The wait is finally over. The countdown is just about complete. After seven agonizing months, the 2017 NFL regular season is here. The football fan in me couldn’t be more excited without getting a kiss from Jennifer Lawrence and Sophie Turner. I already gave my thoughts and predictions about the upcoming season. Now, it’s time to watch it unfold.
There’s a lot to love about football. Sure, there are still doomsayers who claim its days are numbered. I’ve already pointed out why those people are full of shit. For the rest of 2017, all those petty controversies about America’s favorite sport can become the afterthought it deserves to be. Football is back and I’m ready to celebrate!
As part of that celebration, I’m going to dedicate this week’s edition of Sexy Sunday Thoughts to my fellow football fans who endured the same agonizing wait that I did. I hope it both excites you and tides you over until kickoff. So sit back, grab a beer, cook up some buffalo wings, and enjoy the 2017 NFL season with me.
“Learning about sex through porn is like learning how to defuse a bomb from cop shows.”
“Doctor’s say an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. By that same logic, does an ounce of foreplay amount to a pound of orgasms?”
“Flavored lube is the candied bacon of sexual accessories.”
“Genital piercings are proof that human beings are terrible at dealing with peer pressure.”
“A man in touch with his feminine side is cute, but a woman in touch with her masculine side is a bitch and that’s just not fair.”
“Given the inherent similarities, do wrestlers get confused during sex?”
“When you think about it, binge-watching is to movies what orgies are to sex.”
Those sexy thoughts should tide everyone over until kickoff. No matter who your favorite team is, how poorly they played last year, or how bad they’re projected to be this year, anything is possible now. Every team is undefeated. Every fan base is full of hope. Let’s take a moment to appreciate that.
At the very least, let’s be thankful to see sexy NFL cheerleaders again. That’s a team everyone can root for.