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Jack Fisher’s Sexy Sunday Thoughts: New Years 2019 Edition

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Christmas has come and gone. That means we’re almost done with 2018. For me, this year can’t end soon enough. It has been a pretty rough year for me. I’ve shared some of the reasons for that. This past summer, someone very close to me passed away and dealing with it was a lot more difficult than I can put into words.

There were other issues that came up that I’d rather not discuss, but I’m very eager to put them behind me. I’ve had my share of difficult years in the past. While 2018 won’t go down as one of the worst, it’s definitely one of those years that I’d rather not repeat. There were some bright spots, like a glut of awesome superhero movies, but there were many other moments I’d rather forget.

I certainly hope this year was better for everyone else than it was for me. Even if it wasn’t, that’s all the more reason to embrace the arrival of 2019. I’ve always been someone who looks forward rather than dwell on the past and not just because I’m excited about the development of sex robots. I strongly believe that moving forward is the best way to frame the past in a better light.

Since this is the last batch of Sexy Sunday Thoughts for 2018, I’d like to take a moment to thank everyone who has been following this website and my various works. I intend to produce plenty more sexy content in 2019. For now, here’s one last gasp of sexiness to cap off this year. Enjoy!


“Orgasms are the only universally accepted gifts for any and all occasions.”


“A honeymoon is just a vacation built around a greater likelihood of getting laid.”


“Spending a bachelor party at a strip club is like starting a diet at a candy factory.”


“If food and sex are basic needs, then cooking is at least as important as foreplay.”


“To some extent, we value our health because it affords us the ability to make love.”


“When you think about it, making prostitution illegal is just an elaborate way to discourage shortcuts.”


“Like it or not, babies and orgasms will always be indirectly linked to some extent.”


I hope that got everyone excited about 2019, among other things. I don’t know about you, but I’m eager to close out 2018 as quickly as possible and move forward. I’m ready to start making 2019 the greatest and sexiest year to date. Whether you feel the same or not, I wish everyone a very Happy New Year.

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Jack Fisher’s Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Christmas 2018 Edition

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It’s almost here! Christmas is just a few days away. I guess today is technically Christmas Eve Eve, but I’ve never been one for technicalities. I don’t need many reasons to enjoy the holidays and celebrate the season. While I’m not a big fan of the religious aspect of the holidays, I still love celebrating the season.

As a kid, Christmas was my favorite holiday for any number of reasons. I was a kid. I enjoyed getting new toys and eating lots of holiday-themed treats. It was just so appealing on so many levels. As I’ve gotten older, though, I like to think I’ve come to appreciate Christmas in a different way. It’s not just about getting new toys anymore. It has gained a far deeper meaning.

Whether you’re religious or not, it’s something we can all appreciate. For just one day out of the year, we take some time away from all that crap that divides and make a concerted effort to come together. It’s a beautiful thing in an otherwise flawed world and I love celebrating it in every possible way. Whether it’s giving gifts or cooking special treats, I’m proud of how I embrace the spirit of the season.

Since Christmas doesn’t fall on a Sunday this year, I’m using today to celebrate Christmas in 2018 with my Sexy Sunday Thoughts. It’s been a long, trying year for many people, some more so than others. Let’s take a moment to appreciate how far we’ve come and just appreciate the sexy spirit of the holidays.


“A rough day at the office means something very distinct for anyone who works at a brothel.”


“Is it really a coincidence that most men like food that is hot and moist?”


“Virginity is one of the only aspects of life in which complete inexperience is valued.”


“A penis is the only body part that gets bigger without exercise.”


“All love has a basis in wanting to swap body fluids of some kind.”


“Masturbation is not that different from studying for an exam.”


“Great sex is the only drug that’s addictive for the right reasons.”


I hope that got everyone into the Christmas spirit, among other things. Once again, I wish everybody safe, happy, and sexy holiday. Whether you’re exchanging presents with family, getting drunk off eggnog, or just sleeping because the neighbor’s kids won’t shut up, I hope you find some way to make your holiday special. In the spirit of peace, love, and all things sexy, Merry Christmas!

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Why “Bad Santa” Is The Greatest Modern Christmas Movie

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This is the time of year where you can’t go more than a half-hour without seeing a Christmas movie on TV. We’re basically in the heart of the holiday season. People have finally stopped complaining about Christmas decorations going up too early or getting a head start on their shopping. It’s not just fast-approaching anymore. The holidays are here.

Now, I love the holidays as much as anyone. As such, I have a strong appreciation for Christmas movies. I often go through stretches in December where I’ll watch at least part of a Christmas movie every day. It’s a beautiful thing that gets me in the spirit and gives me an excuse to drink eggnog spiked with whiskey.

I have a long list of personal favorites. I’m also among those who argue vehemently that “Die Hard” qualifies as a Christmas movie. Despite what Bruce Willis himself says, this movie will always be part of my holiday viewing schedule. I could write multiple articles to justify that position, but that’s not my intent here.

In recent years, I’ve found myself immersed in another argument surrounding a unique kind of Christmas movie. That movie is a lesser-known, but underrated gem called “Bad Santa.” If you’ve seen it, then you probably understand why it inspires such colorful discussions during the holidays. If you haven’t, then I urge you to check it out, but do not watch it with your children.

Make no mistake. “Bad Santa” is to Christmas movies what the McRib is to fast food fans. It’s one of those rare movies that doesn’t just go in the opposite direction of every classic trope associated with a particular genre. It gives those themes the finger, kicks it in the balls, and throws up on them for good measure.

This movie has no holiday miracles. There’s no magic at work. There’s no heartwarming moments that reaffirm the spirit of the season. This movie is weapons grade cynicism for all things Christmas and it goes about it in a way that’s vulgar, crude, disgusting, and hilarious.

The story is not for the faint of heart. It follows Willie Soke, a degenerate, misanthropic, womanizing, alcoholic who makes his living cracking safes with his dwarf partner-in-crime, Marcus Skidmore. Their tactics are the antithesis of the holiday spirit. Willie works as a mall Santa while Marcus works as an elf. They work at malls during the holidays and then rob them on Christmas Eve.

If you expect the movie to be a feel-good holiday story about a criminal redeeming himself during Christmas, then prepare to be disappointed. Willie is not that kind of character and “Bad Santa” does not tell that kind of story. While Willie does undergo some growth, he’s still an asshole by the time the credits roll.

The story doesn’t try to redeem Willie. It doesn’t even try to put him on the path to becoming a better person. All the Christmas miracles in world can’t do that for someone like him. However, his story does bring something uniquely festive to the table. The way things play out for Willie and those around him convey a powerful message that resonates with the holiday season in its own perverse way.

Some go so far as to argue that “Bad Santa” is an anti-Christmas movie. I can understand that sentiment to some extent. However, I would argue that “Bad Santa” is one of those movies that has become more relevant with time. I would even argue that, in the context of the modern spirit of Christmas, “Bad Santa” is the greatest modern Christmas movie.

Now, I know that won’t sit well with those who still love “It’s A Wonderful Life” or “How The Grinch Stole Christmas.” I don’t deny that those are great Christmas movies that deserve to be classics. I’m not arguing that “Bad Santa” is better than those movies or deserves to be in the same category. I simply believe that “Bad Santa” is the greatest Christmas movie for the current times in which we live and these are my reasons why.


Reason #1: It Reflects The Real (And Increasingly Jaded) World

Let’s face it. These are not the upbeat, idealistic times of yesteryear. People no longer trust in their government. People keep seeing once-beloved celebrities self-destruct. In general, people just aren’t confident about the future anymore. As a society, we’re becoming more and more jaded. That’s exactly the kind of sentiment that “Bad Santa” appeals to.

This movie is a world where assholes keep being assholes. Bad things happen to good people and good things happen to bad people. That may not be a great basis for a Christmas movie, but it perfectly represents the real world, now more than ever. In this day and age, we see famous and powerful people get away with awful things time and again. There’s no miracle that comes around to right all the wrongs.

In “Bad Santa,” this harsh view of the world isn’t avoided. For the entire movie, Willie essentially channels the defeatist attitude of Al Bundy. His life sucks. He hates himself. He barely even flinches when he’s staring down the barrel of a gun at one point. Beyond the self-loathing, though, he finds a way to provide real insights into the holidays.

Do we really need all the crap we ask for on Christmas? Do we really need magic, miracles, or some grand spectacle to appreciate it? Willie’s entire persona is an indictment of those who rely too much on magical thinking during the holidays. In the real world, that doesn’t get anyone anything other than a gut punch and a kick in the ass.


Reason #2: It Relies On Choices Rather Than Miracles

As deplorable a human being as Willie Soke is, he does have one defining trait that makes him somewhat sympathetic. He doesn’t make excuses. He doesn’t blame the world or everyone else for his lousy lot in life. He’s very much a product of his choices. He chooses to drink, spit, swear, and piss himself while wearing a Santa suit. There’s no extenuating circumstances. These are his choices.

Granted, they’re deplorable choices from someone inclined to self-destruction, but he makes them freely and doesn’t hide from the consequences. These same choices are what makes his relationship to the dense, but lovable kid in the movie, Therman, so meaningful. Willie has no reason to care or help this kid in any capacity and the kid is in no position to stop him.

In the end, though, Willie doesn’t need a miracle or some visit from Christmas spirits to make his choices. Therman’s influence on him, while ridiculous and downright pathetic at times, is sufficient for him to make the choices that make the story work. While they don’t necessarily redeem Willie for all his misdeeds, it does show that even a drunk like him can do the right thing without a miracle.

That, in and of itself, is a testament to the spirit of Christmas. When someone like Willie Soke can actually choose to do something good for a gullible kid, then that offers hope to any jaded soul on the holidays.


Reason #3: It Highlights Small (But Meaningful) Gestures

Many of the most memorable Christmas movies often have these big, elaborate gestures that attempt to make our hearts gush with holiday cheer. Whether it’s embracing loved ones at the end of “It’s A Wonderful Life” or reuniting with family in “Home Alone,” it feels like a Christmas movie has to go overboard with holiday sentiment.

Bad Santa” takes the exact opposite approach, but somehow finds a way to make those gestures more meaningful. The movie doesn’t take place in the North Pole or some fanciful holiday setting. It takes place in Phoenix, Arizona where it doesn’t snow and heavy coats are useless. It effectively removes the ambiance of the holidays beyond the tacky decorations that people put up.

That works perfectly for “Bad Santa” because it ensures any gesture carries more weight. Whether it’s Willie trying to get Thurman his Christmas present or Willie putting back together the Advent Calendar, these small moments feel bigger in a setting devoid of traditional holiday magic.

There’s no sweeping change that turns Phoenix into some sort of Christmas haven. The world of “Bad Santa” never tries to be anything other than a world of shallow holiday imagery because that’s all it needs. Anything more than that is just fantasy and there’s only so much fantasy you can muster in a story that follows a misanthropic drunk.


Reason #4: It Offers Perspective Rather Than Hope

Another major trait of classic Christmas movies is the hope they inspire. When you get to the end of a Christmas movie, you’re supposed to feel a sense of hope. There’s this sense that the story has somehow rekindled someone’s holiday spirit. While there will always be a place for that kind of hope in a fantasy world, “Bad Santa” offers something different, but valuable.

More than anything else, “Bad Santa” conveys a sense of perspective about the holidays. It’s not this wonderful, heartfelt occasion for everybody. There are a lot of miserable, self-loathing drunks like Willie Soke out there who don’t want or need hope. They’d rather have something that’ll make life suck a little less.

That’s the best Willie can strive for in “Bad Santa” and that’s exactly what he does. Being around Therman doesn’t make him a beacon of Christmas spirit. It just makes his miserable life slightly less miserable and he’s grateful for that. As a result, he makes an effort to help the kid have a good Christmas.

Sure, his efforts result in him getting roughed up and shot, but that’s perfectly appropriate for the tone of the story. In the real world, noble efforts like that aren’t always rewarded. Sometimes, they end up pretty messy, which Willie finds out the hard way on more than one occasion. It’s not the most uplifting message, but it’s the most honest.

Perspective today is more precious than it has ever been before. In the era of fake news and alternative facts, it’s hard to maintain a firm grasp on reality. Christmas movies tend to obscure reality for something more cheerful, but “Bad Santa” for something more real and that’s what makes it so effective as a story.


Reason #5: It Finds Humor In Bad Situations

To this point, if I’ve given the impression that “Bad Santa” is one depressing slog of a movie, I apologize. Yes, it can be depressing and bleak, but it’s also obscenely funny. There are dark moments in this movie that involve depression, alcoholism, and even attempted suicide. However, many of these moments are perfectly balanced with moments of raw hilarity.

Whether it’s Willie beating the snot out of a bunch of bullies or Marcus berating Gin with a masterful string of profanity, this movie invests heavily on humor. Granted, it’s a very adult form of humor, but it works perfectly within the context of the story. From the very beginning, Willie and his supporting cast are in all sorts of awful situations. Injecting humor into the mix helps balance it out.

It helps create a particular tone for a movie that goes out of its way to spit on so many holiday traditions. Things are ugly for these characters. They’re miserable excuses for human beings, but they often find themselves in funny situations that they make more hilarious with their reactions. No matter how bad it gets, they find a way to make their devolving situations entertaining.

In an era were awful situations unfold in real time because of social media, it’s important to find humor wherever you can. There’s only so much we can do to change a situation. Willie makes that clear from the very beginning of “Bad Santa.” Sometimes, all you can do is just laugh at the absurdities and that’s exactly what this movie does.


I won’t claim that “Bad Santa” is the new standard for Christmas movies. I doubt it’s going to start the kinds of trends we’ve seen in other genres. However, the story it told and the dark humor it utilized struck a chord when it first came out. As the years have gone by, it keeps finding new ways to resonate with an emerging audience.

There will always be a place for “Home Alone” and the Grinch. However, I think for the current generation and all the others who have watched this world embrace new levels of absurdities, “Bad Santa” deserves a special place in our holiday traditions.

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Jack Fisher’s Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Peppermint Candy Edition

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We’re in the heart of the holiday season now. This is the time when people generally stop whining about seeing Christmas displays in shopping malls and just start enjoying the ambiance. Every year, it seems to get a little longer for that whining to die down, but when it does, the spirit of the season really sets in.

Part of that spirit involves the various candy and treats that coincide with the holidays. Coming from a family of talented chefs, I’ve always had a soft spot certain treats. In the same way pumpkin spice lets me know that fall has arrived, the abundance of peppermint flavored candy and treats help affirm that the holidays are truly here.

Now, I don’t consider myself that big a peppermint fan. I still enjoy it and will occasionally indulge in some peppermint candy, but I won’t say it’s my favorite. It’s one of those truly seasonal tastes that just doesn’t fit with other times of year. I still appreciate it for what it is and the season it represents.

With the spirit of the season in full swing and plenty of festive treats to choose from, I gladly single out peppermint for this week’s edition of my Sexy Sunday Thoughts. That extra fresh taste in your mouth goes a long way towards becoming more kissable and more eager to kiss, in general. For an erotica/romance fan, you can’t get much more festive than that. Enjoy!


“When you think about it, there isn’t that much difference between making your lover climax and hacking a computer.”


“Sometimes, you fall in love with a person, but other times, you fall in love with their financial situation.”


“Kids with active imaginations are more likely to become adults with elaborate kinks.”


“The lipstick industry probably owes a good chunk of its sales to oral sex.”


“Depression is one of the few feelings that can be both the cause of and reason for a lack of sex.”


“Fantasizing about your lover is like giving them a cameo in your wet dreams.”


“To some extent, puberty is your sex appeal under construction.”


I hope that puts everyone in the mood to take advantage of the glut of holiday candy we’ll be seeing for the next couple weeks, among other things. Even if you’re not a fan of peppermint, it’s still an excuse to eat more candy and in my experience, nobody can get into a sexy mood on an empty stomach. Uniquely flavored candy just makes that mood more festive.

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Jack Fisher’s Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Sexy Moaning Edition

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It’s unavoidable. When you’re sharing a passionate moment, you’re going to moan at some point. It’s like a reflex. Your body is doing something awesome and your mind is telling you it’s awesome. You’re going to try and vocalize that somehow. A good, sexy moan achieves all that and then some.

Moaning is one of those acts that has a mixed reputation and not in a good way. Most of the time, you don’t moan for a good reason. Sometimes, it’s out of distress. Sometimes, it’s out of discomfort. It’s not one of those things that has inherently sexy connotations. Like true love or the sound of an alarm clock, though, you know it when you hear it.

Many of my novels and sexy short stories often highlight the moaning often associated with intimate moments. Plenty of other erotica/romance media, from movies to porn, do the same. In the right circumstances, a moan can be the perfect manifestation of sexiness and passion. It’s difficult to achieve, but it’s certainly worth pursuing.

This week’s edition of my Sexy Sunday Thoughts is dedicated to that pursuit and the extra-sexy results they achieve. Some may not be in the mood for that kind of moaning this early on a Sunday. At the very least, I hope it gives you an appreciation for it. Enjoy!


“When you think about it, a brothel is essentially an orgasm clinic.”


“The most awkward part of puberty is suddenly wanting to see other people naked.”


“The size of the dildo someone uses says a lot about their standards for a good time.”


“Pity sex is like a penny in that it has actual value, but it’s generally not the currency most prefer.”


“A couple’s first kiss counts as their act of foreplay in that it shows how willing they are to touch body parts.”


“How loud we are during sex often determines how sore we are the next day.”


“Going to a strip club on a date invites serious conflict between one’s heart and genitals.”


I’m not going to assume any of that got people moaning for all the right reasons. At the very least, I hope it got certain people in the kind of mood that makes it a pleasant byproduct. Intimacy and romance manifest in all kinds of ways. Some are cruder than others and moaning certainly qualifies. That doesn’t make it any less sexy.

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Jack Fisher’s Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Sexy Candle Edition

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What is it about candles that have both sex appeal and romantic undertones? I get that candles have a logistical use. They provide light without electricity. Some even have scents that make a dirty apartment smell like a rose garden. None of that is groundbreaking. However, whenever someone create a romantic scene, candles are often used to set the mood.

Maybe it’s the dim lighting, the added heat they provide, or the unique scent they exude. Maybe there’s something more primal at work. For most of human history, if we wanted to make love at night, we either had to do it under the stars or by the light of a fire. For all we know, it was the first method people used to establish a genuinely romantic mood.

Whatever the case, candles can provide uncanny sexiness when used properly. Beyond lighting, they have other kinkier uses that I won’t get into. I’ll just say that there’s a market for candle wax that goes beyond lighting. It’s more than enough to justify dedicating this week’s edition of my Sexy Sunday Thoughts to the unique sex appeal of candles. Hopefully, we don’t need to wait for a power outage to appreciate it.


“We are never more vulnerable when we’re both confused and horny.”


“Porn stars are the only professionals who can never take off their uniform.”


“Good grammar is like good foreplay in that people notice when it’s poorly done.”


“Lingerie is like wrapping paper for sex.”


“An anniversary is a tactful way of telling your lover that you still enjoy seeing them naked.”


“Making love in a moving car is like running naked during a blizzard in that you can do it, but there are some serious risks.”


“From a purely evolutionary standpoint, having sex while eating is the most basic form of multi-tasking.”


I hope that inspired lovers, young and old alike, to stock up on candles. Winter is here. The days are getting shorter and cold weather is making the act of getting naked less desirable. For fans of all things sexy and romantic, this presents a challenge and we need to make use of all the tools at our disposal. Candles are an underrated, but incredibly powerful tool to achieve plenty of sexy things this winter.

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Jack Fisher’s Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Holiday Shopping 2018 Edition

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I hope everybody had a very enjoyable, very filling Thanksgiving. I also hope that those who indulged in a little Black Friday shopping enjoyed themselves too. I know there are a lot of mixed feelings when it comes to purely commercial holidays Black Friday, but I think they have their place in our culture.

While it may seem odd for a man to say this, but I love shopping, especially around the holidays. I genuinely enjoy just browsing around at malls or shopping centers, navigating the sea of people, and taking in the spectacle. My mother told me that might be because she took me shopping so much when I was a baby. For us, that was like going to a playground.

Whatever the cause, this time of year is extra special to me. Christmas shopping is among my favorite kind of shopping. I love all things Christmas themed and I really enjoy buying presents for my family. If that makes me seem weird on top being a single man and an aspiring erotica/romance writer, so be it.

Shopping can be innocent fun. It often is, for the most part. It can also have some sexy undertones, as well. After all, isn’t flirting just shopping for love? In the spirit of the holidays, I’d like to celebrate the joys of shopping. Whether it’s for sexy or unsexy reasons, this is the time of year to really appreciate it.


“Falling in love with someone’s soul often involves falling in love with a part of their body first.”


“The difference between a passion and a fetish is how much someone is willing to put their mouth on something.”


“Great sex requires practice, but kinky sex requires imagination.”


“Awkward silence is either the least or most awkward after sex.”


“When you think about it, getting your lover a quality gift is a way to remind them that you still enjoy getting naked with them.”


“In terms of propagating the species, Drunken hook-ups are the evolutionary equivalent of a cheat code.”


“Porn has made too many people inherently suspicious of fresh cucumbers.”


The next few weeks are going to be hectic for shopping lovers, like myself. They’re also going to be colorful, festive, and full of holiday-themed commercials. While I’m sure there are those out there who bemoan consumer culture and how it has affected major holidays, I prefer to embrace all the gimmicks and glamour surrounding it. Whether you think it has sex appeal, it can still be a lot of fun if you let it.

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Jack Fisher’s Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Sexy Wrestling Edition

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We see it all the time, especially with young couples. They’re hanging out, sometimes in public and sometimes in a semi-private space. They’re having a good time. They’re smiling and laughing. Then, for little to no reason, they start wrestling with one another. They tickle, tease, and taunt each other in ways that just makes them smile even more.

For some jaded souls, it’s juvenile. I sincerely pity those souls they don’t appreciate what’s happening. Being the romantic I am, I’ve always found a certain beauty in the playful sexy wrestling couples do. When I was in college, there was this big open field in the middle of campus where couples would hang out on hot days. Whenever I saw it happen, it put a smile on my face.

The way I saw it, playful wrestling was the most G-rated manifestation of physical love. It wasn’t overly raunchy, but it still had distinctly sensual undertones. It showed that love could be fun. It wasn’t all work, focus, and dedication. There were moments where the happiness two people shared was just so abundant that they couldn’t help themselves.

Whether you think it’s cute or asinine, playful wrestling is a real manifestation of romance. For this week’s edition of my Sexy Sunday Thoughts, I’d like to celebrate this most innocent of gestures. You’ll never see it in a porno and you’ll rarely see it in a romantic comedy. That’s exactly what makes it special. Enjoy!


“Every romantic gesture has a basis in facilitating someone else’s orgasm and/or your own.”


“When it comes to using our tongues during sex, what we lick and where we lick determines how dedicated we are to our lovers.”


“With a creative mind, any unusual weather condition can be used to justify making love.”


“Grunting doesn’t mean that the sex is good, but it does reveal who’s putting in the effort.”


“You don’t have to be a morning person to appreciate receiving oral sex when you wake up, but it certainly helps.”


“The appeal of rough sex and spicy food is very similar in the sense that they both risk burning sensations.”


“When it comes to quality versus quantity, there are no losers with respect to orgasms.”


I hope you enjoyed that. I hope it gives the playful couples out there a few ideas. Part of any meaningful romance is knowing when to have fun. Love doesn’t always have to be about epic journeys or strained hearts. It can actually be a playful, enjoyable experience, even while fully clothed. If that doesn’t prove the power of romance, then I don’t know what will.

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Jack Fisher’s Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Manly Chest Hair Edition

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What is it about manly chest hair that’s so sexy? Actually, a better question might be why the sex appeal of chest hair is so mixed? Men have more body hair. That’s just basic human biology. It has a pragmatic, albeit limited function. We don’t have enough of it to keep us as warm as a polar bear, but it still has a unique aesthetic.

Like breasts on women, chest hair is one of those distinguishing male features that denotes raw masculinity. Most men don’t emphasize it as much as women do with their breasts. Then again, very few features can ever hope to match the sex appeal of female breasts. That doesn’t mean chest hair can’t have a place in the sexual landscape.

I’ve had chest hair since I was 16. I come from a long line of men in my family who have hairy chests. Some family members even take pride in it. The women they’re with don’t hide their appreciation of it. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve come to appreciate the manliness my chest hair conveys and I think it’s worth appreciating even more.

For this week’s edition of my Sexy Sunday Thoughts, I’d like to celebrate this underrated sexual trait. It does more than just distinguish men from women or offer some extra warmth in the winter. It adds a unique kind of sexiness to a world rich in sex appeal. Not everyone finds it sexy, but for those that do will always be a little warmer on cold nights.


“A bad date that ends in sex will always be more memorable than a good date that ends in a kiss.”


“Lovemaking can easily turn into fucking, but it’s much harder to do the other way around.”


“When you think about it, mirrors tell us just how much we want to fuck ourselves.”


“The appeal of anal sex changes considerably after a woman has given birth.”


“Love is just a more refined and focused version of being horny.”


“Historically speaking, humping is the second oldest form of exercise after running.”


“Puberty is just your body’s way of letting you know it’ll be fucking with you for the rest of your life.”


For those who find inherent sex appeal in chest hair, the colder weather in the coming months should help vindicate you. Hairy chest hair is one of those traits that tends to have a very targeted sex appeal. Some genuinely don’t care for it. Some find it sexier than Ron Swanson covered in bacon grease. As winter draws near, I believe those men who value their chest hair will once again make their case.

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Jack Fisher’s Sexy Sunday Thoughts: Back Massage Edition

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Is it possible to request a back massage without it being construed as sexual? Having experienced, witnessed, and even contributed in all kinds lurid innuendo, I won’t say it’s impossible. I’ll just note that it’s extremely improbable, given our collective immaturity when it comes to sexual matters.

That’s a shame too because there are times when we genuinely need a back massage for entirely non-sexual reasons. One of the first jobs I ever had was at a fast food restaurant. At that job, I spent a good deal of time bending over to clean dirt, mud, and even baby vomit on one fateful night. That was murder on my back, as well as my dignity.

I endured long stretches of back problems that only got better after I quit that job. When I was dating my ex-girlfriend, she had her share of soreness too, due to unrelated health issues. Sometimes, giving each other a soothing, non-sexual back massage was genuinely welcome. I would even go so far as to call it incredibly romantic.

There’s always room for the sexier side of massages. However, there’s also a place for the less seamy kind of back massages. They can be sexy without getting too sexual. They can even be gestures of genuine romance. This week’s edition of my Sexy Sunday Thoughts is dedicated to both. I even encourage every couple out there to try both at some point today. Enjoy!


“Thinking before you act can have very mixed results when you’re really horny.”


“Those who give great oral sex will always have more friends than enemies.”


“When you think about it, an awkward boner is the only reflex that’s actually useful.”


“Women who is physically flexible tend find lovers who are just as flexible in a non-physical way.”


“Make-up sex is the romantic equivalent of tech support for an old computer.”


“In essence, prostitution is paying a premium to skip the small talk before sex.”


“Stories about broken hearts will never be as memorable as those about bruised genitals.”


I hope that helped make everyone’s back feel better, among other things. Massages will always have a sexy connotation and for good reason. Intimate touching usually leads to intimate loving. It’s just physics. When we’re genuinely sore, though, it goes beyond intimacy. It’s downright therapeutic. Whenever you can mix therapy and sex appeal, you know you’ve got something special.

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