January 6, 2018 · 7:57 am

Five New Years Resolutions We Should All Make For 2018

Christmas is over. The last major holiday of 2017 has come and gone. Now that we’re done opening presents, roasting chest nuts, and getting drunk on eggnog, we turn our attention to 2018.

2017 was a long, eventful year to say the least. It started with plenty of controversy and plenty more followed it over the course of the year. Along the way, this blog underwent some enormous growth in terms of traffic. I also got finalized the release schedule for my next novel, “Rescued Hearts.”

While there were plenty of positives in 2017, especially if you’re a New England Patriots fan, I think this year will go down as one most people would rather forget. There are many reasons for that, but I don’t want to focus too much on those. I’d like to look to the future rather than lament on the past and not just because the future may have sex robots.

With every new year comes renewed hope. With renewed hope comes an opportunity to make things better than the year that came before it. However bad 2017 might have been, 2018 offers an opportunity to make it better. It’s an opportunity we should all collectively seize.

As such, I’d like to propose a brief list of New Years Resolutions for 2018. These aren’t resolutions for just one specific person or group. These are resolutions that, I hope, will apply to everyone and benefit everyone. The events of 2017 gave us all too many reasons to be jaded and cynical. With these resolutions, I believe we can make 2018 much better.

Resolution #1: React, But DON’T Overreact

This should be at the top of everyone’s list of New Years Resolutions in 2018. To hell with trying to lose weight. Make this the cornerstone of your effort to do better in the new year.

A good chunk of 2017 was built on a foundation of continue, unceasing overreactions to everything from the fan response to “Star Wars: The Last Jedi” to a typo on a tweet by the President to how Kellyanne Conway sits. I get it. People are passionate about what they’re passionate about.

However, there’s a fine line between passion and outrage and nobody even tries to walk it anymore. Passion is good in that it can be channeled. Outrage is not because it’s just glorified yelling and whining, which rarely adds anything meaningful to a conversation. Sure, it’ll get attention to an issue, but it won’t do much to solve it.

Now, that’s not to say we should stop reacting to things that outrage or offend us, but we should make a concerted effort to not overreact. That way, our overall response is more meaningful and substantive. We need more of that in 2018 because we sure as hell didn’t get it in 2017

Resolution #2: Acknowledge The Positives And Don’t Belabor The Negatives

This may sound like something an idealistic guidance counselor may say. I admit it’s cheesy, but I think it has merit. One thing I noticed in 2017 that I found very distressing was how eager and quick everyone was to focus on the negatives of any issue.

It’s not enough that some person, group, or organization did something controversial. Everything about that action has to be terrible, evil, and an affront to all that is decent in the world. Whether it’s the President, a Hollywood celebrity, or a controversial policy made by a video game company, it’s only the worst parts that seem to get the energy and attention.

I don’t doubt there are negatives in a lot of these issues, but they don’t encompass the entirety of an issue. People and the world around them is more complicated than that. The truth is there are silver linings. It’s rare that an issue is so lopsided that there’s no possible benefit to consider.

I’ve tried to do my part, pointing out the silver lining to the surge of sex scandals that came out in 2017 involving powerful men. It wasn’t much, but I like to think it serves as an extra bit of perspective for 2018. There will always be plenty of bad news to go around, which makes highlighting the positives all the more important.

Resolution #3: Acknowledge Another Point Of View (Even If You Don’t Agree With It)

This feels like one of those resolutions we should’ve had at the beginning of 2017, but just let it slip aside because we were too busy processing how the Falcons collapsed in the Super Bowl. In addition to the constant outrage that dominated 2017, there was also a growing inability by anyone with an opinion to acknowledge the other side of an argument.

It’s not just on message boards, YouTube videos, and protests. The entire year of 2017 seemed like a testament to increasing polarization of everything from politics to the Season 3 finale of “Rick and Morty.” If there was a middle ground, it was either ignored or blown up with a fury of collective outrage.

More than ever, people are convinced that their ideas are correct and anyone who disagrees with them might as well be a card-carrying Nazi. It’s like Godwin’s law became a goddamn commandment and as a result, nobody is listing to anyone else make their point. It’s worse than a political echo-chamber. It’s a brutal cycle of self-glorification and never-ending frustration.

There is an easy remedy to that, but it involves taking a deep breath and actually listening to someone make their arguments. I know that’s hard when it’s so much easier and more cathartic to remain outraged, but inherently more productive and gives people fewer excuses to hate each other. Seeing as how we have enough of those, this resolution should be a high priority.

Resolution #4: Be Willing To Trust, But Eager To Verify

Another common theme of 2017 that we should avoid carrying into 2018 had to do with accusations. At first, it was just everyone accusing everyone else of being a Nazi, a racist, a bigot, and whatever other insult you see in the YouTube comments section of the “Ghostbusters” trailer. However, it got much worse and for good reason.

Like it or not, 2017 will go down as the year that sexual misconduct by men of significant power became a huge issue. I’ve covered it in multiple ways, acknowledging the extent of the misdeeds and expressing concerns about the implications. However, as the year went on, it became less about the conduct and more about the accusations.

We’re at a point where there seems to be new accusations of sexual misdeeds every other week. We’re almost used to it and that’s a dangerous thing because accusations aren’t the same as actual facts. While it’s not inherently wrong to believe someone when they say they’ve been a victim of sexual misconduct, that belief shouldn’t be blind.

Blind belief isn’t just unhealthy. It’s the primary ingredient in creating dangerous cults. We should continue taking sexual misconduct seriously in 2018 and beyond, but we can’t just keep focusing on the accusations. We need to be more eager to verify the validity of those accusations, making sure they have some basis in reality before someone’s life is irreparably ruined.

I know this resolution will be controversial. There’s a growing sentiment that not believing an accuser somehow counts as victim blaming. It’s not easy resisting that sentiment because most people inherently sympathize with victims, but sympathy is only meaningful when there’s some measure of validity to the accusations.

Resolution #5: Try To Love And Not Just Tolerate

This is more an approach, rather than a resolution. I won’t say it should be at the top of anyone’s list, but it should be in the back of everyone’s mind in 2018. Again, I know it seems like more hippie talk, but there is some greater purpose behind it.

For years now, tolerance has been a major goal. For the most part, we’ve succeeded in that goal. People today are far more tolerant of other races, religions, ethnicity, and sexual minorities than they’ve ever been before. That’s an objectively good thing. We should continue that effort as much as possible in 2018.

However, tolerance has become kind of a low bar in recent years. It’s one thing to tolerate a minority, but it’s quite another to actually embrace and love them. That’s something we haven’t put a lot of energy into in our efforts to create a more peaceful society.

Given all the outrage and polarization that emerged in 2017, I think 2018 is a good time to start making that extra effort. We can’t just be satisfied with tolerance. It’s like the humanitarian equivalent of a C-minus. We need to start shooting for B’s and A’s in 2018.

That means making an effort to love someone, even when there are things about them we find distressing. It goes back to my comments about having faith in people. Sometimes, we have to put some extra effort into believing people are better than we think they are. Making that effort in 2018 will go a long way towards helping people be better for the new year and beyond.

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January 5, 2018 · 10:59 pm

Move Successful!

6-tips-to-overcome-moving-day-stress

Well, it took a week longer than I wanted and I screwed up the first time, but I can now say I did it. I have successfully moved to my new condominium. That’s right. As I write this, I am doing so from a true bachelor pad. After all the work I’ve put in, I can finally enjoy the fruits of my labor and it’s a damn good feeling.

I’m very excited about it, but also very uncertain. I’ve never actually lived completely alone at this point in my life. I’ve always had roommates or family members living with me in some form or another. This is my first taste of true, unambiguous independence. I look forward to exploring it. I hope I can draw some sexy inspiration from it.

For now, though, I’ve still got plenty of adjusting and unpacking to do. My new bachelor pad isn’t quite ready for company just yet, but it will be soon enough. I’ll make sure of it. Also, if anyone out there has any advice on how to maximize the impact of a bachelor pad, I’d love to hear it. Thanks and I look forward to sharing this new and sexy experience.

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January 5, 2018 · 7:33 am

Social Context Versus “Toxic” Behaviors: Why The Difference Matters (A Lot)

There’s a fairly well-known set of experiments involving rats and cocaine. It’s a strange, yet revealing combination. In the initial experiment, a rat in a cage was given the choice between cocaine and food. Not surprisingly, especially for someone who has ever tried cocaine, the rat chose cocaine to the point of killing itself.

That experiment, which took place in the 1960s and 1970s, helped establish the idea that those who use cocaine would be so damaged, so addicted, and so utterly gone that they would rather take the drug than survive. It was pretty scary stuff and it helped inspire harsher anti-drug policies in the 1980s.

However, that experiment came into question in 1981 when a professor named Bruce Alexander re-did the experiment, but with one critical change. He didn’t isolate the rats in a cage. He put them in a colorful, positive environment with other rats that came to be known as “rat park.” The results weren’t nearly as scary.

As it turns out, when placed in a better environment with more social support, the rats didn’t become irreversibly damaged cocaine addicts. In fact, even when offered much more addictive drugs like morphine, the rats didn’t imbibe in illicit, drug-fueled bliss nearly as much as their caged counterparts.

I bring up this experiment because it illustrates an important point about behavior and social creatures. Context and social setting matters. It matters a lot. Put someone in a cage, strip them of any social support, and isolate them from the world and they’re bound to endure some pretty toxic effects. That’s a big reason why solitary confinement is considered torture.

That brings me back to the inherently flawed idea of “toxic masculinity,” a term I’ve gone on record as saying should be buried in the deepest, darkest pit of our collective lexicon. I don’t want to re-hash or belabor any of the points I’ve already made about toxic masculinity. I’ll just note that some of the rhetoric surrounding it is distressingly similar to what anti-drug zealots used when demonizing cocaine.

Think, for a moment, about some of the negative traits associated with toxic masculinity. They include, but aren’t restricted to, stuff like:

  • Suppression of emotions
  • Being prone to violence
  • Increases in aggression
  • Associations with abhorrent sexual behavior

Then, look at the traits associated with cocaine addiction and note some of the parallels. In each case, there’s a direct association between these traits and a tangible, unambiguous cause. In one case, it’s a drug. In the other, it’s just being a man and associating with masculinity. Like the rats in that first experiment, though, there’s no context or social circumstances to consider.

That begs an intriguing, but important question, especially to those who still want to use “toxic masculinity” as a catch-all for certain behaviors. Is it really the nature of masculinity itself that’s behind these toxic behaviors or is it the social circumstances within the society?

That’s not a question anyone, especially not aspiring erotica/romance writers, can definitively answer. I don’t doubt it has been asked in other ways. It might even have been studied to some extent, but since it involves the complex machinations of the human psyche, definitive answers are hard to come by.

Even without the results of those studies, is it really that hard to contemplate the possibility that circumstances may effect how masculinity and femininity manifest? The rat park experiments alone hint at a fairly significant impact. Given the orders of magnitude in difference between rat and human brains, it’s not unreasonable to suspect that impact is substantial.

While we can’t run the kinds of experiments that Bruce Alexander did in 1981, we can assess the current status of masculinity within our culture. It may vary from region to region, but in terms of modern western culture, there are a number of traits that we’ve come to associate with masculinity.

It tends to manifest most distinctly in our standard models of romance, which puts men in situations where they have to be competitive, aggressive, cunning, and determined to get the kind of emotional and sexual satisfaction they want. Even when they do, those same situations make them just as inclined to seek other outlets of satisfaction.

Furthermore, men have to navigate these situations with the added baggage of being biologically wired to seek social, romantic, and sexual connections. Women have this wiring too, but the circumstances for them are different in that the culture has different expectations. Moreover, there’s no concept of “toxic femininity” to color their feminine traits as inherently negative.

What this means is the men are entering these circumstances pre-programmed to be very horny, very lonely, and in need of various forms of fulfillment. Being men, they’re expected to go out and get it while women are expected to just let it come to them. Now, I get that this is a gross oversimplification that obscures the overall gender dynamics, but in terms of the overall culture, these are the circumstances.

To illustrate the inherent issues with those circumstance, here’s a scenario that should help paint a picture of the male predicament. Again, it’s a gross oversimplification that I’m sure will offend more than a few people, but still reflects an important point.

Man: Hello, ma’am. I’m lonely and horny. How do I go about getting sex, love, and social support?

Woman: First of all, the fact that you just admitted you’re horny is disgusting. Women being horny, that’s beautiful and erotic. Men being horny is not, so you’re already a pig in my mind.

Man: What? Why? That’s not fair.

Woman: Don’t interrupt me! Talking down to a woman is rude and sexist. It’s basically the first step towards harassment and abuse. Raising your voice to a woman, showing any kind of dominance, is just perpetuating an oppressive gender stereotype that has no place in the current year.

Man: Okay. I’m sorry about that. So how do I go about it then?

Woman: You’re still talking over me. You’re getting dangerously close to harassing me and since you’re a man, everyone will believe me if I accuse you. So choose your words very carefully because if any woman feels upset by what you say or do, even if it’s unintentional, we can accuse you of being an abuser and ruin your life.

Man: Well, I’d like to avoid that at all costs.

Woman: Then, you’ll have to play by our rules. You’ll have to respect every choice a woman makes and take her side in every argument. Disagree with us or go against us and we’ll label you a sexist, misogynist pig. Then, you’ll never find love, sex, or any kind of social support.

Man: Wow. That almost sounds risky. I might just be better off watching porn and masturbating by myself.

Woman: Now, you’re just making it worse. For one, watching porn or admiring female bodies in any capacity is insulting, demeaning, and objectifying.

Man: But I’m attracted to beautiful women. Is that bad?

Woman: It’s awful! You’re contributing to unhealthy beauty standards that not every woman can hope to achieve. You’re part of a much larger problem in society that forces women to meet obligations that are difficult, inconvenient, or outright impossible. That makes you an accomplice to all the crimes ever committed against women.

Man: But I’ve never attacked, hurt, or insulted a woman in my entire life.

Woman: That doesn’t matter. Since men have gotten away with too many crimes in the past, you have to be the one to pay the price in the present. That means you have to carry the guilt of men you’ve never met for crimes and attitudes you had no part in creating. If you go against this in any way, then you’re an even bigger sexist misogynist.

Man: I don’t want that. I don’t want that at all. I guess I’ll have to find some other way to masturbate.

Woman: You’re still making it worse. You see, women can masturbate because it’s sexy and erotic. Men can’t. It’s just disgusting for reasons that neither of us can change. If any women finds out you’ve ever masturbated or paid for sex in any capacity, then they’ll think you’re a creep and a loser. They won’t even look at you, let alone want to be with you.

Man: But that’s not fair! I can’t turn off my desires.

Woman: That’s too bad. You’ll just have to suppress them while you jump through all the elaborate hoops a woman demands in the meantime. Just remember that even if you jump through all those hoops and do everything they ask, they still reserve the right to not have sex with you or love you in the way you want. That’s their choice and you can’t do anything about it.

Man: So what am I supposed to do? This is making me kind of frustrated and angry.

Woman: That’s not my problem. You either play by these arbitrary rules or we cut you off socially, sexually, and romantically. Try to change any of these rules and that just makes you the biggest misogynist of them all.

I’ll stop there and give everyone a moment to fume. Take all the time you need. It’s not the first time I’ve crafted a scenario with some pretty distressing monologues.

If you can get past the outrage, then try and take a moment to reflect on the circumstances in the scenario. Men are in a situation where the path to the kind of sexual, emotional, and social fulfillment that all social species seek is full of potential pitfalls.

Since those obstacles have gotten a lot more treacherous lately, it’s even harder for men to actively seek the very things that make them healthy and fulfilled. It’s akin to forcing the rats from the cocaine experiment back in the cage and demanding that they not succumb to the detrimental effects.

Now, it’s worth pointing out that women didn’t create these circumstances. There’s no feminist conspiracy any more than there’s a nefarious patriarchal conspiracy. In fact, some of these circumstances stem from traditions men have promoted, like the whole obsession with female purity and the concept of slut-shaming. Men have done more than their part to create and exacerbate these circumstances.

As it stands, though, the circumstances for men are such that frustration, anger, and isolation are almost inescapable. Unless you’re very rich and very well-connected, you’ve got a lot of hazards to navigate. Slip up and you’ll be labeled a creep, a misogynist, or worse. Even if that doesn’t put you in a literal cage, it’ll make you feel like you’re in one. At that point, is it really that surprising when a person’s behavior comes off as toxic?

With these circumstances in mind, the concept of “toxic masculinity” becomes even more asinine because it utterly ignores this context. Absent that context, it can only ever damage whatever harmony men and women have. Given how sensitive we’ve become to scandals and sexism, we can’t afford to do much more damage and expect either gender to come out better.

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January 4, 2018 · 5:49 am

Why The Term “Toxic Masculinity” Should Be Retired

There aren’t a lot of terms in the English language that I wish could be uninvented. As someone with a strong appreciation for language, as well as someone who aced every essay question in school, the concept of throwing away words is akin to throwing away a box of fresh donuts. It’s an abhorrent thought.

That said, I do find myself making exceptions every now and then. Sometimes, you have to because a set of words comes along that’s so loaded, so skewed, and so esoteric that its only real use is to embolden assholes and inspire disdain. Given how there are enough assholes in this world, male and female alike, such words can be powerful weapons.

That leads me to one of the few terms I wish we could expunge from the English language, as well as every other language, including those invented by Tolken and Star Trek.

Toxic Masculinity

You’ve probably heard it before and never in a positive context so get ready to cringe. You may find yourself cringing again, just by reading over it. For that, I apologize. However, this term and what it entails is worth discussing because it affects men, women, and everything in between.

In terms of contemporary meaning, it’s worth noting that the idea of toxic masculinity is fairly new in terms of context. It only recently emerged as a major buzzword of third wave feminism, which I’ve mentioned before and is still evolving. It’s definition is somewhat vague, which is one of its many problems, but according to Wikipedia, it embodies all sorts of problematic concepts.

The concept of toxic masculinity is used in the social sciences to describe traditional norms of behavior among men in contemporary American and European society that are associated with detrimental social and psychological effects. Such “toxic” masculine norms include dominance, devaluation of women, extreme self-reliance, and the suppression of emotions.

Conformity with certain traits viewed as traditionally male, such as misogyny, homophobia, and violence, can be considered “toxic” due to harmful effects on others in society, while related traits, including self-reliance and the stifling of emotions, are correlated with harm to men themselves through psychological problems such as depression, increased stress, and substance abuse. Other traditionally masculine traits such as devotion to work, pride in excelling at sports, and providing for one’s family, are not considered to be toxic.

In simplest terms, toxic masculinity is the idea that the very traits and social norms associated with manhood are both destructive to modern society and detrimental to women. It is basically the invisible hand that guides people towards regressive, patriarchal attitudes that prefer that everyone live in a 50s sitcom.

Granted, that’s an extremely oversimplified understanding of the concept, but it would take way too many blog posts to get into all the nuances that have been ascribed to toxic masculinity. For this piece, I want to focus on the bigger picture and not the fine print.

Now, to be fair, the idea of men being beasts is not new. It pre-dates feminism and modern society by centuries, going all the way back to pagan folklore. However, that concept always came with a particular context, one that the very idea of toxic masculinity seems to ignore.

Dig deep into any mythos about snarling, beast-like men and you’ll usually encounter the same themes. Put a man in a situation where he’s stripped of humanity, love, community, and family and he becomes a pretty dangerous person. That’s basically the entire concept behind the appeal of characters like Wolverine from the X-men.

With toxic masculinity, though, that important caveat gets overlooked or cast aside. In applying toxic masculinity in its current context, there’s no circumstance behind all these negative traits associated with men. Just being a man and having any concept of masculinity is inherently toxic.

This is the most nefarious, not to mention insulting, aspect of the concept. It eschews any idea of context and calls the entire experience of being masculine toxic. It creates a situation where the only way to not be toxic is to be feminine, which is overly convenient for those arguing certain brands of feminism.

In essence, it readily embraces one of the most common and well-known fallacies of all time. You’ve probably heard it before, but it can’t be belabored enough.

Correlation does NOT imply causation.

It’s behind every major superstition and many failed scientific observations. It’s also the only way in which toxic masculinity works, with respect to criticizing an entire gender.

With toxic masculinity, there is no circumstance or context. There’s no need to subject anyone to a dehumanizing process, be it complex social pressures or an adamantium bonding process. Just being a man who exercises his masculinity in any capacity is inherently toxic.

That’s a wonderfully simplistic understanding that encapsulates an entire gender for all the wrong reasons, but as is often the case with wonderfully simplistic ideas, it’s not accurate. With toxic masculinity, though, it’s far more dangerous.

Being such a new word that hasn’t had time to develop traditions and complexity, toxic masculinity is a lot like other concepts, such as “fake news” and “alternative facts.” They’re so new and so vague that you can basically use it as linguistic cheat code to discount anything that you either don’t agree with or don’t care to scrutinize.

A man commits more crime than a woman? That’s toxic masculinity.

A man blames a rape victims for putting herself in a dangerous situation? That’s toxic masculinity.

A man makes an inappropriate joke that offends women? That’s toxic masculinity.

A man denies sexually harassing a woman? That’s toxic masculinity.

A man uses vulgar, profane insults while playing video games? That’s toxic masculinity.

There’s a clear pattern here in that there doesn’t need to be a pattern. Just take any undesirable trait ever ascribed to a man and call it toxic masculinity. Then, like magic, there’s no need to scrutinize context or circumstance. There’s no need to run any tests or dig deeper. You know the diagnosis and the treatment is obvious. If masculinity is so toxic, then that means we just have to discourage masculinity altogether.

Again, it’s an overly simple interpretation of an exceedingly complex phenomenon. It’s one that lumps all men, as well as the many dynamics behind masculinity, into a singular collection of traits that just happen to have all sorts of negative connotations. It provides a clear antagonist for those seeking gender equality or women’s rights. It also provides a potent mechanism for shaming men.

Ironically, this concept of treating certain gender traits as outright diseases is not unprecedented. In fact, there was a time when the roles were reversed and it was feminine traits that were considered “toxic.” However, people didn’t call it that. They actually had a medical term for it, which was “female hysteria.” Look at the definition and notice some of the parallels to toxic masculinity.

Women considered to have had it exhibited a wide array of symptoms, including faintness, nervousness, sexual desire, insomnia, fluid retention, heaviness in the abdomen, shortness of breath, irritability, loss of appetite for food or sex, and a “tendency to cause trouble”.

It seems funny and disturbing now, but back then, it was a serious issue. Society really did get to a point where being too feminine was considered a disease. Just being a woman carried with it an inherent shame that people couldn’t escape.

However, at least with female hysteria, the treatment wasn’t that bad in that it involved regularly being masturbated to orgasm. In terms of medical treatments, that beats the hell out of headaches and constipation. For toxic masculinity, though, there is no such treatment.

Since the term is so vague and its concepts so loaded, it creates a situation where the only way to avoid it is for a man to constantly denounce, deny, and disparage a core part of his identity. That usually involves a lot of virtue signaling and adopting the role of a beta male. The fact that approach has one too many similarities to gay conversion therapy should give anyone pause.

As it stands, the newness and ambiguity of toxic masculinity makes it a useful term for those who need an easy way to disparage men or extrapolate specific male behaviors to suit an agenda. That’s what makes it such a dangerous term for men and women alike, but that’s also what makes it an easy term to drop.

Now, I’m not denying that men have their share of undesirable traits. I also don’t deny that there are some aspects of masculinity that are worth scrutinizing. However, little good has ever come from creating terms that treat basic human traits as a disease. It creates a dangerous precedent that skews what it means to be sick and healthy.

Since it’s in the best interest for society and aspiring erotica/romance writers for genders to get along, ditching such a flawed concept like toxic masculinity will definitely help. It won’t solve all the issues associated with masculinity and feminism, but if we can do it for female hysteria, we can do it for toxic masculinity.

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January 3, 2018 · 5:14 am

Reflecting On The Brighter Headlines Of 2017

Goodnews

It’s over. The year that was 2017 is done and for some, the big New Years ball in Times Square couldn’t drop fast enough. I don’t blame those people. It was, indeed, a rough year for many. I consider myself among the lucky few who made strides in 2017 and have high hopes that I’ll do the same in 2018.

Even for those who did enjoy progress this past year, it’s easy for the news paint a different picture. Every day seems to bring a new headline hinting that we’re all about to die a terrible death, either by nuclear war, a new plague, or by all our smartphones exploding at once. I try to be optimistic about most things, but I totally understand why others are so pessimistic.

The past couple years have been more hectic than most, primarily due to the results of the 2016 Election. It was around the end of 2016 when I made it a point to remind everyone that, despite what the news media may claim, the world is becoming a better place by nearly every objective measure. I even go out of my way to report on news that promises the end of disease, suffering, and stupidity within the foreseeable future.

However, I realize that such progress is difficult to see and some of the more futuristic advancements I’ve discussed are still a way off, especially with sex robots. So, in the interest of putting a positive spin on the end of 2017, I’d like to highlight a few uplifting and promising news stories to help get everyone excited about 2018.

Some of them involve technological breakthroughs that promise to improve the lives of many. Others involve the kind of feel-good stories that often get overshadowed by bloodier, more sensational headlines. These are the stories from which we should draw inspiration as we head into 2018. We’ll do ourselves and our futures better by moving forward with a sense of hope.

Muslim Hackers Unite To Kick ISIS Off The Internet

There’s no way around it. Muslims face a lot of discrimination, thanks largely to the worst of the worst of their extremes. Religion taken to extremes can, has, and will continue to cause all sorts of horrors throughout the world. That’s why a news story like this is important for perspective.

When it comes to taking on the extremes of any religion, the best weapon are the adherents of that very religion. Given how ISIS has often exploited technology to further their extremism, there’s an uncanny sense of poetic justice in seeing other Muslims fight back. It should give anyone hope that the extremes of any faith rarely succeed in the long run.

FaceBook Uses AI To Help Prevent Suicide

Social media and its effect on people has been in the news for all the wrong reasons lately. The events of 2017, which built off the side-show horrors of 2016, only made it worse. It’s getting to a point where social media only ever makes the news when it’s doing something bad.

However, like ski-masks, machetes, and crazy glue, it’s a tool like any other. Its moral value depends on how it’s used. For an effort like using artificial intelligence to measure social media activity to assess suicide risks, I say that’s an inherent good. We lost some great people to suicide in 2017. Any effort, be it AI or simply calling a hot line, should be applauded.

Practical Quantum Computers Are Almost A Reality

On the technology side of things, something I try to stay on top of on this blog, there are all sorts of exciting advances and not just in sex toys. Most are bits and pieces of progress from other bits that we made in years past. Others, however, have the potential to bring so much more.

That’s why advances in practical quantum computers is such a big deal. The idea and concept of quantum computers is actually pretty old. Making them practical, however, has been one of the biggest engineering challenges in computer technology. It’s a first step, but by far the biggest.

Advances in 2017 weren’t just baby steps. Now, the theoretical part of quantum computers is basically resolved. It’s now a matter of when and not if. Once quantum computers enter the picture, then all bets are off. From biotechnology to 3D printing to sex toys, quantum computers promise to revolutionize all of it and this past year brought us that much closer.

Gene Therapy Is Set To Cure Once Incurable Diseases

I’ve talked about big advances in biotechnology. I build the entire basis of “Skin Deep” around them and entertained thoughts of a world where diseases that hindered our sex lives are no longer a concern. Some of those advances are still a way off, but 2017 saw advances that should make our future that much healthier.

Before we can wipe out all disease, we need to attack those most vulnerable. This past year, we began that process by modifying the genes that cause fatal inherited diseases like SCID and Glybera. It’s a critical first step towards modifying other disease-causing genes, both in developing embryos and adult humans.

It may not be the giant leap some are looking for, but those leaps rarely come in a single year. However, this still counts as a major step and by taking that step, the years beyond 2017 will have less suffering and more health.

Getting Into Space Got A Lot Cheaper Thanks To SpaceX

If fighting the good fight and advances in technology aren’t enough to lift your spirits, then why not look to the stars? Let’s face it. It’s been a while since anyone got excited about space travel. Nobody has been to the moon in decades and space travel is so routine that we don’t even think about it. Then, Elon Musk came along and made it cool again.

Musk being Musk, though, he had to do one better. He actually made space travel a growing economy. Thanks to developments by his company, SpaceX, getting to space got a lot cheaper and more efficient with the Falcon 9 rocket. It marks one of the most important steps in making space travel more than just a gimmick for governments.

Cheaper, more efficient rockets means getting to space is easier. Getting to space easier means more opportunities. More opportunities mean more chances for ordinary to know what it’s like to actually venture towards the stars. That should give anyone who admires the stars reasons to get excited for 2018.

Prison Inmates Give Food To Needy Kids

Blurred image of prisoner shaking hands with charity owner when handing over food donation.

Even if you’re still jaded by 2017 and all the stories I just shared didn’t help, then sit tight. I’ve got one more that should help make 2018 more appealing. Even if you think this past year sucked, I’m willing to bet you consider yourself less jaded than standard prison inmate. If you’re free or not in the process of being arrested, you consider that a plus.

So when a bunch of prison inmates find it in their hearts to give food to needy children, how can your heart possibly remain hardened? It’s true. This past year, a group of prison inmates showed that humanity is not at all beyond possibly say your heart is still hardened?

These kinds of stories are part of the reason why I believe humanity deserves more credit than it gets. Yes, the news tends to highlight our worst, but stories like this show us at our best. That’s why I believe having faith in humanity is so important and carrying that faith into 2018 can only help us in the years to come.

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January 2, 2018 · 7:14 am

My Five Major Goals For 2018

It’s over. The year that was 2017 is complete. To say it was eventful, especially given the events that affected it in 2016, would be an understatement on par with calling Jennifer Lawrence decent looking. It’s certainly been an eventful year for me, but I’m ready to close the book on 2017 and look ahead to 2018.

Every year, I try to establish a set of goals at the beginning so that I have some semblance of focus for the coming year. They’re rarely specific or overly-ambitious, but they give me a sense of perspective that help me guide myself forward in a positive way. I genuinely want to improve myself year after year, both an erotica/romance writer and a man.

Looking back at the goals I set for myself in 2017, I think it’s safe to say I made progress. It’s not quite as much as I hoped, but I feel as though I’ve taken a step forward. I’d like to keep moving forward in 2018 and I encourage everyone else to do so.

With that in mind, I’d like to share a list of goals that I’ve set for myself for 2018. While these aren’t the only goals I intend to pursue, as every year tends to bring unexpected challenges, I want these to serve as the foundation for how I’ll make 2018 both enjoyable and sexy.

Goal #1: Promote The Hell Out Of “Rescued Hearts”

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This is the most pressing goal I’ll face in the early parts of 2018. As I announced earlier this year, my next published novel by Totally Entwined Group is “Rescued Hearts” and it’s set for release in February. It’ll be my second major release since “Passion Relapse” and I hope to make it the foundation of greater success.

Now, I never expected “Passion Relapse” to be a best seller from the get-go, nor did I expect any of my other self-published novels to gain that kind of audience. I understand that I’m still fairly new to this industry. I’ve released less than a dozen novels and I’ve yet to build a strong audience. “Rescued Hearts” is just another step in that effort and I’m hoping it’ll be a big one.

As I’ve mentioned before, I know little about marketing. I can talk about sexy topics all day long, but selling them is a challenge. I’m hoping to learn more about that process in 2018, although I’m not sure which form that’ll take. I hope Totally Entwined Group will continue to help me, both as an author and as someone trying to stake his claim in this sexy industry. By the time 2018 ends, I want to feel like I’ve made real progress.

Goal #2: Finalize And Submit Two Additional Manuscripts

While I intend to focus heavily on promoting “Rescued Hearts” upon release, I’ve no intention of stopping slowing down the development of other sexy ideas. During the latter parts of 2017, I worked hard to complete a couple of manuscripts that I intend to submit to my publisher very soon. Given how helpful Totally Entwined Group has been, they’ll likely have priority.

However, these stories are quite different from both “Passion Relapse” and “Rescued Hearts.” I’m trying to mix up the sexiness as I grow as a writer. That means you won’t see some of the same themes I’ve been exploring in previous novels. You’ll see a different kind of sex appeal, one I hope expands the appeal of my work.

While I’m hopeful for these manuscripts, I won’t hide from the fact that they’re still in need of editing and revising. The first draft of a manuscript is almost always subject to some pretty major revisions. Even my first novel, “Passion Relapse,” involved a complete re-write of the ending. I don’t know whether these manuscripts will require that much revision, but I’m willing to put in the work to ensure they’re sufficiently sexy.

These manuscripts are both a work-in-progress. I’m also exploring a few other ideas for my next manuscript. Most of these ideas are tentative so don’t expect to hear much for now, but I’m hoping I’ll have plenty of sexy ideas to announce in 2018.

Goal #3: Continue Growing The Traffic And Audience Of This Blog

More than anything else, I’ll remember 2017 as the year the traffic for this website really took off. I’ve already mentioned it a couple of times. It started back in November and only continued to grow as the year went on. Much of this is thanks to me joining Reddit and sharing my work with that community. The response has been overwhelmingly positive for the most part.

I want to continue that trend into 2018. I want to keep growing the traffic volume for this blog. That effort is tied directly into the process I mentioned in previous goals to grow an audience. I want this site to be part of peoples’ regular internet diet. Whether it’s my Sexy Sunday Thoughts or my serious discussions on major issues, I want it to have a presence.

The only way I, or anyone on the internet, can achieve that is to continue providing awesome content. I’m not sure at the moment what form that content will take. I’m not even sure which topics I’ll explore. Some of that depends on what happens in the real world. Given all the major events that took place in 2017, I imagine I’ll have plenty to talk about.

I can’t guarantee all those discussions will be sexy, but I will try to make them relevant and meaningful. The internet is already full of digital trash. I’d like to not add to it.

Goal #4: Work On My Personal Life And Get Serious About Finding Love

This goal has little to do with my site and more to do with me, as a person. I’ve mentioned before how I’ve struggled to find a meaningful love in my life. It has been quite a while since I’ve had a steady girlfriend and that has already caused some awkward moments that give me cause for concern.

As always, I look at 2018 with a new hope that this year will be different. My situation is already evolving. As I write this, I’m settling into a new life in a new condominium. It’s my first condo that I own and inhabit myself. I’m hoping that’ll add to my overall appeal with the opposite sex and I intend to keep working on myself to find that special someone.

I get that this will likely be a bigger challenge than most. As is often the case in matters of love, you can’t just expect to bump into the love of your life and let made-for-TV Disney movie take it from there. You have to actually work at being in situations where the one you love will find you. Whether that’s my new neighborhood or the New York City Comic Con, I hope to find that someone this year.

Goal #5: Intensify My Workout And Emphasize More Body Building

This is another personal effort that has little relation to this website or my writing, but part of understanding sex appeal involved enhancing your own. I’ve recounted how I initially got into shape years ago when I effectively shamed myself into going to the gym. I intend to continue that effort in 2018.

However, I’d like to step it up a bit. My new condominium actually has an on-site gym, something I haven’t had before. I’m hoping that this will provide new opportunities and fewer excuses to further improve my health and my sex appeal. Whether it’s with more body building or better athletic training, I want to make that effort.

It’s not going to be easy, but that’s exactly why it’s worth doing. In a sense, this goal feeds into all the others. If I’m going to continue writing about sexy topics and producing sexy novels, I might as well try to be sexy myself. Going to the gym more, sweating it out, and becoming the kind of man I hope women will want to love can only help make 2018 a better, sexier year.

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January 1, 2018 · 5:09 pm

A New Year, A New Month, And ANOTHER Big Traffic Increase!

These past couple of months have been a wild ride for this website. After November 2017 kick-started a major surge in traffic, thanks largely to Reddit, the bar was raised beyond my wildest dreams. It left me both excited, but cautious.

A surge like that could also be an anomaly. I was entirely prepared for that possibility. After generating around 16k visitors in November, I wouldn’t have been too surprised by small or moderate decline the next month. Then, December 2017 came and went and I’m happy to say the boost was not fluke.

Much to my relief/chagrin, the traffic growth continued. December 2017 didn’t just match the high bar set by November 2017. It exceeded it and not by a small margin. When the ball dropped on New Years Eve to end the month and usher in 2018, the final traffic toll stood at approximately 19.4k.

It might not be quite as dramatic an increase like the one I saw from October to November in 2017, but it was still another big boost. I don’t know if it’ll continue into 2018, but I’m certainly going to make the effort. With a new novel coming out in February, I certainly want to keep growing this site as much as possible.

So to all those who have been visiting and supporting this site, I sincerely thank you. I hope to keep bringing quality, sexy content to this site for 2018 and beyond.

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January 1, 2018 · 12:05 am

Happy New Year!

On behalf of myself and all those who champion all things sexy, Happy New Year! We did it. We made it through another year. The fact we lived, survived, and keep seeking love and intimacy with one another is enough to warrant calling it a successful year, in my book. I know there are those who may disagree with that sentiment, but I hope those same people go into 2018 with a sense of hope.

Today is the first of what I hope will be another successful year, both for the world and for this blog. The past two months have seen some amazing growth in traffic, thanks largely to Reddit. I hope that growth continues into 2018. There are many sexy topics I hope to discuss, as well as another novel in “Rescued Hearts” that I look forward to promoting.

So whether you’re making plans for the new year or just sleeping off a champagne-fueled hangover, enjoy the day and look forward to a brand new year. Together, I believe we can make it a good, fun, and sexiest year for everyone to cherish.

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December 31, 2017 · 8:58 am

Sexy Sunday Thoughts: New Years Eve Edition

Another year has come and another year has gone. Time sure flies when you’re having fun, writing about sexy topics, and writing sexy novels. I’m not complaining, though. I like to think I’ve made the most of 2017. Sure, there are things I’d have done differently or better, but I’m content with how I’ve handled this year.

Now, I’m ready to look ahead to 2018. I’m already thinking about my goals, my hopes, and my methods for achieving both. Every year brings new challenges and you can’t always be sexy in confronting those challenges. You sure as hell can make an effort, though. I hope I’ve proven with this blog over the past year that I am willing to make that effort.

I’ll have plenty more to announce and discuss, with respect to my plans for 2018. For now, my main focus will be promoting my next novel, “Rescued Hearts,” which is still set for release in February. I’ve also got a few other manuscripts I’d like to push throughout 2018. Hopefully, those efforts will bear fruit and I’ll add even more to the sex appeal of this blog.

Before we can get to that point, though, let’s enjoy what remains of 2017. It was a challenging, but eventful year. I won’t say whether it was good or bad. Only hindsight from the distant future can make that assessment. I’ll just say that it did have a few things worth celebrating. As such, this final edition of my Sexy Sunday Thoughts is to the year that was and the year we hope to forge in 2018.

“Being in a relationship is like being on a team in that you can’t win a championship without one, but you’ll get disqualified and penalized if you cheat with an opponent.”

“Looking for a woman’s G-spot is like looking for a cheat code in a video game that may or may not exist.”

“Few people are more conflicted than a nudist with a bad case of the chills.”

“The idea that seeing is believing has been greatly complicated by the invention of fake tits.”

“A multi-orgasmic woman is the video game equivalent of a girlfriend on easy mode.”

“Does a man or woman sleeping with their partner’s siblings count as family bonding?”

“A free spirit is a slut who’s nice and generous about it.”

I hope everyone has a chance to do something fun and special to celebrate the end of 2017. Even if this year sucked for you, let this night act as a step forward into something better. In the same way I’m never satisfied with the sexiness of a scene in one of my novels, we should never be satisfied with the outcome of a single year. I believe that, together, we can make 2018 better and sexier than any before it.

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December 30, 2017 · 9:50 am

Update: NOT Moving Day!

6-tips-to-overcome-moving-day-stress

Well, if I sounded really excited about my new bachelor pad a few hours ago, it’s safe to pretty much reverse that feeling completely because a lot has changed since then. By that, I mean I screwed up. By screwed up, I mean I failed miserably to plan properly on just how chaotic things get around the holidays. As such, I will not be moving today.

That means I’ll have to wait just a little bit longer before I can start enjoying life in my new bachelor pad. Don’t get the wrong idea. I’m still moving in. I bought the place. It closed. The deed is in my name. I just can’t get my stuff over there for another few days. Trust me. It’s even more frustrating than it sounds.

I’m still going to find time to write about sexy and non-sexy topics. I’m still going to try and enjoy what’s left of the holidays. However, I’ll just have to wait a little bit longer before I can fully move in and take this next major step in my life. Now, excuse me while I berate myself for planning so poorly around the holidays.

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