Tag Archives: married couples

When Waiting Until Your Wedding Night To Have Sex Fails

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One of the most important decisions anyone can make for themselves is when they choose to have sex. Some seek to do it the first chance they get. Some prefer to wait until they’ve found that special someone with which they want to spend the rest of their lives. Most people render their decision within that vast gray area in between.

While we like to think society has become less uptight when it comes to sex, there’s still some lingering prudishness from centuries of taboos, traditions, and general ignorance. We’ve made a lot of progress from the days when we believed that a woman’s womb could become displaced and that male masturbation causes blindness, but there’s still a lot of room for improvement.

While everyone is different in how they approach their sex lives, the idea of waiting until marriage is still held up as an ideal. It’s the standard championed by religious zealots, social conservatives, and parents who just don’t want to think too much about the sex lives of their children. It’s also the cornerstone of abstinence only sex education, which is often the only sex education young people get.

Now, I’m not going to bemoan the ineffectiveness of this type of education. Many people far smarter and more resourceful than me have already studied just how damaging this approach can be for vulnerable youth. Instead, I want to focus on the actual merit behind this ideal championed by so many. The education programs may be ineffective, but that doesn’t mean there can’t be something to this ideal.

Like so many other things related to sex and human nature, the answer isn’t simple or straightforward. In fact, it’s a lot more complicated than the most religious conservative and the most lenient liberal will ever admit. That’s because people, in general, are complicated. The ideal that works for most people still won’t work for everyone. There are countless factors involved on whether waiting to have sex is a good idea.

You don’t have to look too far to find personal stories about people who regretted waiting until their wedding night to have sex. You also don’t have to look far to find stories from couples who claim waiting was beneficial. No matter what your sexual politics may be, you can find anecdotes supporting both sides of the spectrum and every point in between.

That said, there are a few common themes for those who regretted waiting and those who believe waiting benefited them in the long run. In the interest of simplifying the many complications that go into peoples’ sex lives, I think it’s worth highlighting the issues that made waiting the wrong decision for some couples.


Issue #1: They Waited For The Wrong Reasons

This is where religious and cultural influences often skew the decision. It’s also the issue in which shame, misplaced guilt, and taboos really warp a person’s attitude towards sex, love, and marriage. It’s one thing to want to wait until marriage because you’re not comfortable getting that intimate with someone too soon. It’s quite another when you wait because you’re afraid you’ll be punished by a prudish deity.

I’ve already noted before how religion can skew sexual attitudes to destructive extremes. There are more than a few stories about people who justified waiting with religion, only to regret it later on. This kind of impact tends to affect women more than men, but men aren’t immune from it either. Attitudes, believes, and misinformation can skew decisions regarding sex for all the wrong reasons.

At the end of the day, using religion as an excuse to wait is just that. It’s an excuse and not a reason. If it’s not in line with your actual desires, then it’s like trying to exercise by lifting bags of feathers. It’s not going to have the desired effects.


Issue #2: Expectations Not Matching Reality

Even without the religious or cultural influences, waiting until marriage is often framed as this big culmination for a relationship. It’s set up as this magical moment out of a fairy tale, albeit one that’s R-rated. Couples build up all this energy and anticipation, so much so that it skews the actual mechanics of sex.

This has led to more than a few awful wedding nights. Those issues are only compounded for people who didn’t get a good education on basic human anatomy. Not knowing what an orgasm or a clitoris is can be a huge liability for any couple wanting to have a memorable experience. Not knowing what a refractory period is can be just as awkward.

Beyond just making the first time anything but magical, it can negatively impact the course of an otherwise loving relationship. If all those expectations don’t pan out, then that undermines the confidence two people have in their relationship. For some people, it takes time and effort to develop a meaningful sex life and waiting can put them behind the curve.


Issue #3: Not Knowing (Or Communicating) Intimate Knowledge

This feeds off the issues that come with poor sexual education, but in a more intimate context. Even if you know how your partner’s genitals work and waited until marriage for non-religious reasons, there’s still a chance that the wedding night will end poorly.

This is where even comprehensive sex education comes up short. Those same teachers, preachers, and parents will say waiting until marriage is a good thing, but they won’t offer much advice on how to make it good after the wedding. The assumption is a couple will just figure it out and that’s a misguided assumption, to say the least.

Not knowing what your partner wants or even likes will make it difficult to have a satisfying sex life, even after the wedding night. Lingering taboos surrounding sex certainly don’t help. Maybe your partner finds out they like being on top. Maybe they like a certain position that’s awkward for you. Maybe they’re into kinky things that they didn’t realize.

Waiting until the wedding night to share this information can be a problem, among other things. It can also lead to a communications deficit between partners and that’s never good for a relationship.


Issue #4: Having Entirely Different Levels Of Desire

Say, for instance, one person has a veracious sex drive. They’re not going to be satisfied doing it twice a year on Valentine’s Day and their anniversary. They want to do it frequently and for extended periods of time. That’s just how their wired.

Now, imagine another person who is the exact opposite. They’re just not very sexual, by nature. They’re the kind of person who can have sex a few times a year with their partner and be perfectly satisfied. They don’t feel the need to do anything too elaborate. They’re just wired that way.

Given such disparity, do you think these two would be compatible lovers? Do you think it would help or hurt their relationship if they learned of their discrepancy in desire on their wedding night? Chances are that relationship will have some serious obstacles that may not be reconcilable.

Knowing your partner’s level of desire is a very important thing to communicate for any couple, married or not. Waiting until the wedding to even confront that issue is sure to compound those problems. If every functional relationship is built on good communication, then waiting in this context counts as a major oversight.


Issue #5: Not Understanding That A Good Sex Life Requires Effort

This goes right back to that magical fantasy that waiting until marriage is supposed to feed into. The idea that the first time will be mind-blowingly magical is akin to thinking you’ll play like LeBron James the first time you pick up a basketball. Like any skill or experience, you actually need to work on it. Just going over Lebron’s practice regimen is proof of that.

Thankfully, nature gives people plenty of incentive to practice making love. If orgasms and love aren’t good enough, then you’re just being difficult. However, for some couples who wait, the notion of practice almost seems strange. Those who end up having a bad wedding night tend to have negative expectations moving forward. Religious and cultural taboos only make it worse.

It’s odd how we understand the need to put in the work for so many other skills, but make this fanciful exception when it comes to sex. The idea of waiting until marriage and sex not being more meaningful just undermines the narrative. It makes for a nasty combination of flawed assumptions, inflated expectations, and intimate ignorance that make a satisfying wedding night next to impossible.


Even with all these issues, it’s still entirely possible for a couple to wait until their wedding night and still have a satisfying sex life. That certainly happens and I’ve even known some couples who took that approach. I’ve also known couples who didn’t wait until their wedding night, but still had a successful marriage.

Every couple is different. Every relationship is going to be subject to a wide range of complications and influences, be they cultural or personal. For some, waiting until the wedding night is the right decision. For others, it’s the worst decision they could make. Figuring it out is difficult and nobody wants to figure it out the hard way.

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Daily Sexy Musing: Road Trips

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For some people, a road trip is a test of endurance and back muscles. I consider myself among those people. I’ve never cared much for road trips. I consider any car ride over two hours to be a chore. As a result, I don’t find much sex appeal in road trips.

That said, I don’t deny that there are some who do. I’m even related to a few of them. I can see it in them, even when they don’t state it overtly. There’s something inherently appealing about venturing down long roads to distant places, getting away from the tedium of their everyday lives. For them, there is real appeal in a road trip and some of it is sexy.

One of my roommates in college took it to another level. He owned a motorcycle and he once joked about how much long rides made his girlfriend horny. It’s also worth noting that this roommate was terrible at telling jokes and carried himself with the subtlety of a bullhorn, especially when his girlfriend was involved.

Even though road trips don’t appeal to me, I can certainly appreciate those who feel otherwise. For the purposes of today’s Daily Sexy Musing, I’d like to channel the spirit of my former roommate and his girlfriend in tapping the joys of a road trip. Some people need to just get away. Why not make it sexy as hell?

It’s the middle of the day. We’ve had a long week. Every hour has been 60 minutes of toil. Just coming home isn’t enough anymore. Our home has become nothing more than a pit stop in our daily regimen. It can no longer soothe our frayed nerves or nurture our shared passions. We must get away.

On a whim, we make a fateful decision. We abandon our current plans, shove aside our reservations, and just act without thinking. We cannot escape our lives, but we can seek new excitement. We need only let go of the shackles that keep us in place.

I take your hand.

You hold it tightly.

We enter the car and we start driving.

There’s no destination in mind. There’s no itinerary to maintain or schedule to keep. The only direction that matters is the one that takes us away from work and responsibilities. With every mile traveled, the air gets cleaner. Every breath feels fresher, like a weight from our souls has finally faltered.

Farther and farther, I take us into the unknown. The roads become less familiar and the scenery becomes more exotic. We’re not far from home, but we might as well be in another time zone. Everything feels so new and fresh, a world of beauty hiding in plain sight.

I look over at you. I see you smile with the brilliance of a thousand suns. The thrill of the road and the reprieve from the familiar is liberating. Beyond your smile, though, I see more than just exhilaration. You have that glint in your eye, one that hints at something other than relief.

I pull the car over into an unfamiliar place.

I park in a secluded area away from prying eyes.

I welcome you into my embrace and you lovingly accept.

In the confined space of a car, we smother one another with free passions. We don’t just kiss. We entwine our tongues like two snakes in heat, wildly slithering in an open field. Clothes become too tight. Flesh becomes too hot. In the freedom granted by the road, we rediscover our love and make it for this new world to see.

It is only a brief trip, but we reach our destination.

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Daily Sexy Musing: Make-Up Sex

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I don’t care how good a relationship a couple has. At some point, they’re going to have a fight. Sometimes, it’s over something petty, like who didn’t do the laundry or who didn’t take out the trash. Other times, it can be pretty serious. I’m talking on the level of sleeping with the neighbor or running over the dog.

The strength of a relationship isn’t in how well they avoid these situations. It’s how well they endure them. Couples who really love each other and work on their relationship figure out how to get through those rough times. It can be hard, but they come out stronger in the long run. In many cases, the greatest manifestation of that strength is make-up sex.

Now, I feel as though make-up sex gets a bad rap. Every time it shows up in the erotica/romance genre, it’s portrayed as a crutch. It’s something couples use to mask the breadth of their problems. I don’t agree with this portrayal. I think it’s only a small part of a much larger story.

I intend to tell some of those stories, both in my novels and in my sexy short stories. In the meantime, this Daily Sexy Musing is my first attempt to re-establish the inherent sex appeal of make-up sex. Enjoy!

You’re upset.

I’m upset.

We’re both upset and we’re both to blame.

I don’t remember how it started. First, I did something. Then, I didn’t do something in response. You got angry and I got angry too. The things we said came from an unclear, irrational place. For a moment, all the good we had done and the trust we had established was forgotten.

It tears at my heart. I hate being mad at you. I know you hate it too. I see it in your eyes. The tears give away your anguish. It hurts you to direct such hatred towards me. It leaves wounds that cut deep, forging memories not easily forgotten. It’s a special kind of pain, one only possible when it comes from a person you love.

It doesn’t have to break us. It can’t. Our love is too strong. The work, passion, and energy we put in is too durable. I let you say what needs to be said. I say my part as well, but not a word more. We lay everything out for one another, our outrage and flaws laid bare.

I see you at your worst.

You see me at my lowest.

Together, it is our lowest point.

Then, in this moment of frustration and rage, something magical happens. We fall silent. On a whim, we decide to place our faith in the love and trust we have for each other. We gamble that our love is stronger than the source of our anger.

In the end, it pays off.

What is said and unsaid sends the right message. As quickly as we forgot our love, we remember it with sobering relief. I throw my arms around you and we embrace. You kiss me as though my life depends on it. I can literally feel your love entering me, washing over all the negative feelings that once drove us apart.

Now, we are together again. We are still wounded and in pain, but in a perfect position to heal. We tear our clothes off, find the nearest piece of furniture that can support our weight, and channel every feeling into something beautiful.

Pain becomes pleasure.

Hate becomes love.

Despair becomes ecstasy.

We can argue, disagree, and clash. We can never avoid the flaws of a world that seeks to undermine our love. However, we can make up for it and make our love stronger.

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Daily Sexy Musing: Cold Night Snuggling

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Halloween has passed. The days are getting shorter. It’s also getting noticeably colder outside. Unless you live in a tropical climate, in which case you’re the envy of many in my part of the world, these factors all lead to one critically sexy outcome. Snuggling is in and it’s about to get a lot more pragmatic.

I’ve already celebrated the joys of cuddling, but I make some key distinctions between cuddling and snuggling. As a self-professed romantic, I believe there are major differences and most people know them when they feel them. Cuddling is informal, playful, and supplementary to quality romance. Snuggling is more intimate and direct, allowing it to complement romance rather than just enhance it.

Before fire, snuggling was a key source of heat. There are logistics to it, which become even more necessary once we enter the fall and winter months. A good snuggle doesn’t just help us stay warm. It reminds us that we have a love in our lives that provides us with warmth, shelter, and protection in a very literal sense. Seriously, what could be more romantic than that?

This Daily Sexy Musing celebrates both the logistics and sentiment of snuggling. I hope it gives lovers out there something to contemplate on the many cold nights that await us this winter.

The night arrives. An unforgiving cold sweeps across the land. There’s no escaping it. Everywhere it goes, it seeks to expunge warmth and contentment. We cannot escape it, nor can we fight it. However, we can endure.

Alone, we only brave the coldness of the night.

Together, we dare defy it.

Unafraid of the looming darkness, we shed our clothes and gather blankets. We then surround ourselves in layers, insulating us from the icy touch of the night. Under the welcome shelter, we find each other. We follow one another to the only remaining source of heat. Thankfully, we don’t have to venture far.

The sun may be gone, but there is still warmth to be found. From you, the same flesh that arouses my every sense is now my salvation from the unforgiving gold. From me, I offer similar reprieve. I welcome you into my warmth. I share with you the sanctuary born from love, desire, and compassion.

I wrap you in my arms.

I surround you with my love.

I protect you as you protect me.

As our skin touches, heat fuels more heat. The cold attempts to snuff it out, but it fails miserably. There’s no stopping us. Our desire to keep each other warm proves too strong. Our need to survive the night proves too tenacious. By ourselves, we were vulnerable. With each other, we are stronger than any night.

Curled up under the sheets, creating more heat with every gesture, we smile. It is an affront to the cold and the darkness that spreads it. Where there was once despair and discomfort, we create a new domain for our passion. The night air can fight us all it wants. We’ll just fight harder with our love.

It starts with a simple snuggle, warm flesh warming warm flesh, the heat compounding every step of the way. It culminates in multiple ways. On one path, the heat allows us to make love. On one path, the heat allows us a peaceful sleep. In between, there are many others. All lead to a world of contentment.

Our bodies entwined, we navigate the cold night.

Our bodies entwined, we turn vulnerability into strength.

Our bodies entwined, we turn thoughts of passion into feelings of warmth.

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Daily Sexy Musings: Fighting Stress (The Sexy Way)

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Ever have one of those days where every minute feels like another 60 seconds of compounding stress? Maybe a better question would be how many of those days have you had in the past month? I’ve certainly had those days. Going all the way back to high school, I’ve had more than a few instances where I’ve cursed the clock for going too damn slow.

As rough as these days can be, they’re also the times in which we need a little extra loving. I remember one particular day in college where I was so stressed out that I wanted to punch the nearest brick wall. Then, my girlfriend at the time called me and talked dirty to me, as only she could. I felt better almost instantly.

There are, of course, many ways to relieve stress. This dose of my Daily Sexy Musings celebrates the sexier methods. There are plenty of those two, but their effectiveness is beyond dispute. It even goes beyond stress relief. When you can make someone happy after such a shitty day, you know you’ve got something special. Enjoy!

I drag myself through the door. Every step feels like a march through quicksand. I enter a home that only welcomes me with silence, numb to the day I just endured. I want to collapse where I stand. I wish I could punch this day in the jaw and spit in its face. That’s how much I hate it.

Then, you appear before me. In a sea of chaos and frustration, you pierce the veil and shatter the darkness. Your face, your gaze, and your presence stop my anguish dead in its tracks. I open my mouth to speak. Only an angry string of incoherent cursing comes out. It doesn’t dissuade you in the slightest.

You don’t say a word.

I fall silent.

Finally, this long, arduous day ceases.

I remain silent, fuming as though the air is stabbing me from every angle. You brave the storm, approaching me without fear or reservation. I grit my teeth and fight the turmoil within, forcing back the onslaught of misery that has bombarded me throughout the day. Your presence gives me strength, but it only goes so far.

You see my angry poise.

You sense my distress on every level.

You reach out into the sorrow and find me in its grasp.

The battle within is failing. This day has me on the brink of defeat. Then, you take me into your arms. You hold me, kiss me, and entwine your spirit with mine. Almost instantly, the tide turns. I fall back from the brink.

As you hold me, a new strength enters me. Every tense fiber relaxes. A lifeline comes my way and I seize it. Once again, you are my anchor. You guide me through strife, easing my anguish and replacing it with peace.

We don’t stop with simple touch. On the spot, you remove my clothes. With them, you strip me of the burdens I’ve born. Naked and exposed, I stand before you someone wounded by so many forces. However, I need only your love and your sex to heal.

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Daily Sexy Musings: Sensual Scents

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Some claim smell is the sense most tied to memory. I can believe that to some extent. That said, if I go into a strip club and see a woman with breasts as natural as the Empire State Building, I’m going to remember that more than how she smells. However, I don’t deny the power of scent or the sex appeal it carries.

Certain people give off distinct scents and when you’re in love with that person, you tend to recognize it better than most. Then, there’s the distinct scents you conjure after intimate moments that may or may not include acts of ravenous love-making. Such activities work up a sweat. Sweat creates smells. It’s just science, albeit of the sexiest variety.

The following Daily Sexy Musing is a testament to the inherent sensuality of certain scents and the romantic connotations that often come with it. You may not always remember the sights and sounds of a powerful experience, but chances are, you’ll remember those scents for all the right reasons. Enjoy!

You enter the room. I don’t turn around and I don’t say a word. I already know it’s you. You don’t need to do anything to identify yourself. I can already sense you. Your very presence fills the air with something so distinct. Whether surrounded stale air or awash in brisk winds, I can find your beautifully unique scent.

It’s like a flower that only blooms in your presence, but I’m the only one you allow in your garden. I cherish that privilege. I thank every star in the sky that I get to sense it, the unique taste in the air that you offer to those around you. Most only ever get a sample. You give me the full course of your love.

I breathe deep and feel your warmth.

I take a whiff and enter your domain.

I savor the ethereal musk and follow it into your grasp.

Your scent is the catalyst. Words, gestures, and the elaborate acts that follow are the byproduct. Together, we create extra-potent intimacy. From a simple kiss to an act of extensive love-making, we spark the fires of our greatest passions and immerse ourselves in the warmth.

No matter the time or place, we find ways to feel one another. Words, touch, and acts of love carry us forward. It takes energy and work. The rigors of our love require dedication. I exert myself willingly and you return the favor every step of the way. It’s so exhausting, yet so worthwhile.

From one act, we spark desire.

From another, we evoke passion.

From more, we celebrate our love.

For every action, we must exert. We embrace, we kiss, and we make love. It can leave us sweaty and drained, but content and satisfied. I make every effort count. You match me, act for act. Your scent gets stronger and my heart beats faster. Love inspires passion and passion intensifies love.

In the end, the very thing that started it all lingers most prominently in the air around us. That distinct scent you exude, like the ghostly spirit of our love, hangs over our naked bodies as we lay together. I can close my eyes and silence my thoughts, but I still smell your scent. I can still feel your presence.

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Daily Sexy Musings: Halloween Loving

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Halloween is the most underrated holiday. I say that with a straight face and utmost confidence. Christmas may get all the fancy decorations and presents, but Halloween will always win in terms of raw entertainment and sex appeal. As a kid, I loved getting free candy. As an adult, I love seeing beautiful women use Halloween as an excuse to wear something sexy.

While I don’t think anyone needs an excuse to dress sexy, a holiday like Halloween makes things more convenient. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve come to appreciate the freedom and spirit that Halloween affords us. In college, I attended many amazing parties where people just cut loose and embraced their naughty side. It’s a beautiful thing, even amidst the ghouls, goblins, and tooth decay.

I love candy as much as the next adult, but as an aspiring erotica/romance writer, the sexier side of Halloween appeals to me much more. The following Daily Sexy Musing is a celebration of that spooky, yet fun appeal. We all have some devilish desires within us. For just one night, why not celebrate them in the sexiest way possible? Enjoy!

The sun is down.

The moon is out.

The cold, crisp night settles in.

At last, the ultimate witching hour is upon us. Every repressed desire bubbles to the surface. That little devil that whispers in our ear suddenly becomes louder. For once, we don’t shut that voice out. Instead, we heed his every word and follow our most deviant whims to the utmost.

We shed the clothes that made us so normal and tame. In their place, we don costumes that reflect our devious mood. Whether vampire, devil, zombie, or ghost, the particulars of the costume don’t matter. It is just the catalyst to a much greater feeling.

We put on a new face.

We cast off our mask.

We become what we dare not admit.

In an instant, we become something else. I look at you and I don’t see the same person. The sweet, considerate lover that I know so well disappears. In their place is someone darker and more daring. Restraint, innocence, and reservation are muted. It scares me, but draws me in. Fear breeds excitement and excitement promises exhilaration.

In my new form, I stand before you in the same shroud of darkness. The lover you know is still there, but has taken a new form. Everything you thought you know is incomplete. Tonight, I am unbound. The monster in me will roam free. The creature that I keep at bay takes over. You need only brace yourself for its passionate wrath.

Together, we are monsters.

Together, we channel our inner demons.

Together, we embrace our greatest fear.

Together, we tap our darkest desires.

I take your hand. You smile back at me with a grin that could freeze the gates of Hell. We follow each other out the door and into the night, in search of tricks and treats. The cool air takes us. The spirit of the night keeps us warm, but the intensity of dark passions makes us hot.

It’s Halloween! The demons come out. The ghouls roam free. Tonight, I am your monster and you are mine.

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