Tag Archives: living life

Ten Harsh Truths I’ve Learned In My Life (So Far)

The world is a big, strange, overwhelming place, to say nothing of the universe. We all live in this world for a brief span of time, relative to the age of the planet and of the human species. Within that life, we all learn, grow, and adapt. Some change more than others, but for the most part, we’re not the same person at 50 as we are at 15.

I find that, as I get older, I realize certain truths about life that are somewhat harsh. Some are downright frustrating. It doesn’t matter how you feel about them. That doesn’t make them any less true. You can’t always grasp it when you’re young and inexperienced. Certain things can only become clear with time. You have to live life in this crazy world for a certain number of years before you can truly see the forest from the trees.

I’m not a teenager. I’m not even in my 20s anymore. However, I’m still not what most would consider old. I know I’ll get there one day. I imagine I’ll encounter plenty more harsh truths along the way. Some will hit me harder than others. Some may not hit me until I’m too old to do anything about them. I won’t know for sure until that time comes.

For now, I thought I’d take a moment to share some of these harsh truths. Some of this was inspired by some posts on Reddit in which people share some of those truths, as they’ve come to know them. I don’t agree with all of them, but some do fit nicely with what I’ve experienced.

With that in mind, here are ten harsh truths I’ve learned that I’ve come to realize at this point in my life. Rest assured, I’ve learned much more than ten. These are just the most prominent that I feel are worth sharing.

1. The world owes you nothing. You can’t expect it or anyone in it to accommodate you. You are ultimately responsible for making the most of your opportunities.

2. A lot of success requires a certain amount of dumb luck. Hard work, patience, and persistence certainly are a factor, but meeting the right people and being in the right situation tend to be more decisive.

3. Nobody’s first instinct is to do things the hard way. For the most part, people will always take the path of least resistance when it comes to challenges, change, and hardship.

4. Like it or not, there are people who are just born more talented than you at certain things and there’s nothing you can do about it. No matter how hard you work or apply yourself, you’ll never be as good as them.

5. No matter what sort of relationship you have with your parents, they’ll always affect you in ways you won’t be comfortable with.

6. You will miss on a lot of opportunities that’ll only become clear with hindsight and that’s okay. You need only seize a few to make things worthwhile.

7. Bullies, assholes, and idiots will get away with egregious misdeeds and there’s nothing you can do about it.

8. People are tribal about many things. There’s no way around it. That’s just how we’re wired. Trying to get people to see beyond their tribal affiliations is a losing battle and one that’ll only make people hate you.

9. You cannot change someone’s mind by arguing with them or yelling at them. You can only appeal to them personally and hope they’ll come around. However, not everyone will.

10. At some point in your life, you’re going to believe or buy into something that will make you feel foolish later on.

That list is likely to change and grow with time. If you have a list of your own that you’d like to share, please do so in the comments.

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Filed under Jack Fisher's Insights, philosophy

Hard Life Lessons You Can Only Learn Later In Life

Life is full of hard lessons that can only be learned through hardship. Anyone who isn’t rich, beautiful, or well-connected understands that. You’re going to go through periods in life when it feels like fate, luck, and divine forces are conspiring against you. That’s not a good feeling. I understand that. It’s also a feeling that’s worth embracing.

I say that as someone who stagnated and stumbled through much of his teen years and early 20s. In terms of social skills and overall outlook, I was behind the curve longer than most. I’ve shared my various struggles from high school. I’ve also shared personal stories of major low points in my life. I don’t doubt that others have endured far worse, but the over-arching themes are the same.

When you’re young and inexperienced, you see the world a certain way. When you’re older and more experienced overall, you see it another. Time, perspective, and basic human psychology has that effect on most people as they live their lives. An unfortunate byproduct of that is there are some lessons that you can’t learn until you’re older.

That’s a sentiment I’m sure many teenagers hear on a regular basis. Some will roll their eyes and I don’t blame them. I probably did the same when I was that age. It’s also a message that most adults have a difficult time conveying because they have the benefit of hindsight. Make no mistake. Some lessons are only visible through hindsight.

For those who struggled as teenagers, like me, I imagine that’s not news to them. I also imagine there are many other lessons that weren’t obvious until many years later in life. My own parents have shared some of those lessons with me. I’ve tried to share those lessons with younger friends and relatives. It’s hard to get across. In some cases, it’s impossible.

Those lessons are still worth putting out there, if only to act as reminders through the filter of hindsight. Here are just some of the lessons that I’ve learned personally or seen in others. If you have others to share, please do so in the comments.

Lesson #1: The world doesn’t owe you anything and whining about it won’t change that.

Lesson #2: You can’t know how right or wrong someone is for you until you’ve spent more than a few years with that person.

Lesson #3: You never know for sure what you want to do with your life before and during puberty.

Lesson #4: A single failure won’t ruin your life if you learn from it.

Lesson #5: Every opportunity is a gamble, but you can control the odds to some extent through determination, work ethic, and talent.

Lesson #6: There are people in the world who are far smarter and capable than you’ll ever be, no matter how hard you work or believe in yourself.

Lesson #7: Convincing people to change their minds about anything is one of the hardest things you’ll ever do.

Lesson #8: It’s okay to be disappointed or upset, but at some point, you have to try to get over it.

Lesson #9: Like or not, having the right attitude can be the difference between happiness and misery.

Lesson #10: It’s just as easy to fall out of love as it is to fall in love.

Lesson #11: Habits, both good and bad, are difficult to break, but can be managed to some extent.

Lesson #12: People may be driven by basic needs, but are more complicated than you realize.

Lesson #13: It’s never too late to change your path or reinvent yourself, but the longer you wait, the harder it will be.

Lessons #14: Many of the things you think are important now won’t be important years from now.

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Filed under human nature, Jack Fisher's Insights, psychology

Personal Thoughts On Retirees, Lottery Winners, And Work

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A lot of people like to dream about what they’d do if they suddenly won the lottery and never had to work again. Only a select few are ever that lucky and a not-insignificant portion of those winners don’t end up happy when that dream is realized. As someone who plays and contemplates the lottery, I’m just as guilty of entertaining that dream.

A less audacious dream involves retiring comfortably. For that, there’s less luck is required. If you work hard for years, saving money and planning responsibly, you can eventually stop working altogether and just live out the rest of your days in comfort. Not everyone gets to that point, but for those that do, it’s worth celebrating. I know this because more than a few friends and family members have retired.

I bring this up because I found myself contemplating this recently. Over the holidays, there were significant stretches in which I didn’t have to work, travel, or do much of anything. I don’t deny that it was relaxing. I definitely enjoyed it. However, after a few days, I found myself feeling restless.

Some of that has to do with me being a morning person. In general, I’m always up early. I’ve been that way since high school. I don’t know if I can ever condition myself otherwise, but during this stint of time, it was somewhat jarring. I woke up. I checked my email. I did a little writing. Then, the sun rose and the day began, but I didn’t know what to do with myself.

While I did find things to do, I realized that I’m not very good at managing long stretches of unstructured time. If I don’t have something to do or a place to be, I get a little anxious and not in a productive way.

During this time, I found myself feeling tired at one in the afternoon. I found myself starting random things, but not finishing them. I tried to relax, but I think I might have tried too hard. By trying so hard, I just stressed myself out and achieved the exact opposite of relaxation.

It leads me to wonder whether I could actually handle a scenario in which I didn’t have to work or anything. If I won the lottery tomorrow, would I even want to just stay home all day? If I retired tomorrow and didn’t have to worry about money for some reason, what would I do with myself?

I know more than a few retirees who occupy their time with many things, but I’m not sure those things are for me. Some of that might just be due to generation gaps. Other reasons might be more personal.

For one, I’m still single. I have no wife or kids to look after. If I did, then I might feel differently about having too much time to myself. Right now, all I know is that I don’t do well when I don’t have some sort of job, task, or goal ahead of me. It can’t just be writing novels and sexy short stories. I need other things to occupy myself.

It was a strange revelation, but one I’m glad I experienced. It gives me a reason to contemplate how I’ll manage myself in the future if I retire or become successful enough that I don’t have to work. Luckily, I’m still relatively young and I have plenty of time to plan that out.

Some people can be happy lying around the house all day doing nothing. There’s nothing wrong with those people. I hope they achieve their dreams, as well. I just don’t think I’m that kind of person. One day, I hope I have a chance to see what I can do with that kind of time. Until then, I feel lucky that I have the life I have.

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Filed under Jack Fisher's Insights, psychology