Over the holidays last year, I bought a subscription to Marvel Unlimited. For those who don’t know, it’s basically the comic book version of Netflix, but for Marvel Comics. It costs a little over $100 a year. And it’s an app that gives you access to Marvel’s massive catalog of comics, going all the way back to the Stan Lee/Jack Kirby era of the 1960s. If you’re at all interested in getting into Marvel comics without buying massive amounts of books, this is the way to go.
In addition to back issues, Marvel Unlimited also offers some exclusive content that you can’t find in a comic book store or a site like Comixology. Every week, Marvel releases a series of specialized comics designed to be read on a tablet or smartphone. They’re like traditional comics in terms of style, but they’re structured in a way that allows you to scroll down and read them in the same way you would a website.
It’s a very different kind of comic book reading experience, but one I’ve grown quite fond of once I got used to it.
And among those exclusive comics is a series about a character named Jeff the Land Shark. I promise you it’s not as menacing as it sounds. In fact, it’s the complete opposite.
Jeff The Land Shark is kind of what his name entails. He’s a shark, but a land shark. He can swim in the ocean like a shark. He can also walk on four legs, just like a dog. Also, his name is Jeff. It might be generic, but that’s not his most defining quality. What makes Jeff so special is that he is undeniably, unequivocally, unbelievably cute.
Seriously, look at him. In terms of cuteness, he checks every single box and then some.
His story and history is not that elaborate. He’s a fairly new character, having debuted in 2018. He’s mostly been affiliated with characters like Gwenpool, Kate Bishop, and the West Coast Avengers. Sometimes, he’s a pet. Sometimes, he’s a companion. But whatever his role, his primary effect is to be unabashedly adorable, lovable, and a little mischievious.
He’s basically to Marvel what Baby Yoda is to Star Wars. He is the perfect mascot for everything cute, uplifting, and happy.
Why am I singling him out?
Why am I dedicating an entire blog post to Jeff?
Well, there’s a more personal reason that I felt compelled to share. You see, in the past few years, I’ve become a proud uncle to multiple nieces and nephews. And I take my role as their awesome uncle very seriously. If I can lovingly spoil them, I will. That’s what awesome uncles do for their nieces and nephews.
And during our various holiday festivities, a couple of nieces and nephews wanted me to read them comics. That’s something I’ve done for them, even before I discovered Jeff and Marvel Unlimited. But now that I had access to Jeff the Land Shark, I discovered something that gave these wonderful kids a direct dose of unmitigated joy.
I first showed them a single issue of Jeff’s ongoing Marvel Unlimited solo series, It’s Jeff! I just scrolled through the comic, narrating it as any great uncle would, and guided them through the wonderful world that is Jeff the Land Shark.
And they absolutely loved it!
Every time we finished one issue, they laughed and asked for another. It wasn’t too long before we read through every single issue. And even afterwards, they asked me to read through it again. Jeff made that kind of impression. Even Baby Yoda didn’t get them this excited.
It surprised their parents as much as it did me. They often asked why they were cheering the name, Jeff the Land Shark. Then, I showed them a picture of who Jeff was and they immediately got it. Now, reading Jeff the Land Shark is kind of a tradition. I’ve yet to meet a kid that isn’t captivated by his cuteness.
For that reason, I hope Marvel and their Disney overlords take note. I doubt they’ve forgotten how much a boon Baby Yoda was for Star Wars. If they want to do the same for Marvel, they would be wise to leverage Jeff the Land Shark’s cuteness to the utmost.
That’s not just good advice.
That’s an urgent request.
My nieces and nephews want more Jeff the Land Shark content.
So, on their behalf, please get to work on that Marvel and Disney!
My wonderful nieces and nephews need his cuteness and so does the world!
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Tales From The Comments Section: When Hypocrisy, Lying, And Trolling Converge
Even the most luxurious palace has a septic system that contains its foulest shit. It’s not just a fact of life. It might as well be a law of physics. In the same way the brightest light still casts a shadow, there’s always a dark underbelly to any world we explore.
The internet is no exception. If anything, the internet has more dark underbellies than most and I’m not just referring to porn sites or nefarious Google searches. Those are all plenty disturbing, but if the internet has an overflowing septic tank, it’s the collective comments section of many sites.
They’re not just the comments section to certain news sites.
They’re not just anonymous image boards like 4chan that pride themselves on excess shit-posting.
Even the comments section of mainstream websites like YouTube, Facebook, and Reddit have comments sections that will give your faith in humanity a hefty gut punch. They come in many forms, but they tend to follow the same patterns.
They’re degrading, insulting, whiny, vulgar, immature, and just plain wrong on multiple levels. I’m not calling for them to be censored or banned, outside the kind of comments that incite violence in the real world. I’m just pointing out that this is the ugly side of the internet and we can’t deny its stench.
I say that as someone who has spent many hours, much of them wasted, in comments sections and message boards over the years. Even during the early days of the internet, complete with dial up and AOL keyword searches, I’ve seen this ugliness firsthand. I also don’t deny that there are times when I’ve contributed to it. That’s something I genuinely regret.
While all toxic comments are different, they often employ similar rhetoric. It really hasn’t changed much from the AOL days. Just the other day, I made the mistake of browsing the comments of a YouTube video. I saw the same whiny, angry ranting that I saw on old message boards in 1999.
The topics may change. The verbiage may differ. Even the arguments made, if there are any, tend to be fairly similar. I could single out plenty of ugly comments I’ve encountered. However, I want to highlight one that I’ve seen a lot more of lately, especially among fans of superhero comics, Star Wars, and Star Trek.
They usually go like this.
It’s a sweeping, generalized statement. It’s usually said out of a mix of hate, resentment, and tribalism. Ironically, it’s often Star Wars fans who say stuff like this when talking about characters like Rey. It’s ironic because Obi-Wan Kanobi himself once said, “only a Sith deals in absolutes.”
It doesn’t help that these kinds of absolutes are total bullshit encased in wishful thinking that’s built entirely around head-canon. Certain fans want to believe that everyone agrees with them and those who don’t aren’t “true” fans.
It’s basically the old “no true Scotsman” fallacy, but this one is laced with a mix of lies and hypocrisy. That’s because it’s demonstrably provable that these kinds of sweeping statements are wrong.
Not everyone hates Rey, Captain Marvel, or whoever else is the object of resentment at the moment. For one, Captain Marvel’s movie raked in $1 billion at the box office. Clearly, more than a few people liked her.
The same can be said for Rey. You can go onto Amazon and readily find merchandise featuring her. She may not be on the same level as Luke Skywalker, but that’s not a reasonable bar for a character who has only recently entered the franchise.
I can also attest that Rey has plenty of fans. It’s not just that I’m one of them. I’ve been to comic book conventions. I’ve seen women, young girls, and even a few men dress up as Rey. I’ve seen even more dress up as Captain Marvel. She clearly has plenty of fans.
That makes the whole idea that “nobody likes this character” or “everyone hates this character” demonstrably false. Those who say it aren’t just lying trolls. They’re hypocrites.
Now, I’ve made the mistake of arguing with these people before. I can safely conclude that it’s not a productive use of my time. These people will never be dissuaded. They still want to live in their head-canon where everyone hates exactly who they hate and anyone who thinks otherwise is just part of an evil conspiracy out to get them.
It’s a dangerous, toxic mentality that extends beyond fandoms and into politics. We saw just how bad it could get on January 6th during the Capitol riots. I’m not saying angry Star Wars fans are that bad, but the mentality is the same and it’s just as dangerous.
Again, I freely admit I’ve posted my share of dumb comments. I’ve said dumb things before, as well. Everyone has. We’re only human. We’re not perfect and never will be. I believe in free speech strongly and I understand that this is a byproduct of that. I’m willing to accept that.
I’m also willing to use that same freedom to point out the idiocy and hypocrisy of those kinds of comments. They’re not just a useless waste of bandwidth. They’re a symptom of a much larger problem. For now, the best thing to do is ignore these people and let them live in their fanciful head-canon. It may not fix the problem, but it’ll keep it from getting worse.
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Tagged as 4chan, angry trolls, Brie Larson, Captain Marvel, comic books, comments, Gina Carano, human nature, human psychology, hypocrisy, internet, internet subculture, Pop Culture, popular culture, psychology, rants, Reddit, Rey, Star Trek, Star Wars, superhero comics, trolls, YouTube, YouTube Comments, YouTube Comments Section