Tag Archives: crude jokes

Growing up, I didn’t care much for fancy suits. In fact, I often avoided wearing them whenever I had to go to some fancy occasion like a wedding or party. In time, however, I came to appreciate the finer points of men’s fashion. As an adult, I’ve even had fun with refining my wardrobe and ensuring I look like the kind of man who takes care of himself.

It may be superficial, but there’s a logical purpose to it. How you dress affects how others see you. You send a message about yourself when you show up to an event in a clean suit that you’ve taken the time to wash, press, and accessorize. It further shows that you’re willing to put resources into your image.

That matters to people and I’m not just referring to women. The way you dress and groom yourself conveys just how eager you are to embrace this crazy world we live in. Show others that you’re willing to put in the work and they’ll be more likely to share in the rewards. I can personally attest to how much this affects the way you feel, especially around those of the opposite sex.

I personally own multiple suits and a set of ties that I probably overpaid for. I also make it a point to overdress for informal occasions, if only to stand out in the right ways. If that makes me weird, so be it. That’s why I’m dedicating my Sexy Sunday Thoughts this week to men’s fashion and those who put in the effort. It doesn’t always show, but it sends the right message about the kind of man you are. Enjoy!

“Logistically speaking, unattractive men are more likely to fuck better because they have more incentives to make it count.”

“Sweat during sex is like grease on pizza in that it’s an unavoidable, yet delicious byproduct of something great.”

“When you think about it, big tits are the only pop-up ads that men don’t mind seeing.”

“A woman’s flexibility during sex is directly linked to her lover’s ability to help her exercise it.”

“The female capacity for multiple orgasms ensures that lesbians will always have the edge in terms of sexual stamina.”

“In principle, an orgy in which everyone is satisfied is the truest manifestation of democracy.”

“Seeing a sex therapist is a lot like getting tech support for your genitals.”

I hope that got everyone feeling as bold on this beautiful Sunday morning as I do when I put on a freshly-pressed suit. It’s a special feeling, one that men and women alike can appreciate. No matter what day it is or what occasion you face, looking sharp and well-groomed will make it better. Few men can ever be like James Bond, but at the very least, you can look at fancy as him.

However, there are times when summer isn’t quite as relaxing. I learned that the hard way a couple years ago when my air conditioner broke just in time for the first heat wave of the year. It wasn’t a simple mechanical problem either. The whole system flat out died on me and had to be replaced. It wasn’t just insanely costly. It ensured I was stuck in a hot, muggy house for nearly an entire week.

It’s not a very pleasant memory, to say the least. Air conditioning is one of those wondrous modern amenities that we all take for granted. Even in the biggest heat waves, we can find relief in our air conditioned homes or cars. For most of human history, we didn’t have that luxury. When it got hot out, you just endured it. I like to think that the invention if air conditioning made it possible to really enjoy summer for all its worth.

To honor this modern wonder, as well as those whose job it is to keep these inventions going, I hereby dedicate this week’s edition of my Sexy Sunday Thoughts to the joys of having functional air conditioning. If you’re unlucky enough not to have one, I hope these sensual musings give you some comfort as you endure overpriced repairs. Enjoy!

“It’s ironic that pulling out requires self-control while not pulling out incurs danger, both of which are traits women find sexy.”

“The potential discomfort of anal sex gains a very different context for any woman who has given birth.”

“The difference between a tender kiss and foreplay is akin to the difference between a sip of whine and a shot of bourbon.”

“There’s no polite way to ask a woman whether she’s horny, but there are countless possible ways to tell when a man is horny.”

“When you think about it, allowing your lover to shave your pubic hair is one of the greatest acts of trust.”

“Sweet talk may get your lover out of their clothes, but dirty talk will keep them in your bed.”

“A couple watching porn together can either be an act of romance or an act of research.”

To all those lucky enough to have a functioning air conditioner this time of year, I urge you to counter your blessings and offer sympathy to anyone who isn’t so lucky. Also, take the time to thank the brave men and women who repair those units during this time of year. They, along with the bartenders serving margaritas on the beach, are the real heroes of summer.

This is the time of year when every day becomes inherently better if you have a glass of ice cold lemonade within reaching distance. Between heat waves, humidity, and sun burns, a glass of cold lemonade goes a long way towards making summer feel complete. Like snow on Christmas morning, it just feels right. If you can throw in a little vodka, then that’s just icing on the cake.

Since I was a kid, I felt as though no summer was complete without a cold glass of lemonade. It was something I actually picked up from my father. He worked outdoors a lot and whenever he came in, all sweaty and dirty, the first thing he did was get himself a glass of lemonade. Even when we went out to eat, that was his drink of choice on hot days. It always seemed to boost his mood so naturally, I picked up on it.

As I write this, I’ve got cold glass of lemonade right next to me. It’s sweet, it’s cold, and it makes my weekend feel that much more complete. Sure, a morning cup of coffee may wake you up, but a cold glass of lemonade will put a smile on your face. You don’t have to be sitting on a beach or by a pool to enjoy it, but it certainly helps.

I know I sound way too enthusiastic about a simple drink that kids like to sell for quarters on a curb, but I stand by my love of lemonade in the summer every bit as much as I stand by my love of sleeping naked. That’s why I’m dedicating this week’s edition of my Sexy Sunday Thoughts to that special feeling that comes with every cold glass of lemonade on a hot summer day. Enjoy!

“Good manners and good oral sex have a lot in common when you think about it.”

“Technically, watching porn is the only spectator sport where the audience can also score.”

“Awkward boners are like annoying pop-up ads and tight briefs are like ad blockers.”

“The first step to falling in love is wanting to see someone have and orgasm and the last step is convincing them to let you regularly give them one.”

“Babies are precious because they’re the only tangible proof that you’ve had sex.”

“Any toy can be a sex toy with the right application of lube, kink, and pain tolerance.”

“Misery loves company, but only confidence can organize a three-way.”

I hope you enjoyed that, even if you had no cold lemonade nearby. The hottest days of summer are still ahead of us. It’s going to get hot, sweaty, and sticky. There will be times where you can’t legally ditch the clothes to cool off. In my experience, a cold glass of lemonade is the next best thing.