March 18, 2020 · 5:38 am

New Comic Book Day March 18, 2020: My Pull List And Pick Of The Week

During times of crisis, be they global or just a string of bad days, you got to make the most of what little good you can find. One major benefit of being a comic book fan is that you get a nice shot of good once week, every Wednesday. For us, New Comic Day is like a free massage, a free meal, or a free lap dance that adds a silver lining to an otherwise shitty time.

Let’s be honest. It’s been a long time since things have been this shitty. The news surrounding the Coronavirus/COVID-19 is historically bad and keeps finding ways to get worse. For the foreseeable future, there can be no sports, no concerts, and no major gatherings of any kind. It sucks, but that shouldn’t stop anyone from enjoying a fresh stack of comics.

This feels like one of those weeks where every comic fan is entirely justified in spending more than they usually do. When you’re stuck at home or are looking for new ways to combat boredom, it’s the best possible time to pick up a new series or take advantage of one of Comixology’s many sales. You might just find something awesome.

The world will continue. The news will likely get worse before it gets better. Until then, every bit of awesome we can find is all the more precious. Below is my pull list for the week and my pick. A new batch of comics may count for much for some people, but in my experience, there aren’t many bad situations that cannot be improved by great comics.

My Pull List

Iron Age 2020 #1

Amazing Mary Jane #6

Aquaman #58

Batman #91

Captain Marvel #19

Deadpool #4

Excalibur #9

Fantastic Four #20

Ghost Spider #8

Guardians of the Galaxy #3

Justice League #43

Outlawed #1

Spider-Woman #1

X-Force #9

My Pick of the Week

Teenage superheroes are among the high risk/high reward ventures of superhero comics. When done right, teenage superheroes can create great characters who grow to become iconic heroes. Peter Parker is the gold standard for just how great those characters can be, as evidenced by his merchandising sales. However, he’s the exceedingly rare exception.

Most of the time, teenage superhero end up being superheroes with teenage angst. That’s why so few go onto become iconic. In recent years, Marvel has been reaping the rewards of putting considerable effort into their teenage heroes. Characters like Ms. Marvel, who is destined for her own Disney+ series, is probably their greatest success story. However, a comic like “Outlawed #1” reminds us that her success extends beyond her character.

A big reason why teenage superheroes have become so prominent at Marvel lately is because the adult heroes aren’t exactly raising the bar. Between superhero civil wars and mass Hydra infiltration, they’ve been letting the younger generation of heroes down a lot lately. They’ve been trying to make up for those shortcomings and it’s led to some remarkable stories and character growth, especially in books like Champions.

All those efforts finally hit an adamantium wall in “Outlawed #1.” Writer Eve Ewing does something different in taking a step back to see the bigger picture surrounding teenage superheroes. The story raises an important question that probably should’ve been asked much sooner.

Should teenagers even be superheroes?

That’s a question that Marvel’s top teen heroes, including Nova, Ironheart, Moon Girl, and Miles Morales try to answer. Even other adult heroes like Captain Marvel and Captain America chime in. Unfortunately, there’s a messy context to the question and it badly affects the answer.

“Outlawed #1” effectively sets the stage for the teenage superheroes of the Marvel universe to prove themselves. Like teenagers who have to prove they can be trusted with their parent’s car, they have to show that they can handle the duties and responsibilities of being heroes. On top of that, they have to do so after striking out on an incident that went so poorly, the government got involved.

Even the most irresponsible teenagers rarely let it escalate to that extent. While their intentions were always good and their ideals always solid, their youth and inexperience showed. The authorities they rarely respect have successfully made the case that teenagers cannot be responsible superheroes. Now, they have to prove that notion wrong.

It’s a daunting prospect that gives “Outlawed #1” a level of dramatic weight we haven’t seen in superhero comic for a while. It doesn’t just raise questions about teenagers being superheroes. It doesn’t frame them completely as one of those simplistic concepts that involves adults lecturing teenagers on responsibility.

There will always be a place for teenage superheroes, but it’s worth questioning how capable these young heroes can be when they lack experience, maturity, and perspective. They’re difficult questions, but “Outlawed #1” gives these heroes an opportunity to answer in a way that makes this book an easy pick.

Regardless of how you feel about irresponsible teenagers, they’re going to do crazy things that adults don’t approve of. That includes being superheroes. Let’s face it, there are worse things they could do with their powers.

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March 17, 2020 · 5:53 am

Happy (And Bittersweet) St. Patrick’s Day!

Let’s not lie to ourselves. Some holidays are more noteworthy than others. As long as we’re being honest, a sizable number of people probably didn’t remember that today is St. Patrick’s Day. For once, you have a perfectly valid reason for forgetting. When there’s a global pandemic making headlines, tanking the economy, and disrupting society, you can be forgiven for letting it slip your mind.

I won’t deny it. I usually don’t make a big deal of St. Patrick’s Day. For me, it’s just a fun event that involves going out to a bar, hanging out with friends, and drinking beer while watching sports. Given all the sports cancellations, most of those plans are already shot. It’s disappointing. It also makes it difficult to get in any St. Patrick’s Day spirit.

Even if you don’t care for the holiday, it still sucks that we lost what is a fun social event that you can celebrate on your own terms. Chances are most will just spend this day trying to make due with this harsh new reality of enduring a global pandemic. It’s not fun or festive, to say the least.

However, that doesn’t mean we can’t find a way to enjoy it. I made sure I had a case of beer and some Jameson’s Whiskey on hand for today. I may not be able to hang out at a bar or enjoy a good party, but I can still kick back with a few beers and celebrate in my own special way. I encourage everyone to do the same. Even if you don’t drink, do what you can to make this bittersweet holiday a bit more enjoyable.

Times are tough. They’re bound to get tougher, but they’re destined to get better. Make the most if it. Find a way to have a little fun on this bittersweet St. Patrick’s Day. If not, then plan on making up for it at some point. That day will come and when it does, it’ll be sweeter than any beer or whiskey you could ever taste.

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March 16, 2020 · 5:56 am

How The NFL Might Have Just Guaranteed A Work Stoppage In The Future

I’m no expert on labor laws, union contracts, or the general business operations of professional sports. I’d never claim otherwise. I’m just a typical guy who loves watching sports. I have about as much expertise to judge a labor dispute as I do in performing brain surgery.

While I lack the expertise, I’ve been on this planet long enough to know when there’s potential conflict down the line. It’s not always obvious, but the signs are usually the same. People see an opportunity to resolve a conflict in the short term, but lay the foundation for greater conflicts in the long run. Like treating a symptom rather than a disease, it simply delays a bigger problem rather than resolving it.

That’s my initial take on the recent approval of the NFL’s new 10-year collective bargaining agreement. At a time when the news about sports has been historically bleak, many see this as a rare bit of good news from the sports world. To some extent, it is. By approving this deal, the NFL avoids a potential work stoppage that could’ve occurred after the 2020 season.

As a die-hard football fan, which I’ve affirmed more than once on this site, I’m glad to hear that this issue wasn’t drawn out. The last time this occurred, there was a full-blown lockout that almost bled into the season. I understand why labor deals are such a big deal in professional sports. Football, especially, requires unique protections for players who want to make money playing an objectively dangerous game.

However, the news on this deal has some details and circumstances that give me pause. It’s not just that certain players are already criticizing it. That’s bound to happen with any deal. The fact that this deal was approved amidst a massive crisis that has rocked the sports world to its core and by such a narrow margin is somewhat telling.

In general, when something is approved by a narrow margin, it’s a sign that neither side is all that happy. It implies there are still many unresolved issues and the presence of a deal doesn’t make those issues go away. Just look at how often narrowly decided Supreme Court decisions tend to cause more issues down the road.

The issues between the players and owners are many, but most boil down to who gets how much of the massive revenue that the NFL generates every year. This new deal gives the players a larger share of the revenue, but also sets the stage for an 17-game season, as well as an expanded playoffs.

As a football fan, I love the prospect of more football, but I also don’t deny that issues that tend to arise whenever you ask workers to work longer. These players already put their bodies through more rigor than most fans can ever fathom and now they’re being asked to push themselves even more. Even if it’s for more money, is the amount they got enough?

It’s hard to say since I’m not an NFL player, but the fact that the players approved the deal by such a narrow margin leads me to believe it’s not. Some may not oppose it, but I think the stage is already set for a much bigger conflict down the line. Once players start playing this 17-game season and see the amount of revenue it generates, they’re going to want more for the grind they endure.

Given the circumstances surrounding this deal, I suspect the only way they’ll get what they want is by going on strike, like they did back in the early 1980s. It might be their only recourse if the NFL continues to grow at its current pace. It will get ugly. Fans will hate it and so will the owners. However, it might be the only way they can get what they want.

I hope I’m wrong about this. I look forward to every new NFL season with great excitement. I want to keep enjoying football as a fan and I want the players to benefit as much as they deserve. Hopefully, cooler heads prevail in the end. For now, though, I think it’s only a matter of time before the NFL faces a bigger conflict that they won’t be able to blame on a pandemic.

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March 15, 2020 · 8:43 am

Jack Fisher’s Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Intimate Quarantine Edition

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There are certain times when it’s genuinely hard to set a sexy mood. A national tragedy, a death in the family, or being arrested often qualify. However, a global pandemic is a special kind of challenge. Like everyone else with access to a news feed, I know what’s going on with the Coronavirus/COVID-19. There’s no way around it. This is a crisis the likes of which we haven’t seen in decades.

I’ve tried to offer advice and lighten the mood over the course of the week. I know that only goes so far. When it comes to offering some Sexy Sunday Thoughts, I understand it’s more challenging than usual. Originally, I was going to do a St. Patrick’s Day edition. With so many events cancelled, I feel that’s just not appropriate anymore.

For many communities, including my own, we’re on somewhat of a quarantine. Schools are closed. Large gatherings are banned. We’re basically just stuck in our homes, trying to amuse ourselves and washing our hands constantly. It’s not ideal, but there are still some sexy opportunities to pursue.

If we’re going to be stuck inside, we might as well make the most of it. If you’re lucky enough to have a lover, use this time to catch up on some quality lovemaking. You might never have a time with so few distractions. In that spirit, here are some Sexy Sunday Thoughts to get you in the mood. At the very least, I hope it raises your spirits.

“Being bored and horny is one of the few problems that actually solves itself.”

“Love may be priceless, but relationships come with many hidden fees.”

“Whoever first came up with clown porn must have an exceedingly twisted amount of kink.”

“One man’s premature ejaculation is another’s impromptu quickie.”

“The ability to get laid is what separates being creepy from being mysterious.”

“Part of finding a great lover is giving them plenty of chances to practice.”

“During a crisis, all sex counts as thrill sex.”

In times of crisis, the best you can do is not panic and take things a day at a time. Things will eventually return to normal. It’s just going to take longer than usual. Until then, do what you can to make the most of it. Wash your hands and embrace your loved ones. If you can embrace them in a sexy way, then that’s just a nice bonus at a time when there are precious few.

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March 14, 2020 · 8:42 am

Quarantines, Cabin Fever, And Baby Booms

As I write this, the state I live in has declared a State of Emergency. In my local jurisdiction, every school is closed for the next two to four weeks. Every non-essential worker is encouraged to work from home. On top of that, every major sports league has canceled every game, movie premiers have been pushed back, the stock market has tanked, and major gatherings have been banned.

This is bad. There’s no way around it. The Coronavirus/COVID-19 is officially a worldwide pandemic. There’s no way to spin it. There’s no way to twist the facts or interpret the data. This is a historically significant event that’s sure have long-lasting consequences for years to come.

However, I don’t want to focus on all the negatives. Instead, I want to offer one seamy little tidbit that feels perfectly appropriate for an aspiring erotica/romance writer. I don’t want to make light of this situation. It’s still very bad. I just want to speculate on one not-so-minor effect that will likely go unreported.

This extended quarantine and societal shut-down may lead to a miniature baby boom.

Before you roll your eyes, just take a moment to consider the situation here. For the next couple weeks, people are going to be stuck at home for extended periods with nothing to do. No big movies are coming out. No major sporting events are on TV. No big events can happen. At some point, people are going to get bored. When people get bored, they do crazy things to alleviate it.

For couples who happen to be in close proximity of one another, that usually means they’re going to have sex. It might not be romantic. It might not even be that memorable. However, if they have enough spare time, sufficient food, and excess energy, they’re going to get horny at some point and they’re going to have sex. Unlike the world before this plague, there just aren’t enough distractions to stop it.

I suspect this could lead to a miniature baby boom, not unlike the kind documented in cities that have won major championships. We probably won’t see it until January 2021, but if it happens, it’ll be noticeable and we’ll be able to connect the dots.

I’m not saying it’s inevitable. I’m just saying that for the next two weeks, couples are going to have a lot of free time on their hands. People don’t need a lot of excuses to get frisky. Even when they’re afraid of the news, they’re still going to get horny. For some people, fear makes them horny. It’s going to happen. It’s just a matter of when, how, and to what extent.

Personally, I encourage. There are worse ways to cope with this situation. I just hope that before anyone gets frisky, they remember to stay safe. That includes washing their hands.

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March 13, 2020 · 5:56 am

Five Video Games To Help Combat Boredom During A Health Crisis

I’ve been trying to avoid the increasingly bleak news surrounding the ongoing health crisis involving the Coronovirus/COVID-19. I tried offering a more optimistic outlook a while back, but that post has since aged like spoiled milk and rotting cheese.

Make no mistake. This is a crisis. Not even Tom Hanks is immune to it. As I write this, several areas near where I live have confirmed new cases. There’s talk of schools closing and major events being cancelled. After the NBA suspended its season, anything is possible at this point.

We may soon face the possibility of being stuck at home, frantically washing our hands and trying to wait out this crisis. After the disease, the biggest threat is the boredom that inevitably comes with being cooped up inside for too long. Having endured many blizzards in my life that kept me stuck at home for days on end, I can confirm that this is a real possibility.

Thankfully, I learned from an early age that video games are a great way to alleviate boredom. There’s only so much TV I can watch and so many shows I can binge. With TV and movies, you’re not always engaged. It’s too passive. It’s easy to get anxious and tense. With video games, you have to stay engaged in order to play. It’s a good distraction, as well as a good way to pass the time.

It also helps that games have come a long way since the days of Super Mario and Donkey Kong. The games I played as a kid got me through blizzards. For an extended quarantine, the might not have sufficed. However, games these days are bigger and more complex than ever. Some are so big that they become a massive time-suck. You could lose days on end playing these games and never know the snow outside had melted.

Since this crisis will likely take longer to pass than a blizzard, I’d like to offer a list of video games that should help pass the time and combat boredom. Please note that none of these games are MMOs or games that require a constant internet connection. That’s to accommodate those who don’t live in places with good internet. Some of these games are only available on PC, but most are available on consoles in some form.

We’re in uncharted territory with this crisis, but crippling boredom is sure to make it worse. While you’re waiting out the worst of this crisis, please consider using these games to tide you over in the meantime.

1. Elder Scrolls: Skyrim

The world of the Elder Scolls franchise is a vast, magical place and Skyrim is by far the most extensive. If you’re a fan of fantasy games, or the fantasy genre in general, you will lose yourself in this game for all the right reasons. It’s not just a game about slaying dragons and fighting monsters. That is part of the story, but there’s so much more to do.

There are side-quests galore. There are unexplored lands. There are magical items to gather, refine, and improve. There are personal connections to foster and develop. You never run out of things to do in Skyrim. It’s less a game and more a customizable fantasy world that you get to explore through a character you create. Such an immerse experience ensures you’ll have hours of fun. Just be careful with mods and cheats.

2. Mass Effect Trilogy

For fans of sci-fi, the world of Mass Effect is every bit as rich as Elder Scrolls. Specifically, I’m referring to the Mass Effect Trilogy, as a whole. I’d even throw in Mass Effect Andromeda if you want to expand it even more. Just make sure you get the version that patches the glitchy graphics.

I’ve mentioned Mass Effect before when talking about artificial intelligence. I’ve even cited it as having one of the best romantic sub-plots of any game I’ve ever played. Those are all great reasons to play this game, but there’s so much more to this world. I could spend days on end just writing about it and far longer playing it.

Mass Effect isn’t as much of an open world as Skyrim, but it’s so rich in scope and lore that you rarely run out of things to do. It’s also a game that isn’t linear in its story. There are many paths you can take, many choices you can make, and many passions to pursue. It’s a game with a great deal of replay value and given how long it takes to get through it just once, you’ll rarely be bored.

Also, it has Mordin singing. That’ll make any depressing day feel better.

3. Civilization Series (For PC Gamers)

This is a game for fans of real-time strategy, history, and fictional politics. It’s also one of those games that you don’t realize is such a time suck until you see how much you’ve played it. I know this because I spent an entire summer playing Civilizations III and it felt like the quickest summer vacation of my life.

Instead of shooting and adventure, Civilizations is all about strategy. You found a civilization. You build and grow that civilization from ancient times to the modern world. In the process, you try to dominate over other competing civilizations, whether through war or diplomacy. It’s a little complex at times, but it’s easy to get into. Before you know it, several hours have passed you by.

There are many entries of this franchise, but I would suggest going with Civilizations IV and V, depending on how good your PC is. Even without online play, these games offer a rich, rewarding experience that you’ll get lost in for all the right reasons.

Just be sure to keep track of time. Trust me, you’ll forget to eat or sleep if you don’t.

4. Sim City Series

This game has some personal weight for me. The Sim City franchise has always been near and dear to my heart. Since the days of Super Nintendo, this has been one of those games that offers something different. The goal isn’t to destroy or dominate. The goal is to build a city and make it the best damn city you can. It sounds dull, but Sim City makes it both fun and rewarding.

I remember spending hours on end, testing layouts and designs for cities. There are so many ways you can build your own city. Most versions of the games also have scenarios you can take on that test your ability to manage a city through a crisis. Given the recent news, it gives you a certain appreciation for what mayors and governors must endure.

Sim City might not appeal to everyone, but it’s a different kind of gaming experience that gets you engaged in a unique way. If you can get into it, you have something that you can enjoy for days at a time.

5. Grand Theft Auto 5

I know parents, politicians, religious officials, and people who just don’t like fun will hate this. However, when you’re stuck at home and fighting off boredom, there’s no getting around it. The Grand Theft Auto games are full of violence and sex, but they’re rarely boring. Grand Theft Auto V is, by far, the most comprehensive entry into the franchise and the game that will keep you in a permanent state of road rage for days on end.

There’s a rich story, but there’s also a vast world full of things to do. Many of those things involve sex, murder, drugs, and stealing, but that’s exactly why you play a game like this. It’s a dark fantasy world built on a foundation of heavy satire. When you need to blow off steam, there’s always a worthy target in the world of Grand Theft Auto.

It also has Trevor Phillips. If you can’t find entertainment value in playing Trevor Phillips, then you’re just being difficult.

I hope this helps anyone out there who is caught up in the worst of this crisis. Being cooped up inside for reasons you can’t control can be frustrating. No matter who you are, it gets to you after a while. There are many ways to cope, but if you have a computer or a video game console, you have options that should help tide you over. These are just some of them.

Stay safe. Stay calm. Above all, wash your damn hands.

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March 12, 2020 · 5:59 am

The Joys Of (Briefly) Unplugging And Running

I freely admit that I love technology. I also admit I’m on my phone constantly, checking social media and playing games. I’m the kind of person who gets extremely stressed out when my phone battery is low or think I’ve misplaced it. I think that puts me in line with most people my age.

I cherish technology. I celebrate it and contemplate how future advances will change our society, for better and for worse. Mostly, I favor the better, but I don’t deny that it can negatively effect people in certain ways. Like anything, you take the bad with the good and determine whether the good will suffice.

That said, even I see the importance of disconnecting every now and then. It’s not about fighting an addiction. The whole concept of tech addiction dubious at best and deceptive at worst, depending on who stands to make money off it. It’s a good thing, but like cake or beer, you can have too much of it.

That’s why I make it a point to do something regularly that allows me to separate myself from my phone, my computer, and any other device that has more computing power than a calculator. It’s not pretentious. It’s not because I’m trying to make a stand or something. I just find it genuinely helpful for my physical and mental well-being.

The way I disconnect is simple. I put on my workout clothes. I put my wallet and keys in my pockets. Then, I go out for a nice long run around the various trails around my house. I don’t listen to music, podcasts, or radio. It’s just me, the trail, and my thoughts. It may sound boring and bland. For me, it’s anything but that.

Unlike running on a treadmill, with which I do listen to music and podcasts, running outdoors along trails is more active. You’re not staring at the same wall or hearing some outdated piece of gym equipment crack with every step. You’re actually traversing the real world. You watch trees, streams, and grasslands pass you by. Even when you haven’t gone far, you feel like you’ve gone somewhere.

It’s not just a nice dose of fresh air. Running without any device beyond my keys allows me to just organize my thoughts. Sometimes, I have a stressful day when it’s hard to keep up with everything. A nice run outdoors allows me to get my heart going while my brain just streamlines itself.

It’s a very therapeutic experience. Thoughts become more streamlined. Ideas become clearer. Perspectives feel more balanced. Some of the ideas that have made it into my novels and my sexy short stories have come to me while I’m running. I doubt I would’ve gotten those ideas if I’d been focusing on music, podcasts, or something else.

Again, I love technology. I love my phone and my music collection. It’ll always have a place in my world. However, there are times when I just need to be on my own with my thoughts and the natural world. It’s a simple pleasure that I’ve come to cherish in my adult life. I won’t claim it has the same effect for everyone, but I strongly encourage everyone to try something like it. You may be surprised by how much you enjoy it.

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March 11, 2020 · 6:12 am

New Comic Book Day March 11, 2020: My Pull List And Pick Of The Week

I’m going to sound old when I say this, but comic fan under the age of 22 has no idea how good they have it. I remember being a comic fan as a kid. There was no comic shop within walking distance of my house. The grocery store sometimes had comics, but the selection was limited. Even when I got a subscription, they rarely arrived on time in the mail.

Today, it’s never been easier to be a comic fan. Thanks to Comixology and tablet computers, you don’t even have to put pants on to enjoy new comic day. Kids will never know the agony of waiting for the mail to arrive and hoping that your books aren’t late. If it ever snowed, then you were really screwed and with dial up internet, you couldn’t even get spoilers.

Now, it’s all so seamless. You wake up on a Wednesday morning, you check the Comixology app, and you download your pull list. You can do it all before you brew your first cup of coffee. For younger fans, it’s mundane. For older fans like me, it’s nothing short of comic book nirvana.

That’s why I’m so grateful to have services like Comixology at my disposal. It makes every Wednesday morning a joyous immersion into the medium I love. Today is no exception. What follows is my pull list and my pick of the week. The fact that I can enjoy all this without putting on pants makes it all the more enjoyable.

My Pull List

Amazing Spider-Man #41

Avengers #32

Cable #1

Ghost Rider #6

Gwen Stacy #2

Immortal Hulk #32

James Bond #4

Nebula #2

Star Wars: Darth Vader #2

Wonder Woman #753

X-Men #8

My Pick of the Week

There are few constants in the real world and even fewer in the world of superhero comics. Sure, it’s a running joke that nobody stays dead, everything reverts to a certain status quo, and a sizable number of characters are going to be Batman rip-offs, but there are still core tenants that help keep a franchise anchored to its core. For X-Men comics, those tenants are many, but include a handful of important constants.

Jean Grey never stays dead.

Deadpool never shuts up.

Gambit’s accent will always be sexy.

Cable will always shoot things with big guns.

There are plenty of X-Men comics where these uncanny themes play out in any number of forms. “Cable #1” focuses on the ones that make Nathaniel “Dayspring” Summers the battle-hardened badass that X-Men fans have celebrated since the early 1990s. For a character with such an insane backstory, it’s not easy to keep things simple. Gerry Duggan and Phil Noto manage to do just that.

However, they don’t just focus on giving Cable something to shoot with his oversized guns, although that is a major part of the plot. “Cable #1” picks up in a strange place during Cables exceedingly bizarre story, but it builds on that story in a way that’s both overdue and engaging.

The Cable who has been running around the X-Men comic isn’t the same old, grizzled Cable that Josh Brolin brought to life so masterfully in “Deadpool 2.” Instead, we’ve got a younger, bolder, and more hormonal version of the character. Some call him Kid Cable. Others call him a cocky little shit who murdered his older self. Both are equally right.

Since he first showed up in “Extermination,” his place in the X-Men’s world has been somewhat tricky. Cable has never been a team player or one to stand with the X-Men and take orders with a smile. That’s just not his style and “Cable #1” doesn’t radically change that. More than anything else, it embraces the more youthful quirks of Kid Cable while highlighting the explosive action that he often brings.

The details are simple. Cable is just one of many mutant resident of Krakoa who just happens to part of the Summers family. There’s an issue involving a young mutant being chased by a monster. Cable decides to help and brings his favorite guns. It doesn’t need much beyond that to be entertaining, but Duggan and Noto add a few extra twists that help set the stage for the character’s next upheaval.

The basics of “Cable #1” make the story entertaining, but it’s the more personal moments that make it noteworthy. Kid Cable, or whatever you want to call him, is not the same brooding time traveler who sneers at everyone. He does smile. He even flirts a little with the mutants his age. He’s even humbled somewhat when Cyclops enters the room.

These aren’t new concepts for most characters, but they’re new for Cable. They effectively humanize him in a way we haven’t seen in quite some time. You might still think he’s a cocky little shit who isn’t nearly as awesome as his grizzled self, but he’s still Cable.

He can still shoot big guns, fight monsters, and save innocent mutants. He still has the same appeal he’s had since the heyday of Rob Liefeld. Now, “Cable #1” sets the character up for a new set of challenges. Being younger and less cantankerous, it creates new opportunities for a character who hasn’t had many that don’t involve shooting things and teaming up with Deadpool.

I may be in the minority when I say that Kid Cable is growing on me, but “Cable #1” shows that his appeal has a place in the X-Men’s uncanny world. He’ll always be the grumpy old badass from the future at heart. This just gives him a chance to do more and I’m glad he’s running with it.

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March 10, 2020 · 5:57 am

A Quick Perspective On Controversy, Scandals, Politics, And Elvis’ Hips

Every controversy seems absurd when you look at it with enough hindsight. Think of all the big social and political controversies going on right now. From mansplaining and safe spaces to all-female movie remakes to sexy Super Bowl Halftime shows, there’s no shortage of outrage and moral panics. In general, I try to avoid contributing, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t affected to some extent.

Even if the issues feel genuinely serious, it’s worth taking a step back and maintaining a certain perspective. What seems serious now won’t always end up being that serious in the grand scheme of things. Things like the Cuban Missile Crisis were serious. The impact of playing Dungeons and Dragons don’t even come close. For the most part, these controversies become obscure footnotes in the history of pop culture.

In the interest of preserving a balanced perspective, I find it helpful to think back to Elvis’ hips. For anyone under the age of 50, I’m sure that sounds strange, but make no mistake. At one point in time, Elvis’ hips were the most controversial thing in the world.

It’s hard to imagine now, given the accessibility of sexy music videos and internet porn, but there was a time when Elvis Presley shaking his hips on live TV was the most scandalous thing in the free world. People at the time deemed his dancing too sexual and obscene. There was serious, genuine concern that this was just too shocking and lurid for innocent eyes to see.

Granted, this took place in 1956. The world was a very different place in 1956. However, that’s not exactly an ancient time period. There are plenty of people alive today who were alive in 1956. They lived through that controversy. They might have even watched that fateful episode of the Ed Sullivan show where Elvis dared to shake his hips in too sexy a way. Now, compared to a standard Beyoncé video, it almost seems quaint.

Even if it sounds absurd now, take a moment to appreciate the context of this controversy. There was a time when people genuinely thought Elvis shaking his hips was too obscene. These same people genuinely thought such overt sexuality would do serious damage to society.

Now, look at everything we deem too obscene, controversial, or damaging today. How much of it will seem just as absurd as the sexiness of Elvis’ hips several decades from now? We may think that our standards have been fully refined, but history has shown time and again that this rarely holds. What is obscene today may be mundane tomorrow and obscene again a decade from now.

Controversies are fleeting, petty, and often build on a foundation of absurdity.

People are often irrational, following emotions over logic while claiming every emotion is perfectly logical.

Trends are unpredictable and fleeting. In 1956 it was Elvis’ hips. In 2003 it was Janet Jackson’s nipple. Who knows what it’ll be this year or in the years that follows?

With time and perspective, it rarely ends up being as serious as we thought. Even if it was, people and society adapt. That’s what we have to do, as a species. We might make fools of ourselves along the way, getting worked up over something that ended up being so petty and contrived. The best we can do is laugh and learn from it.

Think about that the next time someone complains about a halftime show or a music video. Remember Elvis’ hips and the perspective they offer. It’s every bit as powerful as his music.

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March 9, 2020 · 5:55 am

“Paradise PD” Season 2: My Take (And Hopes For Season 3)

Some TV shows aren’t made to be dramatic, profound narratives on the human condition. They don’t stop at just being entertaining, either. Sometimes, a TV show is just there to be hilariously obscene, absurd, and funny. It doesn’t appeal to everyone, but there’s a place for it in the entertainment landscape. It’s a dark, dirty place that few admit to liking. It’s there, none-the-less.

I’d argue that, at this moment in time, “Paradise PD” has anchored itself in that dirtiest of dirty places. Not long ago, I cited the trailer for Season 2 as a means to call out the people who whined and complained about shows like “The Simpsons” and “South Park” back in the 90s. At the same time, I consider myself a fan of the show. I’ve been eagerly waiting for season two since it was announced late last year.

Well, this past weekend, I reserved a good chunk of my time to binge all of season 2. I bought myself a box of donuts, a case of beer, and an extra-comfortable pair of pants so I could take in this wildly obscene show in all it’s glory. After completing all eight episodes, catching my breath from all the laughter, and cleaning the entrails off my now-tainted soul, I feel I can make a full critical assessment of this season.

Simply put, it’s goddamn fucking awesome.

Yes, it’s obscene. You will see graphic depictions of male genitalia, fecal matter, breasts, and blood. You will also hear un-bleeped profanity, including the kinds of F-bombs that even “South Park” can’t drop. There are entire plots revolving around public masturbation, the ability to take a shit in a public restroom, and grown men comparing the size of their testicles.

Trust me, it’s every bit as NSFW as it sounds and then some.

It still works. You’ll hate yourself for laughing at some of the gratuitous violence and sex, but you’ll still laugh hard. It’s the kind of show that takes full advantage of being on Netflix and not subject to the censors of cable or network TV.

In many respects, “Paradise PD” feels like what its predecessor, “Brickleberry,” should’ve been. That’s not just because it has the same creators in Roger Black and Waco O’Guin, as well as the same aesthetics. “Brickleberry” barely walked the line in terms of how absurd and obscene it could get. “Paradise PD” doesn’t just jump over that line. It shoots in the balls and pisses on the entrails.

The characters in “Paradise PD” don’t try to be deep or introspective in the mold of “Bojack Horseman.” However, they’re a bit more balanced compared to “Brickleberry.” The main protagonist, Kevin, is still an idiot with many pathetic shortcomings, but he is sincere. He wants to be a good cop and, at times, he proves that he can be in the right situation.

Other characters, like Gina and Dusty, have a few defining traits, but they’re allowed to mix things up every now and then. Everyone in the show gets a few more layers in Season 2 and while their conduct still makes them walking FCC fines, they’re still likable, more so than almost every character in “Brickleberry.”

There’s even an overall arc, of sorts, for the season. It’s not overly complex. You can even skip a few episodes and still not be lost. It still has some dramatic stakes on top of the dick, poop, and sex jokes. They even build on some of the stakes that were established in the first season. It also leaves room to develop them even more in Season 3, if there is one.

I genuinely hope this show gets another season and not just because this one ended on a cliffhanger. This show, as obscene and dirty as it is, fills its niche perfectly. Again, it’s not for everyone. If you’re a child, a devout Christian, a radical feminist, or just someone with incredibly thin skin, this show probably won’t appeal to you. If you have a healthy sense of humor and a strong gag reflex, then “Paradise PD” is definitely binge-worthy.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to take a long shower while trying hard not to laugh at everything Hobson said.

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