Tag Archives: Jack Fisher Blog

December 30, 2017 · 9:50 am

Update: NOT Moving Day!

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Well, if I sounded really excited about my new bachelor pad a few hours ago, it’s safe to pretty much reverse that feeling completely because a lot has changed since then. By that, I mean I screwed up. By screwed up, I mean I failed miserably to plan properly on just how chaotic things get around the holidays. As such, I will not be moving today.

That means I’ll have to wait just a little bit longer before I can start enjoying life in my new bachelor pad. Don’t get the wrong idea. I’m still moving in. I bought the place. It closed. The deed is in my name. I just can’t get my stuff over there for another few days. Trust me. It’s even more frustrating than it sounds.

I’m still going to find time to write about sexy and non-sexy topics. I’m still going to try and enjoy what’s left of the holidays. However, I’ll just have to wait a little bit longer before I can fully move in and take this next major step in my life. Now, excuse me while I berate myself for planning so poorly around the holidays.

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December 30, 2017 · 7:00 am

Moving Day!

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Today is a very special day for me. For once, it has nothing to do with a sexy story I’m writing, a trip I’m taking, or some big-time superhero movie that I’ve been dying to see. It’s actually more personal in that it’s something that, ideally, doesn’t happen often, but often brings new opportunities when it does.

I’m moving!

I’ve mentioned it already in passing, but there was a reason why I didn’t give many details. For the past several weeks, I’ve been trying to purchase a new condo that I hope will mark a significant upgrade to my current living situation. By significant, I mean I’ll be able to turn this place into a true, full-fledged bachelor pad. For an aspiring erotica/romance writer, I can’t think of anything more inspiring.

As a result, I don’t have much time to discuss or contemplate sexy topics today. I’ll spend most of the day moving, most of the night unpacking, and most of the next day recovering. I’m already exhausted and the most arduous parts are still ahead of me. However, I believe the inherent stress that comes with moving will be worth it.

Don’t worry, though. I’ll be back to talking about sexy and serious issues, as well as sharing my weekly Sexy Sunday Thoughts in no time. Until then, wish me luck on my big move and if anyone has any tips on how to create the ultimate bachelor pad, I’d love to hear it.

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December 25, 2017 · 8:30 am

Have A Very Merry (And Sexy) Christmas To All!

The wait is over. The shopping is done. The eggnog is cold. The decorations are bright, lit, and a sight to behold. That’s right. It’s Christmas. Whether you’re an adult, a child, or an adult who just enjoys acting like a child every now and then, it’s a special day that’s worth cherishing with those we love.

So to those who have helped make this website so successful, especially over the past two months, I sincerely thank you. On behalf of myself and all those who try to bring a little sexiness into this world I wish everyone a very sexy, very merry Christmas. Open gifts, celebrate with loved ones, and enjoy this wonderful holiday.

Merry Christmas!

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December 24, 2017 · 8:13 am

Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Christmas Eve Edition

It’s almost here! After weeks of decorating, shopping, gift-wrapping, holiday specials, and getting drunk on eggnog, the main event is almost upon us. Christmas is almost here. Admit it. The kid in you already restless, excited, and eager to see what Santa left them. Even if you’re an adult, those gift cards aren’t going to spend themselves.

I don’t care how old you are. There’s still something about Christmas that gets us excited in non-sexy, yet beautiful ways. Even if you’ve outgrown the toys and Christmas cookies, something about it still resonates with us. Unless you’re like Billy Bob Thorton’s character in “Bad Santa,” we all feel something warm and fuzzy in our hearts on Christmas morning and it’s not always the spiked eggnog.

As a kid, I have many fond Christmas memories. As an adult, I’ve tried to build on those memories. Sometimes, that involves going the extra mile for my family. Sometimes, that involves finding ways to add a little holiday sex appeal to the festivities. There are quite a few sexy stories I could tell, but I’ll save that for another time. I’d like to stay off Santa’s naughty list for now.

For now, I’m hoping this extra-festive edition of my Sexy Sunday Thoughts will get everyone in the holiday spirit, among other things. Whether you hate Christmas, don’t celebrate it, or just use it as excuse to watch “A Christmas Story” and “Die Hard,” I hope this helps get you in the right mood.

“Is it hypocritical that most people agree that sex is fun, but we built a major holiday around a story about a woman who gave birth without it?”

“Being a dick and having a dick aren’t mutually exclusive, but one can be a potent tool to motivate the other.”

“If practice makes perfect, then every prostitutes and porn star would qualify as a sex therapist.”

“Fathers make a big deal out of teaching their sons to be men, but don’t mind letting them figure out masturbation on their own.” 

“To young people today, a slow WiFi connection is every bit as infuriating as premature ejaculation.”

“A dorky guy with a big dick is like a bitchy girl with big tits in that potential lovers are slightly more willing to overlook their flaws.”

“Great sex makes every night feel like Christmas Eve and every morning feel like Christmas.”

I hope that helped inspire your holiday spirit and/or made your pants a little tighter. Either way, you’re welcome. I hope it makes whatever you and your family do on Christmas Eve to prepare that much more enjoyable. The holidays are a busy, but wonderful time. We all have our own way to enjoy it and if we can do it while feeling sexy as hell, then that’s just a nice bonus.

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December 17, 2017 · 7:33 am

Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Spiked Eggnog Edition

I love the holidays. I love everything about them. I always have, from my playful childhood to my awkward teenage years to my sexier adult years. From the presents to the decorations to the constant debate over whether “Die Hard” qualifies as a Christmas movie, there’s so much about the holidays to love.

One aspect of the holidays that didn’t really appeal to me until later in life involved eggnog. Honestly, I thought the stuff looked disgusting, as a kid. Then again, I also thought coffee looked disgusting and now my coffee maker is basically my morning shrine. In that sense, I’m not too surprised that I developed a taste for it, especially after I found out you could spike it with whiskey.

It’s especially tasty after that first blast of winter weather, which came earlier than I expected/hoped this year. As I write this, it’s colder than Ann Coulter’s soul outside. For someone who enjoys sleeping naked, that’s kind of a problem and eggnog spiked with a little whiskey goes a long way towards keeping me warm.

Sure, it does other things too and yes, those things are also enjoyable in their own right. They’re just that much more enjoyable when it doubles as a practical method of staying warm. I know eggnog, especially the spiked variety, isn’t for everyone. For those who see it as a legitimate way of staying warm during the holidays, this week’s edition of my “Sexy Sunday Thoughts” is for you.

“It’s both ironic and fitting that men learn often learn the hardest lessons because of or in spite of erections.” 

“Most children weren’t effected by cartoon violence growing up, but those that were should probably stay away from porn.”

“When you think about it, exercise is an investment and more sex is the dividend payment.” 

“Eating and masturbating don’t need to be taught, but like table manners, a little etiquette makes a difference.”

“Having multiple techniques in foreplay is like having a good vocabulary. It’ll help you navigate certain situations in a more productive manner.”

“The fact that an average-looking woman can get sex easier than a moderately attractive man is a testament to the horniness disparity between genders.”

“A lack of options in sex can inspire/require a more robust imagination.”

I hope this helps keep everyone a little warmer and makes the alcohol-laced eggnog taste a little sweeter. There are certain seasonal drinks that are special because we save them for one particular part of the year. When it’s freezing cold outside and you want to curl up with a sexy novel under your Christmas tree, a stiff drink and a light buzz goes a long way to keeping you warm, among other things.

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December 10, 2017 · 8:40 am

Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Gift Wrapping Edition

This may make me a bit of an anomaly among straight men, but I love shopping, especially around the holidays. In fact, it’s one of my favorite parts of the holidays. It’s right up there with whiskey-laced eggnog and beautiful women dressed in sexy elf costumes.

I don’t care if that makes me weird. Compared to other traits that have made me stand out, this one doesn’t bother me in the slightest. If anything, I celebrate my love of shopping around the holidays. I’m the kind of guy who proudly wears his ugliest Christmas sweater to the mall and smiles at anyone who looks at me strangely. My holiday spirit is just that strong.

It’s because of that holiday spirit that I’m often the first among my friends and family to finish his Christmas shopping. Most of the time, I’m done before the first day of December. This year is no exception. As I type this, I’m proud to say that I’m officially done and all my presents are wrapped. If that makes me even weirder in the eyes of the world, so be it.

I make no apologies for my love of the holidays and my fondness for getting my Christmas shopping done early. That’s not to disparage those who procrastinate, buying and wrapping their gifts on Christmas Eve. This is just how I’m wired during the holidays.

Regardless of how you go about shopping or gift wrapping, this week’s edition of Sexy Sunday Thoughts is dedicated to that spirit that drives us to shop in the name of the holidays. Whether you love it or enjoy dry humping Ebeneezer Scrooge, I hope this boosts that spirit in some meaningful way.

“Historically speaking, oral sex is the only universally accepted currency.” 

“The fact that men can sense on a biological level when a woman is menstruating is inherently more impressive than women noticing a man’s awkward boner.”

“Sex is supposed to bring a couple closer together, marriage is supposed to make it legally binding, and divorce is the penalty for not reading the fine print.”

“When you think about it, a multi-orgasmic woman is the perfect embodiment of persistence.”

“Having sex with an ex-lover is kind of like confronting an old bully, but with more rug burns.”

“Making love and rough sex aren’t mutually exclusive, but one is an inherently greater risk to bedroom furniture.”

“Boner pills and lube are like cheat codes in that they will cause the game to crash when utilized to excess.”

To those who will likely wait until the last moment to finish your Christmas shopping and wrap your presents, I hope this encourages you to be a bit more proactive for the holidays this year, among other things. To those like me who have already finished and are just enjoying the glut of Christmas specials on TV, I hope this makes the eggnog taste that much sweeter.

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December 6, 2017 · 7:10 pm

Putting This Site’s Traffic Surge Into Perspective

I meant to make this sooner. After every month, I usually do a quick post to update regular visitors to this website on how much or how little the traffic has increased. For the most part, traffic has gone up steadily since I began regularly posting on this site back in early 2016. By steadily, I mean a few hundred visitors at most.

Then, November 2017 came along. At the same time, I joined the wonderful digital world that is Reddit. Since then, there has been nothing steady about the traffic increase this site has gotten. I honestly had no idea the flood of visitors would come so quickly and so consistently.

To put things into perspective, here’s a quick overview of the numbers. In October, my overall traffic count for the entire month was around 1,800 visitors. It was only a slight uptick compared to September, but I was still proud of that.

Then, after joining Reddit on the last day of October, I topped that amount in the span of two days. At first, I though it was the flukiest of flukes. I’m so glad I was wrong. By the end of November, my total traffic count stood at approximately 16,100 visitors. Do the math and that amounts to a roughly 894 percent increase. Find one non-Bitcoin related trend that can match that kind of performance.

I’m still in shock at the sheer breadth of this increase. To give a hint as to just how big a shift this is, my most heavily-trafficked article, which happened to be a piece I did about my conversation with a transgender woman, got more traffic in one day than this entire site got in a single month. Once again, I can’t thank Reddit enough for making it possible.

Now, this may still be a fluke in the sense that this increase was a simple spike. There’s a real chance that the traffic will decline or level off. I’m still learning to navigate Reddit effectively. I’ve had a few missteps, but I’m trying to learn from them. I hope to continue building this site’s base through Reddit and whatever other means I can utilize.

Whatever the future of this site, I sincerely thank all those who have supported this blog as it endures its growing pains. I hope it continues to grow in the sexiest way possible. Rest assured I’ll work hard to make that happen.

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December 3, 2017 · 8:12 am

Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Holiday Shopping Edition

By now, everyone should be done digesting their Thanksgiving dinner, as well as any leftovers. If not, those leftovers have probably gone bad and I wouldn’t advise trying to digest them at this point. That holiday is over now. It’s time to move onto the next big event. This one doesn’t just involve gut-busting food or eggnog spiced with whiskey. This one involves decorations, lights, and shopping.

That’s right. Christmas is upon us. Kids wait eagerly for this month every year. Adults wait for it too, if only to see the holiday specials they loved as kids. I admit it. I still watch those specials. I still love them. However, what I love more about this time of year is the shopping.

Yes, I’m a man. Yes, I love shopping. No, I’m not going to apologize for it. That should explain why I love Christmas more than most. Ask anyone who has known me for more than a year and they’ll tell you the same thing. I love Christmas and I love shopping for presents.

That may not be very sexy, even for an aspiring erotica/romance writer. Then again, I did write a holiday-themed sexy novel called “Holiday Heat” so I think I deserve an exception. I still stand by it, though. Shopping during the holidays is one of my favorite activities that I can’t legally do naked.

I don’t know how many feel the same, especially among my male audience. However large or small it is, I’m still dedicating this week’s edition of Sexy Sunday Thoughts to holiday shopping. Your wallet may hate you, but other parts of your body will thank you later.

“Who among us hasn’t accidentally dripped melted chocolate on a beautiful woman’s cleavage, just to watch her lick it up?”

“Time moves so slow watching your lover strip, frustratingly fast once they get in bed, and not slow enough when the afterglow settles in.”

“No epic romance begins with a poop joke, but many endure because of them.”

“A sexy accent is a good substitute for men too cheap to buy cologne.”

“Assuming someone is good at oral sex is as foolish as assuming a plumber is good at brain surgery.”

“True love is a man who doesn’t lose his erection when his lover accidentally farts.”

“It takes balls to get the love of your life, but it also takes a willingness to let someone else hold them an uncomfortably strong grip.”

Whether you love or hate holiday shopping, this is the time to get started. This is the time to be proactive and finish it off quickly. I made sure mine was done before the end of November. Now, I can just sit back, sip some eggnog, and enjoy Christmas specials for the rest of December. It’s a damn good feeling and I hope others get to enjoy it as well.

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November 23, 2017 · 8:22 am

A Safe And Sexy Thanksgiving To All!

I hope everyone is hungry today, among other things. Today is the day when the holidays officially kick into high gear. The family, the shopping, the decorations, and the festivities all begin today. I don’t know about everyone else, but I’ve worked up a hell of an appetite and a hell of a holiday spirit this past year.

There’s so much to be thankful for and not just because we live in a country that makes towels for your tits and bacon flavored lube. For me, this blog has experienced some uncanny growth over the past year. This past month, especially, has really raised the bar. For that, I thank everyone who has helped make this website so great and so sexy.

I hope to continue that trend for the rest of the year and beyond. Today, I will raise an extra glass of whiskey and/or eggnog to all of those out there who keep me thinking such sexy thoughts while I write about such sexy topics. From the bottom of my heart, I thank you.

To all you sexy people with sexy minds out there, I wish you a safe and happy Thanksgiving. It’s a beautiful day. Get out there and enjoy plenty of food, family, and football.

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November 19, 2017 · 8:03 am

Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Thanksgiving Appetizer Edition

It’s almost here. Another holiday involving food is less than a week away. By now, I’m sure most have already finished up their Halloween candy and/or thrown away what kids and pets refuse to eat. Now, just as you’ve re-adjusted to not having so much sugar in your diet, you face another holiday that requires a major spike in calories.

While your waist line may hate you, your stomach says otherwise. In the same way your genitals cloud your opinion whenever you’re in the presence of your lover, the prospect of so much delicious food is sure to cloud your judgment. It’s okay, though. This is a holiday and one that we get to share with friends and family.

Personally, I love Thanksgiving. I’m lucky enough to have a family that goes all out. We get together, we watch football, we drink, we laugh, and we just have a damn good time. It’s a wonderful experience and one that brings out my holiday spirit for all the right reasons.

As I write this, I’m tempering my caloric intake in anticipation of Thanksgiving. That means I’ll be working up a hell of an appetite over the next few days. I encourage everyone to do the same. For this week’s edition of Sexy Sunday Thoughts, I hope to stimulate that appetite, among other things.

“Making life decisions while you’re horny is like shopping on an empty stomach. Your judgment is sure to be skewed.”

“When you think about it, coffee is Viagra for our brains.”

“The line between making love and fucking defined by onset of leg cramps.”

“How we fall in love doesn’t matter as much as where, except when cemeteries are involved.”

“There’s a lot to know about sex. However, if you need more than a dictionary to know about love, then you may have issues.”

“Is having a sex doll that looks like your lover an act of cheating or an elaborate compliment?”

“If sex had homework, then would porn count as a study aid?”

I hope that helped everyone work up an appetite, among other things. Thanksgiving is a wonderful time of year. It has food, family, and football. What more could you want without involving naked oil wrestling? You may argue it still doesn’t have much sex appeal. I would argue that no sex appeal ever manifested on an empty stomach.

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