The following is a review I wrote for PopMatters for “Scarlet #1.” Enjoy!

Evolving Revolutions in a Devolving World: ‘Scarlet #1’

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August 30, 2018 · 4:22 pm

A Sweet (Atypical) Love Story In “Sugar”

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Not every love story begins with a daring rescue followed by a witty exchange, culminating in an act of passionate lovemaking. Fairy tales and romantic comedies tend to present an obscenely skewed picture of how love actually manifests. In the same way porn gives fanciful depictions of sex, most love stories present an idealized, but flawed understanding of romance.

To be fair, though, love in the real world tends to lack that magical nuance. That’s why those fanciful depictions have so much appeal in the first place. It’s also why “Sugar,” the latest slice-of-life graphic novel from Matt Hawkins and Jenni Cheung, brings something interesting to the world of romance.

It doesn’t involve superheroes. It doesn’t involve elaborate emotional entanglements, either. It’s just a unique, engaging, and distinctly sexy story that resonates in the current year. This being the same creative team behind “Swing,” another novel love story that I lauded earlier this year, the bar is higher than most.

While I’ll won’t say “Sugar” is better than “Swing,” it has plenty to offer for those looking for a different kind of love story. This is not one of those boy-meets-girl or girl-crushes-on-cute-guy narratives that follows a familiar script. It doesn’t try to reinvent the genre, either. Instead, it takes two characters who find themselves in frustrating, but believable predicaments and has them find each other in a unique way.

Julia Capello and John Markham aren’t eccentric personalities with extreme quirks. Julia is a 23-year-old college student working multiple jobs, constantly worrying about tuition and her financially struggling mother. It’s not a ground-breaking basis for a young woman, but it never comes off as overly-tragic. Hers is a story that many young people today can relate to.

The same goes for John, a middle-aged businessman who thought he did everything right. He married his high-school love, created a thriving business, and played by the rules that men believe they’re supposed to follow. Then, out of nowhere, he finds out his wife is cheating on him and she serves him with divorce papers. In an instant, everything he thinks he knows about love is shattered.

These are two people with significant emotional deficits. Julia makes it clear that being alone doesn’t sit well with her. Her love of romance movies and her reactions to her roommates kinky antics with her boyfriend make that apparent. John is broken and lonely, needing a new connection to fill the void that his ex-wife left in his heart.

How they come together isn’t that romantic, in terms of logistics. Their first interaction is an otherwise forgettable joke in diner. However, their paths eventually cross again, this time with much sexier interactions. Instead of turning into a traditional relationship, though, these two follow a different path.

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This is where “Sugar” twists the standard romantic narrative. Instead of two people coming together in moments that go onto inspire Taylor Swift songs, they end up following a much messier path. John, who is still very hung up on his wife, doesn’t jump into another relationship. Instead, he seeks an “arrangement,” of sorts.

Instead of an actual girlfriend, he asks Julia to be her sugar baby. That’s a term that exists in the real world and often gets conflated with prostitution. In fact, that’s a common refrain throughout “Sugar.” Julia goes out of her way to belabor the fact that she’s not just exchanging sex for money. It’s worth belaboring too because that’s not the crux of their arrangement.

Yes, the arrangement does involve sex.

Yes, the arrangement does involve activities associated with dating and relationship.

No, the arrangement does not involve the promise of marriage, kids, and a white picket fence.

No, the arrangement does not involve contracts, dungeons, and bondage in the mold of “50 Shades of Grey.”

In practice, it doesn’t necessarily convey the traits of an epic love story. It doesn’t depict that of a kinky porno, either. The arrangement between Julia and John serves a defined purpose that benefits them both.

John is someone who has spent most of his life in a relationship. Being alone for him is untenable. Julia is someone who clearly wants intimacy, but struggles to fit it into her hectic life. The arrangement they pursue together fulfills them both in a particular way. John gets companionship. Julia gets intimacy and some badly-needed financial support.

If that were the only result of the arrangement, though, there wouldn’t be much of a story. It doesn’t take long before Julia and John encounter various complications to their arrangement. Emotional entanglements do enter the picture. Some of them are a bit predictable, but others are less obvious.

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There’s an underlying sense that neither character really understands what they feel for one another. John often finds himself pulled in multiple directions by his emotions whereas Julia tends to make more assumptions than she should. It makes for an eventful emotional journey, which leads to some interesting choices in the end.

When all is said and done, “Sugar” comes off as a real love story, but in an indirect sort of way. It take a strange, meandering path to get to that point, but it still gets there. While a second volume of the story is teased at the end, the story feels complete. There’s a sense that both Julia and John take a step forward in their lives, both together and as individuals.

There are a number of flaws with how “Sugar” goes about guiding Julia and John through the story, though. Neither character has much of a supporting cast. Both Julia and John are surrounded by archetypes with the personality depth of meathead jocks from 80s teen movies.

John’s business partner, Richard, is basically a well-dressed frat boy whose only role is to present the idea of an “arrangement.” His ex-wife, Karen, is even less developed. She is the personification of everything that rabid anti-feminists dread, a callous bitch who preys on the emotions of rich men while indulging her hedonistic proclivities on the side.

Julia’s supporting cast isn’t much better. Aside from a roommate who constantly encourages her to get laid and bosses that see her as nothing more than a cog with a pretty face, there’s nobody that really complements her. The people around her are just extra and bring little to the table.

On top of that, there are times when Julia and John rely too heavily on tired tropes. John has a few moments where he tries to be a White Knight and Julia has a few moments where she tries to be overly independent to the point of being an asshole about it. While these parts of the story can be eye-rolling at times, they don’t take away from the overall story.

At its core, “Sugar” is still a love story. It’s just a very different kind of love story. It takes two people in need of love and brings them together, albeit in an unorthodox way. It still works, though. It still evokes just the right emotion without resorting to princesses and dragon-slaying.

If I had to score “Sugar,” I would give it a 7 out of 10. It’s a solid, above-average story that applies just the right amount of romance and sex appeal. It has a novel concept that has plenty of potential, sexy and otherwise. It lacks the various support structures necessary to make it feel complete. Compared to “Swing,” it doesn’t quite measure up in terms of refinement.

Unlike “Swing,” this is a love story that feels more definitive. It’s concise, streamlined, and genuine in ways that few love stories dare to be in an era where one or more love interests has to be a superhero. Hawkins and Cheung once again achieve something special and sexy with “Sugar.” It may never be an epic love story that inspires a James Cameron movie, but it doesn’t have to in order to be sweet.

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Filed under comic book reviews, romance, sex in society, sexuality

“A Sexy Science Experiment” A Sexy Short Story (About A Bionic Penis)

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The following is a sexy short story I wrote after seeing a number of stories about men with bionic penises. Yes, by the way, this story includes a bionic penis. Enjoy!

It was another cold, dreary night on the outskirts of Centerfield University. For most people, it was a perfect excuse to stay indoors, curl up on the touch, and binge watch whatever shows made them forget how cold they were. For Kelly “Roxy” Rindle, those nights had a different meaning. They usually meant she was going to be busy.

“Another storm, another city full of lonely men,” Kelly sighed as she entered a hotel less than an hour after sunset. “I need to start charging a higher premium.”

Making her way through a mostly-empty lobby, not even making eye-contact with the receptionist at the desk, she slipped into the nearest bathroom to fix her appearance. Wearing a heavy coat that covered a low-hanging halter top and skin-tight black pants, Kelly took a moment to recover from the blistering cold. She also had to re-apply her makeup, brush her hair, and apply her lip balm. As an independent escort, she had a brand to maintain.

“I should charge extra for the makeup I have to buy,” Kelly said to her reflection in the mirror. “I’m sure that discount store on campus knows girls like me need it.”

Girls like her – a concept that used to bother her, but had since lost meaning – had an unspoken rule about their illicit line of work at a place like Centerfield. First and foremost, it had to be a choice. Nobody who didn’t choose ever lasted long in the world of sex work, but that choice took on greater relevance for those who escorted as a means to an end.

Centerfield University was one of the most prominent schools in the country, attracting some of the most promising students. Kelly had been one of them and it had been her dream school since her freshman year of high school. She remembered cheering for a half-hour straight when she got accepted. However, getting good grades for four years of high school was the easy part. Paying for it proved much more challenging.

Centerfield University was a top tier school, but it was expensive, even by private school standards. Everyone who didn’t have a scholarship had to work a job or have rich parents who could pay the hefty tuition. Kelly didn’t have rich parents, nor did she have much in terms of college savings. She knew she’d have to work a job if she wanted to attend her dream school. She just didn’t think she’d end up being an escort, although in hindsight, it seemed inevitable.

There were a lot of factors that went into that choice, but she’d made it and had since stopped regretting it. Kelly didn’t dwell on it as she finished applying her balm.

“That should do it,” she said as she put her makeup away. “Time to earn my overpriced tuition.”

Kelly exited the bathroom and briefly checked her phone to see that she still had time. Her first client of the night had scheduled her for a standard-length session. He was a new client and while she usually didn’t see them first, he offered to pay extra and she needed every dollar her former track star body could earn.

That was the second and most frustrating rule of escorts around Centerfield. Anyone who had any desire to graduate with a degree and not be crippled by loan debt had to jump at every opportunity. Sometimes, that involved a scholarship or a well-paying side-job. Sometimes, that involved being an escort.

Centerfield already had a sordid reputation for the number of students working as escorts. Kelly learned shortly after she got into the business that the competition was fierce. Chances were there were other pretty girls serving clients tonight with an unspoken understanding of why students like her had to sell sex to pay the bills. It wasn’t that they had no choice. It was just the easiest, especially for someone who’d started filling out bras earlier than most girls.

Having naturally good looks was just part of what made a good escort, though. They also needed to actually enjoy sex, which Kelly certainly did. Granted, much of that was due to an overly horny ex-boyfriend who had gone to college on the other side of the country, but that experience had done enough to prepare her. She knew how to have sex, how to enjoy it, and how to be sexy. It made for a relatively easy transition into escorting.

Kelly needed easy at the moment, mostly because her first couple years at her dream school had been mired in uncertainty. She thought she knew what she wanted to do when she got accepted. She hoped to study business, get an MBA, and then start her own business one day. Then, she began taking classes and found out that it might not lead to the kind of career she’d hoped. To date, she still hadn’t figured out an alternative.

“I’ll need to justify that tuition soon,” Kelly muttered as she entered the elevator. “At some point, I need an actual dream to go along with my dream school.”

She could already hear her mother berating her for wanting to switch majors. She’d probably be more upset about that than she would if she found out she worked as an escort. Kelly chose not to tell her, opting to handle one difficult issue at a time. Checking her phone, she sat that it was almost time.

“Better save those dreams for later,” she said with more focus. “For now, I need get sexy.”

As the elevator ascended, Kelly adjusted her demeanor in preparation for her client. She let Roxy, the persona she marketed online, take over. Roxy wasn’t concerned about school, tuition, and her future career. She was just a horny young woman who looked good in a thong, loved to fuck, and needed money.

Strangely enough, being Roxy was probably the least complicated part of Kelly life. It didn’t involve complicated life choices. It just involved her taking her clothes off, putting on a sexy face, and having sex with men. It was both easy and lucrative, especially for someone who’d learned she had a sexy side at a young age.

“I am Roxy,” she told her reflection in the elevator door. “Go do your thing!”

A soon as the door opened, Kelly left all those uncertainties behind and made her way down the vacant hall to Room 622. Her client had texted her 15 minute ago, saying he was ready for her. She’d told him she would be there at eight o’clock sharp. As any competent escort knew, time was their second most precious commodity. Kelly made it a point not to waste a second of it, arriving at the door and waiting until the exact second to knock. That was her way of letting her clients know that she was both punctual and dedicated.

“Here we go again,” she said under her breath before embracing her Roxy persona.

Within seconds, the door opened and Kelly got her first glimpse of her new client.

“Good evening,” a man greeted. “I’m Marvin Herbert. Are you, Ms. Roxy?”

“That’s me, hun,” Kelly replied with a curt grin, “and just call me Roxy. That’ll make it easier.”

“I agree. If it helps, you can call me Marv.”

“I’ll call you whatever you want. That’s my job, right?”

“Right…I suppose,” he said sheepishly. “Please, come in, Roxy.”

Nothing seemed out of the ordinary. The Marv seemed friendly and unimposing enough. He didn’t look that much older than her, appearing to be in his early 30s or so. He was no athlete, standing less than six feet tall and having the kind of lanky frame that implied rarely got picked first in gym glass. He was also somewhat pale, wearing black khakis and a dress shirt that most men wore to an office. He reminded her someone who worked in the science department at Centerfield. Those people always dressed like they were going to a dinner party.

His smile and his demeanor didn’t set off any red flags. Feeling assured, Kelly entered the hotel room while Marv closed the door, putting the “do not disturb” sign on the doorknob in the process. She then casually approached the bed, making it a point to shake her hips in a seductive way, hoping to set the mood.

“Thank you for seeing me on such short notice, Roxy,” Marv said after locking the door. “You mentioned you don’t see first-timers, as you call them. Believe it or not, you were the fifth person I contacted in my effort to set this up.”

“I believe it,” Kelly said. “Some girls are extra cautious with newcomers, but I’m willing to get a little daring here and there.”

“And I appreciate that. That’s why I tried to put extra into your uh…gift.”

Kelly noticed his eyes awkwardly shift to the envelope on the nightstand next to the bed. It contained her payment. As per the rules of basic escorting, money was not to be mentioned. It was just supposed to be there in plain sight for her to collect once their business was complete. The man seemed to understand that, but his inexperience in dealing with escorts really showed.

“No need to get nervous,” Kelly told him, now leaning back on her arms and giving him a seductive glance. “Don’t focus on the particulars. Let’s just get extra comfy on this chilly night.”

“I’d like that, Roxy,” Marv said in an oddly intrigued tone, “but there are a few details I’d like to share with you?”

“Oh? What kind?” she asked, wondering what sort of kinky tastes the man had.

“The kind that I hope will show the fruits of all my hard work. If all goes well, you’ll be the first one to experience it directly.”

Kelly, still trying to maintain her Roxy persona, cast the older man a strange look. He still hadn’t set off any red flags, but he was getting close. She didn’t get the impression he was role playing or anything like that. He seemed both serious and excited, although she wasn’t sure it had anything to do with her presence.

As she sat back on the bed, Marv approached her with an eagerness that reminded her of a man who’d just bought a fancy new car. It felt as though her being an escort didn’t even matter to him. It heightened her suspicions, but it also sparked her curiosity.

“You see, I’m a lead researcher at the Centerfield science labs,” Marv went on. “I’ve got two masters degrees, one in biology and one in bioengineering. I’m also working on my PHD.”

“Wow. That’s impressive,” Kelly remarked, “so I may end up calling you Dr. Herbert?”

“If all goes well, you just might at some point,” he said with a humored grin. “For the past five years, I’ve been conducting research on a new generation of medical implants. It’s a growing field with exciting application and I’m not just talking about pacemakers. We’re getting to a point where we can create targeted implants for localized, precise treatment of defective tissues.”

Kelly kept smiling, but almost ended up laughing. Marv sounded way too energetic for someone talking about science, a topic she know or care much about. Even though she’d gotten a B-plus in all her science classes, she had never encountered someone who got so giddy about it. It was kind of cute, but still pretty odd, even by escort standards.

“That sounds fascinating,” Kelly said, pretending to be turned on by it.

“It is!” Marv continued. “I’ve spent the last several years, trying to push things forward faster. I’ve annoyed a few people and I’m told my people skills are average at best, but I’m willing to pay that price for my work.”

“That kind of dedication is admirable, Marv.”

“It’s also the easiest part, unfortunately. I must have done something right because I finally managed to get a prototype built. Unfortunately, making a prototype and testing it are two different things. The process for rat trials, alone, is excruciating and I’d rather not wait that long. Some leaps in science require extra risks and I think this is one of them.”

There was a strange glint in his eye. Kelly had never seen anything like it and for an experienced escort, that was saying something. She ceased being suspicious, no longer suspecting that there was something dangerous at play. She found herself genuinely interested in what the man had to show her.

“But enough talk,” Marv said. “I understand our time is limited so why don’t I show you?”

That glint never left his eye as he stood before her at the foot of the bed, undid the belt buckle on his pants, and pulled them down, along with his boxers. He then stepped out of his dress shoes and took a step back, giving Kelly an unobstructed view of his penis. She tried not to react too strongly, but even an experienced escort took notice when a man just exposed his genitals to a stranger.

Near as she could tell, Marv had a fairly average endowment. Having been an escort for over a year, Kelly had seen all sorts of shapes, sizes, and configurations in male genitalia. Some were more noteworthy than others, but Marv didn’t appear to have any distinguishing features. He seemed very casual about it, which was uncommon for men who didn’t regularly sleep with beautiful women. She still gave him a sexy smile, though, if only to maintain the mood.

“I see,” she said teasingly. “Is this related to your work?”

“Very much so,” Marv affirmed. “I don’t know how big you are on science, but I hope you watch closely. You’re about to witness a true scientific breakthrough!”

With an eager grin and a confident poise, he pressed a button on his watch, which looked like an ordinary watch from a distance. Kelly wasn’t sure what to expect. For all she knew, it could’ve turned him into a werewolf. However, within second of pushing that button, she saw something happen with his penis.

In a sight that defied everything Kelly thought she knew about male anatomy, Marv’s penis went from completely flaccid to fully erect in just a few seconds. It got so hard so quickly, as though it were a light switch. He didn’t touch it or shift his demeanor in any way. He just got hard in a way that would’ve made a male porn star jealous. At that point, she didn’t even have to pretend to be impressed.

“Wow!” Kelly gasped. “What exactly just happened?”

“The culmination of some very dedicated, admittedly kinky research,” Marv answered proudly.

“Um…care to be more specific?” she asked, still processing the sight.

“It would take way too long to go over the technical specs. Simply put, I surgically installed a biomechanical implant into my penis and treated the surrounding tissue with a synthetic substrate of programmable bio matter to facilitate external excitation of specific peripheral nervous responses.”

“That’s…still too technical.”

“Well, in exceedingly unscientific terms, I gave my penis a cybernetic implant. You are looking at, to my knowledge, the first cybernetic penis in history.”

Kelly blinked a few times, needing more than a few moments to process what she’d just heard. She knew what the word cybernetic meant and she knew what a penis was, more so than most young women. The idea of putting them together never even crossed her mind.

It sounded like a joke, one she wouldn’t have even laughed at had she’d not seen what she just saw. The idea that she, a finically-challenged college student who did sex work on the side, was the first woman to ever see a cybernetic penis was pretty jarring. It was also kind of neat…if not intriguing in a kinky sort of way.

“I’m going to be honest with you, Marv. I’m kind of at a loss here,” Kelly said, still trying to process the implications.

“Take all the time you need, Roxy,” said Marv with a humored look on his face, “but in the interest exploring those implications, I should probably show you this too.”

As her mouth hung open in astonishment, the unassuming man pushed another button on his watch. Then, she heard a very low-pitched humming sound that came directly from Marv’s penis. Still standing with the pride of a man who’d just won the Olympics, he took a step forward so that his dick was right in here face.

“Here,” he told her. “Touch it.”

That might have been the most polite request Kelly had ever heard in her time as an escort. She’d never obliged so willingly or eagerly, for that matter. As soon as she placed her hand on the fully-erect member, she felt it vibrating in her hand.

Again, Kelly needed a moment to process the situation. In her hand was a live penis, attached to a man and appearing completely normal from the outside, and it was vibrating. It vibrated with the same subtle, yet noticeable intensity she’d felt in a numerous sex toys. Having owned more than one vibrator in her life, she could tell the difference between cheap and premium vibrations. From the looks of it, Marv invested heavily in quality.

“Wow,” Kelly said as she held his cock in her hand. “I know I said that already, but it’s worth saying again. Wow!”

“Say it as many times as you need to,” Marv told her. “From a scientific perspective, your reaction counts as promising results.

“I’m not entirely sure on my perspective right now. I’m also no scientist, but if I’m making the right connections here…you actually operated on your own dick?”

“Well, I did say that great leaps in science require risk,” he said in a bemused tone. “I figured it would be too difficult to find a man who would agree to such a procedure. So I volunteered myself.”

“That takes an obscene amount of balls!” Kelly said. “Wait, you didn’t operate on those too?”

“No, I didn’t,” he laughed. “The procedure wasn’t as extensive or messy as you think. I won’t say it was comfortable, but a good scientist is willing to endure for his work.”

“I think you’ve officially raised the bar for every scientist in the world.”

“And I’d like to raise it even more,” Marv told her. “To do that, though, I require a more complete test.”

The tone in his voice took on a more sensual subtext. Kelly didn’t need a masters degrees to figure out what he meant by it. She was an escort, last she checked, and she had planned on having sex with him at some point during their session. She just didn’t expect it to take on such a strange new context.

Marv almost seemed anxious after making his request. He obviously didn’t have much experience in seducing women, though. Kelly could hear the awkwardness in his tone. Looking up at him, though, his vibrating dick still in her hand, she flashed him a gaze that let him know it worked.

“A test huh?” she said with a lurid grin. “Well, in the interest of science, sign me up!”

“Glad to hear you’re so excited about my work,” Marv said as he loosened his tie. “Just to be sure, is there any particular way you’d like to go about it? For this test to work, I want you to feel comfortable.”

“Don’t worry about my comfort, Marv. I’m a professional, remember?”

Her enthusiasm for science growing by the second, Kelly got up from the bed and shed her clothes. She didn’t try to be sexy about it, either. She just took off her clothes in quick succession, starting with her shirt and pants before slipping out of her bra and panties. Marv barely finished unbuttoning his dress shirt by the time she stood fully naked in front of him.

Despite carrying himself as a passionate man of science, he was still a man. He smiled and blushed as he took in her naked features, paying close attention to her breasts and hips. She swore that already-erect dick of his twitched at her presence. She took that as a promising sign.

“You’re uh…very beautiful, Roxy,” Marv said, fumbling a bit with his shirt as he set it aside.

“Thanks,” she told him. “I’m hope that’ll make things easier.”

“It will. It definitely will,” he said, sounding more like a guy not used to being around naked women. “For the record, though, it’s been quite a while since I’ve been with a woman. My sexual experience is fairly limited, so to speak.”

“Then, why don’t you let me handle the parameters here?” she offered. “I know all the basic and advanced-level stuff involving sex. I promise I’ll give that dick of yours a very thorough test.”

Marv cast her a grin with renewed confidence. He still seemed somewhat awkward, especially after she pulled him into an embrace wherein their naked flesh touched. He might not have been the tallest or most masculine figure she’d ever embraced, but he still carried himself with an energy and passion any woman would find attractive. That, on top of the prospect of fucking the first man with a cybernetic dick, got her genuinely aroused.

“Lie down on the bed,” Kelly told him. “I’ll set the mood. Just focus on sharing it with me.”

“Focus…that may be a greater challenge than I thought,” Marv said as he nervously trailed his hands up her womanly curves.

“Then, I’ll help you overcome it.”

Her confident, seductive tone helped settle him down. His trust in her skills secured, he crawled onto the bed and laid down as she’d requested. Kelly followed him, flashing him a few sexy glances along the way. She usually had to maintain a sexy demeanor to keep her client excited, especially the nervous types. From the looks of it, though, that wouldn’t be an issue with Marv. That cybernetic dick of his remained as erect as ever.

Kelly felt it press against her as she got on top of him, hovering over the slim man so that her breasts pressed up against his chest.

“I’m going to kiss you, touch you, and give your dick a quick suck,” she told him. “Normally, I do that to get a guy hard. That might be redundant in this case, but I think it’ll help if we keep the approach basic.”

“Yes. That sounds…logical,” he said.

“Is it scientific, as well?”

“I’m…not sure I can make that assessment.”

Kelly snickered. It was remarkable how a man with a cybernetic penis could still be so anxious while in an overtly sexual situation. She was used to men being intimidated by the prospect of having sex with a woman, but Marv handled it better than most. When she kissed him on the lips, he kissed back in a way that felt sincere. That, alone, made him more decent than most clients.

For a brief moment, they made out, giving Marv a chance to feel up her naked body, even giving her butt a playful squeeze. After tasting each other’s lips – and getting around however many breath mints he’d eaten before her arrival – Kelly channeled her inner Roxy, trailing her lips down his neck and over his chest.

His slim build didn’t have much in terms of muscle, but his skin was still so smooth and warm. What Marv lacked in physical stature, he made up for in good grooming. That counted for something in Kelly’s book. It encouraged her to be extra caring with each gesture, tasting every inch of his skin while gliding her hands down his torso.

“That feels…nice,” said Marv with growing contentment. “You really are a professional, Roxy.”

“I’m just getting warmed up, cyber-stud,” she teased.

He chuckled at her choice of words, but didn’t contest them. If his test really was successful, then that might end up being an apt description.

Sharing his intent to complete that test, Kelly worked her sensual magic, making her way down his torso until she reached that fully-engorged, scientifically-enhanced penis of his. It was still vibrating, the veins throbbing with an energy that wasn’t at all nature, but still very sensual.

“This is uncharted territory in the history of sex,” she found herself saying. “Well, in the name of science and progress, here I go!”

Now feeling like the Neil Armstrong of whores, Kelly carefully caressed the vibrating member with both hands and took it into her mouth. Almost immediate, Marv gasped blissfully at the feeling, his body shifting under the weight of the feeling. If nothing else, that showed that his penis was still as sensitive to touch as any other. However, there were some uncanny distinctions.

“Mmm…this dick,” she said after a few oral teases. “It feels so different.”

“Different how?” Marv asked intently.

“Good different,” Kelly told him. “Very good, in fact!”

She resumed her sucking, squeezing the base a bit more and working her lips along his rigid length with more vigor. As someone who had given oral sex to many men, Kelly knew the intricacies of a penis better than most women. She’d sucked dicks that were too sensitive and others that were not sensitive enough, leaving her with a sore jaw the next day. Every man was different and the extent of their desires rarely matched the robustness of their cock.

With Marv, however, there was no disconnect. Every vein, gland, and contour practically radiated with energy. The fact that it vibrated added even more nuance, as if to remind her that she wasn’t sucking an ordinary dick. If anything, the dicks she’d sucked before had been the beta version, bound by the limitations of anatomy and easily distracted men.

It was like every other cock she’d sucked before had been powered by a crank shaft and Marv’s now powered by a high-performance V8 engine. It was like going from a tricycle to a drag racer. The idea that a penis could be that aroused was enough to make Kelly extra wet, the prospect of feeling it inside her getting more appealing by the second.

As she bobbed her up and down his length, she reached down between her thighs and fondled her pussy in preparation for sex. It usually took a lot more to get her in the mood when her client wasn’t as attractive as the men she fantasized about in the shower. That was why she often kept lube within reaching distance of the bed. She didn’t need any with Marv.

Besides, for such a landmark test, it made sense to keep things natural. In the name of science and great sex, Kelly was willing to take chances too.

“Are you ready for the real test, Marv?” she asked after giving his dick one last thorough lick.

“I’m ready,” he said, breathless yet eager, no longer showing any signs of jitters.

“Then, I’m going to get on top and ride your cock,” Kelly told him.

“And how will I know if it’s working?” Marv asked her.

“Trust me. You’ll know!”

The sexy undertone of her voice told him everything he needed to know. Kelly was just as eager to see what a cybernetic dick could do for a woman. If it could satisfy her, an experienced escort with a promiscuous past, then the prospects were that much greater for all women.

Crawling back on top of him, Kelly straddled the slim man’s pelvis and aligned his still-vibrating cock with the wet entrance of her pussy. Just feeling the vibrating tip over her moist folds was enough to send shivers of delight. She couldn’t remember being so eager to fuck a client before and she’d served star athletes from the basketball team. Her arousal, excitement, and kinky curiosity left her with no reservations as she began the most intimate part of the test.

Holding onto his torso with both hands, Kelly steadily lowered her hips, the extra-hard flesh penetrating her depths with every inch. Almost immediately, she felt a distinct difference between Marv’s dick and every other dick she’d ever had inside her. It wasn’t just that it was vibrating or super-erect, either. The way his manhood filled her depths redefined her understanding of the basics of sex and in the best possible way.

“Whoa!” Kelly exclaimed. “It feels…oh my god, I don’t have words!”

“Mmm…I feel it too,” Marv said, now holding onto her hips.

“Trust me, Marv. What I’m feeling now…it’s a fucking breakthrough!”

She didn’t give Marv a chance to ask for specifics. Being a man of science, he probably would’ve asked for some, even while having sex with a beautiful woman. Kelly wasn’t in any state for questions, though. She was too busy being the first woman in history to fuck a cybernetic dick.

She embraced that role whole-heartedly, moving her body and gyrating her hips in a heated sexual rhythm. She was usually more measured with her clients, starting slow and trying to get a feel for what they liked. For Marv, a man equipped with an unnaturally robust penis, Kelly didn’t hold back. She was focused and determined, as though she were fucking the most important man in the world. Given the promise of the technology he’d developed, that might not be far from the truth.

That technology did plenty to deliver. Between his dick being extra hard and the vibrations within it, he stimulated her depths with every motion. He struck nerves that most women couldn’t reach with even the most overpriced vibrator. It was like every other dick had a limit to how much it could satisfy a woman, but Marv’s cyber-dick shattered those limits and soared above them like a rocket.

“Oh…oohhh my God! Oh my fucking God!” Kelly gasped. “That feels amazing! This dick…so fucking hot!”

“Roxy,” Marv gasped. “These results…so good.”

“Fuck yeah, they’re good! They’re going to…make me…come!”

That shouldn’t have been possible so quickly. Every escort – or even just a woman who received marginal sex education, for that matter – knew that women didn’t orgasm as easily as men. It often took longer, more focused stimulation to get the job done. It rarely just happened by putting a penis into a vagina.

Those rules were out the window with Marv, though. That surgically-enhanced, steadily vibrating dick of his hit all the right spots, along with a few Kelly didn’t know existed. The end result was the quickest, most intense orgasm she’d ever felt.

“Ohhh science!” she exclaimed.

“Roxy!” Marv moaned.

It was like a pleasure bomb going off in her core, an eruption of orgasmic sensations spreading out in every direction. Kelly closed her eyes, threw her head back, and demonstrated more flexibility than she knew she had as she cried out to the heavens in ecstasy.

For a brief moment, every nerve was ablaze with pleasure. Every muscle in her lower body throbbed in conjunction with her release. It was so intense that she dug her nails into Marv’s torso to hold on. She’d probably leave marks that would take some time to heal, but he didn’t seem to mind. He’d already made clear his commitment to testing his research.

“Incredible!” Marv exclaimed. “This test…has exceeded expectations.”

“Trust me,” Kelly said breathlessly, “It exceeded more than that.”

Now beaming with an orgasmic glow, she leaned in and gave the older man an affectionate kiss. A man who gave a woman that kind of pleasure deserved nothing less. Marv, still looking overwhelmed by the results, kissed back. He was actually a great kisser, which helped give more weight to the feeling.

Even as the ecstasy subsided, his member remained fully erect. It was still vibrating inside her as well, providing continued stimulation to her depths. She had to rise up off it, just to give her pussy a rest. However, Kelly wasn’t done yet. There were still a few things left to test.

“I think we can officially say that a cybernetic dick works,” she said after their lips parted.

“Yes, I believe the data speaks for itself,” Marv said in a humored tone.

“You’ve got something that a woman can ride to a good orgasm. That, alone, is a damn good upgrade,” Kelly went on. “Now, let’s flip the script.”

With a seductive grin, she rolled their bodies over on the bed so that she was on her back and Marv was on top of her. He was still catching his breath, but she could see in his eyes as a lingering desire, both to finish the test and have sex with a beautiful woman.

“This time, you set the tone,” she told him. “Fuck me however you want to fuck me. See for yourself what that dick of yours can do.”

“That sounds…logical,” Marv said. “Although, given my limited experience, I may only be able to take it so far.”

“That’s okay. Hell, that can work to your advantage. Most men are more limited by their dicks than their desire. You may be the first man in history who isn’t bound by those limits. Embrace it!”

A look of confidence came over him. In an instant, the unassuming man had the bravado of a six-and-a-half foot tall rock star with an eleven-inch cock. Kelly even found it sexy. It was more than enough to keep her pussy moist and ready for more sex.

“Very well,” he said. “I suppose I’ll finish the test from here.”

“Science never sounded so sexy,” Kelly laughed.

Armed with his new confidence, Marv rose into an upright position so that he was on his knees. Kelly, remaining flat on her back, spread her legs widely so that he had plenty of room to work. He made good use of it, grabbing hold of her thighs just above the knees and guiding his dick back into her pussy.

The entrance was smooth, aided by all the feminine juices she’d released from her climax. Marv’s dick was still vibrating as well, which kept those juices flowing. She let out a purr of contentment upon feeling his flesh inside her again. She saw just as much contentment in Marv’s expression. Now bearing the look of a man immersed in lust and desire, she held onto his shoulders for what promised to be an unprecedented exercise in sexual nuance.

“That’s it, Marv. Fuck me!” Kelly urged him. “Fuck me with that science-enhanced dick!”

Marv responded only with a deep grunt before initiating a sexual rhythm. He kept things basic, utilizing a simple missionary position to get things going. That made sense. If they were going to test the bounds of cybernetic dicks, it made sense to keep things simple.

From there, Marv worked his body, moving his hips in a steady procession of sexual motions. With every act, his vibrating manhood slithered inside her vagina, probing and stimulating her depths. A fresh round of sensations coursed through her body, evoking moans and purrs of delight. Now clinging to his shoulders, Kelly sought to embrace a new era of ecstasy with him.

“Oohhh Roxy!” he said. “That feels…amazing. I’m going to…achieve climax…soon.”

“Already?” Kelly teased.

“Don’t worry. I’m not stopping…the test!”

He didn’t give her a chance to make a joke about premature ejaculation. Kelly reminded herself that she was fucking a man with a cybernetic dick. For all she knew, that was the first flaw Marv fixed when he made his prototype.

He stepped up the pace for a brief moment. Then, he slowed his movements, his expression shifted, and his body shuddered under the weight of his release. Kelly made sure he enjoyed it as much as she enjoyed hers, spreading her legs extra wide – more so than she did with her other clients. She could feel it as that big, throbbing cock of his tensed inside her depths in accord with his release. Marv wasn’t quite as vocal as she’d been, but the results were just as clear.

“Wow!” he gasped. “That is…unprecedented.”

“Not the word I would use,” Kelly laughed, “but still plenty sexy!”

Marv laughed as well, lingering for a moment in the ecstasy, but soon resumed their sex. There was no refractory period. His dick didn’t go limp, even by a little. He just kept on going as though it were nothing.

It was a strange phenomenon for an experienced escort. While Kelly had been with a few men who could go multiple rounds in a brief span of time, they had to work extra hard to rise to the occasion, so to speak. With Marv, there was no need. His dick remained at full-throttle, limited only by his desire to use it.

“This…is going to test my stamina,” Kelly said to herself.

From there, she held on as Marv kept fucking her with superhuman fortitude. He kept the rhythm steady and movements thorough, making an effort to work his flesh within hers. He didn’t just pound away, as so many men often did, but Kelly wouldn’t have blamed him if he did.

Making good use of her efforts and the sturdy hotel bed, she and Marv went at it. Their naked bodies moved and grinded together in a mesh of lust and intent. His dick kept vibrating, her pussy kept throbbing, and the pleasure kept flowing, unburdened by prohibitive anatomy. It led to her having another orgasm – once again, in rapid time. She felt him climax as well shortly after. It wasn’t just a single plunge into a pool of ecstasy. It was like taking multiple dips.

“More data…more results,” Marv moaned after yet another orgasm.

“Yes, Marv! More…give me more!” Kelly exclaimed.

Her encouragement kept him going. They shifted around on the bed, having sex in various positions. They couldn’t get too elaborate, though. She could tell Marv was not used to so much physical exertion. Even with an enhanced dick, the man was no athlete. She shuddered to think how much he could fuck if he went to the gym regularly, albeit in the best possible way.

Before long, Kelly lost track of how long they went at it or how many orgasms she’d had. It was definitely over the allotted time he paid her for, but she didn’t care. She didn’t even plan to bring it up. The man had done more than enough to justify the overtime. In fact, as she felt the rush of yet another orgasm, Kelly found herself coming to some realizations that were only possible under the weight of good sex.

“This feeling…need to know more,” she said.

Marv didn’t hear that. At that point, he was so winded that his face dripped with sweat. Eventually, after another release, he collapsed on top of her in a heap of exhaustion. She ended up having to catch him so that he didn’t slump over awkwardly. It was probably a good thing too because her pussy had reached its limits too. She was definitely going to be sore tomorrow, but for all the right reasons.

When the sexual movements finally ceased, Kelly helped him settle. She laid him down on his side where he could catch his breath. She laid next to him, needing some time as well. At one point, he pushed a button on his watch again, which he hadn’t taken off. Just as before, his dick reacted, quickly becoming flaccid.

For a while, they just lingered in silence, taking time to process the moment. Usually, the post-coital silence was the most awkward part of being an escort. Tonight was different, though. In fact, it was quite revealing.

“I’ll say it one more time…wow!” Kelly said. “Marvin Herbert, you’ve made one hell of a breakthrough.”

“So it would seem,” he said, still panting heavily. “The test…was successful. This bodes very well for my research.”

“You have no idea,” she replied, “and I’m not just saying that on behalf of all women who love great sex.”

“What do you mean?”

Kelly then curled up closer, the heat of their naked bodies mixing once more. She smiled at him and he smiled back, still bearing the demeanor of a man who wasn’t used to being with a naked woman.

He still had the look of a man who understood that they’d just achieved something special. In fact, tonight might very well mark a change in history of sex, as well as a profound change in Kelly’s plans.

“An hour ago, I was just an escort trying to pay my tuition. I had no major, no goal, and no career path, whatsoever,” she told him. “That all changed, thanks to you.”

“I’m honored,” Marv said, “but I’m not sure I understand the implications.”

“You will. I promise, you will,” she said with great confidence, “because tomorrow morning, I’m heading down to the Centerfield Science Office and changing my major. I’m going to dedicate the rest of my life to science and all the ways it can make sex great.”

“That sounds rather ambitious.”

“Not as much as you think,” Kelly quipped. “The way I see it…if this is what science can do for a penis, I can’t wait to see what it can do for vaginas!”

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Religious Dogma, Sexual Repression, And How They Foster (Horrendous) Abuse

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By now, most people have heard the news surrounding the latest round of scandals involving the Catholic Church. Once again, it involves the systematic abuse of children, the elaborate efforts to cover it up, and the religious dogma that is used to protect such behavior. It’s certainly not the first time the Catholic Church has been embroiled in such a scandal, but that doesn’t make it any less distressing.

There’s a lot I can say about the Catholic Church and how badly they’ve handled this issue. There’s even more I can say about how this famous institution’s policies have caused genuine harm in societies that remain devoted to Catholic traditions. However, I would only be repeating what others have already pointed out and I’d rather not do that.

Some have already done it better than I ever will.

For me, personally, these scandals cut deep because I have family who identify as devout Catholics. They see these same scandals too and I can confirm that it hurts them on a personal level. Whenever someone brings it up, they don’t make excuses. They despise those priests for what they did and those who covered it up. It doesn’t shake their faith, though. To some extent, I admire that.

At the same time, however, I often wonder whether they see the same flaws in that dogmatic theology that I see. I try not to bring it up with family members, out of respect for their faith. I still believe that even they are bothered by those flaws. When children are being sexually abused, how could it not?

There are a lot of factors in play with this latest scandal, from the nature of religious dogma to the corruption of powerful institutions. The one that few want to confront, though, involves the cumulative impact of sexual repression with rigid theology.

There’s no way around it. Religious dogma and sexual repression often go together. The Catholic Church is hardly the only institution that encourages strict repression of sexual behavior. Anyone living in Saudi Arabia or Iran can attest to that. With a billion adherents and nearly 2,000 years of history, though, the Catholic Church is one of the largest and most vocal proponents of this dogma.

The reasons for that are many and I don’t want to get into all the issues surrounding its effects. Instead, I want to focus solely on the celibacy of the priests. That practice represents a true extreme of sexual repression. It’s one thing to champion monogamy to the point of murdering adulterers. It’s quite another to have an entire class of people who have to completely repress their basic urges.

It’s not like trying to quit smoking, which is hard enough. This involves denying a basic, fundamental drive that is hardwired into people at birth. Trying to turn that off is like trying make sugar taste bad. It goes against fundamental biological wiring. The idea that someone can repress those force without incurring psychological damage is flawed, at best.

To get an idea of why, think about a time when you were really hungry. Maybe you were sick for a while, trapped on a long road trip, or went on a crash diet. That feeling of intense hunger is not something you can turn off. It’s uncomfortable for a reason. Your body isn’t getting something it’s been hardwired to seek. It’s going to make you feel uncomfortable until you do something about it.

The human sex drive is not like hunger, but it’s similar in that it’s a biological drive. For every living thing, be it a human or an insect, sustenance and reproduction are the two most basic drives. It is possible to survive without reproducing, but the fundamental forces of nature are going to push you to try.

When you push back too hard, it’s like trying to patch a faulty dam with scotch tape and chewing gum. From a psychological standpoint, your brain and your body are deprived. As a result, it’s going to do whatever it can to alleviate this deprivation.

It doesn’t matter if that act is extreme. It doesn’t matter if it’s illogical, illegal, or outright immoral. Your brain and your body will find a way to justify it if it ends the deprivation. For most, it’s just a never-ending battle that requires an individual to fill that missing need with something, which in this case is religious fervor.

It’s debatable as to how much this fills that fundamental need, but a lot of that assumes that celibate priests don’t do something in their private time to relieve the tension. Historically speaking, many in the Catholic Church and other powerful institutions were pretty blatant about how they circumvented the issues of celibacy.

Some priests had lovers on the side. Some employed prostitutes and concubines, but still claimed to be “celibate” because they weren’t married. More often than not, priests were only celibate in the most technical sense and the church often tolerated this. Even St. Thomas Aquinas, a man not known for liberal attitudes, even acknowledged the futility of suppressing the human sex drive when he said this about prostitution.

“If prostitution were to be suppressed, careless lusts would overthrow society.”

For a select few, though, that effort to maintain celibacy manifests in a truly horrific way. I think it’s safe to conclude that the priests who abused these children were not mentally well. Many might have been unwell before they entered the priesthood, but celibacy certainly didn’t help. Repression, especially the kind that’s taboo to even talk about, tends to make things worse.

That’s how people end up with mentalities that are poorly equipped to handle basic urges. Instead of a healthy expression of sexual desire, someone may react with anger or self-hate. When people are angry and hateful, they tend to take it out on someone. It’s not always sexual, but when someone has all their sexual desires pent up over the years, sometimes it seeps in.

That’s how simple desire becomes disturbing fetishes, including those that harm children. That’s how unthinkable behaviors are rationalized. When religious dogma tells someone they face divine retribution for feeling these intrinsic desires, that’s causes serious distress and efforts to mitigate it can make for some pretty unholy behaviors

While it’s hard to study the sex lives of celibate priests, the occurrence of these scandals along with the historical documentation of other lurid scandals reveal plenty about the effects of celibacy. When there’s no outlet for sexual expression, other emotions get caught up in the efforts to cope with that fundamental drive. Add religiously-motivated guilt to the mix and the impact only compounds over time.

None of this is an excuse for what those priests did to these children. They still committed an atrocity and no amount of divine excuses can mitigate the suffering of the victims. The Vatican will do what it has to do in order to maintain its power and influence. However, the reconsideration of extreme practices celibacy is unlikely.

Some media figures will mention it, but never to the point of encouraging serious reforms. That’s a dirty word in both the Catholic Church and any other religious institution. Historically speaking, the rate at which major religion institutions undergo sweeping reforms is nothing short of glacial.

I sincerely hope this latest scandal gives those in the Vatican serious pause, but I have a feeling that even this won’t do it. Religious dogma is notoriously uncompromising. People, especially within powerful institutions, make any excuse to avoid changing it. While the Vatican has made some strides, the fundamental issue remains. As long as basic human nature is suppressed, more will suffer and not in a holy sort of way.

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Filed under Current Events, gender issues, human nature, psychology, religion, sex in society, sexuality

Defending The NFL In A No-Win Situations

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Are you excited for the start of the 2018 NFL season? Actually, let me add a caveat to that question. Are you excited for the 2018 NFL season despite all the recent controversy? That’s probably the more relevant question these days, albeit for all the wrong reasons.

Let’s face it. These days, nobody seems to be talking about whether Tom Brady’s age will finally catch up with him or whether the Cleveland Browns will actually win a game after their historically bad season last year. Instead, anytime football or the NFL is mentioned, it’s usually in the context of a major controversy or social outrage.

First, it was the NFL’s weak stance on domestic violence after the Ray Rice situation.

Then, it was the NFL’s policy on the nation anthem in wake of Colin Kaepernick’s kneeling protest and the subsequent clash with the President that followed.

Then, it was the NFL’s declining ratings and the various reasons why.

Then, it was the NFL’s handling of multiple scandals involving the treatment of its cheerleaders.

Then, it was the NFL’s implementation of rule changes that many are saying will destroy the game.

In the midst of all of these controversies/scandals, the NFL is also dealing with an emerging health crisis involving player safety. Concerns about concussions and serious injuries, like the one Ryan Shazier suffered, are doing more than just making football look dangerous. It’s creating a cultural divide, of sorts, where people are distancing themselves from the sport and the violence it requires to play.

In this web of convoluted circumstances, the NFL rarely comes off as looking good. In fact, some are going so far as to put the NFL on the same level as the tobacco companies as an organization that willingly sells a dangerous product. At that point, the NFL comes off as less a professional sports league and more an evil corporation.

Now, here’s the part where I’m sure I’ll upset plenty of people, but that’s kind of the underlying point here. That’s because I’m about to defend the NFL. I’m also going to defend NFL Commissioner, Roger Goodell, to some extent. I know that’s akin to saying nice things about Monsanto these days, but I’m willing to take that chance.

I do this as someone who loves football and is genuinely excited about the upcoming NFL season. At the same time, I’m not blind to all the controversies and outrage the NFL has generated over the past few years. However, I feel it’s necessary to put things into a proper context.

First and foremost, it’s important to understand that the NFL, Roger Goodell, and everyone involved in the infrastructure of football are in the ultimate no-win situation. Take a moment to think about the decisions they’ve had to make over the past few years.

If they chose to discipline Colin Kaepernick for his anthem protest, they would’ve upset a huge contingent of people who supported his message. By doing what they did, they still upset a huge contingent of fans who did not agree with him.

If they chose not to implement the recent rule changes, then they would be criticized for undermining player safety. By doing what they did, they’ve been accused of undermining the game.

When it comes to ratings decline, any side can take credit and cast all the blame on the NFL and Roger Goodell. Those on the conservative side will take credit for lower ratings over the anthem protests. Those on the liberal side will take credit because of concerns about concussions and violence. Never mind the fact that the ratings decline coincided with an overall trend in TV viewing. It’s still all the NFL and Roger Goodell’s fault.

Even when they come out and apologize for a mistake, nobody even accepts it. After the debacle surrounding the Ray Rice incident, Roger Goodell came out and issued an apology. These are his exact words:

“At times, however, and despite our best efforts, we fall short of our goals. We clearly did so in response to a recent incident of domestic violence. We allowed our standards to fall below where they should be and lost an important opportunity to emphasize our strong stance on a critical issue and the effective programs we have in place. My disciplinary decision led the public to question our sincerity, our commitment, and whether we understood the toll that domestic violence inflicts on so many families. I take responsibility both for the decision and for ensuring that our actions in the future properly reflect our values. I didn’t get it right. Simply put, we have to do better. And we will.”

Break that down and imagine anyone else saying it. How rare is it these days to hear any public figure admit they got something wrong? It still didn’t matter, though. People just didn’t buy it, claiming Goodell was just saying what he needed to say to stop the outrage.

That may have been true to some degree, since he is the face of a very popular, very profitable organization. However, by assuming that he and the NFL are completely insincere, it creates a no-win situation. For any person or company, especially one built on the win/lose nature of sports, that’s an impossible standard.

Honestly, and I’m being sincere about this, what could the NFL possibly do to placate everyone at this point? They’re not a government, an army, or your best friend. They’re a professional sports league. Yes, they’re the most popular and profitable sports league in the United States, but they’re still limited to what they are.

Is it really reasonable to expect the NFL to be on the front lines of serious issues like domestic violence, police brutality, and what constitutes patriotism? Again, they’re a professional sports league. They can only control the rules, regulations, and business of their sport.

In that sense, it’s reasonable to expect them to make the game safer. That’s exactly what the new rule that so many says will destroy football is intended to do. Considering that college football already has that rule, it’s not like these changes to the game are unprecedented.

This isn’t even the first time significant rule changes have been bemoaned in the NFL. There was a time when a simple rule change involving how defensive players could operate was going to ruin the game and destroy the league. That time was in 1978 and football only went onto become more popular after that.

Even if injuries are a reasonable concern, do those caused by football warrant more scrutiny than other sports? Statistically speaking, skiing is much more dangerous in terms of actually killing people. In terms of injury and head trauma, boxing has a much higher risk. Why aren’t there any ongoing efforts to condemn those sports for their violence and physical harm?

Some of that has to do with the NFL being so big. Mark Cuban, who owns the NBA’s Dallas Mavericks, once said “Pigs get fat. Hogs get slaughtered.” He’s half right in that the size and influence of an organization can make it an easy target. The NFL is just so visible compared to other leagues. Anything that happens to it is bound to gain attention, both the good and bad kind.

The problem is the bad tends to be a lot louder in the era of social media and outrage culture. That further raises the impossible standards even higher because it means those dissatisfied with the NFL’s decision, no matter how much a minority they are, will still make plenty of noise and generate plenty of headlines.

Is that a fair standard for a professional sports league? Is that a fair standard for anyone? If the NFL can’t meet those standards, then what incentive do they have to even try? Why should they be responsible for player safety or social issues if people are just going to be upset with them regardless of what they do?

At the end of the day, the NFL is a business. They still want to make money entertaining people with their sport. They have plenty of incentive to protect their players. New advances in helmets and pads will make the game safer. Advances in medicine are already mitigating the effects of concussions. It’s not going to happen all at once, but if anyone has the resources and clout to make it happen, it’s the NFL.

Now, none of this is to imply that the NFL or Roger Goodell don’t deserve criticism. They certainly do. Up until 2015, the NFL was a tax-exempt organization. It’s history of overcharging fans and screwing over injured players is well-documented. They have their flaws. All people and organizations do.

That’s all the more reason to hold the NFL to a reasonable standard with reasonable expectations. They’re still going to screw up every now and then, but that’s also why we should make an effort to accept their apologies. That’s also why we shouldn’t panic every time there’s a rule change.

The NFL, like all sports leagues, is evolving. The latest rule changes aren’t going to destroy the game. Football is still going to be popular because it’s an entertaining game. People are going to gravitate towards fun and entertaining things, despite or even because of their concerns.

At the end of the day, football is a sport and the NFL is a professional sports league. They want to entertain us. We want to be entertained. Why complicate that with impossible standards and no-win situations?

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Jack Fisher’s Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Beach Wedding Edition

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When I was a kid, I didn’t care for weddings. To me, they were just large family gatherings with strange food, itchy clothes, and no playground. While I appreciated big parties and celebrating love, I just didn’t enjoy them for what they were. As I got older, though, my attitude changed.

As I write this, I am still bathing in the afterglow of the first beach wedding I ever attended. A very old friend of mine who has known me since I was three-years-old got married in a beautiful ceremony that left few dry eyes and not just because of the ocean air. It was definitely more memorable than any of the weddings I attended as a kid.

Out of respect for my friend’s privacy, I won’t go into too many details. I’ll just say that when it comes to forging a joyous occasion on the beach in the middle of summer, my family really goes all out. It was so much fun on top of being sweet, sincere, and memorable. It’s the kind of wedding that would make even the most hardened of souls feel the power of love.

Rather than randomly quote songs by Huey Lewis and the News, I’m just going to dedicate this week’s edition of Jack Fisher’s Sexy Sunday Thoughts to weddings and those lucky enough to celebrate them on the beach. If you love weddings and you love the beach, I can safely say that it’s a potent and underrated combination.


“You don’t need motivation to want sex, but you do need effort to make love.”


“A lousy blowjob is always better than an awkward kiss.”


“Being attracted to someone will always have a basis in wanting to see them naked.”


“Is treating women like sex objects really worse than treating men like bank accounts?”


“Romance requires finance, but the market for passion is always volatile.”


“Gamers would be the ultimate studs if women had cheat codes.”


“The first fake orgasm likely inspired the first professional actress.”


To my friends, family, and everyone who shared in the momentous beach-front ceremony, I sincerely thank you for making the event so memorable. To my friend and their lucky new spouse, I wish you nothing but happiness, love, sexiness, and everything in between.

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Attending My First Beach Wedding!

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I just want to make a quick, but notable announcement. I know most people don’t come here to hear about my day-to-day activities that don’t result in sexy novels or sexy short stories, but this is one activity that I feel is worth sharing.

As I write this, I’m preparing to attend my first beach wedding ever!

It’s true. I, a self-professed romantic, have never been to a beach wedding. I’ve been to multiple weddings before. I’ve even been to weddings at unique locations, including wineries and museums. However, I’ve never been to a beach wedding and something about that just feels off for a lover of love like me.

If that weren’t unique enough, the wedding I’m about to attend is a lesbian wedding. One of my oldest friends, who I’ve known since I was a kid, is getting married to a woman she has been with for many years now. They’re very excited and very eager to celebrate their love before friends and family.

It promises to be a beautiful moment in a beautiful setting. I look forward to sharing it with them and all the friends and family that will be attending. Being a romantic, I might get a little emotional and I don’t care in the slightest. It’s a wedding. It’s the one event where we can all channel our inner romantic.

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Filed under Jack Fisher's Insights, Marriage and Relationships, romance, Uncategorized

The Mixed (Yet Uplifting) Message Of “Malcolm In The Middle”

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Not every TV show gets to have a series finale. In fact, it’s fairly rare for any show, be it a sitcom, a drama, or a Saturday morning cartoon, to get to that point. More shows tend to get canceled before a finale can ever make it to the drawing board.

When a show does get to that point, though, it’s still no guarantee that the finale will be satisfying. Ideally, the end of a long-running show should tie up loose ends, create a sense of closure, and reward the audience for sticking with the story since it began. That’s the best case scenario. More often than not, finales tend to be mixed.

Truly satisfying finales like that of “M*A*S*H” are a rarity. More often than not, a series finale is going to leave some fans elated and others upset. To this day, there are still people who argue about the finale of “Lost” and I imagine there will be just as many arguments about the finale to “How I Met Your Mother.”

It’s next to impossible to create a finale that satisfies everybody. The most anyone could hope for is a show that at least creates a complete story, even if it remains open-ended to some extent. That’s how the finale to “Breaking Bad” handled things and while not perfect, I think it worked in the context of the show.

There is another show, however, that didn’t try that hard to make the perfect finale. In fact, the show did something unique in that it embraced the idea that there’s no perfect ending, but there is a path forward. There’s no final triumph or ultimate reward for the characters. There’s only the understanding that life goes on, there’s no easy way to do things, and sometimes the things you don’t like will always guide you.

That show is “Malcolm In The Middle,” a quirky, but entertaining sitcom full of juvenile humor and questionable messages. For some, the show just took family dysfunction to an absurd extreme. Even so, it was pretty funny. Between lovable charisma of Frankie Muniz, the physical comedy of Bryan Cranston before he was Walter White, and the overly dramatic presence of Jane Kaczmarek, this show had a lot to offer.

Like “Married With Children” before it, this show went the opposite direction of the typical feel-good sitcom. Malcolm’s family aren’t the upstanding, upbeat models of society in the mold of “Father Knows Best.” They’re a collection of low-class, ill-mannered, under-privileged brutes who always find themselves in bad situations that inspire bad decisions.

They’re the kind of dysfunctional family that give other dysfunctional families a bad name. Part of their appeal was how they navigated that dysfunction. They rarely learned their lessons, they rarely underwent meaningful growth, and they often screw themselves over with their bad decisions. That’s what made it funny.

For seven seasons, the antics of Malcolm and his family followed a fairly successful formula. Malcolm, his brothers, and his parents find themselves in trouble or in over their heads. They struggle to rectify the situation, but often end up making things worse and incurring plenty of memorable comedy along the way.

In the series finale, however, the show takes that formula and injects something unique into the mix. After seven seasons of wild antics, spectacular failures, and memorable monologues, “Malcolm In The Middle” sent a message that went beyond the forces behind family dysfunction. I would even go so far as to say that message is more relevant now than it was when the episode aired in 2006.

The main premise of the episode revolves around Malcolm graduating valedictorian from high school. Being a certified genius, as revealed in the first episode, his life is the only one within his dysfunctional family that has the potential to be something. There are other assorted side-plots to the episode, one of which involves a giant bag of shit that Reese created, but this is the main catalyst for the ultimate conclusion of the show.

Shortly before graduation, Malcolm is given the kind of opportunity that most people can only dream of. Instead of college, he’s offered a lucrative job at a tech company that would’ve given him a six-figure salary, stock options, and a far less hectic life compared to the one his working class family afforded him.

Malcolm makes clear that he wants that job. He wants that life because, unlike his brothers, he has a chance to escape it. Like so many other times throughout the show, though, his control-freak mother steps in and stops it. She makes the decision for him. He’s going to college. On top of that, he’s going to have to work his way through, drudging along as a janitor instead of using his genius to make things easier.

Naturally, he’s not happy about this. It’s not the first time his mother has made choices that affected his entire life. In fact, that’s one of the most prevailing tropes of the show. No matter what Malcolm or his brothers do, they can never escape their mother’s neurotic control.

She doesn’t just want to control what he does after he graduates, either. She wants to put him and/or shove him down a path towards becoming President of the United States. Both she and Hal, played by Bryan Cranston, reveal that they’ve had this in mind for Malcolm since they found out he was a genius. It leaves him baffled, frustrated, and pretty upset.

Among other things.

However, this time his mother gives meaning to her decision that go beyond the usual “I’m your mother so do as I say” excuse. Instead, she does something that nobody on the show ever attempted to do to that point. She imparts upon Malcolm, and the audience by default, a series of harsh truths within the context of the bigger picture.

Those truths all hit hard as they come pouring out in a memorable exchange that helps encapsulate so much of the dysfunction Malcolm’s family endures. At the same time, it also makes a compelling case for why Malcolm should become President.

Lois: That doesn’t matter. What does matter is you’ll be the only person in that position who will ever give a crap about people like us. We’ve been getting the short end of the stick for thousands of years, and I, for one, am sick of it. Now, you are going to be president, mister, and that’s the end of it.

Malcolm: Did it ever occur to you that I could have taken this job, gotten really rich and then bought my way into being President?

Lois: Off course it did. We decided against it.

Malcolm: What?!

Lois: Because then you wouldn’t be a good President. You wouldn’t have suffered enough.

Malcolm: I’ve been suffering all my life!

Lois: I’m sorry. It’s not enough. You know what it’s like to be poor, and you know what it’s like to work hard. Now you’re going to learn what it’s like to sweep floors and bust your ass and accomplish twice as much as all the kids around you. And it won’t mean anything because they will still look down on you. And you will want so much for them to like you and they just won’t. And it’ll break your heart, and that’ll make your heart bigger and open your eyes and finally you will realize that there’s more to life than proving you’re the smartest person in the world. I’m sorry, Malcolm, but you don’t get the easy path. You don’t get to just have fun and be rich and live the life of luxury.

Beyond simply reinforcing how much Lois exerts control over her children, her words reflect the collective frustration of families mired in dysfunction. From the Bundy family in “Married With Children” to the real people in the world who have kids they can’t manage and jobs that don’t pay enough, she articulated a sentiment that is difficult for most non-working class people to grasp.

Malcolm and his family are essentially trapped in the dungeon of modern society. They’re low-class, ill-mannered people who never got the opportunities to climb the social ranks. Lois and Hal work demeaning, low-paying jobs that don’t provide nearly enough to support a large family, let alone one full of rowdy children that get in trouble every other week. How could they not be dysfunctional in that environment?

It’s an environment that keeps anyone who wasn’t born into a good situation from improving their lives. It’s an environment that breeds and reinforces the dysfunction that Malcolm and his brothers so hilariously embody. Any time somebody does get a chance to leave, they jump at the opportunity and never look back. Moreover, they don’t do anything to help those who never get that chance.

Lois knows this. She can already see that happening with Malcolm. If he takes that job, he’ll just get rich and comfortable, forgetting about where he came from and never giving another thought to those who weren’t as fortunate as him. That’s entirely understandable, as Malcolm’s reaction so nicely demonstrates.

Most people do take the easy path out of hardship, poverty, and dysfunction. It’s not just a temptation. It’s a reflex. Growing up poor and dysfunctional is akin to torture and, as is often the case with torture, people naturally do whatever it takes to make it stop. Lois, for all her neurotic tendencies, is pushing Malcolm to endure for the good of every other dysfunctional family like them.

What makes these final moments of the show so powerful is that Malcolm actually listens to his mother in this case. He doesn’t fight her, for once. In the final scenes of the show, he actually follows the path she lays out for him, going to Harvard and working as a janitor to pay his way through. He’ll continue to suffer the effects of his family’s dysfunction, but it’ll help him maintain perspective.

That perspective is something almost no modern President will have. They really can’t because most modern politicians are millionaires. They essentially do exactly what Malcolm suggested, getting rich first and then buying their way into power. The fact that many politicians seem so out of touch with ordinary people, especially the working class, gives further weight to Lois’ words.

Rather than leave his dysfunction behind, Malcolm will carry it with him. He’ll use it to bring a perspective that others either don’t know about or don’t want to confront. Unlike everyone else who tries to raise awareness of working class dysfunction, he’s smarter than them. He’s actually capable of overcoming the traditional barriers that keep people like him from achieving real power.

It’s an unexpected, but satisfying brand of hope. Most episodes of “Malcolm In The Middle” tend to end with a sense of misanthropy that reverts Malcolm’s family back to the status quo. They’re never allowed to get ahead or rise above their dysfunction. At the same time, though, they don’t sink into a defeatist malaise like the Bundy family.

That’s exactly what puts Malcolm in a position to do something more in the end. Everything that held him and his family back is now a catalyst for something greater. He has both the perspective and the aptitude to do great things, such as become a President who actually cares about helping dysfunctional family’s like his.

At a time when income inequality is on the rise and the working class is enduring greater hardship, the world needs leaders who have Malcolm’s perspective. Unfortunately, such leaders are exceedingly rare, especially as powerful institutions become more and more prone to the interests of the rich.

The “Malcolm In The Middle” finale dares people to imagine what we can do when capable people from dysfunctional backgrounds actually get a chance to do something greater. The show doesn’t offer too many details about what happens to Malcolm beyond Harvard, but it’s refreshing and even a little uplifting to think that a show full of so much exaggerated dysfunction could envision a brighter future.

That future may not improve for people like Reese, though, but that’s probably beyond Malcolm’s abilities. Some dysfunction is just too great, even for a genius President.

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Filed under human nature, media issues, philosophy, psychology, television

Reflections On Major Loss And True Love Between My Aunt And Uncle

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I talk a lot about love on this site. Whether it’s in the novels I write, the short stories I tell, or the ways it may save our species in the future, I like to think I contemplate love more than most men will dare admit. I make no apologies for that. I am a self-proclaimed romantic. Make of that what you will.

As much as I love writing and talking about romance, though, there’s no substitute for love that’s real. It’s not some idealized concept or an elaborate sub-plot. It’s a real feeling shared by real people. There’s no need for fantasy because it’s there for all to see. No story, novel, or fairy tale can ever come close to capturing its essence.

I know this because recently, I had a chance to see and reflect on what real love looks like, albeit under tragic circumstances. Earlier this month, one of my aunts passed away. It was sudden and unexpected. She was in her 70s and she had some health issues, but none that weren’t manageable. Her passing caught a lot of people off-guard and broke a lot of hearts, none more so than my uncle.

I remember speaking to him a day after she passed. I could hear the pain in his voice over the phone. He kept saying that he didn’t just lose his wife of nearly 50 years. He lost his best friend. It was a truly heartbreaking moment. I wish I could put into words how it felt, but I don’t think those words exist. Even if they did, they would be too difficult to write.

In the days that followed, I met up with friends and family who knew my aunt. She was a hell of a character, one who would’ve found a role in any epic story, from a superhero comic to ancient folklore. She was the kind of person who could affect you with only her presence. She didn’t have to say or do anything to make an impact. Just being there was enough.

My uncle felt it more than anyone. Just talking to him and seeing him as we mourned her, I got a chance to witness what true love actually looks like. It’s a love that transcends many of the stories we tell about it. It’s something that becomes a part of you, one that just grows stronger with every passing year. Then, when that part dies, you feel it and it hurts.

However, the fact that it hurts lets you know just how real it was. My uncle didn’t avoid that. He let that pain show. Keep in mind, this man once served in the military. He’s one of the toughest guys you’ll ever meet. He’s not someone who hurts easily. Even when he does, he knows how to endure it. This was one case where he didn’t try to endure. He just let it show.

Say what you want about love being cheesy. When it’s that real, it’s powerful. It can be overwhelming too. Regardless of your gender, your background, or your capacity for strength, it’ll hit you harder than anything. That’s what makes it scary. For some people, it’s just easier to be cynical.

That doesn’t stop it from affecting us. My actually uncle met my aunt by accident. Less than a year after that meeting, though, they got married. They knew what they had was love. They didn’t run from it. They ran towards it and they never let go of it. For someone like me, who has only contemplated stories about such powerful love, seeing it manifest in that moment was profound.

My uncle’s heart is still wounded, but it isn’t broken. In talking to him, I could sense him finding strength in that heartbreak. He spent nearly half-a-century with my Aunt. They had forged many wonderful memories together, having two kids and over a half-dozen grandkids. Her passing doesn’t damage those memories. If anything, it makes them more precious.

I hope everyone, at some point in their lives, gets a chance to see that kind of love first-hand. Whether it’s among relatives, friends, or with your significant other, a love that real is something that extends beyond the people who feel it. We may never be able to completely capture it in a love story, but we can still experience it and appreciate its power.

I’m going to really miss my aunt. She was a wonderful woman who did so much for me and my family. I’ll still never miss her as much as my uncle, though. He loved her in a way that words and thoughts can never express. The fact their love existed in this crazy world and I had a chance to see it gives me hope. To all those who have lost someone they truly love, I like to think we can share that hope as we move on.

 

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The following is a review I wrote for PopMatters for Old Man Logan #46. Enjoy!

Old, Gruff, and Gritty in Old Man Logan #46

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August 23, 2018 · 6:16 pm