Tag Archives: Jack Fisher

August 30, 2017 · 6:53 am

My Plans For Finding Love (Through EHarmony)

I actually had another topic I wanted to discuss today, but something came up that I felt was worth talking about. I’m sorry to say it has nothing to do with sex robots, bionic penises, or romance lessons from superhero comics. Don’t worry. I’ll find plenty of reasons to talk about those topics again. This is more personal.

A while back, I bemoaned my luck with online dating, citing that demographics alone are working against me. At the moment, online dating is great if you’re a marginally attractive young woman. The massive disparity between men and women on most sites ensures they can sign up in the morning and have a date before sundown. Men are just that lonely/horny.

For me, though, despite being a fairly attractive young man with no debt, good health, and a sexy mind, the odds and the demographics just aren’t in my favor. I did try online dating last year, namely through Match.com. I even got a paid subscription, which wasn’t cheap. It turns out I would’ve been better off throwing that money at squirrels. At least that would’ve gotten a cheap laugh.

The most I got out of online dating was a lot of spam, namely from a bunch of women asking me to pay for their porno cam. Apparently, there are still some men on this planet who just aren’t content with all the free porn that’s all over the web and still insist on paying for cam girls. It was frustrating because every time I saw a profile that seemed to match, it turns out it was just another goddamn spammer.

If I sound bitter, then please forgive me. Being single at my age does worry me, as I’ve contemplated before. Then, a few days ago, I had a chat with some close family members. They always remind me how much they love me and how much they want me to find love. So, despite my bitterness, they convinced me to give online dating another try.

I’m still hesitant, but what I’m doing now clearly isn’t working. My family keeps pointing out that actually getting out there and finding someone just isn’t what it used to be. I need to do something different and, bitterness aside, a lot of people are finding their spouses online these days. I’d like to join that statistic.

I’m hoping for the best, but bracing for the worst, namely a lot more porno spam. However, I certainly won’t be trying Match.com again. Since I’m not an attractive woman, I’m pretty sure that site just isn’t going to work for me. Instead, I’m going to give Eharmony a shot.

Now, I’ve seen all those goofy Eharmony commercials like everyone, complete with that annoying music. I also don’t think for a second that those people claiming to have met their spouses are real. I’m almost certain they’re paid actors, as is the case with any commercial. However, Eharmony does have a better reputation than most dating sites, at least in terms of intent.

That’s still a relative concept, with respect to dating sites. Given how hard it is to pin down just how effective these sites are, I don’t think there’s a whole lot of difference between Eharmony and Tinder, in terms of reputation. However, Eharmony states outright that it wants to help people find serious love. At this point in my life, I want that as much as any single guy in his 30s.

I imagine it’ll be a challenge. I also imagine there are a lot of factors working against me, as is often the case with any service that makes bold claims, like being able to find your spouse. That said, when it comes to finding love, the erotica/romance writer in me is always willing to make that gamble.

If I do this, though, I want to maximize my chances for success. Moreover, I’d like to document that success on this blog, if possible. I’ll document the failure too, but success is a lot sexier so I’d much rather talk about that.

So, with that in mind, I want to formulate a plan. I’m still working on the particulars of that plan. My family is already helping me, as they do with many things. However, I’d like to open this up to anyone who reads this blog and has experience with online dating. I’m very open to suggestions. What I did with Match.com simply didn’t work. I’d like to avoid that with Eharmony.

So please, if you’re a regular reader of this blog or just stumbled across it because you’re looking for a site that talks a lot about superhero comics and sex robots, I’d like to hear from you. How should I go about this? What can I do to maximize my chances of finding the kind of love I write about in my novels? Let me know in the comments. Again, I’m open to suggestions.

Who knows? If this plays out right, it may find its way into one of my future novels. Sure, that may be hoping for too much, but some things are worth that extra hope. Love is definitely one of them.

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August 27, 2017 · 10:05 am

Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Humidity Edition

I love summer. I think I’ve made that abundantly clear in articulating my fondness for the beach and women in bikinis. In fact, if I sell enough sexy novels, I intend to retire to a tropical climate where I can enjoy summer-like weather, beaches, and bikinis all year-round.

That said, I understand that summer isn’t without its downside. Beyond the sexy beaches and the sexy women that make them great, summer can get pretty uncomfortable, especially when you have lousy air conditioning and excessive anti-nudity laws. In many cases, it’s not the heat that causes the discomfort. It’s the humidity that comes with it.

It doesn’t just make us feel hot and sweaty. It doesn’t even make us sweat in a sexy sort of way. That’s both tragic and frustrating. Sweat without sexiness is like french fries without ketchup. It’s just bland and uninspiring.

As I write this, my hometown is in the middle of both a heat wave, coupled with excessive humidity. Just going for a walk means smelling like a gym bag in just a few minutes. It’s not a pleasant feeling, but one that’s easily countered. I’m hoping that this week’s version of Sexy Sunday Thoughts can help in that effort by adding some badly-needed sex appeal along with that sweat.

“No matter how great the sex is, sore nipples will never be as worth it as a sore vagina.”

“You know you’re in an unhealthy relationship when training a dog and training your spouse is distressingly similar.”

“Does a certified gynecologist watching hardcore porn qualify as mixing work with pleasure?”

“Certain foods will NEVER be sexy and most of those foods involve beans.”

“Is a thrill-seeker who uses condoms a hypocrite, by default?”

“Masturbation is something you don’t WANT to learn the hard way, but doing so will give you an unspoken edge.”

“Is it possible that streaking started as a way to cool off during the summer that got out of hand?”

We’ve still got a few weeks left of the sweaty, sticky, unsexy kind of heat. It won’t be long before we’re all whining about having to wear layers just to go out and get the mail. While I know the humidity and heat is not exactly comfortable for most people, that discomfort pales in comparison to frostbite and shriveled genitals.

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August 26, 2017 · 7:11 am

“Rescued Hearts” Release Date HAS CHANGED

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I have a quick, but unfortunate announcement to make regarding my next novel, “Rescued Hearts.” No, it hasn’t been cancelled. It’s still being published by the fine, sexy people working at Totally Entwined Group. I still have every intention of promoting the hell out of that book. However, the timeline for doing so has changed.

Earlier last week, Totally Entwined Group sent a letter out to every previously-published and soon-to-be-published author. In the interest of discretion and caution, I won’t reveal the contents of that letter. I’ll just say that the company is undergoing some restructuring with a new partner. As a result, the release schedule for various novels have changed. That includes my own.

As of this writing, the new release schedule for “Rescued Hearts” is as follows:

Preorder: May 8th, 2018
General Release: June 19th, 2018

Also, as part of the new restructuring at Totally Entwined Group, there will no longer be an option for early download. That means, regardless of whether you pre-order “Rescued Hearts,” you’ll still have to wait until June 19th, 2018 to read it.

I apologize for all those who were looking forward to reading something sexy this winter. That was how I intended to market it. I suppose I’ll have to turn “Rescued Hearts” into a seamy summer read for those looking to stay hot around the pool or beach. I’m willing to make that adjustment in the name of presenting a quality, sexy product.

The full extent of the changes at Totally Entwined Group are still ongoing. I’ll be keeping a close eye on the situation and provide updates, if possible. For the time being, I’m going to proceed with my current plans for future sexy stories as though nothing has changed. That may be a lofty assumption, but I’m not going to stop crafting sexy stories.

As I write this, I’m polishing off a manuscript that I intend to submit to Totally Entwined Group, but haven’t. Those intentions haven’t changed, but that could change. If it does, I’ll announce it within an appropriate context and timeframe.

For now, I’m still committed to making “Rescued Hearts” the greatest, sexiest novel it can be for Totally Entwined Group. I’ll be making more efforts to that effect as the release date approaches. Until then, update your calendar and reorganize your sexy reading list.

“Rescued Hearts” is still coming. It’s just going to take a bit longer. If I do my job well, then the wait will be worth it and even more satisfying. Yes, that’s exactly as kinky as it sounds.

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August 20, 2017 · 10:45 am

Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Sunburn Recovery Edition

When I wrote my regular entry of Sexy Sunday Thoughts last week, I did so while watching the sun rise over the beach. As soon as I was finished, I put on my swim trunks, lathered up with enough sunscreen for a trip to Venus, and spent the rest of the day at the beach. It was as fun and sexy as it sounds.

That was last week, though. This week is a bit different. By that, I mean I’m not looking at the sun rising over the beach in a pristine display of nature’s beauty. I’m back home, hunched over a desk, and stuck looking at overly sexy bikini ads as the closest I’ll get to seeing real bikinis until next summer.

On top of that, I’m dealing with a nasty sunburn. Yes, I know I just said I lathered up with enough sunscreen to make me smell like a coconut factory. No, it didn’t work completely. Sure, I managed to avoid getting the more sensitive parts of my body burned. I’ll let you use your sexy imagination to see what I mean. Some parts, however, did not escape the sun’s wrath.

For the past few days, I’ve been treating those burns with whatever remedy I can find at a drug store. It can only do so much, though. In my experience, a little sexy musings help aid in the process. So with that in mind, I dedicate this week’s edition of Sexy Sunday Thoughts to those recovering from sun burn. Hang in there, folks. The sun can burn your skin, but it cannot snuff your sexiness.

“As the prevalence of self-driving cars increases, so too will the number of children conceived in them.”

“It’s easy to confuse true love and great sex, but even easier to not give a damn on most days.”

“The sound women make when they orgasm is akin music whereas the sound men make is akin to getting a tooth pulled.”

“The association between cigarettes and sex is hypocritical when you consider that nobody finds coughing that very sexy.”

“When you think about it, there aren’t a whole lot of steps between being a hugger and being a slut.”

“Having too many horny men in a particular area is likely to result in crimes, but having too many women is likely to result in a party.”

“The popularity of sex toys has given men too many reasons to be suspicious of anything a woman owns that vibrates.”

I hope those sexy thoughts aid in the healing process for whatever sunburns anyone incurred by laying out by the pool, lounging on the beach, or just generally doing something outside that allowed them to omit some clothing. I know it burns. I know it doesn’t look that sexy. That said, I’d still say it was worth it.

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August 14, 2017 · 8:39 am

Greetings From The Beach!

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Good morning, world! Good morning all you sexy people out there who are all inherently sexier for following my sexy blog. If it sounds like I’m in an overly good mood, it’s because I have a damn good reason. As I write these words, I’m chilling at the beach. The weather is hot. The bikinis are out. The ocean is as warm and inviting as it’s going to get without sexy mermaids showing up.

I just arrived the other day. I’ll be staying here for a few more days or so. I’ll still be writing and contemplating all sorts of sexy issues to discuss on this blog. I’ll just have the added benefit of doing it from the beach in close proximity to beautiful women in bikinis. If that doesn’t inspire a self-respecting erotica/romance writer, I don’t know what does.

With summer coming to a close and beach weather a finite resource for those of us not lucky enough to live in a tropical climate, now is as good a time as any to enjoy the beach. I intend to soak up some sun, do some swimming, and hit up a few beach bars where I hope me being a published erotica/romance writer gets some sexy conversations going. If something happens, expect to find it in one of my novels at some point. Trust me. You’ll know it when you see it.

Until then, I urge everyone to do what they can to enjoy what’s left of their summer. I understand not everyone can make it to the beach. Do whatever you can to maximize the sex appeal of this summer. I most certainly will.

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August 13, 2017 · 8:46 am

Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Vacation Edition

What’s the best way to make a vacation sexier? That’s a trick question. Just being on vacation, especially one that allows you to spend less time paying bills and more time naked, is inherently sexy. When clothing, work, and so much else is optional, you’re bound to feel more energy, especially the sexy kind.

I know this because, as I type these sexy words, I’m looking out at a beautiful beach. That’s right. I’m on vacation. I’m literally sitting on a balcony from a hotel, watching the sun rise over the ocean. It’s as relaxing as it sounds and then some.

For the next several days, my sole concern involves lounging on the beach, hanging out at beach bars, and admiring beautiful women in bikinis. I have every intention of enjoying it to the utmost. It might very well be my last vacation of the summer before changes in weather makes extended periods of nudity more difficult.

Vacation or not, my mind never stops thinking sexy things. If anything, being at a beach in the hottest days of summer only makes those thoughts sexier. As such, I’ll try to incorporate every last bit of that sexiness into this week’s edition of “Sexy Sunday Thoughts.” Enjoy!

“If variety truly is the spice of life, then a man’s porn collection is the perfect embodiment of that concept.”

“When you think about it, a female version of James Bond is a stereotypical porn star.”

“Getting sex advice from your parents is like getting vegan recipes from a cannibal.”

“There are very few ways to ruin a blowjob, but a great many ways to screw up the process of requesting one.”

“It’s usually a bad sign when your lover says they want great sex, but isn’t too eager to practice.”

“If the key to a man’s heart was really through his stomach, then wouldn’t the sexiest women in the world all be professional chefs?”

“The average orgasm for a man lasts 7 seconds. The average orgasm for a woman lasts 20. THAT’S why there will never be true gender equality.”

“When you think about it, a fetish is just a type of sex with a really passionate fanbase.”

Even if you’re stuck working, I hope these lurid musings help tide you over until your next vacation, whenever it may be. I know it’s not the same as a tropical getaway, but sometimes you got to take what you can get. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a beautiful beach to enjoy and some beautiful women in bikinis to admire.

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August 6, 2017 · 9:08 am

Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Melting Ice Cream Edition

There are many ways to deal with the heat during the hottest days of summer. Unlike the dead of winter, there’s only so much clothing you can physically and legally take off. While I still prefer the kind of weather that accommodates bikinis more than heavy coats, I don’t deny that staying cool can be a challenge.

Even for those who are lucky enough to have an air conditioner that doesn’t crap out at least twice a year will often find themselves in a situation where they’ll have to beat the heat. Between wearing less clothing and shoving ice down your pants, there are plenty of methods and I’m sure everyone has their own trick.

One method, in particular, is quite effective in the best possible way. It doesn’t require ice in your pants or any major threats to your sperm count. It just involves eating ice cream. For once, I don’t think I need to make an elaborate argument utilizing caveman logic or excuse banking. I think anyone who has had any amount of experience with ice cream understands why it’s the most delicious way to stay cool during a heat wave.

As such, I’ll skip the part where I go on a long, elaborate rant about why ice cream is right up there with boobs, comic books, and orgasms. Instead, I’ll just give everyone a second to get whatever flavor of ice cream they have in their freezer so they can stay cool while reading this week’s edition of Sexy Sunday Thoughts.

“If a man goes down on his lover regularly, they can never claim that he doesn’t put in the effort.”

“Having a big dick won’t always get a man laid, but it will start the conversation.”

“The closer a tattoo is to one’s genitalia, the more willing that person is to do something crazy/kinky with said genitalia.”

“Men learn about female anatomy from rap music, sex from porn, and romance from bad movies, yet women still wonder why they’re so immature.” 

“The fact that women love confidence, but hate douche-bags sends all sorts of mixed messages.”

“There’s a distressingly high probably that a future war will begin because someone’s efforts to get laid go horribly wrong.”

“At some point in a relationship, buying a gift for a lover is akin to a tax increase on sex.”

I hope this help cool everyone off and/or makes them horny for ice cream. Either is fine and just as enjoyable. These are usually the hottest days of the summer. I’m not saying the desire for ice cream is directly linked to the horniness. I’m just saying it’s an underrated combination.

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August 2, 2017 · 6:28 am

Latest Milestone For This Blog

This is just a quick announcement, coupled with a euphoric bit of gratitude on my part. Every now and then, I update everyone on how well this blog is doing in terms of web traffic. Seeing as how I have to compete with internet porn, cat videos, and Harry Potter message boards, I understand that there are only so many digital crumbs for me to get.

That means that whenever I see traffic on this blog reach a certain point, I count it as a triumph on par with getting a lap dance by a Victoria’s Secret model on my birthday. This past month, July 2017, warrants a lap dance or two because it was my best month to date since I started this blog.

With a total traffic count of approximately 1,600 views, the bar has been raised. A new standard has been set. While I have every hope and intention of beating that mark again, I can’t thank everybody enough for helping this blog grow. It’s a big part of my effort to become an erotica/romance writer. Beyond just selling my novels, it helps me refine my craft and explore various topics, sexual or otherwise.

From the bottom of my heart, I thank everyone who regularly visits this site and takes the time to leave comments. I appreciate it! I look forward to providing more content, sexy and otherwise, in the future.

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July 30, 2017 · 10:24 am

Sexy Sunday Thoughts: The Heat Wave Edition

I usually avoid talking about the weather because, more often than not, it’s the topic of last resort. However, sometimes it’s worth talking about. It wasn’t that long ago when I was snowed in for a couple days. Now, it’s hotter than a camel’s nut sack and there are only so many clothes I can legally take off.

As I type these words, everywhere within a 100-mile radius of my home is in the middle of a heat wave. I’m pretty sure I could fry an egg and cook bacon on the hood of a car. At this point in the summer, most people should be used to this kind of heat. There’s just no adjusting to the feeling of walking into an oven, just to get the damn mail.

That said, I still prefer sweating my ass off, as opposed to freezing my balls off. I like not having to dress in layers every time I go outside so I won’t complain about the heat too much. If nothing else, the heat allows me to be naked more often and that can only help the progress on my sexy novels.

Wherever you may be this summer, I hope you have a way to stay cool while still staying sexy. It is possible to strike a balance. I hope this week’s edition of “Sexy Sunday Thoughts” can help in that effort.

“I shudder when I imagine what was going through the mind of the person who invented the butt plug.”

“We’re rapidly approaching a place in our culture where liking a sexy picture of someone counts as foreplay.”

“Women don’t know the power of oral sex until they ask a favor of a man who just received it.”

“The desire to have sex in the backseat of a car often involves overestimating one’s flexibility.”

“Seeking advice from a celibate priest on your sex life is like asking a cow for advice on cooking steaks.”

“If our genitals had lawyers, then divorce proceedings would be a lot more complicated, but way sexier.”

“If a woman offers a man oral sex before a kiss, then people think she’s a prostitute. If a man offers a woman oral sex before a kiss, then people think he’s just being extra considerate.”

As we endure more heat waves, I encourage everyone to stay cool in any way, except in their pants. Some parts of your body are worth keeping warm, no matter the season. Heat waves may come in go. Certain kinds of heat will find a way to keep burning. Trust me. You’ll take comfort in that once the winter rolls in.

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July 23, 2017 · 9:20 am

Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Tropical Edition

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If you’re reading this on a tablet computer while sitting on a beach or by a pool, then congratulations. You’re winning summer. Yes, it is possible to win at summer. It’s not that hard either, although some people still find a way to lose. A lot of those people tend to lose every other season as well so it’s not that much of a stretch.

I get it, though. Sometimes on a hot summer day, it’s tempting to just want to stay inside where the need for sunscreen is low and the air conditioner keeps you from sweating. I’ve given into that temptation plenty of times, especially in my youth when I didn’t care much for staying in shape. I’ve since learned the value of going out into the heat, sweating a little, and soaking in the summer.

I’ve often told friends and family that if I ever make enough money with my novels, then I’ll retire to a tropical climate where I have a chance to see beautiful women in bikinis all year round. However, until I reach that goal, I’ll have to settle for summer. It’s not the same as a tropical paradise, but I’ll gladly take it.

For this week’s edition of my Sexy Sunday Thoughts, I’d like to dedicate this small contribution of sex appeal to all those tropical beaches where the champions of summer dwell. I hope to join those ranks one day. Until then, here are some lurid thoughts that should keep the heat flowing, no matter the season.

“Misshapen breasts on a woman aren’t nearly as detrimental as a misshapen penis on a man. How is that fair?”

“Waiting until your wedding night to have sex is like waiting until you’re in the NBA to shoot your first free throw.”

“The presence of a genital piercing may or may not be correlated with significant boredom in their past sex life.”

“Technically speaking, the ultimate form of thrill sex is doing it in a police station that’s on fire.”

“Sex and desert are the only two occasions in which it’s socially acceptable to drool.”

“Your average stress levels are directly related to how concerned you are about someone seeing your browser history.”

“Sex is one of the few activities where being overly prepared can end up being counterproductive.”

Once again, if you can spend any part of the next few weeks on a beach, sipping margaritas, and wearing as little clothing as legally possible, do it. That’s one of the great joys of summer. Between heat, cool drinks, and legally permissible half-nudity, what more could you want?

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