A Brief Rant About Car Insurance Commercials

I understand why commercials exist. I’ve been watching TV my whole life. Even as a kid, I knew the economics behind it.

People have stuff they want to sell. TV networks and shows need to make money. Commercials are a way to do that. They need that money to keep providing us with content, compensate studios, and put up with egotistical actors. Those same economics apply to YouTube videos and streaming services like Hulu. If you don’t want to see those commercials, you have to pay extra for services like HBO and Netflix.

Economics aside, there’s only so much understanding I can have when certain commercials become more than just a nuisance. There’s advertising, there’s business, and then there’s just being annoying. With Super Bowl LIV just a few days away and a slew of big budget marketing pushes on the way, it’s a given that we’ll see a few of those commercials.

Since I plan to watch the Super Bowl this year, as I’ve done every year since I was a toddler, I’d like to offer a brief personal insight into a certain category of commercials. That insight can be summed up in just a few words.

Fuck any and all car insurance commercials!

I apologize if that’s not the most articulate insight ever uttered on the internet, but I’m not sorry for expressing my utter hatred of car insurance commercials. I’m not being factious. I’m dead serious.

Fuck car insurance commercials and every marketing team behind them!

Fuck their stupid gimmicks, dumb jingles, dim-witted celebrities, and annoyingly repetitive bullshit!

Fuck everything about the entire concept behind car insurance commercials!

I know there are a lot of annoying commercials out there, but for the past few years, car insurance commercials have entered a unique category of utterly infuriating. It’s bad enough that they seem to make up half of all commercials in existence. Every show on Hulu has at least one car insurance commercial and every live sports broadcast seems to have at least 20. They’re selling a product that’s inherently boring and frustrating.

Car insurance is not life saving medicine, a new toy, a fancy gadget, or a new movie. It’s goddamn bureaucracy, for crying out loud. Moreover, it’s bureaucracy that people are legally required to purchase if they own or regularly operate a vehicle. We don’t have the option to just ignore car insurance if we have a car. For both legal and financial reasons, we have to have it.

That makes relentlessly advertising it exceedingly redundant. I remember when I bought car insurance. I didn’t recount all the commercials, gimmicks, and quirky sayings they love to use. I just used the same insurance my parents and relatives had. They already had accounts. It was easier, quicker, and the price was basically the same.

Again, and it’s worth repeating, I needed to buy insurance when I bought my first car. The process wasn’t some life-defining experience. It was goddamn paperwork, followed by a few forgettable phone calls to an agent. These commercials, which present car insurance as this powerful, life-affirming experience, couldn’t be further from the truth without Michael Bay directing it.

Most of the time, I don’t think about insurance. I have had to use it before. It wasn’t the least bit thrilling. It was just phone calls and paperwork. That was it. Most people I know have the same experience. They don’t like dealing with insurance any more than they like going to the dentist to get root canal surgery.

I’ve met people who have bought things because they saw a commercial for it. I’ve never met anyone who said they bought car insurance because of a commercial they saw. It just adds to the lengthy list of reasons as to why I despise these commercials and skip or mute them if I can.

With each passing year, they become more annoying. I don’t see that changing anytime soon. I know I’ll see plenty while watching the Super Bowl. To those companies and their overpaid marketing departments, I’ll say it again.

Fuck your goddamn car insurance commercials!