health, women's issues

February 8, 2018 · 5:41 am

Why Men And Women Cheat (And Lessons To Learn From It)

As an unapologetic romance fan, I concede that I often talk about love the same way dog lovers talk about puppies. I go on and on about how wonderful it is, but often gloss over the nasty parts. In the same way those dog lovers don’t dwell on all the times their beloved companion shits on the rug, I don’t dwell on the more painful aspect of romance.

Well, in the same way ignoring the pile of dog poop doesn’t make the stench go away, ignoring those painful elements of romance doesn’t make them any less relevant. Even those who aren’t romance fans understand that romance often involves tragedy. It’s no coincidence that some of the most famous love stories, from “Romeo and Juliet” to “Titanic,” involve a hefty bit of heartache.

I would argue that’s exactly what makes love and stories about romance so powerful. There’s a significant risk of heartache, rejection, and loss. There’s real pain that comes with pursuing romance, but the we gladly risk that pain because the rewards can be as fulfilling as they are sexy. I’ve done more to highlight the breadth of those rewards in my novels, especially with stories like “Passion Relapse.”

However, the pain that comes from the other side of that coin can be just as dramatic, if not more so. Anyone who has ever seen old episodes of “Jerry Springer” understands this to some extent. It’s not usually the kind of drama that ends with two lovers dying in each other’s arms or Rose not making room for Jack on that floating plank. More often than not, it’s a more frustrating kind of drama.

In many respects, the unsexiest version of this drama has to do with cheating. To some, that’s the much more dreaded C-word. Cheating is to romance what food poisoning is to Thanksgiving dinner. It is the worst-case scenario for those seeking the joys and appeals associated with romance. It is also one of those unfortunate elements that plays out in real life more often than it does in sexy romance novels.

It’s unromantic, but inescapable. Cheating happens and it happens a lot. While it doesn’t happen as often as “Jerry Springer” might have us believe, it happens often enough that it’s a legitimate concern among lovers. That’s why modern marriage laws, however skewed they might be, often account for infidelity.

In the same way there has never been a drug-free society, there has never been a society where cheating and infidelity has not occurred to some extent. From our caveman ancestors to the increasingly-uptight Millennials, the risk of cheating is there and the rise of social media and online dating sites like Ashley Madison are only making it easier.

I’ve talked a bit about cheating when I’ve discussed jealousy and our approach to marriage in modern society. Within the context of those discussions, cheating is a significant portion of those issues, but it’s still only part of a larger whole. It’s still a significant stain on the pursuit of romance, but it doesn’t completely overshadow it.

To make sense of it, as difficult as that may be, it’s necessary to focus on the reasons why people cheat. To anyone who has ever been the victim of a cheating lover, that may mean poking at old wounds and for that, I apologize. I admit it’s somewhat underhanded to suggest there are reasons why people cheat instead of just excuses, but to make sense of cheating overall, we need to accept that there are reasons behind it.

Listen to any story about cheating, be it a magazine article or a poorly-directed reality show, and you’ll notice a few themes about cheating. For one, there is a gender disparity in the numbers. Statistically speaking, men do cheat more often than women. However, the difference in those numbers isn’t quite as vast as the “Mad Men” stereotypes would have us believe.

As to why the gender disparity exists, there are just as many theories about that as well. I’ve talked somewhat about those disparities in discussions about sexual promiscuity and gender double standards. However, those theories don’t always explain the reasons behind cheating. In fact, the process for gathering data on cheating is exceedingly tricky.

Absent an underlying theory, we’re left with a diverse list of reasons that men and women give for their infidelity. According to WebMD, men and women cheat in different ways. For men, it’s often physical, a method of meeting unmet needs. For whatever reason, they’re no longer satisfied with their spouse and cheating is either a way to meet those needs or escape from that spouse.

For women, the act of cheating often has more emotional connotations. While meeting a physical need is part of it, women are more inclined to seek an emotional connection when they cheat. That’s not to say that some women just want some sexual variety or some men don’t fall in love with those they’re cheating with, but these are the popular narratives and some of it does bear out in the data.

Like I said earlier, though, the disparity in that data is not exceedingly vast and there are a lot of issues associated with gathering that data in the first place. If you accept the rule of the great Dr. House, “The most successful marriages are based on lies,” then it’s almost impossible to ascertain just how much cheating is going on and why it’s happening.

Even if it’s impossible to know, there are lessons we can learn from the reasons and excuses that people give. Chief among the reasons men give for cheating involve seeking new intimate experiences, either out of dissatisfaction or boredom. Given how I’ve explored the impact of boredom before, I think that is likely a bigger factor than most care to admit.

With women, the reasons often involve a lack of satisfaction that goes beyond physical. It’s not just that they feel unsatisfied. The underlying theme often involves their sentiment that their partner is no longer putting in the kind of effort they did when they fell in love. That lack of effort gives the impression that they don’t care anymore, leading women to seek out someone who does care.

In scrutinizing these reasons that vary widely between gender, cultures, and personality types, there does appear to be one common theme that binds both genders when it comes to cheating. Whether it’s physical or emotional, it often comes down to the perception that someone in the relationship isn’t putting in the effort anymore. Either they don’t have the energy or just don’t care enough.

In either case, the context of the cheating seems less about meeting a need and more about finding someone who will match your passionate efforts. Regardless of whatever gender disparity may or may not be at work with cheating, there’s no denying that men and women are passionate creatures. We each seek outlets for our passion and if we’re not getting it from that outlet, we’re going to seek another.

That’s not to say that some who cheat are just looking for an exciting and novel experience. That’s another inclination that is hard-wired into both genders in ways that go beyond sex, romance, or fidelity. When it comes specifically to cheating, though, the primary catalyst often comes back to passion and how it’s being channeled.

Cheating and being cheated on often comes with many hard lessons, some of which leave deeper scars than others. Whether you’re a romantic like me, a jaded heart with cynical views on love, or believe that human beings aren’t meant to just love one person for the rest of their lives, the betrayal and dishonesty associated with cheating still hurts us. If nothing else, it’s a harsh reminder of how deep our passions run.

If there’s a lesson that both genders can and should learn from the pain of cheating, it’s the importance of understanding and channeling those passions. When two people share the kind of passion that keeps their love, sex, and relationship strong, then there’s no reason for either of them to cheat. It’s not easy sharing that kind of passion, but the fact we risk the pain of being cheated on shows it’s a risk worth taking.

“Love Like Champions” A Sexy Short Story (About Super Bowl LII)

The following is a short, sexy story that was directly inspired by the outcome of Super Bowl LII and some of the passionate Eagles fans that I know personally. Enjoy!

“This game, Darla…this fucking game,” said Adam Mayfield, sounding more stressed than any man in his mid-30s should.

“That’s the fifth time you’ve said that, Adam,” Darla groaned, who’d stopped trying to calm him down.

“You’ve been keeping track?”

“What else is there to do when we’re out of buffalo wings and cheese dip?”

“I’m sorry, damn it!” he said. “It’s just…I had this same feeling 13 years ago the last time the Eagles played the Pats in the Super Bowl. That did not turn out well.”

“No need to remind me,” said Darla. “I remember…more than you know.”

He probably didn’t hear that last part. He was too caught up in the spectacle that was Super Bowl LII. Darla had anticipated a stressful night since the Eagles topped the Vikings two weeks ago. She and her long-time boyfriend, Adam, were as big an Eagles fan as they came. Them being in the Super Bowl was a test of heart, in more ways than one.

Unlike Adam, Darla hadn’t been born in Philadelphia. She’d moved there from Scranton about 15 years ago, following her father and uncle, who helped her get a job at a mortgage company. Being from a family with three brothers, each being big football fans themselves, she thought she knew what it meant to be a fan when she embraced the Eagles as her home team. Adam proved her wrong.

“How can I love a team so much, but be so frustrated by them?” Darla groaned.

She made it a point to say that out loud, hoping her lover would get the message. Either he was ignoring her or he’d tuned everything out. She was inclined to believe the latter, but Darla could never be sure. Adam was such a passionate man. That was a big reason why she fell in love with him. The frustrating part was how he channeled it during football season.

Adam came from a long line of Eagles fans. He’d been born in Philadelphia. His parents, grandparents, and siblings were all passionate about their team. During every game in every season, they wore their heart on their sleeve, cheering and lamenting their team through every win and every loss.

Darla thought she could handle cheering with them. She learned early on that Adam and his family were on a whole other level. It showed in how elated they were when the Eagles won and how miserable they were when the Eagles lost. However, even though she’d been with Adam for over a decade, she’d never seen him react to a Super Bowl loss. She wasn’t sure she wanted to know.

“I may have to take a trip to Baltimore tomorrow,” she muttered.

As much as Darla wanted to convey her sentiment to Adam, she too had an investment in the game. She didn’t want to see her team lose either. She was sick of getting crap from the Cowboys, Steelers, and 49er fans in her family, whose teams had multiple rings while hers had none. That had to change at some point, but she preferred it changed tonight.

“It’s not enough of a lead,” Adam said, his hands clasped together as though he were praying to the football gods. “38 to 33 with more than two minutes left and Tom fucking Brady at quarterback? If the Falcons couldn’t hold on with a 25-point lead last year, for crying out loud!”

“These aren’t the Falcons, babe. These are the Eagles,” Darla reminded him. “This is our team.”

“I know. That’s what scares me even more.”

His pessimism was annoying, but usually right. There was a reason why the Eagles had never won a Super Bowl. They had a tendency to choke in these exact situations whereas the Patriots seemed to thrive.

Darla stayed on her side of the couch, almost not wanting to watch Brady pull off another late-game miracle at the expense of her favorite team. She couldn’t turn away, though. She kept watching.

It felt like her stomach was up in her throat. She noticed Adam anxiously tapping his feet, something he only did when he was extremely nervous. The last time she saw that kind of nervousness, he asked her to move in with him. She could only imagine the kind of tension he felt now.

It was second and two from the 33. The Patriots offense had over two minutes left, a timeout, and the greatest quarterback of all time being coached by one of the greatest coaches of all time. It seemed like the story had already been written. Brady would drive the Patriots down the field, score the game-winning touchdown, and go home as a six-time Super Bowl champion while the Eagles remained winless in the big game.

“Please, just get it over with,” Adam groaned. “My heart can only take so much of this shit.”

“They’ll find a way,” said Darla, trying to will the fates in her team’s favor. “They have to!”

They watched on. The ball was snapped. Then, it happened.

“FUMBLE!” Adam shouted, shooting up from the couch as though he’d been struck by lightning.

“THEY GOT IT! EAGLES BALL!” Darla said, shouting as well.

In an instant, the mood shifted from dread to elation. She shot up and embraced her boyfriend and cheered at the sudden turn of events. She could even hear the cheers outside. All of downtown Philadelphia must have seen what they just saw. The Eagles had just forced a fumble and recovered the ball. The sight of Tom Brady, the so-called greatest of all time, sitting there on the turf in defeat was just too satisfying.

“It’s really happening. They might really do it!” Darla cheered, still clinging to her boyfriend.

“I know! It’s not over yet, but they’re close!” Adam exclaimed. “They’re so goddamn close this time!”

“Then, you better hold onto me, babe. I’m still not sure this is real.”

“Are you kidding? I’m not letting go until the last tic on the clock!”

It might have been superstition. It might have been the sheer weight of the moment. Whatever the reason, she and Adam clung to one another, still trembling with excitement at the prospect of their team finally winning the Super Bowl. If that moment finally came, it had to happen when they were in each other’s arms. It just had to be that way.

Her heart still racing and her passions still in overdrive, she and Adam sat back down on the couch. He grasped her hand firmly while she clung to his favorite Eagles jersey, which he wore for every game. They watched as the Eagles did the most they could with the ball.

They ran it three times, taking as much time off the clock as possible. They couldn’t get a first down, but they still managed a field goal, putting them up 41 to 33. There was still a minute left. Even with no timeouts, it was still the New England Patriots. It was still Tom Brady at quarterback.

“41 to 33,” Darla said, holding her lover a bit closer. “That’s going to be the final score.”

“I hope you’re right, Darla. I really do,” Adam said, still affected by the Eagles’ history of disappointment.

“It’ll happen. I know it will. You’ll see!”

She made it sound as though she’d already seen the final score. Darla learned early on in her time as an Eagles fan that victory was never secure. However, she refused to give into the dread this time. She was certain her team would win.

The next minute might have been the longest in the history of sports. The Patriots got the kickoff. They messed up on a few plays, but managed to move the ball to midfield. With each yard they gained, she felt Adam tremble a bit more, doubt and dread creeping into him with every play. She held him a little closer, as if to protect him from it. She wanted him to believe as strongly as she did.

Finally, it all came down to one play. With 9 seconds left and no timeouts, it was down to a final Hail Mary to the end zone.

“This is it,” Darla told him. “This is the last play of the game.”

“Please, be right,” Adam said. “I want you to be right…so much.”

“I know.”

“No…I don’t think you do.”

Darla cast her lover a strange glance, but didn’t have time to scrutinize it. The play was about to go off. As soon as the Patriots snapped the ball, time seemed to move in slow-motion.

For a moment, it looked like Brady would get sacked. She sensed Adam wanting to shoot up and cheer. That didn’t happen, though. He managed to escape, as he always did, and got the throw off. At that moment, Darla almost felt her heart crack again.

“Not this time,” she said in defiance.

She and Adam watched, like a couple of deer looking at an oncoming train. The ball hung up in the air for an eternity. The game clock now read zero. It all came down to this.

Finally, in an instant, it actually happened. The ball hit the ground. The pass was incomplete. The game was over and the Philadelphia Eagles were Super Bowl champions.

“YES! THEY DID IT! THEY REALLY FUCKING DID IT!” Adam exclaimed.

“THEY WON! OH MY GOD! THE EAGLES WON!” Darla exclaimed.

In a moment of pure, unadulterated elation, Darla and Adam cheered with the rest of Philadelphia. They jumped up from the couch and hugged, as though they’d just won the lottery. Earlier that year, winning the lottery seemed more likely than seeing the Eagles win their first ever Super Bowl. After only knowing disappointment for so long, Eagles fans like her and Adam could finally say that they won.

They kept wildly hugging each other and cheering, watching as the confetti fell on their favorite team. They didn’t care that they knocked over some empty beer bottles and crumbled up bags of chips. Their team had won. For once, she and Adam knew what it felt like for their favorite team to be a Super Bowl champion.

At one point after all the cheering, they settled down enough to face each other. Adam hadn’t let go of her since before the fumble. She hadn’t let go of him either, still clinging to his favorite jersey. Now, in this moment of pure elation, they looked at each other with a sense of both shock and triumph.

“You were right, babe. You were right,” Adam said.

“Yeah, I guess I was,” Darla said with a smug grin.

“You really have no idea how much I wanted the Eagles to win this…to finally see them win a championship.”

“You don’t need to tell me. I know you’re a bigger Eagles fan than I’ll ever be, Adam. You deserve to run down Broad Street and cheer with other fans like you.”

“See, that’s just it,” he said in a more serious tone. “I wasn’t planning on doing that. My buddies at the office all had elaborate plans for how they would celebrate if they won, but I wanted no part of it. I knew if this actually happened…if the Eagles actually won…this is where I’d want to be.”

Darla’s heart skipped a beat. Adam had that look in his eye, the kind she saw when he wanted to get extra romantic with her. She hadn’t expected to see that tonight, even if the Eagles won. During football season, she’d always been content to let him cheer victor or mourn defeat in his own way. It was an unspoken rule, of sorts, that they stayed out of each other’s way when that happened.

However, there was something different about this and not just because the Eagles had won the Super Bowl. That same passion that Adam usually channeled into every Eagles game was now solely focused on her.

“Darla, I know I’m not the easiest guy to love. Hell, I’m not even the top 50,” he told her.

“Adam, I know you get worked up after Eagles games,” Darla said. “Are you really sure you want talk to me like this after the biggest game in Eagles history?”

“Yes, I’m sure,” Adam said without hesitation. “We’ve been together for 13 years now. In that time, we’ve built a great life together…one that often revolves around rooting for the Eagles. I know I don’t say it enough and I doubt I’ll ever have the mind to say it again, but I’ve treasured every moment of that life…from the worst loses to this amazing win.”

Now, Darla’s hard raced even more than it had before the fumble. This couldn’t possibly be what it sounded like. She and Adam had already discussed it on more than one occasion. They were boyfriend and girlfriend. They had made that relationship work for over a decade. She thought that was how it had to be. Darla had made peace with that long ago.

However, when she saw Adam get down on one knee, hold her hand in his, and look up at her as though she were the Lombardi Trophy, it began to sank in. A Super Bowl parade wouldn’t be the only celebration tonight.

“Darla Mason,” Adam said, “when we met 13 years ago, I was at the lowest possible point. The Eagles had just lost the Super Bowl. I had no job, too much student debt, and a bad history of dating women who couldn’t put up with me. You changed that. You came along when I was at my lowest, stuck with me when you could’ve walked away, and loved me more than I ever deserved.”

“Adam…you’re making me feel like the Super Bowl MVP, here,” Darla said, her heart ready to burst.

“Now, here we are…13 years later, watching the same Philadelphia Eagles beat the New England Patriots. We’ve gone from one devastating lost to the most exhilarating victory possible. I say, let’s make it our own personal dynasty! Merry me, Darla. Merry me and let’s fly together like a couple of Eagles!”

Darla didn’t think it was possible for something to sound so corny, yet so heartfelt. Adam had to have rehearsed it ways for weeks on end, possibly since the Eagles clinched a playoff spot. The Eagles win the Super Bowl. He proposes to her. Given how they came together after they lost 13 years ago, it seemed so fitting. That made her response just as obvious.

“Yes!” Darla said eagerly. “Yes, Adam…I will marry you.”

“God, I love you, Darla.”

“I love you too, my future husband. Now, shut up and kiss me like a champion!”

Adam didn’t need a trophy or a call from the President to heed her desire. He shot up from the floor, threw his arms around her, and embraced her passionately as they came together in a deep kiss.

It still took a moment to sink in, both the Eagles being Super Bowl champions and her being engaged now. It was a hell of a feeling, a bigger rush than anything she’d felt before in her life. The sound of rowdy Eagles fans cheering outside could be heard. She imagined there would be a hell of a party down Broad Street for the rest of the night. They could enjoy that party. She intended to have one of her own with Adam.

As they kissed and hugged, the sound and images of the Eagles’ victory playing out on the TV, Darla felt those same passions that she and Adam channeled so strongly take a new form. They were champions. They were engaged. They were in love. With so much excitement and elation surrounding them, there was only one other way this night could be more perfect.

“Adam,” Darla said breathlessly as their lips briefly parted.

“Yes, my future wife?” he said playfully.

“Do me,” she told him. “Right here…in the living room…with the Eagles accepting the Lombardi trophy!”

Adam’s reaction to those intense, seductive words were priceless. Still awash in the thrill of victory, he had the look of a man who could slay a dragon for his woman. It was more than enough to set the tone for how they would celebrate their team’s victory.

“Darla, if you could be any sexier without wearing an Eagles cheerleader costume,” he told her.

“You want me to go find a costume? Or do you want to get naked right now and make love like a champion?”

“Well, I was going to call my folks and share the news first, but…”

His words trailed off as his desires took over. He kissed her again, this time with the passion of a champion. Darla kissed back, eager to match that same championship-caliber energy. For such a powerful moment that had been 13 years in the making, nothing less was acceptable.

Like a couple of pros, they went to work undressing each other. Adam pulled her favorite Eagles sweatshirt up over her head while she undid his jeans. Then, in a show of strength that would’ve impressed any starting offensive lineman, he lifted her up in his arms and laid her down on the couch.

Shortly after she fell atop the soft cushions, he took off his pants and underwear, followed quickly by his shirt. Whether by the thrill of victory or the passion of having proposed to his lover, he already bore a rock-hard erection. He looked so strong and powerful under the glow of an Eagles’ victory. It was enough to make Darla wetter than she’d been since her prom night.

“Off! Get my panties…off,” she urged him.

Her lover gladly obliged her, grabbing them by the side and sliding them off her shapely legs. She even undid her bra in the process, allowing her breasts to pop free. The sight of her naked body with the image of Eagles players kissing the Lombardi Trophy in the background sent Adam into a passionate frenzy that Darla eagerly embraced.

“Darla…my MVP,” Adam said to her.

Joining her on the couch, her new fiancé got on top of her. She eagerly spread her legs, allowing him to position herself over her while still having a nice view of the Eagles celebrating their championship. Holding onto her thighs and focusing that special passion of his solely on her, Adam thrust his hips forward and entered her.

“Ooh Adam!” Darla cried out.

Already, she felt like an MVP. His manly flesh filled her womanly depth, sending a surge of sensation up through her core. Almost immediately, Adam began working his body against hers, making love to her with a fervor unlike anything she’d experience in the 13 years they’d been together.

With each movement, he rocked her world, letting out deep grunts that doubled as sounds of victory. He held onto her thighs, holding them apart, which allowed him to penetrate deep with every thrust. Darla moaned with delight at every sensation, reaching up and caressing her lover’s face. She kept beckoning him with her gaze, urging him to make love to. Like star quarterback in the clutch, he delivered.

“Oh yes! Oohhh yes!” Darla gasped. “Adam…my champion.”

“Darla…my love,” he said.

Her world kept rocking as their naked bodies moved and gyrated together in the ultimate victory dance, evoking a potent combination of pleasure and triumph. At one point, Darla pulled him down closer so they could kiss as they made love. It added extra intimacy along with the euphoria of victory.

It proved to be a perfect combination, victory and love. She and Adam, energized by their team’s first championship, tested the stability of their eight-year-old couch. They made love with the kind of vigor and passion that only champions could muster.

One moment, he had her bent over the edge, thrusting into her from behind so she could see the Commissioner present the Lombardi Trophy to Eagles owner, Jeffrey Lurie. The next, she had him pinned on his back, riding his cock as the players sang the Eagles fight song play while accepting their congratulations. Somewhere along the way, she had an orgasm. In fact, she ended up having several.

That rush of pleasure, alongside the thrill of being engaged and being an Eagles fan on this night, made it extra special. It was a feeling she made sure she shared with her lover, making sure he got more than his share of the pleasure when he achieved his own climax.

“Darla…I’m close,” he told her.

“Then, go on, my love. Fly with me with me…like an Eagle,” Darla said, mirroring his own passionate words.

When it finally happened, she made it a point to embrace him passionately, tying her love with the heat of ecstasy. Those same cheers he let out when the game ended turned to cries of ecstasy. It helped cap off a truly remarkable celebration for a very memorable Super Bowl Sunday, one that Darla wouldn’t soon forget.

Their championship lovemaking complete, Darla settled into her lover’s arms. They remained naked, still indulging in the blissful afterglow of both passion and victory. Other fans might cheer. Others might loudly proclaim that this was the best night in the history of Philadelphia. However, only Darla and her lover could claim to know the true bliss of soaring like eagles.

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Tagged as erotica, erotica fiction, erotica romance, erotica stories, Jack Fisher, Jack Fisher Blog, Jack Fisher Novels, Literotica, love, love stories, romance, romance novels, romance stories, sex, sexy, Sexy Short Story, short stories, short story

February 4, 2018 · 8:06 am

Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Super Bowl LII Edition

The wait is finally over. Today is the day. Super Bowl LII, also known as beer and buffalo wing appreciation day, has finally arrived. It’s the New England Patriots and the Philadelphia Eagles. If you’re a football fan, you don’t need much to get excited about today.

I’m not going to lie. Neither team playing is my favorite team. In fact, I actively rooted against these teams at multiple points during the regular season and the playoffs. It’s not just because I didn’t pick either team to make it this far. I have my own team loyalties that I take almost as seriously as my sexy stories. This Super Bowl doesn’t change that.

Never-the-less, I’m still a big football fan. I love watching football and I love watching big games with high stakes. You can’t get much bigger than the Super Bowl. Between the stakes, the commercials, and the halftime show, it’s a wonderful spectacle that I enjoy every year. Plus, I can never have too many excuses to drink beer and eat buffalo wings.

Whether you’re a Patriots fan, an Eagles fan, or despise both teams, the Super Bowl is the alpha and omega of all things football. I intend to enjoy it. I also have some Sexy Sunday Thoughts that I hope will make the wait easier between now and the opening kickoff.

“Exercises that mimic humping send mixed signals, but health benefits go beyond muscle tone.”

“The fact that celibacy is treated as a virtue while anorexia is treated as a disease highlights the breadth of our sexual hang-ups.”

“Does the pain of childbirth and the pleasure of orgasms require that all women be masochistic on some levels?”

“It’s physically impossible to tell a tragic story that ends in two people giving each other oral sex.”

“Too many sitcoms give the impression that our neighbors are hot, single, and eager to bone.”

“Afterglow is the sexual equivalent of a post-credits scene for a movie in that it can preview a sequel or add something extra to the experience.”

“If sex is like chocolate, then foreplay is like the hot melted fudge.”

I hope this gets everyone excited for the big game, among other things. Regardless of who wins, the Super Bowl is a major cultural event. Even if you just watch it for the commercials , it’s an event worth appreciating. It’s the culmination of America’s favorite sport. Let’s enjoy it for what it is and spend every other day of the year angrily envying Tom Brady.

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February 1, 2018 · 5:42 am

More Women Are Watching Porn (And Why That’s A Good Thing)

I don’t often talk about the porn industry on this blog. I know that sounds like an oversight, but it’s a deliberate oversight. In my experience, porn is just one of those things that either bothers certain people to no end or is just shrugged off by everyone else.

We know it exists. We know it’s a big business that has always existed, to some extent. Sure, it’s controversial. Some still try to fight it, but to date, nobody has ever won that fight and the sheer amount of porn that exists is proof of that.

As an aspiring erotica/romance writer, who also happens to be a straight man with an internet connection, I’m very much aware of porn, the industry that makes it, and the consumer base that fuels it. While erotica novels aren’t quite as taboo as porn, it does have many similarities. “50 Shades of Grey” proved those similarities aren’t that subtle.

In addition, those same trends can also reflect evolving attitudes towards sex, sexuality, and how people treat intimacy. One might be forgiven for thinking that everything involving sex, intimacy, and how we consume erotic content is devolving into chaos. However, in the midst of all these unsexy trends, I’d like to offer some news that should further complicate the evolving sexual landscape.

According to recent data released by PornHub, also known as the most popular porn site on the internet, 2017 saw the biggest surge in porn consumption came from women. More specifically, the search term “porn for women” increased in popularity by 359 percent. Even if you’re terrible at math, you understand that’s a significant increase.

It’s an increase that the porn industry is noticing, among others. They kind of have to notice it because women still make up half the population last I checked. Even though catering to mostly men has helped make porn a multi-billion dollar industry, it still has room to grow and women are the key, just not in the way the industry is used to.

Whether it’s due to the impact of “50 Shades of Grey” or the impact that feminism has had over the past few decades, more women are consuming porn than ever. Granted, that could just be because more women are willing to admit it, but the data is there. This is happening, regardless of what men or other women say about it.

The type of porn they’re consuming is also noteworthy, if only because their patterns of consumption are different from those of men. According to Vice.com, the type of porn women search for varies in terms of theme and genre. They’re not wildly different from men, but it does highlight some differences in terms of the erotic content both genders pursue.

While I’d love to talk more about the types of adult content women are seeking, if only to highlight how I can work that content into my novels, there’s a particular detail to this story that I want to highlight. I have a feeling it’ll be controversial for some. I’m willing to take that risk because I think this is worth saying.

More women consuming porn is a GOOD thing for both genders.

Take a moment to finish rolling your eyes. I understand that sounds exactly like something a man who regularly writes about sex robots and sex-positive superheroes would say. That doesn’t make the statement any less valid.

While I won’t claim that trends in women consuming porn are all good, as the breadth of human nature is far too broad for a claim that bold, I strongly believe that this is one of those trends where the positives outweigh the negatives. It’s not just because it shows women are more comfortable exploring sexy things. I actually think the positives run much deeper than that.

That’s because in recent years, the porn industry has only ever made headlines for all the wrong reasons. Between the recent spike in porn stars committing suicide and uptight politicians declaring it a public health crisis, it’s safe to say that porn has a public image problem, to put it mildly. However, I think the foundation of that problem goes beyond the explicit content behind it.

To illustrate that, it’s necessary to point out an unusual quirk in the effects of porn on men compared to women. There have been plenty of studies on how porn affects men. Some of it documents negative effects while others reveal positive or no effects. For women, though, the effects are considerably different.

It often occurs whenever there’s a correlation between a negative consequence, like broken relationships and porn consumption. Whenever that correlation exists for men, it rarely occurs to the same extent, if at all, for women. That means that even if there are harmful effects of porn consumption, it does not affect women as much as men.

To further complicate those insights, as often tends to happen in sexually-charged issues, research has shown that couples who watch porn together are either not negatively affected or enjoy greater levels of satisfaction. That means when it comes to the effects of porn, context and attitudes matters. I’ve mentioned the importance of context when it comes to assessing masculinity. It seems to apply even more to porn.

That’s why I believe women consuming more of it is a good thing, in terms of evolving that context. Unlike other hobbies, porn is unique in that it involves sex and sex often other people. When only one part of that equation is consuming the content, then that content is going to skew in the direction of those consumers. That’s just basic economics.

In this case, those skewed economics can have unpleasant consequences. To those who claim porn creates unrealistic expectations about sex, this is why that occurs. When the consumer base is so narrow, it’s going to become unbalanced. We saw that in the disparity of contraceptive development. Porn did the same.

Over time, that has the effect of narrowing the appeal of the content. To those not consuming that, it takes on a strange, if not taboo context. In the past, this has been reflected by women seeing men’s consumption of porn as creepy or perverse. It’s not unlike how comic books used to be seen as something for kids. Then, they evolved to capture a wider audience.

With women entering the consumer base, the porn industry has a chance to change that narrative. If women are watching more porn, then it becomes less taboo. On top of that, it expands the industry. I’ve talked before about how taboos fade or die off. One of the most potent ways taboos falter is when there are economic forces working against it.

In a sense, the best way for women to make the porn that men consume more equitable is to consume it themselves. By giving the industry a powerful incentive to balance out the content, they create the necessary incentives for producers to make the kind of erotic content that both gets them off and spices things up with their lover. It’s ironic that this is how to make the porn industry friendlier to women, but it’s also somewhat fitting.

As it stands, women’s taste in porn are still evolving and the industry is still figuring it out. However, there are a number of sites out there looking to tap this once overlooked market. In wake of the recent sexual misconduct scandals, there’s even a new sub-genre of porn called ethically produced porn. Think of it as fair-trade coffee for sex.

Regardless of how some feel about the porn industry, in general, or women entering a consumer base once dominated by men, their presence will have an impact. That impact may make some uncomfortable or upset at first, but I believe in the long term, it’ll be a net positive.

We’re entering a world where it’s not taboo for a woman to say she enjoys watching porn. It’s also a world where men don’t have to be as ashamed or secretive about their own porn consumption. I think when those respective taboos fade, it’ll be easier for men and women to have honest conversations about what they like, what turns them on, and everything in between.

Sure, it’ll be awkward. Men and women talking about their respective porn consumption is bound to cause more than a few stressful conversations. However, if the end result is a more open and honest understanding of our sex lives, then I honestly say that extra awkwardness is worth it.

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Tagged as adult entertainment, adult industry, effects of porn, ethical porn, female friendly porn, female sexuality, femininity, feminism, human sexuality, media, porn industry, PornHub, sex, sexual health, sexual taboos, sexual trends, sexuality, women, women in media, women's issues

January 30, 2018 · 5:40 am

“Keeping You Warm” Another Sexy Short Story

The following is another sexy short story I wrote entitled, “Keeping You Warm.” It’s a story I wrote over the course of a bitter cold day where nobody was feeling very sexy. I hope this helps warm everybody up and gets them through the winter. Enjoy!

“Hurry! Get another piece of wood,” said Maria, still shivering under several layers of clothes and blankets.

“Calm down, sweetheart. The fire’s still going strong,” David assured her. “We don’t know how long this blackout will continue so we need to conserve our wood.”

“Says the guy who wears a tank top outside when he gets the paper.”

“Who also happens to be the same guy who survived four days camping in a blizzard when he was nine,” he retorted. “Trust me, Maria. I know how to handle this.”

His words seemed to have little impact. Maria, his girlfriend of the past nine months, kept shivering and hugging herself as though she’d been trapped in the middle of the arctic. He did what he could to keep her warm, giving her the bulk of the blankets and letting her sit directly in front of the fireplace. That didn’t seem to be enough, though. David began worrying more about her than the duration of the blackout.

It had already derailed his plans for a romantic evening with his lover. Three hours ago, Maria returned from an extra-long shift at the hospital downtown where she worked as a pharmacist. He’d been waiting for her, ready to fire up the oven to cook her some salmon with a side of sweet potatoes. It was her favorite meal, one he’d hoped would make for a romantic Friday evening.

He knew that a storm was rolling in, but didn’t think much of it. Having grown up in Minnesota and endured more than his share of blizzards, he was better-equipped than most. Then, before he could even turn the oven on, the power went out and their romantic evening fell apart.

He could tell Maria wasn’t in a very romantic mood. Having spent all her life in South Florida, she was not used to this kind of cold. The fact she wore so many layers just to drive to work showed that. This marked the first major blizzard she’d endured and so far, she wasn’t handling it well.

“My God! How does anyone live through this shit?” Maria groaned. “I knew I would have to adjust when I transferred here last spring, but not like this!”

“You get used to it,” David told her while hugging her a little closer.

“Not soon enough for a Florida girl,” she said. “Hell, I didn’t even see snow for the first time until I was 22-years-old.”

“I admit the novelty wears off quickly, but eventually, you harden to it. You even come to appreciate it.”

“No offense to your home town in Connecticut, but I’d rather be wearing my bikini on South Beach right about now.”

“None taken,” he said. “If it helps, I’ll go get your bikini out of the closet and we can pretend we’re on South Beach.”

“I appreciate the sentiment, Dave, but I’d rather focus on surviving. There’s only so much I can pretend in this kind of cold.”

She rubbed her hands together and shivered again. She almost sounded panicked, as though the storm and the blackout would never end. David wasn’t sure what more he could do for his lover. It was not a pleasant feeling, knowing that she was so uncomfortable and distressed.

He kept trying to warm her up, hugging her closely and occasionally stoking the fire in the fireplace that he’d kept going for several hours. It was an unfamiliar situation for the both of them and not just with respect to the weather.

David knew he was in for a challenge when he met Maria. They weren’t just from different parts of the country. They were from different walks of life. Her family was pretty affluent, growing up in the best neighborhoods in South Florida and never having to worry about snow or want. He and his family were a bit more modest, working blue-collar jobs construction sites and often braving the winter cold along the way.

He’d been the first in his family to go to college, but still worked outdoors a lot as an industrial engineer. When he met Maria through an old roommate of his last spring, there was almost instant chemistry. She fascinated him and she was drawn to his rugged, hard-working persona. If anything, their differences drew them together.

It helped their relationship progress quickly. They went from going on dates and swapping flirty texts to making love during their lunch breaks pretty quickly. He was willing to say he was falling in love with her. They hadn’t moved in together yet, but she frequently visited the townhouse he’d bought from his uncle because it was on her way home. Since they worked similar hours, he always tried to be prepared for her.

However, David hadn’t prepared for a situation like this. Having only been together for six months, it marked the first instance where everything they’d planned went to shit. Being snowed in with no power for who knew how long, it was kind of sobering having endure such a stressful situation together.

“I’m sorry, Maria,” he said to her while gazing at the fire. “Believe me when I say this is not how I wanted to spend this evening.”

“I believe you, David. And don’t apologize,” Maria told him. “I should be the one saying I’m sorry. I’ve been a pain in the ass since the power went out.”

“I want to say you don’t have to apologize either, but I suck at lying to you, so I won’t try.”

“I appreciate that,” she said dryly. “I just…I hate feeling this whiny. When I was eight and a hurricane ran through my neighborhood, we didn’t have power for three days. I remember my little brother complaining every goddamn hour, but I stayed strong. I even helped my dad clean up the yard.”

“To be fair, you can do that in a bikini too.”

“That’s not the point. What bugs me is I’ve been in tough situations before, be they blackouts, disasters, or meningitis outbreak at the hospital. I’ve always found a way to endure, adapt, and be strong. But now…in this storm and with all this cold…I feel so pathetic.”

“Why? There’s only so much you can do in a blizzard-induced blackout.”

“I know, damn it! I just feel like I’m better than this…especially when I’m with the man I love.”

David’s heart skipped a beat. For a brief instant, he forgot about the cold or the storm and looked over at his shivering lover. While Maria had told him she loved him before, it was almost always in a flirtatious, playful sort of way. This was the first time it sounded genuinely serious…that she really loved him, even in such unpleasant circumstances.

He wasn’t sure if she understood the gravity of what she’d just said. For all he knew, that was a serious symptom of the cold messing with her mind. Looking at her, though, his gut told him she meant it. That meant, for him, that he needed to do more.

With renewed focus, David came up with a new plan to show Maria just how much he loved her. Just cooking her a good meal on a Friday night wasn’t enough. Even in a darkened townhouse in the middle of a blizzard with only a finite supply of firewood, he needed to make a bold gesture. As he held his lover closer, a new plan came into place.

“You are better, Maria. You’re better than any woman I know,” he told her.

“That’s sweet of you, David,” she told him, “but that doesn’t make me any less pathetic.”

“Don’t mistake frustration for helplessness. They’re not the same thing, no matter the situation. Helpless means you’re out of options and there’s nothing more you can do. Frustration means you just need to try a bit harder than you wish you did.”

“The power is still out, the heater isn’t working, and we’ve already eaten most of what we can’t zap in a microwave. How are we not helpless?”

“Because there’s one option we haven’t tried…one I didn’t think would be appropriate, given the circumstances.”

“Oh?” Maria said curiously. “Which one is that?”

David gave her a confident, yet suggestive grin. It was usually the look he gave her when he had something surprising or enticing for her. That sort of thing usually required elaborate planning on his part. This time, however, he intended to wing it.

Without saying a word, he briefly let go of her and got up to retrieve another piece of firewood from the rack that sat next to their fireplace. He made sure to pick up a big one that would burn longer without much stoking. He needed that time for reasons that would soon become obvious to his lover.

Upon putting it on the fire and letting it burn for a moment, he turned around to face his lover. Then, in what must have seen foolish for their current situation, he stripped down to his underwear.

“David,” Maria said, confused yet intrigued, “as much as I enjoy watching you show off those manly muscles of yours, I’m still inclined to point out the danger here.”

“I know. I’m willing to risk it,” he told her, standing proudly before her in nothing but a pair of black boxers. “That’s what a man does for the woman he loves.”

Those fateful words had an impact. He saw it in her gaze. He tried to match her tone, showing that he was serious. He really did love her, so much so that he was willing to brave the cold for her. If the way her eyes were raking down his half-naked body were any indication, she got the message loud and clear.

“Stop me if my timing is off or if my idea is stupid,” he continued.

“From where I’m sitting, it’s looking less stupid by the second,” Maria said curtly.

“Then, I don’t have to be too crude when I tell you there’s a more effective way to keep you warm, Maria…a way that should show you that your worth braving any storm. Whether it’s hot, cold, snowy, or dark…I’ll be there to keep you warm.”

David spoke with more determination than he’d ever felt in his adult life. With the cold air blowing through his blacked out townhouse, he knelt down and crawled into his girlfriend’s grasp. In a gesture that showed how much she wanted his warmth, she opened up the blankets she’d clung to so desperately and welcomed him into her embrace.

Then, with only the glowing light of the fire illuminating their surroundings, he kissed her passionately on the lips, allowing the heat from his body to mix with hers. Even though she still had on multiple layers of clothing, that heat carried more meaning than that of the fire. From that meaning, David’s gesture evolved into something greater.

“David…so warm,” Maria gasped.

“I can make you warmer,” he claimed.

“I believe you,” she said. “Tell me, though…does it involve me taking off my clothes?”

“Well, if you want to maximize the effects…”

David didn’t even get to finish. He didn’t have to because Maria was already eagerly removing the multiple layers of clothes that she’d so urgently put on after the power went out. He even helped her, pulling her sweater off over her head while she got out of her sweatpants.

They remained under the blankets so it was a bit clumsy and chaotic. At one point, her undershirt got stuck and he needed to help her get it off. They ended up laughing, fumbling under the blankets until she was down to her panties. As soon as her flesh was exposed, David made it a point to take her in his embrace, his skin making contact with hers. From that touch, a special kind of warmth emerged.

“Oh David,” she purred, her hands eagerly clinging to his flesh.

He grinned at her touch, already feeling her ample breasts pressing up against his chest. He’d always enjoyed that sensation, her smooth womanly flesh pressing up against his. They’d never had this much incentive to feel each other so closely. David went to work making the most of it.

Laying her down on the carpet, the roaring fire only a few feet away, he covered their naked bodies in the thick blankets they’d borrowed from their bed. He then proceeded to kiss her again. This time, he threw in some extra touching, feeling up her womanly body and building up extra heat along the way.

He put extra passion and energy into his touching, from the way he caressed her face to the way he fondled her breasts. Maria had always enjoyed that kind of foreplay, so focused and intimate. The fact it generated real warmth was just a nice bonus.

That warmth quickly escalated, though, so much so that mere touching and kissing wasn’t enough. As David caressed his lover under the blankets, he felt a growing erection in his boxers. Given how cold it was, he hadn’t expected his efforts to be that effective. He didn’t ignore the opportunity either, letting his hardened bulge press against his lover’s inner thigh.

“Ooh! Is that another one of those effects, I’m feeling?” Maria said coyly.

“That depends,” David quipped playfully. “What would you say if I said yes?”

“I would say these panties can’t come off fast enough!”

That was all the affirmation David needed to hear. With a confident grin and burning determination, he shed his boxers and helped Maria out of her panties.

Now fully naked under the thick blankets, he renewed their passionate touching. This time, there were no obstructions. It was just her flesh and his, uncovered and exposed…relying only on one another for warmth. Something about that felt so fitting, not to mention arousing.

As their flesh touched and exchanged warmth, David felt his lover’s arousal match his. The warmth from her body became a full-fledged heat, especially between her legs. Drawn to that heat like any sane man would in such cold, he positioned herself between Maria’s lets. Again, she eagerly embraced him. Within that embrace, he entered her.

“Ohhh David!” she gasped.

“Maria…” he gasped, descending into a passionate daze.

At that moment, the act of keeping his girlfriend warm transformed into making love to her. Their bodies now entwined, David kissed her again. They began moving together, hard manly flesh meshing with hot womanly depths. It wasn’t the kind of sex they often enjoyed in their more playful moments. This was an act of passion, which just happened to conjure some much-needed warmth.

Fueled by that warmth and the passion that drove it, David made love to his girlfriend with the mindset that he was doing more than just proving his sincerity. He was keeping her warm, protecting her from the unforgiving cold. There couldn’t have been a greater incentive for a man to love his girlfriend in all the ways she deserved.

He took is time, maintaining a steady, yet passionate rhythm. Under the covers, his body shifted in accord with their shared desires, sharing deep kisses and fervent touching every step of the way. Such powerful efforts were so effective that David swore they worked up a sweat. That alone was an accomplishment, but hearing his lover moan in gleeful ecstasy was a far greater reward.

“David…I love you,” she said in the midst of such passion.

“I love you too,” he said to her without hesitation.

There was no ambiguity. Given the circumstances of their situation, it felt so real. If he and Maria could profess their love in the middle of a storm when all their elaborate plans had collapsed, then there could be no further doubt. He loved her and she loved him back.

He and Maria made love for as long as their desperate bodies allowed. On more than one occasions, he heard Maria cry out with that special euphoric moan, hinting that she had achieved that special peak. He shared in the ecstasy, eventually reaching his as well. By then, they were both fairly spent, having put so much energy and effort into creating the warmth that would protect them from the cold, among other things.

Even after the lovemaking stopped, they remained curled up in each other’s arms, sharing both warmth and passion. Maria wasn’t shivering anymore, even as the fire in the fireplace waned in intensity. That assured him that his efforts had worked. He had kept his lover warm, just as he’d promised.

He was content to lay naked with her under the blankets for the rest of the night, keeping each other warm until the sun rose. Then, after what must have been fate’s idea of a joke, the power came back on. While it came as a relief, it was still somewhat jarring and neither of them were ready for the moment to end.

“Hey David?” said Maria, still curled up next to him.

“Yes, darling?” he said with a loving grin.

“Mind turning the lights off while I put another log on the fire?”

“Way ahead of you!”

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January 28, 2018 · 8:07 am

Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Steamy Hot Shower Edition

I don’t know why, but a hot shower in the middle of winter is uniquely satisfying. Actually, I take that back. I know exactly why it’s so satisfying, but it’s one of those things that makes too much sense to scrutinize. I know the human race can’t agree on much, but I think we all appreciate that special feeling that comes with taking a hot, steamy shower on a bitter-cold day.

I’m usually pretty quick and efficient with my showers. As much as I enjoy being naked, I’m not one of those guys who lingers in a shower longer than he has to. It’s not just because I prefer to save money on my water bill. I’m just a guy who likes to get clean, get sexy, and then get to work. I’ve got sexy stories to write and sexy thoughts to share, damn it.

During this time of year, though, when it’s colder than a penguin’s ass, I let myself linger. Few things are more relaxing than walking in from the bitter cold, stripping off all the layers I’ve had on for most of the day, and stepping into a steaming hot shower. It’s one of the most satisfying things I can do for my body that doesn’t involve a naked woman.

I’m sure others share my sentiment on the joys of hot, steamy showers in the middle of winter. As such, I dedicate this week’s edition of my Sexy Sunday Thoughts to that special feeling we all enjoy during these coldest of days. They may not be as comforting or relaxing as a nice, steamy shower, but I’ll gladly make the effort.

“A man with strong fingers and a woman with soft lips lay a solid foundation for a passionate relationship.”

“Too many men and women think about their wedding night the same way rookie athletes think about their first championship.”

“The passion of great sex is directly proportional to the need to wash the bed sheets the next morning.”

“Men who have orgasms during foreplay are premature, but women who have them are just enthusiastic.”

“Having sex while drunk is like cooking while blindfolded. You can still do it, but the results can be messy.”

“A boring sex life is like eating fries without ketchup. You can still stomach it, but it’s not nearly as appetizing.”

“A quickie is the sexual equivalent of a hot pocket in that it’s basic, but still gets the job done.”

I hope that makes everyone’s next hot shower that much more enjoyable. There are many ways to endure the cold weather this time of year. Some are sexier than others. Since not everybody has a lover who can help them realize some of those ways, I say a nice, hot shower is something we can all appreciate.

Pro Life, The Sanctity Of Life, And The (Literal) Value Of Life

As a general principle, I limit my discussions on abortion to a maximum of three per year with zero still being the preferred amount. Last year, I wrote a couple articles about it, but that was it. I tried to make clear on both occasions that while I don’t deny the seriousness of this issue, I generally have little to contribute.

It’s not just because I’m a man and will never need an abortion. Pretty much all the arguments surrounding abortion are intractable. Like debating creationism, there’s no way to convince someone who is set in their opinions to change them. You’d have a better chance convincing someone the sky is green, Mars is made of cheese, and “The Emoji Movie” wasn’t terrible.

All that said, abortion is still a serious issue that is evolving before our eyes both culturally and legally. This is one of those issues that affects everybody, either directly or indirectly. Regardless of whether you’re a baby, an old man, or an aspiring erotica/romance writer, abortion’s reach is vast because it involves life, sex, family, and the propagation of our species. The stakes can’t get much higher than that.

Even with those stakes, the only reason I’m talking about it now is because I live less than two hours away from Washington DC. When there’s a major protest, I generally know about it before it starts trending on social media. The latest gathering was the annual March For Life protest, a demonstration dedicated to decrying the ills of abortion and supporting “pro-life” legislation.

Now, I put “pro-life” in quotes for a reason that I hope will make sense in a bit. I’ve already criticized that term because there are those who use it to hide the fact that they care more about maintaining consequences for those who have more sex than churches, mosques, and synagogues prefer. I don’t intend to belabor that argument, but it is somewhat related to the point I want to make.

Having seen plenty of these protests, I notice a common theme that is at the forefront of the “pro-life” movement, but is rarely scrutinized. That’s the whole concept of the “sanctity of life.” I put that in quotes too for the same reasons I hope are obvious by the end of this article. Unlike the anti-sex crowd, this concept is central to the overall movement.

Beyond the intractable belief that life begins at conception and abortion is the taking of a life, the idea that there’s an inherent value to all life, regardless of what stage it’s at or how it affects the life of the mother bearing it. Without there being substantial value, then the whole arguments about when life even begins becomes meaningless.

I’m not going to make the argument that life has no value or that life, in general, should be devalued. I’m of the belief that we only get one life to live and that makes it valuable to some extent. However, I do want to take a minute to try and quantify that value, if only to provide some context to the “pro-life” movement.

I’m not first one to try this. The late, great George Carlin dug into this issue with more candor and brilliance than I or anyone else ever could in 1996. He dared to ask this question in a way that still came off as funny, yet insightful.

“Only living people care about it, so the whole thing grows out of a completely biased point of view. It’s a self-serving, man-made bullshit story. It’s one of these things we tell ourselves so we’ll feel noble. Life is sacred, makes you feel noble.

Well let me ask you this, if everything that ever lived is dead, and everything alive is going to die, where does the sacred part come in? I’m having trouble with that. Because even with the stuff we preach about the sanctity of life, we don’t practice it.”

It may sound cynical, but it’s relevant if the “pro-life” movement is to have any logical and moral validity to it. If it’s going to ascribe a high value to life, then that value can’t be too vague. There has to be some part of it that translates into real, tangible value. Without that, “pro-life” arguments are just empty rhetoric wrapped in inflamed emotions.

So in order to give that value to life, I want to pose a couple questions to the “pro-life” crowd. I don’t expect anyone to answer, but I think it’s important to put this question out there to put context into the anti-abortion arguments that seem so intractable.

“If you truly believe abortion is murder and want to save the lives of unborn children, are you willing to pay women to carry their unwanted children to term?”

That’s a simple yes/no question that shouldn’t be too hard to answer. I have a feeling many answers will be quick and brash, as most are in highly emotional debates. I expect the phrase “personal responsibility” to get thrown around a lot. That seems to be a catch-all word that conveniently provides an excuse to not help someone in a bad situation.

I’ll set aside the issues with that concept for now and ask the second question. This is where it gets more specific.

“How much are you willing to pay someone to not get an abortion and carry a child to term?”

I expect more variation with this question. I also expect more vitriol because I’m basically asking someone to put a price on a human life. I understand that very thought makes a lot of people uncomfortable. Nobody likes to think of themselves, a loved one, or a child as having some sort of number attached to it.

Then again, we don’t seem to mind that when we get our social security numbers, our addresses, or our paychecks. Like it or not, we’re all ascribed some amount of numeric value at some point in our lives. That doesn’t mean some lives are inherently more valuable than others, but it highlights the fact that we can and do link life to numbers.

Now, in order to help out those who may struggle with this question, allow me to do some simple math that should help make this question more palatable.

According to the Centers for Disease Control, there were 652,639 legal induced abortions in the year 2014. In addition, the average total cost for pre-natal care according to the Kaiser Family Foundation is approximately $2,000. Since that’s only for healthy babies, let’s make it $2,500 to account for complications.

Now, multiply 652,693 by $2,500 and we get $1,631,732,500. For the sake of redundancy and accounting for other possible complications, let’s round that up to a total of $1.7 billion. So for $1.7 billion, you could conceivably cover the cost of pre-natal care to every woman seeking an abortion. For that price, there could’ve been zero abortions in 2014.

With that number in mind, would you be willing to pay that price? I know $1.7 billion seems like a lot, but in terms of the US economy, it’s pennies. The size of the US economy is measured in trillions these days. Even with respect to government spending, the defense budget alone in 2014 was $614 billion. A sum of $1.7 billion barely would’ve registered.

Even if you’re against the idea of the government spending money, on principle, that kind of money is out there in the private sector. According to OpenSecrets.org, the pharmaceutical companies alone spent over $3.7 billion in lobbying over a 10-year span.

Even religious organizations have money to spend on this issue. Back in 2015, CNN reported that the vehemently anti-abortion Vatican had over $8 billion in assets. That’s just one denomination, too. According to the Giving USA Foundation, churches received over $114 billion in tax-free charitable donations in 2014. Given that sum, is $1.7 billion really that much?

It gets even better than that, though. Abortion, as a whole, is on the decline. That means it would be even cheaper to pay the price to stop all abortions in 2018. Abortion still happens, though, and if you genuinely think abortion is murder, then there’s just one more question.

“If you’re NOT willing to pay any price to stop all abortion, then how can you say life is sacred and has intrinsic value?”

I understand that sounds like a loaded question after overly simplifying the issue. I concede that if stopping all abortions were as easy as writing a check for $1.7 billion, somebody would’ve done it by now. It’s not that easy an issue. Abortion wouldn’t be such a hot-button issue if it were.

What I’m trying to get at here is that a general unwillingness to put any tangible value on life essentially undermines the arguments of the “pro-life” movement. We’re willing to pay hundreds of dollars for a smart phone and more than five bucks for a latte. What does it say about someone’s stance on abortion if they say life is sacred, but won’t put up any actual money for the lives they’re trying to preserve?

The March For Life demonstration, as well as most anti-abortion demonstrations, didn’t stress measures like encouraging women to carry a child to term, lowering the cost of pre-natal care, or improving contraception access so that abortions aren’t necessary. Most of it centered on favoring legislation that would make abortion more difficult to obtain.

Never mind the fact that such legislation often has some fairly detrimental effects on women’s health, as John Oliver highlighted a couple years ago. That effort doesn’t vindicate the arguments of the “pro-life” movement, nor does it even accomplish their stated goals. It’s basically a way to claim they’re winning the debate and, as I’ve pointed out before, winning a debate isn’t the same as being right.

I feel like I’ve already talked enough about abortion for one day/month/year. If I want to make one point with this article on abortion and the March For Life protest, as a whole, it’s being “pro-life” and promoting the inherent value of life is a great emotional argument. However, if there’s no substance behind that argument, then it’s not a movement that can logically sustain itself in the long run.

Now, do you understand why I put “pro-life” in quotes?

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Filed under Current Events, gender issues, sex in society, sexuality

Tagged as abortion, abortion rights, anti-abortion, birth control, conservatives, contraception, democrats, female sexuality, liberals, March For Life, pre-natal care, pro-choice, pro-life, republicans, sex, sexuality, women, women's health, women's issues

January 21, 2018 · 8:07 am

Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Icy Roads Edition

As I write this, a good chunk of the country is dealing with yet another snowstorm and/or the kind of bitter cold that kills the mood, even ardent romantics like myself. Believe me, as someone who savors the ability to sleep naked, when I say that I’m not at all a fan of these conditions. That’s why I still plan to retire to a tropical climate as soon as I sell enough sexy novels.

There are many frustrations that come with winter weather. Where I live, a good chunk of those frustrations manifest in the traffic conditions around my area. I know there are some parts of the country that are very familiar and very adept at dealing with those condition. I don’t live in those parts so that means just driving to the grocery store ensures many middle fingers will get some extra use.

For the next several weeks, at least, I’ll be smelling rock salt wherever I go and watching cars skid haplessly along the road. It’s not going to be a pleasant experience, but I’ve endured far worse before. In the end, it only makes that special moment when I can comfortably sleep naked again that much more magical.

Until that time comes, the best I can do is maintain some semblance of a sexy mood while this lousy weather passes. Whether you’re stuck at home or stuck enduring winter traffic, this week’s edition of my Sexy Sunday Thoughts is for you. Hope it helps keep you warm, among other things.

“Undersized briefs are the closest men will ever come to knowing the discomfort women experience in wearing heels.”

“If you found yourself unable to perform in the bedroom last night, you can make up for it by cooking a damn good breakfast in the morning.”

“A man can’t know just how the extent of his hand/eye coordination until he attempts to shave his balls.”

“The fact that many drugs are compared to orgasms says a lot more about orgasms than drugs.”

“When you think about it, a strip club is basically eBay for various sexual experiences.”

“A broken condom is one of the few disasters that leads to the creation of life rather than the loss of it.”

“The true measure of a man’s integrity is measured by his willingness to pay for porn.”

If you’re snowed in, have a messy commute, or constantly scraping ice off your car, I hope this helps. If you’re already sick of rock salt ruining your shoes, I hope this helps too. If you’re lucky enough to live in a tropical climate during this time of year, I just envy you. Winter and lousy weather comes and goes. Sexy thoughts, however, have a much more memorable impact.

Aziz Ansari: A Case Study Of He Said/She Said And Impossible Justice

Ordinarily, I prefer to wait until an ongoing scandal involving a celebrity dies down before I comment on it. In my experience, it takes time for the full story to emerge. Most of the time, a more complete story tends to render any premature comments moot. John Carpenter recently provided a notable example of why such prudence is important.

That said, there are times when patience is also moot because the narrative follows an all too familiar pattern. It becomes so predictable that you can practically set your watch to it. Over the past several months, especially since the Harvey Weinstein scandal, we’ve seen that pattern play out in all sorts of disheartening ways. That’s why I’m opting not to wait on offering comments on Aziz Ansari.

By now, everybody with an internet connection, a social media feed, and a predilection for celebrity meltdowns knows the story. Aziz Ansari is the latest case of the Weinstein Effect. His name has officially been added to the growing list of male celebrities being accused of sexual misconduct.

The story first broke on Babe.net where a 23-year-old Brooklyn-based photographer calling herself Grace, which isn’t her real name, told a very distressing story about a night she had with Ansari. That story reads like a bad date, but still echoes with some of the same themes that Harvey Weinstein has helped make infamous. Naturally, this story is already striking a chord with the ongoing anti-harassment movement.

The way Grace tells it, she got into a situation that she lost control over and Ansari took advantage of that situation. I don’t want to get too caught up in the details. They’re just too unsexy, even for an aspiring erotica/romance writer.

Before I even attempt to comment, it’s worth pointing out that Grace said herself that she confronted Ansari about this privately. On the surface, it seemed like a terrible example of miscommunication and mixed messages. According to the article, this was the exchange.

Grace: I just want to take this moment to make you aware of [your] behavior and how uneasy it made me.

Ansari: Clearly, I misread things in the moment and I’m truly sorry.

If this had occurred several years ago, that probably would’ve been the end of it. The incident would’ve been a nasty experience for Grace and an uncomfortable memory for Ansari, but it probably wouldn’t have made the news, outside a few disreputable tabloids. Since powerful men harassing women has become a far greater issue, though, this is now national news.

It’s already generating the kind of divisive arguments that have been cropping up since the Weinstein scandal. Supporters of the anti-harassment movement are siding with Grace, accepting her story as another example of powerful men exploiting women. Opponents, including a few celebrities, are saying this movement is going too far and devolving into a man-hating witch-hunt.

Neither side is going to convince the other they’re wrong. Both sides have plenty of rhetoric to make their point. When I look at this story, though, I see far greater forces at work. I also see a devolving situation that is doing more to divide people in lieu of addressing real issues surrounding men, women, consent, and harassment.

When you read over Grace’s story and then read the statement Aziz Ansari issued in response, there’s one inescapable fact. It’s impossible to vindicate or disprove either version of the story. It is very much a classic he said/she said ordeal. She said he assaulted her. He said everything they did was consensual. There’s no way to be certain.

Sure, there’s a distinct possibility that one of them is lying. Everyone, celebrity and non-celebrity alike, is prone to lying. There have been documented incidents of women falsely accusing men. There have been men who have lied and gotten away with sexual misconduct. However, without knowing more details about the incident, it’s not possible to truly know.

Me being a guy who places a lot of faith in people, I suspect that both Grace and Ansari believe they’re telling the truth. I believe that if you hooked them up to a perfect lie detector, it would verify that both of them believe their respective stories with all their hearts.

This sounds like an impossible position until you remember that our memories are not very reliable, especially when it comes to unpleasant memories. Beyond simply not remembering the details of a terrible situation, our brains are wired to avoid the kind of mental discomfort that comes with enduring or committing a sexual assault at all costs, even if that means mis-remembering the truth.

It’s because of this that the he said/she said nature of stories like this is difficult to process. It creates a scenario that’s different from most other crimes and injustices. There’s no dead body. There’s no lost or damaged property. There’s nothing tangible to highlight the crime or misdeed. There are only two conflicting stories. As a result, it leads to a situation of impossible justice.

Even if everything Grace described happened exactly as she said it did, there’s no way to prove it in a courtroom or even a civil case. Even if Ansari is one-hundred percent innocent and is the victim of an elaborate extortion plot, there’s no way to prove that either, absent a confession or new information.

In both instances, there’s an injustice being committed. Since humans are wired with an innate sense of justice that shows even when we’re infants, that situation is untenable in our collective minds. People hear a terrible story like Grace’s and that inner justice system goes into overdrive.

Since we don’t have the time, energy, or even the capabilities to gather all the facts, we’re left relying on a certain degree of prejudice. This is where the impossible justice of he said/she said gets real ugly and this scandal with Ansari demonstrates it. When people start relying on prejudices, it tends to bring out the worst in humanity.

For those who believe our culture is full of entitled, misogynistic men who see women only as objects to be owned, then their prejudices will be reinforced by this story. For those who believe the movement against sexual misconduct is going too far and all men are being demonized, this story does the same.

That’s greatest tragedy of an impossible justice. It gives certain people the anecdotal evidence they need to further their agenda. It also gives those who stand against that agenda even more incentive to fight back. In the end, it only serves to heighten hostilities and intensify the rhetoric.

At a time when men and women are increasingly divided, especially in matters pertaining to sex and intimacy, this sort of story really drives us in all the wrong directions. It frames all men as sleazy pigs who jump at any opportunity to harass a woman. It frames all women as victims who must fight back against everyone and everything attacking them, real or imagined.

For me, personally, this story makes me sick to my stomach because it’s one of those stories that’s perfect for pushing an agenda, but not for pursuing justice. If what happened to Grace is true, then I’m in favor of having Ansari face justice for his misdeeds. I say that as someone who has been a fan of his comedy and his work on “Parks and Recreation.”

As it stands, though, there’s not enough evidence beyond the he said/she said dynamic to convict anyone of a crime. Absent that kind of justice, people are filling in the blanks with whatever gender-driven prejudices they want to strengthen.

In my personal opinion, which may put me at odds with both sides, I believe that there’s a third version of this story between Grace and Ansari that is closer to the truth. In that version, Ansari isn’t a total gentleman and Grace isn’t a hapless victim either. It’s just an experience that becomes awkward and unpleasant for them, the memories of which later get conflated and influenced by outside sources.

In the end, it’s still impossible to know for sure. Short of high-definition video, unambiguous audio, and an ability to read the exact thoughts of both Grace and Ansari during those moments when they were together, we can’t know how consensual or hostile the situation was between them. It messes with our desire for justice, especially when it comes to how men treat women.

In seeking that justice, though, it’s important to remember that there are instances where the truth isn’t just elusive. It’s physically impossible to ascertain. In those instances, trying to fill that uncertainty with agendas will only lead to more injustice in the long run for everyone.

7 Comments

Filed under Celebrities and Celebrity Culture, Current Events, gender issues, sex in media, sex in society

Tagged as Aziz Ansari, celebrities, celebrity culture, celebrity scandals, feminism, Harvey Weinstein, justice, MeToo, psychology, rape, rape culture, sex, sex crimes, sex in media, sex in society, sex scandals, sexual assault, sexual harassment, sexual misconduct, social justice, trauma, victimization

Tag Archives: sex

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