Tag Archives: sexy

Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Hot Off The Grill Edition

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If there’s one thing I’ve learned since I started contemplating and writing about sexy topics, it’s that nobody can exercise their sex appeal, no matter how innate it might be, on an empty stomach. Even when well-fed, though, there’s something to be said about having a good meal and feeling sexy afterwards.

In my experience, few things heighten sexual energy more than a meal that comes hot off the grill. Whether it’s a steak, a burger, a hot dog, or couple of turkey legs, there’s just something about the smell of freshly cooked meat that gets all the juices flowing in the right direction. Many of the women I’ve met have indirectly stated the same, some more overtly than others.

Whether it’s in the middle of summer or the dead of winter, a freshly grilled meal is enough to boost my mood in all the right ways for all the right reasons. In the interest of stirring appetites, both sexy and otherwise, I’m dedicating this week’s edition of my Sexy Sunday Thoughts to the joys of freshly-grilled meals and all the sexiness it inspires. Enjoy!


“Fake breasts are the best kind of false advertising.”


“Fake orgasms were very likely the first ever con.”


“Being in love also means being honest about how many sex toys you’ve owned.”


“A man searching for the G-spot is like a hacker trying to hack the CIA.”


“The effectiveness of dirty talk on some men is proof that some penises are voice activated.”


“A prostitute is like fast food in that it can be bad for us, but is still so satisfying.”


“A man with a small penis has much more incentive to use his hands well during sex.”


I hope that got everyone sufficiently hungry, among other things. Whether you enjoy a charred burger or just like to grill up some vegetables for that extra crisp feel, a good meal from the grill is sure to get you in the right mood to tackle anything, sexual or otherwise.

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“The Camping Trip” A Sexy Short Story

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The following a sexy short story I wrote about camping, bad weather, and romance. Enjoy!

“Hurry up, Claire! The storm’s getting really bad,” said Brent Bowers as a fresh round of booming thunder echoed from the sky.

“I’m aware of that, Brent! You think I didn’t see the lightning?” Claire replied as she stumbled through muddy terrain.

“I wasn’t busting your chops, babe. I’ve seen these kind of storms before. I know how bad they can get. We just need to hunker down in the tent and wait it out.”

“I’ll move faster if you admit leaving the car behind was a mistake.”

“I’ll admit I caused the Great Depression if you’ll pick up the pace!” he said with growing urgency.

Claire Conners groaned as she toiled through pouring rain, sharp winds, and a steady procession of thunder and lightning. It was like running through a waterfall. Her clothes were already soaked, her boots were covered in mud, and her face felt numb from all the rain and wind. It was pretty much the opposite of what her boyfriend of the past year had promised her.

Unlike her, a pretty girl from the suburbs whose idea of roughing it involved poor WiFi, Brent was an experienced outdoorsman. He spent half his life on a farm and the other half working on an oil rig off the cost. The man knew how to survive the elements, as evidenced by his tall, burly frame. He was very different from the kind of guy who complained about getting dirt on their fancy dress shoes, which was part of what attracted her to him.

At the moment, though, Brent’s rugged good looks did little to temper her mood. Claire was just about ready to call her first camping trip a mistake. Finally, just as an ominous bolt of lightning flashed in the clouds above, the tent that took them way too long to pitch earlier came into view.

“There it is!” Brent said, keeping his hand on her back to guide her along. “We’re almost there. We’re going to be fine.”

“Really?” she shouted over the thunder. “You think we’re going to be fine in that?”

“Yes,” he told her. “Trust me.”

Claire muttered a string of curses under her breath. Those were the same words he used when he convinced her to go camping with him. He’d made some pretty lofty claims and, blinded by love and plenty of other feelings, she believed him. Brent had delivered on so many promises to her since they started dating. He picked a hell of a time to come up short.

She tried not to get too upset with him as she sprinted through the pouring rain, stepping into some pretty thick mud in the process. By the time they arrived at the tent, she could barely feel her feet from the cold and her face might as well have been ice.

“Get inside and get out of those boots,” Brent said to her. “I’m going to secure the base of the tent.”

“Normally, I’d offer to help,” Claire said dryly, “but after you assured me the weather would hold up for the night…”

“I know. I should’ve trusted the weather app on my phone,” he said begrudgingly. “I’ll make it up to you. I promise. Just let me make sure we can wait this out, first.”

There was another promise and for once, Claire wasn’t as confident that Brent could deliver. Being soaked, wet, and miserable, she chose not to bemoan him. She just climbed into the tent as quickly as she could, leaving Brent to do his thing.

Once inside, the feeling of rain and wind not hitting her face came as a relief. It gave her a chance to catch her breath and get somewhat comfortable again, at least as much as her surroundings allowed. As she took off her mudded boots and socks, still trying to get the feeling back in her feet, Claire let out a frustrating groan that was just barely muted by the thunder.

“Why did I agree to this?” she wondered out loud. “Why did I fall for a man who doesn’t appreciate air conditioning and hot showers?”

They were questions born from exasperation. They also already had answers that she couldn’t escape, no matter how miserable she felt.

As crawled over to her sleeping bag and hugged her knees for warmth, Claire recalled the circumstances that led her to accept Brent’s camping invitation. She’d spent the previous three weeks, doing extra over time at the law firm she worked out, getting so stressed out that she yelled at the pizza delivery boy for running out of dipping sauce.

After that memorable incident, both Brent and her friends convinced her that she was over-worked and over-stressed. It didn’t take much convincing. She didn’t used to be such a workaholic. In fact, back in college and high school, she had a reputation as a girl who liked to have fun and fool around. Her teenage self probably would’ve had fun on a camping trip like this.

On paper, the idea of just getting away from work, the city, and her hectic life in general seemed like a great idea. Brent, who went camping at least once a month, said it would be therapeutic for her, getting her into a simpler environment where she could escape all the noise and distractions.

“God, why did he have to make so much sense when he pitched this?” Claire moaned. “Was I really that desperate?”

She muttered more curses because she already knew the answer to that as well. Both Brent and her friends had pointed out how hectic her life had gotten. Between long hours at the law firm, buying her first condo, and managing all sorts of professional and personal relationships, she’d stretched herself so thin. Getting her way, just to catch her breath, just sounded so logical.

That was why she accepted Brent’s invitation to go camping with him. She was so stressed out that she’d been willing to try anything. She’d even agreed to leave her phone behind at the car when they first arrived. Thinking of how she ended up in her current predicament, Claire realized something important.

“Who am I kidding? I have no one to blame but myself.”

Still hugging her knees, Claire shook her head and cursed herself. She shouldn’t have been so messed up. She used to be so fun and energetic. That changed after she landed her dream job at one of the biggest law firms in the state. She’d been so determined to establish herself that she broke up with the last guy she’d been dating less than three months into it. That guy still wanted to have fun and fool around. She didn’t. She had to be more serious about her life.

She still made an effort, though. That was how Claire ended up with Brent in the first place. He was a man more serious and mature than all the other guys she’d dated. He was also the first guy she dated who didn’t finish college, didn’t work in an air-conditioned office, and didn’t even own a suit. He was a different kind of man, one who had so many attractive traits. It was just hard to appreciate them in her current state.

The rain kept pouring harder, pounding the outside of the tent with a vengeance. More thunder and lightning followed along with heavy gusts of wind. It blew at the walls and foundation of the tent, but it remained stable. Whatever Brent did was working. When he finally entered, he looked somewhat relieved.

“That should do it,” he said breathlessly while dripping wet from the rain. “I added a couple cinderblocks to the stakes. Nothing short of a tornado is going to knock this tent down.”

“Is that another promise or just more wishful thinking?” asked Claire dryly. “Because honestly, I’m not sure you know the difference at this point.”

“It’s the truth, Claire. I know what I’m doing. We’re going to get through this. That’s a promise I know I can keep.”

Claire wanted to scoff, but Brent made that hard for her. That sincere tone along with that country boy attitude just made it hard to stay mad at him. He wasn’t the kind of guy who just told people what he thought they wanted to hear. That was how lawyers spoke and she dealt with enough lawyers at her job. Brent was different and not just because he had the kind of unkempt facial hair that would’ve been out of place in a court room.

Watching him zip up the tent, take off his coat, and dry himself off with a nearby blanket, she saw a man who remained calm and focused in any situation. She’d actually met him at a conference that her firm held in conjunction with the drilling company he worked for. The power went off shortly before the festivities began and everybody was freaking out. Brent was the only one who maintained a level head.

He ended up fixing the power with help from a friend of his, saving the conference and impressing her enough to ask him out. He accepted and from there, he’d kept every promise to her. He made every effort to be the kind of mature, serious man that any woman would’ve loved. The fact he was also so ripped from working on farms and oil rigs certainly helped too.

“Storms like this usually hit hard, but end fast,” Brent said as he dried off his hair and beard. “I doubt it’ll last more than a couple hours, at most.”

“Doubting is not the same as knowing. Take it from someone who spends way too much time around lawyers,” Claire said.

“That’s all you can really do with nature. Out here, things are a lot less certain. You can’t argue or negotiate your way out of a situation. You just got to adapt.”

“That would be so comforting if we weren’t trapped.”

That sounded so pathetic. It wasn’t like they were trapped on top of a mountain. They were less than 20 miles from a motel near a gas station. Her lack of experience in the wilderness really showed.

Brent didn’t make much of it, though. He just crawled over to her, grabbed a dry blanket from his sleeping bag, and wrapped it around her. It gave her the first feeling of warmth she’d experienced since the rain started falling.

“We’re not trapped. I already made sure of that,” he told her with a reassuring gesture. “We’re far enough from the bank so we don’t have to worry about flooding. I packed us plenty of dry goods in case we got stuck. I also know these parts so we can get to the nearest backroads of we have to.”

“Good thing I went to the bathroom down by the river,” she muttered.

“This isn’t the first heavy storm I’ve waited out, either. I’ve been in rougher places with people who aren’t half as tough as you.”

“Funny,” Claire scoffed. “I’m not feeling too tough right now.”

“Babe, you wouldn’t have come out here with me if you weren’t tougher than most,” he told her.

“I thought I came with you because you said I needed to get away from work, home, and pretty much everything else.”

“I hope that’s not the only reason. I’m still hoping I can give you more before tomorrow morning.”

There was that country boy sincerity again. It was so hard to resent. Being so wet and cold, Claire couldn’t help but lean into his warmth either. Between his strength and his imposing physique, typical of that of man who did heavy lifting on an oil rig, there was so much strength in his presence. She needed that strength, as well as the warmth that came with it.

As they huddled close, Brent turned on one of their LED camp lamps. That brought some welcome light to the dreary ambience around them. The howling winds, the pouring rain, and the frequent thunder created a feeling of chaos and danger. In her youth, she would’ve braved that. In her current state, it just made her feel vulnerable.

“I know this isn’t entirely want I promised you,” Brent said. “Believe me, I wanted this to be peaceful, quiet, and relaxing.”

“On that, I trust you,” said Claire with a sigh.

“This was supposed to be a weekend to get away from it all,” he went on, “no work, no cell phones, no distractions, and above all…no complications. Out here, it’s just survive and adapt. No bills to pay. No needless chores. Nothing elaborate that needs us to be more than we are.”

“Is that why you love camping?”

“It’s not about doing something I love doing. It’s about doing something to help the woman I love.”

He hugged her closer in his arms. Despite her dour mood and bad attitude, Brent still embraced her with those powerful arms of his. That didn’t just provide her with some badly needed warmth. It reminded her why she loved this man.

“I don’t deserve a boyfriend like you, Brent,” Claire said.

“Don’t say that. I like to think people earn the love of the right people,” he said.

“Well, by that standard, I don’t think I’ve done my part.”

“Now why do you say that? Just because things aren’t going well on our first camping trip doesn’t mean you’ve failed. Shit like this is totally beyond our control.”

“It’s not about control. It’s how I reacted when I don’t have it. Hell, the more I think about it, the more surprised I am that I didn’t have a breakdown much sooner.”

It sounded so pathetic, getting so overwhelmed by a simple storm during a camping trip. Having only arrived at the site a few hours ago, she’d barely gotten a chance to enjoy the peace and quiet. It still felt like she’d carried all those burdens from back home with her and was taking that out on Brent, a man who went out of his way to help her.

That didn’t stop him from holding her closer. If anything, he seemed more determined to shelter her through the raging storm. That comforted her, but it also reminded her of how messed up she’d been.

“Since we’ve been together – and even a little before that – I’ve become way more uptight than I thought possible,” she went on. “Hell, I used to be adventurous. The younger me would’ve taken this trip with you after our second date.”

“I still see traces of that girl in you, Claire,” he told her.

“Well, you must be looking in the wrong places because that girl disappeared as soon as her job became the center of her life. Suddenly, I had to be the kind of girl who always controlled a situation.”

“I wouldn’t say you were that bad.”

“Brent, I sent itineraries for our first date. I texted you a list of pizza toppings I absolutely hate. I even set up a schedule for sex.”

Brent opened his mouth to respond, but stopped himself before he could get a word out. He ended up laughing awkwardly instead, which would’ve been adorable if another round of thunder hadn’t echoed from outside. To some extent, that further proved her point.

“The point is…the girl you first met was only in the process of becoming this uptight workaholic,” she continued. “You actually got to watch her become the basket case she is now.”

“Hey, there’s still some good in that girl too,” he said, affectionately caressing her face. “We all need a little order in our lives. That’s a big part of why I fell in love with you. I think there’s room for both those girls.”

“I want to believe that too. I need some goddamn balance back in my life, both for my sanity and for you. I love you too much to be the kind of girl who just whines when things don’t go her way.”

“And I love you too much to let you become that girl,” Brent said. “I want to help you get a hold of yourself…to be the girl who didn’t mind taking chances and the girl who can get a hold of herself during a storm.”

“You really think that’s possible for me?” Claire asked, still skeptical.

“I know so. Things is…it isn’t up to me how you go about it. I’m just here to give you chances. It’s up to you to decide what you want to do with them.”

An extra loud gust of wind howled outside their tent, as though nature were trying to add urgency to her choice. Claire found herself tensing up and clinging to Brent a little harder, taking in more of his warmth and adjusting to a situation that she could not control.

In doing so, she looked up at his rugged complexion. There was so much strength in his demeanor, along with facial hair and scars from his work. It showed that he was a man who didn’t mind braving danger and enduring hardship. It reflected his strength as well as his manly sex appeal. Even in the midst of a storm, it had an effect on her.

At the same time, though, that effect revealed something unexpected to her. The raging storm, the stress from work, and the man who’d gone out of his way to be with her – it all sent her a message, one that she’d refused to heed.

“Make a decision,” she said distantly.

In that moment, gazing up at her boyfriend as more lightning flashed outside, a new feeling inside her…one she hadn’t felt in quite some time. That fun-loving, adventurous girl she’d been in her youth finally emerged from her workaholic shell. That version of Claire Conners had to make this decision and the person she’d since become had to accept it.

“Brent,” Claire said after the latest round of thunder passed.

“Yes, Claire?” he asked, still gazing at the LED lamp.

“Make love to me,” she told him.

Brent turned and looked at her as though she’d just grown a second head. That had probably been the last decision from her that he expected to hear. He even blinked a few times in disbelief.

“Um…come again?”

“You heard me, Brent,” Claire said. “Make love to me…in this tent…during a major storm.”

That sounded even crazier when she put it into words, but she remained dead serious. Claire slipped her arms around his neck and leaned in closer, letting him know that he’d heard right and she meant what she said. She really did want him to make love to her at that very moment.

“That’s bold, reckless, and downright impulsive for you, Claire…and I like it!” said Brent.

“Is that your country boy way of saying you’ll do me?” she said clinging to him with more desperation.

“It can be for this and all future camping trips.”

Seeming totally convinced, Brent kissed her passionately on the lips, his wet hair and beard now right in her face. She eagerly kissed back, finding that disheveled feeling an unexpected turn-on. Maybe it was because she’d made the decision on a whim, surrounded by natural chaos she couldn’t control, that it made her so hot.

Dread gave way to excitement. That excitement was fueled by passion as their kissing quickly escalated. The blanket still around her, she pounced onto her lover, throwing her legs around her waist so that he had to take her fully into his arms. From there, they laid down atop her open sleeping back. More kissing followed, soon evolving into full-blown foreplay.

Before long, that wet, cold feeling from being soaked turned into something else. Suddenly, Claire felt a new warmth in her core, one awakened by both her decision and her passions. It made her more aware of her wet, uncomfortable clothes. Even in pouring rain and howling winds, she had to get them off.

“Get undressed,” she said urgently. “I need to feel your skin on mine!”

“That…should help preserve body heat,” said Brent, already sounding dazed.

“Yeah, let that be the reason for getting naked together,” Claire teased.

They both laughed. It was the first time she’d laughed during this trip. She kept on laughing as she rose up from Brent, still on top of him, and slid off her short-sleeved T-shirt and unhooked her bra. As soon as her breasts were exposed to the cold, Brent reached up and fondled them with those burly hands of his. They both kept them warm and added to her arousal.

“So strong and warm,” Claire purred, “just what I needed.”

As Brent rubbed her breasts, she went to work undressing him, unbuttoning his flannel shirt and undoing the belt buckle to his pants. He eagerly shifted his body under her, getting that wet shirt off and pushing down on his pants to get them off. She eagerly assisted, leaving him in a pair of boxers that had been soaked by the storm as well.

Now exposed and clearly in need of some warmth as well, Brent took the initiative, as only he could, and wrapped his powerful arms around her once more. They kissed again, her exposed upper body making contact with his chiseled, hairy chest. It filled her with a fresh round of warmth, just in time for another round of thunder, no less. That quickly became background noise as the foreplay continued.

As their lips and tongues twirled, Brent laid her down on top of the sleeping bag and helped her undo her denim shorts. He then pulled them down her legs, along with her panties, rendering her completely naked. Brent quickly removed his boxers as well, revealing an already sizable erection. Being alone, in nature, and with his girlfriend really turned him on. Something about that just brought a smile to her face.

“Does getting naked with a beautiful woman really make you that horny?” Claire teased.

“Would it be weird if I said yes?” he replied sheepishly.

“I guess that depends on how well you make love to me now.”

“Good to know.”

He replied as though she’d just challenged him, giving him extra incentive to make their lovemaking extra special. She hadn’t intended to send that massage, but she was more than happy to accept the results.

Now naked, still wet and surrounded by muggy cold, Brent pulled the top layer of the sleeping back over top their bodies and got on top of her. Like a miniature cocoon, they were insulated from the elements and he made good use of it.

Now a man on a mission, he got on top of her, kissing and touching her with the utmost passion. So much of his naked body touched hers, conveying both badly-needed warmth and growing desire. He felt up the curves of her feminine frame with one hand while slipping the other between her legs, his strong fingers now grazing the folds of her pussy.

“Ooh Brent!” she gasped. “Your making me so wet!”

“Not because of the rain, I hope,” he teased.

They laughed again and resumed their kissing. She let out more moans as his fingers slid into her pussy, turning that warmth within her core into real heat. As her body writhed under the weight of growing arousal, she felt his penis getting harder as it rubbed against her thigh. The more their bodies touched and more their hands roamed, the greater the need for his intimate warmth.

Despite the ongoing noise from the rain, wind, and thunder, Brent never lost focus. Claire tried to do her part too, wildly raking her hands over his shoulders and back, providing some heat of her own to supplement his arousal. It might have been the most chaotic situation in which she ever had sex and yet, she’d never wanted it so badly.

“Are you ready, Claire?” Brent finally asked her.

“Yes, Brent. I’m ready!” Claire said without hesitation.

Heeding her words, her rugged lover repositioned himself accordingly. Claire did so as well, spreading her legs and wrapping them around his waist in a more intimate embrace. He then carefully maneuvered himself so that his member was aligned with her wet entrance. Her hands now locked on his shoulders while his eyes remained locked with hers, he thrust his hips forward and entered her.

“Ohhh Brent!” Claire moaned.

Her reaction was almost entirely muted by more thunder. It was as though nature was goading her and Brent to make love in the midst of such chaos. Never one to back down from a challenge, Claire gladly rose to the occasion with her lover.

His rigid flesh now deep inside her womanly depths, she kissed him again as their naked bodies began moving together in an intimate union. Even within the confines of a sleeping bag, Brent had plenty of leverage. With each motion her world rocked, his manhood slithering sensually within her womanhood. Their united flesh created more heat – a heat that overpowered any the elements could throw at them.

“Yes! This is what I wanted…what I needed,” she moaned as their naked bodies rocked. “Brent…my love…you kept your promise after all!”

That seemed to motivate him even more. With a grin and a determined glint in his eyes, the burly man stepped up the pace of their sex. Wet naked skin meshed and glided together with ease, sweat mixing with the moisture from the storm. It was like taking the discomfort of nature and turning it into their own unique ecstasy. Something about that just felt so right, as well as so pleasurable.

Claire soon found herself sharing in the effort, kissing her lover and raking her nails down his back. She put more energy into this sex than she had since her fun-loving college years. That version of Claire Conners that knew how to have a good time was officially back and she had been missed.

Through the thunder and the howling wind, she and Brent made the kind of energetic love that felt befitting of a raging storm. They rolled around in the sleeping bag, creating so much heat that the sweat form their bodies soon replaced any remaining moisture from the rain. Somewhere along the way, they ended up with her on her side and him spooning her from behind, eagerly pumping his cock into her in a determined push for her climax.

Now clinging to his arms, bucking her hips every time he thrust into her, Claire could already feel that special ecstasy coming on. It came faster than she expected, as if to reflect the chaos around her.

“Brent, I…I’m coming! I’m about to…come!” Claire cried out.

“Me…me too, babe,” Brent said with labored grunts.

The pace of their sex steadied. Her body was like a spark ready to ignite an inferno. During the final push, she locked her hands with his, their fingers becoming entwined like their bodies. Then, with a few more thrusts, he sent her over the edge.

“Ohhhh Brent!” she exclaimed.

At that moment, she made damn sure she was louder than the thunder. A fresh wave of it echoed from the sky just as she entered an orgasmic state. It was no use, though. She was still louder.

In a moan that could probably be heard by all of nature, Claire climaxed. Her lower body erupted in a surge of heat, sending shudders of raw pleasure up through her body. As she contorted to the feeling, Brent came as well, letting out the deepest, manliest grunt she’d ever heard as he shared in the ecstasy.

It was a beautifully intimate moment in the midst of a raging storm, their bodies consumed with pure pleasure. She felt their hot juices mixing inside her, creating a special warmth that felt just perfect for the situation. After being so cold and uncomfortable just a few moments ago, it was a perfect inversion of her situation…one she chose in a moment of adventurous passion.

“I love you, Brent,” she said.

“I love you too, Claire,” Brent replied.

As they caught their breath together, panting heavily as the rain and wind kept making more noise, they kissed again. Clair then rolled over so that she was lying on her side next to him, their naked bodies still entwined within the sleeping bag. Now warm and content, it was safe to say the camping trip had been a success.

“So,” said Brent after their lips parted, “are you officially a fan of camping now?”

“It’s starting to grow on me,” she said playfully. “For the kind of job I have and the kind of boyfriend I have, I think I could make it part of my life.”

“And I promise I’ll make it both appealing and therapeutic.”

“Spoken like a true man of his word,” Claire said affectionately, “ and a man who can brave any storm for the woman he loves.”

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“Lessons In Lovemaking” A Sexy Short Story

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The following is a short story entitled “Lessons In Lovemaking.” It’s a story inspired, in part, by some recent events surrounding the state of sex education in this country. You’ll see what I mean by the end of the story. Enjoy!

“Are you ready for this, Evelyn?” asked a nervous, but excited Aaron Jay Patterson.

“I think so,” replied his girlfriend, Evelyn Marsh.

“It’s not too late. We can stop right now and forget the whole thing. I’ll even take you to that burger place you love.”

“No, it’s okay, babe,” she said with more certainty. “I am ready. I just…want to do this right.”

“So do I,” he said, casting her a smile, “which is exactly why we’re here.”

The beautiful, radiant woman by his side smiled back. The same woman who’d once laughed at the idea of falling in love with a guy she met at her younger brother’s birthday looked at him with an intensity that made him weak in the knees for all the right reasons. Holding her hand, conveying his love with his touch, he’d been preparing for this moment since their first kiss. It was a moment that just had to be perfect.

That was why, on a hot summer day in June, they took a day off from work and college classes to make an appointment with Dr. Sharon Braddock. It was just past noon when they arrived at the office complex located a couple miles of his apartment. Time slowed to a crawl as they sat together in the room, watching other eager couples come and go.

Those that left often did so with beaming smiles. That was a promising sign in Aaron’s book. He wanted him and Evelyn to be one of those couples. Based on Dr. Braddock’s glowing online reviews, her expertise could only help. She was supposed to be one of the best in the area.

Just making the appointment showed how much his relationship with Evelyn had progressed. He’d had other girlfriends. She freely admitted that she’d had other boyfriends as well. However, neither of them had been in a relationship that made it to this far. It wasn’t unreasonable to say that the outcome of this appointment would determine whether their love and their relationship was serious.

Aaron tried not to think about that as he and Evelyn nervously waited their turn. The waiting room had a TV and good Wi-Fi, but there was only so much he could do to distract himself. He was eager to take this next step with Evelyn.

“Mr. Patterson and Ms. Marsh?” the assistant from behind the secretary’s counter said.

“Yes?” said Aaron, sounding childishly eager.

“Dr. Braddock is ready for you now.”

He and Evelyn exchanged glances again. She was still smiling, but he could tell by her touch that she was as nervous as him. From what his older brother told him about these appointments, it was a normal feeling. He also told him it faded really fast once things got started.

“Let’s go!” Evelyn said, brimming with energy.

“Lead the way, my love,” Aaron said.

Together, they got up and walked through the main door, which lead into a narrow hall. With growing anticipation, they made their way towards a large set of double doors. Upon arriving, the doors automatically opened and entered into Dr. Braddock’s staging area, as it was called. There, they were greeted by a tall, middle-aged woman with an athletic frame, a professional demeanor, and a dead serious look in her eyes.

“Welcome,” the woman said. “I’m Dr. Braddock. Thank you for choosing me as your provider today.”

“Thank you for seeing us,” said Aaron as he and Evelyn took turns shaking her hand.

“We’ve heard a lot of great things about you,” said Evelyn. “My Aunt Helen said her second marriage succeeded because of you.”

“I like to think my results speak for themselves. As such, let’s get started.”

The older woman led them into the area and closed the door behind her. It looked pretty much like Aaron expected. It was fairly spacious, about the same size as the master bedroom at his parents’ house. The windows had been blacked out, the lights had been dimmed, and the décor on the walls was very appropriate, so to speak.

There wasn’t much furniture, aside from a queen-sized bed in the center of the room, a desk in the corner, and a couple of mahogany dressers alongside the walls. It probably wasn’t the best staging area in town, but Aaron didn’t need anything too fancy. He just needed Dr. Braddock to deliver.

“I’ve gone over your respective profiles and determined an appropriate recourse,” she said as she looked over a tablet computer. “I need only your affirmative consent to proceed.”

“You’ve got it,” said Evelyn without hesitation.

“Same here,” said Aaron, matching his girlfriend’s confidence.

“Very well,” said Dr. Braddock. “Then, come this way, please. Get into position while I make the appropriate arrangements.”

Knowing what that meant, Aaron exchanged one last nervous look with Evelyn. He hoped it would be the last. From this point forward, he approached the procedure with the assumption that it would vindicate his and Evelyn’s love.

Confident in his mindset, he and Evelyn walked over to the side of the bed and stood in front of one another. He faced her and she faced him, awaiting the doctor’s instructions and trying to contain his desire for the woman before him.

“According to your file, you two have been romantically involved for six months and nine days,” Dr. Braddock said, now standing in front of her desk.

“That’s correct,” said Aaron.

“It says you both have been involved in previous relationships,” she said. “Am I correct in stating that at least one of those relationships included sexual intercourse?”

“That’s correct too,” said Aaron. “I’ve had sex with one other woman. It was during high school and it was only three times.”

“Same here,” Evelyn said. “It was just after high school and twice with two different men.”

“Would you consider any of those encounters explicitly romantic?”

“Nope,” Aaron said simply.

“No, definitely not,” said Evelyn.

“Would you say they were pleasurable, even if they weren’t particularly satisfying?” Dr. Braddock asked.

“Yeah, I’d say that’s accurate,” said Evelyn.

“Same here,” said Aaron. “I don’t remember them being that special. Guess that’s why we’re here.”

“Indeed,” said Dr. Braddock, typing notes into her laptop with a stern professional demeanor.

The older woman entered something into the computer on her desk. Then, she downloaded it into her tablet. Aaron kept facing Evelyn. They were standing so close that he could feel the warmth radiating from her body. He fought the urge to just throw his arms around her and vent his passions on the spot.

Aaron took a deep breath and restrained himself, though. He reminded himself why he and Evelyn were doing this. It was an important step for every couple. He saw it as one of the most serious efforts he’d taken on in his adult life. He and Evelyn had worked hard on their love. He had every intention of working harder for this.

After going over more data on her tablet, Dr. Braddock walked over from her desk so that she stood at the head of the bed. Then, with a professional demeanor that would’ve made his old gym teacher proud, she addressed him and Evelyn.

“I’ve compiled your data. The procedure is ready,” Dr. Braddock said. “Do you wish to begin?”

“Yes,” said Aaron intently.

“Hell yes!” said Evelyn, her tone brimming with energy.

“Very well,” the older woman said. “First step in the process…take off each other’s clothes. Do not remove anything on your body. Rely exclusively on your lover. Is that understood?”

“Yes, Doctor,” he and Evelyn said simultaneously.

Aaron and his love did as instructed. Evelyn undid the buttons on his shirt and pulled it off over his head with ease. He undid her tight-fitting denim pants and pushed them down her shapely legs, giving her room to wiggle out of them. She was even a little playful with it, but only to a point. She understood as well as him that this was serious and they had to treat it as such.

Piece by piece, he and Evelyn took turns stripping one another. He took off her shirt. She took off his pants. They even alternated when taking off their shoes and socks. That might have been a bit too formal, but under Dr. Braddock’s critical eye, it couldn’t hurt to be extra thorough.

Once down to their underwear, though, Aaron let himself get a little affectionate. He slipped in closer to her warmth as he reached around to undo her bra, grinning affectionately at her as their naked skin touched. She smiled back, giggling a little as she pushed his boxers down to his ankles. That smile only widened when he did the same with her panties, pulling them down those shapely legs of hers and exposing his love in all her glory.

It might have been the most mundane part of the procedure. He’d seen a naked woman before. He and Evelyn had even seen each other naked on multiple occasions. He made no secret of how much he enjoyed the sight of her exposed breasts, her heart-shaped butt, and her womanly curves. She was just as vocal about her fondness for his slim, yet muscular build.

“Remain close to one another,” Dr. Braddock said, her voice very official. “Take a moment to admire one another’s bodies. Complement each other on the parts you enjoy.”

Aaron laughed to himself. That wasn’t going to be too hard. Evelyn had so many features he admired, physical and otherwise.

“You have great breasts, Evelyn,” he told her. “They’re so nice and round.”

“You have a great butt, Aaron,” she told him. “It’s so strong and compact.”

“You’ve got a great butt too. I admire it a lot when you’re not looking.”

“I do the same. Why else do you think I love wearing tight jeans?”

She snickered like a couple of giddy school children, but remained as focused as him. Aaron’s eyes drifted up and down her body, scrutinizing her nude figure from head to toe. It made him want so badly to reach out, touch her, and feel her hot flesh. For all he knew, that might have even been the point.

“Now, go ahead and embrace each other,” Dr. Braddock instructed. “Do not kiss. Simply touch. Give special focus to the breasts, buttocks, and genitals. You are lovers now. That means opening yourselves and being open to one another.”

The way she said it made it sound so official, as though they had just graduated from a casual romance to something more serious. That made the experience of touching his lover’s body that much more meaningful, not to mention arousing.

Like gravity pulling them together, Aaron snaked his arms around Evelyn’s waist while she pawed his chest. With growing desire in his eyes, he affectionately grasped her butt while she traced her finger down the sinews of his upper body. She soon made her way down to his torso, eventually reaching his penis, which she lovingly took in both hands. He let out a slight gasp under her touch, which encouraged her to grasp it harder. That, in turn, got him to squeeze her butt, evoking a soft purr from her lover.

He could already feel the lust escalating between them. Every touch felt so hot. Aaron felt his heart rate jump, half the blood in his body rushing downward, causing his penis to become erect. Within that escalating feeling, their naked bodies pressed up against one another like the opposite poles of two magnets coming together. Not kissing her made it somewhat strange, but that might have been a good thing because it gave them a chance to really admire one another’s beauty.

“Aaron…please,” Evelyn whispered, “touch me here.”

Not waiting for him to react, she lightly grasped his wrist and guided his hand between her legs. It marked the first time he touched his love’s private areas. He knew as much about female anatomy as any man with an internet connection, but the feeling of touching the one that belonged to his girlfriend carried extra meaning to it.

“You’re hot already,” Aaron commented, trying hard not to react too strongly.

“And you’re hard,” she said, giving his member a lightly squeeze.

“Don’t be too overt,” Dr. Braddock told them. “It’s good to vocalize some arousal, but let the touching do the talking. Use that to get each other sufficiently aroused.”

He and Evelyn fell silent, but continued sharing affectionate moans as they explored each other’s bodies. They weren’t quite as casual as they’d been when taking each other’s clothes off. He found himself being more careful, as though his lover’s body was a precious relic that required the utmost care. She treated his the same, but Evelyn was a bit more enthusiastic.

Like an athlete getting their second wind, she became bolder with her touching. While still fondling his cock with one hand, she trailed the other all over his body, feeling around his arms, shoulders, back, and butt. Aaron knew Evelyn was an affectionate persona, but he had no idea she could convey so much with touch alone.

He tried to return the favor, lightly stroking the tender flesh between her thighs and feeling up the curves of her body. With each new bit of skin he felt, Aaron’s passion for her grew. It was like seeking the warmth of a fire on a cold winter day, wanting so much to embrace that warmth, but not able to get close enough. That too might have been intentional.

“For effective, pleasurable lovemaking,” Dr. Braddock said, “trust must come before desire and desire must come before intimacy. Your respective passions, as well as your personalities, are uniquely adept at complementing one another. Channeling that feeling will ensure maximum intimacy.”

The woman’s expertise showed. Aaron could already sense his passion for Evelyn intensify to new levels. The way she looked at him was unlike any look he’d ever gotten from a woman. Just being horny and aroused wasn’t enough. He sought more from his love.

“With that in mind, get onto the bed and proceed with your foreplay,” Dr. Braddock told them. “This time, incorporate kissing into your gestures. Convey both your passions and your desire for intimacy.”

Her instructions were so simple, yet seemed so daunting. That didn’t make Aaron any less determined to see it through, though. If anything, it encouraged him and his lover.

His legs already weak from arousal, he and Evelyn climbed onto the bed together. They remained in a partial embrace, not wanting to part from her loving warmth. Whether by accident or instinct, he found himself sitting in the center of the mattress with her, their arms and legs entwined in somewhat messy convergence of flesh. It was like they didn’t know what to do with all their passion and desire.

“You heard the doctor, Aaron. Kiss me,” Evelyn said.

That was just the reminder he needed. Before they fully settled into the bed, he captured her lips with his in a powerful kiss. It wasn’t the most desperate kiss they’d ever shared, but it conveyed the right emotions and incurred the right impact.

As soon as their lips tongued and their tongues twirled, a more thorough round of foreplay unfolded. Aaron more freely explored his lover’s body, fondling her breasts and trailing his fingers over the ticklish parts of her skin. Evelyn did the same, showing a bit more urgency. The way her nails raked over his neck and shoulders, he could literally feel how much she wanted him.

“You’re doing well,” Dr. Braddock said. “You’re building both anticipation while communicating affection. That, in turn, gives meaning to the pleasure you’re about to give one another.”

Encouraged by her words – the idea of sharing such feelings with his lover and making it feel good – Aaron stepped up the pace of his foreplay as well. It was getting pretty heated. He didn’t just feel Evelyn’s desire in her kiss. He felt the extent of her arousal, the passionate energy radiating from her body and the moist heat from between her legs. His arousal was pretty obvious too, as if there was any way to hide a full-fledged erection.

As heated as their passions had grown, though, Aaron still listened intently to Dr. Braddock’s instructions. He hadn’t forgotten why they came here or why he and Evelyn decided to do this.

“The next step will set the tone for that pleasure,” she said. “Mr. Patterson, lie down on your back. Ms. Marsh, got on top of them. From there, give each other mutual oral sex.”

“Isn’t the official term for that a 69?” joked Aaron.

“I don’t go by what’s official. I go by what’s necessary,” she said, still as serious as ever. “Proceed with your oral sex. Please, for the time being, refrain from climaxing.”

“Yes, Doctor,” said Evelyn, not sounding nearly as serious.

Their lips having parted, they shared a playful grin before repositioning themselves accordingly. As instructed, Aaron got on his back and Evelyn got on top of her. That left him face-to-face with her pussy and her with a perfect view of his cock. Still approaching the procedure as important as any other, Aaron went to work eating his lover out.

“Mmm…my love,” she purred as she took his manhood in both hands.

“That’s it,” Dr. Braddock said. “Be gentle, but focused. Get a feel for your lover’s anatomy. Make an effort to memories those intricacies. You’ll need them for later.”

Now more motivated than ever, Aaron channeled his love for Evelyn and his moderate understanding of the female body to give her the pleasure he wanted. He was very careful at first, not wanting to hurt or overwhelm his lover. He quickly found out that she wasn’t as sensitive as he thought. She responded quite favorably to targeted, fervent stimulation.

As he got a feel for how his lover liked to be teased, Evelyn did her part as well. With both hands gripping his shaft, she began suckling along the length of his cock. Like him, she started slowly, emphasizing quality over quantity. She quickly learned that he enjoyed a little energy with his sex. When she sucked him harder, he returned the favor with some extra thorough oral teasing.

Soon, the staging area echoed with muffled moans of bliss. It was like a perfect cycle of sorts, a circle pleasure that complemented their passions. It helped satiate some desires while intensifying others, adding a new layer of intimacy to their act.

As the cycle continued, hot sensations compounding every intimate feeling, Dr. Braddock kept taking notes. She watched the scene before them like an impartial observer. Aaron had no idea what she was writing. He just knew he had to memorize every intricate kink that made his lover moan with delight.

Aaron wasn’t sure how long Dr. Braddock would have them go at it. For all he knew, he was racing against the clock, needing to get his lover to a level of arousal before a certain point. Evelyn had already worked him to a state of peak arousal, forcing him to restrain himself from climaxing too quickly. He had to work quickly, touching and teasing her pussy with every ounce of effort to get her to that special place.

“For maximum intimacy, you must guide your bodies into a similar state of being,” Dr. Braddock told them. “That way, you can share the breadth of the feeling.”

The older woman stopped writing down notes. With his face still buried in his lover’s pussy and his cock still deep in her mouth, Aaron never lost focus, waiting for that moment when his body and Evelyn’s would be in sync. It was hard to tell, but that was why they had a professional present.

“You’re both doing very well, thus far,” the older woman said. “It’s time for the last and most important step. Mr. Patterson and Ms. Marsh, cease your oral sex and reposition yourselves as follows – Ms. Marsh, lie down on your back and spread your legs while Mr. Patterson gets on top of you.”

“Yes, Doctor!” they both said, intense desire having long since replaced playful spirit.

Now fully intoxicated by his passion and lust for this woman, Aaron coordinated his body with Evelyn’s at an efficiency that would’ve made his drill sergeant uncle proud. Evelyn couldn’t get on her back fast enough, lying down in the center of the bed and spreading her legs as wide as her old gymnastic skills would allow. Aaron then got on top of her, his face hovering just inches over hers as he caressed her hands in his.

“Now, Mr. Patterson, enter your partner,” Dr. Braddock said. “Use your hands to hold her legs apart. Ms. Marsh, hold onto your partner’s shoulders to provide leverage.”

Like an order from a higher power, Aaron shifted his grip to his love’s thighs and guided his manhood towards her wet entrance. Then, with a steady thrust of the hips, his manly flesh filled her womanly depths. The hot sensations that followed were a feeling like no other.

“Oh Evelyn!” he gasped.

“Aaron!” Evelyn moaned.

As they took in that powerful moment, Dr. Braddock wrote down something else. Then, her gaze narrowed on him as though she were about to give him the most important message of his life.

“Your bodies are entwined. Start moving together,” she said. “Work your penis within her vagina. Use the knowledge you gained earlier to stimulate your partner’s depths. Do it with the intent of giving her an orgasm.”

“Yes…Doctor,” said Aaron.

Overwhelmed with energy and desires, he began making love to the beautiful woman under him. He dug his knees and feet into the soft mattress, clinging firmly to her thighs as he worked his body against hers in a fervent sexual rhythm. With every movement came a rush of blissful sensations. With those sensations came heightened passions. At that moment, Aaron felt more connected to this woman than he had with anyone else before.

As gasps and grunts filled the room, her loving gaze locked onto his. She clung hard to his shoulders, providing just the right amount of leverage for every motion. In between the passionate moans, they shared affectionate kisses. For such an intimate feeling, it was like icing on top of an already delicious cake.

“Keep the pace of your sex steady,” Dr. Braddock said. “Don’t be afraid to go a little faster, either. Extra stimulation is often necessary for greater pleasure, particularly to those within your personal profile.”

Aaron still took that suggestion as a command. He dug his feet into the bed harder and increased the tempo of their sex. He didn’t do it too hard, but it was still hard enough to rock the bed. If Evelyn’s louder moans were any indication, he was doing something right.

“Aaron…my love! Like that! Just…just like that!” she moaned.

“You hear that, Mr. Patterson? I believe you’ve found her preferred tempo,” Dr. Braddock said. “Now, with that in mind, make sure you stimulate her clit to facilitate orgasm. Most women do not climax from penetration alone. Ms. Marsh is one of them.”

Always one to be thorough, especially when it came to the woman he loved, Aaron followed Dr. Braddock’s instructions. He released his grip on one of her thighs and used his fingers to rub Evelyn’s clitoris with the same rhythmic intensity as their sex. The impact of those efforts was almost immediate.

“Oohhh Aaron!” Evelyn exclaimed. “You’re going to make me come! You’re going to…make me…come!”

Hearing those beautiful words in that beautiful voice made Aaron feel like a star athlete about to win the race. With grit and determination, he intensified their love-making, being more thorough with every thrust of his hips. He watched in awe as his love’s expression tensed and contorted to the oncoming pleasure. He was close too, but he badly wanted to see her go first.

“Your partner is about to orgasm, Mr. Patterson,” Dr. Braddock said. “You can stop withholding yours, if you haven’t already. Try to time your release with hers. It doesn’t have to be simultaneous. It just has to be close.”

Aaron hadn’t realized how close he was to his own release. Getting the go-ahead from Dr. Braddock seemed to remind him. He was almost ready, but he refused to cross that threshold before his lover.

With greater focus, Aaron pumped his manhood into Evenly’s pussy harder, applying more pressure to her clit. Being so in tuned with her – physically, emotionally, and sexually – he could practically feel her peak approaching. When it finally arrived, he watched with utmost pride as his love closed her eyes, threw her head back, and cried out to the heavens in ecstasy.

“Ohhh Aaron!”

It was nothing short of angelic, the look on her face when she came. Her lower back arched, her toes curled, and nails dug into his shoulders, as though he were her lifeboat in an ocean of ecstasy. In addition to the visual spectacle, he felt the hard contractions of her inner muscles around his dick. With just a few more thrusts, that gave him the push he needed to achieve his peak as well.

“Evelyn…I’m coming!” he moaned.

At that moment, time stopped and so did his world. His body tensed and shuddered as an eruption of hot pleasure surged through him. Aaron had experienced plenty of orgasms before, but this one felt extra special. All the anticipation, the effort, and the exertion paid off. His love for Evelyn took a real, tangible form and it felt amazing.

Together, he and his love writhed in the pleasure, their bodies reverberating together in an intimate heat. It felt like a true culmination of their relationship, literally and figuratively. They’d come to Dr. Braddock to make sure they did it right. Who knew doing something so right could feel so good?

“Congratulations,” Dr. Braddock said, finally cracking a smile. “You two have successfully made love to each other.”

“Thank you, Doctor,” said Aaron breathlessly.

“You…are a true expert,” said Evelyn, still in an orgasmic daze.

“I simply evaluate, inform, and instruct, as any competent sex doctor does,” she said as she wrote down a few more notes. “With the completion of your first lesson, I can prescribe a recommended regiment for lovemaking. Given what I’ve observed, I suggest you two make love at least three times a week. Also, start sleeping naked if you haven’t already.”

“We haven’t,” said Aaron, “but I’m looking forward to it now.”

“Me too!” said Evelyn playfully. “Doctor’s orders, after all.”

They shared a playful laugh, already settling into their post-lovemaking afterglow. As Aaron withdrew his flesh from his lover, he kissed her passionately to cap off a successful and critical experience.

As they shared that moment, their naked bodies entwined on the bed of a sex doctor’s office, Aaron took a moment to appreciate the time in which he lived. He and Evelyn resided in a world where couples didn’t have to fumble around on their own in learning how to make love. There were experienced professionals to help them skip all that awkwardness. How his parents and everyone before them managed sex without such resources was beyond him.

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Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Memorial Day 2018 Edition

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It’s the last weekend of May and you know what that means. Tomorrow is Memorial Day. For most people, especially kids who have been stuck in school for the last nine months, it’s the day when all the pools finally open. It’s the first holiday of the summer and a good excuse to spend the day at the beach.

While I appreciate any sentiment that involves summer, the beach, and lounging by a pool, Memorial Day has a more serious connotation that warrants a far greater celebration. It’s a day in which we honor the sacrifices of our veterans. I come from a family who has multiple veterans, going back to World War II. We understand the value of that sacrifice more than most.

The brave individuals who put their lives on the line for their country deserve to be honored. Whether it’s through a parade or a backyard barbecue, their story is one that helps make freedom possible. In a chaotic, unjust world, they are the ones that help carve law, order, and civilization from the chaos. That’s the kind of strength that’s worth honoring.

As such, I’m proud to dedicate this week’s edition of my Sexy Sunday Thoughts to all the veterans out there who have so bravely served their country. It’s because of you that we can live in a world where we can appreciate the sexy things. For that reason, we are in your debt and we thank you.


“A good day for a prostitute has a lot in common with a bad day for a plumber.”


“It’s distressing to wonder just how many lurid sex acts have been covered up by good laundry habits.”


“A comfortable couch has much more sexual potential than a typical bed.”


“People rarely need an excuse to be horny, but they’ll make as many as they have to in order to justify it.”


“Nobody ever fell in love with someone because they gave lackluster oral sex.”


“Are men who have sex with their pregnant wives just trying to earn extra credit on future paternity tests?”


“A man who begs for nudes is tacitly admitting that he’s bored with internet porn.”


I hope that helped get everyone feeling patriotic about their country and compassionate for its veterans, among other things. Make no mistake. Veterans are worthy of our love, admiration, and sex appeal. They put themselves in the line of fire and make tremendous sacrifices so we can live in the freest, sexist society possible. For that, we are forever in their debt. Happy Memorial Day!

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Jack Fisher’s Sexy Sunday Thoughts: “Deadpool 2” Edition

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Greetings, fellow lovers of Deadpool, tacos, and poop jokes. Once again, we find ourselves in uniquely prosperous times. Just a few weeks ago, the world became inherently more awesome with the debut of “Avengers: Infinity War.” That movie was an epic cinematic marvel that I went out of my way to praise. This week, another marvel of a more vulgar sort has arrived.

That’s right. The wait is over! “Deadpool 2” has arrived. Get a clean pair of panties and leave your tender sensibilities at the door because the Merc with the Mouth is back, once again through the lovable spirit that is Ryan Reynolds. He’s back with his R-rated antics and the world is better because of it.

I’ve praised “Deadpool” since the earliest days of this site. This movie has left me with plenty more things to praise. Some will make you sick to your stomach. Some will make you laugh hysterically. Some will even make you horny. When a former sexiest man alive and ex-husband of Scarlett Johanssen is involved, how could it not?

The “Deadpool 2” is another one of those rare pieces of media that makes the world an objectively better place. Like cat videos and babies with dogs, it brings a special kind of joy to our lives, along with some sex appeal. In that R-rated spirit, I dedicate this week’s edition of my Sexy Sunday Thoughts to “Deadpool 2” and all the vulgar spectacle it embodies.


“If intelligent design were real, then wouldn’t every man’s penis vibrate during sex?”


“True love is having someone who’s willing to unclog your toilet for free.”


“Drunk sex and drunk texting can be equally damaging to a relationship.”


“The foundation of any successful relationship is less about avoiding screw ups and more about not getting caught.”


“A wedding reception is just an opportunity for relatives to celebrate that two people they know are going to have sex.”


“It’s very likely that the invention of acting coincided with the first instance of role playing during sex.”


“Groupies are the sexual equivalent of unpaid interns.”


I hope these sexy musings embody the fourth-wall breaking effort that would make Deadpool proud and/or horny. I like to think he has a greater appreciation than most for the dirty, kinky musings that cross our minds in a given day. For those still buzzing from the move or are still in line to see it, I hope this supplements the experience. If it requires a clean pair of panties or underwear, then all I can say is you’re welcome.

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Sexy Short Story: Maximum Effort (Inspired By Deadpool)

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The following is a sexy short story I wrote entitled, “Maximum Effort.” Like “Avenging Desire” before it, this was inspired by a superhero movie, specifically “Deadpool 2.” As such, expect an appropriately crude, but inherently sexy tale. Enjoy!

“One more, Stan!” said Wendy Maxwell from across the bar.

“Just one more?” the middle-aged man asked with a crooked grin.

“You heard me right. I’m saving my appetite tonight,” she said proudly. “Deadpool 2 is one movie I want to stay hungry for!”

“You sure you want to say that out loud?” he joked.

“I know what I said. I’m not taking it back.”

Wendy spoke with a certainty that left no room for argument, even from her Uncle Stan. He owned one of the best sports bars in town, which happened to be right across the street from the High-Max Cinema movie theater. She could see the oversized complex out the window and couldn’t wait to make her way inside in a few hours. She planned to be among the first in line to see Deadpool 2.

She’d cleared her schedule for the day, taking off work and taking care of any errands that might create a distraction. She’d also made it a point to pre-order her ticket and reserve the best possible seats in the biggest IMAX theater within a 25-mile radius of her house. She could’ve just gone to the one at the mall that was closer, but in the spirit of Deadpool himself, Wendy approached seeing this movie with maximum effort.

“I got to say, Wendy,” her Uncle Stan said from behind the bar, “I didn’t peg you for the superhero fan. A few years ago, I don’t think you knew the difference between Spider-Man and Batman.”

“What can I say?” she said. “A lot can change in the span of a few years.”

“I’ll say!” her uncle said. “One day, you’re agonizing over which generic action flick you can tolerate with your friends. The next, you’re prepared to drop kick someone who tries to buy the last Deadpool-themed bra.”

“You sound so proud,” Wendy teased. “My mom is convinced I’m just overcompensating after my ex-boyfriend ditched me for his roommate’s sister.”

“Eh, what does she know? You’re more self-aware than she ever was.”

“Kind of like Deadpool himself!” she pointed out.

“No argument here.”

Wendy laughed as her uncle poured her one last cup of coffee before. She’d just about finished her dinner, which consisted of a small sandwich and some soup. It was light, but for good reason. She didn’t just want to save room for popcorn. She wanted to make sure she didn’t miss a second of the movie. That meant minimizing the risk of bathroom breaks, drowsiness, and an upset stomach.

She had never taken such elaborate precautions for a movie before. Then again, she’d never been so enthusiastic about a movie, either. That was before she saw the first Deadpool movie two years ago. She actually hadn’t intended to see it. Her now ex-boyfriend had bought them tickets to see it. Then, the day before the premier, he dumped her, but left her the ticket.

Never one to turn down a free movie, she just went and saw it. From the very beginning, with that hilariously vulgar opening credits scene, Wendy was hooked. She had no idea who Deadpool was or why the movie was such a big deal. By the time it ended, though. She was hooked. She needed to laugh. She needed to see something crude, funny, and vulgar after her breakup. Deadpool was the perfect medicine.

After that day, she became a full-fledged Deadpool fan. She started buying Deadpool comics, following Deadpool-related forms, and even found herself getting into the larger world of superhero comics. It helped that her brother loved comics. He helped catch her up and even got her into cos-playing at a comic book convention last year. It had been so much fun and it all started with Deadpool.

For Wendy, seeing Deadpool 2 was like completing a process. She’d been such a workaholic after graduating college, pulling long hours at the software company she worked at. Her former boyfriend got her to lighten up somewhat, but it was Deadpool who helped her achieve a greater epiphany.

“Maximum effort…for the right reasons,” Wendy said to herself with a smile before finishing the last of her sandwich.

It had been one of the many memorable lines from the first movie. She was good at giving lots of effort, but never with much passion. Deadpool, both the character in the comics and the one Ryan Reynolds brought to life in the movie, channeled his passion and wit into everything he did. Whether it was shooting up Ajax’s crew or trying to hook up with Death herself in the comics, he did everything with personality.

That helped Wendy so much, both in her professional life and her personal life. She’d made more friends, done better at work, and even embraced a more distinct dress style. For the Deadpool 2 premier, she’d dyed parts of her hair red, wore a Deadpool-themed halter top, and even wore Deadpool-themed underwear.

It might have been quirky for most, but it helped that she was far from the only one in her Uncle’s bar. Looking around, she saw a lot of fellow Deadpool fans showing off their attire. Some were dressed in costumes. Some were showing off their Deadpool-themed tattoos. Everyone seemed to share in the excitement, but Wendy doubted that excitement was as intimate or personal.

As she wiped her hands on her napkin, her Uncle Stan arrived with the coffee. Once served, she took a quick sip and held it up proudly.

“To Deadpool,” she said to her Uncle, “the man who got me through some tough times and helped me put maximum effort into being awesome.”

“Cheers to that, Wendy,” her Uncle Stan said, rolling her eyes. “You talk about the guy like he’s your crush instead of a comic book character.”

“What can I say? He made me laugh at a time when I was crying over my ex. He inspired me to laugh at the overall absurdities of life. He even got me to dye my hair for the first time since high school. And nobody needed to dare me!”

“I’m glad he’s been such a positive influence. Just don’t start measuring all the men in your life to the same standards as comic book characters or Ryan Reynolds.”

“Relax, Uncle Stan!” Wendy said as she took another sip of her coffee. “I intend to maintain the positivity. I mean, it’s not like I’ll just up and fuck the first guy who dresses like Deadpool and talks like Ryan Reynolds or something.”

The older man laughed and shook his head before going back to serving other customers. Wendy went back to finishing her coffee, occasionally checking her phone to see how much longer she would have to wait. She still had a solid two hours before the movie. It promised to be an agonizing wait, but with each passing second she grew more excited.

“It’s almost here!” she said to herself. “Deadpool 2 is almost here! God, I wish there was a way to make the wait go faster.”

Moments after saying those words, I figure walked up to the bar next to her. He seemed to come out of nowhere. He was tall, well-built, and wearing a full-bodied Deadpool costume the likes of which she hadn’t seen since that comic book convention she went to with her brother. It looked like a perfect duplicate of the costume Ryan Reynolds wore in the first Deadpool movie.

“Hey bartender!” the man in the costume called out. “Whose balls do you have to fondle to pay the check? And for the record…yes, I moisturize!”

Wendy’s heart skipped a beat and her panties got a little warmer. She swore that voice sounded just like Ryan Reynolds, but it couldn’t be him. For one, the man in the costume looked taller than Ryan and there was no way big Hollywood star would be at her Uncle’s small-time bar, especially one married to Blake Lively.

At the same time, however, she found herself staring at him intently. Someone who put that much effort into a costume must have at least half her appreciation of all things Deadpool. Even after one of her uncle’s other bartenders came buy and processed his check, he still carried himself like the Merc with a Mouth himself.

“Hey,” Wendy called out. “How many times have you asked about ball-fondling today?”

The man in the suit turned towards her and seemed immediately intrigued. Even through that mask, Wendy sensed him smiling.

“That depends,” he replied jokingly. “Do you consider yourself for or against? How important is it to you that balls be fondled?”

“Well, it wasn’t that important to me until a few years ago,” Wendy said, mirroring his tone.

“A few years ago? You mean the same time that saint of a man, Ryan Reynolds, cracked a joke about it in the first Deadpool movie?”

“Oh, it was no joke to me. If making that move required fondling Wolverine’s balls, be they Hugh Jackman’s or anyone who looks like him, then I say ball fondling has proved its worth!”

They both laughed. The man barely even noticed when the bartender gave him his check back. Now leaning on the side of the bar, he leaned in a little closer. Again, she sensed a unique look through his mask. He was still smiling at her and in a very flirtatious way. The fact he smelled like fresh chimichangas – which had become her favorite snack food, by default – certainly helped.

“I take it from the dyed hair, the Hot Topic shirt, and the appreciation of ball-fondling jokes that you’re as excited about Deadpool 2 as me,” the man said.

“Well, I’d certainly say I’m excited, but you being as excited?” Wendy questioned. “I find that hard to believe.”

“What makes you say that?”

“For one, I don’t’ see a boner in your pants. Trust me, if I was a man. I’d be so hard right now I’d have to wear a dress.”

“You don’t say?” he said with a laugh. “So you’ve been glancing at my man parts?”

“Are you going to tell me that you’re not looking down my shirt right now, hoping your mask will hide it?”

Wendy, showing more playfulness that would’ve made Deadpool proud, leaned in closer so that her breasts were plainly visible through her halter top. She didn’t even need to gaze through his mask. She knew he liked what he saw. He didn’t even try to avoid it.

“I’ll plead the fifth on that,” he said. “I’ll also plead that you’re not here with someone…like, for instance, a jealous boyfriend who has the muscle mass of Colossus.”

“I’m alone,” she told him with a flirty look. “In fact, I’ve been single since I saw the first Deadpool movie.”

“Really? A pretty girl like you, one who’s willing to wear Deadpool-themed clothes that blatantly show off your breasts, is single? I find that hard to believe. And I know someone who paid to see the Green Lantern movie.”

“Believe it!” Wendy said confidently. “In fact, I’d go so far as to say that Deadpool has been the most important man in my life since my last breakup. You could say he’s become a passion of mine.”

“A passion?” he said with more intrigue. “Are we talking stamp collecting here or the kind that requires a spare pair of panties?”

“I own a vibrator that I’ve covered in no fewer than 16 Deadpool stickers. What do you think?”

Wendy hadn’t intended to sound that dirty, but she couldn’t help herself. Between her excitement surrounding Deadpool 2 and the man looking and sounding so much like Deadpool, her passion for the character was mixing with other passions. It also wasn’t lost on her that she hadn’t had sex since she broke up with her ex-boyfriend. On the night of a new Deadpool movie, it seemed more relevant.

She felt the gaze of the man in the costume narrow. She even swore she saw a slight bulge in his pants. She wasn’t exactly being subtle, but neither was he. Maybe that was just a byproduct of dressing like Deadpool, but it still did the trick. It still got her hotter than Ryan Reynolds and Blake Lively in a sauna.

“I think,” the man said in a deeper tone, “that we might be able to help each other.”

“Are you saying you have more stickers?” she quipped in a flirty tone.

“I’m saying I’m here by myself as well. I had a girlfriend, but she didn’t care for Deadpool movies. She even tried to make me throw this costume away.”

“Sounds like a total bitch. You were right to dump her.”

“I haven’t regretted it for a second,” he said, “although I can’t say the same for my penis. It’s been lonely, to say the least, and there’s only so much I can do with hand lotion and re-watching Van Wilder on cable.”

“That’s so sad.”

“It is,” he said, “but if you know a place nearby that’s private and good at screening awkward noises, I think we can help each other.”

The man leaned in even closer, so much so that she could smell his breath and the manly scent emanating within the costume. It smelled like a mix of tacos, hot sauce, and pure manliness. It proved plenty potent, sending Wendy’s heart and hormones into overdrive.

She’d yet to see the man’s face. She’d yet to even get his name. However, he was dressed as Deadpool, had a clear appreciation of all things Deadpool, and appreciated his mannerisms. On a night when Wendy was determined to celebrate all things Deadpool, the idea of fucking a guy dressed like him just seemed too fitting.

It was reckless, crude, and something Deadpool would totally do. Wendy, feeling adventurous in a way that only Deapdool could inspire, decided to take a chance. After all, she still had plenty of time between now and the movie premier. Why not try to pass the time with a little Deadpool-themed kink?

“As it just so happens,” Wendy said with a seductive glance, “there’s an isolated little nook out back…one only I know about because my uncle trusts me way too damn much.”

“Hmm…that could work,” the man said with growing excitement.

“I’ll take you there under one condition.”

“Name it! And I promise that’s not just my penis talking.”

“You keep that costume on. That includes the mask,” she told him. “Also, I don’t want you to give me your real name or anything. Just let me call you Wade.”

“Keep the costume on, keep my name secret, and let you call me Wade,” he said, pretending to think about it, “all in exchange for some kinky sex. Normally, I would take a moment to pray to the gods of Stan Lee and Rob Liefield for guidance, but I think I’ve got their blessing with this!”

“Good!” she said intently. “Because on a night like this, I intend and expect maximum effort!”

Casting aside all restraint and reservation, Wendy just left a couple twenty-dollar bills under her half-finished coffee before grabbing the man by the arm. Then, with an energy and intent that surprised her more than him, led him out of the bar through the rear entrance. Most customers weren’t allowed back there, but since her Uncle owned the place, she gave her a pass.

The man she now called Wade eagerly followed, staying close by and slipping his gloved hand into her back pocket, giving her butt a firm squeeze. It got her to move a little faster, making her inner thighs feel hotter in the process. Between excitement for a movie and a lengthy sexual drought, her body seemed extra receptive to a little stimulation.

“You’ve got a nice ass,” Wade whispered into her ear as he followed her, “not quite as nice as Ryan Reynolds, but still close.”

“Stay close,” Wendy replied in a lurid tone. “I can use my ass as well as Deadpool uses his guns!”

“A bold claim,” he said. “I’d like to see you prove it!”

“Oh I will!”

Still completely confident, she led Wade down a narrow hall, passing one of the cooks along the way. She ignored the strange look she gave him. She didn’t care if the whole bar saw her slip out. She was going to have sex this man. Then, she was going to see Deadpool 2. By every objective measure, it looked to be a damn good night.

Upon reaching the door, they burst out into the hot mid-May evening. They emerged in a back alley where nobody who wasn’t driving a delivery truck ventured, especially this late in the evening. As soon as the door closed, Wendy turned around and jumped Wade with the same fervor as Vanessa did in the first Deadpool movie.

Wade responded just as favorably, catching her in his arms and leading her back to the wall next to the door. Along the way, she kissed his mask, playfully licking around the mouth area while grinding her body up against his. She could already feel the bulge in his pants growing. She also felt him feel up her curves, squeezing her ass and tracing up along her waist. It got her so hot that her clothes became unbearably itchy.

“Wade…help me get this off,” she said, already breathless as she unzipped her pants.

“Gladly,” he replied.

Kicking off her sandals, not minding the dirty pavement on her feet, Wendy slid her pants down her legs with Wade’s help. In the process, she revealed the Deadpool-themed panties she’d been wearing, complete with an image of Deadpool’s face right over her pussy. She swore she heard Wade giggle.

“Ooh! Those are so cute,” he said to her, his hands already on the side.

“Help me get them off and I’ll let you smell them,” Wendy told him.

“Deal!”

She laughed again, but never lost focus. She slipped out of her panties quickly, leaving her naked from the waist down. As soon as they were off, she let Wade take them, who eagerly put them up to his mask. She watched as he took in a deep whiff, not unlike the one Deadpool did when he smelled his guns.

“Ooh yeah!” he said. “I’m touching myself later.”

“Better make it much later!” said Wendy. “Remember what we discussed about ball-fondling? I’m for it.”

As if to prove her point, she dropped to her knees and grabbed the side of Wade’s pants. By now, the bulge in his pants was pretty big. Getting it off was a bit of a challenge, but after doing the Deadpool-themed belt-buckle, she managed to pull the tight-fitting red pants down to his ankles, along with his boxers.

Much to Wendy’s surprise, the man wearing the suit was very well-endowed. He had the kind of manhood that Deadpool would’ve joked about to no end. At the moment, though, it was no laughing matter. Wendy was horny, excited, and daring. True to her word from earlier, she went to work fondling Wade’s balls and playfully stroking his cock.

“I fully approve…of your position on ball-fondling,” Wade teased.

“That’s not all I’m in favor of,” Wendy said in a lurid tone.

With one hand still cradling his balls, she shot the masked man a kinky glance before taking his dick into her mouth. From there, she began giving him oral sex, channeling her inner Vanessa from the first Deadpool movie. Wendy had given her ex-boyfriend oral sex on multiple occasions, but never with such effort and fervor.

“Holy fuck-knuckles, that’s good!” Wade moaned, still holding her panties to his masked face.

Encouraged, Wendy kept up her oral teasing, using her lips and tongue to full effect. It didn’t take long before Wade was leaning back on the wall for support, running his fingers through her hair with one hand while holding onto her panties with the other.

As she sucked him, Wendy felt her own arousal escalate. At one point, she slipped a free hand between her legs and fingered her vagina to get all the right juices flowing. Before long, she was ready for a new effort.

“Mmm…ready to fuck me, Wade?” she asked seductively after giving his cock one last lick.

“With maximum effort!” Wade replied.

With instinct and reflexes as powerful as Deadpool himself, Wendy shot up from the ground. Wade, seizing the initiative, took her in his arms briefly and turned her around so that she was up against the brick wall, facing away with her heart-shaped ass pointing at him.

His pants still around his ankles and his mask still on, the man she instead on calling Wade grabbed her by the waist and guided his dick into her with a single thrust. He was so hard and she was so wet. Like Deadpool and a young Bea Arthur, their flesh embraced one another.

“Ohhh fuck!” Wendy exclaimed into the humid evening air.

“Fuck…yeah!” Wade grunted.

Wendy’s world began rocking. Wade put in the same effort into fucking her as she had when she gave him oral sex. He was so energetic and thorough, pumping his manly flesh inside her and stimulating her womanly depths with every motion. Wendy bucked her hips with every thrust, leaning harder against the brick wall. It didn’t matter that it was dirty and reckless. They were just that excited about Deadpool 2.

He fucked her nice and hard in that position, his pelvis rhythmically smacking against her putt with each thrust. At one point, he grasped her but with one hand and reached up her shirt with the other, pulling down her bra and feeling one of her breasts. That added an extra bit of sensation to their sex. Wendy loved it and craved more.

“Harder, Wade! Fuck me harder!” she cried out.

“Nice boobs…hot pussy…super penis…I fucking love it!” Wade said.

They kept going at it, moaning and grunting in the dirty nook behind her Uncle’s bar. Somewhere along the way, he pulled out and turned her around so that she could jump him again, throwing her legs around her waist so he could fuck her just like Wade fucked Venassa in the first movie. Wendy eagerly embraced the opportunity.

Her back now against the wall, her breasts hanging out of her top, Wade held her legs up as he guided his dick back into her and resumed their sex. She held onto his shoulders as their bodies rocked to the rhythm. Wendy found herself gazing intensely into the masked face before her. Whether by fluke or kink, looking at it just made her hotter and pushed her faster towards her peak.

The sex was so intense and driven. In that moment, she wasn’t just fucking some random guy in a Deadpool costume. She was actually fucking Deadpool. He was Ryan Reyonld and she was Morena Baccarin. He was Wade Wilson and she was Vanessa. That thought, along with the steady onslaught of sexual sensations, brought her to the brink of orgasm.

“Ohhh I’m coming, Wade! I’m coming!” she cried out.

“Ooh yeah! Me too,” he grunted. “Fuck, I’m going to pop my fucking load in you!”

“Do it, Wade! I want to feel your Deadpool-loving cum inside me!”

That was probably the most vulgar thing she’d ever said during sex, even while drunk. Wendy didn’t care. She was loving it too damn much. It was just too damn fun.

After a few more powerful thrusts that tested her flexibility, and other various aspects of female anatomy, Wendy came hard. She came so hard that she scratched her nails down over the seams of the mask, tearing through parts of the fabric in the process. Her toes curled, her lower back arched, and her core was set ablaze with a fiery surge of pleasure.

As that feeling engulfed her, Wade let out a labored grunt of his own, tightening his hold on her butt as he steadied his hips in anticipation of his release. She then felt his dick throb inside her pussy, his manly juices mixing with hers.

In that moment of shared, Deadpool-driven ecstasy, she kissed the masked men with passion, knowing that she’d achieved something once deemed impossible. She found a way to make Deadpool even more awesome.

“Fuck yeah,” Wendy said in her orgasmic daze. “Now that’s what I call maximum effort!”

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Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Mother’s Day 2018 Edition

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It’s that time of year again. Hallmark loves it. The flower business loves it. You should love it too because it involves celebrating mothers, the most important women in our lives, by default. Appreciating them should involve more than just cards, chocolates, and flowers.

That can be challenging for someone like me because I happen to have an incredibly awesome mother who sets the bar insanely high. I consider myself incredibly lucky to have such an amazing woman to call my mom. She has done more than just teach me how to live, love, and thrive in this world. She has helped me appreciate the love of family, women, and everything in between.

Every Mother’s Day, I do what I can to let my mother know how much I love her. A big part of who I am comes right from my mother and I can’t thank her enough for that. As I’ve gotten older, she hasn’t asked for quite as much. I still like to deliver in my own special way.

To those of you lucky enough to still have your mother in your life, I encourage you to show that appreciation as well. To all the other hard-working, hard-loving mothers out there, this week’s edition of my Sexy Sunday Thoughts is for you. Enjoy and Happy Mother’s Day!


“Someone who claims to be bi-curious is just someone who is more flexible with their horniness.”


“Practically speaking, women who’ve given birth are MUCH more motivated to make sex worthwhile.”


“When you think about it, step-parents are the romantic and sexual equivalent of pinch hitters.”


“A woman flashing her tits makes men and babies excited for distinct, yet similar reasons.”


“A romance that endures is a romance that has meaningful discussions on the usage of nipple clamps.”


“Faith can move mountains, but orgasms keep people motivated.”


“A successful three-way has a lot in common with skilled juggling.”


Once again, to all the mothers out there and the children they bore, Happy Mother’s Day. These wonderful women helped make us and raise us. They help us learn to love and understand why it’s special. To my own mother, especially, thank you for making my world and the world around me more loving.

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Sexy Sunday Thoughts: (Belated) Cinco De Mayo Edition

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Greetings, and a very happy belated El Cinco de Mayo to all. I know I’m a day late, but I’ve always been one to enjoy the afterglow of a holiday, among other things. I find those are actually the most relaxing moments of an event. Celebrating takes all sorts of time, energy, and planning. When you get to the afterglow, though, you can just chill.

I admit I don’t celebrate El Cinco de Mayo. However, I grew up in a pretty diverse area that had a sizable Hispanic population. Without going into too much detail about my neighbors, I’ll just say those people know how to throw a party and cook amazing food. Even though I was pretty shy as a kid, I always appreciated a joyous occasion and great food.

Tacos, burritos, and pretty much anything else you can dip in hot sauce is already a sizable part of my diet. A day of celebration that involves feasts and festivities is certainly welcome. I don’t speak Spanish very well, but I know the language of great food and sexy musings.

As such, I’m happy to dedicate this week’s edition of my Sexy Sunday Thoughts to those basking in the afterglow of another great holiday. By now, I imagine many are tired and still digesting their spicy feasts. A little sexy spirit helps to maximize that glow. Enjoy!


“At some point, we all need to acknowledge that smelling women’s panties is more desperation than fetish.”


“The worst blowjob a man can get is still better than the best shoulder rub he’s ever gotten.”


“Is it possible that we’re only attracted to chiseled abs because we’re more certain that person won’t eat our leftovers?”


“The line between wrestling and sex is like the line between a snack and a meal in that one can easily morph into the other.”


“If a man’s penis were replaced with a woman’s vibrator, then batteries would become the world’s most valuable resource.”


“Someone who has great sex on the day they die can objectively say didn’t die in vain.”


“When you think about it, the most basic form of romantic love stems from a sincere desire to give someone else an orgasm.”


I hope that gets everyone in the mood for a nice Sunday siesta, among other things. This is the time of year when the weather is warm enough to minimize the amount of clothing you need to wear around the house. As someone with a noted fondness for sleeping naked, it’s a wonderful time of year and having an excuse to eat more burritos certainly doesn’t hurt.

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Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Infinity War Edition

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I hope it goes without saying to my fellow comic book fans, but this has been one of the biggest weekend in the history of the superhero genre. After over a decade of built-up and hype, “Avengers: Infinity War” has come out. It might very well be the biggest cinematic event since “Star Wars,” “Titanic,” or the first time someone saw female nipples on a movie screen.

There’s no way to overstate it. “Avengers: Infinity War” is a game-changing moment for a genre and an industry. Beyond simply giving Disney and Marvel a fresh pool of money to swim in, it promises to raise the bar for just how epic a superhero movie can be and just how impactful superheroes are on popular culture.

I still intend to craft my full review of the movie. I imagine there are plenty of people out there still in line, trying to get tickets for this monumental convergence of cinematic spectacle. I urge every one of those people to hang in there. I assure you the wait is worth it.

To make that weight slightly more bearable, I dedicate this week’s edition of my Sexy Sunday Thoughts to all those celebrating release of “Avengers: Infinity War.” We’ve waited a long time for a moment like this. Let’s celebrate it as best we can and for me, that means a little sex appeal.


“You can accurately judge the experience and skill of a lover by how well they touch nipples.”


“Is it possible that leather is only associated with kink because it’s easier to wipe away embarrassing stains?”


“Whoever invented the UV lamp probably made a LOT of unexpected enemies.”


“Technically speaking, an orgy is a conspiracy of orgasms.”


“Laughing during sex is only slightly less awkward than throwing up during desert.”


“Sex can be given, love has be earned, and anal must be negotiated.”


“Using a vibrator during sex is the intimate equivalent of a spoiler.”


These sexy thoughts might not have the power of the Infinity Gauntlet or the menacing presence of Thanos. If nothing else, I hope they get peoples’ hearts racing for reasons other than those evoked by the movie. For superhero fans, comic fans, and fans of all things epic, “Avengers: Infinity War” is a historic achievement. The way I see it, some sexy musings can be part of the celebration.

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“Avenging Desire” A Sexy Short Story

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The following is a sexy short story entitled “Avenging Desire.” It’s not based on any real events, but it was inspired by the recent hype surrounding the debut of “Avengers: Infinity War.” Enjoy!

The wait was almost over. The day that fans of Marvel and superhero movies had been waiting for had finally arrived. “Avengers: Infinity War” was set to release and fans of all kinds had lined up outside the MaxCinema IMAX theater for the midnight showing.

Michelle Meyers considered herself one of those fans. In fact, she considered herself a bigger fan than 90 percent of those waiting in line, thinking they could get away with not pre-ordering tickets two weeks ahead of time. A few days ago, she would’ve laughed at them for their lack of foresight. Now, if they knew her current predicament, they’d probably be laughing at her.

“The biggest movie premier of my life,” Michelle mused as she sat on the hood of her car, “and fate finds a way to make it harder for me… and break my heart, in the process.”

Muttering a string of curses to herself, she looked away from the crowd and checked her phone. She had a little more than an hour before the midnight premier of the movie. She should’ve been more excited than any sane woman should for a movie premier. It was the cinematic event of a lifetime and Michelle thought she’d prepared for it, even going so far as to get a Black Widow costume.

Then, it happened. More specifically, her boyfriend happened. Eric Landon, the man she’d dated for two years and seen more than her share of superhero movies with, broke up with her. On top of that, she found out he’d been cheating on her with some girl he met on a comic book message board, of all places. If that weren’t bad enough, he’d been the one to pre-order their tickets.

“Fuck you, Eric,” Michelle said, still staring at her phone, which had an old picture of them in the background. “Fuck you for being worse than Thanos when it comes to loving your girlfriend. The least you could’ve done was break my heart after we saw the movie.”

She kept cursing her ex under her breath and in her mind, hoping that new girl he left her for would bust his balls like the Hulk every chance she got. Michelle had gone through bad break-ups before, but she’d never hated someone so much for ending a relationship at the worst possible time.

It wasn’t just that the tickets he bought had been in his name. She’d also found out just a few hours ago that Eric intended to use what should’ve been her ticket to take his new girlfriend to see the movie. For all she knew, they were already in line and Eric was wearing the same old Captain America T-shirt he wore on their first date.

It was tempting to just hunt him down, kick his ass in public, and take the ticket that was rightfully hers. However, Michelle had another plan, one that would help her see the movie and get back at her ex. It required a little cunning and sacrifice on her part, but for a chance to see “Avengers: Infinity War” tonight, she was willing to take that chance.

As time ticked by at an agonizingly slow pace, Michelle kept checking her phone, watching as the premier drew closer by the second. Finally, she heard the voice she’d been waiting.

“Michelle Meyers…is that you?” said Samuel Hartman, the man who held the keys to making her night a success.

“That’s me,” Michelle said, putting on her best smile and using her most seductive tone. “You’re right on time, Sam.”

“I know you couldn’t give too many specifics with your text, but how do you want to…”

Michelle held up her hand to silence him. He sounded so nervous, if not a little anxious. She couldn’t have that. She had to maintain a certain mood. It was the only way they could both get what they wanted.

“Don’t overthink this, Sam. I was vague for a reason,” she said as she got off the hood of her car. “First, let me see the tickets. I need to be sure…more so than I was with Eric.”

“Of course,” he replied, already sounding somewhat calmer.

She watched as Sam reached into his back pocket, took out his wallet, and showed her two movie tickets to the “Avengers: Infinity War” premier, which was set to begin in under an hour. Michelle then approached him, scrutinizing the tickets to make sure they were real. Having worked in a movie theater during high school, she knew how to spot fakes. Near as she could tell, they were real.

“Wow! You got great seats,” Michelle said with a smile.

“My older brother is a real movie junky,” Sam said. “He has picking the best seats down to a science.”

“And you thought to use it on the biggest movie premier of the past decade…smart.”

“Well, in my defense, I do consider myself an Avengers fan. Plus, I failed miserably to get tickets to the Black Panther movie and I wasn’t going to make that mistake again.”

“Except, you already had someone to share those tickets with, didn’t you?” Michelle said.

“I did,” he admitted, “but that’s where my sister’s terrible luck is your gain. She and I were going to see this movie tonight, just like we have with every MCU movie. Then, her car breaks down on her way back from Florida and she’s not going to be in until tomorrow night.”

“My older brother is a mechanic. I’ll get him to fix that car for free if this is as worth it as I hope.”

Michelle took a step closer and, in a move that would’ve made the Black Widow proud, pulled the young man into an intimate embrace. It was a lot more intimate than she usually offered for someone she’d just met, but for Sam and the promise of seeing “Avengers: Infinity War,” she made an exception.

Sam wasn’t just a guy who happened to have a spare ticket to the movie. The only reason Michelle knew him was because he worked for the same law firm as Eric. Sam even outranked him technically, having been close to one of the partners at the firm. She’d met him at the office Christmas party and remembered that he’d recently endured a nasty break-up as well. That aligned their goals in ways beyond the movie.

Michelle had overheard Eric talking to Sam about “Avengers: Infinity War” earlier in the week, just before she found out about his lying, cheating antics. She also remembered Sam being less an asshole when debating who could lift Thor’s hammer. That made the revelation that he had a spare ticket even more enticing. It also made her method of payment much clearer.

“Um…Michelle?” said Sam, still holding the tickets and his wallet.

“Yes, Sam?” said Michelle, smiling playfully as she let her body press against his.

“I know you said you wanted to earn this ticket,” he told her.

“I still do,” she replied seductively.

“For the record, though…I still would’ve accepted cash. I would’ve even offered a discount after what Eric did to you. I mean…cheating on you and using his ticket on the girl he cheated with? That’s just wrong!”

“It’s for that exact reason I didn’t accept the discount. You see, unlike Eric, I prefer to put in the work. I like doing things the hard way. It makes the end results so much more rewarding.”

With each word she spoke, Michelle channeled every ounce her flirting skills. She hadn’t used those skills much since college and even back then, she needed a little alcohol to really maximize the effect. True to her word, she decided to push herself with Sam and for all the right reasons.

As he stood dumbfounded in her embrace, she casually grasped his arms and lowered them so that he put the tickets and his wallet away. She then guided his arms around her waist so they could share a more complete embrace. She could still sense Sam overthinking things to some extent, but if the sudden hardness in his pants were any indication, his thoughts were giving way to action. Tony Stark would’ve been proud.

“That’s also why I parked my car all the way out here,” Michelle told him, gesturing towards her car. “It’s a long walk to the theater, it’s in a corner lot, and it’s right across from that pile of broken concrete that the construction crews haven’t cleaned up yet.”

“Yeah, I figured there was a reason for that,” said Sam with an awkward grin.

“The reason is simple,” she said more intently. “It’s remote and private. On top of that, all the cops are in the theater, making sure nobody sneaks in a bottle of bourbon inside a toy hammer.”

“Would you think less of me if I tried something like that when I saw Thor: Ragnarok last year?”

“Actually…I’d find that incredibly hot.”

She must have sounded like Scarlett Johannsen because she swore she felt a bulge form in Sam’s pants instantly. Embracing him under the poor illumination of a street light, the crowded theater in the distance taking up everyone else’s attention, she and Sam might as well have been in the same underground cave as Thor was in “Avengers: Age of Ultron.”

Michelle didn’t know Sam that well, but he loved superhero movies like her and he hadn’t given away her ticket to “Avengers: Infinity War” to some undeserving bitch. That was more than enough to evoke the desires she needed to make their little transaction work.

The first part of it involved a simple kiss, which Michelle gave Sam without hesitation. She even threw in a little tongue with some extra body contact. That actually surprised him, but in the best possible way.

“Whoa,” Sam said after their lips parted, “you’re very direct.”

“I am when I have to be,” she quipped.

“Eric once mentioned how determined you could be when in the right mindset. I think he undersold that trait.”

“Please don’t mention that name from here on out. As far as I’m concerned, there are only three things that matter right now…you, me, and seeing this goddamn movie.”

Michelle kissed him again, being even more direct than before. She practically shoved her tongue into his mouth, grabbed his wrist and guiding his hands down onto her butt. That time, Sam didn’t hesitate. Instead, he kissed back. Apparently, his brain had caught up with the rest of his body. Much like the Avengers, they were ready to assemble for the ultimate mission.

Having set the tone and made her intentions clear, Michelle sensed they were ready for the next part of their transaction. That meant a different kind of assembling.

“Now then,” Michelle said, after their lips parted, “why don’t we take this to the back seat of my car and finalize our little deal?”

“Between this movie and your kissing skills…I’m just going to shut up now.”

“Works for me!”

Tapping the same giddy spirit she felt years ago when she came out of the first “Iron Man” movie, she latched onto Sam’s arm and led him to her car. As soon as she opened the rear passenger doors, she couldn’t get into the back seat with him fast enough.

Her car wasn’t the most spacious vehicle in the world, but she’d cleaned it out that afternoon, knowing she’d need every bit of space for tonight. As soon as she closed the door behind her, doing one quick check to make sure nobody was in sight, Michelle smothered Sam with healthy dose of kissing and fondling.

Before long, he was lying on the back seat with her on top of him, his hands back on her butt as their still-clothed bodies pressed together in the confined space. She more she kissed him, the more she kissed back. The more she pawed his chest, the more he squeezed his butt. It wasn’t quite the kind of teamwork the Avengers embodied, but it still seemed fitting.

All the kissing and touching helped things heat up very quickly. Already, Michelle felt the air inside her car get hotter and stickier. It made staying fully clothed unbearable for a second longer.

“Sam,” she said, already breathless as she lay on top of him, “it’s getting hotter than Surtur’s balls in here. What do you we ditch these itchy clothes?”

Sam just grinned, keeping his promise to shut up while she carried out their little transaction. That fact alone – him actually keeping a promise – already put him above her ex. That might very well make the next part even more enjoyable.

Rising up in the seat, still straddling his waist, Michelle took off her Black Widow themed T-shirt to reveal a matching black bra. Then, with the same seductive glance that made Scarlett Johannsen the best part of “Iron Man 2,” she unhooked the clasp and removed it, allowing her breasts to tumble free.

“Michelle,” Sam said, his eyes widening with delight at the sight of her breasts.

“You can call me Natasha Romanov if you want,” Michelle said playfully, doing her best Russian accent.

“I’ll…stick to Michelle,” he said jokingly.

They both laughed and kissed again. Sam didn’t need help guiding his hands to her breasts. He quickly found his way and began fondling them with both hands. He wasn’t too hard. He was actually careful. Clearly, he had fondled breasts before and was pretty good at it. That got Michelle even more eager to get out of her clothes.

First, she helped Sam keep up. As he fondled and admired her breasts, she undid his button-up shirt with an Avengers logo on the chest. Once that was off, she undid his belt buckle and pants. That proved more challenging because that bulge she felt earlier had grown quite a bit. Still determined, both to finish the job and see the movie, she managed to pull them off, boxers and all.

“That’s better,” Sam said as he eagerly kicked off his pants.

“Yes…much better,” said Michelle.

She felt like a drunken prom date, getting her first glimpse of Sam’s dick. In addition to being in better shape than Eric, Sam was more endowed as well. In the spirit of Thor, she looked to test if he was worthy of it. That also meant testing just how determined she was to see “Avengers: Infinity War.”

“I’m going to suck your dick, now,” she told him. “Then, I’m going to fuck you. I’m going to fuck you so well that you’ll deem me worthy of that ticket…so worthy that Thor, himself, would be proud.”

“You just keep sweetening this deal, Michelle,” Sam said with the widest grin she’d ever seen on a man.

He must have felt like Tony Stark at that moment and Michelle intended to affirm that feeling. Still hovering over him, letting him admire and touch her breasts, she reached down and began fondling his cock. That got a favorable reaction, one that she followed to the utmost.

With his rigid member in hand, she adjusted herself so that she could get a more up-close look at his manhood. Sam did the same, rising up from the seat so she had room to work. Now comfortably resting with his back against the door, Michelle leaned in and took his length into her mouth.

“Oh yeah!” he moaned upon feeling her lips around his shaft.

Encouraged, she began sucking him off, treating it like a mission ordered by Captain America himself. Michelle usually wasn’t that eager to give a blowjob. When she’d been with Eric, he often had to sweet-talk her into it. She didn’t need that with Sam. He’d already given her plenty of incentive to both go the extra distance and even enjoy it a little.

On paper, it seemed like a chore. She would give a man sex. He’d give her a ticket to see “Avengers: Infinity War.” It was a simple, albeit lurid transaction. It might have even been illicit, according to her uncle, who happened to be a cop. Michelle refused to approach it like that, though. Like Scott Lang in “Ant Man,” she saw it as an opportunity worth pursuing.

Whether she was just that excited about the movie or just extra horny for some reason, Michelle’s efforts paid off. Eric’s blissful moans were proof enough of that, as well as the way his dick throbbed in her mouth. After sucking and slithering her way along his length, he was as hard as the Hulk’s bicep. That was her queue for the next part.

“Mmm…so strong and hard,” Michelle said playfully. “Ready to smash my pussy like the Hulk, Sam?”

“Hell yeah!” Sam said, now every bit as into it as her.

She grinned up at him, giving the tip of his dick one last lick in anticipation. She then rose up, undid her tight-fitting black pants, and pulled them down, along with her panties. Upon kicking them off with her sandals, Michelle eagerly straddled him so that his member was perfectly aligned with her wet opening.

“For the record,” she said, now gazing intently into his eyes, “I’m not just doing this for a movie ticket. I’m doing this to avenge the pain my ex caused me.”

“Avenge huh?” said Sam in a humored tone. “I can totally respect that!”

He smiled playfully and she smiled back before capturing his lips again. Then, as their tongues became entwined, Michelle thrust her hips downward and drove his cock up into her.

A surge of sharp sensations followed. The penetration was surprisingly smooth. She’d gotten herself much wetter than she’d thought. Either Sam was having an effect on her or the prospect of seeing “Avengers: Infinity War” made her just that horny. She preferred to think it was a little of both.

“Ohhh Michelle!” Sam moaned.

“Yeah…you like that?” Michelle said curtly. “You like how I avenge my ex?”

“Ohhh fuck yeah! Avenge him…just like that!”

She laughed playfully and kept kissing him, all while thoroughly gyrating her hips and building up towards a sexual rhythm. She clung to his shoulders while he held onto her waist, their naked bodies gliding and moving together in a sexual heat. Michelle even noticed the windows fogging up from all the heat and sweat. It was her kind of avenging, indeed.

As if possessed by the devious spirit of Loki, Michelle rode Sam’s cock with a passion, making it a point to fuck him better than she’d fucked Eric in the last few months of their relationship. She was hard and thorough with every movement, really working his length into her depths. Together, they made a potent heat within her car, even rocking it at times.

Soon, it didn’t feel like an obstacle between her and seeing “Avengers: Infinity War.” It was almost like a bonus, getting some hot sex before the movie. It almost didn’t seem fair, but then again, it wasn’t fair how her ex treated her so she figured they were officially even.

Within the back seat, despite the inherent confinement, she and Sam managed to go at it longer than she’d expected. He even managed to work up a good sweat, his chest glistening under the limited lighting from outside. She felt some sweat beading up on her naked skin as well as they worked their way towards a thunderous peak.

It even got a little chaotic, naked bodies shifting around while hands eagerly roamed. At one point, Sam was squeezing her butt as she rode him and she was pinching his nipples. At another, she was leaning back as she rode him so he could keep fondling her breasts. Whatever form their sex took, it had the same goals. One involved seeing the movie. The other involved something more basic.

“Michelle, I…I’m close!” Sam grunted, his every breath becoming more labored. “I’m getting real…real close!”

“Ooh me too, Sam!” Michelle moaned. “Please…come first. I want you…to come first!”

That seemed so counterintuitive, a woman wanting a man to climax first during sex. Then again, it was part of the transaction. She promised to give him a satisfying fuck in exchange for that ticket. That meant his peak had priority, but that didn’t mean she couldn’t also enjoy it.

Still leaning back, allowing Sam to keep admiring her breasts, Michelle worked her hips in a final surge of energy. Like that last desperate push the Avengers made against the Chitari in the first movie, she was determined to finish. Much like her favorite superhero team, she eventually triumphed.

“Ohhh Michelle!” Sam cried out as he finally climaxed.

It was so abrupt, but intense. Michelle felt Sam’s body tense within her grasp, his hands really squeezing her butt as the feeling took over. She finally slowed her motions, watching as Sam’s face contorted to the pleasure that came along with his release. She made sure he enjoyed it, remaining on top of him while his dick throbbed inside her.

Since she was so close to her own climax, though, she kept the rhythm going for a bit longer. From that final push, along with a little extra self-stimulation, she managed to achieve orgasm as well. She hadn’t expected it, as part of her deal with Sam. The fact she could just made the avenging that much more satisfying.

“Mmm…Sam!” Michelle moaned. “Avenge…with me!”

That sounded so cheesy out loud, but in a state of orgasmic bliss, she was beyond caring. With Sam still reeling from his own peak, Michelle grabbed onto his shoulders, closed her eyes, and threw her head back as she let out a cry that felt like it came straight from Asgard.

She was much louder and more energetic than she’d intended. However, she’d always enjoyed being vocal during sex. Adding that on top of her excitement on seeing “Avengers: Infinity War” just made her deal with Sam that much sweeter.

“I think…we’re done avenging,” said Sam breathlessly.

“That’s for sure!” said Michelle, still dazed by her orgasm.

Their naked bodies remained entwined as she soaked in the feeling, taking in every last ripple of pleasure that coursed up through her body. She even threw in a sultry kiss and an extra embrace. It helped let Sam know that what they had just done was more than just a transaction for movie tickets.

Once the feeling passed, their bodies parted and Michelle caught her breath. Still sweaty and sticky, she and Sam were sure to look pretty disheveled in the theater. She didn’t care, though. She was too excited about the movie, among other things.

“Come on,” she told him. “Let’s get dressed and get in line. We’ve got a movie to see!”

“I haven’t forgotten,” said Sam as he gathered his clothes.

As soon as he found his pants, he took his wallet out again and handed her the ticket. Michelle, still fully nude, eagerly took it. Having done her part and completed the deal, it was hers now. Just holding it in her hand helped it feel real.

“I’m also glad you didn’t take the discount price I offered,” Sam told her.

“Of course you didn’t,” Michelle teased as she put the ticket in her purse. “This way, you got to have sex.”

“That, and I helped avenge something that needed avenging,” he said, “On the night of an Avengers movie premier, I can’t think of anything more fitting.”

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