Jack Fisher’s Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Premium Coffee Edition

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First, I want to say on record that I am not a coffee snob. I’m not one of those people who stands in line at a coffee shop and spends a full five minutes giving a barista intricate details on how to brew my order. Those people are right up there with the assholes who text, drive, and give you the finger for honking your horn.

That said, I love coffee as more than a morning pick-me-up. I can also tell the difference between the dirt-cheap brew you get at a gas station and the kind you pay double for at a specialty shop. I’ll still drink the cheap stuff if I just need to perk myself up in the morning, but that premium blend is something I value.

The difference between cheap coffee and premium coffee is similar to the difference between a quickie in a broom closet and an entire afternoon of passionate lovemaking. Both feel great. Both are inherently desirable. There’s a time and a place for both. One is just inherently more satisfying than the other.

That’s how I feel about good, premium coffee. I’d estimate that around 75 percent of my best writing occurs while I have a cup of premium coffee in reach. It’s not just a necessary stimulant for the modern world. It’s nourishment for the mind, body, and soul. A good cup of coffee helped inspire these Sexy Sunday Thoughts. I hope they, along with your next brew, can inspire something just as awesome. Enjoy!


“If a picture is worth 1,000 words, then porn is basically a haiku.”


“Being single and ready to mingle is like being a bounty hunter for orgasms.”


“If someone is stupid, but still gets laid, can they really be stupid?”


“Every successful prostitute starts as an opportunistic slut.”


“Is a best friend you don’t have sex with really your best friend?”


“Patience is both a virtue and a critical component of effective foreplay.”


“Technically, having sex with a germophobe is a form of safe sex.”


Not everyone needs fancy, premium coffee every morning to get themselves going. Like impassioned lovemaking, it’s something that you want to save for the right moments. That way, you can literally taste the joy that it brings. It’s both refreshing and uniquely sexy. What more could you want in a well-caffeinated drink?

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Romance Is Real: Men Recount Their Lover’s Greatest Romantic Gesture

The world is really messed up right now. I don’t think I need to remind everyone how or why. I’m trying to stay as positive as I can. Lately, though, I’ve been failing. Every day, I wake up and read my news feed, only to lament how fucked this world is right now. I know things have to get better at some point. That point just seems so far off.

I admit, it’s been very depressing. I’ve found myself feeling more depressed than usual and I know I’m not alone. Thankfully, being a big romance fan can have unexpected advantages. As bad as things are, you can’t stop people from loving each other and expressing that love in beautiful ways. You can quarantine populations, but you can’t quarantine passion.

With that in mind, I’d like to offer something uplifting to all my fellow romance fans. Thanks to the fine folks of the Reddit Recap channel, we have a list of real stories from real people about the most romantic gesture their lover ever did for them. Even on my worst days, reading stories like this puts a smile on my face and brings a tear of joy to my eye.

Please take a moment to enjoy this little montage. The last one should really warm your heart.

I hope your day is better because of that. If you have another story like this to share, please do so in the comments. Seriously, the world needs those kinds of stories right now.

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Recounting The Dumbest Health Scare I Ever Had

Everybody makes a fool of themselves at some point in their lives. It’s inevitable. Like traffic, taxes, and boredom at a doctor’s office, it’s an ever-present prospect. You’re going to do something stupid at some point. No matter how much time passes, you’re going to look back and cringe. You’ll feel so stupid at that moment that you’ll wonder how you ever managed put your pants on that day.

Some people have more moments than others. The capable people learn and grow from them. The idiots and narcissists never learn, but make endless excuses. I don’t deny I’ve had a number of those moments in my life. Some are more foolish than others. A few are things I’m not comfortable sharing. I will, however, share one that still makes me cringe and laugh with distressing regularity.

It involves a health scare that I had a while back. Don’t worry. It’s quite possibly the dumbest health scare you’ll ever hear about that doesn’t involve a hang nail or something a kid learned in sex ed. If anyone has anything stupider, I’d love to hear it.

Before I get into detail, I need to note the context of this scare. I’m not making excuses. I’m just highlighting that it didn’t come out of nowhere. This happened shortly after a close relative began undergoing cancer treatments. On top of that, heart disease ran in my family. I had a valid reason for being overly cautious about my health.

That didn’t make what happened any less stupid.

It happened one day when I was trimming my beard. I noticed a strange bump on my lower-right chin. It didn’t feel like anything I’d felt before. I tried to look closer. I couldn’t tell what it was through my facial hair. It didn’t feel like a bruise or an ingrown hair. It just felt like a regular bump.

At first, I shrug it off. Then, I start picking at it, as people tend to do with things they don’t understand. Naturally, it starts growing. At some point, it gets a little sore. I can feel it when I chew. That’s when my mind starts racing.

What if it’s a tumor?

What if it’s some malignant cyst?

What if it’s some crazy condition I don’t even know about?

I’m not going to lie. I did start anxiously browsing WebMD for information, which you should definitely not do. Browsing WebMD in hopes of determining how sick you are is like watching old cop movies to learn how to defuse a bomb. You’re only going to make it worse.

It’s because of that I seriously considered going to my doctor. I even promised myself that, if it still hurt after a week, I would make an appointment. Thankfully, it never came to that because I soon found out what it was in the dumbest way possible.

It was a goddamn pimple.

That’s it. That’s all it was. It was just a pimple that had somehow formed in my beard and got irritated, probably because I kept picking at it. I only confirmed it was a pimple when it randomly popped. Again, I was picking at it. Having had serious acne problems since I was a teenager, I knew what pimples looked like when they popped. This just happened to be a particularly large one that my beard hid.

I wish I could say it was a relief, but I just felt so stupid at the moment that I would’ve preferred something worse. I vividly remember looking at myself in my bathroom mirror with this deadpanned expression, as though I’d just tried to cut a steak with a soup spoon. I would’ve laughed if it weren’t so pathetic.

There’s a time and a place to worry about your health. A global pandemic is bound to put everyone on edge and for wholly valid reasons. However, you don’t do yourself any favors by being stupid. If anything, you’ll only find creative ways to make it worse.

I’ve had plenty of other moments in my life when I’ve felt dumb. Given current events, I thought I’d share one about my health at a time when we’re all a little extra health conscious. No matter the situation, we’re all vulnerable to doing stupid things. We just need to be a lot more careful during a pandemic.

If anyone else has a story about moments when they felt dumb, please share them in the comments. As long as we’re all stuck at home, we might as well use it as an opportunity for extra introspection.

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The (Uncertain) Future Of Movie Theaters

Many of us have fond memories of going to the movies. Whether it’s the first time you saw “Jurassic Park” and “Avengers” or the first time you got frisky with your significant other on a date, the movie-going experience has always had a certain charm to it. They’re such an indelible part of modern popular culture that it’s hard to envision modern life without them.

Then, a global pandemic hit and suddenly, we have to envision a lot of things we’ve never contemplated before. That includes the place movie theaters have in our culture and society.

Now, I’m not among the doomsayers claiming that movie theaters are doomed, although I can’t fault anyone for thinking that. The news surrounding the movie industry has been grim on an unprecedented level. As someone who often organizes his summer around which movies to see and when, it’s undeniably dire on so many levels.

However, I feel like there’s room for something better to come out of this for theaters. There’s just too much uncertainty to surmise what it is at the moment. I don’t feel that qualified to speculate. Many people much smarter than me already have. I’m bringing this up now because last weekend gave me a taste of what that future might entail.

For me, that future involves a lot less nights when I go to the movies and more nights of me renting a movie at home. That’s what I attempted last weekend. Specifically, I rented the movie “Bloodshot” on Saturday night. While the movie wasn’t exactly a huge blockbuster when it came out, I was still curious about it. Being a fan of comic book movies in general, I wanted to give it a chance.

I’m glad I did. I enjoyed the movie and not just because it was better than the reviews claimed. I enjoyed it because I got to craft my own movie-going experience. I ordered some pizza, bought a six-pack of beer, and had some skittles on the side. I basically created my own mini-movie theater in my living room and I had a genuinely pleasant time.

It also helped that it was much cheaper than going to a theater. To rent “Bloodshot,” I only paid $6. That’s half the price of a regular movie ticket on a weekend. The price of pizza and snacks was considerably less, as well. I probably saved money by just renting the movie and, given the state of the pandemic-hit economy, I imagine there are many more people out there looking to save where they can.

It has me re-thinking how I’ll see movies, even after theaters open up again. My experience with “Bloodshot” has me re-considering which movies I’ll see in theaters and which I’ll rent. I’ll still see big blockbuster movies like “Black Widow” and “New Mutants” in the theaters, but I’m going to be less inclined to see other movies in that setting. I just can’t justify the cost at this point.

That situation could change. I suspect that movie theaters will have to adapt their place in the movie/media complex. I don’t think it can survive solely on the success of big budget blockbusters. I also don’t think that’s good for the industry because it makes movies that bomb much more damaging to studios and theaters, alike. That means less risks, less innovation, and more generic movies made solely to turn a profit.

As much as I love those kinds of movies, there has to be room for innovative movies like “The Blair Witch Project” or “Clerks.” There also has to be a place for the bigger budget movies that Netflix has released. If you need proof of how good those movies can be, check out “Extraction.” It’s a movie that could’ve been another generic action movie in theaters, but works even better as a streaming exclusive.

In the same way Netflix is getting into the big budget movie business, some theaters are expanding beyond movies. Last year, the theater I live nearby played the Super Bowl and several major pay-per-view fights. Only a handful of other theaters did the same. I have a feeling more and more theaters will opt for something like that, if only to get more foot traffic.

The challenge is balancing all these dynamics in a world where people are less inclined to go to theaters and pay bloated ticket prices. I believe there is a way to do that. It’s just not clear what that is. I think there will still be movie theaters in a post-pandemic economy. They just won’t look or operate like they did in 2019.

It’s exciting, but distressing.

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New (But Limited) Comic Book Day: May 13, 2020

Comic book fans are in the same boat as everyone with respect to navigating this awful pandemic. We’re just waiting out the worst of the storm. Eventually, it’ll pass. Then, slowly and steadily, life will get back to a new form of normal. Let’s face it. There’s no going back to the way things were before. The best we can do is forge a new normal out of this crisis.

The world of comics is already making an effort. As I noted last week, major comic companies are preparing a gradual relaunch of the industry. That means comic shops will finally get new books in stock. Digital comic outlets like Comixology will get to release mainline titles aside from the usual digital-only series. It’s still nowhere near the size of the traditional stock for New Comic Book Day, but it counts as progress.

As it stands, Marvel is still a couple weeks away from releasing a slate of new books. DC, however, is getting back in the swing of things earlier. This week marks the first week in which they’re releasing some mainline titles to market. Again, it’s not much, but it’s much better than nothing. Rather than showing my pull list, I’ll just offer a list of the releases for today, as well as links to previews.

Harley Quinn #72

Justice League #44

Justice League Odyssey #20

Lois Lane #10

Metal Men #6

After weeks on end with no new comics to speak of, this is the first true taste of a new normal for comics. Unlike major sports or movies, comics have an opportunity to get going and thrive once more. There’s still going to be some major upheavals and restructuring, but that process can finally begin. At a time when good news is hard to come by, I’ll take it.

In what I hope isn’t too minor a celebration, here’s a pick of the week that I hope boosts everyone’s spirits. We all need it.


My Pick Of The Week
Justice League #44

Some comics try to be deep, introspective, and profound. Writers and artists attempt to craft a complex story that they hope will leave a profound impact on reader on the best possible way. I fully support these kinds of comics. It’s part of why “Watchmen” is such a groundbreaking achievement for the genre.

At the same time, however, I support books that take the opposite approach. In lieu of being deep, it sticks to the basics of what makes comics fun, but still leaves room for novelty. That’s exactly where books like “Justice League #44” come in. It doesn’t try to reinvent any genre. It just tries to have fun with DC’s most iconic characters.

After weeks on end with no new comics for mainline books, “Justice League #44” is just what we need to remind us why New Comic Book Day is the best day of the week. Writer Robert Venditti and artist Xermanico stick to a basic formula. Take the Justice League, have them answer a distress call, and then unleash giant mythical monsters for them to fight. It’s every bit as entertaining as it sounds.

That’s not to say its shallow or crude. There is a deeper plot at work here. It’s hinted at through some mysterious monologues throughout the issue. We don’t find out who it is until the end, but they provide that extra bit of novelty that makes “Justice League #44” more than just a generic heroes vs. monster brawl.

Those versed in Greek mythology will recognize some of those monsters. Others versed in Wonder Woman’s lore will also sensed something amiss before the fighting stops. What starts off as a distress call from Aquaman in Antarctica turns into a much larger threat that even the Justice League is ill-equipped to handle. The how and the why are teased, but the extent and breadth of that threat are abundantly clear.

In a sense, Justice League comics are the comic book equivalent of comfort food. They’re what you go to when you want something as warm and familiar as an old pair of sweat pants. Between global pandemics and massive upheavals in the comic book industry, we all need a little bit of that comfort food. Even with a limited selection, that’s exactly what “Justice League #44” provides and it’s delicious.

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10 Hours Of Ron Swanson Drinking Lagavulin Whiskey By Fire: You’re Welcome

Let’s be honest. We’re all sick of news about pandemics, social distancing, mounting death tolls, and incompetent politicians. I’d say we’re all a bit stir crazy, but I fear that would be understating it.

It’s times like this when it helps to find some unique method of relaxation. It doesn’t have to be elaborate. It doesn’t even have to make much sense. If it helps you relax, then go for it. Embrace it. Do what you can to cope with this objectively awful situation.

To that end, I offer you my new favorite video for relaxation. It just happens to be the manliest kind of relaxation imaginable. It’s a full 10 hours of Nick “Ron Swanson” Offerman drinking whiskey by a roaring fire. It’s as amazing as it sounds.

You’re welcome.

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“F Is For Family” Season 4 Teaser: Frank Murphy’s Father (And All The Yelling It Inspires)

How does a man get so angry that he regularly threatens to put his kids through fucking walls?

How does a man become so volatile and unhinged that the mere act of calling him during dinner will send him into a rage?

How does a man struggle so much to cope with such an unfair world?

These are just some of the many questions I find myself asking after watching three seasons of “F is for Family.” It’s not easy when I have to contemplate such things in between bouts of hysterical laughter, but they’re still worth contemplating. Given long wait we’ve endured for season 4, I think we’re all ready for some answers.

Recently, we finally got a tease in the form of a teaser trailer. The trailer even offers hints as to what makes Frank Murphy tick and why he’s prone to hulking out at a moment’s notice. It also offers some colorful F-bombs. It just wouldn’t be “F is for Family” without a healthy dose of F-bombs.

True to the cliffhanger we got at the end of Season 3, we’re about to meet Frank Murphy’s father. We don’t know much about him, but the trailer hints that there’s a good reason why Frank rarely mentions him. The fact he’s voided by Jonathan “Mike Ermentrout” Banks is another revealing insight.

This show has been subtle, but smart when it comes to revealing the character of Frank Murphy. I’ve noted before that he has more complexity than most TV dads. Even if he is a volatile ball of issues who often makes his problems worse with his anger, there is a context to his personality. A lot of it had to do with how his plans got derailed and how the American Dream essentially left him behind. Now, his father enters the mix.

The trailer hints that he did not have a good relationship with his father. It also hints that his father was more abrasive to him than he is to his own children. For a character who already demonstrates many issues throughout the show, it adds more intrigue that is sure to lead to many more angry rants laced with F-bombs.

At a time when everyone is on edge and inclined to put each other through a fucking wall, I think Frank Murphy is exactly what we need.

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Jack Fisher’s Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Mother’s Day 2020 Edition

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I know I say this every year and I’ve every intention of saying it for as long as I can.

My mom is the absolute best!

I’ll say it as many times as I have to and for whatever reason comes to mind. Mother’s Day just gives me more reasons than most. It’s yet another opportunity to appreciate the wonderful woman I’m lucky enough to call mom and I make it a point to take advantage of those. She deserves all the love a mother can get and then some. Today is just a large part of that effort.

I know how lucky I am to have an awesome mom. There are many other moms out there who deserve plenty of praise. They birth us, they love us, and they raise us. Their love is the foundation for which we understand and appreciate love. From the day we’re born to the day we die, the love of a mother is part of who we are.

It would be easy to call Mother’s Day just another Hallmark Holiday. It doesn’t matter if it is. Moms are still worth celebrating and cherishing. Whether it’s as simple as a card or an elaborate brunch, complete with male strippers, today is a day in which we show our appreciation. I certainly plan on doing my part for my mother. Hopefully, these Sexy Sunday Thoughts will inspire you to do yours. Enjoy!


“If necessity is the mother of all invention, then horniness is the negligent father of kink.”


“There’s at least one person turned on by the things you find disgusting.”


“By default, necrophiliacs will always have the fewest sexual harassment complaints.”


“Falling in love requires us to follow our hearts, but selectively listen to our genitals.”


“Talent makes some people a good lover, but practicing foreplay will make anyone a capable lover.”


“An expensive wedding ring is basically an overpriced no trespassing sign for your genitals.”


“Hiding an awkward boner is a skill no man wants to learn the hard way.”


I’ll say it again, just to belabor it.

My mom is the best!

To her and all the wonderful mothers out there, Happy Mother’s Day. Thank you for birthing us, loving us, and nurturing us through this chaotic world. After a year like this, that love has never been more precious. Today, you deserve to be celebrated and pampered. Enjoy it! You’ve earned it.

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Another Awesome Story About My Awesome Mom On Mother’s Day Eve

Tomorrow is Mother’s Day. For some people, it’s just one of those Hallmark Holidays that requires that you purchase a card, make a phone call, and watch a few cheesy 1-800-Flowers ad. For those lucky enough to have an awesome mom like mine, it’s more than that.

I’ve said it before on multiple occasions. I’ll keep finding other ways to say it until the entire internet hears it.

My mom is awesome.

That is not in dispute. That’s just an objective fact on par with math and gravity. I knew that when I was still a kid. I know that now as a full-grown adult. With each passing year, I come to appreciate my mother’s awesome more and more. That makes celebrating Mother’s Day extra special.

For a mom like mine, a card just won’t cut it. Even during a pandemic, I’m going to find a way to go the extra mile to show my mom how much I love and appreciate her. As part of that effort, I’d like to share another personal story that further proves my mom’s greatness. If this doesn’t get the point across, then you’re just being difficult.

This particular story is small in scope, but incredibly revealing with respect to the kind of person my mother is. I don’t know if she’ll remember this. I know she reads this site every now and then. I hope she does because for me, it’s one of those powerful memories that has only gotten more meaningful with time.

The setting of this story is simple, but still requires a bit of context. It occurred when I was in my late teens. It was the middle of summer and I was home from college. For me, that didn’t just mean sitting around all day, waiting for the fall semester to begin. I worked during the summers. I was also expected to do chores on the weekends. One of them involved mowing the lawn.

Now, that was one of my least favorite chores and my mom knew that. I still did it, but was rarely thrilled about it. I need to establish that before I lay out what happened. It matters with respect to how this ordeal played out.

It occurred on a Saturday morning. I was downstairs in the basement, watching TV and working on my laptop, as I often did. Then, my mother comes walking down the stairs and she’s not in a good mood. It has nothing to do with what I or any of my siblings did. She’s just miserable, restless, and tense, as people can get for no apparent reason.

While in that mood, she tells me to mow the lawn and she’s not nice about it. She doesn’t ask me to do it. She doesn’t even say, please. She just tells me to do it in a crass, callous way that is not typical of my mother. It shows just how bad a mood she was in that day.

Naturally, I don’t react with much enthusiasm. I groan and roll my eyes, but it’s not just because I hate mowing the lawn. That’s not how anyone wants to be told to do something. My mother senses this, as I’m not subtle about it. Not surprisingly, goes off and tell me not to give her any attitude.

Then, in a response I honestly didn’t think much about, I tell her, in so many words, that she could’ve at least said please. She also could’ve been less rude about it. I even threw in a comment about how she’d taught me to be courteous and polite all my life. I don’t remember exactly what I said because, like I said, I didn’t give much thought to my response. A part of me still dreaded my mother’s response.

What happened next is a further testament to my mother’s character. Almost immediately, her crummy mood changed. She put her hand up, shook her head, and apologized. She acknowledged that she was rude and in the wrong. I instinctively accepted that apology. I still agreed to mow the lawn later that day and I did.

What stands out so much about that moment was how much humility my mother showed in that moment. I’m her son and she’s the parent. Usually, the dynamic is reversed. It’s the parent who’s supposed to call the child out when they’re being rude or impolite. When the roles are flipped, it doesn’t go the same way.

My mother was well within her right, as a parent, to just brush off my comment. She was also within her right to pile onto it and call me an asshole for daring to call her out like that. She could’ve just said, “I can talk to you however I want because I’m your mom. That’s that.” Instead, she chose the more respectable path.

She showed that she practiced the values she preached to me and my siblings. She holds herself to the same standard that she holds me. When she’s wrong or rude, she owns up to it. She takes responsibility and apologizes, just as she would expect of me if I were in that position. It was a small gesture, but I gained a whole new level of respect for my mother that day.

I know more than a few people whose parents take full advantage of their authority. To them, respect is not earned from a child. It’s a given, even when it’s not reciprocated. There are instances when that’s necessary, but this wasn’t one of them. My mother was self-aware enough to recognize that and set a better example. Since then, I’ve done my best to meet those standards.

There are so many other wonderful stories that I could share about my mother. Some are more elaborate than others. This one is small by comparison, but it’s those kinds of stories that help you really appreciate the kind of person someone is. My mother is wonderful in so many ways. This is just one of them. It’s part of what makes Mother’s Day worth celebrating.

To my awesome mom, I love you with all my heart.

Happy Mother’s Day!

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Things Mothers Yell While Giving Birth: A (Hilarious) Way To Get Into The Mother’s Day Spirit

Mother’s Day is almost here. I know where in the midst of a global pandemic. I know most people aren’t in a very celebratory mood. If ever there was a reason or person for which we should make an exception, it’s our mothers. Even if you’re on lock-down, stir crazy, and badly in need of a haircut, we should still celebrate Mother’s Day.

They birthed us.

They raised us.

They changed our diapers, guided us through puberty, and have seen us at our absolute worst.

They’ve earned this. As someone who is lucky enough to have such an awesome mom, I have every intention of celebrating Mother’s Day in whatever way we can. It won’t be too fancy or elaborate, but I will find a way to make my mother feel special this Sunday. I encourage everyone else to do the same.

If you need inspiration, perhaps this will help. Like it or not, our mothers did give birth to us. We don’t like to picture it, but it did happen. There’s even a very real chance they said or did something during that magical moment that was disturbing, hilarious, or a potent combination of the two. This video, courtesy of Updoot Reddit, reveal some of the crazy and wonderful things that women said while giving birth. Enjoy!

Even if this video didn’t inspire you, I still encourage everyone to find a way to celebrate Mother’s Day. This year may suck. The world may be in chaos. We may never go back to the normal we knew, but we can still let our mothers know how much we love them.

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