Tag Archives: Jack Fisher

Jack Fisher’s Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Post-Valentine’s Day 2020 Edition

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I hope everyone had a great Valentine’s Day. That’s not me being facetious. I mean it. I really do hope everyone who is lucky enough to have a special someone in their life made the most of this most Hallmark of holidays. As a lover of romance and a writer of romantic content, I believe genuine love is worth celebrating.

That’s not easy to say for someone who is currently single and has been lacking in romantic prospects for the past several years. I’ve tried online dating. I’ve even tried to let friends hook me up with someone. It hasn’t worked. To date, the most I’ve gotten out of it is a bunch of spam for cam girls from online dating accounts.

It’s easy to be cynical on Valentine’s Day. It’s also easy to be bitter when your hope for finding love clashes with the inescapable fact that you’re not getting any younger. At the same time, seeing other people celebrate the love they have found is genuinely uplifting. It helps remind me that love is real. It doesn’t just exist in the sexy stories I read and write about.

Love is a beautiful thing. As corny as that sounds, it’s true and Valentine’s Day brings that beauty to life. Whether it’s through exchanging chocolates or romantic getaways to tropical islands, I encourage everyone to celebrate that feeling. I just hope I get to celebrate it with a special someone one of these days.

It didn’t happen this year. That’s disappointing, but not overly discouraging. I have another year ahead of me. Who knows what will happen between now and then? For now, here are some Sexy Sunday Thoughts for those still bathing in the afterglow. Enjoy!


“What is perversion if not a kink that hasn’t gone mainstream?”


“Does good sex help you sleep or does it just render you too exhausted?”


“We’re either not as horny as we think we are or much hornier than we care to admit.”


“A fear of commitment often implies a tacit mistrust of one’s genitals.”


“Can you ever fully trust an open container of butter on a nymphomaniac’s kitchen counter?”


“If ghosts were real, then wouldn’t supermodels’ bathrooms with the most haunted places in the world?”


“A drunken hookup is an accident, but a drunken three way is an accomplishment.”


Valentine’s Day may be over, but you don’t need a holiday to celebrate love. You just need to have a special someone in your life and a desire to cherish the love you share. When the love you share is that real, every day feels like a holiday. I hope I get to experience that feeling one day. Until then, I encourage those who have found love to treasure it, regardless of what day it is.

Yes, I know that’s also corny.

No, I do not care.

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“My Sweet” A Sexy Short Story (For The Day After Valentine’s Day)

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The following is a sexy short story for those still basking in the afterglow of Valentine’s Day. If you had a bad Valentine’s Day or were alone, then maybe this will help rekindle your sense of romance. I know it’s been a while since I wrote a sexy short story. I decided Valentine’s Day warranted the extra effort. If you’d like to see more, please let me know in the comments. Enjoy!

“Mmm…that smells so good,” said Calvin Gains with a wide, excited grin.

“You must be hungry. I just put a fresh batch in the oven,” replied his beautiful wife, Candy.

“You’re right, my sweet. I am hungry…and then some.”

Joyous, playful laughter filled the kitchen of the undersized suburban house Calvin shared with his high school sweetheart turned dedicated spouse. Candy – a perfectly befitting name, if ever there was one – had a knack for making every kitchen smell heavenly. With the holidays around the corner, she’d been busier than usual.

Calvin, always one to show his appreciation, snuck up behind his long-time lover and slipped his arms around her waist. She responded with a soft purr and a loving smile. The fact that she still smelled like flour, sugar, and cinnamon wasn’t lost on him, either. If anything, it gave him more reasons to kiss down her neck and inhale her sweet scent.

“I used your favorite recipe,” Candy told him, still standing in front of the hot oven, “an extra pinch of vanilla…a little bit of nutmeg…and a double dose of cocoa powder.”

“If you’re trying to make me hungrier, you’re doing too good a job,” Calvin said, deepening his embrace and intensifying his kisses.

“You know me. When it comes to cooking the best holiday treats and pleasing my husband, I like to overdo it!”

Ever since they got married, Calvin didn’t think he could love this woman more than he already did. Time and again, year after year, she proved him wrong. During the holidays, she always went the extra mile.

The kitchen was still a mess, as it often was whenever Candy spent more than an hour laboring over her famous triple chocolate sheet cake. It was just one of the many wonderous dishes she prepared for him and the family over the holidays. Her grandmother had owned a bake shop and her mother was a renowned chef. She’d grown up in a home surrounded by skilled cooks who knew their way around the kitchen.

To her, cooking for loved ones meant more than just preparing a meal. It was its own unique way of conveying affection. Calvin, having grown up on TV dinners and soggy leftovers, didn’t know just how much affection could be shared through something as simple as food. She’d actually made him cookies when they went on their first date. She offered them to him with the same loving sentiment that he’d shared when he offered her flowers.

It was the first sign that Candy was a special woman. She proved it once more when she turned around within his embrace, wrapped her arms around his neck, and captured her lips with hers. Even through her lipstick, Calvin could taste traces of the batter. It was so sweet that his heart skipped a beat.

“Mmm…tasty,” she said lovingly.

“Speak for yourself,” he quipped.

That little taste stirred more than just his appetite. As they kissed in the middle of the dirty kitchen, the heat from the oven raised the temperature of the area. It was already hot to begin with, as was often the case whenever Candy cooked, but such heat only intensified his passions.

It made clothes feel sticky and sweaty.

It made hearts beat faster.

It made every touch seem more intimate.

Whether due to the growing heat or his escalating hunger, Calvin craved a more fulfilling form of love. He held her closer and kissed her harder, their bodies pressing together, as if nourished by their ambitious touch. He was just wearing a sweater and jeans. She had on a skirt, a tight-fitting T-shirt, and an apron. However, when he traced his hand down her waist, eventually making his way towards her inner thighs, he discovered an unexpected treat.

“Ooh! What have we here?” Calvin said, breaking the kiss, but keeping her in his embrace. “Candy Gains, are you wearing fancy lace underwear while you’re cooking?”

“You mean the same underwear I wore on our anniversary last month?” she said coyly. “I think I am.”

“I want to say I’m shocked, but given how much you love to cook and how much passion you put into each dish…”

Calvin’s words trailed off. As his tone grew deeper and manlier, he skillfully slipped his fingers into her panties to feel the womanly flesh beneath. He was gentle, but direct. He knew just how his wife liked to be touched in her intimate areas. He also knew what got her aroused. Being in a kitchen, cooking her favorite treats for her loved ones, definitely got her juices flowing.

“Just so you know…the cake needs to cook for at least 20 minutes,” Candy told him, already gasping intently under his touch.

“Hmm…20 minutes, you say?” Caivin said, now speaking directly into her ear. “That’s a long wait when you’re hungry.”

“Well, there are ways we can pass the time.”

“Oh? What did you have in mind?” he asked, as though he didn’t already know.

Candy laughed playfully before turning around within his embrace, locking eyes with his and casting that beaming smile that was every bit as sweet as her name. The fact that she still smelled like flour and chocolate only made it sweeter.

Without saying a word, she kissed him passionately on the lips. At the same time, she slipped her hands under his sweater and pawed his manly flesh. It sent the message she needed to send. He responded in kind, twirling his tongue with hers while still feeling up her skirt. While one appetite eagerly waited, another became more pressing.

“Sweater…pants…off!” she gasped in between desperate kissing.

Her voice was muffled, but Calvin heeded her impassioned call. He removed his sweater as quickly as he could. He didn’t even think twice about tossing it into the dining room, leaving him shirtless in the middle of a hot kitchen. Before it was even off, Candy went to work undoing his pants. There was already a noticeable bulge in the way. That didn’t stop her from getting them off, underwear and all.

Even as she helped strip him naked, the heated kissing continued. It kept the passions flowing while also supplementing his wife’s arousal. As soon as he kicked his pants off, he lifted her up in his arms and set her down on the kitchen counter across from the oven. From there, he reached up her skirt again and removed her panties. She even elevated her hips, assisting him every step of the way.

“Do me, Cal. Do me right here on the kitchen counter!” Candy urged.

“Does this count as an appetizer?” he asked coyly.

“It can be…depending on how mannerly you intend to be.”

“You know me, my love. Even when I’m hungry, I always mind my manner!”

As if to remind – and it wouldn’t have been the first time he did so in the kitchen – he dropped to his knees and pushed her legs apart. He spread them so wide that she knocked over some empty cans of ingredients, but she didn’t mind in the slightest. He’d clean it up later himself. For now, he had another kind of meal before him.

Candy had become more aroused than he thought. He could already see her exposed womanhood under her skirt. She was already wet, but in the same way she loved cooking delicious treats, he loved getting her intensely aroused.

“Mmm…my favorite appetizer,” Calvin said as he licked his lips in anticipation.

With an unobstructed view and a clear path, he buried his head between her legs and gorged on her pussy. He was thorough, but mannerly, using his lips and tongue with the utmost care to stimulate her tender folds.

His good manners paid off. Candy let out sharp gasps that echoed loudly throughout the kitchen. She became so aroused that she reached under her apron, lifted up her shirt, and began fondling her breasts. In doing so, she revealed that she hadn’t been wearing a bra. That hinted to Calvin that she’d planned on getting him horny with her holiday cooking. If that were the case, then her plan worked perfectly.

“Cal! Oohhh Cal!” Candy moaned with delight. “Dine on me, my love! Dine!”

Calvin responded with only a muffled grunt. Still holding onto her thighs, her legs spread in a perfect V-shape, he stepped up his oral efforts.

He probed her hot folds with his tongue, hitting all those special parts that he knew so well. He trailed his lips up and down her slit, giving special attention to her swollen clitoris. He felt her body shudder under the onslaught of sensations. Looking up, he saw her joyous expression. She even banged her head back against the kitchen cabinet at one point, arching her back and squeezing her breasts. It was a beautifully erotic sight, one that made her feminine juices taste even sweeter.

It would’ve been good manners to keep eating her out until she climaxed. However, Calvin couldn’t keep ignoring his own escalating appetite. Between his stomach and his dick, desire compounded desire. Now intoxicated by the taste of his wife’s flesh, he broke with formality and rose back to his feet.

“I know it’s not time for dessert,” he said as he positioned himself between her legs, “but I need at least a sample of the main course.”

“Calvin, my darling husband,” Candy said with a seductive grin, “take all the samples you need!”

“Even if I work up a bigger appetite in the end?”

Especially if you work up an appetite!” she said intently.

Like an angel seeking to nourish his very soul, his beautiful wife drew him into another embrace and kissed him. She didn’t care that his face had just been between her legs. If anything, that turned her on even more. She wanted him. She was as hungry for his sex as he was hungry for hers. With their lips locked and their bodies eager to satiate that hunger, Calvin took the first proverbial bite.

He thrust his hips forward.

He entered her wet womanly depths with his hard, manly flesh.

He shifted his hands to her hips while she locked her legs around his.

From there, their passions overtook their hunger. It didn’t matter that their kitchen wasn’t the most spacious room in the house. It also didn’t matter that the counter was dirty, cluttered, and not made to support an impassioned woman making love to her husband. The only thing that mattered was that they were together, their bodies entwined and their love taking a tangible form, just as his wife’s delicious treats cooked behind them.

“Yes! Yes! Oh Cal! Ohhh Cal!” Candy panted as they moved to the heated rhythm.

“Candy! My sweet, beautiful love! Ohhh yes!” he gasped.

He stepped up the pace of their lovemaking, moving his hips back and forth, working his throbbing manhood within her tight folds. They had already worked up quite a sweat and not just because of oven. Calvin could still smell the cake. That hadn’t been lost on him, even as their bodies rocked and their moans filled the kitchen. It was almost fitting, making love to the woman who nourished his body with the same passion she put into her meals.

Like her uncanny culinary skills during the holidays, such passion paid off. He sensed her nearing an orgasm already. Candy always got very animated during their lovemaking, even during spontaneous acts. She hitched her legs up, grabbed onto his shoulders, and narrowed her gaze on him. He could even feel her inner muscles contracting harder around his manhood, as if her body were embracing him as much as her heart.

“Cal…I’m close,” was all she got out through labored gasps.

“Come, my sweet. Come!” he told her.

She took his loving words to heart. After a few more focused movements, Calvin sent his lover over the edge. Her expression tensed to the flood of sensations. Her nails dug into his shoulders while her grip with her legs tightened. He could feel his lover shudder under the weight of her release. As he took in the view, he smiled and caressed her face.

Watching her react to the rush of ecstasy was always such a spectacle. Seeing it while her delicious treats cooked in the background made it even more rewarding. Candy even acknowledged that. As she took in her release, she leaned in and kissed him lovingly. She then whispered something telling into her ear.

“There’s still time to work up an appetite,” she said to him.

“I know,” he said with a mischievous undertone. “And I intend to use it!”

He kissed her again, trailing his lips down her neck and listening to her labored gasps. Once certain she had caught her breath, he resumed their impromptu kitchen lovemaking.

With plenty of hunger still driving him, he withdrew from her briefly and realigned their now-sweaty bodies. Candy laughed gleefully, still in a post-orgasmic daze, as he bent her over the kitchen counter and positioned himself behind her. Now with a perfect view of her heart-shaped butt, which was still partially covered by her skirt, he guided his manhood back into her.

Once their flesh was re-entwined, he resumed their sensual rhythm. This time, however, he stepped up the intensity.

“Ooh, Cal! Oohhh yeah!” Candy moaned. “That’s it! Work it! Work it like that!”

“Mmm…Candy,” Calvin grunted.

She was encouraging him to cut loose and use that well-nourished body of his. Having helped nourish it through her cooking, she enjoyed the fruits of her labor as much as him. Calvin responded to her encouragement as best he could. The results were as sweet as any treat.

Back and forth, he worked his hips. He rocked her body with his intimate motions, keeping a firm hold of her hips. The sound of their flesh colliding filled the kitchen, along with more moans. Like any delicious appetizer, Calvin savored every bit of it. He enjoyed drawing out their lovemaking, just as he enjoyed drawing out a good meal. At times, he even leaned in and whispered his loving sentiment’s into his wife’s ear.

“You are…the sweetest thing…in the world,” he said to her.

Candy responded with more joyous moans and loving gestures. Through their steady succession of movements, Calvin built towards his own release. Candy even helped, bucking her hips and guiding his hands to her breasts to give him the energy he needed for that final push. He could already feel that intimate heat in his core building. His beautiful wife simply gave it the necessary spark to ignite it.

“Candy…I’m close too,” Calvin said through labored grunts.

“Come, my love! Your dessert awaits!” she said playfully.

He delivered the last round of desperate motions. Finally, Calvin crossed that final threshold and entered that special world of delectable bliss. It was as savory as any hungry, impassioned man could’ve hoped.

As he soaked in his release, he wrapped his arms around his wife, rested his chin on her shoulder, and let out a euphoric gasp that filled the kitchen. She took his hands in hers, holding onto him as he enjoyed the feeling. He felt her womanhood embrace him as well, contracting and throbbing as he released his load into her womanly depths. It was the final ingredient to a perfect dish of passion and it couldn’t have been sweeter.

“I love you, my sweet wife,” Calvin said to her.

“I love you too, Cal…my delicious husband,” Candy replied.

Their intimate flesh parted, but they remained in a loving embrace. Still hot and sweaty from their lovemaking, they shared another soft kiss to complete their intimate act.

Then, in a moment that couldn’t have been timed better, the timer on the oven went off. Candy’s cake was complete.

“Perfect timing!” she laughed.

“I’ll say,” Calvin said.

“See? That wasn’t too long a wait.”

“I admit, you made it easier,” he said. “It’s almost as though you knew your famous holiday treats would get me in a particular mood.”

“What can I say? I enjoy satisfying all my husband’s appetites!”

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Jack Fisher’s Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Sexy Love Letters

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In the era of the internet, the idea of sending anyone a love letter probably seems dated. Anyone under the age of 30 might look at the letters people used to send and cringe. The notion that you couldn’t send a message and get a response in under five seconds must seem horrifying on some level. Who could possibly wait that long?

While writing letters may be outdated, the idea of a love letter isn’t, especially with Valentine’s Day just around the corner. It doesn’t matter if it takes the form of an email or a text. The sentiment is the same. When your lover isn’t there to share a romantic sentiment, you have to send a message and hope they get it. A love letter may not be as effective as other gestures, but it helps convey passion on an important level.

I learned to appreciate love letters at an early age. Years back, my grandmother actually showed me a box of old letters that my grandfather sent her while he was serving in the military during World War II. The letters weren’t just a unique piece of history. They demonstrated that love is a powerful feeling, no matter the era or the medium.

Whether it’s pen on paper or through a smart phone, a love letter tells someone how much you love them. It conveys that your love is something that’s worth articulating in a tangible form. It’s a special sentiment that’s worth sharing. Please let these Sexy Sunday Thoughts inspire you to write a love letter at some point today. Enjoy!


“Multiple orgasm are the deep fried Twinkies of sex.”


“When you’re married to someone you don’t love, foreplay is like commuting.”


“Logically speaking, we’ll never know who first successfully faked an orgasm.”


“You can’t promote family values without indirectly promoting incest porn.”


“Loving someone often means acknowledging all the kinky stuff they want to do to you.”


“Technically, the first orgy was the first diversity initiative.”


“Prostitutes and celibate priests are the only ones who can put a numeric value on how many fucks they give.”


Love is a beautiful thing. It’s worth celebrating, sharing, and exploring. There are many ways to go about it. A love letter is just one of them. You never know how big a difference it can make in your relationship until you write one out. One day, you may get to share them with your grandchildren, if only to show that love is beautiful in any generation.

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How I Would (Most Likely) Use A Self-Driving Car

The future can be scary at times, but the prospect of improved technology helps make it more exciting. I would argue it’s the most exciting part of the future. You see some of the fancy gadgets that tech companies are working on and you want to live long enough to use them, especially the sexy ones.

I’ve talked about emerging technology before. While I tend to be hopeful about the impact of certain technologies, I don’t overlook the existential dangers they pose. Some of those dangers are more relevant than others, but others are less fantastic and more pragmatic. One of those advances is self-driving cars.

Unlike some of the other advanced technologies that are decades away, this one already exists, albeit in a limited form. There are cars on the market today that can drive themselves in certain situations. I even had a chance to ride in one a couple years back. It works remarkably well, albeit it could only function on major highways.

There’s plenty of room for improvement, but it’s a promising start. The fact that it exists and is being refined as we speak means this is happening. It’s at an early stage, but like cell phones before it, the technology will continue to be refined. Eventually, it’ll get to the point where it’s better at navigating traffic than any human.

I honestly look forward to that day because I’m not a big fan of driving. I don’t mind it, but I’ve never been particularly fond of long drives, even if it’s for a vacation. My back gets sore, my arms get stiff, and I just get frustrated after the third hour behind the wheel.

It’s because of my aversion to long drives that I don’t take as many trips as I wish. I believe that if I had access to a perfectly functioning self-driving car, that would change. If the technology were refined to a point that I’d just type in an address and let it do the rest, then I would definitely go on trips. .With that in mind, I’d like to share a brief anecdote for how I would use a self-driving car.

It’s Friday night. I finished my last workout of the week, cleaned myself up, and ate my dinner. I’m tired, but I don’t intend to spend the weekend lounging around the house.

About a half-hour before I usually turn in, I pack my bag. I then put on my most comfortable pair of clothes, take a quick bathroom break, and head to the nearest self-driving car. As soon as I’m inside, I punch in the address to the beach that’s furthest south from where I am, whether it’s Florida, South Carolina, or somewhere in between.

I make sure the car has the range and speed. I then close it up, turn the car on, and let it work. From there, I just lay back in the seat and let myself fall asleep.

If all goes well, I wake up just as the car arrives at the beach. Even if the sun hasn’t risen yet, it’s right there in the nearest parking lot to the shore. I get out of the car, find the best spot I can on the beach, and wait to watch the sunrise. I then spend the rest of the day at the beach, lounging about and hitting up beach bars.

Once the sun sets, I return to the self-driving car, punch in my home address, make sure its charged, and ride it home. If I’ve done everything right, I sleep through the ride and wake up in my driveway. It caps off the end of a nice, relaxing day at the beach in which I slept through the commute.

This is just one idea from the perspective of what I’d do. If you have other ideas on how you’d use a self-driving car, please share them in the comments.

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Jack Fisher’s Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Super Bowl LIV Edition

NFL: JAN 29 Super Bowl LIV - Commissioners Press Conference

Some games are bigger than the sport. Some games transcend any one play, outcome, or score. Then, there’s the Super Bowl. Sports have always been a big part of our culture, but have ever come close to the cultural impact of the Super Bowl. It’s more than just a football game. It’s more than just a championship. The Super Bowl is an event with no parallel.

With all due respect to fans of basketball, baseball, hockey, and soccer, their impact doesn’t come close to football. Love it or hate it, and more than a few people hate it, there’s no denying the impact of the NFL. It is America’s most popular league for its most popular sport. By the numbers, there is no close second.

Later today, Super Bowl LIV will commence. The Kansas City Chiefs and the San Francisco 49ers will play one last game to determine who is the best. Personally, I’m not a huge fan of either team, but I love football and I love sports. I’ll be watching and rooting along with millions of others. It’s not just another football game. It’s an event and one I’m going to be part of.

I’ve got my beer. I’ve got my chicken wings. I’ve got everything I need to watch the game and enjoy the festivities. From the big plays to the halftime show, I am ready for some Super Bowl football. As part of my preparation, here are some Sexy Sunday Thoughts to get everyone in the Super Sunday spirit. Enjoy!


“A first date is basic screening, but a third date is semi-foreplay.”


“Oral sex was likely the first instance of acquired taste.”


“Puberty is basically an upgrade for your body that’s still laden with bugs.”


“Being stuck in the friend zone with the love of your life is like being stuck in a desk job while every idiot around you gets promoted.”


“Does the fact that we find butts dirty and sexy make us all hypocrites?”


“Exchanging wedding vows is akin to accepting the user agreement for someone else’s genitals.”


“Hooking up with an ex is like giving your credit card number to an old computer that was already hacked.”


For football fans and sports fans alike, Super Bowl Sunday is a day like no other. Love it or hate it, football is a cultural force and the Super Bowl is the greatest manifestation of that force. Whoever wins, I’m looking forward to a great game. If nothing else, it’s a good excuse to eat junk food and drink lots of beer and we can never have too many of those.

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A Brief Rant About Car Insurance Commercials

I understand why commercials exist. I’ve been watching TV my whole life. Even as a kid, I knew the economics behind it.

People have stuff they want to sell. TV networks and shows need to make money. Commercials are a way to do that. They need that money to keep providing us with content, compensate studios, and put up with egotistical actors. Those same economics apply to YouTube videos and streaming services like Hulu. If you don’t want to see those commercials, you have to pay extra for services like HBO and Netflix.

Economics aside, there’s only so much understanding I can have when certain commercials become more than just a nuisance. There’s advertising, there’s business, and then there’s just being annoying. With Super Bowl LIV just a few days away and a slew of big budget marketing pushes on the way, it’s a given that we’ll see a few of those commercials.

Since I plan to watch the Super Bowl this year, as I’ve done every year since I was a toddler, I’d like to offer a brief personal insight into a certain category of commercials. That insight can be summed up in just a few words.

Fuck any and all car insurance commercials!

I apologize if that’s not the most articulate insight ever uttered on the internet, but I’m not sorry for expressing my utter hatred of car insurance commercials. I’m not being factious. I’m dead serious.

Fuck car insurance commercials and every marketing team behind them!

Fuck their stupid gimmicks, dumb jingles, dim-witted celebrities, and annoyingly repetitive bullshit!

Fuck everything about the entire concept behind car insurance commercials!

I know there are a lot of annoying commercials out there, but for the past few years, car insurance commercials have entered a unique category of utterly infuriating. It’s bad enough that they seem to make up half of all commercials in existence. Every show on Hulu has at least one car insurance commercial and every live sports broadcast seems to have at least 20. They’re selling a product that’s inherently boring and frustrating.

Car insurance is not life saving medicine, a new toy, a fancy gadget, or a new movie. It’s goddamn bureaucracy, for crying out loud. Moreover, it’s bureaucracy that people are legally required to purchase if they own or regularly operate a vehicle. We don’t have the option to just ignore car insurance if we have a car. For both legal and financial reasons, we have to have it.

That makes relentlessly advertising it exceedingly redundant. I remember when I bought car insurance. I didn’t recount all the commercials, gimmicks, and quirky sayings they love to use. I just used the same insurance my parents and relatives had. They already had accounts. It was easier, quicker, and the price was basically the same.

Again, and it’s worth repeating, I needed to buy insurance when I bought my first car. The process wasn’t some life-defining experience. It was goddamn paperwork, followed by a few forgettable phone calls to an agent. These commercials, which present car insurance as this powerful, life-affirming experience, couldn’t be further from the truth without Michael Bay directing it.

Most of the time, I don’t think about insurance. I have had to use it before. It wasn’t the least bit thrilling. It was just phone calls and paperwork. That was it. Most people I know have the same experience. They don’t like dealing with insurance any more than they like going to the dentist to get root canal surgery.

I’ve met people who have bought things because they saw a commercial for it. I’ve never met anyone who said they bought car insurance because of a commercial they saw. It just adds to the lengthy list of reasons as to why I despise these commercials and skip or mute them if I can.

With each passing year, they become more annoying. I don’t see that changing anytime soon. I know I’ll see plenty while watching the Super Bowl. To those companies and their overpaid marketing departments, I’ll say it again.

Fuck your goddamn car insurance commercials!

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Hard Life Lessons You Can Only Learn Later In Life

Life is full of hard lessons that can only be learned through hardship. Anyone who isn’t rich, beautiful, or well-connected understands that. You’re going to go through periods in life when it feels like fate, luck, and divine forces are conspiring against you. That’s not a good feeling. I understand that. It’s also a feeling that’s worth embracing.

I say that as someone who stagnated and stumbled through much of his teen years and early 20s. In terms of social skills and overall outlook, I was behind the curve longer than most. I’ve shared my various struggles from high school. I’ve also shared personal stories of major low points in my life. I don’t doubt that others have endured far worse, but the over-arching themes are the same.

When you’re young and inexperienced, you see the world a certain way. When you’re older and more experienced overall, you see it another. Time, perspective, and basic human psychology has that effect on most people as they live their lives. An unfortunate byproduct of that is there are some lessons that you can’t learn until you’re older.

That’s a sentiment I’m sure many teenagers hear on a regular basis. Some will roll their eyes and I don’t blame them. I probably did the same when I was that age. It’s also a message that most adults have a difficult time conveying because they have the benefit of hindsight. Make no mistake. Some lessons are only visible through hindsight.

For those who struggled as teenagers, like me, I imagine that’s not news to them. I also imagine there are many other lessons that weren’t obvious until many years later in life. My own parents have shared some of those lessons with me. I’ve tried to share those lessons with younger friends and relatives. It’s hard to get across. In some cases, it’s impossible.

Those lessons are still worth putting out there, if only to act as reminders through the filter of hindsight. Here are just some of the lessons that I’ve learned personally or seen in others. If you have others to share, please do so in the comments.

Lesson #1: The world doesn’t owe you anything and whining about it won’t change that.

Lesson #2: You can’t know how right or wrong someone is for you until you’ve spent more than a few years with that person.

Lesson #3: You never know for sure what you want to do with your life before and during puberty.

Lesson #4: A single failure won’t ruin your life if you learn from it.

Lesson #5: Every opportunity is a gamble, but you can control the odds to some extent through determination, work ethic, and talent.

Lesson #6: There are people in the world who are far smarter and capable than you’ll ever be, no matter how hard you work or believe in yourself.

Lesson #7: Convincing people to change their minds about anything is one of the hardest things you’ll ever do.

Lesson #8: It’s okay to be disappointed or upset, but at some point, you have to try to get over it.

Lesson #9: Like or not, having the right attitude can be the difference between happiness and misery.

Lesson #10: It’s just as easy to fall out of love as it is to fall in love.

Lesson #11: Habits, both good and bad, are difficult to break, but can be managed to some extent.

Lesson #12: People may be driven by basic needs, but are more complicated than you realize.

Lesson #13: It’s never too late to change your path or reinvent yourself, but the longer you wait, the harder it will be.

Lessons #14: Many of the things you think are important now won’t be important years from now.

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Jack Fisher’s Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Endearing Personality Edition

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Some people have a personality that finds a way to stand out in a crowd, no matter how loud or chaotic it may be. They carry themselves a certain way that you just can’t help but appreciate. It’s not just that they’re sweet. It’s not just that they’re fun to be around. There’s just something about them that makes you want to be close to them.

It’s a personality that men and women alike can exude. It’s also one of those personalities that’s uniquely attractive. I think I find it more attractive than most. The first girl I dated in college had that kind of personality. She was sweet, kind, and fun, but she also had this charisma that set her apart. She was soft spoken, but had this energy that just drew you in.

It’s an easy personality to fall in love with. I’d go so far as to say it’s one of the easiest. It might not be the sexiest, but that’s the beauty of it. It doesn’t have to center around sex appeal. The sexiness is secondary and is a natural byproduct in many respects. It’s a special kind of allure and one I suspect my future wife will possess.

At the same time, it’s a rare kind of personality. It’s also a difficult persona to craft and maintain. I say it’s worth the effort. It’s also worth celebrating. Whether you know someone with this personality or not, it’s worth acknowledging. To that effect, I dedicate this edition of my Sexy Sunday Thoughts to all those who endear us to their souls for all the right reasons.


“One of the worst side-effects of heartbreak is feeling lonely whenever feel horny.”


“Using pity to find true love is like using a typewriter to send a dick pic.”


“To some extent, exercise is the deliberate act of making your muscles horny.”


“Logistically speaking, love makes mind control redundant.”


“At the core of seduction is knowing how to be cunning with your genitals.”


“Embarrassment is nature’s way of making sure people don’t have sex with too many idiots.”


“It’s not unreasonable for women to judge a man on the likelihood that he sniffs his panties when she’s not home.”


Charisma is a tricky thing to grasp. Endearing yourself to others is also a challenge, no matter what kind of personality you have. Some just have a natural talent for it and those people tend to leave an impression. They also tend to evoke the right kind of passion in others and the world could always use more of that.

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Recounting An Awkward (Yet Hilarious) Boner

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For men, awkward boners are kind of like pranks that go horribly wrong. They’re either funny in hindsight or so embarrassing that you’d do anything to forget them. Get any man talking about the awkward boners he’s had in his life and chances are there will be a little of both. Most will be reluctant to share the really embarrassing ones, but they’ll gladly share the ones they know will get a good laugh.

In that spirit, I’d like to share another personal story about an awkward boner I had in a public place that was embarrassing, but hilarious in the grand scheme of things. It won’t be the first story I’ve shared involving an awkward boner. If people enjoy hearing these kinds of awkward, yet revealing stories, it might not be the last.

However, the previous story I shared was very different. That incident was mostly embarrassing because I was a teenager at the time and it took place at school, a place where things get awkward enough. This one is different. This one occurred while I was a mature adult who had largely survived the chaos of puberty, high school, and acne. In some respects, that’s part of what makes it hilarious.

To set the stage for this awkward exchange between me and my genitals, I need to establish a little context. This incident took place about five years ago. Around that time, I was trying to get into shape for the first time in my life. I’d just started running regularly. I’d also started going to the gym on a routine basis. I was past the point where I was figuring out what to do. At this point, I had developed a regular routine.

A big part of that routine involved spending at least a half-hour on a treadmill, burning off whatever excess calories I’d consumed. I even came to enjoy that part of my workout because it was a chance for me to put on my headphones, listen to music, and lose myself for a while. Sometimes, I would also listen to audiobooks. It helped get me thinking and sweating at the same time.

That part of my routine is how this incident took shape. Most of the audiobooks I’d listened to ranged in genre from mystery novels to political topics to romance. On one particular day, I decided to listen to a new romance audiobook. It was billed as a sexier, seamier love story. I’d listened to those stories before, but not while exercising. I didn’t think it would be a big deal.

In hindsight, I probably should’ve known better. On this day, which happened to be a chilly Saturday morning in the middle of winter, I arrived at the gym in my gym clothes. I had my audiobook loaded up. It was fairly crowded, so I found an unused treadmill and started my routine. I also began playing the audiobook.

The first 10 minutes went by without incident. I had already worked up a good sweat. Things were going well. Then, the plot of the audiobook took a very sensual turn. I knew when I bought the book that there would be graphic parts. I didn’t expect for them to happen that soon, but it happened.

I’m listening to these very graphic, very sexy depictions being read by an alluring female voice. Naturally, my body reacts. It doesn’t matter that I’m jogging. If anything, that accelerates the process. My heart is pumping and my blood is flowing. This just got it flowing in a specific direction. On top of that, I wore loose gym shorts that day. That meant my body had plenty of room to work with.

What unfolded next was an exercise in tact. I know almost immediately that this isn’t going to be one of those incidents that I can shake off by thinking about football. The dam has already burst. There’s going to be some spillover. All I can do is wait it out.

Keep in mind, this is a crowded gym on a Saturday morning. It’s full of people, young and old. Some of them brought their kids to use the indoor pool. If I were to walk around with a fully-pitched tent in my pants, it’s going to get noticed. Granted, some might just stare for a moment and look away. It’s still not a glance I wanted to attract.

I have to wait this out, hoping that it passes before anyone notices. That’s not easy because, as most men will tell you, jogging with a boner is more than a little awkward. It’s like trying to tap dance while juggling flaming torches. It sends all sorts of mixed messages to your body.

At this point, the best I can do is stop the audiobook and switch to music. I also slow the treadmill down so that’s just a brisk walk. I also tactically adjust my shorts to ensure the tent in my pants isn’t too noticeable. From there, it’s just a matter of my body catching up to my thoughts.

I’m still mortified, but I’m also laughing to myself. I’m still new to this gym and regular workouts. I imagine I’d make quite an impression if people noticed me getting erections while working out. They might find it funny. They might even be curious as to what the hell I was listening to.

Eventually, it passes. My heart is still pumping, but the blood flow finally shifts. I don’t even stop my workout. I continue my routine and go about the rest of my workout, as though it didn’t happen. To my knowledge, nobody noticed that I’d spent a good five minutes on a treadmill with a raging erection. I was relieved, but I remembered leaving the gym laughing hysterically at myself.

As awkward as it was, I don’t see that incident in a negative light. This wasn’t at a time in my life when my hormones were raging and my body was betraying me at every turn. I was a healthy adult who had since developed healthier attitudes. If anything, getting an erection in the middle of a gym showed just how healthy I was at that point.

I still go to the gym regularly. I’ve grown fond of it in the years since that incident. I just know what not to listen to when I’m working out. There’s a time and a place for listening to sexy audiobooks. A crowded gym on a Saturday morning isn’t one of them. It’s a lesson I had to learn the hard way, but in hindsight, it’s a hilarious lesson that I doubt I’ll ever forget.

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Personal Thoughts On Retirees, Lottery Winners, And Work

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A lot of people like to dream about what they’d do if they suddenly won the lottery and never had to work again. Only a select few are ever that lucky and a not-insignificant portion of those winners don’t end up happy when that dream is realized. As someone who plays and contemplates the lottery, I’m just as guilty of entertaining that dream.

A less audacious dream involves retiring comfortably. For that, there’s less luck is required. If you work hard for years, saving money and planning responsibly, you can eventually stop working altogether and just live out the rest of your days in comfort. Not everyone gets to that point, but for those that do, it’s worth celebrating. I know this because more than a few friends and family members have retired.

I bring this up because I found myself contemplating this recently. Over the holidays, there were significant stretches in which I didn’t have to work, travel, or do much of anything. I don’t deny that it was relaxing. I definitely enjoyed it. However, after a few days, I found myself feeling restless.

Some of that has to do with me being a morning person. In general, I’m always up early. I’ve been that way since high school. I don’t know if I can ever condition myself otherwise, but during this stint of time, it was somewhat jarring. I woke up. I checked my email. I did a little writing. Then, the sun rose and the day began, but I didn’t know what to do with myself.

While I did find things to do, I realized that I’m not very good at managing long stretches of unstructured time. If I don’t have something to do or a place to be, I get a little anxious and not in a productive way.

During this time, I found myself feeling tired at one in the afternoon. I found myself starting random things, but not finishing them. I tried to relax, but I think I might have tried too hard. By trying so hard, I just stressed myself out and achieved the exact opposite of relaxation.

It leads me to wonder whether I could actually handle a scenario in which I didn’t have to work or anything. If I won the lottery tomorrow, would I even want to just stay home all day? If I retired tomorrow and didn’t have to worry about money for some reason, what would I do with myself?

I know more than a few retirees who occupy their time with many things, but I’m not sure those things are for me. Some of that might just be due to generation gaps. Other reasons might be more personal.

For one, I’m still single. I have no wife or kids to look after. If I did, then I might feel differently about having too much time to myself. Right now, all I know is that I don’t do well when I don’t have some sort of job, task, or goal ahead of me. It can’t just be writing novels and sexy short stories. I need other things to occupy myself.

It was a strange revelation, but one I’m glad I experienced. It gives me a reason to contemplate how I’ll manage myself in the future if I retire or become successful enough that I don’t have to work. Luckily, I’m still relatively young and I have plenty of time to plan that out.

Some people can be happy lying around the house all day doing nothing. There’s nothing wrong with those people. I hope they achieve their dreams, as well. I just don’t think I’m that kind of person. One day, I hope I have a chance to see what I can do with that kind of time. Until then, I feel lucky that I have the life I have.

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