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Jack Fisher’s Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Endearing Personality Edition

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Some people have a personality that finds a way to stand out in a crowd, no matter how loud or chaotic it may be. They carry themselves a certain way that you just can’t help but appreciate. It’s not just that they’re sweet. It’s not just that they’re fun to be around. There’s just something about them that makes you want to be close to them.

It’s a personality that men and women alike can exude. It’s also one of those personalities that’s uniquely attractive. I think I find it more attractive than most. The first girl I dated in college had that kind of personality. She was sweet, kind, and fun, but she also had this charisma that set her apart. She was soft spoken, but had this energy that just drew you in.

It’s an easy personality to fall in love with. I’d go so far as to say it’s one of the easiest. It might not be the sexiest, but that’s the beauty of it. It doesn’t have to center around sex appeal. The sexiness is secondary and is a natural byproduct in many respects. It’s a special kind of allure and one I suspect my future wife will possess.

At the same time, it’s a rare kind of personality. It’s also a difficult persona to craft and maintain. I say it’s worth the effort. It’s also worth celebrating. Whether you know someone with this personality or not, it’s worth acknowledging. To that effect, I dedicate this edition of my Sexy Sunday Thoughts to all those who endear us to their souls for all the right reasons.


“One of the worst side-effects of heartbreak is feeling lonely whenever feel horny.”


“Using pity to find true love is like using a typewriter to send a dick pic.”


“To some extent, exercise is the deliberate act of making your muscles horny.”


“Logistically speaking, love makes mind control redundant.”


“At the core of seduction is knowing how to be cunning with your genitals.”


“Embarrassment is nature’s way of making sure people don’t have sex with too many idiots.”


“It’s not unreasonable for women to judge a man on the likelihood that he sniffs his panties when she’s not home.”


Charisma is a tricky thing to grasp. Endearing yourself to others is also a challenge, no matter what kind of personality you have. Some just have a natural talent for it and those people tend to leave an impression. They also tend to evoke the right kind of passion in others and the world could always use more of that.

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Jack Fisher’s Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Shared Blanket Edition

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It’s the middle of winter. It’s cold outside and it’s going to stay cold for at least two more months, no matter what some groundhog in Pennsylvania says. I’m not a big fan of winter. I know staying warm isn’t always easy. In college, I lived in dorms without effective heating. I know that challenge well.

That said, cold weather can still create some sexy opportunities. One of the simplest and most underrated is sharing a blanket with your lover. It’s a simple scenario. It’s freezing cold outside. The heater in your place is only doing so much, if you have it. Rather than just shiver, you find a big blanket, curl up next to your lover, and let natural body heat and sexy forces do the rest.

I know from experience that this is a great way to stay warm on cold nights. When I was dating my ex-girlfriend, sharing a big blanket was a fun way of making things feel intimate. It gave us yet another reason to cuddle and caress. In any healthy relationship, you can never have too many of those.

Winter might not make for the most romantic circumstances. It’s hard to make dressing in layers overly sexy. At the same time, there are opportunities to get frisky with your lover and curling up under a blanket is one of them. I hope these Sexy Sunday Thoughts will inspire couples out there to take advantage of those opportunities, if only to make winter more bearable. Enjoy!


“Praying is one of the least effective contraceptives out there and yet it’s still one of the most commonly used.”


“Crime doesn’t pay in the long run, but it can get you laid in the short run and that’s the next best thing.”


“The extent of someone’s sexual repression is directly proportional to how reluctant they are to describe their or someone else’s genitals.”


“Take a moment to appreciate that someone had to test the sex toys that never made it to stores.”


“To some extent, falling in love is being attracted to someone who affects your genitals in a particular way.”


“Shame keeps people from having sex in public, but pride convinces some they can get away with it.”


“Isn’t it hypocritical for people to protest decadence when a sizable chunk of the human population exists because of it?”


I’ll say it again. Cold weather sucks. I’d much rather be in a tropical setting wearing a swimsuit and getting a tan. However, being romantic sometimes means being resourceful with your circumstances. When you have a lover and a nice blanket to share, then you don’t need much else to stay warm.

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Jack Fisher’s Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Seductive Humor Edition

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Over the years, as I’ve watched many friends and relatives get married, I often ask them what it was that attracted them to their spouse. Most of the time, they’ll reference a dramatic or emotional moment that brought them together. However, within that story, there’s often a point when they’ll say their love made them laugh.

It may seem minor in the grand scheme of things, but make no mistake. There is power in humor, including the sexy kind. It’s not just from laughter, which has a powerful impact of its own. The simple act of making someone smile goes a long way towards evoking deeper emotions.

In that sense, humor is like a catalyst. When someone makes you laugh, you want to be around them more. The more you’re around them, the deeper the connection goes. When that connection becomes romantic, then humor gains an even greater influence. Suddenly, the act of smiling has greater meaning. It goes beyond the humor or the laughter. It can be downright intimate.

Knowing how to make your lover laugh shows that you know how to make them happy. It’s a simple, basic act, but one that sets the stage for many others. I believe that I’ll know I’ve met someone special if they make me laugh. I hope my future wife will feel the same way. In the meantime, here are some Sexy Sunday Thoughts to help deepen your appreciation of seductive humor. Enjoy!


“Exploring anal sex often requires that you be more horny than curious.”


“A quickie is basically a pop quiz for your genitals.”


“Being in a loveless marriage is like being trapped at a buffet that only serves expired cat food.”


“It’s safe to assume that someone with a good poker face knows how to fake an orgasm.”


“A divorce settlement is basically a bar tab for your heart.”


“Religion stigmatizes sex because it knows that orgasms are more powerful than prayers.”


“Camera angles are the only thing that keeps porn from being poorly-acted romance movies.”


There are all sorts of big, elaborate gestures we can make to someone we love. There’s a time and a place for those kinds of gestures. Other times, something as simple as making them laugh helps get the point across. It’s from these simple things that many powerful connections are forged. The laughter is just a nice bonus.

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Jack Fisher’s Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Deep Manly Voice Edition

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Anyone who has ever heard a Barry White song knows there’s inherent sex appeal in a deep, manly voice. Even if you’re a straight man, you can’t deny the impact. Hearing that voice, even in a non-intimate setting, just triggers all sorts of sensual feelings. In terms of sex appeal, it’s not the most obvious trait. However, when employed correctly, it can be very effective.

I’ve seen men in the real world prove that time and again. When I was in college, my roommate had this friend who had an unusually deep voice. It wasn’t on the same level of Barry White, but it definitely stood out. He knew that and the women he attracted knew that too. I know because he was rarely without a girlfriend or interested women.

One time, at a birthday party, he sang happy birthday to this girl. After just a few verses, I could tell she wanted to jump his bone. Had we not been in a crowded room, she probably would’ve been half-naked before he finished the song. Some women are good at hiding when they’re aroused. This woman wasn’t, but I don’t think she minded.

A deep, manly voice will evoke that kind of primal response. That’s not to say men without deep voices can’t be sexy, but having a deep voice will give you an advantage. When employed well, it can be a catalyst for all sorts of sexy moments. With that in mind, I hope you all read these Sexy Sunday Thoughts in the deepest, manliest voice you can imagine. Enjoy!


“Given the rigors of childbirth, it’s entirely fair that women can have multiple orgasms more easily than men.”


“In terms of overall rewards, finding your lover’s G-spot is not that different from finding true love.”


“What you lick during passionate lovemaking doesn’t matter as much as your eagerness to lick it.”


“There has never been a mundane way of finding out that you have a choking fetish.”


“It’s very likely that our love of oral sex influenced the importance of dental hygiene.”


“It takes a little luck to find love, but it takes skill and talent to make it sexy.”


“No matter how beautiful a woman is, having a better gag reflex will give them an advantage.”


Did you read all those in a deep, manly voice? Did it make a difference? Even if it didn’t, I hope it still got the point across. There are many things you can say to a prospective lover to get their interest, but how you say it matters. Saying it in a deep, manly voice might not add substance to the message, but it’ll give it an uncanny sex appeal.

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Jack Fisher’s Sexy Sunday Thoughts: New Years 2019 Edition

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It’s almost over. It went by quickly and chaotically, but 2019 is almost complete. I know every year seems to go by fast in hindsight, but I feel like 2019 was unique and I’m not just referring to the steady onslaught of outrageous news stories. We have those every year. For me, personally, this year was quite a ride.

I had quite a few major developments, some I can’t share at the moment because they’re still unfolding. The past few years have brought many such developments for my life, some less pleasant than others. A few were downright painful, but I made it through and came out stronger.

Overall, I feel like 2019 was an improvement. I didn’t meet the love of my life, but I did see a few close relatives find theirs. I’ve had close friends welcome new children into the world. I also made some personal strides that I’m especially proud of. I hope to make plenty more, especially with respect to my writing.

If 2019 had one shortcoming, it was how little my efforts to become a successful writer have progressed. It’s been a long time since I had a novel published and I’ve yet to find another publisher. I’ve tried to raise my profile through my sexy short stories, but I feel like that impact has been limited and I believe I could’ve done more.

In the end, I can still say that 2019 was a success for me. I’m ready for it to be over and I’m ready to make the most of 2020. As such, I’m eager to celebrate New Years alongside everyone else. It’s the last of the holiday festivities and intend to make the most of it. I hope these Sexy Sunday Thoughts get everyone in the New Years spirit as well. Enjoy!


“To some extent, seeking the love of your life requires that you listen to your genitals.”


“You’ll never be as conflicted as a porn addict with a parent who’s also a famous porn star.”


“The invention of the dildo probably took less imagination than any invention in history.”


“To some extent, marriage is a legally binding construct for shame-free orgasms.”


“Chances are you’ve shaken the hand of someone who has used that hand on someone else’s genitals.”


“Pick-up lines basically amount to guessing the combination to unlocking someone’s panties.”


“You know you’re in love when you willingly share your WiFi passwords.”


Regardless of whether you had a good year or not, New Years is worth celebrating. It’s the end of one thing and the beginning of another. Time keeps moving forward. Life goes on. Now is a time to celebrate how far we’ve come and appreciate what lays before us. From me to you, I wish everyone a safe and Happy New Year!

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Jack Fisher’s Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Christmas 2019 Edition

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I know this is a few days early, but for a holiday like Christmas, I think it’s perfectly fine to be somewhat premature. There are some very dirty jokes I could make about that, but in the spirit of the season, I’ll wait until after New Years. In the meantime, let’s all just take a moment to appreciate one simple fact.

Christmas is finally here!

Regardless of whether you’re a kid, an adult, or a grumpy old fart, there’s no denying the impact of this holiday. Christmas, at least in America, is the holiday of holidays. It’s the culmination of another long, arduous year. Whatever challenges and failures you face don’t matter. You made it to Christmas. It’s time to celebrate.

As I write this, the formal celebrations for my family are about to begin. We have our own share of traditions and activities that help make the holidays special. This year has been full of quite a few upheavals. There are many more that await us in 2020, but that’s for then. This is about now. I’ve got my presents wrapped. I’ve stocked up on eggnog and whiskey. I am ready for Christmas.

To everyone out there preparing their own brand of holiday celebrations, I wish you plenty of love, cheer, and desserts. Christmas is a wonderful holiday that’s worth celebrating with friends, family, and loved ones. It may not be the sexiest holiday, but it’s often the most satisfying. I hope these Sexy Sunday Thoughts can help supplement that satisfaction. Enjoy!


“Our opinion of sluts varies significantly, depending on how lonely and horny we are.”


“The fact that we have hundreds of ways to describe love and our genitals can’t be a coincidence.”


“The boldest teacher in history was whoever first tried to teach teenage boys how to use condoms.”


“To some extent, falling in love also implies stumbling onto someone’s genitals.”


“The world’s greatest spy is also the world’s least trustworthy spouse, by default.”


“When weird things make you horny, then weirder things count as porn.”


“No matter how sexually repressed you are, you still owe your life to an orgasm.”


Once again, I wish everyone a safe, happy, and sexy Christmas. In addition, I’d like to thank everyone who has followed my work and this site for another year. It has been quite a journey and next year promises more changes. For now, take some time to appreciate friends, family, and the holidays. From me to you, Merry Christmas!

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Jack Fisher’s Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Sexy Fireplace Edition

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It’s getting cold outside. Winter is here and that’s no longer a teaser for a popular HBO show. Fall may not officially end until late December, but if you live in an area outside a tropical climate, it feels like winter. There have already been a few major snowstorms. This is just the beginning. As I write this, it’s freezing outside and I’m clinging to a hot cup of coffee.

There are many ways to stay warm in the winter. Some are a lot sexier than others. While I could definitely name a few, I’d like to focus on one that’s more pragmatic than sex, but still has a sexy connotation. It’s a fireplace. Whether gas powered or wood burning, having a roaring fire in the fireplace is a great way to keep your place warm in the winter. It’s also a grate way to set a sexy mood.

I can say that because the place I currently live at has a gas fireplace. In fact, one of the many reasons I bought my current home is because it has this nice little feature that I’ve always been fond of. A roaring fire in the fireplace isn’t just a nice utility for the winter months. It creates a unique ambiance that I find very intimate.

It’s an ambiance that has all sorts of romantic potential. I can easily imagine having a nice candle-lit dinner, followed by a little snuggling near the fire while it gets cold outside. That helps things get heated. From there, simple passions flare up. It’s a beautiful thing.

Not everyone has a fireplace and even a few who do probably see it as nothing more than a heating tool. I believe it can be more than that. Please use the following edition of my Sexy Sunday Thoughts as my arguments for the inherent sexiness of fireplaces. Enjoy!


“Women who watch gay porn and men who watch lesbian porn are sending mixed, yet understandable messages.”


“Trashy is just sex appeal made disgusting.”


“We live in an age where we share so much of our lives with total strangers online, but we’re still very protective of our porno stash.”


“How horny do you have to be to consider using a used sex toy?”


“Ignorance may be bliss for an individual, but knowledge is essential for anyone who wants to please their lover.”


“Being bitter that other people are more attractive than you is like being heartbroken that a prostitute slept with someone other than you.”


“A heartwarming gesture is the simplest way to start warming up someone’s loins.”


I hope that warmed everyone’s heart, loins, and everything in between. It’s going to be a long winter. There are many long, cold nights ahead of us. If you have a fireplace and a lover to share the warmth with, this is the perfect time of year to make use of it. There might be easier ways to stay warm, but I doubt few others will be as effective and sexy.

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Why “It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia” Is The Perfect Dark Comedy

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Every TV show, from sitcoms to talk shows to adult cartoons featuring dimension-hopping super-genius, attempts to capture a certain theme and hone it to the utmost. They try to craft the right kind of characters who exhibit the necessary traits to convey those themes while still being memorable, likable, and endearing. On top of that, they have to do it for multiple seasons, at least until they achieve syndication.

It’s an enormous challenge. Few shows succeed and even fewer do so consistently. Even among those select few, there’s a risk that the characters and stories will get stale. Due to the nature of half-hour TV shows, there’s only so much you can do before Archie Bunker’s casual bigotry becomes more pathetic than funny. That doesn’t even get into shows that end up crashing and burning in the series finale.

Then, there’s a little show called “It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia.” In the annuls of TV history, this show is basically a unicorn wrapped in gold, covered in diamonds, and encoded with the browser history of every active politician.

Pragmatically speaking, this is a show that should not have lasted 13 seasons. For one, it airs on FX, a network most people probably don’t know they have, if they actually have it. In addition, the show’s budget is incredibly limited. The pilot was allegedly shot for less than $100 by a cast of aspiring actors who had zero name recognition, at the time.

On top of that, there’s the premise of the show. In its simplest form, “It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia” follows the shameless misadventures “the Gang.” This crew consisting of Charlie Kelly, Ronald “Mac” McDonald, Frank Reynolds, Dennis Reynolds, and Deandra “Sweet Dee” Reynolds basically take every traditional approach to making an enduring TV show and punches it in the kidneys.

This is a show where the characters will buy a boat with the intention of entrapping women.

This is a show where the cast will make an unauthorized Lethal Weapon sequel, complete with blackface, homoerotic subtext, and gratuitous sex scenes featuring Danny DeVito.

This is a show where two people are tricked into digging up the body of their dead mother.

This is a show where you’ll see people hold a funeral for a baby to get out of a tax audit by the IRS.

These are not the activities of lovable characters. Even Shelden Cooper had moments in “The Big Bang Theory” where he came off as genuinely compassionate. With the Gang, there are none of those moments. Sometimes, they’ll be teased. In some episodes, the Gang will give the impression that they’re about to finally realize just how deplorable they are.

Trust me, they’re doing exactly what you think they’re doing and then some.

Ultimately, they don’t just revert back to their less-than-reputable selves. They demonstrate that they never had any intention of changing their ways. Anyone who believed otherwise either hasn’t watched more than two episodes of the show or are deluding themselves. As antithetical as this is for crafting a compelling TV show might be, it doesn’t change one inescapable fact.

It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia” is funny, enjoyable, and obscenely entertaining.

It almost sounds like a paradox. As someone who only recently became a fan of the show, I have hard time explaining that appeal to most people in a way that doesn’t sound weird. It takes a moment to appreciate the appeal of watching a cast of self-absorbed, narcissistic alcoholics. However, within the tone and context of the show, it doesn’t just work. It achieves something profound.

Specifically, “It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia” is the perfect manifestation of dark comedy at its finest.

Comedy, in any form, can be difficult. Jokes, gags, and bits can become overplayed and stale. There’s only so many times you can watch Charlie Brown fail to kick a football and still laugh. Dark comedy is even more difficult. It involves taking distressing, taboo subjects and trying to make them funny. Some, like George Carlin, can pull it off masterfully.

I like to think that if George Carlin were still alive, he would be a fan of “It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia.” The show’s approach to dark comedy isn’t overly complex. It’s just exceedingly overt. It doesn’t try to balance out those dark themes with something serious or nuanced. It blatantly takes things to an extreme and dares to laugh at the absurdities.

Trust me, it gets more absurd than this.

Take, for instance, the funeral for the dead baby that I mentioned earlier. There are only so many ways you can make funerals and dead babies funny, but this show never shies away from a challenge. It also helps that every character in the Gang has the moral fiber of a Big Tobacco lobbyist on crack. They won’t just cross lines. They’ll make it a spectacle.

In this particular case, Sweet Dee is getting audited and for good reason. She acted as a surrogate to carry the child of a transgender woman that Mac used to date. Trust me, it’s more absurd that I can ever put into words. However, Dee didn’t do this out of the goodness of her heart. Nobody in the Gang is ever that altruistic. She did it because she got paid. Then, she decided to list the kid she gave up as a dependent for the tax benefits.

Naturally, this put her at odds with the IRS. Like every problem the Gang faces, she tries to run away from it or pass off the problem to somebody else. However, the problem only escalates. In most TV shows, especially half-hour sitcoms, this is the point where the characters face the consequences of their actions and try to learn from it. Instead, the Gang tries to resolve the problem by holding a baby funeral.

It’s undeniably dark, but the way it plays out is still funny. The way Dee and the rest of the Gang conducts themselves is so irreverent that the inherent darkness of the issue only makes it funnier. It shows just how far the Gang is willing to go to shirk responsibility and avoid consequences. It gets bad and it belabors just how irredeemable these characters are, but it’s still funny.

A big part of what makes that approach funny is how blatant this show is when it comes to the time-tested tropes that TV shows have relied on for decades. Take any show, from “Breaking Bad” to “Friends,” and you’ll see a concerted effort to develop and progress the characters over time. Ideally, they achieve some sort of ultimate goal by the end.

Instead of growth, the Gang actively avoids any effort at growth. Their only goal is to continue being the unapologetic assholes they’ve always been, drink heavily, and recklessly pursue whatever crazy ideas they come up with. Who they are in the first few seasons of “It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia” aren’t considerably different than who they are in the latest season.

In any other show, characters who don’t grow and progress usually derail the underlying themes. Sometimes, that’s unavoidable. The very structure of a TV show, especially a half-hour sitcom, ensures that the characters can only grow so much. Even after the show achieves syndication, it tries to stick to a formula, even if doing so undermines the very process the characters need to evolve.

By going out of their way to not evolve, the Gang insures “It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia” never deviates too far from the qualities that make it funny. It even channels its use of dark comedy to poke fun at the same tropes that other shows heavily rely on. From the frustrating use of clip shows to turning romantic sub-plots into a case study for excessive stalking, the show seems to revel in spitting on these time-tested methods.

What makes that comedy even more potent is that after 13 seasons, “It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia” has lasted longer than some of the most iconic TV shows in history. It has outlasted the likes of “Cheers,” “Mash,” “Friends,” and “Frasier.” Moreover, it keeps finding a way to be funny and relevant. I think a non-insignificant part of that is how it uses dark humor.

There’s plenty more to be said about the show and why it has lasted so long. Even some of the show’s cast members have a hard time explaining why the show is still on the air. Even more likely wonder how the show can keep getting away with being so brazen about using dark comedy to tackle issues surrounding race, religion, gender, sexuality, mental health, and bird law.

There are likely many factors that have contributed to the success and longevity of “It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia.” It helps that the actors and crew of the show really enjoy working together. There’s something to be said about a show in which the original cast have a genuine passion for their work. It’s well-documented how a toxic environment behind the scenes can derail successful shows.

At the end of the day, though, “It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia” works because it’s funny and entertaining. It found a way to take the best aspects of dark comedy and run with it. As long as it can keep doing that, the show will have an audience. If it can include more episodes that involve Mac dancing or Danny DeVito getting naked, then that’s just a bonus.

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Jack Fisher’s Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Romantic (And Sexy) Manners Edition

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When it comes to sex appeal, manners rarely rank near the top. In fact, they tend to lag behind the the inherent appeal of bad boys, deviants, and other traits every metal band in the 1980s took to an extreme. While there will always be certain women who are attracted to bad boys and men who are attracted to bad girls, there’s still a unique appeal to good old fashioned manners.

I had to amazing parents and several siblings who instilled in me a strong appreciation of manners. I’ve noted before how they taught me the importance of little things like holding the door for a woman. I like to think I’ve taken those lessons to heart and not just with respect to holding the door. When I’m in the presence of a lady, I raise the bar for my mannerisms.

While every situation is different and every woman responds to behaviors differently, I’ve learned over the years that everyone wants to feel valued. Everyone wants to feel appreciated, as well. Manners help us convey that message. They help us communicate that we value them as people. We want them to feel happy, comfortable, and safe in our presence.

It doesn’t always have to include sex appeal, but it certainly can serve as a foundation. It’s true. Manners can be sexy. I saw this first hand while I was dating my ex-girlfriend. When I did something as simple as pull out a chair for her, she responded favorably. It meant a lot to her and she returned the favor in other ways, some of which were very sexy.

Manners may never be as sexy as the bad boys and bad girls of this world, but they’ll always have an appeal on some level. That appeal is worth acknowledging and celebrating. I hope this edition of my Sexy Sunday Thoughts helps contribute to that effort. Enjoy!


“Honesty won’t get you laid, but it will limit the damage to your ego, genitals, and bank account in the long run.”


“Practically speaking, it’s impossible to give a man a blowjob without him noticing.”


“Giving someone oral sex won’t win an argument, but it will make compromise a lot easier.”


“The fact that some people can have sex while sleepwalking proves that we’re horny even when we’re unconscious.”


“On some levels, we want our lover’s to be good listeners so we don’t have to overtly tell them our kinks.”


“Breasts don’t directly cause sexy thoughts, but they do plenty to inspire them.”


“To some extent, being a workaholic is just an unsexy version of S&M.”


Good manners aren’t that difficult to exercise. For the most part, they’re just a byproduct of common sense and basic human decency. Simple or not, they go a long way towards showing someone we care about them. It may not get them overly excited, but it will send a powerful message about the breadth of your passion.

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Jack Fisher’s Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Holiday Shopping 2019 Edition

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It’s official. The holidays are here! That means the people who have been whining about seeing Christmas decorations since October can finally stop whining. There’s no more leftover turkey or Halloween candy. For the next few weeks, it’s all about getting ready for Christmas and all the festive joys that entails.

For me, one of those joys involves holiday shopping. Yes, I know that’s strange to hear from a straight guy who writes sexy short stories about sex robots. No, I don’t care. I love shopping, in general. I attribute that mostly to my awesome mother, who just loved taking me to malls when I was a baby. I like to think that left an indelible mark that is at its best during the holidays.

That’s because when it comes to holiday shopping and buying presents for loved ones, I do not take it lightly. I’m not cheap and I make a concerted effort to get a gift that’s meaningful. That means no gift cards or last-minute panic buys. When someone opens a gift I bought them, I want their face to light up like a dozen Christmas trees. Seeing that joy and sharing it with loved ones is part of why I love the holidays.

It all starts with the shopping. I know the malls are crowded, the parking is a mess, and the commercials are cheesy. I don’t care. I love every second of it and I intend to enjoy it until Christmas Eve. As of now, most of my shopping is done. I still have a few more gifts to buy and I intend to make them count.

Say what you will about my opinions on politics, religion, and sex robots. Just never doubt my Christmas spirit. I hope these Sexy Sunday Thoughts make that point. Enjoy!


“The ability of a man to masturbate to the same porn star is indicative of how loyal he’ll be in a relationship.”


“Technically, family reunion are celebrations of successful orgasms.”


“A happy spouse, a loyal spouse, and a horny spouse are difficult traits to juggle.”


“When you think about it, simultaneous orgasm was the first manifestation of socialism.”


“A relationship based on make-up sex is the romantic equivalent of a stock market bubble.”


“Someone with a foot fetish probably has mixed feelings about dirty socks.”


“Take a moment to appreciate how creative and horny the inventor of certain sex toys must have been.”


I hope that helped get everyone into the holiday shopping spirit. Whether you do it online or brave the crowded malls, I encourage everyone to put a little extra effort into getting gifts for your loved ones. They don’t have to be expensive. They just have to be meaningful and sincere. That, more than anything, is what makes the holiday spirit so special.

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