Jack Fisher’s Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Christmas 2021 Edition

I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas the other day. I certainly did. There were gifts exchanged, feasts enjoyed, and plenty of wonderful moments between family and friends. It was beautiful, festive, and memorable for all the right reasons. To my wonderful family, I thank you once more for making this another great Christmas.

Whatever you did to celebrate, be it small or large in scale, I hope it was just as great. Whether it was getting the best present you could’ve asked for or just sharing a large meal with the family, I hope you did something special. After this past year, we needed that, albeit for reasons not too different from what we faced in 2020.

I know the news in recent weeks has been less than ideal. I also know that next year is already looking to be plenty challenging, more so than we’d hoped. We’ll get to those challenges soon enough. For now, let’s just take a step back and appreciate the feeling of having made it through the holidays once more.

Christmas has always been my favorite holiday. It has always been special to me for so many reasons. This year was no exception. Things with my family are constantly evolving. One day, I hope they evolve even more once I meet that special someone. For this year, though, I’m just glad I was able to share it with the people I love.

Even though Christmas is over, there’s still some holiday spirit left to celebrate. To that end, here is one more gift from me to you. It’s my Christmas 2021 edition of my Sexy Sunday Thoughts. Enjoy!


“Anything that causes erections will always have more value than gold in the long run.”

Why Do Guys Press Their Boners Against You? (27+ Embarrassing Secrets) -  Her Norm

“Every birthday party is an indirect celebration of your parents’ orgasms.”

24 Snazzy [& Grown Up] Adult Birthday Party Ideas

“Nagging is evolution’s way of keeping people from getting too horny.”

5 Truths I Learned about Being a Nagging Wife

“Trying to make sex feel better is like trying to make sugar taste sweeter.”

7 Hot Foreplay Moves Every Couple Should Try - The Trent

“Would you trust a man who claims to be straight, but has a stash of gay porn?”

Man sues parents for throwing away his $29K porn collection

“The fact that idiots have kids is proof that sex is truly fool proof.”

Couple Making Funny Face by Susana Ramírez

“Does the fact that some of us were conceived during the sexual revolution mean it succeeded?”

Look where the sexual revolution is taking us now | The Times

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A Message Of Hope (And Resilience) For Christmas 2021

The following is a video from my YouTube channel, Jack’s World. It is a special Christmas message of hope, motivation, and gratitude to help celebrate the season. Enjoy!

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A Quick Personal Story About Driving Through Snow (And Energy Drinks)

How to Drive in the Snow: All the Equipment and Tips You Need | WIRED

We all have certain stories from our lives that stand out for no particular reason. They aren’t life defining moments like graduating school, falling in love, or eating your first Krispy Kreme donut. For reasons that are just completely unknowable, you remember them so vividly.

I’ve shared a few personal stories in the past. Some are more dramatic than others. Some were just funny and worth sharing. Honestly, I’m not entirely sure how to classify the one I’m about to share. I just think it’s worth sharing because it’s just one of those stories that really sticks out. Hopefully, you’ll see why when I tell it.

Like all my personal stories, I need to establish a little context. This story takes place just a few years after I got out of college. I’m at an interesting point of transition in my adult life. I’m still living at home, but I have a stable, well-paying job that has allowed me to amass some regular income.

I also have my first car, which is a big deal for anyone in their mid-20s. I’m still getting used to the idea of being able to just go out on my own at any time I want. Before then, I was at the mercy of bus schedules and whether my parents would let me borrow one of their cars.

Then, one day, I met up with one of my cousins. She and her boyfriend at the time were living about an hour-and-a-half away from where I was at the time. This is someone who has known me my entire life. She also knew how socially awkward I was and how hard I was struggling to come out of my shell.

Being the wonderful cousin she was, she invited me to hang out with her and her husband one night. Unlike other meetings, I wouldn’t be with other friends or relatives. It was just us, sharing a night on the town, enjoying ourselves on our own terms. It was a bit daunting at first, but she convinced me to try it.

Now, what we did on that outing is another story altogether. The most I’ll say is that we had a great time. She took me to this cool restaurant where we met up with her friends. She then took me to this nightclub where we just danced and hung out. In terms of a night out, it was probably the most fun I’d had since I graduated college.

The real story begins when it gets really late and I’m wondering whether I should drive home. As it just so happened, this was early March and it was still fairly cold out. On top of that, there was some snow in the forecast. It even started snowing lightly while we were on our way back to my cousin’s apartment.

At one point, I’m debating if I should stay the night. They had offered me a chance to stay on the couch and that had been my original plan. However, the forecast kept getting worse as the night went on. I was concerned I might be snowed in and their apartment wasn’t exactly built for guests.

After some back-and-forth, I decide to try and drive home before the storm rolls in. Keep in mind, this is about 2:30 in the morning. It’s the latest I’ve ever driven anywhere, let alone an hour-and-a-half away from home.

Again, it was pretty daunting. Then again, driving on a snowy road in the morning is just as daunting.

Since it’s so late, I’m concerned about staying alert and so is my cousin. That’s when she offers me a couple of Monster Energy Drinks. I’m not talking about the small, discount size, either. These are full-sized cans. Typically, you only need to drink one. Me being so concerned, I decided to have two.

At this point, I’d like to offer a bit of advice to everyone. Do not drink two oversized energy drinks. Just don’t. They’re not good for you.

This is something I had to learn for myself. With flurries still coming down and the roads getting worse, I say goodbye to my cousin. I then get in my car, which is still very new to me, and start making the trip back home at nearly 3:00 in the morning.

Of all the experiences I had that night, this might have been the most jarring. It was genuinely strange, being on the road so late. I wasn’t used to seeing so few cars. There were times when I would drive down large stretches of highway and only see a couple cars pass by. Some of that might have been because of the weather, but it was still a strange feeling.

I grew up outside of major metropolitan areas. I’m used to traffic and traffic jams at all hours. I had never been out at a time when there was so little traffic. It was kind of nice on some levels, but given the late hour and the weather, it was also kind of spooky.

Then, the energy drinks kicked in. Remember, I had two of them, so the effects were definitely noticeable.

On some levels, they did exactly what I wanted. They kept me alert. The problem is, they kept me really alert. I was so alert during that drive that I felt like I was performing brain surgery on the President. I didn’t relax, even during long stretches on the highway. I physically couldn’t. That’s how wired I was.

The weather didn’t get much better, either. The closer I got to home, the worse the storm got. By the time I was on familiar streets, the roads were pretty slick. I drove slower than usual, despite being so alert. I was almost paranoid to go too fast.

Eventually, I do make it home. By then, it’s about 4:30 in the morning. The snow is still coming down and the streets are covered in ice. It’s quite a sight, but what I remember most is just parking my car and feeling like I finished a harrowing adventure. I was both relieved and elated, although some of that might have been because of the energy drinks.

I’m still a bit too wired to sleep at this point, but I ultimately crash after just a half-hour. However, this is no ordinary crash. Coming down from two Monster Energy Drinks is not like coming down from a few two many sugar cookies. I crashed hard.

I remember getting really dazed and drowsy. Then, my ears start burning and my face gets flushed. I then collapse on my bed and go to sleep. When I wake up a few hours later, I have a pounding headache, which I basically spend the rest of the day sleeping off. My whole internal clock gets messed up, as a result. I need the rest of the weekend, just to re-balance myself.

As stressful and harrowing as that night was, I’m still glad I did it. I’m grateful that my cousin went out of her way for me like that. Now, in hindsight, I would not have chugged two full energy drinks. That would’ve spared me the pounding headache later.

Even so, the experience was worth the discomfort. I still don’t entirely know why this story stands out as much as it does for me. I just thought it was worth sharing. If nothing else, I hope it dissuades anyone from chugging too many energy drinks at 2:30 in the morning.

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Filed under health, Jack Fisher's Insights, real stories

The Steps To Telling Whether Someone Is A Dishonest Grifter

Why you don't hear about Milo Yiannopoulos or Mike Cernovich anymore - Vox

There are lying, cheating, whiny grifters everywhere these days. They were always present to some extent, but the internet, social media, and algorithms have made them more prominent than ever. It’s never been easier to be a grifter, telling people what they want to hear or trolling them into giving you their money, attention, or trust.

These people are assholes, plain and simple.

Do not give them the time of day, let alone a penny of your money.

They are just scamming you while pretending to enlighten you. Don’t give them the satisfaction. Some are religious grifters. Some are political grifters. Some are just plain attention whores. The only common thread is that they’re assholes seeking money, attention, likes, or subscribers.

Most of the time, it’s easy to tell the grifters from sincere individuals just seeking to put themselves out there. It’s not exactly subtle. More often than not, you can rightly assume that most professional trolls are just blatant grifters.

Others are more subtle and it’s these types you have to be careful with. They’ll rarely claim to have an agenda. If they do, they’re usually good at hiding it behind coded language and dog whistles. It’s important to be on the lookout for that sort of thing because it’s easy to get sucked into their narrative. Once you’re in that narrative, they’ve got you in their grasp and like cult leaders, they’ll do whatever they can to possess you.

Having come across plenty of grifters over the years of being online, I’ve noticed plenty of telling signs. I’d like to share some of those signs. Everyone, regardless of age or affiliation, should be mindful of all the grifts and scams on the internet. The more we recognize them, the more we can call them out for the lying, cheating assholes they are.


Sign #1: Their opinions and reviews on certain movies, TV shows, comics, or public figures never changes, be it negative or positive.

Sign #2: Their opinions, ideology, and rhetoric are extremely similar, if not identical, to other known grifters.

Sign #3: They frequently make the claim that they have inside sources on a particular industry or sub-culture that they never name (and can usually be traced to trolling comments from sites like 4chan).

Sign #4: They throw around politically loaded insults like SJW, whamen, and plebs while talking about non-political topics.

Sign #5: They try to sell you something other than a typical sponsorship like vitamins, merch, or subscriptions services that they exclusively control.

Sign #6: They claim to offer the “real” story behind a particular media narrative, be it political or entertainment.

Sign #7: They constantly claim they’re being oppressed, marginalized, and censored by some nefarious organization with no official name or face (think Big Tech, establishment media, or some outsider sub-group).

Sign #8: They claim that they’re representing the “true” opinions of fans/Christians/Americans/whatever group they’re affiliated with.

Sign #9: They have a select number of public figures they go out of their way to hate, criticize, or demean.

Sign #10: They reject all criticism and debunking as part of a conspiracy against them or people like them.

Sign #11: They never, ever stop whining.


Again, these are just some of the signs. There are probably plenty more. If you have others, please share them in the comments. Remain vigilant for lying, grifting assholes of all types. They’re always out there, looking for their next grift. Don’t let them get you. You don’t deserve to be their victims.

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New Comic Book Day December 22, 2021: My Pull List And Pick Of The Week

When you love comics as much as I do, every New Comic Book Day feels special. Thanks to digital comics through Comixology, waking up on Wednesday morning often feels like Christmas. I get out of bed, grab my iPad, and see a nice collection of new comics to enjoy with my morning coffee. It’s nothing short of heavenly.

However, there are some days that are objectively more special than others. The New Comic Day before Christmas definitely qualifies. This year, the calendar has been extra generous. Today, I get to enjoy a nice batch of new comics. Three days later, it’s actual Christmas. That’s almost too much joy for me to process.

On top of that, comic publishers tend to release extra stuff before Christmas. I think that’s largely a result of many writers, editors, and artists traveling for the holidays. It usually means the week after tends to be pretty light. That only makes enjoying this particular New Comic Book Day more vital.

There’s just something inherently special about reading comics under the light of a Christmas tree. It’s enough to make me feel jollier than Santa himself. In recent years, it has become one of my favorite holiday traditions. I encourage all my fellow comic fans to give it a try. Christmas is already special. Adding comics to the mix only makes it better.

To that end, here is my rather lengthy pull list for this week, as well as my pick. Whatever you’ve got going on today, take some time to really appreciate this day. It’ll make the act of reading comics, as well as the holidays, even more special. Enjoy!


My Pull List

Amazing Spider-Man #82

Avengers #51

Avengers Forever #1

Avengers: Tech-On #5

Batman: One Dark Knight #1

Batman/Catwoman #9

Black Panther #2

Catwoman #38

Grimm Fairy Tales #55

Hawkeye: Kate Bishop #2

Iron Man #15

Justice League Incarnate #2

Kang The Conqueror #5

King Conan #1

The Last Avengers Story: Marvel Tales #1

Ms. Marvel: Beyond the Limit #1

Nightwing #87

Phoenix Song: Echo #3

S.W.O.R.D. #11

Star Wars: Darth Vader #19

Supergirl: Woman of Tomorrow #6

Venom #3

Wolverine #19

Wonder Woman: Evolution #2

X-Men: The Trial Of Magneto #5


My Pick Of The Week
Avengers Forever #1

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Spider-Man: No Way Home – An Amazing Culmination With Amazing Implications

The following is a video from my YouTube channel, Jack’s World. It is my full review and reaction to “Spider-Man: No Way Home.” Now, make no mistake. This is the biggest, boldest, most ambitious Spider-Man movie ever made. It is also one of the biggest superhero movies since “Avengers: Endgame.” As such, it had a lot to live up to. It’s also one of those rare movies that is best left unspoiled.

With that in mind, please note that this video contains heavy spoilers. Please see this movie beforehand. It’s so worth not spoiling. You have been warned. Enjoy!

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Filed under Jack's World, Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, Movie Reviews, Spider-Man, superhero comics, superhero movies, YouTube

Would You Willingly Plug Your Brain Into The Matrix?

The Matrix' Code Came From Sushi Recipes—but Which? | WIRED

What if there was a virtual environment that was so real and so lifelike that it was completely indistinguishable from the real world?

What if you had an opportunity to upload the entire contents of your mind into that environment?

Would you do it? Even if you didn’t have a full measure of control over the environment, would you still venture into this virtual world?

I’m not just asking these questions as another thought experiment, nor am I asking it as an excuse to talk about “The Matrix: Resurrections.” Yes, the prospect of another movie in the mold of “The Matrix” did inspire me to pose these questions, but I also think these questions are worth seriously contemplating.

Back in 1999, the year “The Matrix” first came out, the idea of an entirely simulated world seemed like classic sci-fi tech, the likes of which we’d never see in our lifetimes. That’s understandable. In 1999, the most advanced simulations we knew could only be rendered by a Playstation 2 and those hardly looked realistic.

Since then, computing power and graphics technology has come a long way. These days, graphics in video game consoles are so realistic that it’s nearing Uncanny Valley territory. It won’t be that long before we have computer renderings that are so advanced, so lifelike, and so realistic that our brains can’t tell the difference.

At that point, creating an entirely simulated world is just a matter of computing power, scale, and interface. Since brain/computer interfaces are already being developed, it’s not unreasonable to think that we won’t have a Matrix-like simulation available within the next 40 years. Many people alive today who are under the age of 50 might very well live long enough to see that technology.

Once we have it, we’ll have some important decisions to make. Some of those decisions will be societal. If people suddenly have access to a virtual world where they can be anyone, do anything, and immerse themselves in any conceivable experience, then what does that do to society? What does that do to people, communities, nations, and social structures?

Those are far messier questions to contemplate, which is why I’m not going to belabor them too much at this point. Instead, I want to keep this question within the context of individuals. Everyone’s circumstances and beliefs are different. As a result, that may impact whether you’d take advantage of such an opportunity or what kind of environment you’d seek to create.

Personally, if I ever had an opportunity to upload my mind into a virtual environment on par with the Matrix, I would do it, but the extent and circumstances would vary. I suspect others may feel the same.

If I could create my own personal virtual environment before I uploaded my mind into it, then I would certainly be more willing. I think that’s an important factor. The humans in “The Matrix” didn’t have any measure of control over the environment they were in. I think that would complicate any that anyone would have in such a world.

It would also depend heavily on my physical state in the real world. If this technology became available and I was old, weak, and in poor health, then I would certainly be more inclined to use it. That assumes that any technology involving human enhancement hasn’t progressed significantly and people still age, get sick, and die.

Like it or not, our physical bodies in the real world will break down. If the technology to manage and reverse that isn’t available, then virtual environments might be the only way we can continue to live in any meaningful capacity. I certainly hope that isn’t my only opinion when I get to be that age, but if it is, then that simplifies my decision.

It’s hard to know what sort of options we’ll have. I still believe that technology involving human enhancement and creating virtual worlds will advance in parallel. One would, by default, need the other in order to properly interface with these environments. As such, it would complicate any decision about venturing into virtual environments.

Then, there’s the actual nature of those virtual environments. If we can control what environment we go into, then that opens the door to even more possibilities. Within these worlds, you could be a billionaire playboy, a medieval king, a famous celebrity, or super athlete. From your brain’s perspective, it would feel every bit as real as what you’re feeling right now.

Whether or not our brains would accept it is a different story. I suspect there may be some who, once they enter these worlds, would never want to leave. There may even be some who willingly erase their own memories of the real world so that this new virtual world is their new “reality.” That’s exactly what Cypher desired in “The Matrix” and I suspect others might share that desire.

It really does depend on the person, their situation, and what sort of virtual world they seek to create. We probably won’t know the full impact until we create our first true Matrix-like virtual world. I sincerely hope I live long enough to see that. If you’re reading this, hopefully you get to see it as well. It should give you plenty of time to contemplate these questions and whether you’ll venture into those world.

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Filed under Artificial Intelligence, biotechnology, futurism, Sexy Future, Thought Experiment

Jack Fisher’s Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Ugly Christmas Sweater Edition

I love Christmas more than most people. I hope I’ve made that abundantly clear. If I haven’t, then I honestly don’t know how much more I can belabor the point. I love the holidays and all the colorful festivities that come with it. I always have and I try to share that love with others as much as I can.

That said, I didn’t get the appeal of ugly Christmas sweaters for the longest time. I’m also not a big fan of sweaters in general, mostly because the ones I had to wear as a kid were itchy as hell. I can probably count on one hand all the times I’ve willingly worn a sweater on one hand, which is why I really didn’t care for the whole ugly Christmas sweater gimmick.

In recent years, though, that sentiment has changed. Some of that might just be because I’m getting older and my fondness for Christmas has become more refined. However, I think most of that is because I’ve come across plenty of ugly Christmas sweaters that are funny, sexy, or some combination of the two.

These days, ugly Christmas sweaters are very much their own market. You don’t have to look far to find some that are as obscene as they are colorful. Not all of them are inherently sexy, but if your lover is wearing one, then it definitely gains a new appeal.

I’ve never had a girlfriend wear an ugly Christmas sweater for the sake of sex appeal, nor have I worn one for them, but I hope future love interests are open to it. If nothing else, it injects a little humor into the holidays and that can only make the overall experience more enjoyable.

With Christmas just a week away, it’s a good time to dig into the world of ugly Christmas sweaters. See what you can find. See which ones are funny, sexy, or both. Here are some Sexy Sunday Thoughts to get your holiday spirit inspired, among other things. Enjoy!


“True love means making a genuine effort to ensure your lover has as many or more orgasms than you.”

How Orgasm Denial Can Increase Pleasure During Sex

“Is a massage that doesn’t make you horny really a quality massage?”

How COVID-19 Has Affected Massage Therapists and the Future of Their  Industry | Allure

“Someone who loves skin-tight clothing is already half-way towards becoming a nudist.”

Cotton candy

“Is it ironic or fitting that describing orgasms often makes us horny?”

Hair style america capital: Gorgeous Babe with Horny Look HD Wallpaper

“By default, there’s no comfortable way to find out you enjoy being choked during sex.”

Chokebot - YouTube

“Like it or not, the prequel to any family home movie was a porno.”

9,915 Chilling Online Together In Bed Stock Photos, Pictures & Royalty-Free  Images - iStock

“Those who cannot access internet porn probably have a more vivid imagination than those who can.”

Ever Wonder What Women Think During Sex? Well Wonder No More

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F Is For Family Season 5: A Bittersweet, But Insightful Finale

The following is a video from my YouTube channel, Jack’s World. It is my full review, reaction, and analysis of season five of “F Is For Family,” the Netflix show from Bill Burr that threatens to put us through a fucking wall. Enjoy!

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Filed under F is for Family, Jack's World, television, YouTube

My “Home Alone” Fan Theory: Kevin’s Father Is A Mob Lawyer

Disney+ on Twitter: "🙀 KEEEEEEVINNNNNNNNNN 🙀 Home Alone (1,2, AND 3) are  here just in time for the long weekend. Start streaming now on  #DisneyPlus—home alone or not. https://t.co/VRzHMZlxaj" / Twitter

Some movies and TV shows are bound to attract more wild fan theories than others. Sometimes, that’s by design. A show like ”Lost” is basically built for that kind of wild speculation. The mystery, the intrigue, and the possibilities are weaved into the very premise. The same could be said for movies like ”The Matrix” or “Inception.”

Then, there’s a movie like ”Home Alone,” the heartwarming holiday classic that made Macaulay Calkin a star. As a concept, a story, and a general overtone, it’s just not as conducive to elaborate fan theories. It’s a simple premise with a simple appeal, a clever kid being left home alone by accident and having to defend his house against a couple of bumbling burglers.

It’s a fun, entertaining movie all around. Whenever the holidays roll around, I find myself watching it at least twice. It has become a holiday tradition in its own right. Like eggnog, decorations, or presents, ”Home Alone” is just one of those movies that has stood the test of time and maintained that special appeal.

Despite that, it has been subject to some substantial fan theories in recent. Some are a bit more extreme than others. One in particular claims that ”Home Alone” is actually an origin story for Jigsaw from the ”Saw” movies. While I think it’s a creative theory, it falls apart when you just compare the age of Kevin and that of John Cramer.

Other theories are a bit less colorful, dealing with everything from time travel to deals with the devil. I don’t think those theories do much to really change, enhance, or undermine the overall viewing experience of the movie. In general, I like theories that get you to see a movie or show in a whole new light that makes watching it more engaging.

In that spirit, I’d like to share my own personal fan theory about ”Home Alone” that I came up with after rewatching the movie recently. It’s actually an expansion of another popular fan theory about Kevin’s father being a mob boss. Compared to most fan theories, I think this one is a lot more believable in that it fills in a particular detail.

Specifically, it asks how Peter McCallister can afford to fly his entire family to Paris for Christmas one year and Florida the next. On top of that, his family lives in this big, opulant house that allows Kevin to put in so many traps in the first place.

It’s not an unreasonable question. Kevin’s family is clearly quite well off. We never actually even learn what his parents do for a living. It never factors into the overall plot. It just means they’re wealthy enough to become targets for burglers.

However, I think the theory about Peter McCallister being a mob boss just doesn’t work. Most point to how he interacts with the police officer, who is actually Harry in disguise. He quickly asks if he’s under arrest or something, which is an odd thing to ask and something you’d expect a criminal to say. I don’t deny that’s odd, but I don’t think that makes Peter a mob boss.

Also, if Peter were a mob boss, I don’t think he would be quite as polite to someone he thinks is an police officer. In fact, I doubt he’d even let an officer get into his house. Mob bosses aren’t too keen on cops being anywhere near their homes or their families, let alone inside their house. If a cop just suddenly paid a visit, even if he was a fake cop, it would be a much bigger cause for concern.

On top of that, I think even if Kevin’s father was just a high ranking figure in the mob, he’d have body guards and henchmen to keep him from ever dealing with the police. They would probably stop Harry before he ever entered the house and told him, in not so many words, that he’s not welcome.

That said, I think there’s another way to look at this. I think there’s another version of this theory that makes more sense and fills in some other plot points within this movie. This is where I’m going to posit my own fan theory about ”Home Alone.”

Kevin McCallister’s father is a mob lawyer.

The difference might seem trival. On the surface, it doesn’t seem to change much with the theory about Kevin’s father being a mob boss. Why does it matter if Peter McCallister is a mob boss or a mob lawyer? Well, if you apply a bit of scrutiny, it makes a bit more sense in the grand scheme of things.

Mob lawyers do exist. They’ve always been part of organized crime in some form or another. They may not be as recognizable or famous as the mobsters they represent, but I think that only gives more credence to this theory. I also think it changes the context of what unfolds over the course of ”Home Alone.”

In essence, a mob lawyer is like any other lawyer. They just happen to specialize in clients that are high profile mobsters. They defend and represent those who others are too afraid to get near. It’s a high risk for anyone in the legal field, but with great risk comes great reward. If Peter McCallister is even moderately successful, then that reward would explain his lavish trips and big house.

Even if that’s true, you might still ask whether he couldn’t just be a really successful legitimate lawyer? Yes, he certainly could. Those types of lawyers do exist, but Peter being a mob lawyer also helps explain a few other details more than just being a typical successful laywer.

Specifically, it offers another reason as to why Harry wanted to rob the McCallister house more than the rest on that block. On multiple occassions, he tells Marv just how much he values that house. He makes clear he wants to rob it, even after finding out that Kevin is home alone.

Why would he want to risk that? He has to know that, even if he doesn’t know Kevin can set all those traps, the police could get involved. Even if he and Marv aren’t particularly bright, they know enough to avoid police.

However, if Peter McCallister is a mob lawyer, then that changes things. Mob lawyers, much like regular mobsters, are less inclined to get involved with the police. They understand that the longer they talk to the police, the greater the chance they’ll slip up and reveal something incriminating. Also, given the nature of their work, they probably wouldn’t have too many friends at the police.

That does seem to manifest at one point in the movie. The McCallisters don’t seem to be particularly fond of dealing with them. Just look at how Kevin’s mother talked to the police. Even if they were just worried about their son, they weren’t exactly patient with them.

It’s almost like they know the police in that area aren’t overly competent, nor are they inclined to go out of their way for the McCallisters. You’d think that if they were a wealthy family from a wealthy neighborhood, the cops would do a lot more than just send one officer over to check on Kevin. Doing the bare minimum would surely attract a scandal or a lawsuit.

That only makes sense if you take into account that the police know the McCallisters have mob ties. Even if Peter is just a lawyer, they probably have experience with how they protect the criminals they arrest. So, why would they go out of their way for a family like that? Plus, if Peter McCallister is a competent mob lawyer in any capacity, he knows it’s better to avoid unnecessary publicity than to attract it.

Being a mob lawyer also makes sense of another unusual detail towards the end of the movie. When Kevin finally does call the cops, he doesn’t call them to his house. He pretends to be his neighbor, the Murphys. Why would he do that? Why wouldn’t he want the cops to come to his house?

Well, if his father is a mob lawyer, then he also knows the importance of minimizing their interaction with the police. Perhaps Peter McCallister teaches all his children to avoid calling the police to their house. He might not give a reason. It’s just a rule that his kids aren’t meant to question and, in the name of defending his home, Kevin decided to keep that rule.

That same inclination to avoid police interaction could also explain why Harry targets the McCallister’s house. Perhaps he actually knows of Peter’s mob ties. He might also know that if he were to rob a mob boss, even without threatening his son, he and Marv would probably end up dead and disappeared within a week. However, robbing a mob lawyer is a different story.

Not only are mob lawyers rich, they’re not going to involve themselves with the police more than they have to. Even if they lose a lot of valuables, they’re more inclined to just buy new stuff rather than deal with the police. They may complain to their mob associates, but their lawyers being robbed probably wouldn’t bother them as much as it would if they got robbed.

This theory even explains why Kevin’s Uncle Frank is so cheap. Maybe he knows about his brother’s mob connections. He may also think that it’s only a matter of time before Peter gets in trouble for all this and he’s just bracing for that.

In its totality, Peter McCallister being a mob lawyer just explains so much in ”Home Alone” that it’s hard to ignore. If you rewatch the movie with the assumption that Kevin’s dad is a successful mob lawyer, it changes the context of the story in all the right ways. It makes sense of things that were otherwise left unexplained, which is the hallmark of any good fan theory.

Now, I don’t deny that the theory is without flaws. In the sequel, the McCallister’s did seem a bit more comfortable in dealing with the police. Then again, that’s the NYPD and not the Chicago PD, so I still think it holds up.

What do you think, though? Do you think this fan theory holds up? Do you have a better one to offer for this holiday classic? Please let me know in the comments.

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