Tag Archives: falling in love

Daily Sexy Musings: Quiet Moments

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Let’s face it. We live in a noisy, chaotic world. You don’t have to go very far to find yourself surrounded by the commotion of cars, winds, people, dogs, and any number of random rackets. It’s just an inescapable part of life. Wherever you go, there’s going to be noise. That makes opportunities for quiet moments few and far between.

That also makes those moments incredibly precious. We all need a moment of quiet every now and then, even if it takes some extra effort. Those moments can be especially powerful when you have someone to share them with. In my experience, the best couples are the ones who can handle comfortable silence. For them, a quiet moment is almost as intimate as making love.

This is a musing on the power of those moments. They may not be as sexy, but they certainly powerful and don’t result in messy bed sheets. Enjoy!

Finally, we get away. Work, bills, chores, and errands are behind us or set aside. For once, our ears stop ringing. At least, we can stop processing everything coming at us and just live.

We take a deep breath.

We sit down next to each other.

We hear only short breaths and long sighs.

The air is still. Our hearts beat steadily. There’s nothing to keep up with. There’s nothing to run towards. There’s just us, together in a peaceful moment, enjoying every moment we have together.

There’s no uncertainty, obstacle, or labor. We already overcame that. We spent so much time and energy coming together. Why should just being together require much more? We’ve made our case. We’ve proven ourselves. You know I love you. I know you love me. Does it have to be a spectacle?

There’s a time and a place for all things loud and festive. This is not one of them. For now, it’s just us. We’re together. We don’t have to jump through hoops. We don’t have to strive or struggle. We can just be.

Sitting with you, my arms around you and your arms around me, we don’t need to say a word. We don’t need to make a noise. Everything we need to say has been said. Every act that needs to be done has been done. An affectionate glance, a warm smile, and a simple gesture is all that’s necessary.

Every touch tells a million tales. Every kiss evokes countless emotions, past and present. In serene, peaceful silence, we remember every one of them. They play out in our minds, but they all converge in the present. In that moment, our love takes its most basic form.

We need not make a sound.

We need not say a word

We need not break a sweat.

The only thing we truly need is each other and a quiet place. Whether it’s in a room or in the middle of a forest, we have everything necessary to share in the moment. We can be fully clothed or completely naked. It makes no difference. We’re together. We’re at peace.

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Daily Sexy Musings: Our Song

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Turn on any device that streams music and chances are you’ll hear at least one love song within the first 15 minutes. It’s a common theme in every era of music, from drinking songs in old taverns to bubblegum pop hits that have annoyingly catchy beats. A vast chunk of the most popular songs of all time are love songs.

It makes sense too. You seek to describe love, sex, and passion, but can’t just use ordinary words. You need to do something more extraordinary and music can help with that. A good love song can go a long way towards turning a feeling into an experience. What follows is a sexy musing on just how intimate that experience can be when you find a song that evokes all the right passions. Enjoy!

When we first heard it, our ears perked up. Our hearts beat faster. We smiled and danced a little. It seemed like simple fun, at the time. If we never heard that song again, then maybe that was all it would’ve been to us.

However, we did hear it again. We heard it a lot. Soon, it became something more than just a song.

I hear those first few notes. Almost instantly, my thoughts shift. They drift like clouds following gusts of wind, eventually centering around you. As I think about you, I think about us. As the song plays, the concept of us takes on a greater meaning. It isn’t just a catchy tune that makes me want to dance. It’s a direction connection between our hearts.

Then, I hear the first round of lyrics. In those words are the poetry of passion, depictions of love and intimacy that defy convention. I listen to every word, the beat and the rhythm supplementing every sentiment. In just a few lines of song, an ocean of emotions that I cannot hope to articulate becomes clear.

I look at you and you look at me. We smile and laugh. We’re having fun, but that’s only on the surface. Just below the dancing and grins is a world of feelings that can only be conveyed, but never grasped. In less than a minute, we drift closer, as if the song reminds us why we cherish those feelings.

I hold you and you hold me, the song playing in the background. Our smiles never wane. How could they not? Through a simple song, we say to one another what would take a lifetime. The song does the talking for us. There’s no need to contemplate the words, adjust our tone, and set the mood. In just one song, everything that needs to be said is said.

With no need for words, actions take over. We dance together. We touch, we embrace, and we kiss. Before we know it, dancing just isn’t enough. The song just reveals too much of our passions. We can’t hope to simply sway together and hope that will do justice for our love.

Our love is greater.

The song celebrates that greatness.

We, as lovers, must celebrate it as well.

Before it even ends, the gestures evolve. Our dance becomes a steady exchange of gestures. Those gestures become more sensual. Suddenly, the air around us gets hot. The clothes we’re wearing become unbearable. We can’t get them off fast enough. To feel the power of the music, we must feel each other whole.

The song is at its end, but our dance is just beginning. Without saying a word, we connect through the song. I take you and you take me. We engage in the most intimate dance possible, the echoes of our song still playing in our minds. In the end, that’s what it feels like.

It’s our song.

It’s our intimate link.

It’s the very rhythm of our love.

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Daily Sexy Musings: Danger, Excitement, And Romance

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The following is a sexy musing inspired by the effects of danger and thrill-seeking. It’s a real psychological phenomenon, danger and excitement leading to raw arousal. It’s called “Misattribution of Arousal” and it’s kind of what it sounds like. It’s when the brain associates an aroused state with something other than the actual source.

In other words, the line between feeling scared and horny tend to blur. We’re afraid, but we’re also aroused. We’re in danger, but we’re also excited. That tends to cause all sorts of strange and wonderful feelings. It’s part of why women like bad boys and why men like naughty girls. However, me being the romantic I am, I think the link between danger, excitement, and romance runs much deeper, as you’ll see. Enjoy!

I look at you from afar. In an instant, I no longer feel safe and certain. In you, I suddenly become vulnerable. Like being naked in a blizzard, I feel so exposed. It’s dangerous, but I’m not scared. I’m only uncertain.

Then, I take a step closer. Suddenly, fear strikes me harder. I’m more than just vulnerable. I feel completely naked, exposed to elements and unseen forces that bombard me from every angle. I don’t know what it is. I can’t hope to protect myself from it. At the same time, though, I don’t want to.

Closer and closer, I see you in all your glory. Your eyes finally meet mine. At that moment, I’m paralyzed. I cannot move. I forget out to breath. I’m drowning in an ocean of awe. With just a single glance, you do something to me that defies logic.

Who I am suddenly changes.

How I see the world suddenly evolves.

The life I’ve lived becomes secondary to the life I now seek.

It’s overwhelming. It’s downright dangerous, knowing my life will never be the same. My heat races faster. I feel like I just jumped from a plane without a parachute. I’m falling through cold, unforgiving winds. There’s nothing that will stop me from falling to the center of the Earth.

Then, you walk up to me and smile.

Just like that, you catch me. I am no longer falling. Now, I am in your arms and you’re in mine. It’s like we’re hanging from a cliff, clinging to each other for dear life. Below us is a vast abyss. Above us is layer of storm clouds, thunder and lightning trying to tear us apart.

It’s no use, though. Everything around us is so dangerous. In your presence, though, I fear none of it. I only fear letting go. You are now my lifeline. You are my anchor in a stormy sea. Every second I’m with you feels like test of will and endurance. It’s like a ride without end and you are my only security.

It still scares me.

It still overwhelms me.

It still thrills me to no end.

Finally, you greet me. I hear your voice. I touch your hand. Through my fear and dread, I greet you. I know then that before the night is done, we will be together. We will know each other, feel each other, and make love to each other in every meaningful way. Secure in that knowledge, I no longer feel fear. There is only the thrill of finding you and following you into the danger.

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Daily Sexy Musings Good Meals And Great Loving

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The following is a sexy musing that combine two essential life functions, namely sex and eating. I don’t mean that in a kinky sort of way, though. Again, I prefer to save those kinds of kinks for my sexy short stories. In this case, I want to ponder the unspoken, but unavoidable link between a good meal and great lovemaking.

That link is certainly there. Nobody couple has ever had consistently great sex on an empty stomach. It’s simple physics. Sex and love require energy. We get our energy from food. To have great sex and make beautiful love, we need food. Moreover, we need good food. It shouldn’t take much convincing, but maybe this musing will help. Enjoy!

We sit across from each other, breathless and restless. We haven’t even touched, but we feel the energy surging through us. In our stomachs, a world of tastes and treats converge within us, providing a potent blend of sustenance and contentment. The appetizers, the main course, and the desert all linger in our mouths. We can still taste it, but we’re hungry for more.

We look at each other. One critical need has been filled. Our hunger has been satiated, the precious nutrients delivered into our bodies. It didn’t have to be elaborate, but it was. We put out candles, played music, and dressed formally. We choose meals not based on how much they fill our stomachs, but on how much they satisfy.

That needlessly elaborate process still succeeded in one critical way. It filled a need. By filling that need, we have the energy and strength to fill enough. That much energy cannot just remain in our stomachs. Survival for another day cannot be the only goal. After all, what good is surviving if we don’t live?

To live, we must act.

To act, we must connect.

To connect, we must make the effort.

That feeling of fullness pleases our stomachs, but leaves other parts of the body wanting. Our hearts ache, like dry valley tapping into a fresh reservoir. Our brain tells us we’re safe from hunger, but deficient in desire. Our genitals tell us the energy is there. We need only tap it.

We are content, but not satisfied.

We are fulfilled, but not elated.

As we digest our meal, we come to an inescapable realization. We are not content with mere contentment. We seek something greater. Comfort, alone, is not enough. We seek ecstasy.

It’s on both our minds. We can taste it as much as we can still taste our last bite. The meal is done. It is a good meal, giving us the energy for greater endeavors. As we look at one another, we feel that energy drawing us towards one unique effort. A good meal is no longer the precursor. It is the catalyst to something greater.

We reach across the table. Our hands touch and the signal is sent. Need gives way to want. From want, we grow bolder. We leave the table and rush to the nearest bed. Tonight, we dare go beyond survival. Alone, we can see the next sunrise. Together, we can make it meaningful.

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Daily Sexy Musings: Sharing A Hot Shower

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The following is a sexy musing on the joys and inherent sex appeal of a hot shower. More specifically, it’s about how that joy and sexiness gets enhanced when we have someone to share it with.

It’s not just a scene out of a bad porno. A hot shower shared with a lover is one of the most understated acts of intimacy. It’s not just one of those situations that’s likely to result in some impromptu lovemaking. There are larger forces at work, both of the loving kind and of the sexy kind. Enjoy!

We enter cold and dirty. We leave warm and clean.

We enter stressed and miserable. We leave relaxed and content.

A hot shower is like being reborn, cleansed and cleaned from rigors of daily life. It requires no skill to enjoy. It needs little in terms of resources. A steady source of water and heat are the only requirements. Nearly every society in every part of the world has the means and desire to enjoy it.

Beyond cleaning our bodies, it requires that we be intimate with ourselves. It demands that we know our bodies, touching and feeling every little sinew. We know the parts that need extra care. We try to be extra careful, trusting our hands and the will that guides them to all the right places.

Alone, however, a hot shower can only do so much. Like a hot cup of coffee on a cold winter morning, it’s a simple act that gets the job done. It’s only when you share that warm, rejuvenating experience that it becomes something more. Instead of one cup, there’s a whole feast of deserts we eagerly consume.

Together, we shed our clothes and our inhibitions.

Together, we enter a hot, steamy world.

Together, we cleanse one another of grime and stress.

Under torrents of hot water, we’re drawn to one another. We seek to share in its healing power. Our naked bodies are so close, able to touch without barrier or restraint. There are no forces keeping us apart and plenty of forces drawing us together. It’s a world where love and desire complement rather than conflict.

It starts off simple. We soak ourselves in water. We embrace, finally clean of the sweat incurred by a long day. Hands touch, lips meet, and body parts rub together in an intimate mesh. From simple contact, a greater desire blossoms. From that desire, passion ignites. In a steamy world, we are unbound. The heat cannot stop us. Instead, it only fuels us.

We can be as messy as we want. We can be as thorough as we want. Under steady stream of water, we exist in a perfect cycle of renewal and revitalization. We feel bolder, feeling each other up with more fervor and stirring in one another the most heated of passions.

It’s a perfect domain for a perfect venting, a harmonious blend of love and desire. Through the water and steam, our flesh longs for a more thorough cleaning. Our own hands may make us feel content. Only our lover’s hands can make us feel fulfilled.

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Daily Sexy Musings: Love Versus Desire

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The following is a daily sexy musing inspired by the discrepancy between love and desire. Make no mistake. There is a difference. You can love someone, but not desire them. You can also desire someone without loving them, too.

It’s a subtle, but powerful difference. Those with first-hand experience know that all too well, albeit mostly through hindsight. Those without that experience have no idea, so I hope they read these intimate words carefully.

What does it mean to be loved? It’s the subject of countless songs and just as many epic tales. It’s a question with many answers, few of which remain the same from one soul to the other.

What does it mean to be desired? It has fewer songs and stories, but only because they’re not necessary. To be desired is to feel something basic, raw, and unfiltered. That’s exactly what makes it so different, yet so similar to love.

To love someone is to seek connection on multiple levels. To desire someone is to seek a connection with only a few. Love can connect people for eternity. Desire can connect people for minutes at a time. Love may be fickle, but desire is downright erratic. We can channel love, but we can never contain desire.

It’s that feeling you get when you see a pair of breasts, but not the face of the person above them.

It’s that feeling you get when you see the bulging chest muscles and not the eyes just a few inches above.

It’s the feeling you get when your brain and your genitals are no longer in sync. It isn’t just an obstacle. It’s a barrier, one that can be circumvented, but never avoided.

Desire can lead to love, but love rarely incurs desire. It can fuel desire, but only in the way that a spark ignites a gas-soaked rag. Absent the necessary ingredients, a spark can only do so much. It burns fast and disappears faster. In one domain, it barely flickers. In another, it triggers a raging wildfire. It can be so much and so little. Love is just one of many outcomes, but it is rarely the most likely.

We feel desire on a whim, but we feel love for a lifetime.

Desire puts us in a moment, but love will carry us through a lifetime.

They can be incredibly thrilling, but easily confused. One is a flash. The other is a steady gleam. Both can light up our world, but only one can illuminate a path. Desire helps us be in the moment. Love helps us see the path ahead of us.

Desire can only ever be fleeting, but love can be eternal. Desire runs on instinct. Love runs on passion. Wanting to be loved is like a journey. Wanting to be desired is like yelling at the clouds on a rainy day. We only have so much control over either, let alone both. We don’t always know which one we crave, but we know how much we want it.

The line is always blurred. We can feel one, the other, or both. Together or apart, they bring us exhilaration and fulfillment. Only hindsight reveals the truth, but it also brings perspective.

Desire can lead us to love, but it can also lead us away from it. Love can subvert desire, but it can never truly escape it. One defines us while the other guides us. We need one to get to the other. We need the other to appreciate the one.

Love and desire need not oppose one another, but they rarely complement one another. To follow desire is to seek love. To be in love means channeling desire. From a simple feeling to a life shared, we can only appreciate its power when we embrace both together.

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Daily Sexy Musings: It Starts With A Touch

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The following is a sexy musing on simple touching and how it can turn into something sexy. It may seem like common sense and the basis of many sexy stories, including a few I’ve written, but I believe there’s something much more profound/sensual at work. Enjoy!

One touch is all it took. First, they touched their lover’s shoulder. It was simple, generic, and non-sexual. It was affection at its most basic level. Then, like a seed becoming a giant redwood, it grew and blossomed into something much greater.

One touch became another.

Multiple touches became intimate feelings.

Intimate feelings became powerful lust.

Powerful lust became intense love.

Intense love mixed with all of the above, manifesting into a single cumulative act that encompasses so much.

It all started with that one, simple touch. It can happen at any time under any number of circumstances. Maybe it’s late at night when you and your lover are feeling restless. Maybe it’s early in the morning when a day’s worth of energy hits you both. Maybe it’s the middle of the day when spontaneity or outright boredom take hold. In any case, the evolution of that one touch unfolds.

No words are necessary. Everything that needs to be said is told through action. A caressing of the face reveals affection. A grasp of the buttocks reveals lust. Feeling up the sinews and curves of a lover’s body evokes desire. From expressing our own desires, we then feel desired. It is a perfect cycle of love and lust.

It happens quickly and suddenly. It can be intentional or unintentional. However it happens, the underlying theme is the same. One touch is all it takes to convey so much feeling. Both emotionally and physically, one touch can become an act of intense passion or an outburst of blind lust.

With one touch, the most complex of feelings and the most basic of acts unfold all at once. A caress turns into entrancement. Entrancement becomes foreplay. Foreplay becomes sex. Sex becomes love. It blossoms and blooms, tapping into and channeling the very beauty of nature. It’s just a simple touch, but for two passionate lovers, that’s all it takes.

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Reflections On Major Loss And True Love Between My Aunt And Uncle

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I talk a lot about love on this site. Whether it’s in the novels I write, the short stories I tell, or the ways it may save our species in the future, I like to think I contemplate love more than most men will dare admit. I make no apologies for that. I am a self-proclaimed romantic. Make of that what you will.

As much as I love writing and talking about romance, though, there’s no substitute for love that’s real. It’s not some idealized concept or an elaborate sub-plot. It’s a real feeling shared by real people. There’s no need for fantasy because it’s there for all to see. No story, novel, or fairy tale can ever come close to capturing its essence.

I know this because recently, I had a chance to see and reflect on what real love looks like, albeit under tragic circumstances. Earlier this month, one of my aunts passed away. It was sudden and unexpected. She was in her 70s and she had some health issues, but none that weren’t manageable. Her passing caught a lot of people off-guard and broke a lot of hearts, none more so than my uncle.

I remember speaking to him a day after she passed. I could hear the pain in his voice over the phone. He kept saying that he didn’t just lose his wife of nearly 50 years. He lost his best friend. It was a truly heartbreaking moment. I wish I could put into words how it felt, but I don’t think those words exist. Even if they did, they would be too difficult to write.

In the days that followed, I met up with friends and family who knew my aunt. She was a hell of a character, one who would’ve found a role in any epic story, from a superhero comic to ancient folklore. She was the kind of person who could affect you with only her presence. She didn’t have to say or do anything to make an impact. Just being there was enough.

My uncle felt it more than anyone. Just talking to him and seeing him as we mourned her, I got a chance to witness what true love actually looks like. It’s a love that transcends many of the stories we tell about it. It’s something that becomes a part of you, one that just grows stronger with every passing year. Then, when that part dies, you feel it and it hurts.

However, the fact that it hurts lets you know just how real it was. My uncle didn’t avoid that. He let that pain show. Keep in mind, this man once served in the military. He’s one of the toughest guys you’ll ever meet. He’s not someone who hurts easily. Even when he does, he knows how to endure it. This was one case where he didn’t try to endure. He just let it show.

Say what you want about love being cheesy. When it’s that real, it’s powerful. It can be overwhelming too. Regardless of your gender, your background, or your capacity for strength, it’ll hit you harder than anything. That’s what makes it scary. For some people, it’s just easier to be cynical.

That doesn’t stop it from affecting us. My actually uncle met my aunt by accident. Less than a year after that meeting, though, they got married. They knew what they had was love. They didn’t run from it. They ran towards it and they never let go of it. For someone like me, who has only contemplated stories about such powerful love, seeing it manifest in that moment was profound.

My uncle’s heart is still wounded, but it isn’t broken. In talking to him, I could sense him finding strength in that heartbreak. He spent nearly half-a-century with my Aunt. They had forged many wonderful memories together, having two kids and over a half-dozen grandkids. Her passing doesn’t damage those memories. If anything, it makes them more precious.

I hope everyone, at some point in their lives, gets a chance to see that kind of love first-hand. Whether it’s among relatives, friends, or with your significant other, a love that real is something that extends beyond the people who feel it. We may never be able to completely capture it in a love story, but we can still experience it and appreciate its power.

I’m going to really miss my aunt. She was a wonderful woman who did so much for me and my family. I’ll still never miss her as much as my uncle, though. He loved her in a way that words and thoughts can never express. The fact their love existed in this crazy world and I had a chance to see it gives me hope. To all those who have lost someone they truly love, I like to think we can share that hope as we move on.

 

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Lessons In Love According To Rick Sanchez

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What is love? Can we ask that question without referencing to a one-hit wonder R&B song from 1993? I think it’s a question worth asking and one people have been asking since the dawn of our species. Many men who are way smarter than I’ll ever be have tried to answer this question. Some have offered revealing insights. Others just use it as an excuse to whine about a cheating spouse.

Then, there’s Rick Sanchez. I know that by saying that name, I’ve completely altered the tone of this topic. I could’ve easily spent the next several paragraphs breaking down how the smartest men in history view love and how that understanding reveals itself in our modern concept of romance. For now, I’d rather scrutinize love from the perspective of a hard-drinking, brutally honest, nihilistic cartoon character from Adult Swim.

Yep, I’m referring to this guy again.

Make no mistake. I’m not just using this as another excuse to talk about “Rick and Morty,” although I wouldn’t blame anyone for thinking that. I really do think characters like Rick Sanchez have something to teach us on the topic of love. Being an admitted romantic and aspiring erotica/romance writer, I believe those lessons are worth heeding.

On paper, Rick Sanchez is the last person most would go to for insights into love. From the first scene in the first episode, he establishes himself as an overly-cynical, high-functioning alcoholic who may or may not be okay with blowing up the world for the sake of a fresh start. To say he’s not the romantic type would be like saying Jerry needs help with his golf game.

However, Rick does demonstrate throughout the show that he has a capacity for love. He has even had a few moments where he has shown genuine heart. There’s an odd mix of eccentricity and complexity to Rick’s behavior. That’s part of what makes him such an endearing character and why he resonates so much with an emerging generation.

From all that chaos, though, there are insights worth noting. “Rick and Morty” may go heavy with nihilism and moments of existential crisis, but it doesn’t avoid the impact of love. Whether it’s Morty constantly trying to get with Jessica or the constant upheavals in Beth and Jerry’s marriage, love is an underlying factor throughout the show.

This is despite the fact that Rick is pretty overt about his feelings on love. In “Rick Potion #9,” the sixth episode of the first season, he gives his clearest, most quote-worthy opinion on love.

“Listen, Morty, I hate to break it to you but what people call ‘love’ is just a chemical reaction that compels animals to breed. It hits hard, Morty, then it slowly fades, leaving you stranded in a failing marriage. I did it. Your parents are gonna do it. Break the cycle, Morty. Rise above. Focus on science.”

That sounds pretty jaded, to say the least. It’s perfectly fitting with Rick’s misanthropic mentality. However, there is a context here and one that’s fairly subtle, as things tend to be in the world of “Rick and Morty.”

Part of that context is Rick’s family situation. Beyond being a drunk and an eccentric mad scientist, he also has a family. It’s not just his daughter and two grandkids, either. He mentions in his cynical musings that he’d fallen in love and gotten married at one point.

That, alone, has some pretty profound implications. It shows that even the smartest, most capable man in the multiverse cannot avoid the impact of love. Keep in mind, this is a man who travels the multiverse on a whim, defeats Thanos-level super-villains while drunk, and understands how meaningless everything is in the grand scheme of things.

Despite all that, Rick Sanchez still fell in love. He still got married. That, in and of itself, shows the power of love better than any Huey Lewis song. While the show hasn’t revealed much about his former wife, Diane, it does establish an important fact. Rick is capable of love, even when he sees it as just a confluence of brain chemicals.

The show goes onto to reveal that Rick is still influenced by love, despite this reductionist understanding of it. The most comprehensive example comes in Season 2, Episode 3, “Auto Erotic Assimilation.” In many ways, this episode helps convey the most meaningful lesson in love that any animated series has ever attempted.

In the episode, Rick catches up with an old girlfriend, who happens to be an alien hive mind named Unity. If that sounds weird, even by “Rick and Morty” standards, trust me when I say it doesn’t crack the top ten. The fact that Unity is a hive mind is part of why the insights are so unique and impactful.

Throughout the episode, we learn about the particulars of Rick and Unity’s relationship. Unity establishes herself as one of the few beings in the multiverse who can keep up with Rick’s eccentricities. If anything, she has to be a hive mind in order to do so, as evidenced by Rick’s elaborately kinky requests.

In this context, Unity is the ultimate manifestation of supportive lover. She can literally do anything and be anywhere because she has the collective resources of an entire planet at her disposal. She’s more capable than a shape-shifter like Mystique or even an advanced sex robot.

If she wants to make love as a beautiful, buxom blond right out of a Playboy centerfold, she can do that. If she wants to do it as a greasy-haired, middle-aged man with a hairy back and bad breath, she can do that too. She can be two people, ten people, or as many people as she wants to be to love Rick and express that love however they want.

This breaks down, however, when Unity’s efforts to pursue that romance with Rick ends up straining her ability to maintain her hive mind. It gets so strenuous, at one point, that it leads to a nipple-driven race war on the planet. Again, this is pretty standard in terms of weirdness for “Rick and Morty.”

The implications of this breakdown are serious and I’m not referring to the nipple-driven race war. Logistically speaking, Rick and Unity had everything they needed to make their relationship work. They had unlimited resources and unlimited opportunities for intimacy, decadence, and everything in between. In exercising that, though, their relationship devolved into an ongoing spiral of self-destruction.

There was clear, unambiguous love between Rick and Unity. However, the act of being together proved toxic to both of them. Unity couldn’t be with Rick without losing herself, literally and figuratively. Rick couldn’t be with Unity without descending into a spiral of debauchery. Even if the love is there, embracing it leads to both of them getting hurt.

This made for one of the most dramatic and emotional moments of the show, one that reveals just how much Rick loved Unity. After she leaves him, it really hits him on an emotional level, so much so that he nearly kills himself. Remember, this is a man who said love is nothing more than a chemical reaction in the brain.

The pain in that moment, though, belabors a much larger point about love and being with someone. Just loving someone is easy. As Rick says, it’s just a chemical reaction in your brain. It’s something that can happen to anyone, even the smartest man in the multiverse.

However, being with someone and expressing the full spectrum of love involves much more than convergent brain chemistry. For some people, love can be downright destructive. If pursuing love means undermining your sense of being, as happened with Unity, then that’s a sign that the relationship isn’t tenable.

It’s tragic, but unavoidable. You can love someone with all your heart, but not be capable of having a functional relationship. It’s a harsh reality, one that’s perfectly in line with the nihilistic subtext in “Rick and Morty.” At the same time, though, there’s a less dire lesson to be learned.

Even if love is just a brain function that helps propogate the species, it has the power to affect us in the best and worst of ways. It can lead us to the greatest of joys, as Rick and Unity experienced for a brief time. It can also lead us to the worst of sorrows. Few other brain functions can make that claim.

That wide range of experiences are a powerful mechanism for finding meaning in a meaningless universe. Rick Sanchez doesn’t avoid the pain in those experiences and he doesn’t hesitate to pursue the joys, often to a reckless degree. Finding meaning in this universe is hard enough, but love can do plenty to carry us forward. You don’t have to be a Rick-level genius to appreciate that, although that’s probably a good thing.

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Filed under gender issues, Marriage and Relationships, philosophy, Rick and Morty, romance

Do Soul Mates Actually Mates Exist?

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When it comes to love, romance, and whatever else manifests in every song a boy band ever sang, the ultimate manifestation of this beautifully sentimental phenomenon is the soul mate. We’ve probably all heard about it in some form. Some are even lucky enough to be with someone that they consider to be their soul mate. Regardless of whether or not you care for the concept, we envy those people.

As a long-time romance fan and an aspiring erotica/romance writer, the ideal of the soul mate is the alpha and omega of the concept. It is to romance what Superman is to modern superheroes. It is the ideal to which we aspire. It embodies the ultimate example of what true love is and what we want it to be.

I’m not going to lie. That sort of thing makes parts of me feel all warm and fuzzy inside, among other things. Most people who enjoy romance to some degree probably feel the same way. The idea that two people have a love so strong that it’s practically interwoven into the fabric of time, space, and the basic laws of reality just feels so special.

It makes for both a great fantasy, full of more romance and passion than most can ever manage without seeing “Titanic” fifteen times in a row. It’s the kind of love that makes romances like Jack and Rose, Romeo and Juliet, and even Superman and Lois Lane seem ordained by destiny.

Now, here’s where I kind of have to put a dent in the time-honored fantasy. I know that’s kind of dangerous for a self-proclaimed romance fan, but I’m going to do it anyway because I think it’s a discussion worth having. It’s a discussion based on a simple question.

Do soul mates actually exist?

I know that me asking that after I just said it makes parts of me gush sounds like an about-face. I promise there’s a context to it and one that ties directly into how we go about answering this question. Whether or not you’re a romance fan, the ideal of the soul mate and our inherent drive to seek love makes it an important question to ask.

Before I give my answer, I need to add a few caveats to my fondness for the concept. Yes, it does resonate with me, somewhat, as an overall romance fan. However, as a fan of compelling stories and an aspiring writer, I actually don’t really care for stories built around the idea of soul mates.

Don’t get me wrong. I still think it’s a sweet concept. When I was younger and just starting to explore romance, I really liked those stories. As I got older, though, and my tastes in stories evolved, that appeal quickly waned. Whenever I read a book or saw a movie that ran with the concept of soul mates, it became somewhat of a turn-off.

That’s because from a narrative perspective, soul mates make for bland and shallow stories. If a couple are established as soul mates, then that basically renders any need to work or nurture their love moot. They don’t have to put in the time, work, or effort to become a great couple. Destiny and whatever supernatural forces behind their bond do that for them.

This is why I don’t care much for “Romeo and Juliet.” It’s established from the beginning that they’re “star-crossed lovers,” which is basically a more Shakespearean way of fate had ordained for these two to fall in love and there’s nothing anyone or anything can do to prevent it. Sure, it’s sweet and dramatic, but it’s a very limited story.

Those same limits that undermine a story are a major factor in answering the question. For someone like me, who follows romantic plots and sub-plots way closer than most straight men will ever admit, it shapes my perspective on what makes a great love story and what makes a real or fictional relationship strong.

Within that context, I’ll give my answer to the question. I don’t claim that this answer is definitive. This is just my opinion, having formed it from years and years of both consuming and crafting all things romance.

No. I don’t believe that soul mates are real.

I’m sure that’s tantamount to blasphemy for other romance fans out there. I understand that sentiment and I gladly accept the scorn that comes with that answer. However, I am willing to justify my answer.

It’s not just because I regularly write about the inherent flaws in the human brain, which make the prospect of achieving any ideal, be it perfect love or perfect justice, impossible by default. I think the concept, as a whole, does not fit with the whole process of love, at least as I see it.

Whether it’s love in the real world or love in sexy novels, falling in love and being in love is an ongoing phenomenon. It takes many forms and plays out in many ways, sometimes chaotically and sometimes dramatically. That’s part of what makes it such an appealing narrative.

Some of the best manifestations of that process, which I’ve gone out of my way to highlight, occur when two people work together to build and strengthen their love. They work together. They fight together. Sometimes they even clash, along the way. There’s never an endgame in mind. Their love is something that builds and evolves day-by-day.

In the real world, we see that play out in the work people put into their relationships. Whether it’s scheduling a sex night or going on some romantic getaway to Fiji, people in love put work into that love. It’s not something that just happens. For that feeling to remain strong, it takes time, effort, and understanding.

With soul mates, there’s no process to love. It just happens. The universe basically commands it. There’s no reason to put any work into it because those involved are so made for each other that they couldn’t drive each other apart if they tried. That kind of love doesn’t just rely on supernatural forces. It relies on two people’s thoughts, feelings, and desires being perfectly compatible every second of every day until the end of time.

Given the chaotic nature of the human mind, that’s just not realistic. It’s not even that romantic, when you think about it. I don’t deny that there are particular moments, such as a wedding day or the first time a couple makes love, where they’ll feel in that moment that they are soul mates. I don’t deny that feeling exists. As for the larger concept, as a whole, I think that’s about as real as Superman holding a black hole in his hand.

So I guess my answer does have a bit of a caveat. I do believe there are moments when two people are so in sync, emotionally and romantically, that they fit the mold of soul mates. Those same people can go onto break up, get divorced, or cheat on each other. That’s just the chaotic, unceasing nature of human passions.

Again, my answer to this question is anything but definitive. Perhaps there are other romance fans out there who believe I’m dead wrong and that soul mates do exist. If you feel that way, I’d be happy to discuss that issue in greater detail. For now, I simply ask that all those reading this contemplate that question and answer it for themselves.

Even if you’re not big on romance, it’s a question worth answering. It reflects both our sentiments and our aspirations when it comes to seeking love. As someone who is currently single, writes sexy stories, hopes to fall in love one day, I imagine I’ll continue contemplating this question for years to come.

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Filed under Love Or Obsession, Marriage and Relationships, sex in society, sexuality